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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Vent Thread Anonymous 31601

Old thread: >>27562

Anonymous 31633

I'm depressed from the lack of sex in my relationship. I just want a person who will fuck me at least 2x a day, I feel physically affected from the lack of it. I hate myself for always getting with men who have low libidos

Anonymous 31634

>>31633
Does masturbating not make up for it? (I get that it's not the same as sex though)

Anonymous 31637

kizuna_o_GIFSoup.c…

My dad died yesterday and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

Anonymous 31638

>>31633
would once a day not be enough to keep you satisfied?

Anonymous 31639

>>31637
I’m so sorry, Anon.

Anonymous 31641

>>31639
Thank you. He had a good long life and I think he was ready to go. I'm really going to miss him.

Anonymous 31670

n69ba.jpg

I can see that you found sites where I tend to spend my time on.
I wouldn't mind to reconnect with you once again. I was thinking if we could just honestly talk. After that, we can still continue or just close this decisively.
I actually sent you some messages few weeks ago, but you didn't respond.
I didn't forget about you.

Anonymous 31715

I made enemies with the wrong person at work. There’s a girl at my work who’s really popular with the bigshots but has a toxic personality. Always stabbing people in the back, using people then ignoring them when they outlast their use, being quick to change sides when convenient, and spreading nasty gossip about people who get on her bad side. But she schmoozes with the bosses a lot, so the big bosses love her. I’ve been kind of a doormat around her in the past to stay on her good side, but recently said something by accident that ticked her off, and now she has a vendetta against me. Really don’t know how to navigate this situation.

Anonymous 31716

>>31715
I would say fuck it and fight her, but I understand that you probably want to keep your job.

Anonymous 31725

dumb but i'm sad my spotify wrapped is so basic
my top genre is pop lol

Anonymous 31740

4 Tumblr.png

i started my period today and i feel so fucking sad and pathetic right now. annoying. i might just go to sleep.

Anonymous 31742

>>31740
Are you using cups?

Anonymous 31743

>>31742

naw, just tamps. do you use cups?

Anonymous 31744

>>31725

what was your top artist?

Anonymous 31745

>>31743
No, but someone told me they were better than tampons. I forget why.

Anonymous 31746

I’m having 1 month break from university. This morning i was sitting in my room, the door of my room suddenly slammed shut while my mom was talking on the phone and she got mad and literally point a big ass knife at my face and hit me. She said i the one who slammed the door. I

Anonymous 31747

>>31746
I what? Anon?

Anonymous 31748

>>31747
Sorry, i was crying so i messed up my typing

Anonymous 31749

>>31748
:( It's ok, anon. Everything will be better. Just be sure to get out of the house. Ok?

Anonymous 31750

I really want to break up with my bf but he has nothing besides me and I'm honestly afraid he might kill himself at this point if I do. I hate this and myself.

>>31748
I feel for you anon, let it all out. Not being able to trust your own mother is such an awful feeling. Please be safe.

Anonymous 31757

>>31749
>>31750
thanks guys, i'll do my best to not get hit like this anymore

Anonymous 31758

>>31750
Why do you want to break up with him?

Anonymous 31771

>>31745
cups are insanely good, they make my period so much easier. you can't feel them at all when they're in, they can be worn for 12 hours, and they don't have the TSS risk of tampons. also way more environmentally friendly if you're into that. 100% recommend to anyone who can use them

Anonymous 31884

On a business trip for the first time in my life. I feel lonely and nervous alone in my hotel room. Reminds me of the first night I lived in college dorms. Wish I were home instead.

Anonymous 31935

ELOrzYoXUAASOWX.jp…

Still obese and breathing.
I've been replaying this one scene in my mind for a long time. One of my childhood friends had where she announced her diabetes. I don't recall if it was Type 1 or 2. And that happened to just a kid barely in school. Was only a 'weird thing' back then, now it scares me way more in retrospect.

>Oh you got diabetes? Oh no, I should try avoiding eating that much sugar.

>chow down giant bowls of ground beef potato stew every goddamn dinner
>eat more canned and frozen foods then then entire family combined
>Gonna need Large now, least it's not XXXL haha.
>XL pizzas? sure why not

I was finally getting used to "big gal" status in my town. Of course shitass retail jobs had to throw the wrench in. And now I'm fatter than my dad, and probably the old friend as well. And I still don't even like or know food that much. Okay time to eat some canned chili again.
Great.

Anonymous 31951

>>31935
You can change your path, anon. It's not predicted.

Anonymous 31952

>>31935
for some reason this broke me reading it. anon, you definitely have binge eating disorder. you can try and get help for it.

this is fucked of me to suggest, but alcohol (try sticking to liquor and diet sodas) and cigarettes help.

Anonymous 31962

>>31952
>replacing obesity with alcoholism and lung cancer
You're just trying to get her killed aren't you?

Anonymous 31963

>>31962
She'll look better and feel better too, it's a win win

Anonymous 31965

F07FD3EA-94C6-4478…

>>31935
>>31952
Please don't do that.

>>31935
Is it possible for you to purchase other groceries for you to eat so you can mix up your diet? If not, I’d suggest training yourself to eating smaller portions of what you regularly eat while also incorporating some kind of exercise to start off slow. Going for a walk or doing easy at-home exercises after you eat are both good options. I believe in you.

Anonymous 31966

>>31962
Well, what do you choose between fat and unhealthy and thin and unhealthy? Being healthy is not a realistic option.

Anonymous 31967

There's always something shitty going on in my partner's life that's one thing after another, emotionally, financially, family problems, depression, "executive dysfunction"… We hardly have time for eachother now to the point where I'm often left wondering why we're even still together, except for the fact that they keep saying stuff like how the only thing keeping them together is the fact that I'm around.

This sucks. I care about them a lot but I'm not even in a relationship anymore, I'm just someone helping someone else barely manage day to day, ad infinitum. Don't be like me guys.

Anonymous 31976

>>31967
If you’re not happy you shouldn’t stay in the relationship. You’re going to have to let them know how you really feel. Just rip it off like a bandaid.

Anonymous 31979

>>31967
An alternative to the other anon's suggestion is to tell them how it makes you feel, and that you can't deal with it. Being honest in a relationship means to be honest also about how you feel and what bothers you, otherwise it bottles up and destroys the relationship (though I'm probably in no position to preach such an idea, since I feel like I address the problem all too late, only because it takes me forever to realise there is a problem). You care for them, if they care too, they will lesson the emotional load on you

Anonymous 31982

>>31967
That's what a relationship is about. Going through the good and bad times with your partner, no matter how bad it gets.
It just sounds heartless to break up with them at this point of their life but then again I don't know the whole situation.

Anonymous 31988

I'm sad.
I'm sad that I'm sad. I'm sad the depression is ruining my life. I'm sad that I'm always tired. When my new healthcare kicks in I should probably get medication. But I don't know if that'll help bury the feeling of dread I get over simply having to act like functioning human. But I need it to help because I might lose my job other wise.

Anonymous 31993

>>31601
I'm poor and sad and things will only get worse from here

Anonymous 31994

>>31976
>>31979
>>31982

I'm not really interested in that level of tactlessness of breaking up right now. There really is no 'right' time to bring up real talk (for months, actually almost two years now,) there's always something going on to the level where I know anything short of full time emotional support let alone a breakup is going to shatter them.

The plan right now is to see them to their next safe, somewhat stable space of mind and bring things up then. Of course, that'll feel shitty anyways, knowing that they'll have just made it to an emotionally stable spot only to probably enter a few months of panic attacks and worse from me bringing up a serious discussion… Sucks. But hey that's what a vent thread is for. Not asking for advice, just venting.

Anonymous 31995

why am i so autistic i wish i could just socialize like a normal person i feel like a leper constantly, fuck me

Anonymous 31997

thissucksman.webm

>>31965
Thanks for the chart. I'm not the best judge of size so hopefully it'll help.
Haven't really eaten out in a long while, delis aside. Could sell off the needlessly large cups in the kitchen as a start.

>>31952
Nah, not at the degree of bumming alcohol again. If my life's the most boring downhill slide, my older sibling manages to make me look as stable as an evergreen.

Anonymous 31999

I ruined my life, picking up the pieces and trying to fix what I did is so fucking hard but at least I learned a lesson I'll never forgot. Things will get better, I know they well, I just have to move forward towards the future.

Anonymous 32005

1573641809965.jpeg

I'm so upset that a man who approached me, said "I like you" out of the blue once, and even asked me to a movie (which isn't happening now of course because fuck that torture), was in a fucking relationship the whole time.
He even lied to me by saying he rarely interacted with girls in the past AND is marked single on facebook. Uh, you have a girlfriend?
I can't tell if he was leading me on for the attention, was planning to cheat (but he made a public vaguely romantic post about her, which is why I asked and found out), or if he's just plain socially inept.

I'm losing my fucking mind.

Anonymous 32006

I'm moving between apartments while working full time as my husband in the middle of preparing for finals. I have no friends I can ask for help and I don't feel like I can do anything properly. I haven't sleep well in three days and I keep getting stuck in thought loops. I don't know how I'm supposed to manage all this while being in a new place and my things all being packed away.

Anonymous 32007

>trust someone else enough to share my wishes and needs, exactly once
>they are immediately used as leverage to pressure and control me

Welp, back to becoming an ice cold pragmatic machine, I guess. Fuck everyone and fuck relationships in particular.

No, I am not jealous of happy couples. ;_;

Anonymous 32034

It's not that I cant get up early. Rather I don't want to be awake so I force myself to sleep more. I keep naturally waking up but I force myself to go back to sleep. Then when I finally do rise, it think it makes me feel more tired. Its a big reason why I am often late to work, I just don't want to function.

Anonymous 32037

>bf cheated on me once
>forgive him because I'm a doormat
>he kept doing it
>realize that I deserve better and dump him
>he texts me begging to come back and saying how much he loves me
>ignore him
>less than a week later he has a new gf
I feel so stupid. I still miss him a lot, despite knowing that I did the right thing. I really want to talk with him and go back to when we were both happy.

Anonymous 32038

a.jpg

>>32037
>go back to when we were both happy.
You were never happy to begin with

Anonymous 32041


Anonymous 32042

I really can't motivate myself to study. I really need to though, I'm doing awful in class tests at the moment, and if I don't get good enough grades in summer exams I won't get into the uni I want to go to… I think about this but I still can't be motivated :(

Anonymous 32043

Something went wrong, he is trying to avoid me now. It makes me sad.

Anonymous 32048

This is gonna sound cringey but bear with me, I am extremely inexperienced with love, and hopefully someone on c.c understands. I just went on a second date with a guy and we held hands with interlocked fingers and he hugged me and kissed me on the hair. I felt repulsed. I don’t know why I feel this way. Am I a lesbian? Or was I just not attracted to him? What’s wrong with me? Has anyone else felt this way before?

Anonymous 32057

1516135013450.jpg

I wonder if I have talked to people I know on these boards. If I did, the didn't recognize my posts because the way I type is different from the way I talk and they probably assumed that bad posts were mine because god knows what they think about me.
TL;DR: whining about shitty misconceptions.

Anonymous 32059

>>32057

Probably not. This is a small board so the chances of that happening are low.

Anonymous 32086

I want to kill myself. I'm done with school. Nothing sustains me. I have no interests or hobbies. I don't like my family or my singular friend and my boyfriend just make me feel terrible about myself on accident. I hate work. There is no reason to continue.

Anonymous 32108

I just kind of want to stop eating. It's too tiresome to feed myself. I just hate feeling dizzy and tired because of it.

Anonymous 32120

People around me are so weird.
First they really pushed for me to get a good carreer. And now that I finally found a job that I like and I'm very successful at they criticise me all the time: "You are working too much, you are destroying yourself, you are a workaholic, it's not worth it"

I'm not going to risk messing up my carreer just because people are sad I don't visit anymore. It's always about what I can do for them, never about what I want.

Anonymous 32122

>>32120
The good old "damned if you, damned if you don't." Can't please everybody, someone always has something to criticize, so just please yourself.

Anonymous 32124

>>32108
Get some simple takeout. Nothing too oily. Chinese maybe. It'll be more tiresome to cope with dehydration and hunger pangs without 'em.

>>32086
In a similar boat. I still haven't found a reason, but I'm still around. Life hasn't improved nor degraded. Circumstances could be worse.

>>32048
Could be either of the two. What's clear is that it probably won't work out between you two, unless your emotional attraction to him persists. Do you like the idea of or have imagined romantic encounters? If not, then it could be an asexual thing.

>>32043
More fishes worth your ocean in the sea.

>>32042
Honing discipline and grit is easier said than done. Put in a bit of work every few hours. Study with a friend who can hold you accountable. Get yourself in a mindset and environment where you can focus. Good luck!

>>32006
Take care of one thing at a time! You've probably done some of it though in between these six days. Maybe even get out of the apartment to walk out and focus on something beyond the thought loops. You can do it.

Anonymous 32125

cat-with-a-rose.jp…

>>32124
You are really nice person anon, thank you for your kind words.

Anonymous 32146

The 2010s were the worst decade in every way, only shit trends and mindsets. The only good thing that came with it was technology.

Anonymous 32147

986F2A26-B51B-4B80…

I think I’m too insecure to be in a relationship. I was already insecure before I got into one, but it’s different now. I love my boyfriend, I really do, but the fear of him waking up one day and telling me he doesn’t find me attractive anymore scares the shit out of me and makes me want to push him away.

He doesn’t know because I haven’t communicated about this with him, but I plan on opening up to him when I next see him. All of this will probably seem silly to him because he tells me he loves me all the time, but as someone who got bullied and had toxic friends I find it hard to believe him most of the time.

I wish I was swallowed.

Anonymous 32148

>>32147
Shit i felt that in my bone but sometimes just think about what you have right now and be happy that you have someone because not everyone has someone to love

Anonymous 32171

ifeeldat.png

>>32147
Damn I just came here to post something similar. I've always been insecure but things have gotten infinitely worse since I got my first bf. These feelings are further exacerbated by the fact that he openly lusts over models and hot celebrities of a certain body type (thin with huge breasts). By lust I mean checks subreddits and instagrams dedicated to lewds of specific girls on a daily basis and even admins discords that leak nudes from their patreons. I'm doing my best to be attractive as I can for him but there's no way I can compete with god tier genetics and it makes me feel sick to my stomach knowing he likely spends a good half of the day fantasizing about those women.

He's very affectionate and often says he loves me and is very happy with me and while I wouldn't suspect him of actually cheating I feel inadequate as fuck, as if he were dating me because he couldn't get anyone "better". I have 0 previous romantic experience and 0 idea if I am overreacting to something that might be a common thing people with self-esteem easily get over. I mean it's just fap material, maybe I shouldn't be thinking about it so much. I use porn to get off too sometimes, I'd just feel weird being this openly dedicated to specific people, especially ones that don't look anything like my partner, while in a relationship. I honestly don't know who should stop, him doing that or me being insecure.

Anonymous 32173

>>32171
I’m >>32147 I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I honestly think he should stop doing that because it’s a bit weird and I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if you were doing what he was doing.

Anonymous 32174

34E9C3D1-1401-439B…

>>32147
Update: I ignored my boyfriend yesterday and slept my Friday away because I was so sad. I didn’t go see him today either because I didn’t feel like seeing him. I think I am better off alone. I don’t know yet.

Anonymous 32175

I don't know what I want to do. I don't seem to have a good grasp of my values or wants. There are things that I find interesting (drawing, video game design, psychology) but I never seem to act on it. I beat myself up over it which doesn't make sense nor help. I really need to start taking action and not overthinking things. It's a hard trap to get out of but nothing impossible, I think if I just start acting more often it should start shifting slowly, but I have no way of knowing which is the awkward part. I dislike that feeling but I suppose it got ingrained into me as a child so I'm used to it and thus it is comforting and familiar but ineffective. I really need to perform actions until I find the ones that bring me out of my head on command.

Anonymous 32176

>>32171
he sounds like a porn addicted coomer anon. be careful. they can't experience intimacy and pleasure like other people do because his brain is high on idealized sexual images basically. liking the occasional skinny big breasted bimbo is normal but the other things you said aren't.

Anonymous 32178

>>32048
You should trust your instincts, he's not necessarily a bad guy but he's definitely not compatible with you. Attraction is mostly genetic, and your body is telling you any kids you have with him will probably have a poor immune system etc., and that's not going to change.

Yes, your body can tell if someone's immune system is complimentary to your own genetics by their smell and taste.

Anonymous 32179

I dated a guy for like two months and we didn't even go out that much. But it just felt that we had some kind of deep connection or shit like that. Nevertheless, he tried to fucking ghost me (dude, we see each other two times a week in class, this is stupid), just straight up stopped texting me and if I texted he replied as if I was some girl having an unrequited crush on him. It was so insulting. In the end, I tried to fix stuff and we literally broke up over text. It was two or maybe three months ago, and I cut almost all lines of communication, didn't check his telegram meme channel (didn't leave it, but got it into the archive) and shit like that. But recently I've been feeling pretty low, and started missing him. No, like REALLY missing him. I fucked over another guy (who's been way nicer to me than my ex was but I just didn't feel anything) because of that. Last night, I wrnt through my archived chats and saw my ex's channel and I just couldn't resist to check it. And god I didn't even think about ut, but he's got a new girl. And he loves her so much, he writes poems about her (and posts them in his meme channel. Lol), he draws her, he just looks so happy with her. She isn't even that cuter than me. It breaks my heart one more time and I just feel so disgusted and angry with myself because they are such a good match and I'm the loser. It's terrible, I can't sleep and the only thing I want to do is cry all the time.

Anonymous 32181

>>32171
Holy fuck Anon, leave. No matter what other people say, it's not insecure to expect exclusivity in a monogamous relationship. Your partner who claims to love you shouldn't be overtly lusting over other women especially in front of you. It is seriously disrespectful. Do you think a guy who is going after his dream girl would act like that? It's one thing to think "wow, they're attractive" and leave it and that but it's another thing for them to dedicate a significant portion of their lives looking for material and jacking off to this shit. No matter what cumbrains and pickmes tell you, it DOES have an a huge negative effect on their ability to pair-bond and be intimate with you.

Guys compulsively looking at porn, instathots, etc is a HUGE red flag that should not be ignored. I don't give a shit that it's normalized to break your brain and dick now, it's still not healthy behavior and he will not be able to give you the intimacy and emotional connection you want.

Anonymous 32182

>>32181
Seconding this. Those addicted to porn bristle whenever I bring it up, but I really do think porn is doing more damage to our relationships than we realize.

Anonymous 32189

I'm tired that lately everything seems to be hyper-sexual or hyper-violence. Like sex and or violence and rage is being blasted everywhere.
Then I realized that's just how humans have always been.

So really I'm just tired of humans.

