/hb/ - Health & Beauty

>>18794
>Do you take any? Which ones?
I used to take fluoxetine, an SSRI for depression.

>When did you start?
I started it in roughly Nov/Dec of 2018, I stopped 4 months later.

>Are you diagnosed with anything?
I was diagnosed with depression. But reluctantly so by the doctor.

>Did they work?
It made me make an attempt on my life by the end of it.

Alright nonas, buckle up it's story time with my god awful experiences with the mental healthcare in my country.
>depressed since 2016
>2 years later I decide I need help, I hated living with the constant heavy weight on my chest
>poorfag student, decide to go through the public system
>no parental support, they don't believe in mental illnesses unless you're one of those 'crazies'
>see general doctor for referral to a public mental hospital
>bring my diary to show them my inner thoughts
>"you just sound angry"
>wtf ok
>she refers me anyway
>months later, see doc in mental hospital
>"you don't look depressed, you smile and make jokes"
>what the fuck
>he puts me down as moderate depression and prescribes me an SSRI
>kid dosage because I was underweight
>start to feel feel a bit ok
>month later, see doc again
>it's a different one
>ask: "so what am I going to do about the dosage? are we upping it to the adult dosage or keeping it the way it is?"
>she literally tells me to take as little or as much as I want wtf
>I go home and start taking the adult dosage
>the meds really start to kick in, I start feeling like a zombie
>less and less I felt like I cared
>in turn I started taking more, because the void was getting worse
>perpetual cycle
>in the end it got so bad I decided that I wanted to rope
>fail
>family member comes home, freaks out and calls the police
>get sent as an in-patient in the mental hospital
>get off the meds
>still feel like shit, but my personality started coming back

Feeling anger, annoyance and having agency took a bit to adjust back. But ultimately I didn't like SSRIs. It sucked too that they didn't think to give me any anxiety meds at the time, so I was anxious throughout all of this, but I couldn't outwardly 'feel' it. My parents were giga against meds and stopped me from taking them. In a way it was a good thing to get off them, but I wish I had a choice to pick up a different kind of anti depressant. Right now I'm doing a lot better, I wouldn't say I'm depressed anymore. But I'm actually less functional that I was back then. Nona it'd be interesting to make this thread also include other psychiatric stories like therapy and etc. I bet there are worse horror stories people could tell here kek

antipsychotics = brain poison/chemical lobotomy
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
""schizophrenia"" (had been involuntarily hospitalised 2 times now for it, both times they made me take the poison pills and i hated it)

>>18797
What did they put you on when you were admitted? Any side effects?

>Do you take any? Which ones?
Sertraline and Cariprazine, thinking of quitting both.
>When did you start?
I started taking SSRI meds at 15 years old.
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
Autism and major depressive disorder.
>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
A bunch. I hate depending on pills to function. Whenever I don't take them, I want to kill myself. They messed my brain up and made me dependent on them. They only work because it seems I have become addicted.

>>18794
i've been taking lithium for about a year - i'm bipolar. i had been on antidepressants, other mood stabilizers, and many different antipsychotics and they didn't help in the long term or made things worse. i still get depressed or manic sometimes, but it is mostly manageable

>Do you take any? Which ones?
nope not rn but used to take seroquel and prozac
>When did you start?
prozac awhile ago as a kid, seroquel more recently
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
no and if i am the cuntfucks didnt tell me
>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
wanna be numb then sure. i'm not even fucking psychotic they just wanted me to shut up and the ssris were after i tried to kill myself as a kid because of people being shitty to me and prescribed under 5 minutes by this stupid bitch. no "informed" consent, get gaslit about withdrawals/side effects. i fucking hate shrinks so much. many get away with prescribing dumb shit because IME they dont see you again .

