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Advice and Support General Thread! Anonymous 68781
Come here, wayward souls, for any matter big and small. Insight to comfort can be found here for your issues or conundrums.
Anonymous 68783
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how do you shake off internalized ageism? I'm in my late 20s and I keep on being hit by "there's no point in learning a new thing" swamp feelings. It isn't that I expect to ever be perfect at what I try, but more that I want to be able to recreate what's in my head in a brilliant way and…I worry that I won't. That there will be a glass ceiling I'll hit or something.
Also, sometimes I notice kids already developing a major passion/talent for something.
I'm worried about still being mediocre by the time I'm in my middle years. I don't know how to shake off the feeling and instead be able to dive into something with childlike enthusiasm.
Anonymous 68785
>>68783> don't know how to shake off the feeling and instead be able to dive into something with childlike enthusiasm.I understand you're trying to illicit a sort of "playful explorative" aspect from learning, but as someone teaching myself to do all kinds of things I can say I have zero "childlike enthusiasm", only dedicated sense of responsibility. If there is any element of "childlike play" associated with the activity, it's after you've already buckled down and actually started getting
moderately good at it to some degree. As far as how to even get to that point, I recommend looking at your own two feet and nowhere else. It doesn't matter where anyone else is, what matters is where you are today in comparison to where you were yesterday. It also helps if you envision and make as real for yourself as possible how good the future
could be should you choose to do your best, and, perhaps even more importantly, how awful the future
could be assuming you just give up and never attempt in the first place. That heaven and hell waiting for you in the future and focusing on it should help slightly.
Lastly, I recommend breaking down the process of whatever it is you're trying to learn into it's tiniest possible actionable steps, so you can focus on taking those steps forward while you patiently wait to grind enough to be good. There are no guarantees, you could in fact end up old and mediocre at everything you do, it is quite a possibility, but you also could be so much more if you did try, and you could be so much fucking less if you just wallow in self-pity.
Anonymous 68787
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I'm going to be seeing my childhood friend and longtime crush in a few weeks. We haven't been able to visit for years (covid didn't help) and now that we're both adults and able to meet in-person… It'd be nice to start a relationship… But even if we don't, I want to have a good time.
Really excited but also nervous. Anyone have tips? Anything from calming nerves to getting as attractive as possible within 3 weeks would help…
Anonymous 68788
>>68787Just be yourself anon, hope it goes great for you!
Anonymous 68812
>>68785geez, lost my first reply to this. It's kind of a weird concept all around so I hope I explain it right.
I think more of what I meant was being able to shake off my unhealthy emotional ties to the finished product, the future, and not feel so much dread. I expect sometimes to be powered by mere dedication bc I don't expect to be driven by passion or genuine enthusiasm always. AKA, I want to re-orientate myself to be more into progress orientated.
It's hard to describe…but I actually think there is a fundamental difference in physiological behavior and attitude of people that regularly learn a lot of things and are efficient at it. Like, negativity doesn't seem to creep up on them. They seem to physiologically handle it better. I fully believe they had to work through a lot of things but…ok.
In the past I have tried (for something related to a job) to work through it ended up brewing a lot of toxicity and dread because I had unresolved issues, which backfired heavily eventually and poisoned that thing for me soooo yeah I'm quite guarded.
Anyway your advice is still great; I'll paste it to my notes.
Anonymous 68818
>>68785>If there is any element of "childlike play" associated with the activity, it's after you've already buckled down and actually started getting moderately good at it to some degreeI agree with this. The hardest part of learning something new is starting from scratch. Once you start to see progress, that’s when motivation starts kicking in because you don’t feel like your efforts are useless. Not exactly what anon was asking probably but I thought I would chip in!
Anonymous 68823
I need advice from people with roommates: how did you meet your roommates?
I do get along with my parents but we don't have a lot of space here (and because of me, my brother has to sleep in the smaller windowless room). No, we can't switch rooms because his room wouldn't fit my work-from-home equipment. Also I want some space to do intermittment fasting without being seen as anachan (i'm not).
Anyway, how do I find someone I trust enough to share a living space with?
Anonymous 68852
Tuhir---Bikramjeet…
Should I approach a dude who works in the same mall as me? And what to say?
I'm ready to continue my LOVE QUEST but not fuck it up this time.
We likely go to university together as well, so that's an opener. But I have little to no excuse to talk to him because of where he works. I'm also not going to just ask him on a date right of the bat since that always failed.
I asked on 4chan and they said shoot my shot but female opinion is also important to me. I also plan to reference a normie male friend just to be safe.
Anonymous 68874
can I get feedback about the idea of not being traditionally trained with instruments learning how to make digital music?
I don't like electronic music in general that much but I've found a lot be able to hit wonderful emotional beats sometimes. And I wonder how many people have just taught themselves to make music using some program only and have succeeded at it.
-person who can't afford learning a real instrument (plus can't because I'm around people that'd hate it if I played an instrument) but wants to dabble
Anonymous 68875
>>68852idk, if you think it'll eat away at you to not try, you should.
juuuuust keep in mind that a huge caveat is that a lot of guys that are approached end up severely devaluing the girl–seeing her like a free meal (sex) ticket. it's rare for a guy to actually respect it or find it cool. so, you should keep in mind if he seems lukewarm, chances are you probably won't be able to bridge the gap. but, if he seems honestly invested, it's fair game.
Anonymous 69028
>>68874It's a great idea, honestly you don't need to know how to play instruments or know music theory to make beats or compose
I learned to use FL Studio and I can now make pretty much anything so it's definitely doable. It'll take a while but there's a lot of guides on youtube. And idk if FL Studio is the best DAW, there might be better ones for beginners but at least it's handy for making beats
Anonymous 69049
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Is it normal that my step mother's very presence activates my fight or flight response? she seems to go through phases of bitchiness so some days are harmless while other days I can't even sleep with her around.
even my dad says nothing is ever good enough for her and there's no way to pacify her, so I know I'm not just a bad kid.
it's like I'm a dog and my hackles are always up. when she's gone it's such a great relief.
is this just how older women are? the idea of having a friendly relationship with your parents is so far beyond me I don't even believe it.
Anonymous 69059
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How do you learn to not care so passionately about stuff, and to not put your self esteem into work?
I work at a fast food place and it's an enjoyable job at a nice location with great people. But for some reason I got really sad when I looked up Google Reviews for our place and saw reviews that were negative. My coworkers meanwhile are chill and don't stress over matters too much. How do I learn to not want to seek approval so much? I think I come off as a kissass when it comes to pleasing managers.
>inb4 read the picrel book
I did but I forgor (sorry had to)
Anonymous 69060
>>69059Dw that book sucks anyway, waste of time
Anonymous 69061
>>69060b
big fan of the "self help books that have swear words in the title" genre
Anonymous 69074
>>69059>How do you learn to not care so passionately about stuff, and to not put your self esteem into work?Just to make sure I understand, part of your goal at this time is just to not have so much self-esteem tied into work, but I don't understand the second part. What "stuff" do you want to be putting less passion into? That's pretty general so hard to give advice for. Got any examples other than work?
>>69060She already read it, so I don't understand this comment.
Anonymous 69081
low quality question, but is it true that some people just have ugly days, especially when they're tired?
I always get "wow, you look like death!" when I'm tired, sometimes straight-up shock, while other people usually just look a little rough at most. It's hard to not internalize it, especially when my health isn't good.
Anonymous 69118
>>69074Sorry for not being so coherent, but I'm only talking about work. Like I want to do well and do a good job when I clock in my shifts and all that but how do I go about not caring so much about like if a manager shouts at me or if a customer gets angry? It genuinely shuts me down and I would like to be more care free when it comes to the opinions of others.
Anonymous 69237
how do you stop being so self-conscious?
recently I developed monster hollows around my eyes and they are painfully visible. sure, my undereyes have been hurting for a while now but I doubt that's related.
I've bee sighing about it as it's pretty much proof I'm aging like milk and tbh I've seen people shit on it like it's the worst thing ever to happen to women.
oh and yeah even with make-up on, it looks like a massive v-shaped pit under my eyes.
people were already constantly say I look like death even when I was 19 so…yeah. this is rough.
I realize that things aren't going to get better.
Anonymous 69239
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>>69237This is going to sound like weird advice, but it worked for me. I have horrible dark circles, perpetual, like, I have been told that I look like I have been punched in both eyes in the past. I also have moustache fuzz that is very visible and I used to cry over it and hate myself and give myself chemical burns with hair removal creams just to rid myself of it.
I used to cake my face in makeup- cream over my under eyes and powder on my moustache. (It did not cover up the problems, just kind of put a bandaid on them. There is no concealer strong enough for my eyes.) I found that it made me feel WORSE once I washed the makeup off.
I'd catch my face in the mirror in the morning after washing my makeup off and think I was looking at a fuzzy wendigo in the the dark bathroom. I quit washing my face and started caking makeup over day old makeup between showers so I couldn't see that bitch anymore in the mirror.
I no longer have any self-conscious feelings about these things and here are the steps I took.
1) Stop looking in the mirror. If you need to look to brush your teeth, look at your teeth and don't make eye contact with yourself. Doing your hair? Just focus on your hair. If you feel the urge to look at yourself when unnecessary, snap yourself with a rubber band or something.
- The reason why you need to get into this habit is because you can't get rid of self conscious thoughts with willpower alone. You have to literally remove the vehicle that is bringing your self conscious thoughts forward. In this case, it is your reflection.
2) Reduce the amount of makeup you wear and focus more on just taking care of your skin with moisturizers. You mentioned that makeup isn't even really hiding your "issue," so what is the point, anyway? Just make sure your skin is soft and healthy for yourself and fuck makeup. Wiping makeup off at the end of the day is practically self harm IMO- it gives you a warped sense of your own looks, and if you already struggle with that it'll increase tenfold.
- If you can start feeling comfortable in your own skin sans makeup, your perceived flaws are going to shrink in your mind's eye. You no longer have anything amplifying it, so you can train your brain to be comfortable with what it has.
Once you get used to your face with less or no makeup (really, I suggest none as much as possible) and train yourself to stop glancing at yourself in the mirror at every chance, it's likely you will start finding yourself naturally more comfortable in your skin. You can't be self-conscious about something you no longer can nitpick in the mirror.
I don't know if this is the best advice, or if it'll work for you, but I am not being dramatic when I say it changed my life. I used to think I looked like a troon with wasting disease, and by doing this over the past few years I have really helped heal my self image tremendously. I still have off days, but jesus it's like night and day compared to how I used to feel about my appearance.
Plus, just, like, get into moisturizing the fuck out of yourself. It makes you feel healthy and good, and it's good practice to keep your skin in good shape.
anyway, this might be the most terrible Crystal Cafe brand of advice but honestly at least it is something you can try
Anonymous 69558
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>>69239original poster back–this was actually really good advice. been trying to carry it through (like disabling my selfie cam, etc).
admittedly I still am trying to get away from the desire to be attractive. it's really dumb because I recognize that it IS an existential dead end and also because I'm probably mediocre looking. Honestly, through my life I've always been overlooked and it's like…there's a little goblin in my head that, treacherously, keeps on perking up when a guy is around, wanting to be seen, to be appreciated, and it's so goddamned vapid.
Anonymous 69562
need help with what possibly is my biggest insecurity–one that makes me feel trapped in my own head and body…and even soulless, or possessed by a vengeful accountant.
so, I was super neglected growing up and learned how to speak years after other kids and I basically rarely showed any emotion and I…eventually stopped showing any emotion at all after a while. been months or even years since I last laughed. my mind's flatlined and no idle thoughts come to me.
I yearn to be able to make connections, make jokes, laugh, and just…entertain myself? at least? how do I start changing the way my mind works–is that even possible?
Anonymous 69563
>>69562Is there some kind of media you like to consume? Have you tried making up fanfiction for it in your head? Or even self-insert fantasies (doesn't have to be sexually). It might help jump-start your imagination.
Anonymous 69566
>>69562Yes. Hang out with me for 3 hours. I could probably get you laughing and we'd be on a roll after a while and you'd see yourself do it and snap out of it.
Anonymous 69568
>>68781long story short, i met up with a group of internet friends i didn't know super well. all male (i was naive) things seemed awkward but okay until the next day i was shunned from the group, kicked from servers, and i came to find out almost a month later they talk about me every day insulting my appearance and cracking such nasty jokes. not to mention one of the guys assaulted me while i was drunk. i let it slide because i knew that being a female would help my case. when i did share my side to some of the group, they feigned understanding and empathy then were chatting with the others making fun of me for it.
i never even wanted anyone to know he assaulted me, but he ended up telling people i came onto him etc. etc. and it hurt to be lied about.
i know people are shitty, but the advice i need is WHY? is it because i am ugly? due to me being female? is something wrong with me and i'm not sure what? i've been so kind and caring to them, i just wish something like this didnt happen. i've never been called fat since i had a chubby middle school period so i truthfully want to know if im the problem. why do they talk about me daily when i havent been in contact with any of them for nearly a month now?
Anonymous 69571
>>69568In online circles, obviously there aren’t a lot of new events that happen where stuff from a month ago is considered old news. You’re a woman who engaged herself with low quality men and misogynists who equate a woman’s value to her beauty. They saw you as unattractive and think that’s funny… I’m sorry but please try to make some female friends and stop meeting people you don’t know too well from online. The truth is that you will always be a joke to them but you have to just move on mentally.
- girl who spent a chunk of her life in discord circles
Anonymous 69590
>>69568advice: cut off any way you have of hearing about them talking about you or any news of them. I have no idea how you're still able to see it.
and also, the other person is right. a lot of men see women like sport–and a lot of male friend groups are dying for an opportunity to sadistically tear down a woman so they can brag about it over and over again to their male friends.
they honestly seem like they have no life and are incel-adjacent thugs.
side note: please stay away from male friend groups. literally if I had known you back then I would have warned you away from such a group.
Anonymous 69607
>>69571>>69590thank you anons. im not grateful i was sexually assaulted but im grateful that i am less naive now.
Anonymous 69947
have any of you guys suffering severe fatigue for most of your lives (including as a kid) and gotten better?
I think a few years ago I had my first good night of sleep and everyone I knew freaked out the second they saw my face, insisting that I looked so much more fresh and less deathly.
I caught before/after picture evidence of my face and…turned out I actually look like death all the time but didn't on that day. the dark circles I had since I was a toddler were gone. I looked good, it was shocking. And, tbh, the second I woke up I felt amazing. Just thought I was imagining everything.
Pretty much 99% of the time though I feel very exhausted and look like shit. Eyes hurt. Headache. Etc. A very strained look about my face It's very demotivating in general and it's hard to just get through the days.
Anonymous 69961
4B662BC8-5492-4BAE…
What are your favorite motivational quotes that make you not want to give up?
>t. student who thinks they will never succeed in their field
Anonymous 69964
>>69961is that the squidward suicide creepypasta? I remember when that went viral lol
Anonymous 69978
>>69961"Keep trying till you get it right"
or something like that. They're right.
Anonymous 69987
>>69985
Probably make an onlyfans? I don't like recommending that but if you're doing it anyway, you might as well make more money. I think the real money is in making custom content and chatting on of.
Anonymous 69989
>>69987I've read that most people don't actually make that much money there. NTA btw
Anonymous 73410
bump! wanted to cuz it seems like people want to post more threads and this can catch a few subjects.
Anonymous 73556
I don’t know what to do anymore. I think I might be actually autistic, I’ve tried not to but I think I’m bisexual, I’m falling behind in class because it makes me sick being in class and I’m getting like suicidal suicidal. I just don’t know where to start with this mess or how to address it. I can’t tell my parents about this because they wouldn’t understand, would tell everyone and because I don’t want to stress them out. I also don’t want to stress my friends out as well. I want to know how to reach out for help and get it but it seems like everything takes so long and I don’t know where I’ll be in a month or two. I don’t know, I’m sorry if this is the wrong place I just don’t know what to do.
Anonymous 73557
>>73556Anon is the source of your troubles the fact that you think you're autistic OR bisexual?
Anonymous 73559
>>73557Both I think? I don’t know I’m confused and tired.
Anonymous 73573
>>73559Honest word of advice, if it's autism, don't overthink it until you've got a professional diagnosis, a lot of mental illness have overlapping symptoms and self diagnosis is so rampant nowadays it's surreal- even if you have autism- so freaking what? I actually do have autism, i have chosen all my life to value my professional life over my social one, and realized that the latter often follows the former quite naturally, people will flock to you if you're honest in what you do and focusing on the more valuable things in life,
About the whole bisexuality thing, my god do you zoomers give me headaches with this stuff. Not coming out doesn't make your sexuality any less real or you ant less valid, you don't have to gather everyone around and just break the news to them, that's next level autism, and that's what I say as an austistic person myself. Don't act like it's such a bit burden and such a huge problem when it really isn't, you're overreacting
Anonymous 73605
I am so unmotivated by everything in life aside from my writing and business, and I don't know what to do. Love is so ruined for me. It all makes me feel numb. I think if I didn't have writing I'd shoot myself
I never feel anything. Especially where attraction is involved. Im so deeply repulsed by most men and the society they want. Interaction drains me. People drain me. What is the point??? If everything is made to be destroyed, or interaction is irritating and draining why am I here? I feel like I live in a suburban wasteland where everything goes to die when I have to interact with most people too much… (Save like 2.)
God I just feel nothing, what am I supposed to do with it? I don't think I ever will. The only thing that makes me feel anything is writing, but then most people will tell you fleshing out piece of work or a story just to feel everything in it is pointless. It's all the same with getting married, having kids too. I feel empty and like a void when I have to pretend like I enjoy being around all that.
Anonymous 73650
how do I learn new skills and improve at skills without having to invest lots of money? I want to learn to sew and pattern draft and can't afford lessons and I want to improve my art along with a few other things
do I just sift through youtube tutorials until I find good material? I don't know how to go about it
Anonymous 73653
>>73650Yes! Fuck SkillShare and fuck any other kind of online scam. YouTube can teach you about literally anything, next to irl frens willing to help you will stuff "in-the-field" i can't think of anything else quite as efficient. YouTube has helped me as much as YouTube, I really love learning languages and coding, and I have been able to grow both hobbies at a very fast rate thanks to YouTube, (faster than reading about those topics anyway, maybe that's just me) good luck
Anonymous 73656
>>73650Just lot a lot of popular youtube videos on it. Also see if there is a subreddit dedicated to it. Reddit is awful but they tend to have good guides and info for getting started with something.
Anonymous 73676
>>73653actually coding and language learning are among the things I want to improve at too so it's good to know I'll be able to do that for free using youtube
>>73656yeah I've browsed a few subreddits and it's helpful for learning the basics but beyond that it's hit or miss so I can do that to get started then rely on youtube for the rest
thanks both of you for the advice
Anonymous 73697
>>73680
Hugs
I know it's hard, but believe me, it's not worth to end your ife because of trash like him. Karma one day will take care of him, pretty sure he'll end up in jail because of his crimes.
Also don't feel like a [spoiler"pathetic piece of shit"[/spoiler] because you aren't. No one can predict the future and the world is full of evil men, because of how normalised male toxicity, negging and mean comment's are in our media and cuture a lot of women don't know how to identify abusive males. It's not your fault and you should find the strenght to talk to someone, nobody will judje you and remember that these therapists and women's aid circles are created to help and improve people's state. I've been to psychologists and therapists and even if the first times can be embarrassing remember that a lot of people search help this way and that it feels humiliating because of how taboo the topic is of mental health.
Hope you get better .
(Sorry is there are spelling or grammatical mistakes, english is not my ntive launguage.)
Anonymous 73847
I asked out a guy I like as a test of courage (I have severe social anxiety) thinking he was definitely going to say no. He said he'd like to "start off as friends" and now I feel so stressed out and guilty that I haven't eaten in 2 days. Help?
Anonymous 74473
I normally have a thick skin especially with strangers opinions, but for some reason I'm extremely hypersensitive to the opinions of people I care about. Like when my mom is annoyed or disappointed in me about something, I feel really really sad and suicidal.
It's also even worse with my bf. I'm extremely hypersensitive to his opinions, thoughts, moods etc. If he seems irritated or disinterested or down, I have to hold myself back from the brink of tears. If he brings something up that's pissed him off or I did something that annoyed him, I feel so intensely sad and ashamed of myself that it borders on suicidal. He isn't abusive at all and is actually really kind and considerate towards me almost all the time, I just can't stop emotionally overreacting when he isn't 100% happy and satisfied with me. It's hard for him too because he has to tiptoe around my feelings or I'll just go and cry in the bathroom for an hour. I can't imagine how annoying it is for him. Please someone tell me how to stop being an overemotional wreck.
Anonymous 74534
>>74473Feel hugged, honey. You need to ask yourself 'why?' and go from there. Why is it so important to constantly please the people around you, make them happy, hold a high opinion of you? What does it boil down to, you think? Start from there.
Also realize that we are human after all. You WILL disappoint people, upset people, make them angry. Some people you will never be able to make happy! But as long as you try to learn, improve and also learn to set personal boundaries it will all work out, somehow, in the end.
And I say this without judgement, but maybe consider getting professional help. Feeling suicidal and breaking down because of this is not normal and not healthy.
Anonymous 74536
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Does anyone know the name of that website where you can look up height+weight and see pictures of people with those proportions? I can’t find it. I don’t know if it exists anymore.
Anonymous 74593
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not sure if it's possible to give advice for this but…ok…someone just had to tell me that apparently I sold something that had a special error on it and might have sold for 1000$s of dollars. Normally regular editions sold at 200$. I sold at a bit higher than average at the time so I thought I did ok.
I feel so horrible over it. I've been making plenty of money anyway but as someone who grew up in abject poverty that's a shit ton of money.
Anonymous 74594
>>74593>might have sold for 1000$s of dollarskey word here is might. something is only worth what someone will pay for it. i've tried to sell expensive or rare things before and ended up taking less just so i could sell it. if you're able to play the long game and have it up on ebay for a year then you could make more but chances are you wouldn't have gotten that much more for it, unless you got lucky.
Anonymous 74604
>>74594I was looking at what ones recently sold unfortunately.
Told myself that I can just make up for it by cutting back on frivolous spending and eventually it'd just sort itself out.
Anonymous 74623
Does anyone here have ADHD and managed to be prescribed medication for it while in a state that's really strict about controlled substances? I have a diagnosis and even when I showed psychiatrists as proof I was told that they can't treat me. My insurance doesn't cover ADHD meds but there are some I could afford out of pocket. But getting a prescription for a stimulant by itself is so hard and specialists are so expensive where I live, I was treated like a criminal for my anxiety meds and later had them taken away despite using it as directed. Has anyone been through this and got treatment somehow, or knows an easier (legal) way to treat inattentive ADHD? I can't move somewhere else. Or should I just go back on a different non-stimulant and hope it works?
Anonymous 74652
Is it weird if an online friend texts you after a week or two of silence? They’re slipping through my fingers even tho i enjoy talking to them and i feel like its creepy if i text them now
Anonymous 74675
>>74652No, that's what friends do. Don't be afraid of asking them if everything is okay or say that you're here for them.
Just remember that we all have our private lives and our secrets. Some people grow apart, some friendships just crumble. That doesn't have to mean you did something wrong.
Show them that you care and are thinking about them.
Anonymous 74739
>>74652I have irl friends who I don’t see or speak with in months and still we have a nice time or internet chat together when we have time and we consider each other friends, so eh
Anonymous 74763
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I have 2 courses left to finish my degree. I got down bad with mental shit and wasn't able to finish, failed both courses. I'm really sad because well, I never wanted to do college really. I should've ended it at an associates. I'm not that much in debt. I'm in $15k debt total. I don't know if I can bear to finish it. I've been in uni for 7 years. It's a sunk cost fallacy. My parents also are really wanting me to finish, I feel it's a pride thing more than anything.
I will finish. How do I get over this feeling of just not feeling rewarded or happy with my choices? I will have a degree which can make money, but I'm bad at it, and I no longer have passion for it like I used to.
Anonymous 74832
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hi, I need advice. I've had pain in my neck/throat kind of on the right side for months and it's gotten really bad in the past days.
last night I started getting a fever/hot in the area. I thought it faded away but it came back again late today. it's puzzling bc it feels like the issue is in my throat yet the entire side of my throat starts hurting and burning up. it feels…wrong.
today I went to an emergency clinic and looked inside my mouth and saw nothing. I was told to maybe go to my regular doctor for other types of lab order, but it takes so long to do so (I have an appointment next month). maybe I could call and check if there's a way to skip the red tape, idk. I at least know I don't have strep throat.
