/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>98173
>How long have you been self harming?
5 years
>What made you start?
sexual assault
>What types of self harm?
cutting and banging my head
>are you trying to quit?
sorta? i don't do it as often as i used to at least
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
i hug my plushies i guess, it calms me down as pathetic as it might sound for a grown ass woman to do this
>why do you self harm?
instant relief and a sense of calm
>how does this affect your daily life?
only when other people know about it, hence why i keep it secret and harm myself in places it won't be seen (i cut my thighs most). It's an issue if i go swim, but then I can get one piece swimsuits that hide the upper thighs
>any other places you go for support?
i don't go anywhere, i have told people if they tell me they harm themselves too first though
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
i've literally never treated any injury i gave myself and because of that i have some nasty scars, and especially a particular one that got infected for a year because i was too stubborn to go to the hospital for treatment

has anyone else been clean from self harm for a long time but continue to think about it often? I still get really bad intrusive thoughts about it almost daily

>>98184
I'm the nona at >>98182 and idk if i can help. I did mention i don't do it as often as i used to. Last time I did it would be 5 months now. I feel like I kinda do it 2 or 3 times a year now, very occasional. It's not quite as if i'm in an addictive cycle but I also constantly get urges almost every night (because i have bad nocturnal anxiety for some weird reason, some of it even feels random). I'll say again what I do, and i honestly don't know if it'll even help you but I just hug plushies. It's stupid but they make me feel less alone and make me feel understood.

>How long have you been self harming?
Since I was 12 so 8 years now
>What made you start?
Parent's abuse and divorce
>What types of self harm?
Cutting mostly, tried burning and scratching cuts
>are you trying to quit?
Mostly. I relapse sometimes I here and there
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
None at all, except getting out of that abusive toxic environment
>why do you self harm?
Because I genuinely hate myself. And because it gave me a sense of control. I thought I was so cool for keeping this a secret from everyone and managing to put on a cheerful attitude despite fucking hating my life and attempting suicide multiple times in highschool
>how does this effect your daily life?
Not much. I do it very quickly usually, during bathroom breaks. I rarely ever wallow in the act.
>any other places you go for support?
Absolutely none at all
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
I tried some kind of medication I have anemia and generally sensitive skin so my scars, or even mosquito bites leave scars for so very long. I kinda have up on treating them anyway

>How long have you been self harming?
I started like 13 years ago but I stopped around 5 or 6 years ago. Beeing doing it again this year
>What made you start?
Not being able to get perfect grades. Everyone told me how smart I was all the time and I got frustrated when I couldn't keep perfect grades, I felt so stupid
>What types of self harm?
Mostly punching myself in the head but sometimes I used to cut myself
>are you trying to quit?
I'm trying once again. I thought I already beat this but seems like emotional stress and loneliness has been getting the best of me.
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
I used to call my best friend to talk about random stuff. She didn't know I wanted to talk to get my mind off self harm, but it worked most of the time. Now we're not talking anymore so I guess that's not helping
>why do you self harm?
I guess I'm way too hard on myself. Even a little mistake can lead me to feel like I need to be punished
>how does this effect your daily life?
It has affected my friendships, relationships and how I treat my family. I kinda lost all my friends because I become too distant when I want to do it.
>any other places you go for support?
None
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
Since I mostly punched myself, I don't have many visible scars. The few I have I can just pretend that were accidents

i have never cut but everytime i read /see references to it I'm like entranced by the look of the scars. i feel bad that I basically like the aesthetic of it but ill never admit it and hope I never actually cut. my thoughts go out to all of you who suffer with the impulse

>How long have you been self harming?
4 years cutting & burning
>What made you start?
i’ve self harmed in less "traditional" ways since early childhood but I remember I just picked up the knife one day and did it
>What types of self harm?
hitting myself, cutting, burning, putting cigarettes out on myself, scratching & if drugs are considered then that too
>are you trying to quit?
almost 1 year clean
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
trying to keep myself busy so I don’t have time to form thoughts
>why do you self harm?
the feeling of being empty and drained afterwards, all the rage I felt (still do) at everything was unbearable
>how does this effect your daily life?
always wear long sleeves unless i’m around friends or people who’ve already seen ‘em, and that’s about it since I’m clean atm
>any other places you go for support?
nah, i’m an avoider, I prefer not to think
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
got a few shots for my scars to flatten a while back. can’t wait to get it over with and tattoo both my arms but i’m stalling cause and I don’t want to get some retarded shit like a wolf in a forest with a clock and a rose or something, I’m very picky.

