General Vent Thread Anonymous 1924
Old one Maxed out my dudettes.
I need to become more motivated. I'm at a good place in life, stable, easy job, saving up to open my own cafe, engaged in a loving relationship, living in a nice luxury apartment, enough money and freedom to pursue the fashion I love, good friends. I feel like I have it all, but I have trouble waking up in the morning, being tired all day. I feel like I'm being lazy, opting for dry shampoo instead of taking a shower, waking up 10 minutes before I leave, not doing my makeup, my hair or anything, struggling to get dolled up at all, even though it's what I love. I'm even starting to get bored of games and fun things, crafting which I haven't done in almost a year, shows I haven't watched, games I haven't finished. Laundry piling up, dishes unwashed, floors dirty…What do i do?
What do I do?
imo this sounds like a pretty textbook description of depression symptoms. It's so fucking hard to be motivated when your whole brain is fighting against you doing anything & I totally get it. If you can get a professional evaluation it might help bring you some peace of mind
as for general motivation tips, I think it helps to create a really positive environment when doing menial tasks (by putting on music in the background, drinking tea/coffee while I work, burning incense, whatever feels good). Also it helps to take things task by task. I find if I get one chore-like thing done, I'm more likely to get into ~motivated mode~ and get a bunch of shit done in a day
This picture is the best
Anyway while I'm here I've had a piece of writing I was meant to submit on the 8th and it's almost the 13th
Actually i have another thing, my student loans approval got lost so I had to ask them to send out another letter but I can't access my account to check the status of my approval because the site is down and it's driving me crazy
Hey I made the OP pic, stoked to see it <3
I really need to get better at balancing things in my life. I'm beyond neglecting my family/friends/etc at this point.
My brain just feels so fuzzy all the time.
>finally have some extra cash to buy stuff I want
>go to the second hand site I usually use
>find around 6 items I want or need (bc you can't buy them in my town)
>it's been 5 days, only 2 girls replied
>the 2 that replied are 2 days late with answering my questions
>all 6 of them are logging in daily and upload new stuff
Well fuck you too
You should research brain fog.
I just did, thanks anon! I think I know what is causing it all now. Sighhhh.
Curious what do you think is causing yours?
I'm starting to realize I'm the worst sucker for pretty eyes.
Courses started and I talked to this dude in class with the prettiest eyes I've seen in a while. Everything else about him was neckbeard - greasy hair, dandruff, awkward crusty facial hair. a total mess. also fairly awkward, nerdy guy type of guy. I'm actually kind of pissed off those eyes are going to "waste". wtf is wrong with me.
but yeah, absolutely gorgeous eyes. second pair of my life that has had me feeling all mixed up inside. I feel weird and creepy right now and idk
I'm so tired of one of my friends and feel like an evil bitch for it.
She has some issues with depression because of bullying in school but honestly I just feel like she isn't even trying to get over it and move on with her life. She has such an easy life otherwise; no money troubles, her family is all together living in some nice ass house. So many people get brutally bullied and have things so much worse and they manage to live perfectly good lives so I just don't get it.
I guess it's just because I know so many people who haven't had it as easy that I'm annoyed how she can just bitch and moan and not actually take action to make her life better. She goes to therapy but nothing seems to change since she doesn't realize its up to her in the end and you can't just expect to take some pills and rely on other people and shit will magically be great. It's such a fucking waste.
I know people are different and some are more sensitive. I try to be understanding but it still pisses me off.
>>1972>I'm actually kind of pissed off those eyes are going to "waste".
You are going to make the coolest serial killer, Anon! Just don't post your manifesto on here, it'll break the site.
I think I've finally accepted my ugliness. I know my chances with the guys I usually am attracted to are at 0%, or hell, -.1%, and I guess that's okay. Fucking hurts, but it's ok.
wtf are you talking about
I just meant, if I'm gonna look at pretty eyes, I'd rather the rest of the person not look gross. a diamond ring is a diamond ring but you wouldn't prefer to look at it stuck in a pile of dung, right?
I just dropped my entire week's supply of mixed berries on the floor.
They rolled and tumbled all over the place and got in where it's all dusty and none of them are salvageable.
I'm going to put them out for the birds and squirrels, so at least my clumsiness is benefitting someone.>>1973
Is your friend my cousin? I have a younger cousin who's like that, she has no really huge life problems, is upper middle class, is allowed to take music lessons, art lessons, film-making courses, like everything awesome ever, but then she complains that she's being forced to go to art college when she'd rather stay home and watch anime or work at Hot Topic.
I just cannot summon sympathy for her because I would have literally killed my parents to get into art college but my parents told me it was a complete and utter waste.
I don't know what advice to give because I feel like a horrible person too. I guess some people just don't see how good they have it, and if your friend is like my cousin, they may never step outside their little bubble of affluent entitlement to realize what the world is like.
They can't just be rinsed under the kitchen sink in a sieve?
Well, this is going into way too much detail, but there's three groups of berries that I can't save: one bunch that rolled over by the stove where it's dusty and they look super yucky now, another bunch rolled over by the front door where it's gritty and where my boyfriend leaves his boots, so they've got gravel on them, and a third went by the garbage can and it's just icky and I'm just not.
I saved some but I was looking for an excuse to feed the squirrel anyway because he gets into the dumpster outside and I'm afraid he'll get trapped and get carted away from his family by the garbagemen so I leave him spoiled fruit and vegetables, stale granola bars, and anything I can't eat like apple/fruit cores.
Aww ty for looking our for friendly neighbourhood Mr. Squirrell.
I feel like it's too difficult to have artist friends. I've had such bad experiences with them over the years because they tend to nitpick my art, while I can't touch their art because any criticism (mind you, only if they ask, I am not a fan of people giving their unwarranted opinions because that can be downright rude) I give is not valid because I don't "understand" their art or "it was meant that way!".
Furthermore, all the artist friends I've had love to make a big deal about how their style is ~unique~ (tbh to me it resembled the cartoony yet anime tumblr style) whereas of course to them, mine is "okay" or standard. When I was serious about art in HS, all my art teachers told me they thought I had creative ideas, etc. and that they really thought I should pursue art as a career option because of that, but if i simply told my friend(s), hey, my art teacher liked my art, they would say shit like well if a teacher likes your art, that's just because you fit into a mold, you aren't really creative, blah blah blah and if a random person complimented my art, that was only because my style was "generic".
They'd also say to me that technical skill doesn't equal creativity or talent, which I personally agree with, but they would say it in such a way that it was clearly aimed at me.
I still am friends with some of them today, and I still encourage them on their artistic endeavors.
Now I'm doing a STEM field in college, but reality is, I still would like to be an artist.
I don't do art anymore because I'm insecure as shit about it and I wish I still did it and could had a nice artist friend who could give me encouragement, offer criticism when I want criticism, and allow me to be honest with them, too.
Thanks for reading. Has anyone else had toxic friendships that are toxic partially through mutual interests?
I feel like I'm slowly developing an eating disorder. And I'm not sad about that because i feel like that's what I deserve after being fat almost my entire life. I was/on a weight loss journey and was doing everything in a healthy way, but of course I had to start obsessing over things and fuck myself over.
I had an appointment with my psychiatrist last week and told him I've been doing a lot better (and I am, generally speaking… Minus the ED thing). My mom was in the office with us and they were all thrilled that after 1 year of treatment, I've been doing so much better. Well, it's like things instantly crashed after I left the room. I was taking my antidepressant pretty much on and off until that day, but I just dropped it for good now (with his permission). Yesterday I spent the whole day searching for suicide and gore on Google, which are things I don't do except for when I'm in the pits of hell. I thought I felt like shit because I've been kinda mad at my bf, but no. It's probably just me, I'm the problem. Fuck, I know this entire post probably doesn't make much sense and I'm just rambling, but I feel awful. My life is finally going well again but I feel like dying. How can I go from an extreme to another just like that, I'm not bipolar, I'm just depressed… i wish someone would shoot a bullet through my brain. Holy fuck. /endrant
This is going to sound patronizing (please don't think that's how I mean it) but you're feeling super angry and anger makes you want to hurt yourself. Anger is literally the "feeling of being wronged" like, that is the psychiatric definition. My shrink always tells me to admit to myself when I'm angry and then remind myself that I probably have a reason to be. When we're angry we have two choices, to direct it inwards and hurt ourselves or direct it outwards and risk hurting others. If you weren't emotionally damaged you'd be able to address your anger healthily and tell people "you're making me feel shitty, stop it" but you're not in that place.
I have an eating disorder and bipolar (I know you don't have bipolar but you brought it up lol) and they both go into maximum overdrive when I'm stressed, frustrated or angry. I start thinking "I'm a fucking fatass" when things go wrong and I suddenly remember how long I've been fat in the past and all the embarrassing shit I've ever done and I want to die. The truth is, when I have freakouts I'm avoiding what's hurting me at the time.
Am I feeling worthless because I don't have the energy to do chores? Do I feel rejected because everyone around me seems distant today? Do I feel lonely because there's no one I can talk to about my feelings? You gotta ask yourself this shit so you can separate your feelings from the facts. If you're constantly jumping from being ok to feeling like the world is ending that means you're not paying attention to how you're reacting to external stimuli. You will cope SO much better when you start addressing how you feel.
You must be pretty young if you go to the psychiatrist with your mother in the room, but would you feel more comfortable without her there? You probably wouldn't be able to tell him about suicidal thoughts and eating disorders if she was just sitting there, right?
You don't need art friends to do art. I drew constantly in high school and none of my friends were artists. I went to art school afterwards and didn't make friends (lol) and now I live with my boyfriend and he's an artist too. I don't rely on him for art crits though, that's kind of what the internet is for. Like, you're never going to trust your friends' compliments- when my boyfriend goes "ooh, I love that drawing, baby!" I think he's super sweet but I also know he loves me and would never tell me if my drawing was shitty. I would also be devastated if he did
say it was shitty lol. It's a minefield, don't mix love (or friendship) with art, too much of a punch in the ego and it makes you conflate affection with art-appreciation.
Another thing is that once you get to a certain point where you're working fucking hard, getting really good and deciding what you're going to do with your art (selling paintings, drawing comics, making concept art for movies, making pottery, drawing portraits, story-boarding for cartoons, animating) you're no longer going to care about ~constructive criticism~ because you're doing exactly what you want to do. The best constructive criticism is taking your drawing, holding it up to the light, looking through the back and seeing how shitty it looks in reverse (or flipping the canvas if you're digital). It can be extremely inspiring to upload your art to the internet and get validation and support by seeing a demand for your type of art but that's all it is.
As scary as it is, if you're going to do art then most of the time, you're on your own. You're in charge of getting better and making goals for yourself. If you really care about it then you'll do great!
Someone left a young cat near the biggest store in our town. How can people do that? I know they left it there in hopes that someone will pick it up, but there's a 80% chance the cat will get injured or killed since the store's parking lot is right in front of it and it's next to a busy main street. By the time my shifts ends the cat could be dead.
I wish I could bring it home but my mother would slit my throat since we already have 2 cats. I already contacted the authorities but who knows when they'll react and if.
The guilt will haunt me for days, I already feel bad if I leave a snail on the sidewalk because it might get stepped on, fml
I should have clarified better.it's not that I seek out artist friends (though of course I would appreciate a healthy relationship with a friend who happened to create art).
For some reason, nearly every person I have happened upon who ends up being more than just accquintances makes 2D art as I do and it drives me nuts because now, if they ask, I always say I draw, etc. but I'm too shy to show it. I feel shameful about the fact I'm ashamed because other people seem to be proud of their art, which I admire, and I wish I could get to that level of maturity where I am accept my art for what it is without wincing at how I imagine people from my past would react to it. I have always felt power in hiding my art, but sometimes, I have to accept that part of the reason I hold it in is because I am afraid of….how I will interpret reactions to it. If a person compliments it, I'll hear the "generic" naysayers, if a person thinks it's trash, I'll affirm that.
I feel so immature in this area of my life and I wish I weren't. Thanks for caring, it comforts me.
Thank you for your reply, especially the things you said in the first paragraph. They're definitely food for thought.
My psychiatrist brought bipolar up last year, but I don't identify with it, and now he doesn't believe either that I have it. I'm not really that young, I'm in my mid 20s, but I like to invite my mom to my appointments sometimes.
The few reasons I have to be feeling angry are somewhat retarded because they have nothing to do with me to be begin with, so I feel like they're invalid.
Oh no, poor bean. Do you know anybody that can help take them in?
Not sure if it'd be the same in your area, but where I am we have some private shelters that take in strays and foundlings.
Check in your phone book or google it, there might be someone who will come and get him right away.
I'm sending good thoughts your/his way and hoping for the best.
Today I found out my dog has cancer. It's not really treatable, so the only thing we can do is let him live happily as long as possible and then let go. I've had him since I was 13. I can't stop crying. A small part of me is still hoping that maybe it'll be fine since they removed the only tumor that was visible in a scan but still, the only thing I can do is bawl my eyes out. I hope my neighbors won't be too annoyed.
I left my home and all my friends in search of economic prosperity. I lived in the ghetto in a place that was too expensive for my income living paycheck to paycheck, there was trash and broken glass everywhere and a homeless camp right next to my parking spot where people would make drug deals. There was no way I could ever afford to own property there and I would never want to have kids in such an unsafe area. But now I live somewhere decent but I have no friends. I don't know if I made the right choice… Maybe it would have been better to stay put and be "rich in other ways."
Watching kpop music videos makes me hate myself so much. I'm not even fat or uglier than most people but they still seem worlds prettier than I ever could be.
Try not to think in terms like valid/invalid. Emotions are always valid. Sometimes the smallest thing can bring us to tears but usually there's a pretty good reason behind it.
I cry from frustration when an authority figure is being unreasonable, for instance. When one of my college teachers kept yelling at me for being lazy (because I was waiting to use some equipment and people kept pushing in line in front of me) I got so indignant. Then as he kept yelling at me trying to get a response out of me I couldn't respond because I was so close to tears. I feel so pathetic over that, (I was 25!) but now I realize I can trace it back to real shit. My mother was extremely neglectful of me as a child, for one, she smoked in the laundry room so my school uniform smelled like cigarettes all the time. From age 13 to 18, my teachers would lecture me for hours for smoking and I couldn't get them to believe it was my mother. That was so frustrating and painful that whenever I get yelled at for something out of my control it brings back all the pain. You might find if you explore the source of your anger that something benign might be dragging you back to past pain, especially stressful events from your childhood.
Like I said, NO emotion is bad or invalid, your reaction to them might be unhelpful or possibly destructive but your emotions aren't silly. You're going through some extremely rough shit. Try not to downplay your pain as a tantrum.
Grief over animals is the same grief we feel about people. People will try to tell you that's you're being sentimental or over-sensitive but you're not. This is a friend and a family member and your pain is totally legitimate.
One thing that helped me when my dog was dying was looking up people on the internet going through the same thing. It made me feel less alone. Talking with compassionate people IRL is good too.
I'm so sorry, anon. You will feel better in time.
I know it sounds trite, but you can always make other friends! In fact, if you're working somewhere new, there'll be an abundance of people to meet who might share your interests. If not, local meet-ups (through facebook) for any hobbies or interests is an awesome way to meet new people. Going to parties and bars with workmates might also introduce you to interesting new people. You're young (I assume) and you left your home in search of opportunities, this'll be an adventure for you!
I know you're grieving the loss of your friends and your old life, I'm not trying to say "lol find new friends, idiot". Don't let fear hold you back, though. You're not abandoning your friends, you're having new experiences and furthering yourself.
Thank you for the kind words. I guess I'll just try to take it one day at a time. I don't wanna waste the time we still have together crying about something that hasn't happened yet.
I'm tired of having to shitpost or constantly be ironic online not to get fucked over.
I'm tired of being on edge and "trolling" just so I won't be called cringy or an autist or whatever just for expressing how I feel.
I fucking hate people so much
>staying with friend
>his shower is broken
>we decide to play sports and use the leisure centres shower
>finish playing sports
>go upstairs to changing rooms
>female showers being refurbished
>text him that I can't shower
>he doesn't reply because he's in the shower
ACK I'm feeling this so much atm.
I hate how having feelings or being authentic is something people can only do on imageboards because of the anonymous culture.
Trying not to sound butthurt but I've been on the internet since the 90s and it's only been since the majority of people started having an internet presence (facebook was the major catalyst) that it was suddenly like the nerdy paradise was gone and it was full of dumb, vapid fucks.
After transferring from my dream college because my first year sucked that much, somehow I've found myself living with one friend from high school, a common acquaintance between us two, and my friend's sloppy neckbeardy boyfriend. My ""friend"" is a manipulative bitch who tricked me into living in this shitty apartment and she really hasn't talked to me since the day we moved in since I already served my sole purpose in her agenda. Her boyfriend is garbage and she never even told me he went to jail for assault. I found out from our common acquaintance, who is always mean to me for no reason and then later he'll be like "oh but we're friends, right?" Fuck no. I only talk to him so I can play with his cat, literally the only one in this house that appreciates me and keeps me moderately sane. But the thing that triggers me the most is the kitchen. I'll clean it and go to class, and 9 times out of 10 by the time I come back it looks like ground zero. I clean all the dishes and wipe the counters, and a minute later the sink is full again but twice as crusty, koolaid powder all over the counter, empty cans on the table, and an overflowing trashcan. I can't even cook because they keep using my stuff and leave it dirty. They don't take care of their dog and usually keep him locked up in his cage all day, resulting in him pooping in it multiple times. It hasn't even been a full month and I'm ready to throw myself off the roof. What the fuck. And the worst part is that I knew that if my """friend""" was involved, something like this would happen because it always does, and I stupidly went along with it anyway. If I wasn't so pathetic, even if I found myself in this situation I wouldn't have to be shit on all the time. This post probably doesn't even make any sense but the point is I wish I just had a single person who would ask about how my day went and actually care but I guess anonymous image boards are as close as it's gonna get. I'm not even sad, just frustrated beyond my limits. Is it possible that I'm the one being ridiculous?
I'd say "are you me?", but I actually think I am ugly as hell kek
But hey. Keep in mind that they are, sometimes, abused to look how they do.
>Meant to be roller skating today for 2 hours with a friend
>Still not asleep
That is horrible about the teachers and the entire situation, anon. And I know you're right about the fact I shouldn't think of my feelings as invalid or valid. It's something I struggle with a lot ): I think that for the most part my situation is the opposite of yours. My mom was a huge authority figure and I like to have things planned and sorted out for me otherwise I feel lost. It's the feeling of being on my own that stresses me the most, I guess. Nowadays I'm a lot more comfortable with her around, which is why I invite her to my appointments sometimes, but still. I also struggle with lots of sex related things, from being raised in a very religious and oppressive household, to being molested as a child. Ugh, I'm pretty much venting right now, but that's it. Thank you for being kind to me.
lately i've been thinking that although im not bad at drawing, i don't have that "unf" factor to my stuff that would ultimately be the difference between a professional and a good amateur. Everything i make, i feel like there's something missing and I can't help but feel embarrassed about being in this mediocre zone.
Are you me? I feel your pain so much.
I have A LOT
of story ideas I think would be best presented in a comic/graphic novel type format but I just can't get my art to really have the finished touch or impact I see in even some of the tumblr and deviantart artists.
I don't know if it's just because I have muscle problems in my hands or just that I'm not professionally trained and my technique sucks.
I'm sad for no reason and missing my LDR bf because timezones and work have made it hard for us to talk this past week.
I was in the mall today getting star bucks with my boyfriends mom when I overheard these people saying "wow she's really fat." and "how does someone get THAT fat"
I feel like they where talking about me because I was standing right in front of them.
I have agoraphobia, so it just made me feel fucking awful. I just wanted to die
Screen Shot 2017-0…
i'm in an awesome, healthy relationship w/ my boyfriend of 4 years. we've lived together for a while and i'm still super in love with him.
a few months ago, though, i realized how attractive our mutual guy friend is and figured out that he finds me attractive too. for a little while, i almost considered leaving my bf just to hook up with the friend, until i realized how dumb that would be.
but now, even though the friend is in a great relationship and i've stopped crushing hopelessly on him, i still find him incredibly sexually attractive. i'd never actually act on my fantasies, but god, when we hang out sometimes all i can focus on is how hot he is.
i know it's a normal thing to be attracted to other people when you're long-term dating someone, but i just didn't think it would happen to me. uuuughhhhhh it sucks
I got this from bones and laughed about it with a friend but one of the characters once said to their s.o.: i don't care what is going on in your pants, as long as it stays in your pants
Changed my entire outlook tbh
It's probably your fear getting the best of you. I've definitely been there. At one point of my life, I wouldn't go in public because I constantly thought strangers were talking about me (even though, thinking back, they def weren't).
It helps to realize 90% of people won't stoop so low/are too afraid to audibly talk shit about strangers who are RIGHT in front of them. It's a really dumbass move, and in some situations, it'll get them called out in public– which no behind-the-back-shittalker wants (bc they're usually total wimps who will do anything to avoid confrontation).
Plus, a lot of times people are looking at things on their phone or at nearby pictures on magazines or whatever, and their comments are easily misconstrued as talking about people around them. Honestly, I don't think you should take it personally since there's so many other things they could've been referring to
Absolutely crazy rambly post incoming:
Ughhh, I just wanna be happy. I wanna be held, and kissed, and loved, and desired. I want warm human touch! Fuck. I feel so lonely right now, even though maybe I shouldn't feel this way. And even though I believe I know what I want, do I really? …Maybe I'm just afraid of what's coming? I wish a cute, loving girl would fall for me and make me happy in case my boyfriend doesn't do shit for us in the end. I just want to make someone happy too, and care for them as they care for me. I'm done trying to make things work and just getting sadness, loneliness, jealousy and disappointment in the end. And the worst part is that I know my boyfriend loves me deeply, and that he is trying to make things work out for us, but God is he slow? I need him here now. Now. I can't wait forever, but I will have to wait at least a few extra months. Boy…
I just want to be loved and touched, ugh. I know I am in fact a good, kind-hearted, fun person… So why do I feel this way while shitty people seem to be super happy with their lives and relationships? When I look back to the world I know it feels so wrong, but it's all I know, so it's comfier just to be here… But it's not right, is it? Am I gayer than I think? Or am I fooling myself somehow? Why is my sexuality bothering me so much? Is it because I'm craving physical contact? Gawd.
Whew, I had to vent.
And I love him very much, but he needs to make a move asap otherwise we'll be stuck here forever in a loop. I want us to get our shit together, his mom is waiting for us to get married and that's what I've always wanted since I was 18, right? It's been years of waiting, holy shit. Just win the lottery, please.
Okaasan come pick …
>haven't slept all night bc friend's flat is 10°c/50°f and the only thing i have is a shitty 5 tog duvet
I'm having one of those nights where I think about all the bad shit that's happened in my life and snot cry into a pillow
I miss him so much. I know it was for the best and I didn't make a mistake in breaking up with him, but he was my first love, my best friend, and it feels weird not talking to him constantly anymore. Even though towards the end it wasn't very good at all, and I know we couldn't get back together, not for a very, very long time at least. We went no contact a week ago and suddenly, all the sadness I kept hidden to help comfort him has come flooding out. I just keep listening to link related on repeat and crying. I'm going to improve my life, and I hope to whoever's out there that he does too. I just want for him to be happy. Last night I found an old keepsake from the very beginning of our relationship years ago, a little scroll where you write wishes, where I wrote that my first wish was to make him happy. However, I wasn't capable of that. Now I just wish he will find happiness, whether from himself or someone else or anything. I just want to be there to help him get through the pain like I did for so many years, but this time I'm the one who caused the pain. I just keep repeating that it was the best for both of us… Dear God I hope I was right. I feel so low. I want him to be happy, and he wasn't happy with me. >>2058
Please be well anon, it's good to let it all out sometimes but don't let yourself fall into a funk either!
I went for a haircut and asked for anterior layers for more volume in the back. She showed me she will cut off an inch. I said that is alright. I have been growing out my bangs for three years.
She did not even fucking ask me, but she cut me bangs. My hair is like 2B/2C, so the cut she gave me with wet straight hair wasn't indicating what it would look like. She didn't dry my hair completely because of the frizz.
Now that my hair is dry, I realise she recut me the fucking bangs without asking and took off triple the amount she said she would. My hair looks flatter than before too. Three years of hair growth progress thrown away right there and then. I just want to cry everytime I see the fuckings bangs.
In a perfect world you'd have the right to go there and cut her hair too for the emotional damage she's caused. Sucks. I'm going to see my hairdresser tomorrow too, and I'm already terrified because i need to get a haircut and I always
have to reinforce the fact I don't want to leave the salon without any hair on my fucking head. Anyway… Don't be sad, anon. Hugs.
Why do I keep failing and fucking it up? Goddamn… Wish me a good tomorrow, crystal cafe. I need to get my shit together for real from now on.
It seems selfish wishing myself good luck, but I believe in you, Anon!
And now my mother is yelling at me for not picking up the package my brother ordered. No one told me, and shipping was 66€. Where the fuck was I supposed to get that money?
Àccording to her it's my fault because I was in my room all day yesterday. My room isn't locked and I was studying, was it really that hard to climb 15 stairs and fucking tell me? Both her and my father forgot about it, but yea, I'm the usless idiot somehow here. Fml
you shouldve told her dont cut my bangs otherwise they just go ahead and cut all over. lol @ asking for layers too (as if less hair is going to give u more volume). enjoy your flat hair
it sounds like anon didn't -have- bangs.
im fiiiinally organizing my life to be where i academically should. the commute is completely sapping my credit limits and savings. the bus cant run from my tiny backwoods town to the city college, and im so scared that with rent, books, supplies, the commute, AND fees i'll run out before the other half of financial aid will come through. looks like i have to ration food until the winter lmao
I have this group of Swedish friends that I've known online through my boyfriend for the last 4 years, but have only really begun talking with and getting to know them properly myself over the last 2 years.
One of them in particular I developed a really great rapport with, to the point where we were talking pretty regularly, almost everyday, and I got excited because I thought that I'd finally made a proper friend for the first time in years. I'm the kind of person that doesn't really make friends easily because I'm so introverted and self-isolating, so I was so stupidly happy, like really elated, but very recently he's begun acting cold and cruel towards me. Actually it's been going on for the last 5 months or so, almost like somebody flipped a switch overnight. I know that in the past he's experienced difficulties with depression, so I told him a few months ago that lately he'd been 'off', and that I didn't know if it was that I was doing anything wrong, but that I was always open to talk to if needed. He told me it wasn't me and that he'd just been feeling off lately, and then afterwards just… nothing.
