Limerence Anonymous 85259
Anyone else here struggle with being extremely limerant/obsessed with certain people? I’d like to hear your stories. Rather not tell mine though. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
Limerance is just a fancy way of describing the things that come with loving or infatuating someone from sound of it. I get that way but it doesn't consume me in what i would consider a negative way so I dont feel a story is needed.
This is literally completely normal. What’s with psychologists labelling and pathologizing every human emotion.
I don’t think that thinking about someone 24/7 for years on end to the point where it debilitates you from doing anything else and makes you extremely possessive of them, despite their disinterest, is normal…
I don't think it's a psychological term like someone in another theead said. It's likely a term from philosophers to just describe a feeling not pathologize it.
There likely are better words for that. I'm not sure what. Dependent personality disorder maybe…or a symptom of PTSD….or intrusive thoughts from OCD…there is many things that fit.
I’d say it’s a psychological term, but not an illness. Maybe a symptom, but not an illness itself.
There’s not a single person on earth who hasn’t been obsessed with someone at least once in their life. Why are people so desperate to feel special lol.
Limerence is becoming the new buzzword like procrastination was in the 2010s.
Theres hundreds of millions of fangirls who run fan pages and blogs for years over their favorite celebrities and spend an extreme amount of time obsessing over them. And that’s not even counting the number of people who are obsessed with someone irl or have a huge crush on someone (which is pretty much everyone at any given time). Whether limerence is healthy or not is up for debate, but it’s certainly not uncommon at all and unless someone is going to harm or kill themselves over these feelings, there’s no real need to intervene. These obsessive crushes almost always burn themselves out, even if it takes a few years or more. I know because I’ve had friends who obsessed over certain boys for sometimes 5-10 years or more. Eventually however, they did get over it. And if someone feels such intense feelings towards someone for decades or until they die, I’d say they’re lucky to be able to experience such depth of feeling, and who is to say that isn’t just an incredible form of mental devotion.
Huh okay. I missed that somehow. Haven't slept in months it seems….
I’m not saying it’s abnormal, but it can be unhealthy
I shouldn’t have made this thread lol. I should’ve just made a crush thread (which there probably already is one)
I just thought the word/article was kinda cool and relatable so I posted this not realizing I sounded like a twitter user that didn’t know what emotions were.
Bold of you to assume every obsession becomes public. Most remain secretive I'd say. If that is so, there is no way to say some people never elicited obsession.
That said, I don't understand why it would be desirable. Being obsessed over is just twisted attention, on step removed of having a stalker.
yeah i might write it down here later on im tired now
I never said everyone’s had someone be obsessed over them. I said nearly everyone has been obsessed with someone else at some point in their life.
Of course there are some people who have never had anyone be obsessed with them. And then there are others who’ve had thousands if not millions of people obsessed with them. Like celebrities or kpop idols lol.
Anyone else here whose object of limerence is someone you see on the regular but barely/never talk to who suddenly disappeared?
Mine didn't come to work at all this week and I don't think he's just taking some time off because of… reasons. With each day it's getting easier to accept that he might not come back again and I know it's better for my mind if he doesn't. Still, a part of me secretly hopes he's going to show up next Monday like nothing happened.
i used this as a nickname before it started turning into a buzzword (2010-2016ish), it wasn't much more than a passing interest in its meaning but i only realize now how on the nose it applies to me. i have problems
OP, I've found good discussions about limerence on r/limerence and on limerence threads on mumsnet. Crappy childhood fairy on youtube has a series about it too. I find that limerence threads elsewhere (like here) always get filled with posts by people who've never had it and say it's not real.
Two of the most helpful things I've found is that the only way to make yourself get over it is by going 100% no contact and that limerence can be connected to OCD and ADHD obsessions so using techniques for these can help a lot too.
>>86613>limerence can be connected to OCD and ADHD obsessions
This would explain so much…
>>86613>Crappy childhood fairy on youtube has a series about it too.
This has been helpimg me both directly and indirectly (at least I'm not as far gone as some of these letter writers have been)
>>86613>100% no contact
Well, what if your family member is their close friend?
Last time my sister mentioned her, I almost choked on my sparkling water (and it hurt like mutha when it ran up my nose!!). All my sister needed to do was to mention her name. That’s it.
But since I haven’t talked to her ever, sister probably thought nothing of it. I hope.
I've seen a couple of informal polls on r/limerence and a lot of people said they had ADHD or something similar. It makes sense because limerence can be connected to stalking and that definately has a psychological obsession component to it. I think having a childhood with insecure bonding contributes too.
It's sad that there are so many limerence deniers out there. It's definitely a field that needs for research and compassion.>>86621
You can't always remove them 100% from your life but need to make an effort to not let yourself stalk them online, daydream about them, or anything else that you have control over. If you can't avoid interacting with them (or hearing about them) you need to learn to act normal and minimise contact where possible. For example, in your case this would include changing the topic and not asking questions about them.
Thanks, I’m going to try that.
It’s rly hard not to lurk her IG from time to time tho. I don’t like or comment on anything she posts, because I don’t want her to give me any sort of attention and make this infatuation worse, but even this stalking is quite harmful tbh, because it definitely fuels my feelings.
(She’s 10 years older than I, and a gorgeous, athletic career lady; we have very little in common, yet every little thing that we do have in common, I tend to clutch on. Don’t know if she’s even into women in the first place, so this is even sillier, but can’t help it.)
I've had a similar limerence obsession recently too. Some things that have helped me besides no contact are breaking down exactly what I find appealing about them and try to make steps towards getting that in my own life. For example, you mention she is athletic so I would start working out or join a sports club. Once the gap between you and them starts to close they stop seeming so special. Also keep in mind that successful people get where they are more by luck than hard work.
Another thing that has helped is writing unsent "goodbye" and "thank you" letters to let my feelings out so I don't have them continuously going round and round in my mind. It also allows for some closure from the situation.
For IG stalking, it helps to practise denying yourself permission. For example, instead of looking now, you can look in an hour. Then keep building up until your brain rewires and you are more comfortable telling yourself you're not going to look. Pay attention to how you feel after looking. Do you actually feel better? Chances are you probably feel not are good in comparison or sad you aren't together. Stop feeding yourself poison by looking.
It also helps to keep in mind that a lot of what you see in her is not real. It's either from the highlights of her life that she posts online (which might be exaggerated or made up) or things that you have imagined yourself and convinced yourself that they are real.
Yes, and I never knew this had a name. I've been obsessive over specific men for my entire life. From 1st grade to midway through college I was hopelessly obsessed with one specific boy (he liked me back at one point but we never dated). My three boyfriends I've had in my life I was obsessed with for months/years initially, but then unfortunately got bored/disillusioned with them once we had been dating a while. At age 28 I'm finally getting over my "limerence" so to say.
So does this term only apply to people you know irl? I feel like I definitely have the habit of fixating on certain people to the point that they're all I think about throughout the day, but it's never someone I know irl. It's more a matter of escapism where I fixate on a moid and build him up to be perfect in my head and even when I tell myself that I am projecting a lot onto him and I'd probably be disappointed if I knew him irl I tell myself it doesn't matter since I'll never meet him anyway. In some ways, I don't really mind it since I think it's harmless but on the other hand I feel like it's sort of pathetic that I always fall into these cycles of obsessing over random men instead of just being content with not hyperfixating on somebody.
No, that sounds like limerence to me. Often you barely know the person at all and I think that adds to the obsession as you can project anything onto them.
I have spent way too much time looking for secret meaning in posts on anonymous imageboards trying to figure out if they're messages for me from them and I know it's not healthy.
I'm not trying to insult you anon but that sounds like schizophrenia or at least like it is getting out of control. I really think you should speak to a doctor if you truly believe this.
Sounds like bpd stuff
try and tell me with a straight face that the people on this subreddit are normal: https://www.reddit.com/r/limerence/
Do you mind if I screenshot this? Because I find this quite helpful. Thanks again.
>>86656>asking permission to screenshot
Many of these posters have BPD, very obviously.
Being terminally online since 5th grade, I met a bunch of people online (Yes, some of them actually my age and not peds) and even formed a friend circle with some of them at some point. I started getting attracted to one of them, even though I had never seen photos of her before, but I became distanced from her and most of my other online friends based in the country I was living in, when I moved abroad.
I got over it, but then I started becoming seriously attracted to her ex-girlfriend. This turned into a creepy cyber stalker-level obsession because I checked her social media several times a day just to see if she would be online, so that I could talk with her again. I confessed and was rejected by her several times (Even when some of those times where while she was in an active relationship,uh…), but she still let me continue being her friend for years and talking to her like normal, for whatever reason I'll never understand. I was completely love-sick, and even if it was obsessive, I'm still convinced she was the first and last person I'll ever be so attracted to. She was like the embodiment of Rin Asogi from RIN: Daughters of Mnemosyne (picrel).
There were several other people who I met online, who I got an obsessive attraction with - even if I'd never seen what they look like, but it was never as bad as with her. She was a lesbian who was into a bunch of niche/obscure series, who's vibe was intentionally mysterious and low-key. I legit experienced euphoria when she would reply to me and started seeing her in every other girl with long, black hair and glasses I would see. I know it sounds really mental, but I am over it now. She disappeared online several times while knowing her, and I kept trying to talk to her regardless, but the last time I finally stopped talking to her for good.
To be fair, we were very young when this was going on so I do chalk up alot of these behaviors to me being immature. Either way, I am still convinced I will never personally meet someone I find as cool and attractive as I did her ever again - even if it was just my obsession thinking that.
Yes, feel free to screenshot. BTW, there's a typo in the third paragraph:
>Chances are you probably feel not are good
Chances are you probably feel not AS good
It also helped me to realize that a lot of people use social media to market themselves as if they were a brand. Even people who only use it casually still post just the good things that happen to them (or bad things that can gain sympathy). This just cannot be compared to someone's real life. The only person you should be comparing yourself with is your past self. And even then, you should do it kindly and only for positive motivation.
Keep in mind "show" vs "tell". The person I was obsessing over would tweet things like a random person had given them a compliment or casually mention an expensive item. They were very subtle about it and made themselves seem very humble and hardworking as well so they never came across as bragging. Of course my imagination would spin one throwaway tweet into being their whole persona. They mentioned a compliment so they must always be getting compliments and their wardrobe must be full of expensive items.
It wasn't until I took a step back and reanalyzed their photos and how they came across offline that I was able to see that no, what they say doesn't match with reality. They don't actually dress that well and by looking at their resume, I could see that they haven't actually achieved anything in many years. The amount of lies and exaggeration was astounding. Both by them and in my head.
I do wish the idea of falling for someone's online persona was talked about more. It's a pretty new thing and it must be fairly common. In the past people would only be able to exaggerate their life in conversation or by being seen with status symbols. They would have to be a lot more intentional about what they were doing. Now it's all text and photos, and as a result, so much easier to fake. It's also now socially acceptable.
I have been obsessed with a certain person for a few years now. Physically-speaking, they are my type and they have both good and bad aspects of their personality. I know that they aren't perfect and I am definitely projecting my wants onto this person but I can't seem to get them out of my head. Maybe I want them to be some kind of White Knight to me.
Recently, after reading this site and others, I have been thinking that I definitely have ADHD. I am struggling to not mention them in conversation constantly and I can feel my friends and family getting annoyed by it. I am already in a loving long-time relationship but this fixation is hurting it. I know that the person I have a fixation on would come nowhere close to being as good of a partner as the person I have. I feel so selfish thinking about this other person when I already have someone great in my life. One who I could stand to treat better. I want to be rid of this obsession and focus on the person I'm with.
I think part of this fixation comes from the fact that my partner and I are homebodies but I want to go out and explore like this other person does. I am tired of being on the computer and being a shut-in. They are living freely and I am rotting in my home, spending each day the same way. My partner is busy all the time and constantly tired so I can't ask them to go on outings too much. I think I am projecting a way out of here onto the person I'm stalking.
She sounds super cool nona, can't blame you for becoming obsessed.
Out of curiosity, what series was she into?
It sounds like you are obsessing over the person because they have the life you want. First of all it helps to realize that many people have this lifestyle and so it doesn’t make sense to focus on them specifically.