>>98184
same here, I know I can’t deal with big fresh scars on my body again, so that’s out of the question, but punching myself is really enticing sometimes. I just relish in the odd times I slice myself by accident when cutting cardboard or veggies.
>>98421
thank you, best of luck

>How long have you been self harming?

Firs time was at age 12, have been cutting on and off for 3 years

>What made you start?
Loneliness, guilt and wanting to be seen

>What types of self harm?
Mostly cutting, tho i have burned myself a few times

>are you trying to quit?
I've been clean for half a year, but i do think about self harming almost weekly

>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
I usually hug my pillow and imagine i'm either comforting someone else who's thinking about self harming or that someone is comforting me.

>why do you self harm?
Because i feel worthless and unlovable. I feel like i'd have to transform into someone completely different in order to even be seen as a person worthy of affection.

>how does this effect your daily life? When ever i get into a conflict i spend the rest of the day laying in bed dreaming about self harm

>any other places you go for support?
Nope.
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
Don't know any

>>98445
To clarify, i used to self harm by pushin needles through my skin at 12 and started cutting at 20 I AM NOT 15

interesting this pops up right as i decide to get clean… thank you for this thread. i’ve been needing to talk about it but online communities either are filled with 14 year olds or post their bloody wounds.

>How long have you been self harming?
for at least two years maybe three. honestly not sure, i don’t keep track.

>What made you start?
my first time i did it when i was drunk and bored, i started putting peoples cigarettes out on my arm at a party, but i don’t count that. the first time i did it to cope was after an argument with my best friend, then my dad (my only supportive adult in my life) got unusually enraged at me for being upset and drove me home mid-drive on a trip to get me glasses. i just spiraled and put out cigarettes on my arm.

>What types of self harm?
i prefer burning. cutting i’ve tried but the pain wasn’t as satisfying. plus i’m squeamish seeing my insides. i heat up a piece of metal (the head of a nail, usually) and use that.

>are you trying to quit?
yep. i didn’t care until a few months ago when my gf saw them for the first time. she was so disturbed and made me go talk to a psych about it (who realized i had no interest in getting clean and thus just shrugged at me). im trying to get better for her because after i relapsed two months after that she was… odd. vent incoming but i was trying to seek support because i was incredibly stressed and upset (and using sh to get positive and caring attention, though i didn’t realize that at the time). she said, “do your teachers not give you enough work?” and basically laughed at me. she then went on to talk about how it’s a first world problem, how people in the middle ages never did this, and how it’s easier to not do something than to do it (“so just stop.”). it was incredibly disturbing to me, especially since i was so desperately craving an i love you or some sort of kindness.
she did apologize later, of her own volition, and said she was just shocked. when i forced her to talk about it with me a few days later she again betrayed her disgust: she hated the marks and was disturbed i didn’t just stop when she took my lighters the first time. i know she cares but god it hurt. i ended up sobbing in her arms and explaining things i had never been able to admit to myself, and she apologized and promised to be more empathetic. i do believe she cares she just doesn’t get it, but it’s disturbing knowing she used to (and probably still does) view me as weak/self harm as a “me” problem and something she doesn’t want to know about.

>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
haha. ha. nothing is the same.

>why do you self harm?
i couldn’t answer this for a long time until i admitted it was… for attention. Don’t laugh! im embarrassed about it, painfully so. i was neglected emotionally (and somewhat physically) as a child. i had no relatives or adults living in my city except my unstable, mentally ill, alcoholic mother, who’s love was mostly nonexistent except for random bursts. i believe she loved me but it’s hard to see that when you don’t get dinner, when she calls you names and tells you you’re stupid and a burden, when she leaves you at school for hours because she’s too lazy to pick you up, the list is endless. it doesn’t seem bad on paper but when it happens every single day ages 6-14, and you have no one else, it leaves a mark. i’ll try not to sad post too much, but basically it left me with a hole inside me. i cant quite explain or understand it but in terms of self harm, it led me to subconsciously crave attention, specifically attention in the form of care and panic. i want someone to care about me and i think the only way to get that is making them worry for me.
additionally, i do it when i’m bored or when i am sad/angry. it’s calming and i love it.