I'm scared and don't know what to do.
Anonymous 74833
>>74832oh, the fever is 100 f; the nurse guy said it's only something if it's 100.5
Anonymous 74875
In 1st grade, i was suspended for something i didn’t do because another little girl lied about me saying something i didn’t. It was a traumatic experience for me. I was looked down upon by the school administrators, interrogated everyday by them until I “admitted it” so they would stop, my dad screamed at me, i was made to go to therapists an hour away, i was told that this would go on my “permanent record” several times which made little me think i could nevet get into college… and from then on i could tell none of my teachers liked me because they could see my suspension.
I want to trace down the girl who lied, contact her privately, and get her to apologize to me or at least admit that she lied so i can fucking slam it into the faces of all the adults involved who fucking failed me. Is this a bad idea? My message to her wouldn’t be aggressive. She probably doesn’t even remember it or who i even am but the memories torture me.
Anonymous 74879
Screenshot 2022-03…
How lame is asking a guy on a walk exactly and what are the alternatives? (I don't drink alcohol or coffee)
Anonymous 74886
>>74883Context is this:
>>73847and I'm 20.
He is unfortunately still talking to me (via text) and I'm debating whether I should stop talking to him altogether or try to meet up in person.
He has asked me to join in on activities with his friends twice now and I have made excuses (one of them valid) both times.
I am not sure I have the ability to talk to him in person, let alone with his friends around. But if I break off all contact with this angel of a moid, I feel like I will stay alone until I die.
I thought it might be easier to do it on my terms, but I can't think of any activities we could do together.
Anonymous 74914
>>74897
Because my social anxiety can't handle it. Plus he hasn't seen me without a mask (dumb, I know), so he doesn't quite know the extend of my ugly.
I don't want to see his kind smile twist in disgust when he looks at me and I don't want to waste his time.
Anonymous 74935
>>74879Theres nothing wrong with going for a walk as a date, my first date with my ex was just us walking around the mall talking
Anonymous 74949
>>73847You feeling guilty is not your fault, but it's definitely not something to be guilty about! See him as a friend, if you try, you've already done an awesome thing. Better to try once than not at all.
Anonymous 76034
C3A84B5F-BC89-4631…
Not necessarily advice or feels but,
Can someone tell me why I want to hang around people who dislike me and judge me constantly, who I fight with?
Why do I want to be around big fat meanies who make fun of me?
I’m kind of bored with out them. I had a lot of fun fighting with them but I was also in a real bad place mentally. It was like a crack high.
Anonymous 76035
1635794987412.jpg
>>76034>I’m kind of bored with out them.you answered your own question. get a hobby.
Anonymous 76036
>>76035I have lots of hobbies though… that’s kind of why I quit talking to them was cause it was making me un-creative and unproductive
Anonymous 76037
>>76036so then uhh…what's the problem?
Anonymous 76038
>>76037Im just more bored?
It’s more exciting to fight with people who I hate who hate me
I am asking Why? Why would someone want to put themselves around toxic people, when they know it’s bad for them?
Anonymous 76049
>>76038it's to let your rage out. i'd say it's the exact oppose of what you thought: you're more calm when you have someone to fight.
it's not a healthy mechanism though, as you pointed out. try redirecting your anger at other things, like your hobbies.
Anonymous 76128
>>74593Honestly that's like sayong you might have won the lottery because a few numbers were just one off.
If you actually made a mistake, take it as an expensive lesson and move on (not taking the lesson would be a second mistake regarding that matter). Giving it too much thought is the way to becoming Scrooge McDuck.
>>76034We like what we are used to, it's comfortable. Maybe you're so novice when it comes to hanging around respectful people it stresses you out, hence why you fall back on the old crowd. In short: they're the devil you know.
Anonymous 76155
I know this is really stupid but what do you talk about with your friends? I never really know. When I haven't seen them in a while, it's a bit easier because we can do some catching up for a good 30 minutes, but when I see them more than once a month I really just don't know what to talk about. I know people say "talk about your hobbies", but I don't really understand what that entails. If you draw or play music for example, how can you talk about that?
Anonymous 76159
>>76155My advice would be to DO something together instead of talking- then the next time you hang out, you’ll have something to talk about!
It’s easier said than done. Nobody wants to put effort in cause it stresses them out, but it doesn’t have to be crazy. You could just cook dinner together if you don’t want to spend money and try a new recipe. You could try a new restauraunt, play a co op game, go for a walk, etc. when you feel that way I think it’s time to start DOING!
When you’re no longer in college or school or a work setting together, this problem is bound to creep up.
Anonymous 76166
>>76155>I know people say "talk about your hobbies", but I don't really understand what that entails. If you draw or play music for example, how can you talk about that?Let's say you're into drawing, you could show them your new art or talk about sometjing you've been working on or talk about art or artist you think are cool or a museum or gallery you've visited etc. Just about anything you encounter as you practice your hobby. Remember a conversation is a two way street so you don't need to think off all the content to talk about beforehand. Your friend will respond, ask questions and the conversation will probably naturally shift to another subject or something they want to talk about. Also there's more to talk about than just hobbies.. work, day to day life, family, health etc. can be subject of conversation too.
Anonymous 76214
F266838B-0802-470A…
How do you overcome fear of abandonement? I feel like it keeps me from creating deep bonds with people. All my relationships are shallow because I’m afraid of opening up and being rejected or abandoned.
Anonymous 76220
6BBE4D1C-219A-47CF…
>>76214- There’s a technique in overcoming fear where you imagine the worst case possible coming to pass, and thinking about what you would do to resolve it or cope. For example, what if the girl I want to be friends with cuts off contact and shit talks me to her friends? I would think about other places I could look for friends as well as how little she means to me in the grand scheme of things (most casual friends don’t mean that much). So while the rejection is still in the hypothetical phase, I can develop a plan while I’m calm, and I can practice facing the worst so that whatever comes my way, it can’t be worse than that.
- Analyze what it is about yourself that you fear the other person will see. Are you worried about actually being shitty toward them (flaking on responsibilities, lying, telling secrets)? If so, your fears might be justified, but at least the situation is in your control. If you're afraid of making a mistake like saying a faux pas, cut yourself some slack since that happens to even the most popular people. It's truly not in your control–which is SCARY! but I tend to underestimate normal peoples' willingness to forgive. I have one acquaintance who mentioned that she wished others would be more candid in front of her, so I felt a little freer in speaking my mind when hanging out with her. I suspect many other decent women are like this too. On the other hand, one guy who actually cut off contact with me and refused to forgive me for laughing at something he did, turned out to be a horrible and narcissistic person. So the "abandonment" in that case was a good thing.
- If you're afraid of just being weird and people eventually realizing that . . . well that is the CC million dollar question isn't it? You can either choose the difficult route of finding like-minded people, or the difficult route of becoming more normie.
In short: it's ok to get abandoned by people you don't care about, and people who are good potential friends generally don't abandon others without having a conversation first.
Anonymous 76273
1649507597239.jpg
is it possible for someone to stress themselves into feeling like shit for years?
I overthought it, but I remember years ago just having the time of my life with a friend on the phone for hours through a night (no, it was platonic, I'm a virgin) and laughing. I woke up feeling incredible the whole day and looked so much better–of which people I knew immediately noticed without me even saying anything. I felt energetic through that entire day too.
Otherwise, I feel constantly like shit and have been always very tense. It's been years since I've laughed because I just feel so numb. Also, it isn't like I'm that depressed, it's been weeks since I cried.
I feel incredibly tense all the time, get constant heart burn, incredibly tired all the time, headaches, horrible sleeps with random headaches all the time. Life isn't fun at all. Eating better and working out? 0 effect. I think I had an lightbulb moment last night just thinking about the subject because of the experience I had years ago. I even caught proof of it in a picture, my peers were right, I looked so much more alive and my sunken dark circles that I had since I was a child were gone.
Not sure what to do.
Anonymous 76274
>>76273>said headaches twiceoops. >_>
Anonymous 76330
>>76220
>In short: it's ok to get abandoned by people you don't care about, and people who are good potential friends generally don't abandon others without having a conversation first.This. I got abandoned by a friend who accused me of trying to use her as a "personal chauffeur", even though I thought we were growing to be really good friends. She did not mention this to me until I asked a mutual acquaintance of ours about her. I wanted to talk it out and try to change, but she proceeded to disappear again. At that point, I realized if she can throw away our friendship over something like that that easily then I didn't need her as a friend anyway. I removed her off everything and find it a good riddance.
Although, now it feels like my trust issues have grown even worse since then and I've somehow managed to distance myself from other people even more than I was before. I don't see the point if I get tossed aside like trash that way, again.
Anonymous 76355
smokingmeme.jpg
Anyone one else here a smoker or have been/known a smoker? I want to quit but I feel like it's kind of become integral to my identity. I know that's stupid since it's so detrimental to your health, but it's something I've been doing for a lot longer then I'd like to admit. I think if I can conquer my smoking addiction, everything else would come easy since all the addicts I know, smoking is the one thing they kept doing, even after quitting other habitual habits. I know in the long run I'd save myself my health, money and piece of mind knowing that's one thing I don't have to worry about providing in my long list of things I consistently need.
Anonymous 76360
How the fuck do you date as an introvert.
Anonymous 76363
>>76362What are good sites? Tinder and Bumble seem like shit.
Anonymous 76364
>>76355I’ve smoked for six years and stopped two times. Currently on three year streak. My dad stopped after smoking for 30 years so you can absolutely do it.
You need strong will for first two weeks. After that I only tend to get tempted when I’m really drunk and in group of smokers, so I try to avoid it. That’s how I relapsed both times. I was drunk and wanted to fit in.
For the first two weeks you should avoid places where people smoke and if possible just stay at home for the first week. It’s a lot easier when you don’t have many friends.
You will make it nona. Good luck!
Anonymous 76365
I just turned 22 this month, Japanese living in Japan, and there’s this boy I met using a dating app called Bumble. Im rather like looking for a serious relationship not a hookup so even if I match with someone the conversation never really lasts because their personality isn’t just interesting enough and it’s obvious they’re just looking for a quick fuck but I met this guy who’s 2 yrs older than me, he sounds pretty nerdy like me, we had our initial conversation in English despite both of us being native Japanese speakers (bc we didn’t know that lol) and he said he learnt English by himself and never been abroad like me so that’s a good indicator of his intelligence and something we have in common, and his face is a literal 10, one of the best looking Japanese men I’ve seen my whole life and is 180cm tall, quite tall for a Japanese guy..
I couldn’t believe someone like him could exist, he was so sweet and he sent me a drawing he drew of me after I showed him one of my drawings and we met up next week or something. The first and only guy I met via this dating app. We were chatting in a cafe nearby my house and he told me he was a virgin and my logical thinking abilities were completely gone; there’s this shy nerdy 10/10 sitting right in front of me and he tells me he’s a virgin? I had to take him home with an excuse that I will cook for him and take his virginity lol. C’mon any one of you would have done the same in a situation like this. To look back I think I really shouldn’t have done that because having sex on the first date is never an indicator of a good woman but I wasn’t able to think logically at that moment. I’m still not sure if he was lying about his virginity cuz he looks too good to be one but he said he was fat and an outcast in high school so I guess that makes enough sense (but I’m still not sure).
We met up and went on dates a few times after that; every time I meet up with him and hear about his personal life I can’t help but think that he’s a massive pussy magnet. Whenever he drinks with his friends and a female is involved she’d always make wild moves at him. He has girls baking cakes for him and shit. A Saudi princess would send him a selfie without her head scarf. He always has some girl trying to lean her body towards him in group photos. Dude’s a literal definition of pussy magnet and it wasn’t that surprising to me given how good he looks.
Things about me: I’m a literal autistic hikikomori who goes in and out of phases of depression where I completely shut myself in, ignore notifications for months and just disappear to reappear after about three months. My family is a mess and I ran away from home after working in a brothel to pay for my education; I got accepted into a very prestigious university in Germany for engineering but my mother was a gambling addict who would take my money that I made at work while going to high school and usually beat the shit out of me til I’m covered in bruises. I couldn’t give up on this opportunity just cuz of a shitty family and before anyone tries to lecture me, that decision was serious and I had made up my mind that I will never get married and live the rest of my life with this stain. Well it’s a complicated life story so I won’t explain any further but my 200 IQ chess moves ended up failing and it just left me with an escape from home, serious PTSD, non-existent self esteem and a lot of other issues. I’ve seen too much shit working at a brothel I can’t explain the details without breaking into a ptsd episode lol. I now have an onlyfans instead which he knows of. He said he does not mind but I’m sure this affects how anyone views me.
I’m sorry the story went off of the tangent. I was just wondering what this beautiful boy wants out of me. Except for one ex boyfriend the only experience with men I have is them trying to use me for sex since I was 13. I was an early bloomer and my chest was much larger than an average adult Japanese female at 11. Every single man I’ve gone out with would expect sex on the first date or it was just way too obvious that all they wanted was my body. I got molested by strangers a lot. I’ve never been treated ‘nicely’ by a man, have a man do nice romantic things to please me as a woman. Ironically the only times a man has treated me romantically were with some clients at brothel. Some of them just fell in love with me instantly and treated me really nice. So my way of thinking has been conditioned into that men only want to use me for sex and I just had to come to terms with it, live with it. Nothing I can do about it.
So I’ve naturally come to expect this boy to use me for sex or ghost me after the sex but that wasn’t the case. We’d go on normal dates and that was it. The way he acted with me left me real confused. If it was a normal situation with an average guy I’d maybe think that he’s really into me? But this is a 10/10 alpha who’s drowning in pussy I’m talking about. He’s ask me out to hang out with his friends occasionally too. I talked about my depression earlier and I’ve kind of ghosted him a few times because I wanted to be left alone and be a worthless loser. Every time I went no contact, I’d get a lot of messages from him if I decided to check my inbox after many months. He’d sometimes unsend some of his messages as to be delicate with my feelings (I thought that was really cute). He’s coming over to my place tomorrow and idk what to do (we’ll probably fuck).
I just wanted to ask you guys what you guys think he wants out of me. I know it’s not sex, but does he want something serious with me? I don’t know why anyone would to get serious with a whore with an insufferable personality like me but if he really does, it really doesn’t make sense given how popular he is with girls and he’s said something about having a crush on another pretty French girl. After all I don’t expect a 10/10 Chad with a sweet personality to be so into me. I really don’t know what to do with him, I really don’t like how he’s taking up so much space in my head these days.
Anonymous 76368
>>76363I think just inhabiting spaces of your interests (perhaps incognito) and developing friendships first leads to the best results, impatience will lead to ruin. Dating sites and a lot of "traditional" socialization methods tend to boil people down into materialistic things. Being somewhere just for romantic attention is moid behavior, you want to avoid that.
Anonymous 76372
How do you cope with a parent with abandonment issues? My mother is like that, I can't really live at home forever, but she makes me feel guilty for wanting to move out, and it affects me a lot.
Anonymous 76373
>>76330(It'sa me, duck poster) I'm so sorry that hit you so hard. When someone is not at all who you thought, it feels bad because you worry about your ability to perceive reality. It can take practice to develop a radar for poor friend material, I am still pretty bad at it in my mid-20s. One thing that helped me is paying attention when being in someone's presence gives me uncomfortable feelings, rather than dismissing them 100% of the time. Yes friendships take time and you have to adjust to people's quirks when hanging out long term, but there is a threshold of pain when someone is just not your vibe. For me the feelings that indicate a poor friend are:
- walking on eggshells,
- feeling awkward because they are too distracted to interact authentically with me,
- feeling judgmental but having to hold back a lot of opinions, - feeling like an outsider in potential friend's group,
- annoyed by constantly having to humor them.
The trust issues you're having don't seem to be something
wrong with you, but I would say they are in your control. Your instincts may not be great now, but have faith in your ability to develop them. <3
Anonymous 76375
>>76365Just ask him straight away. His actions show that he’s interested in you in some way, if you’re getting what you want out of him just be glad. Your self doubt will only hinder you.
Anonymous 76392
>>76355Free-will and pushing through is bullshit. Here's how I managed to stop smoking: Buy the cheapest, trashiest, god-awful, shit tasting cigarretes you can find. And then whenever you feel like smoking smoke them. It will slowly make you despise smoking, at least that's what happened to me. Bonus points: leave them outside for a month so they taste even worse.
Anonymous 77816
384468236915179531…
I've always been self-conscious and yeah, it has always caused me problems. And now I realize that I really need to work on this shit after I got paranoid over the idea that a repair shop guy copied my SSD data somehow. There isn't that much terrible stuff on it, though it's still enough to be embarrassing if someone saw it.
So…how do you get over yourself and grow a "give no fucks" bone? I swear, the way I feel must be from some narcissism or something because I rationally am aware there is nothing interesting about me and there is no reason why someone would steal my data. Yet I still worry. Same with other things. I wish I cared less.
Anonymous 77986
80481157_p0_master…
I don't get why this guy I met keeps talking to me. Every interaction we have is cringy as fuck (my fault) and I'm not attractive.
He seems to have a well established friend group while I'm mostly alone. He's really nice to me, too. Invites me to social gatherings even though I act awkward every time.
Is it actually possible that he's just being kind to me for no reason? I have a hard time trusting people.
Anonymous 77987
>>77986For absolutely no reason whatsoever? Maybe, he could just "feel like doing it" I suppose. Moids have whims as well.
If what you're actually asking is "Does he want to fuck me and this is all a ruse", it's possible. It's also possible that "I want to fuck you" and "I think you're an interesting person and should be treated well" also exists. Some posters here don't seem to meaningfully differentiate between a moid who lies just to get sex and moids who want to have sex with you and treat you nice at the same time. Like, the moid having sexual interest doesn't exclude proper upbringing.
Anonymous 77990
>>77987I guess what I'm asking is if it's possible that he's just doing this because this is how he interacts with people. Like, someone talks to him and he just engages them back. Someone accept an invitation he makes and he keeps inviting them.
I really, really don't think he wants to fuck me, he's way out of my league appearance-wise and he doesn't seem like a bad person. He treats me kind of like a little sister.
Sometimes I'm worried that he's only talking to me because he thinks I'm miserable and feels bad for me. I want him to see me like a normal person or not talk to me at all, I don't want him to force himself and look down on me throughout it.
I think the most realistic option, stepping away from my anxiety for a moment, is that he's just a people person and somehow got it in his head that I'll turn out "normal" if he talks to me enough (most of his friends are somewhat nerdy anyway, just less socially anxious than I am). Cause his parent's taught him to give people a chance or something.
I guess I wanted someone to tell me that he's just social, sees me the same as other people and somehow doesn't mind that I'm awkward, even though I don't think that's true myself. I think he pities me.
Anonymous 77991
>>77990>I guess what I'm asking is if it's possible that he's just doing this because this is how he interacts with people. Like, someone talks to him and he just engages them back. Someone accept an invitation he makes and he keeps inviting them.Oh yes, certainly, this type of person exists. They are incredibly helpful. I've yet to meet one that will work with me, but they tend to make for very good allies as far as requests go. I've noted stories like this from multiple people. I believe the colloquial term is "extrovert" though "social butterfly" seems to be a better one.
That being the case, it's incredibly unlikely he's even noticing you being awkward. As long as you're not physically injuring someone else or literally and directly insulting people, he doesn't give a fuck. I understand being socially anxious, and just telling you he isn't viewing you as such may not be believable, but "people people" wouldn't be "people people" if they pitied other people around them.
Anonymous 77992
>>77986He is probably just looking out for you. I am that kind of person. Good at making friends, love social interaction, and I try to rope in as much people as possible, trying to make them feel welcome by being friendly, etc. I think everyone wants to socialize and have someone to talk to which is why I do it.
I don't think he's doing it hoping you'll turn out "normal" or whatever you think, or out of pity, he just thinks you might want to have friends or socialize but you're too shy/anxious to step forward. So yeah he kind of is giving you "chances" but I highly doubt he has plans for you to integrate or expects you to metamorphose, whatever you're thinking.
It's really not that deep.
Anonymous 77993
>>77992Gotta say, that sounds kind of like pity to me, but it feels nicer when you phrase it that way. Thank you.
Anonymous 77994
>>77991I suppose that's what it is. It's hard for me to understand his motivations, probably because the "extroverts" in high school always treated me like an inferior being, and now I expect all of them to act like that. But it might be healthy for me to relearn and let my guard down a bit more.
Anonymous 78000
>>77994Out of curiosity, is this in a college setting?
Anonymous 78003
>>78000Do I sound like a teenager? Yeah, it is, I'm in my 20s
Anonymous 78008
>>78003Not really. The nature of the interactions implied you were not interacting in a work environment and it didn't sound like it was a neighbor or something.
Anonymous 78024
>group of people miss me passionately
>been gone a year
>I am a completely different, more boring and depressed person so I'd just ruin everything if I returned
>also is probably the first/only time in my life I left a good impression as I have a serious of horrific real-life experiences related to extremely embarrassing mistakes marking the end of all the meaningful connections I had with people
>the lil narcissist goblin that must live inside me is going "muh precious"
>still desperately miss them and am poisoned by guilt
I won't say I'm doing them a favor. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. But it feels awful. I wish I was confident I had something to offer.
Anonymous 78025
>>78024This reads like you derive satisfaction from punishing yourself? Is that the case?
Anonymous 78570
How do I get over being bullied/abused? Is there even a way?
Anonymous 78572
Basically got called a prostitute tonight. Feel very depressed, wearing a normal skater dress that’s to my knees. Anyone else deal with women giving them nasty comments? She basically pointed at me and said “she’s working tonight. Ew I would never be with a guy like that but get that money.” . So insulting my boyfriend on top of calling me a streetwalker. I was honestly envious of her as she was with a group of friends. Wish I could have a girls night out…
Anonymous 78576
>>78572Holy shit that's so rude, I can't believe she said that. It's possible she might've been high or drunk and wasn't thinking clearly. I doubt you looked like a prostitute, maybe she was crabby for some miserable reason, don't take it too personally. People sometimes just fling insults like it's nothing because they think it's funny for whatever reason.
Anonymous 78580
>>78572Lol she was just jealous. One time a pick me also made a very rude comment in front of her guy friends. I was just walking up the stairs next to them and she loudly said "if you're gonna wear shorts you should shave ew", implying she saw my pubic hair through my shorts, which was imposible. All to look better in front of her male friends. These people are pathetic and desperate for approval, don't mind them.
Anonymous 78632
18.png
I want to cancel a planned vacation I have with my LDR partner. It's in a month, not the first time we'll meet either we met before. I have some big financial issues right now, and this will be the second time I'm cancelling due to my finances (last one was both that and medical reasons). I feel this is ample time to cancel and I can pay back some of the smaller cancellation fees. I don't really want to have a fight with him but he gets irrationally upset whenever I cancel something or say I don't want to go out or even play a game together. I'm just upset I'm doing this twice in a row at myself and I know he'll bring this up too. How do I delicately put it to someone like him who's going to always be overly upset about me just not being able to go and do everything else in my life?
Anonymous 78633
>>78632honestly? it's weird that he isn't more concerned about your well-being, both physical and financial.
does he always get angry at you when you tell him no?
Anonymous 78634
>>78632you shouldn't feel like you're walking on eggshells with your significant other. it's a big sign they have issues with control and entitlement.
Anonymous 78635
17.png
>>78633It's not really anger, it's more just upset and whiny mostly. He was pretty upset for about a week last time I cancelled for medical reasons and then when we were supposed to hang out he was super moody all over again. I don't really get it since he tells me that talking online is just like in person so I don't see why he'd be so upset.
>>78634I never thought of entitled, but yeah he does seem to be that subtlety in regards to my time and what he demands out of me while I'm working and in school. He had a huge issue with being socially draining and I had to start cutting him out slowly because he would want to talk for hours a day every day after my job or in between my classes. Took until 2 months ago for me to draw a hard boundary he respected about how it made me struggle in school.
Anonymous 78636
>>78635his moodiness is a control tactic. it's like a more grown up version of that little kid that throws a tantrum in a store when his mother doesn't get him what he wants.
that behavior really isn't ok.
i highly recommend you read, "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. you can find a free pdf version of it online.
