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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Male Friends: Can They Be Trusted? Anonymous 90414

Share your experiences with male friends proving to have nefarious or secret motives.

What are signs a male friend is interested versus just being nice, despite having a boyfriend?

What do you think these mean:
>tries to hang out one on one
>gives you random gifts
>offers to pay for everything
>texts you frequently
>takes pictures of you during group outings
>says "oh you don't mention your boyfriend much" despite having done so
>seems to focus on topics that lead to personal info
>asks questions relating to more intimate things

Anonymous 90417

Do you have one (1) close single male friend that DOESN'T do any favors for you or showers you in gifts?

If anything, the type of men you keep around says more about YOU than them.

Anonymous 90423

Nona, you're describing an orbiter not a friend. If you want to have a male friend don't be friendly if you suspect he is a coombrain/virgin/emotionally traumatized/ neglected from early age. You don't want clingy simps, go for men with healthy relationships in general (friends, family, etc) see if they treat you the same way they treat others

Anonymous 90425

Yes I have a few male friends I've had for years who don't really do that sort of thing.

Anonymous 90426

I suspect he's a coombrain and has some complexes about women/himself. I just wish men and women could be friends easier without mating strategies complicating the whole thing

Anonymous 90788

Turns out I'm the one who can't be trusted???? Suddenly i have a really intense crush on one of my male friends and it's actually very painful to not know how to proceed.

Anonymous 90789

What is stopping you from asking him out nona?

Anonymous 90795

I had male friends for years and thought they absolutely had no motives. I had one who waited for 7 years before confessing he's always liked me and dropped me after confirming I have no feelings for him. If any guy does nice things for you, he absolutely likes you. Men who don't like you at all don't do shit for you and would likely not even want to get close nor ask you personal info nor ask to hang out alone together.

Anonymous 90796

I wonder if it's appropriate.. It's a bit distressing. I hooked up with his friend in an absolute drunken stupor around a year ago (no piv) which I regret so so much even before we connected.. We have been consistenly texting for about 2 months now but I think he's just a talkative person who initiates conversation with a lot of different people. I also have general fears of incompetency + unworthiness. I know there's only one way to find out. I don't know really. I'm really vulnerable as it turns out lol. But I thought I wasnt immune as I have had countless close friendships with men over the years that have never progressed farther than platonic.

Anonymous 90802


Overcome your anxiety and ask him to hang out casually, then when hanging out talk a lot with perhaps a side activity, like cooking together. It's Friday, do you have plans? Does he have plans? Find out! Hang out! Strike!

Anonymous 90803

Am I the only one who has never had a male friend like me? It makes me feel so ugly when I hear other women talk about how their male friends always like them and keep falling in love with them, am I defective? I know they don't secretly like me because they end up dating other girls or liking my friends so maybe I'm just ugly KEK

Anonymous 90805

yves-loona (1).gif

you know exactly what those mean nona, you are just keeping him around to get good ol sweet validation out of him and free stuff every know and then.

if it bothers you, why dont you stop "befriending" moids? Males only "befriend:333uwu" women they hope to have sex with eventually

Anonymous 90808

>Males only "befriend:333uwu" women they hope to have sex with eventually
I'm >>90803, is this true?

Anonymous 90815

That would make her nefarious and bad for some reason.

Anonymous 90817


I was trying to befriend him so he wasn't really a friend yet but I exchanged numbers with a guy in one of my freshman classes in college. I asked him to meet up and made it obvious it was platonic so he started ignoring me right afterwards. lol

Anonymous 90819

ok but then how do you explain a guy who is friends with several girls who only likes one girl romantically/has a gf? is he just trying to maximise the surface area of the bone zone or? moid psychology hmmmmmmmm

Anonymous 90824

Thank you for the encouragement anon. It's super sweet of you and I wish I could take heed. I don't think it's happening which is probably for the best. Lol. Can't wait to be normal again

Anonymous 90826

NTA, but why wouldn't i want a male friend who was neglected from early age? is he gonna go IRL yandere?

Anonymous 90831

They will get unhealthily attached to you and most certainly fall in love at some point.

Affection-deprived moïds are the most pathetic creature on this planet

Anonymous 90847


Anonymous 90850

this is true, I don't hang with people irl but on discord despite knowing about the guys' interests and being around all day I never get messaged by anyone except one girl that pities me, but the pretty girl gets texts regularly even when she gets on vc she complains about texts she receives while talking and they literally call her 'one of the guys' which is a term I don't wish to be called but they feel so close to her despite her being not having much in common with them.

Anonymous 90857

They choose to hang around the 'normie' girls and then complain that they never find women with the same interests as them, it's retarded. They just choose to orbit pretty girls who have nothing in common with them and then they go on and on about how all women are vapid and have no passions or hobbies, it's such a tired old routine.

