Long Distance Relationships Anonymous 44204
Thread to discuss Long Distance Relationships. The struggles, the pros… meeting the person for the first time… meeting them for the 50th time… vent both sad and happy things. LDRs can be quite a challenge but it's the right thing for some people.
I've literally never managed to make online friends let alone more than that.
How do you even start dating someone online? Like you just…ask if they want to e-date?
From what i've seen it always starts with a good online friendship. I suppose it's similar to how it happens with in real life relationships.
It's a mutual desire to have an offline intimate relationship difficulted by distance.
Don't ask people to e-date, like what the heck.
In the 2000s Internet v1.0 before everything became the same 4 or 5 mainstream normie websites. You just played mmorpg games and met the people of your Guild/Clan/etc but this days everyone is a dick. I guess discords is your best bet but do not go into any of the 4chan discords or others with sexually frustrated retarded moids. Just lurk for a hobby you like in here: https://disboard.org/search
Don't even reveal to people that you are a woman to get to know them well unless you want retarded simps to pay you for discord nitro, that happened to me once a suicidal moid gave me discord nitro and I talked him out of suicide he was Irish or something, I obviously don't talk to him anymore I know better. It sucks though you can just use emotes from other servers anywhere that's the only benefit you get.
I'm honestly baffled with people who torture themseselves with online dating, I can understand if you live in some hell hole country and you have no chance of ever leaving. Is love even possible with strictly online dating, how can you be sure someone is being honest and genuine with you and not just wasting precious years of your life?
LDR is pure torture
Exercise restraint to avoid certain pain later on.
You just start talking regularly, then bond over sharing intimate details, then one confesses and I assume it develops from there.
t. almost had e-gf but chickened out at idea of LDR
I've been "e-dating" a guy for 6 months now, we can't meet for obvious reasons (different countries & covid) and I don't want to declare it a real relationship until after we've met and confirmed feelings in person, but we are exclusive and committed. Waiting sucks.
>>44257>but we are exclusive and committed
So you're dating and just don't want to say it
I have just recently been "e-dating" with a friend I have been talking constantly for almost a year. We've always liked each other since the first time we talked but just hit it off lately after so many months of hesitation to confess our feelings for each other. I remember I always had moments thinking if he was flirting but at the same time shook the idea off as I didn't want to fall for someone who sleeps at the time I wake up and wakes up at the time I'm off to sleep. I honestly see him as the ideal partner I've been looking for in a guy. He ticks off the ideal partner list just as easily but distance is a bitch. I love him but I know I can't be looking at this optimistically. I just hope if we ever "break up", we can stay as friends-I find our connection that irreplaceable.
cat on le laptop.j…
no matter what happens your feelings arent a mistake, as long as you two get on and are on good terms you'll be able to remain friends despite what happens
Hate to say I've been in a similar situation but until I'm somebody's girlfriend, I was talking to others until they actually wanted to put a label on it. If you're not doing it, he's doing it.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAIITING SUCKS FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU SOMEONE POST THEIR SUCCESSFUL LDR RELATIONSHIP TO MARRIAGE NOW
I live with my partner I met online, we were only a 4 hour drive/train journey from one another though.
We were friends/dating on and off for a few years, just kept coming back to each other.
The last year or two before I moved we had visits about once a month.
My story to give some people hope.
I was semi-dating a really shitty guy at a point when I started watching horror movie streams on 4/x/. People would take turns streaming their favourite movies and we'd comment on them in chat. There was an Australian guy who hosted often that had this deep, smooth voice that just made me melt and would always have me laughing hysterically with his commentary. I developed a kind of fixation on him, and when the regulars in these streams decided to start hanging out, I joined their skype group.
We became a pretty close group of international friends and got along really well. I developed a crush on the Australian guy, J, and the more we talked, the more perfect he seemed. He was just so humble, funny, cute and smart. Most importantly, he treated me with actual respect. He treated me as an equal and never looked down on me for my shortcomings. I'd never experienced that before from anyone.
Eventually, after knowing each other for about 6 months, we decided to arrange a big group meeting somewhere central, so we chose the Netherlands. J got there a couple of days earlier than the rest of us and offered to pick me up. I tried to decline, because I had a deep crush on him and didn't want his first time seeing me to be hot, sweaty in casual clothes and no makeup, but my message didn't send and when I got off the station, he was there waiting. He was just so handsome and gigantic in real life. He walked over, and I expected a hug, but he lifted me up and spun me around like my fat ass weighed nothing.
We spent the next week together, always finding time alone, often cuddling on the couch, being the designated cooks ect. I just started to fall in love because all my fears, about how his personality was just what he presented online, started to vanish. I thought about telling him how I felt, but I was so fucking terrified he would reject me and I wouldn't be able to just swim in this deep pool of feelings I had for him. Eventually we all had to go home, and as I was going back to the station, one of the other girls from the group stayed behind. I was told later that she had started flirting with J and they spent the last night together in his room.
I got home, cried, screamed at trees, then drank some vodka and told him how I felt, my logic being that I was now basically in a standoff and the first person to be romantically available wins. He was laughed awkwardly and said "Oh, I had no idea". I wanted to kill myself then and there, but he followed it up with "I didn't think you would ever want someone like me". We talked and he promised they'd just slept in the same bed, and he'd very tenderly rejected her. It honestly didn't matter at that point because he'd finally said he liked me.
We started e-dating, but the more we shared pictures and started acting like a couple, the more desperate I became. I decided to buy a ticket to his awful, hot, humid country and go stay with him for as long as immigration would let me. When he met me at the terminal, lifted me up and kissed me, suddenly all that pent up energy from months spent away from each other reached a critical point and the nice, romantic walk along the rivers and whatnot would have to wait. We got back to his place and I had sex with someone I loved for the first time. I'd never really considered just how amazing being with someone so compatible, and with whom you share such a deep love for, could be. We spent two weeks together, and at that point there was so turning back.
Eventually I had to go home, but there I was living on neetbux in a shitty one bedroom flat in a terrible, tiny town, drinking heavily and going no where. I wanted to get serious, but J is not a serious man. He was more than willing to fly back and forth, but actually making a change was difficult for him. Eventually I had to force his hand. He finished his bachelors, found a place for his masters, his uncle sponsored me for a work visa and we moved to Melbourne together.
All in all, we only spent a month together, out of the more than 2.5 years we were dating. We've had our ups and downs, and there was a point where money was such an issue we thought we'd never see each other again, and neither of us wanted the other to be trapped in a dying relationship. Thankfully we managed.
I started dating someone in person for 1 yr, then we moved apart and ended up in a ldr for 3 years, then he moved in with me for 1 year, then he confessed that he cheated on me right before he moved in. wooooooooo
This sounds awful and undesirable
this did not give me the bit of hope i was asking for but thanks anyway anon
What an asshole move on his part.
Well yeah. We're just not doing the "formal" label yet because we want to do it in person when we meet. It's a childish thing where for all intents and purposes we are boyfriend and girlfriend but declaring it that way openly to others feels cringy. Our friends and family know that we have feelings for each other and that we're waiting until we can see each other and we interact with each other's friend circles. >>44882
I understand where you're coming from and I wouldn't have considered being like this until now, but covid plays a big part in it. As for talking to other people, I'm not and he's a khhv with exclusively male friends. We spend all day texting and a huge chunk of it on the phone, so I don't know when he'd even make the time to talk to another girl.
>fell on love with someone on interpals again
met this guy on r9k like 5 1/2 months ago.
he says that he likes my personality and i'm the sweetest person he's ever met. He's so sweet and kind, i have no idea how the fuck i got so lucky.
I mean i'm not even the best looking girl girl myself, being a 3/10; he's so handsome that i almost fainted when he sent a pic for the first time.
We're planning on meeting next month, i can't wait to hug him and meeting him irl.
also he said that i'm the first girl that he actually liked for the personality…
That's nice to hear anon! How distant are you two from each other? Does he know how you look like as well?
He has to take a plane to come here because i live in an island but we're in the same country. Also yes he knows what i look like and he said that i'm cute, but idk about that
Is he a LDR or CDR guy? Do you think he would be willing to see you often, even though he has to take a plane every time?
idk if he's a ldr or cdr, he's away for uni not forever
also we can meet on holydays, but for obvious reasons he can't take the plane every time
How did you seduce him?
Teach me your ways.
I want a sweet anon bf too, but I don't want the clingy neckbeard type
>>46560>also he said that i'm the first girl that he actually liked for the personality…>met on r9k>first girl he has liked for their personality
if you don't see the red flags here… wow.
anon your story has such highs and lows
my greatest fear would be a type B guy who couldn’t put the effort to make things real, i would continually mistake it for a lack of real feelings. you went above and beyond for that guy…
>>46626>my greatest fear would be a type B guy who couldn’t put the effort to make things real
This is what makes me feel scared the most honestly. I know my boyfriend loves me but is it enough that he'd make efforts to seeing me? He has other problems and probably financial ones as he always says he's stressed. I just don't want to push it but this cant be happening forever, right? He has to be with me sooner or later, right?
Hey that’s weird I’m also talking to a guy who lives in Australia and his initial is J…
that makes no sense.
>doesn't want normie bf
>anon bf is horrible person
Not even joking is this chadstralian whos is known as J a meme? I have heard other femanon say the same thing.>>46820
I think it is more the incel undertones which the description gave off personally.
I am trying to recall what this is al about?
Now I am like concerned..
A few of us in the thread have interacted or known others who have interacted with this J.
J is drowning in e pussy by the sounds of it lolz
Did he used to go as penguin something on discord?? back 2017 or 2018
Honestly have no idea, he used to frequent lookism boards a lot in 2017/18.
could be the same board I remember he was incel type but hey it likely isn't.
You are LDR someone? That is so magical I hope you get a happy future full of love and validation.
We've been talking every day for the past three weeks, hours every day, last weekend it took five hours. I jokingly said that I'm basically his online gf. He told me not to be stupid. Who the fuck cares that we are like 8000 miles apart, I fucking love you idiot.
Oh anon this really really hurt to read because I can tell you have that knots in the tummy feeling..
Do you think he is just shy at all? a lot of guys can think LDR is cringe or something like that and deny themselves the feeling they feel.
Can you please give more details buit only if it wont make you upset..
I have been edating a guy for a year and a half and we are very passionate and devoted. I could seriously call him my best friend. He is always there for me and affectionate/sweet/caring.
He wants me to send him used socks.
Is this normal????
Maybe he already has a gf. Guys usually don't care about practical things if they're desperate so it's a red flag if he dismisses you like that
I guess you could send him some socks if you are fine with whatever he would do with them.>>46911
What do you mean?
How do you keep the spark alive? I find when I’m e-dating a guy it gets a bit boring for both of us. I’m assuming you videocall a lot or something?
Ive asked a guy to send his used workout t shirt before in the mail. Panties are sexy I guess but socks is a little weird. Maybe he just has a low-key feet/sweat fetish?
I started dating a guy and we’ve been talking for about a year but recently he’s started pulling away, he wants time alone and wants to just ‘be friends’ despite still asking for nudes like a fuckboy. He keeps saying he needs time to ‘get himself mentally prepared to be in a relationship’ and he still expects me to talk to him every night despite basically friendzoning me. My conscience is telling me he’s just not that into me and leaving his options open, even though he keeps saying he’ll be better in a few months. I’m tired of being jerked around.
Basically. We talk every day and videocall often. Sometimes we just hang out on the line and listen to each other and share stuff we find online. Play games, watch movies, read, whatever. Idk the stuff you would normally do alone we do together. I’ve heard of other e-couples planning scheduled dates but we haven’t done that. I guess it’s not super sexy or exciting and sometimes I still need to be alone but it makes me happy to share the things I like with him and I like hearing about what excites him/bores him/amuses him. I think even if we weren’t dating he would still be my favorite person to spend time with.>>46915
He does and it’s not low-key. He said I don’t have to but I know it’s something he really wants. I’ve heard of guys asking for days old panties and socks and pantyhose and even pee but I don’t know anyone who has actually sent those to their boyfriends. It doesn’t seem very common to me but maybe it’s just not something people openly talk about?
Into the trash he goes.>>46915
That's stupidly disgusting. Don't. Don't associate with people like that. The internet is something else…
Umm pro tip: any guy that asks for nudes is just garbage even if you are dating them.
