Advice General Anonymous 6683
In this thread we ask (or give) for advices to or from other miners
Don't be unnecessarily rude to each other
How do I bond with my smol doggo?
Pat small doggo, cuddle small doggo, give treats and endless love
How to cope with wanting a baby when you are too broke to afford having one with your partner? I can't get a new pet right now, and I love my cats dearly, but it's not enough.
Mid twenties here.
You have until your early-mid thirties to change that, and if it takes longer you can freeze your eggs or adopt. Technology is amazing, I wouldn't worry yet.
Thank you, it's mostly a feeling that I need to care for a baby and give him or her love uhhh
Maybe see if there's somewhere where you can volunteer with young kids (like toddlers??) or babysit.
that is actually a great idea, i will look into it. thanks!
Okay girls so this is kinda weird and gross but I've been thinking about this for a while and I don't really know what to do.
My mom has making me feel awful about my sexuality yet. Super ashamed of things like having sexual desires or sitting with my legs open.Whenever I take a while on the shower or decide to be on my room alone she announces loudly to my dad that I am masturbating, and hates when I lock the door and keeps calling me all the time. Plus when I was young she would grab my vagina out of nowhere and look at it and make faces. I am not sure if this is normal or not. Also I am really attached to her and we used to sleep on the same bed all the time until like a few days ago when I was asleep and I swear that I wake up to her feeling me up. She apologized so it may have been on accident but I kinda remember such things from when I was youger. I am just asking bc I was doing a research on sexual assault and I kinda match the description of some things. I also have a really weird relation to sex that maybe happenrd when I was growing up. I don't have any friends wich I could feel safe talking about this. Is this normal? Could this be something bad like i've been thinking? please help I don't really know what to do
>>6722>Is this normal?
No… Anon no, this is not normal. I know you're attached to your mum but this is really wrong. How old are you?
It is bad. She's your mother and she's not supposed to being doing things like that. I already thought it was wrong when i read she was talking about you masturbating to others while you're in the shower, that's disturbing, but on top of that she's trying to touch you?
That's pretty bad. You need to shout at her when she says and does these kind of things, and do what you can that might show her it's not okay to keep it up.
How does your dad react to that when she says it to him? Try to get your dad to notice it's wrong and ask him to talk to her.
I don't want to freak you out, but it's not normal and you shouldn't let her keep it up. If it goes on too long it'll make you feel even worse, she'll feel more comfy about trying these things, and she might try to go farther.
You having weird feelings towards sex or your sexuality might have been mostly because of her, but even if not, it's really, really not helping.
You have to get her to stop. If she doesn't I'd consider moving in with other family members you can trust or saving up to move out.
Sorry if I'm overreacting, but my parents are mentally unstable so I'm worried about these things.
I hope you can get her to realize it's not okay and not acceptable and i hope that will be enough for her to stop.
alright so, i'm 18. in a few months i'll be 19. & there's this celeb i like that'll be turning 17 later on this year, is it weird for me to crush on her?? i'm 200% never going to try anything (i've actually had a guy around that age confess to me before but rejected him ofc) but there's just something so charming about her
should i get medical help?? like could this be the start of ephebephila
You're very close to their age, i don't think it's that wrong.
The Anon above me is right, don't worry.
Two psychiatrists have diagnosed me with OCD. But I feel like it can't be true because my family - albeit, my mental illnesses don't exist! family - don't seem to think I am that. Most of my obsessive compulsions are checking for escape routes, overpasses, "accepting" death once I'm in a car, etc. and I also am very drawn to seeing pictures of dead people on gore sites because I tend to spend time wondering how they felt right before they died, etc. I feel like these "compulsions" or whatever aren't as serious as most compulsions or obsessions I read online about. Since I was a child I'd passively count things too, but I never have thought of it as a compulsive trait because I'm not constantly thinking about it. Is it possible those psychiatrists misdiagnosed me?
I'm also sort of anorexic, I've always had disordered eating and bad body image and have always been clinically underweight since middle school because I'm scared of having a BMI of 18.5, I don't know if that's relevant to OCD or not.
TLDR; two psychiatrists have diagnosed me with OCD and I feel like I'm not "OCD" enough and I feel doubt about my diagnosis.
She needs to either abort or carry the baby and then give it up for adoption.
anon is correct, this is unlikely to go over well with her (i.e. influence her) if she's "in love" or infatuated with the guy. Source: I was honest with my sister who was in the same situation and she still wants to carry the baby AND keep it with her boyfriend, probably to insure he stays with her because he was her first (despite the fact he's emotionally abusive and manipulative and downright lies to her face). I feel guilt because sometimes I think if I hadn't so clearly explained my opinion, maybe she'd be more open to different options. But maybe that's because I was her sister, not outside of her family.
Now my approach is that I try to act like nothing is set in stone with the baby and I try to gently talk about the fact she could put her baby up for adoption so she could accomplish her dreams. It's difficult and taxing, but I love my sister more than anything, and it's so hard to see her choosing to stay with this horrible man. I try not to voice my dislike of him anymore because that alienated me from her too much, and I try to listen and just be there for her now, though I always try to switch the topic if she bitches about how her boyfriend treats her because if I say what I think about that, she always gets annoyed.
TLDR; Be aware that shoving reality in her face may make her want to do the opposite of what is best for her, your best bet is to listen to her and try to gently guide her to keeping her options open. If she asks you what you think about all this, definitely don't make it sound like she's an idiot and made a stupid decision (even though she did lul), and tell her that you think she deserves better than the guy in a sweet way. Also emphasize that she's young and has a whole life in front of her.
People hate being made to feel like idiots in this situation because if they have a brain, they already know they are.
I think my obsessive compulsive disorder is really hindering my love life.
I just came out of a 4 year relationship this year and dating is so hard because once I get attracted/attached to someone my thoughts and complusions race like crazy. My true feelings towards crushes are more gentle than my spirals. I really get exhausted thinking about crushes.
Anyways, I’m having a sprial tonight because current love interest didn’t text me back.
Any tips on how to combat this? Maybe someone here goes through something similar?
Something that helps me is I have a note on my laptop that says "you're being silly!" It's towards my overthinking and worry that I've said something wrong or whatever it's still happens but it has helped a little.
How do I convince a guy who is absolutely convinced that all women have the same ideal male type (tall, ripped, supermodel face) and want to fuck said ideal male type at least once that it's not true by a large margin?
He also thinks all women who are married to average-looking guys are just settling or severe gold-diggers and they're still longing for a tall, ripped supermodel.
I didn't believe him at first and thought he was joking… but he was 100% serious.
you can't. he's clearly too far gone.
Do you have any investment in keeping ties with this guy (friend, coworker, some other relationship)?
Because it sounds like a waste of time to convince him of anything.
However, advice assuming he can be reasoned with is that you ask him why he thinks these things and have him explain the ideas to you. Then just keep asking details until he either realizes that they are based on lies or he gets fed up with a female questioning him.
Even if you were to prove to him that (many) exceptions exist without a doubt, he'd still claim that it doesn't matter since a majority still lust after Chad. He'd just move that goalpost.
Source: have seen this argument go down in youtube comments. Woman says she has a thing for manlets, man replies with "DOESN'T MATTER STATISTICS STATISTICS YOU'RE LYING"
Yup, the saddest part is they don't even understand that statistics don't even point to that conclusion…
I have no idea why you outed yourself as a man when the post didn't require it, but that's fine. Also not original anon with the problem.
What if you are one of those women into a strange type of man and have proof to back it up (ie. folders full of images of them)? Would seeing a statistical anomaly irl shake a man's world at all?
I fought with my mom yesterday but we made up quickly. We were arguing about my grades in uni and how I turned them around for the best this semester. We fought about other stuff too and she told me to not use my astigmatism as an excuse for failing socially and not being mentally stable for uni.
I don’t know why but I just screamed asking if she was borderline, and she said yes. And I don’t know if she actually is or not, it explains only a little bit. I still don’t get exactly what borderline is it’s hard for me to understand, when I read about it it seems to encompass a lot of other mental disorders. I don’t believe my mom has it and she is someone who would say she has it so I learn not to use a mental disorder as an insult. It bugs me but I’m going to try not to let it bug me. Reading online about bpd Mothers she doesn’t really fit any of the common complaints, the only thing being a fear of abandonment but that’s a culturally relevant thing for us.
Should I ask her more about her mental health? Or leave it as is, since she’s a good mom and is coping well. I apologized right after the fight and we’re ok now but she just ignored the mental question.
>meet guy at social gathering
>talk with him all night, we click instantly and have a lot in common
>end up making out
>exchange social medias
>tfw you wanna him to hit you up or vice versa
So what do I do anons? I wanna see him again and possibly build a little relationship, if not friendship, but idk if I should or how I would go about that.
This is a month late but for future reference you can always send him a non-committal message saying your enjoyed his company and would like to meet up sometime. If he doesn't respond then you've taken the initiative and will not need to regret inaction. You win some, you lose some.
Lol why care about him. Leave him to his sad little life. Probably just butthurt he isn't tall and buff and hot.
i just feel this sort of oppressive numbness and i feel like i literally cannot get anything done. even hobbies i used to enjoy feel like chores and the only thing i want to do all day is lay in bed and mindlessly browse the internet. this feeling is so shitty that i dont even want to have to be conscious to experience it. i wish i could just make myself fall asleep on command.
What is it you want to get done, anon? What are your hobbies?
Well i got into studying french a couple months ago but now that this lack of motivation has overcome me i feel like ive been horribly neglecting it, which is bad for language-learning. I also used to read more but now 90% of my day is me sleeping,eating, or on the internet
Why did you want to learn French?
get out of bed even if it seems pointless, make sure you're taking your showers and putting on some proper clothes, that's a huge one right there. when you're bored as shit switch up and clean and organize your surroundings if they could use it. take some of that internet time and switch it to a more calm media that's not just infinite information and addictive behavior, books or movies or something like that. when i get really fucked up with depression i eventually start marathoning podcasts on my phone and spend a couple days doing a huge cleaning and organization effort. helps my brain and is genuinely useful.
and when ur doing stuff off your pc, or on your pc but not to do with the internet, your discord stays off, you don't check imageboards, etc. successfully being disconnected for a while feels great. that little headache that's always there to check your shit even though nobody cares or even if they do it doesn't fucking matter will finally be gone
hate to be this way but are you moving to be closer to the school, or are you moving because your parents need you out?
if it's the former option, why not use public transportation?
There is no public transportion, I live in the middle of nowhere, I'd have to drive several hours to school everyday which would be no point because my entire paycheck would pretty much go to gas if im lucky and didnt go into debt paying for gas, and fuck getting a job too if that happens because no there would be no time inbetween school and work to do so
I NEED to move out, like really bad, I don't have much money to move out with, I need a loan but no places I know of give loans with poor credit, my next option is just ODing or giving up on my future
have you tried asking a reddit sub? maybe something to do with finances?
only suggesting this since you seem to need an immediate answer, and cc is slower than fuck
also if it helps community colleges tend to (or at least the ccs in my state do) give you too much money during the finaid process. you may get a 2k check to slip in your pocket & use that to help out a little
Old post but for any anons who need it, there's a bunch of apps around that will block you from accessing certain websites for a set amount of time. You can get them for your phone and computer. The one I use is called SelfControl and it's great. You just put in the urls you don't want to visit and the program will block them for however long you set the timer for, up to 24 hours. You can't take sites off your blacklist once you set the timer, restarting your computer will do nothing, and even deleting the program fully won't lift the blacklist until the timer is off. It's the reason I got through finals week.