>how does this effect your daily life?
gf has told me she hates the marks i have and everytime she sees them she is reminded im mentally ill. cant wear short-shorts. sometimes i get worried they’re infected.

>any other places you go for support?
nope. no one should (or wants) to help me with my burden.

>Treatment for old scars/damage?
i wish i knew how to get rid of the scars.

You know what i never understood people who sh until i got to a really shitty place mentally and started cutting. But even then my cuts were childlike and non committal (it hurt, which i get was the point).
I do remember once wrapping the curtain around my neck and squeezing it like a pulp. I think i blacked out for a fraction of a second there and had blue and purplish bruises right fucking there. Anyways, sometimes i fantasize about chocking myself in the same manner.

>>98451
>’ll try not to sad post too much, but basically it left me with a hole inside me. i cant quite explain or understand it but in terms of self harm, it led me to subconsciously crave attention, specifically attention in the form of care and panic.

do people actually end up caring for or about you when they see youve cut yourselves? I always thought the general perception people have towards cutters is ridicule and resentment.

>How long have you been self harming?
7+ years

>What made you start?
changes in my life that i wasn't able to control. i was lonely which ended up in me getting very depressed. i was having a difficult time adapting with the changes in my life and i coped with self harm.

>What types of self harm?
cutting, bruising, starving.

>are you trying to quit?
yeah, i made a promise to my parents that i would stop self harming. my mom said she would allow me to get a tattoo on my 19th birthday if i was to be clean, so im really trying to not fuck this up. even after the tattoo, im going to try to stay clean. i hate looking at my scars.

>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
healthy coping mechanisms such as journaling or listening to music helps me stay away from self harm.

>why do you self harm?
because i hate myself.

>how does this effect your daily life?
i wouldnt say this effects me daily but i dont like wearing shirts that show my arms or shoulders as it makes me uncomfortable. im really embarrassed of my scars.

>any other places you go for support?
mom

>Treatment for old scars/damage?
slap a band-aid and call it a day.

>>98446
>I used to self harm by pushin needles through my skin

Holy shit I thought I was the only one.

>How long have you been self harming?
around 9 years.
>What made you start?
i am not sure. i think i was just sad and hated myself. i have trouble processing strong emotions.
>What types of self harm?
mostly cutting, sometimes burning. starving works as harm reduction, even if it’s still pretty unhealthy. i am a former anachan so it’s difficult to convince myself that starving myself for what i view as a short amount of time is bad.
>are you trying to quit?
i would like to say i have quit. mostly. i probably self harm <8 times a year, as opposed to nearly daily at my peak. i didn’t really wanna quit but my boyfriend really hates it, i don’t like upsetting him. he’s my prime motivation for stopping. also, having self harm scars is kind of embarrassing to me. they’re mostly hidden but sometimes i’d run out of space and now i have to advertise my “Hello I Am Mentally Unstable” billboard in the summer months.
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
plushie nona has the right idea. also, reading something funny, or watching a movie. the most effective alternatives for me are going for walks, writing in my journal, and drawing.
>why do you self harm?
Feels Good Man.
it’s pretty easy for me to suppress the urge, but sometimes i don’t want to. sometimes i don’t wanna fight. i want to give up. let the self wallowing consume me, purposely think of things and seek out things that make me feel worse. the catharsis after feels good.
>how does this effect your daily life?
even if i have mostly stopped, every morning i wake up and my first thought is, “i should hurt myself” or something equally destructive. it doesn’t have much bite to it, it’s just my automatic start up phrase.
>any other places you go for support?
no.
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
i’ve heard bio oil helps? i wish i’d used it when i got it, but i was stubborn..
one day, while my friends were over, my mother pointed out my scars (ironically, the ones she pointed out were stretch marks, hahaha) and questioned me what they were. she asked my friends. she was angry, i was pretty embarrassed… she brought me to the doctor and after a vaguely traumatizing situation of being forced to strip in front of my mother so my doctor could inspect me and give me the diagnosis of “Yep, These Are Self Harm Scars” and tell my mother to buy some bio-oil. i was pretty upset with her so i refused to use it. take that, mom! (i should have listened..)

>>98685
it depends on the person. my current gf cared a lot but also when i relapsed she found it ridiculous and let me know that. so at first yes but when they realize it’s an actual problem and you’re mentally ill, they just want to get away from your or want you to hide it.