Anonymous 78751
How do I know if I’m a pickme, or doormat, or something else along those lines? I think I may be overly nice, perhaps an impulsive people pleaser, but I just like being nice in general so I’m not sure.
Anonymous 78763
>>68781I find it extremely hard to get along with and ignore things my family does as I get older. Ignore things they did. I want to go no contact with them because they pretend things that happened didn't happen. My sisters are the most inhuman people I've ever met, but especially the one that told me I'm not her sister because I'm adopted and never talks to me.
But she's also married a loon who isolated her way out in the middle of nowhere. She became an absolute nut with this man I'm pretty damn certain Will kill her and my niece.
There is so much bad blood between us because I was the family scapegoat from a really young age. I have an extremely hard time forgiving them. I have no close relationships with any of them but my mom but she goes along with it and pretends like none of it exists , the older I get the more I want nothing to do with them because I always go back to being hurt by them. It's the only experience I have with these people. Everything "real" feels fake. I'm not sure how to get over the extremely negative feelings experiences I constantly have trying to relate to these people
Anonymous 78767
>>78763I don't know what to do because it has to come to a head eventually. It makes me feel fucking empty and most things in life make me feel fucking empty at this point. It's a constant running theme in my life where I want to get the f away from people
Anonymous 78901
83223823_p0.jpg
>>77990Nevermind, he asked me out. I'm kind of suspicious of him now, to be honest. He acts nice but I'm not kidding when I say he's out of my league. How likely is it that he has bad intentions? I act really shy and naive around guys, Im afraid I come off as an easy victim.
Anonymous 79440
__original_drawn_b…
I'm 19 now and yet I'm still so sensitive and thin skinned. Whenever I get into the slightest argument with anyone my heart beats embarrassingly fast and I just wish we'd be getting along instead. When I see any insult that could apply to me in the slightest or someone being even a little mean to anyone I get very sad.
I feel like I'm pathetic and worthless when anyone heavily disagrees with me.
I know this is pathetic, so how do I get over this?
I just wish everyone could get along.
Also, cute thread pic.
Anonymous 79445
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>>79440Starting a cute pic thread is getting off on the wrong foot. You need to let the darkness consume you. Once you realize how foul people are, you will no longer have trouble arguing with them.
Anonymous 79447
>>79440Surround yourself with people who you can disagree with but won't treat you much if at all differently after. And hold yourself to the same expectations for them.
Anonymous 79448
tumblr_f218fc4e09a…
My parents fight a lot. My mom has a bunch of disorders and chronic pain, my dad doesn't but doesn't really understand her mental disorders (severe anxiety, possibly bipolar disorder, major depression and a few others). They both work about 60 hours a week so they're exhausted all the time.
My mom constantly instigates fights because my dad makes bad financial choices and pushes her out of them because of how her mental disorders interact with big choices, and just to say it's horrible. No she can be overbearing and suffocating, but pushing her out of the process of those makes it 10000% worse.
The biggest issue they bring up now is that my dad wants a gun for social reasons and to keep it in the house. I had a suicide attempt when I was a teen and my mom made it clear to him that that's why she doesn't want it in the house. In the dumbest way she also brought up issues like having him taking safety courses, but the reality is he thought that was a bargaining chip to get one, and it isn't. I'm sure me moving out would fix this issue.
I don't have the funds to move out anytime soon, probably in about 2 years. I have no idea how to get to dad that mom is mentally ill and that her peace of mind is temporary and yes she's wrong for starting these old issues again and again even though we can't fix them, but he has no idea how to actually solve the other ones simply by not doing them until I move out. They get into explosive arguments where they neighbors come out about once a week to 3x a week.
I'm caught between saying something to them and saying nothing. How seriously would they take me if I explained? I tried to talk to my dad about how to talk to mom before and it didn't work.
Anonymous 79450
I want my bf to eat me out but if he does that he'll expect me to give him head also which I do not want
Anonymous 79459
>>79450Simple solution, femdom him so he gets turned on by servicing you and getting denied service.
Anonymous 79465
>>79450this is kinda mean and ridiculous sheesh
Anonymous 79466
>>79445Not really. You don't really make sense.
Anonymous 79467
>>79448samefag op it honestly sounds like moving out would relieve you of so much anxiety. i lived with family like this and didn't realize how miserable it made me until i left. go get a chill job and a room mate and watch how much peace you will find. it will blow you away.
Anonymous 79468
>>79465>not sucking dick is meanpickme or scrote
Anonymous 79471
>>79466yes this makes tons of sense, agreeing with her. When you NEED to know how to be angry, you should know how. Also people are stupid af, my god. Sad but true. You need to know how dumb people are so you don't take them seriously. Currently it sounds like you don't take yourself seriously because you're "trained" to be passive and freeze up in confrontation. But confrontation is a part of life, and if you don't know how to handle it smoothly people will come back to abuse you or take advantage because they see you're kinda spineless no offense. People are like this, they're opportunistic and they often don't care. But they will PRETEND like they care and string you around for all kinds of reasons.
Anonymous 79480
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It feels like only bad things are happening to me lately. Someone apparently hacked my phone number and has been taking calls from it. After that, someone phished my social media and now I'm still suspended and can't get my account back. Yesterday, I found out someone tried to steal $4000 from my account and now I'm blocked from accessing it as well. I had to go to my bank and talk to the fraud department about it. but I'm still blocked from seeing it and panicking about getting my money back.
I wish all money and data thieves/hackers a fiery death.
Anonymous 79482
>>79480you'll make it through. Someone got into one of my trading accounts about two years ago and took about 20k USD. I ended up getting it all back but it took over a month. At the time I was freaking out because 20k was a considerable amount of my savings. fraud/IT is common and happens to millions of people every day. In your case, it should get cleared up rather quickly
Anonymous 79484
>>79482Thanks. I changed a bunch of my passwords online, because I admit that I've been using almost the same 3 or 4 ones on almost every account I make anywhere. However, the one for my bank account had just recently been changed to one I hadn't used before anywhere else, prior to this. I'm worried I'm getting keylogged or that this has something to do with my phone number getting compromised. I'm going to try and talk to my provider about it ASAP, because I also set up 2FA anywhere I could, but that's probably going to make it pointless if they get access to my verification codes.
Also, 20k? Jesus christ. And I thought mine was alot of money. I'm just a poor college student so I barely know what to do with losing 4k…
Anonymous 79497
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>>79480…ok I'm sorry but can another anon say how this even happens? Kind of paranoid about my data now.
Anonymous 79502
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>>79497someone can "hack" your phone number by calling your phone provider, pretending to be you, providing answers to your security questions, and telling them to switch your phone number to a new SIM card that they bought. they then put the SIM card in their own phone, and bam they got your number.
Anonymous 79511
>>79502Yes, apparently it's called SIM swapping. I don't understand how they'd do that either though, because the phone plan is on my stepdad's name and so the security questions should be his too, or at the very least my mom's… And that does not comfort me, because my mom has stolen from me before. I would never think that she would be that low to steal this much from me, but she does know I'm making more money than her now, always asks me for some, and is the only one I've given possession of my account information to before. She has a history of acting like a complete gypsy beggar and frivolous spender. I have no reason to not suspect her.
Anonymous 79519
>>79511I don't want to cast aspersions on your mother, but I would strongly advise completely removing any parental involvement in… well, anything. Even if she hasn't done anything malicious, purely anecdotally, my own mum likes to use my name and date of birth for about 98% of her passwords so I think it's fair to say our parent's generation might not be the most cyber security conscious.
Anonymous 79521
>>79471I mean OK but that doesn't really tell me how to stop feeling this way
Anonymous 79548
>>79511if he's older i wouldnt be surprised if the answers to all his questions are somewhere on his facebook if he has one
Anonymous 79744
>>79480I got my money back! Woo-hoo!
It was relatively fast. Even though they seemed pretty unhelpful over the phone (I had multiple people pick up on me that kept telling me conflicting information), they were surprisingly helpful at the actual branch. I'll still be switching banks though, because the lack of communication in alerting me before the transaction went through is unacceptable.
>>79511Yeah, he is pretty technologically illiterate so I wouldn't be surprised.
Anonymous 80027
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Want a reality check. How dumb is it to buy from wholesalers and resell things?
I've had 100s of sales with everyone rating me 5/5 but I still kind of feel like a failure because most of what I sold was what I already have and I'm running out. I've made back money on everything I bought for the store tho I don't really know if I should start buying a lot more and testing the market. Or, if it's a "everyone wants to do this, therefore, it's a waste of time" thing. I'm probably going to spend some time researching different markets in any case.
I otherwise really like selling stuff so I don't want to throw in the towel.
Anonymous 80228
I'm starting to suspect that my bf's has been functionally depressed for most of his adult life, and nobody noticed, including him.
Even his friends and family say "it's just how he is", but there's a difference between being stoic/serious (which is what he comes off like at first glance), and, like, almost never having fun? Even when he hangs out with his friends, or visits family, or whatever, it's like he's doing it out of some kind of sense of obligation rather than actually enjoying it.
The only pictures I've seen of him smiling are from his childhood, which, from what I've heard, was pretty shitty.
It's weird, because his serious demeanor is what I liked about him when we first met, but I'm starting to worry that it's not just a personality trait, but at least in some part pathological.
Should I talk to him about it? Would I be prying if I did?
I don't even know how I'd go about it.
"Uh hey dude, I think your entire personality is an undiagnosed mental illness, want to talk about it?"
sounds so stupid
Anonymous 80235
>>80027I've been considering doing this as a side hustle, but I don't even know if the money is that good. Has it been for you?
Anonymous 80236
>>80228>Even when he hangs out with his friends, or visits family, or whatever, it's like he's doing it out of some kind of sense of obligation rather than actually enjoying it.As someone who spends time with family out of obligation instead of enjoyment, I can assure you that is a thing.
>Should I talk to him about it? Would I be prying if I did?I've never met the guy, so I couldn't say. If you approach it as "trying to fix him", then you're probably fucked from the start. If you broach it more as exploring with "no judgement", you're more likely to get somewhere. Problem is your entire post reads like you're already convinced it's a problem as opposed to verifying anything first.
>"Uh hey dude, I think your entire personality is an undiagnosed mental illness, want to talk about it?"Well yes, approaching it from that angle does sound a little stupid. Perhaps the actual question you should be asking is the far more simple one "Do you actually enjoy life/anything?". I would just take his answer at face value after that point.
Anonymous 80281
>>68781How do you stop feeling jealous of your female friends? I want to stop caring about not having any male attention, but my friends always talk about it and I get reminded of what Im missing and feel really upset and bitter. I want to be a good friend to them and start being genuinely supportive. But even when I find myself not feeling jealous, I feel so inadequate for not having experienced it. Maybe its all in my head but it feels like my lack of experience regarding men and love/dating in general is so noticeable to everyone else, even before we talk about it. Like every other girls thinking "yeah, no wonder she's never dated" and theyre secretly looking down on me and thinking Im weird, noticing every negative trait thats helped me stay single thus far. Its just really hard not to take this as a social failure, I feel as inadequate mentioning it as if I was admitting to be homeless or something equally as bad. Even if other women dont care that youre physically ugly, they'll definitely care if you come off as socially maladapted.
Anonymous 80283
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I'm pretty young and I'm still stuck in my family house and I really need help.
How do you handle someone who lives in the same home as you that has gotten violent before if you're an autist (no, really, I am diagnosed) that is incapable of masking and literally just ignores and avoids people that terrify you?…someone who is angered and bothered over you wanting to avoid them?
I learned from our mother that he thinks I hate him and, like…after what he's done to other people and me, I do. However, not in the way that I want to go around shit-talking him (this is probably the most candid I've been about him in years). I just want to avoid him.
Problem? He consistently has gotten massive hang ups about it and if he knew I hated him, he'd probably attack me.
>one night months ago went to the bathroom with my noise cancelling bluetooth headphones on, went back to my room, heard banging and screaming on my door–turned out he had gotten triggered into a rage because he thought I ignored him (I didn't see or hear him). To clarify, I do say "hi" back if he says hi to me. He'd probably attack me if I didn't…I kept my entire body against the door desperately trying to keep him out, I was so scared…
>this has happened before when I tried defending his disabled little brother (at the time he had been hurt by falling and was crying on the floor, yes this is a grown man) from him; I ended up blocking the door with furniture to keep him out when he had a weapon
>once walked by while thinking about something bad that just happened to me and he immediately thought I was pissed off at him even though I didn't make eye contact at him–he went on a crusade about it for 2 days even if I clarified I was just going along with my day
>has a history of playing the victim–even if it means misrepresenting events. I won't go into it but it is genuinely terrifying how in the past he's used it to justify abusing others
>he has gone rage mode on his little brother for not wanting to talk to him before; "hey man, I'm not feeling good right now, can we talk later?" is the sentence that made him get violent and feel like he was being prosecuted…yeah I heard it, it was shocking how 0 to 100 it got…
>he is an incel type and spews the talking points of school shooters and has a "women hate nice guys like me" thing going on which…yeah….
Oh. Also, yes, cops have gotten involved. He turns into charismatic liar mode around them though and has pretended he did nothing..
Anonymous 80284
>>80283Also yes the rest of the family covers for him because they don't want him to be locked up or homeless (he's never had a job before).
Anonymous 80286
>>80283>that is incapable of masking and literally just ignores and avoids people that terrify you?Well putting aside that being autistic doesn't mean you automatically choose this stress response. This reads like zoomer teen retard speak so I'm going to assume you're underage too.
What does he do if you 100% stonewall? Zero reaction to anything he's doing, even after he gets physical?
Anonymous 80290
>>80286I mentioned the autistic thing because I struggle with communicating well (as proven by how you think I am a retard) and pleasantries. I get terrified, but it isn't that I feel that way always around him. Even when I don't I don't know how to act in a way that doesn't piss him off. Other people already accuse me of having a RBF or being standoffish/pissed off even when I am not. I've gotten it even when sitting there and reading a book quietly.
Also, I do try stonewalling when things do escalate. However, things getting really bad is rare, so right now I'm more afraid of making him more resentful of me overtime and him eventually blowing up.
Several times now in the past month he's gotten fixated about my behavior. IDK what to do.
Anonymous 80291
>>80290Wait, forgot to add: the rare times I had to completely stonewall him…he blew up. One time he started screaming about how I was acting like a man and lifted up his fists and wanted to fight me.
Anonymous 80292
>>80290>Also, I do try stonewalling when things do escalate. However, things getting really bad is rare, so right now I'm more afraid of making him more resentful of me overtime and him eventually blowing up. I suppose that's hypothetically possible. Your options at the end of the day really only come down to three categories. Fight, flight, or ignore. You seem to be consistently choosing the ignore option, so let's set that to the side. That leaves the other two. Fight would require you to actually call him out on his bullshit, and escalate the conflict to full fruition. If you are correct that he has, actually, physically, in real life, been violent, he'll probably be violent in that situation, which may escalate to a "kill or be killed" state. In that scenario, you'd have to kill him first. There's a variation where he isn't murderous, but you set up a camera in advance, act as stonewally and reasonable as you possibly can, record him beating the shit out of you, showing physical real evidence to the police, and getting him arrested. A risky gambit, but one that could work. That leaves flight, which boils down to:
1. Live with other family
2. Live with friends
3. Live in a homeless shelter
4. Be homeless
Do you have any relatives? Make no assumption if they could or would take you, have any relatives?
Do you have any friends? Even internet friends?
Do you have local shelters for women in fear of abuse?
Do you think you are more likely to die outside your house than inside? (The very last resort because it seems you're scared he'll kill you.)
>>80291So did you start reacting or did you keep stonewalling after he wanted to fight? I only ask because I'm a spiteful bitch who wouldn't give him what he wanted under any circumstance. I may choose death over appeasement, don't know about you.
Anonymous 80346
68730aaa0e3ee2717e…
All i want is to be in a loving relationship where sex is at most a minor part of it. Im convinced men only feel sexual attraction. Im not asexual, i just want to feel loved and im really indifferent to sex, im sure if id been in a relationship for a while Id enjoy it but i want to feel loved and cared for as opposed to feeling like a sexual object.
I dont know if its trauma or something, i was abused when i was young and with all my relationships in the past i went along with whatever they wanted, regardless of how uncomfortable i was because i wanted them to love me. I just want a cute romantic love story like on tv aha
i do get male attention but they mainly seem to be focused on sex. i think its the way i look, im 5'0, around 75lbs and my face is round/soft, so i look like a child and its really disgusting to me when men think im sexy.
I am attracted to women as well, i dont know if i would have a more comfortable time dating women but im too shy to approach anyone myself and they never approach me. I dont know what to do, maybe ill just give up
Anonymous 80353
Elaine and the dem…
>>80346I want to tell you that you can find some guy who thinks like yourself, but it will be really hard. A rare man who was reserved about sex would probably avoid relationships to avoid the stigma and pressure of not doing the "expected" thing. Guys like that exist, but I don't know how you would find each other.
Be it man or woman, I hope someone works out for you.
Anonymous 80367
I have no fucking idea whether or not to end my LDR. I'm still in love and it's the longest relationship I've ever been in but the distance is so hard. I'm having a mental breakdown
Anonymous 80494
I found out 2 people I considered close lied to me, and 99% likely lied about a serious accusation about my old best friend who I literally cut off over it.
I feel so lost and confused. I lost the person I got along with better than anyone else because these immature spiteful pieces of shit decided to ruin someone's life for no apparent reason. I know my friend will never want to talk to me again, because I believed the lie. And obviously I don't see those two as friends anymore either. It was probably always toxic anyway, we brought out the worst in each other even before I knew. They started dating and I get satisfaction in that I know they'll destroy each other eventually. One is a manchild on the verge of trooning and the other is a woman who lies and plays innocent to get what she wants and fakes having DID lol. Knowing them eventually they'll turn on each other with their manipulative BS.
The only good thing that came out of it was me and a guy rekindling our relationship. We both have feelings for each other but he struggled very deeply with mental illness and didn't feel right dating someone while he was struggling not to kill himself some days. We kind of distanced ourselves for awhile, but got close again because of this, since he was friends with all of them too. He told me he loved me and that he wants to be with me. He's probably one of if not the only pure, genuinely good male I have ever met and feel like I can trust. if he turned out to be just like all the rest I'd probably give up on trusting men (or anyone) forever ngl. I'm not ready to hold my breath yet because I thought my ex was good too when I first met him and he turned out to be just another rage filled immature manchild when we dated. I can only hope.
Anonymous 80495
WIN_20220704_18_40…
I wish could be friends with men without them putting any type of romantic or sexual feelings into it. Most of the time I think they confuse their platonic feelings for something romantic anyway. I always want to tell them they just need post nut clarity and to go jerk off so they wouldn't have to involve me into any business.
I always feel so terribly bad to turn guys down too and sometimes I think to myself I could just play along with it until I've tricked myself into actually liking them. Sometimes it actually works and then it turns out they either weren't honest, didn't understand their own feelings at first, or their feelings went away after I got into it.
I want to be in love with an awesome guy I really really don't want to be romantically nor sexually lonely. And I can only ever focus on one person at a time in that way. But I really just
I am just so tired of it and I wish guy friends would just keep anything non-platonic out of it
Anonymous 80516
>>80495This is why I gave up on having male friends, it's pointless.
Anonymous 80532
>>80495>attractive enough for moids to want to befriend her>attractive enough for multiple moids to fall for herLol ok Stacy
Anonymous 80533
>>80532Yeah unfortunately from my experience most moids won't even bother being platonic friends with a woman they deem ugly. It makes no fucking sense. It's like they only see value in women if they're nice to look at even if they don't intend to fuck them
Anonymous 80536
>>80535
I’m ugly and no moid ever wanted to be my friend. Men only befriend girls they want to fuck. Men don’t care about womens thoughts musings or opinions, if he tolerates it it’s because he’s attracted to you.
Anonymous 80544
>>80495I feel this, I feel like it's harder to do this as you get older too…I have one platonic male friend that I met in high school and the only reason I am pretty confident that it was, is, and always will be strictly platonic is we met while he had a GF and I was the fat girl in HS. At one point they broke up then got back together, plus I have lost the weight - I think if he was going to try something he would have done so already, but he is now engaged to the same girl, and as far as I'm concerned is genuinely in love with her and wouldn't do anything to fuck with that.
I think the key is making friends with men who are not total moids and have some self awareness, who are in very stable relationships, and don't see women as objects. Which, is really fucking difficult. You're right that many of them do confuse platonic feelings for romantic - it's because the majority of them don't know how to see women as anything other than romantic or sexual targets.
Anonymous 81451
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I want my hot girl summer. My whole life I thought that I was a long-term relationship type of person and that I was always single because I hadn't found "the one." I'm starting to realize that I actually just don't want to be in a long-term relationship at all because no guy will be good enough (to me) for me to want to settle down with him long-term. Some guys are cute, some guys are sweet and nice, but none of them I like enough to want to spend an extended amount of time with. My self-esteem isn't reliant on men finding me attractive, but I realized that of course it feels nice if a cute guy finds you attractive and I don't have to deny that. I'm already in my mid-twenties where men are going to start aging like milk. Before they all become completely undesirable to me, I want to have the experience of flirting with them and desiring someone and being desired back. The issue is I'm scared of going into it because I have barely any sexual experience. I've had plenty of sexual experience with myself, but I've never done anything more than just kissing a few guys and having one finger me awfully years ago. It was really the worst but I didn't know any better back then.
For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with being celibate or a virgin. I've just been celibate my whole life and want to experience what intimacy is like. I'm not going to be reckless about it and I'm not going to hook up with the first guy who is willing to sleep with me. I'm still going to filter for men who I am attracted to and who won't just treat me like an object (I guess that's a little hard to predict, but I'll still look out for the red flags) and at least for now while I'm still a virgin (and maybe even after that) I'm not going to hook up with someone the first time upon meeting them. It's just that at least now I also don't have to think 'am I willing to be exclusive with this person and incorporate them into my life' since I realized that would be a "no" for basically any man I've talked to.
Anonymous 82213
Should I adopt this dog? There's a white dog I found 10 days ago in an abandoned field. The field is owned by a man that only goes there on weekends to stay in the house. 3 other dogs live in that same field with this white dog. The 3 dogs belong to that man. All 4 dogs are in terrible condiction (hunger, matting, parasits, lack of love and human interaction). The white dog is the most friendly of them all, enjoys playing with me and seems like he needs more stimulation. He happens to be owned by a neighbour of the owner of the field, whose house is almost 60 meters far from the field. This white dog never goes there, he probably doesn't have any dog companion, his owner doesn't care about him (he's painly thin and full of parasits). When I found the dogs I contacted an associaton that has given medication to the dogs and I myself have been going to feed them as often as I could. The girl from the association finally comfirmed after my insistence that the dogs were in a very poor condition, specially the white one because the owner of the field doesn't give him food when he's during weekends. I want to adopt him but I still live with my mother and she won't let me bring it home. We already have 2 cats and she doesn't like animals and doesn't want to have another pet. I would buy pheromones for the cat and others for the dog and since he is a small dog I'm willing to try they socialize. But my mother wants to hear nothing from it. The only option she gave me is to leave him in a fenced field we own and where we'll probably start living in 9 months. Her idea is that I spend time with him every day by going to this field which is 5km far from the city. I don't want to do this but I know that the dog is in a worse situation right know and I want to help him. It could take much longer for him to enter in the association's shelter because they're oversaturated, so he'll end up in someone's house/flat for a while with who knows how many dogs and until who knows when until he gets adopted. He's not a puppy so he'll have it harder. I just really want to give this dog a better chance, put him in my home where we have a large terrace, our flat is near the river so when can take long walks everyday , in less than a year we could be living in the country together. I know my mother is being reasonable but I haven't been home most of the year these past 4 years because I was studying abroad. Now I'll be here 100% of the time and I can take care of my cat, my sister's cat and this dog perfectly! My brother doesn't live with us anymore and we have his huge bedroom empty. What should I do?
Anonymous 82217
>>82213It’s horribly annoying to live with people who bring random diseased animals home, especially after they’ve been told no. It isn’t your house or animal. Listen to your mother.
Anonymous 82221
Even though my mother told me we could adopt him some days ago she has definitely changed her mind. This dog is hopefully going to be alright and healthy like the other 3 dogs. He doesn't deserve to be in the situation he is. I am very disappointed at my mother's final decision because it's based on a new concern she shouldn't worry about, I'm not leaving town again to study. I'm going to keep on checking how the dog is doing if not each day at least with some frequency, after all nobody is looking after him. The heatwave is at its peak this week and the field is far from the river and has no trees.