It feels pathetic but I think I actually got so used to speaking to him regularly that I guess I actually became reliant on him as a social outlet. It wasn't just that though, I actually had fun. We'd play Overwatch together and communicate over Discord late into the night, and it was really great. In fact I loved it. Now he never makes any effort to contact me, it's always me messaging him, only to get a bored-sounding one-word reply back 10 minutes later, that is implying he even bothers to respond at all.
I'm actually typing this because I'm really angry. Back when we were speaking regularly he was always telling me to watch/read this Japanese anime/light novel series he was a fan of, and I never got round to having the time because I was so busy with university. Well since I've had a lot of free time recently I decided to buy the first 3 books in the series to give us something to both talk about again. I messaged him about it about 30 minutes ago and he revealed that he'd only read 1 & ½ of the books. I replied back playfully that he'd deceived me and that he'd spoken as if he'd read all of the releases (the light novels are still in the process of being localised). He replied "how uneducated are you", because he thought I'd forgotten that not every title in the series had been localised. It's not my problem that you misinterpreted my English, the keyword is RELEASES, it's a present continuous plural you little bitch.
In fact fuck you Jocke you dumb, surströmming-gobbling Svensk bitch boy, he can actually choke on my figurative dick. I'm so done with with his bipolar bullshit and me funnelling so much unreciprocated energy into trying to keep this dead-ass pseudo-friendship alive, only for him to be a rude shit to me. I'm just not going to bother from now on because I fucking give up.
>>2077>In fact fuck you Jocke you dumb, surströmming-gobbling Svensk bitch boy, he can actually choke on my figurative dick. I'm so done with with his bipolar bullshit and me funnelling so much unreciprocated energy into trying to keep this dead-ass pseudo-friendship alive, only for him to be a rude shit to me. I'm just not going to bother from now on because I fucking give up.
Sorry, I shouldn't laugh but this made me kek. Yeah, take a break from him anon. It sucks that he's not being very receptive and if it's draining you it's best to take a step back.
Eh it's not even just him being unreceptive, he's frequently rude as hell to me, even in instances where he'd throw a tantrum if I did the same shit to him. I'm tired of his arrogance and hypocrisy. He even told me that he used to be a nice guy and turned mean somewhere down the line, and I guess it's my fault for not having believed him in the first place.
But yeah, I've gone and deleted him from Steam, Snapchat and BattleNet so he can only contact me through our communal Discord channel now. If he doesn't notice then I guess that's that. Plenty more Swedes in the S(w)ea ;))) to foster F R I E N D S H I P S with.
It seems like you both were probably just reaching out out of common ground; your boyfriend, anime, games – rather than platonic attraction. you're both seeing how you never meshed in the first place, but only wanted to share stuff you like with a person.
the good news is you seem to be really into popular common "nerd" stuff, so why not try to reach out in that community? Mine usually only attracts old, uptight, snobby, rich elites so youre lucky your interests have younger people and conventions, clubs, big platforms online/irl, etc. take advantage and meet people you actually fundamentally LIKE before leaping into finding out the common stuff.
And a pro-tip: self proclaimed "nice guys" are often HUGE ass douchebags lol
I need to get my life together. I have had a horrible lack of motivation for years now. I had a job for a short time but couldn't keep it. I tell myself I gave up because of anxiety, but the truth is I just don't want to work. I don't want to do anything, and I never have.
On another note, I have a crush again. I only know him through internet (voice) chat. Getting that kind of crush just makes me feel more pathetic.
I am a mistake lol
I honestly can't stop thinking about death. I'm so afraid of aging and time passing. I'm 21 now, turning 22 soon and I just keep thinking about how in ten years now I'll be in my thirties, twenty years i'll be in my forties and so forth. What makes it even more dramatic is thinking about my older brothers and parents aging as well. I keep thinking about how my mom and dad will eventually pass and how the years just add up so quickly without me really noticing. I am sadden by the fact that my mom will be one day dead and I will be alone in this world without her. I was only 7 when my grandmother who was in her eighties past. I didn't really comprehend what was going on. We weren't that close. But I can only imagine now how my mom felt. I am mindblown to think that one day my existence and will be gone and eventually I will be forgotten completely. I keep reminding myself about life and how we are so fortunate to just exist, but the thought of death is overbearing. I truly hope there is an afterlife… But I am too immersed in science to really believe there is one; at times Like these I really envy the religious.
I feel heartbroken almost. I know I really should just distract myself from it or something but the feeling keeps persisting. I wish I had something to some hope or something to hold on to. I guess I just need to appreciate every moment now.
What do you guys think about death? Do you believe in an afterlife?
Honestly though we DID mesh well. We were able to stay up for hours just conversating about random nonsense each night, and I had fun, and I assume he did too because we kept in contact almost everyday. Then suddenly it was like he changed overnight, became surly and short and cold with me, like all of a sudden I was an annoyance. As angry as I am though I'm honestly hurt, because now I don't speak to anybody, and I feel incredibly lonely again. Maybe he just found somebody better to talk to, idk.
I'm supposed to be traveling to Sweden for the first time in Spring, if my boyfriend and I can save up enough by then. Meeting him will be weird. I wonder if he'll still be playing ice queen and if I'll still be pissed.
Hi Anon! I hope you can feel better soon. Death is fascinating but I don't think that thinking too much about it is good for you.
No one can really
say what happens after we die, and even though I myself tend to believe nothing happens when we go, it's hard to say for sure. Science is still trying to figure it out. I had a near death experience when I was younger, and i saw the white light everyone talks about. They say it's just your brain dying, or something like that. But fuck, it's BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not religious myself, but I grew up in a very religious household (it was a pain the ass most of the time) and the according to the Bible, contrary to what most believe, it says that death is just like sleep. I can't remember what part says that, but I can ask my mom if you're curious.
I personally like to think that when we die we sleep peacefully forever, without having any dreams. I think that is really perfect to me… I makes me feel like my loved ones will be resting, not suffering somewhere or something like that.
I'm starting a big project that I'm really excited for but I know myself and I'm terrified that I'll drop it partway through because idk my brain is weird. I transition through "sections" of my personality every couple of weeks, my interests and needs changing dramatically through different patterns. Part of myself that I was just loving will seem really outlandish and scary to me, so I'll switch to a different style/interest group. I'm not sure if it's some sort of mental illness thing or what, but it's frustrating. I never finish anything because within two weeks I'll be super involved and excited for an aspect of my life, only to completely forget about it and move on to different goals and desires for another two weeks. Does anybody know how I feel?
I want to really do this. I'm going to push myself to see this through, but I'm not sure I can.
For what it's worth, do you want a new friend? <3 I'll add you if you drop contact info, you sound like we'd get along and have similar interests.
as someone with a heart disorder, I know that it can just decide to give up at any moment, but i'm working on taking my life back from it. i'm going out, seeing the opera and orchestra, staying in school, making friends. yes, we all may die at any moment, but who cares! carpe diem. eternal oblivion in nothingness and nonexistense sounds a lot nicer than any alternative "afterlife" would, if its any consolation.>>2087
aw anon, I was going for sour grapes. If you do end up in sweden, enjoy your time! I think it'd be better not to rekindle anything. teach him it isnt forgivable to suddenly give you that cold rude shoulder. make a new friend.
I ate the whole pizza and I still don't feel contentment. What's going here?!
if you're eating in starvation mode, you'll have to wait until food reaches your small intestines and get absorbed before your brain can send the "satisfaction" chemical.
Lonely anon from the last thread >>1990
if you're still around pls answer <3
Oh anon, I feel similar but it comes about in a different way. I'm always terrified of natural disasters, accidents, disease, etc.
For example, I'm terrified of parking garages because I fear that an earthquake may occur and I'll die. I'm terrified of being in skyscrapers also because of an earthquake and this is going to sound far-fetched, but also because of 9/11 (I saw it on TV as a toddler and it really affected me); i always feel like a plane could hit and i'd be stranded in the high floor of the building I'm in and die.
I also suspect I may be a hypochondriac because I'm one of those people that always freaks out at the slightest difference to normal regarding my body and I frequently look at pictures and/or symptoms of beginning to advanced stages of cancer because I'm scared of getting it (this applies to other random diseases as well).
The thought of death always brushes my mind when I get into a car because of a possible accident, the thought of a shooting enters my mind when I'm in a movie theatre, my work, or when I'm at school, and I often try to think up of what I would do in such emergencies. I also am terrified of being assaulted in some way or abducted.
I know all these thoughts are irrational, but they are so difficult to rid myself of. Sometimes I'll be able to forget one potential scenario, but then I'll remember another horrible possibility. For me, I often try to decide what I want my last thoughts to be so in case my time comes, I can flash to those thoughts quickly.
Funnily enough, I've been rather suicidal this year and I've come close to doing the deed a few times. Thankfully, I seem to be getting to a better place now, but all those other death fears remain.
Also, sorry for rambling on and on about myself. I just wanted you to know that I kind of get what you're feeling.
I have mixed feelings about college right now. I hate it and feel like it's useless to stay there because I'm not actually learning anything new (so far teachers are only explaining things I've studied every year since high school) but I feel like since it's going to be my last year, I might as well force myself to stay and maybe graduate. My friends have to redo the previous semesters so we don't share any classes this year, or they straight up gave up and found a job in another city, so I feel really lonely these days.
But I got my first job this summer and it was the first time I ever felt good for years. It's a shitty retail job but my colleagues are nice and I earned much more money than through my scholarship. It allowed me to go to another city for a day for the holidays, that's not much but it was really fun. And it's definitely less stressful than going to college and going back home with a shit load of assignments to do for the next days. I feel like just straight up working for real for a few years, save money, finally get my own flat and be able to travel and do fun things in general.
I'm going to think about it some more but I'm leaning more toward dropping out of college and moving on. If I do this my family will judge me but I don't care about their stupid opinions anymore.
Hello anon, is your college course going to enable you to get a better job in the future? Since you're so close to graduating I feel like it would be just a big shame if you quit now. You can always find a "shitty retail job" and start earning money for holidays - but it might become easier if you stick with the college and get qualifications. Admittedly though I'm biased because I love learning and I'm eternal student, but still - think about all the pros and cons.
>>2114>is your college course going to enable you to get a better job in the future?
If we're talking about money then yes, definitely, but that depends on the jobs and there are many possibilities with the degree I want (not in a good way though, I have a hard time knowing what will happen if I graduate). I admit it would be a shame to quit now because it seems like getting the degree is a good investment, but I'm not sure I'll even graduate because I feel like I won't be competent enough this time.
I feel like quitting more because of my well-being now. Working for 8h a day makes me way less stressed and tired than going to classes for 2h for example. I don't feel like it's my kind of thing, I never really liked school and studying the way it is in school and college so I guess that's why. I feel like I'm not learning or progressing in anything. And I hate not having much free time to do pretty much anything and having insane deadlines to produce a lot of long and complicated essays and documents. I hate being graded and not learning things my own way and at my own pace because of this. About free time, the whole summer I had more free time and I didn't even dare play video games or partake in any of my hobbies because now I almost always feel guilty when I do because I feel like I'm not productive enough, and it's out of habit.
So yeah, I'm thinking about the pros and the cons but in both cases the pros are really interesting so I'm hesitating a lot. I'll stay in college at least until I make a decision.
>I love learning and I'm eternal student
About that, I feel like if there were ways I could be self-taught I'd probably feel the same way. My college is really strict about attendance and my schedules used to be shitty so I couldn't even have a job on the side, which made things even more stressful.
I just wish I were dead. But I don't have the courage to kill myself yet.
Nothing really worth living for tbh. No friends,no significant other, no job, no real future prospects, family problems. I could go on but whatever. Maybe one day I'll fucking an hero.
I feel the same way for some of the same reasons. I've gone through psychiatric treatment, but I'm still really emotionally fucked up. I just wanted to say you're not alone and that I hope you can turn things around.
Aside from yourself, who are you angriest at?
everyone says i look more like my dad. he's not ugly, but i feel like a lot of people are implying that i have small eyes , cus my mom's eyes are large…
also lately i'm back to obsessing over my philtrum length. i look at pictures of girls i consider pretty, and they have length but mine still feels extra long (it might be because of my nose and how you can see my nostrils idk)
i want to stop obsessing over my face and looks
i feel you about the philtrum actually. lol i was looking at instagram pics of cute girls and theirs are SUPER short, almost nonexistent and it looks kinda cute. mine's not long irl but in selfies, if i'm not smiling, it looks super long and unattractive. maybe it's because instagram girls have those giant ass top lips though
Ugh, I feel both of you on this. Mine isn't super long either, but it is also not short and cute. I have an upturned nose like >>2124
so not sure if that could be a contributing factor or just coincidence. I actually like my upturned nose though.
maybe next time.jp…
Wrote a 5k piece for a writing exchange
Got too nervous to give it in
THIS is my number one insecurity. I have a potato nose but I'm ok with it for the most part, big noses can be cute, but I have little bow lips and I feel like a freak lmao
As a teenager in the 2000s I was a popular artist on deviant art (don't ask who, I wasn't THAT popular). I was making good money from commissions and when I graduated high school and went to art school, they loved me and said I was going to go places.
I graduated art school and moved in with my boyfriend and suddenly developed crushing depression. I don't know where it hit me from but I literally couldn't function. I kept up drawing for a while but soon I just couldn't do it anymore and I haven't drawn in over a year.
Now online no one has any idea I can draw. I get snubbed all the time on tumblr and twitter by the same artists and other people that used to "worship" my style. I feel like, even though they don't know it's me, this has really proven to me that people only ever liked me for my art. I've been depressed for so long my irl friends moved on and I don't even have a way to contact them.
I'm probably being silly for associating my art with my worth but it's been really scary finding out that no one really likes me for me.People act like I'm creepy and cringy now. I'm so embarrassed, no one wants to be friends with someone who can't do anything. I railed against "traditional" careers because I knew I wanted to take the hard path of being an artist because I loved art. Now that I can't draw anymore I don't do anything. I have no skills outside of art. I have no way of making money, not that I could get a job. I haven't gone outside in months. If it wasn't for my boyfriend's sake I don't think I could go on anymore.
I have a very similar story, so I empathize. I hope you'll find your mojo again and do what you love and most importantly I hope you find self-worth outside of art and your relationship, but I'm glad you have someone to support you, Anon.
bleh, at least you still think you deserve shit and believe you have/had a "good" skill instead of being good at nothing. count your "blessings". >>2135>> you have someone to support you, Anon.
aka an enabler and/or a crutch for Anon.
D.A., i dont know what you have been through but up until a year ago I didn't have any good skills either, but i worked thru my depression that I'd developed as a child and became healhier (and it takes a lot of effort, it wasnt something that could be helped by cbt, and I did have to analyse how I felt and force myself to do things when I would rather lie in bed). I also cut off three immediate family members and a bunch of friends both online and off, and started life anew. I don't have a partner and it was really lonely, but you can also achieve skills without putting others down and working towards something. I haven't gone to uni but I'm employed and I have 2 friends now i can rely on. It gets better. I would say that it definitely also helps to actually tell the right people that you are angry at that you are angry with them and/or resent them. You are allowed to hate how you've been treated and you are also allowed to believe you deserve good things. I hope you feel more improved soon.
I'm so upset that my social anxiety and ptsd make it so hard for me to be sociable. I am always so insecure and down on myself that I don't want to say anything, and even if I did, I don't know what to say. There's nothing going on in my life and there is absolutely nothing for me to talk about. I seriously can't relate to other people who always seem to know about current trends and are doing stuff with their lives like going to school. I feel like at every job I've worked, I've always been the weird, quiet one that people would rather not talk to. No one's said anything about it at this job, though (that I'm aware of) so I'm thankful for that and someone said that I'm one of the better people they've had working here so that's pretty cool… I talk here and there to certain people, but I don't feel like it's enough. I think they're offput by how quiet and awkward I can be sometimes and would rather talk to each other than me because they have more to say and it makes time fly by faster. You'd think I'd be used to it but I focus on it so much some days that I get really depressed and think about how worthless I am and wondering how I got to be so isolated and socially retarded because of life circumstances that were out of my control. I wish I was that talkative girl that everyone liked and got excited to see but I'm such a loser. Fucking kill me.
Not trying to be rude but why would you expect random strangers on the internet to be enthusiastic for your friendship unless you stood out in some way? That's how it is for literally everyone. It doesn't mean people only like you for your art, it means there are millions and millions of people on the internet and it's nothing personal if you aren't one of the popular ones, because most people aren't.
Your irl friends are a significantly better way to gauge how likable you are, and it sounds like they've only moved on because you're distanced from each other due to your depression, rather than them not liking you for you.
I don't really understand men vs women culture. Like, I know some shit men who are gross stereotypes, but I also have a lot of friends who aren't. I've never felt the whole 'sisterly' feeling some people have, nor have I had any distaste for men in general. I always feel weird when people talk about their experiences because I feel really isolated…
>make 2 gifs
>link source under them
>add "don't repost or selfpromote" to it
>some chick tells me what I'm doing is stealing content and how I'm a hypocrite
Wtf? I'm literally trying to share something I like with others. I'm not even trying to gain popularity because it's fucking Tumblr, it's useless there. And I'm sure the bilion company is totally upset that someone made a gif (that got 7 likes) out of their video, they must be losing profits big time.
>tfwthe guy you have been dating for nearly three months turns out to be a complete racist
my dudes, this is one of the worst feels.
That sucks Anon. How did you find out?
Guy I've been working together on projects with for over 2 years got some girl's number off a mutual friend and now only talks to said friend, his gf and ignores me. Not even the usual ignoring but actually turning his back on me to talk with them during conversations about our project, that kind of thing. Whenever I send him messages to ask him to sign something or reply he ignores me and either comes to meetings or doesn't. Idk what I've done, he was nice to me for the past 2 years and I really couldn't care less about his booty calls.
does he just say racist shit occasionally for lulz or is he actually racist like he wants colored minorities to die
I feel like such a whiny, lazy cunt.
I am incredibly privileged: I have a boyfriend and two parents with lucrative jobs, and all three of them financially take care of me as I make my way through grad school. I pay for absolutely nothing. I make perfect grades and always have.
The problem is, though, that I absolutely hate my program. I'm completing a semester-long student teaching "internship," wherein I don't get paid and have to complete every aspect of the "real" job. Also– and I hate to admit this– I struggle with severe mental health issues: depression and anorexia b/p. I will get my M.A. because it's simply too late to drop out now, but I'm constantly visiting doctors and taking meds and literally just trying to exist. I hate waking up and throwing on clothes and going to a job that makes me miserable. I cry on my way to work; I take breaks in the bathroom to cry at work; and I cry on my way home. I can't eat because then I can't focus all day, but not eating also makes me tired and less effective at my job. Catch-22.
The kids like me, but I put so much effort to helping them when they don't give a flying fuck about the subject. They act like I can make the class interesting and ~* uwu magically exciting *~ every day, but unfortunately, that just isn't the reality. Students will turn in work WEEKS LATE and then get pissed that I don't grade it all immediately. The entitlement is absolutely abhorrent, and I now understand why teacher retention rate is so low. Moreover, I had to go to the administration because one student was sexually harassing me for a month. I mean, seriously?
I don't know why I can't just bear to do this for a few months. People have it worse than I do. I have a B.A. and will get my M.A., making me extremely marketable in professions outside of teaching. Waking up every day is just… a Sisyphean task, really, and no professional help is working at the moment.
i knew that his views weren't as liberal and left-leaning from the beginning. politics never really came up much because we had other things to talk about and these days i'm very careful about the topic in general since it's a pretty touchy subject with the wrong people; but mostly just because we had other things to talk about.
fast forward a few weeks things keep popping up here and there: elections, charlottesville, middle eastern political stuff and just political posts on the internet, which he forwarded to me or got angry at.
i was surprised by his view but since he was a bit autistic, has a huge boner for economics, history and politics i just brushed it off as him being very 'rational' about things if that makes sense..? looking back maybe i just didn't want to see the first red flags.
fast forward even more we're basically having a full-blown discussion about how he would like to assasinate angela merkel for being a race traitor, how black people are inherently 'worse' than white people, that white people are being genocided by non-europeans coming to europe, that any kind of refugees should "fuck off", "don't belong here" and "i don't care about africans".
statements such as "there's a reason why africa is such a shithole and hasn't made progress in 3000 years". him saying he doesn't care about human rights if that means we can kick these people out of our countries. even non-refugees don't belong in the countries if they don't look dutch living in holland, german living in germany, etc.
much more but i basically asked him after a long time of trying to debate about this "so you are racist?". he just said "if this makes me racist then yes, i am racist".
funny thing was that he wasn't even european himself.
Maybe, as a site, there should be an attempt to stop dating autistic men for just the next 12 months or so. I know that dramatically limits the dating pool, but they're either upset at computer games or angry about minorities and neither of those things are conducive to a healthy relationship.
He sounds like a grade A asshole.
Literally the only two thing I'd change about myself are unchangeable. I don't dislike myself or think I'm ugly, but damn I'd be so pretty if it weren't for these things.
Makeup helps, sure, but they're still obviously small
Really nothing I can do, since bangs look like crap on me thanks to thin hair.
I can't wait until this feeling passes.
>Maybe, as a site, there should be an attempt to stop dating autistic men for just the next 12 months or so.
I am fucking GONE hahahaha >truuu tho
He sounds like a complete asshole. I've never understood how someone could hate another Nationality so much, it's really ironic when they're from a birthline of immigrants themselves.
I'm kind of sad because I've never had any real or lasting relationships, platonic or romantic.
When I was in elementary and middle school I got bullied a lot for being overweight and ugly. Boys would ask me out as a joke and shit like that or just generally insult me, and it fucked up my confidence. I managed to make a few friends during those years though, but they didn't last. I was friends with this girl for a few years, and it was really easy to talk to her because she was pretty open minded, and we'd share similar views. She used to take me with her to a lot of places. I've found myself missing her company a lot recently. When I started high school I lost some weight and I started dressing better and taking care of myself more so I got a lot cuter, but I still found it difficult to make strong connections and socialize.
I think I missed the only good opportunity I had at having a nice boyfriend. I was partnered up with this guy in biology but I just ended up doing all of the work for us because I was too much of a sperg to talk to him that much. I started noticing him looking at me a lot, and some of the things he did kind of seemed like he liked me. He was a few inches shorter than me, was decently cute, had nice hair and no guy my age had even seemed to have taken a slight interest in me before then, so I was hopeful. I had a couple of classes with him so I would still see him around a lot after the teacher made us switch partners, and I think one time he tried to approach me but he lost the nerve, and so nothing happened with him. I switched schools after that and didn't keep in touch with any of the people at the old school I talked to, and it was a lot harder to make friends at the new school I went to. Anyway, I don't have any friends at the moment. I'm pretty much a NEET and I don't go out anywhere.
I've tried having LDRs, but guys never feel the same way about me and just generally lead me on and treat it like a joke. My ex would ghost on me for weeks at a time, and then tried to talk to me again like nothing ever happened. It was just a bad experience overall, and I was pissed off for a long time because I had my feelings played with and other reasons I won't mention.
Tldr; I'm friendless and I've never had a decent relationship. I honestly want to remain single and not catch feelings for anyone because I don't want any emotional problems, but I really wish I had some friends I could do fun stuff with. I miss the feeling of just shooting the shit and making someone else laugh. It's a good feeling.
My friend pointed out a load of stuff to me last night but I'm a really secretive/private person so it mega shook me that someone was able to read me that well.
They also pointed out why I'm doing some of the things I'm doing and idk i just feel super nude rn
I kind of want to go to college but I feel too old and I know my parents wouldn't be able to pay off the loan since they're so close to pension. We can barely afford food, so this would probably make the next 6 years of our life living hell and it would be questionable if I'd be able to pass even the first year because I'm a fucking retard.
Well, you're never too old to go to college. Universities have free resources you can go to if you need help, and they do really make a difference. Source: worked in my university's writing center.
If you really aren't very smart– I can't tell if you're serious or if you're being self-deprecating for the sake of it– you'll unfortunately just have to push yourself to work hard every single day. Attend tutoring sessions and take advantage of the resources provided to you.
If you're in the U.S., many schools offer full scholarships based on need. If you can still live at home, that eliminates room & board costs, so you only have tuition to pay for. You'll have to work at making and maintaining friendships without living in the dorms, but it's certainly doable.
Probably up to a Master's degree (at the very least a Bachelor's), intellect is hardly a barrier. I'm not sure what major you're going for, but if it's a STEM related career, please don't feel like you can't do so because you're an idiot. I feel like I'm extremely stupid in general, but especially so at math and science, yet as long as I turn in all my homework, take notes in class, and study the night before a test/quiz, I get 90s on my tests and projects. I'm positive that at least some of my fear of my stupidity at math/science is because I feel like women are stupider at STEM than men, just because that's what was conveyed to me as a child/teen. Point is, you are capable of graduating and >>2239
listed just some of the many resources you will likely have access to at your university. If they test for learning disabilities at the prospective school you want to go to, definitely take up that offer. My school doesn't offer that and it's such a pain because I clearly have something off with me that affects learning, but it's expensive to officially test for that at a doctor's office.
saged because I turn post into spiel about me.
I'm pretty sure my best friend since forever is slowly replacing me with her co-worker, which I honestly get considering I can never do anything or go out without relying on a ride. I'm a consistently broke college student with a shitty low-wage job. The saddest thing is she probably doesn't even realize it's happening while I can see it coming from a mile away. I'm gonna miss her so much, but maybe it's for the best. My loner periods are my most productive and I have a lot of stressors and responsibilities.
This still fucking sucks no matter how I try to rationalize it though. The realization is crushing, we've been talking nonstop daily for over a decade now. We're like sisters. I don't know what I'm going to fill this impending void with.
you could join the military
maybe talk to her instead of just letting yourself accept it. spending 8 hours of work with someone makes a friend situation easier, but i'm sure she doesn't want to take your for granted.
I hate being a femme lesbian (homoromantic). I don't want to sacrifice what I enjoy looking like or my mannerisms, but it feels so hard to attract the attention of girls because i "look" straight. I don't come out to my straight potential woman friends because I don't want them scared of me.
Mind you, I go to college near a gay city! Sux2suck
I'm meant to be starting uni on monday, but I'm not even enrolled. I haven't recieved timetables, reading lists or taken any aptitude tests for my language side of the degree or chose modules, all of which isn't possible to find until you get some login from them. I have spoken to them so many times about why I haven't enrolled and each time I'm passed on to someone else who doesn't know what I should do. I didn't have my leaving school certificates until Wednesday evening which were needed to enroll, I've since sent them but I haven't recieved ANY confirmation about it and I'll have to wait until monday to contact them. THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO START. I went to an induction evening today and it just sent me over the edge and i had the worst panic attack ever and I'm just convinced I'm going to fail now. It's all over before it even begun and I don't know what to do. Either way I'll probably miss the first week.