Can you get around it by using via.hypothes.is though?
If you don't have one already you can get a credit card and start using it just to pay for necessities like groceries that you would buy anyway, this will do a bit to help improve your credit score. I know offhand the Discover IT card is pretty easy to get even with bad or no credit, since it's made for students. You may also want to ask /r/personalfinance for help.
Perfect Blue is playing in theaters near me and I really want to see it with someone. The only potential person I've talked to (she's an old friend I don't correspond with regularly) hasn't responded to my text messages, my sister can't, the only other possible option is out of the country (even then, it's not like we're really friends, more like distant/past friends). I really wish I could see it with someone instead of being alone. Perhaps I'm meant to see it alone. I am terrified of being alone, not because of the feeling, but because of my personal safety, especially since I'll probably get a drink or two since I'm alone.
Go see it alone and be brave and talk to someone there. High potential for making a new friend.
I will do my best! Thank you for the encouragement. I'll update the thread on how it goes. It doesn't show for a week or two.
>>11959>I am terrified of being alone, not because of the feeling, but because of my personal safety, especially since I'll probably get a drink or two since I'm alone.
Anyone have any tips for a group friends?
I have used to have a really big group of close friends. A few people in our group have moved away after dropping out of college so things have kind of dulled down. We live in a really small town, so there isn't much to do, and I feel like you need money for most fun things.I'm really trying to make the most of things, but at the same time I don't know how to get it. I'm trying to keep my friendships strong, but I'm struggling to find activities or even topics to talk about. What do you guys do when you hang out with your friends?
help what do I do if I have no friends, no money, and need to get away from my shitty family before I sudoku
>>11966>be alone>scared for safety>hate feelin anxious for safety>hate being alone because of safety>drink you so you forget your fears more >>11960
I ended up reconnecting with an old online friend (6-7 years) of mine and we met up for the first time. It was so nice and I made good memories. I feel doomed to only have man-friends, though.
How can i feel less sad?
It depends. Why are you sad?
What exactly is implied by "compartmentalization"?
My bf will sometimes get angry/frustrated with my ability to "compartmentalize", but says he understands that I need it to cope with what has happened to me in my past. But I don't really understand what he means by that or how to change it.
I think it would be best if he explained himself what he means
I saved a meager 2k or so with my shitty part-time job. Any idea what I can do with it to increase my savings?
>inb4 it's better to hold onto it
Something is really fucking wrong with me and I don't know what to do. I haven't been acting the way I usually do to people I love, have been impulsive and aggressive without realising it. I'm sorry I'm really sorry to everyone in my life right now. The person I needed the most wasn't there for me, but I didn't tell her and when she needed me I was distant. I'm so sorry. I want to be me again.>>12525
How long did it take you to save that up?
Also having a daily budget ($10-$20 a day) will help you both ration in future and save up.
To increase savings while spending the money, invest in something like fixing your car up proper.
Sorry anon, I wish I had some good advice to give you. It sounds like you're in need of some good introspection, so I hope you've been taking some time to think more in-depth about why you feel that way. Maybe whatever happened to you previously is still lingering in your thoughts, unresolved. You should try talking to your friend about it. I'm sure you'll get some understanding and some forgiveness if you do. It wouldn't hurt to try. >How long did it take you to save that up?
It took me somewhere around 6 months. I don't really spend my money on much or have any debts, so the majority of my earnings go to my savings. I'd probably have more if I were more strict. And I suppose I'm lucky that my parents let me drive around their spare car, so I don't really worry too much about maintenance since my dad likes to take care of that.
Well, 5. I'm trying to do the math in my head, and I've no doubt spent quite a bit of money on a few occasions.
I found out that the guy that I like has been reading some MGTOW blogs. What should I do?
Unless he's going "hahaha, MGTOWS, can you believe the crap they come out with?!" then you've got to BOUNCE.
I have a friend who is in love with someone that is very abusive to her, treats her worse than dirt, manipulates her constantly, hurts her, etc.
No matter what i say to make her open her eyes, this friend keeps acting like this person is the best person in the world and that all of their abusive behaviours are "quirks", she is blind to how bad they are actually treating her.
Any attempts i have tried to make her see how bad they are that worked, didn't even do so for a couple of hours because she would go back to them.
How do i make her open her eyes? Should i just give up?
give up and stay away from her toxic ass if she keeps feeding you bullshit and pissing you off
The best you could do is just point out what he does isn't right and try to get her to think about it neutrally.
If she does listen but ends up going back to him that might be because he's acting nice to lure her each time. Make sure she knows it's part of the manipulation tactics.
Ask her if one of her friends was getting that kind of treatment what would she tell them.
If she doesn't listen no matter what, you're going to risk being the bad person or one to blame if anything goes wrong between them, so, I'd say don't try too hard. Let her learn the hard way.
Yeah, thank you anon, I have already done all
of that, to no avail. No matter what she excuses all their actions and dismissed them as if they were normal because they are nice to her from time to time.
I'm at a giving up point now, she can learn the hard way.
What terrible advice. If someone's in trouble, regardless of if they're helping themselves out of it, you should just sod them off and ghost them? Did you just put down an Ayn Rand novel or something?
nta but it's better than wasting your time/resources and causing yourself stress by sticking around trying to fix someone else's life for them when they're clearly resistant to change.
if her friend eventually becomes unhappy within the relationship, there's a quick and easy solution: break up. but since the friend isn't, there's not much anon can do except fuck off since watching a pal being abused by some scumbag isn't anyone's idea of fun.
I might be perceived as being in a similar situation, and outsiders always seem to assume that the "being nice" phase is like 10% where they lure and then clamp down the trap. But in fact the assholish crap is like 1% of all the time and the niceness is really the baseline. It's just that we of course vent over the shitty things and not the 99 corresponding nice ones.
I do not think so since she shares everything
in their relationship with me, good and bad, and the bad outweighs the good by far.
She even considers a lot of their abusive behaviours as "cute", like anger, insults, etc.
I won't drop her as a friend, but i'm tired of trying to help when she won't even listen and even get aggressive with me if i point out abusive/manipulative behaviours.
it sounds like you need to take a break from hanging out with this person tbh
I'm starting to think so too, i'm so tired of her complaining to me only for all my advice to fall on deaf ears because she is so blinded by this asshole that treats her worse than shit, and repeating the process almost every single day.
She is my friend and i am concerned for her, but i cannot help someone who doesn't want to get helped, i think the only thing left for her is to learn the hard way, no matter how much it pains me to see her being like this.
>>7024>Would seeing a statistical anomaly irl shake a man's world at all?
If this friend is stressing her out and not listening to her advice while simultaneously sinking herself in a shitty relationship she can't do much but leave for her own sake. You can be nice all you want but OP is just making things harder for herself if she sticks to her delusional friend.
Courtesy bump for anons looking for advice so they don't feel like they need to make their own threads to get advice <3
Can anyone help me on staying away from places where I'm not wanted/appreciated?
Can't give details but, yeah.
What draws you to places like that anon? Is it morbid curiosity? I used to lurk hate communities that pertained to me but stopped when I noticed how negatively they were affecting me.
My longterm friend has been gaslighting me and what I assume grooming me? to the point I had no else to rely on and it ruined my life. I've cut contact with him for around 6 months but we became friends again. Something was off and different this time and it turned out my suspiciouns of him lying to me all this time were true. I decided to cut contact again this time but really regret it and have messeged him but to no reply. Is anyone else in a similar situation or wtf can I even do?
I guess I keep hoping it will get better.
I won’t go into detail, but are you not welcome there for things you can’t help? If so, you shouldn’t try to stick around and change their minds. Places like that are usually echo-chambers beyond help. If it’s an app, delete it. If it involves a social media account, I’d delete it too. There’s no point in sticking around somewhere that only makes you feel like shit.
Doubleposting but if it’s anything irl, like a “friend” group or anything like that I’d slowly ghost those people as well. There’s no point in trying to please people who are convinced it’s okay to make you feel bad about yourself.
I had someone do the same thing to me, it was an online friend but it still was difficult to cut things off, but thats what I had to do when I was finally convinced what was happening
Can't really help besides saying "don't", but if encourages you to stop, I will say that not leaving environments like that earlier in life was detrimental to my self esteem and mental health.
I felt like I was some cool stoic badass that was more intelligent than all the people that would leave immediately. But no it's just a self defeating trap that will never benefit you in the end, it's mind poison.
This guy is interested in me but he's fat and has a small dick…. and kind of dumb. I feel bad for saying that because he can't help it.. I feel like a bad person because he's really nice!…. the problem is that he specifically asks why he isn't good enough and if he's bigger than my ex….. he's getting more and more clingy even though I tell him I'm not interested! He even tells me stuff like he can't live without me… what do I do? I really don't want to make him miserable and feel like I was leading him on.
Why did you sleep with him in the first place if he is fat, small dicked and dumb?
Also be honest with him. If you're not gonna tell him anything he will doubt everything about himself. So point to something that is concrete and that he can improve (i'd tell him its because he is fat)
Just don't leave him hanging and doubting himself, that inner torture afterwards is horrible.
Which is better? Being very selective about how you say and act, to the point where no one really knows anything about who you are and what you want, but you gain a lot of friends or saying whatever you want without regard and being extremely honest, to the point where everyone knows what you want and what’s important to you, but you become a social outcast.
Learning to balance the two is key, anon. I struggle with the same issue.
Especially when I have difficulty pacing boundaries because everyone's so different online, all I can do is flip-flop between two extremes and pray people won't judge me.
It's torture. Save us.
Probably being more honest, not even bothering with friendship with people you feel that isn't compatible with. Also some kind of ratio between being selective and being honest is best like the other anon mentioned. But the fact that this is more of a choice and not something that you do instinctually could mean you have some kind of honest soul? Most people just kind of act selective and private by default and slowly open up to people they start feeling compatibility with.
A lot of people are genuinely sweet, socially gentle creatures and so don't have issues with being true to themselves while risking alienation. But if you're more of a harsh bitch(no offense, it's a positive thing imo), would you rather be true to yourself and more lonely or be in bad company? Quality vs quantity. It's not real friendship when you spend the whole time being someone else. But it's your choice, it's a matter of if maintaining a facade or loneliness is more painful for you.
I spent too much of my life being the first one. Trust me, if you try to be please everyone, you end up pleasing no one, or at the very least, you end up with friends you hate because you just agreed with the opinions you considered more popular instead of the ones you actually believed. There will almost always be people with the same views as you (unless if, for whatever reason, you have really obscure taste), it's better to let people know what you think so that those who think the same can find you and you can be friends. Easier said than done for me though…
Have you considered cuckolding him?
Look forward to the future
How do you find the will to live and self-improve beyond reading or consuming media? I already do that but it adds to my feelings of worthlessness.
Long story short, I need to pick a new major in college and I'm a fourth year. But, I am seriously thinking of dropping out. I have some mental health issues and my psychiatrist refuses to check if I have ADD/ADHD until I "get my other issues resolved" i.e. OCD, depression, anorexia, etc. and schoolwork is very hard for me to do because I lose focus and get easily distracted. I also work and that is another drain on my life.
I feel screwed because my grades flip-flop from As to Cs to Fs, then to As again. I have never taken a summer off and always opted to do summer classes. I feel burnt out, but I'm scared to quit.
