Childfree thread Anonymous 102
>"but Anon, you'll want them later!"
I also get the line "Oh but you're so young, you have so much time to think about what you want" like I didn't just explain that I already did.
At one point I considered selling my eggs and it really upset my boyfriend at the time, who I had already told that did not want kids and he said he was fine with that. He physically put his hands on my hips and said "No, you can't do that!" Luckily I got out of that one.
I don't want kids, nor do I like them, nor do I like modern parents who let their kids scream and bother people in public (on trains and buses). Yesterday I was sat in front of an Italian family with 2 kids and at some point one of the kids started yelling "Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!" repetitively for 5 minutes straight without the mother or the father doing anything to keep him quiet, everyone else on the bus was silent and he was so fucking loud I wanted to box him around. The father even spurred him on the whole time.
I've had the whole "but you'll change your mind" talk and I honestly feel like parents say that with good intentions in mind, but it usually comes off as selfish and I've met many people who only want grandkids so they have someone to play with until they get bored and let the parents do all the hard work.
All that said, I really can't stand 2 things:
1) people who refer to kids as "demon spawn", "crotchfruit" and the parents as "breeders". I think they're unhinged, if you have that much hatred for kids and their parents you need to seek help.
2) People who go through IVF instead of adopting. There's so many hungry children out there, if you can't have one through regular means maybe it's time to look into adoption instead of paying out the arse to create a baby artificially.
>"you just haven't met the right man yet!">"ooooh you'll change your mind when you're older!">"yeah but how does your boyfriend feel about that?">"you'll regret it once it's too late!"
Yeah, no, McFucking kill yourself.
I swear I have an mini-aneurysm every time I hear one of these lines, and you're guaranteed to have one regurgitated at you as soon as the discussion veers towards the subject of kids, or your lack thereof.
I simply don't have a single maternal bone in my body and I never have. My sister recently had a child and when holding her it was like I was handling a foreign object. Everybody was coo'ing and aww'ing over her and I just wanted to get her out of my arms ASAP.
I'm not gonna rule out the possibility that I may one day change my mind, but I genuinely
cannot imagine a single scenario where that could ever be the case. My partner and I are both vegans and part and parcel of that territory is often a bad case of the misanthropies, and I'm personally an anti-natalist.
It's not only not wanting to push a squalling sack of ego and blight out of my vagina though, birthing children is actually a process that irreparably damages your body. Most people don't know that our bodies don't make our own calcium, so when a foetus is developing inside you guess where its bones comes from? IT FUCKING STEALS IT RIGHT OFF YOUR OWN SKELETON, and that shit NEVER gets replaced. This is why mothers with multiple children are at such high risk of things like arthritis and osteoporosis.
I've often heard people say to me that I'm selfish for not wanting kids, but to me what's more selfish is bringing into this world a person I know is going to go on to pollute, destroy and inadvertently inflict suffering on millions of other beings. To live is to suffer and to suffer is to live. I'm not gonna say I'm not happy to be alive, but my ego isn't so big that I can't admit that the world wouldn't be a considerably better place without mine and billions others presence.>>103
>at one point I considered selling my eggs and it really upset my boyfriend at the time
I was looking into that only just last week but once I did a bit of research and discovered how damaging the entire procedure it on your body I kinda closed my laptop.
>>104>1) people who refer to kids as "demon spawn", "crotchfruit" and the parents as "breeders". I think they're unhinged, if you have that much hatred for kids and their parents you need to seek help.
You must have had a really safe, secure and comfortable life up until now if you genuinely can't understand a person's misanthropy.
I 100% agree with 2) though. It's the same with people that buy pets from breeders instead of rescue and they fucking know that they're funding an abhorrently cruel and unethical industry.
>>105>Most people don't know that our bodies don't make our own calcium, so when a foetus is developing inside you guess where its bones comes from? IT FUCKING STEALS IT RIGHT OFF YOUR OWN SKELETON, and that shit NEVER gets replaced.
I wish the actual health effects of pregnancy were taught to people! No one EVER talks about it from a medical standpoint until you're actually pregnant, that's so crazy! It's not just pickles-and-ice-cream cravings, swollen feet, and morning sickness, jfc. My friend's mother lost several teeth during her pregnancy, I doubt people would be so high and mighty about having kids if that shit happened.