Just my opinion though.
Sounds like this guy is not into you…
He should be treating you with respect and wanting to spend time with you not treat you like some personal porn vending machine.>>46918> I like hearing about what excites him/bores him/amuses him. I think even if we weren’t dating he would still be my favorite person to spend time with.
Kawii as fuck
This sounds soo nice I am kinda jelly tbh.
Hey you two, thank you for your input. Yeah I was a little bit worried about what would happen. But yesterday we talked about this stuff again and, well, one thing lead to another and we are basically dating now. Some of which may involve me crying for fifteen minutes.
I mean it's not even like anything is going to change, we talked about naughty things before and mostly it's like that other Anon said before> I like hearing about what excites him/bores him/amuses him. I think even if we weren’t dating he would still be my favorite person to spend time with.
It's exactly this what I am feeling. Well and I guess it helps that he never asked for underwear. Wtf. But anyways, telling each other "I love you" on the telephone is pretty much the most wild thing I have ever experienced. I don't even care if we will ever meet in person, I mean I want to, but even if we don't, what I am experiencing right now is so powerful I would not even mind.
>>46962>I don't even care if we will ever meet in person, I mean I want to, but even if we don't, what I am experiencing right now is so powerful I would not even mind.
I feel this. I want him to be my endgame though. I don't care anymore about not talking to each other constantly. Im just tired of opening myself up to another person.
Maybe it's because I've been listening to too many normies, but I've been pondering lately if my long distance relationship is "real,"
My boyfriend won't even tell his RL friends/family out of fear of their judgment, where as all of my family and friends know.
Would other people consider it real as I haven't met them IRL before? Does it matter if other people consider it "real," if it is meaningful to me?
Am I wasting my time, closing myself off to other relationships, committing myself to an artificial form of intimacy?
I've realized that I have a lot of doubt about my authenticity; am I being "myself," like… I use photos of me, but they're static image, posed in very particular angles to conceal my flaws. When we video chat, I make sure not to show my side profile, etc. I do similar things with my personality - I have the ability to only show him what I want to. It's me… but is it the most vulnerable/honest version of me?
I don't know. I just feel… off, like I should be doing something else. Someone in my area came into my life recently, and I connect with him really, really well, but I've just been evading any form of contact with him out of loyalty to my LDR. Should I just… I don't know.
>>47300>I've been pondering lately if my long distance relationship is "real,"
In a vacuum excluding the rest of your post it is entirely real because it feels real.
Instead of your BF being able to come around and fix your pluming he can emotionally support you vice versa plus many couples now started out only online.
You need to dismiss what others say and think for yourself as you know what feels real or not.
Why do you need to be within physical proximity to fall in love with someone?
You can get to know others better in ways online.
>My boyfriend won't even tell his RL friends/family out of fear of their judgment, where as all of my family and friends know.
He should really tell people but at least he is being open with you.
Is he sincere I know people can be so anxious as not to tell others this sort of thing.
>Am I wasting my time, closing myself off to other relationships, committing myself to an artificial form of intimacy?
Do you and your bf have plans to meet in person?
Are you serious about making this work as it can work as long as (you) and him try but on your own it may not work.
Again, he has to be committed to it.
>I've realized that I have a lot of doubt about my authenticity; am I being "myself," like… I use photos of me, but they're static image, posed in very particular angles to conceal my flaws.
How far into the relationship were you showing pictures to each other?
I am very strange but do not understand why people need to show pictures unless at a point where they already like each others minds.
Why have a man who only likes you for what you look like?
How real are you with him vice versa as in do you share all your emotional feelings with each other or not?
OP the only thing standing in your way is your BF being committed.
Either lockdown on meeting or think of ending this thing if he has no intention.
It is cruel of him not to be taking your relationship as serious as you do.
It all rests on him.
It is worrisome if he really does not let anyone know he is with you because he could cheat on you and justify it.
This all depends on him and you know him better than any anon on here.
I understand he is like anxious and all insecure but do you really want to be with someone that is so spineless?
Give details maybe so we can figure this out more.
If he watches porn I would be worried but like all men do probably..
>>47300>I've been pondering lately if my long distance relationship is "real,"
It’s real, don’t let any bitter asshole tell you otherwise. It is perfectly possible to connect romantically with someone online. Of course, there should be a plan to eventually
close the distance>My boyfriend won't even tell his RL friends/family out of fear of their judgment, where as all of my family and friends know.
Reading this upsets me as someone who went through something similar. If I were him, I’d be proud of my love and defend it if others ridiculed it. It makes me wonder if he’s as committed to the relationship as you are. Does he see an actual, tangible future with you? Does he talk about the future with you?>Should I just… I don't know.
I understand anon. I had a situation like this when my LDR bf was being particularly neglectful. I liked this coworker a lot. Of course I never did anything because we both were taken, but I know that feeling of loneliness and that painful longing for physical touch, closeness, and intimacy. I think you should openly communicate to your LDR bf that him not telling people about you makes you think he’s not as serious about the relationship and “doesn’t see it as real.” If he doesn’t validate your concerns then I would think about the future of the relationship.
That's not true tbh. As a person who have been in lots of LDRs through my life, if a guy doesn't tell then that means he is not _that_ ready to make it 'official' or in worst case is too embarrassed of u. Also depending if he depends on parents opinion that much to a point where he is too scared to tell them.
i've been friends w a few guys who were in ldrs and in one case in particular, my friend told me his brother, and occasionally, 'normie' friends, mocked him and ragged on him for being "desperate and pathetic, not in a real relationship" even though he had plenty of girls that were into him, he just met a girl online and preferred her.
i can definitely see that happening because male culture is psychologically, emotionally, and physically abusive. i know his brother was an asshole that shat on him for everything so that lines up and he had no reason to lie to me, i wasn't dating him, nor did i care about his relationship. i know most people irl don't consider that online relationships could be real, so i wouldn't be surprised if this was a motivator, BUT it also definitely sounds like it could be a great excuse for a manipulative man to more easily cheat.
>I am very strange but do not understand why people need to show pictures unless at a point where they already like each others minds.
Anyone else in a Canada-US relationship here? I want some solidarity and/or success stories.
>>49155>Dating an American moid
Is it bad if he has told his family but I haven't?
It’s the other way around haha. I’m American sadly.>>49171
Why haven’t you?
>>49186>Why haven't you?
I tell my family pretty much nothing about myself and it's been that way since I was a teen. My relationship with my parents is kind of weird. He lives in another country and if things go well I might end up moving there eventually, which would make my mom freak the fuck out. I know I'll have to tell her eventually but I'd rather spring it on her when I don't live with her anymore and have greater financial independence.
It might be petty but because I live with her I don't want her being nosy or making comments like "oh I bet you're talking to your bf huh?" any time I'm by myself, I know she'd be invasive as fuck and probably use it to attack me at some point when she gets pissed at me. Telling my dad or any other relatives would be the same thing as telling my mom so that's off the table as well. My bf doesn't seem upset about it but I do feel bad about keeping it to myself. There'd just be too much shit I don't want to deal with right now.
i hate covid… i just want to be able to meet my bf again but its impossible now
I want international travel back so badly
I’m the anon you replied to. Wow, you sound so much like me. The only reason I told my mom about my relationship was because she saw the passport I ordered in the mail and proceeded to yell at me and interrogate me for 2 months until I gave into her abuse and told her why I had it. I fucking hate her.>>49191>>49192
i'm agoraphobic and scared of traveling. idk how i'm going to meet up with him but he keeps hinting at it. we live within the same state but not the same city so it isn't hard to meet up. what do i do guys? especially with judgemental parents who will recognize my strange behavior. i barely leave the house and they'll get suspicious. he's been my secret for 4 months now. is that a good time frame to meet irl?
Yes, go ahead anon, there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. Is it not a normal thing for you to leave the house without saying anything? I do that all the time now.
>in a ldr for a year now
>in that year we've been together irl less than a month
>his love language is spending quality time together while my love language is physical presence and touch
>it just doesn't feel like a real relationship and the times we met up just feels like a dream
I'm afraid I'll die alone so that's why I'm sticking with him. He's really good at school and he'll have a good career ahead of him while I'm struggling with school. I just don't know if I can keep this relationship going while also dealing with my issues.
I've been in an LDR with my bf for 9 months now.. We've met befofe in real life a few times, but he was dating someone else at the time so I thought he never paid much attention to me.
It feels like I'm always trying to get past mental hurdles when it comes to him.
We both had crushes on each other for about a year, but of course, neither of us knew. I'm a khv so I have a bad habit of falling for guys who are nice and friendly towards me, so in trying to get past that, I had convinced myself that he didn't like me, he was just being nice. For a whole year. Until it got blatant enough that I just had to ask and sure enough, he did.
Another hurdle for the longest time was, yknow, knowing if he actually would like me. The real me. The chubby frumpy third wheeler who got drunk at the bonfire we had on the beach and cried in the sand because of how forever alone I was.
But he comforted me back then.
And he still does.
And he told me that he loves me no matter what, despite all my flaws and weaknesses.
And even though I'm naturally very suspicious and self-deprecating, I realized
he really does love me. He really loves the real me.
He's really… the best guy I've ever dated.
The next hurdle is something neither of us can control, though. Covid.
I live in California, he lives in Washington.
I hope to god everything works out. Because I don't ever want to lose him. I've made so many strides because of him, mentally. I feel whole with him. I feel like this is it.
Oh you sweet, sweet summer child. I hope everything works out for you.
does anyone have success stories? i need something to be hopeful about
I dated my bf irl for about six months, did ldr for 1 year, and we’re still together 7+ years later.
I am moving in with my bf soon, I am so freaking happy.
I'm from Canada and my bf is from US. We'll be together for 3 years this July. Once he gets his shot he'll come see me.
I met my boyfriend through mutual friends (both online and irl) in July. Been exclusive since October and we met in December. I visited him in January for 12 days (we live in opposite sides of the US) and will be back in his state again for Valentine’s Day. Thankful for the not so staunch USA travel restrictions. We always play it as safe as possible (covid wise) and I’m stoked to say he invited me to move in with him around the beginning of the summer. Have faith anons, if it’s meant to be, it will.
Doesn't matter who it is he's cheating because he will think you're cheating. Long distance doesn't work.
sounds a bit like a cheater's mindset love
>always thought that LDRs weren't for me
>t'was kinda true because they ended with drama and left me unfullfilled
>tfw just realized that the longer relationships i had were LDRs when I was a teen
>both were with slavs
>I'm dead set on having a slavic husband, probably as a consequence
>obsessed with slavs, can detect them instantly when I see them
How do I fix this? It's so dumb, most slavic men are alcoholic and autistic
mmmm bpds a fucking bitch
Thats all i have to say, im in agony every fucking day since i pushed him away :)
Ive been in a ldr for quite a while now. Its weird to admit that, cuz i made a promise in the past to never get involved in another ldr again (since a lot of bad stuff happened in my past one).
My biggest problem is: im deeply ashamed of this. I hate the tought of telling people im in a ldr and being judged for it, just thinking about that situation makes me want to cry.
I truly love my bf, and he's the best man in the whole world, so i feel awful for thinking this. Can someone give me tips on how to deal with that? Please?
I feel the same way, except I feel more anger about it than anxiousness. Whenever I see people saying something like “ldrs aren’t real” it upsets me a lot because I have invested so much, and felt so many real emotions because of this relationship. We would’ve met already if it weren’t for border closures. If I were you, I’d come up with arguments to snap back with if anyone judges you.
I hate people who say LDRs aren't real relationships. It's so annoying… It's like they'd immediately dump or cheat on their partner if they moved to a new city or some shit.
Relatable. I fell for another american.
I don't want to move to the US but my current partner is going to have a terrible time adjusting to my country. If only america wasn't so fucked socio-political. I like the people and culture but don't want to move somewhere where I can lose my house because I got cancer or some dumb shit.
AAA WHY ARE AMERICAN GUYS SO CUTE
it really annoys me too!!! i just cant cope with ppl being so damn cruel about ldr's. the problem is, at this point its almost common sense to hate relationships like those.
thanks for the advice!! ill think about it
When my first relationship (an LDR) ended, I was told I wasn't suffering real heartbreak because it was only an LDR. That made me feel like a complete loner/loser. In hindsight, my feelings of sadness were validated; you don't need physical intimacy to form a strong bond with someone.