What should I do? Do I pick a random major? I feel sick because my whole life, I was under my very strict parents. I often would crumble and do what they wanted so I could maybe do one or two things in private I enjoyed. They want me to pick my new major, but I feel scared. They have been paying in full my tuition. They look down on anything not STEM, as evidenced by their constant shit talking of other majors.
I feel like a stupid child.
How do I stop crying constantly?
How constantly are we talking? IS anything going on in your life?
If it really is an abnormal amount not justified by circumstances, it could be so many different factors that could even be physiological.
As long as you aren't throwing tantrums along with it who can fault you for crying?
Apologies in advance for shitty advice but personally, I've managed to cry less when I saw someone else cry. I realized how odd it looked like that people shed water out of their eyes when they're sad. So every time I get sad now, I think of that one person I saw crying as an onlooker and stop myself from doing the same thing. You logically know you're sad, there's no point to getting your eyes wet and looking like a mess afterwards.
Oh damn, soon to be stripper anon right?
I dono, probably freedom from your parents sounds right. I'm clueless about university.
Usually I cry every day I go to college at least. Then I usually cry on a day where I'm not at college (so at least 3x per week). These I categorize as my self-loathing, depressed cry sessions and they can last for a while.
Then there's the usual crying at anything cute, happy, emotional, slightly sad, etc. in media. I've become self-conscious about all of this recently because I used to never cry at anything no matter how much it hurt and over the last 3 years I've slowly begun to cry more to the point I'm at today.
I guess they're not tantrums, I usually will somewhat begin in public but barely keep it together, then the faucet is turned on in a bathroom stall. I feel like at my age I should be over crying so much. >>17730
I'll keep that in mind. I don't cry in front of other people for that reason, and I'm a "silent" crier (tears will fall down my face and I'll sniffle but I don't make noise other than that). Reducing to what I'm feeling to an abstract emotion sounds helpful, too. >>17731
I post a lot here, but this is the first time someone's clocked me. Thanks for responding anyway, it makes me feel better. I learned that I didn't get the job I interviewed for today and while I'm glad they let me know instead of leaving it hanging, it is a downer I'll have to suck it up and face the music. To clarify, I'm just nervous about having to deal with lots of people all at once, but I'm sure I'll get over it once I'm doing it.
Bullshitted my way to a bachelor's degree in a pointless major and I'm finally realizing I'm not cut out to pursue the job I want(ed). Now I'm 25 and thinking about going back to school for graphic design.
Right now I have a part-time job doing some graphic design work, but I'm totally self-taught (messing with Adobe programs since I was 10). I've been thinking of opening an online store featuring my designs, but I'm not 100% confident in my skills, hence my desire to take legit classes.
I also want to go back to school to meet people. I recently moved, and the only way I've ever been able to make friends in the past was through school.
At the same time, I'm worried I'll quickly lose interest, or I won't be good enough, or I'll just be wasting my time and money on another bullshit degree.
>"Why don't you just take free/non-degree-related classes somewhere?"
Tried that earlier this year with another interest of mine, couldn't motivate myself enough to do the work without grades, felt like an idiot for even signing up
Anons with graphic design degrees, or anons who went back to school in their 20s, plz lmk if it was worth it
What's the fastest way to get married that will not end in abuse or divorce?
Just met up with my ex from high school that I've been messaging for awhile on Christmas while I was staying at my parent's. We didn't date that long back then, but we really seemed to hit it off this time. He said he was pleasantly surprised to see how much more outgoing I am now as I was a socially anxious mess back then, and how much I've grown as a person. We hung out for four days before he had to leave to go back to the current state he's living in to go to college.
While we were hanging out, we hugged, held hands, kissed, cuddled, made out a bit, went on drives and a couple dates, he spent the night at my parent's in my room, etc. It honestly made me the happiest I've been in a long, long time, especially coming off of a five-year relationship with someone who wasn't physically or emotionally intimate with me, and was abusive.
In the end, we both said we liked each other, but he told me he wanted to be alone for awhile as he had just broke up with his girlfriend two months ago and wanted to try to do things on his own without her help. He said maybe in the future (i.e. next year or the year afterwards) we'll be able to be with each other. He even offered to possibly spend the summer with me back in our hometown in 2019. After he dropped me off at my parent's the last time, I walked inside, fell asleep, woke up and began crying. I haven't felt this much affection from someone in such a long time. My previous relationship made me feel that I was this unlovable, useless person. I feel a bit pathetic for being this invested in someone so fast, but I'm just afraid that we won't end up together and that makes me so sad.
I just went on a date with a guy I matched on tinder recently (last Friday) and I’m wondering when I should text back or whatnot to do next in general past the first date.
All we did was go to the movies and ate dinner. We talked and made small comments towards one another during the movie and talked during dinner afterwards. We are pretty much into similar hobbies. The only thing was that he never made a move to hold my hand or even kissed me, but instead hugged. Plus he never unmatched me from tinder so I don’t know what to do. (Usually the day after the date or I would unmatch) We exchanged numbers so should I text back or how long to wait to text back.
I don’t want to rush but I’m unsure what happens afterward since I’ve only been on first dates and I am sureI by a second date unlike before when I’m unsure or just one sided.
*I am sure I want a second date
I was the one who asked him out on a date in the first place, but let him plan since I thought me asking him out is an obvious sign that I’m interested in him. Especially when we couldn’t meet up the first 2 times due to life happening. Then again I should have guessed since he did say he likes someone to take the lead… Thank you anon I’ll do that and then wait to see his response!
My guy friend just confessed that he loves me. He's done it before but I didn't really reject him, I just said I don't know how relationships really work, and I don't really feel strong emotions for people outside my family. But this time he said it was bc I mentioned about possibly moving away in the future. Girls I literally cried last night because he texted me he had something he wanted to tell me,I just knew it would be something like this and it set off an existential crisis thinking about my future and life.
We both like anime and video games but let me be honest, I am 100% not physically attracted to him and can't really see a future with him even though he may be the best choice I ever have in a guy.
Long story short: this happened about an hour ago and I literally replied with "o h" bc I'm a socially awkward meme. I have no idea what to officially say but he said I don't have to give an answer right away. I just turned 18 in December and have no romantic experience whatsoever. I'm afraid this is gonna make things awkward and I'm not gonna feel comfortable visiting to play vidya anymore or seeing him at all but he's a good friend I've known since elementary school, drifted apart, and started talking to again late last year. So plainly: what in the world do you think I should do?
Well, there's two important questions.
First of all, why do you want to convince him? Is he someone you're close to, or just some random that you're arguing with? If it's just some random person, then it's probably not worth your time.
Secondly, do you think you can convince him? Does he seem like a rabid, hardcore MGTOW, the kind of person who just parrots facts he hears from sources that confirm his existing beliefs? Or is he someone that seems more reasonable, but comes to incorrect conclusions on some topics? If he falls in the second camp, you can definitely convince him, but you're going to be really patient. Try bringing up people he may know and trust as examples of women that aren't solely attracted to "Chad". For example, maybe use his parent as an example of a happy couple that isn't a girl that settled. I'm impressed that you're trying to change his mind instead of just laughing at him. It shows maturity and patience.
>>19075>kissing on the first date
what's there to laugh about? also "parroting facts"??? you said yourself they're facts lol.
"if he's one of those guys who actually looks at reality then fuck him that's a loser. if he can be tricked then that's a great guy" try to be objective for a change. you might be physically incapable of that but try.
I should have said parroting statements rather than facts. I am not the brightest crayon in the shed.
We don't all want Chad like you, anon. Which should be good news for you since it's less competition, so stop projecting onto us. Spreading rumours like that will make it much harder for me (and others) to romance the men we like since they'll believe your bullshit due to confirmation bias of their insecurities. (Although I'll gladly put in the effort heh)
Put him down firmly. Tell him he only appeals to you as a friend. If you leave the faintest possibility (e.g. "we probably wouldn't work out" translates to "there's a chance!"), he'll continue to obsess and fixate. If he's known you so long, he's probably always felt something for you and you've become a oneitis to him.
Rejecting him in black and white terms will fuck him up, but it'll be a lot better than having him slowly turn unhinged on you in his desperation and has the greatest probability of you being able to remain friends (though that's not terribly likely, as being cut off from an obsessive infatuation tends to make someone want nothing to do with the person that has denied them). If he still wants to be your friend, don't do anything that could be construed as pitying, as he'll be emotionally delicate for a while and may become resentful if you kiss the booboos "you caused" (in his wounded view) too much.
My entire self worth and happiness depends on my weight. I gained 6 lbs in the past week and have been crying nonstop, whining to everyone about how I'm a worthless greedy pig for stuffing my fat bloated face over the Holidays.
I'm overweight and even though aside from this week I've been successfully losing weight (albeit very slowly) I'm considering killing myself if I don't reach my goal weight by the beginning of summer, which is 50 more lbs.
What's wrong with me?
Anon, I have a pretty bad self esteem and a weird relationship with my weight too. I know how you feel. I wish I could give advice on how to change this type of mindset, but I have no idea.
Assuming you want to lose 50lbs I guess you are pretty overweight. If that is the case you CAN lose 50lbs by summer just by doing a 1200cal diet (pretty healthy for weight loss). I believe you can do it, do not stress too much just yet!!
>>19117>Assuming you want to lose 50lbs I guess you are pretty overweight.
Yeah, 5'6" 165 lbs is pretty fucking fat. Before Christmas Eve I weighed in at 159 which by BMI-standards is only a few lbs overweight but even though 140-155 is considered "healthy" it's still fat as shit, and my face and body are hideous unless I'm sub-130 lbs.
Does anyone have tips for letting go? Of relationships and situations.
There's this group of people I'd like to befriend but due to various circumstances it isn't going to work; I still find myself frequenting the server, though.
So, first of all. It's very likely that you did not actually gain 6 pounds over the course of a week. You would have to have been eating at a nearly 3500-kcal surplus for the entire week. It is more likely that you are holding onto some water weight that will clear away in a couple weeks max.
Second, whining isn't going to do anything about your problem. Instead, direct that energy toward making a meal plan, or discovering healthy alternatives to the foods that you tend to binge on or lose control over, or figuring out ways to keep active.
Third, it is not sustainable to do a crash diet. If you want to lose weight, you will have to make a lifestyle change. It's physically possible for you to drop 50 pounds in just three months if you starve yourself enough, but it's not sustainable
. Do what the other anon said and eat approx. 1200 kcal. You're pretty tall and your weight is high enough that it should be easy for you to eat at a caloric deficit. Calculate your TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) and BMR (basal metabolic rate). The former is how many kcal you burn throughout the day, and the latter is how many kcal you would burn throughout the day if you were completely comatose. I personally eat at my BMR when I want to lose weight, but that's probably overkill.
You'll be totally fine. Being ugly is not the end of the world unless you have no personality otherwise. Read some books or take up an artistic hobby in the meantime. It's a new year and a perfect opportunity for you to reinvent yourself. Be less consumptive overall and you'll feel lighter.
Do not settle for a guy you're not attracted to! You do not owe anyone
your love, affection, or companionship. Do not feel guilty about not finding him physically attractive. It is within your rights to reject anyone for any reason.
If I were you I'd say "I appreciate you telling me this, I know how difficult it must have been. However, I don't feel the same way."
That's it. No room to budge. If he asks why, tell him you're not attracted to him. I'd straight-up say "I'm not attracted to you" but some people prefer to be a bit more delicate. Make sure you leave no room for misinterpretation.