>How long have you been self harming?
Over a decade I guess.
>What made you start?
Anger and self-hatred
>What types of self harm?
Punching my head and arms, then cutting. Bit myself recently to stop a cutting relapse.
>are you trying to quit?
I quit cutting 5 years ago but last hit myself a couple weeks back.
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
When I quit I was on a self-improvement bender so I was distracted by my concentration on weight loss and all. Basically distract yourself.
But mainly work on your mental health and self-control in general. I know I continue the punching because I simply give in and allow myself to. I chose not to allow myself to cut and so I don't (temptation be dammed some days).
>why do you self harm?
Still anger and self-hatred. I'm the same as the anon who punishes herself, but I mainly do it when someone is upset at me. In my head I see it as the truest way to show I'm sorry for fucking up, so in a way it's an act of love they'll never know about. Fucked up martyrdom kek. I'm bad at handling when people are angry and instead of fighting back, which was never acceptable to do, I'd take it out on me. I used to take it out in objects but that's even less acceptable than cutting or hitting your head.
On a lower level, for cutting, I also saw it as physical proof that I'm sad. Even now I still lament not doing more since I feel the need to prove that I struggled emotionally. I also long to return so I can feel bad for myself.
>how does this affect your daily life?
Not much. If I avoid situations where loved ones get angry at me I'm good for years, though it is on my mind for the less tempting aesthetic reasons as discussed.
>any other places you go for support?
Mom sometimes, but she got fed up with it (can't blame her).
I have friends who know since we're all into getting healthy, but I don't lean on them or anything.
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
Scar creams and staying out of the sun mostly works for thin scars.
I was very methodical about disinfecting my cuts, I had a whole system. It was kind of nuts, I got to get off on my hypochondria at the same time. It likely helped me heal better though.

Does hunting help with self harm? I have a theory that it is a result of ancient predatory ape instincts being unable to express themselves.

>>98717
Nah, you should keep hurting yourself instead of an innocent animal

>>98452
Same, and I was even more embarassed because I started when I was 19-20 and not as a teenager - I used to think that it was just an angsty teen thing for attention.
I haven't cut for a long time now and will probably never do it again, although I can't say the same thing for punching myself.
The reaction my partner had when he saw the scars made me feel so much shittier than any pain that brought me to cut myself in the first place. I've promised myself that I couldn't let a temporary breakdown turn into a constant reminder of that shitty moment that I've to keep on my body for at least a long time, if not permanently. Being constantly scared of my family seeing them during the summer, missing out on swimming or wearing nice clothes etc. was also too much of a hassle.

I'm now trying to fade my scars for the summer incoming, and also as a form of self-healing (litteraly and figuratively) - I used to avoid looking at my legs/torso at all, and now I just get happier seeing how the scars are fading slowly. It is both aesthetically satisfying and symbolically encouraging.
Fellow nonas who are trying to fade your scars, here are my tips : mostly hydrating and exfoliating regularly, and massaging the scars as often as possible with some oil/cream to break down the scar tissues. I've only used petroleum jelly, random oils I had or some aloe vera but I think there are also otc gels/moisturizer specifically for scar-healing. Mind you my scars weren't that deep but I do see a difference and hope to be confident enough to show my legs again by this summer.

>>98724
We eat animals.

I extinguished cigarettes on my skin and did some deep cutting, but i'm all fine now. Except alcoholism and a dead end life i guess.

>>98717
thats retarded

Clean from sh for a few months now if I shouldn't post this sorry
>How long have you been self harming?
Since I was 14 so 11 years now
>What made you start?
Grew up in poverty,parents hated me, depression. Don't know why I started cutting
>What types of self harm?
Cutting,hitting myself,tearing out my hair,putting out cigs on my body
>are you trying to quit?
I quit a few months ago just out of apathy but I still think about doing it a lot
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
Daydreaming
>why do you self harm?
Hate my body and ruining it made me feel better.
>how does this effect your daily life?
made my anxiety and fear of people 100x worse and any time im out in public all I can think about is people seeing my scars,even though I always have them covered by clothes
>any other places you go for support?
Have no support beyond venting anonymously on the internet
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
Wouldn't know,I've heard online that tretonin fades scars

>>98764
do you blame anyone or anything for your situation? how does someone avoid turning out like you?

