I know this is "boohoo im lonely" post number 241 but man I really feel tormented about my Secondary School Years. It was awful and I just felt like a kid looking through a window standing outside. I just didn't know how to conduct myself properly and now I'm in Uni I feel like I haven't been able to make the progress I've so badly wanted to make in reinventing myself. COVID robbed the entire first year and I find myself failing to find good decent chances to do social shit. The actual important shit.
My idea of making a friend is honestly just someone I can have some long deep connection with, I want to network and I want to share experiences and share opportunities.
Also there's the person at work I get on well with that I've developed feelings for which only complicates things further.
i sent a really cringy text to someone years ago and I still cant get over it someone help
To dumb to self actualise too weird to fuck and suck. What do.
Have you tried to seed and or feed?
If you can, go get your stuff from the apartment. It's a daunting task for sure but trust me when I say that you'll feel better once you get it over with. Good luck!
Aw anon, me too and I'm in my final year at uni.
Are there no clubs that interest you? Even societies for your major? Ime even if you're a weirdo other weirdos will eventually gravitate to you and not even notice the awkwardness. Or is it just ye olde self-sabotage?
That's what it's been for me, just kind of ruining every possible friendship for 3 years in a row. I've only maintained one and he's moving a town over soon.
So sorry you also feel this way.
With every passing day, I am getting more and more bored and zoned out in all my classes to the point it is becoming borderline painful more me to just sit there and act like I'm paying attention, when I can't.
I feel like I'm not actually learning anything and that my grades will just keep getting progressively lower every semester.
lord have mercy i cannot believe how hard I have to work just to LIVE
im not even working nearly as hard as everyone else!!
gurl don't chu worry your pretty little head about it, you will have your glow up, your life will get better
those first few years of being a mom are sucky and hard, the older you kid gets the easier it will become
saggy boobs at 22 feels like the end of the world but if you saw everyone naked you'd realize they all have saggy boobs too, or some other weird feature
and yes it is his fault, girl he is an aint shit bitch and Im sorry you fell for him, but you wouldn't be the first honey. men are trash and they're even more deplorable when a woman gets pregnant. the leading cause of death in 20% of pregnant women/new moms is…..murder. (from what I've heard)
they're like retarded gerbil fathers that eat their young
I want to tuck this pug into bed and tell him it'll be ok.
it will be good if selfish retarded humans stopped breeding them
College is really sad when you’re ugly. You start to realize that this is how the general population treats ugly people, and this is how your life will go.
man even drugs dont work for me.
i tried going on 4chan again after taking a break but jesus christ. I actually started to get angry while reading the threads. they're all so dumb. just regurgitating surface-level analysis of cultural phenomena. their banter is shit, their lives are meaningless and they ejaculate prematurely. the only good boards are the creative ones
lack of sleep just keeps adding up, how am i even functional?
This isn't really unique to 4chan anon
Thanks for your reply, and yeah there's a ton of clubs and shit to join. I just don't actually know how to start, I listed myself as available but noone replied to me or responded. Not even sure what it is I want to do but charity shit is always handy. I'll do my best to make an effort.
And sorry to hear of your situation. I also knew a cool person in my workplace but now they're moving :(((
Does anyone else feel that they sometimes can't even speak properly as if your vocal cords are tired? I was in work today right, and even though I'm not tired I wasn't even able to speak without mumbling or slurring my words.
I literally just wake up some days with a sleepy kinda voice while on other days I can speak normally. If I'm having a "bad" day I'm unable to speak loudly and people usually have a hard time hearing me. I actually hate my voice so much its unreal, I'm so quiet and "low".
>friend keeps talking about her FWB/fuckbuddy taking her out to a cool restaurant for her bday and giving her these really thoughtful, personalized gifts
>meanwhile a guy I've been befriending online rebuffed me with a "you don't have to do that" when I asked if I could send a holiday card when we met on a literal penpal/mail exchange group
I know that I can't quite compare those two situations but still…I just want to feel some fucking affection or closeness from a man pls I am begging…she has all these literal fuckboys who, even though they will tell her they don't want to date/have a committed relationship, will do all these nice and cool things for her. I find it easy to make friends with guys but whether I'm sexually involved with them or not, I have never had a guy do things like that for me and it makes me so sad ;_;
I think I may come off as desperate and that turns guys off (or maybe I lack some sort of allure?) so I have been trying to work on myself (and not involve myself with men while doing so), but seeing my friend share that just made me really sad and jealous. Mostly because like, she's casually fucking this guy and he's doing these nice things, and I feel like an issue I often run into is men will be interested in me sexually but want to have no further involvement beyond that or even if we become friends, it's very bro-y and they would never think to exchange thoughtful gifts or something like that.
for some reason friday nights always trigger my suicidal ideation. i don't even think things are that bad, but i have so many anxieties and stressors that build up over time and while i have friends i can't talk to any of them about how i'm actually feeling. i've tried, but… anyway, i know i just need to work on getting my life to a point where i am satisfied with it so that despite external stressors i won't constantly think of offing myself because i have other things to look forward to. it's just hard to get there and in the meantime i have so many anxieties about everything. i think maybe this is a sign i should probably see a therapist so i can talk to someone, but i just don't have the time to look for one. part of me also wonders what the point would be. i just need to get some sleep. tomorrow will be a new day and then i can think about it then.
Why is it when I try to discuss the recent Rittenhouse trial, 98% of the other women just REEEEE and go "Why should I care, it's just a scrote killing other scrotes?" Like fuck off, you dumb motherfucker, and think with your brain for two seconds instead of your heart, which sounds to be defective, anyway. Just as bad as 4chan REEEEing anytime a woman shows up, I swear to god. You're no different than they are, that's why nobody takes us seriously in serious issues.
>>69236>that's why nobody takes us seriously in serious issues.
That's not true, because>Why should I care, it's just a scrote killing other scrotes?
isn't mainstream thinking at all, therefore it could never result in people not taking us seriously
I try my absolute hardest to be like normies and do normal shit but I can't do it. There's just something 'off' about me and I don't know what. I really want to settle on self diagnosing myself as autistic because I truly believe there must be something up with me. I've had this whole complex of feeling like a kid watching through the glass unable to understand what's going on since I was very young.