I texted him that I enjoyed the date and want to meet up with him again. He said he'd love to meet again as well and wants to me to let him know when I'm free for next time! It's pretty much a second date. Thank you anon!
Now it's pretty much the texting game til I'm free which will be in a couple of weeks. Texting has been good since we both pretty much can talk about anything involving vidya and weeb and nerd shit. However we both confessed that we are both bad texters lol! Wish me luck!
Wow this sounds like all of my dates ever
So what's the deal with tinder?
I've never used it and I was always under the impression it's an app for casual sex, but recently I started hearing about people going on dates (plural!) or even starting relationships with people they've met there.
Has it suddenly become a legit dating platform or is it something else?
I'm nowhere near a promiscuous sort so I avoided it, but I've been feeling socially starved lately and it's starting to look better.
I met my boyfriend on tinder. We’ve been together for 3 years now and gonna get married this year! He is the love of my life. We were both not really looking for something serious but we basically fell in love at the first date and have been happy ever since. He is pretty introverted, so tinder was basically his only way to meet girls. I’m sure besides a whole bunch of assholes are also a few decent guys, just be careful!
I see, but both of you were there for something not serious, so it's still very much a platform for people who don't want anything serious, and I'm not entirely sure that's my schtick.
That being said, you ARE talking about tinder of 3 years ago.
Maybe during the first couple years, but by now everyone knows it's just a hookup app. It's full of people asking to fuck and using pictures of their genitals as profile pics. Or people just trolling by posting joke profiles or catfishing people by setting up dates in random places and not showing up.
yea right nothing is constant or objective. everything is subjective. when you go to a doctor the treatment depends on how he's feeling that day, not how the human body works. very smart.
It's pretty much still is THE hookup app. However it's far less intimidating than dating sites where you have to message the person first. Tinder gives you some semblance of an idea that someone is interested in you through first impressions (looks) from swiping each other. That and OkC is trying to become tinder while still being a dating site (which is where I jumped ship from OkC).
I'm not one to hookup so I'm just using it to date and see if I can find someone right for me. That and it's really my only way to talk to guys since I'm much more comfortable talking to women. Sure you get catfish, RP joke accounts, and fuckbois but you have to wade through all the dicks to find someone good. Make it clear that you don't want to hook up and if something seems off then follow that feeling.
Are you all in the US? I live in europe, so it’s probably a little different. I know at least 5 couples that also met through tinder. In my country that’s pretty common, same with ‘normal’ online dating and other apps. Also no dick pics in any profiles here, lol. I still think if you’re kinda shy but have a good knowledge of male behavior to detect the fuckboys, you could still find a decent guy there. I had a few dates with other guys before I met my fiancé (with no physical contact at all though) and they were all nice and funny but just not my type.
How can I get someone to like me if I can't text him, and it's very difficult to have time with him ?
I met my dream guy, but he's somewhat of a recluse. He's a painter and only goes out once a week with his friends, who are obnoxious and like to get drunk, so I don't get much time with him there.
I managed to get his number, but I know he doesn't like to text, and after seeing him casually turn down a prettier girl than I am on New Year's Eve, I am too intimidated to make a move.
I was glad he is not interested in her, but I am afraid he will do the same for me, and I don't think I could handle it.
Bleh. Sorry I am a bit rambly.
This doesn't apply because attraction isn't constant, while there is a trend due to biology it is not absolute. I highly doubt my doctor can detect which men I want to fuck, but she can check for physical signs of diabetes.
Just as candy may appeal to many since sweet is a good taste for humans, not all humans like candy. Same with women and attraction to men.
I also have a personal investment in this since I'm only sexually attracted to sticc non-white manlets with big noses and have had this fixation for weaklings since childhood. Unless that's what Chads are now.
I also hate candy.
your brain evolved like any other organ. very predictable. there are asexual people and people with mutations and born with disabilities but those are exceptions. the kind of men you're attracted to lowers your chances of passing on your genes and people who were attracted to that kind of men didn't get to pass their genes because in a harsh environment you'll only survive if you have someone strong protecting you and your children. so you're a mutation. it doesn't have to be only physical strength though if he's smart enough that would also ensure your survival so maybe you're that type. being a chad is not a physical thing. it means smart/strong/leader or whatever makes him in the top 20% of men. and even if you're not attracted to any of that and you get wet for weak terminally ill stupid guys, saying but i'm not like that so not all women are like that is like saying don't say that humans have 5 fingers because i saw a guy one time that had six. it's a mutation.
I'm actually interested in doing the work for my future family myself, which in our current culture in the west is more than possible. There are more stay-at-home fathers than ever, even if it isn't common yet.
Passing on my genes right now doesn't require a muscle man to fight for my family and kill buffalo at the moment lol.
And I may be misreading, but you seem to deem this "mutation" as a bad thing, but if it doesn't hold the mutated person back and functions well within their environment, is it truly negative? Couldn't every evolutionary step be considered a mutation? I'm not a biologist/archeologist/anthropologist, I'm a businessfag, so excuse me if I have that wrong.
Regardless your new point that "it doesn't have to mean looks, there are brain and personality chads" doesn't apply if you agree with op's male friend. He specifically argued all women only want ripped models. I agree with you that most women do want a partner who has a good point in some area, and there are indeed many women who fetishize geniuses/nerds. And there are many women who like comedians no matter how they look, very few women want complete shitty losers. Even I don't, despite wanting a tiny weak husband I still want him to be kind and loyal.
Out of all this I think it would be silly to say 80% of men aren't attractive, intelligent, funny, kind, or charismatic. You're just throwing men under the bus more than women at this point. I can say that most men I know are decent in at least one of these fields.
sure times change and different things work now but it would take several thousands of years before there is a considerable number of females who don't act like females act now. and even then the difference won't be that big because mutations have a limit you won't find a human acting or looking like another species because of a mutation. for now we're still working with the cave man programming and body. we still even have some ape traces.
let's say we don't need to have sex anymore because some new technology can make the babies. would people stop wanting to have sex? ofc not. and it's not a change that would eliminate that trait so it's also staying. what you're talking about is like that.
keep in mind that i'm talking about raw attraction. people don't always get to have what they're attracted to and they might be affected by a trauma or something psychological that is in conflict with their instinct. i don't know to what extent that affects basic instincts though or if it has any effect at all.
mutations or genetic mistakes are definitely not a bad thing it's how evolution works like you said. my point is that it's an exception. i thought i made that clear.
women go for the top 20% even if the others are fine. hierarchies form by themselves and by default only a few would be on the top of the hierarchy. those are the ones who have the most resources and power and women want those.
kind is not one of the desirable trait though. when women say they want a kind guy they mean an "alpha" who's nice to her. being kind by itself is not desirable in men.
you seem to think humans are some mystical beings or aliens that came from other planet. we're apes. reproduction is natural selection and women are the ones who get to select. go watch some nature documentaries and see how brutal things are. only the top males get to mate and the others all get depressed and eliminated from the gene pool. while women flock over whoever wins and he's happy to take them all. ofc guys would be bitter. it's a very normal reaction. and women calling them losers and laughing at them proves how cruel they are. they only like whoever is on top right now and laugh at the others.
so basically you're either into a not physical kind of chad or you're a mutation. and it's absurd to say go look for a mutation to love you. the at least 40% of men who have no chance should go look for the 1% of mutated women who like losers???
Смех в четыре ебал…
My ex-bf texted me that it whould be nice to spend some time in some cafe together.
He broke with me like a year and half ago, moreover it was him, who broke relationsheep for a younger girl, who just played with him.
As far i know he was fired because of using drugs. And now he needs monies.
What should i do? Should i arrange a date and just don't come, because fuck him and i'm not his safevest?
That would just be adding insult to injury. Just tell him no.
I say take the high road, anon. Just tell him no, and don't continue the conversation after that. He deserves what's coming to him and you should feel better knowing you didn't sink to his level.
Don't go, you deserve better.
And fuck him!
Well, after a while if i think about it with cold head, you are right, i should just say no and block him.
You're probably correct and I just want to give women more credit for being individuals than we/they actually are. I think what's happened is that my opinions formed from spending time around women who are as abnormal as me and have "mutated" tastes, either liking effeminate twinks, chubby men, many being lesbians, etc. If I spent time around normfags maybe I'd have a better grasp on what the average woman wants.
It's also a bit ~feelings~ based since I don't want to be lumped in with women who have such tastes and have whoever I end up with never believe I actually love him. So I'm just being defensive.
Although I do have some questions. If alleged "loser" men are eliminated from the gene pool, why are so many still around? Wouldn't they have been bred out by now? Or is it a result of years of arranged marriages because women couldn't support themselves? Or, going even further back, is it the remainders from when men just raped women back in the cave days and some "loser" genes slipped through? And what do you recommend to fix this dilemma? Should we issue propaganda to convince non-mutated women to fall for "loser" men? Let nature take its course? Assigned partners for heteros by the government (but still have women work to support neets if they end up with them)? I've heard of people wanting to genocide men who are virgins past 20 but that's awful, please don't say that.
>a woman's nightmare is a low value male raping her. if he's not low value it's tolerable at least
Are you even trying to pass
>>19400>why are so many still around?
Ineffective parenting, most are not born losers
yea if we just raise our kids right they will all be 100% successful to the point that success would lose its meaning and they will all be the leading 1% (?????) even though there would be no one for them to lead since it's all leaders and no followers. it's that simple guys.
are you 9 years old? are you really that dumb and inexperienced? do you not know anything about life at all?
At this point may I also ask whether you're mutated like me? You keep referring to "women" as a concept separate from yourself, but also do the same with men. I'm assuming you must also be into tiny weak passive men, so why are you advocating for having your own rights taken away so you can't care for those men? Personally would rather kill myself than live in a world where I can't live out that future. Maybe that's natural selection though.
Overall I agree monogamy is best but I think some female freedom is good for select women. For couples where the man has few skills and may be extremely socially anxious (the NEETs I mentioned), their wives should work while they care for the children. Especially if she has greater earning potential! It would be silly to rely on his income if he can only get minimum wage but she has the iq to work in STEM or business and they don't opt for it. If anything those are the women NEET, low skilled (but gentler) men should pair with. That makes sense to me. Perhaps that's why so many NEET passive robot types are into gfd naturally, some kind of adaptation.
Anyway the way people sleep around now also disgusts me, as well as the fact that men and women equally cheat. During some group discussion last semester, two fellow students, a male and a female, both agreed with one another that they get bored in relationships and sometimes need an exciting experience after some time. I don't understand this concept at all, that humans only see each other as disposable and not potential life partners. And that when courting someone you can't bring up how serious you are in case of "scaring them off." It's scary and discouraging for a person who dreams of marriage.
Although I disagree with your stance on rape (would personally like no man raping me thanks, not even into maledom but if that's your kink have fun ig), it seems we're sisters in arms in regards to hating elements of the current dating market. Best of luck to you settling down with a sweet "loser" as it were hehe.
Ugly women have a better chance of reproducing rather than ugly men.
>>19416>yea if we just raise our kids right they will all be 100% successful to the point that success would lose its meaning and they will all be the leading 1% (?????) even though there would be no one for them to lead since it's all leaders and no followers.