Anonymous 90863

nta but you put it perfectly in words. i always wondered why they complain about women being boring NPCs in so many of their middle school tier memes and i realized that when they are talking about women, they only mean the very attractive ones lol. seems like that is the only type of woman their brain doesnt ignore

Anonymous 90866

>i realized that when they are talking about women, they only mean the very attractive ones
You nailed it, they don't see unattractive women as human beings. Whether you are physically unattractive or just 'weird' to the point of unattractiveness, you will never be acknowledged by them. When they finally get rejected by pretty girls for the 1000th time and decide that at 40 it's time to settle down and have kids, they come running back to the uglies in a desperate bid to tie down a mommy bangmaid, it's pathetic.

Anonymous 90877

I only had one male friend in my life and I always wished for him to be a woman. Its cool to have a male friend until you find out that someone who means so much to you has just been viewing you as a sexual object rather than a human being all along. Or maybe my personality was just too bland to care for lol

Anonymous 90898

>takes pictures of you during group outings

Get the fuck out! Now!

Anonymous 90993

I think that she meant that he offers to take pictures? Would be pretty creepy if he was taking creepshots.

Anonymous 90995

I'm going to be staying with a guy friend for a few nights this week. We've been friends for 5+ years and I never got even an inkling that he was attracted to me so I feel like I can trust him. He also has other platonic female friends, so I know that he's capable of having regular friendships with women and being normal. Even still, I feel pretty nervous about it. It's not that I'm afraid for my safety or anything, but more that I've never stayed over at a guy's place for that long. I didn't think much of it, but now that it's coming up I'm starting to get nervous about sharing a space with a guy for that long and not even one that I'm attracted to kek. Anyway I'm just trying to treat it like if I were staying over at one of my female friends' places and I'm excited to hang out and catch up. If it ends up being a horrible mistake I guess you can expect another post from me next week.

Anonymous 91400

The only man I consider a friend is a guy I've never met in person and probably never will. We met in a random online chatroom when we were younger, it was surprising that we were so close in age so we clicked fast. We're pretty close and have a lot of the same interests so we talk a lot, but I feel like an online friendship is the most I can take with a guy. I'm so wary of a guy getting the wrong idea that I'm either standoffish enough that we don't get super friendly or I really up the "one of the guys" bro behavior (as if that would make them not see me as a woman kek).
though the looks on their faces when i tell guys i'm a lesbian is usually very amusing lol, that's usually how I can tell some moid thought he had a shot with me.
(I kind of consider my roommate's boyfriend my friend because we get along and he's a well adjusted individual, but I don't think he counts because we only interact when he's hanging out in our apt with her lol.)

Anonymous 94497


>they don't see unattractive women as human beings
I may be giving them too much leeway by saying this, but I think it's closer to say they view unattractive women as some sexless, neutral being, unless they are on a universal level of repulsive, to which men will respond much worse than the average woman. Instead, I've found many men will not view attractive women as real people they can form connections with, in some extension of the Madonna/Whore complex.

My friends were mostly moids a few years ago, and I was very (traditionally) unattractive: bad hygiene, borderline obese, didn't care about fashion etc. I knew they were never attracted to me because they were always dating other women, we've slept in the same room/bed with no tension, and they routinely told me about the women they found attractive. They never spoke about what personality traits they liked in these women, just looks. They all jumped from woman to woman constantly, and rarely seemed to form a deeper connection with them (unless the woman cheated first, then they were obsessed). If a woman slept with one or more of them, they were called a slut and shamed for it, and looking back I'm upset I didn't call out this behavior. On the flip side, they would do nice things like offer me their coat, pay for things sometimes, lend me books or homework, walk me home if it was late, go out of their way to hang out, and importantly: express their appreciation that they had a friend who is a girl they felt like they really could talk to. I would talk about anything with them, from politics to tv shows for hours on end, and they would occasionally say I was one of the few women in our social circles they respected (which again, looking back disgusts me).

This is all to say that despite seemingly idolizing attractive women, they rarely actually treat them as equals (big surprise!) or actual people. To them, you can either be fuckable, or you can have a brain and be a person. Unattractive women (within certain bounds), exist as neutral, non-threatening entities they can use as therapists, or they just view them as something closer to men; they would often say they 'forgot I was a girl' when discussing sexual topics in front of me after I expressed disgust.

A while back, I saw them again after a few years of no contact. I look different enough that some people don't recognize me. I'm not sure if it's the years apart, or my theory on this, but all except one or two felt much colder than they used to. Food for thought, I guess.

Anonymous 94500

the only males i have found to be capable of friendships with women were a specific type of gay man
often the in-denial ones who claim they're bi-or pansexual, as they will be less misogynistic as regular gay males, but still wouldn't have any sexual motives when befriending you.
my current token male friend is like that so i am biased, but any other male friends turned out to have nefarious motives that revealed themselves later on. Or they revealed their misogyny when they saw me as "one of the boys".

i did have another male friend who was okay-ish to be around, he was so autistic that he didn't really have a sex drive, but i feel like that kind of autism is rare.

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