[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

*Text* => Text

**Text** => Text

***Text*** => Text

[spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text

Direct Link
Options NSFW image
Sage (thread won't be bumped)

Janitor applications are open

Check the Catalog before making a new thread.
Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Long Distance Relationships Anonymous 44204

Thread to discuss Long Distance Relationships. The struggles, the pros… meeting the person for the first time… meeting them for the 50th time… vent both sad and happy things. LDRs can be quite a challenge but it's the right thing for some people.

Anonymous 44205

I've literally never managed to make online friends let alone more than that.

How do you even start dating someone online? Like you just…ask if they want to e-date?

Anonymous 44206

From what i've seen it always starts with a good online friendship. I suppose it's similar to how it happens with in real life relationships.

Anonymous 44208

It's a mutual desire to have an offline intimate relationship difficulted by distance.

Don't ask people to e-date, like what the heck.

Anonymous 44212


In the 2000s Internet v1.0 before everything became the same 4 or 5 mainstream normie websites. You just played mmorpg games and met the people of your Guild/Clan/etc but this days everyone is a dick. I guess discords is your best bet but do not go into any of the 4chan discords or others with sexually frustrated retarded moids. Just lurk for a hobby you like in here: https://disboard.org/search

Don't even reveal to people that you are a woman to get to know them well unless you want retarded simps to pay you for discord nitro, that happened to me once a suicidal moid gave me discord nitro and I talked him out of suicide he was Irish or something, I obviously don't talk to him anymore I know better. It sucks though you can just use emotes from other servers anywhere that's the only benefit you get.

Anonymous 44216

I'm honestly baffled with people who torture themseselves with online dating, I can understand if you live in some hell hole country and you have no chance of ever leaving. Is love even possible with strictly online dating, how can you be sure someone is being honest and genuine with you and not just wasting precious years of your life?

Anonymous 44239

this tbh
LDR is pure torture
Exercise restraint to avoid certain pain later on.

Anonymous 44250

You just start talking regularly, then bond over sharing intimate details, then one confesses and I assume it develops from there.
t. almost had e-gf but chickened out at idea of LDR

Anonymous 44257

I've been "e-dating" a guy for 6 months now, we can't meet for obvious reasons (different countries & covid) and I don't want to declare it a real relationship until after we've met and confirmed feelings in person, but we are exclusive and committed. Waiting sucks.

Anonymous 44357

>but we are exclusive and committed
So you're dating and just don't want to say it

Anonymous 44697

I have just recently been "e-dating" with a friend I have been talking constantly for almost a year. We've always liked each other since the first time we talked but just hit it off lately after so many months of hesitation to confess our feelings for each other. I remember I always had moments thinking if he was flirting but at the same time shook the idea off as I didn't want to fall for someone who sleeps at the time I wake up and wakes up at the time I'm off to sleep. I honestly see him as the ideal partner I've been looking for in a guy. He ticks off the ideal partner list just as easily but distance is a bitch. I love him but I know I can't be looking at this optimistically. I just hope if we ever "break up", we can stay as friends-I find our connection that irreplaceable.

Anonymous 44702

cat on le laptop.j…

no matter what happens your feelings arent a mistake, as long as you two get on and are on good terms you'll be able to remain friends despite what happens

Anonymous 44882

Hate to say I've been in a similar situation but until I'm somebody's girlfriend, I was talking to others until they actually wanted to put a label on it. If you're not doing it, he's doing it.

Anonymous 46035


Anonymous 46050

I live with my partner I met online, we were only a 4 hour drive/train journey from one another though.

We were friends/dating on and off for a few years, just kept coming back to each other.

The last year or two before I moved we had visits about once a month.

Anonymous 46143

My story to give some people hope.

I was semi-dating a really shitty guy at a point when I started watching horror movie streams on 4/x/. People would take turns streaming their favourite movies and we'd comment on them in chat. There was an Australian guy who hosted often that had this deep, smooth voice that just made me melt and would always have me laughing hysterically with his commentary. I developed a kind of fixation on him, and when the regulars in these streams decided to start hanging out, I joined their skype group.

