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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Male Friends: Can They Be Trusted? Anonymous 90414

Share your experiences with male friends proving to have nefarious or secret motives.

What are signs a male friend is interested versus just being nice, despite having a boyfriend?

What do you think these mean:
>tries to hang out one on one
>gives you random gifts
>offers to pay for everything
>texts you frequently
>takes pictures of you during group outings
>says "oh you don't mention your boyfriend much" despite having done so
>seems to focus on topics that lead to personal info
>asks questions relating to more intimate things

Anonymous 90417

Do you have one (1) close single male friend that DOESN'T do any favors for you or showers you in gifts?

If anything, the type of men you keep around says more about YOU than them.

Anonymous 90423

Nona, you're describing an orbiter not a friend. If you want to have a male friend don't be friendly if you suspect he is a coombrain/virgin/emotionally traumatized/ neglected from early age. You don't want clingy simps, go for men with healthy relationships in general (friends, family, etc) see if they treat you the same way they treat others

Anonymous 90425

Yes I have a few male friends I've had for years who don't really do that sort of thing.

Anonymous 90426

I suspect he's a coombrain and has some complexes about women/himself. I just wish men and women could be friends easier without mating strategies complicating the whole thing

Anonymous 90789

What is stopping you from asking him out nona?

Anonymous 90795

I had male friends for years and thought they absolutely had no motives. I had one who waited for 7 years before confessing he's always liked me and dropped me after confirming I have no feelings for him. If any guy does nice things for you, he absolutely likes you. Men who don't like you at all don't do shit for you and would likely not even want to get close nor ask you personal info nor ask to hang out alone together.

Anonymous 90802


Overcome your anxiety and ask him to hang out casually, then when hanging out talk a lot with perhaps a side activity, like cooking together. It's Friday, do you have plans? Does he have plans? Find out! Hang out! Strike!

Anonymous 90803

Am I the only one who has never had a male friend like me? It makes me feel so ugly when I hear other women talk about how their male friends always like them and keep falling in love with them, am I defective? I know they don't secretly like me because they end up dating other girls or liking my friends so maybe I'm just ugly KEK

Anonymous 90805

yves-loona (1).gif

you know exactly what those mean nona, you are just keeping him around to get good ol sweet validation out of him and free stuff every know and then.

if it bothers you, why dont you stop "befriending" moids? Males only "befriend:333uwu" women they hope to have sex with eventually

Anonymous 90808

>Males only "befriend:333uwu" women they hope to have sex with eventually
I'm >>90803, is this true?

Anonymous 90815

That would make her nefarious and bad for some reason.

Anonymous 90817


I was trying to befriend him so he wasn't really a friend yet but I exchanged numbers with a guy in one of my freshman classes in college. I asked him to meet up and made it obvious it was platonic so he started ignoring me right afterwards. lol

Anonymous 90826

NTA, but why wouldn't i want a male friend who was neglected from early age? is he gonna go IRL yandere?

Anonymous 90831

They will get unhealthily attached to you and most certainly fall in love at some point.

Affection-deprived moïds are the most pathetic creature on this planet

Anonymous 90847


Anonymous 90850

this is true, I don't hang with people irl but on discord despite knowing about the guys' interests and being around all day I never get messaged by anyone except one girl that pities me, but the pretty girl gets texts regularly even when she gets on vc she complains about texts she receives while talking and they literally call her 'one of the guys' which is a term I don't wish to be called but they feel so close to her despite her being not having much in common with them.

Anonymous 90857

They choose to hang around the 'normie' girls and then complain that they never find women with the same interests as them, it's retarded. They just choose to orbit pretty girls who have nothing in common with them and then they go on and on about how all women are vapid and have no passions or hobbies, it's such a tired old routine.

