sigh.jpg Vent Thread Anonymous 07/15/20 (Wed) 04:47:05 PM 38741
A thread for getting things off your chest, say what's on your mind, organize your thoughts, anything goes.
We reached bump limit. Old thread:
Anonymous 07/15/20 (Wed) 04:55:19 PM 38743
I've always known I have depression and anxiety but I'm starting to think I have other undiagnosed mental illnesses like mild autism, avoidant personality disorder and ADHD
I don't want people to think I'm trying to brag about how mentally ill I am or something, I don't want these things to define me but I feel like if I give the way I act and how I process things a name it'll be easier to understand myself and try to cope better with my shortcomings Anonymous 07/15/20 (Wed) 06:38:22 PM 38745 >>38743
The truth is that giving a name to your problems and calling them an illness is more likely to make you feel defective and helpless than provide understanding and benefit to you. Being introspective is a useful thing. It’s a shame that in the modern age, everything needs to be diagnosed and medicated. It’s okay to work through things. You can overcome it if you want to.
Anonymous 07/15/20 (Wed) 06:50:04 PM 38746
Facial hair on men is DISGUSTING
EVERY GUY has a giant pubebeard and mustache. every one. I go on tinder and it's all a bunch of soyboy fuggos. Even the guys who would be average looking ruin it by having a pile of pubes on their face. >made thread on 4/adv/ pointing this out, "this is why you don't have a gf. shave your face" >deleted in under a minute by asspained neckbeard janitor Now I get to choose between dating micropenised asian men, who at least are incapable of growing a pubeface, or average penised white "men" who make me want to throw up just looking at them. men are like pigs, show them a pile of shit and they rush to throw themselves in it. Men should not be in charge of their own appearance because they will RUSH to do anything possible to ruin themselves. These mens' mothers need to give them a belt buckle to the ass until they learn better. Disgusting, it's just disgusting. Anonymous 07/15/20 (Wed) 08:46:43 PM 38754 >>38745
Dumb. Maybe it's because there's a pretty big gap between mental illnesses that feel alien to your own mind and stuff that's just an issue with how you handle your own emotions or something but at least with my own experience with OCD understanding it as a specific problem and pathology instead of as a more mundane albeit unpleasant part of my psyche that I just needed to grapple with emotionally was key in actually doing something about it
Anonymous 07/15/20 (Wed) 09:05:17 PM 38756 >>38746
This was hilarious, thank you
Anonymous 07/15/20 (Wed) 09:40:33 PM 38759 >>38746
I think you can safely choose to date non-pubefaced Asian men because looking at this recent YouTube trend of having a South Korean boyfriend, I really doubt they all have micropeepees.
Anonymous 07/15/20 (Wed) 11:19:20 PM 38778
it's 50/50 in my experience. i don't like the girly looking k-pop style boys though. i like the tallthicc ones. tfw no tallthicc azn husband with an average boxer-sausage. their bellies and chests are really smooth and soft, too. few/no hair. the last white guy i had, i took off his shirt and he had hair on his shoulders. his shoulders! if evolution is real, why do i find men so disgusting? you'd think things like pubefaces and shoulderfur would be selected out.
Anonymous 07/16/20 (Thu) 03:35:54 AM 38796 >>38778
Evolution works on averages. It isn't concerned with anomalies.
You just happened to make an unlucky roll and ended up with a preference (or non-preference, as the case may be) that causes you to be unattracted to a large number of guys, in the same boat as asexuals and such.
I don't think facial hair on guys is as prevalent as you make it out to be overall, though. Have you considered that it might just be a result of the culture in your country/region?
I work at a grocery store in the southern US and I think at least more than half the men I see have no facial hair.
Anonymous 07/16/20 (Thu) 04:14:25 AM 38801
I really hate boomers. Loud, argumentative, ignorant, pig-headed, so damned sure they're right about everything when even a 2 second google search or logical examination could prove them wrong. and they never shut up, they're always in your face looking to start an argument, always trying to attention whore and get people to listen to their retarded opinions about everything. insufferable retarded idiots. boomers are the most uneducated generation to ever exist. most of them haven't read a book since high school in the damned 70s. truly a dangerous combination: loud AND stupid. they're the type of people who will kick you to the ground and then call you a stupid idiot for being on the ground.
Anonymous 07/17/20 (Fri) 03:07:08 PM 38895
I need to get a new passport urgently as proof of ID to rent a flat for next semester, and if I dont I might lose the flat I want, but Im procrastinating because I dont like making phone calls
Im stressed about and online friendsship I have with a girl from my uni Im generally feeling bad about how Im not really doing anything rn Anonymous 07/17/20 (Fri) 04:17:18 PM 38903
I'm pretty sure I'm Autistic which really sucks, I also keep being lazy with my work from home job because I'm lazy and because I have serious anxiety and procrastination problems. I know I just let everyone down, especially myself
Anonymous 07/17/20 (Fri) 07:06:04 PM 38907
My friend keeps using me as a therapist, he keeps having breakdowns to me and it's really heavy and hard to deal with. I myself am not in the best of situations but he'd say about how he has it worse than me or how he's jealous of me because he gave me someone in my country's contact details and no one's done that for him. It's upsetting because the majority of his problems are self afflicted, he had friends but got tired of them and cut them off but now misses them. I really want to help him but I don't really know what to do and it's all really taking its toll on me.
Anonymous 07/17/20 (Fri) 07:09:15 PM 38909
I'm really worried about uni and whether or not I'll be able to have a social life there. I'm very isolated at the moment and I was hoping I'd be able to make rl friends and actually meet people and have experiences and such. I just wanna go out with friends and have a good time and I feel like a loser.
Anonymous 07/17/20 (Fri) 08:44:17 PM 38915 >>38909
if you choose a career you really like you're bound to find people like you. i didn't have any friends in highschool/middleschool because it was full of normies who only cared about partying and sex. i'm majoring in linguistics and all my friends are passionate about the same things i am, languages, culture, literature, anthropology. it's great
Anonymous 07/17/20 (Fri) 08:48:09 PM 38916 >>38909
I was a shut in NEET before going to uni. for the first 3 years I was at uni I didnt make any friends. just sat in my room while my flatmates had parties and shit down stairs. wanted my kms
at the end of my 3rd year a made 1 friend, but then corona hit and I had to go home. we talk on discord but idk if its a real relationship or not
feel like Ive wasted my time at uni tbh. doubt I'll be able to completely turn things around in my last year
Anonymous 07/17/20 (Fri) 09:57:56 PM 38917
i've been talking to this boy i met on tiktok and i've caught feelings way too quickly. it sucks because he lives in a different continent and there's no way anything could really work out but i'm just so infatuated. it feels like a dream but the crushing reality is that i'm going to be so sad when this inevitably ends. plus i'm really jealous because even though he's not famous or anything on tiktok (he has 4k followers) he gets a bunch of young teenage girls in his comments simping for him hard and my yandere side wants to kill them all. my bpd side is in love with him already and i hate myself for it because i'm going to be so sad.
Anonymous 07/18/20 (Sat) 02:37:06 PM 38940 >>38909
I recently graduated from university this past May and I didn't make any friends there
I tried joining clubs and being sociable with my fellow students but nothing ever worked out and I never got the college experience I wanted
Anonymous 07/18/20 (Sat) 07:40:49 PM 38944
I recently ran away from an abusive household. Since I worked with my father, I lost my income the moment I cut ties with him. I was lucky enough to move in with my relative, and my insurance covers for therapy, so I can work on my trauma.
However job hunting has been so stressful because of the pandemic. No place is calling me back despite having adequate work experience. I figured that would of been the case since my state is shutting down again and leaving essentials open. My uni is still going to be online this upcoming semester, which is annoying bc I dislike the online learning structure. I figure I'm not the only young adult struggling during this pandemic. Anonymous 07/18/20 (Sat) 10:02:47 PM 38950 >>38909
i guess i just don't connect with people
Anonymous 07/19/20 (Sun) 12:19:56 PM 38970
how frequently should friends talk to eachother? Im pretty new to this. if we only message each other on discord a couple of times a week, should I be worried?
Anonymous 07/19/20 (Sun) 03:28:29 PM 38974 >>38746
I hate how the beard is seen as “Chad” and “high T” when it’s really just ugly as fuck on 90% of guys. I’m pretty sure guys get them to hide facial flaws such as a weak chin but that very rarely actually work. Most decent looking beards take just as much work to maintain as shaving everyday would be so I don’t understand why lazy internet fuckers think it’ll get them chicks. Whenever my bf doesn’t shave for a week and starts to grow a bit of a chin strap I stare at him autistically until he shaves god I hate facial hair.
Anonymous 07/19/20 (Sun) 06:19:08 PM 38982 >>38917 >caught feelings for a boy on tiktok
please return when you are 18
Anonymous 07/19/20 (Sun) 06:24:17 PM 38983
still applying for jobs, but i want a new computer
i hope the latest stimulus check includes dependents Anonymous 07/19/20 (Sun) 08:15:37 PM 38987
It's been almost a month since my ex dumped me. I'm on my period and I have very explicit sex dreams for the past two days. Is this normal?
Anonymous 07/19/20 (Sun) 08:38:01 PM 38989
Whenever someone raises their voice at me or laughs at me I immediately shut down, and if it doesn't stop very very quickly I start crying. Why are people like this? I know I am a retard who cannot do anything right but you don't need to get offended by my incompetence. Are all people just completely blind to how others react? I literally freeze in my steps sometimes and people still think it is all fun and good, xd. Fuck going outside
Anonymous 07/19/20 (Sun) 10:13:55 PM 38990 >>38987
I get very horny on my period too. I'm basically in the exact situation you are in but I dumped him.
Anonymous 07/20/20 (Mon) 07:53:20 PM 39031 >>38987
I have explicit sex dreams all the time. either vanilla, some light BDSM, or full out guro. nothing in the middle. other night it was being fucked by tentacles with spikes on them like cacti spines. sometimes eyefucking.
Anonymous 07/21/20 (Tue) 10:29:43 PM 39091
I don't think I understand what it even means to have friends. All throughout High School I had a "best friend", but, I wasn't able to articulate my deepest thoughts to myself, let alone others. In my work environment I feel like I have to keep a mask on somewhat, or else I could face major negative consequences. Is having friends just trusting other people with your genuine social "face"? Other people are just so strange, it's hard to find ones that understand that thought processes I'm working in.>>39048
All throughout High School I'm uncertain I understood what it is to have a friend. I was barely able to articulate my private thoughts to myself, let alone others. I'm lucky I have a husband, but it sometimes occurs to me that if he dies, I have no other support groups. The only time I go to social gatherings is through his friend group, so there's also that hovering sense of being an "add on." Maybe I'm overthinking this. Anonymous 07/21/20 (Tue) 11:02:54 PM 39092
I wish my ex loved me
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 04:22:42 AM 39106 >>39091 >Is having friends just trusting other people with your genuine social "face"?
If it is, then I don't think I've ever had one.
There are people I know better and around whom I can be a bit more open than normal, but there's always that filter there. Every time I think of something to say I always have to run through possible outcomes of whether it's appropriate, how they might react, how it could affect their long-term opinion of me, etc. The only time I've ever devoted no mental effort toward monitoring my own speech or actions is when I'm completely alone.
I feel like this effort requirement is part of why I don't particularly like interacting with people. Even of the "friends" I've had in the past, I only ever spoke with them when I happened to see them in person during school and such. I'm not sure I've ever called or messaged anyone "just to chat" in my entire life.
Do you mind my asking how you were able to get a husband? Did you like being around him from the start, or was he just an acquaintance at first and you grew to like him enough over time that you wanted to go out of your way to see him?
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 06:05:52 AM 39111 >>39106 >Do you mind my asking how you were able to get a husband? Did you like being around him from the start, or was he just an acquaintance at first and you grew to like him enough over time that you wanted to go out of your way to see him?
We met on a now defunct imageboard, or rather, the zeemap on such a board. A common culture of browsing imageboards did wonders for me not having to worry about what kind of things I could or couldn't say around him, in jest or sincerity, and maybe that's just what I needed. Because I knew he should be able to handle it, I was very blunt and straightforward from the start about what I wanted and what I liked. We emailed for the first little bit, had a nice phone call together, and then met in person. I was able to be very forward with how much physical affection I wanted to give, something I've never been able to do in the past with others, not even my own family really. I was probably a bit reckless about the entire process and a bit too quick about it too, but it turns out if you find someone even mildly well-adjusted mentally and socially on an image board there's a relatability you have a hard time finding elsewhere. Maybe it was just the brutal honesty, but we seemed to have amazing chemistry from the first in person meeting. It's not been all perfect mind you, in fact we've both made some major mistakes, but, him and I seem to be of a mutual understanding that we do have each other's best interests in mind, as well as a common sense of "values".
Maybe I could relate to more people if I just acted this way from the start, but it feels like if I make on inappropriate slip up and I'm done for in more ways than one. I completely relate to this.