>Do you take any? Which ones?
I take Invega and Pristiq.
>When did you start?
I started taking medicine when I was 14, started with Abilify and Prozac.
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
Schizoaffective, OCD and GAD. Even ADHD and BPD at one point.
>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
I've tried Abilify, and it honestly helped a lot minimizing the voices and the delusions. Ativan works for me very well for anxiety. Haldol knocks me out. Prozac worked okay in low doses, but in high doses caused me to have suicidal thoughts. Wellbutrin sucks. I honestly didn't notice much of a difference with Vyvanse, other than I didn't eat very much and lost a lot of weight. (wish i could go back on it for that reason, kek) Medicines in general just suck, they make you gain weight and shit. I'm on a good regimine now, but God it took forever to get on the right one. I've taken SO much medicine throughout the years.

>Do you take any? Which ones?
Citalopram, Buspirone, Effexor, Adderall, Prozac
>When did you start?
between the ages of 14 to 16 for Citalopram and Buspar, 18 to 20? for Effexor, 22 to 29 with Adderall, 28? to now with Prozac
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
Bulimia, GAD, OCD
>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
Citalopram, I was too young to appreciate whatever I was feeling. Buspirone gave me "brain shocks". Effexor was good but expensive and I had to stop taking it cold turkey when I lost my parents' insurance. Adderall was great but I became hopelessly addicted to it so I stopped taking it. Prozac has been great, no complaints. I'm on the lowest dose, I may need to up it soon, but it helps a lot.

>>18794
>Do you take any? Which ones?
Lithium carbonate, quetiapine, and two others for anxiety and depression symptoms.
>When did you start?
I've started taking medication when I was 15, but these… Only this year.
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
BPD with comorbidities, recurring depression. Testing for autism right now.
>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
I've went through a lot of medication throughout my life; my body "gets used to them" and they stop having their effect on me. It gets pretty annoying. But I'm thankful mine are working pretty well up until now.

I guess the only bad thing to notice, in my experience of course, is my really bad memory. I don't really know if there is anything related with all the medication I've taken (and the suicide attempts with it) but I feel like it might be the meds. It definetely fried my brain! :B

>Do you take any? Which ones?

Sertraline (100 mg) and Trazadone because my anxiety doesnt let me fall asleep
>When did you start?
Maybe in august
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
Severe MDD, GAD, Social anxiety disorder as well as Anorexia.
>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
Currently only sertraline since ive only been recently medicated, but they arent really doing it for me

I took various different antidepressants and other medications throughout my teen years. from about 13-19. I never felt like they really "helped" me and much of my adolescent years are a blur of depression.
Sometimes i wonder if i should try taking them again. i dont think they will help me with my underlying problems but maybe it would make me functional enough to get through college. Right now im a depressed neet. Just waiting for my heart to stop beating.
>>19366
Pristiq was the last drug i was on, from maybe 17/18-19. It ended up giving me these weird yellow balls in my shit. like literal yellow balls. they mustve been like a half inch in diameter and they were filled with this white stuff. nightmare shit.
And the tapering off/withdrawal from pristiq was like nothing id ever experienced. i would have some sort of demonic version of sleep paralysis where i would hear buzzing electronic bees in my ears and couldnt move. It would feel like my head was exploding. I still get sleep paralysis (which i never had before pristiq) but it isnt as bad now that ive been off pristiq for a good 3 years. It is what ultimately truly turned me off from medication, along with the weird attitude i would encounter with psychiatrists. They were always super patronizing and weird to me. I can't stand them now.

>It's been 6 months, first time in my life after puberty, that I'm not on any medication. I was on Prozac, Citalopram and then Effexor between the ages of 15-21. I also took biphentin. Am currently prescribed seroquel to take if I'm in crisis.

Effexor worked the best by far.
Biphentin worked to help me focus, but when I was 17 I got out of a toxic relationship and started abusing it to lose weight and masturbate all night. I was taking it by the handful. Very dangerous.
Seroquel turns me into a sleepy retard, I don't know how anyone can function on that. It does make me too tired to self harm or attempt suicide, though.

