/hb/ - Health & Beauty

I've been kind of up lately but it feels like running on top of a boulder.

I've had a few "fall on my face" days but I've managed to stick to my schedule and pick myself up energy-wise. Even if I crash a few days later again, it's better than staying down.

I've been really busy and anxious but it's been distracting me from the depression and self hatred in general, though interestingly enough, I feel way uglier lately. My self esteem in terms of my physical appearance has fallen back to where it was when I was fucking 13 years old lately. No matter how much time I put into my appearance lately, I still hate the way I look.

I had a bad panic attack the other night and it scared me so much. I didn't have one of these for a long time. Now I'm back on medication and I hate how it makes me feel so drousy during the whole day. It's my summer break, I want to relax and have fun while I can and all I can do is sleep.
Drowsiness still beats panic by far though.

Ive been good recently, but with school starting up I know it's going to get bad, especially with this being such a busy year for me. I can already feel my anxiety increasing when I think about all the socializing I will have to do and the relationships I have to maintain + work. It's overwhelming and hasn't even started yet.

I'm at a crossroads with my mental health. I have extremely low self-esteem and, most of the time, I genuinely hate myself. I'm also in a relationship with an amazing man, the love of my life. We are preparing to move in together. I see myself someday starting a family with him. My biggest fear is my stupid mental health issues holding me back from fulfillment and happiness. My biggest fear is my stupid defective personality getting in between us and ruining everything. I'm at a crossroads now where I'm realizing that the change really does come from within. It has to start with me. 10 years of therapy and I'm just now frickin' realizing this. I want to get better. I want to be able to walk outside and not feel like the world is conspiring against me, not experience paranoia to the point of panic, not feel suspicion and resentment and jealousy toward every single person I meet. The lesson feels so insultingly remedial: it starts with me. But I'm too comfortable being this seething, negative, suspicious, resentful, vicious, anti-social asshole. I want to be normal and happy, and I know my ideal self is well within my reach, but I don't know how or where to start.

>>978
oftentimes you start at the very bottom of the pyramid. Are you sleeping and eating right? Is your body getting the activity and care it needs? Anyone who says that exercise, diet, and sleep are all you need to overcome depression is a fucking idiot, but I don't think the average person is capable of overcoming it without those things already in place.

>>979
I was introduced to these concepts earlier this year. It's been very helpful and validating to remember that I need these things one step at a time. Also when family members are trying to tear me down, I remind myself they failed my basic needs and it's now my responsibility to provides these for myself and make sure I surround myself with people who support me so I can be closer to self-actualization.

Can you ever feel "normal"?

>>981
I don't.

>>982
Sorry maybe I phrased that wrong, is it ever possible to feel "normal" again? Like I've been seeing therapists non-stop for years and I keep falling back into this state of feeling absolutely fucking nothing every few months. Like I'd like to be able to feel….idk joy or excitement or anger or literally anything again.

Sorry for the incoming wall-of-text blog post. I didn't want to post in this thread but I think I need to talk about this or at least write it down somewhere.

Last night my boyfriend had been berating me about being too frightened to enter our basement, how it was an irrational fear and that I needed to work through it eventually. I was trying to protest that it was normal to have fears and that he should stop trying to mould me into something he wants as opposed to accepting me for the person he fell in love with, irrational fears and all, but suddenly I felt the words stick in my throat and all I could do was my bow my head and try to concentrate on the pattern on my duvet. I could feel my face burning; I didn't want to say it.
He stared at me for a while in silence for a while, but then I guess it clicked because suddenly he came over and hugged me, apologised and told me he didn't know. It's because in all the time we've been together I'd never actually told him that whenever I was sexually abused as a child, it always used to happen in a basement just like that. And you know I guess I didn't even realise it myself, that this was why I was frightened of the basement.

