Do you want to have kids some day?
Yes. For multiple reasons.
I don't like being alone, so a kid is a nice addition to life, they can take care of me when I'm older, they can provide a nice source of entertainment, I think they're kinda cute, I want to show them the world, I would want to have a creation that looks like me and another person i love, and it just seems like such a great experience.
Though I know it does have its downsides (ex: expensive, there could be health issues, social troubles, etc etc etc).
Although, when ever life gets shitty I tell myself that I would never want my child to experience these things, and makes me think about not having kids…but imo the positives outweigh the negatives
Only when I'm in stable place with a loving husband/boyfriend and truely want to have one and feel like it's out love rather then "we've been together for awhile time for a baby" or for it to be band aid for problems.
It can really fuck a kid up if you didn't truely want them/blame them for your life failures and problems.
No…not at all. I have absolutely no maternal instinct or patience. It's something I actually hate about myself because I wish I could just be "normal" and do the whole marriage and kids thing but I think I would completely fuck it up. But then at the same time I don't desire any of that at all, so it's good I'm not going to do it.
I guess mostly I just hate that I'm going to be looked at as weird or faulty (which I suppose I am) as a woman with no husband or kids. I know other women do it, but I still can't shake that feeling. Overall I like being alone and only being responsible for my own well being so if I fuck up it only hurts me.
no, and i really really can't see myself ever genuinely wanting one unless it just like, happens in my 30's or 40's. i don't think babies are cute at all (or most kids in general) and i don't see the benefit of contributing to overpopulation when neither me or my long-term bf want one, and when it would be way better to adopt if we ever did. we also both are very prone to depression and like addiction and mental illness runs in both our families so it would almost be cruel to pass those fucked up genes knowingly onto someone, and try to take care of them on top of that when we can barely care for ourselves sometimes. idk i'm just not maternal at all and idk how stupid this comes off as but i'd rather just adopt a bunch of cats or animals instead?
the thing that sucks in my situation is that i'm an only child and my dad passed away when i was younger, AND i'm the only one on his side of the family with his last name, and then the OTHER side of my family are hispanic/ desperate for grandchildren. as is my mom who is super super maternal and the complete opposite of me with kids. she wanted other children so badly and was never able to fulfill that and on pretty much all accounts family-wise i feel so much pressure to have one in the future….. even though i do nooot see myself wanting kids.
i think at the very very most i would like, freeze my eggs, to let us have time to live our lives out, so that there's always the option if i have a weird change of heart>>2171
same tbh. with the marriage part too, because even though i don't see myself being with anyone other than my s/o we both are like really not interested in getting married or having a big huge expensive wedding and being responsible for kids and like….. i feel like something's wrong with me or something, like i'm gonna be looked down on for not liking all the traditional aspects of a 'successful' life
I actually do not. But if I found someone I loved I would want kids. But then again, love only seems to be temporary. But for now, I have no drive to. Maternal instincts and stuff…? I don't seem to have it. My parents weren't good so I don't think I would make a good mother at all, I catch myself picking up their bad habits.
I'm actually not sure? The only reason why I'd consider children is because I think myself and my bf would make excellent parents (I've worked in childcare and babysat for years so I already have plenty of experience and he's great with kids). Plus, I don't have many friends and I think I'd become really, really lonely in old age if I didn't have a kid to call every now and then and maybe even grandchildren later on. I don't think I ever questioned the fact that I'd have kids one day. I've fantasised about teaching them all the languages I know, bringing them to museums and aquariums, helping them with schoolwork in the evening, answering all their silly little questions…
Recently though, my bf has been implying that he doesn't want any children in the future. I think he's starting to realise all the sacrifices that have to be made for a kid like having a baby-proof house and not being able to go out/travel as often and of course, how much they cost. I've also been telling him about all the changes that happens to a woman's body during and after pregnancy and he was really upset by the thought of it happening to me (I can guarantee if you explain it to your own bfs/husbands, they won't be so keen on having kids anymore…if they care about you at all). He's also seen how relatives of mine who don't have kids live in huge houses and travel multiple times a year and he wants to have that kind of lifestyle with me. He told me that he thinks animals are cuter than human babies and that he'd be content just rescuing dogs instead of having kids.
