/feels/ - Advice & Venting

OP here, I’m going to start this off by going into a little bit of detail about my experience.

I first stumbled upon porn when I was 9 years old, started masturbating when I was 10 and have had the habit of using porn for the majority of the decade since then. I started realizing something was up more or less 2 years ago when I started wondering why I could not feel aroused by another person and had to think about porn. As a result of that btw, I’m still a complete virgin and never achieved any intimacy with the few guys I briefly dated.
The end of 2017 was when I started to get serious about quitting when I realized how awful the industry is towards women. I didn’t want to ignore my conscience any further and I dread the thought of contributing to such a disgusting, parasitic entity.

Not too long ago I had a disturbing dream within a week of staying clean after a relapse. I was manically crawling towards a TV screen displaying pornography while my family shouted at me and tried to hold me back.
…the thought of capitulating to my compulsions is frightening sometimes. I don't have too many people to talk to IRL who would take this seriously, so I don't have much in the way of support. Though I know I could probably toughen this out alone if I have to.

>>4840
I wouldn't call myself a porn addict; however my biggest secret is that i somehow started 'masturbating' when i was just 4…? I just kind of sort of rubbed myself against something and my parents just told me not to.
Later as a preteen i accidentaly discovered porn and really started masturbating. The thing is just like you, i'm also still a virgin, i absolutely don't want to have sex in real life.
I do however watch the most disgusting porn, there's nearly nothing that can't turn me on, even though i'm quite sure i'm straight i can watch gay and lesbian porn, 'daddy kink', even some rather heavy bdsm shit and when i think of it during daytime i am shocked and disgusted by myself, like am i not a person who's against this humiliation of women or even porn in general…?

Hi OP. Wow did inneed this thread, I've been using porn since I was about 13 and I'm 29 and married now. I've recently been out of work and I've been using daily, binging maybe once a week. I also have probably ever single negative side effect listed on these websites. I'm quitting from right now. Thanks so much for posting this.

I've never had an issue with this and never found it too amusing. I've never seen a few video in my entire life, and only saw a few gifs when I was 19. I hope the best for people who are suffering from it. I can't seem to get off to it as others can. Good thread OP, I'm sure it will help others.

Great thread, OP.

I posted in /nsfw/ a while ago about masturbating without porn. I don't agree with it because it's degrading towards women and women in the industry are treated like shit. I also have a problem with sex because I hardly ever get turned on anymore and sometimes it's frustrating when it's taking me ages to orgasm and I think 'I could have done this in under five minutes if I was on my own'.

I decided to force myself to give porn up and so far it's been going pretty well. I did briefly go back to watching it while I was on my period to relieve pain, so I haven't overcome that problem just yet. The problem is that when I don't touch myself, I have to take more painkillers to deal with the pain and I already take a lot so that's quite worrying. But I'm not doing it out of boredom anymore so that's a positive. I did have great sex recently, probably due to a natural build up that wouldn't have happened if I was still regularly masturbating.

So yeah, that's all I have to report on so far.

>It's clear that he wasn't discovering his "true sexuality" through Internet porn use, rather Internet porn use during adolescence was shaping his sexual tastes - right through his very last session a few hours earlier.

I've always known this was true and tried to explain it to some close people I have been friends with, but they always get upset when I do. I find it doubtful most of those people were naturally born with very freaky fetishes, and this study supports what I've always thought. Thanks for the links, OP. I personally believe porn is very dehumanizing and the "worst" I do, in my opinion, is seeing sexy or nude pics sometimes. It's something I'd like to stop doing anyway.

A question I have for everyone - I'm one of those people that was basically masturbating before I can remember the first time. My parents always told me to stop masturbating over my clothes as a child (my earliest memories tbh, I was 2/3 at least). I've posted in the masturbation thread iirc. Anyway, I consistently masturbated throughout my life, not so much now that I got a huge buzzkill because of killer vaginismus, but I feel like I have a lot of the same problems as porn addicts because I would visually imagine scenes in my head that would still objectify women because obv. the vibes I got from the media I was subjected to. I can't orgasm with another human being unless I'm visually imagining an image. I guess food for thought, I don't think it's just porn that affects you, it's the need for a visual or fantasy component you can't get from fucking with an actual person.

