/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I rock back and forth in my computer chair whenever I'm listening to music or not. I mute my mic when talking to friends and go for it. Doesn't matter if I'm happy or stressed or tired. My chair's keep breaking from doing this. I can only tell close friends about doing it, and even then some of them aren't sure how to react and change the topic. I honestly don't know how to stop or even if I could since I've been doing it for nearly 20 years.

>>428
Do you feel an overall restlessness when you don't do it?

>>428
If it's not harmful why do you feel compelled to change it?

>>430
I mean, the whole "my chairs keep breaking" thing is probably kinda dangerous, OP could get hurt eventually.

>>429
I would say so yeah. Sometimes at work I go to the bathroom and lock it to rock for a minute.
>>430
It's not inherently harmful, but it is odd. I mean I do have blisters and built up skin on my one foot I use to brace against my chair's leg, and my thumbs are a bit bigger with roughened skin from gripping it. Looking into "grips" or some material I could apply to them to prevent it, socks aren't doing me any favors. This rocking is the biggest reason I was diagnosed with astigmatism when I was 9.
>>439
I was never super hurt when my chair fell. My current one is about to fall apart. But I can balance on it still so I'm just waiting to see how much more it can handle.

It's just the biggest reason i don't like it is the social stigma. Family treats me differently when they find out and it's loud since I bang the desk against the wall but we currently have acs running so it's not a big deal currently.

I've been way better at friendship and social interaction since I started looking at it as a set of skills to be learned and practiced, although it's never automatic or easy.
I found this video recently and it helped clear up a lot of questions and worries I had about friendship.

Since astigmatism is super underdiagnosed in women, and often an official diagnosis isn't possible unless you advocate for yourself, what are some things that are key indicators that you might be autistic?

Obviously a self diagnosis can't be put on the same level as a professional diagnosis, but it can be hard to get a professional diagnosis as a woman (especially an adult woman) if you aren't pretty sure you have it already.

I've always been a little curious over whether I'm slightly autistic or not. I've been diagnosed with other learning disabilities which have lots of similarities to it. I have very poor facial recognition, probably as a result of so rarely looking at people's faces when I talk to them, I have a hard time telling when someone is joking or being serious and have struggled with empathy in certain situations (though in others I seem to have hyper attuned empathy?). I also have a really hard time in any social situation where I haven't had a chance to "learn the rules". The biggest example for me is that I just really fundamentally don't get sex or what that's supposed to be like because I've never seen how other people do it outside of obviously fake porn scenes. I'm not a virgin, but most of my sexual experiences have been pretty terrible in part because so much of my brain power is spent just trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. I'm also super sensitive to loud noises and experience misophonia over odd sounds that I've never seen or heard of anyone else being bothered by, and I become hyper sensitive to touch to the point of not being able to shower or hug anyone from time to time (mainly when I'm still waking up).

I don't know, there's a long list of symptoms/habits/etc that seem to align with what I've read about astigmatism, but of course, I'm aware that identifying with some symptoms doesn't automatically make you autistic. Normally I wouldn't worry too much about it and trust that the professionals would diagnose me if I had it, but seeing what lengths some of my friends had to go through to even just get a professional to see them in the first place over it makes me more curious about it on my own.

>>592
PS for any confused readers the board seems to filter "the word used in this post's title" to "astigmatism" in post bodies. The mods might want to note that the filter hasn't applied to post titles. And also that it's kind of a weird and filter that caused me some confusion when I saw it in another anon's post. If you want to filter it you might want to choose something more unrelated so that it's more obvious it was filtered.

>>593
I will change the word filter, I was too pessimistic about trolls when making it apparently.

>>613
Thanks! I figured that was the reason for the filter but it was just a bit too subtle I think.

my mother gave me this book. i don't know how to feel about it.

>>1335
that looks cute. what's it about?

>>1352
it's basically photos of cats doing cat stuff with parallels drawn to autistic kids. it's kinda cheesy but it doesn't push the whole "astigmatism is a terrible thing to deal with" thing i guess

>>1354
aww thats a sweet gift. u must cherish it and protect it as if the cats in those pages were ur own

I firsz thought she had cum all over her face lmao

>>428
I do this too, anon.
I haven't told anyone I do it.

I also do it in my bed and have worn holes into multiple mattresses from rocking in them.

I'm so ashamed because I thought I would grow out of this. I don't invite boyfriends over because I don't want them to see my mattress and the springs sticking out of the holes.

I do this no matter my emotional state but it's worse when I'm having serious anxiety or when I'm generally unhappy.

I've done these things since I was a baby but my parents always tried to ignore it away.

Sigh.
I'm trying to work up the courage to tell my psychiatrist but I don't know if he would believe me because I've never mentioned it before. But as I get older I find I'm getting worse and I need help.

>>426
I honestly think I might be on the spectrum, I have zero fucking friends, haven't had one in years to be honest. It stems from my lack of ability to read into social situations, I dont get people. I'm not sure if this is from my lack of social interaction in life or if I'm just broken…

I also hate being touched (hugged)..I need to get tested

I thought that I was autistic but I read somewhere that it could just be a result of bad parenting/overbearing parents not letting you socialise. My parents were indeed overbearing(would literally follow me if I went out, go to friends house to see if I was there; shit was embarassing) and didn't let me do anything.