Now I'm really conflicted. I'd just agree with my bf if I was like other anons and I thought I wasn't maternal but I actually get along great with kids. I'm in my early 20s and I always imagined that I'd have my first child at 30 and that seems…way too soon. I don't have a stable job yet, I don't feel like we've met our goals of seeing the world, we can't even afford an apartment in our highly expensive country nevermind a family home. The compromise would be just having one child but my bf doesn't seem to want to have any at all.
Idk what to do. I feel like maybe I'll know once I'm a few years older but then I fear the whole "biological clock ticking" and having a kid just because I feel societal pressure or because I might possibly regret it if I don't. Aaaaa anyone in a similar situation? Or preferably someone older who was in the same situation when they were younger and are un/happy with the decision they ultimately made?
I do. I was talking about that with my SO yesterday and we definitely want to have a kid someday, but we want to be financially stable to do that. I really dislike how people judge women who choose they don't want kids though.
Only adoptions. I would rather help raise a child that's already born and has lost it's parents than contribute to overpopulation and the extreme suffering of the impoverished.
ive always desired to be a mother, i dont know where it comes from, maybe since my mother isnt that great i know i would raise a child with all my love and care. im not sure i would ever find a man i trust enough to be a father to my children so i might end up going the sperm donor or adoption route.
i daydream about having a child all the time, ive even thought about becoming a foster carer and researched a lot about it.
yes!! i absolutely adore children and i can't wait to have some of my own. my main goal and dream is to be a mom and have a great family. i've dreamt about it soo much and i catch myself daydreaming of motherhood all the time. my partner is very excited as well. we casually talk about it pretty often but we both agreed only when we're completely secure and capable. we think because of how we've both experienced first hand what bad parenting is like and how it completely shapes you up for the rest of your life, we know what to do and what not to do. at least as a basis because we definitely don't know everything about it yet but i'm looking very forward to learning it all. i feel like having a kid or kids could help me a whole lot in terms of my depression. it would completely get rid of my loneliness, fear, etc because whenever my partner would be gone, i'd have my kids and vice versa. the fact that you and your soulmate can make something so incredible and it would have parts from the both of you blows my mind. i can't wait to see it grow into something bigger both literally and figuratively by growing into liking things, hating things, learning things, etc. just to witness someone coming into the world and experiencing everything for this first time and being able to be there for the whole ride is exciting.
Yes, absolutely. My biggest fear is to grow old and obscure rotting away in some government-run hellhole where abuse and malpractice are the order of the day (it happens all the time and nobody gives a fuck, seriously). Having kids is a huge risk but it's preferable to a solitary life. "Muh freedom" only makes you happy for so long. As you get older you're going to want different things. As you get older you're not going to have the energy or desire to run around going to the club and having indiscriminate sex all the time. It's completely retarded that so many young people these days aspire to be crotchety cat ladies just because they want to fuck around for a few extra years. Growing up is a normal part of life, nobody should want to be the 45-year-old washed up asshole hanging around at last call. And nobody should aspire to be a 60-year-old NEET either. I seriously don't get how either of those outcomes is preferable to raising a family and investing in something that actually matters.
Yep, cos it's one or the other isn't it? You either have kids or become an alcoholic has been.
Some people don't want children. Its really not for you to judge. Sounds to me like you're only having kids because you don't want it be lonely, not because you actually want them. Sad.
Go back to pol and stop role playing, degenerate.
To anyone that cited having someone to take care of you when you're older or not being lonely as a reason to have children - you are very naive.
Nursing homes are full of lonely elderly people whose families give absolutely no shits about them, or don't have the energy/time/money to take care of them. That is a fact. Working for as long as you can and earning as much money as you can while you're young is the only way to ensure yourself a comfortable life at an old age.
Also, bringing a child into the world so you won't be lonely is extremely selfish, and also not a reliable solution whatsoever. Your child might not like you. Growing up feeling like you are the only thing your parent lives for is a huge burden to live with. And you might not like them, either - postpartum depression is a thing, or your child might turn out to be everything you hate in a person, or your personalities would clash. What would you do then? You'd still be lonely but with a child.
I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but those are horrible reasons to have children. If you want to have a child, it's always going to be a gamble. You have to be ok with the possibility of these things happening, because they happen a lot. You have to be ok with dedicating your life to your child and possibly getting absolutely nothing in return.