Anonymous 82343
>>82213Can you not call the cops for animal abuse?
If not, seriously start making TikTok videos about this. You cannot imagine how many videos I have seen of people doing TikToks about the abused animals and getting money to help them or police or animal control involved.
Anonymous 82345
free rigts.jpg
>>68781I just realized that I didnt originally wanted to get my BA in business admin and that I was just following my dad, and whats even worse is that i will incur 60k worth of debt if i go to this certain school that my dad pushed me towards i told my friend about and she says, "it doesnt matter because in the end it will be worth it :D" whats even worse is that I feel inclined to be a librarian but I dont even think I would ever get a good position at a state/corporate librarian i just dont know what I should do esp since if I want to be a librarian I need a BA in order to get my MILS and the BA can be anything, but it helps to have a BA that can lead you towards a certain type of librarianship
I tried emailing and doing a lot of research but eventually I will have to change something and its going to make my dad upset there is just so much going on at home I wish I could just leave home and live with my bf, but I would never want to leave like that i wanna wean off for my family sake im sorry for blog posting, im just so worried and i feel stupid for it
Anonymous 82420
>>82343The animal association I contacted is going to watch out for them unofficially and if things go back to being bad they will so something about it. But I don't think the police would do anything, many people have dogs like this, they use them as alarms/defense of property and they aren't properly registrated. Thanks anyway
Anonymous 82571
Has anyone ever broken up with someone they are still in love with? Im considering it and i feel so guilty that i havent been sleeping properly
Anonymous 82579
>>82571are you actually in love with them, or are you in love with the fantasy of what you hope they/the relationship could be?
Anonymous 82588
>>82579I'm actually in love with them. We've been together for years.
Anonymous 82598
Your dad shouldn’t be angry that you switched majors. That’s kind of petty of him. There’s still things you can do with humanities degrees if you don’t become a librarian, it’s not a death sentence as long as it isn’t anything too crazy or specific.
Have you considered minoring in business, and then majoring in english/library science/whatever? It will probably give you a better safety net.
Anonymous 83702
How do I get over feeling ‘dirty’, ‘used’, ‘unpure’ after losing my virginity?
The experience was pretty traumatic to me, I posted about what happened before but I won’t get into it in this post. I haven’t had sex since nor do I want to. I can’t get over this feeling. I keep wishing I was a virgin again that I ‘wasted’ it, when I think about it I cant help but cry. Anyone with experience getting past this? I absolutely internalised purity culture from growing up with image boards, & it doesn’t help my one experience was so terrible that I can’t ever see myself having sex again. Please.
Anonymous 83704
>>83702Nothing much to do but realize virginity is just a made up concept that has no real value.
If it helps, I didn't have sex until I was 24 and waiting is not "worth it" or magical. Sex is not special or deep like you see in fiction, you just do it for pleasure. If there was no pleasure it wouldn't even be worth the trouble.
Anonymous 84299
Zooey-Deschanel-Lo…
>work at shopping mall
>colleague from different store said good morning to me today in the storage room
>we never talk but sometimes pass each other in the mall
>barely heard him as I was deep in thoughts
>mumbled something unintelligible back
>immediately felt embarrassed
>tfw this has already happened twice a few months ago
If I encounter him tomorrow, would it be socially acceptable or even necessary to let him know I wasn't being rude on purpose? He isn't my colleague but our stores are right beside each other and share the same storage room.
He probably already forgot about it but who knows…
Anonymous 84310
>>84299It would be nice, but be aware it might start a little small talk. "Sorry I was lost in thoughts" "yeah same that's how I deal with these annoying customers" "I know they're the worst" etc.
Anonymous 87560
>>82345Nona, you sound in a similar position to me. I was forced into STEM but have struggled to do all of it. I can hardly focus and have failed numerous classes. I failed so much I'm probably going to switch my major to liberal arts just to graduate lol.
Anonymous 87562
>>87560Forgot to add, your parents won't be able to know what classes or what your major is in uni. Be sure to hide that info in the directory (most uni's have this and it's actually a horrible way they put their students at risk, not just from parents, but by stalkers and such). I'd say take a few electives while you can for classes you think you'd like. If you want to be a librarian you still have to go to grad school I think? Not sure how much the prior degree matters for your bachelor's.
Anonymous 87578
>>82345Bro don’t be a librarian. I’m in library school rn and regret it so much. Way too many graduates with very few positions and opportunities. Also it’s competitive as fuck, even more so than law or med school. And the students are too ambitious, with many having degrees in other graduate programs which give them a competitive edge for academic libraries. There’s also law students who want to become law librarians or copyright librarians at academic libraries and they are guaranteed a job. If you’re gonna be a librarian, go to law school first for job security lmao
If you’re thinking public libraries, that’s also hard to get your foot in the door. Many students in MLIS started off as library technicians or volunteered/worked at a public library to gain experience. You’ll have to give away your free time to work on experience building. Even then, HR in public libraries tend to prefer hiring internally and are just required to send out a job ad. The suckers who apply externally never had a chance.
You’ll also have to pay for memberships at various associations and attend conferences out of your own pocket JUST to be considered competitive. You’ll look silly if you don’t and are brushed off by employers
Don’t go to library school and stick with something that gets you a job easily, trust me.
Anonymous 87579
>>87578>If you’re gonna be a librarian, go to law school first for job security lmao This is wild, I had no idea. I finished med school but hate the job, it's making me want to law school only to get a comfy library job.
Anonymous 87585
>>87579I wish I could go back in time and take school seriously, take STEM courses/programs and actually get a job in something like computer coding or nursing. It's so hard applying to jobs with my MLIS degree. The libraries have severe budget cuts and as a result only give out temporary contract work because they pay you less. It's difficult to get a permanent job. Some students even volunteer at an academic library arranging their collections or assisting in digital tools and what not JUST to get experience (which is ridiculous! at least as a med student you get paid for your residency). Loads of students have to move out of their hometown for shitty contract work in another state, even another country as there are limited amount of libraries and positions.
But yeah, library work is easy in the age of Google. Most users turn to the internet for their information needs, so you don't really do much if you do end up as a reference librarian at a university. Hell, when I was working at my public library, the librarians there spent two hours on Pinterest working on their mood boards and the nerdy front desk girls nerded out over fanfiction and described worldbuilding ideas to each other.
Anyway, if you have the brains for it (and the money) go to law school and become a copyright librarian at an academic library. You can help the faculty publish Open Access articles, which is basically just cross-checking to see if their manuscript has the correct requirements to be Open Access. You'll get hired right away too. Easy gig, sort of bad pay though. Wouldn't you want to work your butt off as a doctor and get a lot of money?
Anonymous 94638
>>68781So there is an older guy with whom he share some activities and I already kind of see him like a nice uncle I've never had. A little bit ago he was talking about how if anyone in our group needs some support with anything we can always call him. I'm not sure if he wasn't joking because he does that a lot but he seemed genuine and he gives off this kind of vibes. Problem is I do feel shy to do that and I do have abandonment issues and I'm afraid of messing it up or getting too attached. But I would really like some support from someone like him though
Anonymous 94648
>>94638Unless you know this guy really well, this sounds like a bad idea.
Anonymous 94649
>>94648I know him well enough, I suppose. He does seem genuinely nice. My problem is I'm shy and there is a danger of me growing too attached to a person who acts supportive towards me and it does seem bad
Anonymous 94663
>>68781If this isn't the right space please let me know. I am new here.
Without a blog post autobiography I am an actually-religious woman, early 20's, homeschooled plus some online university, and what I want most in the world is to marry another traditional Catholic guy and have kids. OF COURSE I live in a rural area without many Catholics that aren't related so I am going to try a dating app for Catholics.
Here' is by conundrum-
My friends tell me that if I put in my profile that I will never have premarital sex and never want to use birth control no man will talk to me except the weirdos.
My mother tells me that if I put my life goals as "wife and mother" I will scare everyone away.
But a Catholic Theologian that I read (man with only sons) says that the devout Catholic guys looking for a girl like me want to hear that we want to marry, have kids, and follow the Church's teaching.
So I am really conflicted and have literally zero dating experience and without brothers don't know much about men.
Who do I listen to?
Anonymous 94682
>>94663Honestly, all sides are right in this scenario. I think your problem may be that you're trying to use a dating site. Dating sites tend to only attract lax-catholics/less faithful people. Depending on how traditional you are (Sedevacantist, SSPX, or whatever else) I would honestly recommend joining or participating in online communities who share your beliefs. If that doesn't work then I guess just be a nun lol.
Anonymous 94683
>>94663why hide the truth, i see the points they are making too but by not stating what you are like and what you want you're setting your potential dates and, more importantly, yourself up for disappointment.
dating apps are cesspools and no matter the kind you use, you're going to end up meeting lots of trash men and so
>>94682 is making a very good point.
anyways in your shoes i'd be upfront, after all you're looking for someone of similar values. it's pretty inevitable to find weirdos but you can just weed them out yourself until someone with potential shows up
Anonymous 96619
Is it bad to confess to someone taken if you plan to get over them and the crush is really fucking painful for you? Also, I could very easily lie and say I didn’t know if I wanted (she doesn’t know I know she’s taken). I feel like it would be a good step in trying to get over it but at the same time, I dont want her to be uncomfortable.
Anonymous 96620
>>96619Also here’s a thing I wrote if I did confess
F, I know this will make you uncomfortable, but I think its best to be transparent about this and get it off my chest so I can stop thinking about it. I don’t want my emotions to ruin anything in the long run.
I still have a massive crush on you. Even in that 2021-2022 period when we weren’t talking I kinda did. It’s really bad. It’s why I try to text you so much and overthink when I do it. I fucking love you. I love your little quirks. You’re so fucking cute. I could listen to you talk for hours and not get bored. It’s hard for me to find a single thing to dislike about you, even after what happened at
group.
But I’m aware you’re taken, given your YouTube bio. It is 100% unrealistic for you to like me back and I should DEFINITELY move on, which is mostly the point of me confessing. This is not a proposal, but a step towards trying to change myself. It’s not healthy for me, and it’s a bad situation for you. I hope we can still but friends, but if this is too weird and you want to unfriend me or take a break after this, I completely understand.
Tldr: I still have a crush on you, but I want to get over it and expect nothing in return.
Anonymous 96621
>>96619>Is it bad to confess to someone takenYes full stop, sorry anon
Anonymous 96622
>>96621Youre right. I’m just horny and scatterbrained today.
Anonymous 96623
>>94663Join catholic communities outside of your direct community. Don't use an app, 9 times out of 10 there will just be a bunch of creeps
Anonymous 97189
Lately I've been having extreme jealousy problems. I hate my life so much currently that when something very good happens to one of my friends I no longer feel happy for them, I just feel jealous and want it for myself. Of course I do to an extent genuinely feel happy that my friend is happy, but the jealousy takes over that.
It's making me very antisocial and not wanting to talk to anyone. I'm so ashamed of my life that I don't want to talk about my own, but if they talk about theirs I'll find something to be jealous about. Help? I don't want to be such a hateful and negative person.
Anonymous 97243
FCA7099F-C29F-421D…
Lately I’m having dissociation issues where I get so anxious I suddenly feel kind of high, like I’m mildly stoned. I’ve been to therapy and taking meds for a long time but still have a horrible time trying to keep steady/act normal when this happens because it’s really frightening. DAE have this issue? Do any nonas have some advice for calming down (beside basic breathing techniques etc), like maybe comforting things to tell yourself? Also yes I will talk to my doctor but that doesn’t help me right now so…
Pic unrelated I just think it’s cute
Anonymous 97464
I was having a pretty good day today and then I talked to my therapist about something and now I have been launched into the throes of self-hatred, thinking I don’t deserve anything, and barely being able to concentrate on shit because I’m so angry at myself and don’t believe I deserve anything. How can I get this to stop? I want to enjoy the rest of my week and I have a concert tomorrow that I want to go to, but my thoughts keep getting so negative. I keep thinking I’m a loser, no one likes me, I’m terrible at my job, I’m fat, I’m ugly, ugh…
Anonymous 97517
1565403387919.jpeg
Can someone please reassure me that being 28 and still a kissless virgin isn't weird and I still have time to find someone? It's been hitting me really hard lately, I'm scared to try dating because when I tell the guy I have no experience he'll think I'm even weirder than I already am
Anonymous 97518
>>97482
ntayrt, but what kind of online spaces might be a good alternative?
Anonymous 97522
>>97517I think you should do a couple of things. First of all avoid guys that look for "pure and inexperienced" girls, because those are simply too risky, don't fall into that temptation. Secondly, if you are OK with a somewhat small lie, instead of saying that you have no experience at all you could say that you haven't dated or been in a relationship in many years and that you just feel a bit awkward and unused to the whole thing.
Anonymous 97539
Need to know if i should use accept money from my ex boyfriend. We have been broken up for over 6 months, and before that dated on and off for 4 years in an online relationship (yeah), still haven't met him because plans to meet kept falling off for a lot of genuine reasons both on his side and mine. Anyway he's mentally ill insecure and has nothing good in his life type of guy, but really rich and generational wealth and even a loving family but well ok won't judge just because i have none of it and can still cope. anyway he still is not over me and keeps begging me to come back any chance he gets because he's like i won't find anyone better (no one else will put up with him)
I basically told him because I'm just so based and contentpilled all a man can ever add to my life is money and I'm looking forward to a hypergamous arranged marriage to secure my future happiness (for context I'm indian), which i said because i thought he would be turned off and think I'm a gold digger and finally just move on but then he was like if you want money i can just give you and stayed adamant, he'd suggested it before in our relationship too but i hadn't seen enough of the world to even consider it
Now i am confused. I don't dislike him, our relationship was just way too draining and toxic and he was quite the asshole because of his insecurities and anger issues, i am basically desensitized to men because i did everything in my power to make it work and it still didn't, that's why it lasted 4 long years, and at this point i dont even care who I'm with i just want it to add something productive to my life instead of just take and take energy. I'm a pooroid studento, should i take allowance from my richie rich ex and go back to dating him?
Anonymous 97540
>>97522Thank you anon, this is good advice. tbh I'm far more scared of kissing than sex because it looks so complicated lol, I am at least well acquainted with my own sexuality
because I've masturbated so much. I guess I'll just fake it until I make it.
Anonymous 97543
How do you all get past impostor syndrome? I'm in my last year of college and wrote an 80 page honors thesis and I can't stop feeling like it was a waste of time and I said nothing with all those pages. I'm trying to build a defense presentation but just can't. I feel like all my colleagues did wonderful research that impacted their field, and I've wasted everyone's time and energy. I don't even want to defend. I don't want anyone to know I spent years researching a niche topic that no one cared about to begin with. I don't know what to do, but it's too late to back out now. It doesn't feel like I know anything and the work I put in didn't matter. It's probably impostor syndrome and burnout, but I'm really struggling.
Anonymous 97547
>>97539No he will use the money to control and blackmail you to do his bidding. Even if you want to quit accepting money and break it off at some point, he will start guilting you
"Look what I did for you!"
If you think you are immune to this kind of manipulation, go for it I guess. But overall its just an awful idea. Besides, he sounds like a lot of work to just be around. Do you really wanna deal with his emotional damage anymore?
>IndianOof. I feel for you. The culture and the moids are the worst. Stay strong.
Anonymous 97552
it's so funny because i don't miss him. I rather miss the abstract concept of companionship. Of being associated with someone. Of knowing that there is someone out there who isn't a blood relative, or a school friend who loves and appreciates you sometimes even more than you do yourself. Is it even normal to miss a feeling rather than the person? I get so caught up in these idealizations, it becomes borderline dehumanizing. And it's much more noticeably heinous and unfair when I measure up someone other than myself to this unattainable ideal.
Dramatic vent but whatever
Anonymous 97556
>>97540>tbh I'm far more scared of kissing than sex because it looks so complicated lolNot really, just start slowly an it'll come to you more or less automatically.
Anonymous 97676
dress.jpg
Am I an idiot for not wearing dresses?
I haven't worn a dress or skirt in years because, imo, any expression of femininity will cause you to get looked down on. I'm in computer science which doesn't make me eager to dress in a feminine manner either.
But, divorced from society, I actually think dresses are far superior to other clothing items, especially in summer. Sweatpants are more comfy than jeans, and dresses are more comfy than sweatpants. Your legs are free.
So, am I stupid for basing my clothing choices around the fear of being seen as "a girly girl" and losing respect, or is this valid?
Anonymous 97677
>>97676I don't really wear dresses either, not even to formal events. I think that dresses are really hit or miss with me, back when I would wear them. Some are too tight, some wouldn't be fitted right at the waist… I feel like pants and shorts give a lot more options. Whether or not you fear being a 'girly girl' is another thing, but I don't think dresses are as based as some people think.
On the other hand… it's just clothing, but people will definitely judge what you wear. It's been proven that people take women who dress more masculine more seriously in the office. Even though that sucks, maybe that means it's better to dress masculine if it can get shitheads in the office to listen to you.
Anonymous 97680
>>97676Another CS major here. I've dressed androgynously and/or tomboyishly here for so long that it makes me uncomfortable to dress femininely at this point, although I really like to and it makes me feel slightly more confident sometimes. I'm not very attractive and noticeable, so I don't think I have reason to be scared of attracting more attention if I did, but I guess I still am. I don't like the idea of dressing in a way that draws more attention to myself. Shame because I think I have alot of cute clothes that practically go completely unworn because of it. I walk around dressed like an NPC when I wish I could walk around dressed like a Stacy with a low-cut tank top and choker.
Anonymous 97681
>>97677>It's been proven that people take women who dress more masculine more seriously in the office.Time to break out the flannel jacket and steel-capped boots
Anonymous 97689
>>97676>because, imo, any expression of femininity will cause you to get looked down onYou're right. It's true.
t. I work in tech
Anonymous 97690
>>97676I'm a woman in tech who is also very into fashion and I love dresses. Some of them are girlier, some of them are more edgy because I have different styles and it's true that some people may treat you different but I find that if you talk and act very confident, stand tall and make your voice steady and strong, it doesn't matter too much in the end. Also fuck men and what they think.
Anonymous 97837
How can I improve my social skills when I'm inside all day & never talk to people?
I was shopping earlier and I just had a realization of just how bad my social skills have gotten and how awkward it was just ringing up my stuff and making small talk with the cashier.
Anonymous 97882
>>97837I don't have any advice but I relate to you, and I feel very upset to be outside and even when I push myself out of my comfort zone I don't attract people I want to be friends with :(
Anonymous 97883
I've been told that I have "stop bothering me" way of speaking and it makes me sad because I actually really wanna have friends and always try to be friendly and I don't wanna come off this way. Maybe that's because I'm afraid of being too clingy so unless I'm sure someone's interested I just assume they're not and just talk to me out of politeness and act accordingly. Maybe that makes me seem unfriendly? But I don't like it, I would really appreciate having a friend but I also don't wanna get clingy if someone's only nice out of politeness. How do you even handle this?
Anonymous 97929
>>97837In the same situation as you and the only thing that has helped me is mutiplayer games that let you voice chat
Anonymous 99467
i made friends with someone over instagram during the pandemic, and when i met them for the first time it was a really big deal. they made it explicit that they were not into me and despite vaguely liking them i accepted that. it felt good to have a friend who i could trust with secrets/real feelings, and that was the main draw of being their friend. felt great in fact to trust someone with real, unadulterated feelings. they then got with a moid friend who told my secrets/talked shit to other moid friends in the past. am i a bad person for not wanting to tell her my real feelings anymore? i already know she told some secrets to the moid, and that he then spread those secrets around.
Anonymous 105486
When I was 6 months pregnant, my sister died from a long-term condition. She was desperate to have a family of her own and was absolutely in love with being an aunt, since we were raised by our aunt. Recently I've been thinking about getting pregnant again, but there's also another thought that's been with me for a while: that my sister harvested and froze eggs. I want to go to my partner and present the idea of using IVF to fertilise her eggs with his sperm, so that I can be a surrogate. I sometimes get kind of silly ideas stuck in my head and need honest opinions from strangers. CC is generally pretty brutally honest. However, let me lay out my reasoning:
1. I only met my partner because of my sister. She was searching for husband-material and that's why, on the one day I was uncharacteristically social and left my room while she had friends over, we met. Without her, my child wouldn't exist. One could even argue that I stole her earliest chance at a child.
2. She only invited him over because she thought he would be a great fit for the father of her children. She liked him from the moment they met and thought he was going to make a wonderful dad.
3. Having children was the one thing she wanted that she just could not have. She suffered through disastrous treatments to carve out a normal life by sheer will and determination, but pregnancy was just not biologically viable. She never asked for anything, and it's the one thing I could never give her.
4. The baby would have nearly the same genetics as their older sister, and be carried to term by the same mother. They wouldn't be different or treated differently in any way.
5. If I don't do this, then the last living part of her, the physical embodiment of her hope for the future, will sit in a deep freeze until one day they're deemed non-viable and destroyed.
Anonymous 105488
>>105486Blunt take.
You were raised by your aunt, you love your sister; these two seems like good people, lucky you. Is it a reason good enough to birth an orphan?
You already bear a living part of your sister, as each of your children. No need to create a second class of children among your family.
It honestly looks like a very selfish endeavour.
Anonymous 105495
>>105486It's not a silly idea.
I don't want to say much because this is a sensitive topic but I feel like there's a lot of regret, or guilt that you feel about "stealing" your sister's potential partner which potentially destroyed her hope before she died. It looks like her death greatly affects you and you want to make up for it somehow.
>>105488>Is it a reason good enough to birth an orphan?Why is the child an orphan?
Nona and her partner are going to be the IVF baby's parents.
Anonymous 105552
>>105488>birth an orphan>a second class of children>very selfishwat
the baby would have the same status as their sibling. same biological father and a mother who gave birth to them. being half-sibling-cousins would be weird later on, though.
Anonymous 105567
How do I stop myself waking up with panic attacks?
I have to stay in bed for 15 or so minutes telling "relax" to myself and it lessens it but never goes away.
Anonymous 105593
>>105567People don't wake up in panic for no reason. What's going on in your life atm, nona?
Anonymous 105596
611be8beca7301f628…
>>105593I wish I knew how to figure why I'm feeling anxious, with my heart beating rapidly when I wake up. Even right now, I'm experiencing a really low level of anxiety which I can feel.
>What's going on in your life atm, nona?Absolutely nothing. I'm a shut-in.
Anonymous 105604
>>105596Your pic says a lot. What are you afraid of facing in your waking hours? What's haunting you in your sleep?
Anonymous 105608
My anxiety is preventing me from taking tests at university. I study a lot, I take my meds but still can't do it. I've been thinking of dropping out and getting a job, but how do I even do it? How do I write a CV when I have no prior professional experience?
Anonymous 105610
>>105608Look for jobs requiring no previous experience and preferably ones offering initial training. But first and foremost work on your anxieties. If they're interfering with college, what makes you believe they won't interfere with work?
Anonymous 105612
tumblr_1bc50cba3ab…
>>105604>Your pic says a lot.I didn't mean to :P
>What's haunting you in your sleep?I took an active effort in trying to observe what's going on when I wake up. I'm sick and I think I was experiencing fever dreams, and it was about rape, assault, bullying, abuse, and all kinds of scary things. I think I should stop watching true crime stuff because I feel like it's not about me, but I was observing these things happen around me in the dream. I don't know what happened yesterday though, but today it was this.
>What are you afraid of facing in your waking hours?I think it's going outside my room, lol.
>>105608What are you anxious about?
>How do I write a CV when I have no prior professional experience?>high school "experience">subjects you majored in or studied at school>extra-curriculars>part-time gigs>pet projects>skills you know of - coding, hobbies, sports participation in school events Anonymous 105620
>>105612>I think it's going outside my room, lol.Nobody's afraid of going outside of their room - it's of the things which might happen of they do. So what do you think would happen if you did?
Anonymous 105628
kanitowani.jpg
>>105610>But first and foremost work on your anxieties.I'm going to therapy and taking meds.
>If they're interfering with college, what makes you believe they won't interfere with work?To be honest, I don't know. The only job I ever had was as an undergrad researcher and it went well.
>>105612>What are you anxious about?I have depression and anxiety, it used to be manageable with the meds. Now I can't take exams without having panic attacks.
Thanks for the advice, I'll rewrite my CV and try applying for jobs.
