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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Relationship General #2 Anonymous 84469

Old thread reached bump limit: >>>/feels/68927
>?s about romance, love, potential partners, etc.
>experiences and wishes

Anonymous 84470

ok now HELP

Anonymous 84842

>>deranged manhate
Hating your oppressor is not deranged you stupid scrote.
>>the guys on the other side could see how they really should be a little nicer
Nice job downplaying the extreme misogyny, male supremacy, inceldom and general bigotry of 4chan lol. "A little nicer" yeah I guess they could start by not raping us maybe? Though that might be a bit too deranged and manhatey to ask! Moids have needs, after all!

Anonymous 84844


>>I really don't think most men are opressing women in general
Average retardedness expected from a 4chan scrote lol. Not even gonna waste time on you and that fake ass rational nice guy shit while you're denying women's oppression, just kys moid

Anonymous 84845

Off topic but Jodi was such a beauty. A part of me wishes she could have gotten away with her crime.

Anonymous 84847

She still is tbh!
>>A part of me wishes she could have gotten away with her crime
Definitely, that mormon fag asked for it the second he said he liked how she "moaned like a 12 year old girl". I still don't think the pedo accusations were real, but he was definitely a creep using a mentally ill woman like a fleshlight and thinking it would have no consequences.
It's funny how female victims can't leave their husbands because they're being physically and mentally abused, he's threatening to kill their kids and/or has control of all her funds yet that dumb scrote knew she was obsessive and still invited her to his house only because he wanted some pussy lol

Anonymous 85380


My boyfriend wants to go on a trip in a month, I have time to prepare. He already got a room but I can't stand the idea of sharing a room with him and being 24/7 around him for such a short trip.

I'm getting my own hotel room at a different place, planning on doing some things he's not into due to the holiday. I'm afraid of telling him because of the fight and his anxiety it'll cause, how wrong is it to do so during the trip?

Anonymous 85381

Forgot to add it's a 50/50 relationship, so worried about his expectations for me to pay when he just got the room without really consulting with me.

Anonymous 85382

Jodi should honestly be freed, she has served enough time and it was a crime of passion, which she would be very unlikely to commit again, she’s even know for having excellent behaviour in prison. She suffered so much emotional and even physical abuse at the hands of that Mormon larping fuckwit who would refer to her as demeaning names like his 3 hole wonder and was obsessed with sodomy, he was a disgusting pedo cheating pig who deserved it.

Anonymous 85385


Jodi was a qt. She looked great with the platinum blonde hair, but it honestly made me so sad learning how she felt pressured to dye it because all of Travis’s friendship circle and community were very white and she felt excluded as the Latina of the group. Travis would also play his white female love interests off against her and made her feel like she would always be his spicy Latina Jezebel side chick, whereas the white Mormon girls from his church were the good girls, the pure ones, marriage material, despite TA being seriously impure himself. As someone who had a shitty white worshipping bf and also felt pressure to whitewash myself for him, it hit close to home. She honestly went through so much.

Anonymous 85407


How can I break up with my long term boyfriend who is suicidal. I'm not leaving him because he is suicidal but our relationship started when we were teens and now we are in our 20s and the relationship is just too toxic to continue. He has said and done some really demeaning things to me and I feel like we bring out the worst in each other but every time I've tried to break up with him it triggers a psychotic episode in him and he starts trying to kill himself. I'm really scared. I don't want him to die I just want us both to continue living but without each other.

Anonymous 85408

If he was really going to kill himself he would have done it by now. He’s full of shit.

Anonymous 85409

Maybe you are right, this is what I've been trying to tell myself, too. I'm just very afraid because the last breakup attempt ended up with him going to the hospital for a few days, and he does have guns. God I feel retarded but I'm seriously so scared.

Anonymous 85414

Do it, rip the bandaid off and end it with him and block him on anything/everything you can. It'll make your life 10x better instead of staying with someone just for the sake of him staying alive. Tell him to get help and that you need to live your life outside of trying to keep him alive.

And nona, if he does end up ending his life there was nothing you truly could've done to help someone that is as sick as him. You will not be at fault at all.

>and he does have guns

Also, make sure to protect yourself against him, since he has a weapon, you never know what he'll do. Tell a friend or family, stay with them if you feel unsafe where you are since he most likely knows where you live and be ready to have a self defense and cops on speed dial.

I really wish you the best and I hope things go well for you, nona. Shits tough but theres nothing you can do about what he does, as long as you're living and okay.

Stay safe.

Anonymous 85415

Thank you for this… this is very rational and is helping to ground me right now. I think I might just take him out for dinner or something today and finally get it over with… I'm still scared but I think this is probably the best thing I can do for either of us.


A lot of things pretty typical for a porn addict (which he was a self admitted porn addict since he was 10…). He would often call me fat, complain about the size of my breasts, things like that, eventually he stopped though but I ended up developing an eating disorder which I'm still having trouble with these days. It feels wrong to blame that on him and naturally it was just one contributing factor out of many but this all started at a young age (16) and it just really got to me. Forgive me for being crude here but sexually he was very withholding unless it was anal or oral and he would like, look at porn on his phone while I was going down on him… Idk, it just really did a number on younger me's self esteem. He also would just get very frustrated with me if I wanted any sort of consolation or support from him with admittedly ended up with me lashing out at him which I really regret. That's what I meant by "bringing out the worst in each other", I always just feel sad and resentful when he's around which is unfair to us both… Idk he has some serious problems I resent him but I also feel so scared for him.

Sorry for the big paragraph, I guess I just wanted to vent a little…

Anonymous 85416


Oh and also, the guns belong to his father, but I believe he has access to them since I don't think his dad has a gun safe. I don't think he will get violent but now that you mention it I'm a little scared. I live with my family now so I think I will be safe but thank you, I will be careful…

Anonymous 85418

Oh wow nona, you really need to let this useless scrote of a moid go. I’m surprised you let this go on to your 20s, that being said don’t continue to waste your youth on him.

Anonymous 85423

I would say maybe try and get him some support other than just you so he isn't reliant solely on you. I don't mean just a psychiatrist but like friends for him and his family to look out for him. Tell them the situation. Also try and make sure he doesn't have access to easy suicide methods that will have a high chance of success. Convince him to sell his gun because you care about his safety. Also are you good being his friend still and do you think that he would want that or is he the type that cant stand seeing people who left him? If that's okay you can assure him you arent leaving him just changing the relationship. If not, another approach is just getting him bored of you by being boring and maybe a little gross but just dont be mean to him.

Most people who do die of suicide had failed attempts prior or self harmed prior. Also if he was just bullshitting to manipulate nona he would potentially be a dangerous threat especially since he has a gun so it's better to be gentle about a break up.

That sounds like the worst possible way of going about things. An abrupt breakoff like that causes severe reactions putting him into immediate panic. He will either desperately try and get her back, off himself right then and there, or if he was just a manipulator maybe try and kill her in a rage.

Anonymous 85507

Hi, small update. I did try to ease him into it by saying we should "take a break" and he seemed to handle it well but only because he doesn't seem to be taking me seriously… I'll have to be more firm with him about it I guess…

Anonymous 85511

kind of sad regarding my bf…
he used to want to call almost every night or at least a few times a week, he would often say he misses me and wants to see me again, he'd message me first thing after he woke up and say goodnight to me before going to bed, talked about our future like wanting to get married and always wanted to make plans to move in together, would randomly send cute messages and call me cute names/give me compliments etc and now he basically does none of that
we haven't called in weeks and when I asked why he said he's too depressed but didn't elaborate beyond that, he never wants to talk about future plans or moving in together, hasn't brought up seeing each other lately and normally we visit once a month, doesn't call me cute names anymore - I really can't tell if he is actually depressed and just withdrawn until he's feeling a bit better or if he doesn't care about me as much as he used to
I don't want to break up with him because I really love him and want to be with him so I really hope he feels the same and is just trying to get through his depression, I know he used to lurk/read posts on here sometimes before we started dating so I hope by some miracle he reads this and sees how important he is to me…

Anonymous 85518

sounds like he's losing sight of those things he used to talk about all the time is what got him depressed if you aren't moved in together with a family or making up plans

Anonymous 85525

>I can't stand the idea of sharing a room with him and being 24/7 around him
How will you handle life when you move in together and share a bedroom (or will you not?)? I'd definitely be hurt if I were him. You can do all the things he's "not into" while sharing the hotel room with him.
People who threaten suicide in relationships never follow through.
I don't tolerate "le depression" excuse when a moid is being emotionally neglectful in a relationship. Emotional neglect is a form of abuse. Not to mention, it's more likely he is losing interest in the relationship (whether he got "bored" or found someone else).
Have a SERIOUS talk with him and communicate exactly what you wrote in this post. If he doesn't express guilt/apologize/change his behaviors, you need to leave him.