Next try and identify the specific things that they have that you want and try to work towards them. It’s good that the obsession has allowed you to become aware of what you really want in life.
I was obsessed with someone outgoing too but I realized that I might like the idea, but I don’t actually want that life, only parts of it. I made steps to adopt the parts I wanted and eventually I felt like I outgrew the person and the obsession.
It's more than just them being an outgoing person. There are other traits they have that I wish my partner had. If I was able to go out normally, then I wouldn't be on this site. I only have my partner as an IRL friend. The rest of my relationships are long distance.
This person I'm focusing on is also lonely and has their own issues. I may have been captured by the 'I can fix them' thoughts in addition to feeling like they could satisfy my loneliness.
In my head I like to think we could help each other's loneliness and go on a great adventure or something like that (also have great sex). It's just not reality and I acknowledge that but they occupy my thoughts 24/7 to the point I have been daydreaming while my partner is talking to me. Basically, I think I need a friend for times my partner can't be there with me…
I do shit like that. Looking for weird cryptic things everywhere.
This is the way I function socially, and I had hoped my last fixation would be the final one. In some ways it is, since I no longer suffer with the "constant pained longing that distracts from my necessary tasks" and "bouts of frustration" symptoms. But old habits die hard, etc.
This last person was someone who I was immediately obsessed with the first time I saw him, and many weird things aligned to allow me to meet him after a year of hoping to get that chance almost every day. He didn't feel the same and although I kept most of my obsession from him, I'm still glad he put up with my weirdo behavior that slipped through kek. I really restrained myself, only showing him some of the drawings and NOT messaging him every day. It took great effort.
We ended up becoming close friends for a time and I consider him an important person to my life. In some ways I know I've contributed to his personal development as well, which is interesting.
The end was a bit abrupt and sad, but for the best. My fixation did persist and I even made a cringe 2 hour playlist of songs that reminded me of him and his life. Embarrassing, but it helped me move on.
Currently there is a woman online who I'm a bit fixated on, which is unfortunately proving that I may never outgrow this shit fully. I had a similar sort of "crush" on an online artist in high school (who I continued to cyber stalk years after I graduated, of course) and it feels similar. I found her almost a year ago now but only interacted recently since I needed to procure an online presence that would show her who I am/my skills, and we did become mutuals. Prior to this I was kind of happy being offline so this is so fucking stupid. I've read most of her content online, dating back years and years and…shit, I just want to know her. I check every day and try to ration out my interactions so it's not too desperate. She's just similar enough to me, very cute, and has a unique vulnerability and…whimsy that appeals so much to me. I fantasize about charming her, falling in love, and moving in together after dating long distance for a year or so (we became friends first for a while). The idea is comforting but unrealistic since we've never truly talked yet.
Do any anons itt feel obsessions add to their quality of life? Aside from the aforementioned pain and anxiety, I feel it gives my life meaning in a way. I just think it's misplaced and would be best suited for someone who felt equally about me.
And does anyone know where their habit originates? I theorize that my borderline dependent relationship with my mother as an only child predisposed me to acting like this. I used to obsess over my childhood friends, as well.
I think it adds to my life in that it helps me to see what I am lacking right now, e.g. if I am obsessing on someone pretty, then I need to make myself feel pretty.
My definitely comes from childhood. My mother had an unhappy childhood and she did the same to me, leading to me having traumatic bonding from her playing hot and cold arbitrarily. The rest of my family is the same and didn’t have a single secure attachment growing up. Because of this, I tend to bond with people who treat me badly or show little interest in me.
I’m also on the spectrum which causes me to get obsessed about things and have trouble understanding what is a normal way to behave and what is creepy.
It's called a delusion of referencehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ideas_and_delusions_of_reference
It might be a symptom for something else, but if it doesn't stress you out and you don't really believe in it it's just a little extra fun in your life
>She sounds super cool nona
She really was. She had this really mature/smart and refined typing style even when we were as young as we were.
First time I met her I saw she used to be into Umineko, then started being SDR2, both when literally pretty much no one knew in the West knew about them. Was into Devil Survivor 2 for awhile. Then moved onto Inazuma 11 and Danball Senki (Would buy and show off these LBX Modeling Kits). Last time I saw her she didn't seem much into anime anymore. She became a Morning Musume fan and fangirls over J-Idols now. (Must be a peak lesbian moment. Good for her.)
I honestly thought she was a dream girl. I never even thought I could be attracted to girls before her, and I have not been attracted to any girl like I was to her since then. However, even if she wasn't out my league, it would have never worked anyway. With all her disappearing online, and comments from her ex-girlfriends (I knew two of them personally because they were mutual friends) about how emotionally distanced she was, it would have never worked anyway. She was constantly getting in new relationships, and I figure that might have been a reason. At some point she even told me she might be aromantic. Didn't seem like someone to be in a stable relationship with.
Also, something else I found in her that I doubt I will come across in another lesbian online is that she seemed like an actual one. Not a troon. Not crazy politically correct, just trying to take the lesbianpill to serve a narrative, or something. She had told me she's always been attracted only to girls.
She rarely took photos of herself, so immune to the narcissistic Insta-thot behavior with selfies that plagues people on social media. They were mostly black and white in the beginning, and I remember one of them was a class photo where she was in a suit and tie even though her school uniform and the rest of her classmates weren't. She called herself the IRL Izuru Kamukura. Very based.
Sorry for typing out so much, I guess I will never 100% get over her.
Don't apologize, I was the one who asked, and it was very interesting to read anyway! I always like hearing about interesting people. You might have infected me a little bit with your fascination, or maybe you just have good taste, anon!
I hope you find someone who likes you back though. Good luck!
I don't mind it, limerence adds some pizzazz into my life. It's fun to daydream about them and the excitement of mundane interactions, though it kind of sucks when you realize it's unrequited…
What's it called if you do this voluntarily and can turn it on and off? I generally don't pick anyone who I could get in actual contact irl with, know or would ever see again. I feel like letting such obsessive thinking patterns, projecting, romanticization etc. get out of hand just leads to inevitable disappointment and probably much much worse. So I self limit my delusions. I can have a little, as a treat, at a safe distance.
I retrained and got my current job because of my obsession. Looking back, I can see it was something I was always interested in but it wasn’t until I had intense feeling of obsession/jealousy that I was motivated to change.
In the end, I decided that I didn’t want to do the exact same thing as them and got a related job instead. The obsession is mostly gone now but I’m thankful that following them allowed me grow in my own way.
>In the end, once I basically become sufficiently like them I invariably lose the attraction entirely.
Wow I wonder if there is a name for this phenomenon. It is very interesting, psychologically.
Not exactly. That would be more if we tried to become exactly like them and replace them. Admiring someone and wanting to be like them in your own way is pretty common, especially with children.
Aw, thank you nona. She was from my home country and it is full of even more normies than where I live now, so when I think of it that made her someone even more rare to meet. She was one of the only people that accepted me no matter how weird, and who I could talk about the most bizarre things with. (I remember we were sharing fucked up dreams we've had and she told me "That's nothing. I once had a dream where I cut a guy's dick off and ate it". lmao)
I did get to meet her IRL several times and when I first did she had finally agreed to go out with me. We even kissed and held hands, but when I got back to my home town she disappeared offline the next day. After that, was probably the longest time I had ever seen her disappear. For over a year. I had sought her out again and found out she was dating a girl with the same name as me and from the same hometown as me now. It was like a sick joke. Other people couldn't believe it when I told them (Someone told me "That sounds like it's from a movie") lol. But I can't make this up. I decided to ghost her back at that point and stop talking to her for good, but kept talking to her girlfriend since she was pretty nice. Then her girlfriend ghosted me..right on the day we agreed to meet IRL.
To this day I can't help but feel this may have been some elaborate passive-aggressive set-up by the both of them to make me back off. I thought this girl I had a crush on never noticed how obsessive I am, but maybe she let on more than she did. After her longest ghost, I had personally sought her out again to talk to her and that's when she told me about her latest girlfriend. She said she would be in town to visit her girlfriend and I offered to meet up from there. When we met up, we went to a pizza restaurant and I won't forget how we were eating a pizza and I had some slices left over so I just asked if any of them wanted any. They just looked at eachother and laughed, like I was a freakshow. The rest of the meeting went fine, but I still have no explanation for that other than the whole thing might have been some kind of set-up and they weren't even actually going out with eachother.
That’s awful anon. I know how much you like her but please block, delete, and move on. She’s not your friend. She’s clearly treating you like some sort of weirdo to make fun of behind your back.
I had an obsession about someone that I later realized was a huge bully who did a bunch of awful things. I ended up separating my idealized version of them in my head and the real them. This helped me to move on. The idealized version is still inside me as a person I look up to but I no longer feel the need to stay in contact with them or follow their accounts.
Oh no, I have. I haven't contacted her for two or three years now. She's also been completely inactive on all the social media she used to be on, having disappeared again, so I wouldn't know how to anyway.
>She’s clearly treating you like some sort of weirdo to make fun of behind your back.
That's what doesn't add up because the ex-girlfriends of hers I knew were eccentrics who preferred other eccentrics, and she openly did as well. It's hard for me to believe someone like that would laugh at -me- being weird. We talked on pretty friendly terms, even flirted with eachother online one night when she was tipsy. She just kept rejecting me all the other times because she told me she didn't want to ruin our friendship. I doubt someone laughing at me behind my back and pulling me along would have done that, though.
I’ve stalked all of my crushes, one even enjoyed it I think. Is this what limerence is?
How did you meet her
Where the hell do I find other eccentric girls that are cool
Even weird people can be bullies and aren't 100% accepting. That pizza thing was not nice.
People who seek attention will act like best friends when they want something or need attention and then ditch you when they get a better source of attention.
It was through my friend who had started dating her. And I met that friend through a social networking site from my home country. Being terminally online helped. >>87128
>People who seek attention will act like best friends when they want something or need attention and then ditch you when they get a better source of attention.
This may or may not be true, but I had no way of confirming. She never allowed me to get to know her as well as most of her other friends and girlfriends did, even after knowing her for over 4 years already, calling me a "good friend", and even talking with eachother on a daily basis at one point. Since she was emotionally distanced and one of ex-girlfriends that was a mutual friend had commented to me herself as to why their relationship didn't work (She told me "I think she never actually loved me"), that may have been a reason as far as I'm concerned.
>>87110>They just looked at eachother and laughed, like I was a freakshow.
This is only a guess, but it could have been some sort of inside joke they had between each other that related mildly to the situation (pizza leftovers? Who knows!), without being related to you at all. Sometimes my bf and I will see something that reminds us of our silly inside jokes and start laughing, and no one around us understands it.
Idk her girlfriend just looked over to her and raised her eyebrow, so her expression looked kind of "Wtf?" to me. I have no idea why just saying something like "Does anyone want this slice?" would garner that kind of response so maybe it was in how I said it. It's happened once before when I asked a classmate a very normal question. It was just something like "What do we do on this assignment?" and her eyes darted from left to right and back, like people do to express "wtf".
straight anon here, the only people I feel limerant about are other girls. It's anyone I really look up to. I fantasise about being them, about being with them, I just want to cuddle up to them and make myself like them. Anyone relate?
I used to only get it for men when I was growing up but now I only get it for women that I want to become.
This is basically my method too to digest limerance/obsession with another person I know I genuinely shouldn't and ultimately wouldn't want to pursue. I've been experiencing it again recently towards someone in my life who I only see occasionally. I've been trying to let it run its course but it's mostly grown more stuck with time. I've realized that on top of this person embodying certain qualities I wish I had, that my autistic brain will fixate on to absorb because that's what it knows how to do to learn something new, this person also represents certain circumstances I wish I had. I never had a solid family structure to fall back on. Either the person was too unstable themselves or there was abuse or some other disconnect. I had a lot of family, but none I could fully rely on or trust. I realized that made me not only, one, crave the admiration of men/a man who I believe represents what I seek in a "father figure", which I had to essentially craft from scratch and is related heavily to my "inner masculine"; and two, made me crave men who could potentially offer me that sense of "family" I never had. This current person has an extremely tight knit family (though all are damaged eccentric people) and they are highly protective of their family/those they love and financially secure. I feel deeply understood and safe with them and their family, which I think is the primary reason I've been so infatuated. I think I just want home.