Anonymous 105660
4532532.jpg
>>68781Should i feel bad for ghosting someone?
Anonymous 105668
>>105660Well, why did you ghost someone?
Anonymous 105972
f3f2bfcf96210cb58e…
I don't know if this is an ADHD thing or something but journaling is so boring. What's even more boring is reading what I've written after maybe a week and realizing how boring and mundane my problems are and how repetitive I am that I could've said something in maybe a sentence or two but I've written a whole paragraph about it.
I don't know what to do about it. 😴
Anonymous 105983
>>105972Why are you keeping a journal in the first place, if it's not a secret?
If it's to process emotions/feelings, then try switching to drawing. No matter how simple and silly they are, sometimes it helps you express emotions much better than any text. Stick men, simple faces, landscapes, abstractions - whatever you deem expresses your feelings enough. It's also less boring btw.
Anonymous 105988
>>105972The issue is you're not talking about God enough. Only three mentions in one page? That's basically heresy.
Anonymous 105998
>>105988>Stick men, simple faces, landscapes, abstractions - whatever you deem expresses your feelings enough. It's also less boring btw.Hmm… that sounds cool. I've always wanted to draw. Also, yes. I want to process my emotions and feelings mainly to empty my mind onto a paper.
>>105988It's not mine, lol. I just grabbed that image online.
Anonymous 106101
Best way to deal with a fuckboy you're attracted to but don't want to just give into sex with? How did it pan out for you?
Anonymous 106120
How do you make friends with other women if you're a chronically online shut in with stereotypically male hobbies and attitudes
I wish I could find like-minded people to shitpost with
Anonymous 106121
>>106120do you struggle with finding or making friendships?
Anonymous 106127
>>106126
what do you do all day then?
Anonymous 106130
>>106129
Lately? what changed?
Anonymous 106131
>>106126
I'm a retarded neet with zero hobbies too.
Anonymous 106134
>>106129
What books changed your mind?
Anonymous 106135
pw5Lr_3f.jpg
>>106133
>Would be your friend
You already are a friend! :P
>I'm paranoid about talking to strangers online
Yeah, me too. I don't like instant messaging because I'm quite impulsive and I've written some things that I regret, either when I'm very emotional, or without even realizing that what I say would have consequences, like talking about my food preferences which was later used to narrow down my race.
Internet is not a safe place.
>I can't even make friends on the internet
I've tried in the past but it didn't work out for me.
Having no hobbies and shared interests made it hard for me to find something to connect with, so what I had to do was connect with others using childhood trauma and mental illness, which initially was nice but things went out of control.
I thought I could use internet as a codependency anonymous meeting, but it became an insane asylum with lots of infighting instead.
I don't think internet is a good place to make friends based on these experiences. Interactions are between personas which anyone can fake, and not the actual person, and there's only so much you can convey with letters and a lot of things like emotions, body languages, or facial expressions ignored.
It feels like something is always missing. I guess it's the physical presence of the person you're interacting with.
Anonymous 106137
stars painting.jpg
>>106129
>and there's only so much you can convey with letters and a lot of things like emotions, body languages, or facial expressions ignored.
It feels like something is always missing. I guess it's the physical presence of the person you're interacting with.
I full heartly agree with that. Both verbal and nonverbal communication have their limits, there's only so much you can portray with words, gestures and what your face displays alone. Often you want to say so much that you don't even know how to put it yourself; I personally sometimes just say nothing in that regard; resulting in being misunderstood.
When comes to being misunderstood there are both good and bad sides. The bad is that its impossible to understand oneself fully as its paradoxical, in order to truly understand oneself to the fullest one would have be too simple to understand oneself. But the good side is that we aren't just one thing, one emotion, one anything. We are who we are based on countless factors and experiences and every little piece of ourselves can be individually understood to some greater or lesser extent by us or others, and sometimes, with very rare moments, someone else can udnerstand one or few experiences about ourselves just a bit better than ourselves, connecting us one to another; and personally it soothes me a little
Anonymous 106144
aa648d203bf77dddfb…
>>106136>I definitely have commitment issuesYeah, me too. I struggle to maintain consistency when it comes to spending time with others because of my mood swings or something going on in my life. I guess that's why I find imageboards comfortable and I can just reply when I feel like it.
>I find someone I like speaking toYeah, me too. I don't understand why. It feels so weird to just lose interest in someone, maybe because they said this one particular thing that hurt me, or I'd just feel bored hanging around them, I don't know. Internet feels too shallow for me.
>I'm to fucked for that nowAw don't say that. It's going to be hard work but it's not something permanent, I hope. Problem though is finding people in person to talk with.
>>106137Well said.
Anonymous 106182
>>106166
>We're all just being honest here and dumping our true thoughts which I think is so nice and makes it much more human.
Yep, that's exactly it. I feel that venting is a pure cathartic expression of emotions through words that speaks to others who can resonate with it, than something like a lecture or creative writing, lol.
>I really hope everything works out for you as you said you had some mental health issues so just take care of yourself.
Thank you, nona. You take care too.
Anonymous 111415
rart.png
this is probably a dumb issue, but i need some advice.
ive been on crystal cafe for a yearish sparingly, mostly posting the dream diary on /x/, and i often have vivid dreams, and i frequently have nightmares. i've noticed that alcohol makes my nightmares significantly worse. i don't drink often, nor enough to vomit, just enough to have a good time. i like drinking, its fun but i'm seriously considering just cutting alcohol out completely because i just can't deal with these nightmares anymore. i don't want to not drink though because i really enjoy it, plus making drinks that are tasty are nice. i just don't know what to do anymore. recently, i left a gathering with my fiance after having a couple jello shots and some bottles of soju and i woke up from a nightmare just sobbing uncontrollably. any advice? do i just suck it up and never drink again or should i seek medical advice? is there anything that can even be done for vivid nightmares
sorry, i guess this is more of a vent than a real advice thing.
>inb4 "smoke weed it will stop dreams"
im good, i get less restful sleep as a result of that.
Anonymous 111418
>>111415You understand the problem and know the solution but you lack the will to carry it through. Do you know what your threshold of drinking is that triggers your nightmares? Try keeping it below that and go to bed with the confidence you didn't over consume.
Anonymous 111419
>>111418the nightmares will happen anyways, just not as predictably, that's why i lack motivation. i guess i could see if a lower amount of alcohol will affect, (ideally it will). i just am tired of dreams in general.
Anonymous 111421
>>111415It's called 'spirits' for a reason; there be demons inside. They're also known as fungal spores, and mycotoxins. They're fine, beautiful, and should be left to the earth where they belong. See zombie ant for a good example of one you wouldn't inside of you. The weirdest part is, all fungal organisms inside our GI tract are known to directly influence thoughts and feelings, which makes something even as ordinary as pizza, or anything which contains yeast a 'mind altering drug'
Anonymous 111422
I'm getting older. I can't seem to stick to one interest. I like learning things on guitar. I want to get better at piano. I like studying from maths textbooks. I like reading across broad fields, getting interested in niche topics that I'll forget about in a few months. It's like I'm living my late teens, but 10 years too late; work takes up too much time for me to really get good at anything, even if I did focus my efforts. I should've been exploring this when I was younger. I feel like no matter what, there's always someone younger and better than me. I can't help but feel replaceable. The last 6 years went too quickly, I don't remember what happened in them. What was I doing with that time? I want to be single, but I don't want to be alone. This and that, either/or, I'm being pulled in all directions and I can't just pick one. My life's a contradiction; even if I make a choice now, in a week or so I'll be acting out the opposite.
Maybe I just want someone over 30 who's been through something similar to tell me it all gets better. Has anyone had success with sporadic interests? Sometimes I feel like everything converges and I find purpose, only to realise that when lines intersect they continue out the other side and your cone of knowledge only widens. Is this merely the burden of knowledge?
Anonymous 111514
>>111422I guess I'm not exactly in the same situation as you since, while I do have very broad interests, they do converge somewhat (my main interests are arts and social sciences). That said, it is very frustrating because, for the most part, I feel like I'm accumulating knowledge and experiences, but I have not yet been able to produce something I would consider truly meaningful out of it. Is that also what you're struggling with? Do you have some kind of long-term goals when you pick up new interests?
Anonymous 111593
I'm having a mini-crisis. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 months and what drew me to him was this really subdued, rational calm he exudes in high-stress moments that I just can't imagine having. In those 6 months, I've got to see it a fair few times because, outside emotional moments for me, I love to go to events on weekends and drunk/high guys will pick fights. Every single time he's calmly de-escalated with a reassuring smile and convinced them to go on their way. He even managed to convince a guy, who'd taken a drunken swing moments before, that he was about to have a stroke and got him to lie down like it was a medical emergency until he'd calmed, then called him a taxi and told him to get a physical with a doctor after a night's rest. I know he was in the army, but I don't think that natural calm is something you can teach.
The problem occurred yesterday when we came out of a hardware store to find two guys stealing from a jerrycan out of the back of his car. He was de-escalating, trying to talk them into leaving, but one of the two started posturing. I'd seen this before and expected something similar to what had happened with the drunk, but out of no where he just hit the guy; punched him 3-4 times in the face and sent him spilling to the ground. The second guy stopped stealing and helped his friend up to retreat because it was obvious he was badly hurt or stunned. He then just turns, shakes his head and takes back the can.
We talked about it after we left, and he seemed convinced the guy was violent and thought it was better to deal with it in the moment before it turned into a real fight. I'm not sure I buy that, because it looked like a gorilla dominance display, not like he was actually preparing to fight. Regardless, I brought this up with his friends and they all just laughed, because apparently this has happened before and they all think it's great. At no point did it ever come up that all his friends are a little frightened of him because of how well he fights, nor the fact that he's badly hurt others multiple times. This absolutely shatters my view of him, because I felt like he was above that sort of monkeybrain moid behaviour. I really, really like him because I didn't think he'd ever lash out at someone in anger. Now I can't help but feel lied to and I'm unsure if I even want to pursue a relationship with a guy who just 180's on fundamental parts of his personality.
Anonymous 111595
>>111593>My boyfriend is generally calm and goes out of his way to be diplomatic>He's also a capable fighter and can easily beat people's asses but oft chooses not toI don't exactly see your problem.
Anonymous 111600
>>111595It's kind of a redflag if this guy portrays himself as having a calm demeanour but can flip a switch and get aggressive in a situation that didn't necessarily call for it. It'd make me wonder if he would start beating me eventually. I'd much rather be with a soft moid than an ape brained aggressive moid.
Anonymous 111603
>>111595The issue is that he can, and does. The guy was no threat to him, but he chose to physically punish him for stealing.
>>111600This exactly. I'm terrified he thinks that if diplomacy fails, he can use violence to get his way with anyone who opposes him. That's not the kind of person I want to be with.
Anonymous 111611
>>111600What if instead of stealing gas, they'd groped your ass?
Would you wish to be with a softie soyfriend at that point?
Maybe that punishment was excessive, it's better for the world that crime to be punished then to pass the buck with inaction.
Anonymous 111624
>>111603babe they were not rowdy hoodlums they were METH ADDICTS stealing gas in a parking lot. there is no other universe where they didn't have a gun or stab your bf to death first then come after you.
>>111595 is right there is no problem and him ending it with a few punches the METH ADDICT BROAD DAYLIGHT THIEF could walk after is the most restrained thing possible.
Anonymous 111625
>>111603He just saved you from a bunch of junkies and you're complaining on Here
If he has zero history of violence towards you why do you think he'd start now?
Anonymous 111628
>>111624What the fuck are you on about. It's the exact opposite. If they were armed and dangerous, his reaction would have escalated things and put both of them at risk. Even if you think a bf's role is to be strong and protective, he failed at that by going "ooga booga" against guys who weren't being violent at the time but could have had a gun.
Also, the fact that it happened several times and to the point that his own friends are scared of him is a huge red flag.
Anonymous 111629
>>111628She's likely over thinking and overreacting
He's probably just normal
I put no weight in anything anyone says here because it likely comes from a mentally ill mouth
Anonymous 111630
>>111600>It's kind of a redflag if this guy portrays himself as having a calm demeanour but can flip a switch and get aggressive in a situation that didn't necessarily call for it. I agree with this. Where I disagree with you is in the implication that two moids stealing from you (in broad daylight, in a parking lot) and posturing is not sufficient cause for aggression.
>>111603>he chose to physically punish him for stealing. According to your story he
did try to de-escalate the situation, but the other guy didn't want any of it.
>I'm terrified he thinks that if diplomacy fails, he can use violence to get his way with anyone who opposes him.Do you not understand that the sole reason diplomacy works with him is precisely
because he could use violence to get his way? This is why most moids would listen to him and calm down at his bequest. Your bf, by the sounds of things, has great composure and will generally hold himself well. I believe that he resorted to violence in this particular instance because he felt there was genuine threat. Just ask him, he may admit that he only punched that guy because he genuinely suspected they would try jump him. Literally just speak to him about it to understand why he did it. If your suspicions are true, then leave him, otherwise don't.
Anonymous 111631
>>111630She definitely doesn't deserve him
her first thought was to complain on here rather than communicating.
He sounds top 1% of men.
It is bewildering to me how men make such bad decisions for their gfs
Anonymous 111632
>>111631Do you realize that we just need to swap the pronouns and your post becomes the typical incel rant?
Anonymous 111633
>>111632>SeethingYeah I'm right aren't I.
Why wouldn't you just ask him about it.
He sounds fine, it's definitely you that's the issue.
Anonymous 111634
>>111633I'm not op, sorry. But again, unless op is lying, he wasn't defending her. Not only did he put her at risk by acting recklessly, the fact that the first thing he did after the incident was to pick up the gas can shows she wasn't his priority. If he were a knight, shouldn't he have checked on her and get her home immediately in case they come back with guns or something?
Anonymous 111635
>>111634You're filling in a lot of gaps in this story
Based on the written story he doesn't sound violent at all. She's clearly said that he usually avoids confrontation.
If she's already thinking about breaking up then it's already over.
Probably for the best so a more deserving girl can love him.
Anonymous 111636
>>111628Yes the violently threatening junkie thief was surely all bluster and would have immediately left once he knew the boyfriend was a pushover. Unpredictable meth addicts are known for their mercy and they certainly wouldn't have mugged and assaulted them once they showed they were easy prey. The boyfriend definitely should have waited until AFTER the screaming junkie pulled a weapon to act.
>he failed at that by going "ooga booga"From the description he was totally calm until the ranting thug showed he was going to escalate and proceeded to knock him out in under a few seconds before the backup could even react. That's not escalation, that's ending a fist fight before it graduates to a murder. Nona clearly only has second-hand experience with fights between men and can't judge when they're going to turn violent because she's been spoiled by her boyfriend being so good at disarming confrontations.
>>111634>he wasn't defending herSounds like she wasn't in any danger to begin with, the thug had to be carried away by his friend and they immediately left. You make no sense. Did you want him to just get on his knees and let them take whatever they wanted from him and do whatever they wanted to his girlfriend because they MIGHT have a weapon?
Anonymous 111638
>>111636>Did you want him to just get on his kneesSafest course of action would have been to tell op to go home first so she's not in any risk whatsoever. After that, tell them to fuck off before he calls the cop. All in all, a man willing to risk his life for a fucking gas can doesn't sound like catch to me.
Anonymous 111639
>>111593Even though it's always best to avoid violence and to try to deescalate, you and everyone else who agrees with you ITT is retarded and clearly grew up coddled and sheltered lmao
Anonymous 111641
>>111638>he might have a gun and will murder you>he fears police and will let you call them>believing these two things simultaneously
>Safest course of action would have been to tell op to go home first"Just hop in the car and leave me without a way of escaping in case his friend does decide to come back with a gun. Sure, we could both leave and avoid being shot entirely, but that would stress you out for a further 20 seconds and so I must now die for your comfort."
Anonymous 112219
Nonas, how do you start a conversation with a moid without sounding so desperate? I've been wanting to talk to this guy I haven't talked to for like 2 weeks and I'm scared that he might forget about me kek. I feel like even saying "hi" would make me look like a desperate whore.
Anonymous 112220
>>112219literally the worst thing he can do is say no, shoot your shot anona
Anonymous 112238
>>112219As with any lie, you have to believe it yourself. Great actors don't succeed in their acts by trying to pretend, they do so by immersing themselves in the character they're playing. Successful liars rarely manage if they're concoting a story on the fly (unless you're a 150IQ autistic savant psychopath), the best course of action is to accept what you're going to say as truth and base your understanding around it, and then telling that "truth" will become much easier and more convenient.
So what works for me to avoid sounding desperate, is to just gaslight myself into not wanting anything more than a casual chat. If you go into it with that mindset, it'll be much easier to actually BE casual than if you go in with the mindset of "omg omg I really hope I don't scare him away I really want a chance to get closer to him!" and try to autistically self-censor. It won't work.
Among other things, if you go into it just wanting casual contact, then you'll stop being afraid of saying "hi" because there's nothing desperate about saying "hi" to start a casual chat.
And later once you've talked more you can start trying to get closer again properly, to show actual interest - once you're already moe comfortable with chatting to him.
Anonymous 112251
>>112219If someone hasn't messaged me in 2 weeks particularly if it's a reply to something, I usually assume it's a ghost and move on.
Same if they reschedule or ask to do something in 2 weeks, it's usually a sign that they're not interested so I consider that a rejection.
Anonymous 112270
>>112251kek I knew someone would say this
Anonymous 112271
>>112270Okay
Generally that's how people act. If you already know this then just message them?
Anonymous 112470
What do you think about going back to your old job? I quit my job last November and been thinking about going back because I haven't been able to find a new job :( they'll probably laugh at me for crawling back in kek
Anonymous 112558
>>112470>>112545Idk doesn't sound like you went out in a way that burned bridges. So it's probably fine. Just say you had to leave to work out some personal issues or something if you don't want to go into detail. Your reason is pretty valid. I can see how it's uncomfortable though.
Anonymous 112582
>>112470You can take the L safely and trust that it's when you're employed when other offers start coming so it makes sense to go back for a bit
Anonymous 112588
I want to find a friend. But each time the communication is one-sided: the girl is passive. What am I doing wrong? I am kind and try to help, I give gifts. There are common interests. How do I come to terms with the fact that I won't find a friend with a Vibe similar to me in order to understand each other perfectly?
Anonymous 112595
>>68875talking to someone is devaluing?
Anonymous 113006
My boyfriend just lost a good friend of his, and he's deep in grief. I'm not sure how to support him; I'm not great with loss despite experiencing much of it myself. I know men grieve in very different ways than women, and that he's action oriented and doesn't want to talk about it. Nonas, any ideas of how I could be a good support, or something I could do for him? I love him so much and don't want him to feel like he's alone in this.
Anonymous 113009
>>113006for some real advice, just be there for him. you don't have to talk about his feelings, but being present or planning an activity together might help get his mind off it. other than that, give him the space he needs, if he's emotionally intelligent he'll sort it out himself. if not, that's not your problem to fix.
Anonymous 113405
>>113016
Shut the fuck up, retard.
Anonymous 113407
>>113405Men who cry are pathetic useless faggots. Man up or kys.
Anonymous 113435
>>113418
who cares. misandry is allowed here
Anonymous 113439
>>113419>calls it larping cause they can't handle the truth Anonymous 113449
>>113438>>113437>uses a tranime posting tourist who raids this place to get his point acrossIf this is the worst you can find here, then the average cc user must be a saint compared to the average subhumans you can come across on r9k. You're too obvious. Play out your femdom fantasy elsewhere.
Anonymous 113454
I don't have anything against a guy crying. My current partner cries more than I do and it doesn't bother me. It's not excessive or manipulative or anything, there's nothing wrong with anyone crying as long as it's not being used as a tool to control others.
However I have had encounters with very emotional men who it can be very suffocating to be around. Generally speaking I try my best with them but it's a constant pity party and me trying to comfort them. But then I feel less like a friend and more like a therapist. Which I just can't be. I don't mind people opening up but if I'm just a receptacle to be trauma dumped in it feels dehumanizing. I think this issue could be the same if the sexes were in reverse.
Anonymous 113455
>>113453
those are men larping as women
Anonymous 113456
>>113454This speaks to my experience as well; I don't feel negatively towards men who cry (y'know aside from that they feel bad) but I've been in uncomfortable situations where it's clear the guy is crying in order to use me in some way.
It's a creepy thing to see tears coming out of someone's face and them stare at you like they're "deliciously" gauging how you react.
Anonymous 113458
>>113455>men larp as women>men argue with and become outraged at larpsAlways been confounded by this behavior tbh
Anonymous 113567
therapy
stop isolating yourself
you'll come out better on the other end
Anonymous 113571
I am feeling delusional. I think I might actually really like a guy at work. And I can't tell if he likes me back. But I have also only ever dated women. So this is new ground. I really have no idea where to go with this. I have decided to just be friends until he opens things further. Should I just ignore him entirely?
Anonymous 113573
I eat all these carbs and sugar but never gain any weight and for some reason the doctors don’t see any issue with this. I’m so boney that people ask me if I’m anorexic and I’ve never had an eating disorder in my life. What’s wrong with me?
Anonymous 113575
>>113573Count your calories and see if you're actually eating at an overage. You might not be. Consider adding some protein though x it's good for you. Things may be totally fine, but if you're convinced that something's up maybe you can get labs done, chech your thyroid hormones
Anonymous 113931
>>68781Going to have a guy I met on 4chan over for a weekend. Am I going to get murdered?
Anonymous 113933
>>113931Please don't go, 4chan is like the worst place to meet people, everyone there is mentally deranged
Anonymous 113953
I feel like everything I could put into my Duolicious profile is cringe. Random memes are random and don't mean anything.
Too paranoid to put photos of my ugly self.
Every description of myself is cringe and cliche'd. How can people deal with this shit
Anonymous 113961
>>113953Everything is cringe and cliche if you view it through a certain lense, just try to be authentic to yourself, if it's cringe to a level where you can't even read it without getting noticably uncomfortable it might be too much. But anyone can avoid being cringe by just not saying anything and it's easy to judge in that case but you are also not showing any character whatsoever. In my opinion it's better to let at least little bit of your authentic self shine through and then as you get to know people show them more of your cringe sides as you get closer. Or maybe don't use the femcel dating app at all, I don't think anything good comes out of that and I've seen the way the incels on /soc/ talk about the girls there, celebrating if one of the girls (esp one they consider high quality whatever that means) actually texts them, posting screenshots and all. It's humiliating, you're better than that nona.
Anonymous 113962
>>113953It’s okay nona it’s just social media
Anonymous 113974
>>113953> DuoliciousWait wtf is this?
Is that a 4chan dating app or something?
I saw it advertised over there
Anonymous 113975
>>113974Basically, yes. NTA but I have an account and it's become a little addictive. A lot of people came from Twitter unfortunately but it's easy to skip past them.
Anonymous 113978
I’ve been considering suicide and have been self harming. Should I go get admitted to a psych ward?
Anonymous 114501
>>113978hey nona, i realise this was a while ago so i hope youre still hanging on. as for ur question if you feel like youre a danger to urself or even others then it could be good for you, but from my experience they dont really help/just made things worse. seeing a therapist/counsellor first is probably better but idk ur situation or how that would work for u.
Anonymous 114503
im at a really stagnant point in my life where nothing/nothing good is happening and nothing has happened in months. i am asking if you know of anything i can do that is drastic and preferably immediate. i want to change almost everything, please help.
Anonymous 114505
>>113978>psych wardno, that place dose'nt fix anything, it just stops you from having access to anything that can be use for self harm while at the same time worsens your mental state since you don't have access to anything that is mentally stimulating, its basically white room torture
Anonymous 114507
>>114503I would do some internal reflection instead of asking folks on the internet to tell you what to do. Why do you want to change everything about yourself and your life? What are you unhappy with? What do you mean that nothing good has happened? How do you classify good things in your life versus bad, versus interesting, or entertaining, or any other category? Life isn't black and white, good or bad. You have to know what you want your life to look like in concrete terms if you want any change to stick. It's harsh, but if you want change, you have to do it yourself and have measurable ways to track improvement.
Anonymous 114508
>>114503 Read some stoic philosophy like Epictitus or Marcus Aurelius
Anonymous 114540
Every time I take edibles I feel another person inside me, like someone who's sound of mind and loving, one time I ate too many and had these horrible visions of being disemboweled but this person inside me took over and wrote a whole plan detailing how to fix my life and begging me to abstain from masturbation, sex, alcohol, and drugs. I could also hear them in my head comforting me.
