/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I’m gonna be honest, I don’t get why everyone here complains about men wanting sex. Maybe it’s just cuz I was a shut in femcel for 25 yrs but I finally got a bf last year and I literally want to jump him every day, I hated being touch starved. I guess it would suck if your bf were mean to you or didn’t care about your feelings though.

>>110818
1. The ones that would love you beyond a mere quick sexual desire are very likely to not be brave and/or neurotypical enough to approach and confess to you. So you wouldn't be aware of someone like that around you.
2. The ones that are used to approach and flirt girls often without fear are more likely to have other options and thus pick some of them for mere sex like he did to you.

also to this case
> i was speaking with one of his friends and apparently the guy only ever talks about me sexually
if his "friend" is male he may be jealous and shit talking him to you with that same motive

>>110824
He's probably not shit talking. Men are really like that, I don't doubt it one bit.

>>110826
Then you should be aware that many of them would kill their grandmothers in their sleep just for the touch of a vagina and not trust the word of a guy you barely know if it makes your bf look worse than him

>>110828
She is speaking sense. Don't hate your boyfriend until he himself gives you a reason to think he's just a pervert, please.

>>110818 I think this doesn't prove he doesn't love you or anything. I've observed that men are like this with other men cus they aren't comfortable with doing "soft" talks to other men and rather rank hotness of women as a metric to appear masculine, but to their partners they can show their true affection. He might just be doing it to fit in or he's just a dudebro, upto you to find out

>>110818
No not everyone are the same
Everyone want different things for different reasons
Instead of allowing yourself to become bitter and drink your own poison you should just move on.

>>110818

It's not reasonable to expect a guy to get all sappy and say a bunch of emotional and romantic things to his guy friends. This is emasculating and harms his social standing. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

You said you've only been together for a month. Have you even gone out and done anything romantic yet? Genuine love takes time and commitment to blossom, you can't expect to get it instantly and for free. I'd be worried if a guy genuinely thought he was in love before I'd done anything to deserve it. Those dudes are stalkers who already have planned out their idyllic fantasy life with you as their idyllic submissive trad waifu that's entirely under his control.

Reality is that if love was separate from sexual attraction guys would be falling in love with the homies they've known since grade school instead of you. Sexual attraction comes before love, and it's a matter of sussing out who actually has the potential for their sexual attraction to actually bloom into something more meaningful and committed.

>>110878
>sexual attraction comes before love
>sexual attraction blooms into something more meaningful and committed
I don't know about that. I can love a pet or a painting without lust. Why not the same for humans? Sexual attraction can magnify a love, but it is not the cause of it.
>Don't hate the player, hate the game.
But he's perfectly free to not play the game to begin with. If he's pressured by his moid friends to say disgusting things, it's still his fault. He has every ability to keep his mouth shut and walk away.

>>110881

That's not the same love, and you know it. You're talking about romance, and I hope you're not romantically in love with your pets. You're looking for a partner, not a pet.

What I will say is that if you treated him like a pet and were constantly making him food and rubbing his back he'd talk a lot more about that than he would anything sexual. If you want to be loved like a pet loves its owner you need to be doing the things a good pet owner does.

>He has every ability to keep his mouth shut and walk away.

That's a monkey paw wish. The type of guy who's going to drop all of his friends for a girl he just met is going to be a clingy stalker pscyho that expects you to also abandon all of your friends. That or he's an unhinged loner that doesn't have any friends to leave in the first place.

Socially well adjusted people know that you've got to bite the bullet and play the social games. It's up to you to figure out who's just saying what needs to be said and who genuinely believes it.

>>110887
>Socially well adjusted people know you've got to bite the bullet and play social games.
>Socially well adjusted people adjust to society
Next you'll tell me a crocodile is shaped like a crocodile.
Now, John Stuart Mill writes, in On Liberty,
>Protection, therefore, against the tyranny of the magistrate is not enough: there needs protection also against the tyranny of the prevailing opinion and feeling; against the tendency of society to impose, by other means than civil penalties, its own ideas and practices as rules of conduct on those who dissent from them; to fetter the development, and, if possible, prevent the formation, of any individuality not in harmony with its ways, and compel all characters to fashion themselves upon the model of its own.
You're supporting the tyranny of the majority opinion, the tyranny of custom
>you're saying he should dump his friends
He shouldn't have been friends with them to begin with
>or he's an unhinged loner
Are all loners necessarily demented? Better to stand alone than in the company of wretches.

