Mad at myself for not trying harder in the past for not opening up eyes sooner.
that's about it
I lost all the photos from when I was overweight on my old phone that I can’t access anymore and I’m really bummed out about it. While I can imagine the photos (I only had like 3 at my highest weight) I don’t have any physical proof of it anymore. It’s really frustrating. I want to be able to compare from my true starting point but now I only have pictures from being slightly chubby. I also won’t ever be able to accurately envision it or show anybody which I feel undermines how far I’ve come and how much I’ve changed.
do you know your starting weight?
The first job I ever had (fast food wagecucking) caused me such mental suffering that I've been constantly haunted by the possobility of having to come back to such terrible jobs just for survival. I had a boss at it that I hated to the point I wouldn't blink if I found out he died today. I experienced the hell of a call center a year afterward, just to make some side money, and found out quickly why most people don't last more than a month.
Recently, I got an internship in my field and I would like to think it is my ticket away from such horrible places, for good. But I'm still terrified. What if I just go from being minimum wagecuck to office wagecuck? For the past few years I've been working for my school, where I have had supervisors so lenient and understanding that it still feels surreal from what I experienced in my fast food and call center jobs. There's not a cold day in hell they would have told its employees something like "You can take a break if you need to", "You don't have to work XYZ days if you don't want to" (Campus jobs usually operate only while classes are in session, anyway), and not having a supervisor give 2 cents whether we sign in early/late a few minutes or not, as long as the time is accurate on our timesheets. The manager at my fast food job chewed me out for clocking in even one minute earlier than I was scheduled for. With how micromanaged I was in the fast food job, I still can't believe I have and ever could have a job that grants me such generous leniency. I keep thinking "Well, it's only this comfy because it's a campus job so it probably won't last for very long. Maybe I'll be thrown into that hell from the past again in the jobs in my industry, too."
I don't want to worry about being in survival mode anymore. Is that just too unrealistic?
Well, I'm here to tell you there's all kinds of low-skill jobs besides fast food stuff. I've heard about some relatively comfy and solitary ones being out and about. Just make sure you plan in advance so you have plenty of time to explore your options.
it was around 84–81kg at 160cm
Not a vent but my roommate forgot her bloody used pad on the sink for a whole day lmao. We live with 3 other guys, one sent me a pic asking if I knew what it was.
My friend has been in an on-and-off relationship for years but the guy keeps screwing her over, and yet she wants to be friends with him. I don't get how she can be so stupid when she is aware of all the times the guy ran away when she needed him. She knows he's using her but "it's okay cuz I'm using him too", and I have to wonder if that isn'e emotional self-harm at this point. I don't really know how to tell her that she's being really stupid
I'm completely bored and fallen out of love with my bf and it's only been 3 months.
Im really tired of people I know acting as if since I've had a hard life I owe them me acting a certain way. I owe them healing thats palatable because otherwise my existence is too depressing. I get guilty when I express anger or hatred in a way that isn't poetic and inspirational and graceful and feel like I'll be abandoned even though I'm not directing my negative feelings at anyone but the void. Why do I have all this horrible shit happen to me that i have to live with, deal with, pay for tons of therapy to handle, and recover from all while having to act "inspiring" about it for people with lives much easier than mine? Why can't I just scream and act insane for a minute? Why do I owe some story of triumph to people when I'm the one suffering and not them?
I wish I could afford therapy or at least insurance that could cover therapy but I'm about to lose my job if they don't give me a five dollar raise because I literally can't afford to drive to work anymore.
I try to improve my life with little steps but I have so many fucking problems I can't stop obsessing over my failures. I don't know what to do anymore, I wish I could just sleep forever.
don't try to solve everything at once anon. pick one issue and focus on the small steps for that. even if you only make a little progress at first that's still an improvement
I was born in poverty, I will die in poverty, nothing I do can change my future and I will never have a decent life
I have no real friend, maybe never had
There is no person I can have romantic feelings or mere interest towards
And nobody has that for me also, for a long time
Next sexual partner is more and more ugly than previous, said them being possible to count with one hand, and I think they will be even uglier, if will be any
The world revolts me, none of my actions will affect anything in my being here
anon, things might have been like in the past but don't tell yourself that will be the future too
try and learn some skills to get a better job, lots of free resources online
learn to be your own best friend first, then try again
stop looking for someone. again, learn to be content by yourself first. don't date someone you don't like
i know these seem like cliche answers but they are a good starting point
thanks for support, still
though I do enjoy alone time, really, I envious of other people connections and relationships
last time I was dating someone was like eight years ago, so yeah
maybe I wish for someone to keep me sane - letting me outside of the world-as-I-percieve-it bubble
can't imagine how brain works in people who have willpower to accomplish things
like they are confident that everything will work out at the end,
when efforts are usually fruitless, history shows
I know things take time, but I am just want to be enough and avoid hustle, just live, not being anxious to survive
i don't mean that you shouldn't date completely but that people are more attracted to others who come across as confident and content with themselves
>can't imagine how brain works in people who have willpower to accomplish things>like they are confident that everything will work out at the end,
that is because they have something in their background that has made these things happen. luck, connections, supportive parents, better education, etc. majority of the time, people aren't better because they are more focused or work harder, they just were born into better circumstances. it's not fair to compare yourself to other people. look at your own life and think how you can make it better for you, even if it is only a little to start
I hate sisters. My older one was always the golden child. She has no clue what it was like being forced into the mental health care system and forced medication from ages 10 to 17 for no reason. My younger was the baby who always got and still gets what she wants. She was forced into a mental hospital for like a week when she was a tween because she didn't want to go to school, but neither of the two had to deal with a fraction of the traumatic baggage I have to carry. My self esteem is so worn down from them both bullying me on top of all the verbal abuse from my mom, which she denies or shrugs off as if it never happened. They both are forcing me to take care of our aging mom, too.
You have to live your life too. Tell them that
Yeah, I think it's wrong, especially because she's so shafted by her mom/sisters and…doesn't even make sense because apparently her sisters are favored over her and the oldest one is obviously the most equipped to handle it.
I think she should just find a way out. Honestly if her sisters refuse to care for their aging mom, it'd really show how fucked up they really are as well.
If they go hard, she can say, "well, you guys aren't entitled towards me taking care of mom, the fair thing is if all of us took turns doing it" and she how much mental gymnastics they do to justify it.
I am so beyond sick of my obnoxious neighbors. For context, everyone's pretty close together here. Picture a few close together buildings each divided into 4 studio apartments, so you can easily hear others around. For the most part I never hear anything from the others nearby, only really the ones who have kids are the noisiest, which I suppose is to be expected. I never even hear anything from the other people in the building. But in one apartment in my building these people are constantly throwing loud parties with big crowds. Seems to be a bunch of adults and kids. They let the kids stomp around and bang on stuff way too much but the adults are the worst. For hours they blare the most awful music, often singing terribly with it, and have the loudest conversations possible while laughing and shouting. Like an abnormal amount of laughing kinda to the point of creepy. And Idk how many times I hear someone just randomly scream 'woohoo!'. Who even woohoos, what are they sims. There is supposed to be a 10pm noise cutoff but that is a joke. If it's not bad enough they often do this all day, plenty of times I hear it late into the AMs. Well I guess this is just the kind of idiots that decide to raise a bunch of kids in a studio. Seems like it's been years since I've been guaranteed a proper sleep without it getting interrupted by some noise. A few years ago before them, there was this crowd that were found out to be dealing drugs in that same apartment. They would constantly argue loudly, break things, and set a fire there and knocked several holes in the walls. I saw the damage after they were evicted and was relieved they didn't damage our place. And honestly between those two groups of people I'm not sure which is worse. Judging by the amount of banging I hear, the current neighbors could be tearing up the place too. For a long time before all that just normal quiet people lived there but unfortunately they moved. We try to be courteous to our neighbors. We don't play anything too loud, we just hang out playing games and watching TV and stuff mostly. So I don't see why there can't be some mutual respect. Trying to complain to management is a joke. I'm almost suprised they even bothered to kick out the people before them. Well if anyone knows a way I can get them to tone it down or even better kicked out, please please let me know.
So I start my first year of college tomorrow and I went to an introductory activity on thursday. My career it’s filled with females. I’m desperate for a bf. I feel lonely all the time, I repel people with my autistic behavior. Sometimes I try to be more social but it’s forced. I’m 20 and never had a bf before. There’s chance for me yet? I need a man or I’ll die from depression
Of course there's a chance. But "I need a man" might not be the ideal mindset to start a relationship. In general, you'll have more chance of starting a successful relationship if you're more or less balanced already.
Why is it you feel like you "need" a bf right now exactly?
I agree with the other anon, you're basically setting yourself to fail hard in a relationship. You sound like you don't even have any good friends yet think a man would magically fix everything.
My situation is a bit complicated sadly beyond this. Older sister lives several states away with her family and generally doesn't care or make contact with me or mom but does the other one. Younger is a huge narc that lives with mom and me who also doesn't care. I lose all around. >>74887
I finish half my studies in hopefully a year and have a school lined up well out of state for the rest. That is my only way out to live my life. I've got a job and used to take solo trips before corona as well, but always got guilted about it.
Thanks for listening s.
I hate normies and the bitter old hags at my job so much. They're so rude. It's amazing how people who are supposed to be 'normal' and sociable often have the worst social skills and worst manners of all.
This. I hate how many mind games normies play while conversing with one another rather than just saying what they mean. =(
>>74908>bitter old hags
I'm not surprised they sensed something off about you
I am literally stunned, I can barely move
I mean, I am so scared and stressed that I can barely move, it is emotional but I am on the edge of veing bed bound
I’m tired of having absolutely 0 friends to hang out with but it’s my fault. I’m boring and weird. I can talk to people since I see them every day at school but it never goes any further than that. I still eat alone. I go outside alone all the time. I have nothing to offer so I cope hard with my hobbies, I’m just worthless as a person. Everything just seems to flow smoothly for everybody else. I asked those twins I know why everybody seems to be drawn to them and they said “I don’t know.” I guess social skills are innate. It doesn’t help that I have come across as pretty pathetic in the past and that’s the image some people have of me when they see me. Every time my environment changes I always hope there’s going to be something that clicks and that I’ll finally be able to make friends or feel better about myself but it never happens even though I’m being proactive and not waiting around. I have no idea why it’s always been this way. I can’t keep living like this. My hobbies won’t be enough to keep me alive since unfortunately I’m no exception to that whole “human are social creatures” phenomenon. It’s clear I’m not valued and I have no idea what the fix would be other than killing myself. A lonely life isn’t worth living
anon, your problem is that you don't like yourself. would you want to be friends with you if given a choice of people? probably not. i don't mean that to make you feel worse but to explain why people are more attracted to others
you say you have no hobbies. start there. find cool things you can do by yourself or join a club and do. don't do it to make friends, do it to make your life more enjoyable. people are attracted to happy people having fun
you also need to be less harsh on yourself. focus on things you like about yourself and be content spending time by yourself so you don't give desperate vibes
I do have hobbies (drawing, I've been doing it for years now and I'm good at it, fitness, music but that's it). When people see my art they just say "you draw so well" and I thank them but that's about it. I know it's been just a few hours but I was really upset when I typed out my paragraph. It was the umpteenth time I was eating alone. My classmates (some of whom I actually talk to) were right next to me too. It's as if someone was dangling a carrot at me.
No I wouldn't be friends with myself. I'd choose a more attractive and more sociable person instead. I already spend a lot of time by myself and I go places alone. I draw whenever I can. I have basically no life outside of school (and probably the gym). It's just way easier to make friends online…
I dislike myself. I grew up with jaw/teeth issues and a speech disability (spent 5 years being taken out of class by the school to a speech therapist) and while I was able to talk better in grade school, in my adulthood I mostly lost the ability to talk and my mind is quite empty a lot of the time. I love podcasts, but they're also quite overwhelming hearing people talk soooo well and have witty things to say on the fly.
I wish things could be different. My attempts to talk to people doesn't seem to improve my abilities or how fun I am or make me have more of a personality.
Note: I'm not constantly thinking about this, but at this point I've begun feeling horrible because there's situations where I really want to brighten up someone's day or something yet am mentally incapable of it or even having the right tone…
i got kicked out of university last week and moved back home yesterday. i'll be back here for at least six months and i can't handle it at all. i have no friends here, no way of getting around, nothing to do, no privacy. everyone keeps trying to tell me to make the best of it but there is nothing positive about it, i loved uni and i genuinely couldn't be in much of a worse position. i'm going to lose touch with all my friends because that's inevitable at this age when you don't see them all the time and even already i feel so desperately alone knowing that i've fucked up so badly. i've spent most of the last week crying (including as i type this) and i want to be sick with how miserable i am
i got sectioned after a suicide attempt. university deemed me "unfit to study" so suspended me which forced me to leave student accommodation
go see another speech therapist anon
Yup I definitely feel you, jobs with low entry barrier are absolute hell. I had a job in McD's for a few months and I am kinda slow and with bad hand coordination and it was SO bad. I heard them trashtalking me in the lockers after a shift and I just couldn't take it anymore so I just quit. Kind of a sobering experience, it convinced me to change my career path from linguistics to medicine just so that I would never have to ever work a job like that ever again.
I have a friend who has been working in a call centre for over a year now and in my opinion he sort of enjoys it and I have no idea how that is even possible, it seems like complete hell to me. I kinda feel bad for not having a job sometimes, but then I remember what the alternative is, so I just choose not to waste money instead of going through that again.
>>74939>from linguistics to medicine
Anon, if you mean med school I hope you're not expecting it to be less brutal. Most of it is learning how to deal with people chewing you out for shit like that, plus inhumane work hours. At least you'll get paid better down the road, but it won't get easier in terms of bitchy abusive bosses and coworkers.
ffs i broke up with my boyfriend because i thought "maybe i'm a lesbian, idk" and then we broke up and I began to see more women
and yet now i feel like i've been fooling myself into thinking i'm possibly a lesbian when in reality the relationship we had was just garbage and the sex was shit.
so now idk, girlies. idk
Well my son died when I was 23 and I was tortured when I was 17 for one. Was a homeless prostitute at 21. Was pretty much just removed from society when I was 14 and was abused constantly with no way to escape for years.
nta, but I have nothing to say other than sorry. that's horrible. >>74942
tbh most relationships are now feeling lukewarm to people because people are becoming increasingly used to a degree of stimuli that far surpasses the normal–oh and tbh men generally suck at sex and give 0 incentive for women to match their obsession with it.
either ways I'm sure it was a good idea to break up if that means anything.
every job has abusive bosses, but as a doctor you are not expanadable, you are someone. And I mean sure the patients are not nice, but that's a big difference. And also where I live doctors are not as overworked as in the US, and it's not like even mind work, I mind the McDonald's type of insect work where you chop-chop 24/7
As I've grown older, I've started to get to know more and more people who have experienced genuine hardship in their life (financial difficulties, having loved ones pass away, etc.) and I feel really lucky for what I have. In fact, I almost feel like an anomaly because almost everyone I know has experienced at least one (if not more) traumatic event in their life. But why am I so depressed and avoidant? I feel like I have been this way for most of my life. When I was a kid, most teachers and adults disliked me because I was so messy and disorganized and always throwing tantrums that got me in trouble. As a teenager, I wasted most of my time daydreaming or on the internet instead of trying in school or actively doing things to enjoy my life. Despite the life they worked so hard to provide for me, I'm not that close to my parents or my brother. Of course I do what I can to be a good sister/daughter, but I don't feel very close to them and feel ambivalent about whether I see them for holidays or come to my graduation, etc. Obviously my family wasn't picture perfect, but it was obvious my parents loved me and I don't think anything I experienced was ever considered traumatic.
Because of this, the fact I ended up the way I am has to solely be because of a character defect. I can't even blame my environment. I should enjoy life and be happy because I don't have any actual troubles and yet most of the time I feel empty and so alone. My personality is naturally just kind of morose and depressed and for what?
My bf cuddles and spoons with his best female friend. I know for a fact that they never crossed any line and they have this kind of relationship going on for years. He was always open about this, even before dating me. Now the girl he cuddles is also a friend of mine who I trust but I cant stop feeling uncomfortable by this fact.
Should I ask them to stop even if I know its 100% platonic? Am I wrong for feeling bad?
I'm sorry but there's no way to know if it's 100% platonic annnnnnd there is a good chance he has some sort of hang-up on her. Like, madonna/whore shit (with her being the madonna), which I've found out from other women with their bf subtly idealizing an untouchable female friend.
Also it's spooning, not just cuddling. this is kind of ridiculous. there's no chance he hasn't gotten a boner from this. =.=
In any case, idk, you're not wrong in feeling bad. People literally are wired to have some sense of jealousy/mate guarding, etc., and while it often manifests in really dumb ways, sometimes it's just natural or even warranted.
Not everyone is going to feel ok with such a set-up and that's a sign of incompatibility.
I don't think telling them to stop will really be a good idea and might breed resentment or likely not work. Communication rarely fixes how people just are. Imo I think you should just jump ship unless he's made your life a million times better to have around, though it's up to you.
Honestly I would be inclined to say it isn't platonic, but I actually do know like two men who are very physically affectionate with their female friends and yet are also very devoted to their girlfriends so I think it's possible although unlikely. Spooning seems like a bit much though.
If you really love him and he loves you, I would personally communicate with him first. Maybe asking him to stop would breed resentment because he might feel like he's obligated to change, but you could at least communicate openly that it makes you uncomfortable to see them be so close physically and see how he responds. That way, it's not like you're asking him to do anything he doesn't want to. You're just letting him know that his current behavior is bothering you, his girlfriend, and he can react to that how he sees fit. If he does change his behavior then that's probably a good sign that he cares about you since he's taking your feelings into consideration without you having to ask him to change. If he doesn't change or tries to resist or not hear you out, then I think that's a good marker that he's not considerate of your feelings (and also maybe there really is something weird going on) and that would be a red flag.
The other anon raises some good points though. If you haven't been dating him for very long or you don't have very strong feelings for this guy then I don't know if it would be worth it.
Is this a troll post? Do they have platonic sex too? Lmao
My bf platonically kisses my friend, he also platonically has sex with her like 2 times a week?
Idk it’s just reassuring to know it’s 100% platonic and he has sex with me 3 times a week so I’m p sure he really loves me!