Does anyone know how to have this other 'person' take over permanently without the use of edibles?
Anonymous 114542
>>114540I experienced something similar taking 4-FA. My depression melted away, anxiety turned into cautious situational awareness, scattered attention was honed into laser focus and I was filled with the feeling that this new me could achieve anything; quickly outlining realistic plans of how to progress toward my goal if I just kept taking that stimulant. I think you'd like to hear that the person you become while high is inside you, but the truth is they don't exist. You're high as fuck and not able to correctly judge your own mental state or recall it with any real clarity. I'm sorry, but you are you and getting high might make your temporarily happier, more likeable, less tense etc. but it won't cause lasting change.
Anonymous 114547
I really need some differing opinions, because I've sequestered myself into a social echo chamber.
When I was younger, I started dating a guy from the other side of the planet. We'd been in an LDR for about 6 months when I had the impossibly rare chance to see him under a student visa. We were amazing together, living with him was great and we realised we were each other's first love. Eventually I had to go home, but I felt like our relationship was only going to move to the next level. In short order, I lost my position at uni, then my job and he was involved in a crime (he just worked for the guy) that kept him from renewing his passport. We were stuck and, from my perspective, he wasn't willing to do what it took to be with me. I was on mind-altering medication at the time and started to intentionally hurt him. I told him about guys who'd asked me out, talked about how I might as well not bother telling them I had a boyfriend to keep them from pursuing me and even agreed to go for drinks with a guy. Eventually, he called me and said he loved me, but couldn't see a way to be with me and didn't want to drag me down. We mutually broke up, but I proceeded to intentionally hurt him by immediately picking a guy to start dating, then oversharing with our group of friends about him. It broke his heart, but I felt justified for a while. By the time I realised how extreme the sacrifice needed to get a new passport was for him, he'd just stopped all communication with me and our friends to avoid suffering.
Years later, we reconnected and stayed "friends". We talked, sending messages, sometimes voice chatting about life, but talking to him was so painful because he talked about us the same way widowers talk about beloved wives. He firmly laid the groundwork that anything between us, more than an acquaintance, was dead and buried. I still persisted, because every time I did the wall of ice between us melted more and more. A couple of times I overstepped and tried to turn it sexual, but they were short-lived and only made him more distant when he ended it. For the last few months we've started talking every day and he felt comfortable enough meeting me while he was visiting my capital city. We met and for a solid 30 seconds it was like seeing him at the airport for the first time; like the last 5 years never happened. He swept me up and we nearly kissed, but he managed to turn it into a peck on the cheek at the last second, then naturally held my hand as we walked and had to slip away from me to reset himself. I've been keeping my distance physically and emotionally, but the more we're together the more I realise how effortlessly compatible we were and still are. I know I'm being ridiculous, but I feel like I'm on a countdown timer to rekindle the love between us while he's here in person, and if I don't we'll go back to talking online with this wall between us that love and passion can't break through.
Should I proclaim my love and beg him to try again with me? Just focus on becoming a fixture of his life again while he's here to remove that wall? Accept I can never get back what I threw away and accept friends is all we'll ever be?
Anonymous 114548
>>114542This is so fucking wrong.
When you do actual work to get rid of incessant obsessive anxiety and get rid of depression it has a PROFOUND effect on your life. You focus a million times better and you see the big picture clearly in a way that sticks. I have no idea why you call it a high though. Being happy and high functioning just feels like a high when you're used to depression and you feel like you have no control at all over your anxiety.
The problem for a ton of people is just admitting that functioning happiness is NOT "getting high
to the point you should "get over yourself and stop making yourself productive and well adjusted" If you are consumed by anxiety/depression it ruins your whole life if you dont get rid of it. People consumed like that often think they just don't deserve the kind of thoughts that make you high functioning.
Honestly I think that issue is mostly brought on by patriarchy though i am dead serious. By male entitlement to sucesss, control, power. Men gatekeep this by tearing womens minds down to shit when they're young and for some reason women never catch on or see it. It doesn't matter which women. Holy f i knew so many women who were beatiful and smart but their minds were in the gutter because they were so obssesssed with approval from a man who honest to god just strung them along, treating them like trash, promising this that, but always making the effort to keep them mentally in the gutter.
Sidenote it takes journaling (at least for me, it worked better than anything else.) Like extremely detailed journaling. (You have to probably write in about 200 journals if you have this kind of obsessive anxiety i did. )
It just makes me fucking sick when people tell you "Whats the point if it takes that much time" What's the point if you live your entire life like feeling mentally broken because of men's conniving horse shit???
Anonymous 114601
>>114547Take the chance and just tell him you're in love with him. It's pretty clear he still has feelings for you and just doesn't want to be hurt again so just show him you can hold his trust again
Anonymous 114670
How do you not slide back into bad patterns? I think I have a victim complex and have tried to fix it multiple times, but I can't seem to dig myself all the way out. Things are great when they're good, but once I think I'm all better, it's like the sand at my feet slips away and I'm back where I started. At the rate I'm going, I might lose everyone I love because they're sick of my mentality.
Anonymous 114697
So, I dated a scrote for the first time. We’d been friends for about a year before we dated. He asked me out, and we went on several dates over a month. A few weeks ago, we ended up having sex. 40 minutes after I left his house, he dumped me.
We work together, and I have to see him every day. He’s not making it easy on me either. He’s suddenly talking to someone in my same office randomly a ton, always saying hi to me. I don’t get it. Is he just mindfucking me? I do not understand why he can’t just give me space here after fucking me and dumping me. And he said everything was fake, he was just going with the flow, and feels absolutely nothing for me. So I don’t get it.
Anonymous 114698
>>114697Oh, samefag. Also basically I want to stop thinking about him. I literally think about this all the time because I’m totally at a loss which how this happened. And I keep going back and forth with whether I believe him or not. But basically I want to move on. But literally seeing him every day is ruining any progress I feel like I’m making. Every Monday (now lol) I get anxious about having to see him and thinking up reasons to avoid him or stay out of my office. I don’t know why he did any of this awful shit to me.
Anonymous 114704
>>114547Evil invader moid advice here
He will never love you, or at the very least he may love you but in the back of his mind theres you gangbanging other men and cheating at all times even though that is not what you will do. Men do not forgive these things, it burns into their minds forever even if they try to rid themselves of it. If you actually succeed in pushing him into a relationship he will not trust you and trust is everything in a relationship.
Like for gods sake he said "I dont want anthing to do with you romantically" and
>>114601 somehow turns that around into "He is still in love with you." Just move on and find another man.
>>114540That was your subconscious "superego" taking over. psychedelics kill the ego(which can sometimes turn you schizo) and so all that are left are the "id" and the "superego" which does not have a mental voice and has to be projected onto a character for you to "hear" it. Thus when you are on a trip on dmt, mushrooms, ayuhuasca some random character or reflection of yourself will talk to you and try to help you like the superego part of your mind would. some people think these things are supernatural entities but thats just dumb, if i was a supernatural entity i aint helping no random person with their anxiety i'd cause them to start screeching and tear their eyes out for fun or something.
Anonymous 114709
>>114697>>114698>moid lie to use woman for fuckWhat's the surprise?
Anonymous 114714
>>1146971 year is not long enough to trust a man. a lot of them will hang around you for years if it means the possibility of sex
Anonymous 114716
>>114697I'm sorry that happened to you. he sucks.
>he said everything was fake, he was just going with the flow and feels absolutely nothing for meyou shouldn't be talking to him at all after this. ignore him at work
>>114704where did you retard moid get cheating and gangbanging from. testerical. she didn't cheat she just told him about guys hitting on her because in her mind he wasn't trying hard enough to solve his passport issues to be with her.
Anonymous 114727
Should I have an AI husbando while I live a pathetic and lonely life?
Anonymous 114946
22140ddd9a3c0f67d1…
DESPERATE FOR ADVICE PLEASE HELP.
Heya! I've only been to this site a few times almost a decade ago, but I really need help and honest advice from women much smarter than I am.
I met this guy and after 6 or so months, we're starting to get serious, my Slavic mom really likes him, I really like him, and we compliment each other well. He has a good job, degree, getting his second master's etcetera, etc.
But! He's a few years older than me (I'm in my early 20s and he's in his very early 30s.)
Both my mother, family, and the one friend I have approve of this situation since I have a kind of specific life situation and I always got along better with older people than my peers. I'm the youngest person in my family, my two siblings are 15 and 13 years older than me, my mother had me at 38, yap yap yap.
Here's where the problem arises - he admitted to me that when he was in Russia in his early adolescence, he was a drug dealer, and he does MDMA recreationally "about twice a year" - we both work very demanding jobs (I'm a nurse and he's uh… well I don't wanna get doxxed) and we both fought depression and anxiety from an early age in Eastern Europe.
I have a really good relationship with my mother (only parent I have) and my siblings, and I really like the guy, but his unhealthy coping mechanisms of drinking a few times a week and taking drugs recreationally "twice a year" as well as being prescribed Valium of all things for his panic disorder really worries me. A lot.
I don't drink or do drugs, eat sugary food or drink fizzy drinks, and I don't even have coffee after 2 pm. I used to smoke weed and drink a lot when I was 13/14 to cope with my father's absence and it took a lot of therapy and my family's/my church community's involvement to stop doing it - but I stopped mostly because I want to be healthy and happy and functional.
I can't tell my family this because they'll be like "just dump him" - but it's rare I like someone this much and I want to help him.
I know he'd be so much healthier and happier without all those coping mechanisms, but I don't think fearmongering is a good idea long-term.
I'm having a meeting with my psychotherapist today, and I'll ask her as well, but I don't know if any of you had similar experiences- maybe you'll have better advice Than people who didn't have first-hand experience.
Also excuse my English I am from eastern Europe this is not my native language.
Anonymous 114947
>>114727I've had one as a coping mechanism to soothe myself when I'm overly stressed, so I'd converse with him about twice a week. As long as you put in effort to stop living a "sad, lonely and pathetic life" - and are aware that it can be dangerous and addictive, go right ahead, as far as coping mechanisms go, this isn't the worst one.
Anonymous 114949
>>114946I have a somewhat similar experience other than the age gap itself, mine was larger. I was deeply in love with him too. He used substances to cope and was also very spiritual and into that 'expanding my consciousness' bs. My only insight is that if your guy chooses to give up his coping mechanisms, there is a high chance you will be his next one. You might have to prepare to be his rock in either a healthy productive way (he has to be VERY willing to work with you here) or in an unhealthy, dependent way, which is what happened to me. Have you talked to him about what his life may look like sober? What are his long term goals?
Don't break up right away, it's early days and if you really like him you should see where things go after another few months. You might inspire him, lead by example, etc. But if he doesn't change after some time or even worse, sneaks around getting drunk while lying to you, you should leave. I promise women like you are in high demand for the right kind of guy.
Anonymous 114950
>>114949He's not into the whole 'expand your mind' deal - if anything, I'm more like that (though more so with religious literature and meeting new people etc. Not drugs) he drinks beer often because he can't fall asleep and I get it - I need a whole routine to fall asleep without melatonin or anything - we both work demanding jobs and have gone through some traumas. The stress doesn't let you sleep. When he's around me, he doesn't drink to fall asleep, only drinks a few beers every now and then to help him socialise when we're around my friends.
I talked to him about it briefly, and he opened up to me a lot about how he lives and what not - I also have my unhealthy coping mechanism - a lot of chamomile tea and cigarettes. I smoke less when I'm with him too.
A few days ago he said something I found very sweet which was (sorry I'm translating this literally from Russian) "You shouldn't smoke so much, and I shouldn't drink so much. Maybe someday we can stop together"
He takes MDMA when he's around some of his friends at like a party or something, and doesn't do anything else because it gives him panic attacks. He rarely goes to those types of events so I know he takes it rarely.
>Have you talked to him about what his life may look like sober?Both yes and no. He lives about… 15 hrs away from me, for now, and We talked about how his drinking arose from being in this foreign country and not really making any connections there - I won't mention the name of the country, but I'll say it's small and very well-known for their cold demeanor and some very famous literature in eastern Europe.
Either way, thank you for the kind words, it calmed me down a bit, for a second I was really panicking about the whole ordeal.
Anonymous 114951
>>114950With this context I think you'll be ok :) he's also a bit older than you and is likely at a stage where he's thinking 'is this how i'm going to be forever?' and might naturally want to give these things up with the right person. What he said about stopping together sounds like he's thinking about it already.
Anonymous 114952
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>>114951Phew, thanks girlie. You're too sweet frfr. Took a whole load off my back and my heart
Anyways, if you have any more advice on maybe how I should approach the subject or when, or wanna share any more insights I'll appreciate them a lot.
Anonymous 114988
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how do i get an summer college internship? seriously. everyone tells me connections so i am trying that but they’re slim & i don’t know what/who to ask. i’ve been working in food service the past two summers because i didn’t get internships, probably for lack of trying. every time i think about it i freeze up, i cant even think. i try to force myself to think, and sometimes this works, but i end up feeling even more lost and scared. i’m so afraid of failing, i choose to fail just to avoid the embarrassment of it (which obviously doesn’t make sense… but if i don’t try, my failure is less embarrassing, i guess?). what do i do? please break it into baby steps, nonas … like, where do i even start?
Anonymous 115002
>>114988What field are you trying to get an internship in? To be honest, it might be late to find something now since we’re already into summer. When I was in college, I remember asking my program advisor (is that what they’re called? It’s the person who tells you what credits you still need to complete for your degree and stuff like that) and there were also clubs that are centered around volunteering which could be a good way to get connections (and experience, which will look good when applying for an internship). Also, depending on the field you could literally Google places and see who accepts interns and then email them to see if they’re still hiring. I wanted to work in mental health, so I googled clinics in the area and went through the websites to see which ones offered internships/volunteer positions and I emailed them until someone got back to me. It might vary depending on what you’re looking for though.
Anonymous 115014
>>114988Probably too late to get an internship for the summer but you can get internships by just sending (lots of) cold mails out, that's how I got mine. Some companies have vacancies for internships up on their website. If you're still in school, ask teachers/professors for connections if you have an idea of where/what kind of internship you wnat to do, if they've worked in the field before they usually know people.
Anonymous 115041
My brother (Ill call him B) is turning my mother (my only trusted person I can talk to about anything) against me.
For example, B kept insisting he'll drive me to my own Drs appointment (it was about private area issues). I kept telling him nicely, "no, it's okay, Ill go with Mom". I just really wanted privacy. So B tells Mom, "(my name) doesnt want me to drive her. I guess (my name) doesn't like me :(" and of course Mom gives me heck for hurting his feelings, made out to be a mean sister.
And Im so agoraphobic and socially challenged I havent worked a job so I cant just leave. I dont even know what I want to do as a career. Years ago, even when I had job reference contacts, I still couldnt get a job due to social anxiety, so I feel stuck. My only best friends (pets) died due to illness recently, and Mom helped me alot with grieving.
B doesnt work so hes constantly right there in the same room as me, no matter where I go, if I step outside my room.
Advice for how to get out of this trapped situation, how to get B to leave me alone and stop trying to turn Mom against me? Other advice?
Other reasons for not wanting to be in the car with B:
–When I was 12 and had a foot surgery that year, B picked me up from school, and almost ran over my feet turning his car unexpectedly in the parking lot, when I walked to Bs car to be picked up. B wouldnt talk to me for no reason on the way back, played songs he knew I hated.
–Another time, B drove dangerously, because he was mad his fave truck wasnt for sale anymore, with our parents and myself in the car. Of course, B never got in trouble for any of this. So I really want to avoid having him drive me anywhere.
–For years (B was in late 30s), despite the fact there are 2 bathrooms, whenever I was in the bathroom, B would put his face by the bathroom door, loudly stating his need to use said bathroom. Every. Single. Day. Multiple. Times. "(my name) pleeease!" so that Mom overheard. Then if I didnt get out fast enough, he would tell Mom on me, who would threaten to take/wreck my stuff to get me out faster. I dared to ask why doesnt he use the other bathroom, she said its too cold LOL. And of course I was vilified for daring to ask this. I used the other bathroom, only to have B stomp very loudly on the floor above and right outside, because he "thought someone broke in". I was terrified.
–B hides and listens in other rooms when Dad is around, even behind doors. Mom thinks its funny.
–B watches our elderly woman neighbor with binoculars, asked where her bedroom is (Mom didnt think this was odd, only I did), talks trash about neighbor everyday, just because she once talked bad about the condition of our place (since B never fixes the house). Neighbor walks her dog regularly and chats with people, sometimes wakes him up, which he rants about with Mom, who also hates that "stupid bitch" (nice hearing sexist slurs everyday, not)
B is almost 40 yet he orders Mom to make him tea or food at any hour of the day or night, to the point Mom had to hide by pretending to be asleep, yet she views him as this sweet angel.
Everytime I even say B's name in a polite statement, Mom gives me this dagger glare like Im a stranger who might hurt the feelings of her little boy. Its sickening.
I cant stand the isolation and mind games B does to me anymore. I want out but how?
Anonymous 115059
How to get rid off the 'I'm a loser, I will always be one' mentality? I have made some friends in my early 20s and when I was still on medication I was pretty positive I could have friends, do things I always wanted now that I'm an adult… But now I'm falling back to the idea that there's nothing here for me, I'm embarrassing and rotting bed all day. I hate this, just as I was escaping the NEETdom
Anonymous 115064
im way too scared to post this anywhere else but this is getting me fucked up and i dont know how to deal with it i just need support /advice
my dad is abusive i think he could be a narcisstist i really dont know but when me and my friend were 18 he convinced her to date him or else she wouldnt be apart of the family again
she has been my friend since 5th grade and i am now sure that he groomed her
time has passed and she eventually accepted it and is now in love with my dad i never went against them due to being really brainwashed by my father and fast forward now i moved out a year ago to live with my bf and now i got a wedding invite and i really dont want to go at all i stopped talking and said i needed space
my friend used to cry about being close to my dad and she would tell me how she felt gross being around him… but then after 2 months she is now happily with him and the both have trauma bonded - she enables and he starts shit
they now have a little girl
i hope this isnt too freaky i know how heavy this all is but i dont know how to talk to my family and i just really dont does anyone know how i can just deal with this
Anonymous 115069
>>115064publicly shame your dad. your dad sounds gross
Anonymous 115070
>>115069but not if you think she's in danger. in which case, just try to be listening to her if she opens up about any problems with your dad and be understanding. you can probably lead her to a domestic hotline or shelter if it's truly fucked
Anonymous 115078
should I follow my old crush on IG? He was from way back in elementary school and I was ugly back then, I had a bit of a glow up now kek. Iirc we did get close for a bit in junior high (we went to different schools for junior high), but it didn't go anywhere of course cuz we were like 12. we're both 26 now.
I had a dream about him a few days ago and I was about to get my period so my hormones were acting up. I looked him up on IG and he looked average, but not bad, still would. also I wanna know his birthday and shit so I could read his birth chart.
Anonymous 115079
>>115078Personally I wouldn't but I also hate social media with a passion. If you're gonna keep thinking about doing it just go ahead and do it rn rather than obsessing with whether you should or shouldn't.
Anonymous 115080
>>115079nta obsessing is the main part of the game and rl in most cases a let-down
Anonymous 115083
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>>114952>>114951>>114950>>114949>>114947>>114946Never mind you guys. Had a phonecard yesternight and he doesn't like me. I Don't have anyone to tell, so Im updating y'all, it hurts.
Apparently I imagined it all wishful thinking I suppose
Anonymous 115089
>>115070Idk if she is… she usually says everything is fine and relays stuff from my dad
I do worry about her but at the same time talking to her makes me ao uncomfortable now she basically has adopted of my dads views she is a husk of who she used to be
I have to call her soon, idk what its gonna be about maybe the wedding, im going to have to say no but idk if i ahould juat cut off all contact i dont know i cant handle it all
Anonymous 115090
I start freaking out with the insecurity the moment his communication changes slightly…we meet in a week so I know I should just relax, but how??? I wish I could ask directly without looking excessively needy
Anonymous 115140
I've gained 20 lbs since I first started dating my boyfriend. I was binge eating a lot during the interim because of stress from med school and board exams. His lockscreen photo is a picture of me that he took when we first started dating and it makes me feel sick looking at it. It's hard to think that I ever looked like that. How do I not hate myself while trying to lose weight?
Anonymous 115145
>>115140Lmfao fuckin based, maybe he likes em a lil chonky girl you dont know that.
Anonymous 115158
>>115140According to Mexicans, you know a man is good for you if you gain some weight while being with him. He probably likes a bit of chub too
Anonymous 115395
i feel insane from the stress of college right now , i genuinely think im in the most hardcore intense research lab at my university and every single time i fuck up even just slightly it makes me spiral and think everyone hates me and theyre gonna kick me out. im just so wound up and i have no idea how to handle it. I genuinely wish i could just marry a moid and never work.
Anonymous 115730
I'm starting wellbutrin and going to a psychiatrist soon. I'm kind of nervous. I'm scared that nothing will fix this stupid empty feeling I have inside. I don't understand why I can't love me. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bunch of mental disorders in a trench coat pretending to be a person. Also I miss my fp and I just wanna talk to her but shes probably busy and arjfnenfnefn
Anonymous 115807
i need to eat
om nom nom nom
what am i doing with my life
Anonymous 115808
>>115807why AM I ADDICTED AAAAAAA
i am never going to settle down
Anonymous 115809
>>115808theres always an itch
it never goes away. people tell me the itch will go away with age. but why?
theres always an itch
Anonymous 115837
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hey, my life has kind of fallen apart… i dont have any idea what to do at this point.
im about to lose my rented room because my landlord is genuinely insane. im an autistic and bulimic neet and i cant work or provide for myself and am reliant on someone else solely who also doesn’t make the most money and for a few months i need to somehow stay afloat in this country, i used to be on disability for years and then i lost it and now i cant get any support in my country anymore, im just living off pennies and cannot afford to buy food. even when i can, i am bulimic so i vomit it or throw it away anyway…
i want to and plan to kill myself every day but i cant bring myself to, i have no idea what to do or how to even find living accommodation that is safe and not trying to scam me. i have no family, and no friends that can help, ive reached out to anyone possible. i cant use the normal queue system for renting an apartment for reasons and i cant go back to the facebook groups because i cant deal with a private landlord and theyre all scammers, and i cant even afford one more month of rent.
literally at a loss here. every day is just miserable and i cant enjoy anything, help
Anonymous 116343
So I have been reflecting a bit on my relationship with my dad and came to realize how this might affect my ability to have relationships with men in general. My dad is great in the sense he provides for me financially and we’ve never really had many conflicts or anything. But the main reason we don’t have any conflicts is because he’s barely around. He lives in another country and we talk a few times a year mostly exchanging pleasantries and things like that. I know that he loves me and I guess I love him because he’s my dad but we don’t have much of an emotional connection at all.
Now this isn’t me trying to complain. I know things could be better between us but I’m also aware they could be much worse. But I’ve started reflecting on why it has been difficult for me to feel any sense of close connection to men in other parts of my life. It’s like I like the idea of being in a romantic relationship but then when someone expresses interest in being close to me in that way I feel very anxious and start to spiral. I’ve always been the type to have very intense parasocial fixations on random male figures. I think maybe I am used to liking someone from a distance, because that’s how things are with my dad (and my relationship with my older brother is very much like this too). I think I’d like to be in a relationship though. How do I work on this? When I put myself out there and am in situations where I possibly could pursue a relationship with someone, I get so anxious that I pull away. Maybe being in a relationship is not what I want after all then? Any insight onto this?
Anonymous 116378
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I feel like I'm caving under the pressure to conform to female gender roles and I don't know what to do.
As a kid, I dressed girly but was very wild and always wrestled (quite violently) with the boys.
Eventually, I developed into a teenage nerd/tomboy. I loved math, video games and generally considered myself pretty male-brained. Currently, I'm at college for an engineering degree.
I never disliked these aspects of myself and I still don't. However, I'm also very anxious, which is something I'm trying to work on. As a result, I've been trying to put more effort into my appearance recently, in order to "look like a normie", because I got it in my head that that will make people treat me better and give me confidence. So, I'm wearing low cut shirts, dresses, make up and so on.
