/x/ - /x/

I want the planet and everything on it to perish.

I don't disagree with the people who go postal. I'm not even horrified.

Everyday i contemplate suicide, that’s one of the dark thoughts thats socially accepted to say that i wont regret posting

>>5690
Tame

>>5691
I’m sorry i have paranoia i can’t share the other ones

>>5696
I guarantee nobody cares enough to look into you. If you're actually a woman, you're useless to agents who honey pot psychos into mass shootings- women aren't all that dangerous on a large scale so.

I wouldn't worry.

If you're a man, you should probably shut up about any and every dark thought, true.

>>5697
Ehh i don’t want to shit up the thread but when you’re a paranoid mentally ill person man or woman, anything can seem dangerous to your life. I might share the fact that i like peanut butter sandwhiches and then ruminate about this conversation months later thinking you’ll find me through this information and hurt me. Lol. But lately my thoughts have been nothing innocent like that. It’s probably delusions though but they still count as thoughts no?

>>5698
Ok so I never considered myself mentally ill because I always just assume I'm a turbo normie but I sort of relate to this really hard. Whenever I post anything relating to me online I fear I will be found out. Whenever I intereact with people online I feel the same and this might be a bit ridiculous but each time I download a yaoi image to my computer I legitimately am afraid the feds are looking at me. I really like guro. I know it's ridiculous but I can't help focusing on these and even think about it for months and weeks too. So scared I'll be found out doing anything.

>>5700
>Ok so I never considered myself mentally ill
why are you here then?
Go home

just generic sexually intrusive thoughts. Also a lot of ones anout murder and death but that's usually an anger or anxiety response.
ex. someone wrongs me and I think about chopping them up or cutting their throat
ex. I see someone carrying a baby in a store and I get scared and imagine them dropping it on its head
I've thought about hurting children though, not in a while really and I'm glad because all I felt was guilt when those thoughts plagued me.

>>5700
I mean I know I'm mentally ill, diagnosed and everything, but I feel the exact same way. I can't tell you how many posts I'll make then quickly delete and constantly worry that I posted or saw the wrong thing even though I don't ever do anything wrong.

>>5706
I dunno anon, I don't think I'm ill either- I mean other people would and do say that I am so I must accept multiple perceptions likely outweigh my own but I mostly think it's everyone else that's bat shit.

People are weird and if you point it out then you're the weird one.

>>5700
I’m the anon you replied to lol, you seem paranoid but in denial. I mean i wouldn’t call a niche imageboard surfing guro liking yaoi pictures saving person who thinks the fbi agent is judging their 2D porn a turbo normie. But i was in denial too so i get it. I latched on to normies for a good chunk of my life, none of them shared my fears and sentiments throughout these short lives situationships so i don’t think of someone who does as a normal person. Though fear of being found out when you goof around online and cancelled is pretty normal these days if that’s what you mean

I feel like committing homicide or violently stabbing people often… I prefer satanic themes over heavenly ones…

There's this 10-12 year old boy that lives next to my bf. I hate that little shit, which is an achievement because I normally like kids.
I often think to myself how easy it'd be to kidnap him. Possibly torture him, but definitely kill him. Like, his parents are never looking after him so I could just snatch him and get rid of the pest. Everything I've learned about witchcraft says that blood sacrifices are wrong and unnecessary, but I've fantasized about offering his blood and flesh to pagan gods. Again, this is super weird because I like kids. Hell, I've considered becoming a kindergarten teacher.
Also, often when I see people carrying babies I have the worst anxiety inducing thoughts. For example, I imagine an active shooter killing the mother through the baby or a car plowing through them. I have to emphasize that I take no pleasure in these very intrusive thoughts and more than once they've made me cry. I think this comes from an old recurring nightmare I had when I was little where a madman cannibal escapes an asylum and as people flee his rampage a mom throws her baby at him to escape.

>>5778
Uh… this thread was a bad idea

>>5698
>>5700
Tbh I've been "found out" because of a lolcow server and anons made a collage of random vent messages I sent to make me look like a nazi schizo. Whilst it made me have a bad day when I discovered it, I stopped caring pretty quickly. It made me more weary of (mentally ill) women online tho. I used to be pretty much only suspicious about males.
Feds aren't the ones you should fear, but rather mentally ill people willing to collect information about yourself to bring you down to feel better about themselves.

>>5794
There’s a lot of them here too, i’ve always been thankful for my intense mistrust of people even though it sort of destroyed my social life. I will never trust anyone. I almost did this year because of deep loneliness but i’m glad i snapped before i did anything stupid

I like shota. I'd never actually do anything with a real child, and it's always drawn and never realistic. and I think it's more of an extention of my preference for soft, feminine boys. But whenever I look at shota I feel a lot of guilt about it

>>5788
They're called intrusive thoughts anon. They don't reflect what anon's actions are.

>old people walk unbearably slowly in front of my car while i am trying to drive in the parking lot
>feel rage and imagine taking them by the shoulders and strangling them
>anger ruins my whole night
I'm so irritable. I'd never enact thoughts like these.

>>5800
Am I the only one who didn't know what intrusive thoughts were until I came online? I'd describe my thoughts to both my therapist and random people on mental health forums and my therapist acted like it's the first she'd ever heard of it while people on forums were like yeah theyre just intrusive thoughts. I genuinely can't tell if she was underqualified or just hated me

>>5802
I would say she was underqualified. Also because the internet is an information super hub.

