ive been dating a moid for a little over a month and want to be his girlfriend but i dont know how to bring it up or what to say. i havent been in a relationship for over 2 years, but i have tried. usually i think a boy likes me but then he ends up leaving me for someone else or we just fall apart somehow and i dont want it to happen this time so i feel like i need to trap him with a label so he cant get away. he could still cheat on me or break up with me but at least it wouldnt just be ghosting. i have no idea how to do this and the last time i asked my therapist for advice she said to not talk about my feelings and wait for him to do it. i dont think i want to ask her for any more boy advice so i am just lost and feel like shit. i havent even told him how mentally ill i am either which is important but idk how to do it. im just pretending to be normal and im scared once i talk about my feelings ill be too much of a hassle and bother and will be left again. i hate being stuck in this mind.
>>60744>the last time i asked my therapist for advice she said to not talk about my feelings and wait for him to do it
based therapist. Most men who date around will play along with anything if they simply don't have many other options at the moment, so you will feel much more secure if he proactively shows he wants something serious. otoh you should also decide on a timeline for yourself so you don't just wait around forever, if he wants you he should be excited about committing to you and if this isn't the case you need to walk away.
To be honest I'm not a fan of dating without labels, especially getting intimate before you know there's mutual interest in a serious relationship. Starting out as friends and getting to know each other is a million times better, my partner and I already knew we would be good for each other and were committed from date 1. I understand that it isn't always so easy to achieve though.
>>60744>so i feel like i need to trap him with a label so he can't get away
lol, why? if he doesn't want to do that himself why try to force him? i'd rather be ghosted than a guy feel obligated to be with me despite not wanting to be. you do you, but i do not understand this. why not just wait for him to broach the subject? if he wants to date you, he'll say so.
In case you can't tell im mentally ill. nothing about what i want makes sense to me either.
what kind of mental illness do you have, anon?
Had a sudden illness in the street today, the doctor who helped me said I could've died had I not gotten care immediately, and now my girlfriend decided it was a great time to fight with me. I'm so sick of life, girls.
that's so horrible, anon. i've been there. please tell her to stop being selfish. i would tell her myself for you if i could! that's really cruel, of all the times to fight, for her to do it when you're this ill…
I'm trying to come to terms with the fact I'm bisexual and it's hard for me. I've only been into women my entire life and now I have feelings for a boy.
I'm getting so fat, it's a meme. Pretty sure I cracked my highest weight. My weight fluctuates, so I'm usually confident that I'll lose it again but I feel like I jinxed it recently.
i'm really nervous miners. my gf of 3 months is moving in with me 11 days from now. i feel like we rushed things but i love her so much, but we're both kind of autistic and terrible at being adults so i'm worried that we'll fight a lot or get really frustrated with each other and fuck things up. every second without her feels like torture, i want her more than anything but at the same time i have no idea how i'll talk to her when she's in front of me at the airport
there's so many things that could go wrong, i'm really bad at expressing my emotions and letting people in due to trauma and she's really emotional and i can barely speak english (her first language) and she can barely speak spanish (my first language) and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i don't know . i want everything to turn out ok but still i'm so nervous
i don't know if i believe in soulmates but i can definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with her happily, that is if we can overcome our problems
This is so exciting anon! Don't worry about it for now and just take things one step at a time. You'll have to figure out the more "technical" stuff first (cleaning, chores, language, etc.) Your english grammar sounds very good so don't worry about your accent and make an effort to speak it. You can worry about the emotional communication stuff once you've settled in.
My blood pressure is so low today I had to leave a shop to go home because of how faint and nauseous I feel. I'm not even old or have any eds, but it's still like that, and it can't be treated like high blood pressure can.
I get the same fainting spells due to low blood pressure. I found they eased off when I started going on regular walks, kinda like training myself to go further distances. Hope you feel better soon ~
Have you ever got your iron checked?
>>60813>just take things one step at a time
ahhhh you're right. we'll figure things out together>This is so exciting anon!
i knowwww she's coming to my country and i wanna do so many things with her, emotional stuff aside i think it'll be really fun teaching a foreigner all the customs and traditions we have here and showing her around
Start taking multivitamins including iron. You can raise your blood pressure by drinking plenty water and consuming drinks containing caffeine or salty food like crackers.
>me at 12: I want a bf but I hate men
>me at 18: I want a bf but I hate men
>me at 30: I want a bf but I hate men
>>60826>me at 10: i don't want a bf but men are cool>me at 13: i don't want a bf and I hate men>me at 16: i want a bf but men don't want me>me at 20: i want a bf but i hate men
>>60810>my gf of 3 months is moving in with me 11 days from now. i feel like we rushed things
don't worry anon, you wouldn't be gay if you didn't
My ex has/had some really depraved kinks, and he basically made me pander to them early on when we were together. I went full retard and accidentally got into them after repeated experiences. Lately, he's been trying to work his way out of those interests and improve, and he has no clue I've actually been getting worse. I can ignore the thoughts for a while, but they always come back, and I literally can't get off without them anymore. It's not even porn. These are all just thoughts in my own head, and I feel like that makes it worse.
I want to explore those things with him again, but I don't want to turn him back into that person. He keeps letting me know that he wants to have sex again, but I'm scared I'll start pushing things in really bad directions if I give in.
I'm really tempted to just get with some other guy who has extremely fucked up fetishes, to the point where there's absolutely no hope for him and no saving him. That way, I can just let everything out on him guilt-free (besides the self-loathing, I mean). The thing is, I can't help but think that hypothetical situation would just end badly for me too, somehow. I don't know what the fuck to do. Everything I find seems to be about porn addiction, but this isn't porn. It's my own decrepit brain. I hate this.
I literally cannot stay away from any of my devices. I spent all day either on a screen or day dreaming in my own head. I have to seriously put a lot of work into creating an environment in which work can be completed. I often feel my head is just too scrambled and I'm better off dead or at least becoming a NEET since I struggle to do such small pathetic tasks.
Don't go putting yourself in a dangerous position and try to challenge your thoughts as much as you can to get past them. We can alter how we think with time and effort anon so good luck.>>60865
i'm a neety neet neet.
are you just getting distracted? depends how far gone you are but doing a dopamine detox helps some people. this NEETY anon found it did not halp at allz though.
what is wrong with having fun though? i spend allz my dayz with the music and anime.
become a NEET! you won't feel any better and maybe feel worse!
what are the kinks?
Also since he's not aware you're into it, maybe he's lying about being over it lol.
I got dropped for being ugly again. I know I’m not a model. I don’t need to be reminded. Why are moids so cruel?
if he dropped you because of being "ugly" he was never worth being with.. hope you can move on. the world is cruel
Seen on /meta/ that an old friend was looking for me so thought I would post my contact for them here as doubt they would check on their meta thread.[email protected]
anon here! (sorry mods if against rules please don't ban me)
I've lived in this town for almost a year now and still have no friends. Fucking covid, but also there isn't a big artistic scene here. I don't know where to find other women who aren't just into barhopping and hiking and floating down the damn river all day in a stupid inner tube.
I wish this site was more active
Me too anon, I moved 3 years ago, made a single acquaintance, no friends. It's so bleak. I love this little town but I'm so lonely.
All male dating coaches and experts teach the idea that it's a feminine trait to seek commitment. Men get taught to wait for the woman to come up with the "what are we?" talk. If a man brings it up, he appears to be insecure and controlling.
Since guys consume such dating coach content, he is more likely to follow this structure of thinking, and it would be your task to ask him about your status.
same, i fucking hate 4chan i only use it because i get replies way faster
>>60930>hiking and floating down the damn river all day in a stupid inner tube.
sounds comfy tbh.
I accidentally sent a text message to the guy who fixes my internet saying "hey [girl's name] at what time should I come over tomorrow" and despite knowing it was a mistake he still replied with "whenever you want" and added a kissing emoji. This guy is much older than me and is married with kids. But I have to put up with his gross comments or I don't get my internet fixed.
Any europoors know if this happens a lot in Europe too? I'll be moving there soon so it would be nice if it were less common.
So I’m married and this is gross.
I would so want someone to tell me if my husband was being a totally fucking creep. Not only for their sake but for mine, too.
Do you have his wife’s number of something?
Like anybody else to fix your internet?
Does he work for a company?
Also I’m in Europe (Germany specifically) and more men leer at me then when I was living in the states so there’s that.
But then again Germans stare at everybody so take that with a grain of salt.
What is it like in Germany compared to the States? And what made you move, if I may ask?
Should I date this moid?
He’s really sweet and into me but he really doesn’t make much money and he’s the same height as me. He’s also not great in bed compared to all the other guys I’ve been with but he’s the only one I’ve slept with that actually wants something more.. he also has mommy issues. Idk if I should try to start a relationship with him or not
mommy issues is the only problem there. if you met him on 4chan, automatic no. only mentioning this because you guys seem to meet men on 4chan a lot.
I met him through work friends. The mommy issues aren’t that bad and I have daddy issues too anyways. He’s great but I hate being seen in public with a 5’7 guy
Why? If you like him, who cares?
Strangers' opinions are worthless. No one will assault you on the street for being the same height as your boyfriend.
It’s nice. There are pros and cons to every place I’ve lived. I’ve moved around a lot. I lived in Japan for ten years growing up then back in the US (all over) and now Germany.
We moved here for work.
I like how quiet people are here in Germany. It reminds me a lot of Japan. While Germans can definitely get rowdy (Oktoberfest is insanity) most of the time people are very quiet.
You can tell who is American just by how loud they are. But
that’s only if they’re speaking English.
Because there are some other Europeans that are pretty freakin loud like Americans are lol
The food is spectacular but the only thing I miss is Mexican food and other Latino and Hispanic food. That is non existent here.
But they have almost everything else.
I also miss southern American style comfort food/soul food, like corn bread and pulled pork.
The population density was the most shocking really. There are just so many people everywhere.
And while I love love
Europe, it’s just so crowded. Everywhere
. That’s not a bad thing mind you. It’s just a thing.
And while it doesn’t feel like it in some places because of infrastructure and how villages are set up, it still was a pretty big culture shock.
While I enjoy visiting cities, I couldn’t live in one. I’ve also spent a lot of time in semi-rural areas where compared to European standards are desolate. Massive wide open spaces. You can see it on google maps.
When you get used to these wide open spaces, especially out west (not the west coast though) you come here and it’s almost like people are living on top of each other. Again, that’s not a bad thing or a criticism
But other than that, I love it. Mind you it’s not that I don’t like European cities; I love them. Art museums are my jam. I just am not a city person in general. Too much noise gives me anxiety.
However, all the different countries just within short distance of each other is fantastic. The cultures are all so different and the continental US states don’t have that.
It’s really comparing apples to oranges honestly.
I saw a dream last night about being in a relationship, and it really ruined my day.
Reason is, I don’t think I’ll ever find a gf (I’m lesbian).
Everytime I think I might have a chance, I get ghosted again.
I never ghost anyone, and I feel awful when ladies string me along for weeks to months before giving up and ghosting on me for good, and I’m sure I reek of desperation because of it.
First the messages get longer and longer, and then she messages more and more rarely before ghosting for good.
Not that it matters. Nothing I do matters. Who cares anymore.
I just want to stop clinging to the delusion that someone will love me one day. The delusion that someone will lay a compassionate gaze upon me, and melt in my embrace. It hurts so much.
When you said "we", do you mean you and your family or you and your partner?
I knew a guy who moved to Japan, because of his dad's job. He never learnt the language, despite living there for several years and felt left out because of it.
And yea, Germans are loud, especially after drinking their beloved beer. Always a great experience to be on public transport, when some soccer match takes place.
As a German, I got to say that there are some places I know that offer Mexican food, at least in large cities in the west. Although most of the food is Turkish here.
The population part is surprising, I thought Americans are used to crowded places. When I think of America, I have all those big cities in mind, which have a much higher population than any German city. But I guess that America is much more than its metropolitan areas, as you said. I wish I can go and live in the US at some point in my life, maybe I could get the opportunity through a job. I've tried to apply for diversity visa, but wasn't chosen in the lottery. I've seen YouTube videos of Texas Germans in small towns, with the old people still speaking German. Would be so cool to explore those places. In general, I believe the US has a lot of different places to explore, from cities to nature and people.
What's also funny to me, you've mentioned that everything is so close to each other. When you're German and you're used to it, you don't really pay attention to that / have a different perspective on it. For Americans it's probably a short ride to drive for 4 hours, while Germans see it as a larger time investment, if that makes sense.
In which area of Germany are you anyway?
How do you all deal with curt and rude-ish employees who make you feel dumb for asking questions? Yeah, maybe my questions were pointless but I neither shouted at him or made a scene like some Karen. What's wrong with wanting to know more about a product I bought? Why did he seem so rude but his female colleague was nice?
This is why I usually don't go back to a store to clarify stuff, to avoid situations like this one.
I don't know what came over me today. I don't want to go outside anymore.
Yeah my family and now my spouse.
We tried some Mexican since being here but after living in Colorado it was um…edible? lol but the Turkish food is wowoowowoowow it fills the spot that Mexican food has left lol yufkas doner kebabs are just Turkish burritos and I love them lol
When I moved from the east coast to Colorado, my spouse and I drove and it took like 3 days of driving about 8 hours a day. It was pretty hardcore.
Denver and other big cities in the US are similar in terms of how crowded it “feels”.
But the infrastructure here in Europe is so much better.
Suburbs in the US are awful. But
outside of the suburban nightmare and
glaring problems the US has (but all countries have their problems some more than others except places like N Korea they’re just all bad-the government not the ppl), the US is a massive country. While there isn’t many different cultures
per se, it’s the untouched wild nature that is fantastic.
Also, small towns can be so interesting (creepy) and fascinating depending on where you are in the country.
Anyways that all leads me to ask do you work in tech? If you work in a field that is eligible for visa maybe that could work outside of diversity visa?
I’m in Rheinland-Pfalz, you?
Well if he was being a jerk or an employee is being a jerk I say sorry for bother you and ask a different employee.
Don't get this obsession with not "being a Karen" when employees treat you like shit.
im strongly considering alcoholism or drug use just to feel something. i love being drunk alone in my room vibing to music or a movie and enjoying being in my own head in that state. my life is literally unbearable sober and i wish i could be drunk all the time
Glad you enjoy Turkish food, as it's basically ubiquitous here, so there's no way that you run out of it haha. I cannot judge how good the Mexican food here is, since I assume you guys had the "original" stuff in the US, but I liked what I had so far.
The longest trips I had were during my exchange semester in Russia. Had my own bed in a 2 day train trip to Saint Petersburg and it felt like a world tour, because I'm used to 3h trips max from living in Germany.
About the infrastructure, better in what way? I heard that public transport is basically non-existent in the US, as you mostly rely on your car to move around.
No, please don't destroy my dream about America's suburbs haha. In my imagination it's a paradise, with a nice community to feel at home with.
Undeniably, the nature is unbelievably beautiful from what I've seen on the internet so far. This also comes from the fact that America has multiple climate zones, making for a very diverse nature.
I'm about to be finished with my information systems degree and got a job secured in external information systems auditing, so it's basically tech in a business context. What industry are you in?
From my point of view, I just think about the US migration system as being "survival of the fittest", where only the best are chosen based on the usefulness of their skillsets for the country. And I wouldn't consider myself to be "best", compared to other talented people from around the world, who also want to migrate.
Funny that you mention Rheinland-Pfalz. My first suggestion for you would've been to visit the city of Trier, as it's not as large, but surrounded by beautiful nature and has old Roman architecture, such as the Porta Nigra. I'm from Nordrhein-Westfalen.
If you have any questions specific to issues in Germany, you can also feel free to ask.
>>61060>About the infrastructure, better in what way? I heard that public transport is basically non-existent in the US, as you mostly rely on your car to move around.
NTA, but the most apparent issue is that outside some very specific cities, public transit is non-existent. You have a car or you have a bad time. A lot less obvious is the fact that outside major cities infrastructure is incredibly poorly maintained. In contrast to Germany, for example which has about 2 meters of road per a person, the US has about 20 meters of road per a person. This means US citizens would need to be taxed 10x as much as Germans just to maintain the same level of road quality, obviously, this is not the case. So US roads outside of cities are really fucking shitty.
same. i’ve been getting hammered every day for the past week. last night i threw up a little but i was having a lot of fun. vining to music while drunk is top tier.
All man should die painfully
You cute, where you from?
Saint Petersburg would be amazing! I’ve always loved the buildings. I want to see the Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood before I die. >>61069
is right about the infrastructure of the US. Even in cities there is hardly any room to walk. I love that European cities have designed areas where pedestrians have designated pedestrians only areas (like shopping districts). It’s amazing (and also more quiet for my poor sensitive overstimulated brain lol).
And you’re right about public transport. If you’re outside of a major metropolitan area and you don’t have a car, you’re basically out of luck as there is almost zero public transport.
When my spouse and I moved to Germany, we were blown away by the European train system.
Really rural areas, like here in Germany (and the rest of Europe) don’t need a robust public transport system. That would really just be a waste of resources. But
there is a push for an actual high speed public rail system that is cost friendly to the public. The railway lines are already there but Amtrak is stupid expensive. It’s cheaper to fly. One of the reasons why the US never developed a robust public railway system past the 40s was due to the automobile industry lobby.
Well. Okay. Suburbs
. Oof. Welp. There are the ticky-tacky mchousing suburbs that are about 80% of what suburbs are now. That’s the suburban nightmare. No one knows each other. All the houses look the same. The constitution is super crappy for the price you pay. No community.