Ya I feel a bit uncomfortable but it’s just platonic right! Don’t want to stop him from having a bit of harmless fun :)
This is really unnecesary. I know this girl since forever and I was aware about their relationship before I started dating this guy. I trust its platonic 100% because I knew about it way before dating. And I accepted it but I cant stop myself from feeling jealous.
did you even read >>75016
I get the sense that you just wanted reaffirmation to stay in the relationship and help with gaslighting otherwise valid feelings that won't go away nor will get better for as long as you stay in the relationship. You basically word-vomited the exact same thing you said in your original post, which is…concerning, to say the least.
also saying that you 100% trust it because it was before too is really random but whatever.
and let me add…emotional cheating exists. someone doesn't need to snog or fiddle someone to do that. there's a platonically 100% chance your bf has gotten hard while spooning/cuddling with his female friend as well. why? because he is a male. it's not more complicated than this.
There are also call centers and retail stores, but jobs in both are also notoriously bad. The closest I've thought of is "typist" office jobs, but those seem soul-suckingly repetitive and will probably be completely automated very soon.
I did also find one teaching English to Chinese kids online at one point, but I ended up being making less than $100 a month with that job - even less than I was with fast food - because of how little classes I was getting.
What other ones could there be, that aren't toxicly exploitative, completely boring, or just beer money?
what do you do when you are (and might actually be) someone that's soulless
besides killing yourself? I have already attempted suicide years ago and broke a few bones and honestly I don't really want to repeat it.
I am almost 30. I also have my own business that doesn't really involve anything social, so that's how I live.
anyway I won't go into details, but I pretty much went the whole gauntlet of being an awkward weird kid without much substance. the type people hit and beat and asked when she'd shoot up the school. These days I act like a cold asf fridge awkwardly wobbling around.
I never laugh or smile or really show emotion, and in my adulthood I have pretty much lost most of my ability to even have a basic conversation with someone unless it's in text (even then it's stressful and hard) while actually before I wasn't even that bad; even got along amazingly with a few girls here and there. Romantically? I have 0 experience besides online. Guys IRL have solely called me ugly or treated me like a ghost, including old men and I have 0 wish to participate in the meat market that is dating and that's probably the only part of loserdom I'm relieved about.
I do have one old friend that I really just completely lucked out with but insecurity keeps on making me scared of talking to her, as well as constant fear of having nothing to say, and making someone feel unheard. It seems like the happiest memories in my entire life was when I…wasn't myself…when I actually seemed to have something to say or seemed almost fun to be around? When I made people laugh? I don't want to be a clown but I want to feel like there's life and spontaneity and zest inside me instead of an abyss.
My day is completely ruined. So far I thought the guy I'm in love with liked an insecurity of mine. Today I found out he prefers something else entirely. It's not like it surprises me because pretty much all men are the same, hilarious nonetheless! I wonder why I still try.
good luck with wasting the next 5 years orbiting his cock and just laughing it off.
No I'll just move on entirely but sad for you if that's your situation
Oh, I was referring to "I wonder why I still try". If you're moving on, that's good.
I've just seen 1000s of similar situations with a girl insisting on staying around. Gets ridiculous.
update nvm several of my classmates went out of their way to wish me a happy birthday I really didn't expect that maybe I'm not as lonely as I think
I am exactly like you anon, I have had a very good life but I just cannot really care for anyone, not like in a sociopath way but on the inside I feel deeply ambivalent about everyone. I often try to think, hm, why am I like this but I cannot pin the blame on anyone or anything so obv the problem is with me, but like why. I was also really messy as a kid too. Idk, I feel like if a friend of mine just went missing tomorrow, I would only feel mildly annoyed cause I now have to find other people to spend my time with. If it weren't for social expectations I don't know if I would ever even bother talking with people, it's not like I hate everyone, I just do not really care
>family are all morbidly obese
>am the only one that works out and eats healthy; 21 BMI
>they live on a diet of twinkies and also have less melanin than me (I have some bc of my dad)
>has 40 cysts on my face and endless scars
>chewed up skin, look like a crack addict
>has had acne for 15+ years, has blown up the older I've gotten
>never have had clear skin
>entire family all has perfect smooth baby skin and look like they're glowing in spite of their obesity
oh, not trying to shame obese people. I'm just in awe of how I pretty much am conventionally worse looking than all of them in spite of spending 1000$s on derm visits and meds and endless hours researching my issues and trying to fix them.
Nothing wrong with shaming obese people. Anyway, situations like yours are why I fucking hate when people think acne is caused by a poor diet when there are plenty of fatasses with perfect skin.
What do you mean by “autism identified”? Does she have autism or not?
Body hair is disgusting to me. I fear I'll never fall in love because there aren't any 3d men who shave their legs.
I really need to stop acting impulsively and hurting people in my life.
I just don't want to see people in my life cry or worry anymore
>tfw you accidentally post ayden fanart
Just fucking end me already.
Fuck me, just found out I accidentally posted two
When I was 16 I was friends with a lot of pedo's on the internet and kind of became a edgelord trying to please them as much as possible, doing bad things without any morals such as downloading animal abuse shit and well real life loli… because well, idfk, I left all of that behind though, but a week after the police turned up and took all of my technology, and now I have social services coming over and my mother thinks I'm a nonce.
I am so fucking ashamed of myself, I know I am far from being a fucking pedo, I was just trying to be a fucking edgelord, please my friends I know it sounds ridiculous but fuck idk damnit. I have no friends and I'm pretty much a loser, the only thing keeping me from committing suicide is my dad, because he understands me, but god my mum is here in the house 24/7 and she HATES me, she says I've ruined the family and that she can't work anymore because of me, shit like, why did I do it. Which I cant fucking explain. My want to kill myself is so strong, I already had an attempt before all this, due to my circumstances, but now? after all this? it's literally fucking unbearable, but godamnit it I love my dad so fucking much.
btw I'm 18 now because apparently their is a big queue for all the other nonces getting investigated
Your life has barely begun. You can recover from this, especially since you were never a nonce in the first place. Firstly, recognize that you were an idiot child who was clearly groomed. Then, take responsibility for your actions. Build from there. Find a good path that can make up for the mistakes you have done. There are so many possibilities for you anon just keep going and challenge yourself.
The thought of the possibility that random males and even my male friends have at some point in their lives jacked off to me makes me want to take a thousand showers and never go out in public again. That's a really uncomfortable thought for me, and I've never been raped or stuff like that. I just don't want to be perceived as a sexual object. I don't want to have a body that could be perceived as such.
>>75179>real life loli
Call it what it is: child pornography. Anyways, I agree with the other anon. Take responsibility and acknowledge that you were an impressionable teen and fucked up. It's a heavy weight you will have to carry around for the rest of your life but it's doable. And maybe talk to a therapist about this. It'll do you much better than venting to the void on an anonymous imageboard.
living with my emotionally abusive mother while I finish up my uni degree online and today she told me I deserve to be abused by my current or a future bf and that one day I'll get what's coming to me - I didn't do anything bad to prompt her saying this, she's been making horrible comments like this towards me my whole life but each time she says one it doesn't hurt me any less
I have no money to move out and still have a year left of uni classes, I'm mentally and physically ill so I can't work and do uni at the same time it has to be one or the other or I can do both part time but it'd take me forever to get this stupid degree and I won't be able to make enough to support myself only working part time
I just feel stuck and trapped, she was mentioning kicking me out soon but I'd be homeless I don't have any family or friends that are willing or able to take me in
sorry for unloading all this here I really needed to get it off my chest
does your university have any assistance programs or could at least help you connect to something that could help you get out of your house? I know every where is different but where I live many universities usually have some sort of program or a contact to help with students facing housing insecurity. I'm sorry to hear what's going on anon, I'm in a similar boat with my mother.
so tired of conservatives in my country (and probably everywhere, but i only have first-hand experience in my country) play-acting stupidity and absurdity because they know their liberal opponents will buckle and baby them and carefully unpack their absurd points rather than just saying "that doesn't make any sense. Moving on."
I have rarely, if ever, agreed with anything I've read on the internet as much as I have this statement.
Came to the conclusion today that there is infact nothing wrong with me. I've always been looking for a reason for why i'm such a loser but I am infact just a lazy tub of lard and it's not because of mental illness i'm just a loser
you're beautiful, stop telling yourself these things
The "wrong" thing with you is that you've spent years so your mind literally has normalized in a functional level your current level of output and input. It isn't really complex, it is that you're used to this.
Most people would behave similarly under similar circumstances/contexts.
The beauty of it all is that it can slowly be adjusted with some effort because it isn't about objectively being stuck being a certain way.
im pretty sure my brother molested me. when i was young he kept wanting me to sleep in his bed when he was a teenager and i was a little kid and i remember waking up in the middle of the night scared in his bed and really uncomfortable and running back to my bed. some other time he would make excuses to go into the toilet when i was in there and try to clean me when i was done using the toilet. i hate his personality and if he ever did anything to me id want to kill him but wont ofc. i dont talk to him and i hope he suffers forever
Wow you speak from my heart. They are such complete wastes of space and time.
>be me, 20 years old
>be lying down in bed, all of a sudden BOOM bad memories start replaying in my head
>in particular this one bad memory of my older sister (who is considered the perfect, pretty sister) screaming in my face that i was a fat pig when i was 14 or so loops over and over again
>get depressed thinking about it
>get depressed thinking about how years after that happened i developed an eating disorder (tbqh, more like switching eating disorders, from a binging one to a restrictive one)
>get depressed thinking about my lowest weight and how wasn’t able to maintain it
why does my idiot brain do this to me. fuck my fucking life.
I want to have sex.
Why am I doomed to have such a high libido? Literally scrote tier.
Me, too anon.
Yet my brain knows it must be with the Best Person Possible and so I'll be a virgin until 25 at least now.
It's horrible though.
apparently I look 40 years old with my mask off but 15 with my mask on.
life is strange.
Anon, look at this from another perceptive. Imagine being the perfect sister and you’re still not content and have to make your little sister feel worse about herself. How fucked up would you have to be to do that.
Forget about your sister. Why would you listen to the opinion of someone like that? She clearly must have know it was a sore point for you but had to rub it in more. What is wrong with her to do that. Especially screaming it at you. What the hell.
Your sister is not perfect and has serious issues to do this. The fact that you cared about her opinion and worry about not being good enough makes you sound like a much more thoughtful person.
Seriously, forget about her. You are good enough as you are anon.
People are really bad at judging ages, don’t get too hung up on it
eh, I just have a bit of a hang up over it because many years ago a dormmate used to make weird side-swipe comments about me looking old and I had heard similar things about me looking like death elsewhere pretty much all the time. no guy has ever found me attractive either (not even old men). been wearing a mask nonstop outside for the past 3 years because it has done wonders for my self-confidence to hide my face.
this won't go anywhere, but just wanted to say how much I loathe a family member of mine, who is basically an incel.
he's so obstinate that his autistic brother exhibits 100x more social awareness/intelligence and willingness to compromise on the behalf of other people. regularly he shits on other peoples' opinions (i.e., he has had full-on breakdowns about people not liking shooting games and then crying about how he's just a rational man and it triggers him when people are being irrational) then is surprised when no one wants to talk to him after punishing everyone around him for not being complete yes-men. he repeatedly has done awful things then completely refused to learn from his own mistakes.
>>75220>Yet my brain knows it must be with the Best Person Possible and so I'll be a virgin until 25 at least now.
Damn, sounds rough but honestly, if you feel like you need a strong emotional connection to enjoy sex, you're most likely doing the right thing. True joy cannot be experienced if you haven't ever suffered before tbh. Otherwise you'll become bored of everything like I used to be.
I haven't had close physical contact or emotional intimacy with anyone, including family for more than two decades, and I was handling it well but I think it's starting to get to me
Can you get a pet to cuddle?
I have a cat but she was wild for her first year or two and it still shows, the only time she lets me pet her is when she's eating or just too lazy to move. She's also afraid of going inside the house. I love her but she's not the most affectionate of cats unfortunately…
Can pets really be a good substitute for human touch anyways ?
no universities here are treated like businesses and are designed to get as much money as possible while doing as little as possible unfortunately
I'm going to tough it out and hope she doesn't kick me out and if she does I'll have to live out of my car temporarily
sorry to hear you're in a similar situation with your mother too nona it really sucks I hope it gets better for the both of us
i finally made a new friend but i mentioned a ship i have and now she thinks i’m weird
I wish I had a female friend who isn't a complete normie but isn't an edgy racist sperg either.
The USS Sonoma (AT-12), in WWII the first American ship sunk by Japanese kamikaze attacks.
I had something similar happen to me over bumble but it was with Juche instead
It's not the same thing, please don't be ashamed. You're not like a scrote just because you really want to fuck.
I am tired of being painfully autistic and having nobody who shares my obsessive and bizarre interests.
I just want a friend who has the same enthusiasm about the same things and I feel like I have no hope. They are too hyperspecific and spergy and genuinely weird.
Some men have put up with it but only to try to fuck me later. I am asexual so it's hopeless and such a betrayal.
The whole thing only magnifies a (probably unfair) hate I have for nonautists and normies. At least they can talk about their interests with friends.
I know that feeling anon. There are so many things I would love to talk for hours about. Not just talking though, but hearing no the other person’s opinions and getting into friendly debates for hours.
I find NTs a bit weird tbh, how do they live their lives without ever really being passionate about anything.
Agree completely. I'd like debates too. Anything like that. I just want anyone who shares any of my obsessions but the odds are almost zero that I will ever make a friend who shares my passion for this stuff. Man I'm so lonely. I don't understand other people at all.
At least it can be funny sometimes. I shared one of them with a coworker and he asked me a bunch of like impossibly specific questions and I answered them all. Of course it just made me look bizarre but at least I was entertained and engaged for a minute.
What are your obsessions anon?
I'll reiterate they're weird and specific so don't expect otherwise.
1860-1920 baseball history, Malaysia flight 370 and Germanwings 9525, prion disease, the entire George Floyd thing including basically every piece of all the legal proceedings.
A wonderful and cheerful list obviously. Death and old people. (Obviusly I am fun at parties.)
I have some weird ones too but sadly we don’t overlap.
With a list as normal as mine I'm shocked, just shocked :p
Just kidding obviously. If you want to share yours go ahead, I'm curious now. No matter what, good luck with everything, I'm glad we could relate on principle.
Most of mine only tend to last a couple of weeks and then I'm obsessing over something else. The reoccurring ones I have are Star Trek, pregnancy/childbirth (even though I'm childfree), learning kanji, finding specific clothing, birds…I'm sure there are more but I tend to forget about them when I'm not obsessing over them.
Oh cool. No overlap of course, but those are interesting and I think I can understand where you're coming from. Maybe one of them will end up being super productive someday, who knows. Always good to know things.
All of mine have lasted for more than four years except obviously the last one which I guess is about 1.5 years now. I just don't get tired of things. I mean obviously there's only so much information you can find on one thing or another, but that doesn't mean I ever have to stop looking.
Anon I understand how you feel… I’ve had a strong hyperfixation on mass shootings since I was a young kid. Sometimes I talk about it with close friends, but it’s usually just me telling them some fact and them saying ‘oh cool’ and moving on. In class, sometimes the topic will come up (usually in relation to ethics and stuff) and I’ll have to restrain myself from sperging out and infodumping. I totally understand where you’re coming from though. It would be nice to have someone to talk to and exchange ideas and theories rather than a one-sided conversation of dumping facts to someone who doesn’t know much/care much about your topic of interest. Do you at least have online communities where you can discuss your niche interests?
Mass shootings are very interesting. I hate to admit it, but I was kind of a normie Columbine kid in my early teens. No, I was never a cringey romanticizing type, but I could have infodumped on that pretty hardcore back in the day. Sadly, I've forgotten most of it.>In class, sometimes the topic will come up (usually in relation to ethics and stuff) and I’ll have to restrain myself from sperging out and infodumping.
Tell me about it. The times any of these things come up, I've sometimes bit my knuckle to not talk. I have no automatic filter that stops me from giving too much information and I also have trouble discerning appropriateness, so I've learned to save myself the trouble, and just not start.>Do you at least have online communities where you can discuss your niche interests?
Yes thankfully there are some places for most of those interests so I don't literally bottle up entirely. However, it's one thing to kind of shout into the void, and another to make a good friend. I've done the former, thankfully, sadly never the latter.
I would be interested in talking to you if you wanted, totally up to you, just relieved to hear that you understand how I feel and that you have an interest that is somewhat adjacent to my own, at least to what mine used to be back in the day. Not pushing it or anything of course, sorry to be forward.
Sure, I wouldn't mind talking to you more! Although I don't know too much about your areas of interest, I think they sound really interesting and wouldn't mind reading whatever info you want to dump on me. I think it could be fun.
Thanks. I don't know if this method of communication is any good for you, but I have a discord at memorialday#2020 (yes autistic username ik, have had it for too long to change). Or we could talk anywhere else. Up to you!
I would be eager to hear about your info as well. While I think I have basic knowledge on a lot of mass shootings, there is a ton I don't know that would definitely be interesting to learn.
It says for some reason that you aren't accepting friend requests! Let me know if you can disable it and I'll try again. Otherwise you can add me instead ratking#3100
Added you, sorry about that. Didn't realize that was my setting.
This reminds me of an incel's name I used to know of for some reason. >_>
isn't this user a moid? i swear he added me before
He posted his tag like a year ago. It’s a moid.
This is concerning.. I promise I'm not a guy. Do you know what thread he posted his tag in? This is honestly the first time I've posted my tag on any imageboard.
Nah, it was just an incel I knew of years ago in private discord servers that was a massive piece of work (his name was either that or something very similar) and I was spooked for a second when I read that name. I doubt it's that anon tho, just wanted to say juuuust in case.
Also note that there's different numbers on tags.
IDK about >>75312
but I wouldn't be surprised if he tried fishing like that.
In any case yeah in general to anyone: don't click weird links, post pics (pic locations can sometimes be traced too), or any personal info in DMs and that should be completely ok.
should really change your name then, ratking is a creepy male who adds women only off imageboards
Noted. Glad I'm now aware of that. The name was an inside joke between my friends so I'm kind of bummed that some creepy incel is also using it, but he can have it.