>>5802
Maybe you didn’t explain them well enough. I didn’t have a name for my intrusive thoughts till i read it on forums as well. before that, i didn’t express these thoughts well to people because i was so confused about their nature and what they are so i was hesitant to speak about them clearly and describe them. When i read the term my mind went boom.

I can't wait for my mother to die. I can't stand her. I'm happy when she is sad or cries or suffers.

>>5794
lolcow users are the worst in this regard. don't even give the slightest bit of information about yourself around these people. if there are psychos out there who collect information about people to fuck them over when they feel like, they're browsing lolcow for sure.

>>5794
>but rather mentally ill people willing to collect information about yourself to bring you down to feel better about themselves.
Just described a majority of my worst experiences with people, and they may have made me what I am today. A lot of it is why I bloomed. I don't think it's very overtly "dark", but I know I have a trait that can be extremely damaging to me: which is that I now always believe I'm right on matters of reading people or listening to my gut instinct. I've become more and more manipulative because I know how people act and how to direct their behaviors.

>>5799
Just enjoy what you want as long as it hurts no one. A lot of people in that genre do not fathom any real stuff, but even if you found yourself desiring the real thing, it's okay as long as you know better than to act on it. Compromising your morals is done through an act, not a thought.

>>5810
Relatable . Sometimes I believe my mother was taken away from me at a young age so that I can live a happier life. She was mentally ill, abusive and tried to kill me and my brother several times (hence my cptsd and trauma well into my 30s). I remember praying to some sort of higher power or deity to protect me from harm and abuse every day without fail since the day I learnt how to speak. I like to think my prayers were answered eventually.

>>5799
I've made peace with this years ago but there's a genre of shota that involves girls or adult woman torturing shotas that is really fucked up but it did something for me. Probably a result of deep seated hatred of men but I don't want to have these kind of thoughts even relating to fiction

>>5821
Me too, i kind of understand where it comes from for me, and that’s the saddest part kek

when i was a teen i fantasized about a worm parasite killing me and eating me from the inside.
no one would let me kill myself and if i died that way at least i would be use for something.

>>5874
Speaking of worms, ive had fantasies of worms eating my corpse when i’m dead. It gives me a tickling sensation and it’s kind of nice

>>5684
I also hate people. I hate everything about them especially since working in customer service. Seen some things I can't unsee after I got stalked. The fun never ends. I would probably wipe out a 3rd of the human population if I had the power too. Pedophiles, child abusers, fascist politicians, deranged sick men right wing nuts. I would yeet them all into hell.

>>5799
I used to think I'm the in the same boat, never had a preference to realistic looking drawing over anime stuff, but this past month I kinda stumbled upon a very good straight shota fic on AO3 and it since literally lived in my head rent free. I swear its the only good /ss/ fic I've ever read since it stands alone among the obvious moid wish fulfilment for mommy fantasy. The mc is mental and second rereading really makes me realize the way she's been describing and enabling the boy since beginning, so theres that. It read like an well written excuse in some parts, plus some weird pacing and plot kinda alerted me that parts of it may came from irl experience, which just kinda excites me even more despite other parts being obvious fantasy rosy scenarios. The fic also used those avatar maker for the main charas and it helped the visualization.

It's hard not to get attached, altough its realism also deters me since the kid is annoying and it reminds me of how annoying actual kids can be. Altough, how'd calmer and manageable he became after "rewards" are given.. is another thoughts entirely that I wont ever test for myself.

Pic related is from the fic. How'd I once styled my hair like that few years back also didnt help at all from not engrossing myself in that character :)

I haven't been to any doctor in years except for a psychiatrist, and only to get the same meds I've been on for years. I secretly hope I have cancer or some other disease that will kill me suddenly, or that I only find when it's too late. That way I can die without killing myself and no one will feel guilty.

>>5687
I understand why people go postal too. I don't agree with them, but it isn't hard for me to understand why someone would do it. My life is so monotonous and I try so hard to do right thing and be a good person (at least my idea of a good person), even when it doesn't seem like it'll pay off and I'll still be unhappy for the rest of my life. And I know it's not just me since everyone suffers in their own way, even people who are rich or beautiful or whatever. To be a good citizen, you're expected to put up with so much and go to work everyday and function properly all the time and it makes sense that a lot of people just can't do it. It must be freeing to do something so antisocial/anti-societal and live even just a few minutes where you could just do anything and not give a fuck before killing yourself. Maybe one of the few times you feel like you have control and actual freedom in your otherwise monotonous, insignificant life.

Those are just thoughts I have though. I understand them, but I would never actually want to hurt someone. Part of the reason I'm so miserable all the time is because I am so aware of how everyone is suffering and it's not just me. I wouldn't want to add to anyone else's pain when we're all going through enough. It's part of the reason I also have a hard time killing myself. Please don't track me down feds. I promise I have never even touched a gun in my life.

When my dog and mom die I'm going to blow my brains out because I'll have absolutely nothing to live for anymore.