>Generalized anxiety disorder, but I was medicated for symptoms of depression. I was diagnosed with PTSD but I still feel like they were too laissez-faire with that label so I don't identify with it. Also have ADHD and take 20mg biphentin if I really need to get something done.

In the past 7 years I've come to learn that physical ailments really affect your mental health, and it's not something that can just be brushed off.

In 2021 I took a bottle and a half of biphentin, a bottle of aspirin, slit my wrists and neck open to kill myself. I did a CT scan for my neck at the hospital and coincidentally found out I had thyroid cancer. I'd cut an inch above the tumour.
My mood problems were likely caused by the cancer. In the process I also found out I'm anemic and vitamin d deficient.
Now that I regularly take my synthroid, iron and vitamin d, I finally have energy and motivation. I feel competent again. I need to exercise and take my medication on time or my body begins to betray me and trick me into depression.

Mentally ill nonas, get your thyroids checked.

>>19375
back in to report Vyvanse, best drug eva

>>19703
… I hope you're locked up

Anyone have any success with medication for insomnia? For me SSRI-type drugs make my jaw clench so the only thing that works is diphenhydramine (benadryl), which is terrible for you. Being able to consistently sleep would fix like half of the problems in my life. I've been to the doctor many times for it over the years and they do jack shit despite not being able to sleep for several days at time. If you were prescribed something harder than an SSRI, how hard for you was it to get prescribed it?

>>19739
Was prescribed Atarax, it did not go well at all: I was unconscious during nights, got up in a limbo, a zombie until 2 p.m..

Lots of physical exercise and giving up caffeine did the trick for me. Plus I don't use screens after a certain time in the evening. I sometimes take gaba or melatonin but I don't feel it has a big influence…
It is just me tho.

Had severe allergic reaction to Lamotrigane even though it was working for me… so after my next pill fill I'm going to be on Abilify. I can't afford some of her more expensive recommendations, esp if I lose my insurance in coming months. Please tell me this works.

>>19755
antipsychotics are poison

>>18794

Pill junkie, doctor shopper, here. Attempted suicide more than a dozen times, was hospitalized 3 times, one of them for more than a month. Had to have my stomach pumped many times because of attempted suicide through OD. Was kidnapped,sexually, physically and mentally abused for 2 years, almost got killed 3 times by that person and they used me as a way to extort all of my family’s money.

>Do you take any? Which ones?

Sertraline, Keppra (I’m epileptic), Alprazolam (Xanax) and Zolpidem (Ambien, my beloved)

>When did you start?

I started to take Sertraline and Ambien at 14. Quickly became addicted to Ambien and started abusing it.

>Are you diagnosed with anything?
BPD, PTSD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, suicidal ideation, panic disorder, insomnia.

>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?

Other than the ones I’m taking right now:

Quetiapine - absolute shit, makes me extremely angry when I take it. Was pushed heavily by my doctors even though it’s originally an antipsychotic, and I was never psychotic nor have I ever come close to being schizo. Idk why doctors think Quetiapine can be considered and antidepressant. It’s just not.

Mirtazapine - Makes me sleep for too long and I wake up feeling like shit.

Haldol - Made me pass out and hit my head at the mental hospital’s bathroom.

Lithium - Absolute shit too. Makes my stomach hurt and makes me angry as fuck. I already have very serious anger issues, and Lithium along with Quetiapine made my anger issues reach deadly levels.

Some others I don’t remember the name - Quit them since they either didn’t work or had unpleasant side effects.

I’m still suicidal, I still cry everyday at least once because of my PTSD, I’m basically a shut in at this point and nothing got better, tbh.

But I feel like as long as I can abuse my Ambien I can live. But doctor shopping is hard, expensive and probably illegal where I live (Japan). I started drinking moderately to try to replace my Ambien doses and gradually lower my tolerance and it works but I hate the taste of alcohol and I hate hangovers.