Don't worry, nothing actually happens during the first week of college. Just get everything together and go out and succeed!
I got dumped via mail. Not email, but literal pen and paper with stamp mail.
Fucking spineless scum.
Holy shit poor you. That's fucking worse than texting or email because they know it takes days to get to you while they're already done with the relationship while you have no idea what's coming. I'm raging reeeeee here's a cute lizard to cheer you up.
Thanks a lot! Looking back on it he was really fucked up.
I wish I could find fandom friends who aren't transbians/cis girls calling themselves mlm/non-binary whatever/anything that just shows the person in a stuck-up attention whore who wants to constantly show they're unproblematic. I'm a minority in a lot ways too and I can't even enjoy things that aren't perfectly unproblematic according to these people without seeing essays on why the video games/anime/characters I like are problematic and I'm a sexist or homophobic pervert for enjoying them. Those are the same people who can't stop talking about representation and acceptance of minorities,so I find it pretty ironic. I thought twitter was safe from this because of the 140 characters limits (because that means less essays) but it's the same trash as tumblr. Sorry, it's a bit incoherent, I'm just complaining a bit.
Sorry to hear that, anon. At least you're free from that ahole now.
Man, I feel you on this one. I just want to enjoy my dumbass shows and video games without getting my ass blown out by literal adults going into a seething rage over how an anime about transforming school girls with superpowers is ~transphobic~ or why a show about lesbian rocks is the best thing ever created by humankind and that you're homophobic scum if you disagree. It's not that goddamn deep.
I'm so salty and bitter right now!!
Agh… my friend who had it all (love, a place to live, stability, small but stable income) managed to cheat on her girlfriend with a dude who she barely even knew, destroy the business they had together and treat her like shit when said girl tried to get back with her.
Why did you have to shit on everything? Why? Especially on someone who loved you so much! Luckily the guy she was fucking – and is crazy about – told her he doesn't want a relationship with her, so I guess that's a bit of karma or whatever you wanna call it.
Meanwhile I'm financially struggling with my bf who's living overseas trying to make money. We love each other a lot, I miss him like crazy, but we're broke as fuck and don't have a place to live or stable income.
Also I know this is kinda petty since sexuality is a very intimate thing, but she is also giving "real lesbianzzz" a bad name for being with women for 8 years, calling herself the lesbianest of all lesbos and then fucking this guy she barely even knew and dumping her GF for his smelly cock that has been inside other girls' holes while my friend was with him.
Anon, your post sounds all too familiar to me. I had an ugly duckling phase too and although I look better than before it's still an ongoing process. I had guys fake ask me out too. Hell, I remember one guy offering me $20 just so I can pretend I was going out with his friend as a joke. No one would really acknowledge me and if they did it was out of pity. Things got better later in school and I improved in a lot of ways but ever since I graduated it's been a downward spiral. And I'm pretty much friendless right now as well save for maybe one or two online friends. They're always busy though and not having anyone, especially other girls, to share shit with or hang out with gets lonely. Do you maybe want to exchange throwaways?
>>2345>without getting my ass blown out by literal adults going into a seething rage over how an anime about transforming school girls with superpowers is ~transphobic~
I never know if the weirdest and most annoying fans are the teenagers who think they're hot shit because they watched less than 10 anime or played almost no video games and tell adult fans to fuck off from "their thing" even though they don't pay for shit, or the adults who act the same way even though they should know better. I found that a lot of adults who are like that tend to brag about how they know a lot of anime and series since they're so young but then they only talk about recent trendy or fanservicey things like Oreimo or SAO or similar series. I have a specific example in mind right now but I don't think it's going to be relevant.
I hate how ever since Homestuck I think, people tend to twist the meaning of the word "headcanon" and claim that a racebending and trans versions of Love Live characters is their headcanon. Especially with how smug they act with their "sorry I dont make the rules uwu". I also dislike how most of the people how complain about how watching anime is cultural appropriation are lowkey racists; the number of times I found some very few fanarts of very few characters from my ethnic group from video games and other media I liked, they were racebend to look black. Complaining about this on tumblr back then would have made me look like a huge racist, probably because fandoms are so centered around America.
And I can't even like good looking or sexy female characters from settings and stories that are not realistic without seeing posts about how these characters are problematic because they're sexualised (even though they usually come from video games made by adults for mostly adults). I remember a tweet from a female artist that was basically saying that while some people complain about bikini armors and sexy (sometimes ridiculous) outfits, some women love that shit, and it looks self-depreciating and silly. And the number of tweets that were vaguing about that girl, calling her a dumbass and other insults, for not knowing that drawn bikini armors are harmful to real women ans sexist was fucking stupid. Just let women and people in general like things, it's not that difficult. And let women like boobs too, holy shit. As you said, it's not that deep. I should look for these tweets, they were ridiculous. Oh and shout out to these people with not artistic talent or skills who try to redesign these types of characters and make them all look ugly on purpose (and sometimes not even) or so generic and boring you'd think they're someone else entirely.
In general these are people who treat everyone like shit for being whateverphobic while being worse than average by far. While virtue signaling all the time and being huge party poopers. I miss the days when I was into fandoms to guess what was going to happened in next episodes with other people, read silly fanfics, share tips to how we were supposed to use pixiv or how to unlock things in video games. It was really fun.
I just want to have my period, already.
I usually don't PMS at all, but this month's been hell, I am feeling downright anxious. Not leaving the bed to eat anxious.
Please clotty blood, just pour.
The pattern of my life continues and I'm once again one of the 2-3 black-passing (I'm mixed, but for most people that means I'm just black) people in my 200+ people classes. It never bothered me before, but maybe because of all the racial shit on news and internet, it's starting to make me feel a bit uncomfortable. I feel like it makes me stick out so much, while I just want to put my head down and blend in. I'm also weird and awkward, so obviously no one wants to be my friend, so I just feel isolated.
What's worse is, I'm doing computer science, so they're all completely sick of the insincere diversity and inclusion messages constantly being hurled at them (I'd prefer more diversity but I don't agree with how they're handling it). I used to struggle with self hate and internalized racism, so my previous methods of whitewashing myself to fit into the majority feels gross and not mentally healthy.
I apologize for bringing up dumb race stuff, I know it's a touchy subject for imageboards.
I want to kill myself.
And I hate anyone who tells me not to. You don't know shit. If you did, you'd want to kill yourself too.
No one sane and true to themselves would want to put up with life.
D you want to talk about it?
Ive wanted to kill myself too. After over a decade of pain and tons of meds I'm fucking done. I feel same way you do. Unfortunately telling other people to just kill themselves without any background is pretty inhumane in my opinion. I'm down to chat if you want to, just like the kind Anon who replied before I did.
You're completely right, I was being a stupid whiny bitch baby. Thank you anon.
Wasn't even going to post anything personal but I'm in such a nice silly mood I just have to.
I love life! I fucking love my boyfriend, I'm finally getting the psychological help I needed, and everything is going so well. I still need to drag myself around and force myself to be a functional human being but I'm doing it! I'm finally getting better. >>2383
I'm sorry, anon. I have some idea of how hard it must be to be a female in tech (some friends have gone that way too), I can't imagine being black on top of it. I hope you don't let assholes get the best of you ♡
I can't help but to feel bitter that people are finally calling me beautiful and noticing my looks after years of being teased for being ugly and awkward. All throughout my kid years and my preteen/teen years I was the hardly attractive, shy girl who no one wanted to be friends with. Suddenly once I turned 18 people want to talk to me and men approach me for a date. The hell?
I know I'm not ugly but I never get approached by men or hit on or anything
I don't know why
As someone who is in the same boat, it could be that you seem unapproachable, uninterested and quiet?
Both aren't really a bad thing but most people seem to dislike it.
>>2345>or why a show about lesbian rocks is the best thing ever created by humankind and that you're homophobic scum if you disagree.
I hate that shit so hard. So many girls in my old cosplay community like lesbian shows and Kunihiko Ikuhara's work and I find it to be disgusting, preachy "lesbians are magical mystical pure creatures" which -should- be problematic to these people, but they eat it up. This one girl in particular would never shut up about that yurikuma show, where the out lesbians are literally magical bear girls. Like, wtf, this makes lesbians seem like fucking magical unicorns and not real people.
Sometimes you just gotta listen to Nirvana Unplugged while contemplating your first big whirlwind love relationship partner's suicide and wonder where all your years went and when you stopped feeling alive.
Actually, scratch that, finding out about this suicide put the final nail in the coffin that was my youth. It's not like I didn't collect baggage before and after that, but in a way it symbolizes the loss of everything I ever felt real about. First I lost the only circle of friends I ever had a group with in real life by moving away, went through abusive relationships and forced isolation, and then that.
Vid related, welcome to October.
I regret not moving out for uni. I never felt ready when I was 18 because I always felt younger than my actual age so I studied from home. Now I'm 22, a graduate and seeing my younger friends go off to uni living in the city having the times of their lives I feel so bitter and angry.
Does anybody else turn into an airhead/complete certified dumbass when they're anxious or being watched? I just started a new job and I'm in training right now, and it's something that I've been reminded of about myself that I absolutely despise. For instance, if someone is standing over me making sure I do things correctly, all of a sudden it's like my brain shuts down and I feel panicky. I've been having to fill out a lot of forms on the computer, and I fumble over all over the keyboard and usually end up having to retype things. It's like my fingers and brain don't communicate with each other anymore, and then if I make a mistake I get even worse because I'm embarrassed that someone saw me making that mistake.
I'm sure my manager thinks she hired an imbecile. But when I'm alone and she's focusing on somebody else, I'm perfectly competent. Idk I don't think I'm THAT stupid, but I make very stupid mistakes when I'm nervous. Does anybody else have that problem? Does anyone have any advice aside from the fact that I just need to chill the fuck out?
In my case, it's because I grew up in an abusive household, that actually did berate, get furious, and throw shit at me for failing at something.
Likewise, they'd hover over me, and if I wasn't doing exactly what they wanted, they'd just yell at me even more, and when I was crying they'd just break down my door and, you get the idea.
Needless to say, thinking of them as "dead to me" has done a lot, in helping me get my shit together.
I'm angry at how much lolcow seems to be censoring even facetious jokes and slight hyperbole.
This is the comfy board, lolcow is never going to be the comfy one, so why are they deleting everything slightly edgy but still leaving the robots to their gross pity posts? I'm so annoyed.
I wish my boyfriend would come sleep with me in bed instead of chatting with his moronic friends really loudly on discord almost every night. I feel lonely and I've felt forgotten and left out lately and talking to him hasn't helped much. I feel sad.
I feel really alone. My friends have all moved away for college while I'm the only one left in the city going to a community college. I'm happy for them but they're getting busier and making new friends. I want to make new friends so I'm not clinging on to my old ones but it's hard for me because of lingering social anxiety + resting bitch face that if I'm not careful with will probably put people off like it did in hs.
None of my classes are group project type classes, two actively discourage talking and the other I've talked a few times to my classmates but it meets once a week so any friendship progress is slow. The only people I know from before at the college are people who were directly dicks to me and people who believe rumors about me so they stay away.
Things are kind of overwhelming in general right now so it's extra shitty going through this without the support system I've had for years. I'm used to being alone in school, I like having time to myself but it's getting tiring going to school every day and only opening my mouth to say "thank you" when someone holds a door open. I wish I was the type of person who could just start a conversation with someone I don't know and be perfect and charming instead of thinking I'll make them uncomfortable or interrupt them when they're doing something important.
Long and confused dream rant~
I just had a nightmare related to my ex who was abusive and even threatened to kill me several times. He did A LOT of horrible shit to me after we broke up for good. Our relationship was dead, he cheated on me all the time, he got more than one tattoo for me even though I told him not to get any (just trying to guilt trip me), and basically tried to destroy my life and reputation.
He went from sweet and kind to complete scum. He also turned from normal fun guy into an angry transgirl with a dick that he said he'd never remove in like 3 years of on and off dating.
That entire relationship was a mess, and he was always taking advantage of his above average good looks to take advantage of women. I loved him very much before he went crazy and I'm sure he loved me too at least in the beginning.
It's been almost a year and he still shows up from time to time even though I have tried to keep him away/went "gray rock" (it made things worse for a brief moment but I'm sure it was the right thing)/talked to the police.
I'm sure this has to do with the fact his birthday is coming soon, so my mind automatically thought about him. But god, is it awful to dream about anything remotely related to him? Fuck.. and I didn't even see his face in the dream.
It's made me very paranoid.
A month or so ago I met this girl online and I crushed on her. Yknow, it was not a serious thing and we were way too far anyway, but I was interested in getting to know her better.
Eventually I found out she wasn't as ~lesbian~ as she said was because when she said she had a boyfriend (lol) and started telling me their problems and that she had a miscarriage. I lost interest in her but we kept talking just for the sake of talking, I guess.
That is the real life part from my dream. Now for the fiction- in the dream someone who is also from the same forum where I met said girl told she was lying to me and that she was just obsessed with my ex/was trying to get info on what's going on with me to tell him.
I know this sounds odd, but unfortunately that's something that could really happen IRL as he's tried to contact me under different aliases and names. It seems unlikely but I know he'd do that if he could.
After opening my eyes I immediately blocked her. Not feeling safe enough I deleted my account. I know it's just a nightmare, but man…
I kep getting random nostalgic flashbacks to my youth, listening to bootlegged mp3s on WinAmp fucking around on my brick of a computer until the morning hours on summer breaks, looking out the window with a spider building its nest in a corner, seeing the hills and forests and it feels like somehow back then things were okay even though they weren't (I was in an abusive household, severely neglected, isolated and friendless) - but at least I had roots, and a life ahead of me. Now I'm in a big city, I don't know where I belong, people come and go, nothing is reliable and I wasted my entire youth being anxious and depressed. All the things I wanted to do I tried and succeeded at some of them quite impressively but depression killed every bit of drive I ever had. I feel like I lost myself and remembering my early youth when I still had potential makes my chest feel tight and heart heavy. I wish I could go back to a more carefree life.
I rarely have ever struggled in college but this shitty art class is so, so hard. The professor is a total sadistic asshole and prides himself on screaming at students and insulting us personally. We get 6 daily hours of extremely vaguely defined instructionless worksheetless homework, so even when that's done as he said it was required in class, he finds something wrong (that he neglected to specify) and you spend the 5 hours of class doing tedious shape or line drafts and thumbnails over and over and over until he approves (and no, my shapes were not perfectly ruler edged, or piecey enough, though they followed the "rubric").
THEN you can start on the real graded projects. The first one I poured hours and hours, all my limited drawing skills, and my very heart and soul into doing right, got a 37/100. Did it again, got a 40/100. No corrections, just the numbers. While I'd usually get feedback from a professor, he, lacking tenure, only has 15 mins of office hours and the entire class is spent struggling over the assignments or catching up. We are allowed 4 questions by email the entire semester.
This time, after he approves the squares of shapes, which need to be lineless-ly painted shape by shape, and each grey area individually mixed, blow dried in the back, and matched to his personal grayscale, only available while in the class. If it doesn't match, you paint it over until it does. No two shapes can have the same colors, and there have to be at least 10.
There are 10 more weeks. Along with my 4 other courses (of normal difficulty), I need it for my degree. I've already put $500 into materials and commute so far (I live on the countryside and have to uber miles into the city), and I'd get a W if I drop now, and lose all the great friends I've met so far. I havent started the final project booklet yet. I get crippling anxiety attacks and guilt everytime I try to sleep. Algebra, physics, and chemistry were 10 time easier than this. 10. More Weeks.
I'm so sorry for you, this sounds like such a shitty course. I just don't see what he has to gain from being such a cunt either, aside from saving some time with the emails and office hours.
If you all get 4 emails a semester, maybe you and some friends could agree to "share" emails, so you discuss things in a group and if there's something you get really stuck on you can get someone in the group to send an email and hope it helps (if there's 5 of you that's like, 20 emails, which is 2 per week if none of you have sent any. It's not great but it's better than everyone sending the same question).
I hope you pass your course if you do choose to stay.
Oh god last night I had a dream that I had a baby and I was really happy about it. I know it was just a dream but still, eww I don't want to want kids. At least it was implied in the dream that the "father" was this really beautiful woman with a really soft and comfortable demeanor.
I think you may have been used as an incubator for the Pleiadians for them to create another alien-human hybrid. Thank you for contribution to the war against the Reptilians.
I'm terrified of my future
Most of my days are spent on national parks and between books
Without working 24/7 I don't know who I am anymore and it hurts
I literally wanted and actively looked for this life previously and here I am doing nothing
well he told us about how he was a reject in the 80s when he went to community college, and this one really tough strict art professor who everyone hated gave him a chance. I guess that inspired his entire sense of self and career because he was a really impressionable 20 year old with no guidance.
And that's a good idea but our group was the very last and we only have the three of us, me, a teen slacker, and the guy who switched teams from day one and comes over to our table for 3 mins a class. So its really just the two of us, me and a really pretty shy quite girl.
My bf is gone for the week end and I feel so fucking lonely. I have nobody to see or talk to. I feel like such a failure.
I almost feel like trying to kill myself because it'll be the only occasion I'll have in the forseeable future.
declared that i was going to stop using imageboards because i was feeling sick due to some of the things that were being said, but guess who doesn't have any self control - this bitch right here.
honestly, i just want to stop my internet addiction all together and become a floating amoeba that doesn't have to worry about hateful people or that fact that I am on a floating sphere in a never ending galaxy.
I stopped using img boards too for a few years, but cc is such a breath of fresh air in comparison to the rest. its such a load off to post anon with only social reject girls.
I turn 23 today I want to die. Yay.
I did some laundry. Washed my car. Cried about the fact that I'm old and accomplished nothing but a worthless degree. Still struggling to get a full time job that pays enough for me to move out of my parents house. Seriously. Want to die.
Just wait two years to be like me. I wanna die too, always have since I was like 12. Fuck. Then you will feel old.
Happy birthday anyway
Yeah I know it's only going to get worse every year. I feel you. I hope you're as okay as you can be, anon. Thanks for the happy birthday.
Happy birthday! I feel the same way. Maybe we're depressed. >>2551
Yeah me too. I've felt empty for a long time.
Everything is fucking terrible right now and I can't handle it. I'm sick with an illness that won't go away and makes it really hard to sleep, my computer shitted out three weeks ago, found out it would cost $700 to fix so I just went ahead and ordered a new one of Amazon, but for some reason even though I chose overnight shipping it won't come until Tuesday, I broke my blue tooth speaker, my car is driving funny, and there's 3 jobs I need to apply to but I can't since I don't have a device with word. Fuck everything.
There are opensource Word alternatives, I've been using one called "LibreOffice" and it's not hideous but also not hard to use, and you can save documents as Word docx files so they can be opened by Word.
I found the website for you:https://www.libreoffice.org/
If you don't like or can't use that one, try searching "opensource alternatives to Word" or use this website to find a Word alternative:https://m.alternativeto.net/
It tells you alternatives (usually opensource or free to use) to commonly used programs and apps.
Hope this works for you and things get better! <3
OPEN SOURCE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM seriously libre everything so great so cheap so secure so private!!1 Also if you don't use signal or any e2e encrypted messaging system, get it, especially if you're a ho like me and you send nudes 4 dayz
>>2550>I turn 23 today >Cried about the fact that I'm old>23
Fuck me I wish I was 23 with a degree. I'm 26 and still at uni. You're fine anon, stop stressing.
It's the first time in my life I'm into a guy and it's a coworker that I barely see these days because of our shifts. And whenever we're working together I become awkward with him and can barely make small talk. He's nice and polite with me but that's how he is with everyone I think. Embarrassing as fuck. I hate it so much.>>2550
Are you me? Although I turned 23 some months ago and it made me feel like shit because I haven't accomplished any of my goals (like getting out of my parents' home, getting the degree I'm trying to get this year, etc) yet AND I feel like people my age and younger around me are doing so much better than me. Don't think being 23 makes you old though, and having a degree IS a achievement.
lol at least you have a degree, I'm sure you'll be able to make some use of it. 23 isn't that old, just as the other anons said.
But I know that feeling, and I'm 22.
My brothers gf, who is 24 is an ex-ballerina that traveled the world, has her own apartment and full time job and degree.
Life sucks, doesn't it
Whenever things are going well for me I experience this massive sense of loss and an obsessive urge to make myself miserable again. Normally I don't really care too much about it but it's inconvenient when I've got shit to do and these feelings are just getting in the way of that.
My parents nowadays suggest I should of been taken out of secondary school and sent to a different school or homeschool. They said they couldn't at the time because my siblings would of been ratty about it if I got to stay home while they went to school.
This makes me feel very bitter and sad. I can't go back in time and push that idea either. If I could, I would. But I can't.
Instead I was constantly in detention and getting suspended, whilst simultaneously being told my targets were all A*'s??? That can be very confusing for a young teenaged girl. I get at the time people didn't understand muh mental health and muh problems but fuck me it seems really like obvious there was something weird going on with my brain/personality and I don't know why more wasn't done to help me. Especially at an age where you're not allowed to make decision for yourself.
I hate my sister. As the days passes, I hate her more and more. She's a fucking toddler and thinks everything is entitled to her; my food (either bought or that I spent hours making), my clothings, even my fucking time and labor. It's stressing as fuck. She's 4 years older than me and doesn't know how to do shit, I just wanna her to move out already and get fucked because she can't cook properly or do a lot of other basic activities. She's already getting fat so at least I get secret happiness from that. I hated my other sister as well for being a religious freak and when she moved to Canada my life was marginally better, now the other useless shit needs to fuck off, too.
This is very stupid but i don't know it just affected me more than it should have, i guess. Lately my confidence has ben pretty low and everything just hits a little harder.
Today i was shopping when a teenage boy decided to say that i was scary under his breath for no reason other than the fact that we bumped paths in the store. I was so shocked i was just left without saying anything.
Now i know better than to trust teenage boys opinions and comments, but it affected me a lot for some reason and can't stop thinking about it.
I normally get called pretty/beautiful, but i always believe people tell me that to be polite and i'm actually not very attractive for my country standards (although i do feel pretty in general, but not pretty for where i live, if that makes sense), and i feel like this single encounter validated my thoughts (which is fucking stupid, but idk) and i just feel very shitty and down and like i just want to hide my face and not go outside.
This is so fucking idiotic though, because comments about my appearance rarely affect me anymore, especially those coming from anything around the teenage realm, but i feel like a stupid teenager right now since it affected me so hard for no real reason. And for once in multiple years, i actually felt ugly and questioned if i am actually pretty like i believe, or my mind is fucked and i am actually seen as ugly and everyone is lying to me.
I don't know, it just really ruined my mood and my day, eventhough it might have even been a misunderstanding or something.
Why do you care so much about whether you are pretty or not?
As i stated on my post, i normally do not care what people think about me because i like myself enough, but recently i started to become really unconfident and the comment hurt me and made me rethink how i see myself and how others see me and made my confidence go to the shitter.
I know being pretty isn't everything
, but, regardless of what people say, lookism is an important part of society, and i doubt many people would enjoy looking bad and make themselves appear that way intentionally (if they do, good for them, i am just not that person).
Can't affect you if your only avenue for social interaction is the internet :^)
Which country do you live in?
So I know never to move there.
I just wish I didn't hate my fucking life so bad. I hate the major I'm studying but ffs I'm bad at at every other option out there so it's not like I have much of a choice. Better than not going to college at all I guess. I haven't retreated into full-blown social retard or NEET but speaking to another human makes me cringe so hard for no reason and I just want to slap the living shit out of them just so I can get away. I've tried offing myself twice and failed miserably. After college I might just buy a gun and finish the job cause idk what else to do. Everytime I speak about any of my problems to family I feel like I'm attention whoring and that they'd just wish I'd shut up even though I know that isn't the case. I know they don't think that but I just can't help but think that and then just retreat and screech into nothingness until I have another breakdown. I don't wanna say what all my issues are because I know a couple of my family members are aware I use this place because they've seen me on the computer but I just want to cry and cry until I make myself sick it all hurts so bad.
I just wish I wouldn't feel so suicidal out of the blue anymore.
Or maybe I know why I feel worse tonight, but in the end, the reasons the way I feel aren't very rational anyway.
I'm still somewhat depressed, but these sad suicidal thoughts fueled nights really get to me.
I've been battling depression for 13 years, or maybe a bit longer, always on and off medicine, and I'm so done. I just wish I'd feel happy for once. I wonder if I'll ever find an end to my emotional and mental pain that doesn't end in suicide. I have some good things happening in my life right now. Moderate but still very good… And I'm here feeling sorry for myself, and sad, and very lonely. I really wish I wouldn't wake you tomorrow, but I know I will and I will feel worse. FML, honestly.
Today 3 years ago I completely cut my pedophilic dad out of my life.
I also found out trough therapy that he molested me from ages 5-10.
I literally have no one to talk to about it.
I don't have any contact or even emotional connections with my family.
> I'm not actually a guy but pic related
I think I found my ex-friends online account on which she sells stuff. It was on pure accident but the username and some of the images seem like stuff she'd wear and stuff she owns etc.
Now I honestly feel like shit because she was the only friend I had in these recent years that shared similar interests with me
I feel so goddamn LONELY.
Why am I intellectually incapable of applying for jobs?
Big changes are happening in my life (they are supposed to and were planned). This is a lot to handle for some reason. I feel like a small helpless child. But I also can't tell anybody. They wouldn't understand why I have problems with things that seem small to them.
Why do I have to feel like this? I really need to get my shit together and stop being a whiny idiot.>>2755
What exactly do you have problems with?
Anyone else just look at people and think, how are they so much more capable than me?
I look at people working at a clothing store and think, wow, they're so social and put together and they're so efficient. I could never do that.
I look at secretaries at the doctors office and I think, how the fuck are they so quick and good at their jobs? If I had that job, I'd piss everyone off.
I don't think there's a single person in this world that isn't better than me.
I've witnessed so much road rage today without ever stepping foot into a car and I really wish everyone in this god damn city would just chill the fuck out, man
I was getting off the subway today and I threw my empty mcdonalds bag into a recycling bin. It was just a bag with an empty fries box inside. But then the maintenance worker waved at me to take off my headphones and called me an idiot for putting it in there. I tried to explain that it was empty but he kept yelling at me for being stupid or something. I was just dumbfounded and so I left. Should I have flipped him off and called him names back or did he have a point, I'm not familiar with garbage sorting. I guess the bag was kind of greasy from the fries?