Anonymous 32190

>>32189
same it's like a big PvP zone of raging apes flinging their shit at each other and fucking whatever they see if they like it or not

but the few good people give me hope

Anonymous 32192

>>32190
I'm just waiting until humans evolve into something better.

Anonymous 32193

>>32173
>>32176
>>32181
Thanks for the responses, I think you're right. I always thought it seemed unhealthy and harmful as fuck to browse porn on a daily+ basis but figured it's become so "standard" now that I'd have a hard time finding someone who didn't so I should just deal with it. I realize now that I think I'd rather be alone than feel like this. Sex is a normal thing and so is looking at attractive people but I believe it's completely destructive for humans to be bombarded by this stimuli all the fucking time.

This'd be much easier for me to deal with if he were just a douchebag going out of his way to hurt me or make me feel sad/jealous but I genuinely believe that's not the case here, he just has a horribly warped view and absolutely no tact. His mother who he's very close with was a model that starred in porn mags and went through several plastic surgeries so I imagine that contributed to the normalization of porn and pursuit of a media-defined "physical perfection" in his mind from a very young age. I am his first gf as well and he seemed honestly surprised and apolegetic for days when I pointed out some of his comments on my appearance hurt me. He's just completely oblivious to certain issues and will likely remain oblivious until I tell him so it's high time I brought this one up. I do not know if he can understand me fully but I hope he can at least draw conclusions for the sake of his own future, even if it ends up not having me in it.

Anonymous 32195

luna.gif

I'm super happy and excited. Everything will be fine.

Anonymous 32197

>>32108
Buy protein powder. It's fuel and it's simple and quick to prepare.
You could also look into stuff like Soylent, which are already ready to drink.

Anonymous 32202

2014-10-15-overthi…

>went outside
>accidentally made brief eye contact with girl or young woman who was alone
>might've been an American (they live in my town in Europe)
>heard her mumble under her breath when I went past her
>sounded like "egg" or "eck"
>wtf
>go home

I didn't think much of it at that time but of course when I came home, I started worrying about it: If her mumbling had anything to do with me, what did she say? Did she really say eck? Or was it "fake" or something similar to that? Or a longer word ending on -eck? Did I give off weird vibes or was it because I don't look full European?

I should've asked her directly about it and exposed myself as a nutcase.

Anonymous 32206

>>32202
Suppose she did say something related to you. Would it matter what she said, or why she said it? How would that information be useful to you?
Would you really change your behavior/appearance/etc over one muttered comment from someone you don't even know?

If you can, I think it'd be easier for you to simply assume that such things don't have to do with you, unless outright stated.
Maybe she had Tourette's and it was a verbal tic or something, you don't know.

Anonymous 32213

Now it's sort-of official (as in: I didn't really tell you what exactly was going on):

My husband fucked some dirty posh whore in some fucking park at night.

What irates me even more is that I knew from the same day on, but my husband insisted there was "nothing", they just took a nice little walk and that I had to believe him because anythoing else would be malicious assumption.

I think I'm gonna read their chatogs I saved and wallow in misery.

Fuck.

I hate both of them so much. My husband at least has a history of great qualities and also forgiveness against similar (though not as extreme) behaviours from my teenage past self, but that whore can go and die in a fire.

Anonymous 32238

>>32213
>cucked by husband and won't leave
Welcome to the club

Anonymous 32245

>>32202
the world does not revolve around you, anon. she probably didn't even notice you. get your head out of your own ass. god i hate people like this who take everything personally

Anonymous 32246

>>32213
you were a teenager back then, I think a grown man should know how to act like a decent human being. please get rid of him. This is why I don't ever want to be married and shackle myself to someone who will end up being a waste of time.

Anonymous 32248

>>32206
Yeah, you're right. Thanks for the helpful words.

>>32245
It's the other way round: My world revolves around her. We noticed each other when we looked at each other. And well, some people are insecure. No need to be an ass about it.

Anonymous 32249

>>32248
I mean, I look at a lot of people without noticing them.

>My world revolves around her.

You make brief eye contact with some random person and they make a random noise, and you find a way to make it about yourself. You should stop this, it's not healthy.

Anonymous 32258

>>32213
Sounds like you deserve each other.

Anonymous 32282

>>32202
How does one look "European"? You sound like a yank yourself.

Anonymous 32297

1487117337783.jpg


Anonymous 32298

Everyone what's me to go on medication for my depression. I'm just scared to it not working. I don't have the time and energy to do trail and error until I find something that works.
I just want to be able to leave my bed and stay awake.

Anonymous 32300

>>32213
>>32238
It's your life, but being cheated on and taking them back is basically giving them a free pass to cheat as much as they want. You're confirmed to them that you're too scared to be alone and/or can't find another man and would rather stay with a cheater.

Anonymous 32303

>>32282
By being Caucasian and non-obese.

Anonymous 32304

I don't know if I want to eat or just drink more coffee

Anonymous 32307

>>32304
Drink water first!

Take care.

Anonymous 32310

>>32307
I drink water all day
I hate water

Anonymous 32316

>>32300
Pretty much this.
People, as I've found out, rarely change their behaviors. Staying with a cheater will only guarantee you'll be cheated on again.

Anonymous 32319

>>32307
Coffee is like 99% water.

Anonymous 32321

I hate having family that lives far away sometimes, because whenever they come over they stay where I live. For the past week I've been having to do things and go places every waking hour and it's very emotionally draining. Some days I have work and am tired afterwards but I have to keep this energetic family fun front up when I come back as to not be seen as unsociable. The family I actually like talking to left a couple of days ago and only some cousins I hardly know remain. I only met them a few years ago and they are from another country. Every year my mom tries to push us to be friends but we have nothing in common and the cultural differences are too much at times. Last year I tried to take a hike with a friend to take a break from family but my mom forced me to invite my cousins along and more family awkwardness ensued. I am looking forward to when they leave so I can relax.

Anonymous 32322

I'm scared US anons. I don't intend to make this political, so I'll leave candidate names out of this vent, but I made a donation at the maximum allowed amount of $2800 to a presidential candidate. Just found out today that you can search donation givers by name at the FEC website. (Yeah, I'm an idiot.)

I'm not comfortable with this at all. I still live with my parents and we're not super well off (I'd say we're middle class now, but we grew up poor). I do have my own job and donated with "my own money", but my parents support me by giving me a place to live. I think they'd kill me if they found out that I made a donation this high when I'm still mooching off of them in a way.

I actually went ahead and searched a few relatives on the FEC site. We donated to the same candidate (so at least there's no political affiliation issue), but my relatives only donated a few dollars (and have way more money than I do).

Am I spoiled and out of touch with money because I live with my parents? I'm so scared that I'll be named and shamed for spending so much. This is a candidate I strongly support (never donated to a political campaign before), so at least there's that.

Anonymous 32323

>>32322
You can just say that a homonym donated to that candidate, not you. America is a big place, I'm sure you're not the only one with your name.

Anonymous 32324

1496435396470.jpg

I have a crush on a girl for the first time and I have a bf who I love. It's so hard because she lives in a different country to me but I just keep finding myself wishing for imaginary situations with this girl and I know it's probably stupid idealisation but it's difficult to shake off.

My sexuality was kind of fucked up for a long time because I have a history of CSA and I honestly don't even know what I am, so I don't label myself. I know I was definitely attracted to girls before I was boys though, when I was growing up after the CSA had ended. But I didn't recognise it as attraction at the time. But in the past year and a half I just keep finding myself seeing myself with a girl more and more.

I just don't want to hurt my bf, because he's done nothing wrong and he's even expressed concern over my admiration of this girl.

Anonymous 32325

>>32324
If this urge is getting hard to control then it might be time to break up with your boyfriend so you can figure out what you really want.

Anonymous 32328

>>32322
What are the odds that they'll actually look up other donors, though?
>Am I spoiled and out of touch with money because I live with my parents?
Kind of? $2800 is quite a lot and you'd value it a lot more if you weren't guaranteed housing and food, but on the other hand everyone's value of money is based on their personal circumstances. Everyone has amounts they would and wouldn't spend on certain things or others. It's hard to say whether it was "wrong" of you to spend it if doing so didn't directly hurt the circumstances of you or anyone else.

Anonymous 32329

>>32323

If you look at FEC’s website, you can filter by zip code too, and the city of the donor is easily accessible. I live in a small town and that narrows things down a lot.

>>32328

Thanks for the perspective regarding the money. Good point about everyone having amounts they would or wouldn’t spend on certain things. For example, I don’t really travel like a lot of my peers who take international trips, and one int’l trip probably costs at least the same amount I donated. I did think things over last night though and decided to be more conscious of my everyday money spending, given that I still live with my parents.

My parents aren’t interested much in politics, so they probably won’t look up donor lists. I can imagine my more politically involved relatives doing it, but won’t worry about it for now.

Anonymous 32352

Accepting myself is impossible as long as I don't have anyone that accepts me for something I was literally born with and that everyone says you either have it or you don't but you can't earn it. You can't go against nature I guess?

Anonymous 32567

I hurt the person I love and fell into a deep hole of self-destructive thoughts afterwards. Everything I did wasn't meant to do harm at all, but in the end I was a naive, selfish thot. Bitter.

Anonymous 32575

image.jpg

I want to fake my death and go live in the woods.

Anonymous 32580

I want to smoke cigarettes. I want to ax my portrait in my parent's living room, it was from so long ago and every time I see it, it reminds me of how hideous I am. I guess staying in my relationship is fine. I wish someone would suck and massage my breasts. I am fucking close to getting anorexic, I need to let go of my care for the taste of food.

Anonymous 32707

I have a strong, sexual desire of being a caring milf without actually being a milf.
My bf and I talked a lot about that but we don't know how to deal with it yet.

Anonymous 32711

>>32707
>without actually being a milf
As in, you don't actually want to be one, or you physically aren't one yet?

Anonymous 32712

>>32707
Not sure if I'm understanding you right, but the appeal of a MILF for guys is the maturity, not the fact that she's a mother. People sometimes use use other terms like Mature or Cake to describe women with that mature appeal who aren't mothers.

Anonymous 32714

>>32711
>>32712
It's hard to describe and I can't put my finger on it yet. But I had to share these thoughts.
I don't want to have children, but as I became older (turning 32 this year) I noticed over time that the image/role of being a wife & mother who's not exclusive to her husband/bf triggers a powerful sexual excitement.

Maybe it's a good idea to start role playing with younger men. :DDDDDD~

Anonymous 32785

41CC574E-2308-4A0B…

i just did some light camwhore stuff (fully clothed) over discord but i am so stressed out about it now idk what to do?? i’ve felt like vomiting all day because i’m worried they could somehow screenrecord or share it??? it would ruin my rep :( it’s also just a massive hit to your pride, it’s not empowering at all

Anonymous 32786

>>32785
Lesson learned I hope. Only do that with someone you trust.

Anonymous 32790

>>32785
How many people saw it? If it was a small number of people (let’s say 5 or less) then you’re probably okay. But if it’s any more than that then there’s a pretty good chance that someone recorded it or at least took screenshots (the more people that saw it the higher the chances the someone recorded it).
If you want to be a camwhore then you have to accept that people will record you and post it on other websites. If you’re not okay with that then you shouldn’t be a camwhore. It sounds like you didn’t enjoy it so you probably shouldn’t do it again.

Anonymous 32791

>>32785
the chances someone recorded it or took screenshots is honestly pretty high, just to have something over you / insurance. Having something that could hurt you gives them direct and indirect power over you, being rude / imposing or outright blackmail you. With no effort on their part. Them being men I almost guarantee one did. That was not a wise thing to do on your part, be careful

Anonymous 32792

I'm so lonely and sad and I don't enjoy anything anymore. I've not even finished school and I've already given up on life. I don't think I can ever make friends cause I can't relate to anyone and I feel so detached. I'm tired of being human

Anonymous 32795

b1644a2663cedca56d…

I just wish I had a female friend. My last female friend from my youth stopped being my friend because her friends thought I was weird and rude because I never said much when she tried to invite me out with her new group. I just feel so awkward and anxious around the same gender and I have no why. I used to have plenty of female friends through my childhood so I'm so confused why I have become this way. I have male friends and I have no problems making friends with males but I don't want freaking male friends. I can't talk about the things I want to with them because it could be taken the wrong way and when I get a boyfriend I feel like I can no longer spend much private time with those male friends because it might seem weird. I just hate this so much and I wish I knew how I could fix my dumb anxiety around girls. I just want a friend again who I can watch shows with, have sleep overs, talk about more private things, go to anime conventions together, etc.

Anonymous 32830

I made a stupid mistake. I told some coworkers I’m friends with that I came across another single coworker’s dating profile on a dating app. I didn’t tell them about what was in the profile to protect his privacy, just that I came across it. Thought it would be an interesting anecdote. They ended up telling a lot of other people in our department about it, and now probably the whole team knows.

It was a relationship focused dating app (not a hookup app like tinder), so at least it wasn’t embarrassing for him in that regard. But I still think I did something wrong to him by not keeping that personal information to myself. I don’t know if he knows yet that other people know (we’re in a small office), and I’m feeling tense until he finds out to see his reaction. I see him tomorrow and don’t know how to handle this situation, if I should tell him about it, and if I should just go ahead and apologize. I have his number so maybe I should text and apologize?

Anonymous 32836

>>32830
i mean it wouldn't hurt to apologize but it would be kinda weird if he got upset at someone seeing it when he voluntarily put it out there

Anonymous 32838

>>32836
I don't think anon is concerned about him being upset that she saw it, but that she told their co-workers of its existence.

Anonymous 32840

I weep, I mean, women seeing her dead child kind of weeping, nearly every day now. I scream, etc. and I self-harm. I definitely gave myself a worse concussion that usual last week. I also cut. I've been "depressed" for a long time, since elementary school kind of deal, but it's never gotten to this point. At what point should I kill myself? What sets me off is getting less and less rational. It's destroying my relationship. I have always been unstable to a degree, but not to this degree. I want to get help for this, but I don't know how to start.

Anonymous 32872

>>32790
1 person, my face wasn’t in it and i blocked him as well - he has no way to contact me now

Anonymous 32937

I feel like such an idiot right now. Just found out today that I've been understanding a basic concept in my career field the wrong way in the past few years. Now I feel like my world has turned upside down and I need to look at all of my past work to see if I made any mistakes due to my lack of understanding of this concept. It's probably not that dramatic, but it definitely feels like it, and it makes me feel so unintelligent right now that I just understood this concept correctly today.

Anonymous 32985

I have no friends at uni. over christmas I was telling myself that I could turn things around, and that 2020 was the year of not being a friendless loser and maybe getting bf even. my "plan" was to talk to a boy from my class. we seem to have things in common from what Ive heard him talk to other people, and we catch the same bus everyday, so I could approach him in line at the stop instead of having to do it in a busy lecture. Id be happy being friends or dating

today was the first day back. the first time Ive saw him in over a month. he gets on the bus. hes with a girl. Im devastated. all the hopes I had for this year have been crushed

they sat infront of me and I over heard them talking. he starts talking about what he did on holidays and it turns out we have the same hobbies and even more in common, which I dont know if its good, or bittersweet

I dont know if they were dating. it doesnt really matter. even if theyre just friends, why would he want to be friends with a loser like me let alone date. all I can imagine is if I tried to talk to him, he would be thinking "I wish I was talking to my friend right now instead of this loser talking to me"

pretty depressed tbh

Anonymous 32986

>>32985

all you truly observed was that he has similar interests than you and is a friendly person. who knows if they're dating? you won't know until you at least try to say "hi, how were your holidays, etc?" and give him a chance to mention your shared hobbies so you can relate over your shared interests. you are not the only girl on earth and that's ok. it's still worth a chance. don't give up.

Anonymous 32987

97ihe0.gif

I am sorry for such a wall of text, I don't expect anyone to read, I just want to write. Maybe I should write in a diary instead:
My life is full of contradictions. I want to help protect the earth, to recycle all I can and save resources but sometimes it's hard to do anything to minimize waste. I separate plastics and paper to recycle but I've heard that when the garbage collectors come by they just throw all the separated waste all together anyway… Also to recycle plastic you have to wash it first which wastes water and also some packaging is just unrecyclable, I wish all food packaging could just be made from biodegradable plastic.
I feel like nothing I do matters and nothing anyone does matters because at the end of the day these massive companies just think about their own monetary gain and don't even stop to think about the consequences of their actions, they are poisoning the earth, poisoning themselves and they do not see anything wrong with it, they just go 'oh it's too bad' but don't do anything to stop their degeneracy. It just makes me sick how such powerful entities can be so irresponsible to all of humanity, it really makes me sick and I feel like crying. Even if I dedicated my life to fighting against them I don't think I could do anything and I could have benefitted the world more doing something else instead.
Also another more personal contradiction I face is I am completely happy not having a boyfriend, I am really happy in my life at a personal level but at the same time I think about what it would be like to have a boyfriend. I keep thinking about what it would be like to hold someone's hand or kiss them, or what my perfect boyfriend would be like. I only have like 2 male friends and I think if one of them asked me to be their girlfriend I wouldn't say no because I am happy when I am with them, but at the same time I feel like having a boyfriend would be such a hassle, I barely have time for myself let alone for someone else and I feel like no person can truly connect with and understand another so it's pointless anyway. I think my wish for having a boyfriend is mostly from outside pressure, not the really overt kind but kind of unconscious, from media and such… I used to spend more time on imageboards and this wish was more present then. Now I don't have it as much anymore, but I do think I fell in love a bit with my friend…

Anonymous 32990

>>32985
Don't assume things so quickly. She could be just an old acquaintance of his, his cousin,
his neighbor, maybe she is someone who is unattractive to him which makes it easier
for him to speak to. Also how can he think of you as a loser if he doesn't know you. If he
knew you had similar hobbies/interests as him he might begin to respect you and find you
easier to talk to. Majority of men know that in society it is expected of men to make the
first move, if a woman approaches first, even if that woman is not of their particular taste
many men can get overjoyed (even if they don‘t show it) and often confused, in rare cases
they can assume it as mockery. If you approach him and start a conversation about many*
random topics (not holiday/uni related) he might quickly pick up that you‘re interested in him.
So if you want a window for possible romance start the conversation with a uni (or holiday) related topic.

Anonymous 32992

>>32990
she is a student in the year above us on the same course. they talked about the possibility of being flat mates next year

even if theyre not dating. even if my aim was purely platonic. I cant imagine he would want to be friends with me when he has higher quality friends already.

Anonymous 32993

>>32992

how you judge "quality" is probably different from how you do. stop trying to read his mind.

Anonymous 32996

>>32993
Im just not a very good person. if I was I would already have friends. Im rude and boring and a sperg. someone who as better options wouldnt want to be friends with me I feel

Anonymous 32997

>>32992
There isn't some kind of hard-coded limit of friends that people can have.
Your just self-sabotaging yourself now, it has nothing to do with him. You need to get some self-esteem.