>>110892

I wouldn't have posted it if it seemed like you understood it already. You heard something through the grapevine and took it as an indictment of his character, and rejected the idea that it might have just been necessary social roleplay.

>Tyranny of the majority

Uh, yeah? What do you expect? You're asking for a one-man revolutionary that will get crushed by the tyrants because he can't form any allies unless they never make a mistake or say something you don't like.

>loners

I didn't say all loners, just the ones who think they're in love with you before they know anything about you.

That holds true for everyone. If someone's in love with you before they even know you that means they're actually in love with the idyllic fantasy version of you. The moment you do something that doesn't like up with their fantasy they feel like you betrayed them and misrepresented who you are. Kind of like what you're doing right now.

>>110892
>>110881
are you pretending to be mentally ill or
oh why do I even ask

>>110893
>necessary social roleplay
This is fundamentally what I disagree with, that it is necessary to adopt the behavior, custom, and ideas of others. To conform to a vicious society, I believe is wrong. You claim that the grapevine does not reveal his character, but it reveals it all too well. If he believes what he says, he is a wretch. If he believes not what he says, if he is a false dissembler of virtue, he is a hypocrite and a coward.
>one-man revolutionary
>will get crushed
Revolution? Crushing? Do you think that if you speak against the popular opinion, that you will meet guns and arms? For an uncustomary expression, one receives insults, ridicule, disparagement, and hate, but not a single ounce of force. Universal reproach is bearable, and it is no torture to be without a friend.
Your argument can be summed up in the platitude boys will be boys, that a moid has no choice but to be like other moids, and therefore he ought to be forgiven. I do not believe this is correct. Society will not improve unless each moid is held accountable for every thing he does.

>>110897

You've got a miserable and disappointing life ahead of you if you think that you can just bulldoze through social norms and expectations without penalty. Men who do these kinds of things get crucified. (Sometimes literally). I'd go so far to say that you're actively evil if you genuinely expect this out of a man you've only known for less than a month.

>Guns and arms

Sometimes that does happen, but you used "Tyranny of the majority" as a metaphor. I responded with my own metaphor. I don't know if you've got autism or what, but it's pretty clear that we're talking about metaphorical tyrants and metaphorical crushing. If you're going to use metaphor you need to be able to read and understand metaphor.

If people were entirely honest 100% of the time my boyfriend would tell his boss that he really doesn't like football and can't stand hearing his boss talk about it. This would understandably make his boss angry at him for being such a douche. My boyfriend risks being cut in the next round of layoffs just because a powerful "Tyrant" didn't like him as much as he used to. All he would have been guilty of is honesty about a football game.

It's a revolutionary act to go against every single mainstream social norms that you don't approve of. It would cost him dearly do this, and once again you literally just met the guy.

>Boys will be boys

No. Boys MUST be boys. The things they do to soft boys is absolutely cruel. It's why I say you're asking for a revolutionary. You're asking for someone who stands up against an overwhelmingly powerful social and cultural force with the power to hurt them in a huge way. Your goal should be to find the ones strong enough to say the nasty things they need to for sake of self preservation and nothing more. It's unreasonable to expect a martyr.

You're nothing but a girl he just met. A girl who he doesn't truly know yet. A girl who expects romance but hasn't done anything romantic yet. You're not going to get that kind of dedication from ANYONE for free, romantic or otherwise and it's completely selfish and entitled for you to expect it.

Do romantic things, get romantic words said about you. Offer nothing but your body and they'll talk about how much they like your body. Simple as.

>>110898
>a man you've only known for less than a month
>You're nothing but a girl he just met
>you literally just met the guy
I'm not OP. I don't know why you think I'm OP. I just hate moids, and I'm disgusted by the moid in the OP.
>my boyfriend would tell his boss etc.
A job is different from a friendship. For a job, you sacrifice some time and liberty for money. This is the fundamental nature of labor. The difference with friendship is the principle of love. True companionship is given with grace, not some mechanical exchange of you say X or Y and act like the rest of them in return for friendship. Better than false friends is no friends.
>you're asking for a revolutionary.
>It's unreasonable to expect a martyr.
The only thing I'm saying is that the moid shouldn't fetishize a woman behind her back. Is that too much to ask for? Is it a martyr to not do this? Or are you saying the moid should talk about a woman like a sex object to his friends?
>The things they do to soft boys is absolutely cruel.
I like feminine guys too, but I doubt there's anything so absolutely cruel done to them that justifies them becoming Andrew Tate douchebags.

