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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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are men capable of genuine love? Anonymous 110818

so last month this guy that i've been talking to for a while confessed to me. his confession seemed genuine, and i was flattered since a man has never shown romantic interest in me before. last week i was speaking with one of his friends and apparently the guy only ever talks about me sexually, he just fetishizes me and didn't mean anything he said in his confession. after observing his other friends, i realized that they're all like this. men only befriend you because they want to hit, are they even capable of actual love? is it something to do with this generation? i'm scared to ever talk to a man ever again, probably won't.

Anonymous 110822

I’m gonna be honest, I don’t get why everyone here complains about men wanting sex. Maybe it’s just cuz I was a shut in femcel for 25 yrs but I finally got a bf last year and I literally want to jump him every day, I hated being touch starved. I guess it would suck if your bf were mean to you or didn’t care about your feelings though.

Anonymous 110823


Anonymous 110824

1. The ones that would love you beyond a mere quick sexual desire are very likely to not be brave and/or neurotypical enough to approach and confess to you. So you wouldn't be aware of someone like that around you.
2. The ones that are used to approach and flirt girls often without fear are more likely to have other options and thus pick some of them for mere sex like he did to you.

also to this case
> i was speaking with one of his friends and apparently the guy only ever talks about me sexually
if his "friend" is male he may be jealous and shit talking him to you with that same motive

Anonymous 110826

He's probably not shit talking. Men are really like that, I don't doubt it one bit.

Anonymous 110828

Then you should be aware that many of them would kill their grandmothers in their sleep just for the touch of a vagina and not trust the word of a guy you barely know if it makes your bf look worse than him

Anonymous 110846

She is speaking sense. Don't hate your boyfriend until he himself gives you a reason to think he's just a pervert, please.

Anonymous 110847


Anonymous 110854

>>110818 I think this doesn't prove he doesn't love you or anything. I've observed that men are like this with other men cus they aren't comfortable with doing "soft" talks to other men and rather rank hotness of women as a metric to appear masculine, but to their partners they can show their true affection. He might just be doing it to fit in or he's just a dudebro, upto you to find out

Anonymous 110874

No not everyone are the same
Everyone want different things for different reasons
Instead of allowing yourself to become bitter and drink your own poison you should just move on.

Anonymous 110878


It's not reasonable to expect a guy to get all sappy and say a bunch of emotional and romantic things to his guy friends. This is emasculating and harms his social standing. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

You said you've only been together for a month. Have you even gone out and done anything romantic yet? Genuine love takes time and commitment to blossom, you can't expect to get it instantly and for free. I'd be worried if a guy genuinely thought he was in love before I'd done anything to deserve it. Those dudes are stalkers who already have planned out their idyllic fantasy life with you as their idyllic submissive trad waifu that's entirely under his control.

Reality is that if love was separate from sexual attraction guys would be falling in love with the homies they've known since grade school instead of you. Sexual attraction comes before love, and it's a matter of sussing out who actually has the potential for their sexual attraction to actually bloom into something more meaningful and committed.

Anonymous 110881

>sexual attraction comes before love
>sexual attraction blooms into something more meaningful and committed
I don't know about that. I can love a pet or a painting without lust. Why not the same for humans? Sexual attraction can magnify a love, but it is not the cause of it.
>Don't hate the player, hate the game.
But he's perfectly free to not play the game to begin with. If he's pressured by his moid friends to say disgusting things, it's still his fault. He has every ability to keep his mouth shut and walk away.

Anonymous 110887


That's not the same love, and you know it. You're talking about romance, and I hope you're not romantically in love with your pets. You're looking for a partner, not a pet.

What I will say is that if you treated him like a pet and were constantly making him food and rubbing his back he'd talk a lot more about that than he would anything sexual. If you want to be loved like a pet loves its owner you need to be doing the things a good pet owner does.

>He has every ability to keep his mouth shut and walk away.

That's a monkey paw wish. The type of guy who's going to drop all of his friends for a girl he just met is going to be a clingy stalker pscyho that expects you to also abandon all of your friends. That or he's an unhinged loner that doesn't have any friends to leave in the first place.

