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Anonymous 63355
>>63346>Do we have to stop wanting things? That sounds so depressing, anon. Have to? No, no one "has to" be happier or more at peace, but I imagine, "wanting something you can't have" is far more depressing and anxiety inducing by comparison.The two choices in that situation are to give up on wanting the thing you can't have, or moving yourself until you can have the thing you want. Anything else sounds like pointless torture.
>Do you think that’s why we end up spiritually and emotionally paralyzed?We? I don't know who you're talking about other than you because I do things that are not recognized in the off chance that someday it is. A completely reckless foolish gamble. I don't let the "no one will ever recognized how hard you work" stop me from working hard. I just recognize there's a possibility that it will all be for naught,
and act anyway Anonymous 63357
>>63354Wanted to thank the anon that gave me a lot of advice on socializing in the last thread
Anonymous 63359
>>63358
A lot of people are stuck at home and on the verge of a mental breakdown. I am.
Anonymous 63360
>>63359Same… been that way for weeks
Anonymous 63361
Can my car just…stop having problem after problem? I'm starting to wonder if my mechanic is up to something funny.
Anonymous 63362
>>63361Is it old? And what kind of problems?
Anonymous 63366
>>63358
Brevity is the soul of wit.
Anonymous 63367
>>63355> The two choices in that situation are to give up on wanting the thing you can't have, or moving yourself until you can have the thing you want. Anything else sounds like pointless torture.Sometimes the anxiety gets so intense it paralyses you from doing the second. That’s why I come here to protest, but I try to find ways to snap myself back into it.
> We? I wasn’t OP, I just related hard to what anon said. That means you and me and every lurker who gets it.
But I wouldn’t say it’s all for naught. Even if you don’t get recognised.
Anonymous 63378
>>63367>Sometimes the anxiety gets so intense it paralyses you from doing the second. That’s why I come here to protest, but I try to find ways to snap myself back into it.I recommend always completeing non-zero tasks that involve your goal. Start very, very tiny, and work your way up from there.
>But I wouldn’t say it’s all for naught. Even if you don’t get recognised.I suppose it does depend on if you're doing it for recognition, but in the end, if you're not doing something to at least EFFECT some other humans if not be seen by them, you're doing it for nothing at all.
Anonymous 63383
>>63382
Elaborate. Don’t just leave me hanging like that, anon.
Anonymous 63414
>>63411
Writing it out helps. I get that sometimes too, anon. And I used to get really embarrassed by it. Maybe if you vent more you’ll be a little more at ease?
Anonymous 63415
No matter how horny/wet I am, penetration almost always feels like being stabbed with tiny razors. Even fingers hurt. This is so frustrating.
Anonymous 63416
this whole week I've been sleeping for about 15 hours a day and now I'm at work and all I can think about is taking a snooze.
I always feel well rested after but also like shit because I slept the entire day away. I feel like I'm just gonna sleep through my entire life.
Anonymous 63418
>>63415I don't mean to pry but this sounds like vaginismus if you didn't know that already
Anonymous 63419
Can someone give me any tips on learning to love/be in love with other women….
I'm tired of falling for men
Anonymous 63420
>>63419If conversion therapy worked people would use it. You need to accept yourself
Anonymous 63421
>>63420That's so depressing…
Men have broken my heart so many times
Anonymous 63422
>>63421Same girl it sucks. Straight women are proof that sexuality isn't a choice
Anonymous 63423
>>63422I think I'm approaching half the times I've cried in my adult life is because of men
I'm so unhappy
Anonymous 63424
>>63423:(
Maybe you could focus on being alone for a little while? Just invest in yourself and don't try to date. Men aren't worth getting upset over
Anonymous 63425
>>63424It's been 15 months, and I'm so lonely
I've been trying to find the right man to lose my virginity to, and I'm 31 at this point.
Soon I'll reach the point where having kids becomes risky. Fuck me, I just want to cry again
Anonymous 63426
>>63425It does get lonely I get that :( I think with COVID people have been more active on dating apps, maybe you could take things slow and see if there's anyone you like there? It's way easier to just talk on the phone to feel people out nowadays. I'm sure you'd get so many options so fast and you could be really picky about who you chat with
Anonymous 63427
>>63426I've never liked dating apps… I've tried to do the more "traditional" approaches, meeting guys at church groups, or even at university events.
They all just care about sex.
I shouldn't load my baggage on to you, I'm sorry
Anonymous 63428
>>63427Consider doing therapy or finding some way to deal with this frustration.
>>63423 this kind of bitterness is a turn off to a lot of people and you might end up scaring the right person.
Anonymous 63429
>>63427Don't worry about it! I feel for you. And it's extra hard with shit being closed (my church is still doing virtual sermons.)
Finding a group and meeting someone organically is probably the best way. I hope you feel loved in other ways in the meantime
Anonymous 63430
>>63428Both of those are me..
>>63429Thanks.. I really wish I could say virtually I have enough friends to make up for it. But I appreciate the kind words
Anonymous 63432
>>63430Yes, I know that they are you. That is why I'm saying that you should consider finding a way of putting yourself up, anon. I know that this is easier said than done, but it will improve your chances.
Anonymous 63433
>>63432putting myself up?
Sorry, I am not familiar with that phrase. Is that slang for therapy?
Anonymous 63434
>>63433Sorry, I meant cheering yourself up. I'm not a native English speaker.
Anonymous 63435
>>63434It's okay, you don't need to be sorry. I appreciate it.
Sorry, I use so many emojis in my text that I have to go back and erase them. Maybe I should just forget a partner and be happy with myself lol
Anonymous 63436
>>63435Like you found yourself comforted by
>>63429, and she doesn't even know you. Still she said something kind and you felt better about everything. A good way of dealing with this is to be your own best friend, does this make sense? Every time you find yourself unhappy, imagine what would you say to your best friend in the same situation, then repeat it to yourself.
I don't know if you should forget about a partner, because you should look for people if you are feeling like being in a relationship, but definitely consider improving your relationship with yourself.
Anonymous 63437
>>63436I'm trying…
I'm trying real hard, I just kind of hate myself
Anonymous 63438
>>63437This is dangerous, you should do therapy. And what do you hate about yourself? You also said something about being heart broken different times. Is there a pattern in it? I'm listening to some psychoanalysis podcast in Portuguese and it is this woman doing her sessions with some analysts, then she always says that her relationships were bound to fail from the start, that she would always pick men who weren't ok with themselves and wouldn't ever work in a relationship. Are you doing this kind of thing?
Maybe it is not you in the sense of you, but the kind of person that you are picking. Specially considering that you hate yourself, aren't you subconsciously picking people that will make you suffer?
Anonymous 63439
>>63438I hate that I keep falling into the same patterns of 'nice'ness despite telling myself I won't do it again.
I believe people are good, despite all the signs they aren't and just want to manipulate me. I let them take advantage of me until I have incontrovertible proof that they are bag of shit.
And by that point I'm a sobbing mess
Anonymous 63440
>>63439Yes, you should be careful with it. Some men can easily spot a "self-hating" woman. Can you afford therapy? You can probably solve such things in a couple of months. I think you should do it.
Anonymous 63441
>>63440Can I afford it? I think so… I have a few hundred saved up…
Anonymous 63442
>>63441And you shouldn't hate yourself, it is probably those people taking advantage of this moment of vulnerability of yours. This isn't your fault.
Anonymous 63443
>>63442I find it so hard to believe that after 5 relationships at my age that I am not the problem…
Maybe I was to reluctant to give it up?
Anonymous 63444
>>63443You definitely have unsolved issues. But if you hate yourself, it will be hard to find a healthy relationship. This self-hate is a thing since when?
Anonymous 63445
>>63444Probably since middle school when I was bullied by all the other girls for being tall..
Anonymous 63446
>>63445Oh and I'm not a psychologist or anything, I've read some books and tried some stuff on myself. And this was before your first relationship, right?
Anonymous 63447
>>63446About a year before, yes
I had a huge growth spurt in 7th grade, had my first BF in 8th.
I am 6 ft tall now….
Anonymous 63448
Yes, that probably messed you. Are you still self-conscious about your height?
Anonymous 63449
>>63448Not so much, but I don't talk with many people outside of the internet.
It was entirely girls that bullied me
Anonymous 63450
>>63449Ok, so do you think you are beautiful? Or at least that you can be, if you groom and wear some nice clothes.
Anonymous 63453
>>63449What I mean is basically, have you ever looked at the mirror and thought: "I'm looking great today!"?
Anonymous 63454
>>63450I think I can be attractive, yes. I don't think I am physically ugly
>>63453Yeah! of course… It's just the inside of myself that I hate
Anonymous 63455
>>63454And what is that you hate on yourself? Is it only that naivete that you mentioned earlier?
Anonymous 63456
i feel like such a sad femcel listening to nsfw audios and reading self insert fics but i’m too mentally ill and insecure to get a 3d bf but they all suck anyway so might as well continue obsessing over imaginary men instead of traumatising an irl man with the unadulterated power of my obsession and affection. anyway i miss my discord bf if you’re out there i think about you every day and i have an e-shrine of all the photos you sent me
Anonymous 63458
>>63456Have you considered getting help, anon? Like professional help.
Anonymous 63462
>>63456Don't give up on yourself. Also don't use those stupid labels. You shouldn't call yourself a femcel or anything like that.
Anonymous 63463
>>63458mental health provision in my country is like something out of the 50s, tried it once and it just made things way worse. i try to do self help things and be normal but i’m beyond saving, i’ve just given in to being obsessive and neurotic and agoraphobic, i try as much as possible to help myself, like im starting uni soon and im spending a lot of time with my family but i still feel like i’d be better off lobotomised
Anonymous 63464
>>63463That is great, studying will keep your mind busy for a while. How long has it been since the last time you spoke to anyone who weren't family?
Anonymous 63465
>>63464couple of months now. i grew up very isolated and i never really had opportunities to make friends so i don’t really talk to anyone outside of my family. honestly i find it really difficult to go outside and interact with others i have severe bdd and every time i go outside i feel sick and paranoid. i’m really scared for uni because i don’t know how i’m going to interact with people and try to make friends when i’m so undersocialised and scared of people
Anonymous 63466
>>63465I used to have some weird self-image issues until I started drawing. This might sound crazy, but do you draw? Consider getting a book called Drawing with the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards. Then you get a mirror and draw yourself, using the techniques on the book. Don't jump straight into trying to draw yourself. Read at least the first chapter.
Anonymous 63467
>>63466It should feel as if you are able to make an sculpture but you are actually drawing.
Anonymous 63468
>>63466i don’t draw but i will check out the book, thanks anon! did anything else help you with your body issues?
Anonymous 63469
>>63468And consider getting professional help on your uni too. They might have someone on the campus that can at least recommend you to someone.
Yes, an ASMR video, this might seem stupid but still, I think it helped. This one, I listened to it a lot of times, back when I was on uni.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdE2Yws3MD4 Anonymous 63470
>>63454Consider listening to that video on
>>63469. It might help you out.
Anonymous 63471
>>63469thanks anon, this was more interaction than i’ve had in a long time lol. you’re a nice person :) i had a really shitty time this past year and the only person i thought cared about me ditched me and my obsession with him and grieving it is driving me insane, it’s nice to get some help on how to better myself. i really do hope it gets better. i hope you’re doing well too anon sorry for dumping this all here i’ve just had no one to talk to about it.
Anonymous 63472
>>63471That is ok, and thanks :D
And yes, I know how you feel, don't worry and don't feel embarrassed about it later, it is ok and happens with a lot of people. Don't be sorry, I stepped in to talk with you, that was my choice. Don't stress about such things.
Anonymous 63475
I'm sad. I just want an online friend group where I shit post with my e-friends all day long :(
Anonymous 63524
tumblr_cf8a0175839…
>Meet 9/10 virgin boy who hasn't watched porn since running into it at 13
>Only guy I trust
>Is kind of retarded, childish, little bit of a language barrier, and is joining the military.
>This is the best I will ever do.
I fucking love him but he's just so hard to talk to. Damn it. We don't vibe at all but he likes me a ton.
Anonymous 63527
>Stuck in dead end job
>Can't muster up the energy to write uo cover letters to apply to actually decent jobs
>Can't even be arsed to start another job search
It's like the whole process sucks the life out of you.
Oh, and my bosses just fired the only coworker I actually liked. Another shit to add to the dungpile.
Anonymous 63528
>>63527Start small, anon. Leave some paper and pen somewhere and write a draft or something. Don't let this thing drag you down.
Anonymous 63531
>>63527Just fill yourself with the possibility of getting better, and imagining the inevitable hell of being stuck in your job should you do nothing. Gives you something to run away from and run towards which helps.
Anonymous 63536
I feel like an involuntary NEET (inNE? that sounds dumb as hell lol). I graduated college a couple of years ago, but basically had to become to the babysitter for a profoundly disabled sibling so my mother could work and make money to support us. I guess I thought this would be a temporary thing, which is dumb as fuck in hindsight, but it's been years now and now I just think about how wide this gap in my resume is getting and how I don't even think I'd be interested in getting an actual job even if I wasn't playing tard wrangler 24/7. There's nothing I can even do about the situation for the time being, but I can't help but feeling like a big disappointment to my younger self. I never had crazy big plans or my career, but they were certainly leagues better than this. bleh
Anonymous 63543
I wish I was born to parents who wanted me. Mine treated me a pet or something. They don’t even know when I was born. And now I’m here and I feel like the human embodiment of every shitty Hollywood remake. You know it exists, but no one really wants to see it anyways
Anonymous 63557
>>63536Nothing stops you from starting the process of no longer taking care of your sibling, but you. You are not paid, you are not under contract, you literally only have a moral responsibility,
if any, to continue your current position. If you don't like your current position, leave.
Anonymous 63558
I'm so bored. There's nothing to do during the summer. I'm tired of playing vidya and reading books all day. I want to get my driver's licence or get a job but I have to get eye surgery in a few days so I have to wait until after my surgery to do those things. I'm tired of waiting and stagnating I just wanna progress already aaaaaa
Anonymous 63559
There is someone I have a crush on. I never acted on it because he has a girlfriend. The last time I talked to him was years ago yet I'm still thinking about him.
How do I stop being infatuated with him?
Anonymous 63579
supreme champion.j…
>TFW Androphobic and refrigerator got busted
> can't deal with men dropping a new one in my apartment or bring it in myself
>have had to order take out for weeks waiting until my brother is in town to help me
I sure wish I had friends in town to help me in situations like these haha
Anonymous 63583
>>63560
Thank you, I will try that. At this point I probably idealized him in my head so in reality he will never be like the version in my head anyway.
Anonymous 63592
>>63354holy shit im so lonely and want a bf/romance so bad but every time i talk to a guy they end up being a shit person in some way like untrustworthy/abusive or a liar and end up emotionally recking me because they manipulate me into blaming myself for their awful behavior.
i would love to meet someone not like this and im beginning to believe its hopeless. even that itd be better to date women
Anonymous 63593
>>63583That applies to all relationships though. You don't fall in love with the person, you fall in love with your mental projection of the person and cope with reality from thereon.
Anonymous 63601
I’m trying to decrease my neuroticism right now and it’s AHHHHHHHHHHH
the good news is it wasn’t always this bad so there’s hope
the bad news is that i’m very neurotic and i’m low when it comes to everything else except openness
my ideal self would be extroverted, diligent, somewhat disagreeable, and not neurotic at all. the last part seems the hardest to achieve though, also the first part a bit
Anonymous 63602
>>63601Do you remember how it was before this whole shit? It is possible to get back to it, seek help. Talk to someone irl.
Anonymous 63605
>>63602oh i remember
i was so much more relaxed and grounded. i was also much, much more diligent, disciplined, and anchored. i had trouble with social stuff, but rather than “i want to stay inside and stay away from people” it was “i want to be friends with new people and know everyone but i don’t know how”
i could also sit for HOURS working on my hobbies. back then i shared a room with my sister and she’d yell at me to turn my lamp light off because i’d keep working on my hobbies until 3 a.m. i really wanted to be a writer and i used to write everyday. i’d even get an itch! like I wouldn’t be able to sleep, I’d have to get up and write This Thing
this is kind of silly but i feel weird about seeking help. there’s the fact that rn I don’t have any money, but i think even if i did have money I’d try to spend it on other stuff/activities that my “old” self would’ve enjoyed? like a new instrument. i’ve always wanted to play when i was a kid, but we’ve never had the money
my ultimate goal would be to be really low on neuroticism, high on conscientiousness, high on extroversion, 50/50 on agreeableness, and high to openness. i’ve got the last two parts down, have to work on the first three
Anonymous 63606
>>63605Right, and when things started to get gloomy?
Anonymous 63609
>>63606Are you asking when it all started getting more depressing? I’d say it’s been gradually happening since 16 or 17, and it hit real hard around 20. You don’t notice it sneaking up on you. You stop getting the “itch” to do stuff. Start being more agitated, angry, depressed.
And I genuinely think it’s something to do with growing up. Because you really lose your footing, and abstract concepts like death become very concrete and real, and you’re suddenly really aware of time. The last thing is important because you’re not aware of the weight of time when you’re a teenager, but now Time is passing and you now start to realize how everything in life is intertwined with loss, how life itself is loss, basically, but contorted slowly over Time
Also other stuff that have to do with my specific life situation. Shitty third-world country, no money and no prospects, unavailability of very basic things that first worlders take for granted, shitty school/college. But I’d say it’s more to do with How I Am because I’ve seen people in similar/worse situations just vibe and be happy, which is why i am looking to fix myself
>>63608It’s cool anon. I’d say a pretty big population of cc dwellers share the same feelings
Anonymous 63610
>>63601>my ideal self would be extroverted, diligent, somewhat disagreeable, and not neurotic at all. the last part seems the hardest to achieve though, also the first part a bitI don't think you understand how the terms you are using are actually meant to be used.
Anonymous 63611
>>63609Yes, that can definitely be fixed. That no prospects thing, why do you think that? And you seem to be a somewhat decent writer, have you considered "writing your way out of this"? In the sense of keeping a journal and having a broader view of your life?
Anonymous 63612
>>63610How so?
