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lonely castle in t…

Self Esteem General Anonymous 18774

General talk and help thread about self esteem, body image and mental health.

> How's your self esteem?

> Body image?
> Do you like your face?
> Your personality?
> Are you doing anything to improve on things? (working out, positive affirmations, skincare, etc)
> Share tips with improving self esteem and etc

This is a help/positivity thread. We're here to get better. Please don't shit on other anons if possible. No pro-ana.

Anonymous 18775

To begin the thread
> How's your self esteem?
It has never been very good. Was told that I was ugly and isolated as I was growing up. Even my father told me that he treated me out of all my siblings the best as a little kid, because I was the ugliest one that all the other adults ignored. Nowadays I'm doing a lot better.

> Body image?

Been trying to cope with the weight gain that I got from the past year, I'm not overweight or anything, I just went from almost underweight to smack in the middle of the BMI healthy range. I still feel fat and horrible and me telling myself that I'm fine is just cope. Anyone have any tips on undoing this? Have been taking more walks and watching what I eat to help but progress is slow, of course. If anything it matters a lot more for me to undo the toxic super thin = better shit that moid media parroted to me all my life.

> Do you like your face?

Been told I was ugly and honestly believed it for a long time. But earlier yesterday I took a picture of my face and for the first time I actually thought "I look fine, I could even be cute if I fix up a little." which is great! I'm no means a model but I'm a little glad that I don't see my face like an ogre or a goblin anymore.

> Your personality

Is okay I guess. I don't argue with people on the internet anymore and barely use social media anymore. Everyone should do this

> Are you doing anything to improve on things?

Skincare has actually been doing wonders for my face and I only started a little while back! My skin tone is more even and there's less visible scarring now. Been thinking of getting my teeth fixed and double eyelid surgery to go from 'kinda ugly/off' to 'averagely fine'. And also making sure I keep my hygiene and personal space nice and clean for good headspace.

Anonymous 18776


>How's your self esteem?

It has always been pretty low and now it feels like it is at an all-time low. I grew up always being called stupid, retarded, and useless. Alot of self-esteem I would have had has been incinerated and it is going to take a hell of a long time to restore it, if at all. That would probably involve confronting alot of childhood trauma and other bagggage. Domestic verbal abuse and bullying, I was effectively raised to hate and doubt myself. Simple as.

I also badly wish I was more gentle in nature, someone like in picrel. I really am pretty brutish and unrefined, always slamming something shut, hitting myself against something when moving around, no sense of aesthetic, etc. I've been called a tomboy and it's not that far from the truth. I spent half of my teenage years dressing like an enby and then even TIF'ing out because of how confused I got. I wouldn't even know the first thing about "acting feminine".

>Body image?

Previously I never paid it much attention, even with my mother constantly complaining that I don't and that I should be more feminine, but people like Instagram models, idols, and even just every third woman I see on the street now, have me feeling hopeless. I can't truly say I'm ugly, because I never received negative treatment or comment about my looks (Other than my mother of course, because she complains about everything but I didn't care so that doesn't count.). I was bullied for other reasons. I've had a classmate call me average looking while talking to another classmate, saying I'm not "pretty or ugly". I've had a friend outright comment "meh" with a bored face emoji at me in regards to my face, but go heart-eyes emoji in regards to my legs. I guess if I was some anonymous streamer that did a face reveal like Dream, I would get a similar mixed reaction (Ranging from "Oh my god she's so ugly!" to "She looks normal"). Even if it wasn't ill-intentioned, getting called average has still offended me, because I'm not content being just average-looking. I want to look hot, so calling me average might as well be calling me ugly. It's not for moids either. I couldn't care if I'm a 3 and all the women that are my competition are a 6 or higher. Since I have no true experience with people treating me or calling me ugly, I think my insecurity just formed itself. I just want to be attractive for personal inner peace of mind. Feeling attractive feelsgood and fun for me. On the rare day I haven't looked like shit, I have felt my mood visibly improve.

>Do you like your face?