We became a pretty close group of international friends and got along really well. I developed a crush on the Australian guy, J, and the more we talked, the more perfect he seemed. He was just so humble, funny, cute and smart. Most importantly, he treated me with actual respect. He treated me as an equal and never looked down on me for my shortcomings. I'd never experienced that before from anyone.

Eventually, after knowing each other for about 6 months, we decided to arrange a big group meeting somewhere central, so we chose the Netherlands. J got there a couple of days earlier than the rest of us and offered to pick me up. I tried to decline, because I had a deep crush on him and didn't want his first time seeing me to be hot, sweaty in casual clothes and no makeup, but my message didn't send and when I got off the station, he was there waiting. He was just so handsome and gigantic in real life. He walked over, and I expected a hug, but he lifted me up and spun me around like my fat ass weighed nothing.

We spent the next week together, always finding time alone, often cuddling on the couch, being the designated cooks ect. I just started to fall in love because all my fears, about how his personality was just what he presented online, started to vanish. I thought about telling him how I felt, but I was so fucking terrified he would reject me and I wouldn't be able to just swim in this deep pool of feelings I had for him. Eventually we all had to go home, and as I was going back to the station, one of the other girls from the group stayed behind. I was told later that she had started flirting with J and they spent the last night together in his room.

I got home, cried, screamed at trees, then drank some vodka and told him how I felt, my logic being that I was now basically in a standoff and the first person to be romantically available wins. He was laughed awkwardly and said "Oh, I had no idea". I wanted to kill myself then and there, but he followed it up with "I didn't think you would ever want someone like me". We talked and he promised they'd just slept in the same bed, and he'd very tenderly rejected her. It honestly didn't matter at that point because he'd finally said he liked me.

We started e-dating, but the more we shared pictures and started acting like a couple, the more desperate I became. I decided to buy a ticket to his awful, hot, humid country and go stay with him for as long as immigration would let me. When he met me at the terminal, lifted me up and kissed me, suddenly all that pent up energy from months spent away from each other reached a critical point and the nice, romantic walk along the rivers and whatnot would have to wait. We got back to his place and I had sex with someone I loved for the first time. I'd never really considered just how amazing being with someone so compatible, and with whom you share such a deep love for, could be. We spent two weeks together, and at that point there was so turning back.

Eventually I had to go home, but there I was living on neetbux in a shitty one bedroom flat in a terrible, tiny town, drinking heavily and going no where. I wanted to get serious, but J is not a serious man. He was more than willing to fly back and forth, but actually making a change was difficult for him. Eventually I had to force his hand. He finished his bachelors, found a place for his masters, his uncle sponsored me for a work visa and we moved to Melbourne together.

All in all, we only spent a month together, out of the more than 2.5 years we were dating. We've had our ups and downs, and there was a point where money was such an issue we thought we'd never see each other again, and neither of us wanted the other to be trapped in a dying relationship. Thankfully we managed.

Anonymous 46144

I started dating someone in person for 1 yr, then we moved apart and ended up in a ldr for 3 years, then he moved in with me for 1 year, then he confessed that he cheated on me right before he moved in. wooooooooo

Anonymous 46148

how did you force his hand?

Anonymous 46152

This sounds awful and undesirable

Anonymous 46281

this did not give me the bit of hope i was asking for but thanks anyway anon

Anonymous 46342

What an asshole move on his part.

Anonymous 46364

Well yeah. We're just not doing the "formal" label yet because we want to do it in person when we meet. It's a childish thing where for all intents and purposes we are boyfriend and girlfriend but declaring it that way openly to others feels cringy. Our friends and family know that we have feelings for each other and that we're waiting until we can see each other and we interact with each other's friend circles.

I understand where you're coming from and I wouldn't have considered being like this until now, but covid plays a big part in it. As for talking to other people, I'm not and he's a khhv with exclusively male friends. We spend all day texting and a huge chunk of it on the phone, so I don't know when he'd even make the time to talk to another girl.