Reasons it never would have worked anyway:
1. Timing. I haven't been in a position to be in a relationship in all this time anyway.
2. Different socioeconomic backgrounds. I come from a working class family, and he does not. We couldn't possibly have related to each other, and I wouldn't have known how to act or speak around him.
3. It's likely he's kind of a creep who fixates on younger girls.
4. He's pedantic as fuck and would have been insufferable to be around. Better someone else deals with that.
5. I don't like doing the social activities he likes.
6. I would have always felt not smart or pretty enough.
You're coping if that is what the grounds of a healthy relationship looks like to you.
Came home this week early for thanksgiving, and was honestly really looking forward to spending time with my family and just being back in my hometown. But my whole time here I’ve felt so… out of place? Stuck? Like I’m wasting my time? I’m not really sure
Last time I was home I did not feel like this at all, and was so happy to be back with my family and doing my old routine. Felt like a breath of fresh air. But right now feels so stuffy.
I think one of the main reasons is that none of my friends are here right now, so I’m not doing typical things a person in their 20’s would do. I feel like I should be going out, meeting new people, etc, but I’m not and feel unproductive. I do that all the time when I’m not home, so I’m surprised why I feel like I really need to right now for this short period of time. I feel like I should’ve came to my hometown later and spent more time with my friends.
…I dunno. Feel kinda off lately.
I swung my head too fast and my glasses flew off and they hit the ground and chipped. God fucking dammit.
I just CAN'T sleep recently. Sleepytime tea, relaxed before bed, melatonin, straight up sleeping pills, and I end up awake til 3 or later every night sometimes with nightmares. What is my problem? Stress?? Cus this insomnia ain't helping
>tfw I can't stop listening to eurobeat
>at work, while riding my bike, at home, on the bus, before sleep
Iktf, I struggled with anxiety induced insomnia for 2 years whilst I was finishing my studies. I also couldn't sleep until 2 or 3 in the morning around 2 or 3 times a week.
I tried p much everything you did, but sleeping pills aren't probably the adequate medication. You should probably get yourself prescripted some anxiety meds.
this happened to me after I watched initial d. I would play it at work when I was stocking stuff at night. it's good shit and gets you energized! if you're genuinely annoyed though maybe try integrating the songs into playlists with other genres to wean yourself off it. but I think it's not unusual to suddenly only be able to listen to one genre, I'll go through phases like that myself.
After my first best friend changed a lot after having a baby I have lost faith in real friendship. I'm not good at relying on people or getting close to people. There have been about 7 or so in my entire life that I could really consider a friend.. we all went our separate ways, but even back then I preferred solitude 80% of the time. Now all my friends are grown up and moved away. It's wierd talking to my old friends. They're soo different now it's like I dont know them anymore. I can't imagine being in a relationship because in the end I know i would end up hating the guy for wanting the kinda things they want from you in a relationship. I am not sure what to do. The only female friend I ever had avoided Goin out and talking with anybody even including me. Most of my friends were all male.its wierd I cant stand the idea of being trapped a relationship /having kids but that's just how it is… I am so avoidant of close relatio ships now it's like … why would I bother. I know in a way I don't deserve them because I am so happy with solitude usually and I'm too busy. Mostly I'm too busy for anything.
What exactly is the solution to this??? I'm horrible at making friends. I dont call people on the phone or follow up like a normal person. It makes me uncomfortable to approach friendship. It has always just felt like willingly getting in with a pool of sharks, even when I was a really small child I felt this way. I'm not kidding I think I really saw a lot of toxic things as a child and it made me avoidant ? All my old friends I just made through school and i didn't totally trust it then either because most of them were guys. I guess I decided one day… well if this is how it feels to be friend with guys I KNOW I won't be able to be friends with females. All I care about is friendships NOT relationships. Relationships just sound like death to me ahhh
I saw a woman at a music event and can't get her off my mind. I noticed her at coat check and the person there asked "are you guys together?" and I could have died and ascended. She made prolonged eye contact with me several times later in the crowd. Maybe she thought "what's that dweeb doing just standing around watching people instead of dancing" but at least that's something.
I saw her with some gay looking friends so I may even have a chance if I could just run into her again.
Losing my mind. She was so cute.
Getting crushes on randoms is so stupid and annoying. What am I supposed to do about this? At least it made the night feel worth it since I otherwise had an anxiety attack and cried.
If you want to find her, look through photos tagged at the festival.
ok…is selling stuff online and doing the local pick-up in a cafe surrounded by cameras and people really so unsafe? like, I keep being told I will be human trafficked if I sit in a cafe and a stranger sits with me. oh side note, only considered people with verified identities, 100s of reviews from other people, etc.
That sounds fine. You can also arrange to meet outside the local police station.
Try and make yourself seem male in the listings though.
I just watched a silly episode of anime and now I'm sad.
The plot was that one of the characters went home after traveling and discovered that her father had passed away while she was gone. It's a comedy fantasy series, so it didn't really examine how traumatic that kind of thing is ti a child, but the whole time I was thinking about this little girl never being able to see her father again.
During the episode, it's revealed that the father was only pretending to be dead to figure out who wanted to kill him and the father and daughter are reunited happily and there are no problems. I have had reoccurring dreams about my father not really be dead for years. Normally they take the form of him being in a coma of some kind and my family hid it from me and he finally wakes up and is all better. So, when I was watching this silly Japanese cartoon and thinking about my father, I saw someone else's father return to their lives just like in my dreams and now I'm sad.
I didn't cry. I'm not crying. But I felt sad and felt like sharing for just one minute.
I'm sorry you had the bad luck to run into that specific trope. Sounds like a shitty experience.
I feel like I'm turning into a moid. I saw a TikTok of a woman saying that people shouldn't wear animal costumes because it's speciesist, but all I could think of or look at was her cleavage. She was wearing like a camisole or a really low cut top or something. I couldn't even be annoyed at how dumb of a statement that was, or how it was obvious reply-bait. My mind was just on her boobs the whole time.
I understand now when moids are like "milkers booba titty". I knew I wasn't straight but jfc
It's okay, anon. Me, too.
Even worse I'm like this for both men and women.
At least we feel guilt? Most moids don't. The true female power is a conscience.
i find it so hard to relate to people because I don't go out and drink, like how do i start doing actual normal shit like that???
>type out a long post
>carefully select words and make sure I articulate exactly what I want to express
>reread multiple times until I'm satisfied
>decide that no1curr
>don't post it
If you don't want to then don't.