I hate that I have no sex drive. It makes me feel like a fucking alien. I’m not even on antidepressants or anything, I’ve just never been interested. I could do it if i wanted to, but i’d be forcing myself to. I don’t want to have sex, I want to want to have sex, if that makes any sense.
it helps when you have someone you are attracted to. butterflies in the stomach is a real thing.. i hope you get to experience it one day anon
You've probably just never had a good orgasm. Did you ever give yourself one?
I used to be like this anon and still am a bit. Most people don't really understand it and give useless advice with good intentions.
First of all, I think this can possibly be a sign you are on the spectrum, or it was for me anyway.
I have found that I got my sexual as I got closer to 30, which is said to be a thing for all women.
If you want to want sex, I would try experimenting with masturbation and find out what you like.
Think hard about what type of person or situations you find sexy (even if just a little bit), and not what society is telling you to find sexy.
I was just physically assaulted by my ex-roommate. I was walking down the street and my ex-roommate last semester was walking the other direction and when we met my ex-roommate shoved me. I'm so distraught. What the hell is wrong with some people? What kind of sick twisted culture promotes wanton acts of violence? I mean, we never got along when we were roommates but how does that justify shoving me?
Yeah, I called the police as soon as I could. But what can the police do? There weren't really any witnesses. Although I might find solace in justice, I'm still shooked by the fact some people are willing to harm others for no reason.
Tysm nonitas, it really helps. I’ve never been in love and i’m in my late 20’s and this only now started bothering me, so who knows, maybe this really is just me not having met the right person, or just bad circumstances. I don’t think i’m on the spectrum, a psychiatrist told me I could be, but that it’s hard to tell because I also have a history of depression. Who knows!>>75332
I get what you’re trying to say but you could not have worded this in a more scrotish way if you tried
Women in the spectrum are often misdiagnosed with depression or suffer depression from never fitting in. It's actually one of the things they ask about when you are assessed.
Off my chest
It’s really not fair that I am a nice person (most of the time) with good intentions and you have these people tricked into being your friend and backing you up. I’m so tired of being treated like I’m poor, lowly and stupid just because I’m humble. I like to make fun of myself because I think it’s worth it to have a laugh. That’s not an invitation for you to treat me like a clown. You’re the clown for being so ESL you don’t get the joke or being so insecure that you’ll just pretend I was being serious for a chance to make fun of me.
In all honestly I’d just love it if you died right now but that wouldn’t really be fair cause then people would be sad for you cause death is sad, instead I’d just really love it if I could just imagine you being lit on fire. You are so fucking annoying. I have put up with you so long and been so nice to you and just been taken advantage of and treated like I’m stupid. I am a loving person. I want to wish the best and think the best of people and I yet here I am finding myself once again wishing the worst on you and just seething.
These people don’t even care about me and that’s sad.
I care about them a lot in a sense.
I wish we could meet it’s pathetic
You don’t owe them shit
I know this feeling and it makes me ill when people treat me like this
It hurts me to say this, it really does, but I just don't like my brother anymore.
my brother has Asperger's and although it isn't really noticeable to most people, if you know him, you'll understand that he very much has it, he has difficulty making friends, haha well I say that but he has literally 0, he spends all day either playing games or sleeping and youtube about technology.
He's an incredibly smart person, he is passionate about techie things and knows any question you ask him about it, can fix and sort out any technology issues
he has so much potential and seeing him waste it is really heartbreaking, he's a 22 year old unemployed man with no friends and I used to really worry about him and tell my parents they need to do something about it, get angry, get him to get a bloody job, something. But now I realised it's really not my parents fault, he's just a lazy person.
I feel bad saying these things because I am very similar to him, I'm autistic, I have only two friends who are just kinda ok, I am not the smartest, I even get pretty depressed over my life sometimes, but hey, at least I'm fucking doing something, I'm getting a small job during the summer holidays and setting on to doing a course on something I'm passionate about, volunteering to make my CV looks better, it's not much, but it's something, it's not sleeping all day
We used to get on so well, watching series together, playing games together, but now I cant even do those things every time he asks I shut him down, btw he's also INCREDIBALLY unfunny fart humour and saying really cringe things, he's constantly making jokes and nobody ever laughs, farting and moaning sexually, doing a cringe dance, saying cringe things its torture. I feel bad being around him because now that he's older he seems pathetic.
I wish there was a way he could get some nerdy friends, he'd never do it online, when you first meet my brother he's actually ok, he's a tall, skinny bloke that actually has a very handsome face, he definitely got the looks in the family and could very much get a girlfriend if he uses his 'I'm outdoors with other people so I'm not going to be cringe' personality, just a nerdy and serious bloke with a lot interests like history and whatnot his Asperger's is completely unnoticeable outdoors.
ha he's probably noticed I'm ignoring him, I do feel bad, I can picture his future easily he will stay for a long time, being cringe and having no friends, being the same.
I do love my brother and care about him but now? I just can't stand the sight of him, I cant help but think I'm being unreasonable because he is only 22 but to me it doesn't look like he's going to change anytime soon
>>75370> 'I'm outdoors with other people so I'm not going to be cringe'
You're upset your brother's masking personality doesn't match his actual personality? Did he ever have any friends with his masking personality?
In school he did have friends using his non cringe personality, he didn't keep in touch when he left though, idk how guys make friends outside of school now, if you put him in with the some nerdy guys he can definitely make friends, maybe his masked personality is just a filtered personality where he knows when to stop and that being retarded is something he does in the comfort of his home because he can, maybe other brothers are the same way, ahh idk
If your brother legitimately has Asperger's that "non-cringe personality" is just a mask he wears to not have to deal with social interactions as deeply. It's immensely mentally exhausting to put on and it's probably why he doesn't bother with social interactions. Your brother's legitimately disabled nona.
If you can't talk about a basic thing like an orgasm without getting offended I don't know what to tell you. Maybe the real problem is you never have the conversations you need to have. So you know next to nothing about sex or your own body.
From what you've written I'd say you are being unfair to him. He just sounds immature and like he has genuine aspergers, not toxic or bitter. I think that we only have a few people in our lives, like very close friends and family, who genuinely love us and will accept us for who we are, and it's not worth pushing those people away for small annoyances.
sorry for the late response, but thank you for the kind words anon.
tbqh i think i painted her in a worse light with my post, to be fair i pissed her off due to me being stupid and eating her shit which caused her to say that. and as we all know, siblings say shit that they don’t mean when they’re angry.
however, those words stuck with me, even to this day. my brain loves pouring salt in the wound, especially considering how she’s doing way better than i am right now, working abroad in another country with a boyfriend she loves meanwhile i’m just a mentally ill femcel loser stuck at home doing online classes & barely doing anything with my life besides some hobbies.
not to pull some whole boohooooo woe-is-me shit tho, i know its entirely on me to improve my life. not to mention rather than holding a semi-grudge and ruminating on past events i should be moving on instead. but still, your brain can be your biggest bully y’know?
I also do that shit and so does my brother
You're the weird one, stinky poopy ape is funny. Stop being such a boring npc
Like yeah thats normal who cares??
I'm very certain I'm autistic. There is no way that this is normal, the fact that I've felt so different and unlike other kids since I was very small. It's a constant agony, and as much as it would help to get actually tested it would be very difficult to get tested by a professional due to current circumstances.
Genuinely thinking of just ending my life like it is far to difficult to do the smallest of things sometimes.
can you get an online diagnosis anon? or at least find out about the types of help you can get undiagnosed
I've done all those online tests and have always gotten the suspected autistic result - but they allllways suggest going to the professionals for help. Though at this state I'm pretty set on self-diagnosis…. but what the fuck do I do every day is tough and I can't break out of this rut.
>>75211>why does my idiot brain do this to me. fuck my fucking life.
Because you haven't finished processing the event yet. If you did you would not experience a severe emotional response.
I’m not gonna go into detail over my masturbation habits so random scrotes can jerk off to it my dude, let it go
Smart asf. Might be a female, but the "maybe the real problem is that you're not doing what I'm telling you to do" is textbook scrote-nipulation
I'm gonna turn 19 in just a few months, and I hate myself so fucking much. A few years ago, when I was 16, I was extremely arrogant and one of the best players for a video game. I had NEETs that were in their late 20s and early 30s spread a bunch of nasty shit about me, and they would stalk my accounts and shit. I felt like I was never left alone, and I was even made fun of in certain 4chan boards. Ever since then, it's like I can't make friends anymore, nor involve myself into communities.
That shit still hurts me. I haven't played something competitive in a long while, but even when I get into story-based games, I still have that paranoia that I'll get into community drama again, or people will know it's me and dig up my old shit. What can I do? It makes it worse that I'm gender critical and gay, both of which pissed off many people in my old community. It feels like I never fit in anywhere.
I’m tired. Just so tired.
I can't stop jerking off to smut fics. I've been jerking off to Y/N Kpop ones in particular for over a year now. This is something I'm taking with me to my grave, because of how degenerate and creepy jerking off to fics written with IRL people would be considered by the general population.
Damn, I wish was a 9/10 stacy to have even a remote chance of being with a guy as attractive as an idol.
I got the official autism diagnosis, Its about 5am and my routine is usually based on my boyfriend but I cant sleep
The official diagnosis was pretty interesting I recommend it and hopefully it helps with disability income. I cant break this routine, I only make it worse
Unless you committed a serious crime like having sex with a minor or killing someone then you have no reason to feel ashamed of your past or care when people dig up stuff from back then. It doesn't matter if the incels from that community hate you, life is short and you have the right to reap the benefits from your talent without fear. When I was younger I was like you, I had done and said some edgy but pretty harmless things that a community of militant sjws kids tried to ruin my life over and intimidated me into silence by threatening to dox me, now I'm older I feel stupid for ever caring about such retarded shit.
It sounds like it was started by a guy who was jealous or wanted to fuck your life up because he hated what you stood for as a female getting along so well. This is so typical in society. I don't know how you didn't notice it beforehand everywhere though.
For me it's like this, I've noticed it everywhere and how shitty communities really are, most of the time, towards the women that want to be free and happy. They direct nothing but mind games towards them to either feel trapped inside your head, or trapped socially "die to bullying". If you let them draw you in you will feel the mind games every day of your life. Then again you could laugh at all of it. It kind of doesn't matter if you get harassed or "excluded" once you realize this and fly in the face of it. People run out of ways to get a reaction from you and just start obsessing over you in a rage, but if you're just laughing and neutral towards their bullshit, they start to feel over reactive and stupid.
Ultimately you can play along and eat up the delicious hate, even though you mostly feel indifferent and just wanna play games. Just use hate to feel freer than you were before and do what you want.
This is such a stupid vain vapid generic thing to say but I really wish I looked like a model. I have a friend who is basically model tier, she's skinny with a perfect body, perfectly perky boobs, tiny waist, perfect arms, with perfect long legs and a gorgeous doll face. She's so charismatic too, maybe it's halo effect, but she just has this aura that's so innocent and pure and shiny and instantly makes people stare at her. Moids fall in love with her on sight, she looks so good in anything she wears and has really nice style, just so effortlessly pretty even without makeup. What's worse is she's so kind and down to earth so I can't hate her or feel jealous. I'm just kind of in awe of her. Model tier people really are like aliens. It's a talent to look that good.
But they live in a prison, following a script everyday, having to be agreeable with everyone and those kind of agreeable girls are the kind that get taken advantage of the most, abused the most because they have no boundaries. It's all an illusion. I used to be this way and you couldn't pay me a million dollars to go back to being a walking target because I was so fucking nice and wanted to assume the best all the time.
I hate that I'm an adult and I just want to look trendy but the trends right now don't fit me. I want to relive my youth and have 90s wispy bamgs, damnit.
I never did anything illegal, thank god. But I will admit I was a bit of a bully to people and I stalked them out of spite. I don't do it anymore, obviously, because eventually I realized that doing that sort of shit was pretty gross, in fact I have a fuck-ton of guilt for bullying innocent people that I should've ignored when I was a teen.>>75459
It was actually mostly women and TiFs, which made it sting even more. I didn't like the men in the community either, but they were mostly boomers and didn't get involved in community drama at all. The harassment was a jealousy thing for sure, though, I was the best female player in the game I played. The other "female" players were actually men and it sucked.
You're right though, I have to stop giving them negative attention and reactions. I've been trying to decide on a new name and identity for myself lately, to try to move on. One of my friends said I should keep using my old name "out of spite", but I mentally can't do that. Using my old alias gives me a fuck ton of anxiety to the point I get headaches and a tight chest, and it fucks me up when I'm playing arcade games. I'm afraid that some motherfucker is gonna see my old name and be like "haha yeah it's the fucking transphobe!!" or something.
Thanks a lot for you two giving me advice. It makes me happy that someone was willing to hear me out. I really hope that I can get my shit together eventually and have a better, new social life under a new name.
Oh shit, fellow wispy bangs appreciator.
>have memory loss and lack of concentration as side effects
>”ok, time to get treated”
>brain fog 24/7
i will do anything to be smart again
i swear my mother gets some kind of rush seeing me cry, i even wrote about it in my diary when i was 7. i really feel like she is an actual sadist. i cant even understand this mindset at all. its like she only had me so she could have another person to mistreat, initially it was her younger sister, now its me. she even compares me to her constantly while wishing death and misery upon her within the same breath. was i really just born to be tortured? i want out of this life
my boyfriend finally has enough money to come visit me and we have been talking about it for fucking weeks, I miss him very badly considering I haven't seen him in nearly 5 months, but he just hinted at him possibly spending the money on going to some fucking concert instead and I swear to god I am going to fucking lose it I'm so angry and hurt, he's the only reason I don't eat a bullet and put up with the bullshit of living AND NOW HE DOES THIS TO ME. Also right before I saw his texts I was reallyyyy horny and about to masturbate but this just killed my mood its the cherry on top of all this garbage
I want to cry but instead I have a massive headache now from the feeling of needing to cry but probably being too dehydrated to squeeze out more than a few tears.
Who else would gruesomely murder their ex bf it it wasn’t illegal and there was no chance of mental trauma?
IDK what to tell you because the biggest mistake you made was going into a relationship when you're struggling with just living life and being ok with yourself. Inb4 "no shit Sherlock."
When someone is barely getting by, whatever happens in their relationship tends to disportionately hurt and affect them, and like in your case, you're probably staying in a relationship with a guy that fails you in ways like this. The wounds of this won't go away anytime soon. Likewise, I get the feeling that you would never willingly break up with him either because you probably struggle with understanding things can be better (they can).
I'd feel kind of crazy if I was in a relationship with someone that wanted to see some concert rather than come see me. 100x so if I had expressed really wanting it and we had talked about it for weeks. I am insecure yet still understand this would really fuck up my self-image even more than, say, me being just alone.
Feel free to communicate your feelings to him but I don't think it'll fix it. Maybe others disagree.
None of this is anon’s fault. Her boyfriend is fucking scum.
Then it's her fault for being with him? It's not an arranged marriage
Or… actually put blame on the person who is being a scumbag? And who says anon isn’t considering leaving him after this? Stupid.
Had an ocd/psychotic episode and went off the rails on my mom, which got worse when my sister started putting herself into it. She's such a shit stirrer who I wish would just move out already.
Ok, I over reacted. All he said to me was
"Soooo, a lot of people are asking me about going to x" and I flipped out because I knew the only way he could attend the concert was by spending the only money he had. That was never his intention though. I never yelled at him or anything, but after I calmed down I just asked him to elaborate on why he brought it up. He said he wanted to find a way he could do both but found out he can't so he was just going to come see me.
I'm better today. All is fine I just…react quick sometimes. I have a problem ;-;
I don't care about relationships. I just wish I was rich enough to indulge in ridiculous consoomer hobbies like collecting outrageously expensive BJDs.
How can I get over an unrequited love I’ve had for like eight years now? Or rather, how can I cut contact with her? When I’m actually with her I feel happy and peaceful, but the moment she leaves I feel so empty and worthless. She’s the only person I’ve ever been able to be vulnerable with, even though I haven’t been vulnerable with her since about three years ago. I feel so dumb for carrying these feelings when I know she’ll never give a shit about me. I’ve tried cutting contact several times but she always ends up thinking she did something wrong. It’s so frustrating, I went through my entire high school and college years without experiencing romantic love because I’ve spent that entire time pining after her.
just give her a reason when you cut contact. can be real or fake. ultimately, it doesn't matter what she thinks if you're not in contact anymore
It sounds like codependency. Are there things that make you happy and peaceful that don't involve contacting her? Also remember the person you fell in love with probably isn't the person she is now given that you've known her for so long. You say she's the only person you can be vulnerable with, but you can't even be vulnerable with her anymore. You're putting yourself into a self-fulfilling prophecy if you think she's the only one who you can be open with.
I had a similar experience with a hs crush. When I went to college I was still pretty stuck on him. Then halfway into college I realized that all the things we used to talk and banter about, the vulnerable conversations we had, etc- We weren't having them anymore and he wasn't capable of giving them to me because he was a different person at that point. All the reasons I had a crush on him were basically nonexistent then because we grew apart. After I realized that, I fell out of love pretty fast. Do you really think you still have feelings for this girl (the person she is now) or are you more swayed by the times you had in the past that made you like her and that's why you can't let go?
Males (everyone who was born with XY chromosomes) should kill themselves. Especially the ones lurking or posting here. Kill yourself, disgusting scrote.
My boyfriend and I also cant see each other very often but he does it every time he can.
Drop him. If hes not even willing to put you before a fucking concert whats the use being with him ? I didnt pay for any concert in my fucking life and I could have. But your bf has a reason to not go, which is to see you instead
If my bf chooses that over me its OVER.
there's a male in my extended family that I can't believe actually exists. first of all, yes, he is an actual incel. the "drops similar talking points to school shooters" type. he is obsessed with the one grade in high school 15 years ago he was actually popular.
he spergs out when someone doesn't bend to him and essentially makes up a ton of character flaws to explain why someone doesn't act in a way that optimally appeases him. so, basically, he spergs out into rages.
people not being 100% into talking to him 24/7 is essentially validated by the fact that in the past he has become violent based off small misunderstandings. he has tried breaking into someone's room with a weapon while screaming how he's just "defending himself." he needs to be locked up away from society.
his autistic brother exhibits 100x more ability to learn from experience, understand social cues, and exercise compassion towards others and I don't even understand why or how they can be even related.
oh, fun fact, he has called himself a "nice guy" 100s of times and can't shut up about how women only like bad boys and could never appreciate a compassionate guy like him.
lord save us all.