Anonymous 46365


>fell on love with someone on interpals again

Anonymous 46560


met this guy on r9k like 5 1/2 months ago.
he says that he likes my personality and i'm the sweetest person he's ever met. He's so sweet and kind, i have no idea how the fuck i got so lucky.
I mean i'm not even the best looking girl girl myself, being a 3/10; he's so handsome that i almost fainted when he sent a pic for the first time.
We're planning on meeting next month, i can't wait to hug him and meeting him irl.

also he said that i'm the first girl that he actually liked for the personality…

Anonymous 46582

That's nice to hear anon! How distant are you two from each other? Does he know how you look like as well?

Anonymous 46583

He has to take a plane to come here because i live in an island but we're in the same country. Also yes he knows what i look like and he said that i'm cute, but idk about that

Anonymous 46584

Is he a LDR or CDR guy? Do you think he would be willing to see you often, even though he has to take a plane every time?

Anonymous 46590

idk if he's a ldr or cdr, he's away for uni not forever
also we can meet on holydays, but for obvious reasons he can't take the plane every time

Anonymous 46593

How did you seduce him?
Teach me your ways.
I want a sweet anon bf too, but I don't want the clingy neckbeard type

Anonymous 46594

>also he said that i'm the first girl that he actually liked for the personality…
>met on r9k
>first girl he has liked for their personality
if you don't see the red flags here… wow.

Anonymous 46626

anon your story has such highs and lows

my greatest fear would be a type B guy who couldn’t put the effort to make things real, i would continually mistake it for a lack of real feelings. you went above and beyond for that guy…

Anonymous 46780

>my greatest fear would be a type B guy who couldn’t put the effort to make things real
This is what makes me feel scared the most honestly. I know my boyfriend loves me but is it enough that he'd make efforts to seeing me? He has other problems and probably financial ones as he always says he's stressed. I just don't want to push it but this cant be happening forever, right? He has to be with me sooner or later, right?

Anonymous 46794

Hey that’s weird I’m also talking to a guy who lives in Australia and his initial is J…

Anonymous 46820

that makes no sense.
>doesn't want normie bf
>anon bf is horrible person

Anonymous 46823

Not even joking is this chadstralian whos is known as J a meme? I have heard other femanon say the same thing.
I think it is more the incel undertones which the description gave off personally.

Anonymous 46829


holy shit dudes

Anonymous 46830

lmao nice

Anonymous 46831

I am trying to recall what this is al about?
Now I am like concerned..
A few of us in the thread have interacted or known others who have interacted with this J.
J is drowning in e pussy by the sounds of it lolz

Anonymous 46846

Did he used to go as penguin something on discord?? back 2017 or 2018

Anonymous 46847

Honestly have no idea, he used to frequent lookism boards a lot in 2017/18.

Anonymous 46857

could be the same board I remember he was incel type but hey it likely isn't.
You are LDR someone? That is so magical I hope you get a happy future full of love and validation.

Anonymous 46878

Aw thank you, you too

Anonymous 46902

master miller.jpg

We've been talking every day for the past three weeks, hours every day, last weekend it took five hours. I jokingly said that I'm basically his online gf. He told me not to be stupid. Who the fuck cares that we are like 8000 miles apart, I fucking love you idiot.

Anonymous 46903

Oh anon this really really hurt to read because I can tell you have that knots in the tummy feeling..
Do you think he is just shy at all? a lot of guys can think LDR is cringe or something like that and deny themselves the feeling they feel.

Can you please give more details buit only if it wont make you upset..

Anonymous 46910

I have been edating a guy for a year and a half and we are very passionate and devoted. I could seriously call him my best friend. He is always there for me and affectionate/sweet/caring.

He wants me to send him used socks.
Is this normal????

Anonymous 46911

Maybe he already has a gf. Guys usually don't care about practical things if they're desperate so it's a red flag if he dismisses you like that

Anonymous 46912

I guess you could send him some socks if you are fine with whatever he would do with them.
What do you mean?

Anonymous 46914

How do you keep the spark alive? I find when I’m e-dating a guy it gets a bit boring for both of us. I’m assuming you videocall a lot or something?