>Every time I think of something to say I always have to run through possible outcomes of whether it's appropriate, how they might react, how it could affect their long-term opinion of me, etc
I do this a lot in unfamiliar social situations, with today's massive level of surveillance, it feels like one fuck up and the rest of your life is ruined. I'm uncertain resolve this other than ignoring it and trying anyway, but then, even if I do manage to, most people just aren't interesting to talk to. I'm not going go full normalfags, but there's just a gap in what others and myself find interesting to talk about, and as much as I like to talk, that's only fun when the other person is having a good time too. Meanwhile, I do my best to shut up and genuinely listen to other people, but so few have anything worthwhile to say. Maybe I just need the right social environment, heading back to University might help, though I know just because someone's at the college level doesn't make them smart or interesting.
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 06:22:08 AM 39114 >>39092
same even though i hate them
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 09:45:24 AM 39121
I'm having a hard time seeing the point of relationships or of friendships.
It's all very random.
I don't see how the connections I make are special in any way at all.
It's just luck. Fragmented worlds.
What's the point of a relationship if I'm just securing traits that were passed from birth?
Things outside of our control, and yet everyone still plays the game.
I'm only valued for things I had no control over…
And yet I do the same. I resent it. To wish for someone kindhearted and yet I can't stir anything inside me if they've got a bad roll…
What makes it even special anymore? It seems like most miners just forget the serendipitous aspect to their relationships.
At this point I don't even want a relationship.
And what's the point of a friendship if I'm just stuck in a continuous external validation cycle and feel barren, hopeless, useless when I turn off my devices. Empty rooms, bland food I cook. I always feel undervalued and hurt, somehow. Then I blame myself for caring as much as I did, when it's clear that's not the new mode of friendship in our modern world.
I wonder if I'll finally pick up interests now that I've blocked everyone.
Luckily the memories from school are at least fading. I don't want to remember the firepits and bike rides.
I just wish I could love my special group of people for who they are. And they might do the same.
I'm just not sure who you are, or who I am anymore. I know it's my fault I ended up this way. Thanks for reading my blog post. There are still things to be thankful for, don't you think? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HnzrblXZpo Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:09:54 PM 39147 >>38917
how old are you?
friendship dynamics are different anon. If you genuinely want to be friends with that person, just discuss if you want it to be low maintenance or not.
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:28:48 PM 39148
God i want an irl friend group so bad, i want to go out with friends and drink with people and bond with people and have long deep lasting friendships instead of having to talk to people behind a screen every day i hate it so much
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:31:07 PM 39149 >>39148
I feel ya anon, are you a neet?
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:33:55 PM 39150
I feel this too, I’ve isolated myself from everyone in quarantine. My family worries about me having no friends. Everytime I see a friend group of people having fun, it makes me jealous and insecure.
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:35:49 PM 39151 >>39149
yeah I've been a neet for a while and even when i was working my days would just consist of working and going home neeting.
my whole life has only ever consisted of working and staying at home and nothing remotely in between. now im just in a state of self loathing without even any reoccurring income.
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:39:27 PM 39152 >>39151
Can't say I am that different, but I think that what helps in making friends is having things you are passionate about. Do you have any normie interests?
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:44:16 PM 39154 >>39150 >I feel this too, I’ve isolated myself from everyone in quarantine. My family worries about me having no friends.
I feel this so much, I'm employed, but everytime my Mother calls me one of her questions is always "did you make any friends?" and I have no response other than "No, not yet". It's not that I don't want to make friends either, I just don't know how to find people that find what I find interesting. I'm usually getting talked passed or talking passed someone.
>Everytime I see a friend group of people having fun, it makes me jealous and insecure.
Don't understand this part though. The kind of fun I like having doesn't seem to gel with this ever.
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:46:46 PM 39156
I like some normie switch games and i have a lot of experience with administration. I also really like reading and storytelling if that makes sense
i have no idea how any of these interests could net me a lasting friend group at this time though
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:52:31 PM 39158 >>38989
tfw. i have tennis "friends" but that's it
i see in like, anime and books, people with such deep friendships they would die for eachother and i will never, ever have that. but hey i'll never have a perfect lovely dovey romance either so whatever, everything worth having in life is impossible to attain. you spend your whole life chasing it, trying to keep your chin up, "maybe someday it will happen, i just have to keep trying", and then you die of cancer alone at age 60 after a live of suffering and loneliness.
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:52:56 PM 39159 >>39156
Well you cannot really make friends with anyone if you have nothing to talk about. Personally, I do not think it is personality that matters
much in friendships, sure it is important but having common interests is even more important. I usually try to keep up with the typical normie schlock just so that I can join random convos normies have, it is annoying but it works.
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 08:59:10 PM 39160
hecking chonk.png >>39158
aaaah i really feel that reference to fiction, it hurts that nothing i'll ever have will be like the friendship i see in fiction
I like animal crossing, mario kart and some normie anime here and there is that enough?
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 10:35:35 PM 39183
i've been seeing this guy and i really want us to start dating but i have trust issues and i'm afraid he'll break my heart..
i just want to be vulnerable and show my true self to someone but i'm so scared of getting hurt Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 10:55:18 PM 39187 >>39183
Most relationships that end don't end pleasantly and while that's hard it something you have to deal with or else be celibate. Is the guy somehow giving you a lot of red flags? Otherwise you should go for it and allow yourself to be happy, you shouldn't stay paralyzed by your own fears forever
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 11:11:31 PM 39196 >>39183
Open up to him. Remember to reciprocate if he opens up in return.
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 11:16:02 PM 39198 >>39183
If you want to be vulnerable, be vulnerable. Ignore the feeling scared part.
Anonymous 07/22/20 (Wed) 11:49:34 PM 39200 >>39148
if possible, try to turn your online friends into irl friends (while avoiding a ffxiv house situation, of course).
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 12:05:32 AM 39204
I'd need more UK friends for that, most of them live in the middle of nowhere, I have like one UK friend and she's not that active
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 12:08:58 AM 39207 >>39187
he's really nice, he's patient and worries about my mental health, gives me space when i want to be alone, etc. he's perfect in every way except for one little thing
he introduced me to league of legends a few days ago, we've only played once together but he got reported for flaming and he has multiple accounts because he gets banned all the time
…that's definitely a red flag, right? he's so put together and calm the rest of the time, it kind of caught me off guard
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 12:13:33 AM 39212 >>39207
It's fucking weird but I wouldn't say it's a deal breaker if only because I'm trusting you to not be absolute shit at reading people and when you say that he's otherwise absolutely perfect I'm assuming that's not a performance
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 12:13:50 AM 39213 >>39207
I think you should ask him about it.
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 12:23:39 AM 39214 >>39212
i mean it's not like he started yelling or anything like i said he's a pretty chill guy he just made fun of some random guy on our team because he (the other guy) started shit talking us for being bad at the game, when he himself got killed like 10 times by someone who was bronze (he was gold iirc)
maybe that's just how everyone in league is idk? like how everyone in 4chan is toxic i guess
i think i will later, i'm not very subtle tho i hope he doesn't think he made me angry
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 12:45:53 AM 39218 >>39214
Doesn't sound that bad of him, if he was just being defensive. That kind of stuff is just a part of those games. I always. Avoid anything marked with "competitive" advertised in it for this reason. Don't try tearing him away from it. It's like crack. If he gets worse, maybe try pulling him out.
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 12:50:39 AM 39219
I HAVE NO DESIRES OR INTERESTS I DON'T THINK I DON'T FEEL I'VE DIED I SURE HAVE
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 01:19:47 AM 39222 >>39219
Liar. We all face desire. Do not hide your desires.
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 01:22:20 AM 39223 >>39219
I feel the same about interests… I’m trying to ease myself back into creative things I used to enjoy like drawing.
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 03:07:12 AM 39227
I can’t sleep without my boyfriend, it’s 4am and I still haven’t fallen asleep. I don’t want to be unproductive tomorrow so I really hope I can get some sleep. Frickin sucks, just have to wait out six days of this hellish tossing and turning every night.
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 09:11:53 AM 39243
I've been depressed for so long I don't remember a time when I wasn't depressed. I never thought there was a different plane to live on. I had a strange upbringing, plenty of trauma, more trauma as an adult, and it was difficult to live through.
and all of a sudden, the depression left me over the last few weeks. I almost don't know what to do with myself. It's so weird. I want to cry with happiness at the burden that has been lifted from my back. I feel like I can love freely. I never knew what that was like. I hope to never return. Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 10:49:56 AM 39249
I miss my ex. I wish i could hear his sweet voice tell me he loves me
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 01:12:42 PM 39251 >>39207
As someone who plays league a lot, I do not think it means
much. Playing that game brings out the worse in you and I have seen many calm people (including myself) call someone terrible things while in a heated game. I know someone who got permabanned just for saying something like "the nazis didnt do a good enough job" to a Pole. At worst he has anger managment issues, but he is probably just competetive.
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 08:33:12 PM 39280 >>39222
okay i might want a borger. there are some good veggie patties in the freezer i might have one tomorrow if i can face leaving the house before 5pm
i don't even know. i used to get sad about things at least, being poor, lonely, my many many failures, but now i just don't care. it is actually quite firghtening how little i care about anything these days.
that said i did watch the first episode of series about the iraq war and nearly cry, but i can't go through life only feeling emotions about world changing geo-political events.
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 10:36:45 PM 39289 >>38741
i'm tired of being self destructive and idiotic. i know now i can move on since i aknowledge these traits in myself but god, i genuinely had it so good. i used to have lots of kind compliments about my body and skin, which i ruined by failed dieting and using skin picking as a really bad coping mechanism.. i could never see that i looked much nicer until now, and i look back at older photos. i want to go back to being effortlessly beautiful and healthy and not being as destructive. it's not beyond over tier but fuck
i'm destructive in relationships or whatever semblances of them i've had too, i wish i didn't flip flop with this one guy and i still care about him so much but i'm not really the most appropriate person to help him or be there for him. it kills me because i'm not sure if anyone else is truly there for him. idk
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 10:43:47 PM 39292 >>39289
Are you getting professional help?
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 11:00:00 PM 39295 >>39289
no, i think i'm okay anon.. i think i'm stabilizing these days and doing better, at least in some regards. just sucks to think that my problems were self created to a large extent.
detructive was probably the wrong blanket term to refer to relationships. i think i did bad last one, albeit unintentionally, but most were just volatile due to my poor taste in people.
Anonymous 07/23/20 (Thu) 11:01:16 PM 39296 >>39292
fuck i responded to myself sorry
Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 12:17:58 AM 39298 >>39295 >>39296
You're not okay, anon. You need help. Professional help. There's only so much an anonymous poster can give you in terms of therapy. The sooner you can find help, the sooner you can understand what's truly wrong, and how to fix it.
Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 12:41:01 AM 39303 >>39298
i don't know, maybe i'm coming off as overdramatic.. i'm worried about having unchecked mental illness sometimes, mostly bpd, but i don't think i'm nearly destructive enough to qualify. i don't manipulate people, no cutting, etc..most of the people around me disagree when i ask. perhaps depression but my current mess of a mental state is definitely due to neetdom, which will be over soon since i'm heading into school.
thank you for the regards though, if this keeps happening i will seek it.. i'm still pretty inexperienced with relationships so i feel like it's natural to be messy to some extent? also i should mention that technically none of these 'relationships' began, which is all the more pathetic in a way. that ultimately they didn't want to date me but we may as well have been dating kind of case.
Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 01:12:20 AM 39307 >made date with guy >had to put it off a day because of work >message him 90 minutes ago to confirm we're still okay to go tonight >message him 20 minutes ago thinking he didn't get the alert >now it's already the time we would have met and he hasn't responded i'm real tired of men treating me like shit. i dont know why i bother Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 01:14:54 AM 39308 >>39227 >can't sleep without bf >don't have bf >just abuse sleeping pills and try to function on 3 hours of sleep on nights the pills dont work Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 01:35:27 AM 39312 >>39303
You just admitted to being destructive in your own relationships. Get help before you start anew.
Just try somebody else. Put him behind you and move on. It's not worth getting stuck on cowards.
Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 01:38:48 PM 39334
He doesn't sound like he was worth the time anon, move on and find a non shitty guy
Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 08:29:44 PM 39347
mom's closet friend just died of covid
life is such shit. i'm such shit. if i had money i could buy her something or take her out to lunch but i can't do anything but just be there for her… this being said i'm still going to take her to her favorite restaurant, don't care if i'm broke, fuck it and while i'm thinking of her friend…he got it from his gf. incredibly stupid move of this gf (who is a FIRST RESPONDER, LITERALLY ALWAYS DEALING WITH SICK PATIENTS) to go around kissing and hugging this man…with underlying health issues. like jfc woman are you that senseless? how TF did you get a job in the medical industry this is scrambled but i just hate thinking of my mom and how sad she must be and how it doesn't even have to be like this. fucking hell Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 08:33:12 PM 39349 >>38745
mental illnesses are serious, anon. you wouldn't tell a cripple that they need to just "get up and walk"
Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 09:10:46 PM 39351
I really love the idea of getting a tiny home and living off the land. That has to be my ultimate goal in my life. Painting or reading in the free time. Unlike now where I feel trapped in the city.