Anonymous 32998

>>32997
>There isn't some kind of hard-coded limit of friends that people can have.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar%27s_number
Actually there sort of is, and it's really interesting.

Anonymous 33001

>>32997
I also feel jealous about my friends having friends outside our "circle" especially if theyre normies. I know its pretty toxic but it be like dat doe

Anonymous 33002

>>32992
So she is his senpai and they talked about being flat mates. Now this sounds like a dangerous territory.
Do you remember the voice tone/emotion when they were speaking about that?
People rarely choose flat mates of the opposite sex. There usually is no middle ground,
it‘s either because they see them as bf/gf material or they find the person unattractive
and trustworthy enough to be their flat mate. I suggest checking his social media just to
be sure, her‘s too. If she does have a bf and it isn't him she might be toying with him.
You can never know.
Oh.. and I am going to repeat myself - how can he hold you of lower quality if you possibly have
many interests/hobbies in common with him. If he knew, you could potentially be of highest quality to him.

Anonymous 33004

>>33002
he doesnt have social media. I may have heard her mention a bf, but I may have misheard her saying "her friends bf". I dont think she is toying with him. they seem genuine

and I kind of think of myself as a boring person who does interesting things. I have many interesting hobbies, but dont do a good job talking about them, or talking in a way people find engaging in general. unless someone like edgy 4chan memes I have little to offer, and that gets old real fast

Anonymous 33010

>>33004
Hobbies are not as important as you may think. Most people don't necessarily search for a partner with similar or interesting hobbies/interests. Most people seek someone who can understand them on a deeper* emotional level, someone who can fill in where they're lacking, someone who genuinely cares about them, shows sympathy/compassion. That's why even polar opposites can get along. Though it is uncommon.

Anonymous 33011

>>33010
yeah, I dont do any of my hobbies to make friends I do them because I enjoy doing them. the second part of your post is what I lack. hes not going to care if we like the same stuff if I cant provide what youre describing

Anonymous 33027

I hate to be a complaining Nancy. I've posted in this thread before.
I just kind of want to word vomit everywhere I can, even on other dreadful image boards. Because getting it out sounds more sane then to continue crying in a office alone, hoping my manager or a customer doesn't come in.
I'm so fucking sad that it actually physically hurts. I hate my life so much. I can't silence that inner voice that's telling me to kill myself. I want to get help but at the same time I'm terrified. Last time I went to the Dr they try to admit me and I got so scared of missing work and not being able to pay for rent and bills that I lied my way out of it. Goes to show you how bad that hospital is.

Anonymous 33029

>>33027
I'm >>32840 and I think I understand you. I have such trouble keeping it together at work (and don't always…I've learned to cry quietly there) I feel like something terrible is going to happen to me in the next 6 months that will fuck my life up, at my own hands.

Anonymous 33030

>>33027
I really don't get why doctors think that total privation of freedom is going to help anyone get better.

Anonymous 33036

>>33029
I understand what it like to have depression as a juvenile. To feel so sad that you forget to be happy. To be torn between raging to destroy anything and everything and crying so hard, I get a headache for days.
There are resources out there to help, but I also understand that it might not be everywhere. My advice is as an American, is that you can go to women's centers or the ER and get a list of therapist/psychologist. If you have health insurance you should be able to call for that information. I wouldn't know what's it like for other countries but I know the concern for mental health is growing. There are websites you can even go to but I forget which ones are the good ones.
I just get scared off because if they believe you are a danger to yourself or to others, they'll try to hold you for observation. I delt with one wellness check with the police before and that itself is stressful. I am awful because I'm fortunate enough to live any area that has plenty of programs to help but I too scare to take advantage of it. Because in the end it has to be me who is willing to go get help. I'm terrified and I really don't have a reason but I'm still scared.

Now I should really go back to work but I am all red and puffy face.

Anonymous 33041

>>32174
This is how I feel except every day. I don't know how people can have friends or relationships for years. I hate the idea of being around people so much. It's not like I'm rude to people when I go out I just prefer being in my room alone.

Anonymous 33050

>>32992
>I cant imagine he would want to be friends with me when he has higher quality friends already
That's not how having friends works.

Anonymous 33064

mountain.jpg

A few days ago I saw my bf lose his cool for the first time in the two year and 6 months I have known him.

I never thought of my bf as a fighter, he's a pretty calm and tame guy and has a strong orientation about a family. Overall he's a very stable man and I've never had an issue with him outside of typical couple related speedbumps when we started to get to know eachother.

We were out at a bowling arcade a nights ago and he saw me get visibly uncomfortable after he left to get his wallet out of our car. I have never seen him even be angry in the time I have known him. For some reason, (to his interpretation I think) he saw a guy try and assault me and my bf lost his cool for the first and only time that I have saw. He dragged this other guy outside and hit him pretty badly. My bf is a large man and it was very shocking to see him switch from the man I've known for so long to whatever that was.

At the same time, I've never felt so attracted to him. I feel that there is something primal to that but I'm also concerned that he has that potential. Am I right to be concerned? He's never once indicated that he might show that feeling towards me but I find that legal danger and reckless act concerning.

I don't know how to feel about this?

Anonymous 33066

>>33064
>I'm also concerned that he has that potential
All people do, to some degree. Everyone has a breaking point where they may do or say awful things that they would never consider normally. The action itself is likely much more shocking than it would otherwise be simply because of the contrast between his normal behavior.
"Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is."

Bear it in mind for the future, and perhaps talk with him about restraining himself in such situations in the future if only for legal concerns. However, aside from that I think that one fistfight in two years, in defense of you (from his point of view) is a pretty good track record.

Anonymous 33067

>>33064
if he thought this man attacked you then it makes sense and I dont think you have to worry that hed ever harm you. the men in my family are as gentle and loving as can be to their children/families. but I know most of them have backgrounds in fighting and would flip out if they thought their loved ones were in danger

Anonymous 33109

>>33064
That situation is literally how peefect man should act. He was violent because someone threatened you - someone he loved and never threatened.

He never abused you because why would he do that. The switch flipped because he deemed you were in danger. This is precisely how things should work and thats why you felt the attraction. It was primal feeling of "this man keeps me safe, he is right for me".

You're lucky as fuck to have him and i wish you both well in the future

Anonymous 33120

vuhwxoqopkb41.jpg

Feeling so dead and empty inside. Simultaneously wanting to never interact with another human again, while also terrified that everyone who loves me will stop if I don't suck it up and get normal again.

I feel too apathetic to even wanna kill myself. Pathetic.

Anonymous 33122

>>33064
>At the same time, I've never felt so attracted to him. I feel that there is something primal to that
This post was made by a moid. Shoo-shoo with your power fantasies, you are not a "large man" as you like to imagine in your ego trips about a loving gf, you are severely obese.

Anonymous 33171

>>33120


Why do you feel that way, anon?

Anonymous 33172

>>33122
I'm glad someone else said this. For a minute there I was starting think I was the only one who found that part really suspicious.

Anonymous 33175

God please just hire me. It's a fucking minimum wage job. Why the fuck not? Do I need to be a good damn astronaut? Need to know rocket science? I am getting to the point of desperation where I'd suck somebody's dick to let me stock a shelf.

Anonymous 33185

>>33175
Unfortunately the most effective way to get jobs is to personally know the people giving them, or know someone who does.
Even actual skill is a crapshoot unless you're literally in the top of your field, because regardless of what you do, there are dozens if not hundreds of people who can do it just as well and each want the position for themselves.
In your case, there may be 100 people looking for a job within travel distance of said store who are capable of putting things on a shelf.
Just gotta keep applying until your name happens to be pulled out of the hat. Either that, or network and meet people and try to nepotism your way into a job.

Anonymous 33190

motivation.png

>>32985
update to this. saw him again today. we both had the same exam, then got the bus back into town. then got off at the same stop to go to the same supermarket

would have been perfect opportunity, but I chickened out. I dont feel too bad tho. the relief of my exam being over and done with is outweighing the disappointment I have in myself rn. Im going to watch anime in bed for the rest of the week lol

Anonymous 33191

>>33190
Next time try saying hi. There's a fairly good chance he's had similar thoughts

Anonymous 33192

>>33190

The temporary fear you might feel right before and even when you're speaking to him is 100% worth the possibility of love. Be brave, anon.

Anonymous 33193

>>33175
>I am getting to the point of desperation where I'd suck somebody's dick to let me stock a shelf.
You know you could make money just doing the dick sucking part right? Honestly, how dumb of you to do something you could already be getting paid for just to earn the right to work even more for less money than you could get for the first thing.

Anonymous 33198

>>33193
>You know you could make money just doing the dick sucking part right?
Depending on where she lives, that might be illegal.

Anonymous 33200

I absolutely hate one of my colleagues. Personalities not compatible, she's kind of careless about how she treats others, has the stereotypical female non-personality that you see in incel memes, little stuff like that.

My issue is I feel so guilty about hating her so much. I'm not the only one who dislikes her, but I feel like I'm a massive cunt for no reason because I can't hide my disdain for her.

Anonymous 33216

Vent:

I go to a pretty high-brow university and have two jobs to support myself (pay rent, buy groceries, pay for commute, rarely have any money for my own enjoyment). I am going for free due to a scholarship + financial aid (I grew up pretty poor and did extremely well in high school in order to get myself out of there..and I did). I feel like having multiple jobs to support myself and constantly being on the grind is slowly killing me… i'm the type of person that isn't super naturally smart, and I need to study a lot in order to get it, but through hard work and determination, I get through it. But I've been in deeper ruts of depression, my mental and physical health has rapidly declined, and university is merciless. I feel so stupid next to my wealthy, fresh-faced peers. I feel like an illiterate, disgusting goblin. I barely earned my place here and I feel ashamed to exist. My brain constantly feels like it's rotting and just empty space. I'm going crazy and I want to off myself. I used to be able to do all these robot things, just work and school. But now that i'm paying for my whole existence, things have gotten so much harder, I don't have time to study so I don't get straight As anymore. Haven't gotten a C yet but I definitely will this semester. God I wish everything could fucking slow down. I don't have time to look for and see a therapist/psychiatrist that will diagnose me with something that will help in filing something for my school's disability office thing that will help me have more time and forgiveness in classes . maybe I should go the quick way and attempt suicide. but I don't want to ruin anything.. if I do something illegal I have potential to lose financial aid.. everything I do is about success and I get so anxious if I'm not doing work or being productive that I literally think I'm killing myself over work and I can't fucking stop because I get so anxious if I don't . !!! FUCk
ITS A VICIOUS CYCLE AND I WANT IT TO STOP BUT I DON'T WANT TO WASTE ALL THE WORK I DID IN MY YOUTH . I WASTED MY YOUTH TO GET THIS AND I'M NOT DOING WELL. I FEEL SO PATHETIC.

Anonymous 33219

>>33216
>don't get straight As anymore. Haven't gotten a C yet but I definitely will this semester
are you american? its a very american obsession to think anything less than an A is bad. in the UK students are happy with Cs

anyway. sorry to hear your situation. can you talk to anyone at the uni about it to get support?

Anonymous 33220

>>33198
Plenty of people do it even if it's illegal. Plus, I can't imagine there's any place where sucking dick to get a job is legal, but sucking dick AS a job isn't. I just wanted to point out that if she's willing to suck dick in the pursuit of money, she could do it more efficiently than the plan she mentioned. Unless she meant she'd only want to do it one time just to get the job.

Anonymous 33221

>>33219
>in the UK students are happy with Cs
Not trying to be mean anon, but that's just you and your friends.

Anonymous 33222

>>33219
I am American, yes, but I was also raised in a mentally ill single mom middle eastern household lol. I also would be fine with Us theoretically, it's just that I could lose my scholarship. I'm very reliant on it. America sucks.

Anonymous 33223

>>33221
its really not. most people are fine with Cs, even hard working students wouldnt be upset. as long as youre passing its okay. thats the prevailing feeling

>>33222
ahh. if you need it for scholarship money that makes more sense. it really does seem like a bad system. it might be too late, but have you thought about studying in europe? things are much easier her financially

Anonymous 33224

>>33223
How old are you and what current level of education are you in?

Anonymous 33225

>>33224
23 currently uni undergrad in maths. will be starting masters next year. its obv nice to do well, but no one I know would be upset with Cs unless the uni required them to do better for progression etc

Anonymous 33226

>>33225
Huh, funny that.

Anonymous 33227

>>33226
sarcasm?

Anonymous 33228

>>33227
No, just strange to me. But good luck with things.

Anonymous 33229

>>33228
what country are you from/what level of study?

Anonymous 33230

>>33229
UK, I dropped out in the final year of A-levels. Before the mental health issues hit, the I reason dropped out, I was going to do electronic engineering.

Anonymous 33232

>>33230
ah, that makes some sense. theres more pressure at A-level to get As and A*s if the unis you want to get into require it. I had a similar experience dropping out of 6th form in my last yeat because of mental health. if you want to try uni again, foundation year courses could be a good option

Anonymous 33237

>>33232
Thanks, I've considered it, but i think i might leave it a while. I got a part-time job, and that ended rather poorly.

Anonymous 33251

>>33225
Your grades matter a lot for your admittance to Masters (and later PhD), at least here in France, so it is not completely useless to worrt about them.

t. a miner doing a math PhD

Anonymous 33252

>>33251
yeah, Im obv not saying its useless, I need to get high grades in certain classes to progress to masters, and I do care about that. but theres definitely a difference from when you see americans suicidal over a C in any class. we're (UK and europe) much less obsessed with grades

Anonymous 33282

>>33281
You're going to blow up a potential relationship with a guy you actually like in order to get back at a handful of completely different guys who probably don't even remember you?

Anonymous 33283

Midlife crisis is kicking in my friends. Really annoying.

Anonymous 33284

>>33281
Anon grow up this is sad

Anonymous 33290

>>33281
Why don't you just find someone who isn't used goods?

Anonymous 33306

>>33282
>>33284
I've gotten sleep after this and am feeling a bit more coherent. I was very tired and had recently found out that he lost it so young since his ex talked about their sex lives publicly.

I feel these strong urges to get close to him and yet I hate him so much. What else am I supposed to do with those feelings? That's what I was thinking.

It's long time that I got over this but apparently I never will be. It's so tiring to be constantly dragged through the mud by men and so I simply desire to share my pain with someone. In my spite, hurting him myself seemed like the only and most appealing option. But really, even finding someone with a similar past would be so cathartic. Or at least someone who could hold me and tell me I deserved better.

Maybe I don't want to hurt him at all. Who knows. I likely couldn't bring myself to reject him and would cry on the spot, causing him to reject me instead. I even typed more in this post that aired out some of their dirty laundry but I can't even do that ANONYMOUSLY. I could never actually hurt anyone…

>>33290
Can't find any. Men can easily get laid + lack self-control.

>>33284
I am sad. Both in a depressing way and a pathetic way.

Anonymous 33307

>>33306
>Can't find any.
The men who are virgins as adults probably don't advertise it given the considerable stigma. Even if you asked one directly, he may still lie in order to hide what he perceives as a shortcoming.

Anonymous 33308

>>33306
>mods deleted my original post
I?! No rules were broken afaik? No physical harm, nothing illegal and I'm not a man.
Sorry for venting in the vent thread ig.
But I do sort of regret my words so perhaps it's for the best.

>>33307
Perhaps, but I really do believe most can easily get action with minimal effort. Incels make it seem as if they are common, but (at least where I live) basically every neckbeard or neckbeard adjacent type can get a loyal gf. All of my male friends have, for real.

But maybe I'm an anomaly, too. So I can't call them fake. Regardless it just makes finding other inexperienced people hard.

Anonymous 33323

>>33308
Where the fuck do you live? Where I live I see virgins everywhere. Maybe you're just not socialising with the right kind of people.

Anonymous 33333

>>32005
This bitch again, idc if anyone reads this since I just want to get it out.

I'd convinced myself ~uwu maybe he didn't know what he was doing and unintentionally lead me on! He is only 18 so he's baby~ BUT NO.

Now I know for sure he was trying to cheat. Not only did he remove me from his social media (despite agreeing to stay friends), but he deleted every suspicious message he sent. Asking me to the movie? Gone. Asking for me to take pics in my gym clothes? Gone.

Smdh that little slime ball.
But it also has given me somme confidence that one guy I liked legit showed interest and I wasn't just reading too into it. Ironically, by trying to lie he made the truth more clear.

Feelin cute tbh. But also shocked and pissed…but in a funny way. Just a ridiculous situation.

Anonymous 33338

eac.jpg

>>32985
update 2:

we have a group project together tomorrow. Im not ready for this. also in the group are 3 normies

Anonymous 33344

>>33338
being forced to do a group project was what gave me friends at uni, good luck anon

Anonymous 33346

>>33338
>>33344
I second this, normies may surprise you by being secretly not normies or just by being super nice.
Class participation and group projects have gotten me from zero two friends and some kind acquaintances in one year.
Stay hopeful!
And hit up that qt!

Anonymous 33347

I cry whenever my boyfriend leaves me for the day or weekend and it doesn't matter what I'm consciously thinking. I just happens as soon as I can tell he can't see me. It's uncontrollable and makes me feel disgusting. I am pathetic.

Anonymous 33350

>>33347

Stop being so hard on yourself, anon. It's normal to miss our special people. I wish you would give yourself a break.

Anonymous 33351

>>33350
You're right. I will just cope by looking at pictures of him and sniffing his undies.

Anonymous 33352

>>33351
I'm not this anon
>>33350
Thank you for the reassurance.

Anonymous 33354

Screenshot (2).png

>>33347
I might be overreacting but could you have pic related? Better to be safe then sorry.

Anonymous 33355

>>33344
>>33346
Ive had quite a few group projects at uni, but none of them led to making friends. one of the people in the group Ive worked with before. we have small talk sometimes, but hes kind of a bully

If I fuck this up then I'll have no chance with the guy I like after

Anonymous 33360

people who pick on others because they're envious are fucking disgusting. fuck off.

Anonymous 33361

1525342805247.png

>>33338
UPDATE 3!!!!!!!

it went okay! we didnt get a chance to talk about personal things. just work, but I didnt mess up or make him hate me

I thought he was just a shy boy, but it turns out hes way more autistic. kind of hard to talk to (dont think it was just nerves). dont know how I feel about that, but now I have an "in" if I want to talk to him if I see him out of class

Anonymous 33371

>>33361
Awesome, anon! I hope it all works.
It's so nice when other miners have social/romantic success.