>>50704>love American guys>problem is the lack of health care
Dude just date Canadian guys.
Same shit, different climate, also healthcare.
Thank you anon. As an update, covid is fucking our plans. I hope the situation calms down soon to go to him fast.
A lot of that is overblown tbh because it's popular to shit on the US. 92% of Americans have health insurance, mostly through their job. Don't let the loud minority scare you away from dating people from a country where the system works for the vast majority of people.
Canadians are cute in theory but I met maybe three within my life and two of them were gay.>>50728
If your insurance is paid through your job what happens if you lose it? My partner lost his job last january and I am so scared everytime he feels sick since he can't afford going to the doctor.
I currently pay a ton of taxes which contributes to me not being able to save up a whole lot. However I know that I am taken care of in any eventuality - unemployment benefits, healthcare, retirement. I know I could keep my standard of living even if tomorrow my mom died and I got ill and my office closed down.
Just don’t lose your job, especially in one of the states where they can fire you any reason…
I'm sorry, they must have been from Vancouver.
>>50739>If your insurance is paid through your job what happens if you lose it?
You can continue receiving your sponsored health plan through a government program called COBRA.https://www.dol.gov/general/topic/health-plans/cobra
Granted - there are some limitations. it's a limited period of coverage (18 months) and it only applies to plans provided by private companies if they had >20 employees. But you're most likely going to run out of money for food/housing/transportation before losing insurance is a concern.
>>50789>you're most likely going to run out of money for food/housing/transportation before losing insurance is a concern.
That wouldn't even be a concern here. A big part of government insurance is "keeping your standard of living" - that mostly means making sure you can stay in your home.
My dad was unemployed due to an accident for most of my youth and I never noticed that I was "lower class" because I still had enough food and we never had to worry about losing the house. Our poverty was handed down clothes, no vacation and sometimes no car.
Don't you think he would want to hear from you again?
Let’s be honest, dealing with people with bpd can be a nightmare. Getting roped back in only to get ghosted again is far worse. And that would inevitably happen. At this point she’s better off erasing him from her memory and moving on. No contact is better in this situation.
Writing this from my bf's sofa. I'm living with him. All gucci.
Don't let anyone tell you LDRs aren't real. It's as real as both of you decide. You'll be fine.
>ldr for 4 years
>both isolated shut-ins who find it euphoric to finally connect with another human being (it's so much better than nothing)
>strong trust, no worries about cheating since we both barely talk to people irl anyway
>help each other with confidence
>spend whole months just being comfy together
I blew it earlier this month, blocked now. I have this issue where periodically I have trouble remembering where/who I am and it makes me feel afraid. Sometimes it gets strong and is like a panic attack, and I'll cry frantic nonsense at people because I feel disproportionately endangered. obviously this is highly stressful for others
I know it's wrong to have just one person in your life to support something like this, and I realize that I was overstepping boundaries a lot by being super clingy or aggressive. I can't really make excuses because I honestly was really unreasonable and threatening I just wish I could do better.
I feel pathetic for feeling so crushed by someone I've never met, but this person is still the closest I've ever been to someone and now I have nobody again.
And to add to that most insurance doesn't cover anything lol. Just read stories about Americans who make like 12/hr, have insurance through the company that's paying them but will have to end up ditching out $5000> if the deductible is a certain rate or they simply just choose not to pay for whatever. They can also choose not to pay for much needed things as well and practically no insurances cover that 1-6k bill. Most Americans are suffering and it's completely ignorant to assume someone is set just because they have insurance
That's horrible, I'm sorry Anonette. Even if you two never met in person, they still meant a lot to you, so don't feel pathetic. There are plenty of others out there looking for something special just like you, so don't give up! Do you take any meds for your outbursts or disorientation?
Thanks for the kind words. I don't take meds right now. I was forced to take several meds as a kid and it messed with my body so I have a lot of discomfort with medication now. I'm hoping to do some specialized types of therapy like EMDR first and keep drug-related stuff as a last resort.
Apologies this is a long post
I was wanting some positive perspective, I'm under no illusions that all will go well because of course there will be hiccups but we're both dedicated to making the distance work. I've been with my partner almost a year and soon he will be moving away to live in an area that he actually likes and a preferable job situation (he's a paramedic, wanting to work by the coast rather than in a city). Only a 3/4 hour train ride away so not thousands of miles but I'm still upset naturally. The plan is for me to move to him (all going well ofc) once I finish college next summer. Are there any tips for coping with the distance? Keeping things positive and developing the relationship? We online game together, have phone calls and message each other if we can't spend time together (things we intend to keep doing when we're apart) but obviously a busy work/education schedule is a bit different to actual long physical distance so are there any other things we could do?
I miss my bf so much when it is time to leave. I can't stop crying and I feel like a retard. Is it sick that I get annoyed that he takes it better/doesn't cry?
i love slavic guys. their mannerisms are super hot and they also look really good to me (same goes for slavic girls, they're stunning).
i don't live in a slavic country and i don't want to move to one because they're cold shitholes and people there are extremely xenophobic, so I don't know how to go about this.
I'm in ldr and I think he's been 2 timing me…
He's young and I'm not…
I should have seen this coming
Uhm, just asking for a friend, where do you even meet LDR boyfriends? Please don't say it's discord.
I wish I was kidding but 4chan
I asked this question before when I was single and a lot of the anons told me through a video game or /r9k/ but I highly suggest you avoid /r9k/.
It’s just one of those right time right place kinda things that happen naturally
When you’re not looking, you find your person
That's terrible advice you know…
She's going to groomed and ruined
Many such cases…sad!
Try interpals. 4chan and discord are also options lol, but the majority of guys are trash, of course. There's the extremely rare good one, I met my bf on 4chan
I met mine on 4chan but it's hard to recommend that because I don't think it's a place where you should actively look for a partner. A lot of the users there are terrible people and finding a person you would like to be friends with, let alone partners with is like finding a diamond in the rough. I was just lucky enough for that to happen. If you want my advice, go to the social communities you like and just try to make friends in the natural way then go from there and see if you can find someone you really connect with. Don't ever try doing it through discord you'll just get spammed.
How did you meet your 4chan bf?
one more for 4chan bf. there´s…many of us huh
He's not like the others of course
Mh? Are you bitter because you don't have a bf?
I sure am, everyone's jealous of you
I hope you find a boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever else you're seeking, and I'm not saying this in a condescending way. It's not easy sometimes but being positive towards yourself and others can really improve your life.
>meet a 9/10 moid online
>he is smart and all this shit
>he is far away from u
>start dating and planning meetig after covid
>he vanishes from social media
I can't contact him for like 4 month now.
Just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean everyone else did. See >>65827
depends on a combination of luck and common sense. Having your creepy moid radar on to avoid the bad apples helps.
Don't remove the word "ideal" from the search box, unless you're willing to see some nasty shit. The rest of the board is romance-free hookup culture. You have been warned.
If you're suspicious about someone, then you can sometimes check their contact in the archive to see if they're consistently trash.https://archiveofsins.com/soc/search/text/[Moid's
Username Goes Here]
i am sorry you had to go through that…
Thank u dear anon <3. Would be scary if he legit died but I really hope it's not that critical
>type black into searchbar on ideal partner thread
>9 results, but are only about black hair color
>type in white
>32 results, all to do with race and requesting white gfs only
Lmao it’s over for black femcels;_;
Is it really better if they specify that they're looking for a "black" partner instead of something like being open to "any" race?
I feel unnerved if my traits are explicitly singled out.
Why yes I am working on my life and being positive towards people that I think deserve it
, but being sarcastic towards LDRers and them replying the same "y-you're jealous" is too much of a pleasure
A couple years ago someone added me on a throwaway discord that I still check compulsively (even though i hadn't gotten messages on it in over a year) from searching through the archives years after I made my post. She loved all of the same little niche things I did, and we would talk for hours every night and never run out of conversation, and it kept on for months, just getting deeper and deeper. Everyone else I've talked to I eventually started getting stressed out not knowing what to say any more, but with her it just never faded and it felt like it never would. The interests we shared made me feel like I could open up a huge part of myself and include them in it all and be motivated to engage even more in what I loved, and her thoughtfulness was unlike anyone I'd ever met in person. We made plans to meet up across the world, I spent nearly everything I had on tickets and a hotel and left myself with only a small budget for food when I got back home, but coronavirus hit right at that moment and cancelled our tickets, and she was crushed and lashed out at me and broke everything off while treating me like some horribly manipulative person that didn't actually love her. I knew how she could be and that it was all the emotional pain causing her to close off and act distrusting, but it took months for the behavior to stop and I'd been so hurt from it that we just couldn't reconnect in the same way after, and I knew that we probably shouldn't anyway.
I've been in three relationships before, and nothing made me feel like this. I don't long for her any more, but she did make me realize how things can be and the intensity of connection that you can actually find in someone. It's kind of a security, because my other relationships there was always that question in my mind wondering if this is just how things are supposed to be, and I never really thought I would get an answer.
sorry if this sounds weird but where is she from?
okay well this makes me worried that one of you actually knows her, but yes, she lived in belgium
both posts were me, i deleted one of them. sorry for making you worry, it's probably not the same person and i never even talked to her.
Honestly, r9k is the only place I can find people I actually relate to but I can't say that's good advice for everyone. I grew up with 4chan and i'm a NEET loser so those type of guys appeal to me. There's a lot of filtering though. i've probably tried to personally DM 100~ guys over the past 3 years and have only met a handful of them that weren't either boring or completely terrible
I really dunno how to handle meeting up with my years long e-bf for the first time soon. I've always been insecure as no guy ever irl in my 20+ years has shown interest…yes, not even an old guy has crept on me. In the meantime I've suffered from health issues that make me tired and look a bit deathly a lot, and a minor speech disability.
Ebf keeps insisting I have BDD…but thankfully he finally let up and said that it doesn't really matter if I turned out much worse looking in person, that he adores me regardless.
Annnnnd now the horror of me being super socially awkward is slowly creepin up on me. I even am super shy with talking to him over voice! I can't even begin to imagine how to interact with a guy in person as they've solely talked to me to insult my looks.
I almost prefer the idea of a forever LDR over taking the leap. Of course I plan to at least try, but I'm very unhappy with realizing that I'm just a sucky person. I really hope my ebf feels the same when he meets the real me.
Enjoy the Coronavirus pandemic to its fullest and take some joy in meeting up while wearing your favorite masks. Even when you're letting him see you, you're still not letting him see all of you, and it's by your own choice. When your words are stumbling over themselves, it's not because your anxieties are getting the better of you, it's because the words are being held back by the fabric. Let the mask create a separation between the two of you, so that even when you're right there facing each other, he's still a manageable distance away.
I met him on 4ch. Not on /soc/ though, that place is utter trash.
I agree with >>65823
, when you're not actually looking for someone to date you'll find them. We added each other after talking in several threads throughout the span of a few weeks maybe? After that we chatted for a couple of months and then I got drunk, said some things, and he confessed his feelings for me.
How did you talk through multiple threads? Trip fagging or you could just recognize each other?
Don't commit to a long distances relationship, there is a mexican saying and I qoute it: "amor de lejos, amor de pendejos" it roughly translates to : long distance love is the love of the stupid ones. Older generations had their motives to make this saying popular.
>Posted on soc after you were talking about it here.
>Met a nice moid who is really great, inteligent and emotionaly mature, never showed any red flags.
>Talked to him a lot all this time and kinda got a crush.
I am getting into LDR and I didn't plan it.
I just wanted some lolz ffs.
it's stupid with plus-sides. I like that I can remain a virgin and not have to deal with potential pregnancy and etc. feels like there's just a layer of comfy insulation to most things involved.
But I also never actually intended to date. Like…ever, so, yeah.
Not that person but i'm gonna assume they were posting in the couple of generals r9k has like /britfeel/, /mbti/, etc
We just recognised each other. It's easier in a board with flags.
I've been dating a guy I never met for most of my 20s and I just have major imposter syndrome because of him, like he's fooling himself that he really likes me. Retrospectively I realize I would have been more self-confident and happier if I was all alone. At least then I'd have no one to let down besides myself.
like an online relationship?