Yknow. I’m fully aware my person of limerence will never be back in my life. I understand that. I know she will never see me as an equal again. But sometimes she’s just too good not to fantasize about. It’s unhealthy, but I love her. Fuck.
I can’t even talk about it without feeling gross
Does anyone always think their limerant object is amazing because they can do X? But as soon as you learn X yourself, the shine fades and now it's just boring normal thing, even if you actually put in a lot of effort to learn it.
Then you latch onto a new limerant object with something else you wish you had and the cycle repeats.
Actually makes me wonder if I bothered with social media if I would make a good limerant object for someone else because of all the skills/fashion/hobbies I have copied into my life from various people.
I do this with celebrities. Recently it’s been with a male kpop idol. It was very bad last year. I would spend weeks finding information on him, his apartment number, his flight schedules months prior to when his flight would take off, would find secret relationships he’s been in in the past. Last time I became obsessed with someone I know in person was high school.
Which idol is it. Is it Taehyung?
Did you ever entertain the idea that you'd meet him?
Constantly. It still doesn’t seem far away considering some factors but I don’t obsess over it. If i eventually do run into him then I won’t freak out, just tell him I enjoy his music
Same group, kind of embarrassing to say but great guess
Anyone here feel disgusted and lose your crush when a guy you are obsessed with likes you back?
NTA I've also tended to experience limerence for very physically attractive men, although it was usually confined to 2D fictional characters. BTS were some of the first IRL men I've experienced a physical attraction too, so I was surprised. I built up a whole relationship in my head with Taehyung, although I know it would never happen, so the Taehyung/Jennie news still depressed me for a few days. ngl I would read Y/N fics with him the most. I would never admit this unanonymously to other stans, because it is considered peak gross behavior so I'm glad you mentioned this. I wish I could just go back to only fangirling over 2D men. Times were much simpler then.>>87719
Oh yes, I've had an issue with this too. No matter how much I liked them beforehand, I would often lose any and all interest in a person if they told me or expressed interest in liking me back. My romantic feelings have tended to masochistically depend on liking someone I know I could never be with, is way out of my league, and could never return my feelings. I read somewhere it stems from a fear of committment but I don't think I have that issue as I DO want a committed relationship. Maybe it's from low self-esteem in that case. I refuse to believe I could be in mutual-attraction with someone, especially that someone very attractive could ever like me back. I've even freaked out at the rare times any guy has shown interest in me.
Same with the other stans part. I am pretty sure they would think i’m joking. The member I obsessed over had rumors of marriage this year and I felt hurt. I usually have parasocial relationships but this one was the most intense and delusional. It’s definitely a huge no to fans and any normal person. I saw the Taehyung situation go down and a lot of people have strong parasocial relationships with him and will waste all day trying to debunk those photos. It gave me second hand embarrassment reminding me of my parasocial relationship with the other member, I just want to tell them to stop being so attached
Holy shit i never thought id find something so accurate to what i feel every single fucking day. I have never liked anyone or anything normally, especially my crushes, I have to obsess and stalk them and find out every little detail. I want to ruin people's lives from being so fallen over for me and I want to manipulate them until they try to commit from not being able to be with me.
Was it Namjoon then? I think I saw rumors on Choa about him getting married.
>I usually have parasocial relationships but this one was the most intense and delusional.
On one hand, this is partially the company and the idols' fault because they constantly encourage a parasocial relationship. BTS always saying things like that they love ARMY the most, that ARMY are their friend, talking -at- them with things "I love you" etc. etc. is bound to eventually create the wrong idea with some people and cause backlash when dating rumors surface.
They are already in a culture where they would get it even without encouraging parasocial-ness, but it certainly doesn't help either. Now neither Jennie or V seem to be saying anything about this relationship, despite not trying to hide it, and it is understandable from a fan's POV to be hurt when you're idols actions don't match up with their words anymore.
You can't hide behind "I don't owe you anything" or "It's none of your business" when this what your idol-fan dynamic has been built on, for years.
Yes, Namjoon. I get so embarrassed because I never see anyone else like him like that. I don’t know what it is about him. I first was obsessed with Taehyung then later on it became Namjoon.
K-Pop companies purposely market the boyfriend parasocial image and I think BTS did it the best. I’ve always thought it’s why they’re so popular. They can easily pull anyone in. There was a survey years ago Hybe did asking fans if they have mental health issues etc.
>Yes, Namjoon. I get so embarrassed because I never see anyone else like him like that. I don’t know what it is about him. I first was obsessed with Taehyung then later on it became Namjoon.
That's funny because Namjoon was who I biased first. Guess we're kind of opposites then. I almost felt like I was seeing myself in male form with him, but since pretty much every public trait in a idol is exaggerated, constantly brought up, and/or rose-colored by the company and media, I could see how it may have been new to you.
>K-Pop companies purposely market the boyfriend parasocial image and I think BTS did it the best. I’ve always thought it’s why they’re so popular. They can easily pull anyone in. There was a survey years ago Hybe did asking fans if they have mental health issues etc.
Yes, the parasocial dynamic is particularly apparent with them. The "Love Yourself" campaign was specifically targeted towards boosting fan's self-esteem, as well as BTS learning to "love themselves". It's easy to imagine how alot of people with struggling mental health would want to use that parasocial relationship to better themselves. So it's not necessarily a bad thing, if it doesn't become parasitic.
However even BTS will occasionally drop the ball that behavior is still mostly acting, like with most idols. I found it insulting when J-Hope mentioned in a V-Live that he was "just like us". I find it ironic when members go on V-Live clearly sleep-deprived and depressed-looking, still saying they're fine, telling you to eat/sleep well, etc. HYBE wanted to market a group more relatable but it will occasionally slip that that is often forced, even occasionally self-detrimental, behavior. Or at worst (And let's hope not), narcissistically fake behavior.
For me it’s a fear of intimacy that puts me off guys who openly like me back romantically. I don’t mind being flirted with or a guy expressing that he wants me sexually, it’s the vulnerability displayed by asking me out that I find off putting.
I’m still a virgin so maybe that has something to do with it.
Feeling jealous or sad over the celebrity you like getting married or being in a relationship is totally normal tbh. We live in a weird culture that polices emotions and demonizes normal feelings like jealousy as toxic and evil. Especially in fandoms where you’re deemed a bad fan if you don’t embrace your crush having sex with someone else, as if fans have to force themselves to enjoy being cucked. But jealousy is a totally normal and common feeling for all humans to have at some point. As long as you don’t act violently towards yourself or others over it, there’s nothing wrong with it.
I think this is becoming more acknowledged among fandoms tbh. Korean fans would get extreeeemely jealous over their oppas, a lot of fans would immediately shut down their fansites or burn their merch when they found out their idol was dating. Ofc that’s toxic. But at least they were honest and not trying to hide their jealousy to seem woke I guess.
I saw a video where some members of BTS waved and smiled at a white girl in the crowd and the narrator of the video admitted to feeling jealous and encouraged other viewers that it’s okay to feel jealous as long as you don’t hate on the girl.
The V and Jennie drama is weird too. I’m not a fan of BTS but I’ve been following the news. It kinda feels like Jennie is leaking the pictures herself to try and piss off V’s fangirls and force him to make their relationship official, possibly even pressure him to marry her (Can you imagine the scandal and how much hate he would get if he breaks up with her? His fans still won’t forgive him anyway.). This ‘hacker’ hasn’t released any compromising pics except of Jennie and V. It seems very fishy to me.
>We live in a weird culture that polices emotions and demonizes normal feelings like jealousy as toxic and evil.
Yeah, people in subreddits like r/bangtan and r/kpoprants will make whole 8-9 paragraph passive-aggressive rants about fans who express disagreement with XYZ or didn't like XYZ, saying you shouldn't care..when they clearly wrote in a way that shows they care even when people don't care. lmao Over-defensive fans are just as annoying as antis.
>As long as you don’t act violently towards yourself or others over it, there’s nothing wrong with it.>>87650
sounds like a bit of an extreme case so that is concerning. I just live in my head so if it's any relief to myself it would be that I have no urge to do crazy things like the Kpop fan who sent a love letter written in her period blood and pubes to her fav. As a matter of fact, I like the distance. I believe in the saying "Never meet your heroes". Too many cases of fans meeting their favs IRL and finding out they're bad people or still just being completely disappointed of them otherwise. As a fan, you've already either consciously or unconsciously set expectations that they wouldn't be able to meet. I can barely imagine that my idols even shit or fart, like normal people.
>I saw a video where some members of BTS waved and smiled at a white girl in the crowd and the narrator of the video admitted to feeling jealous and encouraged other viewers that it’s okay to feel jealous as long as you don’t hate on the girl.
Yes, we have stuff like "She had a Y/N moment" as a kind of inside joke and say shit like "Couldn't be me" or "Googling how to become X" but I'm sure most fans don't mean that seriously.
> It kinda feels like Jennie is leaking the pictures herself to try and piss off V’s fangirls and force him to make their relationship official, possibly even pressure him to marry her
That would be horrible if it were true. You shouldn't sabotage your boyfriend's whole career just to be with him. I kinda doubt it though, because that would mean her own would be on the line too.
>This ‘hacker’ hasn’t released any compromising pics except of Jennie and V. It seems very fishy to me.
Don't sasaengs usually hyperfocus on stalking and obsessing over one idol at a time? In that case it could be someone only obsessed with either Jennie or V.
gurumiharibo, last I heard at least, isn't the one leaking the photos. They are just posting them. But I do wonder, what/who their source is in that case.
Also I found this video of Lisa and V extremely strange. Something does smell like it is more than just some simple dating scandal (But I like playing armchair detective /shrugs) Why'd she freeze up like that?
The whole thing is just way too sus for me. First off, iCloud is actually really really hard to hack, even for experienced hackers, because it’s encrypted and there’s so many verification steps. The only reason the dude who released all ‘the fappening’ managed to do it was because he sent emails and messages pretending to be apple and google, used phishing to get their passwords when they clicked on his fake apple and Google site, and the dumbass celebs fell for it. Remember this was back in 2012 when people were much dumber about their accounts security. Nowadays it’s basically impossible unless you’re a friend or family member with access to that persons device. Hell, a lot of people can’t even get back into their own iclouds once they’re locked out.
Secondly, I don’t understand why they’re only leaking SFW normal dating pictures. These aren’t even that scandalous. They’re pictures that any normal person would upload to social media. There’s nothing incriminating, explicitly or controversial about them besides dating. Wouldn’t a hacker, who are generally pretty bad people, try and leak more juicy pics? There’s no way Jennie doesn’t have more explicit photos, nudes, dickpics or whatever. Most girls with bfs have at least one or two explicit photos either of themselves or their bf on their phones. Idk, it just seems very weird. If you were dating a super famous celebrity who is lusted after by millions of girls, wouldn’t you be somewhat tempted to make it public knowledge? Where’s the fun in dating someone that famous if nobody can ever know it? Idk. It just seems fishy, I feel like Jennie is intentionally leaking these pics, she’s already made so much money and is famous, most people are saying they’re happy for them, so how would it really hurt her career now?
Sometimes idols get forced to release dating scandals to draw attention away from other scandals. There was a company that was dumping toxic waste into the water in Korea and the owner was a big shareholder in some idol agency. The agency got two of its members to release a dating scandal to draw away attention from the dudes shady company and it worked. So that’s another possibility. YG has had a SHIT TON of scandals lately, so it’s possible. Two of Koreas most famous popstars dating is a perfect way to drown out other gossip.
Oh and another thing. The gurumi person wrote several English messages on telegram. It seems from those messages that they’re someone who is basically fluent in English but not a native speaker, you can tell he/she still has a slight ESL turn of phrase. We know Jennie is ESL from living in NZ and speaks English at a somewhat fluent level. Also find it weird how she’s still uploading pictures of herself to socials and acting unbothered by it all. If my phone had just been hacked and a stranger was uploading my private pictures, I was one of the most talked about people in the world currently, and thousands of fangirls were threatening to find out where I live and murder me, throw acid on me, petrol bomb my car or find a way to poison my food, I’d be paranoid as fuck and trying to lay low as possible. To me it feels like only a truly narcissistic person would be lapping up the attention like that. Idk. This all just feels very off.