Join other activities like knitting clubs, tabletop game groups, pottery classes, activist groups, etc.
Ime alcohol and drug users don't give a fuck if you're sober so long as you get along. They may even ask you to go and be the sober one (I always refuse because nightlife is weird).
No idea how to start if you actually want to drink, sorry.
I have PCOS, and as a result, I have gotten an increasing amount of hairs on my chin.
The chin hairs are long and wiry, and come in tufts.
No matter how many times I cut them, they grow back and make me look like a circus freak.
Every month, I notice a few more.
I’ve gotten nasolabial folds too (due to age).
And weight stuff, too.
Doc found out that I’m officially in the morbidly obese category now, fucking great.
Got no one else to blame but myself, I live on my own and eat crappy processed food, because I’m too unmotivated to cook.
It just feels hopeless to try to better my looks, after so many years of neglecting myself.
i keep thinking about how different i would be if i had grown up with adults who werent obsessed with making me normal so they wouldnt be embarrased by me. i wonder if i would be more confident in myself if i wasnt constantly reminded how abnormal i seem to others and how hard i have to work to seem even partially like other girls. i wonder if i'd be happier if i hadnt grown up around people who told me my God's honest best was just "what you're always supposed to do". i sometimes think of the child i was and i cry for her. these days i try not to cry too hard because i know theres a future for me and if need be, i will build it from the ground myself
I now realize I was only pretending to be angry at the guy who ghosted me. I wasn't feeling it, I was blaming myself the whole time. It didn't feel possible. "It must've been me, something I said, something I didn't say." No. It was all him. He blew me off because he wanted to, and then he got upset because I didn't fade into nothingness. I hate that there's a substantial part of me that still misses him and wants him back. I guess because I want an explanation, and I miss that connection we had, even if it was nothing. Honestly, I guess it meant 1000x more to me than to him. He obviously didn't value me, so he deserves to have everything taken away. He shouldn't feel special because of my actions, I hope he deluded himself that I treat everyone the way I treated him and feels like shit about it.
There's still a part of me that says "You should've done this or that differently", and I regret it, but only because I'm still under that delusion that he would've not been an asshole if I did everything "right". But who the fuck wants to live that way? Second-guessing every action in fear that some scrote will abandon them? Fuck that. Some people are just dicks, even if they seem nice
feel free for a little while then i’m reminded of my gilded cage :)
>>69384>Join other activities like knitting clubs, tabletop game groups, pottery classes, activist groups, etc.
Will never forgive COVID for robbing me of that one year when I was actually finally in a position to join clubs. I've just emailed a bunch of places at my College so hopefully I can make a start.
>Ime alcohol and drug users don't give a fuck if you're sober so long as you get along. They may even ask you to go and be the sober one
That's fair. I just haven't been able to go do a lot of nightlife shit with myself and I would feel awkward af, don't really want to come off as the mopey type but I just don't know how to enjoy myself hahaha.
>mfw you realize that you have misdiagnosed ADHD
I feel bad and I want to die. Please give me a reason not to do it
The last thing you do before you die is soil yourself, as your inner muscles relax.
Just imagine your purple body laying on the floor in a puddle of piss, with poop stains on your underwear, with people all around cleaning up the mess.
Dunno about you, but that though sure made me reconsider.
>>69425>The last thing you do before you die is soil yourself, as your inner muscles relax.
this only actually happens some of the time
I have BPD and it's only getting worse. Actually, I don't even know what's wrong with my brain (I don't fully trust psychiatrists) but I'm a chronically awful person overall. I regret something that torments me every day, and I can't stop thinking about how terrible everything is. Right now is fine, but I'm scared of what might come to me in the future. I can't feel anything and my bursts of happiness and reassurance my brain bestows upon me are so fucking short. I'm not sure if I can make connections anymore, and I'm beginning to not even crave them. I hope my nicotine addiction kills me soon.
tbh, it's hard to get over how ugly I am. I'm very tall with a severe, long-faced bone structure with a crooked face from a deformity, terrible skin I've spent 10000$s on (and no I'm not rich) and changed my entire diet for. the only male attention in my life IRL I've gotten has been negative comments about my looks. if a guy did show interest, I'd assume it's because he thinks I'm easy (even though I'm a virgin).
I realize that it's super dumb of me to really try applying makeup and wearing cute clothes because, honestly, it just feels bad lying to myself all the time or focusing on things that maybe bring me up from a 4 to a 5.
Maybe accepting myself as I am is the way, instead of resisting.
i hate psychiatrists too, but there's a difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist or a therapist. there's no real medication for BPD (besides off-label things that can manage certain symptoms), but i read that either having the root of your issues psychologically examined (abandonment issues, childhood, etc.) and therapy practices like DBT (if you can't afford a therapist there are workbooks online to do by yourself) can help. good luck managing either way.
I'm really uncomfortable with medication and psychiatry in general since it messed with my body when they forced me to take it as a kid, but I currently have a therapist and it's better. Instead of just shoving pills in my face we actually discuss my issues and I
get credited for improvement instead of being told the pills must be working.
I also want to say that a lot of mental health workers only really know how to do cognitive behavioral therapy, which is great for normies that are simply struggling with some stress or pessimism, but it can be unhelpful and even harmful if you have deep rooted trauma or other more serious issues. If you went through abuse or a rough childhood, try to find a trauma-informed therapist.
If therapy isn't an option, a self-help resource I really like is Pete Walker's work, particularly his book "From Surviving to Thriving." It doesn't focus on BPD specifically but there's a lot of overlap. I like how it's low on jargon and generally has a very friendly and digestible tone to it.
yeah, i've heard cognitive behavioral therapy can be bad for certain people, but dialectal behavioral therapy is supposed to be an improvement on that. personally i haven't benefitted from medication or
therapy but the latter was less harmful for me in the long run
I feel like the female version of an incel in that I’m extremely resentful and bitter towards all men just for existing
I don't think the boy I want to make love to will ever whore himself for me, no matter how much money I save up to go see him and give him, and the doubt makes me feel miserable and borderline suicidal. My dream is flying out to see him and taking him out on the town for the night, then play with his cock/fuck his brains out somewhere (probably either in my car or in a hotel room), but…
Ugh. I wish he was more normal. I feel like I'll never match up with all the porn he faps to, or the sex workers he's probably hired in the past. I'm still baffled that he jerks it to 3DPD raceplay cuck porn. He even confessed to me that he has some kinda internet brainrot and can't really sexually get off on having a healthy romantic relationship. I don't really know how I can deal with that.