He's been urging me to go arrange to speak to a therapist for a while now, apparently he thinks I have PTSD. I laughed at first, because for me PTSD is something that soldiers and kidnap victims develop, not basic-ass child sexual abuse victims. I don't have the qualifications. But then he showed me the symptoms and the criteria for something called complex-PTSD and I don't understand because everything on those fucking webpages, it was like reading a goddamn autobiography. I don't want to accept it, because accepting it would mean accepting my worst fear and really becoming a victim, but reading all of this, I don't think I can keep running away from it anymore. I always thought that that thing that happened when I inadvertently put myself back in the basement in my mind, I honestly thought that that was just me 'thinking' about it, but apparently those legit constitute flashbacks. When I was a kid I used to have these rages where I would start yelling and screaming, destroying things in the classroom, throwing my chair at walls, windows, even teachers. I used to get sent home at least 2-3 times every week. I never thought that my anger could be a symptom of anything, only that I was a bad kid. Why I can't trust the world or any of the people in it. Why I can't form friendships or connections with people and always initiate a relationsip based on immediate suspicion and mistrust. Why I used to cut and starve myself. Why I experience depersonalisation and disassociation, and why I suffered with insomnia for years. Even the symptom listed as pathological self-soothing, it's just like when I get stressed and I have to focus on a task like obsessively cleaning every inch of a room and I can't calm down until the task is completed, and I do this multiple times a week, because in my mind everything around me is impure until it becomes clean again - even myself.

I'm so angry. I'm fucking furious. I've been living my life ever since all that happened by suppressing it and telling myself that it never happened, that it was all just a child's fantasy, and that was how I coped with it for 15-16 years. In the last 2 years I really don't know what's happening anymore. All those bricks I spent so much time placing so it could be locked away for good have been broken down and it's now it's leaking back into my life again.
I think I need to bite the bullet and really try speaking to somebody about this because I can't keep living like this and it's going to end up killing me one day.

>>984
The beginning of getting better very often begins with a collapse. When I realised everything that happened in my childhood wasn't normal it fucking destroyed me and I was a wreck for 6 months, just dragging myself through life, crying and sleeping. Luckily my boyfriend picked up a lot of the slack for me, helping me get therapy, he was so understanding when I broke apart. He was very patient.
Anyway, it gets better. You start off from scratch when you break down the fake shit that was protecting you, all the denial and the fake personality. You then build up real coping mechanisms, healthy ones.
You're going to be fine. It's going to suck getting through it and realising over and over again the extent that you've been wronged but you're going to have real strength at the end of it, not pretend strength anymore.
Be easy on yourself, be patient and be gentle. Get as much help as you can from therapists, be as honest and open as you can.
It's been years and I'm still more fragile than before I broke down but all the confidence I've pieced together now is actually real. I have real feelings and I don't disassociate or panic when I remember my childhood.
You'll get there.

>>985
I went into this post telling myself I wouldn't cry, and I almost made it. I know it sounds absurd because I'm not the only one to have these kind if experiences by far, but it's so comforting to be able to speak to somebody I know understands. Thank you Anon.

I miss my mania so much. When I was untreated I relied on it as a buffer to keep me from sinking too deep into the realm of non-functioning. Ever since I got medicated I've become so deeply depressed and non-functional that I feel like an oversized child, completely incapable of handling day to day responsibilities, right down to basic hygiene. Currently I'm taking baby steps towards getting my life together. Realistically I know I am still very young, and that taking it slowly is the way to go after years of being a useless husk of a person, but I can't help comparing myself to people who have never struggled with my issues. People I'm close to in real life have repeatedly remarked on the progress I've made in a year or so (right down to my demeanour doing a total 180 from how I used to come across, which is a relief) but I can't help but feel like nothing I do or achieve is enough. I think this has been intensified by my childhood abuser coming back into my life in a mostly inescapable way, and repressed emotions violently bubbling to the surface, resulting in horrible episodes that seem to come from absolutely nowhere. I take solace in the fact that my progress hasn't come to a halt and shows no sign of stopping, but I can't seem to forgive myself for what I do and have done to people around me during these rage episodes. It's so humiliating to completely lose control of myself like this and I feel irredeemable and inhuman.
I'm sorry for the wall of whining text, I just really needed to say this to someone who isn't emotionally invested in me pretending to be okay. I promise I'm trying to stay positive in day to day life to the extent of my ability.

