I have no friends and I feel isolated. The only brething living being that made verbal communication with me was my cat. I went to the store and cried because one of the cashiers was way too pretty. Washed my hair but I could not remove all of the smell so I will wash it tommorow too.

How was you day OP?

>>69767
>How was you day OP?
had school, it was the same as always. i should be studying right now but im slacking. i don’t have friends there either so i sort of understand your loneliness, but hopefully things will get better ^_^

>>69770
Thanks, also remember that doing homework is important. At my school they don't give us much homework but when they do it's mostly importand team tasks.

Remember studying is good for your future.

I also have school tommorow but I'm online because of the plandemic, so I'm just resting around.

>>69771
i should probably start soon cause i have an exam tomorrow..
do you prefer online to in-person? i’m planning to have all my classes online for my next semester (my anxiety has been pretty bad lately) though i was surprised how many people wanted to go back to school this year

>>69773
I preffer in person because I don't feel so lonely and isolated. After the second lockdown when I had to be online again my family made me go to a phychologist because I was acting strange. It turned out I have developed two mental disorders, thankfully not so serious to be forced on pills.
Also when I'm in person I can talk to people, witch relieves my stress. I hate the lockdown, it makes me feel caged.

Honestly I wish I could take the lockdown and online studying lightly like you, but being alone with my own thoughts all by myself is not always good for me.
Good luck on your semester!

>>69775
ah i understand that, it’s good that restrictions have let up at least and you can talk with people irl now.
thank you anon, i hope things will improve for you too!

Found out I filed too late to claim unemployment. There wasn't even a good reason for me waiting so long, I'm just really dumb and lazy.

I went to sleep at 10 in the morning, woke up at 6 in the afternoon only to waste 1 hour getting angry at an imageboard (not this one).
I haven't eaten anything yet. I hate letting this kind of shit get to me and depress me so much as if my life depended on the state of an imageboard.

>>69765
worked on my online uni class for computer science and I'm really bad at coding, wish there was like a womens only (no troons) coding support/learning group or something cuz I don't feel comfortable getting tutoring from men and the only other resources I have are watching youtube tutorials
also been finishing up christmas gifts - baking macarons and gingersnap cookies, drawing stuff, plus bought a few things that hopefully get here on time
I asked for art supplies from my family as christmas gifts so I can get back into creating art and maybe sewing my own lolita dresses too (though I'll probably have to learn pattern drafting for that first)

>>69798
What's wrong with YouTube tutorials?

>>69801
they help a little but I can't rely completely on them if I get stuck or have questions which happens with me a lot
plus when I do projects I can't just copy the code in the tutorials, I need to be able to write it on my own

>>69779
Is it 4chan? 4chan always manages to get under my skin even though I've lurked since a teen

>>69816
I only use 4chan for a couple of majority female generals.
No, it's not 4chan.

>>69816
Also, don't go on the shittier 4chan boards. Better yet leave that shithole forever as soon as you can.
See the 4chan feels thread that is still on the first page.

>>69818
Thank you anon, I've seen that image before but I needed to see it again

left my house for the first time in a week to go out to eat alone kek. i work tomorrow. i hate the need to wagecuck hah, wonder when i'll just go full hiki

Not a big blog, but I am posting to stay accountable for talking to a guy in a few minutes. I'll report back.

planning my suicide lmao. surprisingly a lot of fun!

>>69842
I am stupid and his big round eyes distracted me, making my social skills even worse. This dude has even demonstrated a lil mutual intrigue. Perhaps we're both kicking ourselves.
Next time…yeah.
>>69843
Why, anon?

>>69844
Been suffering too long anon, have nothing to offer this world etc etc. My parents would be sad but it's okay. Hope it goes good with your guy anon :) <3

My job is cushy and I work from home but got dam I cannot work today
Why am I so fucking lazy

>>69846
> have nothing to offer this world
Anon, please. Get out of that capitalistic mindset that you’re only worthwhile to live if you contribute to society. Just live your life. Forget about everyone else and just do what feels good. It’s what many others are doing.