Hope for all s here to have a speedy recovery and a happy and healthy life.

>Do you take any? Which ones?
Every SSRI basically until one sent me to the hospital with psychosis (Viibryd).
Buspirone, Seroquel, Risperidone, Adderall, Vyvanse, Xanax, Ativan.
The Xanax & Ativan are the only ones I took consistently (10 years) and I tapered off 2 years ago
>When did you start?
14
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
MDD, ADD, Panic Disorder
>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
the SSRIs would always help my depression and give me boosts of energy for a few months and then quit working and i would try a new one. the benzos worked for my panic attacks but since ive tapered off, i no longer have panic attacks but just kind of live in a constant state of uneasiness + feelings of dread a few times a week.
adderall is amazing for making me be productive for once in my life but i cannot take it because the come down makes me suicidal

Can't fall asleep until 4am and wake up until 4pm on Invega. Dose is only 3mg. Pain.

>Do you take any? Which ones?
used to take abilify and tegretol
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
no but does anyone know why they might have prescribed those two pills?

>>18794
I'm on Latuda and Lamotrigine for bipolar. I don't know if I really need both but I've been feeling very stable since I added Lamotrigine.

>Do you take any? Which ones?
sertraline and quetiapine
>When did you start?
sertraline in 2022 after 4 years of prozac and mirtazapine didn't work, quetiapine as of 2023
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
oh boy. autism, ocd, depression, getting tested for borderline.
>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
prozac did nothing for 4 years and mirtazapine made me go fucking crazy

>>20024
also quetiapine will make you gain crazy weight if you don't keep an eye on it, i've gained 30 lbs in under a year.

>Do you take any? Which ones?
Abilify and Seroquel
>When did you start?
6 months ago
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
Major depression, Generalized anxiety, PTSD
>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
Escitalopram didn't work, Sertraline didn't work, Duloxetine worked extremely well with negligible side effects.

My doctor's trying antipsychotics because I might have bipolar disorder. So far they're nothing but side effects. I've gained 15 lbs and sleep 12-15 hrs a night. APs suck hard. They keep threatening to hospitalize me on top of it all.

>>20023
I can't be on lamo anymore because of an allergic reaction but latuda has been the best psych med I've been on that doesn't require blood testing. I'm honestly afraid to try lithium except as a last resort

>>19795
Abilify WAS poison and I wish I'd never wasted a month on my life on it. Caplyta was shit too given its alleged asymptomatic reputation, made me sickeningly constipated. Only AP that's worked for me is latuda thus far with the downside being I have to dose it with food. I hate being bipolar.

>>20108
Yeah, I'm pretty sure Latuda saved my life. I felt like I was still unstable (anger, moody, hypomanic-ish) and getting upset which is why I got put on lamotrigine.

I've been getting blood and heartbest (?) tests every 3 months since I statted even on latuda. I'm not sure if that's my dr's policy or a legal thing but it's helped me find other deficiencies haha. Also helps me feel less scared.

>>20031
Try latuda if you can! It does make you tired. I've been lucky to not have any eeight gain on it. iirc it causes weight gain because it messes with your insulin levels or something (I failed out of biology and I resesrched this years ago, sorry) so I always start meals with low gi foods.

>>20109
ayrt I haven't gained a ton of weight on latuda if any, the only thing is I'm still adjusting to the way it tired me out when I take it and some of the sleep interruptions, idk what support drug if any id want to add since buspirone no longer works for me and gave me immense stomach issues so I'll just have to see how I function on this for a few months. my body is sick and tired and worn of having been on four diff meds before this so I want it to work