And then there are neighborhoods
. Think areas around main street USA. I lived in a house near walking distance of a downtown once. It was built in the mid 50s. Omg that
was a dream. That’s what you want. Not some current suburban idea. The original idea of suburbia. Its called the street car suburbs. It’s always within walking distance (or a bit father depending) of Main Street regardless of if the town has a street car or not. Newer towns don’t really have this but old towns and cities do. They are amazing.
Gah! I’m in Info science! I’m working on my masters degree right now! That’s so awesome that you’re in info systems! Go girls in stem fields!
Yeah I think that’s true about the US immigration system. I’ve looked up other places like Austria and Switzerland and they’re really, really hard to immigrate too as well. If I remember correctly, Switzerland is harder than the US?
Oh Trier is amazing! I don’t think I’ve been to Porta Nigra though. I’ll put that on my list!
Oh I’ve been to Düsseldorf! We went to the Classic Remise, my husband loved it lol
Saint Petersburg is the most beautiful place I've been to and since it was my exchange semester, it will probably remain the best experience of my life to have been to Russia.
I can't upload videos unfortunately and there are too many pictures to show as well, but there is so much to see, and so many museums to visit, it's just amazing.
The only thing to keep in mind is the fact that it's still Russia, outside of the historical places, you will find yourself in typical commieblocks. But since I dig the melancholic atmosphere of those places, I actually enjoyed it.
Düsseldorf is decent, has its nice places, but is pretty expensive to live in.
From the point of view of an EU citizen, it actually is pretty easy to migrate to Austria and Switzerland. You would just need to find a job within 6 months I think. But I don't know how difficult it is for people outside of the EU.
Oh, I'll have to look up street car suburbs, thanks for the tip. Growing up, we were not the richest, and many middle-class Germans live in their "Einfamilienhaus" in a nice community, which I always saw as the ideal way to live. So when I saw American suburbs, I projected the idea that it must be what people strive towards.
Speaking of infrastructure, it was so funny to see Russian roads outside the cities. Basically death traps, with the way Russians drive.
This is from the second world war museum, which honors the people of Saint Petersburg for their resistance during the city's blockade. It is one of the hero cities, and close to the museum is the victory park. There's just really too much to tell about that city.
What fascinated me is that there's no hate towards Germans, despite the city's history. I would've assumed people would bring up the past a lot, but all people are happy to talk to Germans, especially if they speak Russian as well.
That’s so cool.
Sorry I had this huge response typed out but the mods banned me for some reason and I lost my freaking response.
I’m really glad we talked anon. I hope you get to visit the US someday at least to see all the Nature!
Oh, that sucks.
Thank you, let's see what the future brings.
I hope you and your family have a great time in Germany. Liked our convo too!
She looked cute today with her little Farrah Fawcett hair. Really wanted to rub my cheek on it
My job pays so little I can't even stand it. I make $23/hr in accounting. There are unskilled laborers I run the paychecks of who make $25/hr plus tips. There was a low class woman on the bus who was talking on the phone complaining that she makes $20/hr in retail. My job requires a university degree and previous experience. Every single day at work I'm at the verge of crying at my desk. How can I be expected to live like this? This career used to be a middle class income, now I make the same as cashiers. What the fuck?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!? And boomers think everything is just fine and I'm just lazy and entitled.
When my coworkers are rude sometimes I think about murdering them and how good it would feel. I distract myself by thinking about anime boys.
idk people should really think twice before being rude to someone needlessly.
Where the fuck do you live where retail workers make 20 an hour
seriously, where. even in manhattan they're not making this. san fran maybe?
I heard Wal-Mart is offering that now where I live (Rocky mountain area) because COVID has made them so understaffed. The inflation is going to be so bad.
I'm trying to get in contact with my family again.
My biological mother was a drug addict that neglected me and made me watch porn when I was a toddler. I have so little respect for her that I'm legally changing my name since I was named after her. I have not seen her or the rest of her family since I was a toddler.
I want to meet the rest of my family but not her… I know it wasn't my aunts and uncles fault, and especially not my cousin's, so I want to spend a few days with them sometime. How do you do that? I was briefly in contact with my aunt but she didn't respond to my email. I'm in contact with my great uncle too and he is a very good man, but he is also separated from the rest of the family.
I'm scared I'll finally meet my aunts and uncles, then my biological mother will find out, and have some sort of breakdown after discovering I never want to meet her. It is a traumatic thing to lose a child, but it's not worth putting my trauma aside. I dunno.
Should I leave my current job after 3 months there miners ?
It pays awfully (25% below market rate) and the management is retarded and keeps yeeting people around (including me) at whatever project strikes their fancy this month.
But something that bothers me even more is the absolute lack of technical skills in the entire company. The projects I work on are really basic, and yet the people there don't seem to have a good grasp of hiw things work. I was hoping to find a mentor of sorts to grow my skills when I joined, but that is obviously not happening. There is also pretty much no hope of advancement in the company, if it even stays alive (It's a startup if you hadn't guessed by now.)
I have lost all motivation to work for them, and just do the absolute bare minimum, which takes me one hour a day. I can't really muster the strength to work more anyways.
There's also the fact that the management has been putting pressure on people to work at night for basically no pay. I refused obviously, and I will never budge on this, but some of my colleagues have succumbed.
The only things that might make me want to stay are the fact that it's a remote position and that I can pretty much just work 5~10 hours a week without anyone noticing anything. Also the fear of unemployment, and having to find another job. I imagine leaving after 3 months would not look good on my resume.
I know the ideal solution is to work there until I find anothrr job, but I have to decide whether to leave or sign a contract which will prevent me from quitting for the next 5 months. I also have zero energy to look for a job while also working this one.
Please offer me your wisdom wise cafe-goers
From your post it doesn't sound like you have another job offer available. I would recommend you prepare your resume, start applying to other places immediately, and after you have some offers for other jobs, threaten to leave the company if you don't get a raise of promoted. You should have a fully articulated argument for how it benefit your boss to either give you a raise or promote you, and a set of consequences for you leaving (what you support on your project, why what you do is important). If your boss promotes you, A grade, looks fantastic on your resume and maybe it will convince you to stay, boss says no? Walk away, he can't stop you.
This of course assumes you have the other job, you can try and be this ballsy without the other job prospect, and it can work, but you have to be prepared to be jobless to bargain from a position of strength.
I think your reasons to stay are enough for 5 more months. If I were in your position, paranoia about the delta variant snowballing into a big deal would make me want to stick it out at a remote job a little while longer.
The lack of a mentor/growth is troubling, is this the kind of gig where you could be working on certifications on the side (or even on company time, given nobody notices your 10 hour weeks)?
I don't really want to extort them. I'm doing very small amounts of work and honestly I can't muster up the will to do more for them. The company is run by idiots, like I said.
I do not have another offer lined up, but I did not have the strength to search for another job while I was on this one. However, I do not mind being jobless for a few months. I am simply worried that leaving this early will make me unemployable.
Your strategy is sound, however if I choose to stay, I have to sign a contract which states I can't leave of my own accord for the next 5 months (have to get employer's agreement, which they're never going to give me, or do a no-show and wait to be fired). I'd basically be locked in for 5 months if I chose to continue, which is a long time to spend in this mess of a company, hence why I am so torn up over this.
It's not really the kind of job where certifications are involved, but I could certainly work on personal projects on company time.
The thing is, this job just sucks the life from me. Sounds paradoxical, given how little I actually do, and I can't actually explain why, but at the end of the day I just don't have the will to do anything.
I suppose it's similar to what happens to people who experience brown-out.
I understand, especially the unique agony of having superiors that are just braindead. You mentioned in a different comment you'd be okay being jobless for a few months, so I'd bounce. Enjoy the rest of your summer!
I don't know why I'm getting my hopes up
This will fail just like everything else. I'm not meant to do this. My art is bad and no one wants to read what I have to say. It's silly to dream if you're me
I feel like shit. That's all.
My bf refuses to share a bathroom with me
at first he tried to organize my stuff for me in an attempt to keep the bathroom tidy, but I'd have trouble finding things so I asked him to stop that, eventually he just stopped and moved all his stuff to the guest bathroom
I know I'm kind of in the wrong here, but I don't know, I'm kind of miffed despite knowing that I really shouldn't be.
Sharing a bathroom is not only horrible but also disgusting. I wish my bf was like that.
You are the one at fault here. You are miffed because your boyfriend has a higher standard than you, and you are being judged by that standard. Your options are to improve or to keep mulling over those feelings as your inadequacies are reflected onto you. Is it that important? No, but you're the one posting about it, so obviously it's that important to you.
I wish I could be so much more grateful for my life. I often sit in despair wanting to push for more, while wanting to sit down and be more happy with the small stuff. It's like an emotional rollercoaster sometimes.
Stupid. I’m married and my husband and I share a bathroom. Growing up my brother and I shared a bathroom.
Just don’t shit in the bathroom and if you do don’t keep your toothbrush in there or lower the lid on the toilet bowl. >>61243
I mean it’s really not that big of a deal but if you're that bothered by it, >>61253
so i've picked up a new hobby and i already want to drop it, i get bored easily. i can't commit to anything lol.
I'm thinking of dating a boy but I feel like a total creep.
For context I was a stupid teen and was in 3 different situations where I let older men do creepy things. When I was 16 a guy tried to groom me then introduced me to 4chan and shit. At 17 my first boyfriend had graduated high school already and I was in junior year. 2nd boyfriend was 8 years older and a straight up pedophile wannabe, but I had just turn 18 so I thought it was ok. Both of them cheated on me and made me do weird stuff sexually that I wasn't comfortable with.
Now I'm 20 and the guy I'm interested in is 18 and is graduating high school this Summer. He has to do some late learning program to graduate because he moved here from another country. I don't want him to feel like I manipulated him into it or anything. Should I just go find someone else?
he is an adult, and I assume you have no plans to manipulate or abuse him, so just go for it.
I'm 1kg away from quitting all my diet and exercise plans and start treating myself with ice-cream and chocolate again as a consolation for my previous life choices. I would spend the whole summer watching Grey's Anatomy (which youtube recommended me) or rewatching SATC if I could. I have 2 weeks to look decent to a small holiday I will spend in a place with a pool, where I will be seen wearing a bikini or short dresses.
fucking same, I can't pick up the one thing and continue with it
Date him, you seem way to empathic to manipulate anyone.
But be aware that he could still try to manipulate you.
Everyone is against me today
God just fuck them all don't they realize they're the only things keeping me here and how bad I need someone to comfort me and tell me it's okay. I don't need someone to give me tough love. All I ever had was tough love. Fuck all these shitty people. They all want me to die. If this day happened to me a couple months ago maybe I'd be a meat pancake. But I have something to live for now. I have the tiniest sliver of hope that things might get better. So fuck all of them I am going to keep trying. If this doesn't work then I'll kill myself but until then I will keep going to spite them.
Okay I think I'm fine now I'm a rock in the sewer all this bullshit just flows around me. Ommmm
I miss my mom. My parents relocated across the country when my dad got a promotion and I feel guilty about only missing my mom and not my dad.
Moms are just better than dads.
My dad only ever knew how to show affection by buying me things because he was always working or traveling for work. He would work during family vacations, and he was always on his work email for something no matter where he was.
I see one of my male co-workers doing the same thing and it makes me sad. His daughter is going to end up with daddy issues like me if he keeps it up.
I also kind of hate myself for doing the same thing though, so I'm not one to talk. If I had a work phone with my work email on it, I'd likely also always be doing work too.
There's no way I can have kids with the way I am and expect them to come out okay, the earth is dying anyway so they won't even have a habitable planet to live on.
I wish my dad would have just turned down the promotion so I could see my mom more.
do you have younger siblings? or does he give you financial support? If I no longer had kids to provide for I don't think I'd accept a promotion, I'd value time with my kids instead. That's just me though, some people actually like working I think.
I keep getting these images in my mind of me shooting myself in the head and all of my thoughts are about how useless I am and how my life is going nowhere. I don't know why
I'm the youngest and all my siblings are self sufficient. The man is just a workaholic who doesn't want to retire. He has more than enough wealth to live more than comfortably for the remainder of his life.
He doesn't know how to not work, I would much rather have a father than an inheritance
i'm always worried my friends will get tired of my shit and secretly dislike my company
I get stressed over minor things, my brain goes a bit scrambly.
If someone is on the phone to me I have to listen very carefully and make sure they relay instructions to me slowly. Then if I have time schedules to meet I have to think about how I get there and what time I leave and if my dog is alone in the house aaaaaaaa
It just kind of got worse and worse for me and now I'm half crazy from it and friendless
I would say nip it in the bud if you can
I don't get why my ex sent me this.https://www.youtube.com/embed/rptLcA0E4ps
Is he saying he regrets tossing me aside like trash for not being attractive enough or was the time we spent so worthless he laments that the memories like this he made don't "count"? Right up to the fake smiles and pretending I don't feel dead inside part. Sometimes I question why I'm still friends with someone who is either too much of a coward to be honest about his regrets or is such a moron he unironically thinks it's possible to try to keep some kind of FWB relationship with an ex and not make her grow to resent him. Moids perplex me and I wish I wasn't so spineless and considerate of a person who clearly doesn't consider me even half as much. At least I can think of every excuse under the sun to not give him the "benefits" he seems to want all the time I guess.
You're depressed and need to talk to a shrink.
It's just a two year age difference, anon. I'd say go for it but if it bothers you then cut your losses and move on.
Well, do you have any counter-evidence that your life is indeed going somewhere?
I'm in the midst of an identity crisis and it's fucking killing me.
yeah, even being a situation where you have paranoia is favourable from being a total loner
I have no one to talk to but I don't want to post online where there are trolls lurking. Sad. I should start writing in a diary.
Last night at approximately 11:30 I vomited on my mom's work bag, it's like a fabric suitcase that carries files and her laptop.
So I HURBURLURBLRLRLR over the mirror, the floor, my sleeve and this work bag, and I managed to wipe it off everything BUT the bag, and there's white stuff in the zipper parts. She hasn't noticed it yet, but I think it's going to smell soon, and then I may have to tell her, but she might get angry. But I had to wipe quickly because she makes me go to bed at 10:30 normally, I'm not allowed to be downstairs past then. So I had to leave it after so many attempts to wipe it. I hope she doesn't find out.
How old are you anon? Why do you have a bedtime?
Also, that sucks. Having an upset stomach and vomiting all over the place is bad enough as it is, but having people get mad at you for it is the worst.
I'm 18 but it was for high school so I would wake up in time (im done now) but now it's summer the sun rises early so my mother rises early too due to the light so I have to be silent after 10:30.
Also thank you queen, I'm fine now but it's sweet of you to understand the pain of vomiting on everything lol
That's a pretty good idea. I don't think I can take the zipper part off, but she's going out this evening, so I can take all her things out the bag, submerge the bag in the bath, and then dry it with a hairdryer. Thank you anon, I think this could work.
Since leaving school I've been quite lonely. I've become such a shut in and engaged in unsociable hobbies that aren't very productive. I have a few contacts but I fantasise about meeting new people all the time or atleast getting the chance to gain one true friend I can be clingy with. The weather's been so nice lately and I wish I had was enjoying it with someone. I'm even more bummed out I didn't pick up a part time job when I was younger so I could at least have some co-workers in my life.
Man, I just want to enjoy the rare bit of sunshine we get. And a hug.
>>61429>I would much rather have a father than an inheritance
a tale as old as time
>get a full time job at a furniture store
>it fucking sucks and i hate it
>capitalism has made it so that it's either slaving away or not affording neccessities
AAAA I just want to be a neet forever
I get it and I'm so sorry you aren't feeling so happy because of it. I don't know if by leaving school you're a graduated senior from hs (bc same if so), but I dislike the lack of structure and never appreciated how easy it was to talk to people my age when I was at school. And yeah, I talked to lots of people, but was never close with anyone.
If I had one true friend it would be a lot easier. I'm tired of going out by myself in this nice weather, it feels pointless by myself. This is the worst age to be a loser lol. (but a sad, acquiescent lol i mean). I hope you get a friend. The fact that many other people feel this way probably means you have some opportunity to make one.
I was cyberstalking my friend's friend because I'm a madwoman, and I think I accidentally found out my friend is a certified piece of shit.
The Friend's-friend posted about an abusive ex and detailed some horrid shit he did. Now, I have no proof it's my friend - I've never met friend's-friend and he allegedly wasn't dating her when I asked if she was his gf. But I did notice they had a falling out last year and mutual friends of theirs also unfollowed him.
Since I don't actually know anyone in this group it could definitely be someone else and the drama with my friend was separate, but it doesn't look great. I really thought they were dating before I asked and he could just have lied lmao.
He's always been overly kind with me (as nice as a man can be) and even the opposite of shit this bf did to friend's-friend. I'd assume he'd do this specific shit to every woman but who knows. Some men lose their morals only when dating a woman.
Just feels bad to stay his bro if he's abused women. But I also don't know if it's him and can't ask directly because it would out me as a weirdo. I'll have to covertly ask about her or befriend her friends or something.
You sound like you have paranoia.
My boyfriend plays with toys
He orders these new beyblades from japan and is obsessed with them, I don't know what to think
I guess I can kind of understand, they are pretty interesting, but still…
He has a hobby, just let him have the hobby. It's not like he's decorating the house with beyblade merchandise right? He's not asking you to fuck on the beyblade bed?
