/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>Can any nonas relate? if yes, how do you deal with that?
yes and it gets worse every year, and i dont deal with it, i spiral into madness each day

>>99604
I have EXACTLY this but more social based, because I am paranoid about being a failure or causing drama. I second guess literally everything and sometimes I forget stuff I have said because of how scared I am of fucking up. I am genuinely so scared that I dissapoint anyone, be it parents or friends. It's so fucking tiring, I genuinely have no idea how I can change this thought pattern because it makes me live in constant anxiety and it's so awful because if I do change this thought pattern it'll make me feel like I'm removing behaviors that are supposed to keep me safe. The catastrophe paranoia I relate to as well, I worry that something absolutely bad will happen that is just out of my control and I don't want to see anyone I love die or end up in big trouble. I do have the glowie fear as well and unironically use a VPN to browse yaoi manga because I'm a filthy degenerate and sex in unholy and a menace to society. I'm scared of mentioning stuff in discord chats or even voicechats because we never know? I'm already super anti-governement and stuff, what if they want me in jail? or anything?? I always sperg about how I hate the system and the police and everything, eventually they'll think I'm encouraging people to become dissidents and this is something governements don't like. Literally just typing about this makes me paranoid as hell, I wouldn't say the stuff I say rn if it wasn't for the paranoia thread. But it does feel good to vent about these things. Also talking about this orally in person isn't enough to appease my worries because we know that phones record stuff, and if it isn't phones whoever has a secret Amazon Alexa in their house will record all that I say and forward it to authorities and then I will be labelled a psychopath or something like that and I will be denied my freedom. Or stuff like thin walls. Neighbouts could hear me and then report everything because what if I am insane and just don't know it yet? I have no idea! I'm also scared of how society functions, I have no fucking idea how this shit works. It's a nightmare. I'm also scared of products at supermarkets etc cuz they're known to not be healthy and put death hormones in them or some shit like that. They want me chronically ill so that I keep being profitable and generate money. Even stuff like period products, so many of them are toxic. One day one will kill me if I'm not careful enough. I hope that the glowie that monitors me has pity on me and just thinks i'm useless. I am also super paranoid about my health because I'm literally disabled, I feel like everyday I risk being worse. AAAAAA how I want to REST. I am aware a lot of this is because I'm mentally ill but… just being aware of that doesn't help that my mental illness makes me function like this. Thankfully I can supress that… I guess and appear normal on the surface to most people I know. Majority don't even know how fucking paranoid I am.

>>99632
OP here.
SAME, ALL OF THIS, I SWEAR TO GOD RAHHHHH I'm so glad someone understands me and not think I'm batshit insane.
I've tried to tell one of my moid friends about how being tracked and stuff like that scares me and he pretty much made fun of me :/

>I second guess literally everything and sometimes I forget stuff I have said because of how scared I am of fucking up.
I just thought I was retarded as fuck, I guess that explains a lot and why I can't make a proper coherent sentence. because I fucking forget what I was saying before

>I genuinely have no idea how I can change this thought pattern because it makes me live in constant anxiety
I have been aware of this problem for so long, yet I can't do anything. because I'm PARANOID that if I do end up removing this thought process I'll be more vulnerable to peoples BS, so it's a vicious loop that literally never fucking ends man.

>unironically use a VPN to browse yaoi manga
I used to open this website on tor, same goes to literally all image boards and for harmless nsfw websites because I'm terrified of my internet provider knowing what I watch.
all of this got me to the point of considering a nokia phone, opening my own email service, using those expensive USBs that you can demolish of anything happens (I only store cute images of cats and memes), switching fully to underground linux distro, not even thinking about the idea of a credit card (I receive all of my paychecks in cash), using only TOR as a browser/mullvad constantly on icecat for example etc etc, I'm going fucking insane, and again, I have nothing to hide, I never bought any drugs or anything illegal through the internet or whatever I have no reason to be so scared, why would agents want me???.

>I'm already super anti-government and stuff
my country is known for one of the biggest info-taking organizations or whatever it is, all the data and all of the things I do are monitored, and I have no doubt an agent is monitoring me because of all of the schizo-posting.

>Neighbors could hear me and then report everything because what if I am insane and just don't know it yet?
I constantly check my window when I'm on vc to make sure it's closed and nobody can hear me really, and when it's not closed I shit my fucking pants. it's TERRIFYING to me that someone heard my whole convo, my neighbors definitely think I'm a fucking psychopath by now.