>>98805
dont be depressed

>>98812
what made you depressed? just bad genes? past trauma? shitty diets? etc.

>>98706
kek forgot i used to do this too but only on my face! i don’t mean piercings because I never put rings in the holes, it was just for the fuck if it… any other nоnnа like this out there?

>How long have you been self harming?
for the past 5 years
>What made you start?
shitty situation at home, failing at school, terrible classmates, inherited mental instability, etc
>What types of self harm?
mostly cutting but also disordered eating
>are you trying to quit?
yes, 74 days clean now
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
none. i just push through it even though i want to cut again so badly. cutting is truly the most effective way for me personally
>why do you self harm?
coping with stress, emotions i don’t want to deal with, as punishment
>how does this effect your daily life?
i have a lot of healed scars and i might get self-conscious because of them sometimes but i don’t really care about them anymore.
>any other places you go for support?
my family and bf, both made me stop cutting for a while. i live with them both so my scars would be instantly visible. they’d get sad
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
i used to rub coconut oil on them, idk how much it helped me

I want to cut again. I would have to do it in weird places though to not let anyone see the scars and that's the main thing stopping me from doing it already. I'm not used to cutting my stomach or chest or back so I'd have to get used to it itching and cleaning up the blood would be awkward…

>>99348
>I want to cut again. I would have to do it in weird places though to not let anyone see the scars and that's the main thing stopping me from doing it already.

When life gives you lemons make lemonade. Go hardcore instead. Rub boiled up clay into the wound to make the scar even bigger. People will be impressed and will like you.

i relapsed and cut myself on my leg few weeks ago and my bf asked me where did i get this cut from. the first time i was like eehh it's nothing, then he asked me again yesterday and i lied to him and told him it's from shaving. this is the first time i lied to him i wanna kms.
i just get really depressed sometmes and i cant vent about it so idk what to di and i lose it

>>99358
It's okay nona, relapses happen, it's part of recovery. It cannot always be perfect. You don't have to tell your bf right away, you can tell him later when you feel more stable. There is no obligation. What matters most is how comfortable you are at the moment. Please focus on taking care of yourself, treat yourself to a nice meal or do a favorite activity of yours. I wish you the best and hope all the nice things will come your way, even if it can be scary.

>>99361
thank u nona for the nice reply :p and thanks for reminding me to eat, i just got bread and im gonna eat it even though i just brushed my teeth

>How long have you been self harming?
I didn't realize punching myself as a kid was self harm, so my whole life lol. Started cutting last year at 25, but punching is my main form.
>What made you start?
Whenever I disappointed someone I would punch myself as a kid. I still do the same thing.
>What types of self harm?
Punching and cutting, banging my head on the wall. Also lots and lots of weed
>are you trying to quit?
Not really, since it's not very frequent and helps calm me down. Sometimes my head feels like it's going to explode, and self harm is the only thing that will give me a wave of relief.
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
I can successfully stop myself if I'm feeling good enough that day by telling myself there's no benefit to doing it. If I have the willpower I can distract myself with something else
>why do you self harm?
Right now because of my depressed boyfriend; he's been depressed for years, and whenever he has an anger outburst I can get overwhelmed and self harm. I know I'm doing it for attention, but I want him to care about me. He gets upset when he sees I hurt myself, and it both saddens me and gives me a bit of relief/joy/idk just from knowing he noticed. He knows I do it because of him, and I wish he would get help after asking him several times over the years. It's partially my fault since I never speak up due to childhood upbringing, so I feel like I let it get this bad. However, I've made a lot of progress
>how does this effect your daily life?
I mainly self harm on my thighs, so sometimes if I punch too hard and the bruise is too big I can't wear shorts. Otherwise it doesn't affect me too much
>any other places you go for support?
My friend who also self harms and my therapist, and whatever other friend. My boyfriend, too, but that's always loaded with emotions. I stopped reaching out to people though
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
Don't have anything yet

It's sad but kinda nice seeing other nonas struggle with the same problems. I don't feel too alone.

I have found a new lifehack recently.

Tweezing my hair.

Now, you might think that's an ineffective way to self harm, but try ripping out ALL of your pubes with a tweezer and you will see the merit.

I need to be hairless anyway on the off-chance my scrote of a boyfriend decides he does want to have sex with me (very unlikely) so every day I rip out hairs on my legs and public region. Gives a decent rush. Not as good as cutting, but I'm sick of the drama I get from people noticing my cuts.