I guess I am just fishing for validation, I know it's not uncommon for them to have hobbies that don't "fit their age".
tons of people have hobbies and interests that don't "fit their age", and that's just fine. the question is how much it intrudes on normal life. if it becomes an extremely expensive hobby you're uncomfortable with the cost of, or if he wants to play with beyblades rather than working when necessary or tending to his responsibilities, or if he's turning the house into a beyblade shrine, it can be troubling.
ultimately, you aren't forced to stay with someone who has an obsession with tops though if you don't want to. it's whatever you're comfortable with. it can be normal, people like kids toys for reasons, but it is a pretty stupid toy imho.
my insecurities got the better of me I guess
he's been trying to get me into them as well, and it's actually fascinating the things they can do these days
I guess they have to innovate to survive in a market when kids can just go play the latest F2P game on their phone.
>>61586>and it's actually fascinating the things they can do these days
what do they do?
they have these tiny mechanisms that transform mid fight now, saw a few tops that'd suddenly speed up mid fight and it's like something out of an anime
they even got motorized ones now that give an extra boost in speed or make the tops spin the other way mid fight.
For a side note, I don't stalk his friends to learn about him. I do it to get social needs met without having to meet and be judged by them. They all seem like cool people who party and shit, which is interesting to observe but not desirable in my life. And vice versa; I understand I am a wet blanket to such people.
I just like this friend a lot and it would be sad if he was awful.
There's oreo cheescake in the fridge right know. It would be very inconvenient for me to eat it since I'm not doing exercise regularly and I've actually gained some weight. I've tried to talk about my circulatory problems with my mother but she laughs at me, just like she didn't care about my first stretch marks when I was a preteen. On top of that, my sister is the one who made the cake and she is skinny as fuck (eats very small portions) and she will likely won't taste her fucking cake. I feel like she's trying to ridicule me for telling her calmly the other day why I don't like her at all and why I don't have to work on ''our relationship'' because she's been a childish bitch since I was born and still is.
Don't eat the cake, just drink a ton of water or tea. If you're doing it to fill a void, don't, you'll never feel enough if it's an emotional hole. Yeah, it's a poopy thing of her to do.
I don't know why you dislike your sister. It can be worth it to make small steps to get on better, but maybe she's unreasonable.
I don't thimk I can keep going. I just don't see any reason. I live in a shitty country where you earn like 1% of what you normally make in any normal country. Even third world countries earn way more. My family has a lot of debts, my mom can't keep working and they're doing everything they can to help me study but I'm not good enough at anything. They've sold a lot of things to pay for my education, but I keep failing in all my classes and they don't know about it. I feel like the biggest piece of shit. Today I've been crying all day because they sent me my grades and they are awful again, but my parents think I'm doing great because I've always been the good daugther, because I used to be the smart child who helped their parents and I never gave them a reason for not to trust in me, because I'm too scared of how they'll feel when they know that I'm a failure. They believe me everything and that hurts even more, because I know they love me, I know they work hard to give me a chance for my future. They want me to finish my education and find me a way to leave this shithole, but I can't make it. I honestly try, but I just can't focus on studying, I can't remember the dates, I can't do anything. Sometimes when I'm trying to study I just end up crying because I feel so stupid for not being able to understand anything.
I guess I could try to be honest with them and accept my life working in a shitty job for the rest of my life, but I don't think I'm capable of keeping a job. I can't focus on anything, even writing this is hard.
I tried talking with an old friend which I haven't talk in a while because I really needed to talk with someone and she tried to understand, but at the end she just told me "Why don't you try going to therapy?". I wish I could, but we're barely eating, we don't have the money for those things. I don't blame her for not understanding, because she left the country years ago before this turned into a nightmare, but still… I wish someone could hug me and tell me everything is going to okay, but I don't have anyone.
I'm supposed to graduate at the end of the year, so they'll know eventually, but I don't know what to do. My mom will fucking die when she finds out.
I wish I could die tonight while I'm sleeping
Thank you, I will take some tea between meals and avoid the sweet sin. Only wished I had some better quality green tea!
As for my relationship with her goes, I'm not comfortable letting her approach me neither I want to be involved in her life at all. I'm pretty sure about the last thing but again thanks for talking to me.>>61639>:(
Anon, I'm sorry to hear that, really. Being unable to focus is very familiar to me and it has also affected my studies. Have you always had this difficulty to focus? Has it gotten worst as you grow up? For the last couple years I have felt particulary unfocused and things have now slowly gotten better. My economical situation is not good either (debts,only small spendings allowed, etc). In order to pay my education I've relied on scholarships, those my country gives to students whose parents (in my case my mother, my father is deceased) earn little. This is unrelated to grades, so as far as you pass a certain number of subject you will have the money. Does your country have something similar? I'm assuming you're in your last year of HS so maybe this isn't an option yet, but if by any chance you're in college you could ask for those even if you need to repeat the last year of college, and if you would like to start college next year this is something to bear in mind. I hope you have another chance after summer to do the exams again.
It is extremely important that you fix you attention span. A proper nutrition (iron and B12 are very important for this, also magnesium) is key. I know fancy food and quality fruit, vegetables, fish and meat are expensive, but in summer fruit is very affordable, specially if you buy things from your local area. Meat and fish about to expire usually become cheaper on supermarkets. You could search for some affordable vitamins in a pharmacy. Avoiding bad habits and meditating can help too. And then there's the ''serotoning retriction'' thing, I can't remember the exact name. Is when you cut off spontaneous desires like finding a video on yt, eating random snacks or whatever your gut asks you to do without thinking. It's about learning self control while dedicating all that time to the things you MUST do.
What would you like to do with your life if thing get better? Establishing reasonable goals is a healthy way to approach your future.
I hope something of what I've said is of any help to you.
Not the anon you were talking to but this is really good advice. >>61645
I hope you can find a scholarship to get out of the country. Maybe the lack of focus is from emotional stress? Finding things that make you laugh and venting in a diary could help, but your situation isn't one I understand first hand and I'm sorry you're dealing with this much. Also, try reading the questions on the material, and then reading the material. It puts it into perspective and it makes a little more sense. Much love anon.
You single-handedly fuel my misogyny, because I’ve never seen a moid who would have the personality of overcooked rice. That said, rice doesn’t make me nauseous, unlike talking to you. You’re like a Sunday school preacher who’s for all the good and against all the bad, except you have an unrealistically low plank for what you consider bad, and the moment i cross it, you start painfully twisting my nipples until you’re tired. You always try to be as inoffensive as chewed crumb, except that you want others to be so, and except that this behavior is sickening. A person doesn’t have to larp as nice and gentle all the time, you aren’t a fucking smurf villager, being straightforward or having some confidence isn’t bad, you castrated sloth. You always act like you have the moral high ground, and when I disagree, that’s when you squeeze your toxic glands and shower me with their goo. You never came across as a big schizo but damn, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why do I have to watch myself with you as if I were talking to my grandma? Also, you’re a shit friend. Knowing someone over the internet doesn’t always equal physical friendships for everyone, but you still pretend I’m some kind of hacker and never share anything personal at all. Like I’ll fucking dox you if you ever reveal your brother’s name. Or anyone’s, really. The only name I know from your life is of your dumb old cat. And whenever there’s a [n imaginary] conflict of interests that puts me on one side and some random fucker on the opposite, you always choose to white-knight the other person and shit on me. Or even when there’s no conflict at all, I am the last to get a piece of your precious normie attention. I get it, we aren’t soulmates, but why do I still have to be the one doing the dirty job of bearing with your toxic niceness and let it slip? If you had at least one vertebra in your spine, you could just tell me you don’t want to be friends. Four years ago, as I was scrolling through that app, I saw a photo of a teen girl who looked like an elementary school librarian. I thought, if I practice with an NPC, it’s still practice. Well fuck. Big mistake. I am tired of trying to open the door to the engaging part of your personality because it seems there’s nothing behind. Fuck you, cunt.
wall of text warning.. sorry
I have this online friend I've known for around a year that I feel really close to, a lot closer than most friends I have even IRL and we've shared a lot together. I know what some will think, that it's not real or online friendships can't be real, etc, but he has been a good friend to me.
anyway. we used to talk every single day but in the past two months that has slowed down significantly. part of that is because we both have gotten busier and can't just talk all the time like we used to but another thing is he has been suffering from really bad depression and stress lately. it's gotten to the point where our interactions have grinded to a halt, and it feels like our friendship is basically on pause. I checked up on him two months ago after it had been nearly a week without a word, and he got back to me the same day and we had a conversation about his stress, what he was going through, anxiety, panic attacks, etc. we ended off by saying our good nights and I asked him to check up when he can so I know he's doing well. I cringe at this in retrospect.. he probably felt like I was mommying him. anyway. I got nothing for two weeks and got worried so I messaged again just checking in, he apologized for not saying anything and said that the stress has been making it hard for him to reach out and that he's wanted some alone time. I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he said not really, so we talked about some other stuff until the conversation died. since then, it's been over two weeks now without a word again and I'm feeling that urge to check in again but I feel like such a both. it's something I've done twice now and I just get the vibe that he doesn't want to talk to me right now, but I also really need someone to talk and agh.. I just feel selfish. maybe I am overthinking it and he wouldn't be bothered but it really does feel like that, like he's lost interest in speaking to me and our friendship is fading. the talks slowing down before this big loss of communication between us is what really got me all anxious and worked up I think. idk. I'm just nervous.
what should I do? even just an hour ago I debated sending a message like "it's been a while, how have things been with you?" but something about it feels wrong or like I shouldn't. and I feel like maybe I should wait for him to send something first when he's ready. I know I must sound obsessive and stupid writing all this and trust me I have been trying to keep myself busy and distracted.. work, exercise, reading, hobbies, etc. I just can't help it.
TL;DR: I've had little to no communication with a friend I care deeply about for two months, I've checked in twice with some success but weeks between every interaction, wanting to check in a third time but not sure if it's a good idea or if I should just wait for him to come to me.
I feel like I've been choosing men over the mere fact they gave me attention and weren't optionally mean to me. Which led me a quite miserable dating life. I'm 18 years old, now, and I've lived 3 awful relationships and one that was pretty much grooming (i was just 15 when he was an adult).
I started my dating life in quite a desperate cry for help in the end of middle school because I craved internet attention to escape the fact other girls bullied me at school. These girls made my childhood and coming of age part of my life awful and made myself deeply misogynistic if not totally hateful towards my female peers.
So here I was dating men for long-term relationships with almost little to no break in-between as a massive cope for my loneliness and these men weren't the most respectful. I was just a bro with a vagina for them because I don't have enough of a feminine aura but have lots of male aura. And this confusion made me believe I was a ftm for quite the long time. While in fact I just need a supportive lady group, because I never got to know one and keep hiding behind a tomboyish style and way of though. I just wish to be feminine.
My mom didn't let me hang out after school with anybody , my mom also refused pajama parties with girls so eventually, my mom made me cut ties with any other girls of my age and totally forbid me to date anyone… Which made me date people in secret and it lead to quite de desastreous result.
I repeat myself by saying that but.. I really wish to be cute, to be elegant, not a femme Fatale but just a cute and elegant girl.. I'm tired of letting myself go, never styling my short hair nor wax or shave because I find it too painful or put make up, i just look like a butch Lesbian when I'm pretty much heterosexual or maybe biscum. Adding to that that I'm still sort of young, I am 18, and i still don't know if I'll go to university or ask for online formations because I'm too afraid of men(i want to study informatics and maths, a mostly masculine field).
I really wish to stop being a tomboy. Tomboys don't attract men, they attract boys that don't want to be anything more than a casual relationship, which I'm not into, because I'm tired of being used as a ladder.
I've seen some publications about how to train your feminine aura but i really come from far far far away I'd need a group to help me out and support me.
Also I do seek therapy but therapies aren't like a friend group, therapy makes you feel heard and cope about the past, a friend group is for present and future. Thank you for reading
What’s hard about styling your hair or wearing feminine clothes? I can understand shaving takes time and brings a little pain, but hair and wardrobe are quite easy to fix. Unless you’re curly
I have curly hair but not like afro afro, just Mediterranean curly (i have North African genes) and I cut my hair real short the other day out of spite of my womanhood.
Do you have curly hair salons where you live? If you’re amerimutt, there’s Deva Curl. They give all kinds of haircuts. I think it’s worth to grow it a little bit, curly hair looks gorgeous when it’s taken care of, the problem is the said care can be tricky.
There's nothing wrong with saying hi or checking in. By the sound of it there's not even a potential for it to be annoying since you are speaking so infrequently. If that bothers him it's on him and not you.
I don't know about informatics, but my pure math classes were about 30% female. Not too bad compared to other stem fields (my cs/applied math courses were 90-95% male).
>>61675> I'm 18 years old, now, and I've lived 3 awful relationships and one that was pretty much grooming (i was just 15 when he was an adult).> my mom made me cut ties with any other girls of my age and totally forbid me to date anyone
Hod did that even happen if she forbid you? Your mother was probably trying to protect you. The other things she forbid you don't make any sense but this… Does she even know you have dated men? Did you sleep with them?
Sounds like he found a new female emotional tampon tbqh :/
I feel awful for being such an emotionally and verbally abusive piece of shit to my ex boyfriend. I want to apologise at times but I know I would probably only make things worse. To be fair, I was often on drugs, but that doesn’t excuse it. I don’t even recognise that person I used to be. I feel so much guilt for hurting the poor dude. He didn’t deserve it. It saddens me that I will forever be that abusing bitch in his mind.
I could date men when I could make enough plausible lies. I lied to my mom to hang out with with exes, i lost my v card last month because I thought that i could keep a man with sex. And now i hate myself for it because I didn't save my first time for the right one.
Thanks anon. It makes me feel better to know about someone that got better. I was freaking out last night and I still feel sad, but I feel better right now.
I'm in college, but I'm fairly young to be in my last year.
My country has scholarships, but it isn't easy to get one. You need to know someone who works for the government, be a supporter of the main party or be the perfect student. I probably would have more luck looking for someone to pay for my education, because there is plenty of people who help people from my country.
Eating better isn't an option. I don't think I'm eating everything I need, but I don't think what I'm eating is awful.
The serotoning restriction sounds good, I'll read about it.>>61664>Maybe the lack of focus is from emotional stress?
Yeah, probably. My mom is sick and my dad works almost 24/7, and I managed to get out from an abussive relationship just when the pandemic was starting. Since then, I've been at home pretty much all the time. The only social interaction I have is with a few internet friends and the rest is just cooking, studying and cleaning.
I was trying to hide how all these makes me feel, but I don't think is helping me at all.
I feel really alone and rejected. I don't know what to do with myself either in terms of goals and fixing myself. I don't feel passionate about anything. I just feel numb and selfish for existing. I'm pretty sure no one will ever like me or be a genuine friend and it is miserable to come to terms with it.
Because I know if someone had acted that way towards me then popped up years later just to say sorry, I probably wouldn’t give them the time of day unless I was sure they really meant it. Idk. I guess I just want to lessen my guilt conscience. But I am genuinely remorseful for it.
I sent something to him. we will see how it goes. tbh at best I'm just expecting a brief conversation and then the same long communication drought to happen again.. and if that is the case then I will just try to cut my losses as best as I can and stop investing but leave the door open to him. that way I stop disappointing myself but he can still come and say something if he wants. but who knows maybe this will go better than I think.. not crossing my fingers tho
I’m sure he’d be elated to talk to you again
Ok but you’re not thinking like a moid
You should talk about the state of your communication if you don't want it to become infrequent again. If he's made a pattern out of growing distant from you before, he can probably do it again.
As soon as a guy feels like you will orbit him, he gets very arrogant and will pick you up and drop you when he pleases. Ignore him back and I guarantee he will become interested again. Its just how stupid moid brains act. Dont be a doormat, it already sounds like he is using you as an emotional tampon.
you just sound boring. get a hobby lol
I'm so tired of our neighbors dragging their kid around our yard every single day and constantly finding excuses for us to entertain the kid or hold or feed or whatever the fuck comes to their mind next. If you weren't prepaired to have a child then they shouldn't have had it. #2 is on the way as well, which is great, ANOTHER kid that'll just get dragged along and need to be taken care of.
It's not like the kid has nothing else to do. They're pretty well of, shower the kid with toys, are basically constantly around him etc. Raising a kid isn't easy, I understand. But I'm not gonna take care of someone else's kid. I should not be expected to drop everything I'm doing at the moment because it feels bored. We all have our lives to live.
My sister wore a low cut top showing her cleavage. Just a simple cute crop top, nothing sexual. And my boyfriend stared at it continuously, so obviously too. he thought he was so discrete. He got a raging boner and tried to hide it. It was so obvious he had one coz he crossed his legs and adjusted his pockets.
Why can’t my boyfriend get boners only for me.
I don’t get wet at the thought of other men. Or gawk and leer at them…
I’m so jealous I don’t know what to do with myself.
Is this a normal thing for men? Thinking about sex when they see a big pair of NOT their girlfriends boobs?
I don't understand your wording, do you own where you live or are you living with someone else?
I get what you're saying and agree with the idea, and that's essentially what I've been doing anyway although probably not for long enough.. and still thinking about it too much. but one thing I don't agree with is being used as an "emotional tampon". if anything it was me who felt like I was being a user for a lot of the time but I also really just don't think there's anything wrong with discussing those kinds of emotional or heavy things with someone unless it's the only reason you want to keep them around, like the way an attention seeker keeps simps. if the friendship is normal and healthy otherwise though I think it's ok.
My college financial aid department is emailing me about how I need to appeal to reinstate my scholarship. And here I am with no idea how I violated the requirements of the scholarship in order to have to reinstate it. My life has been a mess recently and I don't need this nonsense stress on top of it. Fuck.
I don't think I'm as smart as I think I am. I see a strong cognitive decline, maybe the "if you don't use it, you lose it," sentiment. I have let my brain rot to vidya and maladaptive daydreaming. PTSD took over my fucking life, and I was lazy - I didn't get help. I've just deteriorated. Maybe it's imposter syndrome, or because I don't have any external achievements to show for my intellect.