I feel broken inside because I think that I'll never find anyone better than him that hits all the right notes for me. It hurts that he wouldn't want me unless I paid him, but I think I'm so ugly that I would have to pay any of the men I find attractive to even remotely give a shit about me.
Is he a sex worker himself? How did you paying him for sex cum up lol
you really just need to get away from his orbit unironically. almost everyone that has their dream relate to a specific person gets fucked over in one way or another.
also in 99.99% of cases where I saw girls acting like someone was perfect for them it was make-believe; these girls hadn't even experienced almost all things with said guys and were just being delusional and making up stuff based off a few shallow cues or a few good conversations, because they were in love with the idea of being in love and chased after it. you say you're broken inside because you think you won't find someone else like him when it really is as simple as you romanticizing what isn't yours, nor shouldn't be bc it'd be a nightmare of a relationship that would slowly tear you any chance of improving to shreds. I doubt you have a healthy social circle or fulfilling life outside of this guy and he's mostly just a coping mechanism that kind of gives you a bit of dopamine.
>paying someone for affection
being frank that will just become another massive hang-up for you too.
oh and side note he sounds like a ginormous degenerate and I seriously advise you to get away from people that talk about shit like that, bc they make people like you feel worse.
Covid fucked with me so hard and really halted so much momentum I had built for my social life. I feel socially retarded these days. Everytime I go out I turn into a stuttering mess and that's when I actually think of something to say. I used to be so confident and cocksure, nothing could tear me down but now I just feel like a numb hollow shell of my former myself. I'm just glad covid didn't rob me of my secondary school years or uni but I'm still way too young to deal with this shit.
>>69468>I feel broken inside because I think that I'll never find anyone better than him that hits all the right notes for me.
You sound almost like me just days ago. I was agonizing for literal months over this guy who ticked every box for me. He had some darker interests, but I wasn't bothered and didn't let them stop me. I even overlooked his cringy typos and wording because I was so into him. I was basically in love with him, and he acted like he wanted me, then ghosted lmao. I was sad and literally obsessive about it for months. What finally made me get over it was getting more experience outside of my comfort zone, and realizing that he truly wasn't special. Just a dime a dozen degenerate scrote. He didn't deserve anything I gave him, because he didn't care about me like that. Chances are, he couldn't have satisfied me. I had to figure out what I really wanted, and it wasn't him. Even if I was dead-set convinced he was some beautiful person on the inside or whatever, I was wrong, and I know no one wants to take the L of that knowledge (even if they're already in pain). Dedication and faith in any male must be earned, not given. If you leave your heart in the hands of a fool, it will be broken
It sounds cheesy, but I guarantee there is someone who will hit the right notes for you. You just need to find the right environment, basically go to the moid factory. That scrote is not a unique, once in a lifetime offer, even if he seems that way. You can
find someone who will put a smile on your face, and you'll be able to talk about all those personal things you thought only your crush would understand in time. They'll share your sense of humor, they'll treat you with respect, and they'll want you to be comfortable around them. And they will
like all the same things as you, or be refreshingly open to them. This really does exist. You're not "too ugly" for shit, this faggot you like is probably just concerned because you don't look enough like a giant black cock to make him salivate. I promise.
Sorry for grammar mistakes, rambling or repetition, I'm multi-tasking
weird. I think I just experienced the first pang of jealousy over someone's relationship in my late 20s (and mind you I talk to someone online and have for years but never met him)…
…it was over a girl I thought was very cool being married to another girl.
Are you willing to take the chance?
Magic Night Sky by…
this is rambly, dumb, and not really venty but I wanted to just blab about it somewhere.
so. I have always been the ugly one. I feel extremely ugly, always have been told so, and I also feel insecure about how tall I am.
when I have posted my face online and how I've been treated people usually get pissed off and say I look like a model. in real I have never gotten such treatment aside from a family member acting like I looked like a tv star after losing weight and saying I could literally weaponize my looks, and a few older women saying I look absolutely gorgeous. I don't know if their standards are just super low (I assume so).
now…aside from my best friend who has the hots for me and thinks I'm one of the two most attractive people she knows and, despite being a stereotypical cute girl, fangirls over me, I have been catcalled over how ugly and pig-faced I am by men dozens upon dozens of time. some girls back at uni kept on going on and on about how I look 50 (in the meantime people think I look like a teen these days so I don't know what's going on there). etc. no guy has ever appeared to find me attractive.
I don't think I'll ever have confidence tbh. I sometimes wonder if maybe being, like, 22 BMI with hilariously bad fat distribution makes it much worse, but if I had an ok face I don't think I would have been called ugly and slurs so many times by male strangers. I'm getting older yet still have no romantic experience besides talking to a guy online (who I was always afraid of catfishing somehow on accident).
sigh. oh well. tbh it's fine to be unattractive, I guess it just gets annoying when women act like…certain things are a universal female experience or something and you never go through them whatsoever, and it leads you to think there must be something horribly off about yourself. it's so shallow and vain.
Just broke into tears talking to my aunt… May write a massive post venting about it all later.
This is probably the first time I've realized just how hard it is to be GNC.
Just to be clear, when I say "gender non-conforming" I mean not fitting typical expectations of women. I'm not any kind of trans or "non-binary" or anything like that. It also has nothing to do with my sexual orientation, I'm mostly straight.
:( Hopefully she was nice to you and they were good tears
nice to me, though they weren't good tears.
Uhm hehe… I don't feel like typing all that out anymore. I hate that. I should've just started to write it right away.
I really don't want to think about it right now, I'm relatively happy and don't wanna spoil my time home alone. God I hate it when that happens.
I'm just gonna say that one of the things I hate about being like this is that my mother often makes "joking" comments about me and my sister like "ugh why did my daughters have to be like this" when we don't get excited when she shows us clothes and other "girly" stuff and that not only annoys me but makes me feel extremely guilty and coupled with the other kinds of comments she makes (like telling me not to confess to a guy that likes me back first because I'm "too hasty", insisting that I dress femininely when I go out for any reason and saying that she used to dress like me when she was young (heavily implying that "it's just a phase") or, the straw that broke the camel's back the other day, discouraging me from approaching a guy I saw and liked a lot because "women just shouldn't do that") it just makes me feel like she doesn't accept me as I am and that she STILL, after all these years, wants to force me into a mold of femininity that reflects her own experiences and tastes.