Last year, I've been forcibly hospitalized in the most infamous facility in my country. I called cops on my parents for verbal and physical assault and although I've had visible wounds and bruises, my parents spun the story by pulling out my past psychiatric records from when i'd been treated for anorexia and depression. In spite of evidence, the cops took me to that awful place. Spent one night in the intensive care unit, taking huge shots of haldol and valium every three hours. Next day they transfered me to one of the female units. Put me on combo of zyprexa and abilify, which i would always sipt out. After 2 weeks they drew my blood and there were no traces of meds there, so they switched my therapy and made me take meds under supervision. Now i was taking haldol and seroquel but i managed to combat side effects by drinking 7 l of water daily . However my doctor wasn't satisfied because my "mind was still working fast". That's why she finally switched me to clozapine, thorazine and 2,5 mg of Lorazepam. That combo of meds almost killed me, so she switched me back to haldol and seroquel. When she could legally hold me there no more, I was discharged with therapy of 300mg of seroquel in morning and evening, 50 mg of lamictal in morning and evening and 2,5 mg of lorazepam in the afternoon and evening.
I was there for 47 days starting on july 7th last year. None of women staying there were mentally ill, most of them were put there by their family over custody battles, interitance or their family was trying to put them in conservatorship, Britney Spears style. Women who actually had some issues there were only intelectually disabled, nothing else, but they were deemed too unstable for this insitiution so they were sent to prison hospitals. I even met a professor from my university there. She was in an abusive relationship and seeking help in another facility. During the check-up her father started victim-blaming her and she slapped him,so they immediately sent her here. What's worst, she was told her academic accomplishments were due to mania, which she clearly doesn't have. I made very good friends with her, we even made out in the toilet once.
Two days ago I decided to quit seroquel because it made me go from outstanding student to average, made me starve myself in order to maintain my weight and also caused incontence and heart disease. So far, the only withdrawal symptoms are headache, insomnia, nausea and vomiting everything i eat. Went to get myself some speed so i can start studying this spring break. Met a guy who's been to the same hospital for beating up his sister's rapist. The rapist, of course, got away with it. What a small world.

>>18794
>Do you take any? Which ones?
I'm on lexapro, with gabapentin to take as needed

>When did you start?
A little over a month ago. I unfortunately drove myself into a mental breakdown turned physical breakdown that was years in the making, but primarily agitated by housing insecurity on top of being a few months out from my first true heartbreak, from a relationship I now understand to have turned deeply abusive. When I went to the psychiatrist, I rolled up my arms which were covered in hives and explained the pains, problems with eating, issues with my heart and sudden panic and what I thought to be an episode of something like derealization brought on by my parents calling me in the midst of me chaining myself to studying. But I had exams and teachers kind enough to let me take them in their offices, so I had been holding myself together stumbling through life by drinking lots and lots of sleep aid tea, and occasionally day drinking when I didn't need to be functional.

>Are you diagnosed with anything?
I have no idea what's in my chart, probably some anxiety disorder. Maybe PTSD.

>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
These are the only ones I've tried and I'm glad they work as well as they do, though I'm considering a higher dosage for lexapro. It silenced a number of constantly demeaning and demanding thoughts I can't even conceptualized now without feeling as though they are silly. I, for the first time in a long time, feel as though I deserve happiness instead of just knowing I do, and that intuitive path is carrying me forward. I feel like a whole person, not something less than a whole person who hates herself and the fact that she will inevitably make unhappy the real people, even if she will make them much happier than she ever could cause them worry. I am learning to do things without bullying myself into success, and I think I'm slowly but surely getting there.
My parents think gabapentin is the devil because of some bitch on the street who lost her teeth and trust her over me, the biotech student who has tried to explain to them multiple times that dry mouth can commonly happen with any pain medication, I don't take it regularly, and I don't trust the account of someone who likely abuses their prescriptions in drugs-mc-hippieville. Today they called and my dad said I should get a new psychiatrist because this one must be irresponsible (1 meeting so far btw) and I told him to fuck off. My mom pushed me to go back to therapy, which I pushed back against because I was just happy not to be fighting myself for the first time in my life, and she said she wants me to be working to get off my 'cocktail' (since I'm on two drugs, it's a cocktail) as soon as possible, and I told her to fuck off. She was medicated until she retired marrying my dad, something she only told me after I started, and doesn't see how this fails to encourage me that I don't actually need it. I finally fucking told them they needed to stop trying to protect me from the things that cause them shame, that make me not normal, and let me live and be happy as myself without battling to live some perfect 'right way'. They promised not to fight me on this anymore, but I'm still hurt that they so quickly decided on a right way for me to get psychiatric help that leads back into an arbitrary norm, because I'm the problem child whose inability to perfectly handle everything herself, all by herself, is always some weakness she just needs to try harder to overcome.

