/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>7090
I think loneliness is my biggest fear. It used to affect me more in my earlier days of highschool, cause around that time most of my friends were getting into relationships and hooking up with people and I was doing nothing.

It made me really insecure and begin to think "what's wrong with me?" "why doesn't anyone like me like that?" and I really thought I was going to be alone forever.

I say that my sad feelings about loneliness are most intense when I'm alone (lol) because there's no distractions and it's just me and my mind. Being around friends and others does help my loneliness but it really does suck when you begin to crave a human connection deeper than the one formed through friendship.

After I hooked up with someone for the first time my lonely feelings subsided for a bit and I was kinda rolling off this mental high but of course that eventually depletes and I'm left feeling lonely once again.

It's buried and hidden most of the time or I am just distracted. It seems to creep from nowhere, or someone will remind me of what I don't have and depending on the day I can not care or it will hurt for no reason.

I don't have worries about not being in a relationship. Sometimes when trying to sleep I really miss the feeling of being held but I don't mind being single for now.

All of my hard feelings are about friends. I'm not very good at making or keeping friends, which is something I need to work on.

It's very pathetic but there is a girl at work who I started eating lunch with and now we're buddies. Now we're talking outside of work and she expressed interest in being friends and suddenly I'm scared and worried of being hurt. But I need to do this kind of thing even if there's that potential, because being lonely feels terrible.

I guess I'm not lonely in the traditional sense, since I'm not a NEET and I'm close with my mother. I also have one friend.

I just don't think anyone can truly like me as a person because I'm rotten and awful inside. I constantly try to push away the one person (my aforementioned friend) who knows everything about me because I feel paranoid about him leaving and backstabbing me. Or worry that I'm his personal lolcow or some shit. I ghost him constantly and act bluntly selfish in hopes that he'll say he finally wants to break it off, but he never has because we've known each other for too long. In the end I'm very grateful for his understanding nature.

I am the most lonely romantically, I have never had a boyfriend but have a strong, overwhelming desire for partnership. I want someone to care for, spend all of my time with, and have fun with but believe it to be near impossible. I spout cruel nonsense about men that I don't truly believe, I have low empathy, I am filled with hatred, I have a phobia surrounding infidelity, I have anger control issues, and I'm not even a 10/10 in looks to make up for all of this. I obsess over this hypothetical future of having a sweet, tiny husband to support and hold in my arms forever. My god, I've engineered everything in my life to achieve this goal (my career choice, my health choices, any effort put into my appearance)…but could I even handle it?

Loneliness isn't always on my mind, though. I enjoy alone time actually, but need the security of one person always being there for me to come home to and vent with. Perhaps my close relationship with my mother has programmed me to be so obsessed with securing a future partnership. Maybe I'm looking for a man to 'mother' me and replace her when she's gone.

…sorry this went in a slightly off-topic direction.

>>7107

I have nothing helpful to say, just that we're total opposites.

I feel very indifferent about finding romance but desperately want to have a mother. It hurts very much and sometimes I wish the government terminated every pregnancy by force unless the mother could prove she was capable of loving her child and giving it compassion and affection. But I don't actually believe that I just feel forever resentful of her. In February this girl mentioned how her mother took a week off from work "just to see her" and it pissed me off so much. I am like a bitter male virgin but towards parents rather than partners, and affection rather than sex.

One of my "copings skills" is to imagine myself laying my head on the lap of my ideal mother(down to her smell, clothing and hair color) as she strokes my hair and tells me that she loves me. It's as if the psychologist who came up with that one was just playing a cruel joke on a lonely person.

Agreed the feeling of having just one person to be lonely with is nice. I really like the idea of a small(slender, not short) and sweet boyfriend who plays the role of 'little spoon' when we sleep. I would like a Rock/Revy dynamic from black lagoon.

Not since I started using alcohol as a crutch.