Seeking a bit of advice. How do you deal with depression creeping back after you have had remission?

Im in the process of weening off the meds because Ive been doing significantly better. But after doing a ton of stressful work for the summer and now that its over Ive been burnt out and being pretty unproductive for like 3 weeks. Having some self-loathing thoughts creeping back for not doing much but still dont want to do anything productive.

>>988 it depends if you have a coping mechanism/method or not that's been taught to you. For example, I've been taught a really specific way of coping that's helped a lot, so I try and look at that when I have a bad patch (I've just taken my dosage down again so I feel you anon)

>>989

Thank you for the input anon! Before I was on medication I did try cognitive therapy but it wasn't helping me too much. I didnt find any coping methods that worked well for me. Therapy is something I would like to try again but before I was able to get it for free through a youth program and now I'm not sure if I could get it covered or not (not a youth anymore obviously haha).

I guess I'm feeling a bit harder on myself than normal because this is the first time Ive tried weening off the medication and I was feeling totally fine and now Im not. I dont really want to admit to myself that it could be depression creeping back in. It feels shitty that this is something I'm going to have to battle for the rest of my life

>>990 this is basically what I used;
https://thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/Complete_Worksheets_2014.pdf

It helped me conquer 11+ years of depression, anxiety and PTSD.

My mental health has been really good lately. I just moved out with my boyfriend, I'm happy.

Sometimes I feel empty and impulsive and I feel like running away. Just leaving everything good.

I don't know if I'm afraid of everything being good or if this is impulses.

After a year of cutting down the dosage I've finally gone off my meds. I was prepared for the depressive shit that would come up but I just wanted more energy. My medication sedated me beyond anything tbf.

The only issue is, I'm full of this really awful violent anger since. I'm unsure if it's a coincidence but I'm very concerned. I was very angry when I was younger and I used to get into a lot of fights or cut myself a lot in angry reeeing. I don't want to be like that again and I'm worried, especially as a grown adult now. I hope it passes soon.

Does any of you still struggle with self harm in your 20's?

I did when I was a teen, and now that I'm in my mid 20's, I started hurting myself again to deal with stress and anxiety. I don't cut anymore because my bf would see the cuts. I use a scarf and self asphyxiate until I'm almost about to pass out. no, i dont get an orgasm from it, idk how anyone can lol. it just hurts like hell.

It's not a terrible problem because I only do it when I feel really awful, so maybe once a month or so. Idk if that's "normal" at my age. Just wondering.

>>991
WOW that's a nice document anon! Thanks so much for sharing. I'll be giving it a try.

>>991
IDK if this is a good or bad idea, but would someone be interested in going through this file together? It looks immensely useful but is also kinda daunting because that kind of reflection is exhausting.

I feel like I'm ruining my own life. Everything seems to be going prefectly. I finished school. I got a nice job with a laid back boss, but I get self destructive. I've been prescribed Klonopin, I'm supposed to take 0.5mg, but I impulsivley took 10 mgs instead. I'm all out of it and I'm afraid to go outside to get more. I started cutting myself to distract myself from the anxiety that comes with the withdrawal, but it just made things worse. I found some more Klonopin laying around, and took it too. I'm now addicted to both Klonopin and self harm, and I haven't been eating at all for the last week. I don't have any problems with my weight. I'm just not hungry, and everytime I try forcing myself to eat I puke. Nothing feels fun anymore. I don't enjoy drawing anymore, I don't enjoy music, I don't enjoy anything anymore. Everything feels pointless. All I can think about is how much I want to go and get more Klonopin. What am I supposed to do?

>>2183
are we the only people you have told, anon?
My first piece of advice would be to get back in with the doctor as soon as you can and explain the situation because that medication isn't working for you.
You could edit everything down and exclude anything you're uncomfortable telling the doctor right now, but it might be best just to tell them. It's the only way to get the help you really need I would say, but believe me when I say I know how much easier said than done this all is. How long have you been on Klonopin for?

