>>98655
>How do I go beyond this, where I am trapped? I feel a massive gut punch whenever I see a girl who's prettier than me, or even just pretty in general.
>I have always been obsessed with appearanceI don't know but if you find out let me know. I've been the same for quite awhile now. It doesn't help that I come from a country that is known to have some of the most beautiful women and now am in another one where every single local woman seems immaculately attractive. The secret is probably in the grooming but then that much grooming would need alot of time + money..even just for initially building the skill for the technique (like for makeup..Especially when the product shopping is trial and error.), so I don't know how they all find enough of it. I feel like I'm now living in a reality where, compared to my appearance which would only fit in a mugshot of an FBI's Most Wanted List, every other woman's I see - even the ones with a butterface - would fit in a magazine shot.
I've been called average looking and maybe I am - because I can't say I've ever received any outright negative treatment or comment about my appearance. I guess except for one time when this one little boy twas kicking a ball and dropped it next to me, while I was walking home from school one day, and said "Give me my ball back, ugly." A few years later I then read some random article saying that if little kids think you're ugly, you probably are. Well, shit… Also this classmate in elementary school that looked at my thighs with disgust. Other than that, I have had a friend go "Meh" in regards to my face so yet another person just thinking I look average. That's why I'm assuming it's how most have perceived me in terms of attractiveness. Yet I still feel ugly because I want more. I'm not satisfied being average. I want to look like a K-pop idol extremely badly, even if it doesn't come from negative experience.