Socially well adjusted people know that you've got to bite the bullet and play the social games. It's up to you to figure out who's just saying what needs to be said and who genuinely believes it.

Anonymous 110892

>Socially well adjusted people know you've got to bite the bullet and play social games.
>Socially well adjusted people adjust to society
Next you'll tell me a crocodile is shaped like a crocodile.
Now, John Stuart Mill writes, in On Liberty,
>Protection, therefore, against the tyranny of the magistrate is not enough: there needs protection also against the tyranny of the prevailing opinion and feeling; against the tendency of society to impose, by other means than civil penalties, its own ideas and practices as rules of conduct on those who dissent from them; to fetter the development, and, if possible, prevent the formation, of any individuality not in harmony with its ways, and compel all characters to fashion themselves upon the model of its own.
You're supporting the tyranny of the majority opinion, the tyranny of custom
>you're saying he should dump his friends
He shouldn't have been friends with them to begin with
>or he's an unhinged loner
Are all loners necessarily demented? Better to stand alone than in the company of wretches.

Anonymous 110893


I wouldn't have posted it if it seemed like you understood it already. You heard something through the grapevine and took it as an indictment of his character, and rejected the idea that it might have just been necessary social roleplay.

>Tyranny of the majority

Uh, yeah? What do you expect? You're asking for a one-man revolutionary that will get crushed by the tyrants because he can't form any allies unless they never make a mistake or say something you don't like.


I didn't say all loners, just the ones who think they're in love with you before they know anything about you.

That holds true for everyone. If someone's in love with you before they even know you that means they're actually in love with the idyllic fantasy version of you. The moment you do something that doesn't like up with their fantasy they feel like you betrayed them and misrepresented who you are. Kind of like what you're doing right now.

Anonymous 110896

are you pretending to be mentally ill or
oh why do I even ask

Anonymous 110897

>necessary social roleplay
This is fundamentally what I disagree with, that it is necessary to adopt the behavior, custom, and ideas of others. To conform to a vicious society, I believe is wrong. You claim that the grapevine does not reveal his character, but it reveals it all too well. If he believes what he says, he is a wretch. If he believes not what he says, if he is a false dissembler of virtue, he is a hypocrite and a coward.
>one-man revolutionary
>will get crushed
Revolution? Crushing? Do you think that if you speak against the popular opinion, that you will meet guns and arms? For an uncustomary expression, one receives insults, ridicule, disparagement, and hate, but not a single ounce of force. Universal reproach is bearable, and it is no torture to be without a friend.
Your argument can be summed up in the platitude boys will be boys, that a moid has no choice but to be like other moids, and therefore he ought to be forgiven. I do not believe this is correct. Society will not improve unless each moid is held accountable for every thing he does.

Anonymous 110898


You've got a miserable and disappointing life ahead of you if you think that you can just bulldoze through social norms and expectations without penalty. Men who do these kinds of things get crucified. (Sometimes literally). I'd go so far to say that you're actively evil if you genuinely expect this out of a man you've only known for less than a month.

>Guns and arms

Sometimes that does happen, but you used "Tyranny of the majority" as a metaphor. I responded with my own metaphor. I don't know if you've got autism or what, but it's pretty clear that we're talking about metaphorical tyrants and metaphorical crushing. If you're going to use metaphor you need to be able to read and understand metaphor.

If people were entirely honest 100% of the time my boyfriend would tell his boss that he really doesn't like football and can't stand hearing his boss talk about it. This would understandably make his boss angry at him for being such a douche. My boyfriend risks being cut in the next round of layoffs just because a powerful "Tyrant" didn't like him as much as he used to. All he would have been guilty of is honesty about a football game.

It's a revolutionary act to go against every single mainstream social norms that you don't approve of. It would cost him dearly do this, and once again you literally just met the guy.

>Boys will be boys

No. Boys MUST be boys. The things they do to soft boys is absolutely cruel. It's why I say you're asking for a revolutionary. You're asking for someone who stands up against an overwhelmingly powerful social and cultural force with the power to hurt them in a huge way. Your goal should be to find the ones strong enough to say the nasty things they need to for sake of self preservation and nothing more. It's unreasonable to expect a martyr.