I have this urge sometimes to whore myself out. Not out of real desire for it or for money, but because i hate myself so much and i feel like i was so used by men anyway and they don't see me as a human being so might as well go all out and prostitute myself. It even feels more logical than searching for love, love is an illusion because moids are unable to feel love, so whoring myself at least would make it so i don't fall for the idea of being loved by these demons. Also, it would destroy my mind so much that i would probably finally suicide, which is a good thing because i'm just wasting time being alive tbh.

As stupid as it sounds im afraid that i'll accidentally end up abusing my lover out of "love." Ive been weirdly violent and obsessive to every one of my crushes.

But at the same time, i have a fantasy of abusing them, like isolating them and forcing them to feel like im the only one who cares about them so they stick with me no matter what i do or how much i hurt them.

>>6363
Moid hands typed this

Sometimes I think I’m a female lolicon but not in a sexual way.

>>6363
I read this out loud to my friend and we are cracking up at u. thanks for the giggle

>>6363
I want to send this to a random number and say “sorry wrong person”

>>6380
Do it do it do it

>>6363
>I rub one out to the idea of making her literally eat my shit
kill yourself scrote

>>6363
uh

>>6380
The idea of someone doing this made me laugh out loud HAH

>>6363
>Sometimes I rub one out to the idea of making her literally eat my shit.
Hello, QUEEN department?

>>6363
It just sounds like you will stew in histrionic exasperation until the day you die. On the contrary you sound so easy to manipulate and screw with, its like you live for the people you hate and enjoy nothing. The person probably has no idea you even exist half the time, nor do they care and if they did they'd just think you're batshit insane.

>>6395
Mental department maybe

>>6363
I thought I was crazy for being obsessive but you’re straight up rancid and terrible. I was feeling pretty depressed about my self for a good 2 hours until I saw this. You may have saved my life with your degeneracy, so thank you.

>>6395
Hello, MEDS department? Yeah we need you to lock this poster up where he can't hurt anyone with his violent moid tendencies and samefaggery.

>>6400
I can’t speak to whether or not that poster is really a woman or not, but I’ve felt that way about moids before. It’s not a kind of thinking that’s exclusive to them.

I could never actually self-harm and have no desire to, but sometimes while cooking over my stovetop on high heat I've wondered what it would feel like putting my hands on it. I've feel the same about what exactly it would feel like to put my hand inside dangerous sharp objects, like a spinning blender or fan. It's just my morbid curiosity. Probably not some kind of BIID, because I don't feel any impulse strong enough to actually go through with it, like that guy who cut his own legs off on Maury just to see what it would be like to be disabled.

>>6363
dear god

>>6363
why do you dislike her so much? o__o

>>6363
Dunno she seems based for making you seethe this much just for simply existing and cucking you at the same time (I do not believe there is no jealousy involved in this)

>>6417
Get better at samefagging loser

I want to be raped

>>6419
yeah okay empathchan

I have intrusive thoughts about castrating every member of my family to put an end to this cursed bloodline

>>6419
Try summoning incubus?

>>6449
Stop telling people to do that lmfao

>>6449
How would that help her

Sometimes I have nightmares where my dogs die violently

Sometimes I wish my twin brother never existed. Or that we could switch places and he could see exactly why I am the way I am. I’m so utterly jealous of his success and lack of mental issues. It’s not fair. Why am I the disappointment in our family?

I wish one of my “friends” would die of suicide. She’s so absurdly annoying and childish, and around other people it looks like we get along well or even worse - behave similar. I hate this stuttering braindead loser so much, I really just want her dead. It would not only spare me of her draining presence but also legitimize and validate my state by making my parents believe I’m also this capable. Aka give me more NEET justification points.

I wish I could be capable of murder just to go to jail and not have to work for a living and sometimes I’m scared that the only thing keeping me from doing it aren’t morals, but the thought that there’s no internet, no good books or tasty food, and my friends wouldn’t visit me if I had done that.

I’ve recently read about Sarco and tried to figure out for how long I would have to work just to afford it and then if it’s even worth it if you have to undergo tests to get the code to unlock the euthanizing button. I hate this bullshit so fucking much. And I hate myself for not being able to kill myself diy style without fancy painless methods I can’t afford.
Why can’t we just sign a paper and get euthanized like animals? I’m not even that valuable to capitalism, I don’t buy meds/for therapy, I don’t pay taxes, I don’t work, won’t give birth to future wageslaves, nothing.
Why tf would they keep me alive? I hate it so much I’m so tired of feeling bad for not wanting to do anything of value because I see no point. I only do things sometimes to pretend it’s all under control in front of parents because I’m scared of them.

My life is such a waste. With all the junk I eat and my lack of any hygiene or movement at this point I’m just praying for a random heart attack.

I have a deep hatred for severely autistic men like ChrisChan, even worse for autistic trannies.
Now, I don't hate men at all. I get shit from defending them in places like this. I don't hate autistic people in general, my best friend is autistic herself. I don't even hate trannies in general, just the really annoying or abusive ones.
But for some reason I feel an extreme hate for people like ChrisChan. Even his face angers me and makes me want to smash it with a hammer. I even get sexually aroused from thinking about the kind of physical, mental and emotional abuse I'd like to inflict on a subhuman like that.
Like, I would be absolutely up for leading them on and ruining their worthless lives. Get them into deep debt, make them mutilate their useless bodies, cucking them in their faces and all kinds of fucked up shit.
I also have a slightly less fucked up view on downies. I don't hate them but I don't really see them as people, more like human pets.
I swear I'm not a bad person but this is like my deepest, darkest fantasy.