>>20137
I called them after this post and we apologized to each other. Insecurity runs in the family, and putting our insecurities onto each other isn't healthy when it leads to creation of expectations even when we don't intend such to be, to defuse and prove wrong what is born by fear and anticipating danger that never comes. It was short because it's night and they're sleepy, but that was kind of nice because our defenses weren't up. I'm glad I did that.

>>20126
Fuck Seroquel. It makes you so fucking stupid while you're on it and it also royally fucked my digestive system. For whatever reason it took me years to digest fats without feeling like shit after taking it. Which really sucks cause I'm someone who likes adding butter to everything and had to cut back (it's also a cheat code for extra calories to maintain weight so I lost so much too).
I feel bad for saying this cause some people feel good on it but Seroquel to me feels like a medication purely designed to dumb you down into docility. When I was on it the doctor kept upping the dose until she deemed it working "successfully" against my OCD. All she did was up the dose until I was so dumb I practically didn't have an internal dialogue. So yeah, the ocd "deminished" cause all my thoughts had left the building. And I guess the stuff she deemed was psychosis disappeared too but not internally, I just wasn't able to really physically react to things but inside things hurt just the same anyways. It was just far away like a dream, but it's not that things overall became happier or better, it was just hard to connect with anything but I could tell I was still doing badly from what I was conscious of and that the only thing there to try connecting to was negative even if it was hard to do so. Hell, my docility wound up getting me into a horrible situation because I was totally unaware of the red flags around me and was unfortunately totally vulnerable to those around me who knew my condition. I was way too chill about horrible red flags and it's not like it made the right paths seem friendlier

Drugging the population with benzos, SSRIs and amphetamine-derivatives is a central pillar of modern culture.
A population essentially vegetated and farmed, made passive, impotent and malleable by drugs. It’s easy to see why this is both profitable and desirable for elites & investors.
They want to start you on these drugs as early as possible, while your brain is still developing. And they want to make you believe the drugs and associated ‘mind-disorders’ are part of your personal identity. That’s their trick and you all are falling for it.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13256671/amp/antidepressant-prescriptions-children-experts-warn-generation-lost-lonely.html

>>20216
Yeah, sure, my hallucinations and delusions were just a myth invented by ebil corpos.

Returning to the topic of the thread.

>Do you take any? Which ones?
Currently I take paroxetine and quetiapine (ESL, so I don't know their murican names)
>When did you start?
Year ago when my parents finally made me visit to psychiatrist. I felt so bad, that I wanted to be hospitalised despite knowing how shitty my country's psych wards are. Luckily, my genetic disease saved me from going there.
>Are you diagnosed with anything?
Either schizotypal personality disorder or psychotic depression. Yeah, I've been through psychosis and not just once.
>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
I was lucky to have my antidepressant correct from beginning, but finding a right antipsychotic took some time. I've tried aripiprazole, but it just gave me bad extrapyramidals. Olanzapine made me gain weight very quickly, so it was cancelled.
My current meds are working fine, but I have a fear that once I drop them, I'll return back to shitty state and maybe even worse. They make you dependant, for sure, but it's the case with many meds used against chronic diseases, not only with antipsychotics and antidepressants. Many gastroenterological meds such as laxatives and inhibitors of proton pump make you dependant on them as well, but I guess, becoming a bit dumber than usual is bigger problem than not being able to shit by yourself and having strong stomach bain and heartburn every time you're off your meds.