For US anons, here's something to throw at those "why don't you want to have kids" sayers:http://www.npr.org/2017/05/12/528098789/u-s-has-the-worst-rate-of-maternal-deaths-in-the-developed-world
Not only that, but I doubt so many people would be as keen to push having kids if they learned about the magic that is diastasis recti - lit. abdominal wall separation. Your abdominal muscles can literally split in two to create room for your expanding stomach. This is one of the factors that leads to the permenant 'mum tum' many mothers suffer from, which is not just loose skin but also abdominal fat no longer having a foundation to cling to. The only way to repair is surgery to knit the muscles back together.
I'm curious, what do you guys make out your life is going to be like when you're middle aged? I always used to say that I'd never want kids, mostly because of superficial reasons about how it damages your body and how expensive it is to raise one, but looking at my older childless relatives and comparing how their lives are to someone like my mom, it's making me consider otherwise.
What are your childless relatives like? I know plenty of childless couples who live super full lives of art, music, hobbies, festivals, travel, etc. Children provide something that other things probably won't to the same extent, but they also take up a lot of time that could be spent doing literally thousands of other fulfilling things.
>>106>You must have had a really safe, secure and comfortable life up until now if you genuinely can't understand a person's misanthropy.
Misanthropy is not the norm, it's a sign of mental illness.
Unsafe, insecure and uncomfortable lives are also a leading cause of mental illness, what a coincidence!
And I think your wilful ignorance to the destructive reality of human nature is a sign of terminal idiocy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'd be happy having a SO and a dog or maybe other pets and just live my life.
This will come across as incredibly bitter and vitriolic, but I saw this post https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/6kh5q2/my_15_month_old_son_just_got_over_being_sick_in/
and I stared at it in disgust. It's so repulsive to me, everything about it - the weird deformed child, its smug misshapen grin, the parents' egotistical compulsion to share it with the world. I don't know, everything about it makes me want to sew my vagina shut.
I hate kids as much as the next person in this thread but that's kinda fucked up
>>113>destructive reality of human nature
lol seek help
What's the temperature like inside your ignorance bubble today sis?
If you think about getting a kid just to fill a void you will have at an older age you should start to ask yourself why this seems to be a valid fear for you.
It seems like in your opinion a child has to be there, to fill up some void. Why do you think a child is the answer? And not getting to know yourself, having hobbies, traveling, relationships to other adults etc.?
Or why do you even think there will be this void?
Honestly only get a kid if you want to be a mother, with all up and downs this includes. There is no other good reason.
Honestly i'm really in doubt about having a child or not having a child.
I have a deep down longing to have a happy 50's family with my future husband and all that, and i'm not particularly career-driven and have pretty basic hobbies, which are basically cooking and cleaning and i feel i wouldn't fit an office at all, and i also really like children and they're very drawn to me, i'm often the chosen babysitter in family gatherings because of that.
But then what haunts me at night is: What if i break up with him? Then i'll have to care for the child completely alone which is something i do not desire since i grew up fatherless and it made me have several "daddy issues". What if i find it unfulfilling or tiresome and regret it? Besides from damaging the body, it also takes its toll on the mind. I do not want to end up as a frustrated middle aged mom who wants her children to grow up and leave her alone already so she can finally do the stuff she didn't because of the kids.
>long term bf wants kids and I don't
>I insist the only situation it would happen is if I get to stay at home so I can be lazy other than childcare
>he continues to idealize having kids but never gets his life together enough to afford them
>we are getting older and reaching the age where having them would raise risk of disorders
I win. No kids.
I kind of only want kids so I can be a better parent than all the crap ones I see on public transport, but I'm pretty sure that's the worst reason to procreate/adopt in the world, except perhaps just to kill time, like what >>109
Have you come across the Hartley Hooligans?
I don't hate kids like many of the anons in this thread (they're pretty cute and fun to be around imo), I just couldn't handle parenthood and I'm extremely tokophobic. Finances aren't even an issue, but being so responsible for a future adult's life is terrifying. What if I do everything right but they still become a criminal or abuser?
I do hate when people insist I'll have baby fever or whatever in my thirties. Stop trying to control my life! I know myself pretty well.
honestly you're so lucky you don't want to, I'd really rather wait to get married and have kids but i have to hurry up and find a husband ASAP before i get too ugly and my eggs aren't as good.