>>6651
this is just a positive drive to weed out dysgenic males. nothing wrong with that.

i desperatly want to tell the whole world about my currently messed up family situation, how i have been emotionaly religously abused, how much i want to move out, how the only person i trust and who is my best friend is my boyfriend, how i always think about art even if i dont draw every day, and how im deconstructing my faith and its all very scary to confess aloud, i could never even make a /adv/ post about this on 4chan or even go on reddit out of fear someone will screenshot it and one of my family members will find out… maybe when i move in with my bf i will

i want to hire a gay rapist to rape a cute boy in front of me

A lot of peoples problems here would be fixed if you just eat a snack or ice cream. Low blood sugar makes people angry

Veganism thoughts

These aren’t the darkest thoughts I’ve ever had lol but I definitely feel like I’m being a little weird. I’m at a point in my life where I realize if I wanted to, I can manipulate people to do what I want and I like having a sense of control. I know for sure this comes from traumatic situations where I felt like I had no control over things. I am wearing more “feminine” stuff and styling myself to be feminine and trying to become more charming and sweet so I can have (mostly men) do what I want. I have a boyfriend and I have been testing these actions on him, basically using my feminine charm to have him do things for me. (Obviously with other men it’s not me flirting with them, but when you know a man likes to feel strong/have attention on him you could talk him up a bit and ask him to get / do something strenuous for you, like a man should.). I guess to ME it feels very weird/wrong because I’ve been so meek and shy all my life.

>>6835
Thats really common, people use your vulnerability to make you feel worthy and get what they want from you in the process. Like a dude opening a jar for you, he feels so good while you got your pickles without much effort, A win win situation. Life is full of murky intentions and actions

>>5799
Just hope someone who ages like Ralph Machio pops up into your life. Jacob Sartorious is 20.

>>6963
How does he look the same

>>6963
Oh no…
I think Ralph Macchio in the 80s/90s is the hottest guy ever, with his cute haircut and big, sweet eyes. And I see nothing attractive in guys like Brad Pitt, they all look generic and a dime a dozen.
Does that mean I'm a shotacon too?

>>6968
He's the same cause he's 20 but looks preteen

>>6978
Baby faced moids in their 20s are extremely rare. It almost feels like an abomination walking among us.

I have a fantasy that morphs into a comforting scenario, sexual stuff or self-harm and suicidal ideation fiel and it's been with me for many years. It always involves getting kidnapped and taken away to another to a fancy party where this specific stalker is waiting for me to take me away for good. Sometimes it goes horny and I believe that's how it started or it's soothing for other reasons but all the time recently it goes somewhat like this: I realize there's no turning back, that I'll never see my family again or have my life back. Either relieved to be able to kill myself without actively hurting anyone else or bitter as a last resort, I take a glass of wine from one of them, break it on the table and slit my wrist. Then, I look for my pulse and slice my carotid open. I bleed in front of them peacefully, and mentally apologize to my loved ones or pray, and then it's over or it reboots slighlty different. I'm tired of it, it's too often and occupies so much space. I can't stop it and don't know how to, but I wish I did

i actually wanted to make this a thread but guess ill just post it here
i can't find anything on the internet about this so maybe any of you might relate or provide me with the correct words to describe what i mean
so basically DID (dissociative identity disorder) is like a disorder where you have multiple identities or personalities (called alters) without your consent, so you can't do anything about them, they just exist due to trauma etc.
now, i don't have DID. but hear me out on this. does something like DID exist but instead of having alters without your consent, you intentionally have alters? like, you decide to have them?
okay so i'm a pretty passive, boring girl who isn't into partying, being a bad girl, drinking alcohol, i don't have an exciting life or personality… you get the picture. tbh idk if i even have a personality at all;
sometimes when i walk through the city i like to pretend to have a whole different personality and i have fun doing that. i can be the bubbly girl who's interested in the plushies in a cute shop one day or a classy that-girl in a coffee shop with her laptop the other day or dress streetstyle baggy clothes and act like a cool kid in a thrift store etc. it's not just the clothes, but my whole mind and thoughts basically adjust to that personality type that i make up in my mind. but it doesn't stay with that. sometimes i pretend to be a foreigner in my own city and act like a tourist and ask for exciting stuff to experience in the city (that i know very well lol) and the scaziest thing so far is this: well actually i'm asexual but when i'm with my boyfriend i can decide to be very sexual, it's an act but i'm good at it and i enjoy 'playing' that role, just like all the other rolls / alters / personalities / identities i play so much.
idk if this is phenomenon has a name, if so, please tell me.
and idk if this is like problematic or not. tbh i don't feel like i'm interested without those made up personalities, but i know they are not part of me, or are they? i rarely use a personality twice, expect for the sexual alter i have for sexual activities.
i'm not english and i didn't try to write without mistakes so excuse me madams

>>7066
I don't know if this helps but I feel the exact same way (even thinking I had did at one point) and it turns out that is a symptom of having borderline. Like the fluidity of personality depending on the situation/what you want to be

I want to kill my methhead mother

>>7092
And i want to kill my schizophrenic sister and brother. hurray!