But I love my boyfriend and he's too much of a city person. We tried to live on my family's farm for two years and he absolutely hated it. He's too use to the conveniences of the city. He's recently is going through a phase of being overly materialistic. I think it's because we have a new apartment and decided to get rid of a lot of stuff during the move. He's wanting replace our items with newer and better. I want to comment on it but I don't want to stand in his way of happiness. At least the new apartment is on the ground and comes with a yard. I'm starting a vegetable garden. Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 09:20:55 PM 39352 >>39347
Spend time with your mom. I understand not having the money to take her out but look at ways to spend without money. Like watching a movie together at home. Cooking a dinner together. Going for a nice walk in the park together. Recommend a book that you've read to her, and let her borrow it. Or let her cry on your shoulder if she needs it. Just spend quality time.
I'm sure the man's gf feels terrible and guilty about it enough. It's a tough thing that a lot of people are dealing with.
Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 09:29:11 PM 39353 >>39351
Dump him. Your lifestyles are incompatible. You're unhappy. He's happy, but he'd probably be even happier with a woman who doesn't resent the city.
Anonymous 07/24/20 (Fri) 11:57:12 PM 39360 >>39312 >>39334
yeah. and he still hasn't texted me back. so i made a date with another guy for tomorrow, who is also much more handsome and charming anyway. just annoyed me because i went through the effort of shaving my legs for it and everything.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 12:04:34 AM 39362 >>39351
lifestyles are a valid reason i would avoid or drop a relationship. if you cant even agree on where and how to live, i mean, that's a big issue. people are different. i'm very much a city person, the bigger the city the better. i like being right downtown in a small apartment, i'm minimalist and hate driving. basically all i own are some personal care items, a laptop, a very small amount of kitchen gear, and some clothes. totally incompatible with someone who say, wants to live in the surbubs and drive so they can have a big house full of suburban crap, or wants to live in the country and chill with a big garden.
and don't bother with a garden on a rental property. you invite problems with the landlord like that, and if you have to move then you'll be heartbroken to leave your plants behind. at least keep them all in planters if you do.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 02:00:13 AM 39376
Why is every man in a mostly-male space always so rude. They’re rude to each other but even worse to any outsider who comes in. Oddly enough is that these are the same men who will melt like a snowflake in your hand whenever you act genuinely nice and caring towards them (making them super susceptible to the egirls they despise). Why do men gotta be dicks? Both to each other and to women who aren’t giving them an erection? Is it unironically toxic masculinity or is it just “male bonding” that I’m simply too female to understand? I am not looking for answers, as it’s just scrots being dumb idiots. There’s no way to teach them basic empathy without intense reeducation.
This may be worthy of its own thread but I’m posting this in vent because I may come to my senses after I finish my beer. The inspiration of this autistic rant is a bunch of dudes dogpilling me in a discord text chat in this server I am in cuz of my bf. Moral of the story is never associate with men besides (potentially) your family, your employer, and your sexual partner ig Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 02:46:18 AM 39378 >>39376
Depending on the context men giving each other shit is either a way to signal comfort and friendship because you have to be comfortable with someone to be ok with them making jokes at your expense, dickishness disguised as bonding, or just open assholery. The thing that signals which is stuff like tone and whether or not the butt of the joke is comfortable with it
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 03:31:07 AM 39381 >>39376 >Why is every man in a mostly-male space always so rude.
You've partially answered your own question with the following statement.
>They’re rude to each other but even worse to any outsider who comes in.
You notice the pattern that men give men viewed as friends shit, but are far more hostile to outsiders. This is because, in a more open-violence accepting situation, a man would need to make sure his friends could handle a confrontation. If my friend Bob can't take an insult well from me, how the is he supposed to man up and fight Bill and his gang should we need to. Constant shit tests are for the purposes of verifying dependability even under stress in a casual setting, so should anything actually need to get done, you have a better indicator of who is reliable. Can't be breaking into tears as your bashing some other dudes head in with a rock. This mindset came from years of male bonding being concerned with the ability to express violence against rivals in a coordinated . It looks odd nowadays because society continually needs less and less violence from it's members. The outcome of the pattern of behavior is no longer needed, so the pattern of behavior is no longer useful.
>Oddly enough is that these are the same men who will melt like a snowflake in your hand whenever you act genuinely nice and caring towards them
They can't get it from men so else are they supposed to get it from?
>Moral of the story is never associate with men besides (potentially) your family, your employer, and your sexual partner ig
This unironically sounds like exactly what a traditionalist male would say women should do.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 04:29:37 AM 39382 >>39381 >This unironically sounds like exactly what a traditionalist male would say women should do.
Impossible, the Trad Chad would never allow his woman to have an employer.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 05:01:31 AM 39383
sorry if i make any mistakes…i thought about writing this in spanish but i don't think anyone would understand and i just really want to vent
i feel like a little girl stuck in a woman's body, and i'm not even sure about that because people never believe me when i tell them i'm 20… i've been through so much trauma i spent my teenage years trying to fix myself and trying to figure out why i was so broken in the first place, instead of socializing and connecting with other people my age now i'm an adult, my classmates are finding the love of their lives and buying houses and finding stable jobs and i'm here all alone crying in my room because i'm too emotionally stunted to form any meaningful relationships i'm 20 and i don't know how to drive, i don't know how to cook i don't know how to find a job i don't know how to show others how i feel and it hurts so much to see how i'm falling behind in life. it hurts so much and i'm so afraid. i've been afraid my whole life. i'm just a scared little girl on the inside and i never grew up Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 08:42:32 AM 39389 >>39383 >i'm 20 and i don't know how to drive
I didn't learn until I was 23 or so. It's never too late.
>i don't know how to cook
Just think of something you want to make, google "recipe for this thing" and follow the recipe directions.
You don't have to be a master chef or anything, but basic cooking is dead easy if you really try.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 09:35:13 AM 39392 >>39381 >>39376
Are you two autistic? Men don't tolerate actual meanness in-group whatsoever. Do you think making fun or playfighting is real? It's actually to make everyone comfortable with eachother.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 10:54:07 AM 39396 >>39376
It depends which mostly-male space you are talking about. Places like 8chan and /pol/ tend to be horrendous because they are full of literal Neo Nazi fanatics and the mentally ill. But some boards on 4chan and Wizchan are a lot more civil with guys just talking about and sharing media that interests them (yes porn and hentai but plenty of other stuff as well). Or commiserating with each other about how shitty life can be (just like here). IRL true malice is not tolerated for long at all in a group of guys. It mostly only occurs on imageboards because of the shield of anonymity and in some cases the need to just blow off some steam because they are angry/unemployed/sexually frustrated. From all the seething I have read on imageboards though, I think it's never a good idea to intentionally wind people up a lot online (no matter their gender). You never know what insane things they might do to the real people around them who are completely innocent but end up being on the receiving end of their internet-related bad mood.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 11:49:48 AM 39397
I fell in love with someone I met online. He’s a total weirdo but he’s great and we get eachother and he loves me too. Strange thing is despite all this we don’t even know each others’ names or faces. I don’t really care what he looks like regardless and my intuition is that I’d like him (I kinda instantly fall for anyone with blue eyes,). I just worry, I’m not unattractive and my face is cute but I never liked my nose, it’s something I’ve been continually worrying over since puberty and really now aside from Corona chan the only thing stopping me from getting a nose jobu is the money, and I just have to stop being an insecure little bitch and get a job or sell some of my stuff. It’s just the worry that man, it’ll be a year or more since we’ve gotten together and I have to wait till then to even exchange pictures… For that I couldn’t blame him for getting paranoid and leaving or something. I guess I just have to enjoy my time with him and try my best to get this done sooner rather than later. But we get on so well and he is so sweet, it’d absolutely destroy me for something to go wrong. Maybe this is all so tangential and “meaningless” it doesn’t matter too much if we can never meet. But the fantasies make me so happy and so unhappy at the same time. It’s an anxiety that I’d never ever have something so pure again… But if he is not willing to wait a long time Victorian romance style this shit is worthless anyway, that is my cope.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 12:33:00 PM 39400
I just want to say you are all very interesting girls (I’d put on my creepy guy mask-face to pretend to be here for some voyeuristic reason, but really now I’m just happy to know nice relatable and based girls exist), who most importantly hate beards and agree that every soyboy and pajeet I have had the displeasure to see totally deserve their lonely modern existence. We’ll all make it frens, you’ll find what you are looking for. Don’t give up on yourself cuz you are somewhat based simply for existing here, depsite being a self-hating femcel.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 12:40:46 PM 39401 >worried about being a virgin and tried to hide it all the way up to my twenties >ended up finding out that apparently that’s a valuable trait >??? >so is this an incel thing or should i actually now go out of my way to keep it for purity meme? isn’t it selfish and worrying to see that as a valuable trait and have it become part of my self-image? it’s something i had no reason to give a half shit about before but now because of the warped circles ive hung out in i wonder if should really care Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 03:43:40 PM 39416 >>39383
I'm kind of in the same situation with the job and driving situation but in the grand scheme of things 20 is still pretty young so we've got quite a bit of time to get it together. Researchers have found that compared to other generations Generation Z are delaying getting a job, getting a license, and dating, and also drink and smoke less, so you might not be as weird as you think, that's just how the world is going now.
If you want to learn how to cook start with learning the basic stuff like pasta, rice, eggs, and vegetables using the internet.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 04:40:49 PM 39419 >>39401
I recommend doing what I did: wait until you end up losing it to someone who cares about you (at least in that moment) but don’t get with someone who fetishizes it. Sex is better when there’s feelings involved anyway.
Additionally, if you lose your virginity and that man, don’t get that “fuck it” mentality and just have sex with everyone (unless you’re totally sure that’s what you want). The Madonna/whore complex is pretty strong on whatever Cantonese knitting forums you lurk, but you can still value yourself even if you’re not a virgin.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 05:26:41 PM 39420 >>39397
If he likes you to begin with, you at least have an advantage there.
Emotional attraction can cause people to overlook quite a few physical flaws, just as it can cause them to overlook personality flaws.
Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 07:42:25 PM 39434
Remembered a random memory of my birthday party when I was 6 or so at home.
>Everyone walked through to the dining room and grabbed a chair. >I was last. >Someone had brought their brother uninvited so I ended up without a chair. >My mum found a storage stool and I had to sit on that. >It was too small for the table and I ended up feeling left out. >When I told her, she said that she couldn't make someone else sit there as they were guests. While I understand this is normal for adults, was this the right thing to do for a child at their birthday party? Genuinely curious. Found out after the party ended that my sister had a normal chair but my mum didn't think to make her swap, probably as she favours her. Anonymous 07/25/20 (Sat) 08:58:11 PM 39441 >>39397 >my intuition is that I’d like him
Until you see his face and he's a gorilla. I think you should get to seeing each other before you think about permanently altering your face for a complete stranger.
Don't fixate on how/when to lose it. Pair bonding is all it matters for, if you want a monogamous marriage deal. Otherwise I wouldn't worry about it.
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 09:30:59 AM 39477
I'm 25 for goodness sake, I really need to stop feeling guilty for not doing everything my mum tells me. She's not even some kind overbearing life-ruiner, I'm just constantly ashamed all the time.
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 09:33:46 AM 39478
Also I just realised i've been cooking omlettes wrong for years.
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 12:22:18 PM 39483
idk what I did wrong. did I say something rude? was I just too boring? did I talk too much about myself or not as enough about you? wot??
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 02:44:00 PM 39485 >>39477
I feel this so hard. My sibling is the opposite of me; he doesn't give a fuck about what our mum tells us. I wished I had his mindset.
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 02:55:41 PM 39486
I may fail my studies at the last year despite almost perfect grades because I didn't complete any phys ed classes, which was required in the curriculum. I had medical leave for them from my psychiatrist, but for three years I was too scared to go and present it to the PE faculty. Like I've tried and physically couldn't do it, I just freeze and break down before entering the building. The staff there are known for being extremely unfriendly and I can't do confrontation.
I personally wouldn't mind that much, it's a degree I chose because I liked it and was decently good at it but it's not something that'd help me get a job in any way. I just dread breaking the news to my father. He has a habit of screaming and belittling people in inconceivably horrendous ways that have made even the most strong willed want to die (he is very intelligent and knows exactly what to say to achieve this) for trivialities like misplacing kitchen utensili, waiting for him to react to anything bigger than that is torture. Public uni is free in my country so it's not as if I wasted his money, he just hates how useless I am. I wish I were braver so I could blow my brains out. Life is nothing but anxiety upon anxiety, and none of the small 'good' things come anywhere close to outweighing this. Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 03:10:08 PM 39487 >>39486
what kind of uni makes you take classes not related to your degree subject, let alone something so far removed as PE???
is there anyone you can talk to? maybe you can pick up another class for credits just doing next semester part time or something?