The worst part about it is that my aunt, who's very close to my mother, agrees almost fully with my mother's behavior, and she also questioned my personality and choices, which obviously made me feel worse.
I couldn't hold in the tears and broke down when she kept telling me that I'll experience different things in the future and that maybe I'll find out I'm wrong. Wrong about WHAT?? I asked her several times. She kept saying that sort of stuff and I lost it and started crying and sobbing in front of my dad and sister as I repeated over and over that I don't want to change and asking why I should change just to be like "normal" women. What the fuck is the big deal with me being how I am?? Why can't they just accept me fully and stop trying to make me be someone that I'm not?? I am happy being sort of "masculine" and taking an active role in relationships (which has always worked for me because I find myself guys I'm compatible with), my exes have liked me how I am, my friends like me how I am, I AM COMFORTABLE LIKE THIS, why can't my own fucking mother
stop wishing I was different and telling me to conform to retarded and outdated gender roles???
Thinking of cancelling my gym membership, I don't know why I thought I could ever make it in the first place. It's been months and I still haven't been able to score a single fucking visit without having to retreat to the bathroom at least once, because I'm so uncomfortable doing shit around other people I always break down crying at some point. I am burdened by crippling self-awareness of being an ugly autustic freak, on a rational level I realize everyone else is doing their own thing and has no reason to pay any attention to me but I can't help reacting like this. I fucking hate it.
Don’t feel bad anon, it’s ok. The world isn’t made for people like us.
Now, the important thing here is that you want to exercise, right? Well let’s find a type of exercise that you feel comfortable doing. What about walking? That’s pretty healthy. Or yoga or other things you can do at home?
I’m tired of being pump and dump material. I’m always regretting the stupid choice of whoring myself in date apps at 17. Now I’m 20 and absolutely empty, never had a long term relationship and don’t know what love is. My last experience was the worst
>new in job
>this hot guy flirts with me
>he has a gf but they’re going through a bad time because she’s too moody
>me being easy af as always, felt bad for the gf but ended sleeping with him anyway like 3 times
>“you’re special you know but i still prefer her and i have my own life”
>i knew this since the beginning but it still feels like shit
I don’t consider myself to be fugly, I’m average and I work out. I’m very athletic. His gf isn’t very gifted neither so I don’t believe it has to do with my “high” standards like every 4ch moid always say. I just want a decent looking bf I can give all my love, what the fuck I’m doing wrong? being too easy? not loving myself enough?
You need to work on your self worth. I don’t mean that as a put down, but as advice from someone who made the same mistakes.
Make a list of all the things you want from a bf. Be very picky. Next time you see a guy you like, compare him to the list so that desperate you doesn’t ignore all the red flags.
Also work on making your non-dating life more fulfilling so that when guy comes along and you realise that he is a loser you are ok letting him go and don’t feel the need to lower your standards because you’re desperate and lonely.
You are letting shitty men use you. I mean sis you just fucked a cheater while knowing it, without caring about his gf. A good person doesn't do that, sorry. Become a better person yourself and you'll stop falling for assholes who very clearly only want to use you.
It's not just about "not being easy", it about realizing the men who just want to fuck you right away aren't good people and definitely won't want anything serious with you.
I've been obsessed with my ex for 5 months now since we've broken up. It was a 3 month relationship. I feel like a deranged, and creepy. I honestly feel like an insane person. It was the first relationship I ever had following a long term relationship that was, at the best of moments, passionless, and at the worst, emotionally abusive. I feel strange calling it that as I don't hold much resentment towards that ex, but it was what it was. The relationship with my recent ex started somewhat shortly after I ended my first relationship. In the end, I was still too nervous and distrustful of people to fully open up to him, and it ended up coming between us. There were other unfortunate circumstances in my life hindering my ability to form a relationship, as well, especially at that time. I can't really forgive myself for screwing things up with my issues. He had trust issues as well following a bad relationship experience, but he had mostly integrated it by the time we met, so it was definitely me causing issues.
I don't even think that things necessarily ended on bad terms between us, and he even said that he still wanted to be friends. I even asked him if he sincerely meant that and he said yes, but after attempting to strike up a conversation with him a couple of times he seemed wholly uninterested. I'm a lot more stable now and often feel like trying to speak to him again, and we still follow each other on social media. But I am a literal autist and I suck at picking up on social things like that, so I doubt the following thing counts for much. I find myself daydreaming about him constantly, I don't think it is a stretch at all to say that I have thought about him every single day since he broke it off. I'm simultaneously disgusted by this behavior of mine, and yet I also don't want to stop it. I don't think I will ever message him again, because he doesn't need a creepy stalker girl in his life.
Why do you care so much
If she pisses you off just tell her
The guy just used you to pleasure himself.
He never at any point had any respect for you, just because he flirted and acted nice doesn't mean he actually likes you at all. I feel like you're a bit naive to the intentions of men if you're getting used like this a lot.
i doubt youd ever be able to get in contact with his gf but if it ever does happen, id tell her. not while both you and the guy are still working at the same place though.
I’m a complete sperg and feel like my body doesn’t match me. Please im not bragging at all. I have huge boobs, wide hips, an ass but I feel like in my head I should look androgynous
I don’t feel very womanly and I wish my inside matched my outside
There’s no such thing as “feeling womanly,” women are just people, men are just people, you are simply who you are
You have to learn how to get comfortable with your own body
It's something that you cannot change
Accepting your body does not mean changing your personality, though
>>69593>I don't feel womanly
I'd watch out posting this kind of stuff here. TERF posters will immediately dogpilling you for experiencing any kind of gender dysphoria even if you aren't and don't plan to troon out.
rly? I'm terf-ish and I feel very androgynous.
Courses in my university are going to be in-person next semester. I'm an international student. I can't travel. They told me to take a short-term withdrawal and wait for Fall 2022. What's the point of that if classes will still be in person?
I feel like my life is over. What now? More years of NEETdom? Why can't they just film their in-person classes? This is not some poor university. Even if I was there and vaccinated, why would I want to risk the new variant? Why does everything have to be forced? I don't even know what to do anymore.