>>4880
shit, the question, it was do you guys really think it's the porn that affects how people treat women in terms of sexual acts because I feel like I thought images like that without watching porn. Just by experiencing a tiny bit of society.

Are you sure you're "addicted" to porn and masturbating, or are you just fucking bored and unemployed and can keep your hand out of your pants and your browser SFW for 12 hours a day? I mean, unless your doing it at work, or to the point of pain, this declaration of "addiction" is just silly and over-dramatic. Of course you want to look at web-filth and make big cums, rather than going for a jog in the cold or reading the philosophising of a long dead French guy, that stuff's boring.

>>4884
Even if they're not addicted mainstream (if not all) pornography has been proven bad for the brain and it can damage people who watch it in many aspects. Not to mention the people who work in the industry. If anyone feels like they should stop watching it for some reason, they probably should. It doesn't need to be an addiction to be bad.

>>4879
>>4882
Yah, media can influence people's fantasies, though to a lesser degree than hardcore p I would guess. Just think about how there are tons of "softcore" scenes in movies and TV shows.

>>4884
>Of course you want to look at web-filth and make big cums
Nah, I'm fed up with that shit. I don't want to look at anything anymore, however my subconscious disagrees with me whenever I feel the urge to make that choice against my conscious will.
I don't think you should be belittling anyone honestly. It can take a long time for someone to come to grips with the fact that they have this problem, and they know more about their own situation than you do.

Is it okay to do it without porn? I still feel dirty even though I'm only using my imagination, also wondering if it's seeping the energy away from me.

>>4907
Why would you feel bad using your imagination? Do you think about anything particularly nasty?

>>4909
I feel bad about the act itself; how animalistic it is.

>>4936
Same anon who asked you the first question. I feel the same way to some extent. Sometimes i wonder if I will need therapy or not. I can only be sexual with my romantic partner and I feel like sex without love is sort of… Wrong? However I only say these things to myself, I never bring them up to the public or other friends. So I can relate. My boyfriend says I don't need therapy and that's how it's supposed to be, between people who love each other, and all. In this specific context I don't find it animalistic, it's more like "making love" which makes it way more acceptable in my head. Hope it makes sense.

I have a porn habit cause I am skin hungry. I.e I havent felt love in a long time. Its sad but the other extreme is to throw up a vraigslist ad.
Im sad and tired of porn. If you arent a porn addict dont respond at all. I really dont need someone eith limited experience saying anything.

I used to have it so bad but I've cured my addiction to physically looking at it by just being dedicated to going cold turkey. The first 30 days are the hardest, at one point I collapsed on the floor of the shower crying because I wanted to fap/look at porn so bad.

Protip: look at porn on a day you're absolutely not horny, maybe even nauseous, and you will realize that shit IS DISGUSTING, because it is. I dare you.

>>4998
i stopped fapping to porn when i got with my fiance, neither of us do it and it's made sex much better. thinking back on what i liked disgusts me now and it's much more fulfilling to fantasize about real life sex. i agree that porn has the instant gratification effect that most studies have cited. it also has a huge affect on self esteem, and not even physical. reading, or watching porn can make you insecure about your body, yes, but also your own sex life.

I relapsed after 120 days off porn/fapping and now I can't stop and sex with my partner is not as good. fml

I watch a lot of porn, but I think I’m addicted to masturbating rather than porn. I’m ovulating right now and I have the day off, so I masturbated like 10+ times today. I guess it can’t be good for my physical health, but morally I don’t feel bad at all.

>legit watches porn 2 or 3 times a year due to several reasons
>decided to do that today
>casually browsing videos
>find random video
>OMG NO
>don't even feel like showing said video
>thumbnail is enough
>woman fingering her cervix
>pic related is the comment section

People get off to this omg. I know not all pornography is like this but this video just reassures me I've made a good choice when I decided I wouldn't watch it. Please say watching this shit isn't common now and that most men do not beat their meat to this. People really have gotten desensitized and the woman in the video… What the fuck was she thinking? Is money really worth that? Omg. I was >>4878 so i don't know if many people are into this now, many people in the comments seemed to love the video. Good luck everyone who decided to quit porn, no matter the reason

>>5154
Same thing happened to me. Lots of crazy shit out there…

>>5154
Cervix porn is disgusting. Along with prolapse porn, I don't know what women see in harming themselves in such a way unless they are truly that desperate for money.