>>18794
>Do you take any? Which ones?
Zoloft 100mg (seeing doc in a couple days, bet she will increase it), pregabalin 75mg 3x.

>When did you start?
Feb, I think? maybe earlier

>Are you diagnosed with anything?
PTSD. Scumbag psychologist insisted I "did not seem like someone with PTSD" but both a psychiatrist, and later a hospital diagnozed me with PTSD. Also, depression, dyslexia, dyscalculia.

>Which ones have you tried? Did they work?
Mirtazapine, big regret. Useless for anxiety, could of been useful if the psychiatrist educated me and pointed out only SSRIs help anxiety. So I wouldn't had wasted time and money.

Zoloft tho…it feels like nothing changed and I am still me. Yet my anxiety finally is beginning to chill the hell out. Everything feels normal until "wait…did I just…walk up and talk to that librarian? wait, did I legit just order food on my own, and even was able to walk back up to the cashier and ask him to correct my order? wait….. I MANAGED TO GET INTO SCHOOL?? wait wtf I CAN NOW MANAGE TO CALL MY DOC INSTEAD OF RELYING ON EMAILING HER??" I also find it mind blowing, I was too scared to go to a piercing studio, not cuz pain, but because of severe social anxiety. I had a friend walk me to the place, and still I was under tons of fear since I'd have to eventually go in a room alone with the piercer. But now, I can do it fine all on my own, with just awkward nervousness, no biggie. I also now have the balls to ask for directions from strangers.

I can finally also take the train back home by myself, granted, with severe anxiety, palms sweat, and I check the clock every 2 mins, paranoid I will miss my ride. And I sit in the train, my watch beeping constantly that my pulse is sky high and that I should take a beta blocker to lower it…and I check constantly to make sure I did not miss my stop, overly alert. Huge progress cuz in 2022 I could not, no matter how badly I wanted to be normal, I could not force myself to get on a train alone.

All in all, it feels like the Zoloft is "halfway there". Like I just need a little bit more and I am finally able to get a job/internship. A big fear holding me back is the anxiety of finding my own directions to a job interview, and talking to strangers in another language (immigrant), and using new public transport I am not used to (the only train rides I am used to is the train that takes me to my friend's place). But I really think raising my dose will be the solution.

Also I developed a slight new personality/attitude. Very much stoicism. Where's before a social situation made me go "OH GAWD IM GONNA DIE OMG THIS IS SO EMBARASSING THEY WILL REMEMEBER THIS FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES HOW I GOOFED UP OG OMG OMG THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER OMGGG" now I go "ugh. lil awkward. but idgafuuuuug. let's just get this over with, whateverrrr. cool. i don't got time for anxiety rn i need to get this shit done now" which really helps.

All in all, Zoloft, would recommend. My second choice would of been Luvox. One issue though is that Zoloft is doing huge leaps for my anxiety, but worsened my depression. Prior my depression was barely affecting me, but now during the weekends, it gets real hard to do anything productive. Zoloft also slightly made me retarded, so focusing when programming is extra effort, same goes for homework.

>>20257
Oh, same anon still. I want to empathize the irony of all this: programming + building breadboard and arduino projects is a huge hobby of mine that means a lot, but keep it mind it requires hyper focusing and logic. A soldier with PTSD told me "don't idle. constantly do something, outside of games. that helps with PTSD slowly get under control", and a friend also said to keep depressin at bay find some hobby you can be consistent with. So Zoloft making programming and my IT school harder to focus in is hugely ironic and annoying. But eh, I try to make it thru. We all have more control over our lives than we think, we just gotta keep trying, chief.

>>20216
You do realize these meds were invented to replace lobotomies and "female hysteria" treatment, right?