Why even bother with these last few assignments? It all seems pointless.
When covid lasted until fall 2020 I was super excited that they were letting "real" degrees be earned 100% online and was looking forward to the framework being laid for me to finally get one that way. I'm infuriated they're fighting so hard to revert to pre-covid learning institutions.
As for bothering with your last few assignments, you still want a good grade on your class credit if you can work up the willpower to swing it.
W-what? Are you honestly surprised that a cheater you willingly
slept with is a shitty man? Girl, c'mon.
Honestly if you're not attending college classes I don't understand why you're attending. Furthermore, I don't understand why they let you enroll if you never had any intentions of attending in person.
>>69625>When covid lasted until fall 2020 I was super excited that they were letting "real" degrees be earned 100% online and was looking forward to the framework being laid for me to finally get one that way. I'm infuriated they're fighting so hard to revert to pre-covid learning institutions.
I can understand why you want online degrees to be taking seriously, but you do realize most of the value of a degree doesn't come from the shiny piece of paper, but the networking you do right? You are giving yourself an incredible disadvantage by not attending in person. The reason "online degrees" are looked down on isn't only because of an assumed level of ease (which may or may not be true) it's because no one fucking knows who you are other than what your paper says, unlike Jill in HR who got in because she knew Bob, the manager's son and got a recommendation.
Agreed. It makes no sense to me why they can't do hybrid courses. That would please everyone, and they already have the framework for online classes set up, so it's not like they'd have to start from scratch. Recorded lectures weren't even unheard of before COVID, you can find Harvard ones on YT. There are several international students, including those from countries with travel bans who are now fucked over from getting an education, despite putting in the work and tuition, because a lot of universities are just incompetent>>69631>Honestly if you're not attending college classes I don't understand why you're attending
You know you can study, interact with teachers/classmates and do work without physically being in a place, right? You can even network if you're persistent and enough of a normie
Not sure why you assumed a bunch of things from that. I was accepted and going to travel way before, but wasn't able to because of my fucked up life situation, I had to defer twice. When COVID hit, it was a chance for me to actually do what I set out to do. My situation is still up in the air for moving countries, and the pandemic situation just made it even more murky
>>69640>Agreed. It makes no sense to me why they can't do hybrid courses.
Why they can't? No real reason. Why they should? No reason either, just adds one further layer of complications to an already bloated fat corpse.>That would please everyone
Immediate red flag for any concept.>they already have the framework for online classes set up, so it's not like they'd have to start from scratch.
I feel like you're not aware of how much upkeep distance learning takes as a general system. Yes, set up is gone, you are 100% correct. Upkeep is not gone, upkeep is aggravating and present until the project is killed.>Recorded lectures weren't even unheard of before COVID, you can find Harvard ones on YT.
Yes, I'm certain recorded lectures give you plenty of oppurtunity for networking too, Jesus Christ.>here are several international students, including those from countries with travel bans who are now fucked over from getting an education, despite putting in the work and tuition, because a lot of universities are just incompetent
This is true, incompetent enough to take students who they shouldn't have given the opportunity to if those students were relying exclusively on distance learning. It is certainly a fuck up on their part that they offered the opportunity in the first place.
>You know you can study, interact with teachers/classmates and do work without physically being in a place, right?
Yes, I am well aware, but at that point it's borderline worthless. You can do it, it isn't worthwhile.>You can even network if you're persistent and enough of a normie
>I was accepted and going to travel way before, but wasn't able to because of my fucked up life situation, I had to defer twice. When COVID hit, it was a chance for me to actually do what I set out to do.
Was what you set out to do not attend classes in person? Because you shouldn't have pulled that move unless you assumed COVID would last four years for a degree.>My situation is still up in the air for moving countries, and the pandemic situation just made it even more murky
Understandable, sounds like gambling on a chance from COVID doesn't always pay off.
>>69642>Why they should?
To accommodate their students, including those international and those cucked out of travelling because of travel bans?
Your whole post just has weird "may i play devil's advocate" Reddit scrote energy, I'm tired and over it lol. I don't know where your hateboner for people being able to learn online comes from, but this isn't a point of debate, it's people's actual lives being fucked with, goodnight
>>69645>Your whole post just has weird "may i play devil's advocate" Reddit scrote energy, I'm tired and over it lol.
I'm no fucking Devil's Advocate, I hate online teaching with a passion as it causes further degree and credential inflation forcing me even further into the hellhole I currently find myself in. It's a symptom of a larger problem, but it certainly isn't fucking helping matters.>it's people's actual lives being fucked with, goodnight
>>69646>people's lives being fucked with is good
I feel bad for anyone who'd have you as a teacher, edgy
My boyfriend has fallen for the "grow a beard" meme. He posts on the r/beards subreddit every day, and buys expensive beard grooming products.
I don't mind the expense, we can afford it, but his beard honestly looks awful. It looks like he has a wild animal stuck to his chin.
He's so proud of his chin-pubes as well, showing it off and saying how "mature" it makes him look. Every time I look at his face, I just think of the soy wojack meme.
I feel bad about hurting his feelings and telling him I hate it, but I can't take it any more. I'm going to have to tell him it looks terrible, and that he should stop.
His mustache smells like soup as well.
Tell him the beard looks bad and if it doesn't look good by X date you won't want to be around him anymore.
>His mustache smells like soup as well.
Well that's just a basic grooming problem, tell him wash his facial hair properly.
t. married to husband with mustache
Girl what the fuck are you doing with a redditor? is he balding too? goddamn scrotes go and change their whole appearance without even asking their partner.
Rather a reddit scrote than a 4chan scrote tbh.
Reddit is at least "normal", while 4chan scrotes are genuinely mentally ill.
>>69655>change their whole appearance without even asking their partner
Um, how is that a bad thing? I wouldn't want my partner to judge me if I decided to chop all my hair off one day or something.
Don't give the benefit of doubt to moids. When women change their appearance, they do it for themselves.
When moods do it, it's because of peer pressure or a stupid fad that makes them feel "manly" (read: ugly).
Men have a stunted sense of beauty, they shouldn't be trusted with such things.
Cope. Women have been fooled about it being "for themselves" when in reality it's just perverted self-consciousness and the neurotic need to conform and measure up to society's standards. You just give it a social-justice empowerment costume to justify it.