I think I'm unconsciously manipulating people. One of those idiots that appear intelligent on a surface level, but when you analyze the contents of their speech, there's no depth. I think they call that a thought leader. I'm a linguist. I am relatively articulate and eloquent, but a bloody moron who has not accomplished anything in my life. I'm too scared to go to college, because I can't even get out of bed to even make it to my therapy appointments. I have a completely scattered mind, and I can't structure it once so ever. I want to try Adderall, but my psychiatrist is a stupid bitch who is impossible to get in touch with.
the only thing I have going for me atm was that I was able to move out of very bad living conditions recently.
other than that
>contracted multiple high-risk HPV strands in a bad relationship a year ago where I was exposed to STDs with my ex's knowledge. this renders me a femcel until I'm recovered and even then I'll have to disclose my history. it's also making me paranoid about spreading the viruses in every day life and generally makes me feel dirty and like a risk to others and I obsess over cleanliness or spreading.
>anti-depressants seem to have no effect anymore which is why attempted quitting them but now I'm tired all day and may have to go back on them still
>I'm in my late twenties and still have nothing to show for it
>avoidant and anxious and lonely, have to fight for my life everyday beating this and it will still take a lifetime of recovery
>my physical and mental health actually makes me a femcel which is hard to digest
>guess it could be worse still
It's alright, it's okay, there's something to live for, jesus told me so
Been thinking about death lately
What do you like to do anon.
I guess I prefer the Slightly Sweet Twisted Tea to the original. The original one is too sweet and comes dangerously close to being a girly drink.
It's dopamine fasting, completely different ballgame, though you both got the message so maybe this doesn't need to be pointed out. image related has the basics of what you abstain from for a week, this is taken from /fit/ so it was built for moids, but the general idea applies if you really want to dry. Just go for a week without the things in red.
I had some notepad files where I vented to myself and wrote down some thoughts, and in them I would occasionally vent about my bf and the things I am unsatisfied with in our relationship. For the record it was for my own catharsis and I would bring things up with him and talk things out, it was just meant for me.
Anyways, he found them. And he read every last one of them. And now he's acting pissy with me and has major passive-aggression and condescension to his tone any time he talks to me now, and he goes out of his way to make little snipes in reference to things I vented about. When I ask to talk about it he says he needs time or brushes it off, and earlier today told me to "go write about it".
I'm really just tired of this. I guess he feels that I went behind his back and have withheld some kind of anger or feelings of resentment or something against him since some of those notepad documents were a little harsh, but again, they were for ME. They were private. He isn't even considering that he went behind my back to look at them, and instead of asking me about any of it or even giving me time lately to talk through it, he just assumes that I'm some vindictive bitch and is choosing to be mad about it. FML. I feel like I'm being gaslit into feeling bad for having feelings that can't be immediately expressed.
How severe were the things in there? Can you honestly say you wouldn't feel angry if you found he was thinking the same things about you? He just found out how you really feel about him, he has the right to be emotional
My family owns it yes. We can't stop them from coming because of complicated reasons that I don't really feel like typing out. It just gets really annoying at times.
Firstly I wouldn't snoop and invade someone else's privacy like that. And the things in there weren't severe when it comes to the actual issues, it's not like I was writing in there that I thought he was a failure of a man or that I couldn't wait to cheat on him or something. Almost everything I have written there are things that I later brought to him as points of conversation and issues we have worked through together.. sometimes it just starts as something to vent my frustrations about. That's all. What makes it harsh or "severe" sometimes is the level of frustration but I still don't think it was ever THAT bad. But I do understand if he would read it and get his feelings hurt or feel offended, insulted. However, if he just shuts me out and doesn't let me explain anything and assumes I was just being some evil bitch behind his back, how can I ever answer for that or even apologize?
And as I was saying.. almost NONE of this was kept
from him. I would say at least 80 to 90 percent of those documents were things we have already covered and talked about, the exception being some newer things. I do get why he is feeling this way but I am upset because he 1. went through my things in a sketchy way and 2. is now making an effort to withhold from me out of spite, and the lack of communication here is making it so I can't even defend myself. >>61847
I don't want to do extreme like get in a big argument or break it off but it's getting bad.
Crap, sorry meant for>>61771
In that case I would say just give him time. How long ago did this happen? He feels betrayed and isn't in the mental state to listen to you rn but eventually he will.
When you do talk to him I wouldn't get into "you shouldn't have read that in the first place". If it was me I would not want to hear that. I am picturing if I found out my bf was cheating on me and his defense was "Well you weren't supposed to find out." It just has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Just tell him it was a way for you to privately get your thoughts in order before bringing them to him and that it was never meant to be a secret, just workshopping what you wanted to say. It kind of sounds like that's what it was.
I don't really understand. I know you don't want to go into details, but in the most general case, if your parents are consenting to allow the neighbors kids in the yard, then just deal or convince them to stop consenting.
He found the stuff about a week ago and I have tried talking to him about it off and on, the most recent attempt being just a few days ago. I'm just going to wait for him to talk about it.
I do agree with you that telling him he shouldn't have found it would probably not be the best approach.. BUT, I am still hurt that he invaded my privacy. I don't think I can just leave that unsaid. I won't open with it, though. The main thing here is I want to explain to him what those documents are for, why I said those things, why I sometimes feel I need that catharsis, etc. It feels like a bad case of misunderstanding but I also don't want to make him feel undermined or like he's not heard so I will have to be careful when we do talk about I guess.
That is fair, it is reasonable for you to be upset that your privacy was invaded. I think you have a good game plan there.
Fucking lol. Women usually holster this shit until their moid is heavily committed, mostly likely married. Then bombard them with all their faults and try to change them. You were dumb enough to write it down.
I found a dimple on my breast today and I am terrified.
Same thing happened with me and my ex, except it was him who wrote a bunch of forum posts that he never intended me to see, and I stumbled upon them. Needless to say a lot of the stuff in there was hurtful and upsetting and a bit disturbing. I tried to let it go but like your bf I also couldn’t help making snide remarks at times - yeah it’s immature but it was coming from a place of deep hurt and insecurity, since my bf had been saying similar things about how he wasn’t sure how he really felt about me or whether he saw a future with me, and talking about other women. It pretty much destroyed our relationship and in the end the mistrust and resentment on my side was so strong I couldn’t do it anymore. I wish I could have been more forgiving, but some of the things I read were pretty unforgivable.
Shit happens, everyone says things in private they regret, and I’m sure your bf has said stuff about you too to friends or strangers online, if you’re meant to stay together then you will work through it. If he can’t get over it. And you were venting about how unhappy you were anyway. Maybe you should just break up.
what did your ex write that was disturbing?
I think I have a crush on my bfs sister, simply because she resembles him so much. It makes me feel very awkward around her though.
Im so tired of having no fucking friends.
Every morning when I wake up I feel sick and terrified. Last night I had another night terror and woke up screaming at the top of my lungs. I’m so tired.
Two nights in a row I've dreamed about arguing with my dad. Tonight I dreamed I was angry at him and told him that he's the reason I'm in therapy. He seemed crushed to hear it. I don't know anymore. It is hard to forgive.
>Guy finally approaches me for the first time in almost 3 years
>Looks similar to and has almost identical mannerisms to the pedo that groomed me and almost knocked me up.
WHY WHYHYWH WH WY HWYHW HWYHWYHWYHWYHWYHWYWHYWHWY HWYH YWHYWHWYHWYHWYHWYWHYWH YW HYWHWYHWYHWYWHYWH WYHWYYHW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I dreamt about one of my old bullies from middle school. He walked up to me to laugh at me, while I was just sitting on my desk minding my own business (As it usually happened IRL). Instead of not doing or saying anything as I normally would, however, I snapped his arm in half and then he just walked away without saying anything. My dominance was asserted and after that I knew he or any other number of horrible classmates I used to have in that class would absolutely never bully me again.
Normally I have very (muchemore so) violent and messed up dreams, so it's nothing new but ones where I committ the violence myself still tend to surprise me. IRL I am pretty non-confrontational and consider myself pretty peaceful. I've never had any aggressive behaviors. If anything I feel emotionally constipated most of the time, but in that case I wonder if I don't get these dreams as a way to channel my anger.
One of the dreams that scarred me was where I sawed off one of my middle school classmate's arms and legs, and he wasn't even a bully. He was just someone I didn't like and that kind of annoyed me IRL. I would never have thought of doing something like that IRL.
Everyday i dread leaving the house and getting killed by one of the two people that have reasons to seek revenge against me.
And I can't stop dreaming about my enemy (not really dreams as much as nightmares, she haunts me).
My life is now static, it doesn't go anywhere. I got lost between my decisions and the only thing that changes is i'm aging into a hag and the people I care about are moving on, away from me. I got a person waiting on me to decide if we're going to be together forever or permanently apart (burning love but huge hurt between us, and way too many other stuff i'm not going to get into).
You need to get therapy to lay the chapter with the gross pedo to rest. You’re manifesting similar men into your life by giving him so much headspace.
Are you me, it's probably the vagueness but all those things ring so true for me too.
Every morning for the last two weeks when I wake up I need to poop so badly and my stomach hurts. This is weird, I usually need to poop at night.
I got hungry and had a cheeky bit of honey that I couldn't stop thinking about. It was amazing. But I feel bad for eating honey before bed, even though it was on my mind. I will have to go to bed hungry tomorrow night to make up for it.
I can't stand wageslaving. how am i supposed to be caged up in an office in full view of normalfaggots for 8 hours straight doing mind numbing work and i can't even take a 5 minute break to think about what i'm doing before submitting because they track every single minute of our time and i just sit there terrified. it's even worse because my desk faces a wall and thus my back is to the rest of the office and makes me horribly uncomfortable. the bathroom smells like shit and i cant relax to poop so i'm constipated all day and being in public view 8+ hours (really more like 9.5 hours including commute and lunch break) stresses me out. i can't do it. humans were not designed to work for 8 fucking hours a day at grindy wageslave shit. this is a human rights violation.
i sat in the disgusting bathroom for 20 minutes today because i couldnt stop crying and i had to go home early because crying in the office is utterly humiliating so what choice did i have if i couldnt stop crying because i'm fucking absolutely MISERABLE. i requested wfh, even just partially, and they refused saying they "ran out of computers to issue." i have to sit in that fucking cage 8 hours a day 5 days a week and every minute of it i have suicidal ideation i never had while working from home
every other aspect of this job is alright enough but i can't stand offices, oh my god i hate it i hate it I HATE IT I HATE IT. in public view the entire time, no privacy, no chance to relax and let my guard down even a minute, it's always freezing cold and i'm uncomfortable and want to stretch or rest my eyes but can't. how the fuck am i supposed to keep this fucking bullshit up
they promised to give me training after 6 months so i can get promoted and start making better money but i've been promised shit like that before and the company fucked me over. and given how fucking MISERABLE i am it's hard to stay ENTHUSIASTIC AND HAPPY AND POSITIVE all fucking day long so they'll probably use the excuse "you dont seem passionate enough so we'll have to keep you in the entry level meat grinding position at poverty wages". god i just want to die i want to blow my fucking brains out i sit there in that fucking wagecage and just think about how shit it is and how i wish i was dead
Playing a PvP RP game where your character could die at, virtually, any moment. I do adore the RP aspects, but I'm so bad at the PvP portions (despite enjoying them!) and the idea of losing my character to some…dudebro that only wants to grime people does depress me a little.
To a further extent, I realize I'm only hyper-focusing on this minor stuff to take my mind off of the bigger, harder issues in my day to day, but whatever.
I still can't bring myself to talk about my personal life to my nosey overbearing mother. She CRIED to me, in front of me, at one point this year because she wanted to know what was going on in my life, and yet I still can't bring myself to tell her prude Christian ass that I talk about sex and kinks with my fwbs.
I'm trying to think about what else I can lie to her about to cover for it because I just don't know what to say that will make her stop snooping.
I do not enjoy these forced conversations.
Is the death permanent for your character or can you revive? All the RP games I play except 1 let you revive if your character dies, the one that doesn't kind of has problems like that. Not necessarily dudebros but spergs who churn out like paragraphs of crap to get points to spend on their set-up to make them basically untouchable.
I haven't been playing it much for that reason, on top of just kind of my 1 char getting pushed into a corner growth-wise and I like playing multiple characters.
The last few days I have had no appetite whatsoever which is strange for me, my period just started yesterday. Does anyone else lose their appetite right before and during their period?
Since the guy I liked ghosted me, I’ve been going through dating sites and threads and adding anyone who looks even remotely like him. Pathetic I know.
I have horrible abandonment issues stemming from parental emotional neglect, early death in the family, and a certain significant other in the past, and it has hampered me my entire life
I need to stop eating like a fucking pig.
also for me personally I wonder why should I work so hard? what am I even doing?
why should I work my fingers to the bone for some corporate overlord only for them to fuck me over. what is the point in working everyday to come home to no one? what is the point of building a future for a legacy that will never exist? (I'll probably never be able to have children, probably for the best as the world would only be worse for them)
Am I supposed to just consume media for the rest of my life? what it the point. I have no idea what to do.
Sounds awful. You do keep applying for jobs even when you're employed, right?>>62257
You could try pursuing what is meaningful to yourself as opposed to what's expedient and comfortable, mostly because you'll be less miserable that way.
>>62259>You could try pursuing what is meaningful to yourself as opposed to what's expedient and comfortable, mostly because you'll be less miserable that way.
This is what I meant. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in pointless comfort, consuming media, products and being vain on social media.
what is supposed to be meaningful? everything just feels so pointless and empty. I'll just have to find a way of coping with my lack of prospects in regard to having a family
Me too and I think it made me borderline. I’ve never had a job and I lie in my bed all day. I won’t even tell you how old I am. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be homeless at some point in my life.
Fortunately most people don’t know I’m retarded just by looking at me because I dress okay. Poverty is going to hit hard when my parents die.
>>62260>what is supposed to be meaningful?
Most people tend to have an internal representation of what that is, even if it's nonverbal. Meaning is usually going to be found in places where you need to load yourself up with responsibility though, it's not for the light-hearted.
>everything just feels so pointless and empty. I'll just have to find a way of coping with my lack of prospects in regard to having a family
Coping sounds like what you're doing right now, do yo enjoy what you're doing right now?
>>62262>do yo enjoy what you're doing right now?
I don't enjoy anything and haven't in years lol
Understandable, hard to enjoy things if you aren't moving towards something meaningful. Generally what is meaningful is what you view as being good or interesting in the world. You say it's heading in a bad direction, which means at some point it was in a good state, what was good about the world while it was good? What was interesting?
I'm on the same boat as you, anon. After my parent's death I think I want to snort coke before running in front of a big truck, or maybe I'll just shoot myself on top of some moss deep in a forest so my body can become one with it.
Is it irrational to be hurt that my friend doesn't really reach out or come to talk to me about things anymore?
>>62264>what was good about the world while it was good? What was interesting?
I honestly can't remember it was so long ago
I hate the fact that god made women physically weaker than men
I wish I lived on planet snu snu
listening to rep boebert claim a congressman "simped for pelosi" is truly on another level of retardation and embarrassment. simped. these losers pandering to young male rightoids are using "simp" in speeches now.
internet buzzwords are making everyone intellectually lazy and reducing people’s vocabulary, it’s sad
Death is permanent, yeah…
Unless, of course, people care enough about your character to have them revived (as is what happened to an…admin's, character).
I wonder if we play the same game. It starts with an 'E'.
Media is a good escapism. In comics and games the girls are as strong as the men. And when that's not enough I can write my goofy stories.
But anyway don't feel too down about it because we're stronger in other ways.
I hate being affection and touch-deprived. There's a mildly cute guy at work and I can't stop thinking about him even though I do not like him nor do I know much about him. It doesn't help that we work with kids and that they keep teasing us about being a couple/liking each other. Hell I think he might be gay but I just keep thinking about his cute eye smile and the way I feel safer when I am close to him because he's so tall. I'm the most stereotypical man-hating cc poster online but I truly hate the way I fall for any man I come close to IRL… Even though I'm not interested in dating whatsoever. I think I just want him to have a crush on me.
Probably geese. She needs those tall men to protect her from being dive bombed by angry birds.
What she should really look for is someone physically fit and trained in some form of MMA. All other things equal, lanky men are weaker and slower because their longer limbs make it more difficult to generate force over a larger frame.
Um, she didn't say he was a good guy. Just that he was tall and attractive
You could always buy a gun. It's the great equalizer.
My mother is dying and I can't do shit about it.
Mom-has-braincancer-anon back to complain about it some more.
Brother just told me that since the brain tumor came back really quickly and next weeks operation probably won't change that, that I should expect mom to only live a few more months.
Meanwhile my sister is pining for the inheritence in the weirdest way. It was always the plan for brother to get the weekend house, sis get the apartment and me to get the savings + be paid out by sister (since the apartment is by far the most valuable asset).
Now my sister is acting weird. She says it's unfair that I get to live in the apartment rent free (I actually pay rent to my mom, she doesn't despite being in the apartment most weeks). She wants me out of it but she also doesn't want to have to pay me my share of the inheritance or pay for maintenance while she studies in a different town BUT she also wants to keep it since she is here so often and needs a place to stay.
Like, I offered to pay maintenance and loan as long as I live here. I offered to take the apartment and pay her out. I offered to move out immediately but then I wouldn't pay into the apartment. And from the beginning I said I don't need my part of the inheritance immediately, she can start paying me out in 5-10 years.
None of it is good enough for her.
It's like she wants me to just take the money mom has saved and immediately move out of the apartment but then still pay maintenance so she can afford this apartment and the one in her college town.