Anonymous 33416

>>33361
update 4: the group project is finished, I talked to him a decent amount and had fun. he has a very… odd thought process, and at times I didnt know how to react, which may have came off as disinterest but idk

after class, we both got the bus home, but I was too scared to talk to him much so we didnt really talk. hope I can talk to him more if I catch him on the bus to school

Anonymous 33426

1371677286974.jpg

I'm still not over my first love and I'm in a relationship. I kinda wanna break up and I know I should, but he apparently loves me a lot and has invested a lot into me so it's hard for me to go back now. And honestly… I don't want to be alone anymore. Even though I don't love him I like being around him and enjoy his company. And I guess it's nice to know I'm making someone happy at least…

I thought I loved this guy and for a while I thought I was finally over the first guy and found my real love, but these feelings have come back.

I feel like I'll never be truly happy because I wont spend the life with the person I love.

It's gone to the point I'll probably cheat on my boyfriend with him if by a miracle I get a chance (unlikely) which truly eats me inside because I detest cheaters and sworn I'd never be one, and always thought if I ever felt like I'd cheat it's a sign I need to break up. Turns out it's not that simple if you are selfish as fuck. I really don't want to go back to the hell that is loneliness again. + I hope these feelings will go away in time and I can just live happily ever after with my guy.

I know I'm an awful person, but I needed to get this out of my chest. I'm sorry everyone, it'd be better for everyone (especially myself) if I just died. Maybe I catch coronavirus. This life isn't worth living anyways.

Anonymous 33429

>>33426
You should be honest with your partner and you know it.

Anonymous 33434

My best friend doesn't have enough time for me and it makes me want to kill myself because everything is boring without him. I wonder if he knows I spend every minute away from him waiting until he has time for me again

Anonymous 33435

>About to turn 20 in a week
>Still no bf
How the fuck am I supposed to get a date with an average look?
I just want a guy to approach me and ask me out, is that really that much to ask?

Anonymous 33436

>>33435
What if you approach guys and ask them out instead?

Anonymous 33437

>>33436
Mom always told me only sluts approach guys without invitation.

Anonymous 33442

>>33437
For sex, I could see why she'd think that, but for a simple date?

Anonymous 33443

>>33437
Ok then just never approach anybody and stay pure. :^)

Anonymous 33445

My friend is studying maths and she often asks me for help. But these are really simple things. I don't know if she is just confused by them or if she really doesn't know. I help her, but she'll have other questions later anyway. It's a little frustrating because I want to help her and I want her to be successful but I feel that by helping her I don't really help her at all. I feel like she is missing that need to go and find it out on her own.

Anonymous 33453

>>33435
Contrary to popular belief, 20 is still very young and it's ok to not have a bf yet

Anonymous 33454

>>33453
I don't want to get old without experiencing love while young.

Anonymous 33456

images (25).jpeg

I don't have any friends. No matter how much I try to be someone who people are attracted to, I never manage to make friends. It makes me so sad. I feel like my whole personality is unlikeable.

Anonymous 33457

>>32175
Sorry if this is considered necroposting, but I'm in a similar boat right now, especially given the fact that my school is forcing me to pick a Major/Minor this semester. I have a bunch of disparate interests and no idea on any way to reconcile them together. The best advice I can give you right now is to continue doing your best to pursue all of them until eventually you are compelled by necessity to drop one or pick one. At least for me, that external pressure was enough to get me to more confidently pick a path. Not sure if this helps or not, but best of luck regardless.

Anonymous 33458

I'm sick of overthinking everything. I don't think I've ever felt loved by a non family member. I think it's because I'm incapable of feeling love for most people. I hate how cynical and over-critical I am, it's as if the instant anyone's interests perturbate slightly from what I deem interesting, I can't connect with the person, even if I want to and really apply myself, I can't do it. I've been trying hard to like things about everyone, but so many people are just exhausting to like, either they're shitty people, or they're boring/ annoying. I only know of maybe three people who aren't exhausting to like, 2 guys and a girl, and one I haven't spoken to since I was 14 because he moved schools, so he's probably completely different now. I wish I was at least smart but I'm just stuck with this analytic brain that isn't good for much else.

Anonymous 33460

>>33458
I’m in a.. similar boat. Do you have SPD by chance? Or are you just desensitized by chans? I’m a diagnosed schizoid and I also think I’m not yet capable of love, even as a little kid I was not very touchy. However, my situation is a bit different. People usually seem to like me, but I can't connect with them, they all seem so shallow, so superficial, so boring, that’s why I’ll probably never show initiative to propose some normie activity and hang out with them. I have/had 1-2 friends who were also somewhat silent types themselves but incapable of deeper thought. Conversations with them were too boring for me to keep those relationships, though they still contact me 1-3 times a year.

Wish I had something to say of use, but I still can’t connect with people. However, I have learned to in a way blend in with normies even entertain them. The key >>33456 to that is being a good listener and listening to their bullshit. People love to talk about themselves, when you hear them talk you can ask them infinite amount of questions, learn the normie language, hear the latest normie news, trends etc., and use it to speak to other normies.

At the end of the day you still feel empty inside and mentally exhausted, but at least people don’t hate you for ignoring them and assume you have friends. Functioning in society becomes slightly less of a drag and even shallow conversations can sometimes fill the need of socialization for weeks if not months.

Anonymous 33461

>>33460
To* blend in.

Anonymous 33462

>>33460
There's probably something wrong with me, I think my brain must have weird dopamine receptors or something because I'm prone to lifting highs and devastating lows. I never went to get diagnosed because in my opinion people only label this shit to use it as an excuse for their shitty behaviour, I don't want to blame my problems on anything other than myself. Also I don't want the government to know I have some disorder if I do have something.

I think I'm just heavily cynical, and I'm trying to change it. I've been spending more time thinking about things I can like in other people. I know I'm capable of love, but it's so rare for me to just fall for someone, it's only happened once and they lost interest in me after a few months.

I don't care about blending in, unfortunately I'm a very honest person, and if I don't care about something I tend to make it apparent because I'm not good at faking interest, but where possible I will try to find a way to match their interests with mine so that I can talk about their topics. I practice smiling more and saying hello and doing other things which to me seem superfluous but are part of the social dynamics that make people like you. I don't really want people to like me, I want to be able to like people. I'm trying to move away from the normies vs. me mentality and I'm trying hard to see good in everyone. A lot of people are more evil than good, myself included. I try to suppress in myself what I consider evil and undesirable and I foster the parts of me that I consider good.

Unfortunately despite all my efforts, I still feel alone, I still feel like most people just kinda suck. They're boring, or they're assholes, or bitches, or they're intemperate, or they're just very easily manipulated. I think humans are smarter than animals, but I still don't think we're all that intelligent, we're still pretty animal like in a lot of ways, and therefore I can't shake the feeling that everyone is just pretending to be something they aren't.

Anonymous 33463

>>33456
What kind of interests do you have? I have a similar problem. Except I usually have problems finding things to talk about which bores people.

Anonymous 33464

>>33462
>I don't really want people to like me, I want to be able to like people
I know that feel, but in the sense that I believe I only like people insofar as they are setpieces for a situation or activity. If I enjoy playing a board game with people, it's primarily because I enjoyed the game itself. The people's presence simply allows the game to be played. When the game is over and everyone goes home, I don't feel any desire to call them up to talk or go out of my way to see any of them. I know people who would probably call themselves my friends, but I can't think of any person I've ever known who I would go out of my way to see or speak to purely because I enjoyed their company. I talked to them in school and such because we were already in the same place and doing so was more entertaining than sitting in silence and doing nothing. But even that gets tiring eventually.

I think plenty of people like me. But I have yet to meet one person who I like being around more than I like being alone.

Anonymous 33466

57ec1601ed7e17650c…

I keep getting rejections from jobs I apply to and I don't understand why. It makes me fucking cry on a daily basis and I feel like I'm never going to move out of my shitty, toxic parents house. Even retail jobs don't want me. The rejection is really taking a toll on my mental health. I'm so fucking depressed. If I didn't have a bf who I love with all my heart, I probably would have killed myself by now. I don't even know what to do to help my situation.

Anonymous 33467

164a54bef42869d935…

>>33466
Holy shit you're literally me (except for the bf part). I've been trying to get any job at all for over 2 years since I graduated trade school but nobody wants me, not even a grocery store job. I lucked out a couple weeks ago and found out that these small islands in my country are desperately looking for housekeepers and I'm currently in their recruitment process but it looks like I'm in. They even pay for housing and food

All this time I've lived with my dad and he's like a fucking toddler. He doesn't clean up anything after himself, he has no sense of basic hygiene, he smokes, he's a violent alcoholic, he has no regard for other people, he's a double standards shithead and the biggest hypocrite I've ever met

All I can tell you is to keep trying. Use your awful living situation to fuel your drive to keep trying to get away from it. There has to be something for you out there. It took me 2 years but I found something for me, too

Anonymous 33468

Anyone else get irritated when other girls talk very sweet and nice in almost patronizing way? It seems like a female stereotype to develop that kind of speech, but it's so unappealing to me even if it doesn't seem completely inauthentic. Maybe it's just my autism, cause I prefer matter-of-fact, aloof communication.

Anonymous 33469

>>33468
AHHH I hate it. Coworker talks to me like I'm a retarded child sometimes, explaining a simple line such as "restock the shelves and make them look tidy" for 3 minutes and then proceeds to ask me "did you get that :)?" multiple times as if I haven't been working here for a year already and that's not literally the only job I do as a student. I'd much prefer if she told me she thinks I'm doing something wrong instead of doing this patronizing "do you understand it sweetie :)?" bullshit.
The worst part is I'm 2 years older than her and she only acts this way around me when she's the one in charge in the store, I guess she likes to feel in power this way, idk.

Anonymous 33470

Just fucking. Broke my own heart over a man before I even met him, multiple times. And I did it again today after finally meeting him last week.
Hahahaha
I hate this. What the fuck is wrong with me. My brain is clearly trying to prep me for the eventual let down but it's not helping, just making it much worse. And now I love and hate him all at once. Every time! FUCK!!!! He hasn't even done anything!

>>33468
>>33469
Word. I hate this, too.
For me it's usually women who are much smaller and girlier than me as well. I don't understand. I am much more powerful than you, how am I baby? Fuck off.
It's so hard to find blunt and spergy female friends as an adult though.

Anonymous 33471

>>33468
>>33469
One time a girl was giving me a step by step explanation of something and when she was done she said "okay now repeat what I just said" like I was a little kid. She also complimented stuff I did in a patronizing way.
It's one of the most demeaning things you could do, I don't understand why anyone would do that. I didn't say anything at the time out of actual shock but if she ever pulls that shit again I'm telling her to fuck off.

Anonymous 33472

1695152-bigthumbna…

>>33467
Aw anon, I'm happy for you and wish you the best of luck. That's great advice to use this situation to motivate myself. It was really good to hear from someone in a similar situation who turned things around, makes me feel like there's hope for me too.

Anonymous 33474

1579283504907.png

I'm really bummed out about not having my own place in this stage in life yet. I'm 20 going into my 4th semester at uni and i live with my parents. usually we vibe but oftentimes i just wish i could exist alone. but real estate costs a fortune and i work a shitty side job as a catering assistant. i asked my parents to keep my state sponsored poket money to clean my conscience of not paying rent, but the pay only very slowly accumulates, i'm saving it for my future with my boyfriend. a bit of savings gets wasted on my bulimia but that's neither here nor there and i do resent myself for it and attempt recovery every other day.

my boyfriend lives in another country and has set to visit this april and we have to spend hard earned money on a fucking hotel. because i don't have a place. i feel like the stereotype of "talentless gf with shitty job who squats at her parents'". so it's that and just not having my own space. to cope i usually go on adventures in the forest or read at the library. but it's driving me crazy.

Anonymous 33475

>>33474
Hey anon I'm in the same position as you but I'm 2 years older (going to college, student job that cant pay rent, high rent near my college, etc). Just wanted to say that I know how you feel, especially with the existing alone thing. My parents are nice but damn I feel like a tall child living here, especially my dad who treats me like I'm 12. It's not like you're doing nothing with your life, and especially at your age it's normal to still live at home. The majority of people I know who are still in school that live by themselves are funded by their parents, let loans pay their rent, or work 50 hours a week while studying full time. Your situation is temporary and you're actively working towards a better future, don't forget that.

Anonymous 33479

Screen Shot 2020-0…

VENT
It’s time to let it all out. I’m letting out all my feelings, complaints, problems, and truths. I feel crazy because of how my hormones and mental illnesses are constantly at war with my thoughts. I feel insane because I never get relief from feeling any type of way. At all times I feel at least one: compulsive, shameful, disgusting, hopeless, suicidal, worthless, like an object, like a whore/slut, like I deserve to suffer, depressed, anxious, numb, suicidal- and all even when I feel happy. I don’t know what to do. I view life with hope for I have been through recovery so many times like I know that I'm wrong, and that life gets better, and everything like that, but it just doesn’t seem to apply to me, especially not anymore. The depression, ocd, anxiety,. It’s always there. I’ve been put on birth control for PMDD and it’s completely fucking with my body, giving me my period off and on, horrible PMS side affects (mental asnd physical), and constant discomfort. My OCD is driving me crazy with everything around me having a status of cleanliness or safety. I want to erase myself. Online and in person. I wish nobody knew me, i wish i wasn’t so unsafe online, I wish I didn't share my body online, i wish i lived a different life. I feel so dirty, and no matter how hard i scrub never clean. I feel so behind, no matter what I do I can't catch up to life. I use drugs to numb it. I was hospitalized multiple times last year, ruining my grades and setting me far far back, and it’s like just because i’m out of the hospital doesn’t mean I don't need help but my therapist got a new job and I have unexplainable side effects and i just feel miserable a lot of the time. I give my all to others, that’s my only redeeming quality. I have a lot of love and compassion for them. But I'm just here, so stuck, i feel so exhausted, so hopeless. I have no idea what to do. In my dreams I’m happy, and I belong, those around me understand me, and how i feel is not wrong. I dream of a place where I’m safe and things are pure and comfortable and clean. All I want is hope and help. I don’t know where to begin getting better.

Anonymous 33481

>>33426

If you would cheat on your boyfriend with your old flame, why are you not with that person in the first place?

Anonymous 33483

I told my mom that I was depressed and she told me to "look on the bright side" and has been walking on eggshells around me ever since. We live together, so it's very awkward and stressful for me. The only other person I talk to and confide in (online friend) has distanced themselves heavily over the last few months. I don't even know why. I thought we were friends but recently it's like they don't even want to talk to me anymore. Everything's snowballed lately and I don't even feel like an adult anymore. I just feel like a worthless child who makes life harder for everyone because she's so inadequate. I wish I could disappear without making things harder financially for my mom.

Anonymous 33488

>>33475
Thank you anon, it feels nice to read a response to your own gay vent. You're right. Slow and steady wins the race.

Anonymous 33490

It seemed like we were getting along but I guess not. Even with similar interests…

I'm truly unlovable, I was right all along. Only my parents and best friend like me, I'm blessed to have them. But with everyone else…it's so horrible. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I also suspect I have mild bpd but really don't want to get tested. It's also very under control compared to the past so maybe a labels doesn't even matter anymore.

Anonymous 33491

>>33481
Because he doesn't want me

Anonymous 33493

>>33490
Jesus christ this grammar. I really was upset.

I've recovered and realized thay him having other friends doesn't mean he hates me. I'm just crazy.

Anonymous 33500

I'm supposed to be getting ready to start the rest of my life with this guy but holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Do I even want to? Am I just doing it because I'm afraid? Afraid to miss the train and end up a fat, ugly, old hag with no kids or husband? Every single woman that goes that route seems to end up fucking miserable. There is no guy on this Earth as patient and as gentle as my boyfriend, maybe he's the one, but I don't know. I'm so afraid. Of everything. I wish he'd dump me and a piano would fall on my head. That would be such a stress reliever.

Anonymous 33505

I hate people who think they're some sort of social outcast because they have a mental disorder and talk about being miserable or suicide like it's a unique personality trait. What's up with this stupid trend?

I cannot relate to those people at all

Anonymous 33516

7b9.jpg

I've had exams for 2 weeks straight every day, sometimes twice a day with each being worse than the next and I'm fucking exhausted I don't even have the mental capacity to prepare for them anymore like I used to, this is my 3rd year and it's never been this bad. I had to skip the 1st term for two of them already. I don't have a shred of ambition left within me even though I picked this major put of my own interest in it and was doing very well at the start. I just want this to end asap so I can get on with my life without living in constant stress and sleep deprivation, at least for a bit before I inevitably have to find a shitty retail job. Of course I'm going to hate waking up every morning for it too but with work at least when it's done it's done, you can go home and relax without the 27395 other things that need doing gnawing away at you because if you do anything non uni-related at uni you're just procrascinating. Fuck I want to die

Anonymous 33521

>>33416
hehe. things were really looking up for a minute there… but its all come crashing down again

he talked to be briefly monday morning, I replied sarcastically, as a joke, but it didnt come off that way. no he seems to be with the girl from my OP 24/7 (theyre not dating, but shes dominating his time so I have no chance)

I feel even worse now than I did before. I am like icarus, who flew too close to the fren

Anonymous 33524

>>33521
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIscL-Bjsq4

sorry about that anon, must be tough

Anonymous 33528

>>33516
>Of course I'm going to hate waking up every morning for it too but with work at least when it's done it's done, you can go home and relax without the 27395 other things that need doing gnawing away at you
I have bad news for you as far as actual careers and not minimum wage jobs go. The university is the instigator of the problems but your thought processes are what is making you suffer whenever you're not studying.

t. Someone who does this too and is consciously trying to change

Anonymous 33549

Just started crying because my friend is such a nice person. He didn't do anything, I was just thinking about his personality.

smdh it really is that time of month

Anonymous 33553

>>33549
This is so sweet. Treasure that friend, anon. I hope I find one that is as nice as yours.

Anonymous 33580

He's ruining my safe zone of being a creep, so my mind is retaliating. How do I function if he actually wants to speak to me? This is horrifying.

He has better options, right? We have a lot in common but I'm average. So is he, but men can date up for looks, right? Are guys like him popular among women? They're popular among me.

Also I want to smell and lick his armpits and feet so badly holy shit I'm losing my mind. Even before this I'd look at him and my mouth would water, as if I just wanted to devour him. No, I'm not into vore. But I want to absorb his entire being.

Was that an insult about seeing me everywhere or is that a good sign?
When will I get to hold hug him as I've wanted to for a year now? He's so cute and weak. I want to overpower him. And I want to make him my husband so I can keep him safe and protected. He just lets people tread on him so I must be there to stand up for him. He's precious.

Thank you for reading this somewhat stream of consciousness post.

Anonymous 33587

>>33521
sorry for updating this with boring innocuous details practically every day, but…

we got a new group project today and hes in this group too. he didnt really talk during this group, just sat on the sidelines while chad, stacy and me talked. next session I want to get him more included. then on the bus, I had the chance to sit next to him, but chickened out and sat behind :(

>>33524
tenk u fren

Anonymous 33598

>>33587
Even though it's a group project maybe you could peel him off to work on something together, but not overwhelm him but be like you'd like his help on something so it feels like he's in control of the time together?