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 03:58:41 PM 39489 >>39487 >what kind of uni makes you take classes not related to your degree subject
Almost every university in the US does this
I’ve never heard of physical education being a requirement though
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 04:00:57 PM 39490 >>39487
I don't know about US universities but this is standard procedure here. The amount of hours you have to put in varies by field/uni but every "reputable" uni requires you to take a set amount of classes unrelated to your field + mandatory PE. I hate PE with a burning passion, I'm only comfortable exercising alone.
This is supposed to be my last semester so I'm not sure how that'd work but I could appeal to repeat the year, problem is it costs a lot of money which I don't have. There are 0 job openings on the market, not that I wouldn't get fired after 1 week for being a literal social cripple. My father also went into debt because his business died in the wake of corona. I really don't know what to do.
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 05:23:19 PM 39491 >>39489 >>39490
thats weird. here in the UK you only have to take classes related to your subject but have the option to do other if you want on top
can you do part time for 1 semester instead of repeating the whole year, to save money?
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 06:41:22 PM 39494
I’m starting to think that my choice in an art major is a mistake. I’ve been wanting to my whole life, but I don’t think I can handle the competitiveness.
I’m genuinely passionate about it but my dad keeps telling me that I’m not going to get anywhere. He said that I can’t handle it and I’m going to be starving even though I’ve been making huge leaps in my skill. He’s right, I’m nothing special. I can’t communicate with people for shit so how am I gonna even be successful? Then I see people online say that a million people also want to do the same as me. it’s extremely upsetting and overwhelming. killing myself sounds like a better option. Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 07:33:22 PM 39496 >>39494
sorry for the lack of specialized advice, but i just wanted to say that nothing is set in concrete anon. that type of fatalistic thinking only lends itself to be self-destructive a lot of the time. if you really have been making leaps in skill as said, there's no reason to believe any level of achievement you desire is unattainable.
more importantly, do you think limiting interaction with your dad would maybe alleviate your outlook a little? good luck anon.
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 07:57:28 PM 39497 >>39494
Fuck your dad. Someone has to be chosen, why can't it be you? A lot of communication these days is done online which is easier. Even if you only do art as a side hustle, that's better than regretting it.
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 08:14:55 PM 39498
I'm sorry about posting "tfw no bf" rant but I feel so hopeless right now. I'm a 21 year old kissless, hugless virgin. I just want to hold hands with someone. Please. Jesus christ. Just a little bit of physical intimacy would make me feel so much better. Fuck fuck fuck.
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 08:31:24 PM 39499 >>39498
are you scared of interacting with others?
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 08:42:48 PM 39500 >>39499
No, I interact with others every day lol. I'm just ugly.
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 09:08:48 PM 39501
so do you have a plan for that or nah
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 09:43:15 PM 39502 >>39501
For what? Getting a bf? I already asked out some guys. I'm just too ugly to get a bf.
Anonymous 07/26/20 (Sun) 09:56:54 PM 39504 >>39503
Moid entitlement tier response. No one needs to justify their ugliness to you.
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 01:14:03 AM 39519 >>39477
What did she tell you to do?
It's okay, anon.
I think that poster's just trying to help you, anon.
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 03:25:10 AM 39529 >>39434
Your mom is crazy. Everyone knows that birthday boy/girl privilege trumps guest privilege, especially for children.
Your guests are getting free cake and at that age aren't even paying for the presents "they're" giving you, so they can shut the hell up about one of them having a different chair.
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 03:28:37 AM 39530 >>39498 >21
Hah, try 25.
At this rate I'll be surprised if I find anyone before I'm 30.
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 11:26:08 AM 39552 >>39486
I almost failed out of High School for the same reason, while simultaneously almost getting my Associate's at the same time. It was pretty funny.
Do you have to give them the note yourself?
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 01:07:27 PM 39567 >>39486
Have a friend go with you to hand the note in and explain the situation.
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 02:18:57 PM 39577
well, it happened again. joined a community, couldn't mesh, left quietly. i have no clue why it hurts so bad every time–i'm thinking about all the moments where i went wrong, constantly–and just feeling…shitty. sigh.
also i'm sad about being a shit artist/writer/newb programmer/bad at all my hobbies/etc. lol Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 02:43:01 PM 39581 >>39577
What happened that you "couldn't mesh"? Was this an online or in person community?
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 03:30:01 PM 39590 >>39491
It's 3 semesters' worth of classes so it's not possible to complete them in 1 without spending even more money on registration 'coins' outside of the assigned semestrial limit sadly.
You have to hand it yourself, and going with a friend (if I had any to go with) I'd make an even bigger mockery of myself since the staff have a very "lol you're an ADULT, do everything properly yourself or gtfo of uni" attitude
Not to mention there is no longer any point in handing over the note now, since even if you have medical leave you have to earn PE credits through an online course during a set period of time that has obviously long since passed.
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 03:40:33 PM 39592 >>39590 >You have to hand it yourself, and going with a friend (if I had any to go with) I'd make an even bigger mockery of myself since the staff have a very "lol you're an ADULT, do everything properly yourself or gtfo of uni" attitude
I don't think anyone jokes about doing things with friends, if anything normalfags do almost everything with their fucking friends. You are falling victim to your own made up anxieties. Is that what you want going forward?
>Not to mention there is no longer any point in handing over the note now, since even if you have medical leave you have to earn PE credits through an online course during a set period of time that has obviously long since passed.
What the fuck, that's a completely different situation then the one you described. You made it sound like you just needed to hand over a "get out of PE free card", not that you were still expected to take classes. You have literally no one but yourself to blame if you were fully aware you needed to take 3 semesters worth and chose not to. Did you even talk to a counselor? How did they not start fire under your ass 3 semesters ago?
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 04:07:39 PM 39596 >>39592 >made up anxieties
I've literally seen people in my group chewed out or flat out turned down for the things you mentioned, you wouldn't believe how bitter/angry/unsympathetic the people employed in uni education in my country can be.
This was not clear in my previous post, but if I had turned in the leave, I would've only had to solve a 30 minute quiz earlier in the year, not do 3 semesters of anything. When I mentioned 3 semesters I was assuming I wouldn't be able to turn it in and it'd end up being easier to somehow just do the classes the 'normal' way.
>literally no one but yourself to blame
Well yeah, I wasn't trying to imply otherwise.
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 04:24:31 PM 39597 >>39596 >I've literally seen people in my group chewed out or flat out turned down for the things you mentioned, you wouldn't believe how bitter/angry/unsympathetic the people employed in uni education in my country can be.
And? That sounds unpleasant, it sounds confrontational. I don't see the connection between you failing to hand over a note you know you needed to hand over 3 semesters ago, or finding alternative means of doing so.
>This was not clear in my previous post, but if I had turned in the leave, I would've only had to solve a 30 minute quiz earlier in the year, not do 3 semesters of anything.
Now I come back to the original point, if it's just a 30 minute quiz (I assume one-time?) why can you not do this now?
>Well yeah, I wasn't trying to imply otherwise. >>39486 >I had medical leave for them from my psychiatrist, but for three years I was too scared to go and present it to the PE faculty. >The staff there are known for being extremely unfriendly and I can't do confrontation.
This sounds like you were blaming the staff for you not being able to deliver a note. If you not blaming the staff, what stopped you from doing what you know needed to be done?
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 04:49:05 PM 39600 >>39581
online. i couldn't make friends out of game, i was too shy to initiate anything
game (since this community is an mmo), and apparently too undesirable for anyone to bother approaching me…though the few times someone did, i'll admit i fucked it up anyway. as usual.
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 05:32:36 PM 39604 >>39597 >why can you not do this now?
Registration/completion period for the quiz is long over.
>This sounds like you were blaming the staff for you not being able to deliver a note
Ok, now that I've re-read my own post I can see that I might have worded it poorly and given off that vibe. Basically the root of the problem and what I was attempting to convey at start is that I am a massive, shambling autist that can barely function in society and breaks down into tears the moment a straanger says something not nice to it, not the staff being unfriendly. Other people have surely perservered in the face of worse circumstances, but I just can't do it.
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 06:11:38 PM 39607 >>39486
Do you take any anti-anxiety medications?
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 06:12:47 PM 39608 >>39604 >Registration/completion period for the quiz is long over.
Okay, I guess.
>Ok, now that I've re-read my own post I can see that I might have worded it poorly and given off that vibe. Basically the root of the problem and what I was attempting to convey at start is that I am a massive, shambling autist that can barely function in society and breaks down into tears the moment a straanger says something not nice to it, not the staff being unfriendly. Other people have surely perservered in the face of worse circumstances, but I just can't do it.
Can you handle your Father belittling you? Because that's what you chose instead.
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 07:24:04 PM 39617 >>39529
Thanks for replying. I remembered later that there was a couch in the room too so she could have sat me and another kid there or moved two other kids.
I want to say she just handled that time badly but she also ruined another birthday about that age too. She let another girl be the centre of attention guessing what my gifts were while I sat at the end of the group opening them as they were finally passed down to me. She did eventually move me up next to her but it was too late, I just sat there miserably opening my last few gifts.
Also realised my dad never bothered to come to either of my parties, even though he got a month of holidays per year :(
Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 09:37:32 PM 39625
Why can't people accept it when you say "no"?
No, I do not want to drink more alcohol than I can handle. No, I do not want to stay at your place until 1:00 on a work night. No, I do not want to mess up my diet I worked very hard on and eat junk food every second day. Why do I have to have these discussions for hours every time I see one of my friends? It's becoming very draining. Anonymous 07/27/20 (Mon) 10:46:39 PM 39636 >>39625
They don't really seem like friends. Do they ever do anything nice for you?
Anonymous 07/28/20 (Tue) 10:48:49 AM 39660 >>39636
Well, we hang out from time to time and it's not like I have a lot of friends either so I always do things with them.
Anonymous 07/28/20 (Tue) 03:50:57 PM 39662
I have this one friend and they keep getting really clingy even though they're just an online friend
I'd tell them to chill but I don't want to have to deal with a potential meltdown, plus they're just in a bad place Anonymous 07/28/20 (Tue) 04:50:33 PM 39669
my friend is ignoring me :(
Anonymous 07/28/20 (Tue) 07:26:27 PM 39676 >>39660
Please make real friends, anon. You don't have to settle for being an emotional punching bag to someone.
Please be there for them, anon. You don't have to tell us what they're going through. Just know that if it's bad enough they need all the love they can get.
Anonymous 07/28/20 (Tue) 07:34:49 PM 39678 >>39673
I dont know :( she did message me back a couple of hours after posting that, but she always takes several days to reply to me
Anonymous 07/28/20 (Tue) 08:05:17 PM 39681 >>39678
She's probably busy with something, or maybe she's just lazy. I tend to reply too fast to other people a lot, so they always end up seeming like they don't care, until they finally respond.
Anonymous 07/28/20 (Tue) 09:22:42 PM 39684
I got fired and I feel more guilty over the fact that I don't feel guilty about it.
It's been nice the last few days to truly relax. I've been reading books that I've been wanting to read. I have a rough draft of my resume planned on paper, I just need to type it. Anonymous 07/29/20 (Wed) 02:24:16 AM 39695 >>39684
Anxiety and dread, I was late too many times and my numbers in sales haven't approved in six months.
Anonymous 07/29/20 (Wed) 03:53:08 AM 39696 >>39695
It's okay, anon. I'm sure there's a better place you could find work at.
Anonymous 07/29/20 (Wed) 08:32:48 AM 39704
its really stupid but i am extremely depressed because i will never be able to meet younger michael imperioli
he's old now but when hr was younger he was extremely cute ;-; if only i could time travel back to the 2000s and go to his bands concert, maybe id be able to hug him :3
Anonymous 07/29/20 (Wed) 11:57:40 AM 39710
This is why you should like anime boys instead, they never age and stay beautiful forever
Anonymous 07/29/20 (Wed) 04:41:06 PM 39720
God I'm so poor I wish I had money but no one will call me back
Anonymous 07/29/20 (Wed) 05:18:22 PM 39722 >>39720
I think some places still pay for blood plasma donations.
Anonymous 07/29/20 (Wed) 08:05:01 PM 39729
i've been applying left and right for shitty retail jobs but i've only gotten radio silence. i have work experience for these jobs too, i cant tell if the hiring manager thinks i'm incompetent, or if its just a result of the pandemic. i feel like i'm destined to remain broke.
Anonymous 07/29/20 (Wed) 08:22:35 PM 39730 >>39729
corona is probably the final nail in the coffin for irl retail. try applying for factory/warehouse jobs instead
Anonymous 07/30/20 (Thu) 01:05:13 AM 39749 >>39720 >>39729
I used to have trouble getting jobs. Now I have a good record and enough contacts that jobs call me. The other week a recruiter called me on friday and was like, "hey are you looking for work right now?" when i was (intentionally) chilling on coronavirus unemploymentbuxx and I was like, "yeah fam". I had a job by monday. Funny I'm the same exact person, but at one point in time I couldn't even get hired as a waitress. Now I wouldn't even work as a waitress if they begged me because I make a real middle class income now, less than 2 years later. HR are the scum of the earth. Every time I've treated HR dismissively and arrogantly like the trash they are, they've rushed to hire me. Back when I was all smiles and friendly no one wanted me. They say they like how "confident" I am, but it's actually thinly veiled contempt.