Raising children properly means the difference between a matured young man who can comprehend when he's in need of some self-improvement, and a manchild hapa who just shoots a bunch of girls then himself because the blondes were ignoring him. Raising kids is almost down to a science, it's retarded pseudo intellectuals with agendas that think it's some sort of grooming project for their own sociopolitical beliefs. Also the way you think "everyone will become leaders and therefore leaderless in a perfectly raised generation" is goofy and stunted.
Not everyone wants to be a leader or even remotely important. Some people are both well raised and completely content with their mediocre job or role in the world. The skills and mindsets required for being a multinational CEO and a farmer could not be further apart, doesn't mean either must've been raised worse than the other, or that one is guaranteed to be morally more sound than the other.
There's no way to guarantee no abuse/divorce. I'd suggest marriage-matching services. Idk what to search for to find them, but there are a lot of different companies geared towards different ages.
I'VE FINALLY DONE IT GIRLS I REJECTED THE GUY WHO CONFESSED TO ME LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO and I don't feel as bad as I thought I would because I know it would only lead to unhappiness and a fake relationship. I hope I got my point across to him and we can still hang out as friends. I'm scared :)!
>>19954>still hang out as friends
That's just cruel.
I’m a complete pushover who knows how hard it is to say no, so I’m extra proud of you anon.>>19961
I mean, he doesn’t have to stick around if he doesn’t want to.
That's gonna be his problem, not hers. She stated that she only wants to be friends. If he doesn't want just friendship or doesn't think he can handle it, he can go. The cards are on the table.
How do i stop caring so much about what other people think of me
>only way of socializing is online
>heavily overanalyze the typing style of every person im messaging
>feel nausea and anxiety every time i message with someone
>overthink every message i send and edit it 1000x because im fixated with how i “come off” to others
I feel like i cant feel calm with anyone. I feel miserable and i feel like i cant even enjoy talking to people at all. Im so worried about being judged
>>6683> you outed yourself as a man>>7022
This post didn't said anything about being a man. He only said he's going to get banned for his post which in my opinion meant "I have an unpopular opinion so I'm gonna get banned."
Im sure Anon just wanted to "test" mods because apparently there is ongoing raid and they are nervous. Trying their limits with those words of his.>>12372
Find a job somewhere and rent a room there.>>12526>invest in something like fixing your car up proper.
Can you elaborate? How else than "proper" can I fix my car?>>12607>What should I do?
Alt-right radicalize yourself. Drop them Shapiro memes on his ass.>>20034
I had the same problem. Finally one of my last friends literally told mi I'm an idiot and nobody cares about me. This finally helped me to let it all go. Even my family says the same when they get angry.
how do i force myself to do things
i need to get out of my depression but i keep making bad choices
Some background: a couple years ago I fell in love for the first time in my life. It's pathetic, but it was an online thing. We sorta got together but then after finally getting the courage to send him nudes he stopped telling me he loved me and reassured me things were fine when I asked if something was wrong until about a month later when he finally dumped me. I foolishly told him I was afraid to lose my best friend and he reassured me he wanted to stay friends.
Fast forward to now, and I can't shake the feeling that I should start avoiding him for more than a month at a time or so. I feel like I unintentionally pressured him into keeping me around by what I told him when I got dumped. Not just that, but it really hurts when he talks about how he missed out on his chance at romance and how he'll never get one to me, even though I still love him and I think he's aware of that. The pain isn't a why isn't he with me deal, it just feels like he's rubbing salt in the wounds for me and disregarding the relationship we used to have as pointless. I got soundly rejected by the only person who ever gave me the time of day because my body is just that bad; he still has someone who loves him anyway. He has a chance at getting someone to love him and I don't. And then I have to question what else was wrong with me besides my body.
I really miss being able to be open about things like this when I was his girlfriend too, but now I just feel like I can't talk to him about these feelings because I can't be sure if his rejection was really just because I wasn't cute enough or if there was more he didn't have the heart to say. I'm scared he'd stop being my friend if I tried to explain what I've been holding back. I'm not even sure I could accept any reassurances he gave me given how he has a record of not being honest in these situations. So do I just keep dealing like I've been the whole time? Do I try to talk to him about it? Do I just tell him I can't be his friend anymore? In spite of his flaws he's genuinely a good person and usually fun to be around, but I hate this nagging feeling that just keeps coming back. I don't know what to do.
If he brings you nothing but reminders of your own insecurities and you sincerely think that youl continue being hurt by those memories of your vulnerabity anf first love, its best to move on and not be friends anon.
You dont need people around you that remind you of worse times, you need to surround yourself with people you want to improve for, people you like, or atleast you should strive for that. If you get nothing but painfull memories, Id go and part ways.
I have to wonder what all these men who dump their gfs over a face/body reveal look like themselves. Is he really shreded or something? Was face-anon's bf model-tier?
I really want to know.
He's not really that hot, not that it made a difference for me. I grew to like him because we connected well. He was funny, willing to listen to me about troubles, had a lot of the same hobbies, and we shared the inexperience with love.>>20188
To say he brings me nothing but memories of my securities would be a bit wrong. If that were the case I don't think I'd be struggling with this decision. Even though he's dumped me he still tries to encourage me to improve myself without being mean about it. Nonetheless I guess you're right. At least until I can get over him I should probably stop talking to him.
I don't know I've gotten ghosted before because I've told others that they weren't perfect and this is just in the context of being friends. There was nothing romantic there, and I'll just get ghosted because they will be like "Oh I'm so uglyyy :((((" and it just turns into "Alright, show me what you look like, you're fishing for a compliment." and I'll be real with them as a friend and say "Ah, yeah you got a flaw or two, but you aren't as bad as you think you are." and they flip the fuck out and have a temper tantrum. I'm starting to think with a lot of these, they are just fishing for someone who thinks they are 10/10 perfect with their flaws and it's kind of asinine how picky people are in this age dating circuit. The meme everyone pushes around "Don't settle for anything less!" seems to really have sunk in.
how do i get more comfortable over voice chat? i've had a lot of friendships dwindle to nothing to because people were disappointed i couldn't speak with them over mic
Talk in groups and work your way down to one on one is the only advice I can give.
Update: We are going out on a second date this weekend! I'm glad and hopefully it goes well and see where we can go from there…!
Good luck, anon! Tell us how it goes.
How retarded/stupid would it be if I tried to date my assistant manager. We have similar-ish personalities and hobbies and I’m pretty sure it would both be our first relationship. My dad also works at the same store.
Should I try it? Idk if he likes me but he seems alright and I’m too old to never had dated anyone.
As long as you have that little moment with yourself that "I'm still in a work scenario with this person" so you can keep away any awkwardness if it doesn't work out, you should go for it.
I dated a co-worker for an entire year. We split mutually (really it was mutual lol, it just got kinda dull and we both had a long talk and parted) and we still worked together fine for another two years before I moved. No awkwardness at all.
How do I get this guy to stop pursuing/liking me? I’m always too nervous to reject guys’ advances because I don’t want to hurt their feelings & it ends up making them think I’m interested. Should I slowly ghost him/become distant? I hate confrontation & I feel like I could never outright tell a guy I didn’t like him because I’m a pussy. I don’t know him irl, only online, if that helps.
Honestly, just tell him you aren't interested. I've done the whole "make him unlike you" thing and it's not worth it. If he's desperate enough, he'll figure out a way to cling to your leg and rationalize why he wants to do that. You can politely tell him you don't see him that way. You can ghost him too, but that may just lead to him bugging you even more with "hello?" every other day until you crack from guilt, message him, and go right back to hating yourself for not ripping the bandaid.
You will always hurt their feelings. This is the stupid part about people now a days with dating/courting they figure "Oh I'll just ghost them and it doesn't hurt their feelings!" It's going to hurt their feelings, even worse when in reality it's basically saying "You aren't even worth the time to tell you I don't like you." All ghosting does is make the rejector feel better because they don't actively reject someone and don't have to process the fact they hurt someones feelings on the spot. My point being, just be forward, because being ghosted sucks, as someone who gets ghosted, it's just depressing and sad, really makes you feel worthless, like you're not even worth the honest truth or a heartfelt confrontation where you can be honest with them.
I'm in a minor dilemma with my older sister.
I just turned 26 last month and she's a month away from turning 29. Because of my busy work schedule, I wasn't able to do anything fun for my birthday so we had this idea that we'd go on a trip to LA (just the two of us) and have it be a late birthday for me/early birthday for her. We're still trying to figure out when we can both take time off work since she's in the process of finding a new job but the plan is in place, it's just a matter of when.
We were talking about it last night, and she randomly texted me saying when we go out, we should tell the restaurant staff that we're twins born on whatever date that we happen to be there, so we get a dessert. I told her we don't look alike and she was like "what do you mean? of course we do! we could easily be fraternal twins". Then I told her I meant age-wise and she went on this long defensive rant talking about how there's "not much physical difference" between mid-late twenty-somethings or something, and started talking about how her coworkers mistook her for being 22 before she told them, etc. She then proceeded to spam me with messages about people she's met who look younger/older than they do and whatever.
I'm pretty fucking sure she looks her age and I look my age, but she's clearly insecure about it and in deep denial. I haven't responded because I don't want shit to hit the fan and hurt her feelings. How should I go about breaking the news to her?
Instead of trying to break her down and shit on her, be there for her and talk to her. She's clearly struggling with the fact she's going to turn 30 in a year, and she feels like shes losing her prime and becoming old. She doesn't need to be told the news she already knows and feels about. Men kinda meme about how a woman after her 20's is useless and as soon as she turns 30 no man will ever want her. A lot of women genuinely believe these sentiments and some of them base a lot of their value and ego into their looks and how youthful they appear.
>tl;dr your sister is in crisis about turning 30 in a year and is deathly afraid of becoming old and obsolete and no lover will find appeal into them since they can find a girl younger and more attractive. Instead of trying to reinforce these feelings and keep her down, be a sister and be there for her and try to help her cope/feel better.
This. Insecurity is difficult for everyone. Be there to help her move past it. She needs to get out of her head, not have it reinforced by some punk bitch calling her fears "deep denial".
So you’re saying I should feed her delusions by letting her believe she looks 22, instead of telling her it’s fine to look her age?
This shit has literally been going on since she turned 18, when she cried about becoming an adult. Eventually a nearly 30-year-old woman needs to grow up and accept that age doesn’t define her worth as a human being or her own happiness, just like I did.
Stop being autistic anon. Neither of us said that and you're putting words into our mouth. I'd type more to explain but I don't want to waste the effort on someone whose not going to read it and tell me what I said even though it isn't what I said.
>>20830>So you’re saying I should feed her delusions by letting her believe she looks 22, instead of telling her it’s fine to look her age?
No. Obviously. Did you only read the last part of my post (>>20829) and just think I was telling you to lie to her? I literally said "be there to help her move past it". How could you possibly read that as me telling you that you should "feed her delusions"? Please…
>This shit has literally been going on since she turned 18
Mention that next time.
>just like I did
So you're saying you lack patience and you want her to match gears with you because you "grew up" faster than she did? (Oh look, I can beg assumptions and twist words, too) Unless she's being a wicked or violent person about her insecurity - and no, blowing up your phone about how people see her as young is not rude, just awkward - you shouldn't measure the speed at which people grow or mature against your own speed. Like, there are people out there waaaaay more successful than you, have been more traveled and learned than you, and are likely happier than you. You aren't a measure of success for your sister just like anyone else is a measure of success for you.