Anonymous 33599

>>33587
>sorry for updating this with boring innocuous details practically every day, but…
anon, at least you stick around and update us, even if to you or some people your story is "boring". it's much more disappointing when an anon promises to update and doesn't.

For what it's worth, I like hearing your little updates. It's not some story that is crazy or dramatic, but it is representative of real life and I like it.

Anonymous 33610

thumb_vein-dude-bl…

One of my bf's friends is fooling around with a girl he has no intention of being in a serious relationship with. He told her this and she agreed apparently but I still feel like he's taking advantage of her, I talked to her a little once and she is lonely and has no friends in college. Now it makes me angry when he comes to my bf's place with her and spend the evening kissing and holding hands. He doesn't even care and is pursuing another girl at the same time.
Yes she is retarded I know but it's not ok to take advantage of a lonely retard.

Anonymous 33611

>>33610
Maybe you could be her friend while she gets some dick on the side?

Anonymous 33617

>>33610
Do you think she'd be happier if he left her and she was completely alone again?

Anonymous 33620

>>33610
It's not entirely fair to be angry at him. If you feel bad for her, try being her friend and helping her develop her self-esteem.

Anonymous 33623

tenor.png

a tr*nny soundcloud rapper/e-girl I follow on instagram just posted a pic on her story in the park next to my mums house in my home town

wtf. she doesnt live in my home town

Anonymous 33624

>>33623
Go say hi if you still live there.

Anonymous 33625

>>33623
Why are you calling a tranny a girl?

Anonymous 33626

>>33624
I dont, and wouldnt even if I did

>>33625
pls dont hate me, but I accept trannies

Anonymous 33627

>>33626
Enabling mentally ill self-mutilators only leads to more suicide.

Anonymous 33628

>>33627
Nta but I accept them as mentally ill individuals, it's an illness, they have to deal with it just like schizos, bipolar people etc. However I do not accept them in female only spaces like this one cause they have dicks yo and genders aren't feelings

Anonymous 33630

large-1519304057-3…

I posted about a guy in the happy thread but now it's sad so I'm here.
>believed an acquaintance of mine was friends with him since I thought I saw them hanging out
>confirmed that she wasn't his gf, relief
>meet him recently
>follow his instagram
>girl I saw him with is a DIFFERENT WOMAN who is simply an eery doppelganger (down to how they dress!!!) of my acquaintance
>he likes every post of hers
>pretty sure they're dating
I don't feel suicidal since I'm over that, but I feel a lot of pain.
For a year I've been hoping to contact him and we have so much in common…but I'm too late.

Press F.
Or send me wishes that he's just orbiting her.

…my love life is really sad. I regret talking to him, I should have continued being inspired by his visage from afar.

Anonymous 33631

>>33630
WAIT A STINKY MINUTE
There may be a chance for me, I just had an epiphany.
During our conversation, he said
>yeah, I saw you around so much me and my friend made kind of a game of seeing how often we'd see you
And she's the only person I've ever seen him with. He probably would have said gf.

Thank you cc for letting me vent endlessly. Sometimes I just need to throw shit into cyberspace to figure it out. idc if this is cope, I feel a bit better. Hope he sees my art and follows me back!

I love this cafe. Hugs.

Anonymous 33635

>>33064
If your boyfriend pulled him out to the parking lot to beat him up instead of beating him up on the spot then he didn't snap. He was completely aware of what he was doing and was more than likely holding back as well.

Anonymous 33639

how do i find a cute Scandinavian boyfriend? i'm from America and all the white boys here are boring Anglos. i just want a tall blue-eyed Scandi qt bf but it's so hard to find one where i am! where do i find one?
should i make a dating app profile weirdly specifying my type? last time i did that i ended up with a Swedish exchange student but i found out she was originally born a girl so i freaked out and ghosted her.
i tried going on /int/ but 4chan's user base is all creepy and i don't want a correspondence with a creepy man.

Anonymous 33640

>>33631
>>33630
In my hubris I messaged him and he isn't responding. This is back to being very sad.

Anonymous 33643

>>33639
>Anglos
Lmao Im sure its full of people will scandinavian heritage. Im pretty sure you have met few and dismissed them already

Anonymous 33644

>>33643
as anglos*

Anonymous 33645

>>33643
i'm talking half or more %-wise. most people here only have like 12%. i.e. one of their grandparents was from Norway or Sweden.

Anonymous 33652

12888543007.gif

Anyone else have that one friend who constantly begs for donations or money under the guise of charity?

Like it's great that you're doing a fundraiser for trauma victims Kylie… but how about you don't do that after barhopping ten times this week… How about you pay rent on time, save your money towards the vet care your cats need, stop skipping out on work (and complaining when you get fired) and get your shit together BEFORE trying to help others?

Anonymous 33653

I never cared for guys kissing. In highschool my gay(male) friends would make out I never cared for the sight of it. It kind of grossed me out. I never like yaoi.
It confuses my friends. I've dated men and women. I don't care for straight people kissing, slightly grossed out. Two girls kissing turns me on. I just find girl love more ideal. Guy love just has too much guy in it for me to tolerate it.

Anonymous 33654

Sometimes i just get into these moods where i think about my mom dying or getting old and i start to tear up. I dont know why. Shes in her 50s so its not like shes close to death or anything. i just feel like a scared little girl inside of a woman’s body sometimes

Anonymous 33658

I went to a party with my crush and all night he was talking to this stunning girl, and suddenly it's revealed she's trans. From then on she just got incredibly lewd and was half-propositioning him all night. I was feelinig secure at first because he's not into that and he doesn't like casual sex, but she texted him like 20 minutes ago telling him to just come out for drinks and she'd change his mind. He posted about it in our discord group and now I'm worried and angry and crying because all our friends are telling him to just go for it.

I thought I had plenty of time, but now it's running out.

Anonymous 33659

>>33658
>all our friends are telling him to just go for it.
I’m so sorry anon. Why are you friends with these degenerates? If he goes for the tranny he’s probably the type of guy you should avoid anyway.

Anonymous 33661

>>33658
Casual sex culture is really sickening.

Anonymous 33663


Anonymous 33667

>>33658
If he's considering it and he's into trans people, there's no hope anon. He's gay.

Anonymous 33669

>>33667
Too bad OP probably can't ridicule him for being a faggot and a sicko.

Anonymous 33670

Is it possible to recover from depression?

Anonymous 33671

>>33670
Yes and no. You can get used to it/learn to live with it, then it's not as bad.

Anonymous 33672

>>33671
I've been depressed for so long I don't remember not being depressed.

Anonymous 33673

I am such a piece of shit. How the fuck do I trick myself into doing chores? How do I gain self discipline? Practice? I have put off doing dishes for weeks and I feel subhuman at this point.

Anonymous 33676

>>33673
I feel you. I had the same problem and just forced myself into doing what I have to do. After you've read this, just literally walk manually over to your dishes and start taking care of it. Just do it!

Anonymous 33677

>>33639
Discord? There are plenty on /soc/. I joined a few just to make friends and the one I'm hanging out in has people from Scandinavia as well. There's a lot of autists and incels on discord too but you just have to filter out the bad ones. Ever thought about actually moving to Europe? The northern countries are literally ranked the best in the world in pretty much everything. Except Sweden, which has been ruined by bad politics.

Anonymous 33680

>>33676
Thanks anon. That's exactly what I had to do. Listening to a podcast while doing the hard stuff certainly helps too.

Anonymous 33682

>>33677
This "find a bf on 4chan or use discord" is such a meme. /soc/ is at least 80%+ degenerates or people stupid enough to post their faces online.
>Discord
You are planning to small talk for months with some neckbeard who will jerk off to your uwu posts?

Anonymous 33689

>>33659
>>33661
>>33667
>>33669
Good news! He said no and stayed home to watch movies with me. Explained to me later he just couldn't do it, even if she was post-op.

Anonymous 33690

>>33689
I still wouldn't be happy. Just considering it is a red flag. A normal guy would be repulsed the second he realized it was a man, and they wouldn't even consider it. Idk if this is just modern American indoctrination or what, seems so bizarre to me.

Anonymous 33691

>>33690
>Just considering it is a red flag
Even Jesus was not immune to temptation.
Actions are what matter, not thoughts.

Anonymous 33692

>>33691
I would still say temptations in your sexual orientation are red flags. Imagine if instead of trannies it was children, animals, or some abnormal fetish. A normal person wouldn't have those temptations. But at the same time I have to wonder if indoctrination was what made him think it was acceptable to consider it. Him and OP seem to be calling it a "she" so there's some level of mental gymnastics involved.

Anonymous 33694

>>33690
He wasn't actually considering it, just mentioned it to friends because it was so shocking.
>>33692
I just say she because I don't mind the whole pronoun choice thing.

Anonymous 33745

I've just read this post >>33707 and it felt like a punch in the face. The extroversion, the nonexistent people skills, the need for validation, or in my case the need to avoid ANY kind of conflict. I larp as an introvert with people I know/meet in real life and only speak when I'm spoken to just to avoid making an impression like that. But I think some people see through my weird "I'm so down to earth" act.

Anonymous 33808

>>33587
update X

the group project is going well. Im having fun with the other members of the group. not so much with the guy Im interested in tho (going to call him J from now on). some sessions we talk, but today for instance we were opposite ends of the tables, he seemed more interested in talking to another person in the group tbh. theres also a nice girl who isnt really participating

the girl I thought was Js girlfriend seems to be hanging around him less lately, so thats good maybe. was going to sit next to him on the bus home today, but it pulled away as he got one and I missed it lmao

idk. I feel less interested in him now I think tbh. but that might be because Im socialising in the group and dont feel the need, but when the project is over and I go back to being lonely, I'll go back to being interested in him…

Anonymous 33832

>>33808
>because Im socialising in the group and dont feel the need, but when the project is over and I go back to being lonely
What if you kept socializing with the people you like from the group, even after the project is over?

Anonymous 33833

I really dislike clingy people. I don't get why it's so hard for some people to understand that I need some time to myself without them taking it personally. I also don't get why some people feel so uncomfortable with being alone from time to time. It's like they constantly need to be around someone or talking to someone or they feel miserable.

Anonymous 33835

I made a huge dumb mistake at work that affected one of our major clients. I just want to crawl in a hole and die right now.

Anonymous 33839

Day one of winter break and I already think my friends hate me.
Gonna be good! I'm crazy!

Anonymous 33852

>>33832
theyre all normies. good for joking around in project sessions, but not really friend material. plus they already have friend groups theyre part of normally

Anonymous 33855

I've had a one-sided crush on a classmate from high school for over a decade. She isn't into girls so I've focused on finding a partner elsewhere, and I have - a guy who I really clicked with. I've lived with him for several years and to be honest I'm kind of miserable with him.

The happiness I get out of interacting with her is what carries my shitty romantic relationship and I don't have any social life apart from these two people so she means the world to me.

The girl is very career-oriented, hates children, meeting new people, the dating culture, and she isn't exactly what men consider traditionally attractive either so I thought I could keep her forever. But she got a date and she hasn't been answering my messages since.

I'm jealous and heartbroken and a huge idiot. I don't think I'll ever get my social life together. I have no idea how to cope with this, the whole thing is so stupid

Anonymous 33856

>>33855
Don't close your walls when there's no one inside, anon. You need to open up more than ever if you want to meet people.

Anonymous 33859

I am ready to leave this reality

Anonymous 33866

I've always had feelings for my best friend, and decided to act on them as he's been single now for a few months and it seemed like the right time finally. We were laying back watching a movie when I cuddled closer and he responded, then I held his hand and finally started getting closer to his neck to lean in for a kiss…whereupon he looked at me like I was doing something absolutely strange and asked what I was doing. I nervously said I was looking for a kiss, to which he smiled and kissed me on the forehead, then leaned back so he was out of reach. I would have had to basically climb him to get another chance, at which point I realised we've been friends for so long he just no longer sees me as a romantic candidate. I've been little-sister zoned and completely destroyed my only chance with him.

Anonymous 33870

>>33859
Nothing's real, anon. You don't have to sever your soul from the flesh to know that.

Anonymous 33880


Anonymous 33886

>>33880
I thought we were going for an existential dissociation kind of thing.

Anonymous 33887

>>33886
Not today sorry fam

Anonymous 33888

>>33887
Now I'm the one who's depressed. :(

Anonymous 33892

dying.png

Why did God promise not to flood the world again when it's full of evil people doing evil things all the time. He must have known this would happen. I had a dream where a huge laserbeam destroyed the country and I was like that guy in the "I'm glad it's over" meme.

Anonymous 33893

>>33892
Tbh I thought the corona virus was going to be a sign of nature doing population control/cleansing.
So I was slightly disappointed when they found the vaccine.

Anonymous 33894

>>33892
So that good people like you can have a chance at heaven.

Anonymous 33895

>>33893
>they found the vaccine
What news are you reading that I'm not reading?

Anonymous 33896

I know what my extroverted friend meant now that I'm more social.
It's hard to be alone when I must live with my actions and the paranoia that friendship causes. Always afraid of what I've done and how their feelings could change. I'm hooked on the human connection and am at their mercy.

Being lonely was much safer. Although…I guess the pain was the same. Everything hurts no matter what.

Anonymous 33897

>>33895
Supposedly some lab in California

Anonymous 33898

Screenshot_2020021…

I regret doing this, but I looked at the twitter of this girl who went to my high school. She was decently popular, utterly normal, and rich as fuck. I hated seeing her twitter feed showing "kawaii" shit that made her look ddlg or something, typing in all lowercase, and making jokes about her being an "egirl". Like what the fuck. She's an utter wannabe, and she would have definitely talked shit about people who liked the same cute shit back in high school too. Ugh. I know this is stupid and petty but I wanted to vent.

Anonymous 33899

1564788546439.jpg

>>33808
udate X+1

had a great group session today. talked to J for most of the whole hour. think he might actually be gay tho lmao

also Im getting the flu. corona chan taking me out just as it was all coming together ;_;

Anonymous 33901

>>33899
Drink your milk and avoid sugars, anon. Unless you eat silicon eggs and bat meat you should be fine.

Anonymous 33902

>>33901
I didnt want to cook so I ordered pizza. probably going to make me feel worse lol

Anonymous 33904

>>33899
>J is gay.
It rhymes.

How do you now he's gay?
Gay speech mannerism?
Gay fashion? (tho most modern men and gays dress the same, it used to be easy to tell them apart)
Not showing interest in you or other girls? (could be shy/autistic)

Anonymous 33905

>>33902
The animal fat will help. Still, it's paramount that you get some milk in you, preferably raw. Gotta get that cowpox pathogen.

Anonymous 33918

>>33904
he was wearing a pride wrist band, and when we were talking about movies we liked, he was talked about gay erasure in old movies he liked

>>33905
I usually like milk, but when Im sick it makes me flemmy. I think I'll stick to water. I get mouth ulcers and gross white stuff over my tough, but I cant clean it without irritating the ulcers. thats the worst part. any recommendations for that?

Anonymous 33919

>>33918
You have to cough up the flem cow's milk gives you, as its an intended side effect of a (temporarily) heightened immune system. Cough 'em up, anon. For your ulcers, I would be cruel and just put some alcohol down your throat, but there are more gentle methods, such as completely cutting acids out of your diet. No lemon, sugar, sweeteners, or flavouring agents of any kind.

Anonymous 33920

>>33918
>he truly gay
Damn, RIP anon. Unless he's bi, in which case there's still hope (if you're up for it). Either way, perhaps he'll be a good friend.

Anonymous 33925

I moved across the continent for uni and now I'm surrounded by britbongs and feeling so lonely. All other int students have integrating so well but I seem unable to make friends??? I tried societies, I tried dating a britbong too and he cheated and I miss my family. honestly not worth it. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Anonymous 33926

da7y9wz-4073c547-0…

>>33925
hehe nuffin personal lass

hope things improve for you tho

Anonymous 33927

You gals ever feel bad for seeing a guy sexually after you get ACTUAL feelings for him? For a year I've fantasized about devouring him sexually, but now that I may be starting to get the big bad feelings for the man it feels dehumanizing.

Don't get me wrong, I've still jacked off to him twice today. I'm just feeling guilty since getting to know him as a person because he's so sweet and wonderful.

Is it because I'm a virgin? Or because I'm used to being undesired?

Anonymous 33928

>>33927
It's only your hormones. Just masturbate whenever you get worked up. You don't have to spoil him with sex if you start to lust over him. That could make things complicated.

Anonymous 33930

>>33928
Oh no, I don't intend to have sex with him any time soon.
I just get this feeling that he should be beyond my desires now. His personality has made him ascend beyond being a mere sexual object.

This hasn't even happened with other men so he must be special…

Anonymous 33931

>>33930
Usually, when something like that happens you confess your love and court them into marriage. Now I'm not forcing you, but it might be the best idea unless you intend on kicking yourself in the far future.

Anonymous 33932

>>33931
The problem here is that he also has to weigh in on this choice, as do his parents. I can't just claim him as my husband and go on my way.

But I would. He's basically my ideal, I just hope he feels the same.

Anonymous 33933

Regen.gif

I made a fundamental promise and broke it. I know I can't change the past and have to keep improving and that depressive loops make it worse, but I feel like shit right now.

Anonymous 33935

>>33932
You could elope with him, if he at least likes you enough, but having parental consent is good if you want to have an actual wedding. Just make your moves already!

Anonymous 33936

>>33918
>he was wearing a pride wrist band, and when we were talking about movies we liked, he was talked about gay erasure in old movies he liked
That sucks. I'm sorry anon. I was rooting for you the entire time.

Anonymous 34004

>confirmed guy who stood me up and THEN asked to be fwbs now has a gf
>he says they're ~soulmates~
Admittedly he didn't meet all my standards and I've liked men since who were more my type. But my ego is still bruised.

What about me was not girlfriend material? I'll always wonder. I'm (still) a KHV who dresses modestly and has hobbies/skills, idk what about that screams pump-and-dump.

This will always eat at me on a small level.

Anonymous 34008

>>34004
I'd be happier stood up than taken for a ride. Count it as a blessing.

Anonymous 34009

>>34004
You dodged a bullet, anon. She's probably his ~soulmate~ because she puts up with all the abusive shit he does. Be glad that's not you.

Anonymous 34019

>>34008
>>34009
For some reason this hadn't occurred to me! But it's obvious he's likely to be all around crappy lmao.
I feel for her, then. I wish her the best.

Anonymous 34023

>>34019
I suppose the happy ending would be that she's just as terrible of a person as he is and they deserve each other.

Anonymous 34024

>>34009
Highly likely, but that doesn't explain why he didn't give OP a chance to see if she would've put up with his bullshit and just went straight for the FWBs.