Can I be completely honest?
I don't want kids because I don't want to wreck my body, and because I wouldn't have any of my husband's attention anymore.
I spent my youth being the ugly duckling and now in my mid-20s people have finally started treating me better, and I want to experience as much of this as possible before I get kids. My bf's in his early 30s and seems to be angling for marriage and kids but honestly he can wait.
Hedge your bets by having three or four. That way even if one dies in traffic, and another ends up gay, your genetic legacy can still carry on
>>105>>107>Most people don't know that our bodies don't make our own calcium, so when a foetus is developing inside you guess where its bones comes from? IT FUCKING STEALS IT RIGHT OFF YOUR OWN SKELETON, and that shit NEVER gets replaced.
Come on, are you buying this bullshit?
Yep our bodies don't make their own calcium, they don't make their own vitamins either (except for D and K) and there is also a long list of minerals, do you think you stole yours from your mother and made a nice little stock without her consent while in her womb?
People eat, and yeah the baby will take calcium from the mother's bones if and only if she doesn't get enough of it from food.
Also do you really think that calcium in our bodies never gets replaced? Maybe I should stop eating those super expensive organic almonds, then.
The void comes from the inevitable hormones that will flood your system once you hit your 30s.
Some women pull off filling this void with other people's kids and pets, but I've definitely had a lot of friends dead set on not having children their entire life, to jump ship as soon as they hit their 30s and get pregnant on purpose even if it's with a boyfriend they weren't serious with.
A reason to have kids when you're younger is if you have any doubt that these hormones will kick your ass and make you lonely depressed bitter and feel the need to have a child, it's better you bite the bullet sooner in life than later.
People who wait til their 30s to have kids are a key factor to the rise in rates of autism, and if you wait and try to have kids when it's truly too late, you might end up that crazy lady from the retirement home who walks her cats around in public in a stroller.
That's actually a good reason, it means if you were a parent you would want better things for them.
Another reason to do it sooner than later, is your body will be less damaged after the fact and easier to train into bouncing back to normal. If you wait and then suddenly decide to have kids when you're heading for your 40s, the physical and emotional damage hits a lot harder and is much harder to ever heal from.
One last factor that makes women break in their 30s is the idea that they may die alone because they chose to have no children, which is also a valid fear and kind of a selfish reason to have kids admittedly, but you are much less likely to die alone that way.
It'd be nice to see as many folks dedicated to bringing back intimate multi generation households as there are people dead set against having children and making sure their ancestors lineage and family history dies with them.
There's no such thing as a hormone flood or a biological clock or whatever. If anything, it's the social pressure to have kids that causes it. Why do you care though? Let childfree people be childfree and let parents be parents.
i really want to be a mom but im 23 and theres no man anywhere in my life, its so far away. im scared of waiting until my 30s to have a kid. if i am not engaged or in a commited relationship by the time im 26 im gonna just give up on being a mom….
>>4469>tfw 28 and still wanting to be a mom
it's really only in your forties that you have to start worrying about your body being an obstruction to having children, don't give up.
That's actually wrong but okay, tell yourself whatever makes you feel better about reality
The joke's on you, I want to be a crazy old lady obsessively caring for animals.
I am extremely anti-natalist and pro-extinction of the human race. I enjoy being around children, but they will all inevitably grow up to be selfish and awful adults no matter how they're raised. People will just keep abusing, raping, and killing each other as long as we exist.
>inb4 why not just kill yourself?
I'm a coward, and I'm no longer super-depressed. Just have to waste time enjoying this shithole before I can finally peaceout.
Overdose is an option, but clearly something about life on earth makes you desire to stick around.
First step toward inner peace is acknowledging the world has always been shit and always will be and acceptance is seeing the blessings of momentary happiness and love that exist beyond within the eternal cycle alongside suffering.
I've been there done that with the existential crisis, nothing you're saying is wrong your attitude about life is just pessimistic and you clearly are responsible for your own sadness, forgive yourself.
Only saying this because keeping a negative mindset like that, nurturing it, and wearing it on your sleeve is contagious and is the kind of attitude that makes people selfish, jaded, and awful.