I'm gonna think about that interaction for a while, I don't come across a lot of conflict like that. I just kind of took it, I should've stood up for myself but I never do.
honestly I think making a quick and silent exit is the best thing at that point. Sure, the guy was an ass for shouting at you like that but let's be honest, he's sorting garbage for a living. He's probably got a shit life. That's probably why he was so rude. Like you could have yelled back or called him names or something but what would it even achieve, man?
This post resonated with me.
A lot of people often say "I feel worthless" or "I suck!" but then will back it up with something to the effect of "but I know that in reality I have worth, I just need to not be lazy/depressed/anxious/etc. and I'll show myself/other people" and it feels foreign to me. The only way I can see myself being good at anything is not from the person I am, but from my imagination. I have no worth. I'm literally shit. There is no "but at least I'm a good person" bullshit. The most I can get is i'd like to think that I'm good at x, but then I realize that isn't true.
Amen sister, I feel you.
And it's hard to not have such negative thoughts of worthlessness when it's true. I'd be lying to myself if I thought, wow I'm a great person and I definitely deserve to exist.
Maybe this is too far, and if you don't feel this it's ok, but I just want to exist away from other people. I feel I'm an inconvenience to everyone and I just shouldn't even make friends because I'd just be a stain on their life.
Someone could tell me they're a rapist murderer and I'd still think they're better than me because, hey, I could never do that. I hate comparing myself to fucking everyone no matter what and feeling garbage about it. It's unconscious and I can't make it stop.
it is as statistically unlikely for you to be really good at a lot of things as it is for you to be extraordinarily bad at a lot of things. Most people are just average. Yes, it means it's highly unlikely that you're naturally really talented at anything, but it also means I start calling bullshit whenever I see someone claiming to actually be terrible at everything. Come on. Be a little more reasonable.
I don't think I'm terrible at everything - I think that I'm bad at some things, and not good at everything else that I'm not bad at.
Just came here to distract myself from pain. I have something like cystitis (doctors are still testing me) and every couple of days I get horrible pain and fevers. It's unbearable. Right now I'm sitting in a public toilet, forcing myself to drink water and orange juice to try to filter the infection out. I feel disgusting.
Do you guys do anything to distract yourselves when you're in pain? I find doing something difficult like a sudoku puzzle or maths problem helps distract me.
I realized I have aphantasia. It feels really foreign, knowing this, but now a lot of things in my life make more sense. It's kind of lonely knowing that I'll never really have the same kind of memories that most other people do, and thinking about how all my cherished or happy moments that I no longer really remember isn't just me not being attentive in the moment, but literally just how my brain works makes me tear up.
I'm not really sure how to proceed with this knowledge, but I think I'm going to start by taking more pictures.
Not the first time I got a message like this, but seriously why? There has to be some sort of catch or trick or something??
(I'm not going to answer him but it always confuses me)
There are people with that fetish, that's all. But it's probably sketchy so it'd probably be better to stay away.
It's been a few hours. Do you feel better, anon? I usually listen to music and try to relax in bed.
I felt a lot better after a few hours, got the courage to get up and walk home. My dog was waiting to cuddle me better :) Thanks anon <3
Oh I forgot to mention that I love warmth! Radiators, hot water bottles, heat packs, electric blankets, dogs…mmm they all help so much. Beds are nice and warm too :)
I participated in my first wedding as someone's bridesmaid, and this drama-causing cow partially spoiled it for me.
Literal wall o text vent, sorry.
The maid of honor is a friend of mine and us bridesmaids all knew she was having troubles with her abusive bf. In fact, her bf hated the bride and me because it was his way of isolating her from friends. MoH passed down a lot of planning duties to us because she just couldn't handle the stress alone. It was inconvenient but the lot of us understood and did our best to help.
Except for this one. fucking. cunt. bridesmaid.
She's some self-employed, self-important cosplayer who had a penchant for doing nothing yet acting like she was the boss of us all. A big shot. Wanted to be the one in charge. Supposedly friends with MoH and another bridesmaid but they talked shit about her to me later on.
When I was assigned to plan the bridal shower, I picked a venue that we all knew the bride liked. I posted the venue and brochure in the group chat and everyone loved it. Except for the bitchy one.
Scratch that. Bitch had to inform me that she was conventioning and "didn't have time" to spend five minutes to look at it. I went ahead and booked it after she gave use near two weeks of silence. All she could do later, like a week before the party, was criticize how expensive it was it wasn't and I got a great deal, she was just on a 'chips in a bowl' budget from her own frivolous spending, and how she didn't like anything on the menu. Too bad, so sad.
It was about what the bride liked, not her.
She was so inappropriate at the bridal shower but I held my tongue. She was badmouthing the MoH and how she couldn't fulfill her "duties" her friend later told me she was saying she should have been MoH looool. She even talked shit about her own bridesmaids from her own wedding? I wanted to ask why she cared because she equally did nothing except bring a couple of cheap scratch card games. Those didn't require much thought, time, or money at all. At least the MoH decorated and brought desserts.
But anyway, bridal shower was pretty decent.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks before the wedding and we're in the group chat again trying to plan the bachelorette party.
Us bridefriends were all having a good time throwing around ideas.
We thought it would be a good idea to throw it on a coastal town where she used to live. We started talking about clubs, but we all knew she wasn't a huge drinker so it was mostly to dance. She wanted to dance, and have dick-themed stuff.
I found this really interesting gay bar that had great reviews, a nice dance floor, and no tedious stuff like entrance fees. Like one guy was on Ru Paul's Drag Race or something. It looked fun, and it was in the area where our day activities would be so I brought it up in group chat. An unofficial idea. Everyone thought it was a good idea, except for the bitch.
I swear this bitched smelled us bonding and having fun and wanted to destroy it.
She insists it's a bar and that the bride doesn't like bars.
I tried to explain to her that any dance club will have a bar, but it doesn't mean any of us have to drink. A dance club bar is different than an actual bar. Just because it's a gay "bar" doesn't mean there's no dancing.
So she stupidly retorted "Well not every bar has dancing." Again, I try to explain that that's irrelevant because it's a DANCE club. The other girls in the chat were backing me up.
Now maybe had I knew this person was unreasonable I wouldn't have wasted my time explaining, but I thought she was just misunderstanding and that she could be reasoned with.
Around this time the MoH and the bridesmaid, who were supposedly her friends, PM me separately to tell me how annoying she's being in the group chat. I'm starting to get annoyed too because all she was doing was being difficult and shooting down any ideas she didn't personally approve of without offering any ideas of her own.
Deep down, she was the one who didn't want to go to the gay bar so she was looking for any reason to argue it. She manipulated her true motivation by copping out "We should make sure bride is comfortable with it bc she doesn't even think she's getting a bachelorette party."
Which was bullshit because we had been hinting at the party for months.
I continued to explain that even if she didn't like the gay bar, there were other dance clubs in that area where we would have been during the day anyway. It wasn't a big deal at all, we could change plans as necessary.
Yet she proceeds to escalate things about the bars, an idea we didn't even solidify.
She implied that we were not thinking about the bride's comfort and that "it was about the bride, not us."
Lmao, this cunt.
The bitch that didn't want to help plan anything bc it's not her "duty."
The bitch that couldn't be bothered to read the brochure I sent out.
The bitch who didn't like the venue the bride liked.
This bitch was telling US that WE weren't thinking about the bride!
On the day of the bachelorette party, we passed the same gay bar and the bride mentioned about how she used to party in there and how it was nice. But yeah, we obv don't know the bride :^)
So we repeated how we were just talking and that of course we'd make sure she was comfortable. So she caps locks "YOU GUYS AREN'T LISTENING," (she would go on to say this 5x) and proceeds to pick at our explanations with semantics; nitpicking over the word "bar" and how that apparently meant "DRINKING AND NO DANCING ANYWHERE."
She accused us of wanting to "BAR HOP." She kept repeating this over, and over. So I finally told her to calm down because it was a moot issue, and if she hated our ideas so god damn much then she should come up with something else instead of trying to act like she's #1 bridesmaid in charge when she hasn't contributed anything!
So she started to target me specifically, because I dared tell her to chill and said something truthful and impolite to her.
She told me had I visited the bride more often I'd know what she wanted, like she does. Except, the only reason she visited the bride is because she's veritably unemployed and needed the bride, a hairdresser, to condition her bleached straw hair for the wedding. So she had the time and a reason to drive an hour away. It wasn't
out of the goodness of her black gooch heart. In addition, her defense to my second charge of her not doing anything was that "talking to the bride and relaying info" was her contribution. Hahahaha, nah.
But anyway, after I told her (and nobody defended her) she called us "childish," and said she'd tell the bride she had to "work" on the bachelorette party (lol yer unemployed Harry) and left the group chat. After I calmed down, I messaged her detailing the plan, and that even though I didn't expect her to apologize for her behavior, that she shouldn't be absent for the sake of the bride and her friend who was having a panic attack.
Because it's about the bride, not me or her.
She accused me of "harassing" her and told me to never message her again I actually wound up blocking her. She told me she'd act fake to me at the wedding and called me a "spiteful" person. That I was "jealous" of her relationship with the bride. Lol. Then, she went ahead and told everyone how I had "chased her off" from the group and tried to play victim. Later, she tried to tell our mutual friends that the bride said she hoped I wouldn't come to the wedding, which clearly was her petty ass lying. And what a thing to say even? I mean, I hate this bitch but I wouldn't be all "HURR HOPE YA DONT SHOW UP TO THE WEDDING." Damn.
I learned from many people that apparently she has clout in the local cosplay community and that nobody ever stands up to her because she's a psycho bitch that will ruin reputations. I don't cosplay, so I don't care. But even my cosplay coworker who's not even in this social circle said she's fucked with cosplayers in the past. Her friends and acquaintances are afraid of her because she goes from 0 to 100 in an instant. Apparently the bride and groom found out what she did and were not surprised, because she's that much of a drama whore. Apparently the groom 'knew' what happened the second she was mentioned. So she argues, fights, and acts like a thundercunt to more people than just me.
Though, I still don't understand why anyone acts like her fucking friend. Or why she was in the wedding she made the bride cry some years back and called her 'irresponsible' after leaving a cosplay booth to go to the damn bathroom.
I guess people are too afraid she'll tar and feather them, so everyone tries to appease her psychopathy. Like a blonde Hitler.
I'd do it again, because I get the impression nobody ever tells her "no" and that in itself is satisfying. But still, a part of me wishes I hadn't dipped my thumb in a vat of kookydooks right before the wedding.
Read it all, I love a good drama. Holy shit that girl is full psycho. At least the true relevant ppl (the bride and the groom) are in your side, but still it's weird that they're inviting that cunt. Keep on roasting her, I'm with you anon.
My turn to vent: I'm such an emotional mess I pack myself with stuff to do (part-time job being a private tutor that I don't even need, weekend occasional job at cons, extra classes, participating in NaNoWriMo, meddling myself in cosplay groups, studying for JLPT N5… and lots more!) so I don't even have time to think about how depressed I am. Literally the moment I stop being busy I start falling apart. I'm trying too hard to keep my mind at something and telling myself that I'll endure myself this way, but I'm afraid this November I'll explode from burnout and start self-harming again to cope with the stress. Oh well. :^)
Anon, I was incredibly happy when I pressed "Click here" and your post sextupled in size.
warm man in despai…
i had a vivid dream about my abusive schizophrenic ex. it turned into a dream about me having lots of friends. i woke up alone, relieved and disappointed in myself.
It's one of those "everyone secretly hates, and no one will ever care about me" days.
My coworker keeps making passive aggressive comments in front of me while talking to our other coworkers and ever since I started working there, she's always looking at me every second and staring. She also purposely excludes me in social situations. I thought the staring was creepy and was thinking the comments were coincidental so I tried to push them out of my mind but today she made a direct comment about how her parents almost named her my name and she called it ugly and old fashioned in front of everyone (even though it's seriously not, it's really common and popular). There's no way that's coincidental. That wasn't even a subtle thing to say, and anyone else would know not to say something like that when someone with that name is standing nearby. It was really rude, and I started to think more and more about the other times she's made me feel really uncomfortable. Am I overthinking it and being sensitive or do you guys think she genuinely has some vendetta against me? It's not even that she called my name ugly it's just that the intention hurts. This has happened to me at another job before too where a girl was always making fun of me in front of other people and saying horrible things to them for no reason starting on day 1. I don't understand what's wrong with me.
I'm usually really quiet and I've been nothing but nice to her so I know I didn't do or say anything that would upset her. The only thing I can think of is today I was finally opening up a little and talking about video games with a male coworker and she seems to be flirty with all the men a lot (including claiming she loves attention) and when me and him were talking, she tried joining in the conversation and he flat out said "no one was talking to you" in a half joking way. Did I piss her off like that? I don't want to be on her bad side at all but if that includes me not being able to get along with people, then that's just fucked up.
If BridesmaidAnon taught me anything it's that sometimes you should be on certain people's bad side. It's not a accidental faux pas that she told you your name is ugly, nor was it a mistake that your co-worker told her to shove it, more or less. He's probably noticed how she's treated you and spotted a clumsy attempt to do it again.
Personally I'd just keep rolling my eyes and ignoring her, other people will reach the same conclusion soon enough. Unless she starts actively trying to bully you, in which case have her reprimanded by way of tire slashing.
my boyfriend covers my face during sex. sometimes with a pillow and sometimes with my shirt. at first i was really into it and thought it was some sort of bondage thing, but now i'm wondering if he's just thinking of someone else. i'm trying to be the perfect gf, but i'm not attractive at all, and i don't want to argue with him which is why i haven't asked him yet. but yeah, if anyone has ever had another guy do this, like, why?
I had an ex who insisted in having the lights off every time…and he told me sex face looked like I was confused.
He was a prick and he left me for his co-worker anyway….who ironically has an ugly face 100% of the time. It was probably just me he didn't like, I think he was nitpicking.
So I can't work at the moment because I have intense insomnia and my depression is pretty crippling. I really want to live a normal fucking life but I've never been allowed that.
Anyone know where I can find an active/busy community of people who feel the same that's comforting, rather than everyone just posting about how shit they feel? I need a comforting space instead of a dark one right now.
Last night I went with my mother to the "church" I used to attend while growing up. We went to an event together, then she said she had to go to church. She said I didn't have to go with her, and that she could drop me home, but I told her it was ok, and that I could go with her np. Why did I say I could go with her? I have no idea.
I never liked that place, and was forced to attend their religious nightmare twice a week. Even though I don't really believe most of the things they do, growing up among them fucked up with some things in my life, like my sense of trust. I did learn some good things in their community, but the bad stuff that I saw and the things that happened to me overshadow the good ones, I guess.
Some of the people who I know from there were shady, gossipy, envious, angry, two-faced hypocrites who liked to pretend they were nice and that their hearts were full of kindness and love. Well, nothing really changed. It's still the same place, with the same horrible people. Seeing their faces again made me feel terrible and brought back tons of bad memories related to my disgusting ex-stepdad, who molested me when I was a teenager. He was a type of pastor there for a while until my brainwashed mom found out he was cheating on her with disgusting prostitutes and some very younger women, and finally believed I was telling her the truth about the abuse.
Even though it was proven that I wasn't lying, some of the people (who already treated me like shit anyway because I wasn't very religious and didn't socialize much with them out of disgust) stayed on his side, telling my mom he was a really good person, that I was lying, and that she shouldn't get a divorce. I can't even explain how much that screwed up with my already screwed up head.
Of course, there's a handful of good people there who do what they believe to be correct, and follow their god's word, so I applaud them for that. But they're the minority.
I felt AWFUL last night, but I feel a lot better today. I think that seeing them after a long time was something I needed to close this chapter. So even though it hurt, it was necessary. I'm happy I went there, and ngl… now that I'm home I can't stop laughing because I don't have to deal with them anymore. Two or three people seemed very unhappy to see me, especially because I look a lot healthier and happier now.
>>2922>It was proven I wan't lying
Could you take this to the police? Society needs to stay safe from these sickos
The short answer is "I wish I could". The long answer is this: I've thought of doing that for years. Unfortunately I don't think I'd want to go through that because:
1. Just thinking about it sends me back to hell; I'm always on and off antidepressants, and thinking about that period of time makes me think of suicide even though my life is a lot happier and better now;
2. That was yeard ago, and I don't have any "evidence" anymore to prove I wasn't lying;
3. My country is shit when it comes to dealing with those types of crimes, so not having evidence almost guarantees that I wouldn't get justice anyway.
After the cheating drama exploded, someone who witnessed him doing things to me came forward and told everything to my mom. This is the how it was 'proven' that I wasn't lying. On that same day my mom asked me if I wanted to go the police, but I felt so depressed and weak that I said no.
Those people (and my mom not believing that I was telling the truth) made me feel like the police wouldn't believe me either. He was punished by the other "pastors" and expelled from church. That was it.
These things happened years ago and I've always said I'd go the police someday, but I'm still so broken and sad over what happened, that I don't think I can do it alone. I have little to no emotional support from my mother and family, and the very few individuals in my life that know about what happened always say that going to the local police would be a waste of time, and say I should just forget about what happened. I really want to do it someday, and I think I need
to do it for many reasons, but I feel powerless.
The church almost always complicates abuse. I would share my story, but I feel like I already overshare on here a lot, so I won't, but just know you aren't alone with religious people victim-blaming and overall handling sexual abuse horribly. Sometimes it feels like the response is what fucks you up even more than the act itself.
I got married at 21 after dating the guy for less than a year.
HOLY SHIT IT WAS A BAD IDEA.
Its been only 4 years since we got together and things are so bad I'm not sure it's even possible to fix anything at this point.
At first the only thing that was bothering me was the fact that any signs of physical attraction from his side were gone after like the first year. Things were getting worse and worse as the time passed and at this point the last time we had sex was like 2years ago. Also there are no hugs, no kisses, nothing.
The communication was going downhill too, and I've been trying to fix it for the whole time, but a few weeks ago (fuck I'm slow and dumb lol) the realization has finally hit me that no matter how much we talk and how much I try to fix things, all he does is just making empty promises. Nothing is going to get better.
We are not even friends at this point!
His first reaction to any question I can possibly ask is "I don't know". I've even made a little game out of it where I would just randomly ask him the randomest shit ever and I don't think he even listens to what I actually say, just my intonations. If i sound like I'm asking a question he answers "I don't know", if I'm saying something else he just usually ignores me. It's like talking to a wall, except the wall might actually be listening.
I've tried to confront him about it, but he just made another empty promise.
I feel like I can talk to literally anyone else freely, but with him I feel like I'm being constantly judged for my stupidity, because when he actually does listen to me, he looks at me the same way one would look at a little not very smart child.
The last time I tried to talk to him about our problems he literally started mocking me and clapping his hands, and that moment was the closest I ever was to physically hurting another himan being in my whole life. I can't even begin do describe how disgusting that little scene was.
I'm naturally a happy person, but when I'm with him it's like he's sucking my happiness out of me like a fucking dementor. He can find negativity in almost anything and he whines all the fucking time.
I have so many things I want to do, places I want to visit, but it's no fun doing all that alone and to get him to go with me I have to make a scene, and I fucking HATE doing it, so we literally just sit at home 24/7. There is zero quality time we spend together too, because when I ask if he wants to watch a movie or play a game…well, you already know what his answer is.
I dont feel anything at this point, my love is completely gone, and I can only be myself when I'm with other people, preferably without him.
I understand now that I'm married to a giant manbaby who can't even find already cooked food in the fridge and can't take care of himself properly. I'm actually lucky if he showers and shaves once a week, lol. There is no way I could ever have a child with someone like that and I think that I'd like to have one someday.
I want to end this shit so bad now, but the worst part is that I'm stuck with him until I can get a job and support myself, but I'll need at least a year to do so, because I've only recently started realizing what exactly I want to do with my life.
At least his salary is good, lol, so I guess I'm just going to start saving some of those sweet sweet programmer $$$ for my own future. And I feel like a fucking monster even thinking about it, but I'll need a financial cushion if I'm going to leave him.
I'm so stupid, why the fuck did I let this shit go on for so long.
I'm sorry that happened to you, and that going back there brought up so many bad feelings, but the fact that you were able to go in the first place and that you're able to quickly (mostly) recover is a really good sign.You're strong, you're recovering, you're mentally healthy, and they don't have the power they once had over you.
do you ever miss him? i honestly want to leave this guy but feel like i might miss him down the road. he treats me well, but is just argumentative and constantly thinks my best friends/other girls are hot. so when he covers my face, i can't help but think he's thinking about my friends.
I miss being a spoopy skeleton but I've put in WAY too much work to build the muscle I have and I like not feeling like shit. However part of me misses the attention it brought it (esp. by the pro ana community) but at the same time I can't stand these retards because they can't tell what's shooped and what isn't + they have absolutely no idea how weightloss works, or the human body. Not to mention the majority have no idea what it's like to actually have an ed.
I can't wait until today is over and I get past this stupid feeling.
>he treats me well
>covers your face during sex>argumentative>tells you he thinks other women INCLUDING YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS are hot
Are you that pathetic dumb ass bitch from the other thread?
Thank you, anons, for being kind to me x
I did when he left, but now I know that I don't deserve to be treated like shit (and neither do you, Anon) I don't miss him at all. I was liberated, I found someone else who is nice to me, and thinks I'm like the hottest thing he's ever seen, because that's what is actually supposed
to happen in a relationship. I don't think that man treats you well, and I reckon it would be good for you to take the power back and leave that asshole in the dust.
Good luck, girl! I'm rooting for ya. x
It was my bf's birthday. I planned for months to save up for something he really wanted, and I even got his friends in on it. It wound up costing something like $450, but it was really worth it to see his reaction. I haven't seen him so happy in quite some time when he unwrapped the gifts.
I put in the effort because his scumbag family never gets him anything, not even a birthday card. The "mom" has never said a word to me nor has she seen her own son in the three years we've been together. My own parents got my bf some clothes and things because he just can't expect anything nice from his deadbeat mom or selfish sisters. His father is deceased. The only reason any of them call is when they want favors, money, or to unload their own problems. For example, the mom borrowed money from bf in the past (under contract) and still never paid him back.
Venting because the oldest sister just couldn't let him have attention on his birthday without trying to redirect it to be about her. She posted a few photos on his fb wall on his birthday of her latest welfare brat and how he was ~9 months old~. As if that's an actual milestone, or that anyone cares to hear about something like that on their own birthday. I don't even think she noticed it was his birthday.
It would be like someone saying on your birthday "Hey my kid is 7 months away from being 16!" It's stupid.
But of course she doesn't work and has two kids from two deadbeat baby dads, one in prison, so she has fuck all better to do or be proud of. It's so pathetic that she has to fish for attention using her own kids when his birthday is not even about them or her.
Then she made a separate post on his wall when she realized today was his birthday. She tried to joke about how she didn't know his actual age until she saw me posting, and how he's almost 30 and that's like SO OLD. I don't think not knowing your own sibling's age is really all that funny, but again it was just another attempt to grab attention to make shit about her. Freaking narcs man.
It's one of these periods when I feel like shit over way too many things that are out of my control and I just want to give up on college, keep my minimum wage job for good and play video games and watch anime and some tv shows during my free time so I will clear my backlog for good.
I want to move to a different country but I got a degree that'll make it a hard to find a job there. My best shot is going for a masters degree but I need to apply by the end of this semester and I can't think of a research project to submit.
I don't know what to do, I'll be fucked for another year if I miss this chance
i'm worried i have hypothyroidism. my mom got diagnosed with thyroid problems a few years ago, and i've recently been having a lot of problems. i thought my weight gain and periods were due to my birth control, but it's been months and i'm getting other symptoms. i'm achy, tired, sensitive to temp, fatigued (i took work off today and slept for like 6 hours) i know i need to go to the dr. but i'm worried. i just want to be better!
Some things I have seen and heard lately at work, and something really bad that happened in the life of someone dear to me, have flared up my teenage misanthropy.
Why do most people seem not to care about being pieces of shit? All evil seems to be relative now, when in fact some things shouldn't be relative. Especially when you want them to be relative just because you don't want to feel guilty or bad for being an obvious POS.
It's like most people want to be selfish little pricks who have no sense of decency whatsoever.
Maybe I'm just depressed, or comparing the way I am, and the person I want to become, to what I expect from people… AKA I have high, sort of unrealistic expectations.
Honestly, part of me wants to go back to being a social hermit. Too bad I can't do it anymore, I'm way too grown up and I kind of have an actual life now. Sigh.
>>2974>Me, after the nth time my roommate didn't replace the toilet paper roll
has he always been financially supporting you? not to be rude, but maybe he's resenting you for it, and views you as a dependent instead of as his wife. a lot of guys say they want to support their spouse but lack foresight into what that actually means for the relationship, outside of money.
still, i think you should leave him and start fresh so do what you gotta do sis. and for the time being, just treat him like a roommate. no use bending over backwards for someone who doesn't give a shit.
I know you're not supposed to have favorites but my favorite pet just died one after I was hospitalized for OD'ing. I'm glad I got fed him his favorite treat once last time but still it hurts like Satan.
I feel lonely because my friends don't want to hang out with me or pretty much anyone. We're not in the same courses anymore in uni so we barely see each other irl so we talk in group chats, but when I suggest we hang out somewhere, go shopping together, eat in restaurants or go to bars, they say they're too lazy to do anything (and yes, not tired, lazy). I They have much more free time than me because they barely have anything to do in uni and I work so it's even more frustrating to see them say such things. Anyway because of that I feel like I'm not doing anything enjoyable during my free time anymore.
Another friend who doesn't live in my city anymore came here for a weekend so I suggested we try out a restaurant with two other friends and she really wanted to do it. But she ruined it by inviting other people as well at the last second so when I had to book for a table, not only did the waitress completely ignore my request and forgot to keep a table for us, but even if she did we would have been too many to eat there. I was really pissed at the waitress because she did a shitty job and didn't even apologize so we all had to go to a shitty burger joint instead really late (where I eat on a regular basis because it's next to my workplace so it was disgusting me at this point), but also at my friend because she always does this whenever we plan to go out. She invites people nobody knows or gets along with and we're sometimes so many that restaurants refuse to serve us or really treat us badly. Eh whatever, I told her to better plan her trips next time and I really like her and trust her otherwise.
My cat is in the vet hospital since last night. I still don't know how serious the problem is. I feel like I'm going to die.
Omg that’s the worst. I’m so sorry anon, and hope your cat is okay!!