>>63611I’ve been considering this more recently, but sometimes it takes too much energy to even write one word. I’m starting small though, I keep writing one or two sentences every few days
Anonymous 63613
>>63612You wrote a lot now, are you feeling tired of writing this? I'm saying that you should write a different kind of thing. It would be something like you did in this thread. In the sense of a 'venting' journal, with some extra steps afterwards. If you feel like it, of course.
Anonymous 63615
>>63614First, you have to develop this habit of writing, you won't have to do it everyday forever, but I think it is important that you don't skip it as long you are not at a comfortable point. I'm not saying that writing should feel bad, and that you should continue doing it if you feel that it is harming you, it is in the sense that it will feel like a chore at the start. Don't skip a day, even if you procrastinated all day. You will write down something like: 'I haven't done anything, haven't got out of bed, and drank some soda whatever and this and that'. Do you got this?
Second, you'll write about things without thinking too much about it. Ideally, you write non-stop and don't bother with grammar and not even with making sense. Keep writing things down, and limit the time that you are going to write daily. This can be something from 5 to 20 minutes. You just write, you might get somewhat 'stuck' and catch up repeating yourself, and this is really important. You will focus on recurring thoughts on a later step.
Third, after you get used to write about what you did or what is bothering you that day. You will get to write about what you want to change in your life and basically think it through. This can be things that you have been procrastinating, or feelings that are bothering you, anything that you don't want to keep.
Fourth, You will review your writings (this can probably start after the first week, but I did this after a month or so), since you will be doing this in longer spans of time, in the sense that, you'll review all your writings every week or so and get used to it and marking 'important' paragraphs (putting a * in the end or something) while you are writing. But ultimately you will recur on past 'revealed' issues and come up with ways of dealing with them. And you'll notice that what is supposed to be (what should be considering that you were mentally healthy) in your mind will start to pop out naturally after a while.
This whole thing depends on you being your own best friend. In the sense that, every next entry is somewhat you writing to yourself in the future, and you will be helping yourself from the past, and upgrading your present self. If you really hate yourself, think that you are writing to some friend that isn't you.
I hope this makes sense, you can ask about anything if you feel like it. I think I got some entries in English, but I usually write in Portuguese. If you feel like reading an example.
Anonymous 63616
>>63612>How so?The terms you are using are derived from the Big 5 personality test, these are purely meant to describe human traits as distributed across five factors. The argument that holds the theory as valid is that there are certain psychological traits that have been selected for over time for the survival advantage they bestow, and further more, the fact that they are not universal means that both their presence and lack of presence bestow survival advantage
in different circumstance. i.e. There are times when not being neurotic will help you survive, but there are also times when being neurotic is the only reason you survive.
For example, the terms you used to describe your ideal self
>extroverted, disagreeable, not neuroticare actually a pretty good cookbook for a narcissist. You can say
>oh I wouldn't be onebut that's literally what you're describing. There are certain times when being narcissist feels great and helps you immensely, and the other times when it absolutely completely fucks you over. I'm not saying you have bad intentions, you're probably feeling so shit that being someone else seems like it would help you more, but this fundamentally flawed thinking when it comes to Big 5 terminology. You shouldn't be striving to be someone you aren't (even though you should definitely try to expand yourself for the sake of mental health), but striving to build a lifestyle that enables the actual personality you have to help you live the best life possible. You can of course somewhat modify traits, but it's a horrible strategy overall.
Your ideals self shouldn't be "someone who is extroverted", because it is incredibly unlikely you can budge this metric. Instead, it would be proper to think "I want to be able to
at times be more extroverted" which can be approached fundamentally differently.
Anonymous 63617
>>63615Oh, and if you feel that it is harming you. YOU STOP WITH IT. Don't keep doing it, this can be dangerous if you are too messed up. Look for help.
Anonymous 63618
>>63605Why are you treating personality like it's something you can arbitrarily decide as opposed to something you operate around? Do you really think it's that easy to change your personality? Furthermore, do you honestly believe their is an ideal personality? Why? On what standard is the ideal personality based?
Anonymous 63619
>>63618Disregard that, anon. She changed and doesn't feel happy with her life as she used to be. It is not her personality. Don't bash her over it. I'm not the quoted anon.
Anonymous 63620
>>63605When things were going well, how strong was the scheduling in your life? It sounds like you were in school if you're in the same room as your sister, is that not the case and you were a NEET?
Anonymous 63622
>>63619It doesn't sound like she changed, it sounds like her circumstances changed and her personality is now interacting with those circumstances in a way she doesn't like.
Anonymous 63623
>>63622Of course she changed, we are both our surroundings and ourselves. People are not computers or something static, people are changing all the time. This whole thing that she is going through will change her, probably for the better. She will get out stronger of this.
Anonymous 63624
>>63623>Of course she changed, we are both our surroundings and ourselves.I agree with this sentiment but the surroundings are not the personality, fundamentally. If they are, personality loses all descriptive power. I guess you can sure "the entirety of her being changed" but that doesn't mean her personality changed.
Anonymous 63625
>>63624Personality also changes over time, anon. That is what people call being mature. You change as you get older. Why are you being so adamant about people being stuck with their personalities?
Anonymous 63627
>>63625>Personality also changes over time, anon. That is what people call being mature.You are correct your assessment, but you should obviously be aware that, typically, the changes of personality that occur as time goes by are
>neuroticism lowers>conscientiousness increases>agreeableness slightly increasesand any of those changes aren't outside the realm of a standard deviation
at best. Those changes also aren't
conscious or
forced. They naturally occur. To expect to be able to force yourself to have a personality you like is foolhardy and makes most circumstances worse.
>Why are you being so adamant about people being stuck with their personalities?Because becoming someone else is a terrible way of dealing with the problems you actually have, as the person who has your problems is
you and you should operate around helping
you live a good life. If you pluck an 0.1 percentile introvert out of their life and force them into a 99.9 percentile extrovert life that person is going to be so strung out they'll want to kill themselves. That introvert could immensely benefit from being
slightly more extroverted, but that doesn't mean their personality changed, it means they reached outside their personality for an alternative set of solutions.
This line of thinking is similar to "if I didn't have depression I would have a good life" and then every single moment you have depression is a failure. As opposed to learning how to treat and mitigate having depression actually helping the person with the mental illness to enjoy life more. Dealing with depression isn't getting rid of depression, it's learning to mitigate around it and deal with in a way that enables you to actually function.
Anonymous 63629
>>63627I suppose I should also clarify, there's a difference between saying "I want to be an extrovert" and "I am an extrovert and my life currently isn't enabling that". A shut in who is an extreme introvert
won't have a problem being a shut in by definition. Meanwhile, this would be pure unadultered torture for an extrovert. However, if it turns out that, in actuality, she
is an extrovert, or at least more than she believes. Her problem isn't "I want to be an extrovert" it's "I want to act on my extroversion" which is a fundamentally different problem set.
Anonymous 63630
>>63627Whatever, I don't care about it. Let's focus on what is important.
Anonymous 63632
>>63625>>63627>>63629You know what, fuck it, you want her to change her personality, here's the most surefire way I currently know of to make a personality shift.
>>63601Hey miner, did you know there's current studies being taken at Hopkin's hospital concerning psilocybyn adminstration? There are reports that you can get a full 15 percentile swing out of a herioc shroom dose. That's probably the largest consistently known personality shift currently known in the literature. That's right, a measly 15 point swing and all it takes is a trip on hallucinogens so strong some people commit suicide outside of laboratory controlled settings. That's the best personality shift currently known in the game and it requires committing a crime to even get fucking close. I don't even want to imagine the sort of shit you'd need to do to move fucking 30 percentile points in extroversion. Sounds like it would probably kill you in the process.
Anonymous 63634
>>63632>Hey miner, did you know there's current studies being taken at Hopkin's hospital concerning psilocybyn adminstration?She is a third world girl.
Anonymous 63635
>>63615Hmmm, it’ll be hard writing about myself. I prefer writing about abstract ideas. But I think I can write about the ideas that often trouble me, and there are a lot of those.
>>63616>the fact that they are not universal means that both their presence and lack of presence bestow survival advantage in different circumstance. i.e. There are times when not being neurotic will help you survive, but there are also times when being neurotic is the only reason you survive.this is important, and i’m very aware of that. hmmm forgive my original phrasing then, what i meant to say is that i would like to sort of “recalibrate” some of my worse traits (neuroticism), and train it if i can in a sense. i’m aware of the whole innate vs malleable traits debate, but i’m speaking from a place where i’m hoping to revert to an earlier state. i want to train all my mental muscles, and i want to train them well — even the ones i don’t use!
> but striving to build a lifestyle that enables the actual personality you have to help you live the best life possible.hmmm, i’ve been thinking about this one for quite a while now. what if it’s the other way around? all of these traits i want to foster have already taken seed, but i have no idea how to “grow” them
take extroversion for instance, i love social events, i love talking to new people, and i love being in situations where this is all possible, i love even the dumb small talk people make in taxis and elevators, BUT i genuinely have no idea how to navigate situations like that at all, or how to even put myself in them. i was never given the tools, i guess, due to personal and environmental circumstances. its like you want to reach for something on the shelf, but damn it, you just don’t know how
the opposite thing happened in some other traits. for example i’m not very agreeable, but due to growing up in some culty female-dominated spaces i learnt to train myself to be the opposite, because i didn’t want to be more of an outcast than i was. same thing happened with conscientiousness: i was the opposite, and very purposefully “trained” myself out of it due to personal reasons. all of this took years, of course.
Anonymous 63636
>>63635Do you have any friends? I'm going to guess that you finished college and now you are stuck with no friends while everyone that you used to hang out is either too busy working or starting their own families.
Anonymous 63637
>>63635>take extroversion for instance, i love social events, i love talking to new people, and i love being in situations where this is all possible, i love even the dumb small talk people make in taxis and elevators, BUT i genuinely have no idea how to navigate situations like that at all, or how to even put myself in them. i was never given the tools, i guess, due to personal and environmental circumstances. its like you want to reach for something on the shelf, but damn it, you just don’t know howCool, this is fantastic. This problem isn't "I'm not an extrovert" it's "I'm bad at being an extrovert" a far fucking easier problem to solve. Being extroverted doesn't mean being good at being an extrovert, it means enjoying social situations. "I don't know how to function in social settings" sounds marginally closer to autism, but I'm not going to diagnose you at a distance. That is far more realistic and approachable problem than changing yourself. This can be reasonable dealt with.
Your first hurdle, I again ask, when things were going well, were you a student living a very structured life and there were very structured ways of interacting with people and expecting when those social interactions occurred?
>the opposite thing happened in some other traits. for example i’m not very agreeable, but due to growing up in some culty female-dominated spaces i learnt to train myself to be the opposite, because i didn’t want to be more of an outcast than i was. same thing happened with conscientiousness: i was the opposite, and very purposefully “trained” myself out of it due to personal reasons. all of this took years, of course.While this is all cool, be aware that you probably didn't change your personality, you learned how to act outside your personality and maybe
marginally moved your capabilities. I suppose high-trait openess also means that your traits are also going to fluctuate over time but that doesn't mean you can intentionally fluctuate them as much as it will just happen.
Anonymous 63639
>>63634And third-worlders have access to Psilocybin, your point?
Anonymous 63640
>>63618I don’t think there’s an ideal personality at all. I don’t think I even tried to imply that. I don’t think it’s to change anyone’s personality, and I’m not trying to change mine. More like foster it? I do not want to try and become someone else, in a way I want to become a brighter version of myself.
>>63631hello
>>63636i have friends, but not many. those closest to me are three. we hang out a bit, but between relationships, work, and other friends i don’t see them as much as i’d like to.
Anonymous 63641
>>63639Yes, but with some random people, they might be serious or just crazy psychonauts. This isn't a thing that she should just jump into like that, specially considering that she doesn't know anyone that she can trust.
Anonymous 63642
>>63639anon i’m like on the lower tier of third worlders. i dont even think we have that here lmao
Anonymous 63643
>>63640Until now it seems that the main problem of your is being able to focus on what you used to enjoy in the past? Is this right? In the sense that, if you could get back to writing, you would probably feel better about everything else?
Anonymous 63644
>>63641Hey, you're the one advocating for changing personalities. I'm just enabling that with the only way I know how that actually demonstrable works. If you think the drawbacks are too severe perhaps you are finally understanding why changing your personality is probably a poor strategy.
>>63642Unless you're a Sub-saharan African or in the Middle East you probably have access to natural psilocybin mushrooms
somewhere nearby. Assuming you are not in those areas illegal drug trades are plentiful and common. The internet is a (horrible) magical place.
Anonymous 63645
>>63644What? No, people can change if they think things through and given enough time.
Anonymous 63646
>>63644And that isn't the point, stop baiting this all the time. Let's help that anon, OK? Then we can talk about this. Let's show that we can focus on things. Because otherwise, this is pointless, people who can't focus on shit trying to teach someone how to focus.
Anonymous 63647
>>63645Okay, tell me how much it moves in terms of percentile points. Give me a meaningful measure as opposed to "it moves".
Anonymous 63649
>>63648I already talked to her and I'm waiting on a response to a very specific question so until then I'll just keep discussing this because obviously some miners around here do not understand how these things work.
Anonymous 63651
>>63649No, this will mess the entire thread and why do you care about what I think? We are not going to marry or anything. Disregard that. Move on. Let's use our energy to something that is useful. This discussion is meaningless.
Anonymous 63653
>>63651Sorry miner, you see, I am a very disagreeable person. I find this interaction
personally enjoyable and energizing arguing like this
energizes and enlivens me. You may not enjoy acting around your personality, but I do, and correct wrong thinking is one of the most enjoyable activities I have ever come across. Helping people to stop acting on bad premises is intrinsically enjoyable to me.
Anonymous 63655
girls STOP FIGHTING
anyway
>>63643it’s a general loss of joy, and not just from writing. writing would help a bit i think, but what used to be exciting and joy-giving back then just rings hollow now
>>63637hmm maybe back in school. i tried to put myself in situations with other people, but i was laughably bad at them. i’d try to mimic the other party and fail
hmm now i wonder if my country has those mushrooms you speak of, i won’t take them but it will be interesting to know if someone’s growing them here, even though i don’t think anyone is
Anonymous 63656
>>63653actually seeing you two picker back and forth have lifted my mood more than anything this week, so thank you (i mean it!)
i wish i know people like you two irl
Anonymous 63657
>>63653No, it is ok, I love having discussions. Seriously, I like you. I would love to talk about it with you and would probably end up learning something, but right now, I want to help that other anon. Because we have to pay attention to what she is saying and think about everything, if the thread is running with another thing in parallel it will be harder.
Anonymous 63658
>>63656Im not going to find out how that world is supposed to be written so deal with it
Anonymous 63659
>>63657am i being therapized right now?????
Anonymous 63660
>>63655>hmm maybe back in school. i tried to put myself in situations with other people, but i was laughably bad at them. i’d try to mimic the other party and failNot quite, I can't guarantee that this applies to
your situation, but usually in highly neurotic people an enforced schedule immensely helps with reducing stress from unknown factors. Again, I can't prove this to be true to your situation, but creating a more rigid schedule for essential activities may help lower your stress levels enough to actually start acting on your extroverted urges. Let's start simple and go from there, basic, living needs. Do you eat at the same time everyday? Do you sleep time everyday? Do you have anything outside your life that requires you to be ready for it at a certain time on a consistent basis?
>hmm now i wonder if my country has those mushrooms you speak of, i won’t take them but it will be interesting to know if someone’s growing them here, even though i don’t think anyone isI wouldn't recommend it unless you're absolutely desperate.
t. jumped out of a window on LSD
Anonymous 63661
>>63659(Yes this is what therapy is, a friend you pay to talk to you about your problems and they can't leave until the time is up. Maybe they're even professionally trained to give good advice.)
Anonymous 63662
>>63655Can you remember when do you used to feel sad? Because right now you said that you felt happy. When do you usually feel sadness? Or is it somewhat like a numbness that never goes away?
Anonymous 63665
>>63659KEK I'm doing my best, but I'm not a pro. So not really on my part, I'm just trying out some stuff with you that somehow helped me out. Real therapy has sheets, lots of sessions, a therapist would be aware of your background and everything. And this might be helpful for all of us. Where are you from? You don't have to doxx yourself, but tell us a bit about yourself.
Anonymous 63666
>>63660> t. jumped out of a window on LSDthat sounds fun, please do tell the story
> Not quite, I can't guarantee that this applies to your situation, but usually in highly neurotic people an enforced schedule immensely helps with reducing stress from unknown factors.yeah i’ve read about this before, but i’ve never been good with schedules
what do you two do for a living? i’m intrigued
Anonymous 63667
>>63666I'm
>>63651 and I'm going to start studying computer science tomorrow. Just enrolled the course.
Anonymous 63668
>>63662I felt energised because you two arguing back and forth is really, really fun! Esp
>>63653, that made me snort
but i would say I’m generally numb, yeah
>>63665i can’t believe i’m being therapized online………….,…….
Anonymous 63669
>>63662This doesn't seem too clear, during which part of the day do you feel sadness? Or what usually happens that makes you sad? Or even better, if you can remember of course, what are you usually thinking when you get sad (consider paying attention to this as your homework)?
Anonymous 63670
>>63666>that sounds fun, please do tell the story
>I took LSD>I thought I was going to die>I didn't want to die>I jumped out of a window to survivePretty straight forward.
>yeah i’ve read about this before, but i’ve never been good with schedulesWell yeah, low trait conscientiousness is going to do that, that's kind of the thing. I'm saying it should help, not that it will be easy. Again I ask, how are your eating habits? Do you eat on regular? What do you eat when you do eat?
>what do you two do for a living? i’m intriguedRight now nothing except study. When school picks back up it will be substitute teach and study.
Anonymous 63671
>>63667i’m the miner being therapized online and man that’s what i study too!
Anonymous 63672
>>63671Are you enjoying it? I'm considering quitting, I got into it earlier this year, but my life changed dramatically since then, and it is not like it would still make sense to me to stay on it. I kinda enjoy studying such things, but I might quit later.