I've been in two LDRs and I've been in four irl relationships.
LDRs have all of the negatives of irl relationships (except for physical abuse) and have pretty much none of the positives. They are absolutely not worth it. They make you feel emptier than you did before because used to you were content just sitting alone in whatever location you exist at, but now you're miserable sitting alone wherever you are and can only think about how you should be where your partner is at.
every time you get off whatever you use to talk to your partner, your house just seems so fucking empty. Sure, an irl partner that doesn't live with you has to go home time to time, but you know you'll see them again. Every time I would get off skype with my boyfriend I would just sit and think about how far away he was and how we might never meet and I would be sleeping alone again even though I was IN a relationship. It sucks giant tapeworm ass
as someone who assumed she'd be forever unloved since she was 7 because she was deformed and hated by everyone, LDRs are comfy and I can barely understand how an irl relationship works.
They might work for some people who want limited interaction, but for me I really resent them because trying to replace spending irl time with someone with discord calls just does not cut it for me.
I've been in an LDR for years now. Ultimately it's been cozy, but recently I've begun to feel like I have to end it. He wants me to move to his country, and we've been going through the process… But I don't want to leave the motherland. I don't want a NEW motherland. If things could carry on with me staying in one place a few months and the other a few months, maybe it could work.. But I know he wouldn't go for it.
So I guess it's over. It really kills me.
If neither of you are willing to compromise then you never truly loved each other
>>67843>If things could carry on with me staying in one place a few months and the other a few months
Why not try this anon? Give it a try, maybe you'll like the idea of moving in or he'll get used to living like this for now.
Could it be that you're just not ready to move in right now? That's perfectly normal and doesn't need to be a reason to end the relationship.
honestly I'd heavily advise against moving to a foreign country regardless and the fact that he's refusing to come to you yet apparently needing you to go to you is kind of telling. Please tell him how you feel ASAP before he wastes more time with the process. >>67853
compromise shouldn't be the backbone of a relationship; genuine compatibility should be.
that's not really fair anon. We both have been making a lot of compromises and trying to make things work. In the end I guess this one thing may just be too big for both of us. >>67876
He's refused the idea in the past. : / A lot of the relationship was that and while I was comfortable, he suffered. >>67884
I don't think that's telling at all. Many people move to foreign countries. Usually for jobs or opportunities, but for their partners and families as well. His country's cost of living is cheaper than mine and the process is simpler.
I'm at fault, really. I feel like I've led him on. I didn't used to think I'd mind leaving home, but now that it's become deeply real I'm overwhelmed.
What I meant by "telling", I mean that he requires you to do it while apparently not being open to going to you.
The money and cheaper stuff is irrelevant (yes, it's natural-ish to go to his country but there's 100x more important things to consider than money). He wants it just his way and he apparently suffered with >>67876
which is…honestly kind of weird, I'm sorry.
Also I want you to know: there's a lot of awful things that could have happened to you in a foreign country without a support network, and it's ok that you took a while to fully realize you didn't want to go. You were authentically invested in the relationship and there's really nothing more to it–you weren't awful to him.
>>67884>compromise shouldn't be the backbone of a relationship; genuine compatibility should be.
My point is that if they aren't willing to compromise for something like this, after being together for years, then they never truly loved each other and had genuine compatibility. >>67898>In the end I guess this one thing may just be too big for both of us.
I don't think it is. I'm assuming you guys have met a bunch and have a feel for each other. If not then…well that's more understandable why neither of you want to move and that's obviously something that should be worked on.
It's a tough decision, no doubt, but if you've been together with someone for a long time and spent time with them then moving in is the next step. If neither of you are ready then that needs to be communicated. This might be obvious but if you do end up deciding to move to him, make sure you have a bunch of money saved up so if things end up sour you won't be trapped with no way to get out and get back to your home country.
Life isn't a romance movie and it's backstabby and unnecessary to insinuate anon just didn't love someone enough when they're hurting. Also, can love their family, friends, etc too. These aren't less valid than loving a bf.
This summer I met this guy on vacation, and we hung out nearly everyday I was in his country.
We said/did some coupley/romantic things; I would consider it the closest I've ever been to dating someone or experiencing a boyfriend.
Of course I eventually had to return to my home country, but I still keep in minimal contact with him, and we talk every few weeks.
I sometimes wonder what visiting him again would be like, or if he ever visited me. I honestly do want to see him again and we did talk about visiting each other in the future.
Basically, I've almost considered having a long distance relationship. I've had long distance friendships, but never something romantic.
sigh, me and my years-long e-bf I never even met are in a weird patch right now. The problem only comes up once in a while but I can tell it lives rent-free in his head–
the idea that my decision to date him doesn't mean much, while his does (which frustrates me)
>that I haven't lived life yet, versus him allegedly talking to 100s of people and being friends with many; i.e., he's traveled to a few countries with friends, worked many jobs, had many experiences, while I've been "having BDD and being insecure" (true)
>"it feels like I chose to be with you while you're just stranded with me", saying he just wants the best for me and is worried
>he even has been hit on unlike me because he's more attractive yet seems convinced I'm a 10/10 in all the ways besides my insecurities
He insists that I could get any guy I wanted and be adored. Look. Only girls have liked me even tho I'm not gay. I feel like some sort of imposter or catfish :/
His advice? to get to know more people with the implication that I should talk to other guys…and I find it uncomfy/weird.
I've been trying. Still, I am the type of person who at age 13 was completely satisfied with having 1 amazing friend and never had a crush. My heart tells me that I just want to voice chat with him more. And…I want to webcam with him more. Us talking, him laughing, seeing him light up more. It's wonderful. I adore him.
But, he has a point. I have never "known" a guy irl. I just have made a few laugh with bad jokes in class a long time ago. Been years since I talked to another guy online–I talked to a few around when I first met him, briefly. I haven't had many female friends either. I've been introverted in the past years, satisfied with my childhood best friend.
I was bullied by boys over being an "ugly freak" growing up…and in my adulthood the only times guys make contact with me is to call me ugly or a "tranny." I still carry the visceral fear of it happening again within me.
I'm guilty because I'm not as desirable as he thinks. And, confession: I sincerely believe if not for him…I will be alone forever. Because, well, I'm fine with that, and, quite frankly, the chances of me actually finding another guy that really likes me for me is pretty much impossible. However, I love him and I think I really lucked out with him.
In the meantime, he thinks that I must have a mental health condition that literally warps my self-image or can't see how wonderful I am. And, look, I think I kind of suck otherwise? I don't whine about it. I want to have fun, connect to him, try my best, and be optimistic–in spite of my issues. But nothing will change the fact that I'm nothing special–at worse, annoying. And, that I know that even if I tried, I know I would crash and burn at trying to make a connection with another guy.
And, above all, this just makes me worry he won't actually like me when we meet up in person because his expectations are just so high.
>>68343>His advice? to get to know more people with the implication that I should talk to other guys
HUGE red flag. I'm sorry to say this, but it's always a very bad sign when a guy suggests that. He's probably preparing to leave and may even have someone lined up already. Trust your gut, it's normal to feel "uncomfy" with this, most people would get livid at that suggestion.
Anon I suggest asking him to make his wishes clear, try to gauge if he'd be upset at all if you went ahead and talked to other guys. If he wouldn't, he just doesn't take your relationship seriously at all.
You've been in a relationship with him for years and haven't met up yet? wow.
Are you sure he wants you to meet other guys or is it just generally expanding your social circle? Next time he implies it, I'd ask him straight up and see how he answers. That'll tell you more. I do agree with >>68344
, if he indeed is implying you should meet other guys, that's a bad sign.
Yeah, red flag. Even if he's not concealing anything the way his mind processes certain things worries me. I know people think differently. It took a long while to realize this all makes me feel very uncertain tbh?
yeah it's bad though it is mostly my fault. He wanted to meet up months into knowing me a long time ago but it was me back then that was reluctant as I was even more insecure and I felt like I had to self-improve before meeting him….also I barely knew him and things felt like they were moving too fast. Obviously that didn't turn out well as things got busier.
I think mostly it's just expanding my social circle. But there's a little bit of the implying that I have never really seen what's out there. I don't think he actually expects me to flirt.
Best case scenario, I guess, he really is being insecure about things and wants to feel like the relationship means something. There's more context to it. He's admitted that he feels burnt out on life and…he's been showing enthusiasm about us but he's dropped the ball in a lot of other areas in obvious ways.
Also I made a mistake that maybe scarred him that I'm also guilty about.
Years ago when I first talked to guys I added many. And I was casually flirting with a few not really realizing what flirting really meant. Looking back I literally had no standards and was excited by talking to guys for the first time. It wasn't like I was sending my ass to people or something, though I had crushes.
He (was in his mid 20s while I was 21) got super serious about me pretty early on (another red flag probably) while I was still surprise pikachu'ing at all the guys. He was the one that pursued me the most and the most consistently fun and enjoyable.
A while back (after the incident) he ended up breaking up with me after being heartbroken.
Later I ended up slowly stopping talking to the others when I felt more serious about him and I ended up becoming pretty antisocial. He is now the only guy I've talked to in years. And it's still, if nothing else, true that I actually didn't get to know any guys in any truly meaningful context besides him.
Sounds oddly similar to my situation, besides him wanting me to meet other guys which is just such a strange thing to ask of someone that I can only thing of negative intentions for asking that.
Why haven't you guys met yet if you've been together for years?
to be fair he didn't really request that I talk to other guys. but he expressed feeling kind of insecure in my choice in him because at my weakest, if rare, moments I admitted that I genuinely believe no guy likes me and that I'm extremely undesirable. and also put those doubts right next to encouraging me to widen my social network. so. yeah.
in any case idk I think I might break up with him anyway. He seems to want kids and that's a no from me. I feel kind of bad because a few years ago we were more on the same page (no kids) but he's gone more in the direction of saying that he 100% expects kids in the past few months…and he's relatively better adjusted than me with a more balanced life…so I feel guilty now. I should have never tried.
I feel kind of a mixture of relieved and saddened by my decision. I'm in my late 20s and extremely socially awkward and I honestly doubt I'll find anyone that genuinely prefers me like he did (after talking 1000s of hours over VC and text I completely understand it). But I'm already feeling very relieved. Like. I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone anymore. I can just live.
i finally met a really sweet moid and we've started e-dating recently… he makes me really happy
but. i have no clue how to tell my parents about him. i want to go visit him but it'd be kinda impossible to just disappear for a week or two without my parents knowing lmao.
they're both vehemently against meeting people online and i'm really nervous that they'd be against it even if he video called with them and everything.
it doesn't exactly help that i have a really weird relationship with my parents; they're very overprotective and treat me like i'm still 10 years old even though i'm 23. they don't allow me to leave the house unless i can literally prove i'm going out to see a friend they know. and i've never told them about anyone i've dated before. i really have no clue how to broach this conversation with them without them getting mad at me and threatening to kick me out
the only thing i can think of is waiting to meet him until i move out to visit him but idk, that's not in my immediate plans atm since i don't have a stable income… and they don't want me to ever live on my own anyway lmfao……… aaaa i just wanna meet him. he's really special to me ;_;
If you are 23 do what you want with your life. You are fully grown, but you should maybe consider why are you really so uncomfortable about telling your parents about him? Is it just that they are too protective, or will they have legitimate objections about him that you are unwilling to address? Anyway if you really want to see him, but don't want to be a big girl about it just lie and say you are going camping with your girlfriends.
back; I know no one is probably following this but I like venting.
I think I might have ruined things with him. We had a argument over, well…much of the things I mentioned, including the "you're amazing, anon, so many good guys would adore you" thing which he kept on forcing on me when I just was like "let me feel like an unwanted potato…all I want is to feel wanted by you." I kept on feeling so much anxiety each time like in my head I ask, "do you even know me or what other guys see in me? The last interaction I had with a guy was many months ago and it was a stranger calling me a tranny!" He kept on pushing and pushing and saying I was just delusional about myself and that I shouldn't listen to what idiotic men say about me.
We ended up not talking for a while and he hasn't been online for a while now.