Anonymous 34027

>>34024
It could be a myriad of things, but maybe something she said tipped him off. She probably didn't have low enough self-esteem for him to neg. Maybe he goes for FWB first and then dumps shit on them when they get attached. Who fucking knows, there's no point in analyzing it, because any way you put it he's the one with the problem, not her.

Anonymous 34034

"DePrEsSiOn Is NoT ReAl"

These people can go fuck themselves with a cactus

Anonymous 34052

1413297114175.jpg

>>33426
Me again…

I really know at this point I should leave my bf. I'm just scared because I know for sure I'm getting rid of the only person that has ever cared and loved me and who ever will. I -know- for sure I'll never find anyone else like him, but I just can't help my feelings.

I don't think I love him, if I did, I'd not have these doubts right? I hate that I don't love him. He is such a good guy, so loyal, oor chemistry is so good, he feels like my soulmate, we have fun BUT I still keep thinking someone else?! I hate this. +95% men are cheating pigs and I finally found the exception and I feel like this. I guess I was just not meant to be happy or something.

But I don't think I'm going to be truly happy either way, even if I decided to settle and he deserves to have a chance to find someone that truly loves him. I guess I'll just have to accept my fate that I'm going to die hoping and being all alone.

How bad fate do you guys think it is? I know I'm going to do the right thing, but god it's going to hurt and I'm fucking scared. I WILL die alone. I can only picture myself being a lonely, rotten hag. I'm scared.

Anonymous 34054

>>34052
I think you need professional help, anon.

Anonymous 34060

>>34052
>I hate cheaters, they're the worst
>but I would cheat on my boyfriend
10/10 self awareness

Anonymous 34062

5AAA3979-A8E1-4C3E…

I talked to my old friend I hadn’t spoken to for 2 years. I thought she hated me so I wanted closure, I wasn’t planning on speaking to her after asking if she hated me.
Except she wanted to talk more, so I decided why not. We played ssb with her friends and I played a little alone with her. It was fun, I thought it was fun at least.

Then, a day later out of nowhere she starts hating me. Criticizing my life, just being mean and spiteful towards me.
I wait it out the next day and wait if she’s still interested in being friends. She doesn’t talk to me, instead she shit talks me in her discord.
She said I ruined the ssb matches and that I’m a stalker and she never wanted to see me again.
I asked her why she hated me so much… she repeatedly told me to kill myself.
She knows I am suicidal. I told her that I tried to kill myself multiple times recently and she used it against me.
and of course her friends would be on her side. She knows I don’t have any friends that would back me up.
I’m still really nervous and sad about it right now.
It hurts when you genuinely tried to be someone’s friend, even though they were treating you like shit.

I just feel like nobody truly likes me, or will ever like me. I really want to end it all.

Anonymous 34063

sobble.png

>>34062
I like you.

Don't let bastards like that push you around and be your old friend. I can tell you are a good person, so please don't kill yourself, just go and find more. Go look for other people to be your friend. That person is a rotten jerk, especially after you reached out to her.

Anonymous 34065

>>33866
speaking as being in this situation, it's may not be that you were sister zoned, but that it felt sooooo out of left field it made him question what you were doing.

He may see you as someone romantic or like a little sis but going from one to the other is bound to have some whiplash because it just feels like "what, you like me ?!" not even in a bad sense but more in a frozen in thought feeling

Anonymous 34066

>>34062
she knew you were weak, smelled blood in the water and went for it, treating you badly just makes her feel good. There has to be a person on the outside for an inside to exist, you know what I mean?

Anonymous 34071

tumblr_p06xmvDVJf1…

peope say you shouldn't label yourself but I feel like I have to in order to understand myself
having a name for it helps me understand what I am
if I don't know what or who I am…I feel a lump in my throat just thinking about that. I feel anxious and like I want to cry
why is it so difficult to know things for sure? I don't want people to look at me weird or like there's something wrong with me
I just want to be loved and feel normal

Anonymous 34076

>>34062
shes an absolute cunt and not worth your time. the "friends" she shit talked to about you arent even her friends. theyre all a bunch of parasites who associate with each other purely on the basis they can bully others. they would turn on one another in a heart beat if one of them showed weakness.

people here like you anon so please dont say things like that

Anonymous 34094

I may have been unintentionally cold to a guy and now I feel bad.
Thinking of him even feeling a bit of pain makes me really upset…

Anonymous 34104

>always wanted to have a family
>now 29 and never found a relationship which worked longterm
>come home to find my housemate taking care of his cousin's baby
>bouncing the bub while making pasta for me, cleaning, warming milk and singing him songs
>remember he's helped raise multiple kids and is fantastically paternal
>realise we've been living alone together for 7 years without any friction
>best friends and I've had feelings for him in the past
>he can't find a decent relationship because women can't stand the quirks of living with him
>he too wants a family and soon
>watch as he plays with the baby and suddenly feel twinges like my heart skipped a beat
I can't tell if I'm really starting to develop feelings for him again after all this time or if it's my biological clock ticking loudly and fooling me because he's such a logical choice.

Anonymous 34105

>>34104
Who cares, anon? How is it fake if you feel it?
If he's a sweetie and you get along so well (and he agrees of course), you should go for it.

Let yourself fall in love with someone good.

Anonymous 34106

>>34104
he sounds like a sweet guy and you had feelings for him in the past, so why not?
Did something happen between you two? were you together and broke up? did you confess and he rejected you? did you just chicken out and never tell him?
If it's the last one you SERIOUSLY have no excuse.

Anonymous 34107

I feel I'm on a verge of a massive psychological break down and it scares me. I'm at my breaking point and I don't know what will set me off. I'm about ready to start screaming hysterically and throwing stuff. Everyday is a fight to remain calm and to distract myself. But it's there like a itch in my mind.
I made a appointment to see a psychiatrist my Doctor recommend. But the appointment seems too far out.

Anonymous 34109

>>34107
Don't worry anon, it turns out that so long as you can rationally analyze yourself (like you just did) you're actually not close to a real psychotic break. Your rational mind is still hanging in there.

Scream if it makes you feel better! Nothing wrong with that. Scream into a pillow.

Anonymous 34119

>>34106
Things just never lined up. I told him once years ago when we were drunk after his girlfriend broke up with him, but I hastily took it back in the morning and from then on I had to just suppress it and try to get on with my life, or I'd forever be crushed each time I saw him with someone else.

Anonymous 34122

>>34119
>Things just never lined up
That's coward talk, anon.
I think you should go for it.

Anonymous 34133

>>34119
MAKE YOUR MOVE
You guys wouldn't stick around each other for 7 years if there wasn't something there.

Anonymous 34134

>>34094
What did you do?

Anonymous 34135

grump.gif

>>34119
>I told him once years ago when we were drunk
>but I hastily took it back in the morning
So you had confessed your feelings and in your mind defaulted into him rejecting you.
Seconding the other two replies (thirding?), don't be a coward and go for it.

Anonymous 34136

>>34119
I can't be the only one who thinks this is bait?

Anonymous 34141

>>34122
>>34133
>>34135
So I went for it. We were in the car when I just came out and said I still have feelings for him, that I wished I'd never taken back what I said, but then I got caught up in the moment and said some stupid stuff andhe just laughed, smiled, then flashed his serious face and said "I just need time to think about this" before changing the subject. I know him, and he does need to sit alone and think over emotional decisions, but I just got home and he's not here, not answering his phone and now I'm sick to my stomach that I've just fucked everything up and this was all a mistake.

Anonymous 34142

1392759969837.jpg

>>34141
calm down, it hasn't even been 24 hours yet, he said he needed to think about it so let him think about it.
Don't start calling him and looking for him so soon, feeling smothered won't help him decide (at least, not in your favor).
I think regardless of what happens next it's a good thing you tried, because not telling him would just leave you in a position where you're bottling up your feelings, and friendships where one side has feelings the other can't return are basically dead, "I don't want to lose his friendship" is a meme, once feelings develop it's over.
I'll be crossing my fingers for you, anon.

I've been seeing an impressive amount of girls here getting boyfriends so I'm fairly certain this site is magic.

Anonymous 34143

>>34141
holy shit anon, youre brave. confessing practically the same day anons on cc tell you to. keep us updated please. I hope things work out

Anonymous 34144

>>33918
update Ω:

I think I have achieved friendship

we have now sat together too and from uni on the bus, talking the whole way. we also talked alot during the last few sessions of the group project. but the project is over now. I dont know how to talk to him during class tho. he has is own group of friends I dont want to wedge myself into

also Im nervous about running out of things to say

Anonymous 34145

3387662-screenshot…

Grrrrrrrrrrr I'm so angry, I practiced for my test a lot and I still got only a C! I'm gonna study so I can get a better grade in the oral exams but I'm so angry anyway. I really thought I did well

Anonymous 34146

>>34145
a C is a reasonable grade anon

Anonymous 34147

>>34142
>>34143
he stayed out all night, got home at like 5am and went to bed without a single word. I fucked up.

Anonymous 34148

>>34147
You didn't fuck up; it's better to know. He's probably not really into you though, but recognizes the things you mentioned earlier and is torn between settling for a sure bet and holding out for someone he feels a spark with.

Anonymous 34150

>>34141
>said I still have feelings for him, that I wished I'd never taken back what I said
I'll be honest, I feel like this could've been executed better.

Anonymous 34153

>>34150
yeah, I should have rehearsed more
>>34148
so I didn't fuck up completely, but it turns out he liked me when we first met in high school and buried his feelings then. it also turns out a much more attractive girl we met asked him out and I essentially ruined that, so now he's still thinking and I'm already exhausted by this whole ordeal.

Anonymous 34154

hakasedanyan.gif

>>34153
>it turns out he liked me when we first met in high school and buried his feelings then
I can't say this surprises me even a little, this is such a common story between a boy and a girl being friends since they were teenagers.
>it also turns out a much more attractive girl we met asked him out and I essentially ruined that,
that sounds pretty encouraging to me!
If he hadn't wanted to be with you and was just putting on airs for politeness you would never in a million years have been able to interfere with his plans with another girl, he'd just blow you off.
>more attractive girl
I mean you say that buuuuuut he also decided not to go out with her because of you, so maybe she's not that much more attractive?

As always, crossing my fingers, keep us updated.

Anonymous 34155

Screenshot_2020022…

>>34154
This tbh

Anonymous 34156

>>34153
this is like a rom-com/drama tbh. when did she ask him out? if they havent even started dating yet it might not be an issue. unless shes a 11/10 supermodel with an amazing personality or something

Anonymous 34157

>>34156
10 bux say she doesn't even look that much nicer than our girl here but our girl is mad insecure.

Anonymous 34161

popteamepicshock.g…

>have dream bf
>suddenly some of our frens start to confess their love
>plsdontomghngh

Anonymous 34162

>>34161
In the same way you can't keep a garden without pulling out weeds occasionally, you can't keep a boyfriend without occasionally killing whores.
You do understand your only option is to kill them, right? I'll even go as far as say the fact you let SEVERAL of them pop up makes me question if you really even love him.

Anonymous 34163

i'm so sick of seeing myself as so ugly when everyone else says i look fine. it just doesn't go away

Anonymous 34164

>>34162
I want to understand this perspective. I always thought it was the person being confessed to's responsibility to tell the confessor(s) no. That's what loyalty is.

But then some people act like it's on the other person in the relationship to not even let the confession happen. Or to not let flirting happen, etc.

I don't know what to think. Am I an idiot for being loyal?

Anonymous 34165

>>34164
my perspective is that it was a joke, I'm not actually telling you to kill anyone, come on now.
Obviously it's the confess-e's job to reject it.
If he's a loyal guy there's nothing to worry about (at least in term of the relationship itself, your "friends" trying to steal your guy is kind of shitty)
If someone is flirting with him or confessing to him than it's his job to reject it, it's not his or your fault he's so popular, right?

Don't worry about it, I mean, fuck those "friends" but don't worry about your relationship.

Anonymous 34168

7141256D-C0F6-4269…

I hate not being financially independent and having to rely on and live with my mom. I hate not being able to be an autonomous individual. I hate how—even though I’m an adult with a job—my mother can hold power over me and do things like threaten to kick me out of the house if I do something she disagrees with. It makes me feel trapped. I’ll just have to wait to get my degree to get a better paying job, especially since I live in a really expensive area. I just feel frustrated and inhibited.

Anonymous 34170

I hurt someone and I hate myself for it. I am worse than shit.

Anonymous 34178

1439231730377.png

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WHEN WILL CORONA CHAN COME TO MY COUNTRY AND CITY SO EVERYTHING SHUTS DOWN I CAN;T TAKE THIS ANYMORE I DONT WANT TO LEAVE MY HOUSE I LITERALLY CANT DO A SINGLE FUCKING THING RIGHT I SPENT THE WHOLE WEEKEND LYING IN BED FOR 20 HOURS EACH DAY AND CRYING FOR THE REMAINING 4, I REFRESH GOOGLE FOR "CORONAVIRUS POLAND" MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY BECAUSE IT IS MY ONLY SALVATION I *NEED** A FREE PASS TO STAY INSIDE BECAUSE I WILL DESTROY EVERYONE AROUND MYSELF

Anonymous 34179

>>34178
>I NEED* A FREE PASS TO STAY INSIDE
Just claim to have agoraphobia.

Anonymous 34181

>>34178

I'm with you. I wish corona-chan will kill me and save me from the shit that is my life, or at least shut everything down like you say.

Anonymous 34183

256eaa2d0b393f325e…

>>34170
We're in the same boat anon-chan. High five!

Anonymous 34187

>>34154
Everything went far better than I expected. He's not 100% sure how it all works considering he had to essentially reprogram himself to suppress his romantic feelings for nearly a decade, but we held hands, then kissed while watching a movie.

Now I just have to hold back my natural tendency to obsess/overcrowd and stop trying to be sexual so he can reach a real conclusion without stacking the deck.

>>34156
>>34157
I'm not rude enough to post pictures, but if I'm a 5/10, she's a 10/10. I'm not really worried about that now, though, because I know he's not shallow and looks-obsessed.

Anonymous 34188

>>34178
W R O C Ł A W
R
O
C
Ł
A
W

Anonymous 34191

metoo.webm

>>34187
Hell yeah.
I told you this site is magic.

Anonymous 34193

aNBpztBfwCFiuFzhS1…

>>34178
>>34181
Dying from Corona would be a great way to finally go.

Anonymous 34205

fuck this goddamn shitty world, just end everything. i fucking hate humans so much.

Anonymous 34209

>>34183
Yeah, heh, high five!

vomits

Anonymous 34217

why did you delete buff riku

Anonymous 34224

Screenshot_2020022…

>>33120

Same anon. Feeling this way again.
I know it's hormonal and in a few days I won't want to die, but fuck if it's not real right now. I'm not actively suicidal but I do fucking hate myself and the changes that are about to happen in my life.

Anonymous 34227

>>34224
What changes, anon?

Anonymous 34228

>>34227

Moving to a shitty dingy city for my husband's job. We don't know anyone, nothing much is going on there in general. I have to try and find a job too. Nothing too crazy sounding, I know. But disheartening and I feel like my life will be over – moving away from friends and a city I love. Just sad.

Anonymous 34234

>keep getting emails from LinkedIn suggesting that I connect with my former high school friends
>too ashamed of being practically nothing while they're all high-powered college graduates
I don't know what I'm going to do if things haven't changed by the time the class reunion rolls around.

Anonymous 34237

>>34234
High powered in debt. lol

Anonymous 34238

>>34234
Do you have to go to the class reunion? I already know I will never go to mine.

Anonymous 34244

1480515558866.jpg

>>34238
>>34234
Hah, joke's on you, I wasn't even invited to the class reunion !

34258

Clubs

Anonymous 34263

>>34237
I'm practically nothing and I'm in debt.

Anonymous 34265

>>34263
That's why you never deal with credit.

Anonymous 34273

I'm so fucking pissed. I found out that my coworkers were talking shit about me for taking a sick day (one day). It's busy season in our industry right now and we have tight deadlines coming up, but I don't want to come into the office and infect people. Some people are saying that I should have continued to work from home, but I'm really not productive at all when I'm sick and would rather just take a day to rest. It's not even a lot of sick days in a row - just one! I'm so sick and tired of a work environment that doesn't value people's health like that and sick and tired of these coworkers.

Anonymous 34278

>>34265
Never used credit.
I took out student loans and went to college for like 2 years only to realize that I never actually wanted the degree and only went because it just seemed like that's what people are supposed to do after high school. The workload eventually grew to the point that I couldn't just bullshit my way through it anymore, and I didn't have the passion to go at it in earnest.

Anonymous 34308

>>34278
Then you probably relate to them more than you think, anon. Maybe you could share payment strategies together?

Anonymous 34314

>>31601
I feel so alone, I wish I had one single friend. Humans are not made to be this lonely. It sucks senpaitachis.

Anonymous 34318

I found out the guy I like isn't a virgin and it's making me feel torn.
He's so perfect in other ways and I think he may like me, but not being the first to touch his beautiful naked body is depressing.

I love him as a person but don't know what to do.

Anonymous 34319

>>34318
why so hung up on a guy being a virgin ?

Anonymous 34321

>>34314
Just go and talk to someone, anon.

Anonymous 34322

>>34318
Do you really want to settle on this? Your pure virgin is out there somewhere.

Anonymous 34326

>>34318
>found out the guy I like isn't a virgin
How did you find out, exactly?
Virginity is the kind of thing a lot of guys still lie about due to the stigma.

Anonymous 34331

>>34321
I do but everyone around me talks about things I can't participate in.

Anonymous 34334

>>34319
I'm a virgin.
And I'm just a purityfag. I chase small, innocent-looking, neotenic boys because of this fetishism. The whole package is important.
>>34322
I really don't think so. Not someone who has the same hobbies, a similar disposition, and who fits my physical criteria.
And likes me.
He's literally everything but he's just tainted. I want to love him so badly. And I do. But I can't.

I wish there was a way for me to not be like this.
>>34326
I asked him and he told me that his body count is two. Idk if he's lying.

Anonymous 34335

>>34331
Like what? Are they degenerates or something?

Anonymous 34342

>>34335
Yes, they're all degenerates who only know how to talk about guys, clubbing, Tinder and badmouth other girls.

Anonymous 34347

>>34342
Look elsewhere for friends. Try a local church.

Anonymous 34402

>>34347
This, and it doesn't have to be a church either, it could be a women's spirituality group or something. If you're not into religion at all, there's always political groups and book clubs.

Anonymous 34496

I fucking hate my parents. I hate everyone around me. Someone once made a comment about how I don’t seem to get angry, which was true at the time, but it seems like 22 years of being treated like shit has caught up with me overnight. I can’t stop seething.