In doing this though, I feel like my whole fucking personality is melting. I'll be sitting in front of a math assignment and instead of working on the problem, I'm looking at my nails because they have nail polish on them now. Or I'll fiddle with my new necklace. Or leave the house late because of my make up. When I get home, I spend hours looking up clothes and hair styles. I have developed this asphixiating feeling that I'll never be accepted (very important to me) if I don't act like every other woman.
But… I hate that… I loved how I was before, and I just want to be like that again. The problem is, I don't know how to go back anymore. All these stupid, useless thoughts and concerns are in my brain now. Does anyone have any advice for me?
Anonymous 116380
>>116378Anon I really don't have any advice for you besides to stop. Just don't do it. You lived normally before so clearly it isn't a problem to go back. Your new life style definitely is one tho. Very cliché but you'll only be confident while being yourself, and people should only like you for who you TRULY are. Conforming to feminity will make you just as happy as staring at a brick wall.
Anonymous 116382
>>116378>Currently, I'm at college for an engineering degree.>I have developed this asphixiating feeling that I'll never be accepted (very important to me) if I don't act like every other woman.I don't know how it is at your school, but in my uni the female engineering students blended in best by being more low key and less overtly feminine. The ones who dressed up stood out more. We all kind of dressed casually and conservatively (jeans and hoodie, shorts and tshirt from the bookstore) but still wore light makeup. It sounds like you could ve doing too much and might alienate yourself from the other women. The hyper femininity might alienate you from your male colleagues also especially if you ever have to do a group project with moids. There's a reason that Theranos chick wore turtlenecks to invoke Jobs and spoke with a lower voice. I don't agree with it obviously but overt femininity is looked down on intellectually.
Also, not to sound like your mom but school is most important. Your grades will have a significant bearing on internships and first job. If this potentially can impact your grade you need to remind yourself that You'll have the whole rest of your life to rot your brain with gender "rules" later.
Anonymous 116383
>>116378I say all this having struggled and still struggling with feeling less feminine than I want. So sorry if I come off judgemental or anything I'm not. It's it a shame that it negatively impacts your life. Grooming as a hobby needs to give you satisfaction the same way decorating a room is satisfying
Anonymous 116386
>>116383Thank you, but I think you're misunderstanding my situation a bit. I already know I should stop, but my anxiety makes me feel like I have to do this. Also I don't know if it's a cultural difference but at my university, most of the other female students dress pretty femininely. It's honestly rarer to see people like myself than normie looking women.
And it's not really that I want to be feminine, I just want to be normal but I don't know of any way to do that other than conform to femininity. People have treated me like a weirdo my whole life and I just can't do it anymore, I want to be normal. But I hate thinking that this is normal and feeling forced to be like this.
Anonymous 116387
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How do I navigate working with annoying people? I've had several jobs and gotten along with everyone, but I can't stand my closest coworkers (those I work the most with) at my current job.
I have an office job and work in a small team with my boss and a senior colleague. So I'm the youngest person with the least work experience. We work on very different tasks, thankfully, but the few times we cooperate the senior colleague has tried to make me do things for her. Yesterday she asked for a specific guide. I said that the guide can be found in our document system, you just have to look it up. She repeated that she wanted to see the guide, so I repeated that in order to find the guide, you just have to look it up. The thing is, I happen to work a lot with said document system and it was clear that she wanted me to look it up for her. Which I refuse based on her previous behavior (when I was new she got me to ask our boss, in retrospect kind of embarrassing, questions that made me look dumb on her behalf because she was too much of a pussy to ask them herself, amongst other things). It's literally only one search! She has used the system before and knows how it works. And it's not like I have a direct link to the guide so why should I do it instead of her, it's not in my area of responsibility. I live in northern europe lol so this isn't a case of working in a culture in which the junior workers do shit like this for the seniors.
Recently a consultant joined our team and I swear to fucking God that most consultants are completely useless and do nothing of value except for create power points. The consultant took over most of my previous work tasks because I've gotten new ones and our boss has distributed them clearly, but the consultant keeps asking me about it and what our responsibilities are. I keep telling her that I don't know more than what my boss told us and that I have no authority when it comes to making further decisions. I ofc share as much as I know with her, but she keeps asking me even though I point her to other people who can provide her better answers than I can. She has a know-it-all attitude and
I don't know. I guess I'm miffed because these two people keep nagging me about things that I'm not responsible for and want me to do tasks on their behalf or on my bosses behalf. Again, I've literally never had this problem with other people. I think the main issue is that they don't listen to what I say because my age (and I'm not even that young! I'm late 20s!!!). Like even when it comes to things as small as punctuation. My senior colleague and I were working on a text in english and instead of listening to me when she asked about punctuation, she asked microsoft's ai, copilot who, drumroll, said the exact same thing as me.
How do I handle this without going crazy? Do I just keep being fake nice?
Anonymous 116389
I've never had a boyfriend before, I'm autistic and have issues figuring out how things are meant. I have a crush on a guy in my friendship group that consists of females and males alike. Half a year ago one friend, my crushes best friend, confessed feelings for me. To me it was out of the blue. I rejected him. Some weeks ago my crush asked me if I ever had feelings for his best friend. I said no, never. Later that evening we made out, he initiated it. Last week we all got together to watch a movie, when I came back from the toilet he was under my blanket on the couch and I sat next to him. I had my left hand rested on my belly and after some time he brushed my fingers with his and we kind of held "fingers" under the blanket. I'm lost with this guy because there is no communication between us outside this group and I don't know if he just wants something physical? Which I would not want. I wondered if the finger brushing is a loving sign? I think he can't be to obvious with me maybe because of our friend. But could it be he is holding romantic feelings for me?
Anonymous 116407
Ive been fwb with this guy for a few months, and he's been not so subtly hinting that he wants a real relationship. We have good chemistry and I think very compatible personalities and preferences. I really care about him and I find myself thinking about him and wanting to talk to him all the time. When we're together I feel totally happy and relaxed.
But on the other hand, the idea of introducing him to my friends or looking like a couple in public makes me feel so uncomfortable. And even though I get jealous of him, I've been super tempted to flirt with other guys recently.
Also when we were in bed he made a few comments about how he wanted to take care of me forever and that we were so perfect for each other. I honestly didn't even know what to say. In my gut it felt totally wrong even though of course I like him too.
I don't know what to do. Should I dump him? Take a chance on a relationship I'm not 100% sure of? Take a break to get my head straight? I'm really happy with how we are now and I don't want to change it but I also don't want to hurt him or throw away something potentially good just because I have commitment issues.
Anonymous 116472
>>116389I don't think there's enough information to know if he's interested in you romantically or just sexually, but he's definitely interested. If you have his contact information, come up with an excuse to hang out one on one. If not, get him alone next time you see him and swap numbers or social media.
If you encourage him to keep pursuing you, you'll definitely have an opportunity to just ask him what he's looking for.
Anonymous 116488
>>116387Oh they do sound annoying, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I've known similar people and there's a couple of tactics that helped me.
1. Realising other people probably notice they're annoying too. You definitely won't be the only one. Remind yourself you're not annoying, so you're better than them, and you feel sad for them that they have to live with being idiots.
2. Keep fake being nice, yeah. But you can play dumb too. If they don't believe you on stuff, ok! "I don't know, maybe you can ask AI instead". The less you feed their will to annoy, they might get bored and back off.
3. Look up resources about setting boundaries in the workplace. This has helped me a lot, especially with examples like the first one. I used to get frustrated by things like that, when I felt backed into corners to do stuff. In that case, nowadays I would say something like "I don't have time to show you right now as I'm in the middle of something. If you still haven't managed by the afternoon let me know and I can help you then". That way, you're still being nice and helpful, but you're making clear you have your own priorities (and it also not so overtly calls her out for being lazy).
4. Putting things in writing. People don't like evidence of their stupidity. So if the new consultant keeps bugging, forward to who would know (ccing consultant) like "Hi xxx, I'm struggling to answer consultant's question here, please could you advise?". They'll definitely shut up once they realise their ineptitude is going to be pointed out every time.
I hope it gets better for you! Don't let them make you crazy!! I have one colleague that I still can't stand, but honestly got to the point where her annoyingness makes me laugh. I hope you can get there too!
Anonymous 116494
My sister got yelled at yesterday because apparently our mother found a condom wrapper in her room. So then our dad finds out and he goes on the whole purity spiel or whatever. I couldn’t hear it all since I had to take over for my mom and watch the food on the stove, but I’m sure he said some ugly things.
I know that this isn’t my problem but I feel like I have to fix this, somehow. What should I say to my sister, if anything? I know that kids are going to be kids but I don’t want her to potentially ruin her life by being a teen mom. I already looked up an abortion clinic in the city but we live in a red state in the US. I want to help but I don’t know how.
Anonymous 116599
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honestly, I have felt subjectively bad most of my life aside from a few days and only had one good sleep in my life. I'm trying to get by, but it's getting harder as the responsibilities in my life grow. I did see the doc. minor issues were found that I fixed and the only other lead I have are moderate jaw misalignment issues that are too expensive to fix plus I have no idea if they're causing anything.
this is usually how I often feel:
>chest and dry eyes hurts a lot, very "flu like" feel. allergy pills don't help. back of throat hurts a lot
>lots of general tension
>24/7 headache almost every day, unbelievably foggy head and trouble speaking without slurring
so in other words it's almost all vague. if I didn't know that hydration makes no difference for me it almost feels like I'm extremely dehydrated.
I'd like some advice on just…what to try that I probably haven't already. losing weight and getting fit had little effect though maybe I could drop to 18 bmi? deep breathing and yoga does actually did help a bit with making my body just generally feel better in the short-term. also, besides the one random good sleep, an IV made me feel wonderful for an hour or so, but I'm much surer that must have been in my head.
Anonymous 116605
Feeling very controlled, am financially dependent, isolated with no friends or external family, currently saving up to be independent.
In the same living space is a creepy relative who harasses me for years now, with the permission and approval of a second relative. Male relative wont leave me alone. I just want peace. Moid relative has deep anger issues just waiting to explode, is highly controlling, pressures me to check my phone if I go out or if he goes out, very obsessed with driving me places. I even sleep different hours on purpose to avoid him, but it doesnt always work.
Wanted to see if said male relative takes creep pictures of me, so looked through his things. Male relative noticed a few things a tiniest bit out of position, like a paper slightly at a different angle than he left it, he accused a neutral person of doing this. Now its tense and quiet.
What to do? If I confess Im afraid Ill be in danger, but I feel bad for the neutral person getting blamed.
Anonymous 116617
>>116488Ayrt. Thank you so much for your suggestions n0nnie, i really appreciate that you took the time. All of them were really helpful too! Mwah!
Kek I love the first point I'm going to use it as an affirmation or something. Because these two
are miserable, both are mothers to twins with husbands who don't do shit around the house. I'm def going to start playing dumb and do it to such an extent that it actually starts annoying her. And the advice about getting things into writing and setting boundaries was great. Again, thank you so much nona. You've saved me from so many future headaches.
Anonymous 116662
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Sort of an odd problem… But I want to get outside opinion. I've been dating this guy 8 years older than me, and it's been fantastic. He's sweet, caring, strong but gentle, basically everything I've ever wanted and we've even begin discussing things like moving in and marrying.
Everything would be perfect… Except he's divorced and has two kids. The divorce part isn't so bad, but I just don't know about how I'd feel living with with a family that isn't my own, if that makes sense. I want my own kids and my own family, but I don't know if I could do it knowing I'd be making him prioritize me and mine over what he already has. I feel too young to worry like this, I feel out of my depth. Even though I love him and want nothing but the best for him
Anonymous 116669
Hate when a moid is explaining his unasked for, drawn out story that couldve been done in like 2 sentences. All while his body increasingly turns facing me, using hand gestures, inching closer and closer to me, almost touching my face. Almost to simulate smacking me. Weird.
Does anyone else get that, or is my brother just "special"?
>>116662Theres a reason he is someones ex. Id get the full story from his ex wife about why he broke up, in a time and place that the guy isnt aware of. At least then you have both sides of the story, as moids lie all the time. With that significant age difference, its possible that hes the type that dumps a woman after he finds her to be too old.
Anonymous 116671
>>116669We're all someone's ex, odds are none you'll find the right one first try. As for meeting her, she seems generally hostile considering all the corespondents he's shown me of her and when he was going through his divorce (we've been friends for a while) she sounded verbally and financially abusive.
I've considered that about age, but I'm the only woman he's dated with such a significant gap in age (trust me, I badgered him about it when we both got interested in one another).
I've dated shitty guys, he's not one. At least he's as close as a guy will ever get :P
Anonymous 116717
>>116599You say you don't think it's hydration, but it definitely sounds related. Have you tried taking electrolytes?
Anonymous 116727
>>116605First of all don’t allow him to drive you anywhere. Do everything you can to avoid being alone with him. Give him the cold shoulder, grey rock him. Second of all, is there anyone in your family that you do trust? Tell them how you feel. See if they can either have a word or find somewhere else for you to live
Third of all, get a lock on your bedroom door.
Fourth of all, document EVERYTHING creepy or inappropriate that he does or says.
Anonymous 116728
>>116494She used a condom didn’t she? So what are you worried about?
Get off her fucking back. You’re just as bad as your parents.
Anonymous 116732
Am I at risk of being fired if my nudes ever get shared at work?
No face visible, not at work or during work hours, not shared with a coworker. Could be proven it's me since you see texture of a sweater I own, I guess.
I doubt this person would do this as I have full nudity, face included nudes of him. Also it's illegal. Also not sure he knows who to contact. And our relationship is fine for now, I'm just scared it could happen and I made a stupid error because I was horny and have a nice ass.
Anonymous 116736
I stopped taking my meds on thursday. I think I am in mild psychosis currently. I feel like this is the end of my life. I am ready to go. If I got on meds it could take 3-8 weeks to see a change in my mood so I don't want to bother with that. I am in school though and I stopped doing my homework and skipped one class on Monday. I just constantly think about dying and that I am a failure and disappointment but that there is nothing to be done about it. So other than meds what kind of thoughts or actions can I use to trick myself into study mode? I really feel like I have fucked everything up. I've been in DBT so I know it is possible to shut down thoughts and emotions but I haven't had to deal with this kind of psychosis in a long long time and I am floundering
Anonymous 116741
>>116736I don't get psychosis myself, but my boyfriend does and has been going through university unmedicated. He can't maintain a job at the same time, but school yes.
It's a struggle but it's possible. It may depend on your illness and how your psychotic symptoms manifest. My boyfriend's are low level auditory hallucinations, some delusions that come and go, and seeing meaning in patterns of certain objects and animals. If it's mild like that then you can be functional to some extent.
As well, is there some system in place at your school for students with disabilities/issues? At our uni I know students with diagnoses can take lighter course loads than others.
At any rate, please don't die or hurt yourself. You're not a failure and there is hope for you and your life. If anything you're more powerful than other people for having to fight your own brain on top of everything else.
Anonymous 116743
>>116599good luck on achieving your goals. ive never tried yoga but its interesting to see whether or not it works for people
Anonymous 116744
Did I ruin someone's life in high school?
When I was a dumb teenager I had a group of friends. We were all a bit autistic and had nerdy interests like anime and stuff. One of the boys in the group was really into me but he was really shy - I was too, but the normal high school stuff happened where all our friends tried to get us to date. We became really good friends. Around this time, he started telling me that he was really uncomfortable w his male characteristics, wanted to wear girl clothes, hated leg hair, hated his male appearance etc. I am like 100% sure that reddit and the internet made him think like this, as I said we were all like autistic and nerdy and online all the time. I didn't really know what to think because I was a dumb teenager, however one of the girls in the group was a ""feminist"" and told us "ohhh he must be a trans woman". I bought into the whole gender ideology thing because, as I said, I was dumb and autistic and didn't really think hard about it. We were "supporting his identity" and stuff. We were completely complicit in grooming him. He's still transgender to his day. He's a really nice guy. I think I actually ruined his life, I was crying to my best friend on the phone yesterday about this, who also knew him in high school. Can someone tell me to kms or give me a second opinion.
Anonymous 116746
>>116717I have, and I've even tried different electrolytes too. unless I have some sort of disorder related to ions/electrolytes I doubt it's why I've felt bad most of the time.
Anonymous 116750
>>116744Sad, but funny. Clown world keeps delivering.
Anonymous 116752
>>115837This hurt to read because I was in a similar scenario once. I hope you're ok.
Anonymous 116756
>>116744Reddit and the internet influenced him far more than you or your friends did. If he brought up 'muh dysphoria' then I think he already believed in it and was testing the waters for easy validation. You were all the same age, you didn't ruin his life. If anything, reddit/the internet enabled him and encouraged him to overfocus on the negative aspects of his body image, possibly causing ROGD and having him believe stuff like 'a woman is someone with hairless legs in girl clothes.'
It's sad when the people we care about buy into horseshit but we can't "save" them from it, only they can. The most we can do is lead them to ask critical questions about their belief. Don't cry over him any more and let him go, you gotta focus on your own life.
Anonymous 116757
>>116378Not saying "you should be feminine" but rather making suggestions until you can kill your anxiety a bit more - are there elements you can swap out that are still feminine but more comfortable?
>stop painting your nails and trade it in for feminine, maybe slightly eye-catching (drop earrings, certain hoops, big studs) earrings>wear leggings under shorts instead of dresses, or a flattering cut of jeans (straight cut if you're pear-shaped, skinny if your legs are thin, etc)>reducing the number of products/complicated steps in your makeup, instead of quitting cold turkey>ditch necklaces, or wear longer ones that can lie on top of your clothes instead of on your skin, if the sensation is distracting>find uncommon non-feminine women and chill guys to be friends with>is your behavior potentially contributing? not saying it's your fault, but things like low/flat voices on women can throw people off if they're not exposed to non-feminine women. not getting social cues, or maybe your social skills deteriorated from the pandemic and you haven't caught up at the same pace as everyone else? Anonymous 116804
>finally get to hang out with and get to know the guy I like
>sleep in the same bed and have non-sexual cuddles
>doesn't push my boundaries at all and gives me most of the blanket
this morning,
>still rolled up like a burrito this morning
>friend's sister goes running with him and gets him to commit to a drinks date with her during a party
>she thought us not having sex was a sign nothing was going to happen
>told me I should have been faster
Do I ask him not to go, or would that come across as needy? I think he's a really great guy, and he only agreed to the date because she phrased it as wanting to talk with him about his work during a party for our mutual friend. Should I just take a sick day and turn up to stake my claim or at least just contest her? I feel like both options would look desperate and controlling, but I don't want him to think I think of him purely platonically and that sleeping together meant nothing.
Anonymous 116806
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Do any other nonas feel as if they're never going to amount to anything? I'm 22 now, about to turn 23 at the end of this year, and only now am I about to graduate with a 1 year certificate that has taken me 4 years to complete because I was an autist retard that didn't take education as seriously as I should have when I was younger, and looking at my cumulative GPA is enough to kms, even if I've scored a 4.00 average last semester.
While I am about to graduate this semester, I can't help but feel as if I've shot myself in my own foot. After this, I hope to transfer over to university to do a 4-year degree, but I doubt my GPA is going to improve much after doing the 2 programs required to graduate this semester…
Because of this, as well as my absolutely mediocre talents, I can't help but not feel fulfilled, and I fear that I won't amount to anything noteworthy, nor will I accomplish anything to be proud of. Any advice? I'm desperately trying to get better, but I can't help but feel discouraged.
Anonymous 116810
>>116806Does your certificate interest you? What about the four-year program?
And your grades are better than before? What made you able to take studying more seriously and improve?
Anonymous 116811
>>116662I was with a guy 11 years older than me and he had two children, too. I don't want to make you overthink you're relationship too much. There doesn't have to be always super bad issues why they broke up with the first wife. It was also a different situation for me because I never wanted children of my own. But what did turn out was that he never supported the ex-wife and I only saw him as super-dad because he had the children every two weeks and always just the fun parts with them. She had to break it up after all these years together because she felt like she was a single parent anyways because of his lack of support. That was for me a huge red flag on his part even though not the initial reason we broke up. As I said try to get a picture of what he was like in that relationship if you guys are talking marriage and family etc. Could be that the reasons they broke up were just something different but it's good to get that picture.
Anonymous 116820
How to get over that fact that i was groomed by a 4channer altright bigot for over a year and then when I met him in person he raped me… He was really so good at deceiving and hiding his true self even his best friend helped him in grooming me
I feel like a pathetic loser for trusting him, he won I lost
Anonymous 116840
>>116820He hasn't won anything, he's an antisocial freak who took advantage of your trust. He pretended to be friendly for a long time and then hurt you. That's wicked and cruel. I hope you are in therapy or receiving any kind of help for this and have reported him. That's how you move on.
Anonymous 116847
How do I find someone who will love me? It is all I have wanted my entire life
Anonymous 116850
I pretty recently reconnected with one of my childhood friends and she's great, lovely, all that but I get weirdly jealous and insecure over how many people she seemingly knows. I know it's dumb and I don't want to ruin this friendship because I don't have other irl friends, how do I stop feeling this way? I want to desperately escape the neetdom but now I'm scared of people finding out about that part of my life… I think I'm also jealous of my friends life because from what I heard from her she regularly hangs out with her friends and has game nights and such (which I haven't done since junior high). Please any advice would be welcome
Anonymous 116867
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when would you say it's appropriate to bring up future plans in a relationship? i've been with my bf for a little over 6 months now, and we have not talked about our future plans at all. we are both in college and i'm a year ahead of him (i'm set to graduate in about a year and a half). i'm thinking i should wait until we're closer to a year, but i'm not really sure. i mostly just want to know if i'm wasting my time being with him just for us to not turn into anything substantial.
i'm also just not really sure how i would go about bringing any of this up lol
Anonymous 116871
>>116867I can't believe you managed to go 6 months without talking about future plans lmao. I'm too autistic about not wasting my (and others') time so I bring it up when getting to know a guy.
Anonymous 116875
>>116840couldn't report him due to circumstances and he is basically walking free,
for my mental health yes i have got therapy and have healed quite a bit but still is paranoid if he leak my pics which he took after raping me
Anonymous 116887
>>116871the most that has come up is that he plans on moving cross-country because of the industry he'll be in, and that i'll be pursuing graduate school at some point. we just haven't talked about a future together in particular
Anonymous 116888
>>116875The fact its been almost 10 years it happened to me and i still have only been able to heal a bit only is sad
Anonymous 116947
>>116945
can you tell me about the effects of not having kids? as a younger female going down this path
Anonymous 116950
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I recently reconnected with a childhood/middle school/high school friend. We were BEST friends back then, but our friendship was toxic on both sides, and we eventually drifted apart. We stayed friendly strangers for about 8 years and started FaceTiming occasionally in the last few months to catch up.
Last week, on a Saturday night, I had been drinking and texted her to FaceTime because I was bored. She called, and next thing I knew, she was coming over with more drinks. We hung out, and it was fun! But she kept bringing up our past friendship and talking about how she used to compare herself to me constantly, feeling like everything was a competition.
She’s also embraced what she calls her "hoe life" and casually mentioned her body count is 32 (we're both 23). I don't care about that as her friend, but it gets annoying when she complains about "men ain't shit" and how some guy was supposed to come over but flaked—every night.
On top of that, she sends me cringey memes, like bad Zoomer edits and overly self-deprecating stuff.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too critical or if I’ve just grown and matured more since we last hung out. What does this sound like from an outsider's perspective?
I don't have any other friends so I worry I'm just compensating for companionship..
Anonymous 117379
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I need some advice and opinions. What do my fellow miners feel about the concept of "trading up" in a relationship? I think generally it's a very callous and cruel way to view relationships as transactions, but I'm in a predicament and need some alternate viewpoints.
