/x/ - morbid attractions

Name
Email
Message	78409	Text => Text Text => Text *Text* => *Text* [spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text
Image
Direct Link	YouTube Imgur
Options	NSFW image Sage (thread won't be bumped)

morbid attractions Anonymous 02/20/26 (Fri) 06:35:10 PM11894

i am extremely mentally ill and incapable of standart romantic "love". when i "love" or have a crush on a person all i can think about is harming them physically and/or mentally. thinking about stuff like that brings me immense pleasure. it makes me giddy and excited to imagine them crying from pain and trembling in fear because of me. ill never act upon any of my desires for obvious reasons, but i just cant stop thinking about those things aswell as ruminating over how how alien my kind of "love" is compared to whats deemed socially acceptable. i cant imagine ever giving the subject of my attractions gifts or otherwise making them happy in any way; my brain is only satiated when it envisions them miserable. i dont date or have sex irl because relationships/intimacy seem pointless to me if im not actively making my partner suffer immense psychical and psychological pain. this isn't a troll post im making this thread because im a hermit with no one to talk to and i guess im also curious if any s on here have similar experiences

Anonymous 02/21/26 (Sat) 03:44:52 AM11895

What happened to you?

Anonymous 02/21/26 (Sat) 03:39:00 PM11896

>>11895
my parents yelled at me constantly everyday for every mistake for literal hours. like theyd stand in the doorway blocking it not letting me go anywhere and they would just yell and yell and yell and yell. it didn't matter what i said theyd just shout over my words because in those moments i didn't matter to them as a person i was just a convenient outlet for their anger. this could go on for so long that they would take breaks from yelling at me and slam my door really loudly and then come back 5-10 minutes later to continue yelling at me. ive had no control in those moments there was nothing i could do about their anger, being a really small child and all. by the time they were done screaming my face was always red from crying. i was also bullied heavily but thats a wound that i dont wanna reopen rn.

Anonymous 02/24/26 (Tue) 07:21:09 PM11902

>>11896

how old were you then? how old are you now?

i don't believe you actually correlate any of these desires to love. i think you feel like you have to call these, or want to call these violent impulses 'love' to avoid seeing these impulses as what they obviously are: anger, isolation, alienation, and likely a very weak psyche.

it sounds like you don't think many people (if any) love you, including your parents - you probably don't interact with others enough to catch a glimpse of the spectrum of romance/sex/love or whatever - why the correlation to love?

Anonymous 02/25/26 (Wed) 08:02:33 AM11907

>>11902
>how old were you then?
6-14
>how old are you now?
20s
>i think you feel like you have to call these, or want to call these violent impulses 'love' to avoid seeing these impulses as what they obviously are: anger, isolation, alienation, and likely a very weak psyche.
>why the correlation to love?
i know that those sadistic impulses stem from isolation and abuse and mental illness and whatnot, im not afraid to admit that because its a rather obvious conlusion, i just dont know what else to call them. like sometimes i will feel enamored by a person, i like thinking about them and having them on the backburner of my mind, i like how they look and i find them hot, but instead of wanting to make them happy all i think about is hurting them and i dont have any interest in doing anything else with them, when i stop having a crush on a person i stop wanting to hurt them. thats why i label those experiences as 'love', there just isn't any other catch-all term that describes the type of attachment that i feel

Anonymous 02/28/26 (Sat) 04:34:41 AM11910

>>11907
NAYRT, but can you give us more insight into your crushes (since you mentioned you don't date)? are you usually friends with the people you've had crushes on? what about fictional/celebrity crushes?

Anonymous 03/01/26 (Sun) 11:23:03 AM11918

>>11910
>are you usually friends with the people you've had crushes on?
not really. i kind of have a strange relationships with people in general, i dont usually like my friends as people and we talk exclusively about our shared hyperfixations (usually original characters or media) because i dont care about anything else. i talk to them as long as theyre willing to entertain my ideas and so in return i entertain theirs. its transactional to me. with crushes its different, theyre usually the type of person that id never be friends with because theyre usually not the artistic creative types and creating stuff is my only real interest
>what about fictional/celebrity crushes?
i dont get like that about celebs, usually because i dont find them interesting, but i sometimes have those crushes on fictional characters, tho not all of my attractions are fictional