>>6363
why is this so funny LOL

Sometimes i wish i had a brother so i could date him since i was a kid, like a blood-love connection since childhood. I know its incest but i think its way more romantic than meeting some moid on tinder. The only downside is that he would probably be ugly like me.

>>7066
I'm like you! I think for me, it's like wanting multiple personalities at once because life is too short, and if you only get one life I'd want to do everything in this life.

>>7099
This sounds romantic in theory but terrible in real life. Romance isn’t like real life and i imagine an incestious relationship would be full of fucked up things. I suggest you read incest romance novels instead.

>>7101
>an incestious relationship would be full of fucked up things
like what for example? i dont want kids so no inbred. society would probably judge us but nothing prevents us from moving to a cabin in the middle of the forest
>incest romance novels
yeah i usually read these! I just read a book called Les bienveillantes where the main character has this kind of relationship and I loved the story. I think it's the only way to fulfill my desires since I'm too old to have a brother

>>7118
> Les bienveillantes

That was a really fucked up book and the incest fantasy subplot was not a romantic story at all, I worry about you nona

Have you also read this book? I know it's a classic but I hardly see anyone talking about it, maybe because it's so long and dense. Sorry if I implied it was a romance book with the main plot of an incestuous couple, that's not the main theme of the book. I quote it here because I don't usually read a lot of romance/smut books. At least I never found one that was good, if anyone wants to recommend me one that has some kind of incestuous relationship please feel free! Anyway, what I meant was that I wanted someone to think about me the way the protagonist thinks about his sister. Even when he dates other men or when he marries someone, he always thinks about his sister and puts her on a pedestal because of the relationship they had when he was a kid. I've also read in an article by Freud (I know there are a lot of people who say it's bullshit but hear me out) that the experiences that mark you the most in life are the ones you have in childhood. I wish i had a blood-love connection with my brother in my childhood like the protagonist of the book had with his sister than to have been an only child and have suffered parental neglect alone. You're right to say it's a fucked up book, I was wrong to say I loved the story, it's a tragedy after all. I reiterate what I said earlier, I didn't love this story, I identified with the protagonist's journey.
>I worry about you
I thank you for your concern but theres nothing to worry about! I know that now that I am of legal age I will never be able to experience a "pure" relationship with a moid like those experienced in childhood. I'm straight but I refuse to enter the current dating scene and have to deal with men who only think about getting laid and that its wrong to ask women on dates because of this "simp" thing. You can say what you want about the protagonist, you can say that he was a nazi, gay, cold but you can't say that he didn't love his sister and that he wouldn't give his life for her. I will never get that kind of devotion from a man to me because it's too late for me. From a very early age I already knew that it was too late for me. Anyway, sorry for the long rant nona, I'm glad I found someone who also knows this book. Les bienveillantes and Death in Venice were my favorite reads of the year if you know other books like this please let me know!

>>7141
nona you are weird. not the "i forgot to take my meds" type of weird but the "i will enter a cult" type of weird. take care of yourself.

Dark fantasy?
Beating up and killing trannies, and other moids. When I open the news and I see some degenerate shit a male has done to women, girls, or even just animals, I open my playlist and fantasize about killing them. I go on TERF spaces and I always see feminists talk about not "stooping to their level" or "being the bigger person". But not me. When I see scrotes and trannies act like monsters, I just wanna take a sledgehammer and end them. I think about chaining rapists up and absolutely torturing them for months until they finally die of exhaust or infection or some shit. Other times, I just wanna show up at the houses of horrible trannies I met on the internet and just shoot them point blank in their stupid faces. Sometimes, I even wish I was like six feet tall and super athletic so that I can just beat the shit out of any troon or regular scrote that would try to harass me. Hold them down and pepper-spray their eyes for thirty full seconds, or even a full minute. I fantasize of being a serial killer for trannies and scrotes. Torturing the tranny or the regular scrote for months (again), restricting them to a chair with all their clothes off, recording their agony, and forcing the darkweb to see these males apologize for every violence, threat, or even just degrading insult they did to women and girls. Viewers watching them sob and plead any female watcher to forgive them. Hang them upside down by their testicles for as long as they last right after, and then behead them when I'm done. Throw acid or bricks at the heads tranny celebs who spend their social media bullying women and girl rape victims. Take the lives of the most vile trannie scrotes or scrote-scrotes and make them see a woman's face as the last image they'll ever see in their final seconds of life.

every human alive is the product of rape and murder within the past 3 generations, so we've basically been bred like pitbulls for thousands of years where the most violent men produce the most offspring (eg gengis khan). we can't produce decent males because our entire species has already been completely ruined genetically, maybe forever.

>>7156
When you put it like that, the future is rather grim..

>>7118
>like what for example
No one practices incest in the real world unless they’re psychotic or mentally disabled or both because incest is extremely taboo and breaking that barrier takes one of the two to go through with it. There’s also the matter of power dynamics, where the older might be taking advantage/groom the younger sibling etc.. just a few things i could think of rn

>>7673
>>7673
I understand your arguments but I can't help but think that there are so many worse things that were once taboo and have become normal. I doubt that these furry events would have been accepted back in the day but now they are. And also about power dynamics, they also occur in normal relationships when one is older and more experienced than the other anyway.
>mentally disabled
Maybe you're right and I really am. I know it's no use arguing here because my childhood is over and I'll never be able to have pure love, but even so I like to fantasize about a happy childhood with someone who loves me unconditionally. Maybe in another life.