Most celebrities have NPD. Fappening was legit because actual nudes, sextapes and contacts lists got leaked. This is unlegit because it’s just a bunch of cringey lame kiss or vacation photos. Bitch is obvii leaking them herself, case closed lmao.
Uhhh basically what I said but yeah…
I said this from the start. Why are her fans more bothered about her icloud being hacked than herself lmao.
I don't follow kpop but from what is written here, it sounds like their management is doing it for publicity.
In other scenarios I’d agree but BLACKPINK and BTS are the two most famous Korean girl/boygroups in Asia right now so I doubt it.
G-Dragon and the mother of the girl from the other dating rumor also unfollowed Jennie. Allegedly G-Dragon has never unfollowed any of his ex-girlfriends before, even the ones that cheated?
>Sometimes idols get forced to release dating scandals to draw attention away from other scandals. There was a company that was dumping toxic waste into the water in Korea and the owner was a big shareholder in some idol agency. The agency got two of its members to release a dating scandal to draw away attention from the dudes shady company and it worked. So that’s another possibility. YG has had a SHIT TON of scandals lately, so it’s possible. Two of Koreas most famous popstars dating is a perfect way to drown out other gossip.
gurumiharibo is claiming it is not staff, either.
Looking at the telegram, this person seems to be out to defame Taehyung not Jennie herself.
They're telling people to go support Jennie, but no mention of going to supporting Taehyung. Weird.
The icon is Seiji Amasawa from Whisper of The Heart. I know nothing about Jennie from Black Pink, cus I've never been a Blink but has Jennie showed shady behaviors in the past and shown to be a Ghibli fan (There seems to be one photo I found of her with a Ghibli bag, but not much else…)?
Sorry, not to shit up this threa with K-pop but now I'm interested.
Jennie is a shady gal imo. Whatever she did seriously pissed off G-Dragon enough for him to hate her, and now she’s jeopardizing Taehyung’s career too while seeming totally unfazed that her private photo reels have been hacked and leaked. Sussy.
Reminds me of an e-girl from r9k who used to intentionally leak her private photos to 4chan to feed her coomer simps, while pretending her facebook got hacked lel.
Iirc she cheated on GD. He’s ugly as hell tbf.
>>87788>Feeling jealous or sad over the celebrity you like getting married or being in a relationship is totally normal tbh
No the fuck it isn't it's rightfully mocked because it's dumb as shit
Lol that's why places like Korea have meltdowns when an idol acts like a normal person and gets a bf. They're fucking delusional.
Lol stop trying to virtue signal you handmaiden cuckqueen. Being happy for the guy you like fucking another girl is literal cringe cuck shit.
Getting emotionally attached to someone who doesn't know you exist is already inherently cuckqueanish.
It’s more cucked to get emotionally attached to an irl scrote who you let use your body to relieve himself sexually.
>>87939>It's cuck shit to actually have sex with the person than to have a parasocial crush on them
Not against you having husbandos instead of a husband, but this logic makes no sense. As in that is the exact opposite of what cucking is afaik.
I think she meant not literal cucking, but the idea of being used for something
And a person, who doesn’t even know you, can’t use you, see
Is he really a guy you like if you've never even had a conversation with him and he doesn't even know your name
He isn't someone you know personally, getting this attached to a man you will never interact with in any meaningful way to begin with is stupidity
Imo it's only being cucked if you actually know the guy
No interaction with a man is meaningful so your point is moot.
And what meaning do you see in thirsting over a man who doesn't know you exist who'll inevitably get a girlfriend which will stupidly make you sad?
>He isn't someone you know personally, getting this attached to a man you will never interact with in any meaningful way to begin with is stupidity
Calling how someone feels stupid, is stupid. Feelings don't always need to have rationale behind them. You're an asshole.
Personally I think the asshole is the one who's jealous that a woman is in a (hopefully) happy relationship with some guy she's never met instead of just being happy for the woman.
If you've never felt jealousy you're lying. Like >>87788
mentioned, it is a normal human response. It's what you do with that feeling that determines whether you're an asshole - Like sending death threats to the idols involved.
>instead of just being happy for the woman.
If you've never met her either, then you have no obligation to be happy for her either. She could be an asshole too for all I know.
Not sure if this counts because my object of limerence is a guy I met in real life, but I want to vent because lately I've been feeling super depressed about it.
When I was 7-8 I was very close with my cousin, who was 14-15 back then. We were more like sisters, often sleeping in each other's house (we lived on the same block) and doing pretty much everything together despite the age difference.
She eventually got a boyfriend, let's call him A. He was like a year older than her, pale skinned with long hair and the most beautiful light brown eyes I've ever seen. Needless to say, he was quite dreamy. I remember my cousin bragging that all her friends were jealous of her. And you know what? I was too.
A wasn't just good looking, he was incredibly sweet, polite, chivalrous and intelligent. Whenever he visited my cousin and got her flowers, he would get bouquets for me and my aunt (and once for my mom) too. Whenever he got her chocolates, he would bring a smaller box for me too (not a heart-shaped one, sadly). He never showed any kind of discomfort when my cousin took me to their dates.
So an impressionable young girl meets this seemingly wonderful man, who is also dating the girl she admires? Yeah, first love formula if I've ever seen one.
Not going to lie, I also became a bit of a little shit because of this. I would do everything in my power to spend time with him, to the point of becoming and annoying nosy brat. For example, whenever they were hanging out in the couch, I would purposefully sit between them and then pretend to fall asleep only to lean on his chest. His smell is still engraved in my memories. I also clearly remember this one time he picked me up and carried me to my bed after pretending to be asleep. I've never felt so protected again.
Now, I was also a bit of a precocious kid. I discovered self-pleasuring very early in my life, so my sexual awakening was quite unhealthy. I'd say that my fucked up kinks came from him, unintentionally of course. Like, ageplay is an obvious one. Then there's watersports/pissplay, which came from me opening the bathroom door while he was inside (that was also the first time I saw a penis, also it was an accident). And finally, my cuckquean kink probably started when I accidentally spied on them during an intimate moment.
But alas, nothing good lasts and they eventually broke up. I remember crying when I heard the news, I was genuinely more heartbroken than my stupid cousin. I thought I would never see him again, and I was fucking right. To this day, I consider him the golden standard for a man. My obsession with nerdy goth boys and slightly older men comes from him, fuck, I even ruined my only relationship by saying his name out loud when making out. Hardly a day passes without me thinking about him, I've tried to find his social media but had no luck. He must be pushing 30 at the moment, probably married or something, but I would still love to see him just once. He is a ghost of everything I love, one that I can't nor want to exorcise, one that haunts my memories and possesses my heart.
I've never felt jealousy over someone getting with a man I've literally never spoken to no.
Kpop fans are just like vtuber fans.
Wow, I’m falling in love with him now. What did he smell like?
And social media shouldn’t be too hard to find unless he has none. Just go through friends lists of everyone who you think might have a remote connection to him (e.g. same year at school).
I finally decided that I wanted to stop obsessing over her. I finally grabbed the courage that I'd tell her my honest feelings, my obsession with her, everything. That I'd be okay even if she rejected me or was cruel.
Only to realise, I don't know how to!
The person I'm obsessed with, I mainly stalked her on Instagram. She deleted her Instagram though. Now I have no idea where to find her again.
I know her Facebook but I think messaging her on that would be a bit too far since it's clearly one she uses for more professional reasons I want to respect it I guess?
There’s this girl I don’t talk to that I’m extremely fucking limerent towards but holy shit do I dislike her once I hit my period. I do not know why. It’s probably some weird brain chemical thing.
Like rn I’m not feeling shit. But she’s extremely cringe and geeky yet she owns it somehow.
I’m the same way too. I hope. Why am I triple posting like a newfag.
Damn that could be a song then lmao
Wrote this in my notes really quickly. Imagine it very slow with lots of breaks for instrumentals, like a Billie Eilish song. It’s supposed to make you feel a little bit uneasy, it’s about guilt ofc. Might record it if I find the time but it probably wouldn’t sound too great lol, idk how to do synths and shit.
I’m in my bed 10 hours a day
Looking pretty for her even though she never stayed
I know it’s kinda stupid but
I sometimes wish I hadn’t screwed it up
I’m on my phone 10 hours a day
Looking at the posts where we were happy to be talking
Once it stops it starts
Once it starts it stops
It’s one of those weird brain chemical things
She’s cringe but she can own it
Maybe she just fucking knows it
I’m in my bed 10 hours a day
Looking at the people who have had it made
I know it’s kinda stupid but
I sometimes wish I hadn’t screwed it up
I’m on my phone 10 hours a day
Looking at the posts where we had miscommunications
How do you look in that sweater, weirdly?
What are you like in real life, so weirdly?
Weirdly is the word I’m using
But she’s saying things that make me mad
And posting all these pieces and
And I just want to hear her talk to me
As bad as that can be
I don’t want to think about my silly little icon anymore
Lmao yeah, I love anonymity
It was a strange but very pleasant mix of manly musk, grape cigarette and a cologne I haven't been able to track down. I clearly remember my aunt commenting at some point that he always smelled good.
And I've tried pretty much everything. Maybe he doesn't have any social media or doesn't add any old friends.
this will be all over the place. let's say hypothetically you have someone that is intensely limerent (?) over you. and you do like them very much, just not actually sexual orientation-wise yet the one with limerence does not mind this.
how would it be best to handle this? I am not opposed to a close relationship at all. just asking how to go about things when I have severe trust issues from past abuse (so I feel like it is impossible they will not eventually do something similar). my friend, for lack of a better label, does not get upset at lack of trust, only tells me things will be different this time. seems to worry about me constantly. is sending messages saying I am OK advised? every time in the past I was open about liking some moid that resulted in the moid devaluing me but this time it's not a moid.
Idk if it’s limerence but I can’t help but view my ex as a rock to me though we don’t talk anymore and our relationship was not long at all. he’s an avoidant person or maybe he lied and just doesn’t fucking like me but he basically ghosted me multiple times. i’ve basically been sending him diary entries just about stuff going on in my life for the whole time we’ve been broken up which is autistic as fuck but he comes back sometimes and we discuss getting back together or whatever. i now have like 0 intention of getting back together with him because of how psycho and overexposed ik feel and have behaved but i can’t stop using him as this emotional dumping ground. he never replies lol but i know he reads my messages. this is really embarrassing writing it out but if i can’t share it here on anon where else can i go. idk how ill get over him. when we were together he supported me through something really stressful and now i feel bonded to him and can’t forget him though he’s completely over me. i’m a total loser yes but i never ever ever behaved like that to anyone before. people tell me to stop and that it’s hurting him and if i really cared i wouldn’t do it and i feel ashamed and stop for a while because i do care about him and respect him bur i go back to doing it. it’s so shameful and i’m so embarrassed. idk i just had to get that out.
jesus anon get a therapist already and stop using your ex as an emotional dumping ground
Oh yeah. I share a class with a girl who is so so pretty. She's so beautiful and I am so… infatuated with her. I think about her every day. I stalk her social media every day. I look forward to going to school only because then I get to look at her. I'm always afraid that she notices that i'm obsessed with her but at the same time I think i'm pretty good at hiding it. I want to try to talk to her but i'm socially retarded and wouldn't know what to say. I want to compliment her or something… should I? oh god I wish I was her friend her something. I crave her attention so bad
it's been 8 years (casually together for first 2), 1 year ago they popped their head back in for a week, back to being ghosted.
I think being ghosted has a hand in creating limerence
I kept having the issue of the person I'm obsessed with eventually finding out and reciprocating, which of course makes me lose interest immediately. This was temporarily fixed when I started getting really intense parasocial relationships- but then I realized I could like actually find out where youtubers live and get in contact with them. I have now dated 2 separate YouTubers over the course of the last 3 years- which is insane to me. At least with celebrities it takes much longer to get them so I the cycle slows down, my current crush is on another youtuber and it's a year and a half strong but we're flirting a lot and getting really close so I'm worried I'm going to click out of the obsession mode i'm in. I hope I don't fall out of love this time, he's really really sweet and hanging out with him has been so comfy- plus he knows a lot about my special interest so he doesn't mind when I rant about niche historical subjects for long periods of time. I hope this one works out.