What was pol-like about that?
literally everything.>implying the only options in life are to be a whore and then die alone or to have kids>implying people don't fuck around for years before getting married and pumping out brats>implying not whoring around means you're going to get married>implying that you should have kids as a cushion for when you get older
the list goes on, this is like robot thinking tbh. anon is basically saying 'women are only good for pumping out kids and anyone who doesn't want to is a slut'
why is this thread on this board? isn't think more of a life issue than a health issue?
Well said, anon. Completely agree.
, I'm not a pol-tard/robot lol. My post was addressed to "people" and not specifically "women." Men and women use the exact same arguments about kids being dirty and a waste of money and a drain on society, the only difference is that women also express disgust toward childbirth. So this is not a gendered issue by any means. I tried to make that clear by not only referencing cat ladies but also gross 45 year old dudes hanging around last call.
Anyway, I know there is no guarantee that your kids will be there for you in the end. I just feel that the benefits of starting a family should be seriously considered before it is totally written off. I'm not hating on anyone who has seriously considered reproducing and decided not to, and I respect everyone's decision to do whatever they think is best for themselves. I just think it's very naive to write it off without even bothering to seriously consider it, which is what I increasingly see happening among people in their 20s.
How do you know they haven't seriously considered it? It's not as if people have to explain all the reasons in a clear and articulate way before someone like you goes "ok, you thought this through and it's not for you, I won't judge you for your choice."
If people really needed the social benefits of child rearing so bad, the adoption system could be less shit and then people could hook themselves up with a future security filial investment child.
I apologize in advance for the wall of text.
I kind of want to have kids, because I feel that as a person who is well natured and has good intentions I kind of have the responsibility to raise the next generation of good people. But there are some things that worry me deeply.
>I am afraid of the world's current status
I'm even afraid a WW3 might happen soon. It seems stability is not a certainty anymore (don't want to turn this into a /pol/ thread. It's pretty obvious the world is kind of scary right now).
>I want a fulfilling career in research
I wish to become a professor one day. To do this I have to do a PhD and continue doing research. I'd like to take an year off for each child, but that can be a problem for my career.
>I'm very picky with partners
It's kind of hard to find a husband to support you properly (not financially, I strongly prefer a two-income household since ditching my career is not an option), but that has similar ideals as you and will properly participate in raising the children. As in: change diapers; help with homework; go to PTA meetings; clean the house without being explicitly told to so; create a proper emotional bond with the children; and so on. Obviously, I would participate in all this as well.
>I don't have healthy couple examples to mirror
I really do not have any parenting examples in my social circle where the fathers held close to equal responsibility with the mothers.
All I see is moms struggling to juggle everything to the point of near insanity while dads are always clueless about the effort their wives are making, even if they are very loving and kind husbands.
And when the mom is a housewife though it is simpler to separate the roles completely, I see children growing completely disconnected to their fathers and even despising them growing up, specially if the father uses the mother's financial dependency to treat them badly.
On the other hand there are also moms who had to give up everything to raise their kids and then turn into controlling freaks who project their dreams into their children, or who mistreat them as the ones who ruined their personal goals.
There's not a right way to live a life, but finding balance is difficult. I'm not sure how my life will go down, but I try to properly think my decisions so that I minimize the regrets down the road. I can't control everything but I can control myself. So for now, I'm deciding to not have kids, but that can change if my partner proves himself as the support I need.
I like kids (except babies…) but don't want any of my own. I'd like to volunteer and possibly adopt an older child though. I don't think my DNA is special enough to warrant being passed on when there are so many perfectly fine children out there already.
I just want to be able to help make sure some kids have good, happy childhoods and enter the adult world successfully. Once I have a stable place to live, I'd love to volunteer at an orphanage and basically just be an adult figure the kids could trust, and help be supportive of their dreams even after they become adults.
I don't expect anything in return, like for them to take care of me when I'm older or to spend the holidays with me (unless they wanted to I guess). I just like to see kids flourish and feel good about themselves so yeah, that's definitely reward enough for me. With that said, while I don't care if the kids are related or even look anything like me, I don't think I could handle a child with severe deformities or mental illness outside, say, mild depression.
okay? but a woman can also be a 45 year old asshole doing that. stop fucking backpedaling. i don't think you realize that people can change. even if they haven't thought about it, in their 20s is too young anyways. also, if you're not a robot you don't belong here.
20's-early 30's is the best time to raise kids though anon.>if you're not a robot you don't belong here
Since when? Go back to /r9k/.