I always assume the sex workers getting into super niche fetishes like that aren't having much success via more popular avenues like camming or plain sex. Could be a symptom of a society getting sicker with their sexual expectations for all I know though…

Can I ask why many of you seem to be, well…prude?

>>5173
You didn't link anyone so I will assume you're talking about cc as a whole: there's an entire board for sex stuff here (/nsfw/) and if you go through many threads you will see several anons are sexually active, are into all sorts of stuff, etc. Meanwhile there's 1 thread outside of that board (if you are specifically referring to the anons in this thread) that you had to come to and post a comment saying girls are prudes…?
I don't think trying to quit porn or finding some aspects of it disgusting/sick is "prude", but whatever. I am sexual with my significant other and I can understand the POV of many itt. Also prude isn't necessarily bad.

>>5173
Prude? Why? For realizing and discussing how bad these things are?

>>5178
>I have nothing against sex, otherwise I wouldn't be abstaining from a thing that deteriorates the quality of it.
Exactly, in addition to how an addiction to fapping dulls your physical sensitivity to stimulation it also gets you into a mental space of focusing on your own pleasure and not on your partner. Not saying this because I'm a frigid anti-sex prude but because I was badly addicted to porn/fapping and realized it was actually harmful to my sex life.

>>5154
While most men don't watch things that extreme, it's still true that they've gotten desensitized. Just look at the average porn video, that's already a bit too extreme.

>go relatively porn free for a year (meaning I drew my own and look at nudes, but didn't get off to or watch videos)
>fetishes still continue to get more violent and gross
Why? It can't be the drawing since that's still my imagination.
My taste with women has at least vanilla-ed out (thank goodness), but in regards to men it's gotten heaps more degenerate this year.
I know I'm inherently into GFD since I fantasized about it before porn, but I've recently gotten intofeet, anal prolapse, vomit, amputation, and fisting, things I'd watched out of curiosity before but not gotten off to.

I've also relapsed a bit, but I'm no longer spending hours looking at it and also haven't watched any featuring women. I'm not sure how I'm doing, really.

>>14141
>vomit
Sounds pretty hot.

>>14145
It is, but that's kind of the problem.

>>14141
I don't watch porn, but I'm kinda the same with you when it comes to men and women. It's probably because men are shit as a group, so the anger crept into my sexuality. I notice I have the worst most aggressive fantasies when I'm in a low/bad mood, is it the same for you?

I used to be almost a full-blown female version of a coomer up until a few years ago - Constantly watching hentai all day, every day. Actually, funny thing is I wouldn't even jerk off to it alot of the time. I would just watch it for the sake of watching it. My porn addiction started getting bad to the point I realized you can actually slip into degen territory from how much porn you watch, as annoyed as I am by anti-porn moralfags.

I'm doing better now and rarely even look at hentai anymore. I think I might have even outgrown it somehow, because I really can't believe how I found the moaning in it tolerable for so long.

You don't have to be a nofapper, because nofap is retarded. But you can definitely experience porn brainrot it if you watch it too much, too. It's usually a sign of having too much free time and/or depression, like was probably the case with me.

>>94765
What do you mean by nofap? Some women naturally don't feel the urge to masturbate so they never do it.

>>94766

I mean quitting masturbating for good, if you do naturally feel the urge. There's no reason to try and turn yourself into some kind of asexual just because you masturbate too much. It's not like smoking or doing hard drugs, where consuming any amount can potentially lead to damage and that's what I've seen nofappers treating it as. Millions of people do it (Yes, even while in a relationship) and are fine. It even has health benefits. Quitting, instead of just reducing or distracting yourself with something else (If it's a side effect of having too much free time, you might have too much free time because you're unemployed for example. Getting a 9 to 5 can easily keep you..from jerking off for 8 hours a day.), seems like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

>>94767
Oh I see, thanks for explaining. I'm not sure what to call myself but I don't really care for masturbation or sex much. I was like this since I was a kid and no I haven't been molested, sexually abused etc.

