/feels/ - Advice & Venting

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First of all, excuse my English. I don't know what's wrong with me. I thought he was going to be fine but every time I see him I feel sad…. Well, I'll tell you. Last year I was in an online relationship. At first I loved him very much, it's true. I was going through a depression and he was the only one who understood me. I admired him too: he is a very nice guy. But then he showed me his bad side. He is a very depressive guy and he blames everyone else for his failure in life. Well, some time after I met him I started to go to therapy. And I started to study a career. Up to that point we were still together, but then he let me down for the second time by dropping out of a career. He is 25 and it bothers me that he is so immature. We also didn't talk as much as we used to. So the love was already fading. Well, at that time I realized that a classmate of mine was interested in me (yes, also a lousy idea). And on the advice of a friend, I decided that I was going to accept his invitation to go out…. I got to like this guy quite a bit now that I think about it. He was the complete opposite of the other guy, he was very clear about what he wanted to do with his life. At the time I was confused and broke up with my internet boyfriend. And well, he took it badly and tried to win me back by coming to see me and "consolidating" our relationship. Well and my classmate was no longer behaving so well with me. I half understand that he didn't have much time for me because of exams, but I'm also sure he doubted me a little bit and what he wanted with me. I told another friend about my internet relationship and she told me that if he didn't move in with me, I shouldn't take it too seriously. Anyway, earlier this year I got back together with my internet boyfriend. He had treated me like a princess and I fell for it again, while the other guy didn't seem to care so much about me anymore. Well another mistake I made was telling him to come study at my university. And now it's so awkward because the other guy knows I have someone else. And I know he hates me, even though he doesn't have much to complain about. But it's so uncomfortable. And I'm sure he talks bad about me. It still hurts my soul when I see him, I think I really liked him or I don't know. what can I do? My boyfriend keeps doing things to dislike me. Sometimes I think he wants me to end it so he can go to his city. But I'm also afraid of loneliness, I have no close friends and I'm afraid of falling into depression again. I know it's over what I "had" with the other guy, but it hurts me that he hates me. I'm also thinking about changing colleges so I won't see him anymore, but I don't have the means to do it.

Anonymous 1 year99667

>>99665
I can't fully empathize, but you need to understand that men are very goal oriented. If you give off the smallest hint that you might take this first guy back, he would have tried very hard in order to treat you like a princess, as you said. Also, 25 IS immature for men. You have to understand that they are looking for a framework for their lives at that time, and you need to make sure they are not looking at you to provide it. You can help, but he should not treat you like a mommy or anything else gross

I can only advise you to slow down, in the future. Think about the last thing that the guy saw, from his perspective. If there's some kind of opening, they will try to fit themselves into it. In a perfect world, you would have realized that the change in his behavior was only because he saw an opportunity to get your attention back. This doesn't last, it never does

You need to decide what to do with him, if you are certain he does not want to be with you. You can't ever develop, or move on unless you can make a clear decision about who you want to have in your life. Pain only gets worse as you prolong this decision, so take some time to disconnect, be alone with your thoughts, and think

I recommend at least three hours in a dim room, a candle, and no electronic devices whatsoever. My therapist tells me to listen to baroque or classical, but I think no music whatsoever can help the quieting process

Anonymous 1 year99668

>>99665
>Sometimes I think he wants me to end it so he can go to his city.
That is irrational. Nobody is holding a gun to his head and if he is treating you like a Princess he must care about you. Think about this: there are not many people who will move in with someone and go study at their university for them. You are lucky!
>The other guy knows I have someone else
>Well and my classmate was no longer behaving so well with me. I half understand that he didn't have much time for me because of exams
So, he seemed disinterested and didn't communicate that he liked you well enough? Now he's big mad you moved on? Why do you care about him? Would he move to another University for you? You went on one or a few dates, who cares. Your relationship with the internet dude sounds more serious if he moved to your school. It's not an online relationship anymore at that point.

Anonymous 1 year99732

OP here. I love my boyfriend very much. I don't know if he exactly wants to bother me, but you can tell it's very hard for him to stay here. His parents have never supported him financially and I think that soon I'm going to have to pass money on to him (I kind of dislike doing that). That really happens. And about my classmate, it makes me uncomfortable because I know he talks bad about me (that I played with him is probably the mildest thing, you know things men say when they get rejected). I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I think I've made a lot of bad decisions. I just want to hide from both of them.

Anonymous 1 year99734

I failed to add that my boyfriend is so perfect out of it….. He is very good to me, he is always there for me, he respects me a lot and adores me. And he hasn't asked me for money, but I initially told him that I would help him to be here….. The problem is that he is so immature, when I met him he posted (posts) on a crappy forum. And he was working at whatever instead of studying, so he's a guy with no goals in life. Although when I met him he told me that if he was studying (in his city)…. Then he dropped out of the race and from there I started to get disappointed in him. Now he's doing bad too and he's not even working, so he's supposed to have time, but he's probably still wasting his time on the internet.