I actually cringed.
Update, she also left a huge skid mark in the toilet bowl, has been throwing away her hair in my very obviously not communal bathroom trash can for weeks, and today she put her pad in it. Also left a ton of hair on the toilet seat and shower. A while back she also made us buy an extra fridge because she didn't think about telling us she already had one for her on the way.
She is not even doing this out of spite, she is just so retarded that she doesn't realize these things bother others. Cannot wait to move out, we warned the landlord not to move more people in but she didn't listen. Now me and my bf are getting the fuck out. The other guys can live with the autist who can't even look you in the eye.
Stop comparing yourself to others, everyone has problems in their life.
It's entitlement tbh.
My bf is balding
He's pretty upset about it
This is why I'd never live with other people, yikes. I like being an autist in my own home, can't catch me living with normies.
I don't hate her for not making eye contact, I hate ber because she is a pain to live with. If she wasn't messy as fuck I wouldn't care.
I'm pretty sure I'm attracted to men, but sometimes I still have a fear in the back of my mind that I'm just a repressed lesbian.
Since I was little, I've only ever been able to be attracted to pretty boys/androgynous looking men and/or ones that acted more feminine. I find the idea of sex with a woman hotter than the idea of sex with a man. Also, the person I had the strongest, longest, and only real feelings for was another girl. After I met her, I started constantly consuming and developed a love for yuri. Another girl that was being bicurious asked me out around this time and I was really happy I "had my first girlfriend". There was also a butch girl in my high school that I became attracted to, but again none of these feelings felt as "real" as the first girl I was attracted to or like they went much beyond sexual attraction. Most of my romantic fantasies have been with guys. (So I'm guessing I'm more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men?)
Most of the women I've been attracted to have been fictional, so I haven't been interested in most IRL women. Then again, it's been the same for men. So what the hell am I? A bisexual? A lesbian living a lie? Or just some kind of degenerate asexual?
why stress about labels anonette? sexuality is complex. just fall in love and have sex with whoever you want.
Thanks, anonette. I'm not so worried about labels as I am still just not having a good fundamental understanding of what I am, even after having expiremented. But sexuality is pretty complex, as you say. The girl I was in love with had told me that she preferred watching gay porn instead of lesbian porn and I went on to find out that alot of lesbians actually do this. I'm still really confused on how that works, but I guess it goes to show how complex sexuality is. I've even heard cases where gay men and lesbians fall for women and men, respectively.
>don't give a shit about male in my social circle for months
>wake up and feel obsessed out of the blue
is it really how attraction is supposed to work?
I feel you. relationships are not worth the trouble at all. it’s better to just read books, take up hobbies, and get good at things
>>75660>gay men and lesbians fall for women and men, respectively.
How they are gay then
I absolutely hate college.. Its so hard to get me to do my schoolwork and I just end up doing it last minute. I think about dropping out every time. The work isn't even hard, its just that I have so much trouble doing it. I could hardly make it through high school because of mental issues and it just feels like the same case again… I really don't know if I can do it. I'm only doing it because I get benefits via my dad such as money but if I quit I'd have nothing else.. I've tried many jobs in the past and was never able to keep them due to mental issues. I hate this so much… I just hate hurting mentally all the time and I feel like I just can't do anything because of it. People say I'm just lazy but I feel like they don't understand how much trouble it is dealing with this. I really don't know what to do, I feel useless and I don't know if I should even keep on going with life
I understand this anon. I recently dropped out of college because I couldn’t handle the schoolwork. I felt guilty every moment i wasn’t studying.
I wish I had someone to be open and vulnerable with. I couldn’t cope on my own ten years ago and it’s only gotten worse since. I feel as though I should write more, but nothing’s coming to me right now.
I am an anxious, weird, creepy, jittery spaz and super paranoid
I am so sick of living with this like nothing is alleviating it
Also I’m pretty sure I know what you did
Third wave liberal feminism was such a mistake.
Wish 200 IQ terfs ran the world instead of 80 IQ Twitter camgirls.
Agreed. Wtf has this world come to?
>>75715>being a moid's personal fuckdoll is empowering
wtf??? literally who wants to be treated like this other than massive degenerates
Stop letting deranged internet nonsense get you angry. This is how boomers went insane in 2015/16.
I work as a CS tutor for my school and I genuinely think some people I tutor are picrel. I have no idea how they make it to a second-year programming class when they are so tech-illiterate they don't know how to take screenshots, what comments are or how to compile their code yet. They also don't listen to what I tell them to change in their code and keep sending me their code with the lines unchanged, like they know better.
That sounds enraging. Are you tutoring boomers?
The monotony of my job is physically taxing. My chest feels heavy the entire time I force myself to do these repetitive tasks.
No, even worse. Young college students. No wonder the market is so saturated. These people don't even know what screensharing is. I had to sit through a Zoom call with a girl trying to show me her computer screen..with the camera of her phone. I couldn't see shit from her camera shaking and her terrible lighting. This what happens when the "smartphone generation" just wants to go after a job because that's where they heard "the money" is.
Not surprised by this. Kids these days grow up with iphones and don't even know how to torrent something. In the past people didn't even have to go to college coding, they just taught each other as teenagers.
I'm far from a rockstar programmer myself and don't like the gatekeeping that goes around in CS, but yeah.. If I have to practically walk someone through how to use a computer like I would have with my grandparents, I don't think they have business being in CS. They can't be assed to search up online on how to do the most basic of tasks for their program or look at the instructions clearly provided by their professors, then they have no business being in CS. They don't realize they won't learn how to "make a cool app" in Java if they don't even learn Java isn't an app.
Beats me. We live in a world with people who claim to be asexuals that like having sex, now.
i fall in love easily and after losing my virginity, i've been used for sex under the guise of love twice now. i don't have any friends and the only people who give me attention are the men that are sexually attracted to me. how am i supposed to be ok with myself, i'm confused how other people do this.
Try playing video games, but DON'T use voice chat in random lobbies. Alternatively, tabletop RPGs played with online groups which have at least one other girl in them. Avoid communities based around YouTubers, look for smaller communities like guilds or private servers. I know it is difficult to find friendship online, but is possible eventually as long as you don't give up hope. It took me nearly two decades to find my current friend group, but it was all worth it in the end. Just believe in your own inherent value, and don't let yourself be manipulated or disrespected without at least making your thoughts and feelings known.
Don't have sex until the guy brings up marriage.
KEK, what fantasy world do you live in? There's a shit ton of men that outright drop the M bomb (as well as talk about having kids) bc they're aware it'll create a false sense of intimacy and commitment without actual action being behind it.
Why are you entertaining guys scummy enough to lie about marriage and kids in the first place? Do better.
I never have. I'm literally basing this off of what other women have expressed and gone through/history. Women in the past have in spades trusted men that kept on talking about marriage…only to find out years later those men didn't mean it and were just saying what they felt in the moment.
Why, yes, women literally have mind reading capabilities and magically guess if a guy is just saying shit or not. In fact, it even being a "lie" is dubious because it's often said with seemingly honest intent.
Some of you guys live in fantasy land, I swtg.
Also, to anyone who's interested: look up "future faking." It's a massive thing with people, especially men, trying to create a false sense of intimacy prematurely, much like how someone can lie that they're in love in order to expediate access to someone's body.
and why do you act like a guy has to be comically evil in order to lie? the majority of men who lie are average Joes.
Is it bad to slack off at work? I work in a shitty customer service job but from home, so there's nobody to monitor me. I feel guilty tho.
For context I work in Europe so I don't get abused at my job or anything. Still hate it but that's a me issue.
To be fair, this isn’t a little white lie. Hiding your family is sociopathic moidshit.
we were about to have sex for the first time, and it would've been my first time ever, and he called me a nig for no reason and it really turned me off
I'm not into raceplay or anything, why would he do that?
That's fucked and raceplay makes me cringe even if it's consensual. You do you but I would avoid people like that.
i tried to overdose in a tube station toilet and if it doesn't work ill sit here until a cleaner kicks me out cause they think im shooting up in here
i have no one to message and no one to talk to and nowhere to stay and in six months my life has completely fallen apart
ive never felt so alone and im scared to die like this
Cause moids have no empathy or respect for women.
you in the uk anon? you can talk to me, i can try to help you with finding somewhere to stay and just being there if you need to vent email me at [email protected]
I think you misunderstood the subject. I was mostly referring to how many claim they want kids/want marriage early on even if they aren't serious about someone, so doing something like >>75771
makes little sense. Hiding one's family is something else entirely.
My dad's abusive and he's had this job where he works at home all day for a couple months. It was bearable before my brother moved out and we lived in our old house but we just moved and he works right outside my door. I can't leave my room without him bothering me or go to work or out with friends without him asking me to stop my plans and come home so all I do is sit in my room all day wishing my life went differently. I thought he wouldn't control my life as much after I became an adult but it's only gotten worse. I used to have dreams of doing big things with my life but I feel like I'm too old now and I can't do anything to work towards them because he's going to stop me from it. I know it doesn't sound that bad but if I give any more details I'm scared of giving too much away
What can I do. It'll never be okay.
im 22 and i don't feel humane and don't seem to have any morale compass or whatever
i work in customer service and i more and more often lie to the customers or do the job half-assedly if it means doing less work or have less hassle
i don't care when people throw tantrums, chew over their family problems, beg for money on the streets, beating shit out of each other lying on the pavement
the recent war conflict unnerved and shook me up, but even then after a few weeks my brain stopped giving a fuck
albeit, there are things that daunt me a lot, like rape, captivity, animalabuse, and especially everything abovementioned combined
I was researching one musician in my music library who’s kind of obscure and came across a ton of blogs and fan pages with suspiciously detailed information about him and his career for someone of his level of success. I believe this guy created and wrote most of these fan pages about himself.
im SO antsy and fidgety i wish i had da spinny chaaiirrr
yea no ive never been diagnosed wit adhd/autismo idk mayb im just a quirked up white gurl IVE TRIED to get an actual diagnosis but doctors are like "oh yeah you might have adhd" or whatever but nothing comes of it i looovvvee the mental health care systemmm. even IF it turned out i "have it" i would refuse "treatment" bc fuck meds!
I just wish I could be alone in a bubble where time doesn't exist and rest for a while, reflect, cry and scream a lot without anyone to hear me or disturb me and no deadline or responsability. I feel so drained emotionally and physically
I've been having UTI like pain without having an UTI for like 7 months now and my bf suggested that it might all just be in my head.
We also can't have sex because of it and I can feel him becoming more distant.
I wish I had nobody who cared about me so I could just kms.
>favourite female content creator gets borderline harassed because she said she didn't like an anime figure
>find out the main harasser is a tranny
EVERY. TIME. He looks absolutely horrid too. I mean, they all do, but he's so obviously just an ugly boy. Trannies are so hateful that they can't even stop that hatred from consuming themselves and that's why they're always uncomfortable in their own body. It's infuriating seeing how much support these deranged people can get.
Extreme loser warning, you've been warned.
>be a NEET post-graduation
>have shit self-esteem
>can barely motivate myself to get dressed or brush my hair regularly regularly
>family also dysfunctional but in different ways
>"I know, I'll buy myself a new cute, comfortable dress to wear around the house while I do chores! That'll make me feel pretty!"
>buy dress, arrived today
>trying dress on
>oh god oh fuck, it's too small because China thinks "Large" still means Medium/Small
>mother comes in AS I'm putting on the dress
>chews me out for not getting her chores done and tells me that I'm a spoiled and ungrateful daughter who has done nothing at all to help her and has "ignored" her for the past 2 months (bullshit)
>says I should've talked with her before buying the dress first, keeps being really bitchy and harsh
>tell her I have a headache from eating poorly the past couple of days from poor appetite and can't deal with loud TV + her nitpicking my life with her complaints
>won't get off her high horse, just keeps insisting me standing my ground is just being even more disrespectful to her
>only get her to leave finally after raising my voice
>stressed because I really liked the dress I'm going to have to return now, even though it didn't fit and wasn't comfortable
>still need to finish the chores
People keep telling me to move out already but the problem is I don't even know how to live with myself. I suck. I'm a product of the useless, hateful people that birthed me.
Trannies and autism are also heavily related, because it would take an actual autist to think defending muh 2D from actual female criticism is a smart idea.
was looking for something egl related, but cause i used the word lolita i accidentally came across csam. i didn’t see anything but just seeing those keywords made me feel sick inside.
I was in the gym listening to a somewhat controversial podcast and didn’t notice my bluetooth headphones disconnected so some people probably heard for idk how long. Learned my lesson and only listening to electronic music there now.
Trannies are literally just incels in skirts
Why do I get the feeling your UTI is a blessing in disguise and a sign from the universe to dump your skeezy coomer bf..
I'm not going to be his girlfriend and it makes me sad
I wish my dad was a better cat owner. I don't have my own place so I can't take the cat to somewhere better, and it's my dad's house so what he says goes. I wish he would let the cat stay inside more. I hate when the cat goes outside because not only is it dangerous but he always comes back with fleas it's very annoying. But there's nothing I can do.
wow i hate your dad anon. I'm sorry, poor cat. Getting fleas all the time would suck.
I wish I didn't care about as many things as I do now. Pre-internet being as widely used as it is now, there was no social media so I didn't compare myself to others in my age group. At least as much as I do now.
I just went out and did my own thing in blissful ignorance. With the internet you are constantly being told what is wrong with the world and what's "wrong" with you. I have so many insecurities now because I feel the stupid need to be considered a normal and good person in the eyes of the majoriy. I miss being ignorant and happy, not caring much about what others think. I miss when I naively thought most people were good and caring.
just a dumb post but I made the unfortunate mistake of gong down the rabbit hole of toxins, especially plastics/BPAs and I seriously regret it. I spent years getting healthier while fully assuming I'd eventually feel better, but I didn't.
>used to constantly eat out of heated plastic containers as a kid
>drink water from plastic for years
>have had heated coffee from a plastic instant coffee maker
>look very fucked up even though I eat healthy and work out now
>people constantly asking if I need 911 (I kid you not) because I facially look like death
>found out that BPA collects in the body, there is 0 reversing it
I guess it's the least of my issues. It was more probably the years of unhealthy living that did me in. And maybe I'm just being too paranoid. Still, the idea of something being irreversible disturbs me because all I want to do is feel good.
oh, to clarify, I feel exhausted constantly. it isn't just that I look horrible.
So incredibly tired of my mom. Whatever she hears about me or my siblings' lives, decisions, partners, or interests, every detail is just something to judge and criticize with subtle jabs. I'm just so tired. Every time I talk to her, for a few days afterwards I have a little voice in my head justifying and defending everything I do. My sister has been no contact with her for years, and for good reasons.
Right now, she is staying at our place for a few days and meeting my fiancé for the first time in person. I'm so ashamed, considering what it was like talking to my fiancés parents the first time. They were super excited to chat and get to know me, and later on he was beaming and reporting all the sweet things they said about me afterwards, how he is a lucky man, how talented and charming I am, all sorts of adorable comments. My mom? Hasn't said a single nice thing about him, has basically not acknowledged that we are about to become life partners, she just keeps talking about her own problems. He is getting worried he did something wrong, I don't know how to explain to him that this is just how my mom is and not to stress about it.
And jfc the loaded questions and entitlement around the wedding. "Ohhh… I wonder where these wedding dresses are made..?" I don't know, it's a dress I'll wear once, I don't have 12k to spend on a locally sewn gown made out of sustainably sourced natural materials that you personally approve of. We are planning to keep the wedding simple and hassle-free with just 10 immediate family members, but she just assumes we will be streaming it on zoom for all the relatives I haven't met in years and who don't even speak English. But she doesn't want to fiddle on her phone on her daughter's wedding day of course! Maybe she expects me to do that, I'm just the bride I guess? Or for us get a professional live streaming videographer for our 30 min ceremony in the middle of the forest in the mountains? No, she can't pay, she is legitimately broke, but expects others to accommodate her plans anyway. I wish we had just eloped.
Don't get me started on all the recent hints about how cute children are. We're not having kids, I have never wanted kids, she knows it and always seemed fine with it and like she wasn't going to start pressuring me, but I'm pretty sure that was just her being manipulative and confident that I'll change my mind. Now that a wedding is in the cards, it's obvious she's fishing for our plans to "start a family" after all. She doesn't know my fiancé had a vasectomy kek. Right now I'm too exhausted to tell her and deal with the ensuing "wahhhhh wahh but you're so young, do you really not feel like your life will be empty without children?? is he really the right guy for you? was I such a bad mother?? i'm so sorry……. oh so you're too good to be a mother???? you look down on my life choices??" scene.
I really feel that.
Sometimes when I’m stressed I just wish at the very least everyone on the planet would just leave me completely alone for a week or more
What if some women don’t want to get married. Honestly, it’s better to use a man for sex and some occasional companionship, then becoming his handmaiden. Imagine living with a man. Why…
I wasn't really endorsing marriage either. It's just if someone is being lied to or lead on, that's another matter entirely.
You're a bit of a clown if you think friends with benefits is infinitely better tho.
Well I'm glad you're still around. Try to have hope.
Not for everyone, I understand
That’s just me not being too invested in a man I can spend time with
I've a pretty good reason to believe I'm on the autistic spectrum, and this comes years of soul searching and trying to understand myself. It's crushing because I really think my life is going to end in suicide at this point. My brain is literally wired only so slightly differently that it's the most minor of things I struggle with while being normal. I have people in my life but they're not enough to be friends, I just cannot for the love of me make a decent social connection. College is starting to really go horribly as well, I'm so unspeakably lonely and executive dysfunction means its impossible for me to sit down a type a few words onto a page. I don't understand how I can beat this way of living, it's beyond bearable.
get a diagnosis anon and use it for extra help at uni (as much as possible). then look for other women on the spectrum to make friends with as you will find it much easier
>>76091>get a diagnosis anon and use it for extra help at uni
I know I'm basically making excuses but this would be very difficult for me. Like for me to get up and go through the process of getting a diagnosis would be stressful because of how my parents would react. As much as I love them, they get v v v stressed out easily and I cannot talk to them about these things without great difficulty. If I lived alone this would be much easier, instead I would have to give some lame excuse as to why I'm leaving the house instead of telling them I want an autism diagnosis.