Anonymous 85559

something's bugging me. i've been in ldr with one guy (with the hopes that he'll come here one day when he can). he's really nice and seems to care about me and often supports me and we have a lot in common. but he sometimes can do unpleasant things like him sometimes getting overly aggressive over nothing and trying to find hidden implications in my words to get angry about. he doesn't seem violent but it's still exhausting to deal with. he often gets very emotional and with me being quite emotional myself i'm sometimes not sure it's a good combination. but he's still often a really nice and sweet person and is often supportive despite him having plenty of irl troubles himself. tbh i don't wanna hurt him but he often gives me trouble and i'm sometimes not sure i can be happy together with him even if he comes here which is also something that may or may not happen.
lately a guy irl started hitting on me saying i would make a perfect gf for him and even pointed out that he likes taking care of others and says that if we do end up dating it would probably be similar to father-daughter relationships and he's cool with this. that sounds kinda appealing cuz i like being taken care of. he does nice little things like making phone calls for me when it's possible. this kind of contrasts with my e-bf who always tells me i should grow more independent. although with the irl guy we don't have much interests in common.
they both are supportive of me but in different way. e-bf gets quite emotional when it comes to supporting me and sometimes he gets stressed out and doesn't say much besides "well not like you have another alternative other than handling it" (which is totally fine, he's not my personal therapist). irl guy often listens to me vent calmly and often suggest things but he comes off a bit cold sometimes probably due to generally being not very emotional kind of person and generally seems to have a more stable life. also i think i might be asexual or just have a low sex drive and e-bf rarely says anything about sex which is nice unlike the irl guy who seems more interested in it.
tbh i like them both but i have to choose cuz i don't wanna be unfair to one guy or another but i really struggle with this choice. both seem to be good in different ways and with both i see some problems that could lead to something bad. i wish it was easier to just choose one and preferably not hurt the other one too much by doing this.

Anonymous 85568

You seem extremely young.
I have little to go off of besides your description, but it sounds like your LDR is insecure and your IRL is a predator looking for a dependent doll gf. I think if you're considering what sounds like a sugar daddy over your LDR then he probably has a good reason to be insecure.
Maybe a break is in order.

Anonymous 85571

>also i think i might be asexual or just have a low sex drive and e-bf rarely says anything about sex
Unrelated to the rest of your post but this also 100% describes me. I'm asexual in an LDR and I enjoy the lack of pressure to fuck but I think he just thinks I have a low sex drive and doesn't know the full extent.
The IRL guy doesn't sound that great. He probably just seems like a good option because it feels good to have someone care for you in person (reason why I've struggled with loneliness in my LDR). You can have a convo with the guy, tell him you have something to "break" to him and tell him you're ace, and he'll fuck off (if you want him to).

Anonymous 85572

>You seem extremely young.
yeah i am pretty young and both guys are older than me
>I have little to go off of besides your description, but it sounds like your LDR is insecure and your IRL is a predator looking for a dependent doll gf. I think if you're considering what sounds like a sugar daddy over your LDR then he probably has a good reason to be insecure.
it's not really me looking for a sugar daddy (irl guy isn't even rich) as much as me seeing someone with whom i can hypothetically have better emotional connection than with ldr with whom i sometimes have very hard time but who is still a really nice person when things go well. i am not sure he is insecure. it rather seems like he has some strong opinions and doesn't tolerate disagreeing with them much and can get very emotional over stuff like this and some times him getting aggressive over this hurt me a lot but he refused to acknowledge it as doing something wrong. i can live with this but i wonder if it won't lead to bigger arguments down the road.
>Maybe a break is in order.
maybe it would be a good idea but i'm not sure.
>I'm asexual in an LDR and I enjoy the lack of pressure to fuck but I think he just thinks I have a low sex drive and doesn't know the full extent.
yeah not worrying about men wanting to fuck you is pretty great and i am glad it works well for you as well
>The IRL guy doesn't sound that great. He probably just seems like a good option because it feels good to have someone care for you in person (reason why I've struggled with loneliness in my LDR). You can have a convo with the guy, tell him you have something to "break" to him and tell him you're ace, and he'll fuck off (if you want him to).
maybe you're right, thank you for the advice. he seems like a nice and sincere person who genuinely likes taking care of others and it might just be me describing him weirdly but just telling him i am an ace does sound like a good idea in order to try and break off amicably

Anonymous 85584

I like this boy, he’s really handsome and he seems sweet. Today I sent him a picture of my morning glories and told him how I like to press them. I got a little insecure and told him how it was kinda lame that I did. He told me it was cute. Idk if he meant it or if he’s even calling me cute. Is it even a good thing to be called cute.

Anonymous 85651

>he uses the word cute about women
Don’t trust him.

Anonymous 85696

Cute is always good unless said in a condescending or annoyed tone. Ignore that schizo poster.

Anonymous 85700

The head of a moid is either empty or filled with snakes. Give him a good hard look when he interacts with others: if he's manipulative he could be playing mindgames but if he's not then he said cute because he genuinely thinks it is cute.

Anonymous 85719

Why does he has to be depressed? I feel safe with him, I enjoy time with him so much, he treats me amazing, we connect so well and it has been like this for years. He's also so cute in every possible way. Fuck me. Really, why does he has to be depressed? He would be perfect for me if it wasn't for that. Every time I see him I want to kiss him, but I stop because I know it's an awful idea.
I wish he could fix his problems. I can't do much besides giving him support as a friend, but I wish he fixes his problems so much.
After all these years I still have hope and I feel like such a fool. At least he finally started going to therapy.

Anonymous 85720

No it’s not, it’s a sign he’s a pedo and views you as inferior and stupid.

Anonymous 85729

He’s younger than me so I doubt that
It’s like the second time he’s called me cute and I showed him something I wrote and he actually read it and gave me helpful tips. We haven’t hung out yet…. Which is a like concerning :/
Interacting with men is genuinely confusing.

Anonymous 85782

How to stop going into BPD rage over the smallest things?
I'm in the perfect high-value LDR relationship (but we have met several times IRL) right now, my boyfriend is everything I could ever have asked for in a man. Still, I get into these irrational rage episodes over the smallest things like him being a little too slow to answer something I said or not answering at all, him saying something and me reading a little too much into it, etc.
I can't control it when I'm in it, I'm aware that I'm being hurtful and irrational but I can't stop it which makes me even more stressed.
He says that it makes him sad when I do it even though he understands. So, how do I gain self-control in these moments to stop becoming aggressive with him? I don't want to sabotage this.

Anonymous 85814

You're projecting your own insecurities and problems.

Did you tell him you would like to hang out and you're open in time to do so?

Anonymous 85816

Look up cognitive distortions and analyze your behaviour through them.

Anonymous 85819

try the "borderline personality workbook" it has worked wonders for me. it's a nonjudgemental workbook that can help you work on behaviors, triggers, etc.

Anonymous 85827

Thank you, I will look up both of these things.

Anonymous 86421


Is 19 and 28 a weird age gap for dating/sex? I've been seeing this guy and I like him lots. He often picks me up and takes me wherever I want to go. Usually we ride for hours, go to a bar, or visit a playground at night. I have fun with him and we talk for hours.
Yesterday I made a move on him and he reciprocated, and we ended up having sex. His friend thinks I'm too young, and so do my friends.
I don't see what's weird about our relationship since we're both adults. How could be "taking advantage of me" if I like it?