>>4838
didnt know about /nsfw/ how many other hidden boards are there?

>>94769
Only that one.

>>94765
>anti-porn moralfags
most anti-porn people i know (but that's because i'm in radfem circles) are concerned about the exploitation of the women and of the brainrot it causes in moids regarding their view of women and sex, and it's not really about masturbation being seen as bad to them, or being anti-pleasure in general. but yeah there are definitely people like that too.

personally aside from those obvious reasons i'm anti-porn because i don't want a hypothetical boyfriend to have watched and masturbated to countless of other naked women, it's even worse if he keeps doing it during our relationship. it's funny how scrotes will call women who sleep around whores, but then they go and do it (in essence) on a worse degree by watching copious amounts of porn since basically childhood.

your experience was interesting nona, i honestly don't mind women watching hentai at all, call me an emotional thinker but my issue as usual is mainly with men.
it's good you managed to overcome it though, addiction of any kind isn't healthy.

>>94776

Yeah, that's a reason I have watched hentai and not live-action porn. Mostly it has been because I have a weird thing with the sight of actual genitals (It makes me slightly uncomfortable/grossed out. Might be because I started with hentai so I've found live-action porn to be alot weirder as a result.). But I did see someone share a bunch of anti-porn links to "prove" about why you shouldn't watch porn, and I remember one of them linked to a site with a video of a porn actress's interview. They raped her on camera, calling her a "feminazi bitch". That messed me up and I've been further weary of live-action porn because of it.

>>94777

Yes, but in my case I don't think my desensitization was because of needing something more extreme as much as it was frustration with not being able to find something less extreme and eventually giving in because I couldn't. Hentai carries a reputation of being pretty messed up and I can vouch that that reputation isn't ill-founded. For example when you're looking for things like yuri, 90% of it gets lumped in with shit like rape and/or ugly bastard, impregnation, bestiality, etc. At least for animated hentai. The selection is a bit better with doujins. I would end up looking for hours to watch something that's not full of shit I'm not into and then just benig like "fuck it, I'll just pretend it's not there or something lol".

>be me
>4 years old
>develop a fat fetish caused by bullying from family and kids in the park, have it triggered by that one episode of totally spies
>discover deviantart at 7 years old
>suffer from horrible fetish porn addiction the next 10ish years
>masturbate 10 times a day
>develop anorexia at age 12 to cope with both shame and the guilt of fetishizing fat women
>discover radical feminism around my 18th birthday
>become dworkinpilled
>quit porn cold turkey for more than a year now due to huge guilt I feel for women trapped in porn industry/prostitution and my own internalized misogyny
>mfw fetishism still doesn't go away
>horribly sexually frustrated
>still refuse to fap or indulge in my sexual fantasies irl with fat women because I don't want to objectify them and also because I have an experience with an anorexia fetishist first hand (lost my virginity in high school to a girl who was pro ana and idolized me for being anorexic)
>still wondering if my lesbianism and love for women is honest or if just porn turned me into a lesbian
>literally turn to drugs (speed) to have something substitute my porn addiction
>still not gonna masturbate
>so down bad I'm considering to hook up with a fat feminine moid because he, as a male by default probably has more fucked up sexuality than I do so I won't feel bad for fetishizing him, bonus points if I become sex repulsed from having sex with someone whose gender I'm not even attracted to

It is possible to get through it nonas, however it literally never goes away. I advise you to please seek professional help. I can't since I'm wayyy too ashamed to talk to my psychiatrist about this and I will probably take it to my grave but please seek help so you don't end up like me.

I've been trying to stop looking at it for such a long time.
Porn is so awful for everyone involved the "performers" and the masturbators, I wish it were just illegal.

I've stopped watching porn for months now due to ethical reasons, as a consequence now when I'm using my imagination my scenarios have become more and more degenerate in order to get off like I used to, has it happened to anyone else here? I feel kinda bad about it

>>94825
Why don't you just enter a relationship with a fat girl and have regular sex with her? Most people only date people they're attracted to, you're not objectifying anyone by dating women you find attractive.