Not even 2 years ago I actually walked 5 miles in the snow to go to an interview as a waitress at a restaurant and they would barely give me the time of day despite telling me to come in, and then they ghosted me. Now I make better money than the asshat who refused to hire me. Give me 2 more years and I'll make more money than HIS boss and him put together.
Anonymous 07/30/20 (Thu) 01:13:03 AM 39750 >>39494
Protip from a senpai: major in something that pays the bills and do art on the side. Being a 30 year old barista isn't fun. Sorry if that sounds dismissive but the world is tough and you need to be smart and practical. Art is a hobby and only the top 1% will make a living off it. Life is tough enough–don't make it harder on yourself than it already will be. Go for web dev or something similar and draw on your own time.
Anonymous 07/30/20 (Thu) 03:32:34 PM 39783 >>39710
they're just pictures on a screen, don't be a loser
Anonymous 07/30/20 (Thu) 07:16:39 PM 39788
So are the male celebrities you gawk at, even on the extremely rare occasion you'll meet them in real like they'll never like you back anyway.
Anonymous 07/30/20 (Thu) 08:17:19 PM 39792 >>39749
This is me so much. I couldn't even get interviews. The rare ones I did, the interviews weren't interested in me and I felt like I was only there to make up numbers. One had me in and out in 10 minutes (and one of the interviewers was someone who vaguely knew me as well which made it worse when they looked down their nose at me). Another gave up asking questions from the standard list and started poking into my personal life instead. Another still had someone interview me who didn't know what they were doing.
About 7 years after graduating, my partner was able to get me a job at his company (I'd been helping him with his work while being unemployed). It's my first professional job. I have no qualifications in the field or experience aside from helping him. Yet I get consistent good feedback, several of my ideas have been integrated, I got a 10% pay rise after six months, and was headhunted to set up the department in a new company (I turned it down but it could have been a further pay rise). It's an exciting field, work from home, and I get tons of time off. It really is a dream job and I'm now the best paid from my graduating class. I'm not saying this to brag but to contrast it with my former self that had only a few months of bad jobs on their whole resume spanning years. Absolutely nothing has changed about me from that person but here I am.
I agree 100% about HR sucking. They ask questions that aren't even relevant to the job and that only someone who is good at making things up on the spot could excel at. Someone from HR asked me at a STEM job interview "when was the last time you helped a someone while working in a group?". I mean, who remembers that? If someone needs help, I help them and it's not such a big deal that I remember it off the top of my head. I'm a pretty honest person somaking something up didn't come naturally to me and therefore not being able to instantly recall a time was seen as a negative. If they consider it important for the job, why didn't they just put me to work in a group doing something related to the job and then see how I reacted to someone asking for help? It was clear the HR person was asking these vague nothing questions because they didn't understand the job /rant
Anonymous 07/30/20 (Thu) 09:09:06 PM 39794 >>39788
Or just not fall in love. Resist lizard brain.
Anonymous 07/30/20 (Thu) 09:40:26 PM 39797 >>39749 >>39792 >I'm the same exact person >Absolutely nothing has changed about me from that person but here I am
I clearly lack reading comprehension because I can't tell what both of you have done differently to go from jobless to being employed with good jobs.
Anonymous 07/30/20 (Thu) 09:56:35 PM 39800 >>39797
Sorry, it maybe wasn't clear. The point I was trying to make was that I got lucky that I had a connection. I had trouble even getting out of bed and felt useless for a long time. In reality there was nothing wrong with me and I was perfectly capable of working a professional well paid job.
If you want to utilise connections for yourself, tell everyone you know and meet that you are looking for a job. Every time someone asks "how are you?", your answer is now "good thanks, just been looking for a new job", especially to strangers. Also it sucks and is illegal, but do unpaid work. Even if you don't get a job, you will get a recent reference and something to put in your work history. Add lots of people of LinkedIn, particularly people with "mentoring" on their profile and send them a short list of questions to ask how they got where they are and try to get them to connect you to a company.
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 12:48:17 AM 39813 >>39749
how old are you
what job do you work
do you have a degree
where do you live
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 12:51:07 AM 39814 >>39494
unless you have wealthy parents to fall back on, or have an honest passion for art/have a solid following at the moment/are actually [good] in some way i would really recommend just going for something practical. maybe do go for web dev/coding like that one anon suggested, and build your own games? web dev/coding seems like a creative pursuit, you can probs mix that with art in some way (and still get paid for sure even if u can't)
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 02:36:36 AM 39817 >>39749 >>39800 >>39792
I feel this in my soul.
I was sending out resumes like crazy, made finding a job my job for a long time. No bites. Everyone told me I wasn't qualified enough or that I needed X, Y, Z. Companies made me pay for my own airfare and then laughed in my face during the interview. I barely landed a small job making utter peanuts where I had to fight the boss for every less-than-minimum wage paycheck.
One day, a top company gave me a chance at an interview. I aced it and am now making more money than any of my previous jobs combined. Got a raise. Am in the top performance percentile. Companies can't even approach me with offers unless it enters absurd amounts. Like you, I was the same person, same resume, as all the other companies that rejected me.
It is an unfair world. You need to get lucky. Sometimes being lucky isn't your first job, more just your first big chance. If you have drive, work ethic, and skill, you will still need to persistently try until you get lucky, even if it takes years. I can't even promise that you'll succeed if you try, but you have to try for the chance.
>>39792 >Someone from HR asked me at a STEM job interview
Also this gave me flashbacks to a recruiter lining me up with an interview that I was a "perfect fit" for. At the literal last minute over text she revealed that the programming language they were looking for was completely different from the one she had said it was- and then she ghosted both me and the company. Fuck her.
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 02:43:01 AM 39818 >>39817 >At the literal last minute over text she revealed that the programming language they were looking for was completely different from the one she had said it was- and then she ghosted both me and the company.
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 03:01:49 AM 39822 >>39818
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 03:18:15 AM 39823 >>39494
If you have a knack for math, you could also consider an engineering pursuit with some creative/aesthetic elements, like naval architecture.
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 03:32:50 AM 39824
i struggle a lot with paranoia and i'm not sure how (or if) i can overcome it
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 03:52:16 AM 39826 >>39824
what are you paranoid about anon?
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 04:03:09 AM 39827
Am I a dick because I feel uncomfortable my boyfriend wants a relationship with my parents when I don't? I want to cut them off to a degree. They were abusive and negligent to me growing up (long story) and he knows, but I feel like it doesn't matter to him. On the other hand, he does seem to care about a family member that sexually abused me and staying away from him. But arguably, my parents were worse because they tried to stop me from telling anyone, they forced me to continue living with the aber, they told me how the abuser was suicidal when I finally went to someone who could do something about my situation, and I got constantly called bitter, etcetera for simply not wanting to live with my abuser. I also got blamed by them for it because I was "charming" and "seductive" as a 9 year old. My parents restricted me from all regular forms of media for the most part, I wasn't allowed on the internet, I was mostly only allowed to read clean classics and biblical related content. I was homeschooled and the only other humans I was in contact with were some people from my church, but I wasn't allowed to have friends. There's numerous other details I could add.
The point is, he still wants a relationship with them, and it makes me suspicious. He says it's only fair since I have a relationship with his parents, but they didn't do nearly the things mine did, and it's really only a beef with his mom and sister of his, not to mention I never asked for such a relationship. Then I get confused because maybe I am overstepping boundaries by not wanting him to have a relationship with my parents. It seems sour to me, though. I don't know what to do. Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 04:10:30 AM 39828 >>39827
He thinks he knows better about your parents than you do. This would be a huge red flag for me. He's not respecting the boundaries you are putting up. You absolutely should not have your family in your life anymore. I would sit down and tell your bf that no contact with your family is non-negotiable. If he doesn't want that then chuck him. Your boundaries, values, mental health, and recovery are the most important thing.
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 05:06:16 AM 39830 >>39827
The fact that he specifically wants to know your parents is weird to me. But then, I'm the kind of person who doesn't specifically want to know anyone, so maybe that sort of thing is generally a normal desire for couples.
Still, I feel like he should understand your reasons regarding not wanting to be around people who enabled your abuser.
Maybe he's just the sort of person who thinks family is all-important, and that you should be able to forgive your parents or something.
I don't think you're being unreasonable. It might just be that your belief systems are incompatible. I think you should talk with him about exactly why he thinks that you're wrong in your approach.
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 12:45:09 PM 39837
After what your parents did to you he should hate them and think as little of you as you do. He should not try to undo the progress you've made just so he can have in-laws.
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 01:23:59 PM 39838 >>39827
I'm not trying to sound rude, merely ambivilent to the fact that I will, but he sounds like a complete idiot.
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 03:03:25 PM 39843 >>39827
He seems like a reasonable boy. He probably just wants to not be a bad guy and give a middle finger to his fiancé's parents. It's just chance that he wound up with abusive in-laws. He'll learn soon enough. Don't listen to the BPD replies. He's just a bad judge of character. Something tells me you wound with him because of his trusting nature.
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 04:07:24 PM 39846 >>39827 >Am I a dick because I feel uncomfortable my boyfriend wants a relationship with my parents when I don't?
I don't think anyone's a dick for feeling certain things, it's the actions you take in reaction to or in spite of said emotions that determines if you're a dick. The fact you're considering you're one tells me you're at least slightly feeling pings of guilt/sadness/whatever for your current actions and choices, and maybe you should look at why you're referring to yourself as that.
>I want to cut them off to a degree. They were abusive and negligent to me growing up (long story) and he knows, but I feel like it doesn't matter to him. On the other hand, he does seem to care about a family member that sexually abused me and staying away from him. But arguably, my parents were worse because they tried to stop me from telling anyone, they forced me to continue living with the aber, they told me how the abuser was suicidal when I finally went to someone who could do something about my situation, and I got constantly called bitter, etcetera for simply not wanting to live with my abuser. I also got blamed by them for it because I was "charming" and "seductive" as a 9 year old.
These seem like out of average actions.
>My parents restricted me from all regular forms of media for the most part, I wasn't allowed on the internet, I was mostly only allowed to read clean classics and biblical related content. I was homeschooled and the only other humans I was in contact with were some people from my church, but I wasn't allowed to have friends. There's numerous other details I could add.
These sound like the typical complaints of living in an average US Christian household no offense. Typical parenting complaints that mostly come from a place of incompetence more than malice. I'm not saying they didn't or shouldn't have effected you, just be aware this is actually a very common complaint.
I can't know all the details of your childhood, and it wouldn't matter if I did. You are an adult, you should decide how close or how far you want the relationship with your parents you want it to be, that's the most important part of independence. The center of power is now on you on how well you do or do not treat your parents. You can justify your decisions in any number of ways, but it's always going to be your responsibility. I would argue your parents aren't worse then actual abuser, because they have a vested interest in just keeping the peace and I doubt you've ever had an in depth discussion with them about why they made the decisions they did. Does that mean you shouldn't have felt the way you did? No. Does that mean they couldn't have made better choices? No. It means exactly what it means, they have some reason for the decisions they made, and if you never talk to them about it you will always be operating off of partial information. I can only give you my perspective on how I interact with my parents, and maybe you can take it into consideration.
I personally had an abusive (not sexual) father and a mother who didn't really know how to handle it, who were both in way over their heads. I don't think either were malicious, just highly incompetent and no good way to regulate their emotions. When I became 19, I left home and cut off all contact with them, moving two states away without telling either of them or my 6 siblings where I was going. It was very effective in forcing both of them to 1. cool their heads, and 2. realize I could with impunity cut them out of my life. It is quite the empowering feeling to be able to have that much emotional sway over someone. In the end, I did eventually move back due to various reasons, after that point though, my parents interacted with me in a completely different way. I always remind them if they get too pushy that I, at any time, reserve the ability to cut them out of my life, even to my own detriment. Years later, I live seperate from them with my husband, they are now divorced, and I can only put up with them in very small doses. I do recognize though, for all their faults, they did clothe me, they did shelter me, they did feed me, and did their best to take care of me. For this, I offer them a token of mercy, and hold a very arms distant but steady communication with them. Whenever I talk, or go to a gathering with them, I always restate I have the ability to leave at any time I wish, and actively use it.
If you wanted the really short version, I would say there's no reason to completely cut them out of your life, and no reason to keep them there. Realize that you can have a healthy relationship with your parents as long as you are strict with the fact you can stop interacting with them, at any point in time.
>The point is, he still wants a relationship with them, and it makes me suspicious. He says it's only fair since I have a relationship with his parents, but they didn't do nearly the things mine did, and it's really only a beef with his mom and sister of his, not to mention I never asked for such a relationship.
I don't have the full story, all I can say is that for most people, meeting each other's family is a very important milestone in the development of the relationship. It's your choice to not do so, it's he's choice to ask to do so. Are there no conditions you can bare even the smallest bit of interactions with your parents?
