[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
Name
Email
Message

*Text* => Text

**Text** => Text

***Text*** => Text

[spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text

Image
Direct Link
Options NSFW image
Sage (thread won't be bumped)

Janitor applications are open


Check the Catalog before making a new thread.
Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

1632407907700.png

Suicide Support Thread Anonymous 79315

Post in this thread if you're thinking about suicide and would like some non-judgemental love and support.

CC is always here to listen to anything on your mind.

You are important to us and we love you.

Anonymous 79316

>>79315
As someone who does not currently want to kill myself but frequently struggles with suicidal ideation I support this thread and just want to say never give up, wait a few minutes, take a bath, have a cold glass of water, everything is going to be okay.
Don't let anyone or anything break you. You don't owe anyone anything.
Everything is going to get better anonettes

Anonymous 79318


Anonymous 79409

I'm going to be honest. I've called before and it doesn't fucking help. All the call center people are volunteers and they don't know how to help you, at all.

What helped me was reading stories of people in even worse situations than me surviving, and stories of people in better situations than me getting utterly fucked up. It makes me realize how pointless and random life is and made me feel somewhat more detached from my problems. It won't magically make you not depressed, it just might help a bit.

Anonymous 79435

>>79409
I agree. I feel similar about therapists honestly.
Similar to what you said, but the thing that helped me the most was speaking to people who have struggled with similar struggles to me but managing to have a happy life one day regardless. I appreciate genuine sympathy, but when I am sad what I desire the most is someone who not only understands, but has actually overcome it.

I reached out to a support group about one of my main issues recently and I think it's straight up one of the best things I've ever done. Everyone was so supportive, understanding and helpful. I talked to people going through it, and people who have managed to overcome it yet stuck around to help others. I have never been met with so much kindness in my life.

Anonymous 79478

>>79435
This makes me feel anxious because i started therapy recently. Few sessions so far, and my main goal was to get directed to a psychiatrist and get drugged up because my pain is unbearable. Now i feel stupid because i opened up to my therapist and i should’ve just been monotone and less engaging with her just tell her the current situation rather than going over my history and actually trying to get help.

Anonymous 79508

evanshinj.gif

I have been to the psych ward twice, on my second time i called a suicide hotline and they sent the fucking cops to come get me. This is why i tell people not to use them

Anonymous 79513

>>79508
sorry, I am clueless- to get for what exactly?
“this is suicide police you are arrested for a homicide of yourself attempt”?

Anonymous 79522

>>79513
nta but it reads like the suicide hotline was called, and they called the cops and took anon away to the hospital for the second time. i wanted to use a suicide online chat once and it asked for my zip code. i noped out of that in fear that the cops would come haul me off. if one asks for any location, or can ping your location easily then i wouldn't trust any of those hotlines/chats/etc.

Anonymous 79555

>>79478
Don't worry anon, I know therapy can help some people but it's just not for me. I wish you the best.

Anonymous 79557

>>79508
I thought I was the only one with a bad experience with them… Years ago I had called them in crisis. The first time I called I spoke with a very nice elderly woman who really heard me out and wanted to help, but had to get off of the phone. She made me promise that I wouldn't do anything and would check on me after a week. I didn't make it a week before calling again. This time I was really breaking down. Some young girl answers my call and really couldn't stand me. One of my major hangups at the time was because of a chronic/terminal illness I have, I felt like I was born in error. She disregarded it and told me that she knew someone with my condition and "they do fine". I lost it at that point and she did too, and told me she talked to people worse off than me that did kill themselves. I know it's a hard job, and it's hard to deal with people in that mental state, but that's no reason to taunt someone. Before I took the final blow an officer arrived and here I am.
At the end of the day, the crisis line is just a call center. They're really not there to talk or make you feel better, they're there to call the cops and get you off of the phone asap so they can take the next one. I'd rather trust someone from 4chan than leave my life to those terrible people.

Anonymous 79572

b3d0fcfd9510170126…

Around two weeks ago I was playfully flirting with a guy over text, looked in the mirror, noticed my hips had gotten wider, and started feeling insecure, ugly, and unloveable, and my mind just short-circuited and I went and cut my arm up with the sharpest knife I had and showed him, but unbeknownst to me I hit an artery and my blood ended up gushing and squirting for around 8 hours until the morning sun rose without letting up until I replaced bandage after bandage and just held it down as tightly as I could all night long. I was drowsy throughout. The fear of dying was palpable and very scary to me, and seeing my blood everywhere made my home feel like a geniune crime scene, but all I could do was silently sob while standing over the sink and contemplating my life choices up until that point.

