/feels/ - Please help

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Please help Anonymous 02/20/25 (Thu) 10:23:28 PM120188

i'm having trouble trusting my boyfriend. it's like everything he does is unpredictable or just simply delusional at times. He doesn't actually have a clear carreer path he wants to take and it feels like he just goes with the flow. And he doesn't want to go to a university either. Now, this is a person i am SUPPOSED to trust with my future and everything else but I'm unable to trust him fully. We have the same goals for life but with his current job and qualifications our goals for life (a family) is delusional and absolutely stupid. I feel so embarrassed telling stuff about him to my family because he changes his plans and everytging so impulsively and this way it also embarrasses me. And I can tell my family doesn't take either of us seriously, especially my mother. I seriously need some advice on this. I'm desperate. How do I encourage him to be motivated about something? Or how do I talk to him about this?

Anonymous 02/20/25 (Thu) 10:53:23 PM120189

>>120188
>this is a person i am SUPPOSED to trust with my future
No, that would be a husband.

Anonymous 02/20/25 (Thu) 11:30:36 PM120190

>>120189
We were talking of getting married.
I obviously didn't mean it when we are still boyfriend/girlfriend

Anonymous 02/21/25 (Fri) 12:22:36 AM120191

>>120188
People really need to know one simple thing; You can't directly change people. It's entirely up to them. All you can do is be an inspiration and nudge them. Keep nudging him a bit, but if he doesn't bother changing drop him.

Anonymous 02/21/25 (Fri) 01:08:15 AM120194

>>120191
I can try to nudge him, and yeah I do have to realize people can't be changed. Thanks for replying. I just don't want to hurt his feelings. I wish he would realise how naive all of this sound with no concrete job plans.
Also, I can't just drop him. He was my first everything…so it's not an option

Anonymous 02/21/25 (Fri) 02:03:09 AM120195

>>120194
>He was my first everything…so it's not an option
This is why you shouldn't have sex before marriage, otherwise you might be afraid to break up with someone who has no future with you

Anonymous 02/21/25 (Fri) 09:17:21 AM120200

>>120194
Also, make sure to clearly communicate your thoughts and feelings as well. Communication is key and if he reacts with apathy or anger, then it's a problem.

Young people don't always know what to do in life or what career to choose. I only realized this when I was in my late 20's. Though, if he is a deadbeat and has no plans to change anything, being guided only by his hedonistic tendencies, than it would be best to move on.

IMHO, trusting your partner to be there and support you when you will need it is different than trusting him to provide for you. If you are independent and can provide for yourself, you won't have to feel like you need to be tied down to a moid. That way you know that the reason you are with your partner is because you love him.

Anonymous 02/21/25 (Fri) 02:50:06 PM120201

>>120194
>Also, I can't just drop him. He was my first everything…so it's not an option

This is called sunk cost fallacy. In the old days you'd be stuck with him forever, now you are allowed to say you made a mistake and move on.

Anonymous 02/21/25 (Fri) 03:46:16 PM120203

>>120201
But I'm ruined even if I just go and leave. I have no good qualities to offer to anyone, and not that I could love anyone other than him. There is no one for me but him. I'm lucky that I even have him.

>>120200
Yeah, I'll try talking to him today about this. I just have to gather the courage and get my thoughts in order.

Anonymous 02/21/25 (Fri) 03:49:21 PM120204

>>120203
Sounds like you have problems to work on before getting in any relationship, or you'll always be in for a bad time.