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 09:38:53 PM 39853 >>39846
The reason I feel like a dick is because it seems to me I am restricting the actions of another person when it is not my place to do so. Both my boyfriend and my parents want to know each other better, whereas I do not want that to happen. It is pressure mounting on me from both sides. I feel as if "who am I to deny them a relationship?" though I know that if he were to cultivate a relationship with them, it would prove difficult for me to trust him. He used to say that if he wanted to marry me, he'd ask my dad first, and I said I found that insulting and that would not ever be okay with me. Just the behind the back component of that is enough to arouse suspicion in me.
When I've introduced partners regularly to my parents in the past, my parents talk to my partners about me in ways I dislike. I'm not keen on that happening again. I've communicated with one parents I do not want that happening again, but I know it's unlikely they will keep that promise as they've lied to me before.
>These sound like the typical complaints of living in an average US Christian household no offense. Typical parenting complaints that mostly come from a place of incompetence more than malice. I'm not saying they didn't or shouldn't have effected you, just be aware this is actually a very common complaint.
Oh yeah, I've accepted long ago it wasn't malicious in intent. But it still affected me quite negatively. I mean, I know it's common for kids to complain about strict parents, but I've never met anyone with strict parents to the degree mine were, irl or online:
>not allowed to watch most children's movies >not allowed to own any electronic devices (no cellphones, ipods, handheld gaming, laptops, etcetera) >not allowed to have friends (this was in part because they were scared their rules might be violated) >not allowed to wear tank tops >called a "prostitute" for wearing makeup by my father >not allowed to pluck eyebrows >not allowed to dye hair >not allowed to drive >only allowed to read list of approved books by parents; most children's books did not make the list >not allowed to listen to "secular" (non christian) music >rooms regularly searched by mother for anything written or drawn because it "revealed what was in our minds" and they wanted to know that >not allowed on the internet >no media in general allowed, unless approved by parents >money or gifts given to us were not ours >no video games >no radios >parents installed software connected to the internet which sent them emails of all internet activity in case we tried to sneak on (this was not a bluff)
Maybe it seems strict because I grew up in Southern CA, and maybe it's normal in the midwest or south. Every other kid at my church made fun of me and my siblings because of how little we allowed to partake in the outside world.
>The center of power is now on you on how well you do or do not treat your parents
Unfortunately, right now it's financial I'd say. I have maintained a not-too-close, but amicable relationship with my parents because I've always considered it the proper way to act.
>I would argue your parents aren't worse then actual abuser, because they have a vested interest in just keeping the peace and I doubt you've ever had an in depth discussion with them about why they made the decisions they did
I don't appreciate the way you worded the last part, but I have multiple times and it basically comes down to no one wanting to take responsibility and just the type of thing where it's like ~we were doing our best~ and sure, I get it, but that's not enough for me to be okay with how they treated me.
I consider them worse than my abuser because they excused his behavior to his face. They told me that my account was not as trustworthy as the abuser's account because I was "younger and therefore probably didn't remember things correctly" though I was at an age where I absolutely did remember what happened. They told my abuser and me that since he was technically a child, it wasn't abuse, just consensual sex play when in fact there was definite manipulation and coercion on his part (not to mention an age difference). Before I told a mandatory reporter, I told my dad that what happened still bothered me and he told me "You just need to get over it" and I was only 13 at the time. After telling a mandatory reporter, I was blamed by my dad for "splitting up the family" and my abuser was regularly asspatted for putting up with everything going on. I was also accused of lying when I wasn't. My parents also told family relatives it was not abuse but "consensual" sex play I got upset over. I was told I was a sinner for not reporting this to my parents as the abuse happened though my parents made sex a taboo topic and I was young enough to where I did not understand much about it to even tell, not to mention my abuser told me not to tell anyone. Much of this I learned from other family members. There are other details I forget at the moment. My dad has also left bruises before on me. As for the abuser, he very much sees himself as not doing anything wrong, which I believe my parents greatly contributed to.
Regardless of that, the point is they missed the mark by a lot to the point where though I can say they tried their best, I can also say it was not good enough by a long shot. I am not interested in being near them for a time. As I said, "cut them off to a degree" - not forever, but certainly for a time to where I can heal more completely from them (though I'm always working on that) and then reintroduce myself to them.
>I don't have the full story, all I can say is that for most people, meeting each other's family is a very important milestone in the development of the relationship. It's your choice to not do so, it's he's choice to ask to do so. Are there no conditions you can bare even the smallest bit of interactions with your parents?
Oh, he's met my whole intermediate family once, my mom and an extended family member another time, and my dad a separate time. He is very interested in my family because of those interactions and I wish he'd get over the novelty of them. They can act nice and are fine to be around in small doses, but it feels a little bothersome he acts like the experience of being with them is so nice for him it is more important than how they've treated me. Like I stated at the beginning of this whole post, it makes me feel like I'm selfish to be that way, though. Who am I to tell him no? It would make me feel miserable if I had to endure him talking, talking, talking with my family members when I just want to leave, however. I act amicable with my family in these instances (well, I like to think I do, anyway).
Anonymous 07/31/20 (Fri) 10:49:17 PM 39855 >>39853 >he used to say that if he wanted to marry me, he'd ask my dad first
If you were anybody else this would be a non-issue. Your situation is a special one, and in this case he genuinely seems like the right man in the wrong place. Is he a Christian like your parents, or simply well-meaning? Did you meet him through whatever they're involved with?
>my parents talk to my partners about me in ways I dislike
What will they say to them? Is it anything to do with your abuser?
Anonymous 08/01/20 (Sat) 12:07:11 AM 39863 >>39853
Yeah no, fuck this. People in general seem to think family is meant to be some sort of unbreakable bond, but if your family has a bad impact on your life there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting them out. And that includes leaving them out of your romantic relationship.
My bf also has a bad relationship with his family. At first I used to encourage him to get along with them, but I stopped after learning why he disliked them so much. I'm still nice and polite around them, but that's it. Why would your bf want to be around people who make you miserable? Why would he want to have a relationship with them?
I personally cannot wait for my bf to move out so he doesn't have to deal with things that make him feel bad.
Your bf needs to have a little bit of empathy. I don't understand why he wants to get along with people who hurt you. Does he not know about all this stuff? ffs next he'll say he want to get along with your abuser.
Anonymous 08/01/20 (Sat) 12:57:37 AM 39866 >>39827 >>39853
I'm sorry that you had to go through all this anon. That is a truly terrible story. I don't understand why you haven't caught them off completely?! You can legally divorce your parents. I read about situations similar to yours and it really does baffle me that people can think so little of their children. Show no mercy to your parents, and it may take years but you can gain the strength to move past them.
If I was your boyfriend I would understand not wanting to talk to your parents and make you feel welcome into his family. But I would encourage therapy, and tell you that who cares if it's family is supposed to be blood-related or not.
>why can you see his family and he can't he see yours?
Highly suspicious. Why would you go through a horrible ordeal for it to be easily doubted. I don't see why anyone in a relationship would continue to think that I er time.
Anonymous 08/01/20 (Sat) 03:01:45 AM 39872 >>39827
Maybe in due time he will realize what sort of people they are. I'd say talk to him about. If he still wants to meet them then that'll be on him because you gave him a warning. If things get out of control after him meeting them. Try to initiate less contact from your part. Just gotta live with these nasty types of people until they die or someone moves away.
I have to deal with my bf's mom at irregular less times thank god. Narcissistic manipulative bitch she is. I don't want to talk to her or anything yet the times I need do I'm just flat out monotone to her. I don't want to smile or be friendly because that's not what she deserves from me. My bf despite what happened, doesn't understand how much it has affected me and want's to over look it. He forgets and moves on type of person. I'm honestly waiting for her to die.
Anonymous 08/01/20 (Sat) 04:01:17 AM 39881 >>39826
i have some repressed csa stuff that i havent told anyone before that i feel too ashamed to speak about. i was acting pretty psycho earlier (mumbling to self, pacing around and repeating shit) and my parents saw so now i just feel like shit. or i guess i now feel paranoid about any and all relationships and it ends up ruining them.
Anonymous 08/01/20 (Sat) 04:29:17 AM 39884 >>39881
Are you seeing a professional about this kind of stuff.
Anonymous 08/01/20 (Sat) 04:34:15 AM 39886 >>39884
no, i can’t do video/voice calls and theyre not offering in person appointments at the moment. i’m also nervous because my insurance is complete shit (ive tried therapy for depression in the past and the therapist was shit, they only have like 3 therapists that i can see, and theres always long waiting lists)
Anonymous 08/01/20 (Sat) 05:12:42 AM 39887 >>39886
do they have a rule that you need to talk? my house is small and i cant talk either because people would hear, so my therapist talks on video while i have headphones and i just type.
Anonymous 08/01/20 (Sat) 05:28:03 AM 39891 >>39887
i actually never considered that, thanks anon. my main issue with voice/video was other people hearing, i was messaging my general doctor for a bit asking about alternatives to digital appointments but i'll bring this up.
Anonymous 08/03/20 (Mon) 09:44:03 AM 40000
Is it healthy to be fueled in life entirely by hate and regret from bad memories? Instead of talking things through with anyone i accept the fact that noone understands and strive to be better than everyone at life in order to show them. I guess i have the mindset of a guy.
Anonymous 08/03/20 (Mon) 10:49:39 AM 40001
I got broken up with 2 months ago and I’m so fucking sad and lonely. I am so touch-starved. I just want to cuddle and hold a guy’s hand. But I know it might be a bad idea to do that because of the pandemic. I’m so alone and just want to feel another person’s warmth. I keep having bad dreams and I just want to nestle into a guy’s chest while he tells me I’ll be okay.
Anonymous 08/03/20 (Mon) 01:46:57 PM 40011
that sucks anon, maybe try building a relationship online with someone local and then meeting them when your relationship is deeper and quarantine has died down.
Anonymous 08/03/20 (Mon) 08:23:00 PM 40045
I’m jealous you have never had to go through the pain of heartbreak, but at the same time, love is such a great feeling.
It feels wrong even feeling attraction to another guy, because my ex still feels like home to me. I have never felt something as painful as this. I miss hearing him tell me he loves me so much.
Anonymous 08/03/20 (Mon) 09:48:02 PM 40048
I probably have melanoma and while I've been basically waiting for something to off me for the past half of my life, I deadass had an emotional breakdown last night at like 3 am because I'm scared of it and I don't know why. I can't bear to do anything, and my appointment is not coming up any time soon (at least a month, unless someone cancels their before me), so all I can do is be nervous and cry all the fucking time.
Anonymous 08/03/20 (Mon) 10:39:22 PM 40049 >>40048
can't they make your appointment a bit sooner for something as serious as this?
Anonymous 08/03/20 (Mon) 11:58:27 PM 40053
I hate it that seeing attempted rape or rape in media makes me act strange and on edge. I have been raped numerous times and in many different ways and I'm embarrassed to tell my boyfriend why I get suddenly non-affectionate after we watch certain shows together. I feel like I should be over reacting this way and that I'm pathetic for being so affected by a reenactment. I am afraid he will want to not continue watching or whatever else, I just wish he understood I can't stand being touched or near another person when I see what is supposed to be "rape".
It's also embarrassing that I get this way over certain themes. Like it's been so hard for me to learn to trust in this relationship because of my past relationships, and then if I watch something where people are lying or hiding secrets from each other, it makes me paranoid again of my boyfriend. I wish I could enjoy normal media without it slapping me in the face and yelling at me that I'm stupid for trusting even though I've seen time and time again my boyfriend can be trusted. Any help is appreciated though this is a vent thread. Anonymous 08/04/20 (Tue) 12:33:33 AM 40056 >>40053
I don't have much help to offer on the bf situation since i still don't trust people, but just wanted to say that it's not really overreacting anon. It's quite common to be triggered by media after what you went through, some people can't function after sensing a specific, normal smell that reminds them of the trauma for example. Give yourself some empathy because you're doing good, you're not being pathetic at all.
Anonymous 08/04/20 (Tue) 07:19:52 AM 40081 >>40049
I had to make the appointment over call and I was getting some mean vibes from the woman who was writing me up. For context, I'm about 99% sure it's vulvar melanoma, but I didn't want to act like a smartass, so I just described my issue and they kept treating me like I had HPV. There's only one gynecologist in my town, and there's like 5k women living here, so I can't do much, but wait as of now.
It was kind of hurtful, but I have never been one to file complaints or make a scene. We'll see what happens.