>>98173

>How long have you been self harming?
Ever since i was 9-10yrs old so like yrs 9-10yrs now since i just turned 18 a couple of months ago

>What made you start?
I honestly dont know. It was a build up with alot of stuff since getting sexually assaulted at starting age and attempting suicide at that age aswell. I was sexually assaulted by my older cousins (i was 9 at the time and they were 12 yrs old) They stripped me naked held me down and took videos of me, i also remember getting touched by an older guy at the bus home while waiting for my aunt to pick me up. The video spread over to all my friends in my neighborhood, all my classmates and i couldnt eat nor go outside first momment i found out it was spread i was hysterically crying and having a panick attack like i couldnt breathe. i tried jumpig off our thirdfloor house but my mom and grandma stopped me. i dont remember where exactly i saw nor learned what suicide is but because of the trauma and the humiliation i dealt with i couldnt control myself and i wanted to be gone so desperately. since then I've been jumpig from highplaces, very recently burning myself and cutting myself. I've got two stitches done because of it and my whole arm is just very mutilated and everyone is scared of it but i dont think its THAT bad

>What types of self harm?
just cutting and burning tbh

>are you trying to quit?
I tell my boyfriend im trying really hard but i just dont bother, i do really care and think they're kind of beautiful

>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
nothing. i always end up doing it anyway

>why do you self harm?
^^

>how does this effect your daily life?
a little, its a conversation starter for sure. people sometimes get worried about me and my dad always tells me no man will ever take me seriously and no job will ever accept me because of this addiction of mine.

>any other places you go for support?
My boyfriend made me block alot of my friends i talk to, made me uninstall discord where i talk to all of my friends aswell so i dont really have anyone to talk to about this habit of mine.

>Treatment for old scars/damage?
nothing its just there

>>99449
cont. sorry for venting but tbh, it just got worse when my parents couldnt stop beating me up all the time. i would get alot of belt burns anyway and the stitches i mentioned was from a blackmail. I told them if they kept hurting me ill hurt myself more. First stitches were when we ran out of electricity because of unpaid bills and my parents decided to take it all out on me. woke up with alot of bloodloss and it was so heartwrenching when my aunt called my mom and told her i cut again and she acted like it was normal i heard from the phone "its probably not that bad anyway" before 18hrs later she comes home to see how bad it really was. The one on my arms was when she saw my diary about how much i hated her and how i felt about be everyone else. she beat me up while she was telling me it was for discipline and how dare i write about her like that
i cut so deep that night 4deep cuts on my wrist, one actually actually for maybe this will finally kill me the others were for making sure. i slept, then sadly i woke up. it was 12hrs before my attempt was found and i didnt die. of course, what'd i thought was going to happen? cutting doesnt kill you. she sent me to the hospital and i remember not crying from the pain sixe there was no pain at all, the deeper the cut the less it hurts and the doctors literally were making fun of me. one said "why didnt you go deeper? you were scared werent you?" I will never forget those words. i remember that time having an ed too. i was starving, havent ate since yesterday and it was only in the late afternoon did i ate along with the bloodloss.

I really wonder how i didnt actually kill myself that day. i remember it and i cant stop crying. i cursed my parents for creating me

I've been clean from cutting for almost two years, and tonight I feel so fucking terrible I want to relapse. Usually I go to the gym or smoke a cigarette instead to get my mind off it but I can't do either right now and I feel like a caged animal. I want to get a piercing just so I can hurt myself without people worrying about me.

>How long have you been self harming?
the first time i did was when i was in third grade, i stopped biting my nails to grow them out solely to scratch at my hand until it got so deep i couldn’t anymore. i stopped once i started nail biting again. in 8th grade i began to do it again as a coping mechanism. it’s been 8 years.
>What made you start?
just my brain with poor mental genetics, abusive mom, really horrible self esteem.
>What types of self harm?
scratching myself, cutting, and last year i started burning my thighs with matches.
>are you trying to quit?
i’ve accepted that it’s just something natural to me as it was something i’ve been drawn to since i was very very young. the only reason i try to avoid it bc the scars are ugly and i don’t like coordinating my outfits around hiding them but otherwise i don’t really care about hurting myself anymore.
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
i draw, just try to distract myself, if i see a point in doing so.
>why do you self harm?
i kinda like watching the blood come out. cuts tend to heal pretty quickly and effectively on me. if i feel bad i just have these inexplicable urges to hurt myself. harming myself is the only effective outlet to get rid of that urge.
>how does this effect your daily life?
i just have to coordinate my left arm to be less visible through body language (having my palm facing inwards at all times basically) but it’s habitual now. i’m very good at hiding my scars, except for my burn marks, but those are only on my upper thighs so nobody sees them.
>any other places you go for support?
not really, i don’t care for support.
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
i let my cuts heal naturally but i’m currently trying to heal my burn ones because those are the most noticeable. i use mederna advanced scar gel daily after i shower.