Anonymous 90863

nta but you put it perfectly in words. i always wondered why they complain about women being boring NPCs in so many of their middle school tier memes and i realized that when they are talking about women, they only mean the very attractive ones lol. seems like that is the only type of woman their brain doesnt ignore

Anonymous 90866

>i realized that when they are talking about women, they only mean the very attractive ones
You nailed it, they don't see unattractive women as human beings. Whether you are physically unattractive or just 'weird' to the point of unattractiveness, you will never be acknowledged by them. When they finally get rejected by pretty girls for the 1000th time and decide that at 40 it's time to settle down and have kids, they come running back to the uglies in a desperate bid to tie down a mommy bangmaid, it's pathetic.

Anonymous 90877

I only had one male friend in my life and I always wished for him to be a woman. Its cool to have a male friend until you find out that someone who means so much to you has just been viewing you as a sexual object rather than a human being all along. Or maybe my personality was just too bland to care for lol

Anonymous 90898

>takes pictures of you during group outings

Get the fuck out! Now!

Anonymous 90993

I think that she meant that he offers to take pictures? Would be pretty creepy if he was taking creepshots.

Anonymous 90995

I'm going to be staying with a guy friend for a few nights this week. We've been friends for 5+ years and I never got even an inkling that he was attracted to me so I feel like I can trust him. He also has other platonic female friends, so I know that he's capable of having regular friendships with women and being normal. Even still, I feel pretty nervous about it. It's not that I'm afraid for my safety or anything, but more that I've never stayed over at a guy's place for that long. I didn't think much of it, but now that it's coming up I'm starting to get nervous about sharing a space with a guy for that long and not even one that I'm attracted to kek. Anyway I'm just trying to treat it like if I were staying over at one of my female friends' places and I'm excited to hang out and catch up. If it ends up being a horrible mistake I guess you can expect another post from me next week.

Anonymous 91400

The only man I consider a friend is a guy I've never met in person and probably never will. We met in a random online chatroom when we were younger, it was surprising that we were so close in age so we clicked fast. We're pretty close and have a lot of the same interests so we talk a lot, but I feel like an online friendship is the most I can take with a guy. I'm so wary of a guy getting the wrong idea that I'm either standoffish enough that we don't get super friendly or I really up the "one of the guys" bro behavior (as if that would make them not see me as a woman kek).
though the looks on their faces when i tell guys i'm a lesbian is usually very amusing lol, that's usually how I can tell some moid thought he had a shot with me.
(I kind of consider my roommate's boyfriend my friend because we get along and he's a well adjusted individual, but I don't think he counts because we only interact when he's hanging out in our apt with her lol.)

Anonymous 94497


>they don't see unattractive women as human beings
I may be giving them too much leeway by saying this, but I think it's closer to say they view unattractive women as some sexless, neutral being, unless they are on a universal level of repulsive, to which men will respond much worse than the average woman. Instead, I've found many men will not view attractive women as real people they can form connections with, in some extension of the Madonna/Whore complex.

My friends were mostly moids a few years ago, and I was very (traditionally) unattractive: bad hygiene, borderline obese, didn't care about fashion etc. I knew they were never attracted to me because they were always dating other women, we've slept in the same room/bed with no tension, and they routinely told me about the women they found attractive. They never spoke about what personality traits they liked in these women, just looks. They all jumped from woman to woman constantly, and rarely seemed to form a deeper connection with them (unless the woman cheated first, then they were obsessed). If a woman slept with one or more of them, they were called a slut and shamed for it, and looking back I'm upset I didn't call out this behavior. On the flip side, they would do nice things like offer me their coat, pay for things sometimes, lend me books or homework, walk me home if it was late, go out of their way to hang out, and importantly: express their appreciation that they had a friend who is a girl they felt like they really could talk to. I would talk about anything with them, from politics to tv shows for hours on end, and they would occasionally say I was one of the few women in our social circles they respected (which again, looking back disgusts me).

This is all to say that despite seemingly idolizing attractive women, they rarely actually treat them as equals (big surprise!) or actual people. To them, you can either be fuckable, or you can have a brain and be a person. Unattractive women (within certain bounds), exist as neutral, non-threatening entities they can use as therapists, or they just view them as something closer to men; they would often say they 'forgot I was a girl' when discussing sexual topics in front of me after I expressed disgust.