It's literal make-believe to pretend that women are 100% beyond peer pressure. It's like acting like there isn't a billion-dollar industry who primarily targets women by pressuring them into wanting to meet certain standards.
>>69665>painting your face is done "for yourself"
Right, because you're looking at yourself all day, not putting it on display for performative femininity. Totally.
This is almost as bad as the "porn is empowering" cope.
I think you can do it for yourself in that you know people will treat you better if you look prettier. Or maybe if you are really creative you might do it for yourself from time to time. But there is no way that waking up half an hour earlier everyday to cover up the smallest of blemishes on your face on a daily basis can ever be "for you".
No one even mentioned makeup?
It could also be a woman shaving her head or getting a mullet. I've also seen butches dying their mustache hairs haha. I guess those are also trends, but not explicitly for the pleasure of men.
But with that logic nothing anyone ever does is for themselves and it is impossible to develop your own tastes or even have a favorite color because muh society. Can't argue with that, I guess.
This is baseless extrapolation and honestly sounds like moid rhetoric of policing womens' appearance.
Not everything about female and male behavior can be uno-reversed, it's not equivalent. Fact is, women have a better grasp on beauty than men, and moids obsessing over their chin-pubes is objectively pathetic.
Besides, by your own logic, men consuming overpriced hipster grooming products is as bad as women "being bimbos", so what is even your point? Two wrongs make a right?
i applied for grad school and my friend told me i had to really show my passion in my essay. i went totally off topic and now cringe at the thought of anyone reading what i wrote. got rejected because of my grades but i'm sure my rambling trash long essay didn't help either. can only hope it was immediately put in the round file and disappeared from everyone's memory.
She is 100% correct though. Women don't put makeup "for themselves", they never would if it was not already an established expectation.
The Last Psychiatrist (yeah a moid I know) wrote a post that tears down that idea very well https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2013/01/no_self-respecting_woman_would.html
There is not point pretending that there isn't a social price to pay for never wearing makeup as a woman. If you must put paint on your face and feel unwell with your bare skin, then there must be something deeply wrong with your self-image (or you're actually not doing it for that reason and you're rationalizing the choice society made for you).
Yeah, ok, you convinced me, I'm going to stop shaving my armpits and legs, and start "freebleeding" to show society who's the boss.
Looking like a medieval peasant is based, right.
And for the record, I never said what other women should or shouldn't do, I said a woman should wear makeup, I said they should be free to change their appearance without expectations from others. This would include changing their appearance to be less "conventionally attractive". I don't know how this turned into a discussion about harmful female beauty standards.
Sure, women trying to look good according to male standards is questionable, but moids trying to look good to impress other moids is even more so.
>>69676>*And for the record, I never said what other women should or shouldn't do, I said they should be free to change their appearance without expectations from others.
I accidentally a sentence.
where do you think…
I don't say this to be mean or even disagree with you (I don't), but networking IRL is for normalfriends. It's a lifestyle that is not in the cards for me and never will be. The good news is my online network is pretty robust and even without a degree I live well enough because of it. I would just really, really like to chip away at a degree from the comfort of my desk at home.
That's a pretty childish reaction anon. There is no reason to stop doing things just because of being confronted with the actual reason you do those things.
I shave, I wear makeup occasionally. But I am not going to pretend that I would do these things if I were a dude, or like society would evaluate them in the same way. >Looking like a medieval peasant
It is quite telling that you'd perceive a woman who doesn't do these things as a "medieval peasant", while modern men go around quite happily not doing any of them. It illustrates the point perfectly. No one is telling you to stop consooming makeup, just that maybe the fact that you don't want to be perceived as a "medieval peasant" when going around with your bare face has something to do with it.
Where on earth are you networking with people on the internet that actually gets you jobs/associates for starting up businesses?
>>69672>Not everything about female and male behavior can be uno-reversed, it's not equivalent.
Right, in the manner in which men typically wear displays for other men as opposed to women who typically display traits for men, for very different yet altogether the exact same reasons at the same time.>Fact is, women have a better grasp on beauty than men
Yes, now ask yourself why
women have been so well-trained in better grasping beauty than men and maybe you will find an answer.>>69671>It could also be a woman shaving her head or getting a mullet. I've also seen butches dying their mustache hairs haha. I guess those are also trends, but not explicitly for the pleasure of men.
And if you were to ask any of them why they were doing that they would probably state it is a direct statement to the opposite of current beauty standards, i.e. pushing the standards of what is socially acceptable in the complete opposite direction, which yes means they aren't putting on a display to the benefit of men. They've understood performative beauty, and now, having understood it, work in the complete opposite direction.
One does not just happen to wake into butch lesbian/gender queer appearance one day, not incidentally.
>>69679>while modern men go around quite happily not doing any of them
Exactly why moids are trash, they smell like butt sweat and look like shit.
I see no contradiction.
And in their delusional minds, looking even more like a savage, for them is commendable, they will validate and egg each other on to look like cavemen because it's "manly".
Yes, women can do stuff for their own sake, but what I was responding to was "When women change their appearance, they do it for themselves." A statement stated like a fact, one that is just…straight up ridiculous tbh.
While I was being hyperbolic in implying that it's always because "society" or "fitting in", it's true that what is that age-old and damaging preoccupations for women - beauty - have now been painted with "agency, self-care and individualism." This is what corporations are now preying on–and for good reason. They are now teaching women to have a routine that is bloated, one that encourages them to look at themselves rather than elsewhere…all while subtly encouraging women to chase increasingly unrealistic beauty standards under the guise of "well, she's just doing it for herself!"
That's a dangerous sentiment. It isn't that "you doing you" is bad. It's the entire framework that exists behind it that renders women into doing extremely specific rituals related to boxed-in expectations.
Women do in fact have a massive issue with self-consciousness and self-awareness, one that makes them more hypercritical of themselves; self-sabotage. And it's very much related to this.
Honestly, it's whatever or even AWESOME if a woman would be confident and secure walking outside, going on dates, etc., with no makeup, hair styling,, and clothes as generic and unflattering as any males…just as she would glammed up (which she also loves to do). But if a woman doesn't feel good without it, yes, there's something wrong, and she's dependent on how she looks to feel confident, etc.