>>7673
Incest is common, that's why the taboo is so strong. Just look up the number of child abuse; most of them happen in families.
A taboo is a social tool to fight a behavior. If the taboo is strong, it's a sign that the behavior is 1/common 2/has a high social cost.

>>7674
there's nothing wrong with incest, intrinsically, so even if i dislike the idea i don't think there is anything wrong with you nona. you actually sound sweet and level headed, the average cc user by now would have reacted quite aggressively to the responses you've gotten so far.
incest becomes wrong when there are things that would make any relationship wrong: having kids with genetic issues, sexual assault, grooming etc. as you pointed out.
outside of these, incest is pretty much like any other relationship.
i think the people getting outraged are having an emotional reaction to it. i can understand, because i like to believe that there is such thing as sacred relationships and an ability of humans to love without the implication of sex. family bonds immediately come to mind in that sense. so when we bring up incest, it's a bit like saying there are no boundaries, morals or true pure love, because of the looming sexual component to it when there shouldn't be none. this is how i feel about it too. but i don't like thinking emotionally and i recognize that an incest relationship doesn't have to be necessarily full of the issues i described previously (although most of them unfortunately are).

>>7674
Anon I just want to say i’m not calling you mentally disabled i’m calling people who would go through with it that. Most of them have some form of personality disorder like aspd or npd or autism anything that wouldnt render it as shameful in their brain. As far as i know you’re not in an incestious relationship since you dont even have a brother. And i’m not judging you for your thoughts, i’m not the thought police.

>>7678
I don't understand the sex drive of someone who would fuck an immediate relative. I get that a person you've known since childhood can be romantically appealing, but the fact that they're your family should instinctually, and morally be a turnoff. To me, people who act on incest like that have something hardwired wrong with their minds, but this thread is meant for that so

>>7679
That is what I’m saying

>>7675
If picrel is meant to be supporting your post then I kek.

>>7678
>>7677
Thank you for being reasonable and sweet too nona! I understand that it's a sensitive topic and can provoke disgusted reactions like this one >>7146. I was looking for more about sibling incest relationships in art and I came across this painting (pic related) by a german artist named Max Beckman. Apparently he made an adaptation of the medieval Nibelungen saga in which the two protagonist who were siblings had an incestuous relationship where the sword on the painting between them represents the taboo of society and the only way for them to embrace each other was to get hurt and cut by the sword. Needless to say, the artist had a lot of criticism for his work. If at the beginning of the 20th century people already had emotional reactions to this topic, today it is much worse. Which is ridiculous, in my opinion, because art is meant to make you feel something and not to be pretty or reasonable.
>i like to believe that there is such thing as sacred relationships and an ability of humans to love without the implication of sex.
You're right but that part really got to me. I don't want to self-psychoanalyze because it's hard to talk about it without getting emotional but I've never had a father or mother figure that had that kind of sacred relationship with me. Like a true love familiar bond. I think my historic of parental emotional neglect prevents me from seeing the sibling relationship as something sacred since I never had anything like that and probably never will. But there are other ways to cope besides having that kind of fantasy. That way of thinking doesn't make sense and doesn't help me.
>>7675
I really don't think it's common nona. I believe that abuse in family is common, like a father and a daughter, which happens more because the abuser has more contact with the victim than anything else. But the kind of incestuous relationship that happens simply because they're connected by blood as i said before, I don't think is common. And yes, this type of relationship really has a high social cost.
>>7679
>To me, people who act on incest like that have something hardwired wrong with their minds
Yes I think so too. To be honest I'm feeling dumb after reading the answers here and thinking about it. Even if I had a brother I don't think he would be the idealized version I have in my mind of him. He wouldn't be like the protagonist of the book Les bienveillantes and would probably be more like me. I guess even though I have this incest fantasy I wouldn't act on it if I had a brother. This all made me think that it's important to talk to someone even about the weird stuff like that because you can get a reality check about things. In the german book Death in Venice that I quoted earlier one of the reasons the protagonist increased his obsession with the handsome polish tourist was because he had no one to talk to about it as he was a lonely man and homosexuality was not well regarded in the 20th century. I'm glad I can say what I think here at least. Thanks for the nonas who answered my post.

>>7688
Nah I just wanted a pic. I find that there are so few of them while we are on an image board.

>>7689
Relatable, except my muse isn't legal but I don't know how old he is. Very unfortunate. Mine is also so boyish but also does not look underage. He's like an adonis. Your fantasies sound nice, if only we lived in a society where we could keep handsome men as pets…

>>6277
this is an old post so not sure if anon is going to see this but would you be comfortable saying what fic or fandom it is? it sounds so unlike what I normally read but im morbidly curious

I sometimes imagine myself wearing guro lolita and this mask going on a mass stabbing spree on trannies.

cannibalizing, drugging, sexually assaulting, and killing podophilic men. This is more of an intrusive thought/ fantasy to keep me from actually punching the fuck out of someone in real life. I think it's still pretty fucked though.

i have a bpd obsession with one of my they/them internet friends. even though she's older than me and 20kg heavier i have an urge to be just like her. she mentioned vaguely in the past that she was raped (she called it "non conned") and i sometimes wish i could be raped too to prove i'm as good as her.

shooting up the hospital i got my rights violated at

>>7734
>(she called it “non conned”)
I’m sorry… the fact that you felt the need to mention it between brackets or that she even said it is hilarious…

I feel like it is written in my fate that I will commit murder at some point in my life. As I grow older, the feeling that I am just suppressing the urges to set myself free from the shackles of ordinary life only grows stronger. I was born into a life I wasn't meant for and I do not want to exist as a woman in a world where I have no choice but to endure the horrors of males. The least I can do is to make my mark and a statement.