And the second reality is that I'm mean and I don't think I would respect other autistic people very well. I really just want neurotypical friends.
just make an appointment then think of something else to tell them
Why would you be upset with your demon named? If anything, shouldn't it be relief that you now know what is particularly "wrong" with you, so you can start working around it. Instead of just bashing your head against a wall you didn't know was there.
Never seen it described this way before lmao. But the fact you used the word demon is a good way to put it. My problem is that this demon isn't going to ever go away. Yes I can work around it and I think I've done fairly well in working around my condition despite not being fully aware of what it was that was "up" with me.
You need to understand that the social aspect for me is challenging at times. I can get easily overstimulated in a conversation and be either very hyper or just enable to form sentences. I really cannot fit in with other people. The absolute isolation and depression you feel with you start to reflect on how your younger self acted is the worst feeling in the world.
It is currently 21:49 on a Sunday. I sat down at a desk for the entire day. I didn't get any work done, it was too much for me to handle. I really don't see the point of it all anymore :(((((
My anxiety is really bad and I wish I could commission a high quality artist to draw my oc but I fear they may not like his design. It's hard looking for those that draw cute boys or when all of the artists are closed for commissions. Thinking about re-designing him but I have absolutely zero creativity and thought on how to come up with his clothing and colors.
Artists don't care about what your OC looks like as long as you're paying for the commission and maybe if it isn't crazy complicated.
my sibling is a NEET, the worst part of it is unlike a typical NEET both of my parents have businesses he could work at like, literally once a week. one of them he could do from home. he always criticizes everyone else's lives and personalities while lying that he works and studies. he's also jealous, delusional and believes in "manifesting." he was spoiled/favorited growing up so he had a good relationship with the parents until recently when he started blaming my mother (who has cancer) for his NEETdom. he rages when my parents point out job ads to him. he only talks about himself and he's a NEET so his life is boring
I didn't drop a class that I had a 60 in because I need it to take another class next year. I had one more project for it. Well some shit happened, I got sick, I had to email every fucking instructor I had to sort some shit out, I was going through online job interviews and follow ups at the same time not able to just rest and get better. I sorted out everything that I needed to except this class because I was putting it off, I had like 5 days until the final project was due so I just put it off I didn't want to think about it. I guess I'm so autistic that dealing with all this end of year shit at once led to me being completely burnt out. The due date came and passed and when I sat down at my computer the entire few days intending to write it but scrolling instead because I was freaking out. My roomate is noisy and annoying and it stresses me out so much that I just shut down. I should have emailed my professor but I didn't want to. I didn't want to write this stupid paper. I wish I dropped the class but now I'm going to have a shit gpa and I'll have to take an extra semester. I just wanted to transfer to another school because I hate the city I'm in, I'm still gonna apply but I'm not supposed to be able to transfer into the program I want without this class. I wanted to take the easier class that also meets transfer requirements but I let the academic advisor talk me into taking this class because I had the highschool prerequisite. I'm tired of letting people like my parents talk me into shit I don't want, no I don't want to live on campus with annoying teenagers because it's cheaper, no I don't want to leave my car at home and be stranded here taking transit with smelly crackheads, no I don't want to deprive myself of any enjoyment to save money, because that's what I did this year and it made me miserable and my grades suffered as a result. Nobody knows whats good for me. I'm a grown woman let me take care of my shit please
Anyways when I checked yesterday the paper still hadn't been marked and the program we submit our work through still lets you hand in late but it's been a week at this point I haven't even started the paper I don't want to do it I give up. I'll get my shit together and not make the same mistakes again next year. Right now all I want is to go back to my parents house and work at my summer job, make that cash and just chill the fuck out. I need it after this shitty fucking year. I am so done also fuck my roomate she's so annoying noisy and never cleans I hate her
I'm afraid of getting a better pc because I know I'm gonna spend all of my free time gaming instead of doing something productive
i need to kill myself but i refuse so things keep going worse and worse im being tortured i should really just rope already
Not really a vent, but I just realized tomorrow is my birthday and there's nothing special I really want to do. I can't go out because I have work and it's too late to order a special cake or anything. :(
i haven't brushed my hair in a month, it's such a mess and i don't know where to begin. i can't even start from the bottom because the whole thing's tangled and matted. i don't want to fix it, i just want to die.
It was like this for my birthday too, it feels really hollow, doesn’t it? You should still try to do a small nice thing for yourself, or with loved ones if you can, I bought a small cake and had normal dinner together with my family and it made the day a lot less depressing
been there too, i'm sorry nona. it's really not a glorious moment when you take the time to sit down and detangle it. my arms would hurt and i would cry a lot. but it's worth it, i know it sounds corny but it really does make your mind a little clearer and saner. spraying your hair with a mix of water and conditioner makes it a bit easier, by the way. and you could get a haircut afterwards so you don't have to deal with this anymore, if you like.
This would happen all the time when I was a kid. My mom would cover my hair in conditioner and try to brush out the knots for a few hours every night over like a week.
>>76205>when the hair is literally in knots and you can't even comb the knot out so the comb just rips the hair out
don't use a brush or comb. just put on a tv show and then take a chunk of hair and calmly work it apart with your fingers. then do the next bit until all your hair is done. some small tight tangles might need to be snipped out but most of the knots will come out if you are patient. don't pull them out, just small minimal snips
You can find someone who is ok with artistic freedom and can make an illustration with their own interpretation of your character, if you trust their taste
Sometimes I can fully put aside all responsibilities and feel peaceful by putting aside a real amount of time to do a hobby, meditate, or go on a walk. I can feel safe knowing that I'll go back to tending to important matters after that time is elapsed, and until then, whenever my mind wonders to real life, I say "now isn't the time to worry about this". It has worked quite well for me.
You may have to practice mindfulness meditation before you can have that sort of control over your thoughts. Not sure.
I want to get better at drawing and have friends who like drawing the same characters as I do but I'm way too shy to post my work anywhere as I'm still very new and I'm pretty bad at taking criticism if it's not brought along with a compliment.
I wish I spoke the same language as this one artist I really admire on twitter, she seems so nice and she draws characters I like a lot. I think the language barrier is just too large though.
Thanks! Some family wished me happy birthday at midnight and gave me a present, I brought brownies to work, and I bought a mini cake with lunch. Things are going much better than expected.
Who cares about normies' opinions?
I'm dating a guy who's fine. He's loving and he treats me well, great guy. We have been seeing each other for a couple months.
I was into him at first, but lately I've realized he's ugly and I don't find his quirks cute anymore. I don't want to be intimate with him in any way, even a hug grosses me out.
I thought we would last because I like his personality, but I don't think I can deal with his looks. I'm scared I'll be making a mistake if I break up with him because men are horrible and he's one of the few that are actually good people.
What should I do? Keep trying? He's not repulsive but I get sad when I see women dating better looking men.
I don't even know if I like men
Can you give him a make over?
What does he look like? How is he ugly?
im dealing with the same issue. my bf and i have been together a year and he was always kind of ugly and chubby but he just disgusts me physically now, i hate having sex and kissing him but he also is really good to me so i cant break up.
Another man pulled up the “I’m not looking for anything serious at the moment” to me. Holy fucking christ. But he insists on seeing me, pay for lunch and being flirty at work. He wants to use me. They always want to use me but I’m done with this shit. I couldn’t say I’m beautiful, but I take care of myself. I exercise, I use make up, nice clothes, good hygiene. My biggest problem would be my glasses because my nose it’s big but without them I look decent. I have nice teeth and cheekbones. Why do they keep playing me? why they gatekeep commitment so much? I’m not mentally ill, I speak fluently in my native language. I have good grades. I just want a boyfriend who loves me.
not really a big deal, but I just spent hours and hours trying to fix a huge problem for my mom that could destroy her health insurance, and she kept on spastically coming in my room trying to dump more stuff on me to do at the same exact time.
it's like the more overwhelmed I got and the more I told her, "mom, I am trying to focus on this, please keep it for later," yet kept on repeatedly coming in. Then, after coming in over a dozen times with a dozen random issues, I finally said, "mom, you're really stressing me out with this stuff, please stop, I'm trying to get this fixed" and she screamed at me.
If a man can get sex without commitment hes almost always going to go for it. You simply have to stop giving these guys sexual gratification. Men are only as faithful as their options, unless you find an extremely loyal one. But those are needles in haystacks.
I've been feeling awful lately everytime I see someone who posts about having kids. Is like everybody and their aunt decided to have kids these past two years. Baby bumps, baby picks, talking about the gender, or such. I don't know why but I genuinely feel sad when I see them, and I don't even know why. I like babies, but I don't want kids, so I'm sure is not that.
>>76254>Men are only as faithful as their options
What about men who have gfs and stay with them for years and even marry them? I mean, they would fuck a hot chick if given the chance but even when they physically cheat they still choose commitment with one woman over the others he had sex with. I don’t care if my hypothetical bf cheat on a one night stand because I know it’s practically impossible for him to resist the urge, but I want to be his first option.
Usually when that happens, it's because his mind is fixated on mate novelty and he's actually getting more satisfaction from being with other people than you. This tends to be comorbid with devaluing his actual partner (often because the primary reason why he was with her is convenience). It's like how such men are extremely likely to just start another family or neglect their children because they wanted the idea of them–not the actual work.
Imagine the 100s of hours of effort, emotions, thought, etc., a guy has to do to keep on hooking up like that as well. Random sex doesn't just manifest out of nowhere in most cases.
>practically impossible to resist
This makes men look like beasts, tbh.
Is it normal to have mood swings ranging from "I'm far too gone to be able to do anything" to 'i can actually do this, I just have to be patient and pay attention, making mistakes is ok"?
Because things like those make me have more doubt in myself. I can't actually measure how capable I am of doing/achieving something because of mood swings like those. is there any way to battle this without medication/a therapist (I don't have enough time and money for those).
And yeah, I have no clue if it's because I'm mentally ill or something to do with pms (both pre- and post-menstrual). Pls answer.
Also, it's very easy to influence my emotions in general, even though people tell me I'm inexpressive or even sad looking most of the time. I listen to an angry song? I want to be rude to everyone I know and I'm mad as fuck. Listen to a sad song? Want to kill myself, etc.
Without knowing this I put my uni application to the most corrupt uni in the country and I am going crazy from it. The entrance exams are ridiculously hard since they dont want anyone who hasnt sent a bribe to pass, meanwhile other unis you can prepare for the entrance exam like one or two months before and pass, I have been studying for FIVE MONTHs for FOUR TO SIX HOURS EVERY DAY and I honestly dont think I will pass. 1/3 chance. It's so depressing if I had just known I would sign up to a different uni and I would be 100% guaranteed to get admitted with the time ive spent. I dont even know what to do, the exams are in mid June so still far away, but I am just so done studying. I put another application to a different thing where they accepted me without entrance exams so I have a backup, but I am so angry with this. I almost feel like failing on purpose cause I am so fucking angry at the university now I dont even wanna go there
Don't torture yourself anon. Don't take the exam and just go to the other uni.
I've masturbated 10min ago and i was crying before even finishing. I don't know what i'm doing. I don't ever feel sexual attraction IRL, never have, whether it is towards women or men i don't feel anything. But i still crave love and a normal life, which i can't achieve because i'm sex repulsed and would make any sane person lose patience.
So i stay alone and i sometimes masturbate to porn although i fucking hate pornography with a burning passion. I don't know, i think i just like to see intimacy because i can't have it. There's layers to that though, somehow i watch violent porn (i mean nothing crazy but porn is violent by nature), why do i do that? I end up crying while watching it, because the nature of men and the nature of sex for straight women repulses me. Sex is inherently violent and i hate that it is the way things are, but it is. A penetration is a violent thing, it always is. A blowjob is even worse. Men get off on being violent to us and it just makes me wish the world was different. I don't see love in sex, ever. Even watching an amateur couple being tender with each other i just see hypocrisy. The man still gets off on penetration, whichever hole it is.
I don't know. I also cry because i feel very lonely and i wish i could be a stupid woman enjoying getting fucked. I watch porn actresses and i think to myself how can you act for a man's pleasure like that?? You put his ugly dick in your mouth and you look at him and moan? What the fuck? It's not just porn i can't even imagine a woman doing that IRL and enjoying it. I can't ever enjoy being used and sex is exactly that.
I'll die alone and unloved, especially in this era where women are even more degenerate in their sexuality, i can't compete. What man in 2022 accepts a life where his dick isn't sucked? Not even talking about all the other crazy shit like deepthroat and slapping.
Anon, stop watching porn. It's aimed at men who want to degrade women. It's not for you.
Now, if you want to masturbate, wait until you feel in the mood and just close your eyes and focus on what feels good. Try thinking of different vanilla things. It could be a shirtless man, someone who have a crush on, a naked woman, etc. Or just focus on the sensation. If it starts to feel bad then stop. You don't want to associate bad feelings with masturbating.
Don't try and force yourself to like the things others like to please an imaginary future partner. Find what you like and then look for a partner who can give you that.
What is the OP image?
I know, you're right. I don't watch porn very often, it's not an addiction at all, but still. Being imaginative just doesn't work for me though, because i don't feel sexually attracted to anything in particular. I feel nothing, i don't know what to imagine nor who.
But you're right, i should stop porn altogether. I think i see it as self-harm, i make myself suffer on purpose because i feel defective as a woman for not wanting sex. Thank you for the advice.
Why not just experiment thinking of typical things that are seen as sexy and see if you end up liking it? Think of something (e.g. a naked man or woman) for a minute or so and then decide if you want to continue or not. If you don't like it then try something else.
Or maybe just accept that you're not a very sexual person right now. Maybe you are asexual, maybe on the spectrum. But don't force yourself to try to be something you're not. There are some asexual forums and dating sites, why not try them?
was at a restaurant so i ate a lot lot lot lot lot much more than usual and now i feel guilty its not even rational im at normal weight but i cant help but feel so so so so so bad about this, maybe its because i used to starve myself when i was a teenager but still i want to be able to enjoy eating a bunch at a restaurant and not feel guilty over it… its not like i eat like that every single day but still my brain just acts up
I wish I had more female friends, I only have one at the moment and I'm afraid I'm going to get too attached to her because she's my only one. I really like her and I get pathetically anxious when she doesn't respond.
Recently, I feel bothered by the fact that I feel like I can't talk about any topic as intelligently as other people. For example, politics, world events, most adult things like insurance and even stuff like vehicles, video games and sports that most other people can talk about news from even on a surface level even if it's something they're not interested in. So that's another reason I'm usually such a quiet person. I feel like there is nothing I can offer most conversations and that if I tried, I would just be exposing how sheltered and stupid I really am. It has been a growing insecurity of mine. Even the pretty dumb people seem to usually be able to talk at length pretty intelligently about something important. Maybe this is a side-effect of being around only friends who I never really talked to about anything except weeb shit 90% of the time, for too long.
Obviously there's no real substitute for knowledge, but active listening (and asking thoughtful questions) goes a long way.
Not casually, no. But I know people who are very well read and still dumb or who are very poorly read and very smart, so I don't think it's that. I just feel like the education system failed me. I don't even know important historical dates like what exact year WW2 started, basic geography like what the capital of my state is, what insurance even is, etc. Things that would make me seem like a complete retard if someone finds out I don't know. But I know I'm not dumb, because I am in a pretty difficult major and have taken pretty hard math classes at this point. I feel like I am simultaenously smart sometimes and the dumbest person alive the others.
I've wondered if it's related some kind of learning disorder. I learned to do basic shit like tying my shoes, telling time, and even going to the bathroom by myself much later than normal kids. But I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic or anything, either..>>76332
Thanks. I do have a problem with listening carefully when others speak, especially since I'm always distracted by my own thoughts. Although I'm embarrassed to ask questions regarding very common knowledge like mentioned above though, so I'm very greatful..Google is available for this very purpose.
Even dumb people sound smart when they act confident.
You’re just not confident.
You assume everyone around you is smart but really people are just bad at sniffing out true confidence and feigned confidence.
I'm the second anon you're responding to, but regarding the first reply, yeah public education is mostly garbage and the lowest common denominator. It's the educational equivalent of fast food. There's basic stuff (esp. financial like you mentioned) that I still don't even know, and plenty of stuff that was taught to me that were outright lies. Do you have anybody you feel close to that can help you acquire that knowledge, or give you advice? A lot of practical knowledge starts at home with our families, and if we don't learn much from them, you could be at a disadvantage (which might explain some things for you?)
In fact, you can learn much more from knowledgeable individuals, books, or online resources than public schools, really.
And… maybe you'll just have to set aside the embarrassment and just ask anyways. People generally like to talk about things they know a lot about, and if you're interested, I think they'd be happy to tell you more about it.
this is true.
I can relate to you anon >>76328
but if you've ever really paid attention to some of these supposedly intelligent people speaking, you will notice that a solid number of these people are not actually all that smart, or not really saying anything all that insightful. They're just confident. If you're worried about actually being one of those types of people, I think the fact alone that you're questioning yourself means you have enough self awareness to not be one of them, or at least be able to accept criticism/corrections.
and honestly, even if you are less intelligent than the people around you in a conversation, if they're judging you for what you lack than they suck. someone who is respectful will still appreciate what you have to say and will still enjoy being able to teach you something or explain it to you. I have conversations all the time with friends where I find out I might be ignorant on a topic or incorrect about something, and it's generally not much of a big deal; most people don't think you're a fucking moron unless you start being a dick about being corrected or start arguing against facts or whatever.
I used to feel like this a lot and sometimes I still do when it comes to certain topics, but I think what I was most afraid of was being afraid to defend myself if someone told me something I said was wrong or if someone turned it into an argument, or the situation above where I was worried of looking like an absolute retard if I said something wrong. I think you should think about what it is that you fear exactly and work through it from there - if it's about looking unintelligent, if it's about what other people will think and if they'll gossip about you after, etc.