Being autistic is embarrassing and lonely.
>tfw no female friends who are also autistic
>tfw no irl friends

i feel a large reason why i have trouble making friends is over interests. i have a pretty wide range of interests/subjects i'm knowledgeable on but it's always a very specific/niche aspect of that interest that i can't help but ramble on about or feel like i'm centering the conversation around it on.

an example for me i guess would be anime. film geek stuff, ikuni, oldschool mahou shoujo, and the industry are a few things i'm really passionate about but it's hard to find people to talk about it with. i end up going off on rants about these things and i can tell when people are becoming disinterested, then the convo just stops there or becomes really awkward.

90% of the time i run into some 4ch guy with a smug anime girl avatar talking about some edge stuff or half-naked blobs, but i don't think i really need to spend a lot of time discussing how guys on 4ch into anime aren't the most reliable or likable.

anime is probably my largest escapism outlet and it would make the world to find someone who i don't feel like i have to suppress myself around when discussing it or watching it. it just sucks that the general community around it is littered with a lot of really toxic or overly desperate men.

sorry if this post turned into something that wasn't fully related to astigmatism as a whole. tl;dr i wish my brain was capable of interacting with people normally outside of my niche interests

>>7521
I do not have much experience with people on the spectrum, but you sound really cool! I love Utena too, though I need to rewatch it. Would love to be your pal.

I love oldschool anime (based on manga by CLAMP, NGE, Rose of Versailles, Ima, Sokoni Iru Boku, Satoshi Kon's stuff…) and wish I had someone to talk this stuff with and rewatch the series.

>>7561
do you have discord?

Can't tell if I'm an aspie or if I'm a failed normie with a sheltered upbringing

>>7580
It's mostly just upbringing more than genetics, unless you're bang-on-head autistic.

>>7574
Are you still here? Sorry for the late reply! I don't, but will gladly make one to talk with you. Give me yours plox

My therapist suggested that I might be on the spectrum and I'm terrified. I feel almost embarrassed about it because I'm scared this will just make me even easier to be made fun of. I have nothing wrong with people with ASD, but people tend to use it as an insult and associate it with really bad behavior.

I'm just very scared. I just feel so worthless and I feel like everyone can see that. I don't even know what's wrong with me.

>>7963
Don't listen to them, and whatever you do, don't take what they're trying to give you for it. You've probably heard the stories. You just need to supplant it with more social contact, until it's unnoticeable. Letting them box you in is just a one-way trip to depression.

>>7742
hi! i'm late but i rather not put my discord public since i've had bad experiences in the past, but if you're just making a new one right now i'd be up to add that!

>>7963
if you don't tell people you have the diagnosis, they won't notice. normies are really oblivious to certain things. more information about how to cope/socially pass is a good thing, right?
dont let it eat you up inside or anything. a label is descriptive: it doesn't change your actual behavior.

I have the 'tism and I have difficulty making friends. I want to make female friends because I am sick of male friends wanting to be more than just friends. Does anyone have any advice?

Its so nice to see a thread for this,

I'm diagnosed autistic and I got doxxed for it, my doxxer also knew I was sex repulsed and autistic, he intentionally maliciously mocked me, and posted my contact without my consent and told them to act autistic like I do to get nudes from me.
basically talk down to me and not treat me like everyone else, dehumanizing

Its kind of funny in a way, but morbid since I have a fear of sex and my mindset on it is that it can be used for bad instead of good, so this set me back on reclaiming my sex trauma.

>>12686
Let me add a few disclaimers so people don't accuse me of anything
this was in private and interpersonal. it was friendly.
I gave him my info to prove that I was friendly.
I didn't say anything in public.
I have fake online sex to reclaim my trauma, since I'm a csa survivor, and that's why I'm sex repulsed.

He knew and targeted my vulnerability for fun, he wasn't victimized at all,

What do you guys think of this website?

http://heartlessaspergers.com/aspergers-partners-speak/

Apparently it’s run by neurotypicals and is about how traumatizing it is to be in a relationship with an autistic person. I think it’s important to note that all the stories are written by women in relationships with autistic men, and autism manifests differently in both genders. Pic related is from the site.

>>12686
I’m sorry you had to go through that anon. It’s interesting to me though how a lot of aspies will either be sex-repulsed/asexual or hypersexual. I’m a dx’d aspie and call myself ace.

>>12691
They are talking about their partners like they are some kind of pets. Like they always write in the description of those exotic pet videos. Don't get this pet. Will ruin your life. etc etc. It's just a murmur of frustration.

>>12692
It’s incel-tier, imo. I might not be surprised if multiple of those entries were written by the same woman.

>>12691
Omg.. that website is so weird, especially since autistic people have more of a reason to be.. unstable? like, they are more likely to be victims than the abusers.

Also thank you for supporting me, it does help a little bit, but the damage has been done…? Oh well. He knew what he was doing, as I explained already.

>>12691
This is one of the most disgusting and disheartening things I have ever seen in my life. This makes me want to cry

>>12691
tbh that does sound traumatizing af
pic related.
fuck these guys
i'm in a relationship with one right now and all he sees me as is a living sex doll. nobody deserves that.

>>12735
>i'm in a relationship with one right now and all he sees me as is a living sex doll.

So why do you date him lol

>>12735
why can't you break up? seriously, I'm not autistic and wouldn't date an autist, but it's your fucking fault if you date someone that you don't like

>>12735
Did Ernest Hemingway write this?

Maybe they are not actual happenings but rather someone wanting to express their aspy fascination and fantasies.

I guess we'll never know.