Anonymous 08/05/20 (Wed) 12:54:51 PM 40146
I promise you anon, time really does heal all wounds
It's normal to feel like this after a couple months, soon itll all go away
Anonymous 08/05/20 (Wed) 10:20:06 PM 40153 >have degree >have 3 years experience >been stuck in entry level hell where i run on a hampster wheel for 8 hours grinding the most boring shit imaginable for wages a barista wouldn't tolerate i'm so fed up with it. i'm so fucking fed up. is this my life? i could tolerate shit-work or low pay, but not both. i don't even get paid enough to afford healthcare for god's sake. i have an hour left in the workday and i feel like i'm going to throw my work laptop out of a window. i'm seriously about to cry. i worked my ass off from poverty to graduate university and live on my own. i have never had a vacation. and the minute i plan something, GLOBAL PANDEMIC and all my plans are canceled indefinitely. i'm frustrated and sad and exasperated and miserable I HATE IT I HATE IT Anonymous 08/05/20 (Wed) 10:29:27 PM 40154 >>39827
sit him down and tell him to his face what they did to you.
same, i'm /r/raisedbynarcissists to the letter. i cut my parents out of my life for what they did. if i got married i wouldn't even inform them. if guys i date ask about my parents, i just say, "they aren't good people and i don't talk to them," and they drop it there. get away from your abusers. if your bf tries to drag you back into that, fuck him.
iktf. you're the same person. one day they treat you like trash on the street. the next they're kissing your feet. you didn't do anything different, just got lucky. fuckstain employers/HR all want to fellate the guy with experience instead of training someone without any, even if they're equally potentially-qualified and intelligent. same way how no one reads 99% of books but when a book makes it big, suddenly everyone and their mother clambors to read it regardless of its quality. the viral effect. 1% get everything and 99% get fucked. well the people who get a lucky break get everything, huge salaries and offers out the ass, and everyone else gets completely ignored and no one gives them a foot in the door anywhere. it's just sick and lazy and ethically abominable. our work culture is sick.
Anonymous 08/05/20 (Wed) 10:32:25 PM 40155 >>40000
It's not healthy but it is effective.
At least 4x a day I remember something and just say aloud, "I hate them, I hate them." God, I hate them so much. I'm aiming for a 6 figure salary not because i care about money but out of pure spite for the people who fucked me over and tried to stomp me down. I MUST make more money than them as a last fuck you. those fuckers.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 01:11:34 AM 40172
im gonna be 24 in a couple weeks and im realizing i hate my life and i cant do a thing about it, partially because of the pandemic. ive wanted to move out of my hometown for years but im a coward, and college has been an on and off mess. the guy im seeing right now isnt very supportive either.. just a lot of "that sucks" and then he goes and plays video games with his friends. id kill for just a hard reset on my life, move away and forget everyone here. but i cant really, especially not now. i feel stuck and useless. i cant believe it took a pandemic for me to figure this all out.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 03:46:15 AM 40189 >>40155
Honestly that's not a horrible thing. Sometimes you gotta live your best life and rub it in a past asshole's face. I feel pretty good, being in this position right now (making twice as much as past teachers who said I'd amount to nothing- especially grateful for this in current world climate). Don't let it consume you though.
Sorry to hear that anon. For me I've been sad because I had been working so hard and saving to travel. Worked summers, never took time off. Never traveled, never could afford to, until now. And then, the pandemic hit.
If it helps, you and me and everyone else is in stasis right now. High schoolers have to hold off their college life, college grads in stasis about their first job, old-timers in stasis about their tanked 401Ks. Elementary students will miss 1 - 2 years of education. Everything is on hold, so you're not stuck alone, we're in this together one way or another. If you're reflecting and having thoughts, that's a good a use of time as any right now. Your bf sounds lame and beneath your level.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 03:59:49 AM 40190 >>40081
Hey I don't know your symptoms but I was deadass sure I had VM, crying and scared shitless about it for months, and when I got it checked, turns out it was harmless hyperpigmentation which can happen:
>At any point in a woman's life as they age past initial puberty >Due to any medication, particularly BC, hormonal etc >Due to injury, even like, a scratch >Naturally for no reason >Suddenly and dramatically in size, shape, irregular borders, and is still usually benign
Go figure there's tons of research and articles on male genital hyperpigmentation but literally near-zero information available to women, and even less for women of color.
Sorry that you were treated so poorly, you deserve professionalism for medical concerns.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 04:28:19 AM 40195
Covid is getting to me girls. I started off completely fine and was so glad but now I find myself depressed more and more. I've started going to stores and safe events but nothing is the same and although I don't care at the moment I think it is eating away at my soul. Quietly and slowly so I do not notice until later. I'm pretty busy during the day thankfully but as soon as I come home I'm just certain I'll die early and alone and need weed to not act like a huge bitch to my family.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 05:57:13 AM 40196 >>40154 >1% get everything and 99% get fucked. well the people who get a lucky break get everything, huge salaries and offers out the ass, and everyone else gets completely ignored and no one gives them a foot in the door anywhere. it's just sick and lazy and ethically abominable. our work culture is sick.
I remember reading a study where they looked at rich people. They all said they had worked very hard and were deserving of everything they had. In fact they all had just got lucky, either through connections, inheritance, or some other type of luck.
Sometimes it's just knowing how things work. If you didn't have a parent or teacher who took the time to explain basic skills to get ahead at uni or in the workforce then you're not going to get far, especially compared to someone who was coached since they were young.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 11:58:01 AM 40198 >>40154
Michael Parenti explains the class struggle really well, I've been binging his lectures when I can because he's funny, interesting, and incredibly well educated on the topic of class. Other writers and speakers never did it for me.
I agree though, I've been more focused on this lately, the 1% get everything because they have the money to advertise to the 99% and tell the 99% to buy what the 1% is selling. There will never be bad press about the 1% because the 1% fund the press and determine what they can and can't publish. The only thing I think we can do is educate people as much as possible, while avoiding emotionally triggering buzzwords like "left" or "right".
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 06:34:45 PM 40314
yea good.jpg >>38746
Blessed post, 100% agreed. Bald-beard makes me want to vomit and fatty beard-glasses is the epitome of the soyboy look.
Why do moids lie to each other about what actually looks good? Why are they trying to copy their ugly retired grandparents who stopped giving a shit years ago? Why are they surprised that women thirst over twinky gays and smooth men now more than ever?
The belt is not enough, they need la chancla.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 06:57:21 PM 40315 >>40189
I wish I was in stasis, instead we're being treated like guinea pigs for new teaching methods that our college intents to keep permanently in order to "cut costs", even though it puts a greater burden on students and teachers. Everyone is on edge and even though we're a week away there's still nothing set in stone yet.
Academia was a momentary escape from home for me, now I have to fear anytime during a Zoom call that my parents might start having a loud argument or my dad starts blaring gunshots and racist shit on the TV downstairs.
Home is rarely quiet or peaceful for me and I'm scared that my grades are gonna tank this semester because I'll be all stress with no knowledge sticking.
Stasis would be freedom from the hell I'm about to enter.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 07:04:27 PM 40316 >>40196
i read the same study and it's infuriating. because they'll look down at you and say hurtful things like you're just lazy, or you're stupid. i hate it so much. rich fucks all just got a lucky break. i know a guy who graduated with a psych degree and was a party-addict who drank himself through uni. he's a lazy slob, never studies, neither professionally nor personally, just watches tv and plays vidya in his free time. he makes 150k and has stock options worth god knows how much more. why? his friend got him a job somewhere nice. but me, of course i can never have anything. i'm struggling and can barely afford to survive despite being far more intelligent and hard working than him. that's the world, and it's shit. thinking about it too much makes me hate everyone. but the worst is how SNOBBY and arrogant they act. it's insult to injury. sure, have your money,go enjoy things i will never be able to have, fine, whatever. but don't have the gall to INSULT me at the same time because it makes me want to kill them.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 07:12:54 PM 40317
Moids my age are already starting to grow ugly beards and mustaches
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 09:08:26 PM 40333 >>40317
Wait until their hair lines start receding.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 09:56:55 PM 40339
I really wanna take a year off after I finish HS (yes I am 18) but I don't know how to convey that to my parents. I guess they would udnerstand if it were for a real reason like I wanna go and live life with friends and party and stuff but actually I am a friendless loser and I just wanna move out and fix my mental health (which they also had a hand in ruining) so that I can be a complete being when i enroll into uni and actually find friends there. They keep pressuring me into finding a good uni asap and I am so scared of telling them, I do not know how they will take it. I have been trying to get a job so I would have money when I move out and I found one that pays really well but I would have to work nights during weekdays (twice or thrice a week) and they are really frustrated with me for taking it so I do not wanna strain our relationship even more. Sorry for the long blogpost, I am just super frustrated and really needs some advice.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 10:16:56 PM 40342 >>40339
Tell them you want to get some real world experience so you can fully appreciate your time at uni, know that you are studying something you are passionate about, and maybe strengthen your application. More people should take a work gap year in my opinion. Maybe they would feel better if you applied and then deferred your application so you are already accepted.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 10:34:03 PM 40346 >>40342
You can also say that you don’t want to take classes online and want to wait until the pandemic is over. If you end up regretting taking a year out, there is always the Open University online that takes literally everyone who applies and has intake twice a year. You can study with them while working and then transfer to an in person uni the next academic year.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 10:40:03 PM 40347 >>40346
Well I am just starting my senior year in a week or so and I strongly doubt that 12+ months from now we will still have online classes.
Well that's exactly the thing though, they would 100% understand me taking a year off to go fool around with friends but they know I would do nothing like that.
Anonymous 08/06/20 (Thu) 10:48:44 PM 40348 >>40339
No one here will get mad at you for "blog posting" within reason since part of the appeal of the site is finding mutual consolation with posters from similar backgrounds. I'd say push as hard for a gap year as you can, unless your parents are batshit enough to disown you for wanting to take a gap year you can get your way at least this once and since it seems like the best thing for you to do for yourself you should go for it. I ended up eating shit in uni and dropping out since I went straight in with a bunch of mental health issues and that's a lot worse of a problem than starting uni a year late
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 05:13:09 AM 40377
"she took advantage of me just to pass her classes and kicked me out of the team" SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING LIAR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 06:33:17 AM 40379
I accidentally slapped my boyfriend hard when I was drunk. It was meant to be a playful slap that barely grazed the face, but it came out hard instead. He was clearly viscerally affected by it and I've apologized for it and I've made it so I rarely, if ever, even playfully slap him anymore. He says he forgives me, fine.
I feel terrible about it. I truly did not intend to hurt him, but I did. That's not even the kicker. The kicker is that when I masturbate, the idea of slapping his face now turns me on immensely. I don't watch porn and I try not to think about slapping him when I'm masturbating. But it's so hot to me. I love the vulnerability he showed me in the moments after me slapping him. His face look so shocked, so hurt, and though that saddens me, especially because I was the one who inflicted the pain on him, it's hot to me that he couldn't help himself from being vulnerable to me in that moment. I feel sick inside and I wish I didn't find it hot. I wonder if this is how the cycle of abuse gets perpetuated because I was severely abused as a child and by my last partner who liked to make me cry because he found it arousing. I hate myself. I want to tell my boyfriend so he knows what a monster I am, but I also secretly hope he'd be accepting and let us re-enact that, but in a safe way. Even wishing for that makes me feel sick. I feel like a dirty moid and it just want to be good for my partner. Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 07:05:21 AM 40381 >>40379
Break up with him. He deserves better.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 07:31:31 AM 40382 >>40381
Currently, I haven't said anything about it to him. I think it is one of those sexual thoughts a person has that you never want to actually indulge in. I would never want to harm him. I think I'd hate myself if I actually did this even with consent from the other person.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 08:45:00 AM 40383 >>40382
This isn't about your fetish. You got drunk and beat someone. You're not worth his time.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 10:46:26 AM 40384 >>40381 >>40383
she just said it was a playful slap
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 11:03:15 AM 40387 >>40384
She said she meant for it to be a playful slap.
That's not the same thing.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 11:33:45 AM 40388
Not the anon you replyed to but: what's wrong with that? Most of them can't help it. Yes, I like William Hurt.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 12:21:49 PM 40391 >>40387
she's not a worse person for being unable to make accurate arm motions. also she said she's not even going to play slap in the future.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 12:44:08 PM 40392 >>40383
I've kicked my boyfriend out of bed and elbowed him plenty of times whilst sleeping am I a bad person?
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 01:34:05 PM 40398 >>40383
Sounds like overreacting
Maybe just explain your fetish to him? Is he into gentle femdom at all? Maybe ask him about that first?
It's really not an issue if it's confined to the bedroom, and physical abuse shouldn't scare a man too much, if he knows you love him. When women truly abuse men, it would often invole some kind of emotional manipulation, weapon, or false accusations to harm his reputation. Simple acts of violence shouldn't cut it and make him feel afraid, if you're being intimate.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 01:46:34 PM 40400 >>40379
Get a Russian slap-fight sub BF.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 02:51:53 PM 40404 >>38746 >>made thread on 4/adv/ pointing this out, "this is why you don't have a gf. shave your face" >>deleted in under a minute by asspained neckbeard janitor
or maybe it's because you broke the board's rules you retard. it's for asking for advice, not demanding strangers adhere to your specific preference on an anonymous imageboard. Are you narcissistic? Also, while facial hair can easily look bad, on many men the hair is thick and well-kempt. You just don't facial hair, no need to be a child about it.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 03:01:31 PM 40406 >>38746 >>38974 >>40314 >>40317
This technology-hating technophile linguist jumps out of a bush rearing his pubechin at you.