A while back, I saw them again after a few years of no contact. I look different enough that some people don't recognize me. I'm not sure if it's the years apart, or my theory on this, but all except one or two felt much colder than they used to. Food for thought, I guess.

Anonymous 94500

the only males i have found to be capable of friendships with women were a specific type of gay man
often the in-denial ones who claim they're bi-or pansexual, as they will be less misogynistic as regular gay males, but still wouldn't have any sexual motives when befriending you.
my current token male friend is like that so i am biased, but any other male friends turned out to have nefarious motives that revealed themselves later on. Or they revealed their misogyny when they saw me as "one of the boys".

i did have another male friend who was okay-ish to be around, he was so autistic that he didn't really have a sex drive, but i feel like that kind of autism is rare.

Anonymous 97890

OP here, so the male friend mentioned in this post I just ended the friendship with. The final straw was him smacking his head into a pole after I wouldn't hug him goodbye. Nutso. Lots of weird clingy obsessive shit and anger and bizarre emotional reactions so I cut it off.

Anonymous 97902

Good move.

Anonymous 97914

Men and Women can't be friends, I am sorry you had to learn it the hard way.

Anonymous 97936

>smacking his head into a pole after I wouldn't hug him goodbye
Sounds like a literal autistic tantrum. Imagine if you got closer to him and he starts hitting you instead.

Anonymous 97937

This was posted 5 months ago but whatever
>Can They Be Trusted?
I can't say I have had many friends at all especially male friends but when I went to school I had a couple of good male friends. They didn't try anything weird, we just had things we liked in common and had a lot to talk about. But I think that really is the exception. Men and women can't be friends in most cases. Especially in adulthood or in mid to late teens

Men trying to "befriend" you because they have romantic interest in you can be annoying when you want a genuine friend, but I try to be considerate. I mean I can imagine if I liked a guy that much and he wasn't initiating then it is what I would try to do. However, men who just pretend to be your friend because they only want to have sex with you I despise. Its disgusting, manipulative and pathetic
>What do you think these mean:
>tries to hang out one on one
>gives you random gifts
>offers to pay for everything
>texts you frequently
>takes pictures of you during group outings
>says "oh you don't mention your boyfriend much" despite having done so
>seems to focus on topics that lead to personal info
>asks questions relating to more intimate things

Now I'm a fuckin autist but I think it is obvious what that means. And I think you do as well
He is interested in you. He is only hanging around because he is interested. I don't know if it is because he just wants to be with you for sex or if he actually likes you but regardless you should probably distance yourself from him since you have a boyfriend. Don't have men orbiting around you if you respect your boyfriend and don't lead your "friend" on. That's the honourable thing to do at least
>"oh you don't mention your boyfriend much"
>asks questions relating to more intimate things
What this tells me is he doesn't respect your current relationship. Personally I would not be impressed with this at all but what ever you think yourself, OP

Anonymous 97972

Mostly off-topic so sageing.

I'm way too late to the party, but something about you sounds so fucking vigorous.

I picked up Goddesses in Everywoman by Jean Shinoda Bolen, and reading the introductory description to Athena spontaneously reinvigorated your post in my head.

>In order to develop their talents and focus on pursuing what has personal value, virgin goddess women often avoid fulfilling traditional women's roles. How to do so—that is, how to be true to themselves and adapt to living in ‘a man's world’—is the challenge.

>In mythology, each of the three virgin goddesses faced a similar challenge, and developed a different solution.

>Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, joined men as an equal or as a superior at what they did. <…> Her adaptation was identification with men — she became like one of them. Athena's way has been taken by many women who have joined the corporate world or who have succeeded at traditionally male occupations.

Literally obsessed with women like you. Genuinely believe that if there is a chance of befriending moids, it's done by imitating them.

Anonymous 98408

If you're fat and/or ugly, he's genuinely just interested in being friends.
If he's taken, he's genuinely just interested in being friends (unless he's not, but it's usually easy to tell when you're talking to someone that sleazy).

Anonymous 98410

Very interesting. What about Artemis and Hestia?

Anonymous 99137

threadly reminder that males will never see you as "JUST A FRIEND". Are we all that delusional? They are either waiting to fuck your brains out to toss aside later or they want to be with you.

