too discouraged to go to gym/work out Anonymous 117431
can any fit/muscular nonas help me? i am a recovered ED patient but i still struggle with working out.
i really like the idea of becoming stronger. i have tried to strength train in the past, but faced three main mental barriers that always lead to me quitting early.
>1.
first and foremost, i find it extremely discouraging because of how much more easily men build muscle. they barely have to do any work and in the first few months will gain strength extremely fast. the first time i started working out, i would go to the gym with my boyfriend on his membership. he blew past me in terms of progress, improving at roughly double my rate, until i was left in the dust. i got gradually more upset and quit.
some time later, i started to go the gym again. this time alone, so i wouldn't have anyone else to compare myself to. i went to planet fitness, so i used the smith machine for bench, squats, and deadlifts. i also used the bicep curl machine, free-weights, bar for deadhangs and pullups, pulleys, and treadmill. but i stil felt like i was improving extremely slowly. i wasn't noticing any benefits to strength training; everyday objects weren't noticeably easier to move/carry and i was unhappier with myself than before. at that point i felt like the psychic damage and time investment of 3-4 days/week wasn't worth it. some days i could run farther without stopping but that's about it. it gave me the impression that as a small woman, i'm simply not made to get stronger or build muscle. which makes me feel pretty sad and inferior.
>2.
like i said, i have a history of eating disorders and i'm about 90% recovered (back at a healthy bmi for years and don't restrict/binge). but when i am supposed to eat a lot of protein and be in a calorie surplus, it still fucks me up. i feel like i can see my body get bigger and am afraid that i'll never be able to lose that weight during the cut. i don't idealize thinness anymore, and would like my body to look more toned, muscular, and stronger. i would feel more proud of a having strong body vs. having my current average office-worker body for the rest of my life.
>3.
many people say that exercise improves your mood, but when i go to the gym i just end up feeling pretty bad. i dread going, i don't like feeling the physical pain from running/lifting, and i am disappointed with my performance. i have never been a fan of physical activity, but i would like to be able to find enjoyment from it because of the mental/physical health benefits.
i'm not really sure how to work past these mental barriers or if i even should. maybe i should just accept i can be healthy without doing a lot of extra physical training. but at the same time i think it would be awesome and cool to be strong and muscular! i think i don't have a strong sense of identity attached to my physical fitness, so i am unsure if i will ever have the motivation to carry through with becoming fit. i always feel like it would be nice to be strong and fit, but when i start trying, i come up with justifications to stop like "i'm not meant to be strong biologically," or "i'm wasting my time because being fit won't really help me at all," or "walking every day and eating healthy is enough." i'm not sure if the justifications are true or not, and it makes me a little disappointed in myself that i don't follow through with my original goal.
maybe if i get some input i can make up my mind. i don't want to ask scrotes because they won't be able to relate to the frustration of improving more slowly, nor society rewarding them for being small and weak. so idk, thoughts, chat?