I kind of wish I just…broke up with him on more polite terms. At the time I was so woozy and tired and feeling high for some reason (I promise I wasn't). I didn't say anything cruel or anything or insulted him, but I was quite dramatic.
>>68916>they don't allow me to leave the house
What are they going to do if you disobey them? I’m assuming you’re an adult with your own money? How would they punish you?
I was in an extremely similar situation. My possessive mother saw that I got an envelope from a passport agency so I coudld visit my Canadian bf and she started aggressively interrogating me. Then, when I told her I bought plane tickets, she proceeded to scream at me, cry, and tell me things like:>you’re going on this trip to purposely hurt me>you could get trafficked>you’re leaving forever, aren’t you>i don’t want someone who HATES me living with me (threatening to kick me out of the house)>going on this trip is tantamount to your father cheating on me
Then it ended with her telling me I was “just like my father” and she finally left my room. I finally got the chance to visit my bf and its because i have my own money (not enough to move out in this overpriced shithole, but enough to pay my personal bills). Anon, you need to become financially secure and STAND YOUR GROUND against possessive parents. I had to learn to not be emotionally manipulated.
Samefag, but they likely wouldn’t kick you out if they’re overprotective and don’t want you to ever live on your own. It’s a threat to coerce you.
question…can I get some advice on how to cope if he really doesn't come back?
to repeat: we talked for years online, never met, but seemed to really love one another. we ended up having an argument because he ended up triggering my insecurity, a topic of which I have told him to avoid in the past. it is probably my main boundary.
and also it wasn't like really horrible things were exchanged in the argument, it's just afterwards I got quiet because I was listless and very depressed and couldn't find anything to say.
a while afterwards he stopped coming online.
honestly don't know how to handle it emotionally if he is gone forever.
Oof anon, I'm sorry to hear that.
Maybe he just needs time, it doesn't mean he won't be back. However>it is probably my main boundary
It's not a good sign if a guy pushes your boundaries like that, especially if you clearly told him not to go there.
But also>"let me feel like an unwanted potato…all I want is to feel wanted by you."
Ngl it can be very exhausting to deal with people who keep putting themselves down all the time. It will always feel like he needs to validate you, even if it's not your intention. It might also have hurt his ego, if he interpreted it like "she's only with me because she thinks no one else wants her".
Coping with someone disappearing like that is always hard. You'll feel an empty space there. My only advice is please don't try to fill it with some other online relationship. Try to make friends IRL, go out and do something fun. Maybe he'll be back, maybe he won't, but don't hold your breath for it.
sigh. I wish he at least came online. I'm very worried about him. I don't mind if he's cold at this point it's just I want to see if he's ok. Looking back, I wonder if he was even at a good mental space at the time because he basically expressed that he didn't feel good enough for me.
>it can be very exhausting to deal with people who keep putting themselves down all the time
I'm not like that most of the time but when I do get upset, it happens and he was worn down. I'm guilty. He seems to see my BDD/issues as something to, with logic, correct, so sometimes we accidentally tumble into it with what he's saying making me feel like some imposter or making me scared I don't actually meet his standards. I believe that he really loves what he sees but I start feeling bad when he escalates my appeal into being somehow objective.
Going to just distract myself like you suggested.
btw thanks for the support, anon, and sorry about the rambles.
omega-oof. just realized that there's a chance he might have blocked me in the program we used. it basically doesn't remove the person off your friends' list.
holy shit…I don't believe he'd do such a thing but…wow, I don't feel very good. don't want to focus on it, it's just been a few days.
مايا on Twitter.jp…
….ok he came back online. I am such an anxious idiot, it was just a few days.
I'm happy for you anon. Try not to screw it up.
Lmao I know only one Canadian guy and he's actually gay.
beginning to realize my e bf might have mental health issues related to being very neurotic and anxious, especially with things he doesn't know or confuses him. the more uncertain he gets, the more panicked. I'm starting to worry a lot with how many times he has snapped in the past week, accused me of hurtful stuff I didn't do and trying to desperately connect the dots of mostly unrelated things in order to find some concrete certainty (again, often hurtfully/falsely), etc. The vicious cycle ends and begin with him - after an upsetting hours long conversation (a few have happened this week, often spurred on by innocuous things) - feeling happy and secure again. I've been trying to be more attentive and caring, but it's hard.
Where do you even begin with an LDR? I'm as bad at talking to people online as I am in real life. I've tried /soc/ once or twice but I've never made any connections there, and I honestly think I'm really old for Discord and the type of zoomer culture surrounding it. The last relationship I was in was over Skype and things have certainly changed since then…
For Discord, try joining 25+ servers. Minimum 18+. Choose servers that align with your interests.
I unironically met my now bf on a femcel discord server. Weird, I know. He’s normal too.
>>69476>man on a female discord
You've been groomed
where even are 25+ servers besides trying to ask someone to invite you to one? i've never had an experience in a public server i found on disboard or wherever that ended well
How do you find servers like that? You make it sound so easy.
If you're not feeling comfortable with Discord, then you can advertise on /soc/ that your preferred form of contact is email. I haven't had success with romance, but I've made a good friend that way before.
anyone else struggle with fully considering their internet relationship as existing? oh no. I get it. it really doesn't tangibly exist in a pragmatic way. but, still, I feel like the relationship has gone for so long and there's been so many good signs–and I have gotten tangible benefits from it, sure.
I even prefer the fact it's online and…that what we have basically ends if we meet up–crazy, isn't it?
I am scared me and my bf won’t work out in the long run because I don’t want to move to his area. It’s across the continent from me (and I don’t want to be that
far from family) and it is populated by a certain religious group that sees women as subhuman (not saying so I don’t get banned).>>69511>that what we have basically ends if we meet up–crazy, isn't it?
Uhhh, you never plan to meet up with them? Why? Most people in this thread are in actual LDR relationships where they’ve met/plan to meet their s/o’s. At least I thought so??
erm, we technically intend to meet up, something I've inevitable dread for. I'm so clueless about how in real relationships even work.
yes, this is a contradiction the online stuff not being "real" to me either…I guess what I mean is that it just feels like a fantasy, and that I like it that way, that there's no way it can ever feasibly happen in reality for me because I'm just not a type of girl that's meant to be loved or love.
I've broken up with my long-distance bf a week ago. We'd dated for 2 years, known each other for 6 years. We met when we were 14 in my hometown, but later I moved to the capital city. There's 2500 km between us. We only met twice since we've separated. We had everything planned out, even wanted to marry each other. We agreed that he would save money and move to the capital city, since our hometown is shit and I also have studies in the capital.
In the last few months I've grown really frustrated with our relationship. I think this is partly because I got close to a groupmate whom I really like, even though we're just friends and he tries to date another girl, we still spend a lot of time together and get really affectionate at times. I felt like my relationship with my bf is even more intangible than that with my friend, even though I'm more emotionally close to my bf. I also got disinterested in him, for the last few months our conversations are basically nothing of substance, just sending each other pics of cute animals. Other than that, my bf is very emotionally unstable and whenever I left him for more than two hours he started having panic attacks.
All in all, problems kept piling up, we had a talk and I said that I need some time alone from him to figure things out and warned that we might break up. We didn't talk, aside from a couple of occasions, for two weeks. I'm ashamed to admit that I actually felt much better without him, I was more free and stopped worrying about a lot of things that came with our relationship. I told him this and also that I liked my friend and we broke things off.
Now I feel extremely guilty, I feel like I hurt him with my decision, and even though I feel much better I know that he feels much worse. Recently he told me that he would kill himself eventually and I didn't know how to react. His whole life was dedicated to me and built around me and now that I've left I feel like I ruined it.
Another note: now that I'm single I feel like… nothing has changed actually? I'm just as alone as I've been before and maybe that shows that our relationship got lackluster. Idk.
>>69524>the ol "k, broke up with me? gonna kill myself then" switcharoo
if it means anything anon I've seen 1000s of stories of men threatening this and they don't follow through. I'm sure some have, but in any case, let me tell you the burden of it is on him, and that he's probably going to move on in a few months.
also, sorry, if I wanted to off myself if my LDR bf broke up with me (not that I would), the last thing I would do is just…let him know? because that'd hurt him and I care about him? yeah, like…I get it, cry for helps are a thing but there's a point where questionable people say that when they lose access to someone.
the fact that being without him made you feel infinitely better spoke for itself. moreover, if he wasn't learning how to better manage his issues, the relationship was dead in the water. it looked like your bf was extremely neurotic about the relationship and, quite frankly, shouldn't have even been in one.
could you have helped? perhaps, but judging from what you've conveyed here, it's unlikely. him panicking about you was a vicious cycle.
side note: I don't think you should have said the liking your friend part though, lol. in general you could have handled it better but, yes, you were honest.
also please maybe don't idealize what you have with your friend either, like, he's trying to date a girl and getting affectionate with you is textbook sus.
>>69527>"k, broke up with me? gonna kill myself then"
I don't think he's threatening with suicide because he's been suicidal long before. He has a history of self-harm as well and I remember at some point in our relationship he said that if i didn't exist he would have killed himself long ago. I feel like I'm the only thing keeping him afloat. Which is def not healthy.>the last thing I would do is just…let him know?
I think you're right about this one, my initial reaction was "why would you tell me this" because it definitely made me feel worse and he knew it. Not only that, he actually described his suicide plans in great detail and it was awful.>moreover, if he wasn't learning how to better manage his issues, the relationship was dead in the water
When we had "the talk" he said that he would change so that I wouldn't leave and he asked to give more time, so I feel kind of like a dick for not giving him a chance.>in general you could have handled it better but, yes, you were honest.
We had 100% honesty policy in our relationship. Maybe that's partly the reason why he told me about his suicide plans.>also please maybe don't idealize what you have with your friend either, like, he's trying to date a girl and getting affectionate with you is textbook sus.
Maybe I didn't make it clear enough, he's not dating anyone at the moment, just chatting with a girl he likes and wants to date. Generally I don't think he views me as his possible gf but I'm fine with that, I wouldn't want a relationship with him either (not a long-term one at very least), even though I like him. It just feels refreshing to receive any kind of attention and affection, even platonic, in real life, which I have never experienced before (this LDR was my first relationship in general).
>>69528>he actually described his suicide plans in great detail
Obvious emotional manipulation, lol. I would’ve just responded “ok.”
well, people don't really change as easily as that. think about the type of person who'd sterilely plan his suicide then line it, detail by detail, to his lover, like we talked about. this is how his mind works, and if being with you didn't enrich his life, then the neurotic fear and pressure of potentially losing you wouldn't have made him magically improve–if anything, I think it might hurt him more and would be a horrible thing to catalyze any sort of healing.
I don't think there was much left you could of done, he needs professional help. this suicide thing is probably like a script to him at this point (not that it's fake).
and this is more out there so take it with a grain of salt…but with guys with issues, many actually significantly improve once they have someone. your ex just isn't that type.
also good to know about your friend.
Oh okay anon. Sorry for being judgy. I get what you mean.
Anyone else feel like their relationship is going to fail but you’re holding on and hoping for the best because you love them?
Just ask him to delete them.
>>46143>We talked and he promised they'd just slept in the same bed, and he'd very tenderly rejected her.
I don't know, I don't feel like defending him but I've known him for a long time and all that he cares about is my well-being so he wouldn't manipulate me like that, at least not consciously. Maybe he was desperate. Anyway as soon as he did that I told him that I def made up my mind and wouldn't go back into a relationship. All this suicide stuff just ruined it for me.>>69530
I feel like he was healthier when we just met and with time he just spiraled down for some reason. I mean, I obviously can't get back to him out of pity because I don't think a relationship would fix his problems.
Anyway I just feel like my entire world has turned upside-down, I thought we were destined to be together forever (naive, ik) and now it's all gone. Just two months ago we were discussing how we'd live together eventually some time in the future and now we're both left with nothing. Duh. And what's worse I feel like it's all my fault.
idk, you seem to actually have more without him, and most of it is his fault.
bad confession: I'm honestly mortified by the idea of voice chatting with my ldr bf (who I have never met in person, a fact of which makes me extremely uncertain about whether or not he really knows me) I'm very shy and I'm afraid of not measuring up to what he feels about me.