Anonymous 86423

Anonymous 86427

Hope this is bait but if not, yikes anon I think you're being had. Like forget the age gap for a second, imagine someone who's almost 30 years old doing shit like "visit a playground at night" or "ride for hours" as a "date". That's stuff I used to do in high school when we were too broke to go do something interesting but also didn't have our own place to hang out.
I'd be worried about these cheapass teenage-tier dates. You're seeing him through the eyes of a 19 year old who does 19 year old things. To me his behavior is as if I were to see grown adults having mallrat dates sitting on the staircase outside hot topic lol.
My bf is 28 (our age gap is just 2 years though), and I can't imagine doing stuff like yours does. Like even when we don't feel like going out we can hang out at his place and cook together or watch a movie or something.
And the fact that he doesn't act his age and you're oblivious to it, is a red flag that the same thing might be happening in other aspects of your relationship, and maybe you wouldn't even notice because you don't really know what being 28 is supposed to be like. Yikes.

Anonymous 86444

Er, I pick the places we go to. I don't really like restaurants and stuff. I have no interest in having a "real" date.
He has his own money and own place, but both of those things are irrelevant to me. I hang out at his place and to me that's more fun than whatever "adult" date you're thinking of.

Anonymous 86445

Also, I don't want to date him, especially not long-term. I just like the sex.

Anonymous 86451

>I-I'm not like the other girls, I don't care about being treated appropriately, j-just the sex
But if you aren't even blinded by undying love and just want the sex then why aren't you enjoying the one and only perk of dating an oldie? (his money). Just sounds like a cope tbh. Even if you're choosing mallrat dates by yourself he should be at least trying to treat you better.
You brag about him "driving you wherever you want" but that is something boys do as young as 16, makes me believe you're having really low standards and are really seeing him through the distorted lens of a broke college student.
Come to think of it, if his group of friends doesn't even approve of you then how did it even come to a situation where he drives a much younger girl around for hours? How did you meet and how did he get close to you? It just seems weird.

Anonymous 86453

We get it, you're jealous of her for being young and enjoying her life, you can get over it now.

Anonymous 86464

1) I have a dad, I don't need to suck dick to get money
2) He has a massive dick and 10+ years of experience eating women out, of course I like him. He's young, has a lanky twink body and a head full of hair. I wouldn't fuck any balding, beer-bellied pedo.
3) Driving me around is not a brag, I was just describing what we do. Otherwise I just hang out at his house and play with his cat.
4) Why would he "try" to treat me better when I'm already content with what I'm being given. I don't want anything else from him, is it so hard to understand that not everyone wants the same? If I wanted a sugar daddy I'd get that.
4) I met him through mutual friends at a shoegaze gig. It's not like it's impossible for the two of us to ever cross ways. We have mutual interests and friends.

Anonymous 86467

She's fixated on the fact that I don't want a sugar daddy instead of talking about the age gap, which is what I originally asked. I don't need CC to shill me pimping myself out.

Anonymous 86480

But that's the thing, she isn't enjoying it at all, she's doing embarrassing broke college kid shit. I'm actually advising her to at least enjoy it properly. No woman his age would put up with this.
I love how you think that expecting a man to do the bare minimun for his age is suddenly "sugar daddying" or "pimping yourself out". Nona what I'm telling you is literally what a man his age should do by default. The bar is truly in hell lol.
And this is why age gaps are so easy to take advantage of, the younger side can't grasp the fact that an older person is in a different stage of life with different expectations and they think it's OK to give them the same slack you would give a kid.
>Why would he "try" to treat me better when I'm already content with what I'm being given.
Because he knows better, he knows what any relationship at his age is supposed to be like. If he's not even trying to treat you the way he knows he should, it just shows that he doesn't respect you much tbh.

Anonymous 86483

We're not in a relationship, we're fucking around. It's not forever, I just keep him around for sex/fun. Why are you so dense? I enjoy it and that's all that matters, don't tell me what I enjoy.
I don't care what women his age want, because I'm not a woman his age. What other people want got nothing to do with my personal relationships.
Is that clear enough?

Anonymous 86484

NTA but hardly anyone would be jealous of dating a sub-par old moid.

Anonymous 86491

You're the dense one. On top of sex you spend lots of time with him, you hang out both at his place and out in the streets, and you guys talk for hours on end. If you're already going to hang out anyway there's no reason for him to not try to provide a better time for you, instead of taking you to these mallrat dates, even if your aren't committed.
I agree that age gaps might not always be an issue if both parties are adults, but honestly you should expect the older part to treat you and regard you the same way they'd regard a person their own age. But if an older man stoops down to match the level and the expectations of a boy a decade younger, like in your case, that's a red flag.
You're free to do and enjoy whatever tf you want but idk why you ask what we think about it if you don't wanna hear it.

Anonymous 86642


i met a guy at group therapy and we exchanged discords. i really want to get to know him because he's kinda cute and shy.
i'm just afraid of being a dry texter. how do you talk to men you are interested in?

Anonymous 86643


Don't think about it so much, just talk about your interests. You don't need to perform for him/anyone.

Anonymous 86645


How do I connect sex and love? I struggle a lot, because I see sex as an "attack", like I'm just being used for someone else's benefit and it doesn't feel loving. My mum has always been VERY sex positive and I grew up in a non religious household. I love love though, I want a partner and I want to do all the romantic aspects.

I'm not asexual, I do very much feel sexual attraction but only in fantasy, I can't even watch porn because it feels wrong. I can getmyself off without guilt

Anonymous 86647


Recently I started to use dating apps and everyone are so uggo - it’s eastern europe, so I was born to suffer - they look like nothing, like a boiled rug, like mashed potatoes
I won’t call myself super pretty, but at least I compensate it taking care of myself, various styling, looking presentable ffs
I can’t find a decent looking guy for a hookup even

Anonymous 86648


i don't understand the situation

>leave him more times that I can count (mentally ill)

>come back
>treats me like nothing happened

He knows I will come back, he's not sad when I leave. I'm not pretty or even average. He's well off and attractive.

When will he get tired of my shit? I hate this

Anonymous 86649

I find 90% of Eastern European men attractive, even the potato ones. Pass them my way pls.

Anonymous 86650

it has been similar for me. what helped is my bf being very understanding and insisting i can refuse if i don't feel like it and he won't be hurt. this way i know i can just refuse to do something that makes me uncomfortable. also doing romantic stuff after doing sexual stuff also helps. talking with your partner about this directly might help as well. maybe you can come up with some solution that will suit you personally.

Anonymous 86652

This, be glad you don't live in a latino-american shithole like me where they all look like a caveman.

Anonymous 86660

I feel you. Male choice here is either old rag looking abusive overcompensating moids or underage zoomer chads
t. also from an eastern european country

Anonymous 86665

You need to tell us more about why you keep leaving him

Anonymous 86687

>leave him more times that I can count (mentally ill)
are you mentally ill or is he?

Anonymous 86752

What is it like dating in Eastern Europe and Latin America?

Anonymous 86753

I’ve heard that Latino men are extremely picky, slut shame like crazy, have really high standards despite being ugly and 4ft tall themselves and Latino countries also have the highest femicide rates so I’d say yeah they’re pretty bad.

Anonymous 86754

Aren't latinos very romantic and passionate and take care of their women?

Anonymous 86755

If by romantic and passionate you mean psychotically jealous and possessive, sure

Anonymous 86756

What nationality or "type" do y'all find most attractive?

Anonymous 86767

not the person you were originally arguing with, but when I got groomed, it felt like I was choosing to be with a guy 6 years my senior when I was 17-18 because I "wanted to." What I didn't realize at the time was that a 24 year old guy shouldn't have anything in common with teen girl. With your age difference, you both should be at different stages of life and development, which is what I think the other poster was trying to say before it got derailed. You asked if 19 and 28 was a weird age gap, and it is. He presumably has a job, has his own apartment, etc. Why does he not have not have women his own age in his life?