Back in high school I had very bad acne and I was dumb enough to constantly pick at my face, so now I have been left with acne scars that I'll only be able to get rid of them with some kind of expensive laser treatment I can't afford at the moment. Even makeup can't do much to hide them. That, in turn, makes me feel like I just can't wear makeup well. Plus, I still look alot younger than my age. I've had a Uber Driver not even believe that I'm a college student. Back in high school, as a senior, I had a woman think I'm a freshman. I keep being called "cute" but I don't exactly like it. I want to be mature and sexy, not cute. I seem to only attract creepy men that may be pedos. That says enough.

>Are you doing anything to improve on things? (working out, positive affirmations, skincare, etc)

I've tried skincare and makeup for my acne scars, but again, they only get me so far. I really want to get this laser treatment the moment I can afford it, because my scarring is easily what I hate most about my face. Tried working out several times but always end up eventually breaking my routine. (Although I don't and have never had problems with overweightness, so I'm not sure if I really need it that much.) With makeup and fashion, because I've never expressed any interest in these things all previous 24 years of life, it's really hard to understand. Walking into a clothing or makeup store feels like stepping into a different universe. I couldn't wrap my head around what anything is, how to pick something out/apply it/etc. less if I tried. I essentially feel like what a typical moid must feel like being in one. I guess I'm trying though.

>Share tips with improving self esteem and etc

Autistically absorbing yourself in a goal is what helped me, at least for awhile. For example, I set a goal to improve my grades. That didn't exactly help improve my self-esteem in the long run, but I guess the work did distact me from paying attention to it. I can't hate myself if I don't have the time to.

Anonymous 18777

>How's your self esteem?
I do not hate nor love my appearance, I am simply neutral towards it.
>Body image?
There was a time when I hated it so much I ended up developing an eating disorder. Now I am ok with my body, although I know I would hate it if I gained more weight.
>Do you like your face?
It is ok.
>Your personality?
Yes, except for how socially unaware I am. I wish I were less awkward.
>Are you doing anything to improve on things? (working out, positive affirmations, skincare, etc)
Learning psychology and typology has helped me understand myself better, as well as others. When it comes to appearance, I put no effort into it. There is no point in trying to please others, specially when you are a woman. It is never enough. Besides, beauty is uncomfortable and makes life less practical.
>Share tips with improving self esteem and etc
If you are a woman, how you feel about yourself is dependent on how others feel about you. Why bother to try to look beautiful if, as I said before, it is never enough? When you do not buy beauty products you save more money, when you do not wear uncomfortable clothing you make your life easier. I don't know what else to say. When it comes to personality and other introspective matters, I would say to find your passions and work on those, whether is a hobby or something more serious. I also believe that studying and reading can help your mental health a lot.

Anonymous 18778


> How's your self esteem?
> Body image?
I don't care much about my body but it could be better
> Do you like your face?
It's ok
> Your personality?
Hate it
> Are you doing anything to improve on things? (working out, positive affirmations, skincare, etc)
No, but i take walks sometimes
> Share tips with improving self esteem and etc
Be born a giga-stacy or something idk

Anonymous 18779


> How's your self esteem?
I used to think more highly of myself, but I went through a lot of shit and it changed my perspective on life. So I've been slowing building up my self esteem.

> Body image?

I would love to be skinner. I already have made a lot of progress. When I was at my heaviest I was miserable and was at one of the worst points in my life. Since losing weight I feel much healthier. I still have a long way to go but I am very proud of the progress I've made.

> Do you like your face?

Yes. I wouldn't mind saving up funds and get some acne scars smoothed out and maybe straighten out my top teeth. But overall I am satisfied with my face.

> Your personality?

I guess it's okay. Socially I never had trouble making friends and men always liked me. But I am hardcore introvert. I have been living a semi-neet life for the past few months.
I feel so lame sometimes, but I've just been put through the ringer the past few years and I am finally on the other side and recovering. I have lost a lot of motivation. Finding life exciting these days is difficult for me.
Returning to normalcy is really hard. I try to accept where I am in life and tell myself that I am much happier right now compared to where I was a year ago and that has to count for something.