It's actually been an embarrassingly long time since we last VC'd–of which I won't even say bc it's that bad and he was thrilled back then to do so, but I don't know how to tell him that I've just gotten much more reserved…reserved to the point of barely having anything to say and being incredibly self-conscious.
We have a lot of fun in text, even if it's a crutch.
I'm guilty because he has shown he has the utmost patience for me and has expressed wanting to speak with me a lot–and even came up with some incredibly lovely ways of making me feel more comfortable.
I used to be the EXACT same way! Whenever I’d get on vc, I would be soaked in sweat and my heart would be pounding. Things that helped me were>watching movies/tv shows/youtube vids with him while vc’ing, so we’d have something to talk about about and it wouldn’t be awkward during our silences.>have only him go on vc, and responding through chat. i know this sounds weird, but it’s one of the VERY first times we ever vc’d and after a little while I felt comfortable turning my mic on>i haven’t done this, but maybe you could play vidya together so you would both be actively doing something together and you could talk about the game while playing
I'm the OP of this reply, quick update: my ex actually found two new gfs within a week and they're a in a polyamorous relationship lmao
i was exactly like this with my boyfriend, i would be super nervous and anxious and hit the accept in the call was like a death! it's been a couple months since we been calling each other everyday and now i feel really comfortable around him, try doing things that will make you have topic without thinking too much, like movies, games… you won't even notice when this will start to be somthing natural to you :)
posted this in a male vent thread but i think it belongs here a bit more.
ive been LDR with a super sweet man for nearly 2 years now and we finally decided to close the gap in november around thanksgiving and i went to go see him.
he was absolutely thrilled to see me and we had sex obviously a lot when i got home, super lovey and sweet.
except the sex kind of died out and at this point, two weeks into my trip, i felt like i needed to ask for affection and would always ask him to cuddle or kiss me. he'd spend more and more time on his pc in the other room.
two nights ago we went out to a really nice seafood place so i could try it for the first time, and it went wonderfully, i paid for it all and i jokingly said
'i better get some when we get home haha'
we got home, he flopped on the bed and fell asleep. i was a bit dissappointed but chalked it up to him being full from dinner and let him sleep.
i woke up about two hours later to see him on his computer and kind of just got depressed. ignored him as i walked past and went straight back to bed.
him, knowing something was wrong, came to check on me and he asked me what was wrong.
we ended up talking with him first tldr about how hes been lonely his whole life and doesnt know if he wants to stay with me because he loves and wants to stay with me or if he wants the freedoms of being alone for the rest of his life more.
i mean, we were discussing marriage so i could get away from my horrific fucking homelife, and i shouldnt have put all my cards down for it but god he wanted to as much as i did. military shit, you know the scene.
he said he didnt know if he wanted to get married because he's seen so many marriages get bad especially with his parents, and we dont really have conversations anymore.
of course i sobbed in his arms and asked him not to leave me and all that, and he said 'i dont want to do that right now'
im in pieces, i really adore every last hair on this man and id do anything for him, im terrified he would leave me.
fellow sisterhood, how can i analyze this? am i completely fucked or no?
There's a lot of ways to analyze this.
Think about the facts: 1, at least he sounds like he was upfront about this stuff in just two weeks. Imagine being married to him and having him hold a grudge the entire time that he can't be alone.
2, he said he doesn't want to leave you right now. That doesn't mean jack shit for the future, but that means there's doors open for further communication on the matter.
I would say, stay fresh to the possibility that this might not work out, but keep talking to him. Don't give up just yet, there could be hope. And you might be able to remain friends? Who knows.
oh, you were the PP thread poster. yep. I worried that you guys had sex (you didn't give details) and looked like I was right.
dumbass scrote leading someone on and lying about wanting to be married.
hiiii again yeah lol sorry, i was the pp poster.
decided my thread wasnt really complaining and more venting so, had to shift my interest. i think he did want to be married but now he's met me he's realising its real shit and not just online texting anymore. thanks for keeping up anon>>70051
i dont even know if id be able to be friends with him after this, id be completely torn to be fair, it'd be near impossible to even see his name without getting acid reflux
did you get him to do this or did he do it himself
my bf did this with me and helped me feel comfortable over time and he was great through it all
I don´t know if I´m right in this thread but I´m going to vent about my situation anyway.
So there is this guy I´ve met on the internet like 8 years ago. We still talk to each other. I´ve always liked him…a lot. I haven´t met another person which is more fun talking to than him. He is constantly in my head. But here ist the thing, we haven´t met each other…yet. And I can´t bear it anymore.
There has always been this attraction between us since the beginning. We both have uttered the wish to be in each other´s company. But he hasn´t 100% agreed to meet yet, because he doesn´t want to force it. It wouldn´t feel right to him if I would just come for a visit and vanish afterwards. Either there has to be a way to be live next to each other or we shouldn´t meet.
But I can´t wait anymore. I´m struggeling with a lot of decisions at the moment but the one thing I´m sure about is, that I want to finally meet him. I´ve had this urge for such a long time, it is becoming unbearable. I aware that the person I´m in love with is partly a construct of my imagination because I didn´t get him to now in real life yet. That´s why I want to meet him. I want to get to know his real self. I want to know if I would still love him, if we could be together. I feel trapped. On one side he doesn´t want to meet me like this but on the other side I can´t get him out of my head and I can´t move on from him.
That´s why I´ve made the decision to visit him some time ago. Initially I felt relief when I made the decision. It´s like an 9h train ride to a neighbour country so the distance is managable. I haven´t really told him about my plans. We talked about the topic some time ago and he still thinks it not the right time for a meeting. That´s why I´m questioning my decision.
I don´t know what to do. I don´t want to loose him but every time we talk I feel the pain of him not being with me. Sometimes all I want is just to talk to him. Should I just go for it or leave it be?
bit late but pretty much every similar story I've heard like this it turned out the guy wasn't that into the girl but happily has sex with her and then ghosts her. just don't throw yourself on him, anon. guys like that will usually talk in vague language. I think he might be relatively decent so he's not pushing it despite being lukewarm…but he's still opportunistic enough to leave that door open "it's not the right time." even though it's been 8 literal years. if he really wanted you he'd not be so skittish.
and btw you can move on, it just takes a lot of work and having other things in your life that are important.
My sincere advice for those in LDRs: Only get into one if you both or at least one of you have sufficient money to visit each other often. If you live in different countries and you're not rich, forget about it, really. Even if you manage to visit each other once a year, this won't be nearly enough for it work. Also, it's necessary that one of you can actually move to the other's country in the near future, otherwise, again, forget about it
This 100%. I’m sure I posted this before in another thread, but during the long distance relationships I’ve had, I’ve always ended up having look to around my room for things to sell just to make some money to visit them every couple of months. Then when you get there, it seems a waste to just sit around so you have to pay to do a bunch of things too.
It’s basically like having a gambling addiction. You pour so much, money, time, energy into it because you’re “addicted” to them and have come this far but you can lose it all at any moment. It’s also harder to read the person’s feelings when you are not there in person so a break up can feel more sudden or unexpected.
The contrast between seeing them 24/7 for a week and then not at all for a few weeks can be difficult too and each trip gets wasted a bit while you adjust. Then you have adjust again when you come back.
You also have to consider that you are putting a huge amount of personal info and photos online, even of it is in private chats. Pretty much everything gets hacked these days.
I think the only time it is worth it is if you already have a long term established relationship and are only going long distance for a set amount of time and have planned and budgeted trips in advance.
if he's acting childishly, tell him so. does he have this same relationship with his parents, do you know?
or is he just a zoomer, beyond all hope…
im such a bitch i miss him so much, i blocked him off everything and we haven't spoken in 2 days even though he's literally done nothing it's just me and my stupid ass depression i shut myself off from everything and talking to him all the time was taxing so i told him to block me off everything but he didn't, he was so patient and nice and understanding and said "i can step off for now if you'd like some alone time but id prefer not to outright drop you" and i ignored that and blocked him especially since my other girl friends were telling me to do that because "you must put your mental health first"
And now with the whole russia-ukraine situation im worried about him since he's in the army might get drifted. And i had the nerve to ask "why?" And he went "Would you drop someone you enjoy spending time with because they obviously don't know what to feel, instead of giving them the time and space to process it in a healthy manner?" Oh gosh i feel so bad,
We knew each other IRL long before we entered an LDR. She moved here recently so we're not LDR anymore. I've realized I didn't know what she was like in a lot of ways, and she's not really what I want, so I'm settling because I feel like I have no choice but to be with her at this point. Meh.
>>73405>blocking your bf for “mental health”
Jesus, poor guy. You know you can just.. like.. tell him that you need a break from social interaction for a few days instead of literally blocking him on everything? BPD vibes from this post.
We both wanted to watch stuff together. It was his idea to do the vc/chat thing. I’m glad anon <3
You responded to my post noting how being in a foreign country is unsafe without a support network, etc…in response to an anon's ldr bf insisting the only way is if SHE moved to his country with 0 compromises being apparently available. I was noting that this is a bad sign for how he frames the relationship with anon being way more open to making a compromise even in expense of comfort. My point wasn't that it was bizarre/bad he wouldn't move to her country. More that the situation is more likely to be dangerous for her.
Idc if that's bias.
You're definitely right i haven't realized it till it was too late i tried to apologize but even then i didn't manage to get my thoughts across quite as well as i wanted, and he ignored me and i don't blame him at all- maybe if it had been me who got blocked, I'd be a huge raging mess- i feel so horrible about it, i can't even apologize
after years of being together (I know this sounds bad) I've noticed something about my e-bf that makes me feel weird. he has a thing where he seems to text on and on for a very long time and ignore what I'm saying, where I'm trying to have a conversation with him and he is just monologuing about his take about something. so he'll go on for, say, 30 lines, I'll say 2 or so relating…and he'll not respond to them, and go on. yes, I have said more. it doesn't matter.
there is a small chance he'll respond to what I say several minutes behind what I text. I often react to what I want to seconds after it's said. the rare times he responds to what I say about what he said…it feels weird and many minutes later. he isn't always like this but it's like he goes into a mode where he ignores me and just goes on–
it's also like something he could say to anyone else on the subject–because it relates to nothing personal besides a piece of media he's saying his take about.
I have said to him that feeling unheard is a sore spot because my mom has spoken over me so much–I stopped talking altogether while she talks all the time. That the last time I tried even saying anything at all to her, after she stopped her point for a few seconds, she immediately continued her next point while I was still mid-sentence, as if I never even said anything. For every 100 words she says, I probably say 1 word on average. This isn't hyperbole. I barely talk at all. I have gone days without speaking a word aloud before. I went through 10 years of speech therapy FFS. 10. years.
My ebf accused of just "projecting" and that I am the one that talks all the time without letting the other person speak…that I might just be like my mom which made me feel ashamed. I remember looking back at that conversation…it was a text wall from him with 0 relation to the 2 lines I dropped, minutes apart, as compared to 100s of his. he has told me "this is just what a conversation is", among other things, and idk what to think anymore.
I usually love enthusiasm in people. I genuinely get excited when I see someone being passionate about something and I love joining in, and have so many times. I have so much fun. And they have usually made me feel included and like we're having a real conversation about it. I never have felt like I needed to interject ever before with online stuff with people I've chosen to talk to for a long time.
Looking back I never said more than the other person. They usually drove the conversation, yet, I didn't feel like some audience member? If that makes sense.
Think the last time around I said to my ebf, "look, if we were talking in real life, with our voices, if I said something would you go on with your initial point without considering it?" and he said yes. And I don't know what to make of it or if I'm acting entitled…because again I've never ran into any such issue with any of my friends and I don't even know what proper behavior is anymore.
to clarify, we're both virgins with 0 romantic/sexual experience.
if you want to talk
bin him anon. i dated someone like that and it was a huge red flag i missed
Is he autistic, anon? Not because it would excuse it, but if it's an integral part of his personality he's unlikely to ever change. Have you tried not accommodating him that much and really pushing yourself to talk as much instead of giving two lines, to see how he'll react?
Imo if you like him you should give him a chance to change. But if he can't or is unwilling to do it I agree with >>74071
. You don't deserve to be treated like this.