Well, like I said I'm no longer super depressed. I'm not focusing on this (or my own self hatred) much anymore unless it comes up like itt.
I probably came across as a bit emotional and intense, but there are definitely things I enjoy. Like I said I do want to be a crazy animal lady and maybe share my life with a partner. And I'm not often mean to people I interact with on the daily, in fact I take interest in individuals often and get invested in their issues.
But I'm still against the human race continuing. It's a weird relationship.
Understood then, we all have self hate we just treat it differently when really it's a very powerful motivational tool you can useyto try and be better to people, but you seem like you already get that.
I look forward to something a nuclear apocalypse taking us all out if it comes down as well, well mostly I'd see us as having deserved it if it comes to that, but there's no end in near sight for humans for the time being so you may as well wish all your peers, friends, and enemies the best they can achieve for themselves for the time being.
We have always been this way, the afterlife isn't really an escape but the continuation, the escape doesn't exist aside from material belongings and from one's own identity in this life.
Sorry for my fortune cookie mantra, I felt talkative, have a meme.
Look, I can counter your anecdotal evidence with mine, but that won't get us anywhere. My question still stands: why do you care about how people choose to live their life?
Nice condescending attitude btw. Hope you'll drop it for the sake of your kids.
I was just saying you were factually wrong, live your life however you want, do whatever makes you happy in this life, but there's no point in getting mad at someone for reminding you of the possible consequences of your choices realistically.
If I have ever luck I will never have children.
Even though I am already in this age, where everyone gets married and has children.
My Father is really worried, because I don't have a desire for family or even a bf.
I really don't like them. I can't handle 'people' who I can't have a discussion with. By any means, with children you can't.
They are gross and if you are unlucky you have them for 30 or more years.
What if you try your hardest and your child will become a mass murderer or just an plain asshole.
I am really scared about that.
What if you get the child and you see it and there is no feeling of bliss and joy. (that is not uncommon))
What if your child is plain ugly?
Or what if it has an accident and becomes severely disabled, or it just dies?
I could not handle that.
What if your partner decides that you are no longer attractive and he let you alone with the children?
There are too many unknown factors that could ruin everything.
I am not for risk, so no children for me, if i am lucky.
>>120>It seems like in your opinion a child has to be there, to fill up some void.
I got on board the baby train early when I realized that the void is inevitable. The smartest, most driven, most interesting, most adventurous women (and men) I know all find themselves facing the void at some point. The void is life. Once you accept that reality, your perspective changes.
>>122>I win. No kids.
If you think he won't eventually break up with you, you're delusional.
>>4474>People will just keep abusing, raping, and killing each other as long as we exist.
But ano, all of those things are statistically going down globally…
Girl I'm glad I got my copper iud last week and I don't have to worry about tracking my fertility, taking the morning after shit pill that annoys me or being paranoid about it for the next decade
At least I didn't have complications with it
Yeah this won't totally backfire
Making kneejerk impulsive decisions that have a permanent effect on your life should not be taken so lightly
Stop being stupid
>>4600>kneejerk impulsive decisions
You seem to be assuming a lot about how other people make choices.
Exactly why one should consider if they truly want children before having them! If someone who truly does not want kids has them due to societal pressure it will make both she and the kids miserable.
Good job, you're right.
having children is an impulsive decision? Are you okay, Anon?
I always wanted to be a mother when I was younger, but as I got older I realized it was unrealistic.
Marriage and love is basically out of the question for me. Even if I were to marry, children are really fucking expensive, and I would never want to have a child that I couldn't give everything to.
I also get annoyed at this assumption that all women are good with kids. I like them well enough, but assuming an entire sex is wired to be caretakers of annoying small humans is just an argument used to justify sexism.
I am about to be 30 and I still dont want kids ever since I was 17. I told my parents I never wanted children and yes I still think the same way, I dont want them. They are too expensive, too much responsibility and all around just a bad time, they are smelly you have to change their fricking diapers ever 2 to 3 hours (my sister has two kids and I always helped her take care of them and it was hell) and boy if they get sick a trip to the hospital wont come cheap. My sister use to be a person who would buy a bunch of nice things for herself like brand glasses and brand clothing now she cant afford that now that she has two kids to take care of and I am like no thanks I really dont want that lifestyle. my sister is like "oh you will change your mind" kek noo I dont think so sis….