Anonymous 63673
>>63669I don’t feel anything if it’s a good day. But if I remember something unpleasant that I experienced that’s when it hits and I really can’t control it
I’ve been trying to sort of think of my anxieties as these outside forces acting on me, sometimes it helps to think that we’re separate
>>63670> Again I ask, how are your eating habits? Do you eat on regular? What do you eat when you do eat?i don’t have a specific time when I eat. i wake up, drink some tea, then eat when i feel hungry. i don’t starve myself and i don’t forget to eat. my diet isn’t the best but hey
>lsdhmmm, the only way i could take lsd if i was my friends and they decided to Do Drugs And Have Fun, but not for personality reasons
Anonymous 63674
Tumblr_l_671801284…
i am 80% sure he left me because i am "terfy"
we used to joke about twitter enby lefties all the time & i said a joke that white people who are ugly identify as non-binary, and he somehow took offense to that and sent me a pic of some white girl as like proof that not all white "enbies" are ugly. his response made me upset because why are you sending pics of another girl to your gf?
i dont even know why im still thinking about that, we broke up almost a month ago & im somehow still not over it. im kinda sick of being bitter and angry but what do you do when a man who you fucked not even a week ago suddenly tells you he no longer loves you?
Anonymous 63675
>>63672yeah it’s really fun, i do consider quitting a lot for different reasons but i like studying. when it comes to it i decide to just vibe with it and let it be, and i always find myself picking it again
Anonymous 63676
>>63673Are you ok telling us what are those unpleasant memories?
Anonymous 63677
>>63673>i don’t have a specific time when I eat. i wake up, drink some tea, then eat when i feel hungry.Okay well that is unstable and could lead to issues but if you are at least remembering to eat than you are already doing better than some people.
>i don’t starve myself and i don’t forget to eat. my diet isn’t the best but heyHow do you know you don't starve yourself? Like I get that you probably don't
feel starved, but if I've interacted with people that thought eating a half cup of white rice a day was enough and were complaining about low energy. Don't need specifics just ballpark.
>hmmm, the only way i could take lsd if i was my friends and they decided to Do Drugs And Have FunOh goodness quite possibly the worst reason to take hallucinogens. Far better party drugs if that's what you want, a hallucinogenic trip can go south very quickly especially if you're highly neurotic.
Anonymous 63678
>>63674tinfoil: he has been cheating with said enby girl
Anonymous 63679
>>63677I'm the other "helping" anon, and yes. Experiences with psychedelics can be very strong. I did LSD, nbome and gone to a st. Daime church for a while and I would kinda recommend a church like that. But even then, it is a life changing experience. I don't know if I would recommend it to anyone. It definitely improved my life, but some people go and get somewhat traumatized. I think it is worth it if you are desperate (like you mentioned), but this doesn't seem to be her case.
Anonymous 63680
3 years ago he cheated on me, 1 year ago he told me, we'd been dating 6 years. i'm still not over it. I know plenty of people have been through way worse and come out positive and healthy, but I just want to die. This is literally the only actually bad thing that has ever happened to me, why can't I get over it? Why do I suspect all men, even friends and family, of being immoral worthless woman haters? I feel disgust when I think how I loved him.
Anonymous 63708
Today is cursed, my weight machine stopped working my earphones stopped working my fucking laptop randomly stopped working too. right now is such a stupid time for the machine to break down because I have my med entrance exam in a month and I live in an abusive indian house where I'm also completely dependent on my parents for everything and I just know I will get my life punched out of me because my mom would think somehow watching anime broke it down, I really don't want to have her shout at me no reason because I'm so sensitive to her I start getting panic attacks and my brain is rendered useless for days because every time I try to do something I just end up breaking down thinking I'm not worth anything its so fuxking stupid. I know its all wrong and not true but I can't control it and no matter how many times I try to explain my family just doesn't understand and even doubles down on it, I just want to leave this place sisters. I still have my phone and iPad to study off of but all my fucking notes and saved pdfs in my pc are gone until I can get it fixed somehow. My family won't even let me work because every job I can get as someone with a high school certificate are seen as too inferior and shameful in their eyes and even if I try to sneak out and get some minimum wage job its way too unsafe for women here. I'm so bitter and tired, today has been a cursed day. Last year I tried to kill myself and ended up in the hospital with my family telling me to do it properly if I'm going to do shit like this, since cat was out of the bag I tried telling them about things I've been going through and why I think I need some help and all I got was accusations of how I'm lying and making it up and that psychologists are a waste of their money. why do people adopt kids if they don't want to love or care for one, I hate myself for thinking it but sometimes I feel like my parents couldn't have kids because they really didn't deserve them. Every time I even try bringing all the shit they've done to me up in a fight all I get is all the favours and love and care they gave to me when I was a child,I can't even say anything, I'm grateful to them for giving me a proper chance at life but sometimes it gets too much. I'm just sick of absolutely shitting myself for the smallest things and being scared all the time. I wish there was someone who loved me too and told me it was OK. The only thing keeping me going is our dog who is probably the only being in the world who is happy to see me. I know these are all stupid and irrelevant thoughts but sometimes i cant help but feel gay and now I've wasted a lot of time. I should go back to studying
Anonymous 63709
>>63680Internet will make you feel like all men are shit because we only see bad examples of everything. Good people are too boring for the internet.
Anonymous 63713
my shitty ex is messaging me again and wants me to feel sorry for his "depression and guilt" when he ghosted me and couldn't even be there for me the last few weeks when i had real life issues. he said he is SO DEPRESSED and there's nothing left of him but he had enough energy to change his profile pic to a selfie and has just been sitting on this phone app acting like he isn't just talking to some new person who he's probably inflicting the same shit onto that he did to me. i am seething. i let him had it about all the stuff he did to me and he agreed with everything but wouldn't apologize or admit to betraying me. i feel worse for sperging and even giving him attention but i was just so angry that he had the gall to message and whine instead of apologizing for not being there.
i wish i could just never think about him again but some idiotic part of me actually believes he still cares about me despite all evidence and that he doesnt just want sympathy and pity, to feel less bad about his behavior without actually owning up to it and changing anything.
Anonymous 63716
Trevor_Moore_crop.…
i don't know why his recent death is still bumming me out so much. i guess it just feels like a part of my childhood dying too soon. kind of just so depressing to see people who are so productive from a young age die suddenly
Anonymous 63717
E8nIiZXVcAE-cv8.jp…
life is so stressful. i've wholly recycled through my worldly, daily issues, and once more: being broke is the fucking worst.
your quality of life is, more often than not, decided by the amount of $$$ you have in the bank. it's just crazy to me.
Anonymous 63718
>>63717gonna add a little disclaimer, to people that want to come to me with freak outliers like being born with an incurable sickness or depression or having a crazy dad that (somehow) traps you from your money: okay. i know about that stuff. but let's not deny that (most) people on this image board would experience a jump in their happiness score if they had an excess of cash.
Anonymous 63719
>>63716Yeah that really shocked me. He was here one day and gone then next. It's weird to think about how suddenly people can die.
Anonymous 63723
>>63716This is awful. I loved the WKUK and Trevor was my favourite.
Anonymous 63726
>>63719yeah man, the scary thing is that he was literally streaming with zach right before his death. they had so much planned, he had another album he was getting ready, they were planning on releasing a movie, they were streaming on twitch multiple times a week, and for the main guy in WKUK to just be gone… just like that, literally right after getting off stream. it's such a bizarre feeling.
>>63723it's so sad, and to die so young and for it to be some unknown "tragic accident", just so sad. and for them to be starting up the troupe again and to die just as they were re-starting after like 15 yrs… crazy.
Anonymous 63727
>>63717>>63718I totally agree with you anon. Especially since financial issues stress you out lik crazy which can :
- give you sleeping problems
- increase your anxiety levels dangerously
- make you prone to substance abuse
- risky sexual behaviour
- make your mental illnesses even worse
And ultimately, if you can't deal with those :
>becoming homelesswhich will fuck up your sanity in the long run. Most homeless people should be in a psych ward, but nobody gives a shit about them.
Knowing how financial insecurity wrecks the human body and mind, it makes me even more enraged on how government use fines to manipulate people, especially with covid restrictions.
>"you're not vaccinated and you go to the restaurant?" "bam ! here's your 1500 euros fine !">"you're a restaurant owner, who already lost much money because of lockdown, and let non-vaccinated clients in ?" "enjoy your 75 fucking 000 euros fine :)"Idk, money is so fucking alienating. OG Socialism was right.
Anonymous 63739
>>63717>your quality of life is, more often than not, decided by the amount of $$$ you have in the bank. it's just crazy to me.And the money in your bank is, statistically, determined by how competent you are. It really does suck.
>>63718>but let's not deny that (most) people on this image board would experience a jump in their happiness score if they had an excess of cash.They'd experience a moderate jump, but most the people here wouldn't be even capable of handling money well should it accidentally fall into their lap, it's why they're here after all.
The largest jump in happiness that would occur from money would just require doing blue collar work for blue collar pay as opposed to service industry.
>>63727>- give you sleeping problems>- increase your anxiety levels dangerously>- make you prone to substance abuse>- risky sexual behaviour>- make your mental illnesses even worseDid you know that having any of these can also make you poorer in the long run? Horrible feedback loop, the pareto distribution is an absolute sonovabitch.
Anonymous 63764
>>63739>They'd experience a moderate jump, but most the people here wouldn't be even capable of handling money well should it accidentally fall into their lap, it's why they're here after all.wtf…
Anonymous 63765
>>63764Do you think well-adjusted mentally healthy people come to post on crystalcafe? Let alone imageboards in general?
Anonymous 63766
>>63765posting on imageboards doesn't mean you can't handle money. there are tons of rich dorks who post on imageboards. retarded.
Anonymous 63767
>>63766How many rich dorks are you aware of?
Anonymous 63768
download.jpg
>"So, what is it you do in your free time?"
I need more productive hobbies
Anonymous 63769
>>63354i am actually going to go bonkers I cannot tell what I look like anymore
i go out with friends and we take photos then when i look back at them i look fat and ugly in every single one but then i come home and take a picture in a bikini and i look like in my head am i cursed or somrthhing hoyl shit
Anonymous 63770
Coming to realise I spend a huge amount of time excessively day dreaming. I fear this has become a harmful pass time, as I'm often using it to just lose myself in fantasies of a better life I could live (ie better uses of my time and better talents)
Anonymous 63786
polidab.jpg
I have to go to a barbecue in a couple hours and I'm anxious. Social situations really hurt me and these people in particular I feel don't really want me there. What can I do to calm down
Anonymous 63787
looking at lolcows or videos posted by young children or autistic people make me want to burn my computer so i do not succumb to brain rot caused by internet
Anonymous 63793
>>63786How was the bbq? I’m about to go to one next week and am in the same situation as you.
Don’t sweat too much. You’ll be fine and survive. Just stick to your own little table or seat and eat food so it doesn’t look weird that you’re not talking to anyone. That’s what I do
Anonymous 63795
I have been on a vacation with my boyfriend and his family this week and I cannot wait to go home. I got sunburned the first day and the wagie mindset is so ingrained in me I feel horribly guilty for taking so much time off work. I feel like I should have been born a worker drone insect.
Anonymous 63829
Vent but advice also appreciated. I think for the last two years hanging out with my best friend has become less and less enjoyable. I've noticed that basically every time we finish talking on the phone that 50% of the time is dedicated to her complaining about the things going on in her life and me listening and validating. I wouldn't have an issue with this since that's what friends are for, but I feel that I don't really get as much of a chance to receive the same treatment and also she has basically been complaining about the same stuff for the last two years (not having a gf, finding it hard to make friends, family issues, hating her job, etc.) I think it's been taking a toll on me and I can't help but feel resentful pobably because our friendship feels unbalanced. It pops up in other aspects too. I guess it always ends up being that I'm open to most things but she is very specific about what she likes so we usually just end up doing what she wants. We had a shortlived 'book club' and most of the books we ended up reading were just things she had suggested even though we made a collaborative list. Or when we go on trips together it's sort of the same deal. I don't know what to do about this situation because she's my best friend and I care about her but at the same time I can't help but notice that I'm starting to feel resentful toward her and annoyed.
Anonymous 63830
>>63829Have you considered not being a doormat? Being a friend doesn't mean "just do whatever the other friend wants" it's a bit of a two-way relationship. If she at all cares about you she doesn't want you miserable being with her, and if she wants you miserable with her, she isn't a friend, so leave.
Anonymous 63835
>>63830Kek yeah I realize that I’m kind of a doormat, so I didn’t mean to put the blame entirely on her. I’m also socially incompetent so I guess I’m wondering how I can assert myself and not feel guilty about it? When I do end up being more assertive about doing things I want it ends up not feeling worth it because I can tell she isn’t enjoying it and that takes away from my enjoyment too. As for the venting stuff I just don’t really feel any catharsis/validation when I talk to her about personal stuff anymore, which is why I stopped but it seems that she still enjoys venting to me which is why we have this imbalance and I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do about it.
Anonymous 63836
>>63831
I don't get it either. Why not just lift for personal goals and to improve physical and mental health? That would actually be something to admire. But after all they are incapable of thinking of something else than sex and need something to be able to put more successful men down.
Anonymous 63844
>>63831>>63836I think they do that to beat down on someone to feel better about themselves while at the same time reenforcing their own body dysmorphia. It's especially sad since most /fit/ users are likely DYELs themselves or are sedentary fatasses. The men they are shitting are actually doing something with their body and are improving themselves instead of fixating on unhealthy ideals.
Anonymous 63846
>>63793It was okay, I talked to the people I knew. One of the guys brought some homemade wine which was cool and I drank some, it was a bit too sweet for me but pretty good.
Anonymous 63848
>>63847
happy birthday
Anonymous 63849
>>63847
Happy birthday, anon.
Anonymous 63850
>>63845
Appreciate the advice. I guess we've been friends for so long so it's inevitable that we'll change and our dynamic changes too. I guess it's just a bit difficult to navigate because we're both used to things being a certain way.
>>63847
Happy birthday! Hope you're doing something to treat yourself even if it's something small.
Anonymous 63852
>>63847
omg hey mine too
happy birthday leo bestie
Anonymous 63856
I want to build a shrine of my favourite character but his official merchandise is japan only.
Anonymous 63874
I don't get why my brother has better hair than me, we should have the same hair genes. But he has so much volume and literally all he does is shampoo and condition.
Anonymous 63876
>>63739>And the money in your bank is, statistically, determined by how competent you are. It really does suck.>Implying Donald Trump is more "competent" than the average nurse, doctor or engineer
>They'd experience a moderate jump, but most the people here wouldn't be even capable of handling money well should it accidentally fall into their lap, it's why they're here after all.IME poor people are better at handling money than richfags, because they have so little of it.
The richfag will spend it all on champagne, cocaine during a weekend and then complain to mommy and daddy that they have nothing left, and in the end mommy and daddy will give them what they want after a little scolding.
Most poorfags are anticipating how much time their $1 box of dry pasta is going to last them. More importantly, a lot of them have to actually work at least 40 hours a week to earn money instead of sitting on their ass and passively get an income, so spending money is a big deal for them.
It's easy to be "good with money" when you are a richfag. You can sink tens of thousands into misplaced option calls, then cry to mommy and daddy to get back on race. If a poorfag play her life-savings like this, it's game-over and possibly an hero.
Anonymous 63877
18740486_167597464…
Nervous, but I'm pretty sure I got this
Anonymous 63878
>>63876Just wanted to add that it's a minority but there is a fraction of rich people who stay that way by being extremely frugal. No trust fund baby will know money management because they didn't earn it, they have no appreciation for it
Anonymous 63879
Feeling a lot of hatred towards men today. Might actually look into convents because I can't afford my own land for a number of years. Wtf, world? Why u gotta be like this? How many nuns are athiests just looking for an escape?
Anonymous 63880
I am DONE working WITH CHEAP BITCHESS!!
LISTEN TO MY VOID!
I OWN YOU!!!
I WOULD RATHER
DELIVER
PIZZAS
FUCK YOU HAHAHAHA
Anonymous 63881
020deee2be03843324…
I truly love seeing men mad, one of earth's finest pleasures
Anonymous 63882
>>63881We would probably get along, anon.
Anonymous 63884
DwywWjIVsAI6mGy.jp…
>playing roleplaying mmo
>finally breaking free of my shyness – try to approach a new person
>they walk off without responding to me at all
>remember all the times i've been ignored before
>think back to irl – all the people who would look at me after i spoke, and just not respond in any way (or even, you know…walk off, in some cases)
>get depressed all over again
i keep trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, but idk.
Anonymous 63895
6wnfxdq35ol11.jpeg
Someone in my social circle is a troon and I fucking hate them for it. I consider myself in believing in Trans Rights but I'll never forgive them for not acknowledging that their community is full of mentally ill people and sad nerds who think putting on a skirt is their path to happiness and the reason why they were not previously fulfilled in their life. Body dysphoria is a real thing. You can be totally non-mentally ill and be Trans which I think many on this site prob wouldn't believe. But alas I do truly think Trans people exist. But absolutely mentally ill people exist too, and in this turbo online community the Trans Community is just full of groomed teens who fell into the femboy shit or nerds who use their assigned gender as an excuse for why they are so different.
Anyway, my friend is one of those nerds and the fact that they would come out as Trans and burden their family like that makes me sick to my stomach. Fuck me man. Total rockbottom for that individual.
Anonymous 63897
I'm finally the sociably viable person I wanted to be, but I think I dislike everyone. Everyone is so subtly awful to each other all the time. I go out wishing to be at home.
Anonymous 63898
bathory-563878b83e…
Can someone just straight-up adopt me and teach me how to be normal? I've been an isolated anxious terminally online autist for so long that I lit have no idea how to talk to people anymore, only niche fantasy shit literally nobody but nerds care about. This sucks man.
Also I'm starting to fear men a lot. It probably doesn't help I've been getting really into history which is basically a 10,000 year long story of women getting absolutely fucked, figuratively and literally.
On the up and up though I've just discovered how good black metal is, give Quorthon a listen sometime babes.
Anonymous 63904
>>63898Find an irl friend, anon. There are nerds out there, women nerds just find them, and talk to them.