Yet I felt strangely alive and energized because of it, even though the guy was begging me to call an ambulance throughout it all or to at least tell my neighbors, but that kindness and worry from him only made me feel more comforted and relaxed. Never been to a psych ward, but the thought scared me anyway, not to mention the shame and potential cost. I just went to sleep after it finally stopped and cleaned that hot mess up afterward.

I know it's unhealthy, but these are the only kinds of experiences that give me enough of an adrenaline-rush and catharsis to remind me that I want to be alive, or at least that I don't want to be dead. I would say I'd need better coping mechanisms, but this whole event felt so surreal and random in the first place and I don't know if I'm fully over it yet.

Anonymous 79579

>>79572
im glad you're still here nona<3

Anonymous 79580

>>79572
Omg reading this made my heart go wild I hope you are okay right now and I am so happy you are alive!



You should write stories btw

Anonymous 79588

>>79579
>>79580
Thank you ❤️

Anonymous 79602

>>79557
I'm glad you're still here anon. I'm sorry you had a bad experience, that sounds horrible. It's a shame that you didn't get the elderly lady again. I really do feel like older women are better at comforting.

Anonymous 79629

>>79602
Thanks for the kind words, I did end up talking to her after I initially hung up on the younger girl, but it was mostly her berating me for not following through on my promise before she transfered me back to the younger one. Terrible experience, but also I think it makes me value places like cc more. Sure we might be a bunch of social misfits but at least there are others in a world where we're so isolated.

Anonymous 79642

>>79629
I really do think cc is full of very kind people who, at least to an extent, understand. Of course there are assholes here but this place is valuable to me.

Anonymous 79699

>>79642
Yeah, I think that's why I come back here and to 4chan after all these years. It's home and we all understand each other on a closer level it seems.

Anonymous 79820

>>79315
Most people will have hard time understanding this. Extreme situations like this don't happen in lives of a lot of people so I understand it's hard to advise anything, most people don't know what it's like when the moral standards change overnight due to . I just wanna be a good and helpful person but I don't understand how exactly. It used to be easier in the past when being a good person just meant trying not to harm anybody and do something helpful too. Rn I don't understand how can someone like me be helpful enough in order not to be bad. I've gone from an alright person to a terrible one and I have no idea how to change it and how to become an alright person again. There is nothing left to live for someone like me and even possible good things will be undeserved for someone like me. That's too specific of a situation to even ask for the advice and I hate it.
It's hard to handle. I've tried to strangle myself so ligature would strangle me even after I lose consciousness but I'm seemingly too dumb for this. I don't get it. Why good people die and yet someone as terrible as me is alive despite everything? That's unfair. If somebody knows a good way to do this or another alright suicide method that won't have too bad of consequences even if done wrong please do tell me. There is seemingly nothing else that can help.

Anonymous 79821

>>79820
I might not understand your situation completely anon but the fact that you care a lot about being a good person and try to be one means that you are in my eyes. Most people don’t do that and don’t care for anyone but themselves. We need people like you to make sure there is good in this world.

I don’t know if this exactly applies to you, but I think sometimes people get stuck in a capitalist mindset of having to “earn” everything in life, such as kindness, love, a good life, etc. when these things should be universally available to everyone as a human right.

Anonymous 79822

>>79821
Thank you, nona, that's very kind.
For better or worse it's not really the case where I live and everyone is always very helpful so I'm actually a negative outlier who maybe wants to help but is never able to do anything significant.
>I don’t know if this exactly applies to you, but I think sometimes people get stuck in a capitalist mindset of having to “earn” everything in life, such as kindness, love, a good life, etc. when these things should be universally available to everyone as a human right.
And that's 100% in regular situations. But when there is extreme situation when even basic rights to live and stuff like this are disregarded and you need to be as helpful as possible to change that, a lot more helpful than regular situations require, you need to earn the right not to be worthless which I was not able to achieve and I have no clue how someone like me can achieve that

But thank you, you seem like a very kind and sweet person

Anonymous 79825

>>79822
Sometimes anon you have to be selfish and do what is right for you and put yourself first to survive. I don't mean deliberately doing harm to other people, but more like making sure your own needs are met first. It's hard to help others when you are lacking something yourself. Sometimes you can only help others a bit, sometimes not at all. This doesn't make you a bad person for not being perfect and not being able to do everything right and not helping everyone.