I want kids but not biological ones. I can't deal with the idea of willingly flinging all of my easily avoidable genetic sick onto a human, and as much as I love kids, won't adopt unless I'm financially, psychologically, and physically sound, as well as my partner being the same.
And not that it's an unpopular opinion in this thread, but still adding a voice to the pile that it's trashy popcorn fuel when pushy middle-aged women and incels alike get blue in the face shouting that feeemales NEED to have kids.
AMEN why would i willingly give up my disposable income and free time? no thanks i have NO maternal instincts, i'm not even into taking care of pets. i'm fine without.
How do you convince a guy you're seeing to not want children? I have a strong mistrust for men (he's great but you never know) and I honestly would never put myself in such a vulnerable position by having children when I don't care much either way to have them.
Just be blunt and tell him if you haven't already. If he persists, don't bother trying to change his mind. Rethink the relationship.
>thought I don't want kids
>see images of 2d husbando with a cute baby doing father things and being happy
What is this? Does this mean if I find a guy I like I'll start wanting kids?
I'm turning 28 soon…the time to have kids is closing rapidly. I would only want sons though.
Don't wait. Meet somebody! It's late to start getting social, for sure, but that doesn't give you an excuse to give up. I'm sure there's some desperate churchie you could wrap up, if you're looking for an easy route, but networking is still the obvious choice.
>>6848>I would only want sons though.
please never have kids
I don't have interest in girl stuff. Even as a kid I was a tomboy and liked sports and playing in the woods. Now I'm outwardly extremely feminine but still largely have male-typical interests. Girls are boring, you can't do anything with them. My dad tried to prevent me playing sports as a kid because I'm a girl and girls can't live or whatever. Girls are nothing but bad feels, and probably some internalized misogyny or whatever. I dislike women. Little boys are qt and make me want to cook them warm meals and brush their hair. Little girls just inspire hate and disigust. shrug So if I decide to get pregnant and it's a girl, then what? abort it? I'd be screwed.
Anyway still undecided, these feels are new and strange. but idk, the thought of dealing with baby shit is still a good birth control method. It's a whole hell of a lot of bother for something I would only maybe enjoy.
You're probably going to have nothing but girls. Just raise them to be tomboys.
I'll just leave them in a ditch or something.
Not funny. The world needs more gender-nonconforming girls anyway.
>>4462>Also do you really think that calcium in our bodies never gets replaced?
It doesn't we reach peak bone mass around 20-30 years of age and it's downhill from there on. We do recover bone but it's just slower than the rate it is getting destroyed.
I never wanted kids until I met my husband, and even then I was in a state of self-denial for a LONG time. Apparently years of telling everyone you don’t want something makes it difficult to be honest with yourself about suddenly wanting that thing.
How has your experience been so far?
What do you appreciate or find rewarding in being a mother that was lost on the younger you?
>>6924>>How has your experience been so far?
It's easier than I thought it would be. Mine aren't particularly easy (though thankfully not particularly hard) kids from what I understand. There are some moms who act like it's all rainbows and butterflies and there is no such thing as a bad moment. Other moms seem to feel like their kids are a burden, but I think those are women who are just complainers in general. My experience has been in the middle; not exclusively good times but an overwhelmingly strong net positive.
>>What do you appreciate or find rewarding in being a mother that was lost on the younger you?
It's weird; my self concept hasn't quite yet changed to "being a mother." Like in my head I'm still the same woman I was at 20, adamantly against having kids. But I have two and my husband and I want at least one more. I think knowing that he wanted kids but wanted to be with me more than having kids, and telling me that he'd be with me no matter what, it showed me that having kids wasn't going to be a price I had to pay to society. It wasn't going to be something I "had to do." Once it felt like less of an obligation and I was confident and secure in myself as not "needing" to have kids to please anyone else, I slowly began to realize that I never didn't want kids, I wanted to not be told what I do or don't or will or won't want.
Not wanting kids was a form of rebellion, and once I was my own person, the need to rebel dissipated, and I was able to see the pros and cons in a very different light.
We're encouraged as women to ask ourselves why we do want certain things, but we're actually discouraged in my experience from thinking critically and deeply about why we don't want things.