For context, I've been dating my bf since I was 19 and he's my first everything. We had a rough patch recently and got through it, so we decided to try living together. Things were immediately difficult with the division of labour, tensions are high and then we had a pregnancy scare, which he reacted very poorly to. He apologised, tried to backpedal and say it was just shock and stress that made him act as though I was babytrapping him to ruin his life. He started spending more time away at his parents' rural property so he could "focus on my art" a couple of months ago. During this time, our neighbour has been extremely kind and supportive, so I've gotten to know him well. Being as impartial as I can has come a little easier with how upset I am with my boyfriend, so I think I can firmly say our neighbour is just better than him in every way. He's infintely funnier, much kinder and more empathetic, smarter, easier to get along with and talk to and vastly more interesting as a person. When I told him I might have been pregnant, he was momentarily disappointed, but was immediately helpful and extremely sympathetic. There's one instance that sticks out in my mind, where a contractor stacked bricks in the back yard which fell over and tore the fence down. My boyfriend was at work when it happened, so he took a break to rant and rave over the phone, making sure I knew I was at fault, then acting as though I'd purposely victimised him because he had to call around for quotes on repairs. Our neighbour just came home, laughed at how stupid the situation was, helped me clear the bricks up and remove the fence, before offering to pay half because he was sympathetic to how much moving costs. When my boyfriend came home, I was drinking coffee with our neighbour and could hear him swearing and groaning. When I came out, he was midway through re-moving all the bricks to another position for no reason, then hung it over my head all week. Our neighbour literally never mentioned the fence again.
I've been home alone for 3 days because a week ago I asked my boyfriend what he thought we needed to do to start a family, which he didn't have time answer. Then I suggested, days later, to him that one of the rooms in the house could be used for something like a study, nursery, sittingroom etc. and he instantly told me he needed to go to the other house to de-stress from my constant barrage of baby questions. Our neighbour, unprompted, bought me a casserole and a walnut/date loaf. Honestly, I'm pretty angry at myself for thinking this, but what I really want is to just swap. He can stay out there painting and sculpting, I'll just go next door and have a real fucking relationship with a guy who wants more than to have his meals cooked and share a bed until he dies. I want that, but I hate myself for thinking it and feel like I'd be degrading myself for reducing our relationship to a contract.
Anonymous 117383
>>117379Don't leave your boyfriend because you found something better, leave him because he's a weak piece of shit who runs away at the slightest difficulty and emotionally abused you. Imagine having a kid with that loser, and what your poor child would have as a "father." And if neighbor is a good guy, he's more likely to pursue a relationship with you when you're single, vs you only leaving your loserbf when you've secured a new relationship.
Anonymous 117386
>>116850sorry for begging like this but please, I need some advice
Anonymous 117390
>>116850>>117386You might think she knows more people than she does. Extroverted people usually tend to talk more about other people and events, so it may just be taking up most of the conversation. If you live nearby you can suggest to meet up with them. No one has to know you've been a neet for a while, you just need to practice on your own self confidence so your personality shines through instead of your past holding you back.
Anonymous 117395
>>116850the only way to escape neetdom is to put yourself out there, even/especially if you're scared to embarrass yourself
this friend can help you become the person you want to be… can you hang out with her one on one for a bit to make it lower stakes and to get used to maintaining irl connections?
Anonymous 117501
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I found out the moid I have been seeing is not a virgin and I am disgusted which is likely not justified, I think I should suppress my discontent (I am also away from him for 5 months and we are not dating so I really should be more normal).
I am of course a virgin, I have kissed two moids, him and the one I was seeing prior. The moid I was seeing prior was a virgin, and slept with someone while we were still talking, so I disposed of him.
My current moid I thoroughly enjoy, I saw him quite a bit before I relocated temporarily. I feel genuinely sick thinking about the fact that he has slept with another woman though, it was before he even knew me (allegedly) and we are Not dating but I dont know. Perhaps other nonas feel similarly. I recall a thread about wanting virgin males and why nonas do, but I can't find it.
I'm not a religionfag or anything either and this moid hasn't done anything wrong but it makes me feel Terrible. Perhaps I am an insecure woman. With the previous moid I believe it was both outside of a relationship (which is somewhat a dealbreaker), and whilst he knew me. This one has not done anything wrong but I feel Sick .
I do not know what advice exactly I am seeking perhaps similar experiences/// thoughts and if I should just get over it. I do really like him, and as I get older, my chances of finding a moid who is not used and doesn't have serious issues will decrease more and more.
Anonymous 117505
Spoiler
>>117501>I am disgusted which is likely not justifiedIt's completely justified. Why anyone would love a nonvirgin moid is totally beyond me. Think about it logically. You don't want a bf who has sex with other women, so why would you want one who had sex with other women? Excuses like "it was before we met" don't change the fact that the sex is essentially the same, and, as it is hated in the present, it should be hated in the past.
Anonymous 117506
>>117379it sounds like you already made up your mind. you make the neighbor sound really nice and your current bf like a PoS
are you 100% sure your neighbor would want a relationship with you?
Anonymous 117508
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>>117501>I recall a thread about wanting virgin males and why nonas do, but I can't find it. mods deleted that thread because
they don't have virgin bfs Anonymous 117509
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>>116867i think you should talk about it with him if you intend to stay together.
i was in your boat, dating a guy younger than me in college. i don't know your case, but it may be very difficult to find graduate school opportunities in the area he wants to move to. definitely do things proactively if you want to stay together. start researching graduate programs at universities around where he wants to move. in your senior year, start cold-emailing professors you would like to work with. do this because graduate admissions are largely dependent on having a faculty that will mentor you for the duration of your program.
the bigger question you should be asking yourself at that point though is if he's worth it. you will be severely limiting your schooling and career opportunities if you stay together. if it comes to the point where it's him or school, your school and future is probably more important.
you can stay together, it will just require a lot of luck, determination, and planning.
it didnt work out for me. my high school sweetheart who was one year younger than me was adamant to do grad school abroad, and i got a grad school offer close to my hometown. so we split. my grad school is the best thing i've ever done. it's extremely fulfilling work and i love going to school. he got accepted to study abroad at a very prestigious school. but i know that if i was still in that relationship, my mental health would be very low and the commute to see each other would have been exhausting and rare. long distance is hard. i'm dating another guy now and i'm happy with the decision i made
Anonymous 117515
>>117383>>117506I calmed down, thought about this a lot and decided to try to examine our relationship more objectively to see if there's some fundamental problem or if it's just a lack of communication. Then he came home and the first thing he told me was that I'd need to avoid talking to him about anything baby-related or he'd lose his temper with me and leave again. We argued and he has just unilaterally decided that with his career improving, we'll have to move across the country at some point, and kids would weigh us down, so obviously we can't have any. I've given up arguing and for the last couple of days I've just been exploring his worldview. It boils down to this: now that he makes as much as me, and his career has the potential to make far more than mine, he feels he should get priority in making life decisions. He wants us to start a new life in another city, for me to change careers to something that lets me work less, start devoting more time to the house and his career, and to avoid any discussion of children until the economy improves. Up until this point, I've treated him as an equal in making life decisions, but apparently to him that was weakness on my part, not fairness. I've decided he can move and I'll stay right here. I'll just move in with a friend for a while. Trading up doesn't look so bad now that I know he actually does see our relationship as a financial contract.
Anonymous 117517
>>117501hmmm… the good news is that gen z men are having less sex than previous generations so it makes it easier for you to find another virgin to date, assuming that's the age range you're looking at
i had a somewhat similar problem to you - i was extremely uncomfortable about a guy's sexual history. i tried to intellectualize my way out of my gut feelings and got into a relationship with him. unfortunately, you can't really rationalize what your intuition is screaming at you. sometimes, there is no "getting over it." thinking about his past ate me alive for the duration of my relationship with him and i had to end it for my sanity. i know now that alignment of values surrounding sex and intimacy is extremely important to me in a relationship. i wouldn't date anybody who has a history of casual sex, for example, because i view sex as sort of a sacred act. i think you should really consider if this is a core value for you.
Anonymous 117532
not posting this on lc which is the only place I think would understand what I mean, but I wish so bad I am a tif. Like, just for the culture like art and oc stuff and dating other weirdo tifs. But I can't stand most of the retards in those circles at all. That's it, I'm not putting more effort into this post.
Anonymous 117542
I need help trying to come to terms with the fact that I will never find true love, or perhaps something that helps me dettach from the idea entirely so I stop thinking about something that dumb.
Anonymous 117543
>>117501Yeah. It matters less once you're older. It's almost all insecurity, you're clasping on to an identity and you don't want to let go of that. We hold on to so much.
The only 'rational' aspect of this obsession is that you don't want someone who's had STDs, or someone who will get you pregnant and leave (even if you use contraception, you want to know what type of person he is). Make sure he's tested.
Anonymous 117553
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>>116950yeah so … update on this post
i haven’t found a solution.
just got this text like,,, bitch shut the fuck up what are you doing with your life
Anonymous 117554
>>117543Don't listen to this nona, she's just coping cuz her moid's not a virgin. Wanting an innocent and undefiled love is not 'insecurity', it's rational and sensical. Obviously there's more to it than STDs and pregnancy. Would you let your bf cheat on you, if there were no chance of STDs or pregnancy? No, because the act of sex with others, by itself, is undesirable.
Anonymous 117555
>>117553You already have your answer. Some relationships are well left alone.
Anonymous 117556
>>117543This not true for everyone, you might get sadder each day.
It is important to be with a partner that stands in the same common ground of beliefs and values as that you have.
If you want a virgin/chaste man, so be it. You don't have to overcome the past of anyone like
>>117517 mentioned. That will eat you alive.
Just be very wary and see why are they chaste, is it because of values or is it because other stuff?
Seek what your gut tells you.
Anonymous 117597
How do I leave a relationship if I live with the guy and have been a neet for years? Is it even possible to support myself in this economy without going insane and what jobs do that?
Anonymous 117608
>>117597>help i willingly made myself dependent on a man>Is it even possible to support myself in this economy without going insaneYet another one falls to the antiwork propaganda AND the oldest trap in the book. Things are far from stellar, but it's very much possible. What's your definition of insane? Dealing with people? Not dealing with people? Something else?
In any case: whatever you do, never sign up for night shifts (kills your health) & never work a job that involves a conveyor belt (kills your brain).
Anonymous 117635
I've been out of a relationship for so long that I don't know how to start one… how do I find someone? I don't go out to public places because I don't have any real friends (I moved around a lot) and work friends should just stay at work. But talking to people in public at the gym or something is creepy isn't it? What do I do?
Anonymous 117686
>>117635Most people meet online nowadays.
Anonymous 117704
>>117635I was in a similar situation (no friends, put of dating pool for years) so I started talking to people online. I met my fiance on /soc/!
Anonymous 117759
I’m dirt poor and about to be crushed by student loan payments and I wish I had a roommate to split rent and stuff. How do people even find roommates?
Anonymous 117782
I've been thinking of compiling a list of where the people I've burned bridges with live/work but only in the interest of ensuing I never run into them.
Pros: Avoiding awkward encounters or moving into a flat near them
Cons: I will overanalyze this and mentally map out areas in town where I can never be
I can't be the only one who's done this
>>117759Gumtree or whatevers bigger in your area, start with asking friends if they know anyone they can vouch for.
Anonymous 117883
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>>68781i think the answer to this is pretty simple. maybe i’m just looking for a really brutal answer. it’s just i’ve been obsessed with this guy and i’m just finding out he has a girlfriend. the thing is he hasn’t told me. he hasn’t mentioned her ever. i noticed he seemed to shut down any discussion of his relationships. something else is he has mentioned her. just not directly. he has been referring to her as just a friend. i only figured this out because i snooped too much through his social medias and found his gf’s pages. some of the stuff he told me he has been doing with his friend, his gf has been tweeting about it. i thought about telling his gf, but i’m scared to become lonely again and i have really bad attachment issues and i have really been enjoying his presence. i was just thinking about finding someone else and then move on from him so it doesn’t hurt. i have the choice of telling his gf or not too. i might just leave their relationship alone though. i’m too scared to actually confront the situation anyway. in the mean time, i’ll just stop flirting with him until i decide what i want to do next. i’m just really hurt by the fact that he never told me he had a gf. we have talked for a month and he has literally been kicking it off and he has been flirting with me. why are there men like this? what should i actually do?
Anonymous 117912
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i know this is as stupid as it could be but i need to talk about it to someone.
19 and just got in a university this year and i spent my whole life in a small village. i do not know how to approach people. luckily a close friend of mine is in the same uni as me so i'm not all by myself. i still really want to have more friends since my friend isn't with me all the time. two weeks ago i met this person and he seemed nice overall. i liked him and thought we would somehow spend time together but apparently he's not as interested since i texted him asking if he wanted to hangout and he didn't really put any efforts to make plans. i know he's not the only person i can talk to in this big school but the fact that this was my first ever try on socializing and it wasn't reciprotaced kinda let me down. he seemed more interested in the beginning but now it's as if he saw how weird and off-putting i was and didn't want to befriend me. i'm aware this sounds retarded and like i'm making a BIG deal out of it but i had to talk about it.
Anonymous 117923
>>68781I broke up with a guy because he was showing red flags but now I'm realizing. I can't do better than him, and that I miss him. Should I try and get him back?
Anonymous 118070
>>117923How longs it been? Your brain is literally going through withdrawal right now, it'll never get better if you don't stay on the wagon!
Anonymous 118071
>>118070It's about to be 2 months. I think I'll wait a week and see if I still feel this way?
Anonymous 118082
>>118071If it's been two months and you still feel this way then another week isn't going to change anything. I don't know your situation but you broke up with him for a reason, unless he makes major changes to address those red flags then you're just going to end up in the same position you were before.
Anonymous 118084
>>118082I know. But I also feel like being with him will feel better than being alone. I am so devastated that it didn’t work out, because I think we had a good shot. We got along so well
Anonymous 118165
My cat died last Monday. It was sudden an unexpected. I have genuinely never felt so lost and hopeless. This is worse than losing people. When I lost my previous cat I couldn't get a new one for ten fucking years, it was just too much. I had that one longer than this one, but this time it's somehow even worse. I feel guilty about even thinking of doing things that I would enjoy. I haven't eaten since Monday evening when it happened. I just can't. I also have another cat, he seems to be doing okay but I still worry. And it's just so sad to see him sleep alone and not with his friend.
I've been crying constantly since he passed and I just don't know how to cope. It hurts so much.
You were too young to die. I wish you were here with us. I miss you. I love you. I will never forget you.
Anonymous 118169
reposting this from the vent thread idk why i didn't post it here in the first place:
>get a funny dm on tiktok from a guy i don't know
>check his profile
>he's very attractive
>check his following
>he follows literally 5 friends
>he doesn't follow any women
>i reply to him
>we've been exchanging a few messages every day for the past week
>he sent me a fresh photo so i know he's real
>he flirts with me and he wants to take me out
>but he texts back after a few hours every single time
>sometimes take 12-20 hours to reply
>meanwhile i always reply to him after 10-60 minutes
>i tried to match his energy to see if it makes him text faster and it doesn't
it's really annoying, my imagination is going wild and i hate it. what's a reasonable explanation for this behavior? i feel like it would be weird to mention this to him this soon.
Anonymous 118171
>>118170
You're a fuckin schizo calm down holy hell
Anonymous 118173
>>118170
kinda embarassing that you wasted your time to post this larp here. extremely low tier and faggy male behaviour
Anonymous 118175
I haven't had a friend in so long I realized I wouldn't even know how to casually text a friend anymore.
Anonymous 118196
>>118169You're not the only one he's texting with and going out with
Even the busiest moids would always find more time to text a woman they're interested in pursuing
Either that or he hates texting but that's unlikely the case
Anonymous 118198
>>118165I'm sorry nona. i lost 2 cats over the years that I had since I was a little kid. Grief is the worst feeeling to ever exist
Anonymous 118206
>>118198Thank you I'm sorry about your cats as well. It really is the worst. I hate that I have to go on and pretend everything is normal when it's clearly not.
Anonymous 118229
819c127088adb509ac…
How to bring up porn to my bf without it seeming weird?
Basically I want to ask him if he watches porn but I don't want to bring it out of the blue so how do I spin the conversation to that? I regret not doing it when I had the chance to
As far as our relationship goes there is nothing wrong with it in fact he lvoes me unconditionally and he seems like a honest person. He's hard working and a bit nerdy
As for sex he is willing to do anything I get turned on by and he doesnt push for anything nor has problems with staying hard
The only thing that threw me off is he uses porn-coded words sometimes but I wouldn't describe it as disrespectful though
I mean it's obvious he watched before being in a relationship with me but I find it wrong to watch it while dating
Anonymous 118230
>>118229I don’t think it would be weird to ask straight up because it’s something you have a boundary with. Or just ask what he thinks about porn first. If you don’t want it to be random find a way to bring it up while you’re already talking about sex stuff. Like for example, ask if he ever masterbates while you’re away or something like that, then ask if he watches porn. And if you want to make sure he doesn’t lie, just ask what kind of porn he watches, assuming he already does, acting like as if you’re ok with it.
Anonymous 118232
>>118230>ask if he ever masterbates while you’re away or something like that, then ask if he watches porn.I did ask the former and he said he masturbates to my nudes, and it's believable cause he sends me videos of him doing it (this might be weird but I find him hot and have no problem watching him doing it and vice versa)
Maybe he's one of the ones that don't seek out novelty but rather get turned on by the acts themselves
Anonymous 118254
>>118250
Girl, why do you have to create an insecurity out of the blue???
Anonymous 118263
>>118250
I'm not some kind of celebrity so I don't know why anyone would take much interest in leaking those. besides I know he doesn't distribute them because we use snapchat and it notifies you if the person saved or screenshotted something.
Anonymous 118420
>>118229>Basically I want to ask him if he watches pornHe does
Anonymous 118444
>>118420How would you know, not all guys watch it, there’s a anti porn movement among a small number of men (after they fried their brains with it and realized the consequences too late)
Anonymous 118461
I really do hate men but more than that I’m afraid of them. I’ve had androphobia since I was little and was abused by every male figure in my life. I can’t talk to them and get anxious having to be near them. I can’t help but see the grotesque and sexually violent influence they have in everything, so I can barely stomach the output of popular culture either. I feel alone and unsafe. I can’t trust men to change, so how do I just turn my brain off and learn to tolerate it like everyone else?
Anonymous 118516
>>117923he has probably moved on, im guessing you were probably showing signs of disinterest or plaguing him with negativity, moids need space sometimes, youre not the only thing happening in his life and especially so if it was ldr.
sorry nona
Anonymous 118561
How do people work in call centers? I took the job because I thought I could do it and school at the same time and support myself. I have so much anxiety because I live alone with my animals, and if I lose the job, I can't pay rent. I got berated non-stop call after call yesterday, and it's causing me to perform poorly in class. I don't know what to do. I hate it so much, but I can't lose everything I've worked for. I don't have family I can go to for help. I guess I just need to start looking for jobs again, but the only things available don't give me enough to pay my bills. I just need some guidance I guess… and before anyone says it, yes, I've done the feet pics thing, no, it was not even enough to pay for dog food.
Anonymous 118589
tumblr_d05aa334721…
I have a problem…
My friend group and I perform entertainment at events for a certain niche hobby. They have a habit (somehow) of networking volunteers and recruiting people for us to support with favors or setup. I honestly don't know how they do it, but it seems whenever there is an event there is someone new in our crew I gotta meet–but this is just context and not the issue.
Anyway, a new guy was in our fold last weekend at our most recent event. He was very charming and pretty cute, I immediately knew he had an interest in me but I've learned from experience to play coy. He blended right in–if not better–in our group and also showed off a lot of talent. He gave me a handmade token which is one of the coolest gifts anyone has ever given me. He promised if I liked it that he would make me more things for my kit, meanwhile the other men in my group would NEVER make any effort like that for me.
There was something so wholesome about him. Even our conversations were very nice and not a hint of typical scrote degeneracy whatsoever. His mom was also in our group running errands but I chalked this up to them being on their vacation. She seemed to approve of me and took a picture of us together. I wouldn't say we were flirting in an overt way with words, but there was a lot of eye contact and being close next to each other. Ashamed to say, I got butterflies when he sat next to me on the loveseat and asked if it was okay for just his shoulder to touch against mine. Chills. I'm 33, but based on how mature and put together he was acting I guessed that he was in his mid 20s at youngest.
No…he's 17. I know I would not try anything with him but even when he does turn 18 I am still unsure. I know what my intentions are and that they are very different than a standard scrote predator after a teenage girl for gross exploitive reasons. Still, even though we are but friends at this point (he is sending me sketches of the jewelry he is going to make me) I feel this weight of guilt and responsibility to not do anything that would hurt him. That the reason why he is so pure is because he is fresh out of school still full of hope and ideals and searching for true love. It makes me want to cry and makes me feel so dirty to know what I have experienced and gone through in comparison. 17 year old me wished so hard for a fella like him so..why now?.
And needless to say, my group leaders do not approve. He says he enjoys my company so I guess I should just take this at face value but not pursue anything further even if he initiates. Talk me down from this, please.
Anonymous 118592
>>118589listen to yourself, gushing over a boy not a man, probably an insight as to how you are intimidated by them, youre probably enjoying the dynamic more than him personally.
do you remember being 17? the hormones, hours of sex, the drinking the fighting?
no your intentions are blighted, i can tell from the inflections in your post, broken broken broken.
youre projecting a fantasy onto him and he is just horny, do you think a stable relationship her her her her rot decay
curse him, tear out his heart, break him, make him believe youre the only one and leave him.
also if your like 19 or something yeah go for it but if hes 17 and ur 20 something dont what the fuck are you going to talk about, hes hag maxxing…
Anonymous 118631
I really love my boyfriend and i'm sure he loves me and cares about me a lot but in the past he's said some really insensitive things that I can't seem to get out of my head like once I asked him what his type was before he met me and he said girls with super long hair and big butts and that made me feel terrible cause I didn't exactly fit that but he said sorry and stuff when he realized. but that sort of thing happened a few times.
anyway for a while, I really just tried to look like what I thought he wanted even though he told me that I am his type and stuff. like I started going to the gym and doing squats and I grew my hair out but today I asked him if he remembered my favorite flowers and this is like the third time he forgot and something about that just hit me. I'm trying to do all these stupid things for him while he doesn't even care what flowers I like.
I've been thinking I should cut my hair short or start doing stuff I know he doesn't really like but I don't know if its a good idea. I do like my hair longer these days.
Anonymous 118831
Do you think it would scare my fellow sheltered female former roomates if the shut in ratgirl that barely interacted with them asks them to be my contacts for a firearm license evaluation
Anonymous 118835
>>118831Pls buy a gun and shoot me in the head with it
Anonymous 118836
>>69239hi train octopus here, considering i have general dysmorphybia over my body and looking at myself can make me suicidal (ik omg train octopus general dysmoprhia=evil or whatever) you SHOULD look at yourself in the mirror, if i can get over those features and love myself (and be loved by others even if it has been by evil fucks who want me for my body) than you can too because they still wanted me for my body, theyll want you for yours too, if this is where your dysmorphia comes from then you can easily integrate. if your dysmorphia is personal than looking at yourself is still beneficial, even just acknowledging your own body and face is a positive step in the right direction. you may not be the norm but the norm is not natural, the norm was created, and changed, over and over again, dont reinforce it. WE ARE THE FIRST STEP, women are the desired object, we control what is desired, do not let yourself and the desire of what you are be controlled.
Anonymous 118837
>>69239>>118836in other words snap yourself with a rubber band when you hate yourself, not when you look in the mirror, looking in the mirror is the goal, hating that reflection and trying to ignore it isnt the goal, even just going outside or to the nearest gas station is beneficial (if you can do so safely) and preferable to harming yourself for looking in the mirror
Anonymous 119122
Spoiler
How do you prevent yourself from ever ending up with someone like this?
Anonymous 119259
>>119122im so charming and degenerate morally im sure i wont have to deal with someone not revealing this to me
Anonymous 119261
>>118589Im sorry but how does a 17 year old look like mid 20’s lol. Um, as for advice… I’m not sure why he’s so interested in you but you should do what you want
Anonymous 119338
I fucked something up real bad without thinking and I’m afraid it’s gonna make my boyfriend not trust me anymore and eventually break up with me. I apologized to him and told him exactly how I feel about what I did but I’m still afraid. He’s the only good man on the planet. Seriously the only good one. He’s safe and supportive and trustworthy and he’s not a meatheaded porn addict. I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I lose him. I’m in love and if he leaves me I’ll never be happy again.
Anonymous 119339
>>119122men liek this usually dead bedroom their wives so if he almsot always declines sex with you or never initiates be 100% he's addicted to porn
Anonymous 119348
>>119344No I didn’t. I said something insensitive and private in front of his friends and now he’s debating forgiving me. I hate my stupid impulsive autist brain and that I didn’t think about his feelings in that moment. Now he's saying he’s always felt I didn’t think about him enough, but I do. I really do. I wouldn’t be able to move on and I’m so afraid I’ll be alone forever now because of one dumb thing I did.