My brother stepped in and said he'd be willing to take the apartment as well and take up a loan to pay us both out immediately which seems like the smartest option. He already has an apartment in our hometown and so he'd be close enough to handle being a landlord. But again, then my sister wouldn't have anywhere to stay when she wants to during her weeks off. God, that girl is and has always been a pain.
My plans are pretty open. I was hoping to keep living at home and save up for a few more years so I can move to a cheaper part of europe and buy a house. But whether I do that next year or in 5 years is unimportant. Still, I feel thrown into the deep end by all of this.
Also damn about everyone acting so casual when mom is literally on the verge of death. Feels like the time to take out a loan and fly to god knows where and finish off moms bucket list but I have literally only now been told that she probably has less than two years.
Sorry for the constant ramblings on here but I don't have anywhere else to talk about it.
i'm so sorry, anon. that must be devastating. i fucking hate moneygrubbing creeps that make grieving even more difficult with this inheritance shit. i hope this doesn't interfere with your time with your mom, but unfortunately, greedy psychos don't care and people will go nuts and burn all bridges and create so much misery over the prospect of inheriting even very little.
>And from the beginning I said I don't need my part of the inheritance immediately, she can start paying me out in 5-10 years.
terrible idea. this is a prime opportunity for her to take your money and it becoming an absolute nightmare in order to recover it. stop kowtowing to your sister, she seems far more interested in the money than your mother's wellbeing. DO NOT cede ground to people like this, they DO NOT stop pushing it further and further. who is set to be the executor of her estate? does she have a POA and an advance directive? why aren't you all getting equal portions of the estate? it doesn't need to be divided like this, and your sister's childish demands can fuck off. it's your mom's choice as to who she wants what to go to, not hers. while it's good to be prepared, things also get really nasty when people start aching for their relatives to die. braincancer is grim, but there's always a chance she might live quite a bit longer than expected. i hope for her sake and yours that that's the case.
this must be very concerning, for your sister to act with such greed and to be so unreasonable at such a delicate time. It is an extremely ugly and disrespectful thing. I hope it all works out well for your family.
that was a very beautiful album thank u
I’ve been talking to a guy I met on 4chan, he is cute and sweet but he admitted he lost his virginity to a hooker last year and I’m…just so turned off and disgusted by that I am considering just ghosting him. Even if he was a 40 year old virgin this would be 1000x less pathetic than paying for sex, it just makes me feel nauseated knowing someone treats sex that cheaply, and I don’t want to give someone like that my virginity. Its disappointing because he is good in every other way.
Give him a chance. Moids are conditioned from childhood to think of sex as something cheap. Just make sure to give him a nudge in the right direction and make sure he regrets it.
Also props to him for not denying it, I'd imagine that most men would.
It’s way too disgusting and offputting for me to overlook. Any guy who is happy to pay strangers for sex is probably going to cheat or end up using escorts later on in his relationships too if he views sex that way and is fine with illegal activities. If I continue to talk to him I will probably just end up being passive aggressive and snarky about it. I cbf compromising on my principles anymore.
nta but good on you for sticking to your gut
>>62377>Also props to him for not denying it, I'd imagine that most men would
ones on 4chan? have you acquainted yourself with the 4chan male? they have virtually no shame. also awful advice. >>62378
good idea. not sure why you're speaking to men from 4chan though.
I am pretty positive I have afib. How fucked am I? I wish I cared about being healthy when I was younger, and that I wasn't anorexic back then.
The people who bullied me won. I will die soon having accomplished nothing and having not lived up to any potential I might have had. The worthless parasites ruined my life so I could be a stepping stone for them.
They all grew up to have perfect normie lives doing stuff like fitness training and instruction and real estate. They have faced no reprisals for what they did, none of them have reached out to me to apologize. They ruined my life and I can't forgive them. I want them all to die, hopefully a wildfire takes their houses in the night.
You will die soon? Please don't do anything stupid, anon.
there is immense pressure on men to lose their virginity tbf, I don't really blame him for being so desperate as society puts way too much importance on it and men often feel completely useless when they can't lose it despite getting older. just think, most women wouldn't even consider dating a virgin so he probably thought he had to do it sooner or later.
at the end of the day you met this moid on 4chan so you should run away and never speak to him again, this prostitute issue is probably the least of your worries tbh
It's one thing to be honest when your anonymous with other anons (who probably are far more depraved than you). It's another to be honest with the person you like.
They threatened me with physical violence, I was scared to go to school every day. They also framed me for things and the teachers believed I was guilty because they hated me too.>>62406
If things don't get better soon I'll have too, life has just been too painful for too long living with PTSD from this shit.
"I am pretty positive I have afib. How fucked am I? I wish I cared about being healthy when I was younger, and that I wasn't anorexic back then."
I don't know how old you are but I will assume you are not that old. There are a lot of treatments for afid now. Laser ablation is one of them. You will need to be on a blood thinner while doctors find the best solution. Have you seen a specialist yet?
Main point is that the prognosis if very good. You mentioned anorexia, I hope that you have overcome that, maintain a healthy lifestyle and with treatment you will do well!
I'm not anorexic anymore, but I wouldn't be surprised if that contributed. I'm going in on Wednesday to a cardiologist. I've been drinking coconut water and Gatorade, and I'm avoiding all caffeine, alcohol, and cigarettes. I'm also keeping myself as hydrated as possible and I'm being very sensitive to keep my temperature regulated (it gets triggered by cold or warm temperatures). I also am trying to calm myself and practice deep breathing and meditating. I really want to better myself, and it's a bit sad it's taken this to really kick it into gear. I'm doing my best and it's hard because it stresses me out which can trigger episodes, so I'm trying not to think about it until my appointment.
I know the conversation isn't about anorexia but I'm really really proud of you for getting better, and it's easier to regulate emotions when you sleep plentifully and get in proper nature daily
seriously decided not to take pliers to my own rotting tooth today and to make a denist appointment, wish it wasnt a sunday so that everywhere wasnt closed for the day and I could have rang the second i decided i needed a professional to fix my mouth. it hurts so much fml but im glad i didnt actually apply metal working tools to my fucking face. Jfc. Im telling myself that im glad im going to go to the dentist, its all going to be fine, the phobia sucks but its gotta be done and it will be better than giving myself sepsis at home and ending up in the hospital or something. Okay bye love you all hope I actually follow through and make this damn appointment my face hurts so much lol
Proud of you, anon. Keep pushing through your fears and it will be worth it.
I am sheltered as fuck, and feel like they have nothing to offer anyone in conversation. I feel like a background character NPC… I'm not vapid or one-dimensional, but I have no hobbies outside of vidya. I guess the answer is to experience more and accumulate new interests, but I'm so /outoftheloop/ and sad
impulsively left the only discord server i talk in with my friends because i'm too jealous of one of them, now she's messaging me and asking what's wrong when she's the reason i left in the first place
has talking it out with someone you're jealous over actually fucking helped anyone before, because im terrified that if i say anything she'll just gloat over it
You should just avoid her, find another server.>>62473
Lol that's not how it works.
get a better self-esteem. or just say you need distance for a while. you are being a steakhead 100 percent btw
Anon everybody feels jealous, you can't choose how you feel about something. But you can choose how you act on it. If you like the group then stay and remind yourself that her positive traits are not an affront to you.
If you want to bring it up I wouldn't say you're jealous of her, I would put it more like "I'm just kind of insecure because everybody is more (insert whatever you're jealous about) than me."
why are you jealous of her? Does she know how you feel?
Maybe she genuinely thinks of you as a friend and is actually worried about you. Personally I'd say to respond and explain how you feel. I've never had anyone reach out to me like that so I'd assume she really cares.
i get annoyed whenever i hear about trans men going after gay men. same feeling when it's trans lesbians going after actual lesbians
like imagine your dating pool already being crazy small, but now it's infested with trans people that have the bits you aren't interested in, sexually. must suck
>talk to guy online for 2 ish months
>tfw i am jaded femcel and fall for anybody who pays attention to me. I also have a history of dating political extremists and deranged incels
>he happens to be really attractive and lifts weights and shit. Hes a BAPfag. Kind of autistic, i heard from one of our friends hes schizophrenic but idk if it was banter or he was being serious. But if he is schizophrenic that would explain a lot about his personality
>call basically every day, I get somewhat attached to him and we get sort of flirty. He basically was living in my timezone
>nb: hes been involved in fringe online political circles for a very long time, has ties with people who have been arrested, investigated, etc.
>a couple of weeks ago he dms me and tells me he was investigated by feds and blocks me everywhere
>I dont know if hes trying to blow me off or is trolling me or something
>We have a lot of mutual friends. He has met our mutual friends IRL and has known them for years. I message them asking if they were blocked too and it turns out they were.
>I doubt hes in too much trouble because from what I know of him he's not involved in and hasn't actually done anything illegal
>through one of our mutual friend's Instagram accounts, I find his Instagram and follow him. I am instantly blocked
>I message that mutual friend and ask him if hes talked to him
>he still had the same response, says he hasn't heard from him in weeks
If he's allegedly being investigated why on earth would he create an instagram? I have no idea what to do or what to believe i'm just frustrated. i also heard from another one of our friends that hes unfaithful with the women hes with irl. AHHH
Typical discord Chad lol. You got played, he’s probably a narcissist ghosting and discarding everyone in his life because he got bored and can’t be bothered interacting with them. That’s just what they do.
I really wish that he was just paranoid and might come back but I'm working on detaching myself from him. I have other men in my life that could be potential romantic partners but primarily my main goal is to work on myself so something like this never occurs. I have autism and I have pretty low self-esteem and like I stated before I kind of have a history for really trashy men.
But I really thought he was different because he wasnt using me for nudes or anything. He genuinely cared and listened to me and was there for me. I have no reason to not have faith in him but then again, maybe I'm being too idealistic
He could be schizo and certainly his blocking everyone so suddenly is schizo behavior. But he could also just be using it as an excuse to be shitty and selfish and avoidant and drop people when he feels like it. Either way schizo guys aren’t very good relationship material especially unmedicated ones and ones who are known to cheat on their ex gfs. I know how it feels to get attached to people quickly and it hurts a lot when people just drop you like that but you can’t put yourself at his mercy. Because even if he starts talking to you again, he’ll just keep doing it again and again. And it’ll cause you pain. Use this time away from him to emotionally detach from him. It hurts I know but there’s plenty cute non schizo guys out there who won’t ghost everyone at the drop of a hat.
You are correct. Besides a lot of his friends who I know seem to be like that, and you know what people say. If you really want to know what sort of person someone is, look at their closest friends. All of his friends are conventionally attractive lifter chad dudes and one of them is very evidently narcissistic and has no regard for women at all >>62499
Yeah, hes definitely schizo or autistic or something. He was also molested by an older woman and generally doesn't really go out of his way to be around women from what I know about him. I will not put myself at his mercy because I need to prove to myself that I can be happy and don't need to depend on the validation of men and really need to work on my own trauma, and stop getting in dangerous situations.
I've been so depressed, I don't think I'm attracted to men at all. I've been forcing myself to watch straight porn. I'm so afraid if my family finds out I won't ever see them again. I just can't accept the fact that I'm attracted to women
Unless you leave tabs open with scissoring porn on them and your family finds it, no one is gonna know lol
I fucking love her!!!!! Help!!!!
I failed my classes again, thought that I have improved over the past few semesters but I made the same mistakes
There’s no beginning and there is no end!!!!
I want to huggle and fall on the bed and give you kisses and feel close to you, just holding you there while the sun filters onto us through that dumb Dallas Cowboys blanket you covered your window with.
We are going through a lawyer to set the whole thing up. It'sa bit entangled and confusing because we all still kinda live here (my siblings have their own apartments but haven't fully moved out and spent a majority of time here). So selling the apartment and especially the cabin (my maternal grandfather built the entire thing by hand so it has a big sentimental value) and splitting all the money evenly isn't an option. I feel like right now I can't do much since we don't know the real value of the houses.
God I hope mom keeps going. It is looking incredibly grim, radiotherapy and chemo didn't work and she already had to undergo surgery once before. I am incredibly worried.
I guess right now there isn't a lot I can do but hope for the best and help out my mom. In the end there isn't a lot keeping me to this place so if my sisters demands over how I can stay here become too high I can just demand my money right away and use it to buy my own property that is more suited to my needs. It's just a sucky situation.>>62362
I'm losing interest in participating in life because throughout my entire life, everywhere I've gone people have hated me, bullied me, or just tolerated me but always left me out of stuff. Even within my family and online. Obviously there is something wrong with me but I'm just done trying to figure it out.
Was searching for art with my fav character on Twitter, stumbled upon a degenerate pick me, who was fishing with attention by saying that "mAlE mEnTaL hEaLtH mAtTeRs 2!!!" As if everyone already isn't obsessed with helping men (ppl even want to nurture homicidal incels ffs) and female pain is not bellitled and ignored (there was a study on this shit I recall). Like the only reason why women get more help considering their mental health problems is because women ask for help for their mental health problems (most ppl who go to psych are female), whereas men don't want to appear "weak" and "woman-like" and try to appear tough by ignoring their problems completely - funny how even their reason for worse mental health is misogynistic
moids have such a huge capacity for extreme violence and damage, often for the smallest reasons. I can't get this out of my head and it makes me nervous around them, I wish I could stay calm but they intimidate me quite a bit and wish it didn't. It's annoying.
Damn I've been feeling…feelings lately. I don't even know what it is, just that it's mildly uncomfortable. Something really good happened to me recently but it seems it still wasn't enough to drown out all the bad things in life. I wish I could just be happy with what I have and stop thinking about the future and its uncertainties.
I want to huzzle you and nuggle you and give you eskimo kissies
I feel the same. It's just like I don't belong here.
Nta but I feel the same. It’s weird, it’s like normies have this sixth sense that instantly detects anyone who isn’t 100% ‘one of them’.
IM SSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDD!!! ABOUT SOMETHING!
BUT I NEED TO GET ON WITH IT SO HERE I GO!
I recently met someone again for the first time since we were kids. She said "Hi ___!" I said, "Wow, hey, long time no see!" And then I saw it in her face. The change happened. She saw I grew up to be a non-normie. From then on she was weird with me.
I have no idea what to do with my life. I wanted a family but. Too ugly to get a bf/husband, cant afford adoption fees, self improvement is depressing because I would need thousands of dollars worth of surgery to be average looking, don’t want hookups because they would make me feel disgusted, can’t hold down a job because adhd, can’t make friends because too annoying and weird. I literally don’t know what to do, I just sit and browse the internet and feel sad all day.
The more I interact with men, the more and more cynical I become. I’m starting to think e-thots have the right idea, that getting money and simps is more important.
Hoping for lasting marriage in this day and age with the caliber of today’s men seems impossible.
Not impossible, but perhaps not worth putting a lot of one's precious time on earth into. But if you're a sentimental type, its not impossible at all anon heres a "one nice male" card, pass go, collect 200$
I think it's about time I acknowledge that I have a mild eating disorder.
I want to get rid of a friend that is too possessive. I sometimes wonder if she's a bippie, but she didn't act toxic towards me before - I think covid induced isolation played a part in her explosive behaviour.
Basically, she lashed out at me on text for never responding to her messages, not caring about her, that I made her suffer, that she or mutual friends didn't understand what was up, and insisted to call me. I was reluctant, because I wasn't amazed at the expectation of getting screamed on on the phone for no sensible reason.
Eventually did, and she basically acted in a way that reminded me of middleschool dramas (she's 28), saying that I didn't care about our friendship, that it was so important to her, it made her suffer so much. She basically guilt tripped me for something pretty normal : I moved to another region for work, I'm busy (she doesn't work because of her disability), so I talk to her less. Doesn't mean she's not a friend anymore. But she couldn't hear that, and blackmailed me about reservations for a festival : if I didn't behave the way she wanted, she would drop my room resrvation.
It really annoyed me, so I told her that her behaviour wasn't acceptable and she needed profesional help. She then cried about her abandonment issues (her dad left), but is it a reason to act as such ? It would only drive friends away from her, and repeat the circle of abandonment. I told her only a psych could help, but obviously she didn't want to listen. She was also mad because I didn't answer her when she told me she could come to my birthday party at the last minute, when the friend she invited at her place couldn't come so she was free. I mean, I was busy partying ?
I still made it up to her, because I thought that we still got along well before, yet I don't want to see her again, especially not invite her at my place in the end of the month (she insisted to come as a proof of our friendship). She can't stop sending me messages on different apps even if I don't respond to all of them.
I feel like something is broken, and I hate when people try to manipulate me with guilt-tripping, which she did.
I'm not sure about how i should go with this. I'm not mad at her or anything, I just want space. Since she can't understand it, should I ask her for a break, or simply end the friendship ?
It's just weird, it sounds like I'm talking about a break-up. Something weird is up.
Fuck, I have friends with various traumas, and they never acted this way towards me.
In fact I want to add that she already lashed out at me last time she came at my place, because my bf was there too, and I made too much private jokes with him and she felt excluded. She even called him a retard in public.
She also was a cunt to a close friend of mine at some point.
Sorry for unpacking, but now I'm resolute to cut her off. i'll attend festival with another, normal, non-toxic, friend.
Back to complain more, about this. Basically, a character who spawned into the game way later than mine did, has taken a position much higher than my character has (let's call this position 'President'). It's similar to younger people being promoted way quicker than the old guys that've been around for ages.
I don't know why I'm so ticked off about it, considering:
>University starts in two weeks. I can't lead anything, because I'll be AFK, and focusing on my courses. There's no point to a President that isn't around.