> Are you doing anything to improve on things? (working out, positive affirmations, skincare, etc)

I try to walk 2-5 miles around 4/5 times a week. I also try not to eat obsessive amounts of junk food.
Having a skincare routine helps me a lot because not only does it improve my skin but I also feel like I am doing something good for myself. I have also done more research about haircare and have been slowing growing my hair out which is something I've always wanted to do.
Doing my nails also makes me really happy. Spending time on my hobbies brings me a lot of joy.
I also try to think more positively in general.

> Share tips with improving self esteem and etc

Taking care of your body is the first step and developing good habits is key. I find that trying to create one or two new habits at a time is much easier than imposing a bunch at once.
Positive thinking is also a habit imo. It's easy to let your bad thoughts spiral, I find it takes a conscious effort to stop negative thoughts and think about something positive. Having a gratitude journal isn't a bad idea and has helped me. Even if it's something small you are grateful for, acknowledging it and writing it down helps put things in perspective. Journaling in general is awesome.

Anonymous 18780


>Anyone have any tips on undoing this?
Build muscle mass. You'll be more defined, and will get better posture.
E.g. eat protein, do strength training

Anonymous 18781


Ironically I got into my current state when I attempted to start working out. Let's say… Obsessing over numbers, macros, calories made me think of it all the time and start binge/restricting. I stopped training since and still haven't stopped thinking about it, but I'm also terrified of stepping in the gym again and spiralling. Was thinking that when I lose some of the fat I could try and take it easy with bodyweight stuff and eat more chicken when I'm hungry instead of autistically tracking everything.

Oh anon how I wish I could give you a hug. I relate with not knowing how to 'act feminine'. For me I just learned to do what I'm comfortable with and work up from there, I'll never be like your picrel in my lifetime, but it's better than nothing.

> If you are a woman, how you feel about yourself is dependent on how others feel about you. Why bother to try to look beautiful if, as I said before, it is never enough? When you do not buy beauty products you save more money, when you do not wear uncomfortable clothing you make your life easier. I don't know what else to say.
This is a good point and I agree, but at the same time I think working on yourself appearance wise for yourself is key here. I see it a lot like personality and hobbies. Skincare can go a long way in self esteem because you're 'improving' yourself. I rarely ever leave my house to see people but still working on my appearance has given me a small bit of joy for myself. But for clothes kek yeah keep it comfy but also kind of good

I should print this post out and hang it somewhere. I love your attitude! I should do my best to adopt the same. Not like toxic positivity where I tell myself everything is okay but like yours with slowly doing good things for yourself and journalling

Anonymous 18782

>Obsessing over numbers, macros, calories made me think of it all the time and start binge/restricting
At that point then, I'd get some professional help.

Anonymous 18783

>I should print this post out and hang it somewhere. I love your attitude! I should do my best to adopt the same. Not like toxic positivity where I tell myself everything is okay but like yours with slowly doing good things for yourself and journalling
Aw thanks nona! I didn't think my post would be inspiring haha. I still feel like I have a ways to go, but I do think I have made progress. Definitely did not happen over night. Hopefully we can both achieve our goals one day!

Anonymous 18785


Aww thank you. Someone here had made a thread about being moidbrained and, even though that's kind of cringe, that's the best way I would describe it honestly. I walk in unfeminine large steps, like to sit with my legs apart, plow through things like a tank and sit dow with a thud, rip something like a cord out of a wall instead of removing it slowly, etc. I'm very ungraceful and impatient in all my movements and it shows. That's probably why I admire geisha so much. They are my complete antithesis. But I do know they literally get trained to be, as well.