What do you do?
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 04:34:04 PM 40411 >>40391 >I swear baby, I didn't mean to hit you >It's just because I was drunk, I'll never do it again
Abusers are all the same.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 06:27:04 PM 40417 >>40379
slap his butt instead. butts are designed to be slapped, the harder the better.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 08:23:57 PM 40423 >>40384
The exact same story with the genders swapped wouldn't be a playful slap.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 09:01:17 PM 40424 >>40423
That's true but men are also much stronger than women and much more likely to abuse. I'm not defending the anon, and I think what she did was wrong and she needs therapy, but changing the gender is not the exact same situation.
A woman who gets hit by a male partner, especially a drunk one, could be easily killed if he wanted it. Being murdered by their partner is one of the top killers of women. In contrast, a drunk woman is very easily restrained by a sober man. (Obviously this might be different if they are not average size, strength, have weapons, etc).
Both are still domestic abuse, but one situation is a lot more dangerous than the other.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 09:06:17 PM 40425
i've relapsed on my eating disorder again. im disappointed i did it but ive also gained so much weight during quarantine from bingeing its scary.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 09:09:45 PM 40426 >>40425
Don't be disappointed in yourself anon. These are difficult times that you weren't prepared for. You're still going and have self awareness. That's a huge accomplishment. If the weight went on then it can come off again in time. No one is going to be socialing much anytime soon so don't worry about it. Just focus on taking care of yourself.
Anonymous 08/07/20 (Fri) 11:13:35 PM 40430 >>40424
This. My dad, an old guy who did not work out regularly, almost killed my very strong mom with one single punch. Her own punches did nothing. I don't think people realize just how much stronger men are.
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 12:19:26 AM 40433 >>40424
True but there are also cases where more sensitive men can get stuck in abusive relationships where nobody sees anything wrong in the woman hitting them occasionally or more commonly from what I've seen throwing things at them because it's only occasional rather than a full on assault. Less likely to be a situation of being drunkenly beaten bloody but more commonly one element of an overall abusive and manipulative situation. Generally for the man in such a situation there's no support mechanism or fighting back for obvious social reasons and any attempt to take the only option of leaving results in emotional blackmail they're not capable of seeing through because of being male. Even when they finally extract themselves from the situation there's usually a lot of negative social fallout as pressure on them from the abuser.
Or think of it like two cases. First you have the classical case of the drunken man beating a woman repeatedly which can happen the other way around perhaps with a knife or whatever but that's much rarer and is generally far less of a threat when reversed. Then you have the manipulative and calculated use of one-off violence that pretends to be and looks to the victim like a random emotional outburst that the victim will then make up excuses for and fits into a wider pattern of controlling behaviour. The latter type is what you'll see with a female abuser and is obviously a pattern with male abusers as well but nobody would question it that way around and is more like only one tool in an abusive toolkit rather than the abuse itself like with the classical wife beating examples.
If either of these two types of violence was a man hitting a woman it's immediately apparent to anyone on the outside what's happening but not so much the other way around. I've seen from the outside what it looks like when a woman is the abuser so I'm pretty touchy about claims it doesn't matter just because she could realistically only hit him occasionally rather than hospitalise him. The constant threat of any amount of violence as consequence for 'wrong' behaviour is a terrible thing for anyone to live with and it tends to be very difficult for a man in that situation to either defend themselves from it physically or to explain it to anyone with them laughing in their face at best or siding with the abuser at worst, police included.
So yeh it probably won't result in their getting murdered ignoring perhaps mental issues and moral responsibility for a potential suicide but it's usually just the most visible symptom of a more subtly fucked up situation. For what it's worth in my direct experience abusive relationships come in lesbian and gay flavours too and those are also generally excused because the symptoms are far less likely to match up to classical drunken beatings like everyone expects and people are worried about appearing homophobic along with the victim in those relationships not wanting to feed negative images of homosexuality.
Also I'm not denying it's significantly more common that the man would be the abuser because it is but female abusers are more than the statistical anomaly you'd expect in many western nations just at a lower level of (visible) severity. The reason for it being a more western issue isn't anything /pol/ about a degenerating society it's the ironic outcome of a better society with the necessary sensitivity around male domestic abuse because obviously in Saudi Arabia even the most submissive man simply has the option of resorting to unrestrained violence in his defence and as is obvious he will win that fight hands down.
tl;dr abusive relationships are bad and come in a lot more varieties than just someone beating you to death and any amount of violence is a sign of abuse though you can have abuse without violence at all as well
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 12:29:56 AM 40434 >>38741
I highly suspect, if not know, my boyfriend is having an affair. I also suspect he had previous ones as well. Mostly an emotional one with his current one, but the prior ones I've been told were physical as a way to get back at me for me wanting time alone during a convention. I haven't had sex with him in around 7 months after doubting all of it. I'm going to end it tomorrow. I've emotionally checked out months ago when quarantine started and I realized how thankful I am that I don't feel obligated to hang out with him. And how much of a burden it is just to type or call him and how insistent he is for that. How his lack of companionship and affair partners has turned him into a depressive mess so he needs constant affirmations and even the APs are getting tired of it. I think he lied about some of his mental disorder(s), his sexual history, and mostly to himself. He expressed suicidal feelings about 2 weeks ago, and honestly, I think he probably won't. His prior attempt? An attempt at starving himself to death while obese. He didn't even get out of the obese territory.
I want someone who's honest, loyal, and doesn't belittle me to suit their own ego. He's not worth the grief. Nobody's worth grief, I just want a loving relationship. I'm for sure going to find one.
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 12:37:47 AM 40435 >>40433
Yeah, but accidentally slapping your man is different than abuse, and I would hope the man knows she loves him. It's also not that disturbing that she has a fetish for it, as long as they can be mature and keep it to the bedroom, it seems fine.
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 12:39:28 AM 40436 >>40434
Why are you with such a moid?
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 12:42:59 AM 40437 >>40436
I'm breaking up tomorrow, I stayed because I really doubted some of it. Then somebody sent me some proof earlier this month that gave me a lot to give to my worst suspicions. Why did I stay? No good reason, kind of dumb and gave the benefit of the doubt in spite of the gift of fear.
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 12:46:30 AM 40438
I didn't expect my post to gain so much traction.
To an onlooker, it would have looked like a playful slap that resulted in more pain than intended. There was no bruising or red marks. I immediately apologized and explained I would not try to play slap him again. It was a big deal for us and we talked about it the next day. I still check in on it as he likes being dominated (he has mentioned that since we first started having sex) and I don't want to trigger him. I have looked for gifs of what my previous "play" slaps look like and they all look too hard for how I would do it. They'd barely graze the skin. In this situation, I misjudged where my hand was going and his head was moving at the same time so it went onto his cheek.
I have never shown any violent tendencies towards other people in my life, I've never hit or scratched anyone.
Maybe I am missing something but when I hear the term "beat", I think of a full on attack like one of my friends suffered. Her boyfriend was drunk and literally punched her face in and it was bruised for weeks. Maybe this has colored my view on the matter, but I really wasn't upset or anything, he kept in trying to grab my drink from me (we often share drinks) and I wasn't done yet and I kept on pulling it away, so then I tried to give one of my playful slaps (think of those "omgg josh, stop throwing my phone" stupid girl lite slaps that barely even graze the face) and it didn't end that way.
I think it's terrible what happened and I don't want it to happen again.
I should have been more careful. I don't know what else to say. It wasn't repeated and I'm very sad I gave my boyfriend this experience to remember, and it came from me.
Okay. I can't change your mind.
Yes, I'm aware of that double standard. My bf and I have talked about that. We've talked about this incident extensively and he tells me not to worry about it anymore and that he knows it was accidental. I still do, of course, hence my post in this thread.
Oh yes, I think if anything he wishes we were more GFD but the truth is, I have issues with trying to be dominant because I'm afraid of the fact men could overpower me at a moment's notice.
I suspect in the far future it might be possible, but I value him too much to want to bring it up now. My priority is that he feel safe with me and I know that needs time to be established again.
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 12:52:00 AM 40439 >>40435
You would not dismiss it simply as an accident were the genders reversed and the situation identical and in fact even the threat of a man raising his hand to a woman is sufficient for most people to label it as abuse and rightly so. The fact that the potential for further violence after the 'accident' is different doesn't make the initial violent act any more excusable. As I said I've seen where this logic can end up because the fact one party can be restrained more easily presupposes they intend to continue into a full assault instead of simply use violence once in a specific targeted manner.
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 01:13:54 AM 40441 >>40438 >Maybe I am missing something but when I hear the term "beat", I think of a full on attack like one of my friends suffered. Her boyfriend was drunk and literally punched her face in and it was bruised for weeks.
My point was that this happens and is often the primary type of abuse in and of itself but that even comparatively minor violence can be part of a pattern of abuse too. You can think of it like on the one hand abuse that is primarily physical aka your conception of the term beat and abuse which is primarily manipulative of which physical abuse is merely one aspect. Obviously it's not so clear cut because even primarily physical abuse will usually have other more subtle elements too.
I also wasn't necessarily accusing you of that type of abuse but more responding to the other anon by explaining what I've seen directly and that direct experience was mostly because I was the only person who didn't laugh at the man when he tried to explain it and I'll admit I initially didn't think it was a big deal either. 'You could just have stopped her hitting you again/hit her back harder so stop complaining' really is not a response when someone explains a pattern of violence to you even if it's technically true and again violence there was really just the most extreme symptom.
By the way if you've never been slapped particularly hard in the face there's a real difference between a play slap and when even a little bit of strength is used far out of proportion to what you'd expect. It's a shockingly different and very specific type of not just pain but disorientation out of proportion to any lasting damage it might do which probably accounts for his reaction as much as emotional shock does. In some ways it can be more immediately disorientating than being punched with the same level of force. If I had to take a guess that's probably because it hits a larger surface area or because it can affect the eyes or something. If you're not sure you can judge the strength to use you should really avoid slapping someone's face or account for the fact you might overdo it even in a sexual situation where there's consent and never when alcohol or drugs might mess with your judgement. Ditto when spanking someone particularly if using a harder implement as aiming slightly too high can do some fairly serious damage to their spine and lower back. Read up on these things if you intend to do anything sexual like that.
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 01:17:06 AM 40442 >>40437
Take the time to work on yourself. Lose weight if you are overweight, run, read, etc. The world won't be open for a while.
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 01:22:27 AM 40443 >>40438
If he wants to please you and be your sub, then let him. He will appreciate it if it is as you say. Activities in the bedroom are separate from activities outside. I doubt he is going to be offended or insecure over femdom. Men don't necessarily see it as threatening to their sexuality, more as a fun role to play and temporary release from having to be dominant and assertive in real life.
if he likes to give you head, make him give you head more often and don't feel guilty about it. Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 01:27:08 AM 40444 >>40439
I don't think it's unfair to apply such a double standard here though, since men and women are so physically different in terms of strength, and it's obvious there's no element of coersion, deceit, or armed violence.
For the record, I think double standards are still wrong in most cases, like rape, sex abuse, custody settlements, etc. But an accidental slap itself really isn't threatening unless you have a female bodybuilder or something.
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 02:11:16 AM 40447
This happened ages ago but I just remembered it recently. Spoiler as it involves an animal death.
Two friends talking together. I walk up and say hello. One randomly mentioned how bad a driver her dad is. Says one time he "clipped" a black cat near my home. Other friend turns to me with a weird smug look on her face. [Name] didn't you have a black cat? Realise it was my first pet, a kitten that had been killed. Her dad was one of my teachers and had to see him near daily for a few years after. I must have been about 16 when it happened. I really don't understand why they told me this. They already had enough information to add it all together. Even if they weren't sure and still wanted to know for whatever reason, they could have asked in more subtle way. But why was it so important to know anyway. I still remember the smug hiding-a-laugh look on the second girl's face, like really wanted to see how I would react to being told this. I'm so glad I stop talking to them after high school. I only wish I had know better to ditch them right then. The fucked up thing is that they are both in caring professions now. One is a primary teacher and the smug one is a nurse. Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 02:21:07 AM 40448 >>40447
Christ i'm so sorry, that was fucked up. They were simply being cruel, there was no point in it other than to see you distressed.
It's almost a meme at this point that female bullies become nurses and male bullies become cops. Maybe because being a nurse gives you power over the vulnerable whole appearing as a caring hero.
Anonymous 08/08/20 (Sat) 02:36:59 AM 40449 >>40448 >It's almost a meme at this point that female bullies become nurses and male bullies become cops. Maybe because being a nurse gives you power over the vulnerable whole appearing as a caring hero.
I realised this myself recently and I've lost faith in public services a lot because of it. I'd like to say that they are able to mature and become better people, but I just don't think that's the case. One of my family members is a nurse and when she doesn't get her own way, she's exactly the same bully she was when she was younger. I really don't understand why these types of people are seen as being suitable for jobs like this.