Instead of looking at the big picture, look at every opportunity to help someone as it comes along and honestly ask yourself if you are able to help today or not. Help if you can but don't dwell on it if you can't. It's not your sole responsibility to make sure that every other person on the planet is doing ok.

Anonymous 79826

>>79825
Thank you. I just don't understand whether this applies to extreme situations. Technically I am supposed to be more helpful and I am supposed to be good at meeting my needs regardless or at least be strongwilled and be very helpful despite everything just like everyone else

I'll try to look for available opportunities but I'm so unbelieavably terrible at everything I doubt I would be much of help. I try to help and there is nothing in my head, there is emptinnes, there are no memorization of skills, no nothing. I have to redo stuff all over again to achieve nothing. It's hard to help when you're someone like me and I'm almost completely paralyzed by this and nobody can advise me anything because people either haven't been in such situations or they're very intelligent, skilled, determined and strongwilled and they're everything that I'm not.

But thank you, looking at every opportunity seems like a better idea if I ever get myself out of this paralyzed state

Thank you, nona, you're very helpful

Anonymous 79827

>>79826
If you struggle to help people, could you maybe connect other people that need help instead? Or even do basic chores for people like cooking, cleaning, etc, allowing others to have more free time to help?

And sometimes you do have to admit defeat and realise that by taking a step back and just standing out of the way, you are being the most helpful. That's ok too as not everyone has the right skill set.

Also, don't compare yourself to other people if they are helping and not struggling. Different people react differently in different situations. For example, some people are afraid of spiders, some can pick them up no problem. It wouldn't be fair to make the person afraid of spiders deal with any spiders that entered the house when someone else can do it. And it's not their fault if the only jobs needing done are spider related either. They just have to stand back and wait until it's their time to shine with something non-spider related. That might come or it might not but it's the best use of their skill set.

Anonymous 79828

>>79826
>I just don't understand whether this applies to extreme situations
Yes, it definitely does. In fact, even more so as it's less likely that anyone else will have the headspace to look after you or put you first. Keeping yourself in a good place mentally and taking care of yourself is very important so that other people can look after themselves too.

Anonymous 79831

>>79827
>Or even do basic chores for people like cooking, cleaning, etc, allowing others to have more free time to help?
Dunno if there's even someone needing this but I guess if there was it would be nice.
And thank you, it makes sense, it's just hard not to feel guilty when you're useless and knowing that miserably little skills you have will likely never be helpful.
But I guess having hope that it would change would be nice. Thank you, nona
>>79828
I guess. Though it's not like anybody cares whether I'm in a good place mentally nor it affects other people but I guess it might be annoying if they have misfortune of dealing with me so gotta tone it down somehow. Thank you, nona

Anonymous 79832

>>79831
>Though it's not like anybody cares whether I'm in a good place mentally nor it affects other people
I know it's corny but CC cares about you. You seem like a really nice person and CC wouldn't be a nice community without people like you.

Anonymous 79833

>>79832
Thank you, nona, it doesn't sound corny to me, but actually very comforting. You're also a really nice person and I'm glad you're here

Anonymous 79858

Is anyone else actively planning? It’s kind of scary but i’m feeling excited for it almost. Everyday i wake up and i do various things to see if i’ll miss it. There is still some anxiety around what happens after death and i can’t comprehend all of this just going… poof. But that’s the beauty of it at the same time.

Anonymous 79862

>>79858
anon, i think it's more likely you feel good because you have a project to work on and something to look forward to. that doesn't have to be death. it can be a hobby, getting an education, or crossing something off your bucket list. the vast majority of people who attempt suicide but survive regret attempting.

nothing happens after death. you have your whole life ahead of you. don't throw that away for nothing.