Not a huge vent but I just had to send a work email that I've been waiting to send for MONTHS and if I get a bad response I know I'll be devastated. Its so fucking awkward for me to try and navigate this email stuff, I just wish I didn't have to go through the dance of forming the sentences the right way and trying to sound friendly enough but not too friendly. Also trying to figure out do I sound thankful enough? Do I sound happy to work with them? Am I even significnat? What if other people in my position have shown up so much better than I have? What am I supposed to do?
I am so depressed. I'm finding it hard to find enjoyment out of the things I used to. if I do try to do something I enjoy, I am constantly anxious and worried that I'm wasting my time doing the wrong thing and I need to be focusing on something else. I'll waste time trying to find something new or worthwhile to focus on - suddenly I'll realize I want to focus on something else or I think I've focused on the wrong thing and I'll see an hour or two has gone by and I'll waste more time feeling anxious and upset that I did the "wrong" thing.
Idk what's wrong with me but I wish it would stop.
I'm going through the same thing. I wish I had advice, I just want you to know you're not alone in this. One thing that's helped me a little is try my best to eat balanced meals and sleep at night, it doesn't fix the issue but it helps me not feel too miserable and frustrated when I end up zapping between 4 different things
some female friends in a server recently met each other in person, in one of their home countries, and announced they're in a relationship together now. one of them is married to a moid and has 2 kids, and is about 10 years older than the other and i just can't describe it, i really do not feel good about it lol. at this point i feel so bad i'm just avoiding the group entirely now. am i just jealous, entitled, or is my worry actually justified lol, i don't know if the moid is involved too in a poly situation, but i really don't want to know. miners am i insane for being so worried about their relationship
When I browse boards like cc and lolcow now I feel kind of depressed, because so many femanons seem to have picked up traits of 4chan moids. I have no idea if they're trannycel moids or just chicks that hang out on chan way too much and orbit skeezy moids from that board and pick up their views and habits and language, but they've definitely become more edgy and aggressive.
honestly no, it sounds like a fucked up and weird relationship for them and for everyone watching… especially considering the age gap. how old is the youngest one? i'd definitely be kind of alarmed, and that's not jealousy. it's just being concerned for someone entering what seems to be a really unconventional relationship anyway. even if it is healthy, you're not wrong for being worried. is there anyone else in the server you could maybe talk to this about?
I’m turning 30 and for the past year I’ve been miserable because of it, moody and lashing out at people and they’ve noticed and are getting tired of it.
It’s not the actual number that bothers me but the realization of the persistence of time.
I can’t stop focusing on how things need done by X date and focusing on everything I need that I don’t have.
my hair has gotten darker I guess cause Im older and I just now realized and it’s making me depressed because I just miss the days where I would be a little thinner, tanner and blonder from going to the pool everyday. My appearance is just a reminder of the negative changes. My health has gotten shittier too, I have a chronic illness that causes me pain 30% of all days.
The worst part about getting older is that it’s so lonely and you no longer have friends. I miss planning things with them and having fun going to conventions or just hanging out, but they no longer want to do those things (I have tried and been rejected many times)
I hate how the world caters to teenagers and early 20s people. It feels like anywhere you go you’re now an NPC b-list character.
I feel like people gatekeep me from some things I enjoy or could enjoy because of my age. Everyone wants to tell you what you should or should not be doing at this age.
In your 20s you’re so hopeful and full of dreams and it feels like nothing can stop you, so you dream so big and relax and figure things will happen in due time but when you hit 30 you realize how many of those dreams havnt come true yet, and mah never cow to fruition.
I worry that if I’m feeling this bad now, things will only get worse the older I get
Maybe it could ease your anxiety to set some boundaries around your schedule. Understand that there are work hours and play hours, and it’s not good to play during work hours just the same as it’s not good to work during play hours. When you can follow your schedule, remind yourself that it is healthy to have both
In one of my autistic obsession's fanbase there are a couple of artists that I want to befriend. It seems like it would be nice if we could all draw the characters we like together, but I'm shy and afraid of joining social media. I'm worried my drawings won't be good enough to get traction. I don't want popularity or fame, I just really want other artist friends into the same things as me. We also have a language barrier I'm afraid would cause issues.
God I'm lonely.
Recently I've felt excited about life and trying new things. I've been trying new sports and actually wanting to exercise. This is so unlike me that I even think this could be a manic episode. Maybe I didn't realize how depressed the pandemic made me? I'm am dreading that this happiness will end.
Disillusioned by the current state of imageboards.
I wish a cute guy would pursue me and ask me out. I wish I could spend time and go on innocent cute dates with a cute guy until he grows to like me more and more and we get married and start a family. I cant believe normie women and Stacies get this luxury and yet take it so for granted. I'm so lonely.
I'm also turning 30 soon and felt the same way, until last year, while I watched my friend die of cancer at only 26. At this point I'm just grateful to be alive. A few wrinkles or extra lbs means nothing to me now.
I feel the same anon although if you take a look at dating subreddits I think you'll find that even for normie women this isn't really that common. I know that's not the point of your post so I won't go too deeply into that, and I don't know if that's more or less comforting. Dating sucks a lot these days for women. Either way I empathize and wish for the same…guys just wanna get their dick wet and I've always longed for that cute sort of courtship that builds up.
Holy shit. I’m sorry that happened anon.
Honestly I need to hear stuff like this. I’ve just been so ungrateful lately and I don’t know how to stop.
That only happens in movies, IRL men suck.
Stop trying to gaslight us. Your life is inexplicably better because you were born pretty and we weren't. We aren't going to be silent about it, though that's what you'd like, isn't it, Stacy?
It isn't just Stacies, a lot of posters on this site fall into the "95% of x are y, therefore all x are y" logical trap lol. Probably out of constant disappointment, which, hey, I can't really blame them. Still doesn't excuse the messy imprecision tho.
I may have forgotten to consume any liquids today.
Finally got fuckin covid and I feel like my body is ruined now. I haven't felt this much angst since my teen years
I am constantly irritable
No, the only person that has been talking to me is a narcissistic TIM obsessed about revolving everything around herself, sex, transgenderism and pronouns, and what's transphobic/sexist/ableist/[insert any kind of -ism]. I'm trying not to talk to her anymore though, since she's too toxic of a friend (Never cares about my life or what I have to say, always talking over over me, etc.).
There are these other girls I met that are alot nicer and chill, but most people I've met and that I've ended up befriending over the past few years have been like this narcissistic TIM so I feel discouraged. The most "knowledge" I would learn from these people is retarded, hilariously self-unaware political statements like "White people bad" and "Everything right-wing bad". Most people in my generation are like this. I'd like to gain unbiased knowledge.
>show someone online an ID from my school days
>literally look like a 40 year old woman in it (this isn't hyperbole, something about the fat and facial features makes me look ancient and severe)
>tell him that I still think I look the exact same
>he tells me I'm crazy and that it's demonstrably a truth that I'm infinitely beyond the time where people bullied me over my looks and I look 100x better
>literally can't compute this
>no male ever has done anything other than insult my looks irl
>only other women have showed interest
Man, I feel nuts. I wish I could just forget the past. Self-consciousness is the rot of the soul.
i don't think so, now they're considering having the younger one (28) move all the way to europe if the "chemistry is right" and i just can't. i know she's going to have to also take care of their kids if she's going to live with them and idfk about the moid, it's fucked to me, but i don't think it's the right thing to tell them that, or anyone else in the server for that matter
Are you sure he's not just trying to get nudes from you?
My mom comes into my room nagging and screaming about something I'm already doing, I jokingly mutter under my breath for her to piss off and she starts screaming even more, telling me she's not taking any more of this 'abuse' and that she's kicking me out. Why are menopausal women so fucking insane.
Are you sure shes not just a narcissist anon? I used to chalk up my mom's shitty behavior to menopause but there was clearly something deeper going on.
I've been unwell for months. Stomach pains, mostly after eating but sometimes for apparently no reason at all. Doctors say it's just acid, but I'm convinced it's something more. Occasionally I'm convinced it's something really, really bad, but it's probably not. Sorry for being gross, but being paranoid I might see blood in the bowl every time I take a dump isn't really how I wanted to spend 2022. I'm also quite angry because despite being told at the end of February more tests would be ran if my problem persisted, last week I had the same old "get poked in the belly by a junior doctor" treatment they'd done twice before and was represcribed the same medecine. It has made me utterly miserable.
I let my life and my body go to waste these past two years. While I live on my own and work, I've just developed a horrible drinking problem, which has made me out of shape, irritable and none of the clothes I've mended can fit. I can't blame anyone but myself but after losing two close friends to suicide, I just found the will to live to be abysmal, nothing really mattered. I stopped eating, just kept drinking, when I did eat, I'd binge because I wouldn't eat for 2-3 days at a time. I stopped biking, going on hikes, all of that. Just would mope around at home, mope at work and sleep the day away. Didn't do my art anymore, chain smoked all the day, etc.
Lately I've been trying to turn this around as I had a little break in my apathy. It might be getting older, because the two friends who died were older, in their 40s. I figured, if life never gets better, then what's the point? I still don't have a good answer, but I hope this depression passes as I try to get back into healthier habits.
have you tried keeping a food diary and excluding common allergens?
have you tried taking fiber pills?
take care of yourself anon. you matter to us. we would miss you if anything happened to you
I wish I could drink my problems away. I get sick after one beer.
Drinking will only make your problems worse
I feel dumb for having to ask this but I'm on the spectrum and never go to McDonald's. If I order in with the machine in store, am I supposed to go collect as soon as my number is on the board to collect or only when they call it?
I went today and my number was on the board to collect immediately but people were waiting so I waited too. But then my number was never called and they were like 20 numbers ahead. I asked and then the woman put it together and it was kinda cold.
So did I screw up or them?
You didn't mess up, they were just busy and didn't have time to care to call out numbers. If your order was small, they would of gotten it out of the way first. The people waiting probably just had bigger orders then you did.
Thanks, so I should go the counter straight away next time? Or wait a bit first like I did today?
I'd just go up to the counter. It usually should be ready, if not, it'll probably just take them a minute to get it together. No shame in waiting at the counter if your number is on the screen.
i started working as a cashier today and idk how i feel about it
I understand. This helped: "The only productive way to answer “what should I do now?” is to first tackle the question of “who should I become?”"
I genuinely feel so sorry for her. The entire world is demonizing her as if she's a child rapist or murderer despite the fact she only did things a 100 million traumatized women have done to their bfs too. Seeing fangirls defending that creepy misogynistic pile of shit Johnny Depp after he said things about killing her and raping her corpse and even called Vanessa Paradis an extortionist cunt and other names is disgusting. Leave Amber alone you cunts.
No, she can fuck off. I don't even care about Deep, but they ruined some movies I liked because the millions she got in the settlement weren't enough. I hope she loses all her fans and her movies get cancelled.
She's a victim of cancel culture, even though Depp is a violent pedo drug addict who hangs out with other sexual assaulters and creeps like Manson and Leo and talks about murdering women in his texts, she's the one being demonized. Why was she the only one given a psychiatric evaluation?
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tw for sai was raped and i don't know where to put this information or what to do i am going insane it was years ago but i do not think i will ever feel okay sometimes i was raped and when i explain it i explain it like it was my fault. like i wanted it. because then at least i wasn't raped, right? my friends right after it happened told me it was rape, then we all just joked about it after i said it wasn't. i am going insane. i was raped. it feels cathartic to say though. after all this time. i was raped and i don't know how to explain it to a single person. i was raped and it was in the middle of a relationship i had when i was being groomed by a pedophile. i looked a pedophile in the eyes that would rape me on a daily basis and told him that i cheated on him. like you can cheat on a rapist. i was then raped again, and again, bled, bled, cried, many different days, because i stayed in a "relationship" with that pedophile. he needed to have sex with me. or so he said. because i cheated on him i needed to let him rape my body more freely and complain less. cry less. and be okay with being so disgusted with sex that i would bleed despite not being a virgin. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. sometimes it feels like everything is okay. sometimes it feels like i am going to overflow with disgust and die. he still lives in the same city as me. he followed me to this city. just to try to make it more difficult for me to get away. just to get away. my boyfriend does not know that i was 16 and he was 12 years older than me. that he moved from several states away because he finally found someone so fucking pathetic and easy to groom that it was too good of a deal to pass up. my boyfriend does not know that he is asking me to repeat sex acts that i did out of abuse. my boyfriend is jealous of a man that raped me again, and again, and again with no remorse. when i heard my boyfriend say someone was disgusting for liking a 17 year old i was so happy. i was so happy to know that my boyfriend is not a pedophile. when i meet men i always assume they are pedophiles now. i cannot fucking breathe sometimes. i cannot even cry these days. i am just so tired and empty. when i was 16, before i got groomed by my first serious "boyfriend" i was groomed by another man. he remembers my name. every so often he finds a profile of me online and tries to interact with me in some way. i feel uncomfortable. i feel like dying again. i want to die. i want to die. i want to die. when does it get better.
I don't care if she's a victim or not. Who the fuck cares about the ultra wealthy. These people only matter to me in the form of entertainment. She ruined my entertainment, so I hope she suffers now.
All this is happening because they are shit people with no morals anyway. Deep is a creep who let his dick trick him into marrying a psycho 20 years younger, and she is a spoiled golddigger who married said creep for money and fame.
Now both of their retarded choices are coming back from them. You shouldn't feel bad for either of them, they are clearly both shitty human beings like most Hollywood actors.
it’s taking every ounce of my willpower to not sneak into my ex-boyfriend’s apartment and stab him to death right now. i will be the last woman that faggot ever touches
count me out I don't want to be associated with you people
Found the pickme who thinks being nice and submissive to men will make them treat us well. Look how that worked out in the middle east and east Asia.
i have an ex-boyfriend, so i’m not a femcel. i just want to kill him
I’m a bulimiafag in recovery, I fucked up my stomach and now when I eat anything I feel extremely full and nauseous for hours, which is triggering. I don’t think anything can be done for it, I’m just trying to weather the storm and hope proper nutrition and not purging will help me heal in time. But it’s the third day in a row the nausea keeps me up late and I’m so tired.
I have a permanent hernia due to bulimia which gives me the worst acid reflux of my life to the point I'm in searing pain if I don't pop antacids everyday, even when my stomachs empty. I don't know what to tell you except I'm sorry you're suffering and it's not your fault that you were battling a mental health condition at the time. Try eating really small meals until your stomach is slowly stretched out and drink plenty of water to help stretch it out. Theres also anti nausea pills you can get pretty cheaply otc I believe. If it isn't going away please see a doctor.
Bro shut the fuck up, anyone who disagrees with you is a "pickme" or "submissive" have you ever considered that not everyone on this site is a femcel or better yet, that you are a femcel for a reason
Why is basic grooming and hygiene so difficult for men? I truly don't get it.
Yeah sadly this board is full of raiding scrotes like you.
I feel like you want this board to die if you're just accusing everyone who disagrees with you of being a man, hell you probably are a man conducting a psyop. Otherwise you have to be retarded with no self-awareness whatsoever, who unironically cheers on murdering someone's ex? Grow up
i'm not a femcel guys i have a bf hes so hot and tall and i post him on the bf thread omg <33
I hope any scrote who has the audacity to LARP as a woman in my precious imageboard dies a painful death. I don't care if women here have very different opinions, even when it gets aggressive and stupid (really, you hate femcels? wow how subversive of you!). If you're a woman you belong here. XY are really invasive though, demented scrotes, i wish we could spot them.
it’s a simple story: he broke my heart
How do you cope with the fact you probably have agreed with and got on well anonymously with a moid when their dick wasn't apparent? It's driving me insane.
Sorry I call women bros :^) My mom hates it and says I talk like a lesbian but I don't care
>>76677>who unironically cheers on someone murdering their ex
People who understand sarcasm.
Either a scrote or a scrote's discord orbiter. Yuck.
Absolutely disgusting. I don't cope well at all.
I feel like everyone on this site is younger than me because what the fuck is discord
also if it helps I'm not white so I don't know if discord is a white people thing but it feels like discord stole its design from Slack (which I use for work). You don't need to use a messaging app other than WhatsApp or maybe Telegram
Thank you so much for the advice, I’m trying my best to be patient and hope the damage feels worse than it is since I’m still adjusting, but I’ll keep an eye on it in case it doesn’t get better. I’m so sorry you’re going through something this awful. Bulimia is an evil mental illness. I really feel like it broke me from the inside out, and I’m trying to rebuild myself.
I haven't laughed in years and I haven't been able to have a single spoken conversation with anyone in so long. I grew up with a speech disability because of a jaw/dental defect but I at least was able to talk, make a friend, and even make a rare joke. It's like I can't even think of anything now.
I feel as if I'm slowly dying on the inside, if not already, and I'm so scared.
Im very attracted to my (probably gay) male online friend. Its fine if I only talk to him minimally but being reminded of what he looks like makes me go full bpd and I stop talking in the gc to go cry. Im coping by projecting those feelings onto another friend that looks similar and that I actually have a chance with. I feel so fucking disgusting. I hate seeing pictures of him because hes everything i could ever want, but I know I wont ever have him.
>meet a moid
>he seems interested at first
>we hang out, talk about our interests and personal lives
>he suddenly ghosts me
>vietnam flashbacks, ask him what's wrong
>"i don't want you to misundertand this but i lost interest…"
What the fuck is the meaning of this? and no, I didn't give him easy sex. I even tried to avoid kissing him because I wasn't sure if he was serious or just wanted to play. He invited me to eat many times and was always talking about the places he wanted to take me out in the future. Did I made or said something wrong? I'm too ugly for him? hate when this shit happens, now I feel trapped in a spiral of self doubt and insecurity again.
>>76729>He invited me to eat many times and was always talking about the places he wanted to take me out in the future.
These are PUA tactics. He wanted to fuck and then realised t wasn't going to happen. You didn't do anything wrong. You did the right thing.
>>76729>I didn't give him easy sex.
Moid was mad that you wouldn't be his fucktoy.
But why do I keep attracting these kind of males? is this an universal female experience or there's something wrong with me? I want a serious relationship but I'm getting more and more convinced than men who get close to me don't see me that way. I feel ugly, undesirable and, in my worst days, envious.
>>76736> is this an universal female experience
Yes. These men are everywhere And unless you're completely revolting looks wise chances are you will attract some. Did you talk about your interests/hobbies, if so how much interest did he take?