Jesus anon calm down he's just excited about stuff and wants to talk about what's he's passionate about.. you seem like the one who has issue (i don't mean this in a derogatory way) you have to work through your own self image and past experiences
I'm going to get dumped before we meet up again, I have a vibe that hasn't gone away.
but, anon…most of these times he isn't gushing about something. That's usually more when I start feeling uncomfortable. I.e., he will be saying a group of people are retards because they like something in particular, etc., and I will start getting uncomfortable.
I'm used to other people gushing and in the past I've really enjoyed it and it felt natural to listen and when I did have something to say, I didn't feel completely bulldozed.
Yeah, I'm not sure. He has randomly said "I'm completely sure I'm not autistic."
I have once in a rare while - particularly when he isn't being critical about something - joined in to talk about what his with the same energy, annnnd…yeah, it's extremely awkward and looks like we're talking past one another. And I feel so rude doing it!
Let me put it straight. It's just not fun at all. It's ok if he's just being excited about something but when it's a text wall of negativity or criticism, it's…oof.
Think the only times he addresses what I say in the moment when he's like this is when it's sex-related or something.
Other than all that, he is actually kind of perfect for me other than weird problems like this, ones that make me wonder about the way he sees me or other people. If things get worse I'll contemplate breaking up. I'm prepped to live life as a virgin spinster anyway.
Why are you gaslighting anon? A conversation requires at least two people sharing their ideas. It's not just incredibly rude to throw monologues at someone, it also implies you think their opinions don't matter and are not even worth engaging with.
Text conversations are like this for me sometimes. You'll just have to talk to him in person and see if it changes. Texting is nothing like talking face to face.
Not that I always think negative comments are male but, oddly, that one gave me slight male vibes. >>74141
Good point though I've been thinking a lot and I've realized maybe I've been coping a little and I probably should have broken up a while ago.
He's been complaining about anti-Russia propaganda bots in the past day…he hasn't explicitly said so but I think he's in support of the war on Ukraine. Weird considering he shit so much on warmongering before. I agreed with him on a lot of controversial topics in the pass. This, though…sigh. For a while I've been getting the inkling feeling that I can't really trust him or what he feels about things.
I'm kind of depressed more than anything. Imagine spending half your 20s talking to one guy, and spending 1000s of hours with him playing games and chatting and whatever, and the first meet-up being soon…and it probably just floating off into the air. Imagine finding someone that shares so many of your vulnerable sentiments.
I should have known better tbh. I am someone unlovable, I knew this by when I was 10 years old because of how my parents and other people treated me. I ended up finding him late in college on a weird forum and we naturally grew to really like one another…
I focused on how real and strong our connection felt, and how much he adored me, the extents he went for me at my worst. The lazy nights snowball fighting in dumb games and us excitedly showing one another secret places. How enthusiastic yet level-headed he was. His adorable stories about his past in his hometown and being a bullheaded dummy, but so earnest about it all.
Sorry about the tangent. I'm bad with words and I guess I really wanted this to work out because it was really my one chance at something genuinely special with a guy.
is it really possible to talk so much to someone it becomes unhealthy? ive been in a LDR for over six months now and we tend to call for an average of seven hours a day. my parents tell me its unhealthy but i feel that they don’t understand that hearing someones voice is about as intimate as you can get with a LDR.
Well, anon, how do you think you'd react if you could no longer talk as much to him?
I notice in such situations it causes harm down the line by normalizing what is otherwise an extreme that can't indefinitely go on.
if you were in person you would be spending this much time, if not more, together. don't be too worried.
try to take some time to yourself if you can and pursue your own hobbies in addition to spending time with him. it'll help you to be more balanced overall.
If it’s not causing harm, it’s not unhealthy.
So my ldr bf lost his job to do I'd and his work shut down so he has to find a new job. And he may have to work at camp and if he goes to camp his off days would only be 5 for his rotation and than I can't not move in or visit really. I'm really far away he's in British Columbia CA and I'm in Massachusetts. And like I'm really nervous to move away from my parents and but I hate being long distance. And if he's at camp than he will be working 12 hours and we couldnt even text as much.
>>75840>I’m really nervous to move away from my parents
I feel this anon. I’m in Cali and bf is in Toronto, so our distances are a lil similar. I had a major panic attack on my first flight over there. Is there any way ur bf can find a different job other than this “camp”?
OP if you're still there, think about it: do you really want to move in with your boyfriend? It seems like you are on the fence if you're nervous moving away from your parents. However, you also don't like the long distance aspect. Maybe give it a test drive, "move in" for a month (just a visit). Except, I think that it may not be worth it with his new camp job because then you won't be able to see him as much as you want. Maybe take a visit when he has 5 days off? I always say go for a test drive. You dunno how your ldr bf will act irl if you haven't seen him that much.
I have a ldr bf I moved in with and after about ~7 months, true colours come out lol. He's from Vancouver and I was from Toronto. I moved in with him and it was awful. We didn't have any movers because cheap/poor so we had to lift all the heavy furniture - the worst being the couch and mattress. Buying all the cleaning supplies, furniture, groceries, splitting bills, etc. was a nightmare, but I have to say if you love him, it is worth it because you get to fall asleep and wake up next to your bf everyday! I do get lonely still when he goes off to work (I am a NEET at this time while he works standard 9-5 job)
I keep internally freaking out because I keep struggling to see my LDR working out in the future.
Talk to him about it. LDR is nothing without communication. If you start seeing that it's not gonna work out in an objective discussion… time to admit it
I can't make myself do it. Maybe I'll write something out first to collect my thoughts. I don't want to break up.
I wonder if this is more of a thing for LDRs, I think my bf is with me only because I was the only one interested in him. We met off of leddit but then I never checked his history and he had been posting personals for 5 years on there. He only got two responses total he showed me. I've been in LDRs and non-LDRs, but now that I think about it, I wonder if these guys who opt for only online and only do LDRs are just red flags themselves. I'm worried my bf doesn't actually love me, but I am just here in the meantime to keep him company. He told me one of his friends giving dating advice was just to get "practice". All his friends are the worst I could think of if birds of a feather fly together, they're all bitter and divorced with issues in regards to any woman. Something about this irks me beyond anything, but I feel I can not say much without looking paranoid.
After this relationship ends, I will never do another LDR (excluding if they need to travel after in person such as family abroad emergency for a defined time). I think those into LDRs get into it because in person, there's a reason why nobody else wanted them.
>>76398>I think those into LDRs get into it because in person, there's a reason why nobody else wanted them.
You know some people just don't enjoy social occasions enough to even be put in a position to meet others, right?
I can't speak for the rest of the situation and I'm sure there's other valid reasons to bail, but using this as a metric is pretty silly; unless your goal is just to remove introverts from the pool entirely.
You're mixing up online dating with LDRs, everybody is dating online in some form and most couples meet off of tinder, hinge, etc. But to only go after a long distance relationship is questionable for the most part.
things to do while away from bf over the summer? (e.g. any good coop video game recs and whatnot?) i feel so sick being away from him after spending all of my time every day together with him and i don't know how to cope with it
Stardew valley, minecraft, terraria, ff14
depends on your taste as well
how to cope with a failing LDR, i feel like puking my guts out
I'm with my LDR bf because I happened to fall in love with him and not with an irl scrote.
I live in a ghetto-like place so it plays a role.
I agree that many people, especially moids since for girls it's easier to find relationships, get into LDRs because they have issues with in person interactions.
The ideal would be to make sure your bf sincerely likes you and isn't settling for LDR bc he cant get an irl. That's very hard to find out though and exceptionally rare among scrotes, who mostly go for convenience and something is better than nothing.
But if your LDR bf is with you because he actually, truly loves you, and not because he cant go for irl, then he's likely far more of a keeper than men in irl relationships.
Why is it failing anon?
My LDR is good romance-wise but I don't know how it will work in the future and it tortures me. I love him but I honestly contemplate ending it every day because I am scared of the future and I'm so touch-starved.
I wish they did not think I'm less safe than I actually am and didn't worry so much about me doing something that may seem unsafe for outsiders but is relatively safe in reality. I feel so useless because I don't wanna upset them and it prevents me from being useful. I hate myself and I am so ashamed.
I might get a contract job and move away for 4 months from my bae.
How does one make an LDR work? I think I'd get tired texting/calling/video chatting and online gaming. I like doing tangible real things with my partner, not larp as an e-couple.
I can't see my LDR working out in the long-term but I can't bring myself to do anything about it because the rest of the relationship is going completely fine. I'm scared and I still have feelings. I know I need to talk it out with him but I can't bear to.
if it is only four months i think you will be fine, it will be difficult but if you have an end in sight it can make it a lot easier
>>77388>asking for advice in an LDR thread when you see LDRs as "larping as an e-couple"
Lmao this. And unironically using bae… is that anon 40 or something?
A few years now but we've met in person
I am so touch-starved I am fantasizing about intimacy with random people I see in public. Kill me. I need to be held
you're not fit for an LDR. there's nothing wrong with wanting what you're saying but you owe it to yourself and your bf to break things off and find an irl guy
Yes that's why I'm posting in the LDR thread..
Havibg my daily mental breakdown
this guy i've confessed to through the internet and we both have romantic feelings for each other, i'm gonna meet him irl tomorrow but at the same time i kind of don't want to do it?
i'm a bit scared since he told me he had some problem with liking someone as a person but not their looks and thus being completely disinterested in someone, i really don't want to disappoint him like that… inb4 send pics: i did, we exchanged some sfw pictures of ourselves and i really liked his, he told me he liked mine too but i didn't show everything in that photo.
on the other hand, if we don't meet up, we're not going to start officially dating since he takes touch very seriously and doesn't want an e-relationship because of this.
No, i'm constantly stressed about the future of my relationship.
I've never had a successful LDR. They always seem to wither and die on me, often by my own hands, but I feel as though if they were in person, things would have been different.
>>78838>>i'm a bit scared since he told me he had some problem with liking someone as a person
um anon jesus!
I don't think she meant it that way. She meant he likes people as a person but then after seeing them he doesn't feel attracted to them anymore because of their looks. >>78838
I'm late, but meet up (bring pepper spray, meet in public place etc etc) and just see. If you don't meet up you can't date anyways, except if you never meet up you'll wonder what COULD have been. Its best to just give it a shot and see what happens. If you meet up there is a chance you'll date, if not then there is none, so you may as well.
Me too. What's stressing you?
For me it's my general inability to hold a conversation, when 90% of the stability of my relationship is dependant on conversation, other than when we can meet up every few months to fuck and spend time together.
Its literally 4 months, I'm lucky if I get to see my "bae" every 4 months. Jesus, its not that hard.
I met this guy on a non-toxic 4chan discord. He's smart, handsome, masculine, charming, has his life together and I'm honestly not sure what he wants from me. Im just ok looking, super awkward and dont really have much going on in my life. He has a good career and is active socially. We talked about sexual topics a few times and he tried to steer more in that direction but backs off when I get uncomfortable. I'm afraid ill give in and he'll just abandon me after he gets nudes or i fall for him. I just dont see a reason for him looking for girls online, especially me. he has no red flags or issues and it makes me wonder why tf are you on here?? I'm VCing with him again tonight and I want some questions to ask to figure out what's going on
probably not a good idea tbh, posting/lurking on 4chan is itself a red flag
so we rescheduled the meetup because the weather was shitty and "he didn't feel like going anywhere" which i find weird because when i said i'm gonna visit his city he seemed excited. we're going to a garden tomorrow morning.>>78931
sorry for confusion, >>78960
is right, her post is exactly what i meant. my dumb ESL brain couldn't properly form sentences that night. also thank you!
Ask him what he's looking for, and why. If he responds "just seeing where things go/nothing specific/go with the flow" or some equally bullshit variant of that, it's a hard no.