Anonymous 63907
>>63898im the pink hello kitty ps2 game pic in the friend finder thread, add me if u wanna make a girl-in-the-woods friend
<3 Anonymous 63908
drgirlfriend.png
i hate how self conscious i've grown of my voice. i never went outside as a kid and was raised by my dad and nowadays it's immediately assumed i'm a 14 yr old boy or a troon. people never used to make fun of me for how i sounded in the early-mid 2010s but i've been viciously bullied over it by other women so often that i dont even bother with vcs anymore. kind of embarrassing i hold some disdain for actual troons just over this
Anonymous 63916
vkrj3wsipf471.jpg
I spent the majority of my teenage years being a useless hermit, no hobbies or friends, kind of ugly and fat, etc
Finally got my act together some 2 years ago, found good hobbies (reading, learning french, cooking and others), started taking care of myself more, found out that I can look super pretty with minimum effort, got into a healthy mindset, stopped eating fast food etc and 2 months ago I started going out a little and socializing for the first time since elementary school-
And I absolutely can't stand anyone. Everyone, even the "happy and successful" people, are the same as i was years ago. Hell, most of them are even less outgoing than I ever was, the only difference between us was they had a positive attitude and I had a negative one.
Beforehabs I couldn't make friends because I thought I was below everyone, now i can't make friends cause everyone feels leagues below me.
Have since started to regress back into my old self since realizing that all the enormous effort i put in creating this "real word me" was basically useless.
Don't even know what to do, i just wanna leave somewhere except there's nowhere to go, the real-life i cooked up in my head as a sad teen is just Dreamland and the real world is unbelievably dull
Random pic to grab attention lol
Anonymous 63917
I made a post on here a long time ago about not being able to care for pets, and some anons said it sounded like I have some mental issues I need to figure out before I get more animals. I agree with what everyone said, and haven't gotten any new creatures until I prove I can handle it. However, my parents just told me they're going on a trip that's going to last a few weeks and it's going to be up to me to take care of their multiple animals (plus the ones I already care for which are my absolute limit on how many pets I can handle). I'm really scared and am already coming up with a list of people I can ask for help, but it's so embarrassing and makes me feel so ashamed I've only ever talked about it with close friends and of course my favorite femcel imageboard. All my parents animals have special care instructions and need to be cared for twice a day at least so yeah I'm nervous as hell.
Anonymous 63920
>>63916> Everyone, even the "happy and successful" people, are the same as i was years ago. I don't understand, I don't think you mean "literally NEETs like I was", but I can't parse any other way of reading this. Do you mean they just don't have drive or that they just won't open up to you?
Anonymous 63921
>>63908You could practice changing your voice? I don't know if it would be worth it, but obviously it's bothering you.
Anonymous 63928
>>63920I meant it like, everyone else also finds themselves ugly, their hobbies are usually just thing their mom makes them do and some waste of time they'd be better off not doing etc
Like the only difference was that i had a very negative attitude and blamed myself for every inadequacy, meanwhile they just seem to brush it off and focus on the good parts or whatever
Anonymous 63929
>>63928Oh yeah, no, the majority of people are just like that, "drifting" though life. Sounds like you want to meet other people that actually have some get up and go to them, gotta say those are less common, but they certainly exist. Have to look in the right places though.
I understand the feeling of beating yourself up over you inadequacies, but the alternatives I find can be far worse. Unlike you the majority of people aren't "better" per say, they're just as flawed as you might have felt you were, they were just okay with it.
Anonymous 63930
how the fuck am I supposed to concentrate with Roblox crying in the background
Anonymous 63931
>>63929Yeah exactly and that what's been making me so angry, cause I spent literally years beating up myself for liking anime/cringe music/junk fast food and it took an enormous amount of effort to finally stop "being into" them, and now I've found out that i was literally into the same things as everyone else and now that I've crossed the mountain so to speak, I just can't be interested in it anymore, so I am alone again and all of it was basically for nothing, how fun
Anonymous 63932
>>63931What if I told you even if you were the normietype to be okay with those things you would also eventually find anime/cring music/junk fast food boring after a while? Anonymous 63933
>>63932Perhaps, but as is, I'm literally obsessed with the ideas if removing all things i deem inadequate, and i constantly self-questione myself about everything, if it is worthwhile or not, like
Damn, this song is good, but the patterns are too repetitive and the lyrics kinda stupid, as such it's lowclass music and I shouldn't listen to it
I have surgically removed all the dumb interests I may have had and now I'm supposed to interact with people I've did everything I could not to be
Anonymous 63934
>>63933>I'm literally obsessed with the ideas if removing all things i deem inadequateAnd you can't use this literal obsession to remove what is inadequate to remove the literal obsession to remove what is in adequate because that is now, evidently, in adequate?
It certainly helped you, you wouldn't be doing it if you didn't benefit from it at some point, much like anime and "cringe music", but it sounds like it isn't helping you anymore.
Anonymous 63935
0sdjmb9jp2731.jpg
I'm scared of my boyfriend reading this post, but I doubt he browses crystal.cafe (he that he doesn't like it and that he prefers not being in spaces where he's not welcomed, but maybe he only said that to trick me into thinking this is a safe space.)
I don't want my boyfriend to read this post because I'm scared of his reaction, which cannot be good.
I've been suffering of "thought insertion" for a couple years now. I have my own thoughts, which I think, and I have other thoughts that aren't mine (but are still in my mind.) These thoughts can be anything, they might be distracting and they're usually there to worry or annoy me. I'm pretty sure these thoughts are a "mental masking", meaning that when other can hear my thoughts, they'll get false thoughts instead of my real ones, often ending up in me looking bad.
This is very distressing, because I'm pretty sure my boyfriend has been victim of my false thoughts, it would be impossible for him not to think very badly of me at this point, which makes me distrust his reasons to stay with me (is he just dating me as a joke? is he getting paid for this?) On a similar note, I've been afraid that maybe there's a lot of people in my life who're actors, "planted" there to keep tabs on me. Notorious examples of this are my therapist, my psychiatrist, and the lady at the grocery store near my house.
Going back to my boyfriend, I'm pretty sure he can read my phone's screen at all times (not my computer's, though.) He say he couldn't, and that might be true, but I have the feeling that I'm at least being key-logged.
And yes, I've tried before to find the key-log, but I wasn't able to and I ended up factory resetting my phone.
Thanks for reading and take care.
Anonymous 63936
>>63935no hostility intended but you sound schizophrenic. what are your therapist and psychiatrist treating you for?
Anonymous 63937
>>63935He's getting paid to date you.
Anonymous 63938
>>63935>my therapist, my psychiatrist, and the lady at the grocery storeThey are paid to help you, but they aren't actors. That is why they are getting paid on the first place, if they were actors, people would expose them as impostors and they would be arrested. That is how it works. I can definitely relate to what you are saying, but you have to trust those people, anon. I know that this can feel very real, and it makes total sense to feel like that. But it is just a feeling, ok? Repeat that to yourself daily. It is just a feeling but it is not real.
Anonymous 63939
>>63937stfu, don't make shit worse for her.
Anonymous 63940
>>63936Autism and suicide attempts. I used to take anti psychotics and two different SSRI, but I don't take any meds now because I kept throwing them and my psychiatrist said there was no point in forcing me if I would always end up throwing them away.
Anonymous 63941
>>63940it sounds like you do in fact need antipsychotics.
Anonymous 63942
>>63940you are severely mentally ill and should inform your psychiatrist about these thoughts straight away.
Anonymous 63944
>>63938Well, sure, they're getting paid, I know that, but I'm scared that they're trying to get information out of me. By information I mean like, they already know things about me but they want me to tell them themselves. I don't know why would they want such thing, but it's pretty strange. I don't know, I just feel very uncomfortable around them. Thank you for being kind.
>>63941I'm scared of taking them. I can't take pills so I used to take them liquid, but now I have to take them in pills because I'm unable to find the liquid one. So I just can't drink it anymore.
>>63942I can't tell him about it because they'll give me meds and put me in the psych ward and I don't like it because it makes my parents and boyfriend sad. Being there is nice because the nurses are nice and the food is nice, so I wouldn't mind it if it wasn't for the fact that it worries everyone.
Anonymous 63945
>>63944>I'm scared of taking them. You can either get over that fear or live in delusional fear constantly. You sound rly fucked up for real
Anonymous 63946
>>63935Just venting or did you actually need advice on anything? I can't say I would agree with your methods, but you seem to be making the best choices you're capable of. What are you looking for by asking around here?
Anonymous 63947
>>63946I just needed to vent because I don't have anyone to talk to, I like writing my thoughts. I wasn't looking for anything in particular! Although it was nice that some anons replied, I don't like being ignored. Too much attention is no good, though.
Anonymous 63948
>>63947Well good luck to you, best of luck. I'm pretty certain how you're coping with the situation may not be the best, but I'm glad you're at least trying to solve stuff. Hope this helped a little.
Anonymous 63949
>>63948Thank you for your kindness anon, I'll try my best. Take care of yourself.
Anonymous 63951
ee0f7d5d5a3fa3ca16…
I fucking HATE hot weather oh my god I've taken 5 cold showers today and I'll probably need more before I sleep. I avoid leaving my apartment or moving in general because I get hot almost immediately. Feeling too hot makes me so stressed and depressed. Fuck summer fuck summer fuck it so hard!!!
Anonymous 63952
>>63951Feels like fall's coming early here. Thank god. Hottest summer I've ever had.
Anonymous 63953
>>63354At the beginning of every semester I look around my class and pick out people I'd like to befriend.
At the beginning of every semester I fail to make a single friend.
This semester I've seen people I'd like to befriend.
This semester I've given up on even trying and now these people are my imaginary friends.
Anonymous 63954
>>63944>By information I mean like, they already know things about me but they want me to tell them themselves. I don't know why would they want such thing, but it's pretty strange. I don't know, I just feel very uncomfortable around them.Look, I'm not a psychologist nor a psychiatrist, but I've read some stuff about it, because I had some problems myself. And your trust on them is fundamental to them being able to help you out. I know that you feel uncomfortable, and think that they want to cause you harm or something, but it is their job to help you out. If they harm you, they are risking their reputation and licence, also there are ethics too. I won't lecture you over it, but try to dismiss such thoughts, and maybe talk about that with them. You can talk to them about anything, they will definitely do more for you than anything anyone else can do for you. Part of it is your own effort, and it won't be easy (I've been on your shoes, I know exactly how it feels), you will feel anger and lots of other things, but trust them, don't feed such thoughts. Also, be careful whenever you are talking about such things with strangers, some people will try to harm you or get close to you to take advantage of this current vulnerability of yours.
Anonymous 63961
D7z2kQvU0AAVd9Z.jp…
making friends is stressful, but so is losing them. the people i happily chat with today and shitpost alongside won't be in my life forever.
this is tough.
Anonymous 63963
I miss being a NEET and having time for friends but I need money and something to keep me from staying in my house and falling into depression. I'm so tired of my job and it's not even a shit one like retail.
Anonymous 63965
>>63961sorry for off-topic reply, but what is the image from?
Anonymous 63971
original (13).jpg
I'm in total burnout right now. Nothing is really making me feel very excited or happy. My current friends just keep making me feel lonely and unwanted and I don't have the energy for new people.
I hurt for a spark again.
Anonymous 64003
kak_uspokoit_razbu…
I WANT A BOYFRIEND SO BADLY ahhh I'm 26 and feel like I'm nearing the end of the road with this "hit the wall" incel shit and how the fuck am I supposed to date and get to know a guy enough to get married at a good age gahhhhhh
Anonymous 64019
>>63935sounds like you are suffering from psychosis, and you're having delusions, anon
Anonymous 64026
Fuck I hate myself, every time something good is supposed to happen I freak out and worry about every little detail that could go wrong. If it was just being nervous it'd be fine but no, I feel the urge to cut the skin around my nails every single time, literally got nothing else left to cut without them bleeding. Fucking hell why can't I just be normal for once.
Anonymous 64039
Men are insufferable. Female separatism when.
Anonymous 64043
>>63354i have the guiltiest conscience right now. i watched or rather have seen pornographic imagery knowing how horrible it is morally and also the industry etc. anyway i feel like im filthy and extremely sinful i feel like the worst person right now i dont even have an excuse i just got carried away
i am afraid i will be going to hell
Anonymous 64057
Basic-First-Aid-fo…
Does anyone else get that anxiety where you find it hard to breathe as if you're suffocating? I keep getting intrusive thoughts of bad shit that happened to me in school and it makes it hard for me to breathe or practise mindfulness. I have this one reoccurring "thought" where I'm being stuffed into a locker (this never even happened to me) and I can't fight back or move as I'm being overpowered. I then have the reoccurring dream where I'm being chased and I fall over and while in the dream I'm trying to call out to someone from across the room but the words dont come out and I make no noise, and I lay there unable to move as whoever is chasing me can grab me while I lay there terrified to move. Is this a panic attack or something? I've really not been so good since leaving school, it was a very long 6 years.
Anonymous 64059
>>64057You should look for professional help, anon. Are you living by yourself?
Anonymous 64060
>>64057It might be PTSD. I have it and I get those intrusive thoughts, I don't feel like I'm suffocating but I feel a panic and trapped helplessness and like I want to self harm, run away, slam myself into walls and stuff. Whatever you have you should go to therapy, it is very helpful for anxiety, PTSD, things like that.
Anonymous 64064
How in the hell do I get better at writing?
Anonymous 64069
>>64064Get a textbook. There are lots of those, and writing what?
Anonymous 64076
>>64074
Get help, anon. Professional help, maybe someone at your school or something, don't let things get out of control.
Anonymous 64077
>>64074
Have you told that to your mom?
Anonymous 64081
>>64080
Why are you so scared of working? It can be cool, you will get your own money. And how does you feel about it?
Anonymous 64101
>>64082
And what is going on with your classes? Have you considered getting help on the internet or a friend or anything? What subjects are you having problems?
Anonymous 64113
I feel like my train of thought is too fast for normal people. Like, whenever I talk to people I just whip out an idea on the spot and they barely start to discuss it and I already want to move onto something else lol. I swear the chat history of me talking with any of my friends is me saying three things at once and they just reply to like one or maybe two. It is so frustrating I swear.
Anonymous 64117
>>64111
Talk to her, anon. We don't know you or anything, and consider getting professional help, maybe your school can recommend you someone, private lessons or something, they will probably help you to develop some self-stem too.
Anonymous 64137
I think I might be a lesbian and I'm in a long term relationship with a man that has been my best friend for 15 years and I don't know how to bring something like this up or handle my emotions
Anonymous 64141
>>64113That's more an issue with patience than thinking too fast. Thinking too fast would be something like getting annoyed at someone talking too much because you already understood what they said within the first few words and now have to listen to them finish the rest of there long ramble that doesn't add anything more to the conversation
Anonymous 64143
>>64142
You have to find someone you can trust. Anons are very limited in what they can do for you. Maybe asking a teacher or something? Look, this will get worse after you quit school if you don't deal with it. I'm being honest with you, talk to someone remotely responsible. It can be another relative or something too.
Anonymous 64147
>>64137Same, except we’ve only been dating a year… I have no idea how to break it to him, and if i should even mention that I think I’m gay when i do it
Anonymous 64154
A long time manager just put in her two weeks at my job, which is going to throw the whole workplace into utter chaos. I do what she used to do, and she was the backup when I take time off. I'm slated to take some time off in a few weeks, and with her leaving, I'm unsure of who is going to be bumped under me. Good for her to better herself, but it's going to be a hard time once she's gone, and I will miss her.
Anonymous 64189
>>64147It's a really tricky situation and there's no easy way out.
I feel like I either break up with him and just make up an excuse (I've been considering breaking up anyway, my emotions have been very up and down on the matter) which would be basically withholding the truth.
Or I could bring up my feelings to him and make things really, really awkward and uncomfortable until I either leave or we figure something out.
Or, I just ignore these feelings and bottle them up and live the rest of my life thinking "what if?".
All of those choices sound awful, but I have to be true to myself and do what is best for me. I want to explore but I love him.
It's such a complicated thing to love somebody and want to break up with them at the same time.
Anonymous 64192
>>64189Say it to him. There's no easy way out and you should do what is best for you. Telling the truth will feel better and is fairer, at least he will understand.
Anonymous 64201
6-4.jpg
I'm so lonely. I live by myself, no boyfriend, my only friend lives hours away from me. I'm 22, yet for 3 years I've been living like some kind of elderly lady abandoned by everyone. How do I meet people. How do I find a boyfriend. I wish I could meet and hug my dad more often. I want to hug someone, anyone. When I was smaller I thought those things would happen to me naturally. I'd easily find friends whenever I go. A guy would eventually ask me out. I'd have roommates or live with my dad. But I'm stuck in my apartment, no guests to eat cake I've made and try the teas I've collected.
Anonymous 64202
>>64201Do you have a job or are you in education? Most "natural" friendships occur in these places.
Anonymous 64203
Screenshot (7710).…
>>64202Both. I work as a teacher though so I only really have contact with kids. It's nice to teach them and spend time with them, but it makes me jealous too. They have so many people in their lives, they often want advice from me on romance or friendship, but how am I supposed to be a good mentor for them if getting a text back from my best friend is my event of the week? And in my uni, everyone has something to do, even before COVID I was trying to chat with girls, but even if we got along in school we never hung out outside of it.
Anonymous 64205
I'm honestly in such a weird place in my life. I've been picking up random retail jobs since everywhere in the US is understaffed, but then quitting a month in because they all inevitably suck ass. Like I just got a fulfillment job at Target after leaving Bloomingdale's, and I am kind of regretting it now as they are scheduling only 5-10 people to do evening orders when of course 20 decide they need 50+ items all at once, and it's just a lot of unnecessary shit to remember in 3 days training with everything being so disorganized at the store.
I took a break from college to finish up some loose ends in my life, and now I realize I don't want to go back to the shitty community college I was floundering at before. I just want to get my feet on the ground and move on with my life, get a nice job or find what I am supposed to be doing where I am making good money, buy a house, move to a different country, blah blah blah. I have so many dreams I would like to fulfill that I've been saying I would make come true for years now, and oddly covid has helped me in many ways to take the time to finish things I needed to get done. But in other ways, I have no idea what I'm doing. On top of all that, I'm having this weird existential crisis phase, not depression, but more like a reevaluation of everything in my life - I just find I can't tolerate the same people anymore, my family's dysfunction, or settling for less because it keeps insecure people happy. It's hard because I've never been in this situation before, and I feel like I'm being backed into a corner, but in a good way. I just hope things get better because these past few years haven't been the best in general. I know I deserve better, but I don't know exactly how to make a better life for myself.