>>Life revolves around finding love and building a family
>>Fall in love
>>Talk about kids
>>Get heart broken
>>catch up with ex after years
>>Still have feelings
>>Ex no longer wants kids
>>Somehow feelings exacerbate?
I used to think of love as a tool to build a family. Now I'm fantasizing about love as an end itself?
Not sure whether to cry or beg for love.
Tell us your secrets. How big are their channels? Do you only go after ones that are local to you? How do you start a convo and hold their interest if they are popular?
two were moderately big (one is actually bigger on twitch than he is on youtube) and one was super super tiny with like 2 videoes that happened to get blown up by the algorithm which is how I found him and started getting obsessed with him. The really small channel guy lives in a different country but I was really really smitten so I didn't mind LDR.
My current one lives in the same city as me, I'm not sure if I like him so much because I'm close or if I subconsciously choose the college in his city. The other moderately big channel guy lived in a neighboring state really really close to where my cousins live, and I drive down to see my cousins all the time so the distance wasn't a problem at all. The first time I got involved with a youtuber it was because he was a game dev and I was obsessed with finding every project he'd ever made and playing them all. Including like files and drafts of unfinished projects. He made an ARG and I solved it before anyone else so I got his email, and while we were coordinating him sending me prizes and stuffs I asked him about my favorite project of his which was a super obscure abandoned one. He kept hitting me up after to talk about that project, we ended up becoming friends and he hired me as a script editor. We were friends for a very long time before we met for the first time, which was at a con. Shortly after that we started flirting more and actually dating, which made me realize I liked the stuff he made much more than I liked him. I still work for him and we're close but I just have no attraction to him anymore. I'm not sure how replicable those steps are other than engage with their community, stand out as especially talented, and be hot if they ever meet you in person. Second one was the small one and it was really easy to stand out in a small community, basically we just had so much in common which is why I was interested in him in the first place. The different countries thing was really frustrating though. I'm not dating the third one we're just friends and we hook up sometimes, but I met him through getting famous within his discord sever. His channel attracts like a pretty intellectual community so just being generally smart/knowing a lot about philosophy and political theory while being attractive was enough to stand out and build clout. Once I got mod we met for organizational meeting reasons, but got along really well and started gaming together. I don't think my convo held their interest as much as being more fun/ slightly more attractive than the other mods. Basically, just rise through the ranks of the community until you get the place where they will notice you, and then be pleasant enough to be more desirable than their other options once you're in their life.
Thanks for the super detailed reply anon
Alright I fucking hate remembering him, but here's it goes>Be me>Codependent>Finds the meaning of life to be love>Gets rejected>Suicidal thoughts & sense of belonging>Tries to find literally anyone to talk >Doesn't>Finds a guy who doesn't just run away from me & actually listens >Fall harder than any metal >The entire day looks forward to talking to him>Start speaking but realize I'm quite autistic>Weird out, but tolerates it>Asked his number, and wants to hang out >Realize we barely know each other>He's Creeped out >I'm Confused and want to take it back>Doesn't even look at me and acts cold now.>Regret>Regret>Regret >Start orbiting>Feels even worse >Finds out he has a boyfriend>Mfw when I realize he's gay>Mfw when I realize I didn't even have fucking chance>Mfw when I think about him
Right now I'm just looking for another person to fall for, but whenever I talk anyone else, I still see his face in theirs, and I turn dead inside, causing them to not be interested to me.
>>89450>learning they have a bf after going for them
legit makes me think of killing myself
i tend to develop emotional dependence on people who show some sort of care towards me and it happened with my ex as well. now that he left me i still keep thinking about him. being emotionally dependent sucks because my life got centered around a person with whom i used to be in relationships and now i need to re-center my life and stop constantly thinking about the ways we could've been together and i keep thinking i did something wrong even though he says i didn't :(
I can relate somewhat. My crush is not only married but has a child, meaning it's doubly taboo to like him. Now I'm just embarrassed over how stupid and naive I was. If only I had found out earlier… Recently, my workplace got a bunch of new guys but none of them interest me. All of them seem bland and flavourless compared to him.
Lesson learned: Never fall for anyone ever again whose relationship status or sexuality you know nothing about.
Omg Anon thank god you said this, I never realized this bullshit until you said it outloud.
How do you find it out thought? I'm so obsessed with this guy and I dont know how to just ask him if hes gay or asexual or something.
Do you know him in person or is it an online thing?
thank you, nona. now i know there is a name for my state.
I'm watching him right now, pretty sure he would be creeped out if he saw me
Guess it's over now.
No more looking forward to working in the same building as him, no more hellos and goodbyes, no more overhearing him chatting with his co-workers, no more catching glimpses of his quiet and hard-working face here and there. But most importantly, there will be no more opportunities to witness his serious and attentive personality at first hand. I really didn't know it was possible to have a guy around my age not treat me like I'm completely invisible or a same-faced NPC.
Perhaps him being a father to a child means he pays more attention to his surroundings. And since he's in a committed relationship, he doesn't have any weird hang-ups about my gender or my appearance. I don't know, just taking some wild guesses here. He just treats me like I'm a person who exists on the same plane as him. That's one of the reasons why I became mildly obsessed with him.
Of course, I'm aware it's absolutely pointless to have a crush on a married guy. Nothing can ever come of it. But I don't need us to be more than what we currently are.
I thought, I would be content with merely seeing him every week until either one of us quits our respective jobs few years down the line, but God couldn't even let me have this one thing.
I've been obsessed with this same guy for a while, hanging out with him for hours every day. He games in my room while I study and it's really comfy. I've been sleeping a lot more because I keep passing out when I daydream about falling asleep next to him. My friends say I'm super out of his league and his friend recently found out I liked him and begged me to ask him out. I asked him if he was interested in a relationship last night and he said no. I'm still so obsessed with him though Idk what to do.
why would a friend of his beg you to ask him out? why doesn't he want a relationship?
limerence is fucking wasted on moids.
i’m getting over the guy i was obsessed with slowly but surely. i’ve posted in this thread before and hit extreme emotional lows because of my obsession but i finally feel like it’s waning. i still care for him and i’m not going to lie it feels like being stabbed every time i think about him with another girl but if i don’t actively think about it i’m okay and don’t have him on my mind 24/7. i finally understand the if you love them let them go thing. i can let him go and i care about him yes but i don’t want to hear about his life ever again and certainly don’t want to know about his next girlfriend, at least i won’t be able to take it just yet. but this is a step in the right direction.
His friend thought I'd be perfect for him because I'm out of his league and super into the same niche hobbies. Apparently, he doesn't want a relationship because he's never been in one and is freaked out about it. I guess thats fair but it feels like a bullshit answer to he told me to reject me. It's pretty fucked up but I almost feel entitled to him liking me, I'm way better than what he should be able to get and he still isn't interested? Really really frustrating.
time for you to play hard to get, nona.
As a moid and relationship repellent? Excellently.
nta but why do you say that nona? it personally worked for me more than once
because you did it or the other person did?
a moid playing hard to get is usually not interested and a turn off i agree, the girl doing it though can be a pretty good strategy, but then again that's just my experience, i personally like playing hard to get with scrotes because it makes me filter out the ones who aren't really into me for a relationship and just want fast sex. they're usually the moids who dont care about chasing a girl
He may have niche tastes like chubby women or super tall women or something.
Have you not got a niche taste yourself? Personally I'd reject anyone who isn't of my specific type(s) since it wouldn't be fair to them. I'm not necessarily into conventional perfect people, either, so rejecting one would indeed look incomprehensible.
Perhaps your moid is the same?
whats your specific type nona?
I like socially awkward, shy, cringe nerds, in the most gender neutral sense. But a deal breaker for me is preference to date within my ethnic group, both for taste and because it's just easier.
In anon's case, perhaps she is successful in some way (career, mental health, socially) that he just doesn't feel would fit for him for a life partner. Or maybe he has a weird physical preference, but in either case he has saved her from a tough relationship. We already have anons here trying to get plastic surgery to appease their moids, we don't need another.
It is more just for him to reject her regardless of his reason.
Or you just filter most sane ones who can understand that “no” is “no” and give a green light to predators not respecting other people feelings
I appreciate your many insights and based taste in nerds.
It’s probably that he thinks I won’t fit him as a partner. I don’t think it’s my appearance because I look weirdly similar to his celebrity crush.
For a bit I thought he was only dating within his ethnic group/ religion like you since he’s Brahmin Indian and practicing Hindu- but apparently he like does not give a shit about any of it and is just vegetarian because he grew up doing it.
It’s probably relevant that he’s autistic so he might not be operating on standard moid rules.
Anyone had any success forcing themselves to move on from an obsession?
I have a story:
I think of the guy I met in 2020 March a lot. I now have a boyfriend and we're getting engaged soon, but every night I secretly listen to a playlist he sent to me years ago. I've never met this man let alone know what his real name is, I just know we shared a genuine bond over 3 months that year.
I was stuck in my room a lot, and used to text him all the time. Texts turned into calls, calls turned into feelings both ways. We had so much fun just talking and exploring, I can't really describe how it was back then. Something silly happened and we stopped talking then. I remember his laugh a lot, it always sounded like he was on the verge of tears. He spent some time in hospitals and I didn't really understand how I affected him. Things happened, we tried to reconnect this year earlier but didn't work out. I think I'll think of him forever secretly, but I would never approach him in real life. It was a special connection I shared only once with a stranger on the internet. I hope he's doing okay and I always think of the music I used to listen to, which caught my eye here as well - Yves Tumor has a track called Limerence that takes me back everytime I listen to it. I've destroyed myself over him and rebuilt it, and now my boyfriend and I are open about everything thanks to him. I learned to love people for who they were.
I have had countless of limerent episodes. The only thing that really helped was this self help book that focused on Limerence. Do check out Lucy Bain’s The Limerent Mind, and actually try out the exercises. Personally I found that the visualisation exercise sped up the recovery process for me. But besides that I also set clear boundaries with my LO (never hanging out alone together, keeping conversations to a minimum and non-intimate, etc) and focused on nurturing other existing relationships in my life as well (this helps a lot with feeding your needs). Being away from them physically really helped me heal too, out of sight out of mind sorta thing
Yes. I had a bit of an obsession with a coworker from a different department. Being away from and avoiding our common workplace helped me move on because that's the only place where I saw him at. After my company decided to relocate me to another building, I've been thinking of him less and less.
God I hate feeling limerence over my ex. He was great and is still a great friend but it's time to move on and stop constantly thinking about him and yet I still long for his approval and affection. Just why, brain?
this is really beautiful nona
I wish I'd stop feeling limerence over him. He's so lovely but I gotta accept he's unavailable. I still cling to him and he doesn't even seem annoyed and says that his only concern is me getting hurt even further. And I'm sorry I'm making it hard for him. After he pushed me away and I've felt distressed, he was the one to comfort me and yet he felt concerned it might make me even more attached. And seems like it did. Not only my brain is making it hard on me but on him as well and that's so dumb. My brain is so weird. Out of all people to cling to it decided to choose him. I wish I didn't have to feel this way or at least have chosen another person to feel limerence over :(
found this term a few weeks back and pretty much accurately describes all my 'crushes'
I was always too shy to ever speak to any of them, I'd have one semi-friendly interaction which would morph into an obsession within around 2 weeks then after that I'd have to avoid them like the plague to prevent potential spagetti spillage.
Most recently I tried to message someone I thought was cute (trying to escape my inevitable femcel fate), got ghosted after around a month but I keep slipping back into daydreaming about him. Feels even more pathetic than my last crushes though because this time I actually spoke with them and got rejected. I was riding a train which went past his town and got unreasonably exited and dressed up for the off chance that he might spot me looking ethereal and unbothered like some enchanting anime character. kill me pls
AHHHHH SHE JUST DID A COVER OF THIS SONG IM SO IN LOVE
Oh shit apparently thats a tranny nvm
Why is he unavailable? Is he dating someone?
>>85259>Anyone else here struggle with being extremely limerant/obsessed with certain people?