>I don't even want the position. I've told the previous President that I didn't want it for the reasons outlined above, even after they offered to groom me for it Icly.
>I wouldn't make a good President.
It's dumb and silly. Almost looking forward to university starting so I can drown myself in my lessons and not think about this pointless crap.
I've gained weight and my pants are on the verge of no longer fitting. I'm on a 3 day fast, this is the evening of day 1. I'll do 2 days of fasting next week and continue until I'm no longer a fatty-chan. My own thighs are so mushy I want to puke. Luckily it isn't apparent when clothed.
How come moids never gain weight but women gain it so easily. I don't wanna be fat.
>>62668>How come moids never gain weight but women gain it so easily.
Estrogen makes more of your fat get stored under your skin. Moids gain fat too, but it goes to their internal organs and clogs their arteries more rather than sitting under their skin, thus why they don't look
as fat but are more prone to heart disease.
Anyway, good luck with the weight loss, anon! Hope it goes well.
he broke up with me today. he said he no longer had romantic feelings for me anymore but didnt know how to tell me.
while im relieved he ended things before it was prolonged, it doesnt make it hurt any less
i had been struggling with binge eating but i'm literally to sad to eat
Sorry to hear that anon. I hope you'll be fine.
Did he dump you because you're fat? Lol
im sorry anon, i hope you can find someone a lot better than him soon, or at least have fun and enjoy the benefits of being single
Beautiful pic choice , sending you a hug>>62682
any ever told ya you're thick as shit in the neck of a bottle
thank you nonas, i would hug all of you if i could
I feel like I'm hanging onto my long distance relationship just for emotional support while being aware that we will inevitably go our own ways sooner or later.idk what I'm supposed to do anymore
cut it off it's killing you, I've been there
fucking moid just broke my fucking giant tomato plants and had a massive argument with me instead of admitting any fault. jesus christ I havent screamed at someone like this in years the entire village is going to think Im abusing him now fml i live on the mainstreet :(
Fucking CUNT I HATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO MY TOMATOES
>>62716>jesus christ I havent screamed at someone like this in years the entire village is going to think Im abusing him
I'm sorry for the frustration of morons giving you bother, but the mental image I have reading this is too funny. I just imagine you in a typical picturesque European village community like picrel. What country are you from? (if u dont mind)
a relatable village meme thank you non, saw the pic on frontpage, nodded, thought "picrel is
me irl" then when I clicked picrel actually was me irl. imgboards, eh?
I'm irish-welsh living in ireland, now feeling shame for being a big ol' bitch earlier kek, hope you have a good day
I was expecting some lil scandinavian village or some eastern european shenanagins like picrel, didn't cross your mind that'd you be in the same country as me lmao
Anyway don't worry about the Tomato trouble. Be thankful you don't suffer the same drama like these bhoys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e0vT9eeXxgLove how there's a comment in this video being like "ah yeah I know this man he works at our garage, he has a right temper"
>>62729>didn't cross your mind that'd you be in the same country as me lmao
*didnt cross my mind
Tráthnóna maith duit, gan-ainm! kek>>62716
final update to my tomato debacle, moid returned and with 12ft tall bundle he just collected of some kind of wild bamboo, in his desperation, is sheepishly pretending nothing happened and suggesting we use the bamboo as spikes for keeping the tomatoes straight in future, cant write this stuff lmao men are hilarious the plants are fully broken
I’m so sorry anon. I’ve been having similar feelings with my LDR and it stresses me out so much. Does your bf also live in another country?
I'm 22 and feel like I've run out of things to do in life. I just browse the internet and day dream to pass the time now. Idk what people my age are doing with their lives.
did you live life conventionally or did something happen that made you that way?
1. bag up a bunch of dogshit left around
2. pile it onto his car. make sure to use a stick to cram it into the air vents.
3. ???? profit>>62729
i know someone from moldova. he's insanely fat, like 400 lbs, and refuses to walk on stairs or walk even 2 blocks. he drove. for 2 blocks. he drove. apparently he's really into video games and computing, and he looks like a mexican. moldova must be a shithole.
End of day 2. I ate a bagel because I was a dizzy bitch. Otherwise ate nothing and wasn't hungry most of the day. I'm gonna ganbatte one more day. Stupid thigh fat.>>62673
wait, so if i see a fat moid he isn't just fat in women's terms, but he's actually super-fat?!!?!! absolutely disgusting. Imagine mushing his fat clogged organs with your fingers. They're probably yellow and greasy. Gross.
I’m beyond emotionally stunted for my age. I’ve hit the point of no return, it might actually be too late.
in what way are you emotionally stunted?
Never been in a relationship, never had a close friend, completely antisocial. I rarely talk to my parents and I see them daily.
I don't wanna work, I just wanna play video gaaaaames
Same, that's why I'm browsing imageboards at work
I need to let go of this thing we have, because his emotional problems. I hate it, because I want him and hope things would change, but I know what I have to do.
Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. It hurts, but there are always things out of our control.
my crush lives 5500 miles away and it sucks. he said he wouldn't date me unless i lived next to him. we are a thing but it will probably never lead to anything. he makes me so happy but the fact that we will eventually stop talking and i'll never get to be with him makes me feel depressed. ive never loved a boy this much. i dont even want to be with any other guy. i wish i didnt love so hard.
>started talking to a really cute guy online
>he’s schizoid and avoidant
>>62802>he said he wouldn't date me unless i lived next to him.
I’m one of those romantics that believes if you truly love someone, you’d do anything to make it work. I hope you can get over him anon. It sounds like you care more than he does.>>62820
Yeah, I’ve been there. It was so painful feeling neglected, unloved, and unreciprocated. But I know anon will stay, like I did, because I loved him.
It’s not about staying, we only just started talking, but he already takes hours to reply and is very curt with responses. He told me he knows he is broken but he just can’t fix himself and he doesn’t feel capable/worthy of love, he doesn’t have any motivation to do anything. It’s a shame because he is very cute and nice a lot of the time but he’s just…kinda dead inside and it’s sad.
My ex was anxious avoidant and yes it was a nightmare, having a partner who constantly goes from insanely clingy and loving to extremely distant and cold is horrible.
I do nothing but browse self-help and vent shit like this thread. I haven't really done anything in the past few years with myself. I have no true hobbies and I know that I'm not going to be able to win this battle anymore.
Have you considered looking for help? Talking to your family or doing therapy? I'll write something for you, wait for it, don't go.
I have tried to get help before but found it awkward and difficult to open up to school councillors, also got diagnosed with an iron deficiency when it all began and I've not communicated with my parents that it isn't the main issue and not the real reason i'm tired all the time
Are you eating like shit? Can't you do anything to improve your diet? This is the kind of thing that makes a huge difference. I was living mainly out of nutritional supplements and it was kinda hard, now I'm actively trying to improve it. And even that, something that you should consider is to experiment things on yourself, this is a thing that we don't learn in school, but you can mess with your diet and keep track of it in a journal. Do you keep a journal? Writing one was a turning point in my life, in the sense of getting (some) control of my time back, you can use it to plan what you pretend to do, what you did, and definitely to keep track of your diet. I used this thing to think methods of dealing with my chronic migraines. It works for anything, because you have access to a broader time frame when compared just to your memories.
And are you fucked, anon? In the sense that, do you have some money or whatever to mess with your diet?
>>62869>And are you fucked, anon?
in general? im pretty fucked yea>>62868
ugh the diet shit is so true, I'm a literal child I infact I comfort ate only minutes ago. As for the Journal thing, a friend reccomended it to me too but I couldn't stay dedicated to writing but I appreciate the suggestion
Tell your parents, be honest with them, they will definitely come up with a way to help you out. Don't let things get out of control. If you can't be honest with your school counselor, you can talk to them, right? Because internet advice is always going to be shit, specially in an anonymous forum. Ideally you should talk to people who know you and are aware of your context.
That is the thing, be fucking honest with yourself. You are browsing self-help and venting sites for what? This is your bullshit, you have to find a way to deal with it. Realizing that this isn't doing anything is a decent start, but you have to change, because until now you have been repeating this pattern. Exposing your life to strangers on the internet, specially when you are in bad shape is a sign of things being pretty fucked up if you ask me. Ideally you should be somewhat wary of things. That is because people are fucked up, anon. I wish things weren't this way, but the internet is filled with bad people who can smell weakness from miles and they will find a way to approach you and take advantage of you.
You should ask for help, if your parents can't help you out, consider doing some extra effort to talk to this school counselor or something. Maybe an anonymous letter or email? You are probably a smart kid, I'm sure you can figure something out.
I’ve successfully wasted the past 2 years of my life after graduation because I couldn’t deal with my failure. I got kicked out of my shitty job because I literally could not bring myself to work. I try to not think about offing myself, but it’s hard. It’s been this way all my life. I wish I was one of those happy kids.
I’m not even 21 years old yet, but I can’t physically get out of bed. And I know this sounds dumb, but I feel like it’s over for me.
This mainly stems from the fact that my parents had me at 52 and then stopped caring. I raised myself by myself in parentally-imposed isolation. And now I….I don’t know what to do. I even fucked up at school because I was so sad all the time. And now I have nothing. I feel so…..wasteful. I just wish they aborted me. I want to feel different. I want to do different. But I don’t know how. I can’t physically being myself to it.
My paranoia is getting bad, too. I feel like someone will stalk me and look at my life and laugh at what a failure I am. Anytime I have to put myself out there I get scared.
Funny thing is, I was smart as a kid. I feel sorry for her.
Seek help, anon. Professional help, and consider writing a journal for yourself. Something like this post, but for yourself, write it to put it out and eventually write to think things through too. Do you live by yourself?
When you physically can't get out of bed, how often does that happen?
I might try the journal idea. I can’t seek professional help, though. I don’t have the financial means to do so. Also the state of therapy in my country isn’t really the best, so I don’t know if it’s really worth it.
I live with my parents. They’re old now. And rent is really expensive where I live.>>62882
It could go for months. I wake up and tell myself I’ll try today, then I go and lie down. And then I can’t get up.
>>62885>It could go for months. I wake up and tell myself I’ll try today, then I go and lie down. And then I can’t get up.
Well it sounds like that isn't working. Do you do things in bed? Or just lay there?
All right, I've been in a somewhat similar situation and whatever you do, change things, ok? Move furniture out of places, clean your room a bit, but try to improve something, and definitely make an effort to get outside and be in the sun a bit.
If every day feels like the same to you, and you can't really differentiate them, this journaling thing will help you a lot. You are going to make entries everyday, don't skip it, focus on building an habit, and even if you haven't felt like doing anything else all day. Write it down: "I haven't got out of the bed and didn't felt like doing anything". Eventually, you will start writing about how you feel, what do you want to do, possible ways of dealing with your problems and so on. Those are going to be the entries that you will mark in some way and read them again later. You have to read them later, or rewrite them in another piece of paper.
Also, do you read books? Consider reading an intro to psychology book and maybe a book on therapy. I think CBT is the kind of thing that is doable by oneself, definitely not the best approach possible, but doable, considering that you are willing to be honest and that you have writing on your side. Eventually, you will figure out things, don't worry. Best of luck to you.
I lie. Do nothing. Sometimes I’ll scroll through my phone but I’m not really looking it at.
This sounds like a man’s very, very bad impression of a woman. I may be depressed anon, but I still expect you to be at least somewhat funny. Put some effort into it next time.
right, don't need to be sad tho srsly life aint that bad
take some antidepressants
I really like reading books. I might try that. Thank you anon.
>>62890>I lie. Do nothing. Sometimes I’ll scroll through my phone but I’m not really looking it at.
Ah, thought it might be this bad. Do you berate yourself mentally while you're doing this?
Oh, I forgot to add, if you feel that this journaling thing is making you feel worse and it isn't helping, leave it, ok? Ideally you should look for help or something. I'm writing a book for anons, but it still on its early stages, and it is not like I got everything figured out either. Also, do you browse 4chan? That /r9k/ or something? Do yourself a favor and quit that shit, make a social media account on instagram and create a feed of puppies or some other shit. It is not ideal, but absolutely better than browsing shit like that.
All the time. It’s a 24/7 thing. It gets really intense sometimes.>>62896
You’re writing a book for anons? That sounds really interesting, actually. What’s it about, if you don’t mind sharing?
I don’t really browse 4chan, but I still browse some other hostile online places. I like the fact that it’s given me a tougher skin in the past. However I’ll try to cut down on them.
Thanks again, anon.
I FINISHED MY FAST
Yes, actually they are two. I might never finish them, I'm not a professional writer or anything, but one is about emotions and books, in the sense of how someone can use books to develop their emotions and the other one is basically a self-help one, which I think it is somewhat stupid, but still, considering what is out there, I think that most authors don't understand what anons go through.
And I want you to take a deep breath, inhale air through your nose, feel the air passing through your nostrils and filling your chest, hold it a bit and exhale through your mouth in an "AAAAH", as if you are relieved of something. Do it a couple of times. Try to get back to your actual senses, and feel everything, when you drink water or something, feel the coldness of it and it going inside your body. Do it with everything, and eventually you will feel more dissociated from this kind of artificial interaction that we are having through the internet.
Also, pay attention to your thoughts, whenever you catch yourself having bad thoughts. Pretend that you are talking to a friend and talk to yourself as if you were talking to that friend. This will become clear if you start writing, and those thoughts will start to rise and you will become more aware of the patterns. Eventually you'll learn how to deal with everything, realize that things aren't that bad, and move with your own feet. Your aim is to become your own best friend, I think this makes sense. Ask me if this doesn't seem clear, because this is important.
I almost forgot, do some of these relaxation exercises. They will help you to get back to it. You can to them on your bed, lying down, it doesn't matter, but try to be conscious whenever you are doing them.
The other night I had another dream where I broke someone's arm. This time it was my grandma's. I looked into what it may mean and I found some explanations on this site that really resonated with me.http://dreamyobsession.com/what-does-dreaming-about-breaking-someones-arm-mean/
>Dreaming about breaking someone’s arm reveals that you need kindness. You want contact and support. Being alone does not work for you. Dreaming about breaking someone’s arm reephasizes that you are a sociable person who need contact with others.
Since quarantine started, I've resorted to being a shut-in again and feeling increasingly consumed by loneliness. A friend of mine constantly shares with me pictures of herself with this girl she is hanging out with and it makes me feel even lonelier. I thought this lifestyle was something I was used to, since I used to be a hikineet for awhile before, but I guess even I have my limits.
I've thought about how at this point I could practically die and no one would realize for weeks. Not until the smell hits my roommate, at least.
>Dreaming about breaking someone’s arm reveals that you are in a difficult professional phase. You are doing a great job and your managers love you. Your fellow workers are full of praise for you, they like working with you because you are always in a good mood. Dreaming about breaking someone’s arm indicates that, generally speaking, you enjoy your work, but sometimes you feel you want more. You know that you are equipped for more. Your current tasks have become mechanical, you no keep doing the same thing and don’t learn anything. Dreaming about breaking someone’s arm shows that you are ready for an progression but nothing happens. This makes you doubt your knowledge.
This is true. I've gotten praised by my managers at my campus job several times now and I get along well with them. However, this job isn't very career-related and I am wanting to move into a internship that can start giving me more experience in the field I'm actually trying to go into, ASAP. The feeling of stagnating feels unbearable.
Well, it sounds like mentally berating yourself isn't working, do you want to try something else?
Getting a new special interest (diagnosed ASD) for me feels pretty weird and sometimes psychotic, as in thinking about [interest] 90% of the time, hearing words related to [interest] in basically random noises, obsessive weird and unpleasant thoughts about [interest] or related to it.
Usually I just wait it out 'til I can just function again, but the waiting period is always a bit grim especially if I can't share the interest with someone due to lack of friends/[interest] being niche as fuck/elitism in the communities related to [interest].
The worst part of it is unexpectedness; I can't choose what I'll be interested like this in.
I can’t stop it this easily. It’s natural at this point.
Well duh, it's not easy. I didn't say anything about it being easy. I just asked if you wanted to try something else. Do you want to keep trying what you're currently doing? Because those are really your only two options. There's no guarantee anything could possibly work, but I think it's pretty self-evident your current strategies aren't working.
Of course I don’t want to keep doing this. But I don’t know what else to do when it’s so hard to physically get out of bed/shut my mind down? I don’t know how to break out of the loop.
So you are open to at least trying new things, even if they may not actually work?
Yeah. If they don’t involve spending a lot of money. I’m not at my best financially.
Well, obviously getting out of bed is just too difficult a task just yet, it might be easier someday, but if you're unable to do that, all you're creating a standard you can't reach and then punishing yourself for not reaching it. Let's forget about getting out of bed, next time this happens, what's something you would personally find to be preferable to, and I quote "browsing your phone mindlessly"? I'm going to say it may help if it doesn't involve your phone, but really it's your choice.
I should clarify that this activity would also, necessarily, have to be something you can do in bed. Since we seem to agree that getting out of it is just too difficult just yet.
Reading, maybe. But I keep getting easily distracted and before I know it it’s late again.
I feel like I'm just barely smart enough to understand how little I know, and able to understand how fucked we are but not in which ways
It's not what you do that'll change you. It's your mindset.
It is hard being a midwit yes.
>>62967>keep getting distracted
Wait, have you managed to pick up a book and open it while in this state?
I’m aware of this, but it’s hard to break the feedback loop without action. >>62971
Yes. Today. But it was a book I had on my phone. I got through a page and then that was it.
>>62973>Yes. Today. But it was a book I had on my phone. I got through a page and then that was it.
Well hot damn, you're already far closer than some people I've met to managing the problem.
I think perhaps having a physical book will probably help more, but if it's digital only for you that works too, just slightly different
Do you usually manage to read one page or was it a rare day you managed that?