>I'm also scared of how society functions
I'm so fucking disconnected from the outside world, I don't go outside and when I do I think that everyone looks at me and I start overthinking how I look, act and how my posture is like and everything and I start walking like a fucking retard, idk if you get it but it's like a very weird looking walk and I look down constantly, I 100% look like a fucking weirdo doing something so basic like walking outside, don't even mention fucking interacting like asking the cashier for help.

>I'm also scared of products at supermarkets etc cuz they're known to not be healthy
I always had the fantasies of moving to Europe and live in a distant village with my own farm and my own crops and animals so I can produce my own things, Oh the things I'd do for it to become a reality.

I just really hope we both and everyone who struggles with paranoia can heal eventually, I genuinely feel like I'm gonna lose it any day now and become the next fucking Terry A. Davis (R.I.P). all of this sucks so much and my only hope is to one day have a clear train of thought and the ability to do stuff like a normal person and not rethink everything I do 100 times over.

I get very paranoid about if anybody ever actually likes or liked me. I don't get too paranoid of glowies since I don't tend to post my more radical feelings. I do get paranoid of how I can only afford cheap food or water that's basically slow working poison.

I deal with it by treating paranoia like it's an intrusive thought. I am insignificant and probably not as weird or socially repelling as I fear.
Lastly when I feel really bad I tell myself that they're trying to manipulate insignificant people like me into being paranoid to induce agoraphobia.

i feel the same

All of you, get help and get into medication, this can develop into schizophrenia in the future.

>>102079
shill alert
do NOT take antipsychotics, they numb your brain and soul
cope with different methods, change your lifestyle, go outside

>>102080
Numbing your brain is better than suffering everyday and hurting those you love from paranoia, i know from experience.

>>102081
i also know from experience, having taken a variety of antipsychotics, both typical and atypical. same shit
while it's true you won't be as susceptible to delusions on them, you'll be braindead. no emotions, no caring about anything. just salivating endlessly and blank staring into walls.
look up tardive dyskinesia, brain shrinkage on APs, etc

For years I've been hiding my phone under my pillow when not using it, because I am schizo that people are watching me through it. Although the self-awareness of the "Government Agent Watching Me" memes that started up shows that people know shit tracks them online somehow, even if not by watching porn.

I'm also schizo that people identify me by my posts now, since I'm pretty bad at not mentioning the same details when posting. This was only confirmed when someone on one thread asked a specific question from my post about something I've only ever mentioend on other threads. I'm also schizo that I keep killing threads because people know it's me. There are so many threads that die the moment I post on them.

>>102084
>I've been hiding my phone under my pillow when not using it, because I am schizo that people are watching me through it.
tape your cameras with black electrical tape or other opaque thick tape
>I keep killing threads because people know it's me. There are so many threads that die the moment I post on them.
you are not the one doing that, it's me. i feel like everyone on crystal cafe can identify me and that's why they don't want to respond

I used to worry about stuff like that. Then I got a boyfriend and all my anxiety transferred to worrying about losing him. There will always be something to panic about and it doesn’t really matter what it is because it’s just an old worry.

There's no shame in needing medicine to get better, please don't be scared, seek professional help.

>>102089
oh fuck the psychiatry shills found this thread

>>102084
>>102087
Same with feeling like being recognized as a poster even when I try to change my typing style I feel like I still stick out like a sore thumb because I have had someone recognize me in the past before I hate being not self aware I feel like a tard so much. I want to post a lot of things and share things I like such as media without being recognized and it's harder to do on sites like cc or lc because of lower poster count and I'm so scared of becoming a personalityfag and I don't want to be on 4chan I feel like a lolcow sometimes.

>>102087

>tape your cameras with black electrical tape or other opaque thick tape

That will probably completely make me look like I think drones are following me and that I have a microchip in my head.

>you are not the one doing that, it's me. i feel like everyone on crystal cafe can identify me and that's why they don't want to respond

Well, the good thing is that - since so many people here are quick to throw "MOID!" at someone just because they don't like or agree with them, and then get them a ban - this means that no one really has problems with us. I'm glad I'm still being believed that I'm a woman so that I can still use this board.

>>102094

Is it even possible to change your typing style if it's already very generic? I've typed in a way that would have made me very identifiable in the past, but not anymore and certainly not here. I just type like a normie now.

>>102088
That's really pathetic anon

>>102095
>That will probably completely make me look like I think drones are following me and that I have a microchip in my head.
why do you care? it's not like anyone will judge you in your face and purposely look at your phone screen. you could also make up some story about how you were hacked recently and that's why you tape the cameras, i'm sure they'll understand since it's so widespread now.
i've been taping my cameras since 2017 and so far no one cared that much.

You SHOULD be paranoid. Deal with it by knowing you are right to feel this way.