>>2184
I have told my mom and implied it to a few friends.
I'm afraid to go back to the doctor because she might put me in the mental ward again. Already been there 2 times and it did not help. I've been on Klonopin for about a week a month ago, also abused it, along with other benzodiazapines. I've got the current prescription I'm abusing about 4 days ago, but I already managed to take about 30mg in these 4 days.

>>2183
>>2185
Hey anon, what about seeing a counselor? Doctors aren't generally trained in mental health.

>>974
>>2186
When I say doctor I mean a psychatrist. I will probably see her in a week, hope I won't kill myslef until then. I'll see what I can do about getting a therapist. thanks for the advice, it really means alot to me.

I feel like my anxiety is stopping me from doing so many things that I want to do but whenever I attempt to try new things I just get this sudden bout of anxiety that overwhelms me so much to the point that I just panic and back out. I feel like such a loser because all my friends are going to university and I'm here trying to figure my life out and it just sort of feels like I'm being left out. I feel so lonely and I wish I had more friends but I'm so incapable of making friends and whenever I manage to make any it's like my brain always finds a way to ruin it. I wish I could open more about to people but I find it so hard and whenever I do I just feel pathetic and annoying. I want to get help and improve my situation but I don't know how to go about it. I felt like my mental health in general was getting so much better but recently I've started to notice I've been feel more sad and I hope not spiralling down back into that dark place I was in before.

>>2188
Hey anon, hope things get better for you. Psychiatrist are just there to push drugs. A counselor/therapist can do a lot of good. Just don’t be afraid to switch to someone else if you don’t get along with the first one you are given. Mine literally saved me from suicide and destroying my life. Best of luck, anon!

>>2159
Late to the party so I hope anon sees this response.. ;_;

I am 23 years old, I started self harming when I was 13..it became a habit for a while. I feel really shit about it because a lot of the people I've spoken with who have done it said it was a phase for them and then they grew out of it, but for me it just became a long term impulsive act done to make me feel better.

I use to burn myself often, hit walls with my fists or my head and then cut myself. By the time I was 16 I was cutting myself 1-3 times a week. For me it starts to become a thought in my head that will not go away until I do it, and once I do it it's like I have a rush of pleasure and everything feels safe and comfortable. I've improved a lot from then. (The only thing I do now is cut myself on my thighs, ribs, hips etc) but I have numerous scars all over my body. I can't wear cute skirts, crop tops, dresses that are short etc. I wear swim pants in the summer. I feel ashamed and disgusted of what I've done to my body constantly but not enough to fully stop because a.) My body is already destroyed from doing this. And b.) It's a compulsion for me. There's unfortunately only so much you can do to prevent scarring.

All that being said, I don't think it should be considered "abnormal" at all. I think self harm is a method of coping the same way drinking, drugs, sex, etc are.

I don't want to die when I self harm, I don't feel suicidal. But there's just something about hurting myself and watching myself bleed that I'm addicted to. It's like if I go for too long without doing I get twitches. After I self harm I feel calm, content, level headed..just invincible.

Sorry for the long rant anon I hope this has helped. It felt good to get this out of my head. Also sorry if I sound all over the place. It's late.. ;_;

Why is existing so dissonant?

>>2274
Very late myself but I just did see your well thought out response. Thank you so much <3

>>2373
PS. It's really late over here too but I'll come back some other time to reply fully. You have no idea how your post made me feel better right now

Big long rant. I'm trying to not put that much personal info but ugh why not?

I've been suffering with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts since I was a young teen (11-12) and I never got treatment for it except for, like, three therapy sessions when I was 15. No professional intervention except my diagnosis. When I became and adult I thought I'd finally receive the help i needed for these issues, I didn't. Due to the country I live in now, I can't see doctors outside of the military base because mental illness is looked down upon and I could possibly lose my job if anyone finds out if I happened to go to a psychiatrist. And on base, I cannot use the hospital because of prioritization of patients, which basically shuns away 25% of the people living here. The only choice is going back to my home country, but thats ~$10000 move back. I don't know how long I can hold on until I kill myself or turn to self-medicating to deal with it.