When I was being groomed, it was technically "my choice." I just thought I had enough fun talking to him that I might as well stick around for the time being, even though he was ugly and kinda pissed me off. Ultimately, I realized his personality and behavior was shitty and immature, and that someone in their mid twenties should be in a different place in life. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this early enough, and I regret it every day.

The other poster wasn't trying to criticize your standards and expectations (I think) but was pointing out that the dude has nearly a decade more of life experience than you and his interests and date/hang out activities probably ought to reflect that more.

If others in your life think it's weird, and you yourself even decided to ask for others' opinions, it's weird. Absolutely do not choose this guy over your friends, if it ever comes to that.

Anonymous 86772

KEK, no. like there's a lot about hispanic culture i love… the men are not one of them. men of any culture are irredeemable fags that offer basically nothing but the maschismo is horrible

Anonymous 86773

>What is it like dating in Eastern Europe
most men are raging misogynists (fueled by state propaganda of "traditional (patriarchal) values") with high standards for women, there's a saying that goes like "a man should be a little more beautiful than an ape" so they don't take care of themselves but still want a supermodel
if you're lesbian you have to hide it from everyone since there's a lot of homophobia both from the state and the civilians, but at least (from what i've seen) there are more (febfem or lesbian) terfs and radfems than libfems and trannies.

Anonymous 86791


my bf admitted to getting drunk our common friend who's a schizophrenic. problem is, he got naked in the process. he denied having sexual contact with our friend though. when i confronted him about that he said "it was fun and our friend is schizo so it doesn't matter to him anyway" yet it still bugs me since he's bi and had sexual contact with a male before me.
i said i wasn't ok with such behaviour and he promised to never do that again but still, he stripped himself naked in front of a guy while he never even did that with me and that's what i'm upset about. he regularly says he loves me but i don't know for sure.

Anonymous 86792

I dont see what the friend being schizophrenic has to do with your bf getting naked
what was the context of him taking his clothes off? Was he just changing for a sec or hopping out the shower, it seems highly suspicious if he didnt have a legit reason to take his clothes off

Anonymous 86793

>I dont see what the friend being schizophrenic has to do with your bf getting naked
my bf said him getting naked was completely ok because our friend is indifferent to everything (schizo symptom)
>what was the context of him taking his clothes off?
he just got vomit drunk and decided to do that because "it's fun" but i don't see what's fun in it, you're showing your body to someone who doesn't care at all. so yes i can't really see a reason to do that.

Anonymous 86797

You need to ask your schizo friend about what was happening. If there's a conflict in story, your boyfriend probably was trying to do sexual stuff with him. I was reading this as a changing room situation, however it doesn't sound like that at all. People when they're drunk don't do stuff like that for shits and giggles, it also sounds odd he's willing to do it in front of someone because they have a mental disorder but that's also not a thing for schizophrenia.

Anonymous 86803


>my bf said him getting naked was completely ok because our friend is indifferent to everything (schizo symptom)
That's some really bad judgement, who wants to see some naked butt without explicitly asking for it?

Anonymous 86809

I'm Swedish so Swedish guys.

Anonymous 86823

Other way around girly.

Anonymous 86830

this is pretty weird behavior on your bf's part. i really don't see why he'd get naked in front of someone who isn't you.

Anonymous 86859

I’m hispanic, dated a U.S. raised Hispanic guy, but I’ve observed family, friends, and strangers when I lived there too. They love women who hypersexualize themselves to the point of caricatures. They also expect you to baby them. They love showing off and are very materialistic.

I dated a Polish guy who was also U.S. raised and he was “benevolently” misogynistic. My man-hating rubbed off on him very easily though. He would even let me slap him so I could cool down whenever I was upset. He was incredibly down to earth which suits me better and staunchly anti-consumerism so it was a breath of fresh air and easy to overlook questionable opinions. Don’t know what the mainland ones are like but that was my one experience.

Anonymous 86862

>dating a ‘bi’ male
Please say sike

Anonymous 86863

I have an unrequited crush on a guy from my school for the past year. I’m completely obsessed with him and he occupies my thoughts literally every minute of the day. Two weeks ago I worked up the courage, went up and asked him if he wanted to hang out some time. He blew me off and made a lame excuse that was so obviously fake. I want to blow my brains out. He’s in every one of my classes too and occasionally he used to say hi to me and now there’s just complete silence between us.

Please tell me how to get over this. I want to stop trying to steal his hair strands to do magic with.

Anonymous 86865

to be fair 90% of what you like about him is probably just ideas in your head, especially with you fixating based off of barely anything. do you not have much else going on with your life? not trying to be mean. it's just I've never fantasized about real people before because it seems counterintuitive; the chances of my fantasies panning out would probably be one out of a million.

Anonymous 86869

I'm afraid of getting a boyfriend because of the embarrassing shit my mom will probably tell them about me. She does it with almost everyone. I'm scared she's going to ruin relationships for me despite constantly bugging me to get in one

Anonymous 86898

Their parents have embarrassing things to say about them too.

Anonymous 86904

Ur bf doesnt have to meet ur mom

Anonymous 86914

Beat her to it and tell him yourself, then she'll have nothing.

Anonymous 86931


I constantly get these phases where I'm convinced he hates me and is annoyed by me despite him obviously not. The amount of evidence against doesn't matter and I wanna remove myself from his presence because I can't shake the thoughts away. We go on a break and I become a recluse for months. I always think it's the last time when it happens, then it happens again, and again. I've lost track. I try ignore the thoughts as best as I can but I become bitter, snappy, slow if I do so, giving me more reason to believe the thoughts are true. I've asked him to not engage with me when I come back and basically cut me off and not let me back in his life because I know it must not be healthy for him but he won't. I've asked him to ignore me for at least a year but he doesn't budge. It's all up to me but I can't stop myself from wanting to reach out and get back together, plus I've become accustomed to him receiving me with open arms.

Anonymous 86933

I'm ugly. I came to accept my facial deformity, and the fact I would never find a boyfriend, early on in life. I knew I could still have sex, as moids are a degenerate breed, but I would be used as a pitiable sex toy and emotional crutch by them. I decided to live ascetically and be content with internet friendships. Then, suddenly and out of no where, I met a guy who could look past my appearance and was not only kind, but even flirty. The whole denying myself pleasures of the flesh so I couldn't be disappointed thing went out the window and we started dating. He's incredible. He loves me, treats me with respect, admires my mind, loves my sense of humour, wants to spend his time with me in quality ways and, while I find it hard to believe, says he finds me beautiful. He's perfectly comfortable claiming me as his partner to friends, family and strangers, and keeps pictures of me, which I find immensely endearing and mortifying. We began having sex and he actively sought my feedback to make it as pleasurable as possible for me, and went out of his way to ensure he could last as long as needed. He's perfect in so many ways and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. The problem is I think it's all been an act to get me pregnant.

I freely admit I can be paranoid about the motivations of others at times, but it seems an inescapable conclusion. We discussed family and children early on in the relationship, as it was important to us both. I wanted children desperately, but I'd written it off entirely, while he comes from a very large family and wanted to start one of his own. The hints started small and infrequent, but they began to build when he introduced me to his family and did things like ensured his cousins with newborns would be there to meet me. He'd raise the subject of ideal ages for having children through medical articles he would "coincidentally" come across, then a few minutes later ask me what I wanted to do for my birthday months away. He came to constantly mention the scarcity of time and how the chances for us to do certain things were running out year by year. I was baking and he left a book with a printed article on birth defects and the age of the mother open on top of my recipe book as he came to wash the dishes. His family would drop hints almost daily sometimes.

In the name of transparency, he is a geneticist. He has cause to look at these articles and for the topic of pregnancy to come up often, but that fact just makes me more suspicious. More than a few times I've heard him mention my height, hair and eye colour, pigmentation and even things like the lack of cancer, heart disease and addiction in my family as desirable genetic traits. He's never mentioned it to me, but to others he's expressed in the past the drive to ensure his children are as genetically healthy as possible. Combine with this the fact he's an avowed "New Eugenicist", though he doesn't use the term due to the stigma of negative and punitive eugenics programs, who debated in favour of the practice in university. All these factors combined, it seems fairly undeniable.

