Long Distance Relationships Anonymous 44204
Thread to discuss Long Distance Relationships. The struggles, the pros… meeting the person for the first time… meeting them for the 50th time… vent both sad and happy things. LDRs can be quite a challenge but it's the right thing for some people.
I've literally never managed to make online friends let alone more than that.
How do you even start dating someone online? Like you just…ask if they want to e-date?
From what i've seen it always starts with a good online friendship. I suppose it's similar to how it happens with in real life relationships.
It's a mutual desire to have an offline intimate relationship difficulted by distance.
Don't ask people to e-date, like what the heck.
In the 2000s Internet v1.0 before everything became the same 4 or 5 mainstream normie websites. You just played mmorpg games and met the people of your Guild/Clan/etc but this days everyone is a dick. I guess discords is your best bet but do not go into any of the 4chan discords or others with sexually frustrated retarded moids. Just lurk for a hobby you like in here: https://disboard.org/search
Don't even reveal to people that you are a woman to get to know them well unless you want retarded simps to pay you for discord nitro, that happened to me once a suicidal moid gave me discord nitro and I talked him out of suicide he was Irish or something, I obviously don't talk to him anymore I know better. It sucks though you can just use emotes from other servers anywhere that's the only benefit you get.
I'm honestly baffled with people who torture themseselves with online dating, I can understand if you live in some hell hole country and you have no chance of ever leaving. Is love even possible with strictly online dating, how can you be sure someone is being honest and genuine with you and not just wasting precious years of your life?
LDR is pure torture
Exercise restraint to avoid certain pain later on.
You just start talking regularly, then bond over sharing intimate details, then one confesses and I assume it develops from there.
t. almost had e-gf but chickened out at idea of LDR
I've been "e-dating" a guy for 6 months now, we can't meet for obvious reasons (different countries & covid) and I don't want to declare it a real relationship until after we've met and confirmed feelings in person, but we are exclusive and committed. Waiting sucks.
>>44257>but we are exclusive and committed
So you're dating and just don't want to say it
I have just recently been "e-dating" with a friend I have been talking constantly for almost a year. We've always liked each other since the first time we talked but just hit it off lately after so many months of hesitation to confess our feelings for each other. I remember I always had moments thinking if he was flirting but at the same time shook the idea off as I didn't want to fall for someone who sleeps at the time I wake up and wakes up at the time I'm off to sleep. I honestly see him as the ideal partner I've been looking for in a guy. He ticks off the ideal partner list just as easily but distance is a bitch. I love him but I know I can't be looking at this optimistically. I just hope if we ever "break up", we can stay as friends-I find our connection that irreplaceable.
cat on le laptop.j…
no matter what happens your feelings arent a mistake, as long as you two get on and are on good terms you'll be able to remain friends despite what happens
Hate to say I've been in a similar situation but until I'm somebody's girlfriend, I was talking to others until they actually wanted to put a label on it. If you're not doing it, he's doing it.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAIITING SUCKS FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU SOMEONE POST THEIR SUCCESSFUL LDR RELATIONSHIP TO MARRIAGE NOW
I live with my partner I met online, we were only a 4 hour drive/train journey from one another though.
We were friends/dating on and off for a few years, just kept coming back to each other.
The last year or two before I moved we had visits about once a month.
My story to give some people hope.
I was semi-dating a really shitty guy at a point when I started watching horror movie streams on 4/x/. People would take turns streaming their favourite movies and we'd comment on them in chat. There was an Australian guy who hosted often that had this deep, smooth voice that just made me melt and would always have me laughing hysterically with his commentary. I developed a kind of fixation on him, and when the regulars in these streams decided to start hanging out, I joined their skype group.
We became a pretty close group of international friends and got along really well. I developed a crush on the Australian guy, J, and the more we talked, the more perfect he seemed. He was just so humble, funny, cute and smart. Most importantly, he treated me with actual respect. He treated me as an equal and never looked down on me for my shortcomings. I'd never experienced that before from anyone.
Eventually, after knowing each other for about 6 months, we decided to arrange a big group meeting somewhere central, so we chose the Netherlands. J got there a couple of days earlier than the rest of us and offered to pick me up. I tried to decline, because I had a deep crush on him and didn't want his first time seeing me to be hot, sweaty in casual clothes and no makeup, but my message didn't send and when I got off the station, he was there waiting. He was just so handsome and gigantic in real life. He walked over, and I expected a hug, but he lifted me up and spun me around like my fat ass weighed nothing.