Anonymous 64226
my husband of a few years said he's still in love with with his ex – solely because she's the 'mother of his kids'. should i be worried?
Anonymous 64227
>>64226Did you have any children with him?
Anonymous 64229
>>64228Are you a stepmom to his kids or does the ex have full parental rights?
Anonymous 64230
>>64229a stepmom. i love them, and i'd like to think they at least like me.
Anonymous 64255
1611821888456.png
i have a bf i met online that ive yet to see irl. we plan to meet up in 2 months. i am so fucking ugly + i have severe body dysmorphia, i only show him pics from angles where i look somewhat normal-looking but i feel like a catfish. i want to believe its just my disorder talking and that i shouldnt worry about it too much because i have good hygiene and look presentable, im just not the kind of good-looking people would date i guess, but i keep on having self-sabotaging thoughts advising me to break up with him before we see eachother even though i love him to bits and hes the only male i have ever felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with. ive already told some of my friends i will probably break up with him and that its not going to work out because im too ugly for him and i feel bad about it because im acting as if were not together anymore. i also found out his former crush by connecting dots and she is some kind of e-girl with a big following online and they used to be somewhat close in the past. i feel disgusted by my current situation and the fact that i had to be this insecure and i really dont know what to do
Anonymous 64259
Not sure why, but I have had this recent sense of guilt knowing that there are people in poorer countries longing to have standards of life that we in our first world countries have. I often wish I could sacrifice myself just to give a deserving student a chance to live here and swap places.
Anonymous 64270
We are just gonna chill and let this go anonita. Let’s try focusing more right now on the present and what we are doing. Let’s not get too over zealous and nervous again. And then, if we do happen to take things more into our own actions, let’s just chill and let it happen. Not really a lot of harm done in trying something different. It’s just new for us so it’s kind of nerve wracking. At least, it’s always a new experience, a new adventure, a new way of relating to other people. Still, you know your worth, and you don’t really need to be doing stuff like this, you are capable of more than that. You can do it.
Anonymous 64271
I decided to read up some more on Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath (that girlboss from kiwifarms who tried to shoot up a mall in Canada).
Turns out she was a 26 year old virgin who wanted to lose her virginity to one of the scrotes she domineered into her massacre plan. And that she thought she was possessed by the ghost of Eric Harris, and her e-bf was the reincarnation of Dylan Kleibold.
It's kinda hard to put aside all the stuff she said about it being motivated primarily by her Nazi politics, but it does look like it might have been more motivated by femcel status. Now that I know she was a kissless virgin, even her Nazism looks like it was more about being femcel than about race itself. She was herself half asian on her father's side, probably idealized whiteness with belonging and getting an ideal bf would be synonymous with getting a bf who embraced her as a white woman, so the only way to be sure that her race wasn't being fetishized or that if so it was her whiteness being fetishized would be to get a Nazi bf.
This was all years ago and online culture has only gotten worse, more racist and more caustic since then. It honestly makes me wonder why there haven't been more Lindsays. Most of the "clear warning signs in hindsight" that people point out about her are things I recognize from my own memories of online communities and of various girls i knew in high school.
I don't want to think that virginity's actually a key factor to embracing antisocial behavior wholeheartedly instead of stepping back from the edge, but it does look like it may have been the key in Lindsay's own case.
Anonymous 64291
>>64271In recent years since her case, it does seems there are communities for femcels to discuss issues with one another. I'm an old half-white virgin myself (close to her age), and seeing that I'm not alone has calmed me down from rage on several occasions. Not that I'd ever hurt anyone for real, but had my upbringing been more abusive it may have felt more plausible.
Women are also less violent than men, which is why we have all these male incel murder cases but not female.
Anonymous 64305
Whenever I have a long talk with someone over the Internet and then they say they're tired and it's late and I'll talk to you later, but then I catch them posting in a public space an hour later, I want to kill them and them myself.
Anonymous 64342
I feel so burned out right now. Things that used to make me happy aren't making me happy. Things I need to do are making me feel worse. I want to escape.
I wish I knew what would cheer me up.
Anonymous 64347
pikachubed.jpg
I wanted to get ice cream but the cashier was cute so I was too self conscious.
PS Nobody will ever love me.
Anonymous 64348
>>64255if your a nice person he'll marry you, so go for it
Anonymous 64356
>>64347Icecream is fun, he wouldn't hate you for that.
Anonymous 64380
4B52DFDD-83F6-4F09…
ED anons, how do you motivate yourself to purge? I used to do it as a teenager but I tried again recently and the feeling of gagging is so awful. Does it get better after the first time doing it in a while? I’ll ignore any replies telling me not to purge
Anonymous 64384
>>64380It probably won't get better until you start actively making your mental health worse. You've got to actively make yourself suffer more mentally than you do physically to start finding the option attractive. Sadly if you are mentally stable or living a decent life this option won't be available to you.
Anonymous 64415
i had a dream on saturday night that definitely should’ve been a nightmare, but during the dream and afterwards i felt completely indifferent to what was happening. it was like i was watching a horror movie. but last night and all day today i’ve felt like the brutalized little girl from the dream is watching me, and now i’m scared. how does that even happen?? where i’m not scared at all when it was happening, but only a day later it starts to scare me.
i promise i am an adult woman, i’m just an irrational scaredy cat.
Anonymous 64417
It would feel so good to be dead rn
Anonymous 64418
I feel like I'm too obsessed over my favorite singer. I'm in love with her, I spend every single moment thinking about her, I plaster everywhere with pictures of her, and it hurts me when she is not posting. I feel like a creepy moid and ridiculous. But at the same time, I don't want to get over it, because life is unbearable without her and if I lost her I would kill myself. I honestly prefer being in my imaginary relationship with her than interacting with people, because I'm afraid of being hurt. I hate it so much.
Anonymous 64424
do i have BDD or am i just ugly hmmmm interesting. time to stew
Anonymous 64430
bark bark bark bark bark!
this day started out so stupid!
fuck all of you and this stupid bullshit! why do you even care!
holly fuck!
grow! a ! pair! of pussy! flaps!
already!
bitches!
fuck you!
fuck you!
fuck you!
mad mad mad mad mad mad mad
what a day what a day
gerd ferking dERMIT
Anonymous 64439
Sounds a bit silly, but I'm feeling upset over a Video Game. There's a particular game I used to play with ingame items you can buy and trade for or whatever. I had a couple of expensive items before giving them up when I stopped playing in my mid teens. Even though I nolonger play the game I actually miss my possessions a lot due to sentimental value. Sooo fucking wish I kept more of my in-game stuff just to keep forever. Ugh.
Anonymous 64441
0074y2gbvyj71.png
He's fucking intentionally ignoring me again. Fuck you for offering to play with me again, then ghosting on me and then oogling up someone else with the EXACT thing you offered for me.
You really are a bad friend. I'm not helping you anymore. You did this to me before and it fucked me up and now it's fucking me up again. I'm angry and hurt. I deserve better than this.
Anonymous 64443
bf cheated on me. -_-
he told me that he can't bring himself to turn down female attention because he likes the ego boost even if he isn't attracted to them because he has a "loser complex" (his words, not mine, lmao)
he apparently went on a date with a girl behind my back in october, and kept a girl hidden that tried to be FWB with him in the past since fucking december
i found out, and he deflected, told me that he was gonna "tell me eventually," girl told me that they were just friends and that she "worried about my mental state" turns out they were being intimate with each other behind my back. he kept her added on a different account and never fucking told me.
throughout our entire relationship, i had always been distrustful of him - it was like an itch that i could not scratch.
he always tried so hard to put this image of being a "good guy," and it always came off as disingenuous.
i just feel annoyed… but also i guess it teaches me to listen to my intuition
i feel like i wasted so much time with that person
i hate that fucking girl, lmao, she lied to me blatantly to my face, yet got angry as fuck when i called her out on it. she whined that she felt "inadequate" when he turned her down after we broke up and played victim
i hate people man
Anonymous 64444
I have ABYSMAL lower body strength and weak ass knees, i squat down and suddenly am in excruciating pain for all of the day. this can't be fucking normal.
>i squat down and suddenly am in excruciating pain
you would think i'm a fucking fat ass but I fluctuate between 90-94 lbs
one time i went running and my knees hurt SO BAD to the point where i was bedridden, went to the doctor, they had no answer
wtf why am i not the 1000 pound woman i dont even move it must be because i dont eat due to depression baby!
Anonymous 64448
1603298914331.jpg
>>64441……In a shocking plot twist,
he was asleep, woke up maybe an hour before I noticed him being active, and,
I'm the one that was actually the one that was offered second because he fessed up that the other person wasn't all that good. He was offering
me the option second because he likes me more.
When we spoke again just now, I could feel the caring way he emphasized how much he trusts in me and likes what I can do for him that others can't.
Still a lil stinker but I'm actually really flattered by how he shyly brought up the way I got him to cum recently into the conversation, that he's still thinking about it. And that he prefers me.
Anonymous 64449
>>64448>you think it's a good thing he's frequently doing comparisons with other girls and picking the bestOh well, if you're the best in the world you have nothing to worry about
Anonymous 64450
Honestly no girl was ever nice to me
They all made fun of me or ostracized me and even the ones who pretended to be my friend just put me at the bottom of the group, I was just there to be the biggest loser and biggest joke so no one else had to be, nobody allowed me my own opinion and I was there to just never step out of line and be the flunky to someone else. Even to other autists
Now I'm an adult and have no friends and other girls are all so happy and have all the shit they want in life.
I am terrified of men and hate them but honestly I hate women too for using me as a stepping stone my whole life and to boost their self esteem with me like vampires.
I expect to get tons of hate for this but idc.
Anonymous 64454
>>64450I feel EXACTLY like you, so know you aren't alone (even if you technically are in your everyday life)
I think I'm going to try to be as happy as I can be alone, get therapy, and if I make a friend or two someday I'll be happy too. It's so hard to not become bitter, especially when you're drawn to online friendless losers who tend to have big issues/be empathy-less scrotes
Anonymous 64457
>>63931You sound like you got so obsessed with "improving" yourself that you can't have fun anymore. I'm not saying get back in to your old hobbies if you can't enjoy 'em anymore, but you got so into this idea that you have to be "better" that you can't have fun and you can't like others. I've been there before, and the problem is you. When you feel like you've really improved yourself (whether or not what you've done actually counts as improvement), sometimes you get the case of the big head. Try to quit judging people and just be.
Anonymous 64460
>>64448he's playing you, don't be a fool. guys do this all the time, pitting you against others and letting you win sometimes so that you feel special.
Anonymous 64469
>>63354im afraid im developing a crush on this guy who paints warhammer figurines, if i think about it even more i might cry, but i really like talking to him. Usually i just try distancing myself, but its really hard to do that with him. Nothing is ever going to happen between us but i can help but think
Anonymous 64479
Anons, please help me, please give me strength
I think mu sibling may ask me to watch his kid every weekday morning, or maybe 1-3 days a week for an hour and a half and to put her on the bus but is going to wait till the last minute to ask me.
I just don’t want to. It’s going to wreck my day and my mental health. I’m on an upswing of getting my life together and this could ruin me
My bills are going to raise 200 a month now because I won’t get Covid foodstamps and I need to be on my absolute A Game with my freelancing just to not end up in debt and possibly lose things.
Everyone things I have so much free time because I’m self employed, I can’t tell them that I barely make ends meet because they’ll worry and judge me and tell me to stop
But then they think I’m doing so great and living the high life and immediately act like I’m someone who’s ready to be giving hand outs. I can’t give charity, I’m a charity case myself… and I hate it. I want it to stop. I am working so hard and well right now to change that. Why do people have to continually challenge me?
I hate saying no and I hate worrying about their problems. I’m not worried they’ll be mad, I worry about what they’ll do without me. My only solace is knowing how entitled some people are when it comes to money. He’s asking me so he doesn’t have to put his daughter in daycare those days, yet they can afford all sorts of parties, over night trips, camping, good food, restauraunts and times with friends. Meanwhile I am just trying to convince myself that all I need the bare necessities
Anonymous 64494
>>64479>is a freelancer<doesn't know how to say no
I imagine
now will be a very good time for you to learn this skill.
Anonymous 64495
Literally so touch starved that I got sad over the fact that I'm not working over the next couple of days, someone was really polite to me today and honestly one person doing something like that lifted me up so much and I would like to just work more hours even for those fake moments of politeness and small nods when you pass by someone. This is after I went through a depressive phase and I don't want to go back to the cycle of regret and idleness while I do nothing with myself. Anyway, better start doing more to improve my situtation.
Anonymous 64502
>>64494Honestly I’m glad you pointed that out, yeah, it’s a major fucking problem in my career. I’m finally learning to tell everybody “no” all at once, from family to friends to clients, even my damn in-laws. Everyone loves to take advantage of you when you let them…
Anonymous 64503
>>64502>Everyone loves to take advantage of you when you let them…Or, or, hear me out on this one, when other people ask you to do things for them, they assume you're going to give an honest answer about your ability and want to do so, and they really like people who help them. Unless they're a fucking psychopath, everyone understands getting told no.
Anonymous 64510
Is being "too femme" an issue when it comes to dating girls? Or is it because I'm shy and hate initiating. Do they think I'm pretending, or… I mean, honestly, girls DON'T SEEM TO LIKE ME. On dating websites where I'm looking for guys, infinite matches. With girls, none. Literally none. Is it because all of my interests are male dominated? Coding, games, comics, etc. If a girl is interested in me, it's always a guy catfishing me, or one those girls who wants to have a threesme with her and her boyfriend which is my number one pet peeve. I will not have a threesome with a guy, and be enable his gross fantasy
Anonymous 64543
>>64510>Is being "too femme" an issue when it comes to dating girls?Yeah, I don't think that's an issue. You mentioned being shy so it's probable that you come across as uninterested in their courtship attempts.
Anonymous 64576
practically my whole life i was planning on attending higher education, but now that i'm near graduation and the deadline for graduate school applications are nearing… i'm realizing that i'm just not healthy enough to go through with it. i already cried my eyes out. i feel stupid and resentful that mental illness has taken so many opportunities away from me. i'm out of energy. fuck
Anonymous 64589
I’m worried about my mom. Her and my dad are selling their house so she can stop working, but they have no other house to move into, and they really loved this house. She seems super bummed about it. I’m happy they’re selling it so she can stop working. But I hate how they feel forced into it. My mom is 60 and pretty overweight and has had some health problems. I’m worried every day now that she’s going to die suddenly, even though she’s not sick or anything. She has a cold right now. I just wish life would give her a break and help her, I wish that if these were her last years or her last time on Earth she could do the things she wanted to do or just rest. She doesn’t seem to have many aspirations other than to live in a nice house in the woods. She has such small requests from life.
Anonymous 64599
how do you tell a friend you don't want to hang out with her bf? we were supposed to have lunch tomorrow but she told me last minute she wants to bring him. i dislike hanging out with people i don't know, especially moids.
Anonymous 64601
DCB7B56A-CA16-442A…
>>63354I think someone is vague posting and shit talking me on Facebook… maybe they’re referring to someone else but it could just as easily be applied to me anyway so I guess I’m taking offense
Anonymous 64602
>>64599Talk to her about the importance of girls night/maintaining their own friendships while in a relationship.
And unless it’s you meeting the boyfriend for the first time, and it’s becoming a common occurrence for him to tag along tell her it’s awkward for you to be put in the situation of being the third wheel
Anonymous 64619
Why do we have normies on CC? Where did they come from? I think they will end up kicking us out of the site.
Anonymous 64620
>>64510people sometimes mistake shyness for arrogance
Anonymous 64638
>>64619I think we really should just embrace the farmers seeking new territory. They're enough people to offset the moid infection too.
Anonymous 64670
one of my professors pulled me into a 15 minute meeting to scold me about not doing an assignment
i mean, thanks i guess, but fuck
Anonymous 64671
>>64670he's also grading us for attendance (despite being an online course with auto-recorded lectures) …. so annoying
Anonymous 64672
>>64670>>64671ok i'm back one more annoying thing: he doesn't detail our assignments outside of lectures so you HAVE to pick through a 50+ minute video to figure out what the hell you're doing for the course. this guy is such a fucking rat
Anonymous 64692
cat feels.png
I have most of my energy early in the morning and at early in the night, around 6 to 9 PM.
I'm tired through most of the day, especially midday.
I feel like an animal, a feline, being active at dawn and dusk. I lay on couches the rest of time, and wait to be fed. I'm really the human embodiment of a cat at this point.
Anonymous 64716
>>64692same. I love napping alongside my kitties in the afternoons, and then falling asleep next to them again at midnight, only to be awoken by them early before sunrise.
Anonymous 64719
>>64694Sadly, I already drink plenty of water. I never drink sodas or other sugary drinks. It's just how it is : one day a feline, always a feline.
>>64716You're so lucky to be among your kin. Your kitties must be delighted to be with you too.
Anonymous 64741
What are the chances of being recognized from 4chan? I posted a pic of myself there twice. One was my full face another had my eyes blurred out. I posted a cosplay vid to the 'tube and I'm scared of someone noticing. Should I just take the vid down?
Anonymous 64742
>>64741It's pretty unlikely, on most boards threads get archived in under 24 hours. Nobody is going to remember your pic unless you become a meme
Anonymous 64746
>>63354i LOVE working alone and I HATE talking to people yay!
I am so proud of myself for being able to work alone. I just need to keep doing it further so that way I will have no more people to answer to EVER!
ugh lets see if I can fake it once again today…
Anonymous 64747
>>64742As far as I know I'm not a meme yet. Thanks I feel a little more comfy now. I just wanna make cosplay vids lol.
Anonymous 64753
>>64748Cosplay vid? Find it urself. Comment "I like ur shoelaces" so I know.