>>110902

Friendship is how you get good jobs. The kind of jobs that have schedules and pay good enough to support a family. It's called "Networking". They're one in the same. Once word gets around that you're no fun to be around nobody will want to work around you either.

>Better than false friends is no friends.

Absolute nonsense cope made up by bitter, anti-social people. No friends is fucking HELL. Depression and suicide fuel. The kind of scenario that puts people in dead end jobs that break their bodies.

Not that those friends are false. Everything about the care they have is genuine, they just say some uncomfortable things every now and again. I'm not one to throw the baby out with the bath water. I see the works of my boyfriend and I see how he treats me. If talking with the guys about how attractive I am to him scores him social points than that's a win for the team. If being a wet blanket gets him excluded that only hurts the both of us.

If my boyfriend cut out every person who ever made a sexist remark from his life he wouldn't have the job he does. It was a loud mouthed friend that got him out of the warehouse and into a plumber's assistant position. He's an apprentice pipefitter in the union now and will make journeyman in 2 years.

I know who he truly is, because we spent enough time together for me to see it all. The highs, the lows, the good luck and the bad. Nothing he says to get a chuckle out of his dumbass coworkers can change that.

>The only thing I'm saying is that the moid shouldn't fetishize a woman behind her back.

You're in a pretty good spot if his fetish is YOU. I guess the difference is that I know I mean a lot more than that because I've done a lot more than that. I'm glad he's happy with that part of the relationship. It doesn't detract from the rest of what I am or what I do, it's just one of my features. What would mortify me is if he responded with a "Meh" if the topic came up with the guys.

>Cruelty

The world's a cruel place. Teens are bullied into suicide daily. Having a mental breakdown and saying some dumbass shit when you're at rock bottom isn't an indictment on who a person is at their core. If someone needed Andrew Tate to learn how to be a piece of shit it means they weren't really a piece of shit deep down. Just a lost soul that ended up finding an unscrupulous guide.

>>110902
>premarital sex between bf and gf bad
shoo

>>110909
I think you quoted the wrong anon.

>>110912
I didn't, it's a puritanical retard who needs to bump in and spit foam every time someone mentions sex in public

>>110906
>defending moids
You're either a moid or a pickme

>>110914

What I am is happy.

>>110915
Yeah. A happy moid.

>>110822
Is this bait or are you just daft? The problem is not men wanting sex it's them ONLY wanting sex and not being romantically invested like the woman is, just viewing her as a source of sex and nothing else.

>>110941
>Men aren't women, it's dumb to expect them to speak of you with dignity and respect
Why are you defending moids?

>>110948
>dignity and respect
Made up word salad bullshit. And yes, you are dumb if you expect that. That's not even me defending moids, it just comes with the territory. If you fuck men, they're gonna talk about you sexually. But anyways I don't see the big deal. What is even the point of having a bf if you think sex is dirty? This just sounds like a puritanical shame complex.

>>110949
>dignity and respect are made up words
Hmmm
>But anyways I don't see the big deal about being treated like a sex object
Hmmmmmmm
>it comes with the territory
Stop defending moids

>>110951
You’re clearly just asexual. If you hate men, then don’t fuck them. Congrats, all your made up problems are now solved.

>>110952
Careful, she might give them handjobs this way

Read "What Men Don't Want Women To Know: The Secrets, The Lies, The Unspoken Truth" for their real thoughts and what love is to them

>>110818
I truly do not know. That is quite an interesting question.

>>110818
truly what I'm afraid of. I don't know how I can trust them anymore.

Wait, same anon, actually the book is spot on, its called being loaded and unloading he was showing romantic interest cause its just a sexual attraction and because he wanted to unload aka fuck, his friends are right however in the book it said that your moid s friends will lie to you that his love isn't just sexual. They are capable of loving feeling loved by you and romantic love is actually sexual to them

Yeah some amen are worth it. they’re just very far and in between. I get called Laura Palmer cause virgin looks but probably slutty. Get told I have daddy issues, I love my dad. He sends me memes almost everyday. Just a bunch of sexual bullshit. My bf now calls me Laura Palmer and when he says it he means I’m an angel. I’m esoteric and untouchable. Which is much different than what people normal say to me. Girly it just takes some time :/ just don’t diminish yourself so that you don’t end up alone.