Yes, YouTube therapy let me know it can be a part of avoidant attachment/being emotionally unavailable. It feels good to be close to know someone you know you can never have so you will never feel rejected
I haven't felt attraction to guys in real life but I have been in a strong limerence feeling for a particular celeb for 2 years, now I am on a different one and coming up with ways to feel closer to them. I would never stalk, just manifest.
Literally, my entire career/location goals is centered around a moid. It's so pathetic.
i feel now thats shes apologized, nothing in life matters anymore other than winning her over. why am i so retarded?
>>85259>Be me, 14>Spend all day online on the family computer, on discord, imageboards, etc>discover 4chan /soc/ and start adding people>meet some 20 yo guy>we become "friends", I am drawn to him because of his bizarre sense of humor, which I did not fully get at the time, took everything he said too seriously, it was intriguing>we do things I thought was hilarious at the time like contact prostitutes and pretend we were going to meet with them>after a week or so fall in love with this guy and become absolutely obsessed>I drop hints, he realizes>emotionally tortures me by putting me down constantly, under the pretense of "joking">Lies all the time about everything under the pretense of "joking">threatens to not be my friend anymore, pretends to leave me, having me spiral into meltdowns>things continue on for the summer>eventually things get cold between us with him going back to college and being bored with me>I piss him off over some joke about his religion>blocks me, no word for months>still pine for him every day and hope and pray he will come back>highschool starts, I turn 15, I write letters to him (not intended to be sent) about how lonely I am>no friends>eventually he emails me, I am elated>for the next few months compulsively check my email 8000 times a day on the off chance he wants to talk to me>when he does talk to me, he is more mean and cruel than ever>makes me cry multiple times>still obsessed>eventually we email more and more>adds me back on discord >we become good friends again over the next month>slowly he hints more and more at wanting to be romantically involved with me>eventually says he wants to date when I turn 16, marry me when I am 18>Feel like all my dreams are coming true, slightly overwhelmed>eventually we just edate while I am 15>Lasts 3 weeks, then he starts refusing to talk to me>I got upset and broke up with him knowing he probably wasn't interested anymore>he deletes his email, fucks off again for a few months>Still obsess over him, kick myself over breaking up with him, cry all the time, insanely depressed>emails me again, we edate again>once again feel like all my dreams are coming true, I actually cry from happiness>lasts even shorter, like 2 days before I snap and dump him in a fit of rage because he deleted his telegram and got shitty about me emailing him at that particular email address>still cry over it for months>he contacts me again months later, a month from my 16th>Originally was elated, but started getting the creeps, and was too prideful to date him again>reject him, it hurts>I finally get over him and move on to another sociopath online who said he wanted to rape my dead body and would jerk off to my sh pics>other sociopath pretends to kill himself, enter a nice relationship with someone who actually visits me>forget about him, am finally over him after a year and a half of pining>he contacts me once, I tell him to fuck off angrily>contacts me again about 2 years from the time we met>I talk to him, it starts out friendly enough, it was nice to catch up >topic of my new bf comes up, he accuses my new bf of grooming me>makes me snap on him, start crying in rage because how dare he say that about my new bf with how he treated me>Eventually I calm down>We still talk, tries to encourage me to read certain books, etc. >adds me on discord>Sometimes get spooked and try and distance myself by taking things back to email only>he doesn't email me back for a week, I find myself thinking about him more than I would like in that week>tell him to fuck off again and cut off contact>email him a couple months later wanting to catch up, he never responds
And that is the end of it.
I am able to find many of his online prescenses now, on twitter etc. because now he has a sort of large following for posting about history and is writing a book. Part of me wants to doxx him just because I hate him but I won't. Time has made me bitter, maybe it wasn't that bad and I am remembering it worse than it was.
I wonder what things would be like if those times he had threatened to leave me early on, he actually stayed away. I wonder how I would think about him today, and I wonder how my life would have went. I guess it made me grow up a lot. Obsession with this guy changed my life in a lot of ways and tbh I think it made me be emotionally harder and now I have trouble getting attached to people anymore, not only because of him, but the nature of online relationships where people can throw you away like trash and then leave like they were never there at all, and I have had a lot of those.
Regardless of any lingering bitterness, he is a pedo who was trying to groom a 14 year old child, nona. He deserves to be ruined, at the very least so that others won't fall for it too. Who knows, maybe you'd give strength to other victims.
>>95040>he is a pedo who was trying to groom a 14 year old child, nona
I have doubts about calling him a pedo/groomer because he didn't show remotely any romantic interest in me until almost a year after we had met, infact it felt like the polar opposite of grooming, more like he was trying to drive me away and pushing my buttons. >Who knows, maybe you'd give strength to other victims.
I never thought of him having "other victims," but maybe he does. I remember last we spoke he was talking about some neighbor girl who was 14/15 who he was watching anime with, but he would lie about everything, and lie about the weirdest things, and I assumed it was an attempt to make me jealous (which he had done before).
>>93311>I was riding a train which went past his town and got unreasonably exited and dressed up for the off chance that he might spot me looking ethereal and unbothered like some enchanting anime character. kill me pls
Lol. I have fantasized about/done very similar things.
im in parasocial hell
>recovering from depression from eating disorder >start spending time watching livestreamers cuz i have no friends>find female streamer my age who plays a game i like>she shares a surprising amount of my interests and reads chat a lot>spend all day watching her stream, when she stops going live i watch her vods or uploads on other social media>eventually find out she lives under an hour from me>try to bond whenever she plays games with chat>calls me the best chatter and gives personal attention/shoutouts>eventually get modded by her>the big daddy mod/her manager starts hating me out of the blue, before i even do anything as a mod>get sad and feel cucked by him since he's the only one she talks to off-stream and is friends with>have a hunch she was groomed by him because he found her when she was 16 and has given her several thousands in donations>tried dming her a few times but she's not very responsive>it's been almost 2 years and i want to move on and make real friends
i should mention i'm straight, have a boyfriend, and was initially hoping for a platonic, non-parasocial relationship with this girl. i don't really know what to do. i've never met another girl who i like and relate to so much in my life. should i just leave? should i try to talk to her in dms her more?
also there's a possibility she wasn't groomed by this guy and i'm just paranoid. at best he's a control freak (he refuses to give any of the other mods the same mod powers he has, tells her to check his dms during the stream, and has made her unmod other mods) and at worst he's a pedophile. he hides all personal info about himself to everyone but her. it's her choice to hang out with him and maybe she just likes him but their relationship makes me really jealous and concerned.
Are people under 18 even allowed to post here?
She is 18. She was writing about her past.
Sure doesn't sound like it, lol.
What makes you think I am underage? Did you even read the whole story? Its something that happened when I was 14-16 years old, not recently.
When you say you want to move on with your life and make different and better connections to other people…what do you think is preventing you from doing it? What makes it difficult to overcome and move on?
Oh don't beat yourself up for it. All my life I have taken decisions based on the boys I was obsessing over at the time. Futile and vital decisions. Everyday. A life shaped by my obsession for moids. My entire personnality even. And still, I am so much better than any of them. And so are you.
What! no! It's a good thread! I learned a new word thanks to you and I like that there is a more adult and scientific way to talk about a crush.
Limerance isn't the same as a crush, its disordered.
Yeah, I get that. But that's the whole point for me. When I used the word crush to talk about my feelings for a moid I always found it lacking, because I was referring to something so much more intense and… absorbing. But I knew it wasn't really love either. Had I known the word limerence I would have been better able to explain my feelings.
i just really like her. i've never met anyone else who i respect so much and want to be friends with so badly. i know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but i doubt i'll be able to find someone else so similar to me and who i want to befriend.
He wasn't trying to drive you away he was "negging" you. Typical groomer PUA stuff anon. You are the victim of a child predator. I'm sorry you had to go through that. You'll have to at least acknowledge it if you want to heal from it. Best of luck anon
GEZEBELLE GABURGABLY? I hate her, my bf used to be involved in their cringe incelcore friends group and they are unironically the most toxic and unhinged people you will ever meet. Thank god he cut them off. Gezebelle wasn't as bad as the others but you can tell she is just some dumb kid who should not be involved with such terrible people, she was 17 and Raven, a 22 or 23 year old tried to get her cancelled by grooming some 16 yo kid into saying she sexually assaulted him, and manipulating her bf into saying she assaulted him, and getting her (gez's) ex bf into saying she assaulted him.
But yeah the tranny thing is a rumor because she used to be kinda fat and also really tall with broad shoulders which made her look manly, and also she wrote some song called "I hate my body i want to be a girl" which is just making fun of them.
I hate my body was actually entirely authentic and just about wanting to be normal, it was just tongue-in-cheek and written with everyone's assumption that she was a dude in mind, which kinda adds another layer to the frustration she describes.
Damn, she's really not trans! I recall hearing from people who met her at that incel concert that she was underage, which also really shocked me. However I assumed they were mistaken about her sex because men aren't often as observant. I used to listen to her before her face was as widely available to see but after watching a stream it seems we have the same pitch of voice. Feels kind of bad since I also was frequently mistaken for a teen boy (I was also gnc as a teen).
That's all really sad for her. It's easy for a teen girl who feels insecure about her appearance to fall into such a community.
Wait really? she's not trans? the streams made me convinced it was a troon..
She has pics on her instagram of her as a toddler in 2008 and she doesn't seem to be trans unless her parents were weird but I don't think trooning out your toddler common then.
Her speaking voice sounds unmistakably female to me, but I guess if you have little experience with women with deep voices we'd sound like moids to you.
Honestly i feel a bit embarassed for thinking she was trans to being with. Maybe I'm too obsessed over trannies. I do like her music though even if some of it sounds uncesessary scrotey. Wasn't there a song called "I dont speak to whores"?
love that song
But yes of course she is going to be kinda nloggy, she decided to associate herself and her music with self proclaimed incels, I feel like "I don't speak to whores" is really an example though its more ironic and funny and she doesn't say anything outright bad about women.
Usually it's some teacher/professor, or someone teaching me (like my driving instructor).
I was in 10th grade and became totally obsessed with my chemistry teacher. Whenever she talked to me I'd become red in the face, I guess she noticed but probably she thought it was because I was very shy and quiet. I kept stalking her for a long time on socials but it's been like 15 years since that happened
Then my maths professor at uni ten years ago. And rn I'm studying again at uni it's another professor, thank god I don't have her classes this semester or I'd become crazy.
I keep imagining them in live or death situations and I'll be their savior or something (very cringe I can't believe I'm writing this shit), and it didn't help last semester my professor was feeling kinda sick in some classes (she was fine but she mentioned it and my feels just went crazy wtf). It's the same feelings when I read like angst fanfiction but with real people, like a hurt character
Oh gods, I'm on a very similar boat.
I've been in love with my Arts teacher since I was 12. I did imagine and write lots of "fanfic" like that back in the day, and nowadays I still write letters for him (that he will never read).
I got bold and flirty with him over the years, and to this day I fear I made him uncomfortable because I was underage.
I once had a landlord who was a teacher, told me about one of his students (12) having a crush on him. This is the UK and we hate pedos, landlord is from Asia doesn't understand why my face is repulsed and he literally kicks me out the house for it after ruminating on it for 2 months. A lot of teachers are teachers cos they're pedos. I would not feel guilty for being a child that crosses a line as it's ALWAYS up to the adult. Kids with weird crushes are just dogs humping legs it means nothing to them.
>>95864>This is the UK and we hate pedos
I was 15 when I was crazy about my chem teacher so at least rationally I knew that I had no chances with her but now I'm 31 and this university professor is basically my age, so it's been harder.
Even worse, today another professor told me (in a casual conversation about subjects) that she'll transfer next year. I'm crushed lol>>95864
>>95864>I would not feel guilty for being a child that crosses a line as it's ALWAYS up to the adult.
In defense of my teacher, he never accepted any of my advances. When I entered high school, I started visiting him at his house and he never did anything inappropriate, no matter how much I tried to nudge him into it, and I did pretty much everything short of trying to kiss him.
He was fatherly and pure in his intentions, which makes me kind of sad. Still, he did more for me than any other person in my life.