Damn anon, I'm so sorry. Sending good vibes your way.
I'm decently attractive with a good sense of humor, why am I not making money with my tits out playing dumb games?!
Probably because you have enough brain cells to know that doing that shit is pathetic and low.
integrity is a great thing and all, but it doesn't pay the bills
I'm really worried about my health.
On Thursday my hearing completely went in one ear and because it didn't hurt, I just kind of ignored it. I put some oil in it but my hearing never returned. Then on Friday or Saturday my ear began hurting. I just used eardrops all weekend and took the odd painkiller and figured it would go away. That weekend, the pain started spreading to my jaw and it became so unbearable that I can't sleep at night. I can't let anything touch my face without feeling excruciating pain so I kept waking up every few minutes (I turn a lot in my sleep). It kept getting worse and worse to the point where the whole side of my face is in pain but also kind of numb and my ear (still unable to hear from it) keeps throbbing and I can hear all kinds of weird sounds like buzzing and ringing and clicking. My ear and jaw are swollen. The pain is so bad that I can't open my mouth too wide or eat. I can't even close my jaw correctly where my teeth were all aligned. So since then I've been only consuming liquids like milkshakes and soup (which probably isn't enough to take before painkillers…).
So yesterday I figured enough was enough (I had it for almost a whole week) and I went to my GP. She said it was an infection and gave me drops, painkillers and antibiotics. I thought heck yeah, finally I'll get a good nights sleep and be able to return to college by Friday. But the painkillers don't help in the slightest. I'm still in so much pain all the time and sometimes it causes my teeth to chatter. I'm taking my own painkillers every 5 hours and all week I've had to wake up in the middle of the night to take them when they wore off ad then wait an hour or two for them to kick in. Plus the antibiotics upset my stomach and I constantly feel nauseous now.
I'm wondering if it could be something more serious? Does anyone recognise the symptoms? I initially thought I burst my eardrum but the doctor didn't mention seeing that. I'm also worried that my jaw is misaligned for some reason. I've missed so much college, I'm so sleep deprived, nothing seems to be helping and I feel like pure shit. I don't know what to do.
Trust me you probably can do better than that, anon. Wishing you the be$t.
I mean, it's been like two days anon. It takes a while for the body to heal, you'll never get instant results with an infection.
With painkillers, the trick is to reup before the previous dose wears off, so you don't get that painful inbetween part, but some people may have other issues with that. I think waiting a week before going to your GP was a downside given you have shit to do (I typically wait at most 3 days for a bad symptom but idk) but I also think you just need to be patient to see if the doc's prescription works or not. >>3028
what about if my tits were covered and I recited a bible quote every half hour?
Trying to cash in on the hot Christian gaming demographic, ey?
I just think otome streams by someone not trying to take the piss out of it is a little rare. That being said, I'll do a christian video game stream if I ever did this.
I wish I didn't have sleeping problems anymore. The fact I've been drinking coffee lately is probably not helping. My fiance gets mad because I don't sleep early as I used to, and I feel my health deteriorating. I'm trying to get off clonazepam, so maybe that's why I'm struggling. Ugh.
I feel mentally weak and socially nervous at my job (call center agent), so badly in fact, that I've paid people to pick up my hours because I can't bear being there for the whole 9 hours a day. I can only make it to 5-6 hours before I start scheming for ways to stall the phone or leave early.
I hate the tedium of the job.
I hate the entitled customers that I'm forced to act polite and dumb to.
I hate the work culture driven by stats.
Everything about it is horrible save for the benefits which is why I don't leave because I know how much worse I could have it at a different sales job, since I've been there.
If I could just work 30 hours instead of 40, it would be perfect. But I can't request to go on part time unless my company has openings, and from what I've heard it could be years before they offer again. I also can't apply for family leave and have my doctors sign off on mental health days because the process is a catch 22–I must first satisfy so many hours within a year before I'm eligible to apply. And since I rarely work the full 40 hour week, well, it'll never happen.
What's super pathetic is that despite me not working there full time I'm in the top rank for highest sales despite my coworkers actually being there full time. I've made close to $150,000 so far this year. Sevenfold my wage earnings. So it's not that I'm bad at my job, I just really hate sales and this isn't what I went to college for and it fucking sucks man.
I have two weeks to study for a test but I'm too paralyzed with fear to actually touch the material
I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. When you're laid in bed staring at the ceiling for what feels like the millionth night in a row - that's what I will be doing too.
I'm back at the doctors in 2 weeks because I tapered myself off Sertraline - it was making me feel really odd. I need to be medicated so I can sleep, basically. I can't even work anymore!
Are you drinking the coffee to try and make yourself feel awake in the day because you haven't slept at night?
Yeah, I've basically been doing that with the painkillers but it feels strange since I've never taken this many in my life before. Also considering I can't eat solid food right now, I'm worried I'm fucking up my stomach lol.
I know I'm being impatient but I guess it's just freaking me out a little since it's the worst pain I've ever had. I'm taking everything I can right now and I'll probably update in a few days. Thanks, anon.
Yeah, you might be right…I'm also starting to think that we were just not very compatible from the start, but it was my first serious relationship and I was deeply in love and wanted to make it work.
It doesn't matter anymore though, I'm leaving as soon as I save enough money and am able to support myself. I've started noticing a lot of things I normally wouldn't notice, and at least one of them is a deal breaker - the fact that he's not really a kind person to other people, it was horrifying to realize that, but it does make things easier for me to end, so…yay!
Thank you for your support, I really needed that <3
I haven't "enjoyed" being myself for a while. I don't know if that makes much sense..
But everything that used to drive me doesn't have that "sparkle" anymore.
Drawing used to be my life, I mean, I'd draw everyday and was always known as the artist kid (for the better or worst). After some shitty things happened in my life when I was around 17, I went through a huge, yuuuge art block. Years. I guess I can say I overcame my art block in general, but since then I got into art school and well. Not only it was kinda of competitive, but a lot of artist there were so good - which is expected, of course- that I just felt this gigantic pressure to also be as good, but not in the good, healthy way. When I was younger, I'd meet a lot of great kid artists as well but I never feel like I needed to be better than them or like it was a competition. I just liked to draw for fun. Create little stories and stuff. Express myself, as corny as it sounds.
At college, that changed a lot, and that stunted my artistic growth even more, because I was so afraid of doing a shitty piece and not being good enough, so I just didn't draw in fear. I really don't enjoy doing art as I used to. I am better than I was, say, two years ago, but still saddens me how I never got over my art block completely because of the abuse that caused it in the first place. Some days I don't even feel like I should draw at all, though, there are so many awesome people out there and I don't know if I can bring anything new to the table art-wise.
Also, I used to study japanese. I started studying it when I was 11 years old, and used to go to japanese classes until I was 15, when I turned 16 I started working and couldn't attend my classes anymore. One year later, began the shitty events aforementioned and once again I started doing something that I really loved. However, with the japanese at least, I wasn't as severely affected by the abused and always tried to study a bit on the side, and tried to start studying again for good about a year or so ago. I was super pumped to start it again, and to travel to Japan (maybe go with a scholarship to study abroad or something), but then my brother started studying japanese at his Uni (he failed for english and japanese was his second option, dunno why, maybe because of me?). Anyway, that is great and all, and I was really happy for him. Then, in one year and a half, he learned more than I ever did in more than 5 years or so. He basically learned all the kanjis, their pronounciation, meaning, writing, everything. He's not that good at talking/listening yet, but he aces reading and writing. And once again, I felt like a useless, dumb and slow piece of shit. He also sometimes comes to me to kind of humblebrag, sugarcoating it as a question he has (why would he ask me anything if he knows more than me?). I know it's stupid, but I don't even feel like trying for scholarships or whatever, I don't feel like doing the JLPT even, I'm just gonna do it because I've already paid for it.
Anyway, I know this is long enough already, but there are some other things that I used to like that now I just feel like "why even bother?". I just wish my college was already over with; I feel like I might flunk it and it sucks, whenever I attend the classes I just feel like the dumbest student there and like I just wanna disappear.
I am getting fatter and older. I have PCOS and as I get older it's getting harder and harder to lose weight. I have a strict skincare regime and my skin never seems to get better.
I just wish I could stay at home petting my cat at all times.
might just get fat and play computer games forever, tbh
Hi, anon. Yes, that's the exact reason why I've been drinking so much coffee, but i feel like it's making things worse in the end. Ty for commenting back (also, cute pic). I hope we both can fix our sleeping problems. I know how terrible it can be. Sadly, I decided to take some medicine tonight though. I work full-time on weekends, so I really need to sleep.
>crippling depression is back
>ED is out of control
>mild health problems caused by my own bad habits, especially the ones related to the way I deal with food
>in a relationship with someone I love and who loves me back a lot, but I deeply resent things they did before, but the fact we're pretty happy together makes me not want to leave. Still I hold a grudge
>unable to move forward with my life in many aspects due to financial instability
>psych meds don't work anymore and I don't want to take them anymore anyway
>no energy or will to live
>wake up every day not only in fear of nasolabial folds, but that I'm not dead and need to survive another day of boredom or work
I am not a pussy. I hate feeling so hopeless. I'm a proactive person for the most part, so I feel incredibly stuck right now.
I wish I had the balls to attempt suicide again. Fuck. I wanna get out of this situation so badly, and I've done this many times before, but I feel like I lack the energy and will to fight back at this point. The only couple close friends I have at the moment are depressed too, and we feed off each other's negativity and despair.
I wish I could cry, but even that is hard. It's like i can't.
Don't fucking talk to me like I'm uninitiated to kink while proudly announcing that you don't practice safe sane consensual kink. I know what kink is but bitch apparently you don't.
Lately I've thought me and my ex were getting serious again. We went on an international trip back in April and I had the time of my life. I thought in no time we'd be in a relationship soon. But now it's October and nothing has been said about getting in a relationship and no "I love you's" have been said. I love him so god damn much, but he's left me twice now so I'm hesitant to say anything. Tonight he asked me if I could text someone (he was too drunk to do it himself), so I was going through his messages looking for the person to text, but I found out something else: he has still been talking to his ex. Even while we were on our trip, he was flirting with this girl. I just feel so betrayed and stupid and I think I'm going to end things tomorrow even though it hurts me to end things with him.
I feel like it's impossible to find actual monogamous men nowadays.
They exist, but just like women they often have to be of age (at least 28+) and they have to have realised that just playing vidya, boozing, casual living and dating makes them feel empty af.
They might seem a bit scrabby, but they truly appreciate monogamy, nest building and cleaning up their act.
It's either that or conservative /pol types that virtue signal their purity through their traditionalism… meet plenty of those that claim that it's 1man2woman4ever or nothing… but I honestly doubt their motives.
But I doubt anyone who hasn't had a major change of heart in their lives. It always comes…
jesus fuck, go back to r9k. I've accidentally been monogamous my whole life in every relationship I've been in, it's not a learned thing necessarily.
>>3068>but he's left me twice now
anon, that doesn't sound like a good sign tbh. you gotta move on and find someone who's gonna appreciate you rather than keep you around for validation while getting involved with other women
>>2028>local meet-ups (through facebook) for any hobbies or interests is an awesome way to meet new people
Are there any decent alternatives to facebook for this?
I'm dealing with someone who cannot take feedback well at all and it's driving me nuts. It's for a volunteer project so it's not like there is someone I can really complain to about here unless it becomes a serious problem. She fucks up basic shit repeatedly though, which on it's own would not be that bad if she responded like a normal person when it was brought up, but instead she will bring up inappropriate shit about how she hasn't slept in a week because this project and it's really stressing her out and feels like a dumb failure and is depressed because of all this. Um, okay, but the math is still wrong in this spreadsheet.
At first I did feel bad and try to comfort her because I thought her talking about being depressed was an isolated instance and she really wanted some support, but now it's been months and I've learned she just loves attention. When I did try to reach out and talk to her privately she was basically like "Oh no I'm not really depressed or anything, but this was a lot of work! Don't think of me like that!" Okay but it's volunteer work and you don't have to keep signing up for it if it's making your loose sleep and ruining your life? (Also it's really not that much work if you do it right) I've noticed that if I sugar coat everything and use smilies and emoticons and shit she will eat it up but that's tedious and she will selectively read the email and thank you for the parts you wants to hear while ignoring any bits that mention mistakes that should be fixed. I find her exhausting to deal with and am contemplating not signing up next time because of her. But I've been involved with the organization longer than her and it is kinda dear to my heart. The other option is that they have been looking for people to take some leadership roles and I know I qualify, and in that case I can put her on the isolated bits of work that don't have a big impact, so it will be fine if she makes small mistakes and I can just ignore her, but I wouldn't have applied for a leadership role otherwise so it's kinda like I'm taking on extra work because of her which I realize is dumb, but I think she's also kinda making me a little crazy because i hate dealing with her so much.
Never tried it since i live bumfuck nowhere and barely have any groups that interest me (or any groups at all lol), but i've read that "meetup" is a good website to find groups with common interests if you are close or in a a big city.
Meetup.com is great. I've used it a lot in multiple countries and cities. Highly recommend.
I wish I could be happy at least once without having to settle down for shitty things just because my world is falling apart while there's nothing I can do to fix anything.
i started liking a guy a lot and it turns out he's gay.
i mean, it shouldn't matter anyway since i'm in a relationship…but it bummed me out.
>gf has a best friend
>her best friend is a mean incel who talks shit about her behind her back
>try to talk to the guy
>he's a super negative person and i dislike him immediately.
>tell my gf (at the time we weren't dating) to knock it the fuck off.
>"oh anon… that's my friend."
>"he's an asshole and i hate him! he doesn't even like you, you know. FUCK THAT GUY"
>"b-but thats my friend… and i love him… so…"
>date her. relationship has been going on for years now
>see the bff guy like two years later
>he's still a weirdo mean incel who is super rude for no reason
>he's a complete jerk to me even though i'm trying to be friendly
>be rude right back
>imagine that weirdo bff told my gf and my gf deleted him
>check my gf's social media account
>weirdo bff who is mean to me likes every single of her posts
>she's still talking to this complete jerk
>legit the only posts he ignores are the ones where i'm in a pic
i know i'm an ass and i shouldn't ask her to stop talking to him (AGAIN)… but boyyy am i angreyyy. why can't i stop being a jealous cunt? why anons, why???
I don't think you're being a jealous cunt. He is the cunt because he was negative and talked about her behind her back. You explained that from the get go. So you're just trying to protect her, I guess. Idk what to suggest to change things, but maybe you just watch from now on, and let your GF figure out by herself that he's not a good friend. I know she's had years to do that but yeah… Fingers crossed.
Also thanks for the hilarious picture. I was feeling like shit and was about to vent when I saw that and forgot what I was angry about because I started laughing. Can't believe a dumb picture like that made me lol so fucking much.
The problem with your situation is you're right.
So you can't really "figure out" what to do, in this case, because there's not really anything to solve.
Honestly I'd say to explain it to her again, if you're this upset, but don't expect results.
I've a friend who's similar, though the friend of their's in question is reprehensible. Like, not rude, actually did genuinely reprehensible things to them.
When I asked him why he even hangs around with the fucker, since he had been talking about him to me, he had no response. Likewise for any reason too trust him to not do the same shit he did before. >Well, he hasn't yelled at me recently
Was the absolute BEST he could come up with.
Some people just go after people because they make them feel good in the moment.
A sweet tasting poison, will be chosen more often then a foul tasting medicine.
I haven't dated for nearly 4 years (by choice) and started getting pumped that I'll be able to start dating again soon. I actually prefer being in a relationship, but was severely depressed and wanted to wait until I moved.
Issue is I don't want to date just yet because I plan to move again soon, but I think I'm putting out the vibe that I'm available a little early. People have started asking about hooking me up or showing interest in dating suddenly after 4 years of mutual disinterest. I'm scared I'm leading guys on by being friendly now, although the past 4 years being friendly worked just fine.
With that said, I feel my entire 20's has been one long quarter-life crisis. I'm tired of moving, being scared of getting hurt, scared of hurting others, scared of finality.
I'm in graduate school and scared of not finding a job outside my home country.
I'm in my late twenties and scared I'll not marry.
If I could go back in time, I would.
I'm very very concerned my boyfriend cheated on me or had someone in mind when he was with me. The distance, the coldness…he blamed me and I listened to him and blamed myself. Now that I look through some things, I noticed he mentions the other person from time to time. Nothing odd, but…he either discusses things and topics or mentions that person. Now that he has dropped me (and blamed me), he keeps spazzing over that person a lot. I can't tell if he does that to hurt me or there was something going on for a longer time.
I want my piece of mind. I went through torture because of him. I want to find information. My brain is telling me not to do it, that he's not worthy and if my sources tell on me, he will once again blame me. But I'm burning from desire to know. I deserve it. My soul deserves peace. I felt suicidal for the first time in my life when I was with him. I felt crazy when he'd say everything is fine and anything I'd say he'd shut down. And that's one of the lightest things that has happened.
Girls, help me. I'm torn.
I don't completely understand your story. Your boyfriend left you (making him your ex, now), but you still talk? And now that you've broken up he's showing more interedt in this other person?
From the info you gave, I can't even guess if there was anything going on or not. You could be right. But you sound really shake-up. I think you need to separate yourself from this guy, and if you have friends reach out to them for company and/or help.
Ugh I'm so angry. I have asthma and I'm highly allergic to aerosols. When one has been sprayed in the air, my nose and throat burn when I breathe the air in. I struggle to breathe and I feel like I'm going to die. I start coughing and sneezing because of the sensation in my nose and throat. Sometimes it feels like my lungs are burning too.
Now, you'd think with that knowledge, my family would refrain from using aerosols. But no. My dad and my brothers use them every single morning and every single morning I get an asthma attack and have to use my inhaler. I've given them all the facts about why aerosols are bad for them as well (because they clearly don't give enough of a shit about me to listen to what I go through) but they refuse to use roll-ons because they think Lynx is cool. They also use Lynx in an attempt to cover up the smell when they shit.
I'm just so sick of it. Why are people such assholes?
>bf never finished uni
>has always struggled to keep a job
>finally got a job at a car wash/garage
>humblebragging because it's the 3rd or 4th garage he works at, so he apparently already knows everything there
>"I know it all, I know how to this and that… Oh it hasn't been even a week and they already trust me to do anything and everything! Phew I'm sooo tired because they've given me so many responsibilities"
>hasn't done much but cleaning cars for two days
I'm happy that he finally got a job again and that they're treating him well there but I didn't like to hear him humblebrag.
This is unimportant and silly because I'm generally happy with him, and my job doesn't pay me much either, but this situation bothered me a bit. I guess I just don't like to hear people talk like that, and his accomplishment seems sort of small to me given what I've done with my life (kept a stable job for years, graduated from uni) and what me and his family expect from him. So hearing him talk like that upset me a little. But I didn't want to be a party pooper so I just let him talk, he seemed so proud.
Sorry if I come off as rude, but I think it's a little bit of a bad habit that you're comparing what seems big to him to what's big to you. My fiance comes from a really wealthy family and he has little concept of money and struggling, and sometimes he used to piss me off when we moved in together and he'd have to budget instead of just buy anything he wanted whenever, but if I look at it from his perspective, it must be really hard. I realized I was kind of envious of his situation. Just don't let it get to you.
Feeling depressed on Halloween. Hooray.
It sounds like he envies you.
If he talks shit about her, let her know, but it's controlling to pick and choose your significant other's friends, especially old friends.
It's ok, you didn't sound rude at all. I think I was just pissy earlier today, idk why that bothered me so much. Ty for trying to help anon!
>start to replay a game from bioware i haven't played in a while
>decide to look for some mods i deleted since i wasn't gonna play for a while and i really preferred my game with it
>can't find them on any of the websites they were hosted at
>maybe they moved the modding site
>search on google
>most of them were nuked thanks to tumblr sjws getting triggered over any kind of change to their precious game
>most results are tumblr people REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEing over the mods and sending death threats to the authors and/or doxxing them and sending people to attack them
>mods were totally normal mods for most games(i.e changing the eyebrows for some characters, changing some makeup/hair, changing hairstyles, change to romance… etc)
>caring this fucking much about talented people modding a game for personal use of whoever decides to use them
>not ignoring whatever mods you dislike and not moving on and letting the community keep the game alive through modding that doesn't affect you or the game in any way like a rational human being
This shitty fandom is what killed bioware games and is slowly killing the only good thing left about them (the modding community) i swear to god.
I just wanna play games however i like them, why can't a person decide they prefer a character looking a certain way, how the fuck does some eyeshadow affect you so much you actually doxx and personally attack (very talented, unlike the complainers) modders until they delete their trace off the internet when your only contribution to the fandom is killing it by your own shitty attitude.
I wish bioware would stop enabling this kind of fandom so they would fuck off to ruin another thing. Only time i recall anyone calling them out on their bullshit was Gaider, and that caused a shitstorm that ended up making him have to delete his account, so.
I hate seeing my favorite franchises be killed off by their own shit fandom (among other things, but ya know) and the creators enabling this kind of entitled attitude.
I never played Dragon Age, but ME3's crap writing and Andromeda's mess of a release is what's done in Bioware lately.
Fortunately EA are the kind of publishers to give them another chance. I'll never forget you, Garrus.
oh man, i know these feels all too well.
i was also an 'art kid'. i never even questioned what i wanted to do with my life until i went to art school. about two years in, i also had an intensely traumatic experience and it sent me spiraling into a mental health crisis that caused me to–I don't know how to describe it–disassociate? for about two year straight. i was walking around and talking and completing my assignments, but something like 90% of my memories from that time are a total blur. i knew at the time that i needed to seek help, but i just kept putting it off…and it didn't help that I was in an environment that's basically designed to tear you down before it builds you back up again. constantly being critiqued by my peers and teachers, comparing myself to 'better' students, slowly drained me of all the joy that making art used to give me. no matter what i did, it wasn't 'good enough', because now it wasn't about expressing myself, it was about impressing other people. it was about making a career in a highly competitive field. i wasn't trying to experiment or make things that i liked, i was trying to satisfy everyone else around me. and i still fucking feel that way. whenever i try to apply for jobs, i just go through my portfolio and cringe because even pieces that i used to love, i now just see as frivolous or poorly drawn.
but reading your post really hurt my heart because now i look back on those days and i regret not making the most of it. i regret not seeking counseling or psychiatric assistance, i regret not telling my teachers how i was struggling and letting them believe instead that i was 'lazy' because i was too proud to admit that i was on the verge of complete collapse. i regret letting depression dictate my days, losing weeks or even months to a haze of i-don't-care-i-just-have-to-get-through-this, trying to convince myself that it would be better once i was graduated.
for a while, it did get better. art school burns you out. one of my teachers told me that she didn't pick up a pencil for over a year after she graduated from her alma mater. I coasted, too. now i look back and wonder, was art really what i should have chosen as a career? am i cut out for this? i don't know. everyone else who graduated with me seems to have stable careers or even their own businesses right now, but I'm still stagnating on some image board.
I also have PCOS and I feel you on the 'getting older and fatter' part–I don't have insurance anymore so I can't even treat it.
But the point is that you are where I was about five years ago. You still have your opportunities. Don't let them turn into regrets like I did. No matter how hopeless this may feel, it's not too late to change. I believe in you, art-anon.
You didn't even have to say bioware and I knew that it's about DA or ME
I got into DA like half a year ago and I swear the fandom is the most retarded bunch I've ever seen. All of the elven mages are fucking special snowflakes who are trying to get the most opression points.
How can such a vreat franchise have such a terrible fandom.
>>3057>He basically learned all the kanjis, their pronounciation, meaning, writing, everything
If it makes you feel any better, he probably didn't learn something very meaningful. http://www.guidetojapanese.org/blog/2014/06/23/you-cant-learn-kanji/
It's never too late to start learning a foreign language, and there are some neurological advantages to learning one as an adult. This website has a lot of useful, free resources for Japanese self study:https://djtguide.neocities.org/
I particularly recommend downloading the 2K/6K Anki deck and getting started on it. It's a reliable, easy way to plod through basic vocabulary so you can begin to study by reading things you enjoy.
my cat died yesterday
So i was sharpening my pencil and realized I don't have to throw out the waste so that he won't accidentally choke on it, he tries to eat weird things sometimes, I guess all pets do. And i can leave the doors closed and keep the windows fully open. And i dont have to move the armchair next to my bed at night cause sometimes he likes to sleep there. and my clothes are still covered with his hair.
Honestly, i thought it'd hit me like a truck, but instead it's just this shitty subtle hollowness. anything I do i feel hollow and cold. it's probably the worst I've felt in years
I know exactly how you feel anon. I've lost many cats(especially sickly kittens I try to save) and it's just awful. I don't know what to say to comfort you cause I know it doesn't fix anything but if I could give you a hug I would. All I can say is treasure the happy moments(and even the ones where he was a little shit if he ever was). You gave him a good life. I hope things get better for you anon.
I used to have a huge crush on this guy a couple years ago. We were relatively close friends.
We had lots of things in common and I was pretty sure he knew I had a thing for him, but I was too insecure to make a move because I was 20kg heavier than I should be. Well, there was this day when we were both talking and he randomly said with a dead serious face: "you know, anon. I should really ask you out. I think we have a lot in common, we'd probably make a good couple".
So I answered: "w-well, you can do it. I'd say yes".
Like, not even a month after that he got this new girl and started dating her. That made me feel terrible, and I attributed his lack of action on not being attracted to me because of my weight. Maybe that wasn't the reason, but it's what I thought anyways.
Time passed, we stopped talking because our lives changed. I improved my eating habits and started exercising more regularly. Then we ended up meeting very casually a month or so ago. He's been hitting on me and giving me attention all the time. Attention that I don't even want because I'm with someone I really love. So I blocked him.
The fact he suddenly showed interest in me now made me feel like shit instead of making me feel better or happy. It just made me feel like it is really all about looks in the end for most guys, even when they seem genuinely nice and kind. Maybe that wasn't even the reason why he didn't ask me out when I was a fatty, I will never know, but that's the feeling I got.
Tbh even if I wasn't in a relationship I wouldn't want to have anything with him anymore just because of that little detail/assumption I came up with. Idk man. I guess I would want someone to love me and like me even if I wasn't at my best appearance wise. I believe my bf is like that because he's seen me fat and thin, and my weight never changed the way he treated and loved me.
This post doesn't make much sense, I just had to vent.
It makes sense to me, and I understand your feelings in the last paragraph. I also don't think your suspicions are totally unfounded, yeah there might have been another reason but your gut instincts are usually right in these types of situations. I kind of wished you had called him out before you blocked him, both so you could get a definite answer and have more closure and so he would know how much he's shown his ass, but meh, just get your hurt out now and then move on and don't worry about it.