I've also seen stories from women who say they used to glam up a ton thinking it was for herself, but it turned out it was usually dependent on how people saw it. It's why almost all makeup styles are basically designed for generic appeal.
Oh I'm >>69683
I still agree about hygiene and basic grooming being good, etc. idc if that makes me a hypocrite. Moids are nasty shits.
That's okay, I'm a hypocrite too.
My opinions are entirely flexible as long as they converge on hating moids.
There is absolutely nothing "nasty" about body hair or a face without paint, and the fact that both of those count as "basic grooming" for women is absurd. You may find moids "nasty shits" for not going around painted like clowns or hairless like children, but that is not an opinion shared by the rest of society.
Most dork industry networking happens online. A lot of friends I have in this group I met online nearly 15 years ago. Back then being self-taught put you on par (if not ahead in certain aspects) of anybody with a comp sci degree.
If I were a teenager now, things probably never would have worked out how they did. I got very lucky. Not having a degree feels like a weak point in my financial security. It's like high school "GO TO COLLEGE OR YOU FAIL, FOREVER" brainwashing I can't shake. But also I would rather die than set foot on a campus again.
I think we should normalize face paint and dyes.
If we're going to paint ourselves, might as well go all out and make it look awesome.
You really got very lucky anon. Computer science these days is becoming ridiculously competitive. It's almost impossible to get a good job in the industry without a PhD or tons of research experience plus strong recommendations (ie nepotism) from big names, while for getting a PhD you need almost post-doc level experience and published papers/conference abstracts.
the fuck, anon? I didn't say shit about makeup. I was mostly referring to hygiene and how many men don't even scrub their nasty bits.
as for "grooming" I wasn't referring to body hair besides armpit hair–which, yes, I am hypocritical about because for some reason mine picks up a smell a few hours after washing.
unironically 100000x natural than makeup styles these days.
eBaums's World, Newgrounds, World of Warcraft, gaming IRCs, livejournal… Like I said this was in the 00s. As for options in the 2020s, your best chance to network is on Twitter/Twitch/YouTube. Covid keeps a lot of eyes online. To be observed by them you must be a presence in your chosen community, much like you would need to be IRL (and for whatever reason, I could never swing this IRL).
So like, you post comments on youtube and if you do this enough another youtube comment offers you a job?
That's sounds too easy to be true.
I get this when I'm feeling insecure. When I have to speak in class and I feel like I'm the least knowledgeable person there and don't deserve to be listened to, though it's not as explicitly self-pitying as that. Same with speaking to my family when I remember what a leech I am on them. It's as though my vocal chords are straining to make the noises and my voice comes out weird. I've never asked anyone if they notice.
As for feels - currently I'm so frustrated. My memory is getting worse and worse, although I've noticed the same in my peers?
I have no drive to improve. I don't see myself ever being able to handle a full time job. I get overwhelmed with any commitment like that and become psychosomatically ill in order to get a break.
And it's only a matter of time before my bf gets everything he could want out of me and decides to move on to someone more stable. The only way I see us staying together is if I ask for him to be patient as I figure out how to become my best. I'm doing a lot better with insecurity in this relationship but I'm not as feminine or mature as I'd like to be.
Thanks for reading :)
it's because your body is tense from stress. it's a bit cliche but you need to relax your body. specifically your muscles.
Because I love her even though I hate to admit it right now, and it hurts that she seems to wish I had been different, like she's disappointed in me
Disappointing my parents is something that I've just started to get over this year so it's still hard for me not to let that get to me
I try to quit my unhealthy addictions, but then, when there’s nothing to focus my mind on, I start recalling detailed flashbacks about a SO dying (we were in a car accident together). Images and sounds that won’t go away.
And those always happen in the middle of the night when I’m all alone in my house, so I just cry endlessly until it’s morning and I can call someone and get some sleep.
It has been 2 years. Should I do something about it?
It seems like you have PTSD anon. If you can, you should go to therapy to sort that out.
Thanks for the answer. Yeah, I think it might be, but I don’t have like, psychosis and stuff, so I’m not completely sure.
>>69716>Yeah, I think it might be, but I don’t have like, psychosis and stuff
Hey, you don't need that to have PTSD, those vivid flashbacks are proof enough that you have it. I got the same flashbacks when my cat died last year to be honest. Went to therapy.
Again, thanks for the answers, I’m going to seek help (I always thought that PTSD required more than unending sadness, but this is very unbearable since the tears simply won’t stop and I get dehydrated all the time).
And so sorry to hear that, anon. Imo pets are akin to family members. Can’t even begin to think of the feels when the brother’s dog (loyal to whole family) eventually passes away.
, i have PTSD and your symptoms def sounds like PTSD to me too
before you get therapy, you should familiarize yourself with the types so you're not confused.
there's a few different types of therapy for PTSD:>CBT
cognitive behavioral therapy helps you recognize patterns in your thoughts/behaviors and learn new ones, basically teaching you better coping skills. usually you start here, and it's short term>DBT
dialectical behavioral therapy is a form of CBT that is long term, and usually people get CBT first especially if you have awful coping mechanisms. DBT involves a lot of writing exercises digesting your trauma and breaking down how you feel about what happened, why you feel that way, and why you react how you do.>EMDR
while the former two forms of therapy help treat your symptoms of PTSD, they don't cure it. eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy is a form of psychotherapy that has been shown to help cure PTSD by helping reset the connections in your brain. you recall the trauma, and then you're basically hypnotized into a relaxed state, and it helps you stop associating the memories with trauma. you can jump into EMDR or do it after you've had DBT, usually people do it after they've had DBT.
good luck , i believe you can overcome this.
if you are in the US and need a psychologist, check psychologytoday.com's therapy search engine
you can check off what type of person you want, what therapy you want, what insurance you have, etc
the therapists on there have little profiles too so you can get the vibe of them before committing also
Thanks anon! Yeah, I think I’ll start easy.
Does anyone else's mood go up and down day to day? Currently in a great headspace today, doing a bunch of productive shit to climb out of neetdoom, but I know that tomorrow or some other day I'm gonna be the opposite and down in the dumps. It makes it difficult because I'm doing all I can to make it to new social events but if I'm waking up in a bad mood it sabotages eeeeeverything. Like I feel genuinely ontop of the world atm but at other times I'm in that tunnel vision of despair, worry and anxiety.