Anonymous 46915

Ive asked a guy to send his used workout t shirt before in the mail. Panties are sexy I guess but socks is a little weird. Maybe he just has a low-key feet/sweat fetish?

Anonymous 46917

I started dating a guy and we’ve been talking for about a year but recently he’s started pulling away, he wants time alone and wants to just ‘be friends’ despite still asking for nudes like a fuckboy. He keeps saying he needs time to ‘get himself mentally prepared to be in a relationship’ and he still expects me to talk to him every night despite basically friendzoning me. My conscience is telling me he’s just not that into me and leaving his options open, even though he keeps saying he’ll be better in a few months. I’m tired of being jerked around.

Anonymous 46918

Basically. We talk every day and videocall often. Sometimes we just hang out on the line and listen to each other and share stuff we find online. Play games, watch movies, read, whatever. Idk the stuff you would normally do alone we do together. I’ve heard of other e-couples planning scheduled dates but we haven’t done that. I guess it’s not super sexy or exciting and sometimes I still need to be alone but it makes me happy to share the things I like with him and I like hearing about what excites him/bores him/amuses him. I think even if we weren’t dating he would still be my favorite person to spend time with.

He does and it’s not low-key. He said I don’t have to but I know it’s something he really wants. I’ve heard of guys asking for days old panties and socks and pantyhose and even pee but I don’t know anyone who has actually sent those to their boyfriends. It doesn’t seem very common to me but maybe it’s just not something people openly talk about?

Anonymous 46920

Into the trash he goes.

That's stupidly disgusting. Don't. Don't associate with people like that. The internet is something else…

Anonymous 46941

Umm pro tip: any guy that asks for nudes is just garbage even if you are dating them.
Just my opinion though.
Sounds like this guy is not into you…
He should be treating you with respect and wanting to spend time with you not treat you like some personal porn vending machine.
> I like hearing about what excites him/bores him/amuses him. I think even if we weren’t dating he would still be my favorite person to spend time with.
Kawii as fuck
This sounds soo nice I am kinda jelly tbh.

Anonymous 46962

Hey you two, thank you for your input. Yeah I was a little bit worried about what would happen. But yesterday we talked about this stuff again and, well, one thing lead to another and we are basically dating now. Some of which may involve me crying for fifteen minutes.

I mean it's not even like anything is going to change, we talked about naughty things before and mostly it's like that other Anon said before
> I like hearing about what excites him/bores him/amuses him. I think even if we weren’t dating he would still be my favorite person to spend time with.
It's exactly this what I am feeling. Well and I guess it helps that he never asked for underwear. Wtf. But anyways, telling each other "I love you" on the telephone is pretty much the most wild thing I have ever experienced. I don't even care if we will ever meet in person, I mean I want to, but even if we don't, what I am experiencing right now is so powerful I would not even mind.

Anonymous 47174

>I don't even care if we will ever meet in person, I mean I want to, but even if we don't, what I am experiencing right now is so powerful I would not even mind.
I feel this. I want him to be my endgame though. I don't care anymore about not talking to each other constantly. Im just tired of opening myself up to another person.

Anonymous 47300

Maybe it's because I've been listening to too many normies, but I've been pondering lately if my long distance relationship is "real,"

My boyfriend won't even tell his RL friends/family out of fear of their judgment, where as all of my family and friends know.

Would other people consider it real as I haven't met them IRL before? Does it matter if other people consider it "real," if it is meaningful to me?

Am I wasting my time, closing myself off to other relationships, committing myself to an artificial form of intimacy?

I've realized that I have a lot of doubt about my authenticity; am I being "myself," like… I use photos of me, but they're static image, posed in very particular angles to conceal my flaws. When we video chat, I make sure not to show my side profile, etc. I do similar things with my personality - I have the ability to only show him what I want to. It's me… but is it the most vulnerable/honest version of me?

I don't know. I just feel… off, like I should be doing something else. Someone in my area came into my life recently, and I connect with him really, really well, but I've just been evading any form of contact with him out of loyalty to my LDR. Should I just… I don't know.