We spent the next week together, always finding time alone, often cuddling on the couch, being the designated cooks ect. I just started to fall in love because all my fears, about how his personality was just what he presented online, started to vanish. I thought about telling him how I felt, but I was so fucking terrified he would reject me and I wouldn't be able to just swim in this deep pool of feelings I had for him. Eventually we all had to go home, and as I was going back to the station, one of the other girls from the group stayed behind. I was told later that she had started flirting with J and they spent the last night together in his room.
I got home, cried, screamed at trees, then drank some vodka and told him how I felt, my logic being that I was now basically in a standoff and the first person to be romantically available wins. He was laughed awkwardly and said "Oh, I had no idea". I wanted to kill myself then and there, but he followed it up with "I didn't think you would ever want someone like me". We talked and he promised they'd just slept in the same bed, and he'd very tenderly rejected her. It honestly didn't matter at that point because he'd finally said he liked me.
We started e-dating, but the more we shared pictures and started acting like a couple, the more desperate I became. I decided to buy a ticket to his awful, hot, humid country and go stay with him for as long as immigration would let me. When he met me at the terminal, lifted me up and kissed me, suddenly all that pent up energy from months spent away from each other reached a critical point and the nice, romantic walk along the rivers and whatnot would have to wait. We got back to his place and I had sex with someone I loved for the first time. I'd never really considered just how amazing being with someone so compatible, and with whom you share such a deep love for, could be. We spent two weeks together, and at that point there was so turning back.
Eventually I had to go home, but there I was living on neetbux in a shitty one bedroom flat in a terrible, tiny town, drinking heavily and going no where. I wanted to get serious, but J is not a serious man. He was more than willing to fly back and forth, but actually making a change was difficult for him. Eventually I had to force his hand. He finished his bachelors, found a place for his masters, his uncle sponsored me for a work visa and we moved to Melbourne together.
All in all, we only spent a month together, out of the more than 2.5 years we were dating. We've had our ups and downs, and there was a point where money was such an issue we thought we'd never see each other again, and neither of us wanted the other to be trapped in a dying relationship. Thankfully we managed.
I started dating someone in person for 1 yr, then we moved apart and ended up in a ldr for 3 years, then he moved in with me for 1 year, then he confessed that he cheated on me right before he moved in. wooooooooo
This sounds awful and undesirable
this did not give me the bit of hope i was asking for but thanks anyway anon
What an asshole move on his part.
Well yeah. We're just not doing the "formal" label yet because we want to do it in person when we meet. It's a childish thing where for all intents and purposes we are boyfriend and girlfriend but declaring it that way openly to others feels cringy. Our friends and family know that we have feelings for each other and that we're waiting until we can see each other and we interact with each other's friend circles. >>44882
I understand where you're coming from and I wouldn't have considered being like this until now, but covid plays a big part in it. As for talking to other people, I'm not and he's a khhv with exclusively male friends. We spend all day texting and a huge chunk of it on the phone, so I don't know when he'd even make the time to talk to another girl.
>fell on love with someone on interpals again
met this guy on r9k like 5 1/2 months ago.
he says that he likes my personality and i'm the sweetest person he's ever met. He's so sweet and kind, i have no idea how the fuck i got so lucky.
I mean i'm not even the best looking girl girl myself, being a 3/10; he's so handsome that i almost fainted when he sent a pic for the first time.
We're planning on meeting next month, i can't wait to hug him and meeting him irl.
also he said that i'm the first girl that he actually liked for the personality…
That's nice to hear anon! How distant are you two from each other? Does he know how you look like as well?
He has to take a plane to come here because i live in an island but we're in the same country. Also yes he knows what i look like and he said that i'm cute, but idk about that
Is he a LDR or CDR guy? Do you think he would be willing to see you often, even though he has to take a plane every time?
idk if he's a ldr or cdr, he's away for uni not forever
also we can meet on holydays, but for obvious reasons he can't take the plane every time
How did you seduce him?
Teach me your ways.
I want a sweet anon bf too, but I don't want the clingy neckbeard type
>>46560>also he said that i'm the first girl that he actually liked for the personality…>met on r9k>first girl he has liked for their personality
if you don't see the red flags here… wow.
anon your story has such highs and lows
my greatest fear would be a type B guy who couldn’t put the effort to make things real, i would continually mistake it for a lack of real feelings. you went above and beyond for that guy…
>>46626>my greatest fear would be a type B guy who couldn’t put the effort to make things real
This is what makes me feel scared the most honestly. I know my boyfriend loves me but is it enough that he'd make efforts to seeing me? He has other problems and probably financial ones as he always says he's stressed. I just don't want to push it but this cant be happening forever, right? He has to be with me sooner or later, right?
Hey that’s weird I’m also talking to a guy who lives in Australia and his initial is J…
that makes no sense.