Tell her she's being unreasonable, tell her that it's okay to grow up, tell her that men will still want to date her, anything. Don't tell her she's delusional. That's just mean. She'll come to pass eventually. She doesn't need you being a bitch about her feels. If she is
being a bitch, feel free to tell me this after the fact so I can respond again about how you holding information is stiffing our dialogue and getting on my fucking nerves.
Another Update: It went really well… We held hands and stuff… It was really nice.~ Things are going well so I hope it really grows into something. Thank you anon!
;) ;) nudge nudge ?
Well you know in the rules of anime, holding hands is way more degenerate than having sex in missionary for the sole reason of reproduction.
I was too embarrassed to even think about it when typing that post since it really caught me off guard…! He kissed me before I left… But lol at anon for being right about my degenerate ass!
Well sorry I misread your post anon, I admit my reading comprehension is shit sometimes.
I just got off the phone with her and all it resulted in was her sobbing hysterically, calling herself ugly/old/fat/gross and complaining about missing out on a "normal youth" like mine because of her mental illness. Tbh she has had a pretty rough life, diagnosed with type 1 bipolar in her teens, struggling with eating disorders and body dysmorphia for the past 15 years. She's never had a boyfriend because of her body insecurities and I'm pretty sure she's still a virgin too.
Something makes me feel like I should've just played along and pretended to be her twin to make her happy, because now she's saying she doesn't want to go on the trip anymore because "there's nothing to celebrate".
Protip: You could have easily have backed out of this whole twin thing by saying "That makes me feel uncomfortable, if you want a free birthday desert we can say it's yours, I don't mind going without or take turns at different places."
Aside from that blatant thing, you are very stunted if you had ALL of that hindsight information about who she was as a person, and couldn't fucking realize that the person is suffering deep down and needed to be a loving and caring sister who could support her in her time of need, not be told she was old. Come on anon, wake up, you approached this whole thing like a teenage male who represses all feelings, you screwed the pooch bad and you really need to mature emotionally so you can try to help your sister. You gotta be there for your family. That or get tested for autism so when you keep doing these stunts your family understands why.
I didn’t tell her she was old, she asked me if I really didn’t think she could pass for 26 and I told her no, she can’t which immediately set her off before I could get another word in. I wanted to tell her that 29 isn’t
old and there is life beyond turning 30 but she wouldn’t take any advice or consolation I tried to give but twisted it into yet another self-hating crying fit.
I can assure you I don’t have autism, but it is frustrating walking on eggshells all the time.
I think I really like my best friend and she likes me back but I don't want to ruin what we have right now, and knowing us our relationship would end in heartbreak. I'm sure of it.
I have zero experience in love and I would really like to experience it but not with her, she's not my type and she's a 6/10 at best so I don't know why I like her, honestly…plus she's kind of manipulative so I feel like if we got together it would just be a huge disaster.
Should I confess to her just to experience what being in a relationship is like (even if it's just for a bit) or should I wait this crush out? I don't know what to do
You sound like you don't like her that way. Like, at all. You sound like you're lying about your emotions because you want to experience a relationship. Reconsider what you're doing.
(Not to mention, it sounds like you already know she'll say yes. Are you leaving out any info we should know about?)
tome or something.…
I guess I'm focusing too much on the bad parts, trying to convince myself that she's not for me. People are complicated, you know? She can be a real tightass sometimes but other times she makes me feel like I'm not worthless just by being there for me and I can't stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss her.>it sounds like you already know she'll say yes. Are you leaving out any info we should know about?
She keeps hinting at it, gets all flirty and says stuff that makes me think she's waiting for me to take the first step, talks about being lonely and wanting a girlfriend all the time, talks about her ex nonstop to make me jealous. it's weird but it kinda works
>dated guy for a few years, broke up with him recently
>he didn't have a "real" job, he had frequent panic attacks even with heavy medication, he did cosplay commissions to make a little money on top of his disability money
>realize I can't support him and myself, especially not long term with him having no savings or plan/ability to make any for retirement
>had to break up with him even though I still have feelings for him
I miss him so fucking much, I feel empty every god damn day, but I know there's no future there. Did I do the right thing? I don't even know what to ask I'm so lost
I'm the anon you're replying to, you sound like a troll. She's still pretty and perfectly capable of finding a boyfriend if she stops being the female equivalent of Shane Dawson and gets a wardrobe besides 2XL rags that are 3 sizes too big. Not every 30-something man chases 20-year-olds.
Anyway, sage for taking the bait.
No matter what you pick its the right choice.
You made the right choice. Sometimes guys just need a kick in the ass to get themselves moving. You may have loved his personality and his motivations, but you need a man who reciprocates your effort. If he was actively trying - and I mean REALLY trying, like "leaving the house every day to find a job" trying - I might say something different, but you needed him to overcome his neuroticism and become more stable, and he just couldn't do that with you, so maybe he can do it without you.
Can I ask how old you guys were? I used to be in your situation, but my ex lost his job and just became an unconfident wreck. We tried to make things work for a year, but he started abusing substances and constantly looked for opportunities to beg for putting for his lot in life. Refused to find a full time job even though plenty were available. I had to let him go. He's doing much better now and is married, but I got over my feelings for him. He just needed to grow as a person and he couldn't do it with me. More power to him. I'm in a much happier relationship now.
it's true though. a good portion does, many don't.
That's not right, if I kill someone it's clearly not the right choice, even if I choose to do it. Give some real input to the person instead of this "you can't ever be wrong ur right!" crap that's just a half assed attempt at being supportive while not caring what was said or the situation at hand.
I'm 25 he's 26. He's not going to get a job, neetbux and commission money BARELY pay the bills and he's convinced he's unable to hold a job so he'll never apply to one since it'd be too stressful. I won't say that he can't hold a job, since I don't want to tell someone with mental problems that it's all made up and they're fine. Also, this being america, he'd loose his state insurance/neetbux if he got a job and wouldn't be able to pay for his prescriptions that (and I hate to say this) barely work at all, so that much does make sense to me.
>>21003 I think a lot of that data is based on dating websites specifically where generally if you’re on a dating site imo there’s often a reason why you can’t find people IRL. I signed into my friends POF account once and fuck me the state of some people. And I don’t just mean their appearances, the information people give is like reading a transcript from a shrinks office. So a) if these men don’t find older people attractive, you shouldn’t care because they’re probably grim af and b) the women on the dating sites are usually narc central so there’s probably some weird power struggle going on.
I think if youre interesting and friendly there’s a chance to find dates or romance irl I doubt your age matters. I mean I’m 28 and dating a 19 year old but older men ask me on dates too. My eldest sister is 40 and dating a 33 year old. I think a lot of “the older you are the harder it’ll get” stuff is such a meme at this point, and the only time I read people trying to push that idea is on anonymous message boards or PUA sites (and we all know most PUAs are probably nonces)
>>21005>I mean I’m 28 and dating a 19 year old
Semi ot but do you ever get shit for this? Like people asking why you’re not dating someone closer to your own age, calling you creepy (even though you’re adults), etc? Asking because I like a guy who’s 8 years my senior (it probably won’t go anywhere, but whatever). Maybe the dynamics are a bit different since the genders are switched, but I’m still curious.
How did you get a 19-year-old?
It depends on what you want. I tend to prefer older men but a man making a huge deal about my age is one of the biggest turn-offs. It gives me the impression that he's shallow and will probably leave me for a younger woman in the future, and I also associate it with overly traditional roles, which I don't like. It makes sense to capitalize on that if that's the type of man you want, I guess.
Short men deserve to be mocked and rejected though, old women don't.
I for one would never date any man below 8'7. If you have you should remove yourself from the gene pool manlet enabler.
…what? Did you read her post? She's not speaking as an undesirable, she's currently young. A better comparison would be "tall men saying it's a turn off that his gf would no longer love him if he was short." But even that's not similar enough (since he most likely won't shrink lol). A true improvement would be "fit guy saying it's a turn off for a woman to make a big deal about his muscles, because when he gets old or gets injured she'll no longer want him."
S2g the reading comprehension on jewel.restaurant is awful sometimes, like that "men lack empathy" thread where half of you said "but men have the sads." Yeah, no shit, that wasn't her main issue. It was about emotional depth, intelligence, and empathy.
pls no bully short men, I love them.
You did completely misread my post though.
No, you're the one who is wrong. It's clear from my post that I'm young and don't like men who fetishize my age.
Find yourself a man who wants to grow old with you.
luluco a cute, good luck with ur love life anon
Hey, I'd like some advice. I'm dumb so please be gentle.
I met a guy online last year and we became friends pretty fast. We have a lot in common like similar humor, attitude towards life, values, etc. It was a really natural friendship and we shared some very personal things. I heard a while ago that he was into me. He has a gf, but has casually mentioned that she wouldn't care if he saw other people (sounds like a big fat lie, yeah?). I crushed on him hard, but I forced myself to stay quiet, because I wasn't about to be a stupid bitch and try to online date a guy who has a girlfriend.
He started talking more about sex and doing what I perceived as flirting. It made me nervous. I probably came off disinteresed and frigid. We kept in touch and shared memes and stuff, but we stopped being close like we used to be. He would go weeks without messaging me and would find any excuse possible to exit a conversation, even if he was the one that started it. They'd last about 5 mins on average.
Well, I got fucking sick of this after a few months and decided to ghost him. I really did not think he'd care, but he comes to me the next day saying he wants to stay in touch. WHY? He's still doing this 5 minute convo shit and is generally just no fun to talk to. I've seen him talk to people he likes literally all day long. We've had maybe two nice interactions like old times, but every other time I talk to him he "has to go" and it usually is because of his girlfriend. I do not understand this behavior at all. I'm tempted to remove him from my life again. I don't want to ask him why he's bringing up his girlfriend so much and come off as jealous. What does it mean? What would you do in my shoes? He's real special and I miss our friendship. I'm honestly very upset.
Don't ghost. Tell him you don't want to talk anymore, and never try to make a friend online again. It never works.
He's keeping you as an orbiter. Simple as that, this is classic behavior for someone like that, they clearly feel like their relationship might fail at some point and prob wants to use you as a rebound. That or he wants you to admit you like him and he just want to girlfriend hop and that's hot a good quality in a guy.
Thank you guys. I did get the sense that he was trying to provoke me with the girlfriend stuff, but assumed I was overthinking it. I agree that trying to make friends online isn't smart. Hopefully I can learn how to be less devoted to people that are terrible for me while I'm in therapy. I thought I had mostly worked that out on my own, but eh.
If anyone else still wants to weigh in, feel free.
I messaged them last week letting them know that it's okay to let me know when they're free.>asks if I'm free this past weekend>can't because school>agree that next week works>we text on and off>did not reply since wednesday night
I can be understanding since people have their own lives and I can get pretty busy myself. I also confess that I can be pretty bad at reply times when texting, but should I just move on…? I've been doing all the initiating while texting. There have been talks about maybe dates during our 2nd date, but nothing set in stone and we are still matched.
Why are you entertaining the romantic advances of a guy with a girlfriend though? He doesn't respect her, or you for the matter. Either tell him to fuck off or tell his girlfriend what he has been doing.
I'm in my twenties and still a kissless virgin.
Even though I'm straight and feel immediate sexual attraction to certain men, it's complicated by the fact I'm something of a demigirl in the sense I don't want to sleep with a guy unless he feels right for me. Even when I liked someone they usually end up saying or doing something that makes my pussy dry up and I end up not feeling attracted to them anymore.
It takes me a really long time to develop an emotional or personal connection to a guy. Sometimes I've gone months trying to get to know one, only for them to turn out to be a complete asshole and my crush on them being a complete waste of time.
