/x/ - /x/

>>3228
Yes it's called disassociation.

>>3231 no, I induce these states on purpose. I dont think this is disassociation because I don't really feel disconnected from the world around me.

yes
all the fucking time if i'm in a social situation or just walking outside and it's gotten worse recently
especially when strangers approach me for directions or whatever/we're discussing serious stuff (that's why dissociation is harmful to me)
i "ground" (try to snap back to reality) by listening to loud as fuck music (can it even be considered music at this point?) through my headphones, it stimulates my sense of hearing but it's not helping that much anymore
it's been like this since i was a prepubescent fat girl full of shit

>>3228
I've felt unreal, sure, but not like I have no consciousness… not sure how that's even possible tbh, it would mean your conscious of not having consciousness???

i feel like iahve no ersonality like iam an extreamly boring npc. but then i was diagnoesed as bipolar

Yes. I will sometimes go blank emotionally, and it's just like my brain is a static tv. This can go on for a couple months.

It's not like that depression "numbness" where you feel so bad you're just sinking and paralyzed, it's more just like genuine, pure numbness. I feel absolutely nothing, good or bad. I go on auto pilot and imitate those around me and feel like a ghost.

>>3359
this sounds like it could be dissociation

>>3360
I thought it could be. I never know if its dissociation because most people describe dissociation as feeling disconnected from their physical body, but for me I feel totally aware of my body, I just lose all touch with my mind and identity.

>>3374
It's hard for your brain to focus on multiple things at once, so it's normal that when you're hyper-aware of your body, you lose touch with your mind, thoughts, and mental identity. That's kinda what people try to achieve when they meditate, by focusing all their attention on the breath for example.
Similarly, if you get too caught up in your thoughts, you can lose touch with your body. I think that's usually what people mean when they talk about dissociation, just from what I've seen. But it is similar to what you're describing, just what you're aware of and disconnected to is reversed.

>>3380
thank you for this explanation. I have been wondering for literally years if I was dissociating or not and why my experience is different than most people's. Whenever I dissociate, it's usually a time I feel like I'm in physical danger. Do you think this could be why I stay aware of my body, because the danger is more to my actual life than it is just to my emotional wellbeing?

I've felt like this my entire life.
Looking back on my past, I feel like I've never been conscious when I made decisions, did things, or talked to people. I don't have a sense of personality unless I'm talking to others, and even then it's heavily dependent on who it is I'm talking to. Like going on auto-pilot, like the anon a few replies above me said. I don't remember large periods of my life and I can feel my memories slowly moldering. And I'm only 20.

>>3396
This is normal.

>>3381
It could be. If you feel nervous, the physical sensations such as a faster heart beat, sweating, and breathing faster can grab all your attention and make it hard to think. And if you're in physical danger, or think you're in physical danger, it makes sense your body would do things to make you more aware of your physical body for your safety.

I get this way when I'm left alone and nobody's there. You don't have to be anyone or be perceived by anyone, so it's just you. I know lots of people have felt this way so it's not a big worry for me.

Yeah but it only happens when I'm either really tired or angry/stressed/depressed.

>>3402
Same, I think it's normal and healthy to not obsess over "who you are" when you're not around other people, as well as to have different "egos" that you present to different groups of people.

i just feel really fucking bland, nothing redeeming of me and i just feel like bore the shit out of people, and sometimes i’m just sitting there like i’m a blank slate who just listens to other people’s conversations

I feel like I have no personality, but I'm self-aware. I can feel my personality starting to shift the longer I spend with others, even if I don't want it to. I feel like a sponge that can't help but soak up other people's selves, and the only way to avoid it is to isolate myself.

>>3228
I deal with psychosis / derealization / depersonalization / disassociation a lot. I don’t have anything mental diagnosed (I have ADHD, autism, and am suspected to have anxiety and depression) but I overall don’t know if I’d describe it as the same experience. It mostly comes about when pondering on existential questions or seeing people who say stuff like that we live in a simulation or thinking about how I have quite a few relatives getting up there in years, it’s more existential anxiety though. I’d say my experience is more of “I exist, but why do I exist? I feel like I’m being crushed and suffocated” and having this sense of tightness in my chest and impending doom. When it comes to if “NPCs” exist I’d say I’m unsure. That comes down to questions about consciousness and such that we haven’t answered, at least not yet. I read somewhere that only a minority of people have a voice in their head (around 20-30%) and I’d say I’m one of them, I have some pretty intense and lengthy internal dialogues. In the advent that something like panpsychism is true that would kinda disprove the whole idea though, at that point even the most simple minded person who barely uses their brain is conscious to some extent