oh hey nice to know theres a thread for us

>How long have you been self harming?
four years

>What made you start?
dont remember. i do remember being a kid thinking "i'm depressed but i'll never cut myself". younger me thought greatly of older self. oops.

>What types of self harm?
cutting, bashing my head, punching. have burnt once or twice but i don't like it that much but still get the urge to try it some more.

>are you trying to quit?
not exactly, i'm not rn because the razors i have are more tardproof than usual to take apart, and living with family who know.

>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
bandaging (if you're in the financial situation to do so, or use old fabric) w/o harming yourself. or drawing cute girls and project my issues on them lel. or sleeping on any urges and see if you still feel as shit the next day.

>why do you self harm?
don't remember why i started, but i like cutting because i get to feel taken care of when i bandage myself. i also like(hate) trying to go deep idk i feel like i've internalised whenever doctors called my cuts superficial. also calms me down. i like the scars too. i feel bad for feeling these ways.

>how does this effect your daily life?
people think they can hide """sharps""" (my nail file) from me. when i had fresh cuts i was too broke to always have proper bandages and noone really gave a fuck so i just had half bandaged arms. when i was working, older customers would insult me and be a bitch. also whenever something goes wrong my first thoughts are about sh. i feel like i get addicted to other things when i can't sh/to replace it.

>any other places you go for support?
for support there is a place on reddit (more memey/younger people but still really supportive and welcoming). i used to go on discord alot, but i feel out of place as people are cliquey, and i feel either too old or too young to be in most servers. also alot of fetishists and shitstirrers which is also why i don't like twitter. online just isn't the same as before covid (well everywhere was still toxic but you could find more comfy places for people actually looking to talk/have community rather than farming people numbers or whatever.

>Treatment for old scars/damage?
don't know too much about what actually works as i like my scars for the time being, but i hear vitamin c cream is good, and for raised scars massaging them. it is generally good to keep them moisturized as they can be itchy even way after you initially injured the skin.

>>102897
to add on i saw a nona who SH'd as "sorry" and i really resonate with that, whenever i fuck up i just want to punish myself as if to say "i don't mean to fuck up this is how badly i mean it". i also have some home problems which probably really started the spiral but i don't remember whether it was talking to someone online who also cut that had me try cutting for the first time. i feel like i have alot of guilt, shame and regret which really sends me stupid. sometimes i fantasize about messing myself up really bad and having an S/O take care of me. i don't know how to really feel about all of it.

>>99450
i hope you're away from all that madness w your family nona, you deserve peace and happiness

>How long have you been self harming?
since around 14 i think
>Whgat made you start?
i had a deep hatred towards my body when i was young and felt no love from my parents. everything felt just wrong to me.
>What types of self harm?
cutting felt best as a sort of mutilation but punched myself back then too.
>are you trying to quit?
surprisingly it has been 2 years. no idea how i achieved this milestone without any support from relatives or therapists. but i did out of sheer determination? maybe im not that weak at all. still i am feeling the worst in recent times and fear ill relapse.
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
when you are for yourself being busy is the best you can do. its just so hard when you have around zero interests like me.
>why do you self harm?
as a means of escape. the self inflected pain gave me a emotional release from my surroundings
>how does this effect your daily life?
i am far free from the urge to just start again. whenever the thought intrudes my mind i feel kind of physically ill. from my limbs to my body everything goes cold worst under my fingernails. its dreadful. i want to rip them out. does anyone else feel this way whenever something reminds you of sh? cuddling someone or in my case just a pillow is the only thing calming me down then. otherwise i just start quietly panicking.
>any other places you go for support?
nuh. i did browse madeofstyrofoam before it went private just to cope.
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
laser therapy to flatten the bigger ones. glad i did this the puffyness is the worst.