It also seems like everytime I'm attracted to a guy, they always have a qt gf who is the exact opposite of me in looks/personality/humor.
Literally all I want is a loving committed relationship with a man I am attracted to, but I'm not getting any younger and wondering if I'll ever find that. All my friends make it look so easy.
How do you deal with feeling like every other girl is prettier/better than you? I have absolutely no self esteem whatsoever. I think I'm ugly, boring, stupid, weird, and that no one would ever want to date me. My inferiority complex is ruining my life desu. I don't want to end up with some abusive hick just because I feel like I can't do any better.
If you have to ask, it seems like you aren't really into him. When it comes to dating/romance you shouldn't have to ask "Should I bother chasing someone?" if you liked the person a lot you would until they told you to fuck off.
I am into him. I really liked spending time with him and he's pretty comforting to be around. What I'm not into the is idea of me being the only one making the move. I want to know that he's interested in me too.
Clearly you aren't a right fit if you don't want to do all the heavy lifting. You're chasing something that is just general emotion you got when you date someone, but if you can't find that person who drives you crazy and want to be by their side all the time, why bother? You say you're into him, but your about as much into him as the next girl he's prob talking to right now.
I don't believe I was entertaining them. It was never a blatant advance on his end (more like testing the waters) and I was successful turning him down or steering the convo elsewhere every time. He got the hint pretty quick and quit trying to talk to me. I may not have elaborated on this enough in my first post.
My instinct is that he's lying about the open relationship thing, but there's no way to confirm that. I have no idea what their relationship is truly like. It is kind of unconventional in a lot of ways, so who knows. Either way yes, he doesn't respect me.
Should I let them know that I do not want to be the only one initiating or just be blunt and say I'm interested and he can do whatever he wants with that. I'm leaning towards being blunt.>>21299
It's more of the fact that I'm nervous since I have been rejected by being the initiator before. I did not mind it as much before with other guys I was interested in except for one guy I had a crush on a few years back and this guy I'm seeing.
He wouldn't have gone out with you twice if he wasn't interested.
No one here can tell you how he feels anon. That's what it comes down to, if you want to know he's interested still, no one on this board can tell you that only he can. You're seeking answers to questions we can't provide and no one here is in the position to tell you to keep chasing or bail on someone. You know your heart, be direct with him. I'm tired of seeing these dating games of trying to guess eachother's feeling like a chess game where you have to ask strangers on their input on the persons emotions rather than asking the person directly. You won't know the person by asking a bunch of shut-ins on the internet, you need to talk to the person you have a problem with.
I guess you're right anon. I'm not afraid of being direct, but more afraid of the outcome. I just messaged them letting them know I'm interested and its up to them to how they will go about it (not the same exact words I used, but basic idea).
I'm tired of it too!! Like it's encouraged for peeps to be cold towards one another before they can have mutual feelings. Seriously as much as men are crying about women not wanting them, it happens to women too.
Oh I know, I feel it too, that's why I was slightly aggressive. Because it just feels like a repeated flashback of my love endeavors. Honestly it makes me very upset that we have to do shit like this, where we have to guess how the other feels after a week of positive attractions. My entire love life is flash pan interactions with people and then I get ghosted. It's not fair nor a health dating system, this isn't fun you aren't dating if you have to shut off your heart to everyone until you know they won't ghost you. That's not dating, that's just interacting with people, why can't people be real anymore. The only "real" people are just absolute assholes who have no ability of social tact of when not to be and to be assholes to others and excuse it as being "real". I hope it works out for you though, I really do, I'm gonna go on a vent rant now so sorry.
Personal rant:Personally I loathe, hate, and despise the dating system we live in. I just want someone to love me, I'm tired of connecting to people who really want to talk to me, and then a week later, it's pulling teeth to get a response out of them. It hurts, it feels shitty, and the worst part is that I could take the rejection, just tell me why. Don't just ignore me and then when I ask if they want to keep in contact they make up some bullshit about how they aren't like those fake guys that will lie to you and pretend to like me, if they didn't like me that would tell me to go away. But if you even try to talk to them after that, they will just ghost you for days at a time if not weeks and pretend that they are "real". And it kills me inside, it makes me feel not even worth the trouble to tell me why they are ditching me. Like they don't want to be the asshole and feel clean from me. It honestly makes me want to kill myself sometimes, when love is the only thing I desire in this world, when I keep getting interactions like this it feels awful. It makes me feel hopeless and that I'll never be able to find love. It will always be like this, a flash pan interaction of a fun time, followed by staggered response times, a lie and then ghosted. I don't want this to be my life, my life already sucked to a degree growing up, and I've dealt with enough turmoil and bullshit already. I just want to be happy, please if there's a fucking God in this world, just let me be happy.
I'm sorry I had to let this out, this isn't related to advice, I just need to get it off and it just happened now.
Everything's going to be okay, anon. Don't give up on love.
I admit that I used to ghost due to anxiety, but one of my friends told me that it's rude to do that so I stopped. Ghosting is pretty much an unhealthy way to approach dating as it feels fake and loses the genuineness. Additionally, I'm an idealist and a romantic at heart so anything that involves matters of the heart makes me feel happy for others (unless if its toxic).
The reason I resorted to online dating is the fact that I'm much more confident online compared to my nerves taking over me irl. Plus I don't go out all that much because my friends graduated and I'm very much introverted. Although I'm glad the option is becoming less stigmatized as being only for desperate peeps, but it has its flaws too.
Anon, please don't give up on love… I want you to be happy with someone you care about! I hope someone shows interest in you and that you feel the same way…!
And now I wait… He usually replies at night so I'm pretty much nervous @ what he might/might not do. I hope it doesn't come off too strong.
He thinks I deserve someone better and wants to focus on self-improvement before he's ready… He also knows I'm interested, but wants to focus on himself.
It's admirable… I'm a little hurt, but I can definitely understand his feelings. I honestly felt a little bad as I felt like I pressured him.
The other option was him never telling you this and you were sitting around waiting for him to man up and tell you something that would never come. At least this way you have closure instead of waiting around thinking maybe he likes you still.
I'm sorry it ended poorly but at least you can move on and you don't have to linger on someone who put you aside and you aren't fully sure if they did or didn't. Feelings can be awkward, but I'm proud of you.
>>21311>he thinks I deserve someone better
You jump off that pedestal he's put you on right into his arms anon. He's thinking about how he doesn't deserve you every time you talk to him. Your loving nature only repels him in guilt. Tell him everything you love about him. He doesn't need to walk alone. You don't want to be with anybody else. You'll feel terrible without him. Just everything you've felt about him up to this point. If this is the end, come out with the truth to him.
I know. It still hurts since he genuinely enjoyed our time as well. He even said that maybe we can be friends. However, I never responded to that idea. I'm selfish so I don't think I can't and I do not want to be that selfish person hoping to upgrade from friendship to gf. It does not sit right with me being in that position.>>21313
It's only been 2 dates and a month of texting on and off, I'm not in love with him. I do not want him to feel guilty about this, he shouldn't be guilty. I did not even realize he put me on a pedestal and honestly that made me a little angry since I'm human too. Being with someone means accepting all of their flaws, and I am willing to accept them. However, if he feels that he is not ready, then he's not ready. I will not stop him from making that decision. I'll probably call him to actually talk to him because if he won't do it then I will. That way I can actually explain myself.
Ah to add to the idea of friendship. It's pretty selfish for him too despite it being the "nice" option. Keeping me in that position… It's not right for both of us because in the end it really won't work out since I have feelings for him and he's probably doing it out of guilt. Sounds selfish, but I do not want that in a friendship.
I was going to post something similar to that but I got distracted by that mobile kingdom hearts game and I never click send. I just want to affirm that's a pretty good way of thinking about it. It's just better to part ways, I just don't know why he's looking for people on dating services if he has to "work on himself for self-improvement". I never understood this notion, people are weird, I want to say they lie, but I see people with anxiety trying to make friends all the time one day and ghosts everyone they just met the next day, maybe it's like that.
>>21315>he put me on a pedestal and honestly that made me a little angry since I'm human too>it's pretty selfish for him too despite it being the "nice" option
Jesus, anon. Compassion. Have some of it. You should "understand" why he did this now. Peace, love, forgiveness and so on. In case you can't tell he's a very low self-esteem man. Might want to hold off on that phone call. You could accidentally make it worse with the wrong words. This is some diabolical matchmaking algorithm if it brings people like you two together.
It was tinder, there is no match making, it's all shallow judgement on if you find them appealing or not and a short sentence explanation of who they are. I doubt shes going to yell at him or tell him off, but sometimes some people feel better ending things vocally rather than through a text message.
>>21321>I doubt shes going to yell at him or tell him off
Of course not. That's something else entirely. This is the kind of person who will take the softest breakup like a brick to the face. I don't want to know what would happen if he were told off or yelled at. The slightest negativity will smoosh him into a little ball of despair. This is a delicate situation.
I mean I know I wasn't the one who got shit on by him, but in the same vein, he can't go around dating people and then rejecting them later on saying "I'm not good enough to date you." you play with people's hearts that way and that isn't okay to do. He did something pretty lame, if he gets slapped in the face with feeling bad about his poor actions, he kind of deserves it. No one deserves to be played around with, they gotta face the consequences of their actions just because they feel sad isn't a justifiable reason for them to not feel bad about doing something shitty. They need to know they hurt people sometimes, it's humbling.
All it's going to do is just make him feel worse.
He sent me a massive text explaining why he's not ready to go any further with what we had, so I feel the need to call him to let him know my feelings. I also want to apologize as I felt that I pressured him into doing that and that he should not feel guilty and it's okay to feel that way. As much I can get upset about it, there's nothing I can do but express my feelings, be understanding of his feelings, and wish him all the best.
Good luck, anon. Let it all out.
Thank you. Also thank you to all the other anons for their words and advice! I asked him if I can call him and he was perfectly fine and is very understanding towards me expressing my feelings.
I'm not sure how many times I can wish you luck with this. Be sure to get it all off your back anon.
I called. He really is not emotionally ready and expressed that to me. It's fine and I can understand. I find it to be incredibly admirable! He felt bad since he really was interested in me too, but I reassured him that I'm okay with it and it's okay for him to care for himself before he cares for others.
I just called him to talk about my feelings and my concerns towards his views of himself. He genuinely wants to be friends with me. At first I was a little unsure and concerned, and asked him if he truly wants that and he said he still wants me in his life. All I said was that if he wants that then he should give me some time and that if he genuinely wants to then that's fine.
It more or less was a talk about himself and to affirm that it is okay for him to feel that way. He really wants to be the change for his own life. He's also glad and reassured that I'm in a much better place than before when I expressed that I felt that way before and that it gives him some hope that he can improve. I wish him all the best in his life and I truly hope he'll be in a better place. It was a really nice heart to heart.
TLDR; Heart to heart focused on him and his views towards himself. He feels reassured and wants to be the change for himself. Understanding towards my own feelings too.
Thank you anons for all your advice!
cc how do i go about asking my dad about his will? if he even has one, even.
the guy smokes and drinks like a fish every day, he's just been diagnosed with bladder cancer yet he STILL drinks and smokes + he's pushing 70…i just. i want to know.
but i don't want him to think i'm looking forward to his death, which i'm not. i'm praying his surgery on monday works out and he comes back normal after they get the tumor out or whatever the fuck they're going to do to him. he's being so damn obscure about the operation and i don't want to push him
but. yeah. i just want to know if he's planning to leave everything to my step brother or my cousin or somebody…is that wrong of me?
ugh i just don't know i'm stressed over this
I'm assuming a mother is not involved here or some spouse? Normally if there's a spouse they are fully aware of the others will and such and can ask them if you don't want to be direct.