Anonymous 79866

>>79862
I do have hobbies and projects i wanted to do, but i’m too miserable to enjoy any of it. I tried so hard for 3 years to do something about it but my mental state and current living situation is debilitating. I’m broken and i have suffered from familial narcissistic abuse and still do, Its really vicious and i can’t get on with life because narcissistic abuse especially from a caretaker makes you feel like an empty shell of your former self. My future prospects are looking very bleak, i might actually be in danger if my parents die and they are very old. I think i died a long time ago and its time for the flesh suit to follow suit. It’s just not for me, i don’t like this script. Yknow? Sometimes we can’t help ourselves and no one’s willing to provide us the help we need.

Anonymous 79934

>>79866
I'm sorry to hear that anon. I'm sure you've already considered these, but have you thought about reporting your abusers? Or working towards building up an online business so you can move out and hire carers? Or looking for government support?

Anonymous 79940

Screen Shot 2022-0…

>>79315
Thank you for being my frens. I'm ugly and weird in real life so I don't have many friends and (obviously) never had a bf despite being in my late 20s. Online friends are the best because they tolerate my spergness and don't judge me.

Anonymous 79955

1586147401050.jpg

>>79952

Anonymous 79990


Anonymous 80898

Does anyone feel as if it's nearly impossible to discuss suicidal thoughts and idealization with the people around you? I so desperately want to talk to someone about this, someone that's physically there. But, this overwhelming sense of guilt and fear washes over me and I'm unable to. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way?

80899


Anonymous 80900

>>80898
Probably because in most places you can be locked up and forcibly drugged if you admit to having suicidal thoughts. I'd only feel comfortable admitting it around another suicidal person and even then, I don't really want to discuss it, because what is there to even say? Life is shit, that's all.

Anonymous 80905

>>80898
I don't think if it is normal or not is important. Do you think you are afraid of self disclosure or thier reaction? What kind of reaction would you hope for, silent listening, comfort, attempts at aiding you? I would guess you just want them to listen without judging you. Is that the case?

Anonymous 81058

>>80898
I don't understand why most normoids skirt around the topic of death. I know it's childish to think that I have come to terms with my own mortality hence why suicidal ideation doesn't bother me much
I can understand where it stems from (escapism) and i can also understand that while I'm not looking forward to existing (because I'm not really alive) I won't accelerate my own demise either. At least not actively.
I did "try" once. But the attempt was laughable, and my body's reaction disappointed me greatly. I thought I had accepted that suicide was a valid means of escape, but my body instinctively entered into panic mode the moment i downed the bottle of pills. I dunno why the experience left a bad taste in my mouth. It wasn't the shame of being exposed. I think it was the fact that my "depression" was not that severe and clinical after all, else my body wouldn't have grasped at life so desperately.
After that, suicide (my attempt at least) was just an act of hysterics, robbed of the seriousness and gravity that i might have once alloted to it. It became something insignificant, when i once thought it would be monumental, life defining, important, so fucking important.

Anonymous 81187

I feel extremely broken man, i feel like my life ended before if started

Anonymous 81329

>>80898
It might be because you feel like a burden on those close to you and don't want to burden them even further by being emotionally open with them.
If you feel this way, please remember that if they would feel depressed and suicidal you'd be there for them.

Anonymous 81347

29792214_199230186…

The only reason I have not killed myself yet is because I fear going to hell. I've been depressed more or less non-stop since I was like 8, with no signs of stopping. I am on the verge of tears the entire day, almost every day, and I wish I could cry because then I calm down a little for some time but it usually doesnt come for me until towards the end of the day. I think about cutting myself daily and sometimes the urge is so overpowering I can barely even process reality properly but I have never done it because I fear that He will never help me get over this if I disobey Him like that. But I do not know why He would spare such a great miracle for me, i havent done anything to deserve it.

Today on the way home I stopped in a church to pray a little and I was there for like 30 minutes praying by myself, I was starting to cry but then some elderly gentleman walked in so I stopped myself, I do not think he noticed.

I just want this to end so bad, I have a very serious disorder and that is the reason I am so depressed but it would take no less than an instantly-converting miracle for it to go away and there is nothing else I can do about it. I just wish I could kill myself to end this suffering but whatever would come next would be even worse.