Anonymous 64764
cuuute.jpg
whenever very comfy fashion, specifically j-fashion/mori, i feel like if i dress like that I will feel better as a person and calm. And when I do dress up in a way that i find cute and pretty and comfy, I just feel like I am somewhere else. I hate hot weather, i hate thinking about this stickyness. But if my A/C is blasting and i am wearing a sweater with a long skirt and knee high socks with flowers as i am crocheting or reading some cute homey comics, all feels right. My sensory issues goes away for a little bit in this moment. I feel control over how i dress, and i will match up clothes for what i am feeling for the day… But why do i feel this? whenever i see cute pictures of women dressing up in sucha homey safe protected way, i feel safe and calm and it feels like i could get healed with clothes…. maybe i feel this way because i am protective of my skin, so sweaters and skirts cover me and shield me from the world… its not bad that i feel this way… but i sometimes think about it and feel different or off… anwyays, i wish it was colder outside so i can walk around in my sweaters and long skirts and super steel toed boots that protect my feet…wait does this have anything to do with ocd?? oh no….
i just feel that no matter how ugly, bad, or gross i am/feel at least i am wearing some super cute clothes amen
Anonymous 64791
I feel like I would've been more cheerful and social if I wasn't so damn ugly, I want to socialize and have friends and go to big events but I hate being outside with this body and face, I constantly worry about my ugly mug and ogre body and how repulsive I look like when I speak I also all confidence and lost my already bad speech ability because I worry about the way my mouth moves and how terrible I look, I always worry about being perceived even in my own home, I hate this flesh prison.
Anonymous 64801
never took the time to think about it, but it's strange and funny that my bloodline is going to end with me. i mean, i genuinely don't want kids.
it's also weird that i'm going to die someday. i'm only twenty-two so i should [hopefully] be far from death, but yeah.
i hope there's fun stuff to do in the afterlife.
Anonymous 64802
>>64764i feel this, anon. even if i am ugly, if i'm wearing cute clothing in the safety of my own home, then i'm alright.
though i can't wear anything but cute pajamas (id feel weird about lounging about in actual clothing)
Anonymous 64821
>>63354i feel so toxic and degenerative, i am so envious of this girl who is 100 times better than me, i am horny all the time and i hate masturbating so i am stuck in limbo oh and i am a masochist too and i feel so disgusting and dirty, i am a khv and yea ok i have some "good" qualities and i look "good", but holy moly i am so deformed and ugly and i no good moid will want to be with me, and the best i could do is settle and remain in a loveless relationship and eventually divorce or just choose to be virgin and pursue my art studies (my art isnt even tat good, i draw stupid shit and i am 20, i should be so much better but i am still struggling to catch up because i spended my years drawing the same thing over and over again without ever learning) i am so tired of people and i am so tired of myself yet i still continue to hold on to the hope that i would get better and that there are good people out there but life just isnt like that i see steraotypes in everyone even in myself and it resounds like a gong when i see someone fuck i just got diagnosed with OCD too i hate this i hate swearing but frick i hate it hate it i wish i could be a kiss ass towards everyone instead of cold i wish peole percieved me as normal isntead of retarded frick frick frick
Anonymous 64823
>>63354I'm sick of imposter syndrome and never being able to meet my own standards. It feels like once I accomplish something, it's not really an accomplishment anymore because if I was able to do it, anyone can. The goalposts always move. The bar always gets higher. I will always feel like a loser.
As much as I hate it, I feel like any change would make me 'not myself' anymore. It's like my fear of failure is the only thing that's keeping me afloat sometimes. It never feels good, like when I nearly kill myself working to accomplish something I thought I would feel really proud of, all I got was a second of relief that I didn't 'fail' followed by disappointment I didn't surpass my goal by a higher margin. I don't get why I hold myself to standards I would never have for others. It's irrational, too, like even if there's no better possible outcome, I will feel like I slacked and barely managed to keep up the charade of being a competent human being.
It's stupid, I don't have anything that's making me unhappy besides myself. I became who I thought I wanted to be and got everything I thought I wanted but it never feels like enough. I feel guilty because I should be more grateful, like I have my health, a roof over my head, I'm not worried about where my next meal will come from, and I have wonderful people in my life. I have emotional support, I don't have to worry about finances, and everything is perfect on paper. I should be ecstatic. I don't understand how I have these things. I don't understand why it doesn't feel good enough.
It's pathetic, here I am whining like "boohoo my life is too good" and it's like…what am I missing? Other people have actual problems, and here I am, making something out of nothing. Of course I've had some traumatic experiences (who hasn't?) but for some reason because it was
me who dealt with it, I feel like it doesn't count. Either it wasn't that bad or I deserved it, or it helped build character so I can't feel sorry for myself. I just tell myself that nothing bad has ever happened to me and I'm remembering things wrong. I find that sentence hilarious for some reason, like if I'm upset it always helps bring my spirits up a little. Idk maybe I'm just dumb.
When I've opened up to friends about this/been vulnerable in other ways, they've been incredibly kind and always help me feel better. It makes me want to cry because I don't understand why people are so nice to me. It doesn't feel right. I feel like I should be getting yelled at for being weak and told to suck it up. I would never treat someone else like that, of course, but it's how I talk to myself.
Anonymous 64825
Ex broke up with me a few months ago out of nowhere after an eight month relationship. He is also unfortunate enough to have his birthday on September 11. I am proud to say I did not text him
Anonymous 64834
Tried to kill myself.
Failed.
Told my moid friend and now he has been venting to me about how his life sucks for like 2 hours. And yet I can't help but feel like I'm the toxic one for being sad that it seems like nobody cares. Life sucks…
Anonymous 64843
24c152fafb8d05a569…
Does anyone else find it nearly impossible to meet the high standards of feminine hygiene?
I've tried waxing my legs. I've tried making my own sugar wax. The former was out of my budget and the latter didn't work very well. So I have to shave with a razor, and then I just get razor burn. So I go online and look up how to stop it, and I try everything there is, and nothing works. I try weird stuff like Nair, and it gives me chemical burns or just doesn't take any hair off. I'm always dealing with my bikini line. It's always bumpy. I have acne that I spent tons of money on that I will never get back, only to find that commercial products don't work for me. So I spend more on makeup and cover it up when I need to go somewhere fancy, because I don't want people to think I'm some sort of slob.
I sit and think about how much time and money I've spent on shit that doesn't work. I think about how much time I spend getting knots out of my hair and how dirty the bathroom gets. I think about how my toenail clippings go missing under bath mats. It's all so disgusting and such a pain in the fucking ass.
My asshole is hairy. My bush is unsightly. My legs have scars from ingrowns all over them. My tan lines are weird. I'm constantly scrubbing dirt from under my nails. My hair takes an hour to make look "acceptable". WHEN DOES IT END? I'M CLEAN, DAMN IT.
Anonymous 64855
>>64834you are not toxic. you're clearly in a lot of pain if you just tried to die. it's OK to need/want help and support from other people when you're in pain. that's a normal human response. who do you trust enough to ask for support?
Anonymous 64857
I can’t stand my older brother he fucking repulses me he’s literally the exact caricature of the neck beard and it’s embarrassing. 25 never a job in his life he’s an obese slob with no regard for anyone but himself. His personal hygiene is non existent. Always recommending me some degenerate coomer anime to watch no matter how much I tell him no. I had to block him everywhere but I can’t avoid him since we live together. He also used to beat me horribly when I was a child and I believe I have some form of ptsd because near him I flinch at the slightest movement or raised voice, if his bedroom door is open I literally cannot leave my room to walk past even though he hasn’t hit me in a few years the fear is still there and very much alive. I wholeheartedly hate him and I can’t wait to move out. I do find solice in the fact that I’m happy in the way my own life is turning out and he has completely wasted his and will amount to nothing, and I don’t like to wish ill will on anyone but that’s the true poetic justice. I no longer feel like I have to love him because he’s family. I will not feel guilty anymore about not wanting any kind of relationship with my brother. I’ll be going no contact as soon as I can get the hell out of this place
Anonymous 64858
>>64857Sorry to hear that, hopefully he changes after a few years
Anonymous 64859
>>64843I put about as much effort into grooming as is necessary to not feel selfish asking my BF to manscape and it’s fine
Anonymous 64877
>>64834Moids are simple, and he's likely trying to empathize with you, but can't express it except by explaining his own feelings about his life because his brain hasn't twigged to just say "I understand how you feel."
Anonymous 65075
Added another person to my list of women who I know have been sexually assaulted by pedos:
-me
-my sister (attempted)
-mom and her sisters
-grandma
-hs friend
-sister's friend
And for the newest addition, the new cleaning lady + potentially her sisters who had to keep living with their pedo stepdad after she left home because her mom didn't believe her.
Anonymous 65076
I have such a big fat stupid crush on one of my teachers. Like literally the biggest crush I've ever had. If a man my age can't make me feel like this then what's the fucking point?
Anonymous 65082
>>64877Not gonna lie, I think I prefer moid commiseration over just saying "I understand." It feels more sincere when someone responds to what I'm saying by opening up.
Anonymous 65085
>>65076This happened to me twice. They were fairly young too, but of course, I was younger (17 and 20-something when each happened)
Anonymous 65091
Kirby's Epic Yarn.…
When my brother was born, my parents stopped paying attention to me and just looked after him. When we were in a store, and I asked for something my parents would say, "Sorry, we can't afford it", when my brother asked for something, they would get it for him, no matter the price. He gets lots of opportunities that were denied to me. Overall, I am second to him in everything.
My brother is a good boy, he treats me well and is great sibling, but at the same time, I resent him and wish he was never born. When he was little I hated him so much I abused out of frustration, and it has made me realize what a garbage human being I was/am. I have tried to be better towards him, but I just lack the empathy.
Anonymous 65093
>>65082I don't know but if I tried to kill myself and a moid told me "I understand" I'd be angry at them.
What do you mean "I understand"? You tried to kill yourself too? Are you just saying that to get your dick wet? Anonymous 65094
>>65091Your parents are at fault, anon, not you (except for the part where you took it out on your brother, but the cause was your parents' favoritism after all).
Be honest with them. Confront your parents, and tell the truth to your brother so that you'll stop feeling resentful towards him.
Anonymous 65095
>>65091That does sound pretty sad but I chalk it up to you being the eldest and your brother being a literal child at the time, they probably just wanted to avoid a tantrum at the store?
Even if your brother doesn't remember any of the abuse you should still make an effort to make him feel loved, especially if he's as nice and good of a brother as you make him out to be. A hug here or there and random acts of affection would go a long way.
Anonymous 65101
catsmoking.jpg
I'm sick of working my ass off mindlessly while not knowing what to expect. The possibility that I did 4 years of gruelling Computer Science classes, with still no chance of employment, terrifies me. I hate the current job market for entry-level work with every fiber of my being. People say work on personal projects - but how the hell do you even find the time for that? CS classwork is heavy enough, and now I'm working two jobs, and soon an internship (That I don't even know if I'll learn anything actually meaningful from), to boot. Doing anything more would just drive me insane.
Anonymous 65112
>>65111
you are so cute, anon. you've got me excited for xmas now, too.
Anonymous 65158
Theorerically, what could happen if I seduced an older, married man with a wife and children?
God, I know it's bad and I'd never do it, but how bad could it be?
Anonymous 65162
1631298838885.jpg
>lost boyfriend's baby 6 months ago
>still just smoking weed and depression drinking all day every day
when does it start getting easier
Anonymous 65163
>>65162Do you remember where you put it? When's the last time you saw it?
Anonymous 65164
>>65163I swear I put it in my desk drawer but it's nowhere to be found.
Anonymous 65167
crystalmaidenjanna…
I wish I could be like Mercy or Crystal Maiden irl but I can't because I got brown hair and eyes. It's literally the only thing I don't like in myself. I look at women like pic related and feel so mogged even though my face is so pretty. I want to be like them so bad but I can't. If I just had blonde hair and blue eyes I'd be literally perfect, it eats me inside. And no dyeing wont be the same, especially when I have brown eyes and not blue.
Anonymous 65169
>>65158He got money? Go for it. Treat his kids nicely if they are young to sooth your conscience.
Anonymous 65173
>>65167Wear contacts. I think not far away in the future we will be able to change the colour of the iris of our eyes.
Anonymous 65200
>>65173You already can, I'm pretty sure in Sweden you can get laser surgery that will turn your eyes blue.
Anonymous 65201
>>65199
Could also just be one person with BPD
Anonymous 65202
>>65199
i think socially well-adjusted people wouldn't go anywhere near an imageboard. if you want healthy discussion go to a normal website
Anonymous 65204
>>65094>>65095I do not want to confront my parents, it is not my wish to create drama, we have never had those types of conversations. I no longer abuse my brother, and I try to be better to him because he is a nice person, but I feel no love to him. Everything that I do for him, or the nice things I say to him feels fake and empty, because it is really disingenuous. It is not like I am a sociopath or a psychopath, because I love others in my family, just not him.
Anonymous 65217
>>65204>I do not want to confront my parents, it is not my wish to create drama, we have never had those types of conversations.I hate this sort of mentality. It's the same kind of mentality my father's side of the family has.
>Oh you're fighting crippling depression, a violent desire of revenge and bitterness after being molested by your older cousin(s) when you were a child? Get over it, it happened 8 years ago, nobody wants to talk about it anymore even though the two of you are depressed and hurt as fuck, we don't want to have any drama because we're a good and happy family and we always smile>Oh an uncle allegedly raped a niece? Better keep our mouths shut about it so that the least amount of people find out instead of finding out what really happened and warning other family members about it. Anonymous 65218
>>65199
>some of the people on this site are annoying as fuck
I agree, some people here get upset at the smallest disagreement. In general, there seems to be a popular habit here of calling every second person a moid for not sharing the same views or for minor misunderstandings. What the fuck is wrong with those people?
Anonymous 65223
sad because i made a thread in feels about my abusive ex and how its making me suicidal and aa@@ i got mostly attacked for it and i feel really bad. like i need to start growing up. i dont want to be seen as weak but its something i know as a fact. but this is something that has messed with me mentally. its not easy to just brush it off…
Anonymous 65238
>>65225
Well from my experience, a ton of women like that make the same gruesome mistake over and over.
They want help and support over and over but it never ends.
Anonymous 65239
1342429709847.jpg
>>65075Just found out about another one. A friend of my mom would get raped by her much older brother when she was 10.
Never leave your daughters alone besties.
Anonymous 65241
7f73b269515817.5b8…
I am so pissed at my uni. I legit got my life together from being a depressed neet just to have a good social life in uni and I find out my dean is super pro-covid restrictions, the school year has not even started and 10/13 of my subjects are through microsoft teams and I just got a message that the fucking 3 subjects that we were gonna have in uni are gonna "alternate" some one week we are gonna do them at home and another 3 in school. Great, I will again be a depressed friendless shut-in cause I got ABSOLUTELY NO opportunity to see a human face. Just wonderul.
Anonymous 65242
>>65217Sorry, but I would feel embarrassed if I shared my feelings with my family.
Anonymous 65243
>>65241I meant, one week we do the 3 in school and the other we do the 3 at home.
Anonymous 65244
>>65239Yeah and then watch mom blame the daughter for lying about stepdad, or uncle. We should just blame women for being emotional slavelaborors period, or 'dying to stay in a relationshop' period. It should be frowned before it starts.
You should never feel desperate. Society shaming women for being single is the real problem. A lot of women believe anything theyre told including the lie that they should feel worthless or desperate for being single. That relationships are that great at all. Its all to convince you to settle for moidswine and tolerate anything to "hold onto your selfworth" to begin with.
Half the people you see getting in relationships do it for show.
Anonymous 65245
>>65217FUCK FAMILY.
maybe not all the time ..10% of the time but FUCK the family delusion for everything its worth.
Anonymous 65248
>>65245Family is supreme unhappiness and strife. Having to answer to all your stupid relatives and their, bullying,manipulating,shaming, abuse selfish behavior. Its a ball and chain for the women, always has been. They try to sell you the illusion, suck you in with idealism while humans are rarely idealistic. They usually have insatiable bottomless wants. God help anyone who has to be a mom at the center of it all.
Anonymous 65249
>>65241Just went through a year of pure online shit. I'm real sorry to hear of your situtation. I hope something can change <3
Anonymous 65250
I wish the word "sorry" wasn't the one thing I keep blurting out when I do the one tiny mistake. I'm so sensitive and if I even do one slip up it'll hurt my self esteem.
Anonymous 65251
>>65250You wont get taken seriously if you constantly apologize. People will smell it and walk all over you. Its really hard to get out of that tendency though because you probably never knew anything else. Probqy cant imagine normal life where you dont feel you need to apologize constantly.
Anonymous 65252
>>65244My best friend was sodomized by her step-father. Her mother protected him.
Anonymous 65259
>>65250Then stop apologizing!
Try doing it and see how it feels. Get used to it and your "sorry" will feel more genuine. Don't be afraid to be an asshole every now and then.
Anonymous 65263
I ruined the relationship I had with the person who was my best friend, my first friend, my only friend, and my lover. I keep thinking about how I had it going and we both cared about each other so much and I pushed them to the point of not liking me anymore.
I have some issues rooted in trauma where I have problems with losing my memories and getting overwhelmingly scared for no/little reason. I know I was really clingy and it wasn't right for me to expect/demand somebody to baby me through all this stuff even if it's really hard. I feel so guilty about it. Sometimes I resorted to threats because I didn't know how else to get out of an episode or I felt like nobody would help me if I didn't make them, and I know that's unacceptable. I feel so disgusting for basically forcing someone to love me.
I'm blocked right now and I can't really initiate contact. This relationship means so much to me and I wish I could go back in time or get another chance, and do better. I know it's not about me, I know I don't deserve it, I know I was really messed up but it really matters to me. I started therapy and I feel like I've reflected a lot about what was going wrong. But it's not up to me, and I guess I just feel really helpless and regretful. I feel so alone because of how ashamed I am to admit how mean I was to anyone, it was actually abusive. People think I am this sweet person but I am so messy inside and I just want to be a good friend. I just want to get better and for things to go back to being comfy with each other. I want to be a nice person and make my friend feel happy and safe, I don't want to be someone who goes in blind panics and hurts lovely people.
It's my birthday soon and I keep hoping that maybe I'll get a happy birthday message and a chance to reconnect, but I don't know how wishful I'm being here. I know I should probably move on but I just can't.