You're nothing but a girl he just met. A girl who he doesn't truly know yet. A girl who expects romance but hasn't done anything romantic yet. You're not going to get that kind of dedication from ANYONE for free, romantic or otherwise and it's completely selfish and entitled for you to expect it.

Do romantic things, get romantic words said about you. Offer nothing but your body and they'll talk about how much they like your body. Simple as.

Anonymous 110902

>a man you've only known for less than a month
>You're nothing but a girl he just met
>you literally just met the guy
I'm not OP. I don't know why you think I'm OP. I just hate moids, and I'm disgusted by the moid in the OP.
>my boyfriend would tell his boss etc.
A job is different from a friendship. For a job, you sacrifice some time and liberty for money. This is the fundamental nature of labor. The difference with friendship is the principle of love. True companionship is given with grace, not some mechanical exchange of you say X or Y and act like the rest of them in return for friendship. Better than false friends is no friends.
>you're asking for a revolutionary.
>It's unreasonable to expect a martyr.
The only thing I'm saying is that the moid shouldn't fetishize a woman behind her back. Is that too much to ask for? Is it a martyr to not do this? Or are you saying the moid should talk about a woman like a sex object to his friends?
>The things they do to soft boys is absolutely cruel.
I like feminine guys too, but I doubt there's anything so absolutely cruel done to them that justifies them becoming Andrew Tate douchebags.

Anonymous 110906


Friendship is how you get good jobs. The kind of jobs that have schedules and pay good enough to support a family. It's called "Networking". They're one in the same. Once word gets around that you're no fun to be around nobody will want to work around you either.

>Better than false friends is no friends.

Absolute nonsense cope made up by bitter, anti-social people. No friends is fucking HELL. Depression and suicide fuel. The kind of scenario that puts people in dead end jobs that break their bodies.

Not that those friends are false. Everything about the care they have is genuine, they just say some uncomfortable things every now and again. I'm not one to throw the baby out with the bath water. I see the works of my boyfriend and I see how he treats me. If talking with the guys about how attractive I am to him scores him social points than that's a win for the team. If being a wet blanket gets him excluded that only hurts the both of us.

If my boyfriend cut out every person who ever made a sexist remark from his life he wouldn't have the job he does. It was a loud mouthed friend that got him out of the warehouse and into a plumber's assistant position. He's an apprentice pipefitter in the union now and will make journeyman in 2 years.

I know who he truly is, because we spent enough time together for me to see it all. The highs, the lows, the good luck and the bad. Nothing he says to get a chuckle out of his dumbass coworkers can change that.

>The only thing I'm saying is that the moid shouldn't fetishize a woman behind her back.

You're in a pretty good spot if his fetish is YOU. I guess the difference is that I know I mean a lot more than that because I've done a lot more than that. I'm glad he's happy with that part of the relationship. It doesn't detract from the rest of what I am or what I do, it's just one of my features. What would mortify me is if he responded with a "Meh" if the topic came up with the guys.


The world's a cruel place. Teens are bullied into suicide daily. Having a mental breakdown and saying some dumbass shit when you're at rock bottom isn't an indictment on who a person is at their core. If someone needed Andrew Tate to learn how to be a piece of shit it means they weren't really a piece of shit deep down. Just a lost soul that ended up finding an unscrupulous guide.

Anonymous 110909

>premarital sex between bf and gf bad

Anonymous 110912

I think you quoted the wrong anon.

Anonymous 110913

I didn't, it's a puritanical retard who needs to bump in and spit foam every time someone mentions sex in public

Anonymous 110914

>defending moids
You're either a moid or a pickme

Anonymous 110915


What I am is happy.

Anonymous 110916

Yeah. A happy moid.

Anonymous 110918

Is this bait or are you just daft? The problem is not men wanting sex it's them ONLY wanting sex and not being romantically invested like the woman is, just viewing her as a source of sex and nothing else.

Anonymous 110948

>Men aren't women, it's dumb to expect them to speak of you with dignity and respect
Why are you defending moids?

Anonymous 110949

>dignity and respect
Made up word salad bullshit. And yes, you are dumb if you expect that. That's not even me defending moids, it just comes with the territory. If you fuck men, they're gonna talk about you sexually. But anyways I don't see the big deal. What is even the point of having a bf if you think sex is dirty? This just sounds like a puritanical shame complex.