I feel so wasteful cause I know I am smart and attractive but it means nothing to me and all of what I have been given ends up wasted cause I am too busy moping about something that no one can do anything about.

im sorry the post has no structure I just really needed to vent a little

Anonymous 81435

I’m probably gonna commit suicide by the end of this year or sometime next year, i still have a lot of things to do before i leave. I haven’t gotten my fill of a few things i didn’t get to do and after that, i’ll go. I’ve always had this sinking feeling since i was 14 or 15 that i won’t make it to 25, and i feel like my time is near, i can feel it strongly. I took meds, i did some therapy, But i still feel like i should be put to rest after putting in some work in my mental health to really make sure that i’m thinking straight. I’m really happy about this decision and content. I had hobbies and dreams but sometimes life is too shitty and the bad outweighs the good, i can’t ignore it anymore. Best case scenario, i’ll have another chance on the other side. worst case scenario, death is the end.

Anonymous 81436

>>81058
> I think it was the fact that my "depression" was not that severe and clinical after all, else my body wouldn't have grasped at life so desperately.
Literally everyone who survives a suicide attempt says their immediate reaction after trying is fear and regret
Literally all of them
Even people who jump off buildings say their immediate reaction is regret
Don't assume your depression "isn't real" because even the most suicidal and emotionally ruined people feel what you felt
>>81435
Same tbh
I've been depressed and mentally ill as a child and I'm that way now
I will never get better
Plus I'm ugly as sin and dumber than a rock
Like I don't even have positive traits to outweigh my mental illness
And I'm ugly
God, i hate being ugly
Whatever
I am just going to keep drinking (I'm drunk as I write this) and in a month or two check out for good

Anonymous 81467

>>81436
at least you have alcohol. I’m gonna have to suffocate completely sober… dreading the thought of it but i have to do it eventually. Fuck this misogynistic shitty fucking hateful disgusting mentally ill narcissist ridden cock worshipping faggot clown world

Anonymous 81737

Is this the thread for me, if I’m not actively suicidal, but know that I’m going to kms once I reach a certain age?

Anonymous 81741

>>81739
It’s not FOMO. It’s just that I’m in a wheelchair and have dyscalculia, so my financial independence is nonexistent. Once I hit 30, I’m going to end things. There’s no point in living old, when I’m this lonely and poor. Especially poor.

Anonymous 81742

I feel like there was no reason for me to live past the age of 18. It was all over once I became an adult. There's no place for me in this world.

Anonymous 81752

>>81467
Don't let them win.

Anonymous 81755

>>81752
Too late they fucking broke me lmao. You ladies take it from here

Anonymous 81760

>>81737
My mind goes blank when people (recruiters) ask me where i imagine i'll be in 5 years. I genuienly cannot imagine myself as a 27/28/29/30+ year old. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm suicidal, i think.
Where I come from and grew up, I've been conditioned to think that marriage and babies are inevitable. There was never a question of whether I'll get either. It's a firm conviction (based on my mother's life model) that some time in my late 20's, I'll meet the one and fall into the mundane shlock that every mediocre human partakes in (home hunting, home furnishing, fertility treatments, babies, trust funds, savings, yearly trips to [insert visa free med country here]).
What's amazing is that I had such elaborate plans & aspirations for my early 20's, which all didn't live to see the light of day (generally due to my own ineptitude), but the model of late 20's that i'm supposed to somehow follow makes my skin crawl. I do want to be loved and to find my person. I do eventually make little people (it's a selfish intent), but i so wanted to do something important and given that your early 20's are supposed to be when you lay the foundation for that important thing, i feel like i messed up on a schedule or something

Anonymous 82982

>>79940
u wil lalwyas have Freinds : )

Anonymous 82995

>>80898
It's not even about guilt for me, it's that they won't understand anything. It's like they live in a different dimension where they couldn't even fathom why I would ever have such thoughts in my head. And it feels so isolating that they are physically close yet so further away mentally.

Anonymous 83037

I’ve got new pills and I’m very tempted to just take them all now. If only I could be alone for 5 minutes.

Anonymous 83427

I wish I could think of the good things I have going but sometimes I just get so frustrated and confused and suicide seems like the only way to make it stop.

Anonymous 84449

>>79315
Hello nonas, so here we go again. I have been suicidal before but I thought I overcame that. However, I feel so bad now, everything is a chore, I hate my job, I hate having to keep trying even though it literally hurts me to do so. I just don't think I can keep going much longer. I have a therapist, I have a shrink, but they can't change the fact that living in this world is so miserable. Sorry if this reply is kinda chaotic, but lately all that's on my mind is getting a rope and ending my suffering for once.