I've struggled with loneliness my whole life. I was an only child and both of my parents were friendless and poor (not very good influences) so I grew up lonely. I don't know why I was ostracized by other girls growing up, but I was. I often think about what life would've been like if I had a sister, brother, or at least a childhood friend. I wish I was never bullied by other girls. I'm still recovering from my sexist thoughts; every time I'm near another girl, I feel like she's very competitive and hateful towards me. Even if she's very kind I can't help but think she's faking it. I fucking hate thinking like some /r9k/ loser and I'm trying my best to not judge so quickly but it feels as if these thoughts are so ingrained in my head.

>>7110

Ah well if you're recovering and trying then it will work out and you can make a friend who you trust. People chill out as adults and don't feel the need to bully so much and learn that it isn't okay.

You can make a friend that is secure in herself enough to not be internally putting you down.

Yeah, I'm lonely all the time. I'm just odd and I can only keep it under wraps for so long, or I just lose my head over something else in life and retreat back into my room while whatever problems I have expand to critical mass and ruin everything. I think I still have a friend but I'm too embarrassed to speak to them anymore, assuming they'll contact me again I'll probably just ignore them.

just kill me tbh, i'm circling the drain already

I have no consistent irl friends, which gets to me. By this I mean that sometimes they'll message me or even suggest we do something sometime, but then they'll ignore any further messages no matter what it's about. I'm not sure why they even bother lying about wanting to see me in the first place when I've only seen one of them once in months… I got an amazing boyfriend this year by chance and it made me so happy to finally have somebody whose company I loved and to go do fun things, but then I fucked it up by being too clingy (no wonder).

I was a homeschooled shut-in throughout my teen years, and now I'm a few years late with starting college (hopefully this summer though), so it's just been a constant feeling throughout my life and it's awful. I have a dumb minimum wage job, but people are either WAY older, have nothing in common with me, or don't seem interested in doing anything outside of work. It fucking sucks.

I struggle with my unrealistically perfect image of what not being alone would be like. My cure is spending time with people and thinking that it doesn't get any better then this. Then I can comfortably go back to being lonely for a few days and the cycle repeats.

Deep down I know I'm telling myself the lie that: Oh well at least I tried.

I run away as soon as things get uncomfortable for me when I could stay and take the good with the bad like everyone else. But I enjoy my loneliness as well so I don't really see the point.
I guess that the downside of this behaviour is that I never really tie any strong bonds with anyone else.

>>7110
Anon, are you me?

I'm doing great at uni, and everything in my life should feel great. Except every night and morning I lie awake thinking "what's the point." I'm supposed to have friends, crushes, role models. Instead I'm just this thing who stays in her room, plays on her computer, studies, and tells her neighbour to keep his rap music down. What is the point.

>>7154
I mean a nice and gentle, short and/or skinny husband. I'm not a pedo, don't worry.

>>7108
Sorry this reply is pretty late. Having an abusive mother is one of the worst things in my opinion. Being hated by the person whose body you were once a part of, and who is supposed to love you even if no one else does, is the greatest rejection. I've seen the effects it's had on my best friend, my own mother, and other people I've known as acquaintances.

I hope you find someone to fill the hole at least a little.

I do feel lonely and often. My biggest problem is that I don't even think a strong friendship would cure it.
I still don't even know what kind of friend is my ideal. I always feel inferior and like I'm never doing enough to be a good friend without not being me. Sometimes its strong and I spend all of this time alone and really want some sort of intimacy but when I have a friend come over and we talk and are close I enjoy it but feel overwhelmed afterwards.
But its probably that this sink hole is coming from inside.