Miners, I'm curious to know your thoughts on this article. Seems like it's very divisive.

https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2017/11/this-is-what-self-care-really-means-because-its-not-all-salt-baths-and-chocolate-cake/

>>2419
I like it. I'm particularly harsh on myself with my expectations of where I should be, or what I should do and whatnot, so allowing myself to be "normal" is hard. On the other hand I also tend to procrastinate when it comes to doing things I really have to do, but hate doing. Sorry if this is all over the place, but yeah. Why is the article so divisive? I like it.

>>2420
You can read some of it in the comments section, but there are people saying that it "demonizes" people for self-caring in a certain way, and that it doesn't take into account the troubles of low-income women.

Which doesn't make sense to me, because it costs money to buy fancy cake, bath bombs, and wine, but it doesn't cost money to calculate your budget, cut off a toxic friend or have a moment of self-reflection.

Anxiety is stressing me out. I got a voicemail today from a job applied to asking me to do a trial shift tonight, but it's too short notice so I can't. I need to call them to tell them but I really don't want to, I hate talking on the phone… I don't know if I should just leave it and never get in touch with them again or if I should call. I'm really panicking over it.

>>2432
Did you call them, anon?

>>2436
I did end up calling them, and I rescheduled it to today. I just got back from it actually. It was…ok? But I'm not sure if it's something I want to do again. It's the type of job that makes me very anxious, dealing with rude customers. And they were rude. It was basically an old man pub, and they just weren't very nice. So I'm not sure I want to go back.

>>2446
I'm not from the UK, but I think I know the kind of local bars that you're talking about and I really love them. the thing that you should remember is that these curmudgeonly elderly types are pretty set in their ways, so they're not going to warm up to an unfamiliar face immediately. However, if you can develop a rapport with some of your customers, it can become a strangely familial environment, and it's nice when you have customers who will specifically come to the bar in order to see you and talk to you. Starting a new job is always nerve-wracking, but think of it as a challenge in making a good impression on the regulars.

also, in my experience, those surly old-timers are usually the ones who are the first to stand up for the servers/bartenders if any rapscallions come in trying to give you trouble. they are too old to tolerate that bullshit.

>>2373
>>2374

I am glad it helped you. <3 It was therapeutic for me to talk about.

>>2159
>>2183
>>2274
Please don't cut, for the love of all that's good.

I have PTSD due to child abuse I experienced at the hands of my mother from age 9-19. Things have been getting better, my fiance is supportive and helpful, and my mother herself has apologized for some of the things she has done. Its still difficult at times because we learnt a few months ago that she has borderline personality disorder.

>be me
>live in an ass backwards piece of shit country (small town, specifically) regarding mental health
>be a teenager
>go see my old man doctor saying i feel numb and am suicidal and like i just don't feel joy anymore, that i lost all interests
>he says it is "normal" at my age to feel like this and that it's just who i am and tells me to fuck off and become happy, exercise and it will go away
>spend rest of my life thinking i do not have depression and everything i suffer through is my fault
>gradually become worse
>shut myself off world
>never talk about problems because i think they do not matter
>lose will to live
>too tired to function
>but it's normal according to my doc so live with it
>doctor gets exchanged by a young woman
>decide to go visit her because i am too tired to function
>do blood tests
>everything is ok in my blood
>she starts to ask me things about my mental state
>answer everything truthfully like i did with my first doc
>talking for a while
>was expecting to be told to just suck it up again because i always blamed my personality for this shit
>she diagnoses me with pretty bad depression and puts me on meds
>mfw it was not just "my personality" or "teenage angst" and i'v been blaming myself for years and treating my depression and suicidal thoughts as a normal state of mind because of a shitty doctor
>mfw if i've been diagnosed correctly maybe i wouldn't have spent a good chunk of my life wanting to not wake up and barely able to function
>mfw i could have probably avoided a lot of my lowest downs or at least made them more manageable

Living in a small ass town in a pretty backwards country regarding mental health sure is the best lol

Also, little side note, since these are my first meds, but anyone else here on sertraline? Been on it less than a week and am feeling some pretty severe side effects.
Is it normal to lose all apetite, become severely apathetic and feeling constantly like you need to vomit? How long did your side effects last?
Also, is it ok to drink some wine/champagne while on it? (christmas is coming soon so there will be some pretty heavy drinking and idk if to skip on it or not)