Anonymous 84481

>>84456
Thank you, but there's not even much to vent about. It's just that everything is hard for me and my therapist says I should be proud of myself that I kept going for so many years even though it was harder for me than for others. But like… What's the point in that? Why not just give up?

Anonymous 84600

I've been passively suicidal since I was a kid and tried to kill myself once in my teens and once in my early 20s. Ended up hospitalized then transferred to a psych ward both times and hated it so much I promised myself I wouldn't risk having to deal with that bs again. It's been around 4 years since that last attempt.
I got a PTSD diagnosis last year and am now in trauma therapy but having to relive all the shit I'd been repressing is hellish and is honestly making things worse. Apparently this method is proven to help but the beginning is fucking horrible and I wish I could forget it all again.
On top of that I recently lost my job and am considering finally ending it all once I run out of money. I'll keep trying with the therapy until then at least. And formulate a proper plan to make sure I don't get found too early this time.

Anonymous 84830

tumblr_df58cbbbadc…

There is something wrong with my braind. I've been dealing with regular suicidal thoughts and depressive episodes since I was a kid and no matter how many improvements I make to my life it doesn't stop. It's awful, it prevents me from doing what I like because a lot of the time I feel so depressed I'm unable to do anything, even watching a movie I was looking forward to or texting a friend whom I miss. Whenever I think about a future it feels so empty, even if I imagine a good, happy life that is possible for me to achieve. I just get hit with depressive states at random. I used to think it would pass on it's own, because when it first started I was a mentally unstable child who got bullied, didn't have any friends and had undiagnozed anxiety. Then I made toxic friends, then I didn't get into the right uni and so on but times changed. I have friends, not many but I hold them dear. I'm doing great academically, live in a nice place near a forest, so far I'm financially stable… But I still cry myself to sleep now and then, [spolier]self harm every few months when it becomes too much[/spoiler] and then want to die. I mean it passes, sure. I don't feel like it all the time, but a lot of it. So much it stops me from working on my hobbies and enjoying life. I'm scared I'm going to be like this forever, I keep thinking that once I'm older and my parents pass away I'll have nothing to keep me going and just off myself.

Anonymous 90821

45282917_221233349…

Hello, I post in these threads sometimes, talking about the same thing(s), so you may have seen me before… I hope at least someone will take time to read my desperate plea again, it would mean so much to me…

Usually I am pretty depressed, but this time I am feeling the worst I have felt in years. Yesterday I almost took a knife and ended it all. I have medical knowledge so I know how to end it quickly and painlessly…
I felt so close to doing it, if something bad had happened to me at that point I really would have done it. I was thinking about it the whole day, didn't even get anything else done. I messaged a friend that I feel awful and he just told me something like "thats so pathetic coming from you".

I just hate being female so much. Everyone always told me oh you are just a dumb kid you will grow up from it, oh you are just a hormone-filled teenager you will grow out of it… I am 20 now and I feel the same about it as I always did, I just learnt to play along but it hurts just as much as it did before if not more. I have seriously tried everything there is and it did not work.
Currently I am trying to pray and be devout cause that is the only thing I have not tried yet, but if this does not help I seriously do not know what to do. I cannot even go outside or talk with others without feeling profoundly uncomfortable about myself and how they perceive me. But this isnt about weight or looks, this is much worse. There is no way to ignore this, every single act you do is in some way bound to your gender. There is literally nothing I can do to change this, I can only change how I feel about it and I have been completely incapable to do that.

Thing is despite all my dysphoria I really want children one day, but I am not even attracted to men so that makes me even more stressed out. I have never been in a relationship before cause all my crushes were on girls only and I was too scared to start anything with them. I wish I could find some nice repressing gay guy who would treat me like one of his buddies and pretend I am male and then we would have sex one (1) time for a child and thats it, but I do not know if such men even exist. I do not even know any repressing gay men irl, and most straight men, even if they are genuinely nice guys, would just want me to act and do all the feminine things for them and I really do not want to. Not to mention that I probably could not handle piv sex without crying (I am sure some men would be into that though), maybe I could hold it in if its just very rarely but if its supposed to be regular then no way.