Anonymous 18787

I want to learn to love myself without filters but it’s hard. I’m so scared i catfished people I met first met online only to meet in person. But that was a couple years back. Now, I’m starting to look in the mirror and sort like what I see. Really like it. I even get hit on by guys now. I’m not sure what changed in my face from 1 month ago to now but I’ve recently been getting a lot more male attention. I feel so insecure

I live with my roommate. She’ll look bummy when we’re at home but can really get dressed up. My issue is that in don’t know how to do that. Some days, I feel so silly when I put on makeup and do my hair. A bad makeup/hair day is enough to make me not want to go to school, go to work or go out with friends. It’s especially worse when I get ready with friends to go somewhere. I just feel so ugly compared to them. I especially hate when we take pictures when we’re out. I feel so gargoyle-like compared to friends. I also have one friend in particular who is exceptionally beautiful so that doesn’t help.

I’ve had so many terrible experiences dressing up to go somewhere that I hate it now. I feel a sense of embarrassment too. This feeling is highlighted when I see a girl on Instagram or TikTok who is younger than (that I know in real life) who looks far more attractive than I do. I once liked a boy who was a couple of years younger than me and I couldn’t help comparing myself to the girls closer to his age. Even on my best days, I don’t hold a candle to them.

This is not to say I don’t ever find myself attractive. I’ve learned, apparently this month, how to look prettier. However, one bad angle, looking at my side profile or staring at myself for too long in the mirror is enough to unravel any newly gained self-confidence.

I think I have bpd which makes it hard for me to have a consistent view of myself.

Anonymous 18788

I used to obsess over things like that, and then I realized that it was kind of stupid. Although the one thing that worked out for me was that I learned to sit a little more gently and sit more 'femininely'. It's still a pretty conscious decision on my part. I don't think it'll go away or ever become a subconscious habit, but I'm used to it now. It's not impossible to re-learn behaviors, but in the end it really boils down to whether you want to do this for yourself or others. Other people will always find something to nitpick about you if they want to be cruel.

I realized what really helped with dismissing my bad angle photos or when I look too hard in the mirror is that nobody looks at you that closely, like literally. The distance we normally stand at a mirror to look at our faces is closer than the regular distance between you and a conversing partner. And also that videos of you talking and moving around is far more accurate to how people perceive you in person (and obviously video calls) than photos. But taking photos with friends and it turns out bad is still a problem for me too, I'm not very photogenic and I still dk how to pose for cameras kek

Anonymous 19155

> How's your self esteem?
> Body image?
i think my ribcage and shoulders are oretty large while my pelvis is small, this is considered ugly and it’s my bone structure so it’s unchangeable
> Do you like your face?
no, i have a neanderthal look aith an overbite and weak chin, i need braces and to get teeth removed and ive never done that
> Your personality?
intp but hyper socially anxious like i guess all autistic women eventually become
> Are you doing anything to improve on things? (working out, positive affirmations, skincare, etc) i have no idea where to start, i dont know if i should appeal to standards or build self esteem, ill never be good at making myself look nice and caring about lifestyle too like other people seem to be. Im interested in working out and being healthier though.

Anonymous 19156

I dont remember when i last wasn’t a hikki. It seems like since 2019 alt fashion has become popular and ive been left behind. I hate being young ive always wished i could be an old lady or a foreigner so people wouldnt judge me for not fitting the status quo. I remember in high school i didnt think much of stacies who i had school projects with, i dont think they thought badly of me and there were a lot of plain nerdy girls (though it seems like most glow up in college age which is my age now), so i shouldnt worry about people treating me poorly right? I guess my coping method with anxieties is thinking about the past to see if theyre unfounded or not. Sorry if this is blog posting im using my tiny phone. My point is im worried about all the girls on tinder looking so yassified while im a femcel

Anonymous 19160

I don’t have too much to add other than that I feel the same a lot of the time. I wish I was older so people wouldn’t be picking apart my appearance. Something that has helped is that recently I cut off a lot of my hair: I look a lot more androgynous but somehow other people seem to like it a lot. I think it made my hair easier to manage so i look a little less ratty, and going against the social norm so much with one aspect of my appearance seems to allow other people to accept the fact that I’m not really a feminine person. I think at the end of the day I just have to learn to accept that I’ll never be the “pretty one,” I’ll just take care of myself as much as I can and not worry about what I can’t fix. (But gosh if I had money things would be so much easier…)

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