too discouraged to go to gym/work out Anonymous 20676
can any fit/muscular nonas help me? i am a recovered ED patient but i still struggle with working out.
i really like the idea of becoming stronger. i have tried to strength train in the past, but faced three main mental barriers that always lead to me quitting early.
>1.
first and foremost, i find it extremely discouraging because of how much more easily men build muscle. they barely have to do any work and in the first few months will gain strength extremely fast. the first time i started working out, i would go to the gym with my boyfriend on his membership. he blew past me in terms of progress, improving at roughly double my rate, until i was left in the dust. i got gradually more upset and quit.
some time later, i started to go the gym again. this time alone, so i wouldn't have anyone else to compare myself to. i went to planet fitness, so i used the smith machine for bench, squats, and deadlifts. i also used the bicep curl machine, free-weights, bar for deadhangs and pullups, pulleys, and treadmill. but i stil felt like i was improving extremely slowly. i wasn't noticing any benefits to strength training; everyday objects weren't noticeably easier to move/carry and i was unhappier with myself than before. at that point i felt like the psychic damage and time investment of 3-4 days/week wasn't worth it. some days i could run farther without stopping but that's about it. it gave me the impression that as a small woman, i'm simply not made to get stronger or build muscle. which makes me feel pretty sad and inferior.
>2.
like i said, i have a history of eating disorders and i'm about 90% recovered (back at a healthy bmi for years and don't restrict/binge). but when i am supposed to eat a lot of protein and be in a calorie surplus, it still fucks me up. i feel like i can see my body get bigger and am afraid that i'll never be able to lose that weight during the cut. i don't idealize thinness anymore, and would like my body to look more toned, muscular, and stronger. i would feel more proud of a having strong body vs. having my current average office-worker body for the rest of my life.
>3.
many people say that exercise improves your mood, but when i go to the gym i just end up feeling pretty bad. i dread going, i don't like feeling the physical pain from running/lifting, and i am disappointed with my performance. i have never been a fan of physical activity, but i would like to be able to find enjoyment from it because of the mental/physical health benefits.
i'm not really sure how to work past these mental barriers or if i even should. maybe i should just accept i can be healthy without doing a lot of extra physical training. but at the same time i think it would be awesome and cool to be strong and muscular! i think i don't have a strong sense of identity attached to my physical fitness, so i am unsure if i will ever have the motivation to carry through with becoming fit. i always feel like it would be nice to be strong and fit, but when i start trying, i come up with justifications to stop like "i'm not meant to be strong biologically," or "i'm wasting my time because being fit won't really help me at all," or "walking every day and eating healthy is enough." i'm not sure if the justifications are true or not, and it makes me a little disappointed in myself that i don't follow through with my original goal.
maybe if i get some input i can make up my mind. i don't want to ask scrotes because they won't be able to relate to the frustration of improving more slowly, nor society rewarding them for being small and weak. so idk, thoughts, chat?
Anonymous 20677
I've been "only" going to the gym for a year now but I also had similar difficulties when first starting.
I read your post and I can actually see what the problem might be. The good news is that this is completely fixable but you have to put in the mental work yourself.
(tldr on the bottom sorry this is long)
1. There is nothing anyone can change about the rate their body builds muscle. It's not only different for men and women but also for age and overall genetics (even someone who is my age, my gender, my height AND built the same way might get muscles faster just because of having luck with genetics).
So the first time ever you went to the gym, you compared yourself to your boyfriend: he is already off to a better start since his body is stronger healthwise because it wasn't weakend due to an eating disorder and he is a man AND he already went to the gym before you if he already had a membership (assuming).
When you went to the gym again you punished yourself for quitting earlier by overexercising. Yes you probably got actual physical damage from that since 3-4 times a week is waaaay to much for starting out since your body isn't used to exercise.
→ What I mean by your body isn't used to exercise isn't that I think your lazy but that by exercising as a beginner you are putting pressure on certain bones and muscles groupes that haven't experiencend this type of pressure yet. By trying to go to the gym even 3x a week and doing heavy exercise or running you are risking serious injury since these muscle groupes and bones first have to get used and then adapt to this new type of stress gradually, and slowly over time.
This is a cycle many beginners (I did aswell) in running or going to the gym fall into: wanting to much too fast in the beginning and mentally being able to push themselves (which is great), but their bodies not being able to keep up and then getting injured or feeling unmotivated because of the pysical pain/ lack of improvement. Other than injuries overexersicing in general can even weaken muscles and make you lose them.
What will actually get you results and is extremely important for starting out is that you should only go 1x a week or max. 2x a week and try to stay 1h but actually go every week, and complete a routine there.
2. You're at a point where you should'nt yet think about changing your diet since you don't have a stable gym routine and your body isn't used to doing physical exercise multiple times a week. Your first goal should be going to the gym regularily. Only then will changing your diet really be of use.
→ Don't focus on eating more than you do now yet (theres no use for building mass yet). Eat a normal and healthy amount of food that will get you full, ofc don't forget about proteins but there's no use for protein shakes or bars right now. I don't think they're for everyone aswell, I just eat a lot of natural protein bc protein shakes fuck up my digestion.
3. You are not just imagining that you're not making progress and the physical pain is also not something that is normal for going to the gym so I totally get that you feel dissapointed.
But the problem is not that you're not pushing yourself hard enough, again the problem is that your pushing yourself too hard. I think everyone is able to get strong and fit. Yes the speed of this might depend on genetics but not if it's possible or not. Walking everyday is good and you can keep that up between going to the gym once or twice a week and this way you'd definitely not be wasting your time by going to the gym.
→ Getting strong and fit are different things here:
You have to start out by going to the gym 1x or 2x a week for 1h but regularily to get fit: get your bones and muscles used to exercise without hurting and thus make them stronger for when you want to focus on building muscle later. Do cardio to make your heart and metabolism stronger. Eat normal, and don't overeat yet for building mass. This is actually getting fit and just the first step.
Only then can you focus on getting strong: when you can go to the gym regularily for minimum two months and your bones don't hurt after running and you don't feel like shit after going to the gym, only then would I reccomend changing your diet and going to the gym more than 2x a week.
Tldr:
You're pushing yourself too hard because you have a strong mindset (which is good) but your body can't keep up because it's not used to exercise. This is not your fault and you're not lazy this is just biology. You have the choice to slowly get your body to a point where you are physically fit and then start changing diets, and go to the gym more often or go against your body telling you it can't keep up and risk getting permanantly injured + not see any progress.
This should be your goal right now:
>going to the gym regularily max. 2x a week for probably two months, with a set routine (one hour is enough)
>accept that you have no other choice but making slow progress in the beginning (all those buff people in the gym had to accept the same thing when starting out)
>stop when you feel bones/ tendons hurting; to avoid this don't do too heavy exercise and don't run to fast/ long
>don't get frustrated, since your goal right now is only showing up
>don't compare yourself to others who you biologically have no chance against
Anonymous 20678
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>>20677thanks so much for reading and the constructive reply. i will look back on this post as reference when i start going to the gym again.
i always have heard people, mainly moids say that "if you're not going to the gym at least 3x a week you won't get any improvement" or something. but i've never really listened to any actual personalized trainers or people with similar experience. you made me realize improvement is definitely more nuanced and dependent on the individual. generalized overrepeated tiktok brainrot advice will probably have major flaws.
being patient is probably my #1 important thing to work on, also thanks for covering diet and outlining the goals, actually helpful.
good luck with your training nona ᕦ(ò_ó)ᕤ