>>94825
i agree with the nona above, although i do believe that porn exposure and trauma can "switch" our sexuality, so it is indeed a possibility that under normal circumstances you wouldn't have developed this taste. but you should just go ahead and do what makes you happy.

can you expand on how your fetishism developed? how do you think bullying in particular influenced it?

>>94896
Hey Nona,I'm so sorry for late reply, I've been busy with uni

So, my obsession with weight has been there as long as I have been aware of my own existence. My very first memory consists of a family meeting where they were sharing diet tips and me running to my parents' room to weigh myself.
I remember gaining weight at the age of 3 and being teased for it a lot by other kids in the park and daycare. I have a particularly traumatizing memory from daycare. Sons of daycare attendants, who were much older than we were at the time (they were around 15 ) would hang out there and pick on literal 3 year olds. One day they came after me. They stripped me,molested me,and groped my fat. Similar thing happened at preschool, at age 6, minus molesting. My own dad would grab me by the ass throughout my childhood and tell me how fat I was. He wasn't the only one who did such a thing. Last time such thing happened was at age 12,a boy from my school grabbed my fat ass and when I started complaining he said that I should be grateful for any attention got since I was,in his words, hideous and fat. It was the moment that kickstarted my eating disorder.
To get back to the point, I can pinpoint the moment when everything started. I was 4. Totally spies was playing on the TV. It was the episode where a villain was plotting to conquer the world by making everyone fat by selling addictive cookies. Watching one of the protagonists gain fuckton of weight awakened both my fetish and lesbianism,however, it manifested slightly later. I started touching myself couple of months later and I have been doing it all the time i was alone while thinking of fat women. I got addicted to porn at 7 years old when I was left unattended. I simply googled "fat women " on a family pc and within minutes I fell down the rabbit hole of fat fetish models and fat fetish art. The rest is history.

posted in a different thread but i might as well post this here too.

The only way I manage to get ahead of my daydreaming problem is by self-pleasuring which has turned into a very negative and compulsive habit every time i'm alone after work and i always feel disgusting after because i do it so damn much.

I'm not actually that horny in reality but I do it because it fends off my touch starvation and constant fantasization about having a husband and children.

But when I'm alone with myself and face the crushing realization that i am 24 and have never been held or loved by a moid the only thing i do to stop myself from laying flat on the floor like im already half dead and crying is this disgusting habit/addiction.

I don't even enjoy what i'm watching. P-rn usually makes me very sad and depressed because when the moid in the video is cute because i feel like its unfair and he is wasted and i want someone who has a cute face like him to be with me instead of sleeping with wh-res on video for cash (i feel bad for women in the sex industry and i know they are groomed, abused, etc. but im just saying how my subconcious feels not my rational mind).

But watching it and gaining physical satisfaction from it afterwards numbs all of these terrible feelings, except the next time i am back in my normal mental state i start crying again either out of wishing the moid actor could be with me instead, or out of guilt for getting off to a disgusting video (even vanilla p-rn is disgusting to me because its so voyeuristic and the industry is just sick) or because im touch/love starved.

Sometimes i regret rejecting the men who were DTF in the past year and in college as well but i know it would mess me up worse than i already am if they just dumped me after sleeping together. Even after rejecting them i still fantasize about some of them even though none of them were husbando material.

>>94886
On the contrary. I am now reduced to memories of porn or erotic memories from the past. I have no imagination when it comes to that and always fail to conjure anything new. And when I am high or very drunk I am ashamed to admit that I relapse and check porn again…

>>94825
You have a twisted view of what a relationship, or liking someone is. you seem to think that having a preference for some type of person is sexualizing them and somehow exploitative because of your experience with porn. But it's the opposite, porn categories exist because people have preferences not the other way around. Try to work out these feelings and get help if you can, you're denying yourself a big part of life because of this

>>4850
My brother at four did the same thing, he would lay flat on the ground with both bands on his crotch and just grind on the floor.
I told him about it when he was older and he was shocked because he doesn't remember doing it.