It's not impossible he both loves me and wants healthy children, but the fact we only met because he learned about me through friends at work and then approached me, colours our entire relationship and makes it seem as though he saw me for suitability as a breeding partner first, then pursued a relationship on that alone with the sole goal of having children and doing whatever it takes to get them.

Am I just crazy? Is this how men think? I desperately do not want to believe it and refuse to confront him because these are all just suspicions, while he's real, in my life and wants to start a family with me, where almost no other man would. What should I do?

Anonymous 86942


idk, I get the feeling that what you have seen is simply the tip of the iceberg.

Unfortunately the lesser known side about men that isn't really talked about is that this stuff can be addicting, but rarely sustainable. A lot of girls and women get hung up on early efforts by men that basically drop the ball when they feel as if they have completely monopolized her.

Like, what do you think would happen if:
a) you couldn't get pregnant
b) the child had a disability or lacked the coloring he fetishized in you (the fact he fixates on it goes to show it's really mostly not about having healthy children); do you think he could be racist as well?
c) he experienced significant drawbacks in his goal; does he stop caring about you?

The problem with C is that stressful times can expose soooooo much about a person, but it's hard to see early on. Maybe he's just one of those mega "autists" that want something, do it, then actually follow through with it, but this is extremely unlikely. A lot of such types tend to ignore a lot of things related to having and caring for a child and tend to fixate on immediate superficial factors and theoretical viability while ignoring how much it matters to be a good parent. It's because they hyperfixated on the easily quantifiable parts of having a child, but not the more nebulous, dyadic ones. Go look at a lot of men that supposedly believe in the traditional family…a lot of them are just textbook degenerates whose idea of it is disconnected from their actual nature.

And no I don't really think you're crazy, and I feel bad that the uncertainty you feel is natural.

Anonymous 86960

This sounds really odd. You think you have a deformity, yet your geneticist bf wants a kid with you, and he’s into specific, ideal outcomes? What?

Anonymous 87045

It's not an inheritable disorder
We've talked about this and we both want children. If one of us couldn't have children under any circumstance, we'd break up. However he did specialise in fertility applications, so just about every what if we've discussed, he has a solution for. We've also both agreed on terminating pregnancies with serious genetic disease or congenital disorders.

He's practically raised a number of his extended family from birth, so I'm confident he knows exactly what he's getting into, but you're right that we've only known each other for a little over a year and while we've been through some tough situations, maybe he and out relationship haven't been out to the test to expose serious flaws.

Anonymous 87047

you sound retarded

Anonymous 87091


Anonymous 87154

based BPD poster

Anonymous 87157


>sending a kind of a risky picture
>replying with a picture of my crying cause I had a break down because I can’t find my cat
>I’m an absolute basket case

Anonymous 87228

Leave him and find someone better.

Anonymous 87231

>KEK, no. like there's a lot about hispanic culture i love… the men are not one of them

What are the downsides of dating hispanic men?

Anonymous 87247

Your image makes me cringe because I remember when I was younger using my mental illness in a pickme way around guys like ‘oh you’re never gonna find a girl as crazy and possessive as me’ because I thought it would turn guys on and would make them remember me. Truth is there’s actually millions of bpd-chan girls who act this exact same way and it’s a very generic, trite and common way for girls to act especially nowadays. So many of us are desperate to stand out and be edgy and noticed ‘I’ll tell him he’ll never find a girl who loves him as intensely as I do’ etc because we know deep down it turns on a lot of guys who are desperate for validation. In hindsight I realize it comes across desperate and tryhard as fuck and I seriously regret giving these loser moids my time and energy. The more you try to freak a moid out with your craziness uwu, the more retarded and pathetic it really comes across. And it doesn’t even work, at least not in terms of keeping a high value moid. Never again.

Anonymous 87269

Hot girl shit is concealing your craziness until he deserves to feel it in full force so he doesn't see it coming.

Anonymous 87270

>hot girl shit
Go back to twitter please and stop using your mental illness as a substitute for actually developing an interesting character.

Anonymous 87277

Not a twitterfag you projecting tard. You should go back though.

Anonymous 87284

Nobody cares what you deem hot girl shit, cringe. Go back

Anonymous 87318

You can leave if you're so triggered by the mention of beauty. You're probably some malding tranny mad cause everyone finds you ugly, kek.

Anonymous 87321

Hot girl shit is so cringe and sounds like something a troon would say

Anonymous 87322

Get over yourself. You're not the cc language police.

Anonymous 87324


>you’re not the cc language police
That’s where you’re wrong. Hands up.

Anonymous 87327



Anonymous 87463


I decided I needed to gauge his reaction and told a little white lie that my period was late. He seemed a little flustered, but was calm and we talked about what would happen if I was pregnant. He told me he wasn't expecting to think about the reality of kids this soon, but did some mental math on finances and agreed that if I wanted to actually go through with it, he could make our existing savings work and change his work schedule to start getting things into shape for a baby. He, unprompted, stressed I didn't have to rush into it just because it's thrust upon me and if I had to terminate early, he'd stand by my decision.

When I talked about the option of keeping it, I couldn't help but notice how much he was smiling and all the unconscious excited hand movements he doesn't know he's making. He didn't once try to pressure me either way on the issue, and despite his obvious excitement over the prospect of having the baby, was really detached and didn't share his feelings on it at all - just the finances and time needed to get everything ready. If I wasn't in the room with him, I'd have gotten the impression he was more invested in waiting until we're better prepared.

Now I'm 50/50 on the issue of me being paranoid. Either he hasn't been manipulating me and is incredibly in favour of keeping the baby, but just doesn't want to pressure me because he loves me, or he's trying to hide how excited he is and take a balanced approach so he can try to manipulate me into thinking it was my idea to go ahead all along.

Anonymous 87470

Pretty sure hot girl shit is literally twitter talk

Anonymous 88218


Im talking to this cute guy. His snapscore is like super high like over a million kinda high.
he messages me this morning and I had to check his score just to see how many snaps he sent after he woke up. It went up 40 points. I had checked it like thirty minutes prior to him messaging me. I don’t even know how that’s possible. Do I even stand a chance? I don’t think I do.

Anonymous 88219

You stand a chance at getting your heart broken. If he's cute it might be worth trying though.

Anonymous 88237

someone once told me, "if he hasnt asked you out by now, he isn't interested." is this true? i've known him for 10 months and we work together. he's really confident so i feel like he would've asked…

Anonymous 88239

it's true

Anonymous 88243

He’s like way way too cute and it’s effecting my better judgment. I’m just constantly saying stupid shit. Of course he also has to be a musician as well, which makes it just a little bit worse.
The last cute guy I talked to always invited me to hangout with his friends and I always declined because I didn’t wanna end up looking like a fool because he used me. I kinda regret that now .

Anonymous 88263


i have realized i have feelings for one of my friends, but i am very afraid that if anything were to come out of it and it didnt work out somehow, our friendship will be ruined and i would lose him

Anonymous 88272

>imagine someone who's almost 30 years old doing shit like "visit a playground at night"
I legitimately see no problem with this and I'm 25. It beats activities that involve alcohol or drugs. I like the calm peacefulness of a playground at night. I like them during the day too if they're empty. Playgrounds are fun.

Anonymous 88274

>I have realized I have feelings
Lucky you. I haven’t felt an emotion in years.

Anonymous 88277

Same anon same
I don’t know what happened. I use to get crushes all the time but I haven’t had genuine feelings for anyone in like 4 years. I’ve tried.

Anonymous 88294

Got sad last night because the guy I think is cute is just. He doesn’t ignore me and he isn’t out right mean. But he’s aloof. It’s making me feel terrible about myself. So last night I decided to ask my previous crush how he was anddd tell him I missed him. Ha ha anyways he said he missed me too. I know he was just being nice but it was still nice to hear.