>friends with moid

>similar taste/humor
>just really alike (he is virgin and awkward)
>we start to kiss
>oh he wants a relationship!
>we talk more and more
>Tells me he cares and gets worried when im sad
>notice he only wants to hang out irl (good sign right?)
>doesnt hang out on discord even if i ask
>buys me stuff and takes me to eat but you can tell he tries to make things sexual at the end
>I deny of course
>delusion ass self thinks he is doing this because he LOVES me
>i end up blocking to protect feelings because he made his first sexist comment to me
>he adds back "whatsup i thought we were cool"
>tells him how he hurt my feelings
>dude be cool were not even dating

moids really do just play with you in order to get in your pants.

Anonymous 99140


>threadly reminder that males will never see you as "JUST A FRIEND
I've never had one male friend who hasn't eventually tried asking me out. Every. single. one.
The one that really hurt was this guy I was friends with in college. We met the first semester of out freshman year and remained really close for four years until all the sudden he tried asking me out. I rejected him. I still wanted to be friends but he distanced himself from me then soon got a girlfriend after that. I was happy for him when I found out he had a girlfriend because in my naive mind I thought, "Oh we can be friends again since he's moved on!" but he still didn't want to continue our friendship.
To be fair, he did the right thing for his gf because I doubt she would want him keeping in contact with someone he used to have feelings for lol. It just made me sad to lose that friendship. I felt totally blindsided. After that experience I've pretty much sworn off male friends unless they are literally gay.
Anyway don't be friends with men. They don't want to be friends, they want to fuck you. Oh and don't date men with female friends either, they want to fuck them.

Anonymous 99195

I have a internet friend who i'm watching a few things with, everything was kinda cool between us since he told me about a ''dream'' he had with me, i didn't ask what it was but he was clear that it was some sort of sexual thing.
Not only i'm gay and he knows, but i don't even talk about sexual stuff with him at all.
a few days ago he told me that he was talking about me to some of his friends and he starting by saying that ''they think we're a couple''
c'mon man… you know damn well people don't think that if you're not letting them think that…
i don't know, i was in this place before and i don't feel like is going different at all.
only in hopes that i'm dellusional and think everybody is in love with me, but i know that something is going on.

Anonymous 99205

I dunno. My irl guy friends have never asked me out. Internet """friends""" though…

>opens tumblr in 2016

>posts about obscure vidya
>moid contacts me
>is ok with it
>moid thinks i'm a lesbian, i correct him
>stupid and sends pic
>"so cute!"
>he sends me a pic
>balding with anime statues at age 23
>make up story about dad breaking both legs because i had an autism moment
>don't speak to guy for 4 years, delete all social media he knew about
>find guy on twitter
>completely bald with bad wig, 19 cats, now tranny
>mfw i realized i dodged a fucking bullet

Anonymous 99213

The moid whisperer

Anonymous 99214

I've had and do have male friends who don't like me that way, or at least don't acknowledge attraction. As a teen I was fat and masc so my male friends, all nerd types, were normal about me. I also had two male friends in university, one who was very close, and both were very platonic. One I was in love with, but he didn't return the feelings. Or he couldn't given the situation. It was odd circumstances. Regardless, he never crossed any lines and neither did I, it was a good relationship.
I currently have a male friend and we established from the start that we don't see each other that way. He's a jolly guy who has touched grass his whole life and he's happily dating a mutual friend right now. We're bros and I trust him as much as I can a man. Normies are likely your best bet, honestly (but not a guarantee). My platonic ex-bestie was also socially normal. Meanwhile in my current friend group the guy I used to hit it off with interest-wise turned out to perv on every woman he meets!

All of this said, I think every close female friend I've had post-puberty developed a crush on me (and sometimes I them). So I may just be a freak case and an outlier in all senses.