Anonymous 34500

>>34496
Yes you can, anon. Put it behind you. Forget it.

Anonymous 34502

>>34500
I did that before and it got me nowhere. Why should I forget it?

Anonymous 34506

>>34502
So you don't spiral into madness and face certain doom? It sounds to me like you were doing pretty good beforehand.

Anonymous 34511

>>34506
sounds like she was bottling up her emotions

Anonymous 34512

1546534536608.jpg

I finally made friends, but idk what to do now. in some ways this is worse than being friendless. I feel an enormous amount of pressure. when Im with them, Im nervous and dont know what to say, or scared to say the wrong thing. when Im alone Im over-analysing things I said to them and paranoid they dont like me. Im scared about approaching them when I see them in case they suddenly reject me. I often avoid them, because I find socialising overwhelming, and Im stressed they'll see me when Im in a no socialising mood and hate me for being rude to them

this is so stressful

Anonymous 34513

>>34511
That's the worst thing you could do! That isn't putting it behind you, but making baggage of yourself. You need to elicit a certain response to what your problem is. Think of what an optimist would say, or an opportunist's thoughts on the situation, and adopt it. Every time you come back to the thought, just roundabout back into the response. You do this until the mental wound heals.

Anonymous 34516

>>34512
I've been through it before anon. Just relax, focus on your breathing, only answer when you're questioned, etc.

Anonymous 34519

>>34512
>I finally made friends
>when Im with them, Im nervous
Pick one (1).

Anonymous 34521

>>34519
thats not fair anon. of I have to limit my "friends" to people I have no anxiety around then I have no friends, have never had a friend and never will have a friend in the future

Anonymous 34618

hi242ttotdi41.jpg

I just found out an e-boy I follow is a minor and I'm in my twenties.

I'm as bad as robots now ffs. Extremely cursed day.

Anonymous 34624

I am deeply disturbed by how misogynistic gen Z is

Anonymous 34626

>>34624
lolwut. Most of Gen Z are literal teenagers.

Anonymous 34627

>>34618
Just tell him to wait for you. :)

Anonymous 34715

>>34178
It's been over a week since the quarantines started and I feel infinitely calmer now that I don't have to wake up early and go outside anymore. Thank you corona chan I really needed rest. There's actually something oddly comforting about seeing your peers freak the fuck out like hamsters in a cage because they're not used to being unable to party every weekend while I'm over here having the time of my life. Comparable to watching rain from the tranquil comfort of your windowsill.

Anonymous 34724

>>34626
Gen z begins in the late 90s so a lot of them are in their early 20s

Anonymous 34764

I know I'm still young so I should feel optimistic about the future, but I feel like I'll never find a job now. My bf is making me feel like I'm annoying and I'm considering just blocking all contact from everyone now. I feel depressed seeing everyone post about the new Animal Crossing when I can't afford to buy a Switch just to play it. I want to sleep through this mess and wake up when September ends.

Anonymous 34890

>>34715
I used to be like that but now we're on week 2 and even I'm starting to get freaked out. All of the essential places (like the pharmacy and grocery store) are packed so every time I have to shop I feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack and end up not buying shit I need out of panic. Took three trips to the corner store to pick up batteries.

Anonymous 34906

>>34890
Yeah I'd feel horrible if shops were packed but I'm lucky to live in a small suburban area that is a literal ghost town now, going outside feels like stepping into a post apo game. Not only are there 2-3 other people max even in the large stores, there's lines plastered on the ground to keep people from standing closer than 4 feet to each other (I wish this was a thing under normal circumstances lmao). Our gov took this shit pretty seriously, they just banned going outside for anything other than basic necessities and for more than 1h daily. Any social gatherings of more than 2 people forbidden too. Another thing that has absolutely 0 impact on my daily life.

I think I'd panic as well if I sudddenly had to deal with long queues at my quiet little local grocery store tbh, hang in there anon.

Anonymous 34912

>>34888
It may in fact be the case that he lacks the vocabulary to express his feelings or opinions in different/more nuanced ways.
However, I feel like as reasonable person he should still be capable of understanding that the way in which he is doing so now is hurting you.
I can't really say whether the fact that you're hurt by it is unreasonable. Your feelings are your own. But I think it makes more sense for him to work to expand his skills with arguments or otherwise find some way to hold back said behavior, than for you to "just get over it." Unless you think it's some kind of deep-seated issue that would warrant therapy or something, only the former is something that can really be worked toward.
It's possible he may not want to do that, or find the idea of needing to do so absurd. It's nice when people are able to change, but they don't always see the need.
Have you tried telling him about the full extent of how much his words affect you?
>whether I should break up over it or not. I'd feel silly if I did
It sounds like it's causing you a not-insignificant amount of distress. What you have to ask yourself is, are you happy with the state of things as they are now, overall? Things might be perfect if he would change, but what if he won't? Are they still good enough?
If the answer is no, then perhaps you should find someone else who doesn't need to change because they're not like that in the first place. Unfortunately, not all people are compatible with each other.

Anonymous 34913

>>34890
Try to find small hole-in-the-wall stores instead of going to big brands like Walmart.
I work in a Korean grocery store and we're only slightly busier than we are normally, because most people just don't know the store exists. Well, either that or they're still paranoid about being in proximity to anything remotely Asian, despite the fact that the virus has already spread to a ton of countries including my own by this point.

Anonymous 34916

my NEET bf who plays video games all day is upset with me that I'm apparently not "productive" enough even though I work a full time job. Apparently I should be doing something that's more meaningful when I'm at home instead of enjoying the little free time I have available.

Anonymous 34922

Why is everyone afraid of the coronavirus I'm not letting it stop me from going outside, weak mindsets.

Anonymous 34925

>>34916
Have you called him a hypocrite? Because he's one.

Anonymous 34949

>>34922
If you're not old and you're not immunocompromised, you personally are not at serious risk. Even if it is more fatal than the flu, it's still only 0.2% of cases or something.
However, the virus is extremely contagious. It can be asymptomatic for 5 days on average up to two weeks, so not only could one catch it via outside social interaction, one could spread it to others without even realizing they have it.
If containment fails completely, this could become another virus like the flu that just keeps getting passed around forever and never goes away, except this one is more lethal to everyone, much more lethal than the flu to a big subset of the population, and will exist in addition to the regular flu. It's just not a good outcome.
Even if containment ultimately succeeds, the more people that get infected in the short-term, the greater the strain on the healthcare system becomes. Hospitals may start running out of beds or medicine, or even doctors as they themselves contract the virus. People who would otherwise come out of it okay might die because they had to be treated in a tent in the hospital parking lot instead of in a hospital bed. Limiting social contact as a whole helps to drastically slow the spread of the virus across the population such that even if the same total number of people get infected, the healthcare system never gets overwhelmed at any one time.
If you have a real need to go out, like to get food or something, it can't be helped. But everyone who just continues with their normal routine and visits crowded or public places without a good reason could become a potential carrier and then spreader of the virus, and contributes to the risk of losing control of it completely.

Anonymous 34967

>>34949
Even if you don't die from it, you still have a decent chance (higher than 0.2 %) to get lung fibrosis from it, and a decent chance to get sent to the hospital under a ventilator, or intubated. Not a fun time all around. Diseases can do much more than just kill you.

Anonymous 34973

>>34949
>>34967
Damn this sucks, oh well we're all going to die eventually. Stay safe wymen

Anonymous 34984

I want to be a NEET so badly oh my god.

I am loving the new quarantine life and I don’t want to go back to uni and work when it’s over. I have time to clean myself, run, and grocery shop now. I’m sleeping enough and my skin is clearer than it’s ever been. I’ve started job hunting for my post-grad career in my free time and it stresses me out so much.

Anonymous 34987

images (45).jpeg

At this point, I don't know if there's any way I can get better mentally. I go to therapy every week and because of the quarantine we still doing sessions by the phone. But I really feel like it is not helping me, and I've been going to therapy for years. I've had like 5 therapists so far and my fourth was pretty bad, would insult me, and was very unprofessional which probably did damage my trust in the profession but still I feel like I'm either too ill for therapy or that I'm doing something wrong. All my therapist does is tell me to find hobbies, which I do have and they don't help, teach me breathing exercises, which don't help either, tell me not to do stuff I'm unable to stop doing (but she doesn't teach me ways to stop doing these things) and refuse to tell me what diagnosis I have. I feel like I should know, and like it would help me to know what it is that I have. I always try out the few things she does teach me and they never work. I'm pretty much hopeless at therapy ever working to help me, and I don't know what it is that I can do that can help me.

Anonymous 34990

>>34987
Do you have a psychiatrist? I would highly recommend getting one in conjunction with therapy. It's even better if they work at one of those practices which has both psychiatrists and therapists.

Therapists can't really give you a diagnosis in the way psychiatrists can. It may also be that medication will help you, if you're not on it, to be able to apply what you are learning in therapy.

Why are you unable to stop doing these negative habits?

I understand your pessimistic outlook, but I'm on my 4th therapist and only now that I have a psychiatrist on board does it feel like it actually may help.

One thing that's changed is my outlook on what therapy should be doing for me. In all fairness, my drive to change and willingness to accept help has changed after yet another overdose and a trip to the psych ward when they saw how badly I self-harmed. My therapist is not the one with all the answers. Instead, she is there to keep me accountable and to teach me coping skills in relation to the conflicts I bring up from my life. It's more like every week, we are evaluating how I cope with things instead of it being a vent session.

The deal is, therapy will not help you, you are helping yourself and therapy is a mere support structure.

This is all coming from a diagnosed BPD, OCD, Major Depressive disorder addict who used to be anorexic with severe childhood trauma. I'm by no means "better" yet, but since my attitude has shifted, I am already seeing benefits. Now i see this as work I have to do.

Another helpful tip: make a document where you summarize the tips/skills your therapist gives you from each session. Try to note the questions they ask you as well. Answer the questions in the document, too. Throughout the week, I also find it helpful to write bluntly about things that triggered me or made me act out so I know exactly what to talk about to my therapist. I am one of those people who could talk about anything regarding my childhood or adult life forever, so I find it helpful to limit what I want to tell my therapist for the time I get with her.

I hope this helps.

Anonymous 34997

>>34990
Yes I do have a psychiatrist and I am taking meds, I feel like they do help to a degree.

While I feel like right now it is impossible for me to stop doing these negative habits, I feel like maybe there might one day be something that would help me, and that's why I'm still trying at therapy, and searching for coping skills myself since I'm not getting taught any of these in therapy anyways. It's certainly not because getting told to get a hobby or spend time with my family or whatever basic thing I'll get told next week is helping me immensely, but because I still have hope I'll finally find something that works for me. I still try, I try everything she tells me but it never has any results.
I'm happy for what therapy did for you but I feel like I've hit a dead end. Thank you for trying to help me anyways, anon, you're a real sweetie. I hope it gets better for you.

Anonymous 34999

>>34984
Frankly, it's strange to me that anyone wouldn't want to be a NEET.
If a person wants to create stuff or donate their time to causes or something, that's great. But the idea of a "job," and being obliged to devote massive amounts of one's time to a singular task or risk starving to death, doesn't seem like something that should get more than begrudging acceptance from anyone.
I see people talk about how bored they are during the quarantine, and it confuses me because even today the Internet contains more things to do and experience than any person could consume in their entire lifetime.

Anonymous 35007

>>34999
The people who are bored are people without any hobbies and whose life revolves around work. It's sad but a lot of people aren't self-directed enough to be able to entertain themselves and need work to "keep them busy." Of course, I'm not talking about people whose job is their passion.

Anonymous 35010

>>34990
is it possible if I have emotional problems i could work out on my own without the need for a psychiatrist or therapist?
Must make a thread of this.

Anonymous 35012

>>35010
You can

Personally, I recommend seeing one if you go through a specific tramatic event rather than if you have general "issues". It's helpful to have someone to talk to who isn't a judgmental bitch to you if you have a specific thing that happened.

Source: Have been to therapy and gotten meds for both situations.

Anonymous 35041

I was just starting to make friends and now my uni has shut down and I wont see them again until september, if I ever see them again at all

I didnt get their contact info (I do know their school emails but that seems weird) they'll probably have forgotten about me by then

Anonymous 35043

>>35041
I don't think school emails would be weird. Just say you didn't get the chance to ask for their contact info before the university closed, but that you'd like to keep in touch. No one would judge you considering the current state of events.

Anonymous 35057

download.jpeg

When I'm on my period and I see my bf he insists on having sex even though I don't like it. He'll bug me about it, pout, and be moody like a little kid until I give in. Next time I'm gonna have to avoid him until my period ends.

Anonymous 35058

>>35057
Does he want to have sex specifically because of your period, or does he just always want to have sex and doesn't care that you're on your period?

Anonymous 35064

>>35058
The latter.

Anonymous 35072

1560495119059.jpg

>having health issues
>too nervous to visit urgent care bc corona is getting worse here
>can't make a regular appointment with any physician because they're unavailable
i'll call tomorrow but this couldn't have come at a worse time

Anonymous 35073

>>35072
>get sick
>step within 10 feet of a hospital or doctor's office
>contract coronavirus as well
Hospitals seem like the worse place to be right now unless the person is literally dying otherwise.

Anonymous 35101

>>35072
What's wrong and how bad is it?

Anonymous 35124

image.jpg

Today I went to the vet to help a sick doogal…

There was a teen weeping next to his dog as I waited outside for obvious reasons.

I guess there's no point in keeping it to myself since it's no surprise to anyone who's ever owned a dog: this reminded me of around 7 months ago, when my 19 year old dog passed away. I found him outside at night, in the rain. I was really sad despite how oddly fitting it was: in 2008 he had a 3 year old son who also passed away in my backyard due to an unforeseen scorpion sting.

It was tragic yet poetic to see them both at peace this way, just lying on their sides as though they were sleeping and with their eyes closed.

Anonymous 35139

This month wasn't off to TOO bad of a start, up until my relatives rescued a dog with a 1% chance of making it in terms of living a healthy and pain free life, and one of my favorite artists and his loved ones got the virus.

Anonymous 35143

I think after all this pandemic is over I will get my tubes tied.

Anonymous 35144

yasss.jpg

I fucking did it, gals! The guy I like wrote me a song (pretty shitty sounding tho), but doesn't matter, it's mine!

Anonymous 35147

>>35144
that's lovely anon!

Anonymous 35149

>>35144
lol robotics;notes was bad but she was the cutest character

Anonymous 35155

>>35143
Assuming you’re under 30, good luck getting a doctor to agree to do it to you.

Anonymous 35157

>>35155
So I've been told it is a challenge. Even for women who are over 30 and has had children. Which it really shouldn't be.
But I don't want to have children.

Anonymous 35162

>>35157
Watch this

Anonymous 35167

>>35144
>>35147
>>35149
ohmegawd, he recorded it! I am soaking right now.
https://soundcloud.com/mighty_d/maybe-i-want-too
But it is weird that he uploaded to his personal account, he told me he doesn't use it anymore. Am I being paranoic?

Anonymous 35168

>>35167
also
>7 days ago
wut? why did he wait until now to tell me?

Anonymous 35176

The quarantine is getting to me.
I'm having violently angry thoughts about the man I've been fixated on for the past year.

The past three months of actually knowing him have been both rapturous and the source of some of the deepest misery and rage I've felt in years. He is beautiful and absolute perfection but also a disgusting slobby manwhore with grimy habits, no real skills, and a used up body. When around him it's as if I'm seeing God but when we're apart he is the personification of all that is wrong in humanity.

I've made the first move to cut him out of my life tonight. Meeting and knowing him has been an act of self-harm and I need to put an end to it and get some closure. I'll never be able to reconcile his flaws with the version of him that I was yearning for. And he will never love me. Even if I am more skilled, just as attractive, and of higher moral caliber, the men I love always want something different.

This post likely sounds bpd as fuck but it's just my fleeting thoughts. Mainly so I don't dump these on him when he notices me slowly disposing of him.

I can already feel regret hitting me for taking the actions I have, but it's better than being pathetic.

Anonymous 35177

>>35176
I think you should at least consider talking to someone, professionally.
If you haven't/aren't already, that is.

Anonymous 35178

A pessimist will say "You can't turn back the clock"

An optimist will say "You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again."

Unfortunately, not only was I told the former around 2011-2012, but given what that same guy put me through with his boomer mentality of a comic strip, which spanned two decades, that I tried sticking through thick and thin, why would I want to wind it up again?

Anonymous 35316

>>35139
Aaaaaaaand I was told yesterday that the 99% prevailed…

Anonymous 35318

I feel so lonely, but whenever I try to make friends, I go through a honeymoon stage of thinking this could work and then lose motivation because other people bother me so easily even though - or because - I'm just as bad.

Anonymous 35320

>>35316
His suffering is over, anon.

Anonymous 35395

I want to hurt you, I hate you so much I hope you can't sleep at night and you stay awake thinking about me and I hope you see me and hear me and feel me everywhere you go and I hope you never forget what you did to me
I hope you hurt as much as I do

Anonymous 35422

DxePkytVAAAb61H.jp…

>mom used my specialty cake pan to bake 2 whole sweet potatoes in (wtf that's not even how you cook those, we have baking trays AND aluminum foil) and scorched them, ruining it
why are you like this mom
i still love you but why???

Anonymous 35423

>>35422
Update, the cake pan has been cleaned and looks a little better but until I use it again I have no idea if it cooks evenly anymore.

Anonymous 35424

>>35423
Maybe one of these can help to remove the surface damage (if there's still some showing)?

https://www.diynetwork.com/how-to/maintenance-and-repair/cleaning/how-to-clean-scorched-burnt-pan

Anonymous 35429

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Sorry if this is long, but

>Dad is continuously violating our government's social-distancing and stay-at-home laws

>owns a company and drags his 15+ employees into work everyday despite it being an office environment where they can easily work from home
>my mom works there and confirms it's all work that can be done from a home computer
>our government says no more than 10 people can be around each other at a time aside from essential shopping, and that's pushing it
>has social gatherings almost every day with friends and his gf
>they go over to each others houses for dinner, he goes over to the neighboring city (one with a huge death toll of corona that outlaws people who live in other states to come in) and his gf who lives in that city comes to spend the night at our house every weekend
>overall just being a massive idiot about the whole thing, assuming it doesn't apply to him
>i unfortunately am living with him temporarily while finding an apartment, but its tough because i got laid off my wagie job and am waiting for unemployment benefits that are taking forever

fast forward
>dad had been getting increasingly sleepy over the past week
>coming home from work at 2-3pm instead of 6pm saying he doesn't feel well to go to bed
>me asking him what's wrong and him saying he's just tired
>ok
>yesterday (Saturday) comes around
>dad's gf spending the weekend with us
>Dad is asleep in his room
>she rushes down the hallway to my room
>hands me a credit card, her voice is shaky
>"go down to CVS and get me a thermometer, I need to check your Dad's temperature to make sure he doesn't have a fever"
>wat
>apparently Dad is experiencing severe muscle aches and his neck feels warm
>grab mask, hand sanitizer, gloves, cover self head to toe in as much clothing as possible despite it being near 80 degrees
>go to every drug store and they're all out of thermometers (panickers, I tell you)
>call his gf, tell her to take my Dad to a drive-by testing center where they can put a swab in his mouth and be done with
>"He doesn't want to go he's too tired"
>call mom for advice
>she tells me to tell him to call his doctor for a corona test prescription, agrees he's been stupid
>call his gf
>"oh i think he'll be fine, he doesn't need that
>i'm in a state of panic at this point so i start to scream at her in the phone
>she hangs up on me
>go home
>rush upstairs
>swing open door
>start cussing out his gf, call her a cunt (she has a tendency to be argumentative for no reason, it's her personality so i was prepared for this)
>dad gets out of bed
>they threaten to call the cops on me and have me sent back to a psych ward
>they accuse me of being off meds
>tell me the reason why my dad is achy and tired is because of a side effect of his medication
>"literally why did you get me this riled up and have me run down to the pharmacy then?"
>still give them both a piece of my mind about their lack of care about social distancing, leave it at that
>now we're not speaking and things are incredibly awkward around here.