Anonymous 65266
>>65263Try to focus on working on your mental health when you feel ready, since you're grieving your relationship now.
As you can see, a relationship doesn't fix you and entering into a relationship while not being mentally well just ends up hurting both of you. Another human being wont fix you or your life on their own, you have to work on yourself too. Trust me this is not the end of the world. Just start taking care of yourself mentally and physically. One day you are going to be in a good place and you can try loving again. This is not the end of you.
Anonymous 65318
>>65266Thank you, that's really nice. I'm hoping that someday I can get to a point where I live for myself and not for someone else. There's a lot of stuff that I have to learn, but I'm trying to stay positive about how I still have lots of time to figure it out.
Anonymous 65320
ovJBBi8.png
I fucking hate Discord servers. last one I was in was a bunch of teenagers spamming n word like it's a funny meme, posting gore/porn, and talking about how edgy they are and constantly one upping each other.
There was this one guy who was posting his dick and his nudes and was talking abut how he would randomly show his dick to people in video chats and saying how unimpressed he is with peoples insults No but seriously, what the fuck did he expect for people to say? Does he think exposing yourself to random strangers is a newfound idea that no moid has ever done before?, he said he's 16 but he looks like a fat 30 year old neckbeard. He also sent pics of him cutting open a dead rat and inserting a knife inside of it
I also hate his attitude that he brags about, pretending to be normal but he's actually this edgy nihilistic retard who doesn't care about anything and isn't offended by anything at all. He will be either deeply embarrassed that he used to be like this or he will stay like this but will eventually lose his circle of retarded children friends on discord.
This was a few months ago, I checked that discord a week ago and it was pretty much dead, that moid deleted his account and I'm kind of glad, I'm pretty sure though he probably has other new ones.
This type of clownery on discord annoys me the most, these people can't talk about anything except how many people have they shocked with their clown behavior
Anonymous 65322
>>65320I stopped using Discord regularly a couple of years ago. Now I only use it on the rare occasion that a friend wants to voice chat, if only because Steam voice chat can't compare.
But I know how hard it is for many people to stop using it, since all your friends are on it. I seriously don't get the appeal. Maybe I'm just so asocial that I don't even feel like "socializing" online.
Anonymous 65323
>>65321
well, where should trannies go anon? they need to go to where the retarded kids are so they can grooooooom
Anonymous 65348
My brother said that I have ''noticeable chub'' on my face when I'm at healthy weight. Hating my fat face is the sole reason I strive to stay at 15-17 bmi and this was just a testament to the fact that I am fucking never ever going to recover, I rather die.
I'm so pissed that people are comfortable just saying shit like this to my face when they know I hurt myself and have self image issues. It's like they dont give a fuck and want me to suffer. I feel so triggered and so spiteful now I feel like I never want to eat again.
Anonymous 65352
I have this blue/pink/white plaid dress, a friend admitted that it's a bit reminiscent of the troon flag and I can't unsee it now. I really like that color scheme in general and it frustrates me that that's what it's associated with now. I'm obviously not one of them but I have some paranoia that people will think it's some kind of "trans pride" or "trans rights" statement if I use those colors.
Anonymous 65355
>>65352I don't even have anything against trans people but I hate how those three colors have basically been appropriated by libs.
Those colors are so fucking pretty together, it's a shame. You can't use that palette without people thinking your character is trans, lmao. And it's always MtFs who use those colors (cuz pastel colors = girly, right??). This pride flag craze is ridiculous. And yes, that involves the rainbow flag, though thankfully that one is being replaced by that new atrocious flag, you know the one.
Anonymous 65381
>>63354I feel so frustrated. I have no friends, the only people I talk to are my boyfriend (who is kinda a husband at this point), my therapist and my mom.
I feel so lonely and I can't help with clinging on friendships of the past, that ended because they were toxic. I used to have some friends from uni but all of them stopped talking to me once I dropped out and started to be vocal about certain topics (radfem mostly).
I get even more sad when my boyfriend talk to his irl friends on discord for several hours, when I'm not in a good day I just keep seeing it as a reminder of my lack of friends. It's been over a year that I'm in this position and I hope I will accept it more in the future because since I work from home, I'm very shy and in the spectrum I really can't see this situation chaning.
I don't blame others for stop talking to me too, I know I make mistakes and being an autist doesn't help, I hope I can at least improve that part now that I'm in therapy.
Anonymous 65397
>>65381Are you me anon, I'm almost in the exact same situation. Have you tried going to any hobby-related event? I have heard of meetup but never tried it.
And here is my vent: one of my ex friends keeps going on about how she's "gay" and making seethy posts about "the str8s" when I know she lives with her boyfriend and before that slept around with men and only talked about how much she liked dick. And worst of all when we were in hs she was part of the normie crowd who accused random girls of being lesbians and bullied them for it. I hate these sorts of people.
Anonymous 65425
9293CF6C-A4A5-4933…
I hate when the teacher brings up an unecessary personal story and then other students start chiming in as if anyone in the class gives a shit
Anonymous 65436
>>65425Why tf are normies like that? You are a total stranger to me and the rest of the class, nobody cares about your best friend sisters birthday party, your dog's name, you favorite food, your mom's zodiac sign, etc. But any fucking chance they get, they ramble about these dumbass stories about themselves that I do NOT give a shit about, but am supposed to pretend I care about.
I never do that, why do they have to?
I was watching some of my peers a couple weeks ago, and they were forming a friendship, while they rambled about dumb shit and just blurted out random crap I always keep to myself, like
"boy I was up so late last night and I have to work tonight"
and
"I always lose my pencils and pens!"
Just dran, retarded shit like that, and I couldn't care less, but in those 2 weeks they ACTUALLY formed a nice friendship. It was then I realized I don't want friends.
Anonymous 65439
>>65436>they rambled about dumb shit and just blurted out random crap I always keep to myself, like"boy I was up so late last night and I have to work tonight"
and
"I always lose my pencils and pens!"
I think this is the difference between introverts and extroverts. lots of extroverts feel comfortable constantly narrating their train of thought. it just comes naturally to them whereas introverts speak when there's something to say
Anonymous 65463
>>65436YES anon, I’m glad you feel my rage. This morning in zoom class the teacher was talking about the weather, and then this retard named Josh went on about how it was “so smoky in his area” and how he saw a “bald eagle flying around.” Like holy shit why do the 30 strangers in the class need to know that? Not related to the class’s subject whatsoever btw. I almost unmuted myself to say something like “can we start the lesson now?” but I didn’t want to draw negative attention.
>>65439>lots of extroverts feel comfortable constantly narrating their train of thought.But it’s a class. People are there to learn, not here about some stranger’s life.
Anonymous 65472
Haven't seen my cousin in a few years, just stumbled across her Instagram account.
>"they/them"
>"trans genderqueer"
>"abrosexual/romantic"
>some revealing/suggestive photos with captions about thighs and stuff (she's a minor)
>putting fruit loops and milk on her collarbones (???)
I don't even really know how to feel about this…
I had no idea because our family always talks about her as a girl. Wonder how she'd feel about that, considering there are several pride posts.
Anonymous 65475
>>65425>>65436Extroverts actually want to talk, and the enjoy the act of talking in and of itself, they do not "force themselves" to. Nor do they, as it turns out, care about the other person per sey, they might, but extroverts actually gain energy and functioning just by talking to others by the mere act of doing so.
>>65463>But it’s a class. People are there to learn, not here about some stranger’s life.Very few people think about class and other work obligations is such strict black and white terms, and extroverts enjoy the social element everywhere they go. You feel cheated, no one who actually does or cares.
Anonymous 65479
>>65472Send the account to her parents and hope she's forced to live an amish existence after showing old greasy men her underage, transgender genderqueer, abrosexual/romantic, FROOT LOOP holding collarbone. Disgusting what has modern world come to smh.
Anonymous 65480
>>65439How fucking hard is it to keep your stupid narrations to yourself? Is this why they have no inner monologue, because they're always fucking talking? Do they not WANT to think so they talk endlessly to keep real self reflection at bay?
Anonymous 65482
>>65480>How fucking hard is it to keep your stupid narrations to yourself?As hard as it is for you to function in a social situation.
>Is this why they have no inner monologue, because they're always fucking talking?Interesting idea. I have only the anecdotal example of at least one rural women who I worked with that said "talking to herself out loud helped her focus" on what she was physically working on. There's a possibility that extroverts articulate themselves better when they do it verbally as opposed to internally, as opposed to introverts.
>Do they not WANT to think so they talk endlessly to keep real self reflection at bay?No, not really. I suppose if the extrovert is also high in neuroticism than yes that actually is a distinct possibility as the act of thinking may be anxiety inducing. Otherwise the extrovert probably just finds it easier to articulate themselves externally rather than internally, much like how I in my experience introverts have a far easier time articulating themselves internally rather than externally. (i.e. "I put my feet in my mouth.")
Anonymous 65483
>>65480I think that's it, they just voice their "inner" monologue by default. there's a lot of overlap between them and people who can't stand to be alone, because self-reflection is too depressing for them
>>65482>"talking to herself out loud helped her focus" on what she was physically working onthat's different imo, I read what I'm working on outloud but just because it helps me comprehend the text better. maybe different for other people tho
Anonymous 65484
>>65483>there's a lot of overlap between them and people who can't stand to be alone, because self-reflection is too depressing for themI think you're still failing to grasp the concept. While this people do in fact exist that find self-reflection depressing, there also happily exists people who just find functioning in social situations
easier. Likewise there are introverts that absolutely loathe the anxiety of a social situation, but there are also introverts that do just fine in a social situation but prefer to remain alone by themselves.
Again, some people in this thread may find it hard to speak to others, but easier to talk to themselves. There are plenty of extroverts where the opposite is the case.
Anonymous 65487
>>65484I think you're getting me confused with another poster, I grasp the concept just fine lol
Anonymous 65497
>>65479I think they know since she's pretty open about it… Dunno about her parents specifically but mine are like "she's probably just joking" and "well let's be respectful!"
Basically nobody cares, I think it's kinda concerning since there's tons of comments saying stuff like "you're the sexiest person alive" and "step on me" and you don't know who they're coming from ://
Anonymous 65499
I want to kill myself so badly. Nothing I do works. I'm not pretty, not smart, not good at anything. A truly medicore life that isn't worth living
Anonymous 65508
>>65499What do you mean nothing works? What have you tried to do?
Anonymous 65510
>>65425>>65436My mom will make small tal with people like cashiers it's so fucking annoying. She does this so frequently and it infuriates me every time, like stop talking about your life t a complete stranger they're here to do their job and it doesn't include talking to you, besides she also calls me by my name and i don't want complete strangers to know my name because of that
Anonymous 65514
What's your LDR stories?
I'm freaking scared cause I'm falling with love with someone who'll move to another city. On one hand I would like to spend as much time with him as possible, on the other I want to ghost him and fuck around until I forget about all these feelings. I'm panicking.
Anonymous 65517
>>64857> 25 never a job in his life he’s an obese slob with no regard for anyone but himself. His personal hygiene is non existent. Always recommending me some degenerate coomer anime to watch no matter how much I tell him no.Fuck. he looks like the male version of me, I wonder if people think of me that way.
Anonymous 65531
>talk daily
>suddenly disappears for a week
>oh, sry i was busy because of x
>i mean, i totally get it if you’re busy too one day, no worries, i’m a chill guy like that
>>be busy because your family member is literally dying, and he knows you’ve been having a hard time with it recently
>blocks without a warning
why’d he do it ?
Anonymous 65533
>>65531I think you know the answer anon
Anonymous 65540
I had a dermatillomania attack yesterday after not picking for years. It's gonna scar and i feel like an absolute idiot. I had so many chances to just ignore and i didn't. fuuuuck.
Anonymous 65551
I don't want to be a drama queen anymore.
Anonymous 65554
IMG_7541.jpg
im hate myself i dont like anything about myself i hate how i look and my personality is boring i wish iwas just born pretty its not fair my life would be so much better if i was just pretty and my crush would love me back but i cant imagine anyone loving me or finding me attractive im ugly and i want t die
Anonymous 65557
>>65531He doesn't value in any way so he didn't want to waste his time waiting until you were free to talk again, it's simple
Anonymous 65559
>>65557if true, then out of all the shitty randos i met, he takes the cake. we talked about our past traumas, and such. we planned to meet after corona.
i’m truly undesirable. fuck.
Anonymous 65566
1625791145084.jpg
I think a fucked up a job interview today by trying to negotiate my salary, or more exactly by refusing to give number first and insisting on them giving me their range instead.
The HR moid seemed very offended by it and said he'd never seen a candidate so combative about their prospective salary lmao.
When he finally caved in and gave me their range (which was pretty low) I asked for something like 10% above because I was pissed at them obviously trying to fuck me over and acting arrogant about it by this point.
I'll probably be eating shit and not getting an offer.
It's a shame since the previous two technical interviews went so well, and the technical manager seemed to like me pretty well.
Oh well, better be unemployed than grossly underpaid.
Anonymous 65575
I thought I was almost over the break up but it really stung to not celebrate my birthday together and I've felt tight in the chest ever since. We used to have a lot of fun and I really felt loved to have someone who would try so hard to make it a happy day for me.
I was starting to grow detached from the break up, neither feeling the old joy nor the old pain, but I guess this reminded me that I don't really have anyone who sees and accepts me for me anymore. We went no contact and it hurts to think about how that lovely person who used to laugh with me is now laughing with others and feeling happier for it. I miss having someone to have real, genuine laughs with and it's overwhelming to think about how much time, effort, and luck it'll take to cultivate a relationship like that with anyone ever again.
Anonymous 65576
i have no energy for anything at all
I feel dizzy a lot, like when I’m standing in the shower or when I stand up
I think I am anemic because sometimes I eat ice
im really pale too
Anonymous 65577
>>65554Have you tried writing a diary? I find that it helps. Sometimes i get those intense feelings too
Anonymous 65584
For weeks there's been construction on my street and it's so noisy. Like constant drilling and grinding and banging as they destroy the sidewalk to put in new brick. The worst is probably the men though, when I hear construction workers yelling back and forth at one another I just want to scream SHUT THE FUCK UP
Anonymous 65586
>>65584There is construction right next to my window so I have to keep the blinds closed, they are so loud and obnoxious
Anonymous 65603
i just started my period and i am being hit with a huge wave of awful thoughts messing with my self esteem. this sucks
Anonymous 65626
I have a non meme chronic illness and it kicks my ass everyday. It’s been 10+ years but I never get used to it. I am so tired of waking up aching and feeling like a 3000 year old mummy. The constant chest pains and feelings of breathlessness, feeling like my body is made of lead, passing out and nearly passing out, being unable to walk or travel anywhere alone for fear of fainting. I wish there was a cure for this.
Anonymous 65635
Going to visit bf's family this weekend, they are very religious. we're going to church both on Saturday night and Sunday morning. I don't wanna.
Anonymous 65636
>>65566Did you still get the offer, anon? Don't feel badly for negotiating. Fuck that moid.
Anonymous 65687
I'm a week into my fast food job and I want to quit. Either this store is understaffed or I'm just too retarded to do what the job demands. I'm so slow and customers yell at me. Next week I have a shift all by myself and I just cannot handle it. Would rather go back to being NEET for long as I can and then rope than do this.
Anonymous 65704
1565287132932.png
If I see one more mention of genshin impact I swear to god, I'm going to blow up china.
Anonymous 65725
iu-1.png
My ldr bf cheated on me and used me. He can't even fucking acknowledge what he did. He pretended to care, I was onto him but then I let myself get carried away by my emotions…
I was so stupid….fuckkk
Anonymous 65738
>>65687You're not retarded. I used to think like this too until I realized that its a job where you have to work at a super sonic speed (so lots of energy and being able to concentrate), pays you very little, and respected by literally no one. You're not retarded for not being able to work a job that was meant to suck the life out of you
Anonymous 65745
He fucking lied to me.
Anonymous 65750
>>65687Fuck, this is how I felt when I worked at a fast food place for a month.
Anonymous 65763
So I`m "old" (31) and never in my life did I have my shit more together than right know and I'm actually moving rapidly towards not only having my shit together but being even successful in life with far above average wage, perfect relationship, yadayada.
But around me people are literally falling apart. My family is totally in ruins. My parents peacefully divorced when I was 20 and I thought they know what the shit they are doing and that they just want a better relationship (even tho I never knew what could have been better because it was all fine and dandy and hit me out of the blue) but I thought they are adults, they know how live works, all is fine.
Now around ten years later my father is heavily hooked on god knows how many different prescriptions for opiates and tranquilizers and pops them like candy because my also addicted stepmother dragged him into this swamp. I recently saw him in person and he looks like he is at best making another ten before he kicks the bucket. They have absolutely no funds in any way and my father is going to retire this year (his wife basically never worked a day in her life).
I also recently learned that my mother had to move out and into another city because her new husband spends all the money they have on useless shit (in a compulsive way, he earns a lot and spends everything by for example buying five new coffee machines for 1k each) he also locked her in the house, beat her and threatened her with suicide if she would leave him. This all already happened BEFORE she decided it would be a great idea to marry him while she was coked up.
I don't know if I should just slap them both for being so incredibly retarded choosing the worst path imaginable with military grade precision at every option possible or feel like shit or both. They fucked up a perfectly solid marriage because "meh boring we want a change" for this shit. For relationships and lives that are so white trash abusive lowlife scum it makes me nauseous just to think about it. For drugs and bad partners. Not even the party time, kids are out of the house kind of drugs but the "I cant stand my life without buzz" sad kind of drugs. They never even fucking tried to reconcile, talked or thought more than three seconds about those life changing decisions of not only separating but also marrying the worst persons they could possibly find. I feel like I'm suddenly the grown up and my parents aren't my parents but retarded teenagers from some ghetto.
How do I cope with that? How do I cope with the fact that my parents (who raised me well and thoughtful in a great evironment) are suddenly complete failures at live and unable to hold up even the most basic standards?
Anonymous 65777
>>63354I can’t sleep. This lack of sleep is making my condition worse. I feel terrible.