Anonymous 88311

It seems like every man i’m interested wants to trigger my abandonment issues hard

Anonymous 88313


s I'm so tired of my boyfriend not helping out around the house. He's claimed it's because our standards of cleanliness are different and his ADHD makes it hard for him to remember things but I'm really starting to think it's just weaponized incompetence. I'm so tired of having to clean the stovetop weekly, when I cook I never get anything anywhere and if I do I clean it up right after. He's never vacuumed once while living together. I have to ask him to put the dishes away or he'll watch them pile up. He's constantly splashing coffee or crumbs everywhere and it's starting to become too much. I pay less rent because I clean more as per our agreement but it's so tiring picking up after him all the time. He won't even put his laundry (that I do) away so I just have to watch it pile up in a hamper because I draw the line at folding it all for him

Anonymous 88316

>I'm really starting to think it's just weaponized incompetence
it is, sorry but ADHD doesn't make it so you cant clean up after yourself. thats not an excuse
sorry youre dealing with that. he probably holds the rent thing over your head, like men tend to do. I feel like a lot of men dont understand that its not just "helping you" around the house. its actually stuff that needs to be done and you are doing valuable labor by doing it.

Anonymous 88338

You shouldn't pay less, that's literally an excuse for him not to do it. Don't do his laundry either.

Anonymous 88392

he just wants to "conquer" and "colonize" you. that's how they're wired.

Anonymous 88399

racist guys always end up with minority girls because their own women don’t want them. it’s sad

Anonymous 88404

He was seeing a same race girl but they broke it off. Asked why and he said because he didn’t hang with her for close to a month because “too tired” and she was rightfully upset…
>spent all that time after work with me

Anonymous 88406

You may be cute and great but he doesn't see you like that.

Anonymous 88410

You're pathetic for spending time with him

Anonymous 88413

I didn’t know back then. Also I don’t think he’s really racist, or at least not towards women so idc

Anonymous 88414

if hes racist hes also sexist, just not towards you yet because he still thinks he can get something out of you

Anonymous 88415

So you only said he was racist as some type of humble-brag? That's pretty lame ngl. Anyway, /pol/ is full of racist moids who would be fine with a waifu from a 3d world country because they see them as less than human, so less likely to be "entitled" than the white Stacies that rejected them.

Anonymous 88420

>implying Stacies would ever pay any attention to moids who browse /pol/ and bother with rejecting them

Anonymous 88434

g8 b8 m8

Anonymous 88435

What is the issue I don't get it. Do you want a baby or not, you write like there should be suspicion but you sound like a normal couple who wants to have children together. I don't understand

Anonymous 88437

I went out with a guy like this because he was in a popular youtubers channel like accidentally many years ago. I was still a weirdo and just started experimenting with dating men so I just liked to question him about if he saw other women and watch him evade the most I'd ever seen someone had. Blows my mind to this day

Anonymous 88449

i'm sorry but this is not going to end well, i've had a similar experience trying to be sympathetic to a moid who had "ADHD" but just used it as an excuse to be lazy. if you can't rely on him to do simple chores then you can't rely on him for anything imo. it's likely he'll get comfortable with the idea of you as his personal servant and you deserve better than that.

Anonymous 88594

>I'm changing him
Fucking hilarious

Anonymous 88670


i am developing feelings for one of my male friends and i am very afraid of our dynamic changing if things were to go wrong. nothing of note has happened beyond vague flirting but i hate that i want something more.

Anonymous 88680

If your relationships do start evolving maybe it would be worth asking if he would be OK with remaining friends if you do break up?

Anonymous 88711

And what answer could he offer if he wasn't okay with it?
Most people (and in particular men) can't stay "friends" with an ex, not necessarily because there's mutual hate all of a sudden, but because it's awkward.
Chances are he'd say "yes" just because it's what you want to hear, he'd have to be VERY honest to be able to say "no, it's all or nothing, don't screw this up".
That being said it's pointless to worry over because a platonic relationship isn't doomed the moment you get into a romantic relationship, it's doomed the moment either side develops feelings.
Her options are to do nothing and have her feelings project into the relationship and ruining it, or taking the gamble and "upgrading" it to a romantic one.

Anonymous 89579

How long can I get away with dating casually with a guy?

So I've never dated before, but my sister forced me to. First couple of dates were awful, but I was set up with a friend of my sister's bf and instead of going out, he invited me over and cooked for me. He's a fucking incredible cook and it's honestly better than just about any restaurant I've been to. He's also incredibly handsome and we recently had sex which, while I don't have anyone to compare him to, was pretty great. The problem is he's in no way my type. We have no shared interests, almost nothing to talk about, so I try to streamline our dates to go out to do something fun, cook, eat delicious meal, cuddle on couch, have sex, eat delicious dessert and go home. It's a great system, but how long can this reasonably go on? Will men just let you enjoy yourself without expecting a deeper relationship?

Anonymous 89582


I know this sounds insane, but i dont ever go out, dont have friends etc. so my "environment" is online spaces and has been for a good 8 or so years. my screentime is above 10hrs probably blahblah. my view on life is very warped compared to a normal person so:
im extremely self conscious about my heterosexuality, im bisexual but i wish really hard i was a lesbian and just experience/had experienced a life and childhood/adolescence without any kind of male attraction whatsoever. my life would be so different. also i think they are really cool. i know its stupid because sexuality is a neutral trait and not a personality but i think that being naturally detached from males makes them so different really, they live on a whole different (better) plane.

Anonymous 89602

I've had the same thing happen to me, well it was a roommate but that was bad enough. Same "different standards of cleanliness" and "haha I don't even need vacuums" bullshit. No shit you don't need vacuums because you are a filthy disgusting piece of shit.

Sorry but that will not work out.

Anonymous 89614

I'm wondering the same thing too nona, but I fear I've gone too far with the guy I have a similar situation with. We've never talked about being "exclusive" or me being his gf or anything, but I've entertained talk of meeting his family/marriage/having kids (he's always the one to bring it up), although I've tried my hardest to steer the conversation elsewhere every time those come up as quickly as possible. The thing is that I could see us having a life together, but I JUST started dating again and I absolutely need to see what else is out there. If I get into another committed relationship right now I'll legitimately kms.

Your situation right now sounds based as fuck though. Let me know if you find a way to navigate it that works for you.

Anonymous 89617

Unfortunately I get the feeling he's not just dating, but looking for a partner to start a family with. It's frustrating because he's better than just about every man I've met, but I just want him to stay my personal chef and casual sec partner. I thought I'd get all lovey dovey with him after losing my virginity, but aside from wanting more sex, no extra feelings.

Anonymous 89635


I would say just ride it out then honestly and enjoy it while it lasts until he starts bringing up shit about getting more serious. At that point be honest with him and say you would just like to stay casual/friends. Either way it's not going to last forever; that's the nature of casual relationships because one of you is going to want to move on eventually. You're not doing anything wrong if you're being honest and not giving him false hope that this could turn into something more serious.

Meanwhile I'm about ready to ghost the aforementioned moid I'm talking to kek he's so fucking annoying over text. I wish we could have face-to-face interactions only.

Anonymous 89646

Damn. I think he definitely falls into the first category.

Anonymous 89672


I asked this guy if I was bothering him and he said no but he hasn’t answered me in 9 hours and just viewed my story. I give up. I wish guys would just be honest or mean. So you know we’re you stand.

Anonymous 89717

this anon here
we apparently have mutual feelings, and he's always thought i was cute since we first met but always hesitated because he thought if it didnt work out, it would make things complicated for the mutual friend who introduced us to each other. it's a little funny as this was a reason i also hesitated haha. he also expressed the fear of not being friends anymore if it didnt work out as well.
I'm no longer friends with the person who introduced us, so at least one complication is out of the way.

Anonymous 89771


Venting. I feel unworthy of my husband at times and it makes me feel like a fraud because I can't live up to his example. It's the same feeling I experienced when I accidentally picked up an award that wasn't mine when I was 10. I was in the right place, at the right time, and before I knew what was happening a teacher was ushering me along the stage to give me a big shiny gold trophy and a gift certificate for McDonalds for having the best swimming lap times, even though I could barely swim, how did it happen? The girl had the same name and last initial and wasn't in that day, and nobody questioned it. I feel like an impostor in my own relationship even though he's never complained once about me not putting my share of the effort in.