So we got along well since the beginning because we're studying basically the same career on different universities. Yes he was interested in knowing me personally (that was my impression) and he ended telling me a lot about his personal life too. He felt very transparent during that lovey dovey process and one day, just in case, I told him that if he wanted to say something about us he should just say it which he agreed to. Thing is, he did asked me if I was virgin in one of our first dates, so I should have noticed the redflag. He never insisted on putting his hands on me more than what I allowed and some random kisses there and there, so I assumed he wasn't thinking with his dick only. Worst part is that we work at the same place, yikes. I'm always telling myself "don't shit where you eat" so here are the consequences. >Yes. These men are everywhere And unless you're completely revolting looks wise chances are you will attract some
So even stacy-looking girls are played? I thought they could get a bf real fast if they wanted to…
In an LDR. I miss physical touch so much. Sometimes I think I can't handle it.
I posted on another vent thread a couple months back, about wanting to break up with my partner because I realized how shit they were. Well after a lot of talking and some times out we had another talk this Sunday, we both agreed to break things up since we wanted different things out of a relationship. I, for minute thought for once this person was being mature, NOPE. Immediately after I say we should go our way, and I'm starting to feel a million conflicting emotions, he hits me with, "We should do this properly and break up on person. You know have a last week or so together." What the flying fuck, I was fucking confused. Who thinks like that? I tell him what does he mean, do we act like nothing in the meantime while I scrounge up some money for the airline ticket? And he basically goes like yeah, and we can appreciate what little time we have together in the meantime.
At this point I was completely fucking confused, I just said I'll think about and left it that.
Before I thought going NC all of a sudden wouldn't be right, or something, now I'm seriously considering, this person is not right in the head, and I know what he's trying to pull.
WHAT THE FUCK.
thats skeevy, definitely no. hes probably just attached and cant let go easily, grasping at what he can, but you should shut it down instead of feed it; worst case scenario he wants to cut you up and eat you in the woods so no one else can have you. I don't know if NC is right (yet) but if he doesn't take no for an answer, you should.
I’ve watched enough true crime docs to know where this is going
lol he wants to fuck without having to care about you
block and delete
There's also no way I'm spending 1k plus dollars just to dump someone. I'm just really fucking mad he keeps doing these crazy 180s. The one time I thing he's being mature about something he pulls this shit. And it always catches me unaware somehow. There's no way I'm gonna meet up, I'll gather my courage, again, and end things.
No we can have a last meeting or shit like that. I'm broke and I can't pay for it. DONE.
This is a fine place to talk about it. Feel free to vent as much as you want. I'm sure its a lot to go through and process.
Its hard to say with the information you've given. From what you've said you seem to believe he left you because you didn't have sex with him. Is there any reason why you feel that way other than just the fact that you didn't have sex?
Just be glad you were smart enough not to sleep with them. If you had, you would feel a million times worse. Never give moids sex unless you’ve established you’re their gf.
INB4 feminazi rant but the amount of anti woman vitriol in the media is getting to me recently.
I'm so tired of seeing how much men hate women and I feel like their hatred of women is growing exponentially and it scares me because I know men are subhumans who chimp out and inflict violence on others.
I'm not even pro abortion but the fact the government is now considering trying to force women to give birth to kids they don't even want is so dystopian. Also just hearing and reading the vile things men everywhere are saying about women like amber heard (it's ok to say all kinds of vile misogynistic things about her bro she has bpd and therefore isn't human bro) and seeing pickmes defend gross assholes like Johnny Depp, as well as incel videos like the guy spraying mace in girls faces then running off, just makes me realize no progress has been made and society is devolving and becoming more woman hating than ever.
I seriously don't think feminism has made any progress whatsoever, it's not feminist's fault, they've just been fighting a losing battle this entire time. Men just innately hate women to their core and it will never change, women were naive to think that any amount of changing OUR behavior will make men hate us any less. The problem was never us. No matter how nicey nicey or pickme we are towards them, no matter how much we fight against and shame men for their behaviour, no matter if we all start wearing burqas and being perfect tradwives, no matter if we all start wearing lingerie in public and sucking incels dicks on sight and offering our pussies to every lonely man we meet, men are just always going to hate us and want to try and hurt us. It's so bleak.
I just spent four years in university and got my degree and the thought of getting an actual career both freaks me out and sounds like an overall shitty idea.
I don't give a shit about money, as long as I can pay my bills and enjoy my hobbies and maybe take a vacation when I need to is all I really want. I don't want to do the same thing for the next 40 years and HOPEFULLY retire by the time in 70 (I'm 30 now fwiw). I'm not applying for any "real" jobs right now and I possibly have a decent restaurant gig lined up making more money per hour then I ever have before.
Which is ironic because getting out of the food industry was a huge driving factor to go back to college. And here I am, about to make more money than ever before… At a restaurant in downtown.
So yeah. Idk where I'm going with this. I'm just scared and feel a bit overwhelmed at all these changes and intimidated at finding a long-term career because I've never held a single job for more than 2-3 years.
I just want to find an easy job and turn my brain off for a while, and I feel like this urge directly contradicts with why I got my degree in the first place.
>why hello aging
>have dozens of cysts and closed comedones on my lower face
>have always had acne but this is easily the worst breakout in my life and has been getting worse and worse over the course of several months
>quit using all skincare products despite my skin being dehydrated and dry and full of flakes
>been about 2 weeks since then yet my breakout isn't stopping
>it hurts so much
sigh. I don't have any other words really. I'm just exasperated and confused.
i don’t care about sex. i just want love
men cannot love so you better become a nun
I get acne like that when I eat soy (I have a soy allergy). Maybe try keeping a food diary and taking some anti histamines? And use acne patches (they are pretty cheap on shein),
The people on the school Discord server I'm in are genuinely embarrassing. The amount of CS dudes that are politically retarded and cucks is sad.
One guy outright said he keeps telling his wife to make an OnlyFans because because it sounds like "$$$", another that he's "all for taking advantage of sad and lonely men.", and another that assuming Obama is a muslim is apparently a "casual racism" thing. Another just keeps posting tranny memes about herself. You would think CS students would be smarter. I'm starting to hate this server.
I'm a cashier too. Apart of me feels great for even having a job but the other half of me wants to be more ambitious, ya know what I mean? Like I'm not even studying and older people judge me for it. Just remember, you shouldn't be afraid to jump ship and it's normal if coworkers aren't that friendly to you for the first year or so.
Hate that my bf is anti-choice
My ex was such a moralfag about this issue too. It was extremely annoying. He was against adoption (which I'm open to) and never donated any money or help to orphanages, children's charities or the severely disabled (which I have done despite being pro choice) or anything else either, so I thought he was a massive hypocrite.
i have an irrational hatred for people in (het) relationships which wouldn’t be so bad if i didn’t see them everywhere
its normal human behavior to hate someone who has something you want but dont have, it applies to lots of aspects of life like jobs, houses, cars, the more you want something the more you hate the people who have it, you arent really irrational
Fat girls who are mad at skinny girls because they're fat annoy me. There are so many of them in the tumblr feminism community and I can't say this because it would ostracize me from the community. I don't mind that you're fat, but I do mind when you act like calories in and calories out doesn't work and you tear down any other women who try to diet. Yeah, people treat you really cruelly, but you can literally make it stop within one year.
But PCOS! And epigenetics! That just means you have to account for it, CICO still has a 100% success rate. Hell, there are even medications that suppress your appetite if you feel like you can't do it alone.
I agree with the other person that you've likely developed a food allergy. Same exact thing happened to me when I was 25 and it turned out to be a milk allergy. Not even dairy, just milk. If you don't want to give up foods, I recommend using MiconaHex+Triz twice daily and then hydrocolloid patchs for individual pimples. MiconaHex+Triz is made for animal skin infections but it was the only thing that got rid of fungal acne infection that survived other antibiotics and that lasted years.
I'm a fat girl losing weight right now and…yeah. Extreme dieting and ED's suck obviously, so now that means any caloric intake limitations are evil and horrible and you can't do that. I lost about 40 lbs the past few months and I didn't even restrict anything from my diet, I didn't even exercise daily, I just counted my caloric intake and made sure to be under. It works.
Can I also just add that I really hate how tumblr libfems made plastic surgery out to be a perfectly valid choice uwu, but wanting to lose weight is evil and fatphobic and means you hate yourself and you're giving in to societal expectations. I'm happy I started my weight loss finally but I also feel like if I hadn't been exposed to this type of thinking maybe I would have started sooner and been at my goal much sooner. I definitely feel much better about my body now that I have so much weight off, and I know I'll be happier once I get to my goal weight. I also know I'm well enough that I'm not going to spiral into ED territory when I get there to get even smaller and smaller and underweight. I don't understand why these people think someone wanting to lose weight inherently means they're doing fucked up shit, or will do fucked up shit, or that they have fucked up thoughts about themselves/other people. I hate that this sort of thing became politicized. I think it's a valid to criticize people's attitudes about fat people, it's valid to question some of the very crazy and unhealthy methods people use to lose weight, but weight loss in and of itself does not inherently mean "I hate fat people grrrrr".
my mind keeps on jumping from thinking about how much better my bf is that me and jumping to thinking about how much better I am than my bf
Exactly. All of this.>I also know I'm well enough that I'm not going to spiral into ED territory when I get there to get even smaller and smaller and underweight.
I had feared the same thing because I had always heard that any kind of long term dieting turns into an eating disorder, but at one point I got super skinny and look in a mirror and was like, nope, that's too skinny and started purposefully gaining weight until I liked the way I looked. I think that maybe some people just can't stop, so they assume every single person is just like them.
Literally where? I've never seen fat girls chimp out at skinny girls, unless it was over a genuine pro ana issue or the slim chick bitched about them first. Skinny girls make fat people hate posts all the time though. Where are these angry mobs of landwhales trying to harass and beat up pure innocent waif skinny uwu angels for being skinny?
You're looking for a fight but I'm not giving you one because you're only angry at a strawman, not what I've actually reported. The fat girls aren't "chimping out", they're mad and slightly passive aggressive in their posts towards dieting and former fat girls who are now skinny. I've seen several prominent bloggers claim that dieting never works, that people who lose weight only do it through disordered eating, and that health at any size is a valid movement. None of those are true and it's just annoying that women and girls who are otherwise very scientific in their understanding of the world, can have such a massive blind spot when it comes to weight.
But I'm sorry skinny girls have been mean to you. You didn't deserve that and they used it only as a way to ostracize you, not as an actual reflection of who you are as a person. Women should be lifting other women up and I hope they've come to realize how shitty their actions were and that you're happier in life now.
Been secluded at my room almost all the time for a week. I live far from home because I'm studying, I only have my partner here and I couldn't be with him because I had covid. There's a toddler crying constantly near my window, he cries as if someone was purposely messing with him, sometimes I've seen his older brother do that. My mouth tastes bad, I've lost my apetite and I cannot stop feeling sick for being in this city.
It's not on the same level as the dislike for fat people from skinny people, obviously. But that's not what that anon is talking about. I think if you are a person who is in a group with other fat women you will notice that the ones who follow the notion of "dieting and weightloss is inherently fatphobic and leads to ED", there is a sense of unease or even betrayal directed towards those that wish to lose weight. I've been in a discord server for plus size women into a specific type of fashion, and you are not even allowed to openly mention dieting/weightloss. It needs to be flagged with TW's and I believe there is a weightloss channel, but it's hidden unless you get the role to be able to see it. I'm also in some facebook groups for other fashion styles, and in one in particular I recall that if you were not fat enough basically you were not allowed in the group - at the time I tried to join this one I was a size 16/18 and I was rejected. 16/18 isn't freaking huge IMO but it's not tiny either, it's definitely in fat/plus size territory. There unfortunately is some weird sort of insecurity and passive aggression that goes on with fat women towards other fat women. Maybe not with everyone but in certain spaces I see it.
I think also any fat woman here, who has known other fat women, and expressed losing weight, has had the experience of said other fat women saying something like "If you need to lose weight, what does that make me?" or get passive aggressive if you decline to eat something. I'm in a weight loss group and idk how many women have shared the experience that someone who is their same size or bigger takes it personally if they decline food, decline a certain activity, or casually mention weightloss or going to the gym. >>76958
is right, it's a weird sort of passive aggression and bitchiness.>>76958
I get it now. I get why you look at cuck porn now. You're such a selfish young man. I wish you would put that shit away and actually consider getting horny about me and trying to make me orgasm instead of jerking yourself off to the idea of me and women like me getting pleasured by big burly dudes you're supposedly not supposed to be able to compete with.
I think about you in my sexual fantasies. I want you, even though you're utterly messed up and I cannot fix you. You're damaged goods and I know I could do better but you mean so much to me, goddamn it. I wish I meant something to you. I think a thousand men would die for the ways I've given my time, love, and money you and the spoiled way you've just kind of taken it in light.
It's like you're pushing me away on purpose and it all makes me horribly sad. I feel so conflicted.
On one hand, I want you, and on the other, I'm mad at you for being this way and I feel like maybe you deserve the bed you make for yourself and I should just make myself happy.
meeting a really fat person with a good personality is like finding a unicorn. Never met one -male or female- that wasn't a total weirdo. like every waking moment of their day is one long continuous cope.
Eh, honestly this behavior is all across all types of different looks. It's not just "fat" but anything that's considered unattractive in women. The neuroticism is everywhere.
Speaking as an ex fat girl that said "work out!" and "eat high satiety healthy foods and limit your portions!" a lot back in the day. If anything, I got more flack about being fat than dieting. I think the key factor is that I wasn't really being particularly negative or positive about losing weight and I didn't go out of my way to orbit people because they're fat (seems like some of you do? idk).
I notice stuff like >>76969
more with people passionately dehumanizing fat girls, and I'm not at all surprised a coping defensiveness sprung up among them.
My intent isn't to dehumanize fat people, so let me clarify. What I'm saying is that very fat people in general tend to be unpleasant to be around. I'm not talking about a girl who's a bit chubby, or even a guy with a belly. I'm talking about people who are significantly fat. Every one I've had the pleasure of working with has come across as bitter, rude, etc. Just my personal experiences really. Generally a similar experience as >>76958
, but I don't really think a person's sex has anything to do with it.
I think sex triggers this mix of OCD and PTSD-like symptoms for me. I could definitely be diagnosed with PTSD, since I've regularly struggled with different traumas for a long time. I don't think I have OCD outright, but certain events and stressors have triggered thought patterns and reactions that are similar to OCD. The last time I had sex, I consented even though the guy has poor grooming habits and I don't think he cleans himself well. I felt disgusted the entire time, but I was trying to enjoy it because, you know, physical intimacy every now and then can be nice. For months afterward, I kept getting flashbacks to how gross I felt and how he got his gross-ness all over me. It would make me so stressed out and angry. At this point, I can't tell whether I'm repulsed by this particular guy or repulsed by sex altogether.
My brother and I have a rotation with the dishes where we do them on our nights off. My brother does the dishes four days a week because he only works three. My dad did the dishes for me tonight because he knows I've had a long week at work. He does this sometimes to be nice. But I went in the kitchen and my mom is standing over him and angrily leering at me. She always gets pissed off because she thinks my dad should help my brother when it's his turn to do dishes instead. She's always ranting about how it's not fair to my brother. He literally works a desk job three days a week while I do physical labor 40 hrs. She's mad at ME because my dad helped me, he never asks me if I need help first he just does it because he cares about me. Mom does this shit all the time and it triggers me because the past few years she's always made it clear she loves my brother more than me. But when I was a kid I always tried so hard to please her. I wasn't perfect but no child is. I loved her and I wanted her affection. She expected her kids to be mature but her inclination was always to yell at me. I wasn't a difficult child. I remember I usually got yelled at for asking questions she didn't understand. She also hit me several times when I was under six. I know she thinks I don't remember but it's all still so clear to me. Before my photo day in first grade she spent time curling my hair and the iron would always make me feel sick as a kid so I told her I wasn't feeling too good. She thought I was gonna ask to stay home so she said "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME" and shoved me so hard onto the floor and stomped away ranting to herself. I didn't even cry, I just laid there stunned until she came back and I promised I wasn't sick and I would go to school that day. Another time I left my little change purse on the floor and she tripped on it or something, I didn't really understand what she was yelling about, she stormed into the kitchen while I was eating breakfast and whipped it directly at my head, it hit hard but again I don't remember crying because it was so sudden and shocking. One time when I was probably three years old I was crying and she was comforting me, then when I wouldn't stop she changed very suddenly and yelled at me to stop crying and grabbed my hair and shoved my head into the wall. Obviously this made me cry more. No one else was around to witness these incidents, nobody knows that my mom hit her young daughter out of rage.
All this shit always comes back to me when my mom is angry at me again because as a kid I was so scared of her anger but now I just fucking resent her for being so unable to control her emotions and always directing her anger at me. And in a weird way trusting me with this secret all these years. We've never discussed it and I know if I brought it up to her she would deny it. I was her punching bag before I even knew how to please her. When I was a kid she loved how happy and energetic I could be until she was no longer in the mood for it, then she would yell at me for being annoying. When I was a teen and naturally had low-self esteem and was moody I was suddenly this evil entity that lived in our house. Her and my brother would prod me all the time. Why was I so moody. Why didn't I ever want to participate in anything with the family. Why was I ruining everyone's good time. My mom raised my brother to be so fucking bold and smug with me, he was such a little fucking prick to me. But she didn't love him so much anymore when he became an alcoholic so nice choice mom. I was just shy, depressed and wanted to be left alone. She thought berating me would magically make me into the daughter she wished she had. Eventually she began making it clear without saying so that she had certain expectations for me since I was born and it was my fault I failed to meet them. I tried to be the person she wanted but it just wasn't me. Years later it turns out I was autistic the whole time. My mom had no patience to give me the support I needed. She began to resent me. I now resent her for her behavior. When I needed a mother to be patient and mature she acted like a fucking teenager having meltdowns left and right. I'm allowing myself now to resent it because even if she had a shittier childhood than me for sure, she clearly found a guilty pleasure in being the abusive adult and subjecting someone else to being the helpless child. I can understand her motivations but still…..fuck you for that, mom. She wasn't always bad, in some ways she was a great parent but when she dropped the ball she dropped it hard. At least my dad loves me because if he didn't I'd probably kill myself by now. Fucking boymoms. And my night is ruined thinking about all this because my dad helped me with my chores. I literally didn't even do anything.