When i said "always the adult" I didn't assume your teacher was a pedo.sorry for not being clearer. You should know anon that if he's a good man he'd understand. You were just a kid doing what kids do. You seem to feel lingering guilt about it and i think it's no longer necessary. You were a confused kid that's all. It's easy to develop a crush as a kid especially if you didn't have anyone at home you felt safe opening up to.>>95866
It's the rhetoric that everyone is disgusted by pedos. Whether it's true or not is another discussion.
AUtONOMY - Limerence (A Game Of)
Goofy af but I have limerence towards my new culinary teacher that I can't even explain. He's not even attractive, he's a 5'10 medium build 5/10 with the energy of someone who has used a vegetable peeler to kill someone. He's very intimidating and unfortunately that's why I'm involuntarily crushing on him the way that I am
I had a science teacher I was obsessed with in high school. I was bullied all the time and he was the only one nice to me. I would finish my work early and he'd come talk to me about comic books and anime. He told me that if I applied to be is TA in my senior year, he would accept me. Then, fastforward to senior year, I took the TA class, which basically encouraged students to find a teacher to assist for basically like a job interview of sorts. It was to prepare us for that in adulthood. I applied and he said,"Oh Sorry, I already have a TA for every period. Keep looking, though!"
In his defense, he probably forgot me after 3 years, but my dumb high school brain at the time was heartbroken 💔 lol hope he's doing ok wherever hes at.
Feeling limerence after being love bombed and then him being so cold and indifferent is weird because you keep thinking back on what have you done wrong and why was he so sweet and affectionate in the first place
Limerence made me completely miserable for nearly a year straight. I'm still not completely over it and, despite the fact that it literally made me suicidal, I miss being in love with this person so much it physically hurts sometimes. Kinda don't want it to happen ever again kinda realizing I can't live without it
Also no I don't have BPD I'm just like that ://
Tbh i looked her up and heard rumors that she was a mtf/ftmtf and didnt do any research so I just assumed she was a tranny at the time
I wish my worth wouldn't become contingent on someone I have these feelings for. Apparently I am not satisfied unless I'm talking to someone who doesn't like me anywhere close to how much I like them.
As it stands I prefer pursuing anyway as I feel out if control otherwise, but it hurts that the people I like don't return the interest. I know some people find me attractive, my future is stable, and I have several skills, so I'm confident that I'm dateable. Just not to the types I like I guess. Maybe they sense my obsession and are turned off? Perhaps I'm too full on right away? If only they could comprehend my restraint.
It probably is too much to do for her right off the bat. But how can I stop myself?
Finally! A thread for me. I've had 4 main cases of limerence since I was 17. I am always in a stage of limerence for a man.
1. A high school science teacher I trauma bonded with. Living at home with my abusive mom and going to . I had a spat with him but that only made me more attracted to him. But it was also past a point of attraction, because I wasn't super physically attracted to him, yet I was obsessed. I stalked him, found all of the addresses he'd ever lived at, the name of his ex-fiancee, that he even had an ex-fiancee, built a whole family tree, including step-parents. I was very invested. I also still sporadically check on him on social media. I pray we never meet again because he did traumatize me but a part of me wants to see him again. Maybe it will give me closure.
2. A kpop idol. Yes, yes, cringe as fuck but my reality. I just thought he was so attractive and . Lost attraction to him when I found out he had a girlfriend and that made me stalk his girlfriend (only surface level stuff.) I was depressed over weeks. To make it worse, I think my roommate found out about it and she kept teasing me. I even made up this elaborate plan to become a celebrity just to marry him.
3. A professor I found out has dark triad traits (through his social media.) I never liked him, something about him always felt off to me but everyone loved him so I put it off. I then found his social media. The most disgusting, misogynistic, racist stuff is on his social media. He also reads Robert Greene books to manipulative people (women) he encounters. He's married so I don't know if he does it to his wife or just for the fun of it. Unfortunately, I never reported him, even though he said some messed up stuff. He really became an idealized version of a family man and a pillar in his community in my eyes. To report him would literally ruin that for me, as selfish as it sounds. Also, he gives me the spooks and I'm 85% sure he fits the DSM requirements for a psychopath and has bodies somewhere. So I'm watching my own ass too. Ha! You can't tell what people will do when their livelihood is threatened.
4. Currently, I am obsessed with this one man. I wouldn't really call him a celebrity but he's everything I've ever wanted in a husband. This one girl I know randomly mentioned how she's attracted to him and I legitimately wanted to block her.
Overall, I use limerence to prevent myself from ever growing strong bonds and getting a relationship. That guy in class might not be attracted to me and can reject me, but if I have a crush on this celebrity, he can never reject me because I'll never meet him. Also, fantasy is a great time killer.
I also think I do this with my life goals. If I make it so ridiculous and unachievable, I can put off getting a real job.
Also, I am generally obsessed with all of my professors, especially those who are extra kind to me. Adult validation (although I'm one myself) does something for me.
yes i have a deep obsession for extremely mentally ill people their lives just seem so much more exciting than ordinary people.
i once stalked this guy who im pretty sure was a schizophrenic/narcy/aspie whatever and was totally obsessed but he was kind of racist so that never went anywhere :(
i think i just saw a lot of myself in him because he was extremely neurotic about things im neurotic about.
but im also pretty sure it's only an online thing because everyone up close irl is so disgusting to me
Update: I'm still obsessed with her, just in a different way. I realized that I will never ever get her attention, because i've tried. I tried small talk a few times and it seemed to be ok but then I noticed she never waves her hand or says hi when I see her in the halls in school. So she probably dislikes me for some reason. But I want to be her. I think this feeling is called jealousy. She is what I want to be. I want to stop thinking about her but it's pretty difficult when I dream about her every week
>>96914>that he even had an ex-fiancee, built a whole family tree, including step-parents
wtf HOW? lol
>3. A professor I found out has dark triad traits (through his social media.) I never liked him, something about him always felt off to me but everyone loved him so I put it off. I then found his social media.
again, how? they couldn't have been under his name since he has a very public reputation to protect as a professor, especially nowadays. are you sure they were really his profiles? I'm fascinated by this level of sleuthing.
>>95254>he found her when she was 16>still friend with her 2+ years later when she's definitely an adult
how does this indicate "pedo"?
>>96914>wtf HOW? lol
I found out he changed his last name, then I googled his old name and an old alumni college catalog came out. It stated that him and this woman were going to get married in the summer of the following year. I noticed no ring on his finger (in class) and him mentioning having a girlfriend, which means he was dating another woman. I researched the woman (ex) and found out she married someone else. It checked out that it was him because I found pictures of his ex on his sister’s Facebook page from years ago.
>again, how? they couldn't have been under his name since he has a very public reputation to protect as a professor, especially nowadays. are you sure they were really his profiles? I'm fascinated by this level of sleuthing.
I found his daughters Instagram page because he and his family do events together and a page listed her name. I then looked her up and found her Facebook. I found his Facebook page through hers. I saw he commented a certain username combination. I searched it up and found his Twitter, which is where I found the comments.
Overall, my sleuthing has made me more and aware on how to be safer on the internet. Even if you’re super safe, it only takes one person +1 from you and someone looking you up can learn so much. I’ve been considering getting into OSINT professionally.
I feel like I could stop obsessing over him if we just talked and I figured out everything about him and kind of "demystify" him for my brain but despite him saying we'll remain friends he seems very distant and indifferent so I don't wanna bother him with it. He's polite enough but it seems like he's just being nice out of politeness and doesn't actually care for me. And me not understanding him is the fuel for this obsession. Why can't I just be obsessed about something easier to get over with?
maybe he didn't get the same affection from you he hoped for to develop in you and lost interest/got the idea you are not that interested and moved on
I am supposing this because that's what I do
>>96914>4. Currently, I am obsessed with this one man. I wouldn't really call him a celebrity but he's everything I've ever wanted in a husband. This one girl I know randomly mentioned how she's attracted to him and I legitimately wanted to block her.
I AM LIMERENCE FREE!!! GOD BLESS!!! Time to focus on world domination now!!!!
Maybe. I asked if I did anything wrong suspecting that maybe I've acted too cold or something but he says I did nothing wrong and it somehow relates to his ex. It's still weird>>97300
Congrats, nona! May your world domination plans prove succesful!
they could have a secret relationship, or he could be playing the long game. he's definitely way older (prob close to 30s). also do you really think 18 = adult, nona?
My professor transferred last month after all. I wish I could forget her but I've been obsessively checking youtube for her vids (her research uni has some) and I even found her facebook and instagram (tho they're private of course).
Some of my classmates were telling me they got to have lab with her (the subject she taught my year didn't have labs) and I was so jealous. Damn she was here for like 6 months only and I won't see her ever again. I know it's for the best but still, these feelings crush me
>>97333>do you really think 18 = adult, nona?
NTA but yes they are, don't infantilize a portion of the population that is very capable of adult decisions and has all the legal rights of one (in most places).
And it is not pedophilia to be attracted to a 16 year old or an 18 year old.
The issue isn't whether its pedophilia or if she is an adult though, it is whether the age gap makes it an inappropriate relationship, and yes it is definitely creepy and some men look for young women not because they are pedos but because its easier to groom them young to stay with them into adulthood.
I'll copy and paste something I posted in another thread, but yes, I'm going through it now, I have been for some time and I can't get rid of this horrible infatuation.
I fell in love with a guy online that I've met through a sex chat, we had sexting without sending nudes and it was fun but we also talked about different things, our topics of interest, everyday life etc etc (the more we knew each other the less sexual talks we would have but he was incredible attracted to me).
At first I thought he was ugly so as weird as it can sound, I was really myself with him since I had no need to impress him in any way and I felt confident because of it, he's a 28 year old virgin (i'm 24) with commitment issues, never really allowed himself to fall in love and the closes hes had to a girlfriend was a junkie girl who hanged out with him only when she was bored, he isn't at all the kind of man I'm usually attracted to but he isn't a loser either, has a good job, earns well, lives by himself, you would think he's just a normal well adjustment man.
When I started to develop feelings for him I let him know and he was at first open to see where things go, I insisted him to meet in person (we are just one hour away in plane, within EU) but he didn't want to because it felt too soon for him which I understood, he also said that if we meet it he would like to meet me as his girlfriend. after some time he told me he would like me to focus on other people as he isn't emotionally available and so I did, when I told him about a friend who confessed his feelings to me he suddenly told me he actually liked me romantically then hinted that he was ready to meet and gave me a date, I let myself fall for him, like actually fall for him but then he started to show his commitment and self esteem issues, saying he wasn't enough for me and that he needs to feel more confident before we meet because otherwise he wouldn't be able to make any move, he compared himself to poison and told me he would like me to find someone who is actually good for me where I live so after a few days he cancelled the meet up and I ghosted him for some time, his icon on discord would show that he was writing something without sending it and he would be online at unusual hours (he has a very strict sleep schedule), I tried to focus on other things but I missed him and I talked to him again, ever since then he told me he can only get off thinking about me and felt bad when I told him I no longer had romantic feelings for him, ever since then we aren't as close as we used to and it saddens me.
I have plenty of opportunities with guys irl but I can't stop thinking about this guy, it was the first time in years where I felt butterflies for someone and I know we could have had something beautiful, I'm also angry at him for not letting himself be happy, he clearly liked me but he's a coward and can't overcome his issues, I'm probably the last chance in a long time that he would have and I just can't wrap my head around his lack of reason.
I've tried dating other men but it feels impossible to feel in the same way as I did with him.
my bad, by "adult" i was only implying that she is above the age of consent. moids often use age of consent to justify having sex with women significantly younger than them or young-looking women. so i was surprised when the nona seemed to imply it makes it ok because she's 18 now. i wasn't speaking about any other legal rights though. >And it is not pedophilia to be attracted to a 16 year old or an 18 year old.
of course, it's entirely dependent on the situation. my bad if i made it seem i was arguing that.
Coming to a tail end of a limerent episode recently, she is no longer lingering in my mind all the time ever since.
What sorts helps is when you really keep an eye out for the negative traits of your LO and adamantly refuse to view them through rose tinted glasses. My LO will never feel as safe my partner and I’m so thankful I’ve finally been able to see that now. She indirectly put an end to this maddening fucking lovesick spell.