>>How long have you been self harming?
around 2 years
>>What made you start?
loneliness & abuse
>>What types of self harm?
cutting
>>are you trying to quit?
no, i always relapse so ive given up hope on quitting.
>>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
smoking… but i can't say its the best alternative (obviously)
>>why do you self harm?
it gives me an immediate distraction and it makes me forget about my issues for a little bit.
>>how does this effect your daily life?
parents don't trust me anymore, people look at me funny when i wear short sleeve, strangers worried about me.
>>any other places you go for support?
no, unfortunately not
>>Treatment for old scars/damage?
not really, just baby lotion on old scars.

girls just pick up a pen and start journaling

>How long have you been self harming?
7 years
>What made you start?
Bullying in school (haha classic), family issues, loneliness, I found the concept of self harm when I was around 13 and thought "yep, I should try this"
>What types of self harm?
95% cutting, 4% bruising and 1% burning
>are you trying to quit?
There's no point to try to quit if my life is in shambles, but I have been improving my life and a result I self harm less.
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
Don't trigger yourself on purpose, don't try to go deeper, distract yourself with things you like to do. Exercise is also helpful.
>how does this effect your daily life?
It hasn't been affecting it much recently just because I don't see my scars as something "unusual" they're just part of my body, although I do look at the sometimes, it calms me down. And it's also rare for people to comment on it, this summer I spent 90% of time short sleeved didn't get any comments from strangers. I avoid wearing short sleeves at work though.
As when I have fresh cuts on my body, depending on severity, it has made me uncomfortable to move my arms/legs, I also sued to get dizzy, tired, slept a lot, very cold hands and feet. Felt like i was disabled.
If you think it'll get in the way of dating/relationship: most men don't mind it, even if you have a lot. It kinda acts like a filter. If they mind your scars you don't want them anyway. But beware this also attracts creep/fetishists and please don't down that line, those people don't love you, they just get off on your suffering.
>any other places you go for support?
There aren't many places for support. selfharm.pics has been pretty good but even there have been people that offered me support and wanted to be friends just to ghost me shortly after for not being interesting enough. Reddit can be good but avoid posting pictures. Avoid twitter at all costs. Haven't seen much anything about self harm on youtube. Don't use tiktok so I don't know about that.
The best support is a therapist, good friends, and being able to support yourself and wanting to improve.
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
Treat yours skin and cuts with care… Disinfect and clean your cuts and don't pick at them. Moisturize & exfoliate your skin. If you have a lot of scars make sure to clean them, because dirt gets stuck between scars easily.

>>104756
Do you know the artist ? This is freaking adorable

>>98173
>How long have you been self harming?
since i was 14/15, around 4 years
>What made you start?
depression and a rough breakup, i have bpd and the girl i was obsessed with had cut me off because of how unstable i was
>What types of self harm?
just cutting
>are you trying to quit?
i was clean for 6 months but did it again last week cause my boyfriend was ignoring me and i couldn't take it. called him 60 times in a row and sent 80+ emails after he blocked my number
>any effective alternatives/ways to minimize harm?
sometimes exercising helps but only if the urge is mild enough
>why do you self harm?
relationship problems most the time, it calms me down and makes me feel more in control
>how does this effect your daily life?
i feel guilty because of how it makes my family feel. my dad wants to go swimming together this week and i'll feel awful if he notices. my mom told me once that i can't do this to "her daughter", that really hurt
>any other places you go for support?
not really
>Treatment for old scars/damage?
i tried using a scar gel my boyfriend got me but i don't think it works for deeper cuts

>how long have you been self harming??
since 14 or so ? so like 8 years now, on and off
>what made you start
idk just mentally ill ig
>what types of self harm
cutting
>are you trying to quit
no not really
>any effective alternatives?
benzos
>why do you self harm?
bpd feeligns mainly
>how does this affect your daily life?
sometimes irls will ask me about it, they get really awkward once i explain what it is
>any other places you go for support?
talking to friends sometimes i guess
>treatment for old scars?
time
>>99358
happens, i've had to explain it to bfs / gfs before, especially difficult if it's a relapse and this is the first time they've seen me that way… i think it's worse though when eventually they get used to it and stop caring ;-;
>>104751
nothing really hits in the same way as cutting