Oh fuck off, I've talked to some people who struggle to pick up a magazine and look at the cover, let alone open the damn thing. She's lightyears closer than them.
Well god damn, sounds like a good first step. Using this as a basis we might even be able to set up some goals, sounds like it's a struggle to do one page, but tell me, what do you think would be something you could just barely manage to do? Is one page a good one? Could you even go for two? What do you think you could possibly get yourself to do? We know standing up is out of reach, for now, but what do you think you can convince yourself to do?
>I’d also like to study seeing as I’m academically light years behind everyone, but that’s already hard since I can’t bring myself to move.
Well studying involves reading and if you're reading at least one page a day you've successfully put yourself one non-zero increment towards studying. Hell it doesn't even have to be non-fiction, practicing reading is practicing reading.
Sorry, I keep deleting. I’m getting anxious and paranoid again.
I think one page is cool. Maybe I’ll try to increase a paragraph or a page everyday. I don’t want to try and do something too big and then crash.
Maybe also regularly self-groom, like try to shower regularly (I know). That’s harder but maybe that’s the next step, after I try reading.
>>62983>I think one page is cool. Maybe I’ll try to increase a paragraph or a page everyday. I don’t want to try and do something too big and then crash.
If you feel that is correct, go for it, but I would honestly recommend against it. You've barely managed to read one page, perhaps master just reading one page a day for a week and see how you feel at the end of it.
Also, you've only solved half the problem, per say, you've decided what you want out of yourself (reading one page), but have you honestly asked yourself what you could give yourself as a reward for reading that one page? Anything at all?
>Maybe also regularly self-groom, like try to shower regularly (I know). That’s harder but maybe that’s the next step, after I try reading.
Well, again, this isn't about what you should be doing, as much as it is physically honestly concretely accepting what it is you are currently
capable of doing, and pushing that to the absolute edge. If you feel absolutely confident that you could get yourself to go and take that shower, that sounds good. If you're instead comparing yourself to an arbitrary standard, and saying you should
be able to do this, you're most likely not going to reach your goal as fast as you may like.
Do you feel confident that you could actually take that shower during those times? I don't care what the answer is, I just want an honest response either way.
>>62983>but have you honestly asked yourself what you could give yourself as a reward for reading that one page? Anything at all?
This wasn't stated right, perhaps the better way of looking at this isn't "what could you give yourself", it's asking yourself "what would I need
to give myself as a reward to get to that goal?"
>I’ve never thought of the reward part.
Looks like we're exploring new territory already! Perhaps rewarding yourself for doing the right thing might be the missing step, that still requires a reward to exist though.
>When I was younger, reading itself was the reward.
Well, hopefully we can get back to there someday, but I'm going to posit that if you're struggling to read a single page you're probably not finding it that enjoyable yet, or you would simply be reading more. So let's say that "doing the thing in and of itself" is not a good reward for you.
>Now I’m not really sure what would be considered a reward for me now when everything—talking, moving—is very difficult to do. The reward itself has become a painful chore.
Well do you eat anything? Perhaps mouth pleasure is a good step? You browse your phone all day instead of just laying in bed, your body obviously responds to the phone to some degree, perhaps, what, an hour of guilt-free browsing? The only one who can answer this question is you, just ask yourself and listen quietly for the response as long as you need to. What's not important is what the reward is, just that your body has something to actually get rewarded for doing the right thing.
>As for the shower, my honest answer is no. I can’t.
In that case, let's put that off for now, you seem to believe that one page a day, for a week is doable, yes? If not we can reduce it, we just want anything that could be a possible improvement, a goal you can just barely reach as far as you yourself have judged.
i feel like im rebounding from my relationship. i already have a crush on someone but it hasnt been a week since we broke up. is it normal to seek new partners so soon?
Yes, were you feeling sad because of it? And consider that you might regret this decision.
I dont do anything on my days off. I just go on the internet all day.
>get a hobby
have one. dont' do it on weekends, just after work sometimes. i feel so lazy and shitty and like i wasted the weekend i was looking forward to so much. but fuck. i'm just so drained. no car, cant' go anywhere, everything local to do costs money and all there is is to eat food or buy stuff. local parks are all overrun with hobos and i've walked them all a million times. i wish i wasnt like this
I hate fake positivity and the bitches who try to reinforce it. When you show anything less than infinite enthusiasm and happiness in their presence, or if you're just tired, they pick up on it and get angry at you. It's honestly the most narcissistic thing.
I don't care if you think I am ~negative~, I will not change and we will never get along. Let. It. Go.
I once again had TWO dreams in a row about having a shot with my imaginary ideal guy and I refused to fuck him in my dreams because I have a bf. I hate this, the dreams are so stressful and I feel bad not only for dreaming about it but also for cucking myself.
Hmmm, it’s hard to think of a reward when being on my phone fried my dopamine receptors. But today I read another page and drank a can of Coke as a reward (I hope my body can grasp that this is a Reward, I don’t drink Coke too often.)
I thought maybe watching a film would be a nice idea, but the last time I tried to do that I barely got throw the first ten minutes before going back to bed.
A thing I’m observing now is I sort of fucked up myself by overdosing on rewards so much that they lost all of their meaning and became tiresome. So now I’m tired and bloated from an excess of rewards (the same you feel tired and gross after eating fast food) — and if I try to cut back the rewards then I have to find an reward for that. Hm.
>>63019>Hmmm, it’s hard to think of a reward when being on my phone fried my dopamine receptors. But today I read another page and drank a can of Coke as a reward (I hope my body can grasp that this is a Reward, I don’t drink Coke too often.)
If you decide it is a reward, and when you drink it attempt to fully immerse yourself in the experience as something both pleasant and something you earned, your body will grasp it.
>I thought maybe watching a film would be a nice idea, but the last time I tried to do that I barely got throw the first ten minutes before going back to bed.
If a reward isn't fun it isn't very rewarding imo. Again maybe later at some point.
>A thing I’m observing now is I sort of fucked up myself by overdosing on rewards so much that they lost all of their meaning and became tiresome.
Oh it may be far worse than that, you probably indulged in all sorts of rewards and then constantly mentally berated yourself for doing nothing to earn said rewards, and berated yourself for indulging in said rewards. What we're trying to do is get your physical systems oriented just a tiny bit that when you do the "right thing" you feel better (reward) without guilt from indulging in said reward. We seem to have the negative reinforcement part down, but let's work on positive reinforcement so your "punish/reward systems" have some actual direction.
>So now I’m tired and bloated from an excess of rewards (the same you feel tired and gross after eating fast food) — and if I try to cut back the rewards then I have to find an reward for that. Hm.
In dieting specifically this is referred to as a "cheat day" for instance if you abstain from coke all week you allow yourself one on Saturday as a reward. I would recommend.>>63019
I was talking to someone and my stepdad came up. I said something like "it's not a big deal, he's just my stepdad." And she replied, "It doesn't matter, he's still your dad." Without knowing our relationship.
Is it normal for me to be annoyed by this? I feel like she was chastizing me some how.
I think this is annoying too.
I don't know if you are, but I'm not american and this feels like a very american things. I always see people in tv show, movies, or just talking on the internet, calling step father or mother "dad" and "mom".
It's so weird, even when they're with you since childhood, they're not your dad or your mom. What is up with that? I've a step mom and step dad and I NEVER thought of calling them mom or dad. It's so weird.
I keep reading the SuicideBereavement subreddit as some sick form of self-harm, and I have to fucking say it, as horrible and tragic as some of the stories are, I fucking. Hate. some of the posters down to their very cores. Maybe I've spiraled so far down that I've lost any ability to have empathy, but like, there's so many people who SAW THEIR LOVED ONES WERE FUCKED UP, who saw they were isolated, alienated, not talking to anyone, distressed, wilting, and without lifting a single finger, without bothering to check in on them, to pay at least a fleeting bit of attention, without guilt, let them perish. Fuck, some of them even BEGGED FOR HELP and were dismissed on account of being too mentally ill or god-forbid ""ABUSIVE"" cause they had the sense to mention their suicidal feelings.
The biggest slap of all is the pointless, untruthful platitude they keep repeating like a mantra: "it's not your fault. you couldn't have done anything. the outcome was set in stone. nothing would've ever changed."
Yes, it fucking would've, you psychopathic, selfish, self-absorbed, sadistic pieces of shit. Actions have consequences. Most people aren't born clinically depressed and suicidal. There's not some arbitrary randomly generated number that decides that this person is fated to kill themselves, and you can only slightly lengthen their fated counter. People get sick cause they live in a profoundly sick environment, surrounded by people who don't give a shit. They respond negatively to negative stimulus, and positively to positive stimulus.
Like, fuck, I guess I'm angry cause it hits so close home or something. That even after a horrible tragedy people continue being profoundly narcissistic and selfish, doing anything to get rid of the guilt that is rightfully there, as a natural result of accurately perceiving the reality of cause and effect. Like, I know, I'm mentally ill. I know I have no say in this shit. You now have an excuse to cut all contact and let me die alone. Thank god for you, it wasn't your fault, right? I don't give a shit how much it hurts after the fact, the dead person hurt tenfold times more. Fuck this world.
i am so lonely and i cant get over my breakup and its making me feel so tired and exhausted, like i cant do any work or do anything. i just wish i had friends to check up on me but its like everyone disappears when youre in pain.
i spent hours listening to some nice foreign man talk about his country just to not be alone last night becaus thinking about ex makes me want to die.
I'm pregnant and I hate it. Thursday can't come soon enough. I want this abusive scrotes DNA out of me already.
I was afraid this would be the case. I'm scared I'm too far along for a medical abortion even though my last period was June. I posted in LC but I'm posting here too because I'm losing my shit.
Even the fetus is fucking me. I can't sleep at night because of the nausea, I can barely eat and I get so emotional. I've been hitting my stomach like a psycho. I want this thing gone already.
I want to give you an award for this post.
please stay strong. you can get through this whichever way it goes. everything will be okay and you are loved and supported here.
I don't want it to go any way other than me flushing it down a toilet or having it yeeted into a trash bin behind the abortion clinic. I literally can't have this kid.>>63090
I'm getting weed later and I'm trying to distract myself with lolcow but it's not working. I can't feel better about myself looking at cows because I feel like one too. Also can someone help me find the friend finder thread? I'm lost
Nope. And I don't think I'll tell my mom until after it's done. She knows he's abusive trash but she's religious and might want me to keep the baby because God said so. And I don't want to hear it. I'm not ruining my whole life for this particular scrote. God would hate me more for how I'd treat the kid I think.>>63093
I'm making it now>>63094
Yes. Thank you. I'll post my discord there too as soon as the app is done downloading
How did you feel after, not telling anyone? I'm scared of somehow regretting it even though I really don't want this baby. Did anyone ever suspect anything? My mom suspected I was pregnant and up until today I thought it would be pretty easy to hide an abortion from her. Now it seems almost impossible, I want to cry all day and night.
Should I smoke while the abortion is going on? Will that fuck me? I'm terrified I just want the day to come and be done with. It's hard looking at my mom rn I feel like a failure for getting pregnant by him of all people.
My other ex was at least a nice guy, if not a bit of a bitch. This guy is just the stereotype of bad news. And I'm pregnant by him because I'm stupid.
Ah. I live with my mom now so I guess it will just be a conversation we eventually have. I don't think I can keep it from her forever. She's been so helpful on this journey it kinda feels wrong to leave her out of it completely. She's a bit overbearing though so I'll probably wait until the dust settles. I hope she won't hate me for it .. but abortion is the only good option I have. I'm not willing to carry it to full term for adoption.
And yes, I'm definitely going through with it. I want to forget he ever existed. We are not friends and I don't want to have to speak to him ever again if I can avoid it
Chris-chan is disgusting but I really hope that fucked up girl on the tapes goes to jail she seems like a true monster.
May I never be that femcel again
Unlikely since her father is a fed iirc
what kind of woman acts or thinks like this?
ikr? most learn after the first bad experience
what kind of moidposting is this
This is not a woman. This is clearly a man lurking in female spaces trying to prove a point. Just another retard.>>63105
Anon, a lot of men lurk on here, and lot of them make dumb posts and replies. Ignore them. I know it feels like Thursday is so far away, but things will be over before you know it.
same, cwc is a problem but i really hope that rotted asshole gets hers. what a horrific person. and her step-mom is a clinical psych specializing in criminals? useless. curious if her father's navy seal sociopathy has contributed to her becoming whatever this… is.
yes. that isnt okay, she was rude and condescending. she isn't your mom and has no right to give you moral lectures on good manners.>>63083> hitting my stomach like a psycho.
anon if you are like this now imagine how you'll be once you have a screaming infant with pants full of shit. Read "territory of light" by yuuko tsushima. it's about a single mother raising a child and doesn't mince words on how difficult it is. you aren't doing the kid any favors either. it's better to have an abortion than to birth a kid you clearly don't want and end up stressing yourself out so much you start abusing the kid. >i would never–
it's an easy road to go down when you are sleep deprived, stressed out, love deprived, in poverty, and a kid is mouthing off at you while destroying your apartment and shitting on the bed and floor and screaming like a banshee. get the abortion immediately, it isn't too late. you need to consider your own health, both mental and physical.
we have a great two-level justice system here, we sure damn do. i heard she boils hampsters just to torture them and her dad is DDOS'ing kiwi. she deserves prison and so does her entire family if they are trying to cover up her crimes.
I really believe the majority of men are pedophilic deep down. They will deny, deny and deny, sometimes project it onto you (YOU'RE THE PEDO!) while doing everything but outright admitting they're attracted to children - and make up lines in the sand to seem "not that bad". If a woman so much as implies this or assumes things to protect her own children, she gets barraged with expletives and called an ugly old hag.
I want to have sex so badly it's fogging up my mind. I want to do it with my boyfriend so much it's making me depressed. I hate to be a cumbrain but it's true. And I'm old to be a virgin so it's not so strange to be feeling like this. But it breaks my heart not knowing when we can finally meet up. I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I keep thinking about it. I've waited so long, I've put in so much effort. I just want to forget about the whole thing, I want to escape to somewhere else. It makes me mad.
How do I deal with this utterly retarded desire to do bad things to myself all off a sudden?
>inb4 distract yourself
I do not really want to do anything, and I've tried. Maybe I should just lay down and rot until it's gone.
Go outside a bit, don't stay at home, find somewhere to stay.
Should I go to the bowling alley
I want to get out and do something fun but I also hate people and get anxious
>>60740>start basic skincare routine for about 2 weeks>get small breakout
What did I do wrong? I use a pore cleanser, toner, then moisturizer. I exfoliate once a week as well.
I did it, didn't quite help as I already try my best to go outside and hit those fucking 10k steps but hey, at least I listened to some good stuff. Not quite A N G E R Y ( >>63152 ) but still on the extreme side of things. Either way, I should probably do that more, thanks. Still better than passing time in my house rotting.
I have one of those days when I get suicidal out of nowhere. I was enjoying my day do far and now I feel scared and want to hide somewhere. I am already in my room, there isn't anywhere else I can hide. Pls make it stop.
Have you looked for help? Like professional help. And what have you done today?
A bunch of shit I've been dealing with sort of came to a head and I had a big meltdown over it. I've slept on it and I'm feeling a bit better, but it's not going to get better anytime soon, especially with covid.
And sort of related rant, I'm so sick of healthcare (I'm in Burgerstan). Insurance is making me jump through hoops, and my new doctor is a man. I'm hoping for the best since I have had a decent male doctor before, but most I've had were incredibly shitty. My hall of fame of ridiculous shit moid doctors say include: "it can't be that bad" (still have super painful periods where I can't even get out of bed, but whatever you say) and "you're overreacting, it's all in your head and will go away if you ignore it" (guess what, I had to go to the hospital about 6 hours after he said that and had to stay for several days). My absolute "favorite" one is "women can't get autism" when I brought up that I may have it and be masking it but I have multiple symptoms that have been impacting my life in a significant way, plus I do have a family history of it. But no, somehow it's a male-only disorder and any woman who has it has been misdiagnosed according to Dr. Shithead over here. Shit like this makes me not want to bring up anything at all unless it's life-threatening since it's apparently not serious enough even though I'm sure it's contributing to my trainwreck of a life. And don't get me wrong, I've had a few shitty women doctors, but most of the shitty ones were men and were often way worse than them. And I keep trying to rationalize it and give them the benefit of the doubt by thinking maybe they have burnout, or are inexperienced or are just an old fart that can't get with the times. Still doesn't excuse the fact that a lot of doctors are really fucking shitty at their jobs and should have everyone the trouble and picked another career. And insurance is another layer of cancer. I can't get help even though I want and need
It's all fucking exhausting.
I know I just posted a diatribe of how bullshit healthcare can be, but if you haven't already done so please seek professional help. When you can get it and when you find a professional that works well with you, it can do wonders.
Thanks for the replies, but idk if I need it, I have already calmed down.
>>63172>have multiple symptoms that have been impacting my life in a significant way, plus I do have a family history of it.
I'm not a pro or anything, but don't do this, please. I used to do that back when I was living alone and really depressed. I'm not exactly sure, but I ended up getting worse because of reading those things. Look for a psychologist or something, they can probably help you out with it. If you are broke, like really broke, get a book on CBT (check out Judith Beck), it is a therapy that you can kinda do it yourself, considering that you are not too messed up. You seem that you are thinking properly, considering what you just wrote down, and being able to criticize other people instead of "taking all the blame" is a good sign. But I'm not a pro, just saying what I did.