I'm so sorry to hear that anon. I'm sure you've made his life wonderful and worth living.>>3122
You're not alone, I'd have done the same thing. Him being so shallow, what a turn off. Well, he's still single, so you're doing amazing!
Minor vent, would like some outside opinions on my actions, but I was meeting an acquaintance who I know for a fact is gay (plus he is always around campus being all pda with his boyfriend and when I met him, that's one of the first things I found out about him) and another one of my friends was there and the acquaintance starts to say I'm his girl repeatedly while I say no, it gets awkward for me and I feel uncomfortable because I just want him to shut up, not to mention that's rude and it reminded me further of how gay push their fucking limits on girls, I felt like I want out of this situation, so I said to my friend that he's gay, I can't be his girl, etc. and understandably the acquaintence gets a little pissed and gets all its my sexuality let me tell it and it bothered me because yes, I shouldn't have done it (I apologized), but leave me out of your "your girl" shit because I asked you to stop it multiple times. Idk it was a weird interaction and I shouldn't have been so desperate for him to stop to stoop so low. This guy comes as a little off tbh (I know I do too, though). for example I didn't reconize his idubbz merchandise and then he started sperging about how no one knows idubbz irl and I was like actually I do, I don't prefer him, but he was still on his rant about how people don't know YouTube and idk people can be so weird.
He sounds like the kind of person who makes me put my headphones on and start listening to white noise.
If you told him to stop doing something that made you uncomfortable and he didn't then I'd eject him from the list of people you should associate with. He's clearly overreacting about you outing him as an attempt to make you feel bad, meaning he's both controlling and manipulative and combine that with a sperg out about a YouTuber who has 5.7 million subscribers (at time of writing), he makes it three strikes out of three.
Good for you, someone with lower self worth would have caved when he started showing attention again. You're much better to be with your current bf who values you as the person you are and not for superficial reasons.
I don't feel anxious and like wanting to kill myself when I am out of uni for a while. I wonder why
I'm being forced by the current circumstances in my life into staying on fucking Facebook, and holy shit… Do I hate it? I've always hated it and only made one because I REALLY had to. I go days and days inactive on it, but I got online today and saw something so retarded and so inconsiderate that someone who's (not even close) friends with someone very close to me said, that it's made me go ballistic. It was absolutely retarded and uncalled for.
First and foremost, I need to stop giving fucks about this kind of thing, it's bad for me in every aspect. Especially when they're not even in my life, and not really close to the people I love anyway. Also, I know most people are assholes.
It just sucks I'm reminded of that whenever I have to go on that shit website.
It's been two months and I still can't find a job after graduating. I'm seriously considering becoming an escort at this point because I'm running out of money, but that would require me breaking up with my boyfriend.
Almost every job I look at requires at least 2+ years experience. People tell me to apply anyways, and I do, but I don't fucking hear back. Or I get an interview and then get rejected. I'm really regretting leaving my old job so I could go to school, this is bullshit.
Has anybody else done something desperate like this for money?
Thank you, anons! I feel a lot better now and that's true about the self esteem. Maybe I'd have had a totally different reaction if I hadn't decided to work on myself, both emotional and physically. I'm glad I did the right thing, didn't think twice before doing it and I'm happy with my guy.
God this is me. I need it for certain events and groups that only do things though facebook.
I can't believe the body labs body visualizer is gone. That was the most accurate body visualizer online I used. Of course it got bought out by another company. Fuck
Interviews are generally more about getting along with the interviewer more than your experience.
I wish I was attractive enough to be an escort.
I feel very sick today and idk why. Maybe I got the flu or something. On top of that I am feeling awfully depressed today, idk why, but maybe its just my health is affecting my mood.>>3154
So many unattractive ones out there, I shit you not. Man will tap anything.
Something happened and bf won't say what it is. It's 9pm, he's responding coldly and won't answer calls. Keeps saying nothing's wrong and that I'm annoying, but after 6 fucking years I know something's obviously wrong. He also went offline… This fucking sucks beyond words. I know I won't be able to sleep and I've got to go to work tomorrow and have a super important test on Saturday that I have to study for.
I wish I could just shut my brain off ffs
Wtf are you me? The same is happening to me today: bf won't respond, we've been together for 6 years and I have a super important work related thing tomorrow. Wtf anon
Sorry to hear that anon. Hope it's nothing serious and that everything goes well at work for you. <3
Thank you, anon! You too! x
>only see my significant other once or twice per month and i hate it. they live almost two hours away from me so theres not much i can do.
>i feel embarrassed to go to therapy. ive done it so many times and it never leads anywhere. this time around i thought things would be different, but i already regret signing up. i just want drugs or whatever, i don't wanna talk about my dead dad's abusive behaviour or why i don't make friends.
>i can't stand being outside with people anymore. everyday i feel more jaded. i can't fucking stand people.
>just discovered that one of my high school bullies is in the same university as me
>i found this out because they told my (one and only) friend that i was weird and that they didn't like me, therefore no one should be friends with me either.
>no one likes me ever. its not in my head, people legit from high school are out there saying i'm creepy and weird.why the fuck do i even bother going out at all.
>close friend is always on and off dating this guy
>ultra religious girl, still a virgin in her 20 somethings
>guy is your average disgusting manwhore who will fuck anything with a hole
>he obviously treats her like shit 80% of the time
>6 months ago he made her want to kill herself, so they cut ties
>last time she mentioned him me she said she wanted to stop talking to him forever, so she blocked his number
>Calls me out of nowhere in tears
>"anon, anon, I didn't do anything sexual with him but I feel so awful like I may be pregnant! We went to the movies and kissed there and he tried to take me to his place but I ran away!! Tell me I'm not pregnant"
>"Calm down, it'll be ok! Nothing happened, that's just guilt because you broke the promise you made to yourself, there's zero chance you're pregnant if you just kissed"
I feel sad for her and fuck, is this heartbreaking for me? I feel so sorry for her, i know she feels terrible. But at the same time I'm fighting my own personality here. Honestly if I didn't love this friend so damn much, I'd cut ties too because I HATE seeing people suffering for bfs or gfs that treat them like shit. I hate being in the audience just to watch someone i care about being treated like shit and suffer because they're ignoring common sense, logic, and devaluing themselves. Especially over a stupid prick like that. It's something that hurts me and irks me so much I'd rather not sit there to watch the shit show go down. I've walked away from friendships like that for the sake of my own sanity.
I told her to stay strong, and that I'm here for her, and I will be, but holy shit… I hope she doesn't fall into the same trap again or I may feel too fed up with this and leave, and I definitely don't want that, but this is becoming too much for me… Sigh.
I just wanna clarify my friend is not stupid and she knows you can't get pregnant from kissing. But she was literally out of control and panicking, which is probably why she said that even though she didn't even see/touch his d.
>Got 4 shoes on sale online and fast delivery
>2 weeks later realize it was already delievered but I never seen it, mail man left it infront of my door
feels bad man
That sucks anon. Be extra careful right now ordering stuff online since it seems more people will steal shit around the holidays.
Not who you replied to, but can you even imagine what a pathetic christmas that must be, giving each other gifts that were stolen from other people's doorsteps?>"Here, honey, have some new shoes!">"Oh, John! They're beautiful! And they're only three sizes too small!"
Okay, this really made me laugh anon, thank you!
Unfortunately, I bet a lot of the thieves sell the items for pennies off the dollar in order to fund drug habits.
I hate my sister I hate my sister I hate my sister I hate my sister I fucking hate my sister
I wish she would just fuck off already
She's fucking 28
Her boyfriend is probably that age as well, both have steady jobs WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY STILL HERE?
She's the laziest POS I've ever encountered. And that's saying something, because I am a fucking lazy piece of shit. She asks me for everything. They blame me on shit she didn't do right. One mistake on my part and I am the stupid, baby sister. Holy fuck. She's lazy, entitled, she's a brat. I am going fucking mental because of this useless bitch. I can not deal with her no more. My only fucking solace is that she's getting fatter and uglier by the day, because she can't cook to save her life and only eats shit (and she used to be the skinny pretty sister)
I just want her to move already, and fucking choke on her ramen or get an infection for not cleaning her house properly, because that probably would happen considering how lazy and alien from domestic issues she is.
My god, I feel like fucking crying from anger I hate her so much
I have no idea how to tell my mom I'm not coming home for winter break. She's a very lonely woman, never really had friends her own age and depends on me and my sister for company, but we fight constantly and I just know that I can't last a month in the same house as her. The two of us already have a shaky relationship and I know this will just make things worse, but I honestly feel like it would be equally as bad (if not worse) if I go home. The fact that she's relapsed a few times this year and my sister thinks I'm selfish for wanting to stay in my dorm isn't helping either. This is not a situation I want to be in, ugh
I agree with you that you shouldn't go. You can try to be honest with your mother and explain why you don't want to come or you can make an excuse. I don't know much about your relationship with your mother so I don't known if you want to tell the truth. Don't be sad about your sister, you need to make your own decisions and her guiltripping you isn't helping.
I can't believe that retards from 4chan just ruined our meta run, fucking over half of the map and waisting like an hour of everyones time. They even tried to green text in chat, jesus christ
I must be a horrible person deep down inside because I quickly lose patience with people who aren't ever on the same page with me, and end up being really insulting before I quickly regret it.
I just did it again with my friend who is otherwise pleasant to talk (when I don't try to start a conversation topic on anything more serious than memes anyhow,) but I just can't fucking stand how obtuse he is. It's probably one of my biggest pet peeves and almost everyone I interact with frequently is like this to some extent. I just come off like a raging cunt when I'm forced to explain every little detail so that they'll finally get it, or when I have to repeat myself multiple times because they have a shit memory and forget most of our conversations.
I don't want to act so irritable and autistic about stupid things like this, but ffs why can't anybody use their fucking mental faculties and THINK for a change.
I want to end a friendship that has been sort of toxic for me. My friend says he's in love with me and I have a bf who I love and don't want to cheat on. I told said friend we could stay friends if he dropped his ily shtick but he starts with his drama whenever he gets a chance. It's nerve wracking and I'm always walking on eggshells with him.
I care a lot about said friend and I don't want to end this friendship and idk how to do that (help). Do I just block him? Do I tell him he didn't respect me and let him know I'm blocking him? Fuck me, I need a hand here. Why am I such a pussy?? I wish he'd just stop with that shit so we could be normal friends again. This is so stupid.
Yes, do what you said. You already explained to him that the friendship can continue if he stops the inappropriate behavior, but he kept on anyway. He needs to see that there are consequences for not changing. Cut him off and don't take him groveling or trying to change your mind for a while.
Perhaps set a time period in which you will consider speaking to him as friends in the future, but let him deal with it for now. If he doesn't take no for an answer, or tries to contact you through other people, you will know he's shit and know to avoid him for good.
tysm, anon. solid advice. I will!
Welcome to the wonderful world of being more socially competent than the average person.
You're in for hell in basically every single social situation where people can't "get it"
Am I fucked up for wishing I was in sex slavery? In America at least. Then people would at least pay attention to me, and food/shelter would be paid for.
You should already know the answer to that.
>In America at least
Yeah, I hear the pimps over there really know how to emotionally torture a woman.
That's fucked up, anon. Sending good vibes your way.
Two of my coworkers are moving back to their home country in a few weeks, so I have to attend a surprise party today. But I'm in a horrible mood and I have an upset stomach. I can't say I'm not going because I need to bring some snacks and a friend is counting on me. Sigh.
i'm fucking sick for not caring. i got sodomized while I was passed out, on camera, and my mouth was cummed in (all by my bf). i didn't believe him when he told me when i awoke because he regularly fucks with me in terms of the acts he does to me, but then he showed me the videos and pictures. he joked about police evidence and all i could think was that i wanted the photos because i have so few taken of me (and no other reason). he's done other fucked up things, but i don't care, at this point it's my life and i'm a damn cumrag, at least i chose to be with him. i'm stupid because i can't force myself to leave, but even if i left, there would be no joy from my part because i don't even register that he does wrong against me. i'm shit because i can't leave, but i feel weird because it's at a point where i feel like i'm only embarrassed and ashamed because i know everyone else will judge me for staying, not because i am staying with a rapist who pretends i'm his little daughter.
the only shred of morality i have left is to not agree to marry him and/or bear his children. i just don't want the chance of him molesting his kids because i feel like he honestly would (he practices with me all the time), even though he swears he wouldn't. i don't want to be unable to protect my children from a person like him, or be a bad role model.
Stupid question, but how do I get a boyfriend? Where do most people meet men and how do they hit it off? I have next to no experience.
I've seen so many anons on here and lc explain how they're a total shut in and/or have serious mental health issues, and then casually mention that they have a supportive boyfriend who loves them. It's a little frustrating for me because I just don't know how to get to know someone with my lack of social skills.
Lately I've been unusually horny every time I see a man my age who is even average looking, I imagine having sex with him. I'm so sick of being a lonely virgin with no friends.
The other day my mom was telling me about how one of her friends wanted to set me up with a coworker that was around my age and my mom shot it down because I'd "eat him alive", which might be true, but I'm so desperate at this point that I would love the chance to do it. But ofc I can't tell my mom that I'd like a date with this guy because it's so out of line with the way she perceives me that she would probably make fun of me, and also I don't know if this guy isn't ugly as fuck or annoying or something
I guess I just really want to start having the bachellorette dating lifestyle that most people my age are supposed to have but have no idea where to start
Have you tried online dating or any singles meet ups?
I prefer meeting people more organically, like making friends through meet ups and stuff and maybe something comes out of it, but that's because I find 'dating' to be scary (not even "I might get stabbed" scary, "I mean I don't know how to make conversation in that situation scary"). If you're comfortable with it though, there's no shame in trying.
If I'm honest, me meeting my current bf felt like a fluke. We met through some mutual acquaintances that neither of us even really like that much.
Anon, you need help. From your post all I can say is that I know you won't leave now because of your emotional state but there's no way you can stay with this guy. I'm sick of seeing selfish ""boyfriends"" abuse women like that.
>>3245>>3246>>he joked about police evidence and all i could think was that i wanted the photos because i have so few taken of me (and no other reason).>>pretends i'm his little daughter.>>i just don't want the chance of him molesting his kids because i feel like he honestly would
Holy fuck anon. You are better off alone than with this sick fuck! Dump him, and if you want photos, make some friends or take selfies. Damn.
you're a sick fuck for letting him practice molesting children with you. you are compliant in all of this.
My home city voted to have a mayor, which in an of itself isn't bad, but their salary is going to be $12,000 A MONTH. In a city where the average income is less than $30,000 a year. And of course I live in a Mexican heavy area that already has problems with corruption, so basically they voted to pay some useless piece of shit 144,000 a year to embezzel funds and make my city a sanctuary city. I can't wait until my parents retire and I never have to come here again.
It's not real, but yeah, I feel like it encourages it. I don't think I'm not complicit in it, idk how to stop because I feel dependent on feeling taken advantage of in order to feel safe. We were both sexually abused as children by the same type of relative for a long period of time, and I know he doesn't actually want to do pedophiliac acts, but considering how he promises and feel guilt for what he does to me, then goes and does even worse,i don't think he would never struggle with it. >>3254
Sorry, I was freaking out when I wrote that, the part about the photos was just to illustrate I don't care, obviously that's dumb of me. I often crop them and post them online to see if anyone can tell what's really going on in them, it's a stupid kind of cry for help.
Overall, I won't respond again, I was in a bad state the time I posted it and I don't want to bother anyone or clog up threads in general, sorry.
Come on, anon. It's a vent thread, you can definitely pour out your heart. Honestly you posting here could be seen as a cry for help too, and you were heard by at least 3 people. Your relationship isn't healthy at all and this guy is a horrible person, and you're not safe around him. I hope you can manage to drop him someday for your own sake. Good luck, anon.
Is he nice to you? I think that's something to think about, look a little bit lower in this thread, there's worse things in a boyfriend. ie: he could be sodomizing you and ejaculating in your mouth while you're passed out.
Pretty much everything in my life is good right now or seems to be getting on track. And the things that are not getting on track will probably get solved next year anyway. But I'm still anxious asf and constantly struggling with resentment, stress and other negative feelings that I can't forget or let go of no matter how hard I try.
I wish I could kill myself tbh, or at least disappear forever somewhere I can't be found. Idk why I'm so weak even now when the sun is shining on me. Sigh. I feel like a failure.
I've had a really good week but now it seems i'm back in the shits and I'm barely keeping it together, any little thing can break me and drive me into a benzo relapse.>>3269
I know how you feel Anon
You really know how I feel anon. Im >>3269
and I'm on benzos too
Fuck public healthcare and politics in my country. It's such a fucking piece of stinking manure, it's actually surprising how bad it is.
I went 1 year ago (after 4 months of waiting to get a visit after my doc requested it, lovely stuff really) to get my fucked up wisdom teeth checked since they were killing me and the doc agreed that they needed to be taken out asap since they were gonna fuck up my mouth otherwise, so i was put up in semi urgent need of surgery and told it would not be longer than 5 months under any circumstances.
It's been 1 fucking year and still nothing, in this time span i've called 7 times, telling them i cannot even eat anymore without dying in pain and that my teeth are actually getting crooked, every time they told me that they would call me soon and that "they would try to move me up the list" but this last time they actually told me i'm not even in the fucking waiting list at all.
I might have to pay 250 euros just to take one out so i can actually live because apparently semi urgent and no longer than 5 months means "unless you come with a knife on your back who cares"
A family member is in high risk of maybe having relapsed cancer and is in urgent list, she's been waiting 2 months for a call and recently they told her she might need to wait even more, basically, if she has it "oh well lol at least we can afford useless protests for unnecessary bullshit that cost over 1 million lol who cares if people die in our country what is important is us, our politic feefees".
I'm so fucking mad, but of course my country prefers to spend its money on useless political bullshit rather than caring about it's absolutely shitty health care and multitude of existing problems.
I am honestly furious. What good is a public healthcare if you have to go to private anyways if you want to be taken seriously or not die while waiting for a call.
Fuck politicians, bunch of useless dicks.
I was about to ask if you were from South America too based on your post but then I got to the part you mentioned euros. You basically described what happens in my country. I'm sorry, anon. Public healthcare is bad in most places, unfortunately. Getting your wisdom teeth removed is a terrible experience (at least in my case even though you get anesthesia), but living with them while they cause pain is definitely worse.
It's Wednesday, almost 10pm and my fucking retarded neighbour is sorting away his wood for the winter aka throwing the fucking wood onto a pile and making a lot of noise.
Jesus fucking christ I H A T E these people, I swear they have 0 common sense and are irresponsible as shit. I hope they have to close down the fucking place for fucks sake.
L e t m e s l e e p, you fucks!!
Long ass post:
Almost anyone who knows me would say this is a good moment in my life. I've recently graduated and will start working a new job next week. It probably won't pay me very much but it's a good start, and a lot closer than my previous job. I'm also in a much better physical shape than I was last year after dieting a lot and exercising after years of couch potatodom. But I still feel very disgusting… And overall unhappy when I stop to think about things.
My boyfriend is living overseas and we have had plans of getting married soon, but his financial situation is really bad and he's out of work, so we don't know how to manage things, which has made me feel like shit and that our plans are ruined even before we started taking action to make them come true. I also still resent things he did years ago when we weren't even together anymore during a long breakup, which is probably stupid of me.
His work situation also makes him feel like a failure, which consequently makes me feel bad too seeing him sad and depressed. After years in this relationship I feel like we deserve to get married and be together everyday, but money is stopping us.
I've fought depression for years and finally stopped taking medication around March or so, but now I'm back on them, and taking Klonopin on my own just to deal with shit and forget about my life. I wish I had access to other types of drugs to make me feel nice for a few hours, but I'm your typical nice white middle class girl who grew up with a bunch of religious people who doesn't know anyone who does drugs regularly, so I have no idea how to get hardcore drugs.
If you read it all you probably think I'm a pussy who loves to complain, but no. I've always hated that. I've always slapped life in the face and overcame any type of shit thrown at me. So I feel like I'm a huge failure and an embarrassment to myself right now. Honestly I've been planning on commiting suicide, but I probably won't have the balls to attempt again because I know I wouldn't want to deal with the horrible consequences of a failed attempt again. So I need to get my shit together and keep on going. I just don't know how. Everything seems so hard to bear.
There's nothing I really love anymore besides my boyfriend and close family members, but I don't think they really need me and I know they'd stop missing me eventually. Maybe I just need to see my psychiatrist again and open up even though the last time I was there I said I was doing fine and he said I was a success. Well, I'm fucking not. I want to die and I feel guilty for wanting to die when I know my "reasons" to feel that way seem so absurd. I could probably blame my teenage years for that (growing up in an abusive household, dealing with sexual abuse, being a short fat girl everyone ignored), but I don't wanna play the victim at this point in my life, being in my mid 20s. And tbh I'd feel embarrassed to tell my psych I'm in this state again, I don't even know why.
In the end I'm just utterly miserable and I don't really know to explain for sure what are my reasons to feel this way. Is it just depression? Frustration? Some type of painful coming of age stage? It's hard to say. This post is all over the place, and this isn't the first time I post itt to complain how utterly miserable I've been, but I needed to get this off my chest because I don't really have anyone to open up so freely like this. I really wish I could get a real life hug right now and be told everything will be ok even though I may not believe it. There's more I would like to say and my theories to why I feel empty but even typing this has been hard, so I will stop here.
i realize i was born with an absolutely fucked doomed shit hand in the entire age 1 - 21 part of life, but I also know I don't have time to mope about it. at this point the ultimate fuck you would be to rip my feelings out of all of those piles of general fucked up evil shit circumstances hands, keep striving, and loving life. running on just the power of sheer spite and love as much as i can to push all of that bitter hatred and evil away until i die.
It's France, isn't it?
I fucking hate the bureaucracy here, it has single handedly made me into the apathetic mess I am today.
Tbh if I could I'd get a tiny scarification "tattoo", but there's like one person in my entire country who does that so it's not work it meh
Also the big ones are creepy af
My chest is so flat, smaller than an A cup, that I don't even feel like a woman. But I don't feel like a man either. I just wish I was feminine and that men wanted me. All men want large boobs, even the ones who say they don't. If you have small boobs, you must have a 8/10+ face to make up for it.
I kind of have to agree but also disagree.
I'm also smaller than an A cup, even after gaining weight (spoop to fit) and my long term bf never complained about them (and I sure as fuck am not an 8 lmao). People have preferences, yes, but if tits matter so much to someone they wouldn't date you then you're actually lucky because you dodged a bullet.
As for the feminine part - yup. Same.
Being muscular doesn't really help but you can still be super feminine with a small chest, you just have to know how to dress properly and some small things, like doing your nails, makeup, skincare etc can help (imo).
Your titties don't define you anon, I'm sure you have other good qualities. Besides, if you want to attract men, personality is more important than tits.
Me too anon, I kind of feel the same as you about not being feminine enough, but I also wish mine were a bit bigger so I could wear whatever I want and look good. There are a lot of tops that barely hide my chest, and that's only if I'm very careful when moving, because mine is too flat and it sucks.
I washed my bedding for the first time in two years.
I've never felt worse in my life but I guess I should sleep clean before I off myself.
Okay, I've thought about what you've said and today I adopted a cat!
and since it is
a venting threadand now I feel triple guilty, bc I at first i thought to get another one, but he turned out to be sick - with that stuff (no idea what's the english word for that) which is triggered by stress and he had extra potential for said virus mutating in a way that would lead to his death - and if i took him home after him spending a shit ton of time in his cage ofc he'd be stressed, so i left him at the shelter. and the one I eventually adopted is very nice, but I can't love him. the way he displays his affection, the way he acts and smells (he isn't castrated yet), it only annoys me. i realise that it is stupid, like it's not his fault, he didn't do anything wrong, he's been there for one evening – I've just met him, he's stressed and I don't even know him yet, i need to give him time, and im mostly angry at him for not being my first cat. and i kinda feel like I've betrayed him by adopting someone else, like oh hey you've died nvm ill get myself another one. so I've been shit to three cats at once
but i will learn to love him and it'll get better from now on
keep saving kittens anon!
I'm the anon you're replying to! I'm sorry you couldn't get the cat you wanted(I don't know if you meant he had FIV or a respiratory infection as both can act kinda crazy when stress is brought up, stress can be at an especially crazy level when living in a shelter). I think you'll grow to love your new cat. I actually took on a new cat and he's very standoffish and feral due to being abanadoned so the shelter gave him to my family cause we take care of lots of ferals. He came off as very dickheaded to me and I didn't like him at all but now he's really grown on me and he's very slowly coming around. He's made friends with some other ferals that live with us and has met two kittens I kept from a sickly litter(the rest all went on to be adopted) and he's friends with them as well.
It doesn't seem like you love him now but you will later anon! Once he's neutured and adjusted to your home he'll probably improve a lot! Don't think of it as replacing your old cat. No cat can imitate your old one. You're giving the cat you adopted a shot at a happy life instead of being put to sleep in a shelter without knowing love just like what you've given the last cat and any other pets you've had in the past. It sounds really cheesy and lame but you can still love your first cat since love doesn't stop at the grave! You'll figure out how to love the one you have now for being himself, it'll just take a bit of an adjustment.
I've got lots of experience with cats and kittens alike so if you need help or want to hear a story there's an animal thrrad in /b/ and of course you can always vent your troubles in this thread. I'm always here to help!
I started taking the pill like a few days before my next period was due and that shit got delayed for a week, broke through and I've been having fake blood shit leaking out of my vagina for the last 13 days.
I just want it to be doneeee
Fucking ruined my nicely planned week of dick too smh. Now my hormones are all fucked up and I can't stop binge eating.
I've never been able to connect with people. I'm very lonely.
It feels useless.
Me too, anon. Me too.
I feel really disgusting today. I recently went through a relatively big makeover and lost a good amount of weight, so I should be feeling great. But I still feel disgusting and being in public makes me feel horrible because I look at other women and think they're all better looking than me. Really hating myself today. I'm in a bookshop rn feeling sad and bitter.
I know that feeling.
people are legitimately scary, I'm afraid of confident, beautiful, bitchy women and I can't meet ppl's eyes
and socializing, it's nigh impossible to figure it out, how people do it, i just don't understand what they talk about, all these little rules, it seems so easy when you watch, but not when you try it yourself
how can you ever tell if people are genuine or are just mocking you? how can you tell if it's hostility or they're just used to act rough?
That happens. Maybe the pill isn't for you?