I always feel like men only talk to me due to simple mating instincts and societal pressure. They don't care about who I am, they don't want to share their lives with me especially, they approach me "romantically" because their biological, internal and external lives revolve around vaginas and getting off and proving that they're fucking real vaginas. Doesn't matter whose vagina so long as it's the highest value meat hole available to him.

My long-term bf wants a family with me and I still don't believe that he loves me. He doesn't know much about me or my thoughts. He never asks. He fucks me, takes me out to have someone's company, and tells me he wants this and that. He has never once asked me if I want a family or what kind of life I want, he just talks to me in this tender voice and tells me what he wants me to provide for him.

I don't feel that we are close or that he would even want to be. I am supposedly his closest friend and life partner but there's literally a boomer cleaning lady at work who has shown more emotional depth, caring, and support towards me. My boyfriend knows what movies I like and that's it, everything else goes in one ear and out the other.

>>111360
Why do you stay?

>>111361
I'm depressed and socially anxious. I often think about leaving and simply living alone but I'm scared it may turn out to be a mistake. The thought of getting back into dating makes me want to vomit and going through all that would still get me yet another guy who sees me as a walking vagina.

>>111360
>They don't care about who I am
And who are you?

>>111492
retarded question

>>111493
Know thyself

>>111506
Kys profag.

>>111506
KYS incel scrote

Sure, but they are so engrossed in their self-repressive ideology and there is no way to fix it, if someone falls out of that mold they would be marginalized, we are simply humans

>>110818
that's just kind of what guys talk to each other about in regards to girls. if he is thinking specifically about you then he really likes you.

I mean, I found one. He lived so far away, though, and we never made it official, so I just found somebody else that was closer in every way
He tried to keep in touch and he always traveled instead of making me go anywhere. He only ever told me he loved me in letters and I knew how he felt but we never did anything together so I just kind of moved on. We had similar goals about family and the future and I thought I loved him but I just didn't want to wait for him
He was half supportive when he found out, I hadn't told him anything but that an old friend moved in to stay with me, but being reminded that he was 'waiting for me' and was happy but also still loved me or however he put it just pissed me off so I cut him off

>>110818
I met a BPD male who was wonderful and loved me the way I love him but now he's instiutionalised.

>>110822
This thread is for women who actually receive male attention
You might prefer posting in >>>/feels/112049 with the rest of your ilk

So, do you do romantic gestures for your men or do you just expect the moid to do it then get pissed when he doesn't?

>>112134
Bruuuutaallll

>>112134
The male attention in question can’t be that great if you’re complaining about how men don’t love you.

>>112140
why are you always in these threads psyoping posters into staying with shitty men?

>>110818
Yes. The poems, press flowers and loveletters my Nigel wrote for me are absolutely beautiful, soulful, and express the exact same passion, admiration and adoration I feel for him.

>>112146
That answers my question. It's a two way street, nonas. Do something romantic, so will he. If my parents who've been married for over 40 years have taught me anything it's that you don't give 50% in a relationship, each person gives 100%. We have to be romantic to receive romance. Not sexual, not wearing naughty lingerie to bed, romantic. Men like backrubs and chocolates too.

>>112154
That's cope.

>>112163
>watchu sayinz about evolutionz n shit??? i dun geddit nig​ga.. i alreddy had brekfast..
Thanks for proving the comment above right.

>>112167
Cool beans nona but cope is cope. You're just defending selfishness. You're defending abusive behavior. You're defending misandry. Calling anything else is just removing responsibility for your actions and placing on something else. "It's not my fault, look it's evolution!" Ok, that's a lie, you're a liar, and you're selfish. "Rationalize" it however you want. The facts won't change.

>>112180
The reaching is incredible.

lots of evidence both biologically and historically to show that men do not have a good track record of actually being monogamous and actually happy in monogamy. Now that part has always been there, and now they are just becoming increasingly perverted degens. I think we aught to only use them for breeding new radfem spawn, all the current men are toast.

There's this belief they can, once.

>>112248
>>110818
Reminds me of Nobel prize winning scientist and notorious manwhore Richard Feynman. He had 3 wives, would sleep with his students, prostitutes and several of his colleagues wives. He wrote books about how to pick up women by treating them like shit.

Buuuut he was deeply in love with his childhood sweetheart, who he married despite her terminal tuberculosis and their families objection. He would continue to read her letters and write to her after she died, up till the day he died.

>>112304
You clearly don’t have fantastic empathy.

>>112304
go to war, dilate, 41%, 88% etc