I should clarify some things, I was (and sort of still am) really heated when I wrote my rant. The autism thing was a couple of years ago, and it was a concern that I had then but after reflecting I don't think I have it, or at least I'm really high functioning or just a extremely socially awkward fuckhead. I do think something is going on though, since I feel like a child even though I'm fucking in my late 20s. I don't think it's only just depression, which I've been diagnosed and am still working through with. I just want to talk to a psych about it and try to get my life in order, but insurance has been being a humongus bitch about it. And even then I'm still hesitant since I haven't had many good experiences with psychiatry, and I'm terrified of bringing something up and then just be treated like a hypochondriac or like I'm drug seeking. As an added bonus my therapist quit over a year ago and haven't been able to find another since then, so right now I feel like I'm treading water and yet I'm still sinking.
And thank you for the recommendation for the CBT book, I think I'll try it out again in the meantime. I did buy one and try it years ago, but I had this weird mental block when it came to actually doing the exercises. Though to be fair I was way more fucked up back then, but I still have a problem with it and I feel like I have to fight with myself to even try to make any headway. Shit sucks.
I know that this is difficult, that you want to figure out what is wrong with you. But please, if you are going to do things by yourself, you do it by symptoms, don't try to diagnose yourself. If you are going to read a book on CBT, you do it with your things, don't look for "new diseases".https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_students%27_disease#:~:text=Medical%20students'%20disease%20
To is a thing, don't study diseases if you are feeling depressed. Just don't, it will make you worse.
Yes, this whole thing is dangerous, anon. You might end up developing some symptoms that you don't even have. And it is not like you are in the best possible shape atm.
What does someone have to gain from keeping me added if they have some kind of weird grudge against me? I know they're ignoring me on purpose and I know they are keeping in touch with others but avoiding me, so wtf? Why even bother pretending like the door is open? I've embarrassed myself enough times trying to ask him what was up and can't do that again, so that's out. I'm considering just removing and blocking him but we also share some mutual friends and I just know I'll end up hearing about it at some point. I don't know what else I should do because being treated like this from someone I considered a friend is bullshit and just leaving it as it is has done me no favors mentally, and he refuses to give me a chance to even work out what the problem is, so I have to end it myself.
But still, I just really don't get it. If there were something going on and he was busy that would be one thing but I have seen him go out of his way to ignore me while I know for a fact other friends still keep in touch and have said nothing is wrong or weird. Whatever. I tried. It's his loss, I guess.
I don't really use social media, but just delete people that you don't really talk to or that don't talk to you. Kinda pointless.
What if somebody tries to talk to me?
I've been pretty fixated and sad about this guy I sexted with because he seems to have disappeared on me, but I did some self-care stuff, and now I feel too hot to care. Ik this sounds egotistical, but just taking my looks into account, if I wasn’t so mentally ill and terminally online, my entire life would be so different??? I’m a greasy autistic vulnerable weeb bitch in personality (and I enjoy it), but IRL, it’s just a different story. Being conventionally attractive (or becoming that way) on its own is very easy, but I wish I could act the part.
If he had ever seen me, he probably would've just gotten insecure once he figured out I wasn't a catfish, anyway. God doesn't want internet dudes to prosper lol
I wish I was attractive, or even looked more feminine. There’s no way to fix bone structure or female balding…
I wish I was back there with you. I wish we were walking through Hastings together looking at the manga and books, I wish I was back at your house watching your bootleg Inuyasha DVDs. If I had just one more day back then, knowing what I know now, I would tell you I loved you. Now I'm an adult and we will never have all day to just sit and watch TV together or waste time downtown and just enjoy each others company like friends do. I'll never have a chance to do that with anyone again because adults just don't have the time. Thank you for giving me these precious memories even if they are painful now and bear a bitter aftertaste. Pic unrelated.
Do you have PCOS ? I know this illness is a bitch. Balding as a female must feel atrocious, I feel you anon.
Have you considered wearing wigs ? Or (quality) clip in bangs ? You're wearing in a decade where wigs are trendy, tons of influencers and black women wear them, there is no shame in it.
Make-up and haircut can help to soften your face features too.
You can do it anon !
I'm feeling isolated and abandoned, lost my online friends from a guild and have been shunned off the other site I used to interact with.
Why can't I just be alone and not be miserable
its really intimidating seeing how confident, pretty, put together, well groomed, wealthy, qualified, ambitious, and busy other girls are, especially when you are an ugly poorfag zero self esteem shutin who never leaves the house. if anything it seems society judges loser girls even more harshly than loser guys because women are supposed to have it all together and be able to juggle a love life, sex life, kids, grind, work, social life, and looking good with ease. its so much pressure and idk how other girls do it. i feel like such a loser.
Pretty sure that's all in your head, you should talk to a therapist, maybe you can escape into being an ugly poorfag who isn't a shut in with zero confidence.
I will say woman will judge other women more harshly for failing though. Men tend to fuck anything they can get their hands on.
sort of kind of making a new friend and it stings to see how much closer they are with other people. especially when these 'others' are also, rather new introductions into my friend's life.
i guess i just can't bridge the gap and make connections with ease like everyone else. fuck
How is it all in her head when she is, actually, ugly and poor? Like you said, women judge other women more harshly, so the "be more confident!!1" advice would not work for her. They see "ugly poorfag" before they see confidence or whatever.
god i feel this post. why are there so many shitty doctors, it doesn't even make sense, don't they have to take an empathy test?
why the fuck do they go into a career that requires them to CARE ABOUT PEOPLE and just not give a shit. i know this doesn't help you op but fuck if this entire thing didn't resonate with me
>>63221>How is it all in her head when she is, actually, ugly and poor? Like you said, women judge other women more harshly, so the "be more confident!!1" advice would not work for her. They see "ugly poorfag" before they see confidence or whatever.
If she has self-confidence they will see just "ugly poorfag" as opposed to "ugly self-hating poorfag" which is one step closer to not being absolutely undesirable.
Most general practitioners aren't equipped to deal with self-diagnosing autists, and also have to screen for people complaining of extreme pain for an opoid fix. Am I saying that they were right to be dismissive to you? No, but the doctor has a vested interest in not enabling drug-addicted shitheads and has to metagame around them. You can then say>but why aren't the doctors who are women as bad
and that's because they have greater understanding of the experiences you're having and can more easily screen you as actual case vs drug addict.
As for the autism specifically, he's a fucking doctor, not a psychologist. If you want a psychologist recommend, just fucking ask for it.
It also doesn't help that American doctors have to further metagame around their patients possibly not being able to afford healthcare, so there's the layer of disgression between "am I going to destroy this person's financial life in pursuit of a treatment that doesn't exist for their condition" which very much does actually happen.
I'm not the quoted anon, but what I think she is saying is that you shouldn't give people more importance than they actually have in your life. In the sense that those other people might not even know her or notice her, yet she is projecting all that judgement beforehand, and feeling bad about it. It is not even about being more confident, but not letting other people's mere existence hinder your experience as a human being. This is part of what being an autonomous person is about.
And this >>63223
anon is right. You have to deal with what you got, in the sense of: if things are bad, you shouldn't make them worse. This is why I think religion is somewhat important, because suddenly there is this being who created the entire universe and that cares about you, and somewhat even when things go wrong it is all for the better. I'm not a religious person, but being optimistic about life in general, be it in a philosophical manner or religious, is important to get through hardships. I haven't really finished reading it, but there is this book that I'm reading called "Man's search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl, that correlates to this, it is about a doctor who is sent to a concentration camp in nazi Germany. Not a long book and might be worth a read for that anon who is feeling sad about his current situation.
Not in the sense that "things could be worse, so be grateful for what you have", but more along the lines of finding healthy ways of dealing with your life.
>>63222>it doesn't even make sense, don't they have to take an empathy test?
This doesn't exist in the US, and I'm 90% it's not very common in most European countries. Don't know how you got it into your head there's an empathy test, because it doesn't exist.
>why the fuck do they go into a career that requires them to CARE ABOUT PEOPLE and just not give a shit.
Because it pays well, is socially held in a high place, and a jobs a job. Teachers are a good example of a profession that screens for empathy rather than pay, would you prefer more doctors to be along the lines of how teachers function paywise?
>>63221>How is it all in her head when she is, actually, ugly and poor?
Mostly the societal judging part is in her head, literally, as I doubt, but am welcome to be proven wrong, anyone as walked up to her and said "you are ugly, stupid and poor". I highly doubt any neutral member of society has gone out of their way to say these things. School bullies don't count, family doesn't count, she's talking about "society judging harshly" I want a neutral societal observer to tell her she's ugly, stupid and poor before I believe she's actually being judged for it. If this hasn't been done explicitly, she's assuming it implicitly, if she's assuming it implicitly, it's literally in her head.>Like you said, women judge other women more harshly, so the "be more confident!!1" advice would not work for her.
It actually would, much like how society treats self-confident fat people better than fat people. Society treats self-confident poor people better than self-hating poor people.>They see "ugly poorfag" before they see confidence or whatever.
Certainly, you are correct. They would also see the self-confidence afterwards and be moved towards that. Personally though I'm a proponent of helping the person you are as opposed to the idealized conception of what a person can be, but more power to her if she wants to autistically fixate on what she should be "ideally" as opposed to what she can actually
be ideally. Doesn't hurt anyone, but herself.
I know that anon was referring to judgement. I meant that her judgement is right and not projection.>>63227
I disagree with everything but hey, at least your attitude is more helpful for anon.
I have had a similar experience with multiple doctors.
They shuffle me around to specialist after specialist, and I always feel they think my pain isn't real. That I'm just after narcotics.
this realy is agony and i just want to get over it because of how shit i feel but i dont think i could even date another person after this or have them find me attractive
>>63231>I meant that her judgement is right and not projection.
Her judgement is right and it's a projection. She should find a new projection, because the current one isn't working.
Hurry up and dry my dear underwear I want to take a shower
Embrace just a t shirt, unless you are too big-chested for it.
t. flat girl
Visiting my LDR bf soon. I’m having so much anxiety that it’s suffocating my ability to feel excited. I love him so much and we’ve waited so long for the borders to reopen.
Losing my mind in frustration. I have to take medication for pain, or I can't sleep. But if I take too much I can't sleep due to the side effects.
I hate how out of control I feel in regards to it
he's gonna fuck you and never contact you again
Not her, but it's these kind of thoughts that have kept me a virgin, I'm 31 now and I think it's just going to stay that way.
I can't decide if I should be proud or ashamed of that fact.
the more you guys think that men are not human the less likely you'll experience genuine beautiful human interactions you will have with others around you.
Stop imagining people around you are the cardboard cut out versions of themselves you created
I really would love to help out all the people who have warped ideas of other human beings on this website and possibly others like 4chan other terminally online places.
I get a good kick out of seeing people making friends and partners
Yes, that would be cool, I'm writing a book that might help, but I think most anons are way beyond the scope of any book. They need irl help.
I have an extremely hard time interacting with people outside of the internet. I don't even know how it'd be possible for a relationship to be a positive experience for me.
I can't help but turn into a moody teenager irl.>>63270
That's cool, how is your progress?
The best help is for them to be thrown into social situations and to ban them from using the internet.
Socialising is a muscle that needs to be trained
I'm somewhat stuck on that one, but I'm still thinking about how it will go. I will explain a bit of it, and there are some parts that are written, and others that I'm still deciding if they are going to get in or not.
It is basically a book about emotions in general, in the sense of how do you "cultivate your own emotions" using books. Then I considered that the most primitive impulses are laughing and sex, so people should start reading things that make them feel like that, then move to things that make they angry, sad and whatever. I thought about making a catalog, but I think I'm giving up on that, because what is sad to some people might not be sad to others and so on.
This would kill me.
After relentless bullying and social isolation in school, the IRC friends I made were all that kept me from killing myself.
well you need to do it anon, it's painful at first but you will not regret it
Obviously I don't mean go out on your own to bars or anything. It can be nerdy as hell with other social outcasts. But the more you do it the more you'll get better at it
I suppose it's easier to just bemoan my situation, it's just so painful to try.>>63273
That's really cool that you are working on that
Well mine is atrophied… heh
Im sorry, I'm not trying to shun you two's advice. I'm just shitty
I'm not either of those two, but fuck that. Don't be sorry, you haven't done anything. It is not your fault, or their fault. Relax, don't expect people to be mad at you all the time. Wait them to get mad to feel sorry. I'm not saying that you should be an asshole, but be more of an asshole. Does this make sense?
>>63283>Relax, don't expect people to be mad at you all the time
I literally do this constantly… I get what you are saying though, thank you.
That is fine, I'm not mad at you either. I just curse all the time, I'm working on it. And do that and you'll get better.
This is the most interaction I've had all week haha…
So I'm just happy to talk to humans
Well, that is great, we all start somewhere. I think I've somewhat been on your shoes, I know how it feels. I used to be scared to go around the corner and pay my rent. I know how it feels, but you can do it. Just don't give up on it.
I have a habit of wanting to get away from people I'm in a relationship with (platonic), like I need to just not see them for long periods of time
Do you live by yourself or with your family? And how does it feel if you would meet someone like now?
I live alone.
Online I seem to be much more sociable, without the anxiety.
I know how it feels. I used to be exactly like that. Are you eating properly? Or is it junk food 7 days a week?
Also, have you considered joining a discord or something? In a way that you can chat with people using your voice. Because typing can be somewhat alienating.
I have to force myself to eat, but I don't eat just junk. I'd say my diet is mostly okay, just I can't eat a lot and I don't like to.
Often I will go a day without eating.
Typing is probably the reason I don't freak out. I came into my own socially in IRC back when I was 12 or so and being bullied so much.
I'm in a few discords, but I never reveal that I'm female there.
Yes, that is dangerous, are you losing weight? I lost a lot of weight during the time I was like that.>>63295
There are some "ok" discords, that you can be a woman there and whatever. I don't know any of those, because it is not like I use them, but have you ever heard of Twitch? A lot of streamers there have discord servers, consider watching one and joining one. It will probably do you some good to talk to people using voice. How long has it been since the last time you actually spoke to someone?
I'm at a relatively good spot at the moment, I've gone as low as 110 lbs. I'm a tall girl (why I was bullied) at 6 ft. Now i'm at 130
I don't remember… I called my mother for her birthday I think was the last time in may
And do you feel like you can talk about anything to your mother?
No, my relationships with family are strained to say the least
I didn't turn out like they wanted
But they wouldn't help you out with this? Or did they said straight that you should deal with this by yourself?
I haven't specifically asked any of them for help. I do text them sometimes though.
I mean that if have you considered moving back with them a bit? It will probably be good for you to be around people at least until you feel more at ease around people irl.
I can't say I've seriously considered it…. I've kind of settled into my weird solo lifestyle.
If only I could make one irl friend haha
You could go to a church or something. Or are you allergic to religion?
No, I am not.
That's a good idea. I'll see if I have an email from my old one
Yes, do that. I did it back then and I can't say it didn't helped me out a lot. Talk about how it worked out here later.
You are welcome, good luck, anon.
>>63291>>63294>doesn't eat properly>anxiety-ridden
Gee I wonder why when you're constantly signaling to your body it's in a food-poor environment.
Yeah I don't claim to have things in order completely..
Why are there so many erectile dysfunction ads on male focuses media? Is it really that big of a problem?
There's no way in hell ED is a naturally occurring issue. I'm convinced all these old scrotes just have porn addictions and don't love their wives.
The erectile dysfunction ads are actually aimed at younger men, as it has become an epidemic that young men can't perform in bed these days.
Lol you don’t even know him. I’m more scared of homesickness and navigating the airport.
It's not for old scrotes, all those new ads are targeting the ones in their 20s who already broke their dicks from cooming too much.
I have a test in like, two days and it's REALLY important and I haven't studied at all I'll probably end up crying during it
It's my own fault, though, I could've been studying for months but I'd rather fuck around all day lol
let me know when he ghosts you
is he twice your age or even older?
Start it now, how do you procrastinate? See if you can move away from the places you tend to procrastinate. As in, start doing things you are supposed to to in the kitchen or whatever. Maybe in a library or something.
I don't want to live if I can't have what I want
I don't want to do anything if I can't get recognition for it
This is my way of protesting
Same. SAME. It keeps gnawing at you everyday.
>>63343>I don't want to live if I can't have what I want
Good first step, are you also going to make arrangements to stop wanting things to make your stay more pleasant?>I don't want to do anything if I can't get recognition for it
Oh gosh this is so relatable. The worst part is this is the first step towards getting recognized, actually doing anything in the first place.
Do we have to stop wanting things? That sounds so depressing, anon.
> The worst part is this is the first step towards getting recognized, actually doing anything in the first place.
Do you think that’s why we end up spiritually and emotionally paralyzed? It’s a vicious loop. But I can’t help but look at more accomplished women and think myself less….how did they do it?
You don't have to do that, but don't let the existence of other people bring a standstill to your life. It is not a matter of not wanting things, more of having realistic expectations out it. Otherwise you are going to be frustrated, there is nothing wrong with being optimistic, just consider some boundaries for it, don't go crazy like that.
I hate my brothers gf, she’s an annoying fat bitch who makes retarded loud screeching noises while having sex in the next room. I think she’s bpd too, just so messy and gross. Sorry but I fucking hate her.
I’m not even curious as to what the kink is, but I can’t give any other advice on this without knowing.
But, duh, don’t get with some other guy to scratch your itch. What is it, cuckoldry?(1 month ago)
Friends are best when they’re not emotional crutches. For whatever reasons you two are having self-worth issues and you need to learn how to love yourselves. You are worthy of their company, I assure you. If one of them gets weird and wants to part ways, you attitude needs to be a nonchalant “who the fuck cares. I can always get some other friends”.
Good luck straightening that out kids