I know I have to work on myself really hard to become fully immune to potential LOsin the future, though.
I’ve always had topics I was very interested in and there was this guy I found through my research who I became very attached to. It was fun for me to learn more and more about him until I had a mental image in my head of what he might be like. I know more about him than I probably do any guy I’ve ever interacted with irl (I guess that’s a natural product of research). I imagine us talking or hanging out together and it makes me happy and brings me comfort even though I know it’s delusional and I could never truly ‘know’ someone just by researching them. I’ve been doing this for years, but I think it’s gotten more intense recently because I’ve started accepting more and more that I don’t think I’m ever going to be in a relationship (for many reasons). Plus I used to have more of an active social life to distract me, but not so much anymore. I guess it just feels good to ‘like’ (or love) someone, even if it’s someone you essentially made up in your head. They don’t have to like or love me back.
It’s weird because when I first discovered this person I was older than them but now they’re younger than me. And it’s been so many years since I first discovered this person I wonder if my personality has been influenced by them in some way- like the same way you adopt mannerisms from your friends. I won’t bother asking if this is healthy or not since I’ll probably keep doing it anyway. I’m not deluded and think we’d be soulmates. It’s just comfy for me to think about someone who I like, especially when it’s someone I will never meet. Doing this shit to someone you actually know is one thing, but what’s the harm if you don’t? And other people do this too right? I wish I had an outlet just to sperg about this
>>97945>It’s weird because when I first discovered this person I was older than them but now they’re younger than me.
What do you mean? Isn't it supposed to be that way?
Kek sorry, I meant to say that initially they were older than me, but now I’m older than them.>>97965
No. I guess the closest equivalent I can think of is a historical figure? Or someone who has been in the news.
so he is dead and died young then?
God you have to tell us who.
It doesn't matter who it is, but yes he is dead and died young. I think that definitely adds to the parasocial aspect because I would feel guilty being this creepy over someone who is alive. I don't mind obsessively crushing on someone who doesn't like me back, but it feels wrong to do that to someone with actual thoughts and feelings. I have been listening to videos where he is speaking and it sounds like he is talking to me. It's cute how he speaks softly and can't enunciate well. His jokes are cute and funny and I like his laugh. Is there a place where we can sperg about our parasocial crushes or should I just keep this to myself kek
Is there a reason you can't say? I am really curious who this guy is. I wanna knowww aggghh it does matter very much to me
Kek nona, way off but I love that guess. He seems like a good candidate for someone to develop a parasocial crush on.>>98050
The main reason is that it's someone who would probably be uncommon enough of a fixation that it would stand out. I've posted about this a few times before in the past few years and if I ever post about it again in the future I don't want to worry about being noticeable. The other reason is that it's not someone you would openly want to admit to having a crush on, which is why I can't sperg about this on LC
I watched this video recently where this girl talked about how religion used to be what gave people "purpose" in life and now it's love. She was talking about it in the context of romantic love and why so many people stake their happiness on being in a relationship and become depressed when they aren't. Do you think limerence is kind of the same way and why it's so easy to become obsessive? I've always been obsessive about my interests, even as a kid, and as I get older I start to realize that having something (or someone) you're obsessed with gives you something to look forward to or a sense of purpose. I've had shorter-lived, less intense obsessions with singers and streamers and whatnot and I wonder if it all just boils down to feeling like my life is empty and unsatisfying and wanting to focus my energy and attention onto something that interests me.
This doesn't really count as I was never obsessed over her, but over the years I've wondered eitherway.
Obviously a girl named Jessica Sharkey got me into fanfiction (she went by numerous names throughout the years from Chicken person to Juul2010, etc.) But whenever I was with her it was like being with the good that made up for every other woman that gave me nothing but shitty memories.
Eitherway in 2011 I wanted to do something I knew was impossible (mainly because I was still a teen and my parents' puritan values on internet strangers never helped) but realized life wasn't getting any better given the weight I was carrying at the time that didn't stop on looking for work, student loans and moving back to a country after studying abroad for more than 3 years: meetup for the first time in the 5 to 6 years we knew each other.
The simple feeling we would get to greet one another in person was something I never forgot. We obviously distanced ourselves completely in 2017 because, to put it bluntly, the pandemic started that early for me on an emotional level. There was never anyone as real as her to me and there never will be.
Without her I would've gone as far as fanart-central instead of deviantart.
Solution to limerence: having no friends. I'm serious. It's been years since I was truly in the grips of it and in the rare moments those feelings resurface I'm surprised to remember how powerful they were. I don't really know how to make friends any more, and I've alienated all of my old ones with my ridiculous obsession. But I don't miss my old self and old relationships.
It doesn't mean you need to be lonely. I go outside, speak to my family and to anons online. Imageboards are the perfect form of social interaction for those prone to limerence.
>>98294no but any anon with dead as her husbando is pretty based
I find when I have no friends I just spend my time waxing nostalgic and then sustain limerence for whatever LO I was obsessed with like a decade ago. It's pathetic.
Everyone goes on about the limerent highs and lows, the LEs and the “glimmer”. But have you ever experienced the disenchantment of an LO? When they trigger you so much and not in a sexy way? When the illusion of them finally shatters because their behaviour and attitudes put you off? When you wake up one day and no longer think of them fondly? When conversing to them feels closer to hell than the usual high?
Fucking finally, babe. She’s just like any other woman who is disappointing in reality. Not that I am any better
Ive never experienced an event that gives me ick and rescues me from limerence. It's more that I stop seeing them as much and over time slowly it fades away and then the next time I think about them I find them cringe or tiring.
Just when I thought it was over and done with I’m in yet another LE with a new LO. Fuck this shit so hard. I’m so tired of being in this limbo and I hate myself for betraying my mind over and over again. New LO is a thousand times worse than the last one. I can’t take it anymore
same omg!! i can't do this anymore! i'm too retarded to actually talk to her as well i hate this i hate this i hate thia i hate this!!!!
Will rejection help? If it does I suggest you to disclose to get it over with
Have any anons had an obsession grow into genuine love and a healthy relationship?
When I was a kid I really liked a french boy I met thru facebook, he then started appearing in my dreams almost every night. I started considering this dream version of him to be a separate person, specially because with each dream his looks slightly changed until he was effectively a completely new person that just happened to share his name. Long story short I absolutely and madly fell in love with this dream boy, he grew alongside me and 14 years later I'm still madly in love with this man. I see him quite literally every single night, it's gotten to the point where I can see and hear him, we talk, we laugh, we cry, we talk about our problems and struggles, we have sex, everything. I've been in relationships but during each I just kept thinking about my dream man, I'd go to sleep with a physical man by my side and my dream one on the other, and I'd smile at him, caress him, love him. I ended all those relationships because I just couldn't love them like I do this man, it felt like I was cheating. He's effectively ruined me romantically and unless he magically becomes real, I'll probably be forever alone. And the worst part is that I'm fine with that, 100% fine because I love him so much and he makes me so happy, coming back home and being with him and just talking and laughing is what I love the most and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Why settle for some random man when I'm already loved and happy?
i think a very similar thing is happening to me right now.
i fell in love with a moid a couple months ago. recently i've been having dreams about him; which started with one where he was with his younger brother who looked exactly like he did a few years ago. i've since had other dreams featuring this "brother" character. when i think of him it's split about 50/50 between him and his "brother"
Haven’t really heard it being called limerence before but I have bpd, so I get obsessed with people. How do I get them to be obsessed with me too? Hate when it’s one-sided. I really want people to get obsessed with me the same way. Don’t understand why other people aren’t like this. It’s so natural to me.
Yes, every relationship I had started out like this. But sometimes I feel like it’s not enough. I get obsessed with other people too. Relationship going pretty good though.
This sounds beautiful, how do I get a cute whimisical dream bf?
Literally every man I’ve been in a state of Limerence for has been shattered in the past 48 hours. Part of me feels free; part of me feels depressed by it. Limerence gives you something to do. What am I going to do with all of this free time? At least I can go back to what I know and what I’m best at: focusing on myself.
>obsessed with a coworker who is much older than me
>stalk his social media pages
>tfw he doesn't remember my name when he sees me
i keep trying to think of him as ugly and old it's not working.
its fucking… embarrassing please I know already ok he's 40 and I'm 24. I think I probably don't like him but the fact that he's where I want to be in life (financially stable, travels a lot, really composed and put together). It probably is manifesting in attraction. But I just admire his position in life most likely. Still, everytime he talks to me, I feel like I have a huge crush.
It's so deluded for me to have such strong romantic feelings for someone who doesn't even know me that well and vice-verse. I think it might be limerence. I sometimes call it love but I've never been in love before so I wouldn't really know what that's all about. I learned so many things about you and they help me feel close to you when the reality is that we're really not that close.
Romantic intimacy might be able to bypass friendship. I don't have any friends at the moment but I thought we could be friends. In my head, we have so much in common and we really do have a few things in common. I am not sure if we are actually as compatible as I delude myself into thinking we are. I don't think it's all that fair to make one person the sole provider for all of my emotional needs and desires but I would still like to.
In my head, we argue, hold each other, laugh together and share many more intimate moments together. I know that none of this is real. It never is. I've done this with many guys before you and will most likely continue to do with many more after you. It's not bizarre to fantasize about someone you are romantically interested in but to have no real interaction with someone and plan out your future together is. Fortunately, I've done this with fictional men or celebrity crushes. This time, I did it with a real person. I feel partly embarrassed.
I just want to feel close to you but the sad reality is that that will never be a possibility. I don't know what it is about you, specifically, that I like. You're just a guy and there's nothing particularly – for lack of a better work – remarkable about you but this doesn't make me like you any less. I am fixated on you and hopefully this illness of limerence will leave me and I will be free.
Well, it isn't too bad, though, don't you think? By what you've told so far he isn't going to date you, anyways, and you can still indulge on having a crush on him in silence
yeah in silence :( I'll just continue stalking him online and avoiding him irl until it goes away :)
>think I've already grown past my ex
>awful shit happens
>I break down and start imagining myself with him
>Touch myself afterwards
I'm so stupid, I know he was just a dumb loser that didn't even know what he want, but why? Why did my first love have to curse me so much?
Fuck the planet
Don't feel bad. Everyone has occasional nostalgia relapses during shitty times. When it happens, try to also remember the bad sides of your ex and touch yourself to something/someone else. But even if it happens, it doesn't make you weak. It happens. I'm proud of you.
He hates me. After receiving some advice, I sent him a message 3 days ago and he still hasn’t responded. It’s only been 3 days but I feel crazy and want to die because I feel so rejected.
It is very difficult for me to see the bad in him.
I know he just wanted attention, but even then, no one was as kind to me as he was. I felt like too many things were revealed on that short time we had and I just don't know what to do. Now I'm yearning for him more than I did in the last three months.
I hate it. So much time has passed and the feelings for someone that, in our last days together, made me feel completely miserable still don't fade away.
The fact that you can say how miserable he made you feel shows that you are level-headed. I think it's a good sign you'll heal, even if it takes time.
One thing that personally helped me deal with a breakup is changing my mindset. Don't look at it like a loss. All the good things he brought you, no one can take them away, not even him. All the happiness you experienced is yours forever.
I did online high school and in my junior year I had a fieldtrip to the zoo with all the other grades. On the day of, I forgot to wear my glasses (I'm basically blind without them). I get there and I see this guy who I find cute but I can't really see his face. I just remember the he had a very cute smile, nice voice, and bought a red panda plushie from the zoo store. After that I go to all the other fieldtrips for the rest of the year and never see him once. School graduation for the seniors come around and I'm praying that he isn't a senior. Our school had a webpage that has names and pictures of the seniors and a little quote with teacher replies underneath. I find his name (but no picture TT) and the teacher reply says something about how she wishes him luck in Austin Texas. So I realize that he graduated and moved away to Texas, and I never got to seen his face. It hasn't been that long, maybe 2 years? I graduated too but I'm still obsessed with him. I've tried really hard to find him online but I can't. It feels so stupid to be thinking and missing someone I never really knew. I know that the way I've made him seem in my head is probably nowhere near his real life self, but in my head he's practically my best friend.