>>18374This one is multi-faceted. First, we have to accept some men just will not be attracted to us. Even if we are beautiful, successful, charming, funny, smart, etc. Some men just have a certain type they're drawn more to. This could be blondes over brunettes, asian over black, chubby over slender, poor over rich, wild/extroverted over relaxed/introverted. Some men are drawn to women they want to "fix" or control or those they feel are "on their level" in some way. Understand the journey of becoming "the girl they can't have" will piss off many men who are used to women who make it "easy"/who are palatable or "on their level" and systems of culture which usually reward them getting their way, through aggression, coercion, etc. Most of this journey is internal. Not just because of the whole "you gotta love yourself first girlboss !!!" but simply because you will not be able to act from your core, with conviction, if you're not designing your persona/wardrobe/makeup/habits after something natural for you and your essence. The male nature is to analyze and categorize (hence Pokemon, Baseball cards, and fetishizing a "type" of girl - goth, bubblegum, whore, trad, egirl, waifu, and so on) and if you function from this perspective of almost mechanically looking at other women, trying to simply copy and paste their parts onto you, it will come off as awkward as it feels. It'll be like an itchy seam or food in your teeth. You will likely have to compromise at least some of your, what I'd call tainted, standards. Years of ED fuel and cyclical trends and Big Beauty propaganda is going to stain your view with some cosmetic utopia you will never reach. This is okay. This is ideal. Ever heard the line "you don't fit into this world because you're meant to create a new one"? It's like that, but the world is your body. Obviously, be inspired. Take notice to what you find beautiful and appealing. Like the whole Marie Kondo thing, notice what "sparks joy" within you. Regarding clothes, makeup, interests, mannerisms, places, and especially people. If your frame of reference is always wondering "do they like me, do they like me?" you will flounder for scraps from people you wouldn't even care about or respect if you were more secure. Start by asking "do I even like/respect this person?" first. Anyway, please, please Listen to this. Transform into someone who DOES, not someone who LOOKS LIKE. Make art, work out, yoga, bake, code, read, volunteer, sports, social justice, camping, etc. Do with your hands, with your mind. The soul will atrophy without meaniπgful pursuits. Actively recognize in your body the feeling of being present, open-hearted, joyous, excited, determined, etc. Work on open body language. Work on subtle, easy to wear styles for makeup and clothes. Be comfortable, but flattered. Most the pain of beauty is in the prep, not the wearing of it. Know yourself, find your colors, your shapes, whatever, and get some staple pieces/shades. Good health helps any body. Being what you might call "a little ugly" isn't the end of the world. A lot of funky looking women are revered for what they do/did. Innovators, advocates, artists. Having distinct, repeated looks and actions (~*STYLE*~) becomes like prayer before the meal or a mantra for meditation. It's a foundation, it's reliability. Focus on self love. Gratitude journal, draw a self portrait (get as abstract with this as you want), make a list of your favorite things. Honor yourself. Embrace your flaws. Love your big nose or weird eyebrows or soft voice or saggy tits or thin hair or awkward proportions. You're an animal. You're a woman. You've been gifted these traits for countless reasons in your lineage you can't know, but if you try, you can feel it. Dance. Feel your body. Get sensual. Get strong. Get smart. Forget about men for a while. The less you give them, the more they chase. You hear it all the time, and in enough time, you see it play out. Smile, laugh hard, stand up tall. Be poised, try to feel at home wherever you go. Compliment people. Wish them well. Focus your attention back to what you love and can do over obsessing about what you are not or what others have. Remember, men live longer when they're married, but women don't… they die earlier.
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