Whats worse is that if I didnt have dysphoria I could actually be a model, I am insanely attractive and if I put even modest effort into my appearance I could easily be a 9.5/10, but its all wasted on me being so dissociated from the real world that sometimes I go several days in a row without even looking into the mirror.
It stings even more cause I have told one or two people how much I hate being a girl and they actually get offended cause how can such an attractive girl hate her appearance so much, I should be grateful for what I have and I will probably grow out of my dysphoria anyway. If I had at least been one of those girls that are naturally masculine maybe people would think "oh yeah, I guess I could see her as a guy", but as is no one can see me as anything but as a woman (it is also why I never tell anybody about it, except scream into the cybervoid such as here).

I keep holding hope that one day I will just magically wake up male or that my dysphoria will fade away but if neither happens then I would generally prefer to end it now. I cannot live such a life, I cry at least 4 times a week, sometimes I have to hold it in in public… I once had a dream I was male and I was so so happy, then I woke up and when I realized I still didn't have a dick, I started crying so hard that I actually ran out of tears to cry with, I just strained some muscles and nothing was coming out anymore.

I don't want any advice cause I have tried everything, I just want some (at least fleeting) understanding. Thank you so much for reading, I hope we will meet again.

Anonymous 90825

>>90821
I don't know what to say to help you nona, but I've read it and recognise your plight.
I hope we meet again too.

Anonymous 90827

these two are moids btw, extremely easy to intuit
>>79572
>>79508

Anonymous 90837

>>90821
If it's any consolation, I am going through something similar, you're definitely not alone! I suppose the biggest difference is that your take-away from this is very internal and mine is more external.

I hate being female. It's not because I hate my body, it's because as a female I struggle to get any sort of respect. I feel like almost everyone deems women to be fit for one thing: domestic life, and that's it. To me, that position is humiliating. I want to achieve more, I am definitely capable of that and yet what I am met with is words of discouragement instead of uplifting.

I have spent the last 6 months (if not more) silently sobbing about my position as a woman. I hate it here. I have a 5k word vent on why being a female is an awful experience filled with not even insecurity, but straight up self-hatred for many women. What gets me the most about this is this usually gets dismissed with "well, females don't have to work as much as males, so males have it worse" as if the devaluing of women's abilities in the real (read: outside the home) world isn't part of the problem. Women are still seen as the secondary, inferior sex only existing in relation to the primary, superior one. It eventually gets to you, it'd be difficult not to work yourself into a deep state of depression once you're painfully aware of the fact.

What's helped me a bit was finding a community with similar views. There is a rather cozy radfem community on Tumblr. In case you are not in the right mindset to actively want to engage in a community, you can always just draw some positivity from the posts without interacting. There are plenty of lesbians there too, so you might find extra confirmation through that alone.

I wish you all the best, anon. Don't let the world push you into a suicide. It's not you that's the problem, it's the rotten culture which attacks women just for being.

Anonymous 90844


Anonymous 90851

>>90837
Sorry nona, I do not think I would fit in, I do not really have a problem with traditional gender roles per se, I just have problem with the gender role I am supposed to play. But if you wanted to post your rant I'd be glad to read it!

Anonymous 90987

Not really planning on killing myself but also not really planning on staying alive after I finish my degree. I just don't see the point in continuing anything after that.

Anonymous 91069

24 years old, no degree, unemployed and depressed. Thinking about killing myself in February next year. I live near a train station and jumping in front of a train is the best method I could think of, since I don't own a gun.

Anonymous 91080

>>91069
Oh why February?

Anonymous 91081

>>91069
I know this will sound very generic, but you're actually very young. This world teach us that we have to do everything quick but everyone has its own pace, so don't feel defeated if you didn't achieve your goals yet, you have plenty of time.
I'm a bit older than you but some years ago I was in a similar position. College dropout, unemployed, depressed and my family had money problems, I felt like I had no options at all, I was really close to killing myself.
Some years later, I still have my struggles, but I came back to my studies, and I have a side job that helps cover my costs. My problems with depression are still there but now that I'm doing something I feel so much better and I generally feel like I can deal with my feelings.
So I beg you not to do it, you can still live your life

Anonymous 91115

>>91080
A friend will come and visit. I want to see her before I go.

>>91081
Glad you got better, wish I had the will to. I'm tired of trying and I don't really have aspirations or goals.



[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]