If you can't, you have to approach it with the intention of ensuring the safety of assets and ensuring that things go smoothly in the case of his demise. Honestly at 70 if it wasn't cancer, old age is impending, and it's better to take care of these things now rather than just before you die. You don't want asset struggles to go into litigation, that will be a terrible time. You should be aware of things that happen when they do, it's not really a right, but it's one of those unspoken things that should be done. Including if he appointed you as his person who decides what to do with them if they are incapacitated.Personally it sounds like you're more interested in whats in it for you if he does die versus ensuring there is no fighting over unclaimed assets and ensuring that he even has a will to begin with along with his wishes if he went comatose or was unable to make decisions for himself.
yeah, he split from my mother a while ago & they're not on the best of terms.
>Personally it sounds like you're more interested in whats in it for you if he does die versus…
this is correct, sort of. i'd like to be prepared for his decisions before it's too late for preparation. if that makes any sense.
Honestly, this is my biggest advice I can give you. Don't worry about his inheritance. I don't know how much wealth your father has, I see speak of a step brother and external family of a cousin whose a possible inheritor. But unless receiving whatever he can possible give you would be a burden to handle, budget and prepare for a life expecting nothing.
This is coming from the person who had a multi million dollar family where a stepmother gold digging jew (literal) weaseled her way in, and wrote my mother and I out of the will and she stole everything. I was promised a full ride college, no worries ever, and so on. I got replaced with random illegal immigrants off the street who wanted to make a quick and easy buck who answered to the scheming jew, and my grandfather was losing his mind during his battle with cancer, chemo fucks you up hard the older you get with that shit.
>tl;dr Plan your life around that you were written out unless there is context of inheriting assets that would be troublesome in your life. Never believe the word of a person versus what's actually written in a will if one does exist. That way if you do get anything, it's a nice surprise and bonus income versus something you were banking on to happen.
That being said, I don't know your personal life, but i'm just getting that vibe you don't really care about him? Like you say you do but your mind is on money versus your father and that is kind of sad to me. Make sure you spend time with family before they die, because while they live you think you will have no regrets if they pass, it can change very quickly afterwards.
that stinks anon, i hope you're doing alright now.
also, you're right. i guess i won't concern myself about his money.
and i think we spend enough time together? don't know how much love i've got for him considering he was a very…shit dad growing up. but whatever
you've given me some stuff to think about, thanks
I mean that's fair, if you don't have the best bond that's fine, but in the end just make sure you feel completed and don't leave anything unaddressed before it's too late. I still have my regrets but I was too young to voice them so I was just left as a bystander. I wish you the best of luck in this process and I hope in the end you will be okay and things work out for you.
I apparently thought this was my last update, but right now I'm kind of tipsy and stuff but I went on tinder to check my feed because I'm bored and why not idk and OMG he updated his profile hours ago. I don't even know how to respond to this and I felt kind of lief to. I've been direct this whole time.
Sorry to hear that, this is why I was kinda skeptical to the whole thing. People lie to spare feelings as if somehow it's better. It's not and this is why I'm forever single with a deep rooted hatred to humans at this point. I hope you're doing alright aside from being a bit drunk.
I really want to call him out on it… If your'e not emotionally ready then why be on tinder???? But I do not want to cause any problems by looking crazy since it was the first thing I saw in my feed. Seriously like why? I've been honest. Don't spare my feels gh why.
Don't bother, honestly all it's going to do is consume you in anger and he will just feed you more lines of bullshit prob to defuse rather than admit his shitty actions. Someone like that will try to defuse the situation rather than let it explode. Just be happy you weren't baited for multiple years like I was. Just label him as an asshole and try to move on, and if you need to vent anger, do one of those bullshit anonymous letter things or scream and punch a pillow if you're the violent type.
Thank you anon. All I want to do is cry because I felt lied to… I don't care if there was anything between us anymore, but please don't lie to me. It just shows you have no respect for me nor my own feelings.
I feel that, I share the same sentiment as well. I hope you feel better soon.
Anons how do I put an end to an oily T-zone (forehead)? I've been trying different products and washing my face once versus twice a day, trying oil cleansers for makeup remover, and nothing has helped. In fact, I had better skin when I barely washed my face and just used makeup remover wipes before. Lol Any product recommendations?
I also have oily skin. I haven’t found any products that help yet, but using oil blotting sheets and powdering my face throughout the day makes my skin look less oily
Yeah, I've also been using blotting papers and powder. Looks like I'll have to keep using them forever but oh well!
>>21305>It will always be like this, a flash pan interaction of a fun time, followed by staggered response times, a lie and then ghosted.
Fuck I feel that. Hell, I've had (garbage) male acquaintances in my life who have literally told me that they slowly fade response times methodically to artificially "grow apart" with someone in the hopes they'll move on, while turning around and calling women whores for not wanting to talk to them once school starts or whatever.
I'm afraid I'll never get into another serious relationship. Typical normie shit, so femcels beware.
I was in an abusive relationship with my first boyfriend for a few years. Ended really badly for him (he is currently facing statutory rape charges against a girl he cheated on me with; suspended from the university we both attend for unrelated reasons), but he's still much happier than me. Has a long distance gf who loves and accepts him, more friends than I will ever have, family still supports him financially, etc.
Seeing this makes me upset. First because typical jealousy/regret surrounding his new gf/girl he cheated on me with ("I could've been her if I just let him hit me and didn't say anything"/"He rather be with some young girl who will get him in trouble if anyone found out than me").
Second because I see this man who actually fucked up his life getting into a relationship and moving on while I'm stuck with the "damaged battered woman" tag that only attracts even worse men than him.
I'm afraid I'll never find anyone else and my ex was my only chance at a boyfriend. I want to find love so badly, but I know desperation will only attract the worst kind of people. So what do?
Man, I relate.
>abusive ex-bf>a whole mess of fears and insecurities and coping mechanisms>extremely guarded>don't know how to love anyone because as soon as the slightest issue arises I'm taken back and reminded of my lowest points and shield myself off emotionally so I can't even fall for anyone anymore>still try to talk to men because if I talk to enough people surely I'll find someone trustworthy eventually right>find guy that seems nice>attach myself because I'm hoping maybe he'll be the one I can develop feelings for>now one of two things happen: either i do develop feelings and get too attached or I stay too long waiting for the feelings to develop until I'm in an unhealthy relationship that I don't actually love being in
Yes I'm a bad person, and the trad anons can all spare their dumb-ass comments about how much of a whore I am and how I should've saved myself for marriage, thanks
Have any anons here overcome their fear of voice chatting? I know it’s kind of pathetic but I’m terrified of it and want to do it with this person. I feel intense anxiety and dread whenever I try or the idea gets brought up, and actually start shaking and sweating. I have no friends irl so that isolation just adds to my social retardation. I’m scared of awkward silences, running out of things to say, making things uncomfortable, my mind going blank, etc. I know I’m pathetic, but pls help.
Same Anon as before, I started using Cerave’s cleanser for oily skin and it’s helped tremendously. I also realized my foundation was contributing to the oiliness, so I’m looking for a new one.
Who do you want to voice chat with? Have you known them long? I ask because I'm curious about how comfortable you are with them. Have you told them what you told us? That it makes you really anxious but you still want to do it? How did they respond? If you haven't told them your concerns yet, then perhaps try that. If they're understanding about it (and there's no reason they shouldn't be, if they're a true friend), then it might make it easier for you to work up the courage to finally talk to them.
As someone else who had trouble talking over voice, hearing my friend say "I don't really care how bad your voice sounds, I just want to talk with you." was super helpful in getting me to open up a lot. Just knowing that you aren't being judged is a big first step. Odds are, this person will think you sound wonderful no matter what.
Sorry. Personally I don't care, but yeah. Do be well, though. If you're able to get therapy, perhaps that might help with your issue of feeling jealous and sad whenever you see other women.
They’re someone I’m pretty close to and relatively comfortable with. I told them my concerns and they said they’d be supportive and wouldn’t judge me. It’s just that this intense, kneejerk, physical anxiety reaction prevents me from being able to do it without being an emotional wreck. Thank you though anon.
We're all rooting for you. If you go for it and decide to call them soon, tell us how it goes!
Men aren't interested in being your friend if they are interested in you romantically. Stop deluding yourself.
This, most likely it'll be awkward for a moment, he will pretend he's ok with it but he won't be. Then you'll grow distant.
I beg of you
please, put off sex for at least a few months when meeting a new guy. Make sure to be good to him and encourage mutual growth. Make sure to know that he's willing to put effort in the relationship and genuinely cares about your health.
I don't know how many times I need to tell girls this but one of the most important things in a guy is knowing that he's willing to become /fit/(or already is), has gone through genuine struggle, and has love for his family. Also, it helps if he looks similar to you. We're designed as species to find more trust in people that look like us.
Finding love that lasts from the first or the second try is one of the most important things in your life. We don't have as many chances as guys do.
This should be your dream man
…is this meant to be a meme or am I just retarded?
There's decent advice sandwiched between the autism, but the shit-tier husbando is tipping me off.
>>22411>Also, it helps if he looks similar to you. We're designed as species to find more trust in people that look like us.
What did she mean by this? Should we only date if we have the same hair and eye colors? You mean date within your ethnicity?>>22422
Pls tell us your experience with your bf/husband/partner
Every so often there’s a gentle reminder that you share a board with fashy gals.
Don't give up anon. I have had a few abusive boyfriends due to my horribly low self esteem. However, things changed for me when I dealt with the things that were causing me to hate myself. Being abused really does make you hate yourself but you don't have to let them keep that power over you forever. It takes time, recovery from that stuff took me two years with a combination of therapy, exercise and self improvement (for me that took the form of cake making classes, but it can be anything, like going back to college or learning a language). You will find someone else, and you will find someone who will treat you right. If I could do it you can too. I believe in you okay?>>21970
Lol. Being a whore is bad for everyone, but that isn't your main problem. You just need to find a way to help your self esteem and find healthy coping strategies to replace what you've got going on right now. Trust me, I know why being a ho is bad for you. In fact it really does not help your self esteem at all.>>22373
This. So much this.>>22411
I enjoyed your words but that pic was a terrible choice.>>22423
She probably meant race because superficial physical similarity between you both makes bonding easier. Personally I think you should take it literally, as in someone who actually has similar features and kind of resembles you a bit. That way you won't end up with kids with disproportionate or mismatched features.>>22441
…do people not like fashy ladies here? I am a newfag and still trying to understand the culture.
iktf. I hate dating because guys just want to pump and dump to put a notch on their belt (inb4 whore–i don't necessarily sleep with them). even if they aren't trying to just fuck you, the whole dating shit is boring, it feels like a job interview, and most of them still say they "aren't looking for anything serious right now". It's a bunch of time wasting. I'm looking for an actual husband and guys don't want to commit. I wish we could bring back japan's marriage system–two young people are set up to meet, and if they like each other a marriage is set up. no bullshitting around.
i guess it's because i'm introverted but i don't enjoy hanging out with someone just for funsies. if nothing will come of it i'd rather be at home /comfy/.