Anonymous 99333

I have never had a single male friend that hasn't developed a crush on me in spite of me being in a very long term relationship. The worst was when a former classmate got me a job, and once I was comfortable in the position started asking me to hang out one on one outside of work, insisting on having 'work calls' that would last 3-4 hours where he'd just sit there talking to me about bullshit, and eventually sticking his nose into all of my projects because he was in charge of my department. He became so controlling over my work that even our shared boss noticed I was happier when the annoying moid was on vacation. As soon as I found a better job and quit I ghosted him completely. Never trust a moid, they are ALWAYS trying to use you.

Anonymous 99364

The problem hasn’t been the male friends, the problem is me… I can mostly only keep interest in a conversation when I‘m somewhat attracted to a person and I always end up falling for them. I don’t have long-lasting friendships either, probably because of that.

Anonymous 99365

Maybe back up

Anonymous 99684

I remember losing a male friend because he tried to touch me while i was sleep. This make me feel really uncomfortable and the worst part: HE HAVE A GF.
I feel like i was raped so i tell this to her and she just blocked me.

Anonymous 99698

No! i became friends with a troon moid about a year ago simply because my best friend knew him. now he's revealed his true colours as an agp who wants to fuck my best friend.
i've had numerous similar experiences. moids (esp troons) are predatory losers who are not to be trusted

Anonymous 99771

What does "expanding" a relationship even mean? Men are solitary creatures by nature, they don't tend to make friends the same way women do. Male friends exist only while they are doing an activity, then they go their separate ways especially if they have a gf.

Anonymous 99772

Every male friend I've ever had has tried turning conversations sexual, disrespected whatever relationship I was in and pushed boundaries in every way possible to try and get in my pants. I don't trust male friends anymore.

As a young girl I remember being an eleven year old tomboy and not understanding why the boys no longer saw me as one of their own and treated me like a freak. And then as a young adult, after every single male friend I had either ghosted me after they got a gf, tried to be sexual and initiate a friends-with-benefits situation, or confessed feelings for me. Some of the friendships were long and meaningful to me, and learning that I was only ever seen as a potential fuck just crushed me.
I imploded three different male friendships after they started turning things too sexual or confessing feelings for me and I felt bad about being so mean to them for a while but now I'm glad they got to hear how degrading it felt to be essentially fuckzoned by a so-called friend.
Sorry for sperg. It's really affected me as a young autistic woman to feel betrayed like that over and over.

Anonymous 100602


Wow, had a weirdly spiritually guided connection with a man (including a prophetic dream about him at an exact location he was at that very day I had no idea about) after interacting casually online through art accounts.

He ended up asking if I was single and all that, confessing his admiration for my work and such. Not like he confessed to loving me or anything, but still. I tell him I'm not single and expected that to change our dynamic depending on his intent and if so, that's fine. He said it'd only change in order for him to be respectful to my relationship but otherwise it wouldn't. I'm like "okay cool, new friend"

Then we have a back and forth about views on life… but before I can respond to some messages he sent, which included him implying we'd be talking in the future and restating the platonic nature of our conversation and talking about wishing "all people connected" in this way…

at around 2am, he sends a message saying "after much consideration, I can't in good standing continue talking to you because you have a boyfriend as it could jeopardize integrity" etc.


Complete emotional whiplash honestly. I love meeting kindred spirits and wish men and women could be genuine friends without losing it to lust/infatuation or jealousy or whatever.

He also made a comment during our brief exchange that talking to me reminded him of how he struggles to connect with other people on a deeper level, specifically that women seem "dull" now, as compared to what he sees in me I guess.

Basically his words throughout this interaction kind of contradicted themselves and my guess is he did have a stronger interest in me than I assumed, wanted to establish a connection out of that even after finding out I was taken, only to realize he couldn't do "just platonic"

That one Sylvia Plath quote comes to mind. I was really excited to meet someone I thought was interesting and could relate to on that deeper soul level and now feel quite sad even if I expected this response based on him asking if I was single.

Anonymous 100607

She sounds lovely… I wonder how that turned out for the couple.

Troons go all day in their digital circles sharing memes and jokes about sex and anime hentai. It's inevitable. Avoid at all costs

Anonymous 103249

One of the more interesting posts on cc I've read. I've never had male friends so this is like a glimpse in a different world

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