>>69821
Leftypol because I'm into leftist (not liberal) politics and it used to be quite a decent place for women and a breath of fresh air after wasting so many years in the misogynistic and reactionary shithole that is post-Stormfront 4chan, until recent incidents that led to my favorite and the second most active board becoming full of gross incel shit that the mods do practically nothing about, even though they had said they would delete all incel threads. The other day, a dude who was spamming porn videos along with misogynistic rhetoric ("these women are sluts out of their own free will", "feminism is great because it encourages women to do this") was banned, not because of the misogyny but for "spamming gross shit" lmao. This is in addition to all the racist bait (mainly between blacks and whites) and other such retardation. It's like a fucking /pol/ colony at this point; their excuse? "this is the random board, stop complaining about it because wanting any moderation on an imageboard is just like reddit". Oh and the loli apologists in the /anime/ board have done it again and managed to extend a small thread into 100+ posts with their mental gymnastics. The other alt boards are mostly dead. The main board /leftypol/ isn't the same it used to be, either.
I'm finally telling you this because I've given up, there's no point in hiding my frustration with the site anymore.
I honestly think it's time for me to stop using imageboards altogether because none of this is good for my mental health, but this habit is hard to break.

>>69846
Come on anon, you were already just sweet to me and made me a bit more confident in my situation. If you're not an actively malevolent person then we need more people who are nice in the world.
I used to SH and also want to kms because my inner monologue was "you are a useless piece of shit" 24/7 and it made everything more miserable. But if people who are genuine trash garbage and rape/kill/beat/etc. people are thriving then I needed to stick around at least to spite them. Why do they deserve happiness but I don't?
Survive out of anger at those fuckers if nothing else, anon. If your parents will be sad I also assume they love you. Focus on those two things and at least think it over some more. It's a bit of effort to change your thought patterns but is worth it in the end. Life sucks a lot but can be pretty good too. Small things can be enjoyable.

i was talking to someone on discord and everything was going fine but then they unadded me because i came across as really stupid and autistic for not being able to understand a joke. if i pretended to get it could've worked, but instead i had to be a sperg about it. i'm pretty sad now, it shouldn't have hurt my feelings but it did. i feel like crying. i don't even care that much about them, we barely talked, i just feel really bad about myself because i always fuck up in social situations. it makes me feel like shit.

I had a dream crystal cafe was a physical place like a garden with fields and hedges separating the fields. I made friends privately with one of you with long dark brown wavy hair, glasses, and pale skin but then when everyone was in a group in the parking lot she treated me like shit in front of everyone as if we never met. If you're reading this, fuck you I hate you go die you fucking bitch.

>>69866
That’s a really weird thing for them to do. Usually no one cares if you don’t get a joke. Think this was more their issue anon.

>>69866
I second the other anon. They sound like the real sperg for reacting this intensely at someone for not getting a joke.
>>69868
I almost got scared it was me, but I'm olive and not pale.
Frick that girl.

>>69871
>>69878
it's not that i didn't get the joke, which i did not, but i asked what the punchline could possibly be and they wanted me to figure out by myself. they tried really hard to give me hints and ended up explaining what it was right before unadding me. was i in the wrong for asking more than once? or was it me not getting it the problem? even with the explanation they gave me i still don't get it. either it wasn't funny at all or i don't know what a joke is.
i try not to care about this stuff but it really gets to me, i just want to practice my social skills online but i can't even do that.

>>69890
i wouldn’t blame yourself too much, it still seems harsh to unadd someone solely over that if you were friends

>>69890
Sounds like he couldn’t cope with realising his joke was terrible and flounced.

Not getting a joke and asking for an explanation is fine. Not everyone thinks the same way or has the same cultural references. Dropping hints and making you guess though is weird. Normally people just explain and move on.

>>69890
What was the joke?

>>69850
i share your feeling anon. this is gonna sound kind of autistic but i had an opportunity to rejuvenate that chan, but it would have involved bringing people unfamiliar with chans there are attempting to integrate them, i know my plan would have worked, but i've gotten to thinking that chans may not be worth saving. im still thinking about it though and i might do it still though

I am at an Airbnb with my ex bf/friend right now (sleeping in separate beds). He went to go walk his mom's dog bc she was at the hospital getting a treatment for something and then he spent a bunch of time at his mom's house and then went to see the matrix. I was alone all day and was really bored so I did basically nothing except for washing the pants and underwear I slept in so I could wear them again today (along with some other things), doing dishes in the airbnb, and making dinner. I watched some YouTube videos but I am pretty sure I mostly paced around getting anxious about different things.

It's 0839
Already drenched in sweat
Eyes watering like rain clouds
Hair wilted from my own hot flashes
Too many covid patients
Muscles ache like tiny hooks pulled thru
Joints sound like an old ghost ship
I eagerly await death (or a nice comfy nap)

I went for a hike today and did almost 6 miles. I feel like I got a good workout, which I've been slacking on lately. And tonight I'm gonna eat Indian food!