>>2719
I was on sertraline for a month before I decided to stop taking it because the idea of taking an antidepressant makes me feel uncomfortable. If that doesn't bother you though, then I'd recommend it. It didn't make me feel happy as much as it didn't make me not feel like shit. You'll feel weird after taking it, but it's a good feeling. Everything just seems more colourful and brighter, it's slightly uncanny, things "look" strange because you're seeing them in a normal light, but that's fine. Do be warned, when I first started taking larger doses, I got this really sharp pain in my chest, but it went away after a couple doses. Also, I don't know if you masturbate or have sex much, but this gives a gut punch to your libido. A friend told me he couldn't even get erections. That loss of control and coping mechanism shake up can be scary.

As for drinking, don't get hammered every night, but having a bit of champagne and such will be fine.

Anyone here ever get a feeling like they NEED to scream inside their head for no reason?
The past few days i've been constantly feeling like i am screaming inside my brain and get overwhelming anxiety at the same time it happens. Basically i feel a shrieking voice in my head that mutes all my thoughts, it's basically like having someone screaming in my ear 24 hours a day.

I've had barely any stressful situations these past few days, so i don't know what could have triggered but it's making me incredibly anxious since i never felt something like this, not even in my worse anxiety attacks.
I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but no other mental health problems, so idk. I don't think i could blame my meds since there is no side effects that describe something like this in them, but maybe i should talk it up with my doctor either way?

>>2795
My mother does this, anon. She says she screams in her head when she's stressed and does it IRL from time to time going to quiet, private place to do it. I think it's pretty common.

I already posted this to lolcow but thought that maybe somebody here could help me as well:

Has anybody managed to overcome depression and anxiety without therapy? I absolutely can't go.

I still go to college (not very sucessfully tho) and work part time so i'm not a complete NEET yet but i barely have friends, never dated and feel awful on most days. My hygiene and sleeping schedule is shit, i only eat junk food and i have no motivation or joy for anything but it's not so bad that i honestly think of suicide.
I'm scared and nervous of literally everything, so i really want and need to change my life…

>>2856
try cognitive behavioural therapy, you can usually administer it to yourself.

just get rid of all of your junk food. throw it in the dumpster right now. when you do have a bit of energy, go to the store and buy foods that you won't feel guilty about eating.

feeling shitty. low self confidence, complete mess.

>>2858
Have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy yourself? Or anybody else on here? Are there goo sites on the internet or should i buy a book?

I'm >>2719 and i honestly don't know what to do.
After 3 weeks of taking Sertraline 50 mg i actually feel a lot worse than i did before i started it. I have constant suicidal thoughts almost 24/7 and i feel overall worse mentally, i feel emotionally numbed and like i will never get better. It has actually taken out of me the little will to live i had left.
Is this normal? I've read the bad thoughts are supposed to go away after a couple of weeks, but they just won't leave.

>>2878
Anon, feeling shittier is normal for a couple of weeks. But if it persists, it's not the right med for your body. Talk to your psych, they will change it for you!

>>2862
NTA but I've tried MoodGym (website) awhile ago and found it sort of helpful, but I stopped and probably should try it again. It helped most when I used a journal to self-reflect on the concepts but also write things out so I didn't keep overanalyzing and thinking myself into ruts.

Depending on the person, I don't think it is possible to "cure" yourself, but it is a more effective coping strategy to be informed of your thought processes and develop positive habits for general mental health.

In a related matter, how do any anons keep tabs and self-monitor if you are not going to any counseling or therapy? And for those that have, what were the best skills you gained in managing?
And does anyone have tips for how to ask for counseling help or how to choose a therapist? How do you articulate your needs and what do you look for in a mental health professional?

>>2862
CBT doesn't work for me. It did work very well for a close friend of mine, though.

Try the book "Feeling good: the new mood therapy" by Dr. Burns (might have the name wrong)

Kill me, I'm going through a "split" right now with my mother. I feel stupid as fuck for even thinking of the possibility that I could be "close" with or "trust" her. Fuck her.