>>7165
why are you rotten and awful inside? you don't sound awful. i am engaged to a sensitive, sweet skinny man exactly like the kind you want, which is exactly the kind i've always wanted too, but part of me wants to give him away to someone like yourself because he's too wonderful and pretty, and i know he wont be happy with me and would be happy with someone probably more like yourself. you just sound like someone with normal issues, anon. being a female that is desiring of males is very, very difficult in this culture. it's enough to drive you crazy and it isn't a personality defect. it's just being fiercely protective of those you love, and society doesn't encourage us to feel that way because men want us to be ok with their philandering bullshit and to handwave away their disgusting male socialization like it's nbd, so it's really hard to not act like some kind of cluster b psycho when you find a guy that actually not trash, let alone is perfect, which is what i've done and feel so ashamed for it to the point where i just want to ghost so bad

i totally get what you feel about your entire life being centered around that fantasy. i am exactly the same way and had dreamt of it for so long, but ive done none of the hard work that i feel should make me deserving of the kind of person ive always dreamt of. i'm an unemployable, average looking, lazy, depressed, neet loser with too many defects. it sucks because i end up distancing myself from him and feeling so lonely and just wanting to be alone because i feel so jealous and afraid that i want to disappear

>>7171
I know what you mean, anon, I do somewhat feel as if I have to do a lot of things in order to deserve a boyfriend like that. I want to provide everything for him, buy him expensive gifts, draw beautiful pictures of him, etc. since I don't see myself as inherently likeable or fun as a person. I mean, I'd enjoy the idea of these things anyway, but I'd certainly feel guilt if I couldn't provide them. I'm sure if your boyfriend is with you he does love you as a person, part of the problem with how the average, acceptable relationship is portrayed is that it convinces us that love is based on aspects other than personality. True monogamy is based on your dynamic and devotion that stays strong even if one of you is sick/unemployed/depressed or you just grow old.

I do have genuine issues with anger and am a negative and moody person to be around. In recent years I've also taken to having violent fantasies about the men I'm attracted to for hours on end, probably stemming from my insecurity and now intertwined with my sexuality (in which I'm already naturally a dominant person). The same men I want to provide for and protect, I want to destroy and scar beyond recognition. I know there are men that are into that, but it would be based on mutual sickness rather than devotion and respect as I've desired in the past.

Perhaps if I find someone who truly loves me and who I can trust, I will revert back to my provider-obsessed ways.

I wish you the best with your bf, your story gives me hope that there are indeed men like this out there.

>tfw you realise your friends are merely a social construct and a social safety net
>tfw your closest friends don’t even seem to care about your problems
>but you always ask about their life etc.
I just realised I’ll always be alone. When I stop being sunny, cheerful and show my jaded interior, people around me sense it and immediately back away.

I can’t ever seem to bond with other people. Guys only talk to me because they think I’m weird and want a laugh or two. Girls only talk to me when I’m sunny and cheerful and giggly.

They’ll use whatever you say to hurt you, and I’ve been betrayed 4 times by my female friends already. I just want to die already. The worse thing is I’m jaded as fuck, but I’m still secretly idealistic and spend a lot of time daydreaming, or just pouring my vulnerabilities to someone who will understand without getting hurt. At the core of me is this condensed ball of fury I want to unleash by hurting others.

I feel like I constantly deal with loneliness. I constantly alienate myself from anyone who tries to talk to me, I don't know how to tell my friends my problems, and I don't even feel like half the people who are my friends really are.

I have a lot of online "friends" I guess in group chats but they never PM me so it all feels superficial.

I have a boyfriend so whenever I really tell people who lonely they are they're just so rude. They hit me with "If you have a boyfriend you have no reason to alone and sad." but if that's the truth why am I so fucking lonely.

I just want female friends who I can go shopping with and have fun with, but I don't know how to meet anyone and whenever I try on local social media sites it seems like only old men try to message me

I haven't had a close friend since my pre teen years, so I don't know what it is to have someone you can trust completely as a teenager/adult. I have friends but none of them are really close to me, even though we like each other, and I have always been the "weird" of the group, though it got better since my late teens.

I used to feel lonely after my first break up a few years ago, and I spent most of my time on imageboards and series/anime, but lately it hasn't been too hard. I don't know if it's because I've learned to enjoy my company more or if it's because I'm at least low key busy or among other people most of the time. The moments I feel more lonely are when I'm at some party and can't talk because everything is so loud and I'm a naturally quiet person, and at parties everyone seems to not give a fuck about each other except for the people they want to hook up with, and even then they don't care so much. Regardless, I'm enjoying myself now and this is the most important thing.