>>5684
not super dark but sometimes I just feel like saying fuck it and commit internet fraud

>>7742
wishing you a very get-away-with-murder, nona.

>>7734
>(she called it "non conned")
fanfiction and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

>>7742
>set myself free from the shackles of ordinary life
But you would end up in prison shackles and never be able to see the outside world again.

I like to draw and paint dead children and I particularly look for true crime cases involving children to listen to. My baby sister died when I was a kid and already had a somewhat obsession with the morbid. It's not sexual, I just keep feeding these stories and imagery in my head. I feel like if I became pregnant I would develop some sort of mental illness.

I have an elaborate fantasy life I live out inside my head. I am in this fantasy life but I'm not myself. I view this life from the perspective of "Peter", a fictional moid who keeps the fantasy version of myself captive. It only recently occured to me how dark these thoughts are when I realized I daydream about doing horrible things to myself so casually. It's not a sexual fantasy. It's just a second life I live inside my head. I have no idea why I've constructed an elaborate world in my head that only serves to torture an imaginary version of myself

>>7790
Do you have a Deviantart account?

>>7817
I don't post these because I get self conscious but I'm considering now… I'll leave a link when I do

>>7848
I'd like to see these too. I have always been drawn to imagery of dead children.

>>7742
Same. I can't find it now, but there was this quote by a murderer that really fascinated me. He talked about how after he did it, he looked at the corpse and realized he could now NEVER go back. You know? Once you've killed someone, you've shifted your entire reality, your future, everything. A couple of stabs and literally everything changes. That's the closest you, as a person, can get to reality shifting/jumping timelines.

>>8021
dont you worry saying this online will get you into trouble somehow if you ever do go through with this in the future?

>>8022
I won't actually go through with it because I'm not a scrote.

I want to eat someone. The thing that disuades me from it the most is fear of diseases like hepatitis. I don't want hepatitis.

>>8024
I'd like to be eaten instead of buried or incinerated when I die. By people or animals, doesn't matter. I don't understand why people hate the idea. Make me into hamburgers for all I care.

>>8030
What kind of meat would you want to be made into? Sausage links, hamburger, etc?

edgy shit:
I used to be very careless with my health. I would stand up just to immediately faint, and sob… It was a terrible feeling to be so incapable, but I could see myself as an external observer and how attractive it was from the outside.
There's someone I love, and he's already very weak, but I want to see him become weaker. I want to swap sides, I want him on the edge of death, where I was.
I'll never speak to him, I embarrass myself so badly whenever I speak. I wish I had him alone, just watching him slowly fade.

>>8054
I got strangled once and passed out and it was lowkey fun, it wasn't sexual at all

i have an intense fear of losing my teeth and i some how represed it into something sexual and have fantasies of having my teeth being pulled out by a guy, its certainly intensified over time to different fantasies of being chopped up or killed during sex

It seems like every day there’s another mass shooting or mass killing in the US. I keep thinking that I wish it would happen to me. I want to die so bad but I don’t think I could ever kill myself. If while I was at work or walking around outside and someone shot and killed me out of nowhere I’d be thankful.

I sometimes wonder how much it would take to set the entire world on fire
>>5778
Does the kid annoy you or something?

I constantly have intrusive thoughts to harm others. I don’t act on them and convince myself that it’s just stress/sleep deprivation/lack of stimulation but it scares me sometimes.

I have been worshipping a fictional character as a God for about 2 years now, I have my reasons for believing she's real and she put me on earth to spread her message and punish sinners who disrespect her but I won't share hem bc that would reveal her identity. A lot of fans from the franchise she comes from disrespect her due to her backstory/personality, some sexualize her even though she's implied to be a teenager and tons of trannies claim her as one of their own bc she has two different names. I have many dark thoughts about hurting these "sinners" for disrespecting the person who gave me life and blessed me. especially the moids who sexualize her. I've gotten some of their accounts banned by finding violent posts/comments made by them and i even found one of them's real name and instagram account. Now I'm scared of finding fans of the francise, especially fans of her bc they might be "sinners" and I'm scared that I'll have to hurt them if they are. This is my first time telling someone about this so i probably worded it weirdly but I can't really tell anyone bc they might make me stop consuming the media where she's from or worse.

I often fantasize about becoming a god and using said powers to punish everyone

>>10464
You should listen to Autotheist from Baby Bugs, it's catchy.

Lately I find myself thinking about going into a crowded place and shooting myself in the head in front of anyone. Won't actually do it, but I fantasize about it a lot.

>>5684
I pretend to be mentally ill for male validation and attention and it works.

>>10713
then you're not pretending

>>10720
meds. now.