This vent is disjointed as fuck but basically my brother (not the alcoholic one) cannot do anything wrong. He doesn't even have anything in common with my mom but she loves him and dotes on him. He just fucking talks at her like he talks at everyone else. I actually mesh really well with my mom. I came out of my shell more(no thanks to her) and I make her laugh, I can take her casual abuse in stride without flipping out, unlike my brother in the rare event she gets angry at him. She loves me because I'm her child but she will never like me because no matter what I do or what I am I will never be her son. I've always wanted her love and affection and being old enough to see how the bar has always been higher for me since birth, it just really fucking hurts. If I were a male I would be perfect in her eyes.
Makes me scared to have kids because if I had a son and a daughter and I loved the son more by default because whatever retard gene that's activated by gestating a male, I never want to be that fucking person. I feel so sad for all the daughters who just wanted their mothers affection and couldn't get it for the sin of being born female.
Obviously most obese people are going to have underlying mental health issues which is why they're obese in the first place. Obesity should be treated as a mental disorder as much as a physical one.
>>76943>you can literally make it stop within one year.
Depends how fat they are. If you're morbidly obese or just obese it will take more than a year.
Being in circles with other people who share your same struggles with clothing or losing weight is now orbiting them, got it.
I hate how much you break your promises to me. You're my only parent and I can't move out yet, so unfortunately I still have to rely on you, you know? It's gotten to the point where I almost cry when you tell me you'll do something that would improve the house because I know that you never, ever keep your word. I want to move away from you soon and never speak to you again. There's too much built up resentment dad. You've never even tried to understand or help me. Hah, you know most times I vent online it's about you? This house, this place, how you've done nothing but set me back - they're all what's making my life miserable yet I just have to put up with it because I can't move out yet. I wish I was alone. I want to cry. I hate crying in front of other people. Whenever I speak to you I'm filled with nothing but frustration. I'll forever be jealous of people with parents that love them.
Whyyyyyyy can't I stop being irrationally worried about full-ass adults who don't need me to worry about them. Like, my parents are travelling right now. I'm looking up the current weather of the city they're in while taking mental inventory of the clothes they packed. I know they didn't bring jackets, and now I'm kicking myself in the ass for not insisting they pack light jackets – as if they needed me to tell them that!? It's raining in the (tropical) location where they're vacationing, and the weather is a low of 12 degrees Celsius. I keep wanting to send them e-mails asking if they're okay, if they're too cold, if they've gone out to buy emergency rain jackets – as if they don't know how to buy extra layers while traveling.
I should probably add that my parents shut off their devices when they travel, so e-mailing them would be pretty pointless. It's not like I can just text a "how are ya guys?" because they like to be unplugged.
i don’t care about trying to be a good person anymore. i want to beat my ex-boyfriend bloody. he deserves it. i hate him. he’s mine and i’m entitled to him. i don’t give a fuck how gross that sounds, it’s true and i’m tired of denying it in order to be morally correct. he’s not allowed to leave me after all he’s done to me. he’s mine. god i fucking hate him
Not judging you because I also want to violently sledgehammer my ex-bf's face in, but how come you want him if you hate him? I just want my ex dead.
Yet another night filled with dreams about my ex bf and all the girls he's probably sleeping with right now
I miss him so much
Nothing worse than seeing your favorite artist wipe their entire catalog.
Anxious about an exam I'm not even taking this time because I actually failed it many times and spent a fortune on trying. I really wished things weren't like this.
Maybe a ham and cheese toastie will make the past decade feel like less of an unbelievably grim disaster.
some friends had a wedding and I didn't get invited. I'm not really surprised I wasn't since I haven't been as close to these friends in the past couple years as I have in the past, but I guess I'm still a bit sad about it. the wedding happened this past week and it was…super close to where I live too, with other friends flying out for it and idk. I think I'm just sad because I feel like I missed out on a big milestone and core memory that these friends now have. I think I'm also just personally anxious about like…lately I've just been worried that I'm missing out on all these experiences. I'm worried I'm going to end up just old and lonely without much to look back on. Of course I'm also just a bit sad I didn't get an invitation but also I understand why I probably didn't get one, and of course I support that people can invite whoever they want. It's just the FOMO. Oh well.
Just had an argument with a moid I've been talking to for some time and decided to block him. Then as I predicted he messaged me on another app where I was talking with him, blocked again. I actually wanted to unblock him and give him a chance but saw some redpill shit on his page and well, good riddance. Then, as I suspected, he texted again but on a different account. Actually pathetic, but funny when those "women aint shit" guys come back crawling to you again and again. I just wish I didn't fantasize about fucking him lol.
She sounds like a piece of shit, I think your feelings are justified, and when you throw her into a home and forget about her existence she will understand the consequences of her actions.
Or get out and go no-contact.
is that screenshot of him? TBH the sonic pfp should have been the first red flag anon
My dad hated his father and basically cut contact for a decade until the both of them came around and set aside their hard feelings.
I know where you're coming from, but the best thing for you two may just be some distance. I'm not saying you should do what my dad did to his father because it was a little extreme, but at some point you will need to call it quits and leave your mother for a while.
If you just spend your whole life trying to live up to her expectations, you will never truly be happy with yourself.
well fellas i was in a year and a half long erelationship and his irl gf of ten months came out to me. she was 17 and im 21. i never suspected a thing, we were as close as ive ver been with anyone online. never suspected a fucking thing. had been sending him money and isolating myself bc he wwas so possessive i couldnt even interact with women. ill take my L and move along but jeez im fuckin hurt
the earlier stuff was an L for you but this is actually a win for you
I feel nauseous and I can't tell if it's from all the emotional shit going on in my life or possibly some bad food that I ate. I also need to cry.
It’s still doesn’t look right but I think 2.5 hours of web design is enough.
I wish I knew what I was doing or even just how this should look
Man I’m so depressed. I know this is not very crystal cafe ish but I invited all my old friends to come to my house for a big party. I invited ten people and most of them are ignoring me and three people flat out told me no, including my best friend.
I used to have a Halloween party every year before covid and it was great and there was always 10-20 people with my bfs friends
I just feel so sad
I havnt really hung out with anyone at all I’m so long. I don’t think they’ve really wanted to. I was hoping that a big party would be exciting enough for them to come, since one on one hangouts seem too much trouble too anyway
Damn I’m heart broken. Just feels like people don’t really care about me anymore. I’ve been pretty lonely too. I thought maybe if I just put myself out there things would change
I fucking hate commies and I’m tired of pretending that I don’t.
I've been crying every day for 4 months. I am starting to think that it's not how things should be. My mentality feels distorted.
Sounds like depression, can you see a therapist or counselor?
It's very likely depression, but I don't think that I should put myself under any medication. Numbing my feelings won't change anything that's lead up to this mental state. Thank you anyway, anon!
does anyone here have any experience with recently operated on one eyed cats with tips on how to make them more comfortable and less scared with the decreased vision? i'm fostering one and it's hurting my heart so much. she recently had it taken out and it's just so unfair and shitty. i want to do anything i can to help her not feel so jarred by no longer having her other eye
I knew someone who had depression and changed their prescription from Zoloft to Wellbutrin, it ended up making them more energetic, if a bit angrier? Also really horny, but bottom line is they didn't feel "flat" like with Zoloft.
You don't have to but if you have severe depression or any other mental disorder you at least should consider it.
I got unjustly fired and it has destroyed my soul quite a bit. I also got covid from the work environment. I am reporting their violations but I stil feel empty inside because covid kinda kicked my ass and I've never been fired before
i wish someone could tell me why people keep bringing up my father for no reason. i haven't spoken to my dad in almost 20 years since my parents got divorced, which was way back in the early 2000's when i was around 13. i don't even want to talk to him because everytime i tried, he's still hung up on blaming my long dead grandmother for things even though she had fuck all to do with his life and his multitude of issues stemming from his undiagnosed mental health problems. i mean ffs he was living in one of my grandparents' houses for free while he and my mom were both going to grad school, and yet he still finds ways to berate her.
the reason why i am salty is because i overheard my retarded grandfather blapping about my neighbors, whom i despise, trying to basically manipulate him with this sob story about how he, the neighbor, was so uwu concerned about me because i got into a bad fight with my father 10+ years ago, around the time when my dad was acting koo koo and had started lashing out at my mother and i over every fucking thing. i know i am not explaining this well and i apologize, it's just really complicated drama between us with my grandfather constantly simping for people that no one else likes out of some weird form of wanting to be ultra contrarion and shit. i was really offended because these are the same people who made my mother cry when my dad left because they made fun of her getting a divorce…then their son let slip they were in marriage counseling and hadn't been sleeping together right before the pandemic.
i am honestly so sick of everyone in my family at this point. i've explained a multitude of times why i am estranged from my father, mainly because i realized we will likely never get along, and yet everyone keeps sticking their nose in my business. i am tired of my neighbors and this love affair my grandfather has going on with them; he does this constantly whenever anyone in the family expresses a personal dislike for someone. he latches onto them like a leech, kisses their ass, tries to talk them up to us like they're god's gift to mankind, and then wants to act surprised when they turn against him. to add to that, what kind of father tells his daughter, since he was speaking to my mom about this, what people who are not even related to us are saying? people who gloated in my mother's misery? and why didn't he tell him to keep our business out of his mouth?
My house is infested with rats. I wish I was dead.
The only coworker I have who makes my job less depressing is retiring soon. I feel awful for all the times I've been irritated by her. I'll miss her.
I'm almost tearing up about this which is weird of me
it's not that big of a deal, id file for unemployment and move on. most jobs suck ass and they want nice little beaten wageslaves to work for them.
This is a weird problem but I don't know where else to vent. A couple days ago I found some short stories my boyfriend has been working on and read through a couple of them (with his permission) there was a recurring female and male character and my bf admitted he based it on me and our relationship. These aren't wattpad or fanfic type stories btw they're pretty grown up and he's been writing all his life. The way he wrote about this character and their relationship dynamic made me uncomfortable because it was quite raw and bleak (things have always been good between me and him irl and we never fight, he treats me well) so I was surprised and a bit shocked. There's nothing disgustingly vulgar, mean or horrible about the way he wrote her character but she comes across as superficial, vain, demanding, extremely flawed and almost like a stupid caricature of an annoying snotty bitchy oblivious side character of a girlfriend. As far as I can recall I've never acted like this towards him and always make effort to be kind to him and everyone, and it's made me question how he perceives me and whether this really reflects me. I don't know if I'm being stupid and this is such an obscure problem but it seriously has me questioning everything about us now and how my bf feels about me.
I just feel so stupid. Like I'll always be the kind of person to get used by others because I cannot be consistent with anything or work towards any long term goals that could bring me joy and a more developed personality. I also have an intellectual deficit that makes it impossible to understand people's intentions with me and makes me suck ass at college/work so bad I'm terrified of getting fired and losing my scholarship for failing grades. I can't kill myself because I love my family and have a disabled brother to look out for but I'm at my limit. When I think that after years of shitty relationships I've finally fallen in love with someone who likes me back I'm faced with the reality that he only scored me because he was drunk and no sober man can stand my lack of personality and now I'm being ignored I have stopped watching movies and listening to music and reading because I'm so selfish that paying attention to something that isn't me sounds like the worst thing ever and I now know there's no way out of this because I'm just an intellectually subpar aging ugly selfish clingy childish woman with nothing to offer and no desire to be a better person
I failed nursing school again and I almost offed myself about it. I am too afraid of telling my family because theyre strict and abusive. I feel like such a retard because I would study my ass off and even strip myself out of anything remotely pleasurable so that I can only focus on school and I'd take our daily tests and fucking fail.
I'm inferior to my siblings in every way. Unemployed, no driver's license, still at parent's home, and I have no initiative. at this point I'm just delaying my own suicide
Fuck everything. Fuck it all straight to hell. I'm tired of being around people who drape themselves in irony because it's "cringe" to have passion. God forbid, some of us actually want to enjoy life.
nursing school is incredibly difficult. don't get down on yourself. if you're interested in patient care, why not try starting a step or two down? try emt, or even paramedic. get experience under your belt. ems is heavy with on the job training and super chill. after a few years of that, if you still want to be a nurse, plenty of places have paramedic to rn programs.
I'm a paramedic and I love it. My colleagues are great too. Most of them are Chads.
How Chad are we talking about here? Tall, rich, buff, handsome?
feeling shitty right now. basically there’s a guy at work i’ve been very attracted to since first meeting - but i have a long term boyfriend. at first i completely avoided him but then kind of gave in eventually and indulged in this crush. one night we were drinking and i kissed him. he said he didn’t want to go further as we work together but i’ve been completely fixated yet trying to play it cool. tonight there were work drinks and pretty much a second after seeing him i messaged him asking him to join us as i felt too shy to ask him in person. he replied saying he left and had things to do and i replied asking him to text with my number with no response. also feeling embarrassed because i was oversharing with colleagues about wanting him. i feel like such an idiot but i can’t get my mind off him
I've been on both and can confirm. Zoloft did nothing for me, but Wellbutrin was amazing for my depression. I felt like I was walking on air when I first started taking it.
However it's horrible for social anxiety, if you suffer from anything like that, >>77122
. It made my anxiety so much worse that I felt like I was about to get panic attacks just while grocery shopping with my mom and my thoughts going absolutely manic just while sitting in the middle of class. Those things had never happened before I was on Wellbutrin.
It does also make you hornier. My libido generally isn't that high but Wellbutrin made it skyrocket. It gave me some of the most powerful orgasms ever (I normally have difficulty achieving good ones so that's something I miss, not going to lie. haha)
i hadnt considered paramedic before but i'll look into it.
my plan b (not really, more of a passing thought) was phlebotomy. i feel like maybe i should start in a position with more job training rather than studying, at least for now.
>be in a good mood
>ready to hang out with fwb
>fwb decides to get something off his chest
>says he thinks his body isn't attractive, thinks I'm "wrong" for finding him hot
>further expresses that he has conflicts with his sexuality because I'm his close friend and he isn't used to respecting things he sexualizes
>good mood ruined
>he tells me he feels better
>I'm obviously upset
>he scrambles to try to improve my mood but can't actually say or do much to help
>I get drunk
>make him cum 3 times
>he shows me a movie I don't give a shit about
>I show him a movie I don't give a shit about
>"haha we need a break, it's been like a day and a half"
>still feel like shit
Fucking kill me.
Meant to put "I show him a movie he can't be assed to give a damn about"
Not rich but definitely buff tall and handsome.
I'm in a similar situation except I haven't acted on it. I love my bf but I've developed a huge crush on one of my co-workers and from what I sense it's mutual. I feel guilty because I'm thinking of my co-worker pretty much all the time but I don't want to cheat on or leave my bf as I love him. I am literally OBSESSED with this other guy though, I cannot get him off my mind, he's not even particularly good looking (objectively anyway) and he's a huge dork, we have insane chemistry and get along insanely well. I don't know what advice to give you sorry but it sounds like your coworker is uncomfortable and doesn't want to be part of a cheating situation.
My husband spends most of his day taking care of his grandmother who has Alzheimer's. When I'm home I slso have to look out for her. It's super stressful and putting a strain on our relationship. It's also making it hard for us to progress in our own lives (him getting a job, us moving into our own place, my commute is now super long). I love her but hate the situation. It also makes me feel bad about being out of the country when my own grandparents were dealing with Alzheimer's and thst I didn't support my parents enough during that time. Fees shitty all around.
you both need to break up with your bfs. this is shitty behavior and it's not like your relationship will ever be the same even if you get over the other guy. if you loved them you wouldn't be entertaining crushes like this anyway.
honestly it’s exactly the same with me. i love my boyfriend and don’t think i’ll ever find anyone as compatible. and yeah my colleague is a dork too and not crazy good looking. i really thought i wouldn’t do anything but when we were drinking something came over me and now i just want him
i think people have really ridiculous expectations for relationships, in a long term relationship is unrealistic to never have some kind of feelings toward others. you can 100% love someone and find yourself in this situation. life isn’t so black and white
No, you're just in a shitty relationship and jaded. I'm in a LTR and this never happened to me, nor would I think of entertaining those feelings if it did. Please have some respect for your own feelings and leave, life can be better I promise.
>get drunk thinking about my crush
>get told rumors about him dating a classmate
>make a complete fool of myself asking him about it, if he regretted kissing me a few days ago
>call him - still drunk - apologizing for acting crazy
he's in my monday class and we have multiple group projects to work on together. kill me
Pretend nothing happened. If he brings it up, pretend you don't remember but apologise. Then change the topic.
Go masturbate. It's ok to have a crush in your head but absolutely do not date a coworker. It will get messy fast. And don't break up with your longterm bf unless there are serious issues.
Not gaslighting as she won’t be saying he is making it up and it’s not that weird that someone drunk wouldn’t remember what happened. Plus he’s a jerk of he brings it up.
gatekeep gaslighting, girlboss
Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you magically stop finding every other attractive person attractive. It's normal to have crushes on other people and it's absolutely inevitable you'll meet other people in life who are more attractive and charismatic than your partner. Whether you act on this is an entirely different matter, but let's not virtue signal here and pretend we don't see other attractive people despite having a partner.
Finding someone attractive shouldn't occupy that much brain space that you keep fantasizing about it. "Oh, that's an attractive person" is a harmless fleeting thought, but it's also not what those two anons were describing.
It's not virtue signalling, it has been my experience with my LTR, so I know for a fact it is possible.
You're not responsible for your thoughts or fantasies. As long as you never let the other person know or act on it, it's harmless. I'll guarantee the OP's bf, your bf, and everyone else's bf have sexually fantasied about other women before. As long as it stays fantasy it doesnt harm anyone.
I avoid using two common words because they're triggers for me and my friend, even though one of those words is one of my favorite things. The trigger isn't even a "trigger" for the one I want to say but mentioning it and the chain-reaction it could potentially cause would piss me off very badly, so it's better if I just cleanse myself of the word entirely and its variants. Really sucks when awful people ruin nice words.
Kind of like how Dream ruined the word dream for everyone, and how even though Ninja is kind of a forgotten meme he really tried to put his foot in the door with all the money he had, for the word "ninja" lol.