God damnit. I know I shouldn't be cussing people out like that, especially not older adults but like, I wish she hadn't made me believe the possibility my Dad had corona AIDS especially with how foolish they both are being.

Anonymous 35434

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I miss my ex so bad. I'm falling back into everything I used to obsess over when we were together. I would do anything to get him back. I think I mostly should just lose weight and then maybe he would want me. I'm still obsessed with him and want to marry him but we aren't together anymore, which… What the fuck? I want to start talking to him regularly again to keep him close in case he decides he wants me. It's so absurd that I want to marry him but we aren't together anymore. I pretty much don't think I can love anyone other than him, though. reeeeeeeeee
reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This makes me want to scream and break stuff.

Anonymous 35435

>>35422
Is she at least remorseful, or is she treating it like it's no big deal?
I hate it when people do that.

Anonymous 35462

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>>35043
I did this. its been 2 days no reply. maybe she just hasn't checked her email r-right?

Anonymous 35463

>>35429
your dad and his gf are very low IQ anon atleast you'll get to say "I told you so" when they die

Anonymous 35475

I can't help but feel like my boyfriend sees me as his ex 2.0. He talks so negatively about her and in doing so it contrasts my behavior with her quite a bit (although secretly I think there are more similarities between the two of us). He also used to tell me how although he disliked her, there were aspects of his relationship with her he liked and wanted in another relationship (this was before we were together); I can understand that, as I feel the same way about certain aspects of my previous relationships as well.

But one of the experiences he wanted to recreate was the person he was with (ex or whoever he is with, which is me, now) watching him cook for them. That's his hobby: cooking. Great, right? It's like something out of a cute shoujo manga, a boyfriend who loves cooking amazing food for his girlfriend. It would be, except that's literally all he does on his days off from work: cook, and it's like he wants me to watch and keep him company. It's a kind gesture that he cooks for me and I appreciate it, but at the same time, he would cook just for the sake of it (and he does) and it feels off to me that I'm expected to sit pretty and just keep him company. There's other stuff I want to do and maybe his ex was cool with this, but I'm not and I feel so disappointing to him because over time, I've changed from just sitting across from him at the breakfast bar to just doing my own thing in another room and popping in from time to time to check in on how he's doing.

I also feel uncomfortable with the fact he characterizes me as hungry when I've never been a big eater. I started eating a lot because as a person who was recovering from anorexia when I met him, I started binge eating. His ex was a lot heavier than me (either reaching the limits of healthy bmi or being slightly overweight) and I can't help but feel like it's some kind of weird thing that he wants me to gain weight (and I have since meeting him). He also used to try to dissuade me from changing my hair (it happened to be a similar cut to his ex). I also used to feel a little uncomfortable that when I first started having sex with him he would compare my sex drive to that ex's and I already feel guilt for my high sex drive so I never ask and it makes me so unhappy I feel like I can't be open with it. I just feel like as it turns out I'm not this better version of his ex or whatever it was he hoped I'd be and it makes me feel so unhappy.

In general, there's so many stupid little things that dampen my spirits. I've tried explaining to him that makeup is like a part of my daily grooming and he always questions or comments on why I'm wearing it when we shower together when I used to wear a lot more when I met him and he would compliment on my skills at applying makeup then. Apparently, now he sees it as this sign that I'm not "open" around him or something but it's not that, it's just I enjoy it and it makes me feel focused. I want to shave my bush off but he likes it and pays so much attention to it I feel like I can't. I just feel like I'm caught in this pit and it saddens me because I was so open and honest in my other two relationships, yet I feel like I have to hide everything I like in this one. Everything revolves around him. Literally all I really get enjoyment out of is sex but even then I'm careful in how I ask for it.

I feel like I have no interests, just emptiness, and it's hard because he does everything he does with good intentions (like with the makeup, it's because he doesn't want me to feel like I have to put it on, even though I've explained to him already why). Every time I would try to express that something hurts me, it'd become a humongous fight over his intentions instead of it being a little blip with him just apologizing and moving on to not repeat whatever it was that hurt me again. Ironically now I'm comparing him to all my exes, but I never wanted him to fit a mold or anything specific. I just wish he dealt with conflict differently.

Anonymous 35477

>>35475
Making you watch him cook while hinting you eat too much and knowing you have a disordered eating history? Pressuring you to look like and act like a creepy double of his ex? Manipulating you to be more "open" when you're not doing anything wrong? Repeatedly bringing up things that hurt you?

Seriously, what do you actually like about this guy?

Your bf is a narcissist. Everything you mention is cliche narc behaviour. He is playing mind games to try to control you into looking and acting the way he wants. Feeling empty and not knowing who you are is common for victims of narc abuse.

Ditch this loser immediately.

Read through the top posts here to help you understand:

https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/top/?t=all

Anonymous 35486

>>35477
I feel like the deal with his ex is odd because I know what she looks like and he doesn't know that I know what she looks like. So there is guilt regarding that aspect I feel. At the same time, the way my cheeks have fluffed out with the weight gain resemble hers, my smile is not too far off, but maybe it's all in my head.

Well, I saw it as him feeling hurt I'm not open enough to the point where I don't wear makeup around him, which some might see as positive. The thing is, he's not open himself. He hides his internet-related stuff. This has bothered me from the beginning. It's not that I want to be a jerk and demand everything, but I think it's weird he is not open to it.

The thing is, I feel like it's all my fault for being overly sensitive. In our relationship, we have more or less identified that I'm the cause of most of its problems because I am the one who brings them up. Like I said in the last post, he tends to blow up when I tell him he's hurt me because he is very into how he never intends to hurt me, even though I've told him how that is not always the point; that it's actions I care about. He characterizes that as cold.

Some recent things that have seriously hurt me were when I was in a psych ward because I overdosed on something (I was going to see him that weekend and I felt overwhelmed) and he refused to see me. He justified him not seeing me because he was "angry" and he didn't want to "reward my behavior". He often treats me like a child in the last sentence and it makes me feel like I can never mess up in the slightest (such as being clumsy, etc.) since I hate being treated like that and he does not stop treating me like that despite the fact I've told him not to. The other thing that set me over the edge was when we were at a friend's party, we were drinking, and while I was sitting right next to him, he used pick-up lines on my friend. It was awkward and I felt so hurt. He later on kept on downplaying how humiliating and hurtful that was. It still hurts now. But, it's true it wasn't cheating…at the same time, I'm deathly hurt he'd do that to my best friend. It disgusts me. He claimed that's just how he gets when he's drunk and now I can't see him the same way drunk anymore.

I liked him because when we first met, we'd write and write to each other pages and pages of content. I felt close and understood; I was happy to find someone who seemed to be empathetic and had as much to say on everything as I did, but if what you say was true, that was just a ruse for me to feel close to him.

I considered before that he might be a narc because he was the type of person who acts pissed off when they give a gift and the receiving person doesn't like it. He also had rather short-term relationships previously. He kept on mentioning his relationship with his most recent ex and even though my ex was straight-up abusive in ways his ex wasn't, the way he continues to talk about his ex to this day seems obsessive. He also is a lot more quiet about the details of the structures of his previous relationships whereas I was initially more open about that. The other red flag to me was that he was very into the idea of who he presently is as representative of himself versus the person he was in the past. He would use that to dodge, it felt, things he did in the past.

I don't know. The problem is, I always end up feeling crazy thinking of him like this. I met him before my ex did a fucked-up thing x5 to me, and then 3 months later I ended up with this guy. Anyone would say my bf is very kind and loving to me, but for me, it feels like he is giving me the wrong type of things I want for our relationship. I thought he was empathetic and kindhearted, but he is actually quite blunt to the point of being sharp and mean with people. I wanted a person I felt connected to and could talk with, but as it turns out, I'm just part of his puzzle.

I don't want to believe he is a narc because i don't feel like he knows it or is trying to be that way; i don't want to believe he is a narc because my last relationship was awful, too, but in a different way.

Anonymous 35495

>>35486
I'm sorry anon, but this is all narc behaviour. He's made you going to the psych ward all about him, is projecting is bad behaviour onto you, purposely tries to hurt you and has no respect for you, lovebombed you…

I know it sucks knowing you went from one bad relationship to another but it is what it is. I recommend that you break up with him ASAP and work on you. It's only going to get worse with him.

See a therapist (if you're not already) and take some time to figure out who you are and what you want in a relationship. It shouldn't be all give, you have a right to look after your own interests too. Learn to set boundaries. Make a list of what you want in a relationship and don't settle for any less.

Anonymous 35504

>>31641
What was your favorite thing about him?

Anonymous 35515

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i feel like a total failure, i can't do anything right in my mom's eyes
all i've ever wanted was for her to say "i love you" or "i care about you" "you're my daughter and i'll always accept you"
i just want her to hug me, give me a kiss on the cheek when i come home, anything, a small show of affection, for her to listen to my problems and give me advice and let me cry my eyes out and rest my head on her shoulder, i would kill for that
but i can't even look at her in the eye, i can't talk to her without stumbling over my words or saying something stupid, i can't tell her anything because i'm terrified of her
i just want my mom to love me

Anonymous 35524

>>35504
I felt like we both could talk about anything for hours. I'm a huge talker/rambler/feeler and it was intoxicating to feel like there was another person who was like that, but who also was kind to differing opinions and made me feel understood (and of course, I wanted to extend those feelings to him, too). I felt like no matter what we did I could enjoy it if we were together. But, as it turns out, he is not empathetic at all like I thought he was.

For instance: I used to talk to him about my struggles growing up, my family abuse, etc. He acted then as if he believed me. Now he always highlights how my perspective of what happening then was just my perspective. I have tried to tell him that is hurtful to hear that because the abuse I suffered was not believed, then it was after other confessions were made, etc. I have also told him I know it's only my perspective, but the point isn't what happened, necessarily. I mean, I listen to his personal issues and don't treat him in this way.

He also responds negatively to when his friends vent to him (he complains about it to me), then gets frustrated when this makes me feel anxious about being emotionally open with him. I have a different outlook on that sort of thing and I've explained to him that's part of why I am less open with him, the other part being that me being open with him pretty much always results in hurt because he can talk about my pain or past in this way.

For the record, none of this behavior would bother me if he weren't my partner, I probably would just walk away.

Another reason I liked him was because we have similar life goals. That is highly attractive to me.

Anonymous 35525

>>35524
Oh, other reasons are that it's hard not to like him aside from his condescension. He has multiple hobbies he is good at, he is almost through college and gets excellent grades, he has a good relationship with his parents and two siblings, he consumes media regularly, etc.

I just hate myself for being fucked up in the head and a failure compared to all of that. I was impressed by him. I feel like there must be something wrong with him for liking me. I was quite tentative with whether I kind him back.

But i mean, yeah, he definitely lovebombed me. Haven't even been together for a year and he talks about wanting to marry me..both my exes wanted to marry me too, probably because I'm such a pliant doormat.

Anonymous 35537

>>35515
I'm sorry anon. It always hurts me to see people who don't have good relationships with their moms.

Anonymous 35539

>>35515
Cut her out of your life. She's never going to be the person you want her to be.

Anonymous 35544

>>35486
>I feel like it's all my fault for being overly sensitive. In our relationship, we have more or less identified that I'm the cause of most of its problems because I am the one who brings them up
Anon this is the biggest red flag and please for your help I think it's best if you are not together. My ex would say stuff like this to me all the time and I thought I was the problem in the relationship, but he was actually doing it to deflect from his abusive and cheating behaviours. Your bf may have been loving and caring at the start of your relationship, but at this point he's manipulating you. Especially about overdosing, his patronising and punishing you at a time when you were hurt is just unexcusable. I think with people like this they want to be in the role of a caring boyfriend because it makes them feel successful. They get to tell themselves that they are so kind by being in a relationship with you, but can't actually provide meaningful emotional support beyond making you feel attractive and desirable. They focus on their own intentions and not the impact their actions and words are having on you, which is super self centred and not what you deserve.

I also struggled with feeling like I should stay in the relationship because noone else would like me or be attracted to me. But it's not true. Compared to my current relationship it's like night and day. I was really anxious to bring up any complaints with current bf e.g. about his habits or schedule, but he takes what I say seriously and is sometimes willing to change around that. If we disagree about something we talk about why we feel each way rather than him dismissing my feelings or accusing me of being the problem.

tl;dr you don't deserve to feel hurt like this

Anonymous 35557

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>>35537
sometimes i daydream about coming home from school and talking to my mom about everything i did that day and her just listening to me, or her cooking for me or just doing normal mom things
if your mom loves you i hope you realize how lucky you are, i would do anything to be in your place
>>35539
it feels like there's a hole in my heart where her affection and support was supposed to be, if i cut her out of my life how am i going to fill it? it hurts so much i don't know what to do

Anonymous 35560

>>35557
You'll always have a mother shaped hole but she won't be able to hurt you anymore. I feel much better since I did it a few years ago.

Anonymous 35566

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>>35560
i don't want to give up on her what if she changes her mind and realizes how much she's hurting me and starts being nicer to me?
>You'll always have a mother shaped hole
well if i do cut her out of my life can't i fill it with something else? like a milf gf or alcohol

Anonymous 35616

I have no self control and I hate myself.
No wonder why I am so fat.
Why did I break my fast, why can't I stop eating?! I depend too much on using food for comfort.

Anonymous 35621

>>35616
>Why did I break my fast, why can't I stop eating?!

Because your body need fuel to live anon. Eat full healthy meals and you'll feel a lot better but still be able to lose weight. And don't forget to treat yourself too.

Anonymous 35626

>>35616
Some people have different degrees of "no self-control."
Personally, I'll eat anything that's put in front of me, but I'm too lazy to drive anywhere just to get food.
Have you tried getting rid of all the food in your house except for meal replacement powder/chicken breast and broccoli/etc?
Perhaps it'll be easier to restrain yourself if the food is physically not there. After a while, such drastic measures won't be needed since you'll begin to crave that food less as you eat it less.

Anonymous 35628

Do you ever see/read something and think it's about you… which one of you did it bastards

Anonymous 35643

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I feel like I'm constantly being watched
Like I can't masturbate in my own room or change my clothes or go to the bathroom without feeling like someone is watching me the whole time or filming me I can't even look at weird porn without feeling like someone is recording my search history and they're gonna use it against me and leak it and my life will be ruined
I can't do anything, I want my sense of privacy back

Anonymous 35679

>>35643
Have you always felt like this, or is it new?

Anonymous 35695

I finally decided to put this hair mask on I e had for about a year, and it gives you this thing to wrap your hair in. I’m chilling in my room and all the sudden, my sister comes in. She says “what the FUCK are you wearing” and laughs at me and takes out her phone. I freeze and ask if she’s really taking a photo, and I run into my bathroom to take it off. It’s too late, she already took it.
She laughed like a disgusting hyena while I was telling her to delete it.

I didn’t think it would be funny, or look funny but I found out she’s sent it to all of her friends and my other sister. My other sister will definitely tell other people and even make fun of me in my face about it.

Then, later she shows my mom and tries to show my dad. That’s when I found out she sent it to other people. I get really upset that she’s so eager to show everyone how stupid I look.
She scolds me for being upset and on the verge of tears. She says “you need to stop taking everything so seriously”
“if you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re honestly not going to make it in this world”
“This is normal, these are like baby pictures. Babies are fine with it, why aren’t you?” “You look way better than me in this picture”

That doesn’t mean you can just do that to me… I wish she would just delete the photo

Anonymous 35696

I'm dumb.

This sucks so much. Sure, I can memorize facts but I'm still kind of slow in the head. I take so much more time to understand things when it's so easy for other people. Often I understand things wrong or think of the wrong thing at first which leads to embarassing situations. I wish I could change this somehow.

Anonymous 35699

>>35695
Your sister is an asshole, and you can tell by her comments that she's trying to justify her own behavior to herself and is probably aware that what she did was wrong. You're in a fine position to do the exact same thing to her and then say "don't take everything so seriously", "you should be able to laugh at yourself", etcetera.

Anonymous 35712

Do any of you guys also have that one friend who is just so emotionally exhausting and immature that nobody can stand to be physically around them despite all of their better qualities? Traits include:

>happy whenever other people are down because they clearly feel like a needed caretaker

>suddenly gets depressed if anyone else is in a good mood
>a little too much of "because i have adhd/anxiety/ptsd/something" like it means something
>acts like a child on sm
>gets depressed when friends don't coddle them
>gets frustrated when people subsequently don't treat them like an adult

Anonymous 35713

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I want to come first to the person who comes first to me

Anonymous 35717

>>35679
I think it started about 5 years ago, not sure what could've prompted it though

Anonymous 35760

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>mom says i never talk to her about anything
>realize that i don't have anything to talk about but sad stuff
sorry, mom…i wish i could've been a better daughter to you. i often think our life could have been great if i just weren't myself.

Anonymous 35801

I think hanging around guys ruined my mentality. I kinda stopped talking to females because I felt insecure around them and speaking to guys made me feel a bit comfortable. But the thing is since they're dudes of course they would roast and insult you for breathing I guess. The irony is they aren't any better.

With my BPD it made things worse for me and I felt insecure and angry with all the "jokes" they said.

The thing is, they're the type to insult others harshly but hate it when it happens to them. and that latched onto me. This caused drama to happen because we all disagreed with certain things.

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive and need to find a new crowd that won't make me feel like shit. After this whole thing I'm worried that I have to see these guys later in the future and they might say more shit to me. I want to stop giving a fuck about assholes and be unproblematic. I need to find a way to move on.
>theres more to it but who cares mann



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