i got caught in a rangeban for 4c on my favorite board. i'm so mad! where am i meant to waste my time now ;;
left some messages in feedback, but who knows if anyone checks tbh…reeee
forgot to mention i can bypass it on my pc but . . . damn, i want to snuggle down in bed & phonepost.
I have to go to this work related event for 2h tonight and I'm NOT in the mood for that. My boss begged me to go and that's why I have to, but I'm pissed. I hope the hours fly by.
The bathroom gets flooded if you try to shower, do laundry or just flush. My idiot brother flushed this morning god knows why and now there's old pieces of toilet paper, shit and water all over the floor.
And guess who'll have to clean it…yea, me. Because he's a fucking manchild. I hate this so much.
I haven't showered since Tuesday and haven't shit in 3 days. Everything's so gross here jfc and I feel disgusting
My bf has been a bit cold/lukewarm towards me this whole week. Maybe I am just being paranoid and he just wants a bit of a breather, but I can't help but feel that he has fallen a bit out of love for me. Which is again totally fine and part of life, but still hurts.
I hope next week he seems a bit more warm.
One of my dogs died a few days ago and I'm incredibly devastated. I have another dog who is 13 and now I'm constantly afraid I'm going to lose her too. I spent $1500 on tests for her today and yesterday to make sure she was healthy (echocardigram, ultrasound, x-rays, blood tests) because the other dog's death came as a complete shock with no warning.
I'm having so much anxiety right now it's unbearable. He was so human, and would even hug you. and loved to fetch and loved kids and loved to cuddle. God dammit Jack. Why did you have to leave? Why so suddenly? I'm numb.
Oh no, what happened? Was it in his sleep?
I’m so lonely. Is there a downside to selling my virginity to fund plastic surgery and changing my name? I want to be someone else.
Getting dolled up and/or putting effort into looking attractive makes me uncomfortable. I have a very casual style, so it's not like I'm clueless about fashion.
I guess my big vent is, why can't people just be chill? Like I'll suffer through wearing a dress and makeup if the occasion calls for it but other people are always like
> OMG you look so different I hardly recognized you!!
And other nonsense. It's not like I showed up on any old day like this, it's clearly some kind of event.
Usually he's outside my door waiting to get fed in the morning but he wasn't there. He was lying down and awake but didn't want to get up. I finally coerced him to get up, but he didn't want to eat. I let him outside and he went and laid under a tree. Then I carried him inside and he could barely breathe, his gums were purple. I brought him to the emergency vet and they said he has fluid around his heart and they could drain it but he would only live for another few hours to a few weeks, so we just decided to put him to sleep. He showed no warning signs of any of this, and was even hiking with us the day before, running around :(
My whole family is devastated, but he was closest to my little brother and mom and it hurts to see them cry so much. I hate this, I'm wondering when I'll feel happy again.
The worst part is going in there thinking you're going to buy like 100 bucks worth of medicine and be fine, only to walk out of the vet's office with the little cardboard coffin.
I lost my Tako like that, to a bladder clog. He wasn't even 3 years old. I was inconsolable for a month. Burying him helped, so did just being there for my roommates. We needed that, the ability talk things out. Knowing that I wasn't the only one that gave a shit took away so much of my anger.
It's going to take a while, but you will be happy again, and it'll happen a lot sooner than you think. Until that time, we're here for you, ok?
I have recently come out of the closet and am afraid I will never date someone seriously because I am a single mom. I used to think I was bisexual but I realized that I was only with men because I was repressing my homosexuality and I felt "wrong" being attracted to women.
I just feel like there is no place for me in dating!
I made some really nice food and just dropped my plate. It's all over the floor.
My boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked up opening a mayo packet. He was angry at me long enough that the food got cold, he told me to reheat it, and then got mad that it was soft. I used auto mode like he told me to. It didn't give the grams or tine. He doesn't believe me. I hate this.
I'm now bleeding from the forehead. I wish I had a friend.
Are you ok anon? Your bf sounds like trash tbh. Dump him and find a bandaid for your forehead.
Thanks anon. We're both shitty people. I got out of the apartment and I'm going to try to sleep on the train. I tried to wipe the blood off my face but I'm all bruised, it's embarrassing.
It's so pathetic but thanks for replying. It means a lot to me.
Oh anon. Did he hit you? No matter how much of a terrible person you are, unless you've committed an actual crime, I don't think you deserve to be hit.
I don't know how to help you from here, but I hope you're okay and I'll be thinking about you. If you have internet access, please update on how you're doing. If I'm not awake, I'm sure some other anon will share my sentiment and talk to you.