>>69778
thats how i lost my food stamps

>>70559
this was me and i have initiated the plan. everything will be good again

I'm going on a mountain hike with bf today. I never really want to, but I know I need exercise and fresh air. I'll see some pretty views too. It's cute how excites bf is for our weekly hike, he fucking loves mountains so much. I wish I was that enthusiastic about anything. Oh well, at least it's sorta infectious.

>>69767
ohhh i totally relate to the getting sad over seeing girls way prettier than me in public. actually im not sure if you cried because you were sad, but for me it can feel like pure shit

>my day
pretty much spent the whole day watching and chatting with this girl who i orbit on twitch. i had coffee, a cookie, and blueberries for breakfast; meat and cheese for lunch; chips, chocolate cake, and mochi for snacks; and pizza and dark chocolate for dinner/dessert. i think ive been gaining a fuckton of weight from the holidays so before dinner i went for a run for the first time in a while and it was super cold and i felt like shit. now im just staying up online, learning about random things and listening to music. i have to go to the lab to do internship work tomorrow and i don't want to… but overall today was a pretty good carefree day

I don’t know where to ask this but I need your help, should I tell my psychiatrist that I don’t want more meds to treat my anxiety and insomnia but focusing on a conductual therapy instead or she will take it as a threat to her business?

Annoying entitled boomer moids at work selling fruit

>>72296
Unless it's dangerous for you to be completely off meds, I think your psychiatrist will be receptive to making a plan to lower/stop your medication.

>fwb currently distracted by a new vidya that will probably keep him busy for a couple days

Time to secretly learn to become a sex goddess and writegod while he isn't paying attention!!

I didn't have enough time at the store today to churn through local books to see who combines purple prose with erotica the best, but I can't help but wonder if online fiction isn't more efficient at that anyhow. I'm going to have to dive deep if I want to become a true Stacy. Wish me luck!!

i really hate how quickly i can lose interest in someone and it's annoying me to hell and back. The fact that i can catch feelings for some guy and fantasize about us together and get stomach butterflies and all that random ass shit by us flirting for a while, then absolutely lose interest if not become disgusted by him as fast as he reciprocates my attraction is stupid and idk how to deal with it.
Just a while back i met a super nice, caring guy who's just my type. Really artsy, sweet, former military dude, super calm and nice and hates getting angry. Literally 100% my kind of dude. We talk for a while and he is the one to first show romantic interest in me even though id fallen for him since our first meeting, but all of a sudden i lose all attraction towards him and what used to initially make my heart flutter and draw me closer to him now simply has me roll my eyes and i leave him ok "read" 80% of the time and i feel awful about it,

I listened to HIM today and had a great walk down memory lane. God being a teenager during the height of emo in 2002-2007 was so fun, I wish I could go back.

we've been talking intensely for a few days now, we hit it off pretty well. it's been a while since this has happened. he said he could see us becoming closer and i'm wondering if this could become more too, which means i'm getting my hopes up. already invested.
i'm clearly stupid, but i'm going to enjoy this phase of getting to know each other while it lasts.
i really enjoy our talks.

wondering if he thinks about me too.

i wish i wasnt such a lonely robot

>>72610
i miss that feeling of belonging to a subculture. now it feels that the internet has made everything more normie and people mostly gather online

>>74927
There's plenty of subcultures, it's just gatekeeping things so they have status/feel special to be in is harder.

>>74931
The subcultures have been totally co-opted by normies. Nowadays all the goth kids you see on tiktok are just preps with dyed black hair and 99 cent fishnets. They don't have the genuine sadness or soulfulness that old emo did.

>>75132
Lolwut. Goth is first and foremost music, no how sad you are.

>>75132
I don't think being suicidally miserable is a prerequisite for self-expression and it never should be. The emos I knew in 2010 weren't "more emo" for self-harming, they generally just had serious personal problems. I think "normies" often have more than enough sadness to draw upon for any art they might want to produce too. Maybe I'm overreacting but I think your opinion is a bit of a slippery slope.

>>75132
Mallgoths have always existed, anon.

>>75152
It's mostly built around music and literature, but anon has a point. These kids do neither. There have always been trends, but Tik Tok makes trends cycle faster than anything we've known. People jump on trends for a few months and then drop them after sucking all the soul and uniqueness out of them.

>>75166
It was always shallow shit mainly about the look anyway

>>75325
Not really. Tradgoth for instance was always an expensive hobby. Real leather and quality jewelry is expensive. Designer or high end goth clothing that's beautifully cut and doesn't look cheap is also expensive as fuck. Doing that hair and makeup to a nice degree takes a shit ton of time and effort. Now if you're talking about mall goth or emo, that's a little different, because you can buy an entire outfit for like 30 bucks.