Anonymous 65796
original.gif
people are so incompetent in their jobs and it pisses me off. especially when these jobs are important, like…can you take ten extra seconds to do your work properly? can you not do something as simple as send me the correct link to sign up for the doctor's emailing service so i can get my goddamn appointment date? stupid fucking bitch
Anonymous 65798
>>65796speaking of doctors I always feel like the ones where I live are really inefficient… I hesitate to rip on doctors since I know it's a lot of work but I feel like it's fucked up that it's the norm to show up to an appointment at the scheduled time and have to wait 1-2 hours before they actually see you? And even though it's standard to wait over an hour, you still need to arrive at the scheduled time and stay the whole time or they charge you and give you a strike towards banning you from the doctor's office.
Then when you mention a mild to moderate issue they tell you to get tests like bloodwork, and you have to wait weeks for your blood-drawing appointment, then wait weeks for them to analyze the blood, only for them to say "we didn't find anything wrong let's schedule a different test a few weeks from now :)" And you have to… deal with the issue the whole time
I don't know if this is normal in other countries?
Anonymous 65800
>>65798idk, but i've had similar experiences in the states. no clue if you live here.
i don't know how so many bastard idiots manage to become doctors or manage healthcare systems lol. don't mind ripping on them either – fuck 'em
Anonymous 65807
I don't see the point of living if the right people will never like me, I don't want to see them again if it's from a distance, I don't want to see people, I want to forget that other people exist.
Anonymous 65808
>>65807To add onto this, if they gave me a sign I would change my mind.
Anonymous 65810
I hate my sister so much, I swear to God.
A few months back, she went and got a kitten. After we had a whole house meeting and we all agreed not to get a cat after our previous one passed away, she disregards the entire house, lied to the adoption agency that it would be in a home where everyone wanted it, and gets one anyway because our needs and opinions don't register to her. She apparently hid the poor thing in her room for a fortnight, and my sisters and I were so pissed, but then we learned that our mum knew after a day or two and decided to help her keep the cat a secret because mum always bends to her will because she gets violent and aggressive otherwise. She tried for ages after we learned about it to not let it out of her room, including going so far as to lock it in if she ever needed to leave the house, but she's finally stopped that.
It's now been a few months, and now she wants to get rid of it and get another kitten because the kitten is now a cat and 'I don't want a cat, I want a kitten'. Her responses to questions like 'you can't just get rid of a living thing if you don't want it anymore' and 'what will happen to the cat' and 'what about what the rest of the house wants' are met with answers like 'yes I can' and 'not my problem' and 'irrelevant'. She's 27 and she acts like she's 13.
I can't even move out for financial reasons, both mine and mum's, and that's ignoring lockdown.
Anonymous 65816
9p1ydkwmyr241.jpg
>tfw you're angry at someone and want them to reply back but have to restrain yourself and express your anger with silence
Anonymous 65817
>>65816Same, it's not anger anymore just disappointment
Anonymous 65830
>>65758What happened sis? For me it was him kissing the girl he told me not to worry about at a party. I should have listened to my head telling me there were things wrong with him having a female friend like that but I'm too trusting.
Anonymous 65833
>>65830It's an ldr, I had a sense he was hiding something, I let it go, maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But the feeling that something was wrong never went away..
I know he's hiding something from me…
Anonymous 65847
>>65810Please call the place where she got the cat from and have her blacklisted. I can do it for you if you don't feel like it, just need the info. Please.
Anonymous 65848
>>65810>mum always bends to her will because she gets violent and aggressive otherwise.Your mum is literally enabling and rewarding her violence. If your sister gets violent, you need to get your mom to refuse to give in to her demands, and call the cops if necessary so she receives punishment, not reward, for her bad behavior.
This anon
>>65847 has good advice, too, to keep your sister from abusing more animals.
Anonymous 65853
>>65833Corner him on it and don't leave any stone unturned. I wish I had caught on to my bf's lies sooner for my own sake.
Anonymous 65860
fd486a3b773f0ff2c0…
I hate sending messages into my workplace's group chat. I have made anxiety over sending a single message for some reason. 1 on 1 I'm totally fine (except for overthinking) but I hate seeing the 'seen by' screen with like 12 people on it.
Anonymous 65899
png-clipart-asuka-…
>be sweet to guys
>they ignore me, take advantage of me, and even accuse me of shit
>treat them like shit, then revert back to being sweet
>they suddenly like me again
I'm starting to think men really do love bitches. They cannot respect kindness. Whether mental or physical, only beatings get into their empty little heads. That's why they're always fighting each other. At heart, I'm a non-confrontational manic pixie pick me type, and I want fairy tale love, so this sucks. I don't want to struggle. Why do I have to apply pressure and tell you about yourself, every time? Lol.
I was going to compare them to trained dogs, but even dogs are better. At least they respond to positive reinforcement.
Anonymous 65901
Die kleine Kartoff…
>>65899When you were "kind" you were probably a doormat. At least when you're a bitch there's an actual person to interact with. Perhaps you could surpass both being a doormat and a bitch, and instead be someone capable of being a bitch, but peaceful as a means of operating.
Anonymous 65902
Just stuck in that headspace of looking back and getting depressed over "wasted years". I had an extremely horrible time in school and didn't apply myself into anything in life, I'm 20 now in college and willing to make changes. Just not sure where to start or how to meet new people aside from the usual clubs and all that.
Anonymous 65903
>>65902>wasted years>20I understand you probably had a shit High School experience, but that's really whatever.
>ust not sure where to start or how to meet new people aside from the usual clubs and all that.You meet people by going to the same places and talking to them regularly. Classes are a good place, clubs are a good place, if you are hyper-fixated on having friends that are interested in a particular hobby there are apps for that. Just approach people and fucking talk to them.
Anonymous 65911
I am in my first year of studying smtn smtn programming and I hate it so much, I wanna study medicine and have lowkey wanted to for some 2 years now, but I spent so much time justifying studying programming to myself and others that everyone just now thinks I wanna study medicine cause it pays better or because of some other gain and no one believes me when I say that I genuinely think I would enjoy being a doctor anymore. My dad even laughs at me for not lasting very long and its so frustrating
Anonymous 65914
>>65911Why did you attempt to justify studying programming?
Anonymous 65917
>>65914idk it was kind of a mix of a lot of factors, you sort of have to roughly decide what to study in advance and I picked something involving math, and I wanted to change later but my dad kept making fun of me so I just didnt
Anonymous 65944
please give me some form of closure
Anonymous 65948
>>65901Just "not being a doormat" is never enough, because then they try to dominate and gaslight. It's like they feel threatened on some inner level, and need to make a point of everything.
Balancing kindness with mild criticism and objectivity is met with aggression or derision up until they're absolutely curbstomped. Like, tell me why I suggested something to this guy, and he was a little bitch about it up until I started listing off every single one of his problems. He freaked out, just to come back, apologize and say he'll take my suggestion lol.
I'd rather be peaceful all the time, but my hand is constantly being forced.
Anonymous 65953
>>65899They like girls who are rude to them because they can finally justify being an asshole/creepy because "women won't respect/like you if you're nice"
Anonymous 65954
>>65903People can be young and still regret wasting their years on something they shouldn't have.
Anonymous 65966
I graduated with a great GPA with a pretty good major and I can’t get a job, it’s been more than a year and it’s seriously making me miserable
Anonymous 65967
>>65966I believe in you, you did great so far! Meanwhile I graduated with a high weighted GPA from high school, and could have gotten into a prestigious university, but got nervous and went to a community college online instead. I took 5 years to get a two-year IT degree while also being unemployed. Now I'm too scared to transfer and get my bachelors, but also too scared to get a job with my crappy associates and employment gap. I'm useless.
Anonymous 65971
>>65966Did you network in college at all?
Anonymous 65986
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In a few days I'm going to try reconnecting with my best friend whom I drove away with my unstable behavior. I really want for us to have fun together again… I keep having dreams about us and every morning I wake up feeling gloomy once I remember that we aren't friends anymore.
I've been working hard on becoming a better person, including starting therapy, but I'm so scared that it's too late. I'm really afraid that my messages won't even be read because they've already moved on.
Just trying my best to keep my chin up and give it my best shot, but also trying to keep my expectations low so I don't get disappointed…
Anonymous 65987
okay so like a couple months ago i got outed by a trusted friend as a terf. she had my private tumblr which didnt have any names on it or whatever. she gave her friend my url and her creepy stalker friend was looking through my blog and went insane, posted everything on twitter and got everyone at my job to block me and cut me off totally. I really liked that job and ive been struggling my whole life to make friends and that was the first place i felt like i wasnt a total loser. anyway she ruined everything i built bc i made a casual remark about how stupid their feminism was, how abortion rights are back tracking and she's more concerned about letting men into womens spaces. anyway i didnt deny that i dont believe trans women are women and they all went nuts. the manager was this like 40 something dude that was so cold and rude to me, wouldnt even let me come in to work again even thoughit has nothing to do with my ability to do so. and no one would look me in the eye when i gathered my thigns and left. I feel like they're either all crazy or she's been spreading hateful lies about me because they all legitimately hate me. blocked me, wont answer, wont even explain what i did wrong. im banned from the store, actually. i cant even shop there. they called the police on me. am i fucking insane? or did i just narrowly escape some kind of semi-cult. the whole thing just doesnt sit right with me no matter how hard i try to move on it just doesnt make sense to me why all that happened. im pretty sure they were hoping id kill myself since they were only stalking me because i had fresh cuts on my arms. fortunately ive been on anti depressants for long enough to not need to resort to something like that. but im so confused. they stalked my twitter and my jokey little posts and reported them to the police. the police told me that nothing i did seemed threatening so there was no reason for concern, but that i couldnt go back there again. like what the fuck?
Anonymous 65988
I understand why my stepdad gave me these pictures of my mom. But somehow it just pissed me off a lot. It is like he's just throwing her away. They didn't divorce or end things badly, she died. Why wouldn't he want to have these? I feel like she always meant more to me than to him. I don't know why he wants me involved in his stupid wedding.
Anonymous 65991
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I wish my university went back online. I could be using the time I spend commuting to class on better things, my major doesn't require too much hands on stuff so I don't get a better experience being in person, and there's a sense of loneliness from seeing everyone in their groups while you talk to no one (I transferred and did a year of online so no friends, am too busy with work and studying to put much effort into making friends). This is my last year but it still feels like so long until I get my stupid degree. I know I'm supposed to go job hunting before I graduate too but I feel like I hardly have time to do anything.
Anonymous 66002
>>65987Stay strong, you did nothing wrong.
Anonymous 66003
>>65987>wont even explain what i did wrong.You took a position of hate. You know exactly what you did wrong
from their perspective you just don't think it was wrong yourself. If you were less of an autistic loner you would understand social signals are important and if you don't tow the line people get very antsy with you.
Anonymous 66006
>>66003i mean the problem is i am an autistic loner it just sucks that there’s only hatred and disgust for people like me especially people who self identify as ‘neurodivergent’
>don’t tow the line i’m like physically incapable of towing the line due to being a schizo because the status quo feels like a big giant trick to me. honestly i feel like i’m 2 steps away from being exposed for being a giant fucking failure at any time. not rebuking your argument just further venting. feel trapped in a dysfunctional mind, constantly setting myself up for social failure
Anonymous 66008
>>66003take your meds, "empathetic" bpd-chan
Anonymous 66010
>>66003A position of hate? If I were anon, I would lawyer up and get answers. If you can prove you got sacked because of your political opinions (as long as you were not overtly anti-troon) they may have to pay up.
Anonymous 66012
>>66011
>If you had reading comprehension
Go and reread
>they stalked my twitter and my jokey little posts and reported them to the police. the police told me that nothing i did seemed threatening so there was no reason for concern, but that i couldnt go back there again.
Not one person. They. Plural. And they can't go back to the workplace.
Long-ass sperg for nothing lol
Anonymous 66014
>>66013
So, the crazy-ass stalker is the boss, and had the power to ban anon from the workplace? The story is going places
Anonymous 66020
>>66014he called me at some point to tell me not to come in again, and tell me that he was reporting me to the police. i asked "who's stalking me online" and he said verbatim "thats neither here nor there" so i have no clue
Anonymous 66023
>>66022
not exactly. the 'friend' in question was non binary and changing her name, which sparked my curiosity about her politics. they were mostly all self identified NB though all very typical quirky white people.
Anonymous 66026
So relieved to be back on campus instead of doing online shit. Just wondering how I start doing social shit, obviously doing clubs and societies is a start but I wanna get better at knowing people in my actual classes.
i like this thread for writing down my feels :3
Anonymous 66029
>>66024
so the 'joke' in question was inspired by the fact that everyone suddenly hated me so much, it was like, "haha love walking in and bothering everyone just by existing" and apparently that was a 'threat' and they took it to mean i was going in on purpose just to bother people, even though the few times i did stop into the store i was just quietly buying a few items and leaving
Anonymous 66035
>>66032
this was on twitter and i was literally deranged at that point because no one would talk to me.
they hated me after i was outed.
no, i deleted the tumblr right after. the friend i used to trust gave it to her friend for some reason who raised a shitstorm about it
Anonymous 66036
>>66033
i was being sarcastic because no one would talk to me, and would only side eye me. this was my entire social group, so of course i went back because, i dont know, i was optimistic someone didnt hate me entirely? Again, i didnt ever bother anyone and only visited like twice before they legally banned me
Anonymous 66037
>>66035>this was on twitter and i was literally deranged at that point because no one would talk to me. Okay so this was post-firing and you made this joke
aware that your old coworkers could see this?
>no, i deleted the tumblr right after. the friend i used to trust gave it to her friend for some reason who raised a shitstorm about itWell the stalker already had eyes on everywhere else you posted so it was kind of a stupid move to make a joke like that (albeit misinterpreted) with the current atmosphere.
>>66036>i was being sarcastic because no one would talk to me, and would only side eye me.I am well aware. Now again, if a troon said that exact same phrase in response to going into a women's changing room, what would you think the troon meant by saying that?
>this was my entire social group, so of course i went back because, i dont know, i was optimistic someone didnt hate me entirely?Oh my sweet summer child. Thinking the a group of troons would be okay with still associating with you after getting outed as anti-troon.
>Again, i didnt ever bother anyone and only visited like twice before they legally banned meI don't think you intended to bother anyone, I think management inferred that you intended to due to your "joke" (read:venting frustration through the disguise of humor). Which creates a really fun meta-recursive loop: you made a joke about bothering people just by being around them, and when people discovered that you made that joke,
they started to be bothered by you just being around them. By making that joke you actually made it reality. Your social signal misinterpreted as "I want to bother other people just by being around them", made the actual behavior of being around them harassment as opposed to just neutral to negative at worst.
Anonymous 66038
>>66037its hard for me to accept it but i know i wasn't exactly the best here, also this was my first job and i'm only 20. i just wish it didnt pan out this way because it didnt HAVE to. and i got so much initial vitriol from the 'friends' that outed me, and then posted screenshots on twitter, and turned everyone i knew against me. i really have nothing else to do but try to busy myself with college now. sometimes i just get so angry and frustrated thinking about it.
Anonymous 66039
Was too clingy to my one night stand. Damn my childish, naive heart.
Anonymous 66042
>>66011
You will never be a woman. I can’t wait till you inevitably reveal your trans status and are instantly banned.
Anonymous 66043
>>66042they're either a male or a fellow autist female bc there is no tact or empathy in those sentences
Anonymous 66055
7BA66A85-C8BA-424C…
i keep losing friendships due to balancing school/work/obligations and family stuff lately + on top of that exhaustion… it feels icky because i love having people in my life but im not a NEET anymore and cant find the balance.
i want to finish college and obviously need to work part time for money. i dont even have as much time for hobbies anymore and all of my goals are just dissolving and seem pointless if ill never have time as i get older.
i guess this is what being 20 is and sometimes its just too much. not to mention it will only get harder when i need to get a full time job and somehow support myself. how will i balance ANYTHING then?
suicide is becoming more of a preference because life is too unfair.
i also have no irl friends just online i seldom go out i have no freedom im in a place i hate
im going to work on changing my mindset but whats the use if it wont change these circumstances? ill be in the rat race like everyone else. what a waste of a life
Anonymous 66056
Mojave_Phone_Booth…
I've been thinking about suicide lately.
I don't feel ready to do it, but inching closer every day.
I have intense mood swings, I'll literally go from laughing to crying and back to smiling in the span of minutes sometimes. I developed bulimia, I compulsively sabotage everything good in my life, from friendships to jobs, and I've also been losing hair, so now I have a big bald patch on my scalp.
But I'm also really really scared of asking for help.
Every time I went to a psychiatrist, I either ended up joking around and minimising my symptoms, or turning down medication, or sometimes the psychiatrist themselves just kind of dismiss me and send me away with a prozac script at best, and I don't know what I'd do if I got dismissed like that again.
Anonymous 66058
>>66055Yeah just make sure you don't squeeze out a baby because then your life will be TRUE inescapable hell. You sound like my best friend she had anxiety that made her driop out of college. She never finished her degree at q prestigious school because she felt like you're describing. A kid and a job would be 20x worse than college especially if you don't have really really high standards for men.
Anonymous 66060
I'm very fucking tired of hearing "You're not gay. Girls can't be gay. They can only be bi. You just haven't had a good dicking yet."
Anonymous 66066
>>65987What the fuck. It's definitely a cult
Anonymous 66067
>>66042Lol what did she say that lead you to think she's a troon? She wasn't even justifying what her coworkers did, she's saying the truth. That you're either autistic or just asocial enough to not understand why your coworkers reacted that way. Hell, I'm autistic as fuck and even then I understand that there are opinions that are deemed wrong/weird by normalfags that you're safer to hide from them.
Anonymous 66068
I have friends, but I still feel so miserable and lonely. There were periods of time where I just existed on my own and that was a different type of miserable where I felt really empty and nonexistent. Having friends also makes me feel miserable in a different way. Sometimes it feels nice to have someone to talk to, but then the other 50% of the time I'm full of anxiety, convinced they don't like me, resentful, etc. I know this must be an attachment issue or something and I tried going to a therapist over the summer but I didn't even know what to start talking about it so it ultimately didn't really go anywhere. Anyway I think I'd rather just be lonely without close friends than have people I care about and be full of anxiety every time I see them. Especially nowadays for some reason after talking or hanging out with someone I get so fucking depressed afterward and I don't know why.