I can't break up with my fiance, but I wish I would. We have a very long term relationship and I still feel love for him plus the fact I am afraid of breaking up then regretting it after a while, which already happened two years or so ago, is preventing me from ending everything. Probably mostly the latter, to be honest, than love itself at this point.
It is been about a year that he has been very depressed. Nothing has helped him, not even a psych. He is unemployed, getting fatter everyday and the only things he does are browse stupid facebook and get into arguments with me and his family over stupid things he sees on tv or online.
I have been by his side the whole time during his depressive phase, trying to help the best way I can, but lately he started drinking again even though we agreed he wouldn't anymore (he had a problem) and sleeping for 1 or 2 days in a row. When I told him he needed to stop and do something about this he said "but I'm not doing well"
When I tried to suggest things to improve his situation he said the same sentence above AGAIN and basically that my suggestions are shit.
I know depression does this to people and all, but I'm tired. So tired. He is using this depression as a crutch and as a way to be an inconsiderate cunt without having to deal with the consequences. He talks as if I never experienced depression even though I took antidepressives for ages and have dealt with mood swings since my teenage years. I probably sound like I have no patience with him, but it is the opposite. I am just getting tired after a year of this. Him drinking again was really the final nail in the coffin…
Anyone here ever experienced a situation like this? Did you break up? If yes, how did you do it and what was the aftermath?
I doubt I will break up with him, I'm a chicken and I guess I still love him, but this has been so painful…
Thanks anon, you're a huge sweetheart. It breaks my heart mostly to see my mom and brother so devastated. We're paying a couple hundred dollars to have a stuffed animal clone to give to my little brother (he's 25) to hopefully have him feel a little better and less alone.
I have a dog who is 13 and I just know she's going to pass within a year or so. It hurts, and even though I'm mentally preparing for it, I'm still going to be very devastated when it happens. I'm probably going to call out of work for a week and not be functional for a couple of months. It sucks.
Thanks anon. I got a little nap in and then when out to do errands all day. I'm doing okay now. But because I have a huge black eye there was some things I couldn't get done. I just moved and haven't introduced myself to the neighbors yet but how can I with a messed up face. I'm trying to not be a shut-in any more but I also cancelled my plans for tonight…
Two years ago, I was a better person. Nowadays, it hurts to look in the mirror.
I went from having a wide social circle to three friends. I burned those bridges on my own. I had a nice figure, and then promptly wrecked it by fluctuating between binge-eating and starving. I thought I could do a lot of things. Instead I did nothing.
Sure, I was still depressed two years ago. At least that girl wasn't a loser who fails to do anything more than getting out of bed and taking a shit in the morning. Wow, what an accomplishment! Hand the lolcow an Oscar for Worst Actress of 2018 - nay, perchance the decade!
I'm a piece of shit for typing this out and wanting…I don't know. Validation feels hollow. People who have actual problems, like those in this thread, deserve the empathy.
Maybe I just want to thank the people who're still around by not dumping these stewing thoughts onto them. Maybe I just want my boyfriend to dump me. He deserves someone better. Maybe then I'd have the courage to actually kill myself.
Like I said, I don't know. I've gotten so sick of trying to get better, to get myself out of my dry and scaly skin, that I've lost all willpower to try again. Almost everyone's given up on me. If my parents were around, they'd be ashamed of their daughter today.
I hate myself and my tears. They taste like salt and self-absorption. I want to be grittier, happier, worthier. I don't know how to be good enough for myself and those who still believe in me.
I'm the anon who spilled soda on their laptop here >>5774
While i was busy with fixing my laptop i had to leave my student home and leave my hamster for 3 days.After i returned he seemed fine as usual,we played a bit and thats all.Next night i had my bf and a friend over,we stayed up until 2am and even after my friend left my hamster didn’t wake up so i tought he was sleeping and i didnt touch him.Next morning i found him dead outside where he normally sleeps.I couldn't even pet him,give him his favourite snacks or even say that i love him so so much for a last time.I feel so awful and i can't deal with this sadness at all.A coworker of my mom gave him to her shen he was so little(because their toddler tried to squeeze him a lot).I've had him since the beginning of the university.I had no friends,noone to talk or spend time with.This little fucker always tried to escape from me but he was my everything.I built a big cage,tunnels and such.I’d talk to him,let him wander freely in big rooms,buy all kinds of veggies and nuts for him.
And after all the crap happened in 2-3 years i thought i was going to put everyting in place,feel good and do better again..i lost the thing i loved most.And couldn’t even spend time with him because i was busy with other minor problems.