Anonymous 110951

>dignity and respect are made up words
>But anyways I don't see the big deal about being treated like a sex object
>it comes with the territory
Stop defending moids

Anonymous 110952

You’re clearly just asexual. If you hate men, then don’t fuck them. Congrats, all your made up problems are now solved.

Anonymous 110954

Careful, she might give them handjobs this way

Anonymous 110967


You know that when people ask questions here they're not looking for answers. They're looking to have their feelings validated. It's the feels board after all.

The answer to that question is that of course they can. They just don't give their heart to someone they just met. It's simply impossible for anyone, male or female to truly love a person they don't truly know and understand.

If you're giving your heart to someone you just met it means you're actually in love with a fantasy construct of the person. You're loving an imaginary idea of what you would like the person to be, as though you've actually seen the person act that way. You're going to be disappointed if your standards for the person are derived from your fantasies. If you're unhinged you're going to feel outright betrayed when the real life person doesn't like up with your fantasies.

Love is a serious thing. If it's given away for free then it isn't worth very much. You shouldn't value any "Love" that you haven't cultivated through your own commitment and effort. If it can be freely given to you it can be freely given to someone else.

Guard your heart, guard your body. These are things that should never just be given away, they should only ever be shared. If it doesn't feel like you're sharing these things then what you've got isn't love and you're going to be disappointed.

Anonymous 110972

Lol at tranny jannies deleting my posts as per usual.

Anonymous 111219

Read "What Men Don't Want Women To Know: The Secrets, The Lies, The Unspoken Truth" for their real thoughts and what love is to them

Anonymous 111226

I truly do not know. That is quite an interesting question.

Anonymous 111228

truly what I'm afraid of. I don't know how I can trust them anymore.

Anonymous 111231

Wait, same anon, actually the book is spot on, its called being loaded and unloading he was showing romantic interest cause its just a sexual attraction and because he wanted to unload aka fuck, his friends are right however in the book it said that your moid s friends will lie to you that his love isn't just sexual. They are capable of loving feeling loved by you and romantic love is actually sexual to them

Anonymous 111248

Yeah some amen are worth it. they’re just very far and in between. I get called Laura Palmer cause virgin looks but probably slutty. Get told I have daddy issues, I love my dad. He sends me memes almost everyday. Just a bunch of sexual bullshit. My bf now calls me Laura Palmer and when he says it he means I’m an angel. I’m esoteric and untouchable. Which is much different than what people normal say to me. Girly it just takes some time :/ just don’t diminish yourself so that you don’t end up alone.

Anonymous 111360

I always feel like men only talk to me due to simple mating instincts and societal pressure. They don't care about who I am, they don't want to share their lives with me especially, they approach me "romantically" because their biological, internal and external lives revolve around vaginas and getting off and proving that they're fucking real vaginas. Doesn't matter whose vagina so long as it's the highest value meat hole available to him.

My long-term bf wants a family with me and I still don't believe that he loves me. He doesn't know much about me or my thoughts. He never asks. He fucks me, takes me out to have someone's company, and tells me he wants this and that. He has never once asked me if I want a family or what kind of life I want, he just talks to me in this tender voice and tells me what he wants me to provide for him.

I don't feel that we are close or that he would even want to be. I am supposedly his closest friend and life partner but there's literally a boomer cleaning lady at work who has shown more emotional depth, caring, and support towards me. My boyfriend knows what movies I like and that's it, everything else goes in one ear and out the other.

Anonymous 111361

Why do you stay?

Anonymous 111374

I'm depressed and socially anxious. I often think about leaving and simply living alone but I'm scared it may turn out to be a mistake. The thought of getting back into dating makes me want to vomit and going through all that would still get me yet another guy who sees me as a walking vagina.

Anonymous 111492

>They don't care about who I am
And who are you?

Anonymous 111493

retarded question

Anonymous 111502

Know thyself

Anonymous 111507

Kys profag.