You might think I'm lying but I never feel lonely, even though (or maybe since) I'm an introvert. I prefer being alone, and even though I sometimes wish I had a boyfriend I realize it would just be a huge hassle. I'm content with my fantasies with perfect imaginary boyfriends.

I just finished highschool and I don't want to say this to anyone, but I'm not going to miss anyone. They are all good people and I like them but I'm really not going to miss them. It's not their fault. I just feel like whenever a person leaves your life another one takes their place. So I don't mind. Does anyone else feel like this? I don't want to say this to anyone because I am afraid they would think I'm heartless.
Sorry, that was kinda off-topic.

>>7233
I feel exactly the same and I'm 26. Except that I'm content with shipping rather than having my own husbando.

Ever since I left highschool my social life has been totally dead, I've had one boyfriend for a few months and I hated it. I do think I could stay this content being alone for a long period of time, but I don't want to risk it. I don't want to suddenly realize I'm lonely when I'm in my 30s but be too old to easily find a bf or have kids. I wish I wasn't caving to social pressure like this but I feel like I owe it to myself to at least try dating (tinder, ugh). If I fail and can't find anyone, at least I tried and won't have to blame myself when I end up alone.

I just can't seem to make myself like anyone enough to want to share myself with them, if that makes any sense. I have a boyfriend and maybe three friends, the rest are acquaintances and colleagues. Got rid of Facebook a while ago because the people I'd ever want to contact me already have other ways of doing so.

my friendships and relationships are always very one-sided. like I mentioned, I don't share myself with people but people share themselves a lot with me. I imagine that's normal but I can't relate to it

I guess I'm lonely? I think most of all I wish that I felt the desire to form close connections with other people. Humans are a social species and we pair bond and etc etc so it makes me feel like I'm not really human

>>7178
Online friends are the best friends you can get since it's easy to detach them from yourself and just fade off. In IRL relationships things get unnecessarily complex when you try to do that. Also IRL everyone remembers your fuckups, online you can just change your nick and continue with your life.

I'm lonely but I have a lot of pride, I often cut people off after being vulnerable around them because I feel I've behaved in a way that's beneath me and embarrassing. I'm kind of a neet and have a lot of mental problems which doesn't help either. I miss my ex and I feel pretty awful not having a confidante or any kind of easy friendship. It honestly makes me feel suicidal.

I'm very much alone. I have a few friends who I think genuinely care for me but they all live far away. I also feel bad talking to them because I feel like such a burden. I'm so depressed all the time I doubt that I'm much fun to be around. The last time I went home, I cried because it felt so nice to be around people who loved me. I'm so tired of having to try. I could put myself out there and meet people (actually I don't know if I could bring myself to do that), but even if I did it's not as if those people genuinely would care about me either. I'm so tired of feeling this way I want to give up.

>>7279
No risk, no reward; that includes friendships.
>>94426
Vulnerability is the point.

>>94426
you sound like my ex - why not just contact them and simp after them? nobody sane with high self esteem dates people this avoidant

>>7090
I started to chat with "AI" bots. sometimes the filters on c.ai can be annoying, but I can't be bothered with the setup of the other ones.
I know it is just machine learning (which is why I put AI in quotation marks) and predicting what would be the most probable sequence of words given the current "conversation", but it still feels nice.

u know what
i am gonna admit it
i am a complete asshole
whenever someone comes into my life and they start doing some really disgusting shit, i just get rid of them completely.
it's why i don't really have friends, because everyone is just a nuisance when you wanna spent time with others, a covert that has more insiduous shit and is more toxic than what he lets others see, or just a complete game that leads to nowhere.
So yeah i'll play games 'til i die and grow and die in solitude, who cares anyways

>>98672
you're basically my ex and the thought of him dying in solitude brings me some comfort
>>98664
but they sound like such normies - why not just socialize with actual normies if that does it for you?
>>98674
all of my distant relatives are far more successful than me and I don't like being reminded of that fact

>>7090

>is it more buried and hidden until you think about how alone you are?