Uhhh… It's one of those days when I feel really lonely and sort of sad and wish I had baby to hold. Sob. But a baby isn't a comfort tool. Calm down, anon. Calm down. Don't ask your boyfriend for one yet.
i think they meant she doesn't belong here even if she isn't a robot, because she sounds like one. also early 20s is college students who are going to do pretty much anything but get married so acting like those women are lost causes is really shitty.
I've noticed an emerging opinion lately of "you don't need to be married to raise kids, I'll just do it by myself if I don't have a husband in my 30s" - not sure how I feel about that, kids do much better psychologically in two parent households but if it's adoption that's better than not getting adopted at all.
I wonder how much of this is caused by societal stigma. Raising kids is hard work, no doubt that two people will have an easier time than one, but I remember when I was still in school kids would give others shit about only having one parent, and now as an adult I see people question others about choosing to raise their kid alone all the time even when the other biological parent is clearly a shitbag who would make things worse (junkie, criminal, abuser, etc). Obviously if the single parent is working three jobs and is never home that is hard but, at least in my city, there is a push for better parental benefits and better pay in general so single parenting is more feasible.
In contemporary america, there is very little stigma in metropolitan areas against single parenting. Although there probably should be, you can find the stats anywhere if you're growing up without a mom or a dad you're liable to be all fucked up (a good example of this is the African American community). Probably the same reason we shouldn't be letting the gays adopt.
I'd like to have kids, I'm excited about the prospect, I'm still in the process of finding a partner who I'd like to split my genes with tho.
There are confounding factors in black communities that cause children to grow up in unstable single parenting conditions such as poverty and incarceration rates.
But how does single parenting relate to letting gay parents adopt? Many of them are couples and the child will have two parents?
I think a lot of the problem of people thinking it will be easier to be a single parent is that there don't seem to be any decent long-term partners available. So while it would be nice to have a two-parent household, many go ahead and adopt or get artificially inseminated (sourced from sperm banks of donors with desirable traits).
That's only in the AA/Hispanic communities though. If you're white, as long as you're not poor and/or trailer trash so basically
-Have a normal job with normal hours that nets you more than 35,000-40,000 a year
-Don't do drugs, drink excessively, or have uncontrolled mental health issues
-Care about and actively participate in your kid's emotional and physical well-being, school work, and daily life
Your chances of creating a fuck up drop to almost two-parent household levels. Still slightly elevated, but not the abysmal rates you see elsewhere.
gays adopting has nothing to do with this. the reason 2 parent homes are important has nothing to do with gender or anything, it's to help keep one parent from being stretched too thin, that's why it's desirable for one parent to work while the other takes care of the kids/house. being a single adult having to work 8+ hours then come home to take care of yourself is hard enough, add a kid into the mix and you have no life. stress rises, happiness plummets and you have to keep telling yourself you're doing it for your kid. obviously there are plenty of people who can do this no problem, as well as plenty of 2 parent homes where everyone is miserable, but the idea of 2 parents being better ultimately has to do with workload, happiness and overall quality of life, which isn't universally achievable even with 2 parents, even with a nuclear family style home.
You are somewhat right. Human emotions play crucial importance when it comes to well being. Stress, depression and anxiety as well many else emotions may play a part on your weight, immunesystem and good nightsleeps. If you are constantly stressing out, you might have hard time unwind and get a proper amount of sleep, and thus you might have problems with your digestive system as well as your immunesystem. It takes time to get those nutritions out of the food you ate and it will quite directly affect outer parts of your skins as well as internal parts of your body such as blood and the proper amount of subtances there. I'll assume that you get the point somewhat, human body is interesting entity.
Now, when it comes to this thread, having a family and constantly worrying whether or not you are able to support your family to live comfortable or what to do if your beloved wife/husband were to do or in general cornerns about your childs' wellbeing. These subjects and many more may or may not cause stress and anxiety. As said early, it may affect your health (and beauty).
Kind of abstract, look forward in the distant future and try to predict what future may bring to you and your health cornerns.
I think I'm fucked up and would not wish that on a kid, like my parents did to me.
I've known ever since I was a child myself that I never wanted to be a mother. My bf also doesn't want kids, we've been together for almost a decade but if we ever broke up I wouldn't date someone who wanted kids.
If you have the means to be a parent and give your child a good life, cool. Go for it. But I personally think bringing a child into this world is a cruel act, on top of never having a desire to be a mom.