Anonymous 111508


KYS incel scrote

Anonymous 111512

Sure, but they are so engrossed in their self-repressive ideology and there is no way to fix it, if someone falls out of that mold they would be marginalized, we are simply humans

Anonymous 111529

that's just kind of what guys talk to each other about in regards to girls. if he is thinking specifically about you then he really likes you.

Anonymous 111533


I mean, I found one. He lived so far away, though, and we never made it official, so I just found somebody else that was closer in every way
He tried to keep in touch and he always traveled instead of making me go anywhere. He only ever told me he loved me in letters and I knew how he felt but we never did anything together so I just kind of moved on. We had similar goals about family and the future and I thought I loved him but I just didn't want to wait for him
He was half supportive when he found out, I hadn't told him anything but that an old friend moved in to stay with me, but being reminded that he was 'waiting for me' and was happy but also still loved me or however he put it just pissed me off so I cut him off

Anonymous 111575

I met a BPD male who was wonderful and loved me the way I love him but now he's instiutionalised.

Anonymous 112128


>are men capable of genuine love?

Anonymous 112134

This thread is for women who actually receive male attention
You might prefer posting in >>>/feels/112049 with the rest of your ilk

Anonymous 112140

So, do you do romantic gestures for your men or do you just expect the moid to do it then get pissed when he doesn't?

Anonymous 112141


Anonymous 112143

The male attention in question can’t be that great if you’re complaining about how men don’t love you.

Anonymous 112146

why are you always in these threads psyoping posters into staying with shitty men?

Anonymous 112147

Yes. The poems, press flowers and loveletters my Nigel wrote for me are absolutely beautiful, soulful, and express the exact same passion, admiration and adoration I feel for him.

Anonymous 112162

That answers my question. It's a two way street, nonas. Do something romantic, so will he. If my parents who've been married for over 40 years have taught me anything it's that you don't give 50% in a relationship, each person gives 100%. We have to be romantic to receive romance. Not sexual, not wearing naughty lingerie to bed, romantic. Men like backrubs and chocolates too.

Anonymous 112163

That's cope.

Anonymous 112167

>watchu sayinz about evolutionz n shit??? i dun geddit nig​ga.. i alreddy had brekfast..
Thanks for proving the comment above right.

Anonymous 112169

Cool beans nona but cope is cope. You're just defending selfishness. You're defending abusive behavior. You're defending misandry. Calling anything else is just removing responsibility for your actions and placing on something else. "It's not my fault, look it's evolution!" Ok, that's a lie, you're a liar, and you're selfish. "Rationalize" it however you want. The facts won't change.

Anonymous 112174

What? Show me where I was defending misandry or abusive behaviour?
I'm explaining why women have a tend to flee (to save their pregnancy) in survival situations and how a woman who staying to fight or save men is a liability and physically unrealistic. It's not a cope, evolution is real, biology is real. I understand that you can't relate since you don't have a womb and the IQ of a mushroom.

Anonymous 112180

>if you don't rub his back and do romantic gestures it's your fault if he objectifies and cheats on you
my parents had a good long marriage too but my dad never had signs of the subhuman behaviour the one in the OP shows. and all the relationships ive seen that do usually have the women being overly loving towards the man while he treats her like shit. i think youre trying to sabotage nonas so they waste years with abusive and cheating men

Anonymous 112181

The reaching is incredible.

Anonymous 112182

no.. lol. this poster has a history of doing this

Anonymous 112226

lots of evidence both biologically and historically to show that men do not have a good track record of actually being monogamous and actually happy in monogamy. Now that part has always been there, and now they are just becoming increasingly perverted degens. I think we aught to only use them for breeding new radfem spawn, all the current men are toast.

Anonymous 112248

There's this belief they can, once.

Anonymous 112250

Reminds me of Nobel prize winning scientist and notorious manwhore Richard Feynman. He had 3 wives, would sleep with his students, prostitutes and several of his colleagues wives. He wrote books about how to pick up women by treating them like shit.

Buuuut he was deeply in love with his childhood sweetheart, who he married despite her terminal tuberculosis and their families objection. He would continue to read her letters and write to her after she died, up till the day he died.

Anonymous 112305

You clearly don’t have fantastic empathy.

Anonymous 112307

No, I'm just egging her on.

Anonymous 112309

go to war, dilate, 41%, 88% etc

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