Anonymous 47303

>I've been pondering lately if my long distance relationship is "real,"
In a vacuum excluding the rest of your post it is entirely real because it feels real.
Instead of your BF being able to come around and fix your pluming he can emotionally support you vice versa plus many couples now started out only online.
You need to dismiss what others say and think for yourself as you know what feels real or not.
Why do you need to be within physical proximity to fall in love with someone?
You can get to know others better in ways online.

>My boyfriend won't even tell his RL friends/family out of fear of their judgment, where as all of my family and friends know.

He should really tell people but at least he is being open with you.
Is he sincere I know people can be so anxious as not to tell others this sort of thing.

>Am I wasting my time, closing myself off to other relationships, committing myself to an artificial form of intimacy?

Do you and your bf have plans to meet in person?
Are you serious about making this work as it can work as long as (you) and him try but on your own it may not work.
Again, he has to be committed to it.

>I've realized that I have a lot of doubt about my authenticity; am I being "myself," like… I use photos of me, but they're static image, posed in very particular angles to conceal my flaws.

How far into the relationship were you showing pictures to each other?
I am very strange but do not understand why people need to show pictures unless at a point where they already like each others minds.
Why have a man who only likes you for what you look like?

How real are you with him vice versa as in do you share all your emotional feelings with each other or not?

OP the only thing standing in your way is your BF being committed.
Either lockdown on meeting or think of ending this thing if he has no intention.
It is cruel of him not to be taking your relationship as serious as you do.
It all rests on him.
It is worrisome if he really does not let anyone know he is with you because he could cheat on you and justify it.
This all depends on him and you know him better than any anon on here.
I understand he is like anxious and all insecure but do you really want to be with someone that is so spineless?

Give details maybe so we can figure this out more.
If he watches porn I would be worried but like all men do probably..

Anonymous 47357

>I've been pondering lately if my long distance relationship is "real,"
It’s real, don’t let any bitter asshole tell you otherwise. It is perfectly possible to connect romantically with someone online. Of course, there should be a plan to eventually close the distance
>My boyfriend won't even tell his RL friends/family out of fear of their judgment, where as all of my family and friends know.
Reading this upsets me as someone who went through something similar. If I were him, I’d be proud of my love and defend it if others ridiculed it. It makes me wonder if he’s as committed to the relationship as you are. Does he see an actual, tangible future with you? Does he talk about the future with you?
>Should I just… I don't know.
I understand anon. I had a situation like this when my LDR bf was being particularly neglectful. I liked this coworker a lot. Of course I never did anything because we both were taken, but I know that feeling of loneliness and that painful longing for physical touch, closeness, and intimacy. I think you should openly communicate to your LDR bf that him not telling people about you makes you think he’s not as serious about the relationship and “doesn’t see it as real.” If he doesn’t validate your concerns then I would think about the future of the relationship.

Anonymous 47369

That's not true tbh. As a person who have been in lots of LDRs through my life, if a guy doesn't tell then that means he is not _that_ ready to make it 'official' or in worst case is too embarrassed of u. Also depending if he depends on parents opinion that much to a point where he is too scared to tell them.

Anonymous 47374

i've been friends w a few guys who were in ldrs and in one case in particular, my friend told me his brother, and occasionally, 'normie' friends, mocked him and ragged on him for being "desperate and pathetic, not in a real relationship" even though he had plenty of girls that were into him, he just met a girl online and preferred her.

i can definitely see that happening because male culture is psychologically, emotionally, and physically abusive. i know his brother was an asshole that shat on him for everything so that lines up and he had no reason to lie to me, i wasn't dating him, nor did i care about his relationship. i know most people irl don't consider that online relationships could be real, so i wouldn't be surprised if this was a motivator, BUT it also definitely sounds like it could be a great excuse for a manipulative man to more easily cheat.

Anonymous 48247

>I am very strange but do not understand why people need to show pictures unless at a point where they already like each others minds.
So true

Anonymous 49155


Anyone else in a Canada-US relationship here? I want some solidarity and/or success stories.

Anonymous 49168

>Dating an American moid

Anonymous 49171

Is it bad if he has told his family but I haven't?

Anonymous 49186

It’s the other way around haha. I’m American sadly.