I'm not sure. It happened to me too.
I don't want to leave behind my cat.
I don't know anyone who could take it. I'm too scared to meet people who would.
I have a lot of feelings and I'm too clumsy to adequately put any of them into words and that is the most frustrating thing.
Over the past weeks I've made a lot of points that sounded salient, that the person I was talking to walked away from the conversation going "yeah that's a good point, I hadn't thought of it that way" but it was still only a small fraction of what I actually wanted to say.
I'm frustrated with myself beyond my own patience.
Anon, please don’t off yourself. Your cat needs you, and I know it is really really hard being depressed, but please speak with your doctor about antidepressants and/or see a counselor who can help you.
>>I also have cats and wanted to off myself so your post really hits home. I hope things get better for you soon anon, as they really can!
Yeah, I think the recommendation is to start right after your period ends, but I had other things I wanted to do…lol.
I've stopped taking them entirely now, so I'm just waiting for everything to recalibrate.
i just started the pill + a new ssri and ive been feeling seriously suicidal
whenever i try to seek professional help i just keep on getting referred to another service and i just feel so tired
i dont want to worry my bf with this bc hes going through a rough time himself so i just feel like a burden haaaaha
Yes, that was hiv. and since I'm a pussy and lack experience i didn't want to take responsibility for his health. I've consulted with our vet, and he told me it's better not to risk.
I too think I'll get used to my yet nameless boy??, it's just my irrational emotions. i feel obligated to love him (which I can't do) and he tries his best to fit in.i guess i'll just look after him and eventually we'll get closer.
thank you for your advice, no matter how cheesy you think that sounded, it is true. they are actually very different. it's what I refused to admit to myself, I wasn't looking for a cat, but for a replacement. it's something i understand but I can't change the way I feel and it's frustrating.
I would love to hear your stories, anon, if you care to tell! it's very kind of you to offer ferals a chance for a better life, most of people are very reluctant to adopt ill socialized cats.
If it helps anon, I think of adopting new cats or rescuing wild ones as honoring past cats. They all deserve a shot and life but sadly not every single animal of any kind can get that and you're actually helping by adopting one. You've saved two lives: the life of your previous cat and the one you have now by opening up your home to them. It will take alot of time to sort your feelings out and you just have to go about it slowly. There is no time limit for grieving. Sometimes, other animals may even help you heal in the process and maybe that's why you brought the new boy into your life.
I made a thread where I(and you and other anons too!) can share stories and vents about pets. If it's ok of me to ask, what made you want to adopt the cat you hsve now? There's probably something about him that you don't realize yet but maybe it's there. You can still love your departed cat, the one you're struggling with now, and any other pets you choose to adopt in the future. It's weird but you end up loving them all differently and each on ehas a piece of your heart in their own way. I don't know if I make sense but I'm full of all kinds of reflections from working with cats.
There's nothing really wrong in my life right now, but I feel like crap. The problems I have going on are out of my control, so I know there's nothing I can do to solve them. But tbh I don't really think they're the reason why I have felt this way. Or are they?
Wish I could hide somewhere and disappear. I guess it's mostly stress. Two days ago I went somewhere with my mom and I started crying hysterically for no reason when we got in the car. I have no clue what started that. Are my problems bothering me this much? Do I have other problems? Or maybe my antidepressant is messing up with my mood… I started taking it again like 5 or 6 days ago.
I usually know how to describe my feelings and the reasons behind them, but I have no clue what's going on with me.
I wish I could hibernate for a few months and ask people to wake me up when things got better again.
it'll take 4 weeks for the meds to level/kick in anon, don't worry too much about outbursts etc in the mean time
Sending you love and hugs
I feel like shit and part of me wants to spend irl money for gems just so I can get a useless 5 glowing orbs backpack which I might not even get because it's fucking RNG. Thank god I'm too lazy to get out my card and type out the numbers.
I think I've been eating waaay too much recently, my stomach aches quite frequently and sticks out sooo much.
Can someone help put my mind at ease?
I had a problem with a condom on the 31st of October. On the 2nd of November I took the morning after pill. It's been exactly 3 weeks since then and I haven't gotten my period. I won't be able to take a test until the weekend but could someone help ease my anxiety until then?
You are probably fine. Stress can delay periods.
Yeah, I'm trying to calm myself as much as possible. I'm also applying heat to see if that helps.
How much is it? If it's not too expensive and will make you feel better you should go for it! >>3409
As the other anon said, it could be stress, but it could also be the pill itself. Every time I took it my period was delayed for at least one week. You're probably fine
I hope 2018 is a lot better for me financially wise. God. Goddddddd…
Hey, listen. Very sincerely. No matter what the case is, whatever the result is, it is out of your hands. There is no reason to worry about it because you can't change it. In 99% of cases you'll be fine and you really shouldn't worry about it because the chances of fertilization are SO small. However, if the worst possible situation comes along it's something you can take care of. You are not without hope and you are not stuck. you have done everything you can. Worry about things you can change, not things you can't. Best of luck, please update us.
I'm so tired of people being snarky in their comments while there's really no reason to be.
unspecific howls of anguish and hopelessness
I haven't enjoyed anything in a long time because of my lack of free time, I'm always tired and stressed and I feel hopeless and really stupid because of college and work. I hate that I procrastinate all the time too. I also feel lonely these days because I haven't seen my friends for a long time and they're not making any sort of efforts to keep in touch with me. And I hate being poor and living with my parents because I have almost no freedom, I can't go out as much as I would like to, can't eat, cook or buy what I want unless I'm ready to be insulted or mocked, can't date anyone, can't sleep as much as I need to, can't have any sort of private life, etc. I hate my life. I wish I could just sleep for years until my problems disappear by themselves, so then I can wake up and move on. Sorry it's not very coherent.
>>3247>I've seen so many anons on here and lc explain how they're a total shut in and/or have serious mental health issues, and then casually mention that they have a supportive boyfriend who loves them. It's a little frustrating for me because I just don't know how to get to know someone with my lack of social skills.
I wonder the same. I only got a bf when I stopped being a shutin
online dating, baby
you'll end up with a big chance of LDR but it's better than nothing.
Huh. I imagined it'd be very difficult to get the amount of support the average poster here requires from an LDR. Can I ask at what stage of your relationship did you feel you began to form a deep connection with the other person? Was it on the dating service or only after you've met person?
I relate to this so much:(
I've been doing nothing but studying since this autumn and I don't have time to actually learn anything and I also don't have the time to sleep or to see my friends
it fucking sucks, how do people find the time to live
>>3435>how do people find the time to live
I have no idea. In my case, compared to most people I know, mostly people from uni, they don't work on the side this year so they have 3-day weekends almost every week and they leave right next to the campus and all the shops they go to, and they live alone so they're free to do what they want in their free time. Whereas because of everything I listed in my previous post I barely have enough free time to study and when I try to do so I too tired to concentrate or I'm stuck with people from group projects so I have to use most of my free time with them instead of using it to study other, more important things. And I have to take at least an hour just to go from my home to college, which takes even more free time and forces me to wake up really early. I'm really not motivated to do anything these days.
When does your semester ends? I'm almost done with the semester so I feel even more like shit because I feel like I can't catch up anymore. I hope it's not the case for you too.
fucking this. I don't even feel like I have time to sit down and properly text/message my friends anymore. I know it's for the best in the long run because muh degree but I feel like people are gonna be like girl bye
we've got quarters, not semesters, and its like a slippery slope, i wake up at 6 and come back at ~9 and i only have time to do my homework and there's just too much so I can't stop and study themes I don't understand and try to fix anything. so i just keep getting bad marks for my half assed homework and ruining everything. we've got only a month left im kinda scared but also don't care, I've almost accepted the thought of failing, though i still dread it. i also don't remember shit. zero motivation and constant headaches don't help. im so angry about it, what will I be remembering when i grow old, how I spent my youth studying useless stuff?
maybe you could try to spend more time outside? you don't need to be at home to study, right? just find some cafe with free wi fi and little people and sit there till it closes. don't know if it could work out for you, but it helps me sometimes when my family gets insufferable.
We REALLY are in the same situation. Good luck anon, I hope you'll be alright.
As for where I could study I don't think I can go to cafés or anytjing like that because they're closed when I'm able to go there. And after a while you tend to be nicely kicked out if you don't eat or drink anything for a long time. Same thing for public libraries, they're all closed every Monday, which is the only day when I don't have any class. I try to stay in my college's library sometimes after classes even though it closes soon after I get there but I need to be online for my assignments and the campus' wifi hasn't worked very well for months now.
Feeling super lonely tonight. I have a relatively busy week ahead of me and just wanted to stay with my bf and relax tonight, but he begged me to let him play videogames with his friends, so yeah. I'm alone now. And bummed. I wish I could go somewhere and have fun, but I don't have any real friends in town anyway. And I have to wake up early tomorrow…
I just witnessed something so funny. Some of my coworkers met a Korean person at our workplace and acted like super creepy koreaboos. They were so excited to meet them, it was a cringe fest, they took selfies with them and everything as if this tourist was famous. I had never seen anything like that in real life, so I was kinda shocked. Tourism is big here, so it's not like they've never seen an azn tourist before.
Lol wow. That's embarrassing.
you too. maybe it will pay off somehow in the future
This Thanksgiving I was imbibing quite a bit, but so was my boyfriend and his family that came over. I had "behaved" just fine for the dinner. After everyone was gone I suggested to my boyfriend to have some fun times in the hot tub. He said sure but I was basically in there by myself and naked for close to an hour. I got pretty upset because A)drinking and B)I am extremely unsure about my body. I felt very lonely and abandoned and also like he didn't want to be with a naked me in the hot tub.
When he finally joined me I was already crying and pitying myself. He just looked at me for a few seconds and told me to get out and that I was done. I didn't know what else to do so I did.
The next day he didn't say shit to me. He literally only said three words to me. On one hand I felt guilty for drinking too much and making him feel awkward. On the other hand I'm a little pissed off because I wasn't the only one drinking and he has this weird thing about shaming me about drinking even though he does every day. Wtf man.
I always fucking Injure myself in the stupidest ways. In high school I did some dumb shit that broke my arm and just rn I walked into a wall and got a big ass bump on my head. I'm tired of physically injuring my myself in noticable ways because it makes people think I'm clumsy and that need to be careful. I want people to care for my pain but not feel bad or pity me. Also why am I wish I wasn't so injurable sometimes
I'm sure sitting in a hot tub for an hour was very distressing for you.
Come on, don't be a dick. She explained why it made her feel bad.
Omg anon, your bf sounds like a dick. Have you talked to him about it? Mine doesn't like it when I drink either but he dislikes alcohol and drunk people in general, so at least it makes sense… if yours drimks himself and has no problem with anyone else that's really controlling to say the least.
I'm sorry you had such a shit thanksgiving, but don't feel guilty about it.
I think I have a mild case of blepharitis (don't google it, it's gross and google loves to spit out the worst images) or dry eyes or whatever.
Basically the inner corner of my right eye is inflamed a bit, swollen and kind of scaly. The doctor gave me some type of cream that I use and it helps, but it comes back constantly, no matter if I use makeup or not. I really want to get rid of it but the doctor keeps telling me they can't really help me because "they don't see anything". I'm giving this shit one more try then I'm going to a "professional" as they said I should go. Except by the time I get an appointment there the redness, inflammation etc could be gone again and I'll get sent back home with 0 results. I just want the shit gone so I can wear my usual makeup again and contacts. :(
I like all of my tattoos but one I got on my thigh about 4 years a go. It was an impulsive tattoo, it's colorful and it's big, too. I want to remove it, but I am afraid of the scars. I guess I could do another tattoo on top of it, but I am afraid it will look.. messy? I don't know. I am also afraid of having a bad reaction to the laser and getting all blistery and gross.
I really don't know what to do, I guess I'll be forever jealous of this dude: https://www.tattoodo.com/a/2016/03/so-this-guy-diy-ed-his-own-tattoo-removal/
>my house is a mess, not only due to my own laziness but because my family never helps me clean
>my stomach hurts for some reason
>feel like shit because I've been overeating ^
>haven't exercised at all in over a month
>bf plays way too much videogame and hasn't given me much attention these last two or three weeks
>probably more stuff I can't remember right now
I wanna stop feeling bad and just fix everything asap… But I will allow myself to feel like shit for the rest of the day and pity party. Tomorrow is a new day and it will be better… right, fam? ;_; please say yes
I really wish I had a hobby so I could distract myself from my mental illness and comfort eating. Like I genuinely hate how I get joy from absolutely nothing. I wish I could be happy and have a cute hobby like painting or playing guitar like everyone else.
Today might be one of those days:
>ordered my boyfriend present on Amazon
>get parcel delivery notice stuck on door on Thursday
>Check Amazon today
>Amazon: "Delivery attempt failed. Returning Parcel. Will receive refund…"
>Boyfriend intrepidly sets out to see whether parcel is still at post office
>Me, disabled, social phobia, generally useless, etc etc
>After 3 phone calls I discover parcel HAS NOT been returned, text boyfriend
>Him: thumbs up, all's good
First off, fuck you, Amazon?
Secondly, it just hit my brain that I just sOcIaLly iNtErAcTeD with like three different call centre people, and my heart is pounding. Wtf, brain, stop being stupidly obsessive. It's not a big deal, you probably sounded fine, and you're the thousand and tenth caller they've processed today and they'll never remember you.
Still mildly panicking though,, my heart's racing and my hair feels like it's standing on end.
>Me, disabled, social phobia, generally useless, etc etc
If you're these things how in the world did you manage to get a boyfriend?
Hey anon, if it makes you feel better…
>It's not a big deal, you probably sounded fine, and you're the thousand and tenth caller they've processed today and they'll never remember you.
That's totally true. I worked on a call center and I only remember callers that were super fucking rude or super fucking nice. That's probably… 3 people out of thousands. So yeah. You are good.>>3476
It's gonna be okay, anon! I totally believe in you! Try exercising again tomorrow, even if a little, like 50 jumping jacks or a 20 minute walk! :D
This week i'm going in an airplane for the first time in my life and i'm so fucking anxious about it for some reason all of a sudden.
One of the people i'm going with keeps making jokes about it crashing or becoming a terrorist plane and it's making it even worse.
Fuck, a few months ago i was super excited and with 0 fears, flying was one of my most anticipated things since i was a kid, but now i feel like puking whenever i think i need go get on a plane anf it's driving me up the walls.
I wish I would have real female friends to hang out with, or at least people I could trust enough to really open up to them. I only have one friend who I'd call a real friend and even then we hardly hang out anymore now that we're done with college. I used to have a really close friend, but she's one of those girls who stop communicating with her friends once she's in a relationship (and starts again talking to her friends after they break up…which is super annoying).
Whenever I want to hang out I usually ask my sister to go with me, but it's not the same because she's 6 years younger than me and would gossip about my life to my family, so I don't really open up to her about my thoughts, problems, etc.
I have a nice online female friend at the moment, but it's not the same since I want someone to go to the mall with me, or just to go out to grab a snack or something. My boyfriend and I are in a ldr at the moment, so I feel pretty lonely.
I want close female friends again who can go out with me.
>friend come back to the city for the weekend, ask me if I want to go to a restaurant with her
>I naively accept, thinking we'll be just between a few friends
>she adds me to a fb conversation full of people I don't know or care about (more than 12 people in total) and someone I'm starting to really dislike more and more
>at least half of them are in their 30s and act like immature teenagers and yet still seem like they have a stick up their ass
>whatever, I'll mute the conversation, I already accepted anyway
>friend tells me to send a message to her obnoxious sister whom I never talked to so she can make a reservation
>I don't have her number
>"it's in the fb conversation :)"
>mfw more than 300 messages I haven't read yet
>told my friend to tell her sister because I cant find her number
>the next day
>"so did you send her a message? :)"
I'm out. I know I'm being really ungrateful and all that shit but if I'm going to hang out with a friend to end up barely seeing her or talking to her, especially after class and after work all in the same day, and very late, it's a no. She doesn't seem to understand that it's not because she has a bunch of friends that we'll all get along or want to hang out together. I'll go to a better restaurant with my mother instead, it'll be much better. I already feel bad for typing this.
I was contacting people I used to talk to a few years ago and reconciled with them b/c I was in a rough time in my life and was doing a lot of stupid shit. I reconnected with one guy I talked to when I was underage and I knew he was a weirdo but didn't remember how. He right off the bat sends me Child Porn and I'm immediately shocked and disturbed. I wait for him to log off and then I report him.
I feel like a sad sack of shit and like a disgusting creep.
I recently made a Tumblr (yeah, I know I'm like what, 8 years late) just to follow useless shit I like. But goddamn, am I ~~triggered~~ by the recommended posts and Tumblrs I get? Many fitness pics (and even long hair pics) show asses in the most blatant sexual ways and I've received dick pics too. I don't like seeing those things out of the blue, so I'm very unhappy with it. I know it's probably just about adjusting my preferences and all, but barf…
Don't feel bad, anon. She could have helped you when you asked her to talk to her sister for you. She was probably too distracted to notice. Make sure you enjoy your dinner with your mom and text your friend on the next day asking when you two can hang out with one another, preferably alone. She will probably appreciate it. And even if she can't, really, you shouldn't feel bad. You tried. >>3485
Wow, that's fucking sick. I'm glad you reported him. I have the tendency of trying to contact old friends who barely remember me, especially when I'm down. I really need to change that. The last friend I contacted was one of my best friends from middle school who kept in contact with me throughout HS, and even though he remembered who I was, he seemed so apathetic I felt really sad.
Been using the site for years and I know what you mean. Get xkit if you use the desktop site, it helps A LOT. Also, if you follow blogs that post a lot of "fitspo", then, yea. It's basically soft core porn. But there are thankfully fitness blogs that don't reblog that shit.
I was bored ASF last night and feeling lonely, so i found a guy on a random chat and added him to my throwaway Kik. He seemed fairly fun and normal. Well, today he started calling me love and sweetie, and all of that, and that makes me fucking uncomfortable. I'm glad I never showed him a picture or told him my real name because I'll probably block him very fast. I'm just bummed about it because I wanted to find someone nice to chat with, and well… It probably won't happen anymore, he's starting to get flirty and I hate that.
>have perfect boyfriend
>loving, caring, cute, absolutely wonderful
>flirting non stop and laughing and enjoying life together
>i love him like i've never loved anybody
>it's the most wonderful time i've had in years
>never want to be apart from him
>never been so happy
>suddenly my vision goes black
>wake up from sleep
>look at empty bed
>remember the loneliness
>realize it was all a dream
>he never existed and i'll probably never see him again
I am so depressed since this morning, why the fuck live anymore.
Last night H3H3 built me a Lego boat and then I heard lazers in my brain and felt them too.Was it a stroke? :/
Hey just thought I'd provide a little update. My period did come but it was very light due to the morning after pill. Took a test also just to be safe and it was negative. I guess I panicked over nothing but thank you to the anons who provided me with a distraction while I was panicking, it helped me xxxx
Some guy attempted suicide next to our work place this morning. He jumped out of the window from the 3rd floor onto grass. (he survived and is stable, dude probably did it out of impulse because the height wasn't enough to kill yourself)
I hate the fact that after one of my coworkers mentioned that he was extremely mentally ill, absolutely numb from all the meds and had years of unsuccessful therapy my first thought was "hope it worked".
I feel grossed out by myself right now and that I'm not really disturbed by it as everyone else.
Lately I've been real lethargic and lonely feeling, and the people I usually chat with have been so distant I barely hear from any of them. I know it's them all dealing with life, but it makes me feel unliked for some reason.
Is it weird that when i read comments calling mixed race people or eurasians disgusting etc.
It really bums me out for the rest of the day
My childhood house just got broken into. We have some cameras that were set up because of recent suspicious activity around the neighborhood, but the lag on motion detection meant that we didn't get everything on camera (also it was just 3 hoodied guys, one of them fucking pissed in my backyard).
I'm at school though, so I can't do anything. Right now the police are talking to my uncle who is also our across neighbor. And my parents are out of the country atm.
I can't concentrate on studying right now.
I've been in a similar situation and I just wanted to say I'm sorry it happened. It sucks so much and you lose the sense of security and safety you previously had, not to mention the loss of whatever they took.
Make sure to tell the police where the guy pissed, if the police are honestly legitimately serious about investigating they can pick up DNA from urine, especially if he's a type that secretes blood.
Not that anon but chances of finding DNA in urine are very very small, unfortunately.
I'm sorry, OP! I hope they catch him. The same happened in my house a few years ago and unfortunately they never caught the pos.
I guy random tried to pull me to his car and rape me today. I managed to escape I'm crying do much, my mom just picked me from work. He said he was going to fick mu brains out.
holy shit anon I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've had the same happen. Are you going to the police? Please do.
I imagine you're feeling really shaken up rn. I'm sorry I can only send posi vibes over the web, but I'm really feeling for you rn. It's okay to cry and later be angry about this too. Sending love and warmth <3
I'm quitting my job. I didn't give any notice or anything and am just not gonna go in tomorrow or ever again. I have been really sick lately and probably have a medical issue and they've been pretty unsupportive despite my being there a long time and it being a tiny company. I get that it's a job, but I was out for 2 days in a row only to be told they'd have to find someone else if this stuff continued. The worst part is that I've felt guilty every time I've been absent so it feels like a slap to the face. I don't have a new job lined up so it's pretty irresponsible, but I'm looking and going to do dog walking until I get something else…
This pisses me off. If I saw him trying to pull you into his car I would have beat his ass with a tire iron for you. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
It's a shame there aren't more unemployed mechanics around to stop this sort of thing.
Thank you, anons. Sorry my post didn't make much sense, I was crying a lot. My mom had just dropped me home and I needed to talk to someone but I knew everyone who cares about me was busy and didn't want to send such news like that. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't tried to escape. I will report it to the police today but I live in a South American country with lots of crime and little justice so I doubt anything will happen. Sadly that's my way to work and it's 15 min away from home on foot, that's what is worrying me…that I will eventually have to take the same route.
This is about the moment where I hound and ruin the life of the person who would do such a thing, because even though my morality may hit borderline evil at points, that is a special kind of evil that deserves a good hard curbstomp.
I suggest you pick up and keep a tazer and or mace on you from now on, just in case. And like I've said somewhere before, if worst comes to worst aim for their liver!
Last spring I worked a temporary job and became what I thought was good friends with my coworkers and boss. When the job ended we all agreed we liked working and hanging out together, and to try to work together again next year, and I told my boss to contact me if he wanted me to come back. I haven't spoken to my boss or most of the others since, but I thought that was okay, we're busy and they have their own lives. But today I saw that my boss posted the job for next year, and he hasn't contacted me about it at all. I'm so incredibly hurt. I probably shouldn't be, I should know no one will ever really like or care about me and that anything good is just a set up for me to fall. I also brought it on myself- I probably fucked up data entry and wasn't the best at recording what I was doing at the beginning. But that was the only group of people in my entire life I felt like I belonged with, that were my friends. I believed my boss when he thanked me for my hard work and said he would definitely keep me in mind. I spent months thinking of things I wanted to tell them, and ask them about. I just wanted to be with them again. I want to fucking die and I've been crying all day.
Surely you can still apply for it? As you said, the boss is probably busy, and it's not really his responsibility to tell you about a job opening, despite you telling him to when you were leaving. He might be thinking "if anon is really serious about working with us, she'll apply for this position without needing to be asked to"
With the addition of the recent feature, can I just say how sad I am about what Youtube has become?
When I was younger, I used it to learn, to laugh at dumb and clever shit and to get inspired. It was such a creative and fun platform. Now most of the channels, no matter if animal-, humor-, fashion-, lifestyle-, diy-, horror- or other-content-related feel like one big commercial with the same patterns over and over and over again. A good 85% of the videos I once loved are either deleted or hit with stupid copyright strikes. I can't stand all the +10min videos anymore, with maybe 1-2min of the actual content mentioned in the title and then it's completely underwhelming. I can't even find a simple make-up tutorial without "totally great and recommended" obviously sponsored items. Nothing feels genuine anymore and almost everyone puts on an act. It's like TV but actually worse. And not to mention all the political bullshit going on in completely unrelated videos and their comment sections.
I don't know. I'm old and sad and I miss what the Internet used to be.
Normally yes, but I made it very clear that due to past incidences of being jerked around, I would assume that him not contacting me would be taken to mean he didn't want me and that I wouldn't apply on my own, on top of both of us expecting me to have another job during this time and not even be looking at the job board to see this in the first place. It's pretty clear he doesn't care.
It is an unrealistic expectation for you as the potential employee to expect the boss of a job to reach out to you. Bosses are not "friends" even if they may seem so; they are your boss first and foremost. A huge part of networking is calling back people who you used to work with to check for jobs (if you want to work with them again). No one is going to hold your hand and give you a job just because you used to work with them and were friends with the people that worked there. Hell, that's one of the reasons I haven't quit my job yet: I'm not sure I'd get it back, even though my boss is "friends" with me.
My friend quit his job and although his workplace loved him, he was the one who had to contact them again and ask if he could be interviewed for his job again.
Another possibility is that maybe the boss listed the job and wasn't going to call you just yet.
Samefag, it isn't personal, though. It most likely isn't because of any of the negative traits you posted. It's just the nature of work.
Thanks for replying, it was mostly surreal when it happened. Fortunately, the time between the break-in and when police showed up was very fast. The perpetrators were probably inside for a max of five minutes before they noticed there were cameras and ran. I don't think anything was taken, but I also don't have the full info that the police gathered since I won't be there for another two weeks. It just sucks that the incidence of crime in our neighborhood has gone up a lot and it's not as safe anymore.>>3544
I'm not physically there to tell the police that, but we have footage of it that was sent to the police. I don't see that line of investigation leading anywhere, especially since it soaked into the grass.
At Christmas I'm going to have to see a relative of my mother's that I'm really legitimately starting to actively hate and despise.
Last Christmas our cat was acting really tired, but she was very very old (almost 20 years old!) and my parents and I weren't sure whether her heart could stand the panic of a trip to the vet. I did research and found that local vets would come to the house, but my parents didn't believe me, because that's the way the are, annoyingly.
On Christmas day, along with all the other relatives, in prances my mother's cousin's stepdaughter: she's a massive edgelord hipster who constantly whines about how hard her upper class life is even though she's allowed to stay home and not attend school or have to have a job and was gifted a new sportscar, and she's a pathological liar as well.
I've done research in the past to prove her wrong because she loves to give advice and says things like that she knows more than an actual engineer because she sat in on her boyfriend's engineering course ONCE, or that she knows everything about computer science because her "BFF" studied webpage design. Last Christmas, it was that she was a trained veterinarian because her "bestie" volunteers at a pet salon and "she knows everything about animals!"