>doesn't want normie bf
>anon bf is horrible person
Not even joking is this chadstralian whos is known as J a meme? I have heard other femanon say the same thing.>>46820
I think it is more the incel undertones which the description gave off personally.
I am trying to recall what this is al about?
Now I am like concerned..
A few of us in the thread have interacted or known others who have interacted with this J.
J is drowning in e pussy by the sounds of it lolz
Did he used to go as penguin something on discord?? back 2017 or 2018
Honestly have no idea, he used to frequent lookism boards a lot in 2017/18.
could be the same board I remember he was incel type but hey it likely isn't.
You are LDR someone? That is so magical I hope you get a happy future full of love and validation.
We've been talking every day for the past three weeks, hours every day, last weekend it took five hours. I jokingly said that I'm basically his online gf. He told me not to be stupid. Who the fuck cares that we are like 8000 miles apart, I fucking love you idiot.
Oh anon this really really hurt to read because I can tell you have that knots in the tummy feeling..
Do you think he is just shy at all? a lot of guys can think LDR is cringe or something like that and deny themselves the feeling they feel.
Can you please give more details buit only if it wont make you upset..
I have been edating a guy for a year and a half and we are very passionate and devoted. I could seriously call him my best friend. He is always there for me and affectionate/sweet/caring.
He wants me to send him used socks.
Is this normal????
Maybe he already has a gf. Guys usually don't care about practical things if they're desperate so it's a red flag if he dismisses you like that
I guess you could send him some socks if you are fine with whatever he would do with them.>>46911
What do you mean?
How do you keep the spark alive? I find when I’m e-dating a guy it gets a bit boring for both of us. I’m assuming you videocall a lot or something?
Ive asked a guy to send his used workout t shirt before in the mail. Panties are sexy I guess but socks is a little weird. Maybe he just has a low-key feet/sweat fetish?
I started dating a guy and we’ve been talking for about a year but recently he’s started pulling away, he wants time alone and wants to just ‘be friends’ despite still asking for nudes like a fuckboy. He keeps saying he needs time to ‘get himself mentally prepared to be in a relationship’ and he still expects me to talk to him every night despite basically friendzoning me. My conscience is telling me he’s just not that into me and leaving his options open, even though he keeps saying he’ll be better in a few months. I’m tired of being jerked around.
Basically. We talk every day and videocall often. Sometimes we just hang out on the line and listen to each other and share stuff we find online. Play games, watch movies, read, whatever. Idk the stuff you would normally do alone we do together. I’ve heard of other e-couples planning scheduled dates but we haven’t done that. I guess it’s not super sexy or exciting and sometimes I still need to be alone but it makes me happy to share the things I like with him and I like hearing about what excites him/bores him/amuses him. I think even if we weren’t dating he would still be my favorite person to spend time with.>>46915
He does and it’s not low-key. He said I don’t have to but I know it’s something he really wants. I’ve heard of guys asking for days old panties and socks and pantyhose and even pee but I don’t know anyone who has actually sent those to their boyfriends. It doesn’t seem very common to me but maybe it’s just not something people openly talk about?
Into the trash he goes.>>46915
That's stupidly disgusting. Don't. Don't associate with people like that. The internet is something else…
Umm pro tip: any guy that asks for nudes is just garbage even if you are dating them.
Just my opinion though.
Sounds like this guy is not into you…
He should be treating you with respect and wanting to spend time with you not treat you like some personal porn vending machine.>>46918> I like hearing about what excites him/bores him/amuses him. I think even if we weren’t dating he would still be my favorite person to spend time with.
Kawii as fuck
This sounds soo nice I am kinda jelly tbh.
Hey you two, thank you for your input. Yeah I was a little bit worried about what would happen. But yesterday we talked about this stuff again and, well, one thing lead to another and we are basically dating now. Some of which may involve me crying for fifteen minutes.
I mean it's not even like anything is going to change, we talked about naughty things before and mostly it's like that other Anon said before> I like hearing about what excites him/bores him/amuses him. I think even if we weren’t dating he would still be my favorite person to spend time with.
It's exactly this what I am feeling. Well and I guess it helps that he never asked for underwear. Wtf. But anyways, telling each other "I love you" on the telephone is pretty much the most wild thing I have ever experienced. I don't even care if we will ever meet in person, I mean I want to, but even if we don't, what I am experiencing right now is so powerful I would not even mind.
>>46962>I don't even care if we will ever meet in person, I mean I want to, but even if we don't, what I am experiencing right now is so powerful I would not even mind.
I feel this. I want him to be my endgame though. I don't care anymore about not talking to each other constantly. Im just tired of opening myself up to another person.