Why haven’t you?

Anonymous 49189

>Why haven't you?
I tell my family pretty much nothing about myself and it's been that way since I was a teen. My relationship with my parents is kind of weird. He lives in another country and if things go well I might end up moving there eventually, which would make my mom freak the fuck out. I know I'll have to tell her eventually but I'd rather spring it on her when I don't live with her anymore and have greater financial independence.

It might be petty but because I live with her I don't want her being nosy or making comments like "oh I bet you're talking to your bf huh?" any time I'm by myself, I know she'd be invasive as fuck and probably use it to attack me at some point when she gets pissed at me. Telling my dad or any other relatives would be the same thing as telling my mom so that's off the table as well. My bf doesn't seem upset about it but I do feel bad about keeping it to myself. There'd just be too much shit I don't want to deal with right now.

Anonymous 49191

i hate covid… i just want to be able to meet my bf again but its impossible now

Anonymous 49192

I want international travel back so badly

Anonymous 49197

I’m the anon you replied to. Wow, you sound so much like me. The only reason I told my mom about my relationship was because she saw the passport I ordered in the mail and proceeded to yell at me and interrogate me for 2 months until I gave into her abuse and told her why I had it. I fucking hate her.

Ugh, same.

Anonymous 49227

i'm agoraphobic and scared of traveling. idk how i'm going to meet up with him but he keeps hinting at it. we live within the same state but not the same city so it isn't hard to meet up. what do i do guys? especially with judgemental parents who will recognize my strange behavior. i barely leave the house and they'll get suspicious. he's been my secret for 4 months now. is that a good time frame to meet irl?

Anonymous 49232

Yes, go ahead anon, there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. Is it not a normal thing for you to leave the house without saying anything? I do that all the time now.

Anonymous 49324

>in a ldr for a year now
>in that year we've been together irl less than a month
>his love language is spending quality time together while my love language is physical presence and touch
>it just doesn't feel like a real relationship and the times we met up just feels like a dream

I'm afraid I'll die alone so that's why I'm sticking with him. He's really good at school and he'll have a good career ahead of him while I'm struggling with school. I just don't know if I can keep this relationship going while also dealing with my issues.

Anonymous 49739


I've been in an LDR with my bf for 9 months now.. We've met befofe in real life a few times, but he was dating someone else at the time so I thought he never paid much attention to me.
It feels like I'm always trying to get past mental hurdles when it comes to him.
We both had crushes on each other for about a year, but of course, neither of us knew. I'm a khv so I have a bad habit of falling for guys who are nice and friendly towards me, so in trying to get past that, I had convinced myself that he didn't like me, he was just being nice. For a whole year. Until it got blatant enough that I just had to ask and sure enough, he did.

Another hurdle for the longest time was, yknow, knowing if he actually would like me. The real me. The chubby frumpy third wheeler who got drunk at the bonfire we had on the beach and cried in the sand because of how forever alone I was.
But he comforted me back then.
And he still does.
And he told me that he loves me no matter what, despite all my flaws and weaknesses.
And even though I'm naturally very suspicious and self-deprecating, I realized
he really does love me. He really loves the real me.
He's really… the best guy I've ever dated.

The next hurdle is something neither of us can control, though. Covid.
I live in California, he lives in Washington.
I hope to god everything works out. Because I don't ever want to lose him. I've made so many strides because of him, mentally. I feel whole with him. I feel like this is it.

Anonymous 49743


Oh you sweet, sweet summer child. I hope everything works out for you.

Anonymous 49754

does anyone have success stories? i need something to be hopeful about

Anonymous 49757

I dated my bf irl for about six months, did ldr for 1 year, and we’re still together 7+ years later.

Anonymous 49947

I am moving in with my bf soon, I am so freaking happy.

Anonymous 49948

i hope it works out.

Anonymous 50108

I'm from Canada and my bf is from US. We'll be together for 3 years this July. Once he gets his shot he'll come see me.