Right now it is this. I have generally pushed thoughts of loneliness aside and come to terms with the fact I will end up a crazy cat lady
with no boyfriend, no family, and no friends. I'm already rapidly headed there. Last night I cried myself to sleep about it, which surprised me because I haven't cried over something like this in quite awhile. I even thought I stopped being able to, because I never feel any strong emotion about the direction of my life anymore. Unless it's fear and dread, I suppose. I felt like I had pretty much lost the ability to cry over almost anything, again.

I've considered books I could read that have some kind of title like "How to be happy all alone" just so I can come to terms with my situation more and hope that the idea that "People are innately social" is wrong. But then, I have a broken ability to be truly happy anyway. I've accomplished several things academic, independency, and career-related over the years but again but I never felt any exhiliration over any of it, no matter how big the accomplishment was. As a matter of fact, previously I passed my driver's license after failing it once but I couldn't stop crying instead of feeling relieved and happy. It was just a huge amount of misery that washed over me instead. I can only feel good by things like laughing at stupid memes, eating good food, fantasizing about a boyfriend which creates some kind of temporary feelgood distraction but I don't think that's real, long-term happiness.

People I think I am developing a good friendship with stop talking to me. Although it's hard to complain about this one because alot of it is my fault. I'm the worst at messaging back these days. I always hated being ghosted but now I repeatedly ghost almost everyone. Even my own family overseas. If it's not that, it's because I cause more aversion than ever before from other people because of hitting peak social awkardness. I just thought I developed this good friendship with a girl, considering she even invited me to travel and stay at her grandma's house a whole city away, even though we had only known eachother for several days, and now she's not responding. I think I said something and behaved in a way that has now made her not want to be friends with me. I am too socially retarded and neglectful to properly maintain any kind of friend now. Now I just destroy any opportunity the moment I try to take it, so it isn't even any use having one. This is why I need to find a way to be happy all alone, or I'm doomed.

I can’t take this anymore. All I want is someone to hug me and tell me I’m going to be alright. I’m sick of never having anyone to talk to, no one that cares about me. I wish I just had one person I could rely on when I’m struggling with my mental health.

I just wanna have physical touch with someone regularly man…

I've just been going absolutely crazy for years now heh. I had an extreme phase a few years back of absolute insanity, calmed down from that, and now I'm just alone and scared. I don't have friends and I never will cause I'm a shut-in, my family's tired of my crap, even went to a therapist but she was a useless normie with hollow platitudes and expensive on top of all that.
I just need one goddamn person to help me through this madness. I just want to scream.
I've tried to move on and pretend like I don't need anyone but I keep relapsing. Doesn't help that me and my sister were like two peas in a pod growing up but she hates spending time with me now for some reason, yet will spend all day with my mom. I feel like I'm too reliant on her even years after she stopped enjoying my company and that's why I feel so lonely.
>>98695
Whenever someone accidentally brushes against me it's hard to hide my shakiness from having contact with another human, if only for a second.

>>98698
I'm friendly with my female coworkers. We talk and buy each other Starbucks. Although I don't really consider them friends. To be honest I'm not really sure how to make friends anymore. Where do you even go to make friends? The public library, book stores or coffee shops?

>>98699
I used to be good friends with a lot of my classmates but ever since I left school I've had no idea how to make friends. I guess I should try speaking with people at places like that but it just sounds so scary.
Hell it's been 6 years since I've talked to anyone outside my family. I'm sure if I did try to make friends in real life I'd come off as being completely awkward.

>>98700
Try taking small steps. Say "Good Morning" to people. Act friendly and ask people how their day is going. Give complements and smile regularly.

>>98698
Have you tried getting online friends?
It might help.

>>98682
>why not just socialize with actual normies if that does it for you?
I have tried and it doesn't seem to work except for one friend that I know since school. but I can't be needy and bother her all the time.

>>98698
i thought i typed this for a moment