>>3566
It's idiotic, too, because it was triggered by how she treats my eldest, good-for-nothing autistic borderline special needs daughter. It wasn't even triggered by something she did to me. I just feel unfairly treated and it angers me so.

>>3567
*Sister, not daughter

>>2961
if you are who I think you are, I am the close friend and that book is SO USEFUL. It's like $10 and covers CBT in a super nonjudgemental way and even gives you a little self-diagnostic tool right at the start while recommending a doctor all the while. It was seriously one of the things that got me out of my depression lol, I can't recommend it enough

Been out of a very deep depression for months now. It was so bad, I literally remember lying next to my boyfriend while he was asleep googling what would happen if I OD'd on painkillers.
He was actually such a rock through it. Nonjudgemental, supportive, concerned… he was a big motivation for me to get better, because I knew he would worry less and I could be a better girlfriend.
My little sister was also a motivation too, but she doesn't know. I just kept thinking… who will look out for her if I'm gone? I have to be there for her.
Now I'm in grad school with a much stronger nurturing voice that helps me through the stress of it all. so like… it is possible to bounce back from that.

Not spiraling just yet, but eating more than I should be and putting off doing things.
Where did my motivation go?

>>3566
I split again today at another person I love. Is there any way I can help myself not be so shitty of a person? I just want to stop splitting. I don't get violent and they don't even always know I'm so hideously angry at them, but it makes me want to severely injure myself or commit suicide when I feel that sudden storm of rage. I want to suffer and be gone from this world because I feel suspicious that they are trying to sabotage or hurt me purposely. Really benign things set me off at a person, too.

I want to do a DBT course for the summer to work on my emotional and interpersonal regulation skills.

(Sort of wish there was a therapy accountability thread, but I can see that just devolving into general mental health/vent threads…)

I'm taking an online CBT course. It's expensive but seems to be helping.

>>3587
Actually inspiring and motivating. Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.

>>3635

DBT is cool, I like how it's both really practical and ~deep~

I second a therapy accountability thread!

I always have dreams of dying but this week it has been every single night. It was usually one in every 3 sleeps. The ones this week have been even more realistic than my usual dreams and I cannot sleep anymore.

>>3916

Does something trigger these dreams?

I have dermatillomania. Actually I would not care and it bothers me too little to even consider spending time and money at a therapist, but my husband is super pissy about it and it already starts to transmit to my kids.

:(

>>3919
Make it stop, anon.

>>3920
"Just don't do it", they said. "How difficult can it be to not ruin your skin?", they said.

:(

>>3921
The fact you keep posting these emotes while mentioning it spreading to your kids is giving me a strange vibe.

>>3918
Nothing (that I'm aware of) made the dreams about death happen, but the dreams this week could have been because I took acid last week. That's then only thing I've done differently.

>>3922
I mean it's terrifying to see how my kids start ripping their fingers apart with their teeth for apparently no reason, yet I know I'm stressed about how everyone is so invested in telling me I should not do that.

I know I'm objectively wrong, but picking scabs feels so good. And it hurts nobody (except my kids apparently. Why can't they just not do that? :((( )

That again makes me feel like a junkie crackhead awful mom. But is picking some scabs really that bad?

:( I'm sorry, please help

>>3923
>i took acid
Don't do that.

>>3924
They're always going to copy you, anon. You need to stop for them to stop.

>>3925
Why?

>>3927
You're ruining your mind, and your sense of reality when you rely on it to escape. Why do you think you had those dreams? Please stop this anon.

>>3928
When did I say I rely on it to escape?
>Why do you think you had those dreams?
I said that I have had these dreams for a while now, only that they have gotten worse in the past week.

I've just been prescribed Prozac and some of the testimonies that I've been reading online have me pretty worried.
Some people say it's totally turned their life around, other people say their life was ruined by it. Does anyone in CC have experience with this medication? I know the adjustment period is supposed to be about 5-6 weeks but some of the side effects I've been reading about sound so fucking bad that I'm not sure I'll be able to stomach it for that long.