Maybe it's because I've been listening to too many normies, but I've been pondering lately if my long distance relationship is "real,"
My boyfriend won't even tell his RL friends/family out of fear of their judgment, where as all of my family and friends know.
Would other people consider it real as I haven't met them IRL before? Does it matter if other people consider it "real," if it is meaningful to me?
Am I wasting my time, closing myself off to other relationships, committing myself to an artificial form of intimacy?
I've realized that I have a lot of doubt about my authenticity; am I being "myself," like… I use photos of me, but they're static image, posed in very particular angles to conceal my flaws. When we video chat, I make sure not to show my side profile, etc. I do similar things with my personality - I have the ability to only show him what I want to. It's me… but is it the most vulnerable/honest version of me?
I don't know. I just feel… off, like I should be doing something else. Someone in my area came into my life recently, and I connect with him really, really well, but I've just been evading any form of contact with him out of loyalty to my LDR. Should I just… I don't know.
>>47300>I've been pondering lately if my long distance relationship is "real,"
In a vacuum excluding the rest of your post it is entirely real because it feels real.
Instead of your BF being able to come around and fix your pluming he can emotionally support you vice versa plus many couples now started out only online.
You need to dismiss what others say and think for yourself as you know what feels real or not.
Why do you need to be within physical proximity to fall in love with someone?
You can get to know others better in ways online.
>My boyfriend won't even tell his RL friends/family out of fear of their judgment, where as all of my family and friends know.
He should really tell people but at least he is being open with you.
Is he sincere I know people can be so anxious as not to tell others this sort of thing.
>Am I wasting my time, closing myself off to other relationships, committing myself to an artificial form of intimacy?
Do you and your bf have plans to meet in person?
Are you serious about making this work as it can work as long as (you) and him try but on your own it may not work.
Again, he has to be committed to it.
>I've realized that I have a lot of doubt about my authenticity; am I being "myself," like… I use photos of me, but they're static image, posed in very particular angles to conceal my flaws.
How far into the relationship were you showing pictures to each other?
I am very strange but do not understand why people need to show pictures unless at a point where they already like each others minds.
Why have a man who only likes you for what you look like?
How real are you with him vice versa as in do you share all your emotional feelings with each other or not?
OP the only thing standing in your way is your BF being committed.
Either lockdown on meeting or think of ending this thing if he has no intention.
It is cruel of him not to be taking your relationship as serious as you do.
It all rests on him.
It is worrisome if he really does not let anyone know he is with you because he could cheat on you and justify it.
This all depends on him and you know him better than any anon on here.
I understand he is like anxious and all insecure but do you really want to be with someone that is so spineless?
Give details maybe so we can figure this out more.
If he watches porn I would be worried but like all men do probably..
>>47300>I've been pondering lately if my long distance relationship is "real,"
It’s real, don’t let any bitter asshole tell you otherwise. It is perfectly possible to connect romantically with someone online. Of course, there should be a plan to eventually
close the distance>My boyfriend won't even tell his RL friends/family out of fear of their judgment, where as all of my family and friends know.
Reading this upsets me as someone who went through something similar. If I were him, I’d be proud of my love and defend it if others ridiculed it. It makes me wonder if he’s as committed to the relationship as you are. Does he see an actual, tangible future with you? Does he talk about the future with you?>Should I just… I don't know.
I understand anon. I had a situation like this when my LDR bf was being particularly neglectful. I liked this coworker a lot. Of course I never did anything because we both were taken, but I know that feeling of loneliness and that painful longing for physical touch, closeness, and intimacy. I think you should openly communicate to your LDR bf that him not telling people about you makes you think he’s not as serious about the relationship and “doesn’t see it as real.” If he doesn’t validate your concerns then I would think about the future of the relationship.
That's not true tbh. As a person who have been in lots of LDRs through my life, if a guy doesn't tell then that means he is not _that_ ready to make it 'official' or in worst case is too embarrassed of u. Also depending if he depends on parents opinion that much to a point where he is too scared to tell them.
i've been friends w a few guys who were in ldrs and in one case in particular, my friend told me his brother, and occasionally, 'normie' friends, mocked him and ragged on him for being "desperate and pathetic, not in a real relationship" even though he had plenty of girls that were into him, he just met a girl online and preferred her.
i can definitely see that happening because male culture is psychologically, emotionally, and physically abusive. i know his brother was an asshole that shat on him for everything so that lines up and he had no reason to lie to me, i wasn't dating him, nor did i care about his relationship. i know most people irl don't consider that online relationships could be real, so i wouldn't be surprised if this was a motivator, BUT it also definitely sounds like it could be a great excuse for a manipulative man to more easily cheat.