>Good looking. Keeps himself fit.
>Does all of the chores. Does them well.
>Enjoys cooking
>Has a good job.
>Smart, but not too smart.
>Wonderful to me.
>Good at using his dingdong on me
>Never, ever complains
>Cute and cheeky personality
I could go on and on, me on the other hand
>Chub, even though I work out
>Always forget to do chores
>Kinda mean to him sometimes and then feel immediately horrible.
>Ok looking at best, dont work out as much as I should/could
>crappy job
>Scared of the oven, dont cook often.
>kinda dumb, don't even get through 1 book a year.

Anonymous 89772

Nona are you me? I’m in the same situation and it’s making me depressed and sad. I blow up over small things and my husband has the greatest patience and lets me rage over little things even though I should be disciplined. I’m ashamed of myself and how little I’ve grown as a person. Sometimes I joke and call him my enabler for sticking with me and accepting all my flaws. I feel like a pos partner and abusive at times :/

Anonymous 89790

I’m so angry and frustrated and I’m doing my best not to fight my boyfriend right now. We were on a walk and he was talking about how he wants to start eating 2000 calories a day. I asked him if he wanted to eat that in general or is he going to count the calories he’s burning and eat to compensate. He said he wasn’t gonna count what he’s burning and started going on a rant about how gymbros are stupid for counting their calories and carbs and all that other stuff and compared it to doing math for dogs in videogames. I then said “ahh well it’s at least more productive” and he gets super ass hurt. He asked me why I was defending gym bros and I said I wasn’t bc idk I just said gains are more productive than games. And then we get home and he starts crying about my ex and saying I was defending my ex….I never mentioned my ex though. Like yea sure he was a gym bro and taught me some things but I also learned things on my own because I use to be a lil chubs and learned how to get out of that. Like am I really banished from sharing workout info or whatever because I dated a dude who went to the gym? He made me apologize to him for being a contrarian and was mad that my apology didn’t sound genuine. He never apologizes to me genuinely so I don’t really care anymore. Now he’s sitting in the corner pouting. Idk if I actually did anything wrong, maybe I am in the wrong maybe I should of just not said anything. But I’m so sick and tired of these petty little fights.

Anonymous 89791

Doing math for dps * my bad autocorrect..

Anonymous 89800

He sounds annoying. Does he usually get upset when you disagree with him?

Anonymous 89803

Fucking man children I swear.

Anonymous 89805

Yeah he does. He gets argumentative about most things which leads to stonewalling or him getting angry. Especially over anything gym related..

I tried to talk to him but it turned into a 2 hour argument about how I do everything wrong. Tried telling him people have different views on working out and that I was never referring to my ex. Ended up apologizing even tho I shouldn’t have to. Then somehow he switched the convo around on me and started saying stuff like I don’t care about him and I don’t prioritize him and I never have sex with him. Then once he became winner of the convo he’s suddenly happy again and is now playing on his phone smiling and giggling like nothing happened.. I need to get the fuck out of this relationship
I feel like his mommy I can’t fucking take it. I just watched a grown man throw a 4 hour tantrum all because I didn’t agree with him

Anonymous 89813

Lmfao classic moid behavior switching the conversation around when they know they're wrong or look weak

Anonymous 89819

That anon again. I think time is running out. He's upset that I won't engage with him on any topics or talk about anything meaningful for long, and has pretty clearly seen right through me as he mentioned I'm only passionate in bed, while rock climbing or during meals. The sex is incredible, even better than when we first started, and he made a risotto and lamb dish for dinner that was so delicious I stayed the night, which I never do, so we could have leftovers.

I've been thinking about the ethics of just lying to him. He treats me with more respect than literally any man I've ever met and a lot of genuine affection. He's kind and a very reasonable man, able to control himself and regulate his impulses, putting him in a category above almost every other male I've ever encountered. He's also physically 9/10 and, while I still have no one else for comparison, never fails to make me feel extremely desirable and gives me orgasms upon request. He wants children and so do I, so I'm considering whether or not to just let him give me some. Pretending to be interested in a handful of topics he's interested in wouldn't be hard, and once he's made a commitment, he'd learn about the things I'm interested in. I know it sounds strange, but just a few months of acting could set me up with a very dependable and healthy husband to keep a house and father for my children. Would that really be so bad?

Anonymous 89909

I am very sad I have to move back to my state for a part time job even though it’s remote. I’ll see my boyfriend for one week in four months. It’s gonna be torturous. I ugly cried x4 in two days since I found out I have to go back home.
I’m crying right now as I write this. I’m going to be so sad without him. My comfy life with him is gone just like that and I have to move back in with my parents and mean siblings for a little while.
Tell me it’ll be okay nonnnys. Please tell me stories if you were in a situation like this. I feel so alone going on life without him if only for a little bit. I may be a little too dependent on him but idk I’m in love and am addicted to his presence and happiness

Anonymous 89910

I'm in a similar situation, nona. It's been 3 months for me and it still sucks. But making plans for meeting up makes it better. I wish you strength in this time.

Anonymous 89914

Thanks nona. How long do you have until you meet again? For me it’s xmas but that’s only a week. 7 days doesn’t seem like enough. Plus it’ll be moving between states to spend time with both sides of the family too so it’s not like I get him all to myself. I’m greedy for his sole attention i suppose.
Funnily enough we started LDR and I didn’t see him for 7 months so it’s just painful to be ripped away from him again for 4. I really enjoyed our time together sharing a living space. It was like a dream come true and everything we ever talked about.
What do you do to connect with him LDR? Idk how Im going to bide my time to make the weeks fly by faster. Maybe binge media when I’m not working

Anonymous 90093

I don’t know what to do anymore. My boyfriend is driving me crazy he’s soooo clingy. He’s constantly around me or he’s texting me. I never have a break from him. If I fall asleep or I don’t answer fast enough while he’s at work I’m cheating on him/ignoring him. Sometimes I just pretend to be asleep so I can just play a video game without being interrupted. If he’s home he’s showing me stuff on his phone constantly or ranting me. I tried to watch like two different movies today and through the entire first one he kept showing me different parts of this stupid video. Then during the second one he kept trying to show remakes of the blue man song. If I say I don’t wanna see it or anything in that realm he literally throws a fit and pouts. The worst part is if I want attention or physical affection he calls me annoying. What do I even do? I lose no matter what. I just wanna bash my head in

Anonymous 90094

You have to be clear with him about your needs/desires. Your relationship dynamic is pretty normal, only typically it's the woman who is clingy and the man who is distant (not always, just a majority of cases).

Explain clearly that it's not because you hate him or don't love him, but that you need your alone time. You need time to be by yourself, to turn inwards and think. Idk what to do about the videos, luckily I don't have that issue because my bf refuses to get a smart phone.

Anonymous 90098

I'm leaving my fiance and I can't tell if it's the right call. He's been super unsupportive of my hobby that's taken off and I just can't take it anymore.
I feel like I can't be myself around him completely.
I can't trust him. I can't open up around him. Other people are so supportive and I know so many men would bend over backwards to be with me.
Because it's been so long with him being so unsupportive, a friend I met through this hobby became really close to me and I think… I fell in love with him. But I can't tell if it's just because he's filling the spot in my life that my fiance is supposed to be being so supportive and understanding and kind.
Things would be so much easier if my fiance had gotten his head out of his ass 7 months ago.
I didn't want to fall in love with somebody else. I wanted my fiance to be supportive.
I don't think there's any hope. I mean who falls in love with a different person like this?
I feel terrible.
I think I should leave and just focus on me but it's hard, my fiance makes so much more money than I do, I'd have to move back with my parents and start paying for so many more things.
Money isn't everything, but it makes it so much harder to leave when you start to rely on somebody for these things.

Anonymous 90109

I want to hear your most peculiar and silly red flags. When a man enjoys emo straight boy song lyrics I feel supicious and have to know that I’m not too shallow

Anonymous 90110

A guy told me his favorite musician was Lil Wayne and idk if that is a red flag but it set an alarm off lmao

Anonymous 90111

is into "philosophy". i like having those types of discussions too but moids who say that immediately strike me as pretentious and i've noticed they're often weird extremists and also misogynists seeking to justify their pathetic life views through mental gymnastics

Anonymous 90132

am i the only one that thinks this guy looks like dream if he was cute?