I talked to him, he said he feels alone because all the women he meets in his city are superficial, I asked what he's looking for and he said he's skeptical of LDR and wouldn't want to lead me on, but also really likes talking to me and might be open to it in the future. I made an excuse to leave so I could go cry, idk what to do. He's perfect
and I just want to throw myself at him. He's not hiding his intentions which im happy about but I dont just want to talk you DUMMY. Then he posted a pic of his BIG ARMS building a hut in the woods and said "yurt BF, teepee GF" which made me laugh while I was sobbing which made me even more sad. I want to get closer to him but I feel like the only way I can is by accepting his sexual advances, or I keep things the way the are now and just hold myself back every time I talk to him until he decides to commit. We've only been talking for a few weeks. I havent felt this emotional over a moid ever.
im not sure but he looks average/tall in pics of groups of people
i got cheated on in every ldr ive had. they suck
how did you get into them in the first place?
i used to be really into right wing politics and several moids in discords i was in added me and "fell in love" after being friends and said they wanted to marry me. its all bullshit.
so clearly you were just in with the wrong crowd?
perhaps you aughtta try again…
what crowd should i be in. Leftist men who watch hentai and bdsm? femboys that love anal? no thank you ill just stay alone. scrotes are inherently disgusting.
>>79063>encouraging a cheater to get into more relationships
are you ESL or something, re-read her post>>79056
Depressed i have to spend birthday alone
tomorrow's my 21st
wanna be penpals or something?
Holy shit we have the exact same birthday. Tomorrow is my 21st too, LOL. You can email me @ [email protected]
And I'll give you my discord if you want.
I spent my 21st going to a local Chinese place with ny parents… It suxks not getting to celebrate those milestones "properly."
Happy 21st. I hope your 22nd is happier.
I never did anything special for my milestone birthdays either and I can’t remember them much either. I hate how much pressure society puts on us to have certain events be special.
Thank you anon. <3 I just wandered around an amusement park by myself. Now I'm just lying in bed the next day feeling depressed and i don't know why.
Sometimes I wonder if having a bf closer to me would solve my loneliness, but it's probably a "grass is greener on the other side" situation. My ldr bf treats me amazingly. It just gets fucking lonely
when i met him for the first time i was trembling intensely, almost ready to collapse (while he seemed perfectly calm) and he noticed it. it's fine though since he didn't made it awkward. but i'm really glad i did, we're now dating and he's pretty cool. really sensual, we didn't do anything except cuddle for 10 hours straight. he also confessed he wants to eat me out for some reason? i find it cute but feels quite a bit rushed, i told him i'm not ready for sexual relations yet, he seemed accepting of it.
how'd you two meet, outta interest?
we met through our common friend who sent my messages to him because our friend found them funny, then he saw my social media page which had some things he was really interested in (mainly shared interests in music and vidya). then we talked for a while, played games together, etc and then one day when we got closer (exchanging personal info and life stories and such) i developed feelings for him and confessed. turned out the feelings were mutual so we agreed to meet up when i'd be in his city.
i'm really excited for you anon; hope everything works out well!
thank you, i hope so too, he seems pretty cute so far <3
i think that spoilered stuff is good too, just yeah, as long as he's not rushing things
shows that he's not super misogynistic, some guys want to receive the same but won't return in kind
Met my now husband 5 years ago, we started our LDR just under 3 years ago. We moved in together a few months ago and just got married. It was really rough for the first few years of only getting to see each other a couple of times in person, but we would video call every single day, even if only to say good night to one another.
It was a bit of an adjustment going from LDR to irl, but we've been doing great. I think the main thing for me to adjust to is not really being able to "get away" the way that I used to, like just being on my own when I needed me time. We both work from home so he's always here which the majority of the time I love but it can feel a bit stifling when I get into a mood where I want to be isolated.
Overall though, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The wait was difficult but worth it, and the time we spent unable to be in person together was instead spent saving up money so we're living very comfortably now. I'm so ridiculously happy.
I wish I had someone with me in person. I think about it every day and it makes me feel so guilty because there's nothing wrong with my LDR and he treats me amazingly.
Just break up with him, it's pointless to continue it like that.
We have very similar situations anon, except I didn't really take much getting used to to him irl vs online since he felt pretty much the same to me.
But I still love him and we've been together for years. I feel horrible and conflicted.
>have been "dating" a guy online through my 20s
>0 romantic/sexual experience otherwise
>tfw kind of don't want to meet up with him because my 20s have featured me becoming weirder and more socially austere with severe exhaustion issues, can't even have conversations eclectically
>actually find the online stuff fun and safe and don't look forward to actually being with him
>I do have fantasies of it but I'm well aware my idealizations won't measure up to the reality of me
I don't know how to tell him this.
send him this post, you just said it
>been talking to this guy for two years.
>Just really flirty stuff nothing super special, some dirty stuff but not really.
>he’s coming to town to visit family and wants to see me
>I’m pretty sure he just wants to sex but why talk to me for two years…it’s not like he’s ugly and he could definitely get laid.
>he told me we didn’t have to do anything, but they always say that
>do I let him come over or just make an excuse ?
Honestly just don't be in any situation where you're alone with him. He is using the vague language of a guy that is trying to carefully get laid but also escape accountability for the desire "we don't have to do anything".
There are countless stories of men that spend months or years trying to get laid once. Also, stories of men that are friends for that long and ghost after a hook-up. Don't underestimate their opportunism and fixation; doesn't need to make sense for them to put inane effort into a potential hook up.
If I were you and felt like he really was fishing I'd just not meet up with him. I don't think he'd force yourself on you but sometimes, uh…"""things just happen""". If you two are just friends, there isn't really much reason to meet up. It'd be fun but sex is on his mind. IDK how much. But it's probably there.
Sorry for being doompilled nona.
Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate it. I figured just as much. I don’t really think I’m attractive enough for a two year fantasy. Especially cause this dude lives in like California and he’s fairly attractive. I feel like there’s definitely better looking girls.
If he does come over, I think I’m just gonna have him watch call me your name. What straight dude is gonna get his thing hard watching Timothée Chalamet masturbate into a peach.
Question, why this "come over" business? I think it'd be hard for you to get out of a bad situation if he's in your house.
Also men are able to get turned on from anything. If he's expecting to literally come into your house, there's a pretty solid chance he'll make the moves and sees it as an invitation from you (it shouldn't be but this is how a lot of guys' brains work).
My sister lives with me and is gonna be there
Nona, he's doing the sexual equivalent of monkey branching. If he wanted a relationship, he would not wait 2 years or flirting without even trying to meet up for something more serious. It's not that hard to talk to someone everyday online (even if some scrotes act like it is). I concur with the other nona, he's just using you for a lay. He almost definitely is doing this with other girls online.
Yeah, I'm trying to be nice about it but there is almost no way that guy isn't expecting some action if he knows he's coming over so I'm wondering what the point is even of hanging out to begin with. I wonder he's pressuring her or something.
Has anyone here broken off an LDR because of loneliness?
I feel slightly pressured like I already said yes. I’m just gonna ghost him and not answer. Sighh just another night spent alone
How do I get over an LDR that ended over a year ago?
Nothing bad happened: no cheating or creepiness etc, I wasn't able to be there for him when he needed me most
I can't think of anything else on the daily and everyone else I meet pales in comparison
same thing that happens when your cat dies
wait a while to process your emotions
then after some time, look at trying to get a new cat
I'm sorry for your case, I'm glad my bf and I spend all day every day talking to each other online, and have been for over 8 months
American guys r horrible…. why fall for them.
I'm in the same situation my parents would kill me if they found out. I don't even know how to approach them about it. I really want them to eventually know so I don't feel this burden on me but there's literally no way for me to talk about it with them. Hopefully will have my own place next year tho so my bf can come stay without my parents knowing… other than that idk what the fuck to do.
I have been talking to a guy online for some months now and we constantly talk how we want to be with each other and stuff, stuff most of you in LDRs are probably familiar with. I wouldnt say we talk constantly, juts when we have free time to, which i find reasonable, we both come home tired after all. But we're not in an LDR, but i think my post belongs in this thread anyway.
Tbh, talking to him makes my loneliness all the more apparent because we live so far from each other, and I have never experienced that level of attraction in real life before.
As time went on we started to open up to each other more often, he told me how he wants to find someone who loves him, but he'll probably be alone forever (which I don't really believe, he's not ugly at all, he just never approaches anyone). It kinda made me feel bad at first, because I do love him, maybe not as a real boyfriend, but as close as it gets. I wished him good luck with finding a partner, but I can't help but admit I hope he doesn't find anyone, I want him to stay mine. I love how morose he is, how he has low self esteem but he's actually attractive.
I'm still thinking about meeting him some day, but its' stupid to think about it.. My parents won't let me travel even to another city, let alone a country, all alone. And my job is so pathetic I would have to never spend money on anything just to be able to afford tickets. But i still think about seeing him a lot.
I know I'm starting to vent more than talking about my pseudo LD relationship here, but i desire physical touch so badly, I want to do all the things we talked about doing so badly. I see my coworkers and friends getting hit on often, talking about their boyfriends and exes, while I'm here a kissless virgin that no one showed any interest in, no matter how much i take care of myself or how much i try to behave less like an autistic weirdo.
He's probably as close as I'll get to having a boyfriend…
If you're an adult I don't see how your parents matter at all regarding this
That's because you've never had controlling parents.
If you let them control you as an adult then your life will be in their hands forever. Do you want that?
Me and my e-bf of a few years (no, we never met, yes, it's ridiculous) don't seem compatible and I'm depressed because I might break up with him soon and I'm not sure where else to go to talk about this absurdity. There's just so many things that have piled on making me
Sometimes we get into disagreements and he ends up doing something like…ok…
Imagine someone that says "completely equal" and "50-50" in response to something that is more like 95-5….something that it is so technical it could be proven wrong by doing a count on a few archive sites, or something like that. And, imagine that this is the default way he argues, where it's usually based off of hyperbole he puts 0 stock and evidence in and then ignores 100% of anything I have to say in response.
It has made pretty much all arguments into a mess where he says something outrageous every 10 seconds then ignores my refutes of it. I'm not sure if it makes me mad. More numb? Can we just not make progress? I'm starting to feel that way about many things…and it's not really just the arguments we have once every few weeks.
It isn't really that I'm better, but as just some dumb weirdo who's never touched anyone before and is prepared to die alone, I guess this is all inevitable.
making me disillusioned*
Sounds like some typical annoyance that many couple would go through after being together for many years. Everyone runs into stuff like that, what makes the relationship or breaks it is how you choose to deal with it. Will you communicate with him and try to solve your issues? Will you give up? Will you continue to grow resentment for each other until everything pops?
The fact that you never spent time IRL doesn't help either. Do you at least have a plan to meet up? Either way, wishing you luck nona.
hello there fellow adult child of controlling parents
if i can get a bf, then i'm sure you can, but i'll be honest, having controlling parents will severely limit your dating pool, because no one wants crazy in-laws and a novel's worth of rules to follow, and your options will mainly be men who also live with their parents, often by choice, which is important to keep in mind.
I think it's more that compromise seems unlikely because he seems to have 100% confidence in everything he says and 0 desire to hear me out or discuss something. And this makes me uncomfortable about our ability as a couple to actually…idk…work through things, progress, etc. Communicating hasn't helped but maybe there's a better way?
Also, it seems less like an annoyance and more something that will cause me massive amounts of stress down the line.
I've had friends for many years and I have never run into these issues with them, either.
The rare disagreements I get into feel much less like arguments and actually…two people talking instead of someone talking at the other? Sometimes, I actually ended up having my mind changed, or changed someone's. Or learned something new. Usually things end up somewhere. But with my bf, it's like…talking to a stranger, actually, and it's so weird and hard to explain. It's like going onto 4chan and arguing with a random guy.
I have once before met someone like my bf irl and she was such a brick wall that I wasn't friends with her for very long and unlike so many other people I had met, it felt like I didn't "click" with her. I was surprised when I found out other people had been complaining about her bulldoze-y behavior because I had assumed I just wasn't tolerant enough.
She was a huge liberal feminist–I had met others but none that extreme. Hearing that this is just normal when someone has dated someone for a long time puts me off of dating.
Being in an LDR was so much easier before we actually met. It hasn't even been a month since I got home but there hasn't been a night where I haven't wanted to cry from having to sleep alone. It's going to be 5 or 6 months at least until we can see each other again and it hurts so fucking much.
Just as my mental health was starting to get better too and now it's right down the shitter again.
added a guy in a TF2 server 3 years ago and we have been chatting constantly,finally met him this summer
i was nervous as fuck cuz I'm not really pretty and also awkward
he tells me that I'm just like the way he imagined,we both lose our virginity to each other
now I'm sitting alone in my room,depressed af cuz i miss him
long distance is a bitch