Anonymous 50351

I met my boyfriend through mutual friends (both online and irl) in July. Been exclusive since October and we met in December. I visited him in January for 12 days (we live in opposite sides of the US) and will be back in his state again for Valentine’s Day. Thankful for the not so staunch USA travel restrictions. We always play it as safe as possible (covid wise) and I’m stoked to say he invited me to move in with him around the beginning of the summer. Have faith anons, if it’s meant to be, it will.

Anonymous 50403

Doesn't matter who it is he's cheating because he will think you're cheating. Long distance doesn't work.

Anonymous 50406

sounds a bit like a cheater's mindset love

Anonymous 50426

>always thought that LDRs weren't for me
>t'was kinda true because they ended with drama and left me unfullfilled
>tfw just realized that the longer relationships i had were LDRs when I was a teen
>both were with slavs
>I'm dead set on having a slavic husband, probably as a consequence
>obsessed with slavs, can detect them instantly when I see them

How do I fix this? It's so dumb, most slavic men are alcoholic and autistic

Anonymous 50427

mmmm bpds a fucking bitch
Thats all i have to say, im in agony every fucking day since i pushed him away :)

Anonymous 50679


Ive been in a ldr for quite a while now. Its weird to admit that, cuz i made a promise in the past to never get involved in another ldr again (since a lot of bad stuff happened in my past one).
My biggest problem is: im deeply ashamed of this. I hate the tought of telling people im in a ldr and being judged for it, just thinking about that situation makes me want to cry.
I truly love my bf, and he's the best man in the whole world, so i feel awful for thinking this. Can someone give me tips on how to deal with that? Please?

Anonymous 50689

I feel the same way, except I feel more anger about it than anxiousness. Whenever I see people saying something like “ldrs aren’t real” it upsets me a lot because I have invested so much, and felt so many real emotions because of this relationship. We would’ve met already if it weren’t for border closures. If I were you, I’d come up with arguments to snap back with if anyone judges you.

Anonymous 50698

I hate people who say LDRs aren't real relationships. It's so annoying… It's like they'd immediately dump or cheat on their partner if they moved to a new city or some shit.

Anonymous 50704


Relatable. I fell for another american.
I don't want to move to the US but my current partner is going to have a terrible time adjusting to my country. If only america wasn't so fucked socio-political. I like the people and culture but don't want to move somewhere where I can lose my house because I got cancer or some dumb shit.


Anonymous 50711

it really annoys me too!!! i just cant cope with ppl being so damn cruel about ldr's. the problem is, at this point its almost common sense to hate relationships like those.
thanks for the advice!! ill think about it

Anonymous 50713

When my first relationship (an LDR) ended, I was told I wasn't suffering real heartbreak because it was only an LDR. That made me feel like a complete loner/loser. In hindsight, my feelings of sadness were validated; you don't need physical intimacy to form a strong bond with someone.

Anonymous 50721


Anonymous 50724

>love American guys
>problem is the lack of health care
Dude just date Canadian guys.
Same shit, different climate, also healthcare.

Anonymous 50726

Thank you anon. As an update, covid is fucking our plans. I hope the situation calms down soon to go to him fast.

Anonymous 50728

A lot of that is overblown tbh because it's popular to shit on the US. 92% of Americans have health insurance, mostly through their job. Don't let the loud minority scare you away from dating people from a country where the system works for the vast majority of people.

Anonymous 50739


Canadians are cute in theory but I met maybe three within my life and two of them were gay.

If your insurance is paid through your job what happens if you lose it? My partner lost his job last january and I am so scared everytime he feels sick since he can't afford going to the doctor.

I currently pay a ton of taxes which contributes to me not being able to save up a whole lot. However I know that I am taken care of in any eventuality - unemployment benefits, healthcare, retirement. I know I could keep my standard of living even if tomorrow my mom died and I got ill and my office closed down.

Anonymous 50744

Just don’t lose your job, especially in one of the states where they can fire you any reason…

Anonymous 50748

I'm sorry, they must have been from Vancouver.

Anonymous 50789

>If your insurance is paid through your job what happens if you lose it?

You can continue receiving your sponsored health plan through a government program called COBRA.