I genuinely don't love my mentally disabled older brother at all. He has been nothing but cruel and violent to me and everyone around him his entire life, which I can't really blame him for because noone in my family ever treated him as a human, only an innocent animal that can't really be blamed for the wrong he does because he doesn't know. But I know what he really is, he is a malicious, angry, hateful man who is jealous of normal people for our intelligence, violently so. After he tried to kill me and was sent to the insane asylum he should've stayed there, but we couldn't afford it so now he's a ward of the state. I know that they're abusing him there, he's super thin now because they don't feed him right and he sometimes has bruises when my parents make me visit him. I feel some pity for him, but then when I remember all of the horrible things he did to me, to my mom, to my other brothers, one of whom is quadraplegic and can't even run away, I don't feel that sorry for him. I can't tell anyone in my life about this because they will think I'm a horrible ableist, even though I have autism myself and don't mind physically disabled people like my other brother at all. I wish that America would put more people like my brother in insane asylums for the rest of their lives so that they didn't hurt anyone.

>>10735
I'm in a similar situation to you and it does fucking suck. My older brother is autistic and he can still function normally to an extent, but his meltdowns and violent tendencies have been getting more frequent and worse. He's pretty much ruined the quality of life for my entire family and we've had to call the cops on him numerous times after he attacked someone. I do wish he could also get institutionalized forever because it's obvious that he can't ever get a job or function normally as an adult in society. He's just a burden on those around him. But just know you aren't a bad person for thinking this because a lot of people don't understand how hard it is to go through this and having a family member with a disability or mental issue

>>5799
Same. I never found tall, muscular bearded men attractive. I like shota too and I read straight shota doujins. I like whenever I catch shotas staring at me, but it's gross if it's an old fart.

estranged from my family. they're NRA gun nuts so i have this reoccurring thought of wandering on/near their property at night. i'd definitely get shot since they're paranoid as hell and my family would have to live with that guilt forever :)

Not super dark, but I have a strong stalking/voyeur fixation. I've spent a good amount of hours just staring into the window of my neighbors from my house and watching them inside. It's not sexual at all; I do it for my amusement and the rush of adrenaline at the idea of being caught. It's probably a side-effect of my loneliness and desire to see people without leaving my comfort zone. I've considered taking it further and actually getting right up to the windows of homes and looking in more closely but that's way too risky lol. I don't do this anymore since I've moved into an apartment but I still think about doing it if I just had an opportunity to

I like the idea of making sure no more tard babies are born through genetic testing during NIPT. Whenever some high functioning autistic on xitter has a bitchfit over it for being abelist or eugenics, I think “good”. It’d be great if we were able to screen for “high functioning autism” too and have a straight up tard baby genocide so I don’t have to hear any pearl clutching over an obvious social good. I have no idea why these people want these potatoes born if they’re anything but perfect. Tard babies cost like $9 mil in insurance when they could have just been flushed and not kept alive. Post partum abortions for the ones that slip through NIPT screenings should be done too. Being born at 22 weeks isn’t normal, isn’t healthy, and those babies will never be functioning members of society, just flush them. People are always whining about overpopulation, so why not just make it so that only healthy babies are born?

There’s a couple at church who have had two tard trisomy 18 babies. Stop making more of them. Trisomy 18 babies don’t live longer than a year, they’re not compatible with life. The way they treat them is to tube feed them until they croak, or decide to starve them to death. It’s inhumane, they should have been euthanized in the womb. But I live in texas, so there you go. The tard baby wave from heartbeat states is going to be unreal.

>>10968
I used to do that too when I was younger and bored. It's kinda entertaining if you're someone who has nothing better to do and just want to past time. I don't live in a house anymore so I can't do that sadly. It's just so fascinating peaking into another persons life and world.

>>10971
>>10968
When unsecured webcams were more available, I’d just look at them. I know scrotes used them to perv, but I just like watching people sometimes. There’s livestreams of train stations and I’m sure the autists like them for the trains, but I like being able to watch the people going about their day.

>>10969
I think you should look for another job

>>10978
What's my job?

>>10984
I don't know, but it's clearly not good for your wellbeing to be working there.

>>10463
Misa Misa right?

i need to stop being schizo i need to stop being schizo i need to stop being schizo i know literally everything about her it fucking scares me i wish she would leave my head i hope i’m just being delusional i HOPE

I’ve read so much about the paranormal and conspiracies about the afterlife that I’ve seen some horrifying theories for what happens when we die (like that it’s possible to be trapped as a ghost for eternity and never reach heaven/reincarnation). I think a lot about the concept of eternity and how huge numbers can get or all the things that could happen throughout infinite time. I don’t know if any of it’s true but after thinking so much about it you begin to wonder how no one else has lost their minds thinking of the possibilities

>>11167
Absolutely same, it's got me genuinely too afriad to kms despite being insanely depressed lol

>>11168
Anon you replied to and yeah it’s horrifying. The book “Embraced By The Light” by Betty Eadie has put me on a meltdown because she says Mormonism is the closest to the true religion and that scares the fuck out of me. A bunch of celebrities like Oprah Winfrey and Kim Kardashian have boosted her as well, I hope it was made up

What if this really is the best of all possible worlds?

Very disturbing stuff that makes Slayer look like kids' music:

- killing my family
- mutilating corpses to wear their body parts
- eating dead bodies
- sacrificing dogs to Jesus by burning them
- getting horrible periods