I honestly have noone to talk about this except my bf(which im trying to avoid the topic because he loved him as much as me and i don’t want to see him sad anymore,it’s been 5 days already)i wanted to went here my feelings.Nothing brings back the dead so please spend time with all your loved ones anons..I love you so much Pamuk and i will never ever forget you my little fluffy ball of happiness.
You had him for 2-3 years? Boo thats the life expectancy of a hamster, little fella had to go sometime soon.
why the cattiness? death sucks even if it's expected.
Sometimes I feel so strange and different from others, and not in a good way. Today a girl from my math class started talking to me and I was so awkward that I think I started to make her feel uncomfortable and it made me feel bad. I slur and stutter when I speak a lot, making it so it's difficult to understand what I'm saying and the person has to ask me to repeat myself often (one time someone asked me if I was foreign, it was so bad). I've been told before that I come off as unapproachable as well, just from how I behave physically in social situations. I feel like such a loser for not being able to socialize with others correctly.
I'm a big loser and I physically make myself cringe with how much of an actual degenerate I am lmao
i moved nearly 1,000 miles across the country to live with my sister and help take care of her after she was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and started experiencing pretty extreme delusions.
she thought the government/big pharma was after her, media and technology were being manipulated, & that she was going to be killed by either the FBI or CIA because she knew too much.
she had to be involuntarily hospitalized when this first happened, but she got out after a few days and seemed to be steadily recovering. things were getting better until this weekend, when she had a relapse and now it's just as bad as it was before. the delusions are different now. she thinks that this is a war between good and evil, god and satan, order and chaos. she keeps on saying how reality has been 'subverted'.
the worst part is, she doesn't believe that i'm really her sister anymore, or that our parents are real, either. we took her to a psychiatrist yesterday and he gave her a prescription that he said should help, and she says she's been taking her meds but I can't trust her to tell me the truth anymore because she thinks that i'm being manipulated by evil, and that i'm trying to manipulate her. i love my sister and she's always been someone that i looked up to and one of the smartest people that i know, and now it feels like i am watching her mind disintegrate in front of me and i can't help her. every conversation that we've had in the last three days has just made me cry afterwards.
normally in this situation i would try to talk to a friend, but i don't know anyone in this city, and i don't think even the people i used to know in my old home could help me right now. it feels wrong to complain about this, anyways, she can't help how her perception of the world has changed.
the only people who know the full extent of the situation already are my parents, but i can't say what i'm thinking or how upset i am because they're already so worried about her and they shouldn't have to worry about me, too. i have to tell them, 'everything will be okay' even when i don't believe it myself.
and the icing on the cake of all of this is that i don't have a job yet, and she can't go back to work, and i need to come up with at least $1000 by the end of the month to pay for the rent on her house. it's probably more but i haven't seen the utility bill yet. i need to save money but all i want to do right now is go buy a handle of liquor and get piss-drunk and pretend all of this isn't happening. my heart feels like it's being squashed by the pressure.
I’m probably going to sound like the biggest bitch but here goes:
At my new job they were pretty much begging me to refer someone because they couldn’t find anyone to fill a specific role and they love referrals. I referred an old college friend because she was also looking for a job. Now she’s hired and she’s SO FJCKING ANNOYING.
She wants to do literally everything together, breaks, lunch, bathroom, etc, I never get any alone time. And when I do tell her I want to be by myself today, she gets sad and kind of pissy. She makes no effort to make any friends with her other coworkers, and I get being shy because I’m shy too, but come on. This means she depends on me for everything, and when she has a question because she doesn’t understand it, and I don’t understand it, she says “can you ask our boss then?” Bitch, you ask her!
She also wants to hang out outside of work on the weekends, I ain’t got time for that plus I see you every damn day and we don’t even talk about anything. I started pushing my lunch back to 1pm so I wouldn’t have to eat with her, then she started pushing hers back to 1pm too! If you’re that extroverted, go make some friends, stop depending on me because I’m jntroverted as fuck.
I'm so stupid.
I noticed i have a really small white stain/spot in the corner of my iris that i didn't see before and of course, i had to google like an idiot, so now i am fucked up and paranoid thinking i might have an eye ulcer.
Would you like someone to talk to?
You sound a lot like me. How old are you, if it's ok to ask? If you're still young it's normal to feel like this, just know that it will get better with time and you'll become more comfortable with not being naturally very good with people. If you really wish to change then you can do it. It's a skill that can be trained like any other.