I'll try to keep this short, but my parents buy into her bullshit EVERY SINGLE TIME just because she's always wearing trendy clothes and hair, and her parents are wealthy. It used to just annoy me, but last year, when my cat was sick, she told my parents the bullshit lie about being a "trained vet tech" and they believed her, and she went on to say that our cat wasn't sick, she probably wasn't even as old as we thought she was (wtf even?!) and that they should make her live outside fulltime because it "wasn't natural" for cats to live indoors.
My parents totally believed her, no matter what I told them, and they refused to listen to me about the vet coming to the house. In March my cat died, and the vet told us if we'd even brought her in at Christmas she could have removed the tumour that killed her.
Because of all that I just can't get over the feeling that that stupid lying girl killed my cat by telling my parents her stupid lies. Even as I'm typing this I'm getting angrier and angrier, and I am really not looking forward to seeing this girl this year.
I wish I'd stop biting my inner cheeks. I've done this since a kid and it's sort of like biting your nails, or picking scabs. It has gotten a bit painful though, and I remember reading it can worsen chances of getting mouth cancer. I wake up every day saying I'll stop, but then catch myself doing it 5 min later. Idk if anyone else on here does that, but oh god… I know it sounds silly, but it's not. It's gotten painful…
Damn anon, my fists are clenched after reading that. It couldn't hurt to give her a piece of your mind. And while you're at it your parents too.
Oh my gosh, can it really worsen your chances of mouth cancer? I do this too anon. I also bite my lips and I bite/pull around my fingers, and I sometimes pull my nails. It's something I've done since I was young but it's sort of manifested into an anxious habit now.
I wanted to take a shower before going to bed because it has been days since I last took one and my father got literally triggered by it because he wants to sleep and he doesn't want me to spend too much water an thus, his money, even though he's actually the one who wastes everything and wake me up at 4am or 5am even though he doesn't need to wake up early at all. Cant wait to gtfo of here. He actually tried to remove the shower head until my mother begged him not to and told him I will take a shower tomorrow morning even though I should be at home tomorrow morning. And last time he was insulting and threatening me for taking a shower as well. And then he wonders why my siblings and I hate him so much. Next time some upperclass fucker in college tells me I'm lucky because I live with my parents I'll have a fucking breakdown.>>3596
I really don't know who is the most stupid person in this story, your parents or the cousin's stepdaughter. Is there a way you could avoid her?
>>3619>even though I shouldn't be at home
Anons same. I bite my cheeks and its a bad habit i've been doing since i was a little girl. I also pull my finger nails off (which i never heard of anyone else doing) but i dont bite them or anything. I wish i could kick them both. Im doubting the mouth cancer thing though. Chewing your cheeks obviously isnt healthy and could potentially cause other minor conplications but straight up cancer doesnt make sense. Sounds like a scare tactic more than anything. I aint worried
Some days I feel really hollow, and lonely, and lose interest in everything. I wake up and get out of bed, thinking of all the things I could do, and then don't do any of them. I sit there apprehensive of doing anything. I don't poke friends because I don't want to bug anyone, and even then usually no one is on. I need someone willing to drag me out of my hole and spend some time out of me, but I can't bring myself to do anything. Today I'm not up to anything, and I feel so annoyed that I'm not up to anything. I need to go and get myself some friends that are more active and suit me.
Punch her this year. Give her a good slam and your family will get the message. Seriously, fuck that bitch she doesnt even have the right to be near you let alone see yoy for Christmas. Shes a murderer all in favor of making herself look good and knowledgeable. Do your retarded parents understand what she did? Give them a piece of your mind.
A lot of people are giving the girl shit, you included but the problem is your parents not her.
Muscle cancer isn't really a thing. Cancer is unchecked cellular replication, so it usually happens in areas where cells are dividing anyway, like linings (intestinal/esophageal cancers, or yes, inner cheeks) or growth areas (breasts/bone marrow).
Ripping the insides of your cheeks up isn't a good thing. try putting a little tape there?
>>3621>>pull my fingernails off
I do this too, anon, people find it horrid to look at because it looks painful to them. It isn't, though (unless you tear off too much).
I had a friend exactly like your relative. We're not friends anymore obviously.
My parents never believe me on shit too. I discovered the easiest way was to just straight up call or email professionals in whatever area and show my parents. In your case you should of called the vet on speaker and been like "do you do home visits?" and they'd be like "yes" and you can stare your parents dead in the eyes as they have to listen to you being right. It's a glorious feeling too.
You may feel mega awkward and weird doing it at times but it's the only way to get them to listen. If they believe some dumb edgy cunt over their own daughter, you need to be extreme and blunt.
It's both anon, you can't say that the girl lying in the first place didn't cause anon's parent's to trust her.
So…I just met my upstairs neighbor.
The walls where I live are paper thin, and I'd been worried he and/or the person below me could hear certain noises I make.
This includes accidentally knocking something off a table, and then knocking other items over while trying to retrieve the original item, loud farts (I let them rip and try to see how loud I can go…), a vibrator (which I've used at random times of the day), and cracking up at jokes in the middle of the night…
So…I was on my way home when this guy sat next to me. I recognized him, and assumed we were classmates. Then he told me we live in the same area, and that's why we recognized each other.
I immediately realized my mistake, but not the gravity of it. You see, I try to avoid getting friendly with people who live in my dorms/apartments because I like my peace and quiet.
By then it was too late. We got to talking, and although he was very friendly, suddenly he asked which room I was in. Apparently he's the guy upstairs. He carried on like everything was normal, but I wonder if it just hadn't dawned on him at the time that I'm the person directly below him…or if he actually can't hear my embarrassing noises. When we reached our building, he suddenly made an excuse to leave. I know he's not lying about living in my building.
I have an exam on Thursday and I feel confident for the content but in quiet rooms full of people I get REALLY fucking uncomfortable and I feel like everyone can hear me breathe and asdfjhgajfgsalgfaskjfhaosiklfja
My mom bought us very expensive tickets to my sister's dream vacation. Cool, right? Well, it could be if she wasn't complaining about mom not having loads of money for us to spend there. We're going there for tourism, not a shopping spree, but it's like she doesn't get it. Man, the trip is expensive, and she's doing it for love, she got a loan just for it, to get us there so we could get to know the place, eat and have fun next year. Why can't my sister just appreciate what my mom is doing and STFU about money? She has some of her own, which she'll definitely spend there, so why bother our mother asking for more? This is ridiculous and offensive, especially because my mom is sick. We're going to get to know the place, appreciate it, and get one or two items. That's it. Be thankful!
My boyfriend's sisters and mom piss me off so much, and the sad part is, out of the four years we've been together I haven't once met his mom. Only twice met his sisters.
Long story short; they're financial leeches and only care about themselves.
They don't call my boyfriend unless they have a problem or need money. They don't ask about me unless it's to ask about hawking a free plane ticket. They've never once made an effort to befriend me or get to know me, and flatly ignored me irl when I met them.
Hell, my boyfriend made a facebook post about whoever would like to be sent a Christmas card, and the one younger sister replied "Can mine have money in it?" Obv we're supposed to act stupid and take that as a joke but she's actually serious low key. Even though none of them have so much as bothered to send us anything for our birthdays and holidays.
Actually, I think the older sister sent us some cheap christmas card last year with her second out-of-wedlock kid plastered on it (no monies in our card of course), but it seemed like the purpose was to make us want to send her money out of guilt for her children growing up in poverty and without their fathers. I told bf that if he wants to send them something, send items because they will waste any money on useless shit for themselves. The younger sister is just lucky that she moved out with an army guy and lived on his base the second she turned 18.
I'm just so disgusted with them and I find very little about them to be redeeming.
I miss being young so so much, I'm nearing 30 and I wasted my life being depressed and anxious and now I wish I could go back and have more experiences like the times that I did do stuff; and I feel like I'm too old now to find real idealistic romance and argh
someone please help me, i'm too dumb to live.
i've started a new job after almost a year of being unemployed. today was my second day and i'm terrible at everything i do, even during training. the other trainees were understanding things and i didn't understand shit. i'm waiting to just get fired pretty much. i cried so hard today, i'm not good at anything. my new boss emailed me a bunch of shit that i don't understand. i'm terrified.
when i got this job, people threw a fucking party because they were so proud of me. but i'm fucking failing already. i'm waiting for the day i come home from work and my boyfriend has his things packed because he realizes what a huge loser he's with. he'll break up with me…for the third time. i fucking know it. but i can't show these emotions in front of him or it will just make things worse and he'll think i'm an even bigger loser.
i'm actually worthless and contribute nothing to society, and it's a hard reality to face at 27.
You're really not too old.
My aunt is almost 60 now, she was also kind of a shut-in, introverted kind of person and somewhere in her mid 30's-40's she just stopped giving a fuck and started doing what she wanted. Now she's probably having more fun and what not than most of the people my age.>>3708>i'm terrible at everything i do, even during training. the other trainees were understanding things and i didn't understand shit.
This is how a lot of people feel, trust me. You just pretend to understand and do your best, even if it sucks and ends up as a terrible mess. IT takes some trial and error and I'm sure your supervisor/boss/whatever will understand.
I'm sure you're doing better than you think anon <3
I made the mistake of looking up an ex-friend. I hate seeing her have a life and post pictures with friends.
I also found out she scammed people for a nice sum, which makes me happy because that means she's not the sweet lil shit she pretends to be.
I'm so salty right now, can't wait for this feeling to leave my body
I kinda feel you. I'm trying to ween myself off of being so contemptuous of people that I haven't had the best relationship in the past with even after we've both gone our own ways. It's a shitty feeling, but I just try and remind myself how good it feels just to not have to deal with them anymore. It'll pass before you know it.
I crave human touch so badly. I wish I could be held, kissed, touched and fucked by a man who loved me, even if his love eventually faded away someday. I haven't had sex with a guy yet and I'm twenty fucking five. That's mostly due to my previous relationship, it lasted a reallyyyy long time, and it was long distance, which made me wait for years.
I'm not really socially retarded, I'm just shy and quiet, but I don't wanna do it with anyone. I want to feel like I'm loved before doing it. Life is complicated. I hope 2018 is a good year for me love wise because I have high hopes now.
tfw touch starved hopeless romantic
If you suck, then at least be as FRIENDLY as possible to everyone, everyone will want to help you as forgive you easier.
trust me, as a dude, i feel the same way. there are way more people out there who feel the same as you and are looking for another girl to love.
ah fuck, my feels(YOU CANT SIT WITH US)
Same here. I just want one person. Where I don't need to deal with their family as well, and just them. But that seems impossible.
Thank you both for letting me know I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm a complete outcast even though many others are in the same situation. >>3735
You will be banned for outing yourself, but good luck in your love life, anon.
I got really mad at my bf last night because he left me hanging on discord to talk to a guy friend. I am going through a very delicate situation now because my mother needs to get a surgery in a few days. I asked him what he was talking about with his friend and he was rude yelling it was none of my business. That made me burst into tears. Normally I wouldn't have had that type of reaction, but I feel like I'm in such a bad position now. Then he got mad at me for crying. I feel like shit.
I logged out and went to bed. I wake up this morning, check my phone and see his texts:
"Yeah I'm not gonna hear you say I'm rude and stay quiet. I understand your period is coming and that's why you're like that"
Wtf. He's usually a very kind and thoughtful person. I feel so lost.
Holy shit that's incredibly rude
Guess you could ask him if something's wrong? Do you might know his friends? Tbh they could be a bad influence if it keeps happening. He really shouldn't have said or done any of these things.
Hope things go back to normal soon for you <3
Thank you, anon <3 I know most of his friends, but i haven't talked with him yet today. Maybe he was just having a shit day himself too, I have no idea yet.
He sounds like a fucking dick. Any guy that blames your feelings on your period is a fucking asshole. Please leave this doofus, there are so many better guys out there.
This this this. Even if it was a spur of the moment thing, he just showed you how he really feels, girl and how badly he wanted to hurt you. Fucking drop his ass.
Please, dead god, leave this fucker and get some nice female friends. At this time you need someone to reassure you or even just to listen to you rant. Idk what age you are, but this guy sounds about 12 mentally. This behaviour is only going to get worse.
You deserve someone who makes time for you and wants to care for you when you're upset or sick. Not this asshole.
Speak to him and see if he has an explanation, I say this only because> He's usually a very kind and thoughtful person
so it sounds like he at least deserves a chance.
Unless his explanation is that his friend has space aids and acting irrationally is the only cure though, then yea I concur with the other anons that he's unworthy. The text message is pic related.
>bf is in another country because of work
>5 hour difference
>usually logs on when it's 3pm (8pm where he is
>it's 5:40pm, almost 11pm where he is
>none of my messages are recieved
>last login was at 6am (11am)
Idk if he's on his way home/on a plain or if something happened, but I sure as fuck feel like throwing up.
I'm probably overreacting but fuck
Update:he's fiiine, the flight was delayed and he had no wifi and other crap
im fed up of people saying I sound like Micheal McIntyre when I talk
a good boy.jpg
I'm fucking freezing and I wish I wasn't -but since he totally knows better about my body temperature than me, then I must not be actually freezing and just seeking attention for no reason!
same anon but i have been feeling like this for years now, 5 or 6 i think. i never want to do things i enjoyed, most times i spend the entire day hyping myself up to do something fun but then i end up not doing it. honestly all i do is go to uni, go to work and watch shitty youtube (because i can't gather myself to look up something i actually want to watch), i feel so miserable.
I've been having such a hard time coping with the fact that I'll never be beautiful the way I want to. I'm pretty, way above average by local standards even, but I can't help but hate my face with a searing passion.
I don't know how other people do it. It used to be somewhat okay some years ago, because the people who were beautiful were either celebrities (who were also rich) or few and far between, but nowadays it seems like no matter where I look I see some beautiful random girl and I just can't accept the fact that that's never going to be me.
I don't base all my self-worth on this anymore, I learned to value my achievements, I'm very smart and a competent and hard worker on top of it, and I'm proud enough of that. But… I just can't stop feeling depressed every time I have to look into a mirror. It doesn't help that I'm turning 24 really soon and I can already see that I'm losing whatever okay looks I had to begin with and it's only going to get worse. I wanted to get plastic surgery, but I didn't and don't have the money for it and won't for another few years, and by then I'm going to be older and then I'll have to deal with the aging instead of fixing what's wrong. And even if I did have the money, no amount of surgery would give me the kind of face I want.
I hate my entire body so much. I especially hate my face. I feel sorry for my boyfriend for being with me, and I feel sorry for everyone who needs to look at me or does so accidentally. I wish my mom had fucked the other guy she was with before my father because he looked a lot better… maybe I'd be cuter then. I even blame her for it.
It's almost 4am here and I woke up for no reason. I was so mad at it because I really need sleep.
(I was wondering why but I guess it was worth it
For this pic ;_; "a good boy". My heart.)
>>3795>but nowadays it seems like no matter where I look I see some beautiful random girl and I just can't accept the fact that that's never going to be me.
yes, Yes, so much this
im so mad I went after my dad and not my mama who's really pretty
every time I look at their old photos im like ?????? why
Hi, thank you everyone who responded. I'm >>3753
Just a quick update on what happened. So I tried talking with him on the next day and he seemed to be feeling better, but didn't apologize. He started complaining about being unemployed, so I think that's why he was so stressed out. But as the hours passed he started to get rude again, and was treating me very coldly. I've been with this man for over 5 years and I'm heartbroken, but i have no mental energy to do anything right now. I need to focus on my mom. Maybe we're going to breakup, I don't even know… I'm really down but I won't stand being treated like shit for no reason.
I just turned 24 and realised that no matter what decisions I make, the (in my case mildly) fun part of my life is already over and it will only get worse.
My mom asked me if I could lend her money soon since January is a tough month. (She did the same thing in February and threw a big fit when I hesitated.) My grandma already gave her money for that case. And she literally bought a dryer a week ago. Now her husband asked me for christmas money too because she has all the power over his bank account, so she'd see when he's buying a present. When I asked him when I'll get the money back, he'll just assured that I'll get it back but didn't name a date. I still have a shit ton of open bills to pay this month and have to buy presents too. I planned to binge on japanese lucky bags with the remaining money but rip.
All of this wouldn't be a problem if paypal didn't limit my account with over $600 on it for no fucking reason and their customer service wouldn't be absolute garbage.
I got in touch with a really cool archive to do some voluntary work but now I have basically no time for it anymore and I don't know how to tell them. They were so kind and happy about it.
My lecturers think we have nothing better to do in our one week christmas holiday than to read, learn and write homeworks 24/7, so they give us tasks worth of two months.
My favorite RP closed down because the admin had to be a cunt and now I have nothing to look forward to at the end of the day.
>Still friends with guy who I had a sorta serious fling with
>Guy often asks to get back together
>"No, I don't think it would be good for us" (ldr, we tried to make it work but no success)
>Guy proceeds to talk about how women hit on him trying to get me jealous
>Guy says he's surprised how people "gravitate towards his art"
>Said art usually gets 20-30 likes at most, usually less. He repeatedly reblogs/reposts it forever to get to 100 somethings, shitting posts multiple times a day
>Asks him how I am doing
>Say I am doing good, that I just have one tiny small problem in my hands, but thats it.
>"I'm sorry your life has been so hard, anon"
Lmao. I can't! What is he even trying to do here? He's done this many times in the past months, it's stressing me out. Why do people do this kind of shit when they are rejected? And honestly I didn't even ""reject"" him, it's just we couldn't work out due to our circumstances. This is so dumb, why is he like this? What's the word for people like this?
He's a full grown man, way older than me. This is pathetic. I just got official with someone I really care about and I will tell him next time we talk so he doesn't think I'm just playing his game.
I wonder how he's going to react.
Ugh. In the beginning of the semester, my roommates were cool with texting us to give notice/ask if they could host a friend over for the night/a few nights. Maybe because we've been cool with it so far that they stopped? Over thanksgiving break and now, two roommates have hosted people without notice. The last time, I thought that friend was just over to hang out and was a little surprised to see her the next morning, but she had introduced herself when I first saw her, so I wasn't alarmed. This current time, I've heard his voice and saw his face after 2-3 days because my roommate never introduced him, even though we've all been home (because classes are over and it's finals season).
The kitchen is in eyesight of both bathrooms, and I've heard them rush from my roommate's room to the bathroom (heard the door click while cooking), then rush back and close her door. Wtf? Ya'll really can't just stop and introduce yourself/him?
I'm pressed because I feel like a stranger is in my space, yes, but should I demand an introduction?
>tfw when returning home from a wonderful vacation in an incredibly beautiful place with good times and lovely locals back into a dysfunctional family and horrible home life in a shitty drug ridden small town full of assholes and 0 things to do
I fucking hate the post-vacation blues.
I don't think it's fair for you to lend your parents money like that. If they can't afford Christmas they can't afford Christmas, deal with it.
I hate this time of year because of how much people will throw themselves into debt over gifts etc when it's super illogical and Jesus fuck I'm sure they both know they have no money?? So don't buy whatever??
Especially to ask you anon… I think it's really rude and irresponsible of them.
>>3805>and have to buy presents too
You really don't. Get stuff for yourself.
But all that sounds really tough, anon, I'm sorry. Hope things improve soon. Also agree with >>3811
I'm guessing a male person she lives with refuses to turn up the heat despite being close to winter and anon being cold.
here! What >>3813
anon said sums it up. I don't feel comfortable naming names or anything so I wrote this as vaguely as possible. The problem is that I live with this certain someone
that thinks that what he says is the absolute truth no matter what -in this case, I said "I'm cold" and he said "nah, you aren't, you just want atention, since I'm
not cold there's no way in hell you can be and (blah blah)
So, yeah, I was pissed off because of that, like, thank you for telling me about how I am feeling, dude! That totally made the cold go away.>>3797
I'm glad the good boy made your night better, anon! Have a comfy boy.
I really feel you on that one. I'm going to my bfs place this week and staying until January. Already dreading having to come home.
I hope you can get out of there soon, anon.
My boyfriend betrayed my trust in a horrible way and I can't shake it off, I keep obsessively thinking about it and the only way I see of feeling better is cheating on him. I'm obviously fucking crazy because he didn't exactly cheat on me, but I feel like somehow me did.
However I wouldn't even tell him about the cheating, I just want to feel I got back at him, you know? I feel like such a POS for this. I know this relationship is already fucked (we have been together for a long time since I was in my late teens, and we've always had such a beautiful relationship until this problem) since I can't get past what he did and because I feel this way, so I will have to end it.
But is cheating on him like this fair at all? Should I do it just for the purpose of feeling better? Is what I feel right now normal? Do normal people do this or do they just break up?
I probably sound like a selfish mofo and maybe you probably think I am, but I'm just really depressed and lost. For the last 7 months or so I've been trying to feel better about this whole situation, but nothing works. I just keep getting worse and feeling like I lost something very important to me, and that I'm unappreciated, and unloved. I care so much about him I went to therapy to try to get over the feeling of disappointment and betrayal, but unsuccessfully.
If I break up with him without getting back at him I will probably feel like he fucked me over and that I let him walk away freely, but that's autistic of me since he didn't exactly cheat on me, he only betrayed my trust. Repeatedly.
Sorry if this is all over the place, I cried all morning and I have no friends or at least people I trust well enough to open up to. Honestly I don't even know how I'd cheat, I'd probably just sext a bunch of randoms then feel sorry for my own ass, but avenged.
I know this isn't the relationship advice thread, but if you want to say anything to me, please do. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm going to break up with him soon because I can't take this. My sense of trust is hurt and so is my dead self esteem.
I've been feeling out of place lately and like i'm behind everyone else in terms of getting my shit together.
Most people i talk to have at least some thing that they are passionate about, be it math,technology, history, what have you, but i just feel no passion for anything.
Soon i will have to choose a career path and study for it and i feel completely lost about it.
I know i wanna do uni simply because i want to get enough money to support my current family and my future family and not be struggling to live, but not because i want to study anything or like anything particularly.
I do not feel any pull/passion for anything, i study things and i barely remember them because i have 0 interest in them, and i know it's only gonna get harder.
My family is like "well you must like something enough to pursue it, right?" and i just…don't.
I feel incredibly mild about most ~careers~ and i keep trying to try new things so maybe i magically can find my ~passion~ but it's futile.
It feels fucking devastating realizing how lost i am compared to people around me.
I don't know.
I'm honestly terrified of my future and the years keep passing and idk, i just… wish i knew what to do to find at least something.
If you sink to his level (or lower) you're probably only setting yourself up to feel bad about yourself and future partners down the line.
I hope I don't get laughed at for this, but I've been really disgusted recently over my boyfriend's circumcision. I didn't really understand what it was since I'm from the US, but now that I do, it's too much for me. I've been with more circumcised guys, I didn't realize there was a difference until a while ago, but even then I didn't know what it was. I read about what it actually is, from different sources, not just biased ones and I'm just appalled. It was done to him as a child for a condition that isn't even real to begin with, even if it was, it's not dangerous? I keep just feeling so disgusted by it that I don't want to have sex anymore. How do we justify stuff like this?
I personally get it. I think uncircumcised penises look better in general. Like, idk if it feels different for men but i guess the foreskin also makes it more pleasurable for them, no? Like, the way it goes up and down, you all know what I'm saying. I just don't get how you're American and never came across other uncircumcised penises though, I'm not American and in my head most American guys didn't have the foreskin… but I guess I just learned I'm wrong. Circumcision is sort of rare where I'm from but my current boyfriend is circumcised and I really like his dick, but maybe it's because of the person attached to it? Kek. I don't really feel any difference between the two types, I feel the same amount of pleasure.
I know this is pretty much unnecessary but I feel like spoilering my post due to tmi lol.
I don't know much about the health risks (or the lack of) associated with being cut or uncut, but I hope you can learn how to deal with it better.
No, it's not that moving the skin up and down feels good (on circumcised guys that same motion with lube feels good), it's that they don't need lube because the foreskin protects the head of their penis. It also means that when the skin IS pulled down that the head is more sensitive than a circumcised penis because on a circumcised penis, being out all day and rubbing up against boxers, etc. over time reduces its sensitivity (whereas with a foreskin it's protected so that doesn't happen).
I don't mind uncircumcised dicks, but I do find it a little gross when it dribbles out because all I can think is it drying up in there and getting nasty if the inside of the foreskin isn't cleaned.
As for health risks, there's benefits on either side.
I personally get annoyed when people compare circumcision of a dick to the circumcision aka removal of the clitoris…like I'm sorry, removing a guy's foreskin is not as horrid as totally removing a clitoris, the dick comes out from a clitoris, hell, if it were equal, circumcision would mean you delete the whole dick.
It's skin, so I think the best way to look at it isn't like trauma on the level of having a clit cut off, but more like him having slightly smaller labia, if he had a vagina I mean. Dick circumcision isn't as bad as clitoral circumcision but it's still pretty fucked up. Have you talked to him? From his point of view you just are grossed out by his junk. Men tend to be insecure about their dicks anyway, and body image issues suck, so please let him know that it isn't because he's gross or ugly.
nta, but you're all not really correct.
the foreskin is skin on one size but erogenous tissue on the other, not just skin. it's supposed to internalize the head of the penis, which is the only internal part of it, so removing it is more akin to removing a clit hood, even though foreskin is more sensitive than the head of the penis.
the motion of moving it does feel much better on uncircumcised because that tissue is sensitive, since it isn't just skin. there's also other parts that get chopped away. think of it more as removing the clit hood and trying to rub the clit without it, it would be very difficult. the skin other than on the head and inner foreskin is just regular skin, and only a bit more sensitive than elsewhere. also it's not naturally moist since it dries out. it also leaves scar tissue that further reduces pleasure.
especially in babies and children, tons of issues happen with pretty much every circumcision, not enough room for erections, closing of the urethra, drying of the head, all of which are very painful and lifelong, which is why it's only acceptable to do this to men, if at all. the only real health benefit has to do with certain STDs which actually only benefits men, things like HIV can't pass through the dried membrane as easily, it's not even guaranteed, but the dry membrane is actually worse for women, and it makes passing them STDs much easier.
i also think that saying people only compare it to clitoral circumcision is dumb, because FGM has tons of classes, many of which have been shown to be less invasive, such as hood pricking, that are still super illegal, yet we still do worse to babies and children. also if you look into circumcision in general, you'll see the only reason it's widespread is to take away sexual pleasure. even among jewish faith, it's meant to reduce pleasure to help men focus on god.
foreskin is also better for sex for both men and women all around.