My comment seems to have triggered the tiktok zoomies.

My mind feels frantic right now, i asked my friend who wanted to hangout if we could drop by a petstore and he said it was no problem and i still feel incredibly guilty, even though the pet store is close to my house. I usually make food for him (and my family) when we hang out so i dont feel like a total leech. Also ive been incredibly paranoid about my health for months now, ive had a chronic cough for over a year and had my wisdom teeth out recently and now i feel pain near in the neighboring teeth sometimes even though its been probably 3 weeks now. I have this horrible feeling that im just dying even though im only 20 and obviously thats stupid. Theres so much that i need to do like clean my room or show up to classes at uni and yet i spend my day wasting away at my computer. I always clean my room then it just gets out of hand again. I never stick to any sort of routine, i cant stay on top of what little homework i have, i cant even manage to wash my face twice a day and sometimes i forget to brush my teeth. I cant remember anything ever and it drives me insane. I feel like im a leech on my family and friends and i cant stand it. Im always tired the feeling never goes away i dont get it and its not fair. I hate complaining because overall i have a good life but i just want to cry cause i feel like im falling apart

>>95708
I've been in the same place before and it eventually gets better as long as you keep trying and dont allow yourself to regress.

today was pretty fun. my class leader brought everyone donuts to celebrate valentines day, it was an easy skills lab & lecture, and i went to my classmate's apartment (plus some more classmates) to have lunch together. she had the cutest dog who would walk in circles when excited. my bf got his valentines package and it makes me happt to see him happy.
i'm in pretty high spirits these days.

I had an old almost 200 lb TV that I was kind of stressing over how to get rid of. But the day after I put it outside some scrap metal people who drive around took it away. Nice how everything just works out.

>Moved in to a new appartment
>Have 2 moid neighbors and very thin walls
>1st ones is very noisy, makes rap music with his friends and fucks very loud at all hours of the night
>Left him a note telling him to stop
>He didn't
>2nd one is very ugly and scary looking
>He said hello when he saw me in the hallway, didn't even stop for conversation just said hello as he passed me by
>Fight or flight kicked in and I ran away to my appartment
Should I just move out?

>>95868
I would've killed myself if I were in your situation so yes, move out for your own safety

I had a pretty nice week! My midterm on Monday was really difficult but I ended up getting a good grade. On Tuesday someone bought a rose for me anonymously which was exciting. I found out it was from one of the very sweet girls in our study group, she got one for every girl. We had a practice session at the dental clinic to learn how to perform a maxillofacial exam and it was so fun. The girl I was practicing with was very friendly and she even invited me to go shopping with her afterwards. I declined because I'm too awkward but I really appreciated it. I've always felt very off-putting and I don't do very well socially so it was nice of her. The weather was amazing too! The rest of the week was pretty uneventful but I stayed on top of my work and had fun.

on a semester abroad at the minute, just arrived recently. feeling pretty nervous about making new friends, i can't drink and being around alcohol makes me really anxious and uncomfortable for some reason, so meeting/making friends at a bar etc is out of the question. i have two girls i've been hanging out with occasionally who are from my home college. they seem to be creating a friend group full of moids though so i'm going to hang out with the girls still but avoid being dragged into that group. please wish me luck in making some new friends anons! i made some good friends in my home college so hopefully i'll make some during my time here.

Could have been better honestly. I fear I will fail in college I will get kicked out of my house and lose my parent's love. You see, my old man only cares about my good grades and nothing else, he tries to be interested in the things that I love but he just doesn't care. Every time I come home I get screamed at for not being in my room studying. The lasts few weeks I haven't been totally able to see my friends except the ones I have in college because they would not let me go out. I am an adult yet I feel like a scared child.

>>96140
sounds so exciting. have fun and keep us updated nona

>>96177
thank you so much nona! ^__^ i've since met a really sweet girl who shares my interests. since i got a buy one get one free bubble tea coupon i said maybe we could go shopping and get some boba and she seemed to like the idea so yay! i'm also going to visit some botanical gardens and go on a school trip on the weekend, maybe go to the beach too if i have time. also let me know if these updates are boring pls, i don't want to ramble on about my trip if no one's interested.

turns out one guy in the moid group has already cheated on his gf… why are they so predictable

>>96186
That's cute, nona.

Mfw my old crush is flirting with me again. I don't even like him. I just like flirting.