>>4190 yes hello me, it helped me a lot but because it helped me to be “meh” instead of REEEEE if that makes sense? You need to have therapy also for true benefits!

I’m off it now but I miss it because I know I’ve been more erratic since coming off but I’m trying to stick to ~Muh therapy exercises~. Only down side I’d mention is that like most meds it feels like it sticks in your chest a bit. Adjustment period is lame too, wanted to destroy the earth.

>>4194
i've actually been in therapy for the past three-four months but it didn't seem like it was helping, so that's why i thought i should seek psychiatric treatment.
i'm on day 2 of prozac and so far all it's done is make me feel woozy enough that i shouldn't be driving. when did you feel like you noticed the positive effects of this drug?

man i wish i could find an antidepressant that works for me.
i guess i'll have to stick it out until weed is legal, then at least i can get high to soothe my clinical depression.

My cat was running around today and accidentally scratched me. My arm got a little hurt, and there's a big scratch on my thigh. It makes me excited, I want to cut again. I want to see more. I want to see more cuts. I want to see it on my skin. I want to cut and be rid of this emotion. Please make it stop.

Recently I am just rotating between all the maladaptive behaviors I've accumulated over the years.

>binge watching YouTube garbage under the guise of putting off doing anything
>compulsive skin picking
>binge eating
>fixating on finding the perfect cheap thrill item to fill the void
>impulsively buying things

The extent to which I do each thing isn't wholly destructive in itself, but I feel like I just flit between them to limit the damagae in any one particular area of my life while avoiding living.

Types of healthy coping skills for anons, remember that failing or badly coping is not a reflection on one as a person, you can try again, and again.

1. self-soothing

comforting yourself through the 5 senses

Touch: stuffed animals, stress balls, taking a bath, a soft blanket

Hear: music, audio book, guided relaxation

See: snow globe, glitter, calming images, art, anything that pleases you visually

Taste: tea, mints, gum

Smell: lotion, candles, incense

2. distraction

removing your focus from the stressor for a period of time

puzzles, art, crafting, reading, movies, gaming, exercise, being social

3. opposite action

doing the opposite of the impulse that aligns with a positive emotion

affirmations, inspiration, lighthearted and encouraging focus

4. emotional awareness

identifying and constructively expressing what you’re feeling

journaling, listing emotions, using a emotional identification chart, drawing, therapy

5. mindfulness

centering and anchoring yourself to the present moment

meditation, guided relaxation, yoga, breathing exercises, candle gazing, going for a walk

6. ask for help

this is important to do when you feel like your coping skills are not enough or they are too negative and detrimental

therapy is ideal for helping a person create a healthy coping strategy and incorporate it into their life

*a coping skill is considered healthy if it helps you to deal with stress more positively, does not hinder your progress, and isn’t harmful physically or mentally. A coping skill can become negative when it is used to completely avoid dealing with the stressor.

>>4752
thank you so much for this!

I've been doing meditation after initially being very skeptical about it, and it really helps! I'm neurotic and pretty much anxious 24/7, it calms me down especially if I'm in the middle of a panic attack. It feels really difficult to start especially noticing how hard it is to breathe and how tight my chest gets during it, but after a few minutes it's almost like the panic attack didn't even happen. I suggest starting with some guided meditation rather than just sitting down unguided and overthinking shit, it really helped me.

>>4765

Do you have any suggestions for guided meditation? I remember I downloaded an app ages ago that had lots of free guided meditation, but more of the ones I listened to really grabbed me (I probably gave up too soon).

>>4822
I don't have a good suggestion since I use an app that is linked to a fitness device, but I think you should keep trying to find a guided meditation that works for you.
Other than apps, there's always youtube videos. Different genres to experiment with are breathing, walking, visualization (like going on a mental journey), body scan, focus, and a lot more. Go for it!

>>4822
There's a huge compilation of stuff here https://mega.nz/#F!7gNEiJqR!nnYY0HznoK5mtmj1vXzPPg, I recommend you start with the Take 10 series first if you aren't used to meditation. I'm still going through it so I can't say exactly which programs are the best, but that's a good starting place.

>>4850

Thanks!