Granted - there are some limitations. it's a limited period of coverage (18 months) and it only applies to plans provided by private companies if they had >20 employees. But you're most likely going to run out of money for food/housing/transportation before losing insurance is a concern.

Anonymous 50851

>you're most likely going to run out of money for food/housing/transportation before losing insurance is a concern.
That wouldn't even be a concern here. A big part of government insurance is "keeping your standard of living" - that mostly means making sure you can stay in your home.

My dad was unemployed due to an accident for most of my youth and I never noticed that I was "lower class" because I still had enough food and we never had to worry about losing the house. Our poverty was handed down clothes, no vacation and sometimes no car.

Anonymous 51166

Don't you think he would want to hear from you again?

Anonymous 51375

Let’s be honest, dealing with people with bpd can be a nightmare. Getting roped back in only to get ghosted again is far worse. And that would inevitably happen. At this point she’s better off erasing him from her memory and moving on. No contact is better in this situation.

Anonymous 64994


Anonymous 64996

Writing this from my bf's sofa. I'm living with him. All gucci.
Don't let anyone tell you LDRs aren't real. It's as real as both of you decide. You'll be fine.

Anonymous 65179

>ldr for 4 years
>both isolated shut-ins who find it euphoric to finally connect with another human being (it's so much better than nothing)
>strong trust, no worries about cheating since we both barely talk to people irl anyway
>help each other with confidence
>spend whole months just being comfy together
I blew it earlier this month, blocked now. I have this issue where periodically I have trouble remembering where/who I am and it makes me feel afraid. Sometimes it gets strong and is like a panic attack, and I'll cry frantic nonsense at people because I feel disproportionately endangered. obviously this is highly stressful for others
I know it's wrong to have just one person in your life to support something like this, and I realize that I was overstepping boundaries a lot by being super clingy or aggressive. I can't really make excuses because I honestly was really unreasonable and threatening I just wish I could do better.
I feel pathetic for feeling so crushed by someone I've never met, but this person is still the closest I've ever been to someone and now I have nobody again.

Anonymous 65187

And to add to that most insurance doesn't cover anything lol. Just read stories about Americans who make like 12/hr, have insurance through the company that's paying them but will have to end up ditching out $5000> if the deductible is a certain rate or they simply just choose not to pay for whatever. They can also choose not to pay for much needed things as well and practically no insurances cover that 1-6k bill. Most Americans are suffering and it's completely ignorant to assume someone is set just because they have insurance

Anonymous 65285

That's horrible, I'm sorry Anonette. Even if you two never met in person, they still meant a lot to you, so don't feel pathetic. There are plenty of others out there looking for something special just like you, so don't give up! Do you take any meds for your outbursts or disorientation?

Anonymous 65316

Thanks for the kind words. I don't take meds right now. I was forced to take several meds as a kid and it messed with my body so I have a lot of discomfort with medication now. I'm hoping to do some specialized types of therapy like EMDR first and keep drug-related stuff as a last resort.

Anonymous 65776

Apologies this is a long post
I was wanting some positive perspective, I'm under no illusions that all will go well because of course there will be hiccups but we're both dedicated to making the distance work. I've been with my partner almost a year and soon he will be moving away to live in an area that he actually likes and a preferable job situation (he's a paramedic, wanting to work by the coast rather than in a city). Only a 3/4 hour train ride away so not thousands of miles but I'm still upset naturally. The plan is for me to move to him (all going well ofc) once I finish college next summer. Are there any tips for coping with the distance? Keeping things positive and developing the relationship? We online game together, have phone calls and message each other if we can't spend time together (things we intend to keep doing when we're apart) but obviously a busy work/education schedule is a bit different to actual long physical distance so are there any other things we could do?

Anonymous 65794

I miss my bf so much when it is time to leave. I can't stop crying and I feel like a retard. Is it sick that I get annoyed that he takes it better/doesn't cry?

Anonymous 65804

meee lol
i love slavic guys. their mannerisms are super hot and they also look really good to me (same goes for slavic girls, they're stunning).
i don't live in a slavic country and i don't want to move to one because they're cold shitholes and people there are extremely xenophobic, so I don't know how to go about this.

[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]