Anonymous 90147

I was just ghosted last week by a guy I had been dating for a few months. He was the first guy to (pretend to) be kind to me, treat me respect, and give me affection. But once we finally had sex, his personality did a 180 and he bailed. Despite telling me was also looking for something serious. Moids will lie and pretend to be anything to get sex. I feel hurt but I feel more like an idiot for falling for it.

I'm sending good vibes to everyone who has been hurt or victimized by moids here. I hope you all wake up to millions of dollars in your bank account and live happy, successful, worry-free lives.

Anonymous 90150


My male family members (father and brothers) won't let me visit my moid because they don't believe women should travel alone and don't think I am capable of taking care of myself. They have always been very overprotective which is sweet but it gets tiring for me and my pardner. We never get any alone time and now we have to wait another 9 months to see each other since we will miss this winter break. He is super bummed about it and I am very embarrassed but I am too afraid of my family's disapproval.

Anonymous 90155

I have a longer winter break (1 month) and ez online bs classes I can miss for a few days. He has in person classes and only 1 week break and they usually have exams after the break instead of before. Also I am a burger and we haven't applied for a visitor's visa (in the process of applying for a green card atm). He came to see me when I was in Mexico one time though. I have more money too which I guess is pretty controversial. He think he might be able to come during the spring but only for 1 week.

Anonymous 90322

I think my ex has ruined my ability to feel love or attraction. He was my first boyfriend and he made me realize what a let down love and relationships are. I had this big idea of what being in love would be and he wasn’t that. I had to beg for attention and physical affection. He would yell at me all the time and nit pick me. Now when I talk to new guys I feel absolutely nothing. I don’t even cry when I get rejected. I use to be so sensitive. Now I’m devoid of emotions. If I wanna cry about things, I have to watch sad movies or listen to sad songs. Is there anything I can do? I just wanna feel something again.

Anonymous 90329

>Started dating this girl
>One year younger than me, I'm 23 she is 22
>Lot's of similar "nerdy" interests, kinda hard to find in the third world country shithole I live
>Talk about personal stuff, she says she has ADHD and Bipolarity
>Ok, I'll read about this stuff so I can be a supportive partner
>First months goes ok, then the relationship got rocky, fights start on a "week yes, week no" basis"
>Super clingy, If I plan to do something either alone or with my friends that don't involve her (because despite being invited by me to be there together she refused". No physical harm, but she starts to say some really mean words.
>Things go like these for 8 months, she tells me her Psychiatrist thinks she is Border
>Oh shit, oh fuck
>Keep going, read about BPD to help her and be a supportive partner. Things go well for about a full month, we decide to buy our "dating ring"
>After that things went to heel, fucking role coaster
>I got to my Psychiatrist, and after describing how my relationship is she describes it as a "lighter form of domestic abuse cycle"
On one side I have the biggest urge to run away, I keep rehearsing alone what I want to say to her when we break up, but on the other side I still love her so much, she is my first "real" relationship, and my pragmatical side is like "you already bought the rings, gotta deal with It.
I know it would be more fitting to /vent/ but since it involves relationships I just wanted to put it out here

Anonymous 90338

how long ago was your relationship with your ex? maybe you need a bit more time to get over what happened

Anonymous 90380

What does "casual dating" mean? Does it just mean hookups/FWB?

Anonymous 90382

It’s been a couple of months. I just think I shut off emotionally to protect myself because he’d yell at me till I’d cried and then one day I just stopped crying one day. I didn’t even really notice at first. It wasn’t always terrible with him. But so much of the time he was calling me annoying or made me just feel like I was burden. He’d tell me how no one would put up with me. I kind of still that way and guys just sexualizing me makes that feeling so much worse.
I just wish I could feel like how I felt when I was a teenager about anything really. I understand things can’t always live up to your expectations. But I don’t care I just wanna feel something again.

Anonymous 90384

What can a straight woman do to keep a man from becoming abusive?

Anonymous 90385

keep lines of communication open
so many dudes don't resort to becoming cunts to feel better about themselves if you just talk with them honestly

Anonymous 90391


I am having such bpd feelings for my boyfriend fright now I am legit just being insane. Not in a funny quirky way. Help

Anonymous 90392

Nothing, if he wants to abuse you, he either will or if you stand your ground he'll leave if you're lucky or abuse you anyway

Anonymous 90431


>It sounds like you had unrealistic and 'magical' ideas of what love was, and no one would live up to them. This is why first loves so rarely work out, people only had abstractions and fantasies about how relationships worked going in and they weren't prepared to accept reality.

I once had an incel go all "Fuck you, you're just like all other women. Waiting for a Prince Charming on a white horse" on me, after his fee-fees got hurt by me not responding to him anymore. (He also insulted my writing, so fuck him by the way. lmao) Looking back on that, to be fair, my only real idea of love is from my hopeless romanticism, romance movies, etc. because I've never been in a real relationship. I've only ever been in several situationships that only lasted for like one or two days each. lmao

Anonymous 90456


My friends don't like my bf. You know what? That's normal. I've disliked some of their bfs in the past too.
But you know what's abnormal? To say horrible shit about him to my face. To be rude to him when he's paying for your fucking food.
They insist I need a better bf. But after thinking about it I think I just need better friends instead.

Anonymous 90460

>you're just like all other women. Waiting for a Prince Charming on a white horse
is that a bad thing lmaooo incels will want to fuck everything indiscriminately (while not actually valuing it) and get assblasted that normal people (women) dont, hilarious

Anonymous 90493

I was in an ldr relationship for many years due to us finishing school and we were planning on getting married and everything. My gf moved to another state to work in her field, the plan was she was going to get money then come back to start our life together. She cheated, etc, and she basically abandoned me. She changed completely her behavior toward me, I sent this person nudes and personal information. But now I realized I followed her blindly, and believed everything she said to me whenever we were apart. I have come to the conclusion she lied about her birthday, her family situation, and I believe she has lied and fabricated a whole other story or life. She loved bombed me, and she also had severe alcoholism at certain stages of life when we were together. She told me she heard voices somerimes and she mentioned multiple times her family members going crazy at a certain age and most of her family are drug addicts/alcoholics. When she cheated on me she experienced no remorse and even told me that she didn't know if she wanted to break up with me or not. She had severe lack of empathy and now I see she wore a mask. How can I trust someone after this? I actually found newspaper articles on the internet about her family, but now I can't find it anymore.

Anonymous 90498


Yeah, that's why I mentioned I see some truth to it now. I'm just saying it was asshole-ish of him to make me sound like someone shallow. I know for a fact I'm not because alot of the guys I have been attracted to, other classmates couldn't believe I was attracted to them. They would be like "What, him? Really?" I would usually become attracted to them because they were nice to me. Because I want a good man first. Not a Chad Thundercock but that beats and talks down to his girlfriend.

Anonymous 90499

they sound extremely jealous and toxic u should drop those jerks

Anonymous 90516

But they have no issues with wanting women to look like models. The things women actually do just so they can look passable to men is ridiculous.
My ex boyfriend use to talk so much shit on how much I spent on beauty protects and clothing. Like he wasn’t with me partially because of how I looked.

Anonymous 90520

They are toxic af. I don't know if they're jealous, but their behavior was unacceptable.
The worst part is that I did not defend my bf when they insulted him to his face and I think that hurt him.
I'm a fucking idiot.

Anonymous 90583

I'm crying. The relationship ended for reasons out of our control and we both still love each other. This is so painful.

Anonymous 90606

>reasons out of our control
What happaned?

Anonymous 90607

If he won't stick up for himself, you shouldn't either tbh

Anonymous 90609

The thing is, he's usually good at sticking up for himself. If it's a stranger, for example, he won't let that shit pass.
But since they were my friends he clearly didn't know how to react. I should've said something since I'm the one who's familiar with them.
He defended me when his aunt and grandma were rude to me last christmas. The least I could do was do the same.

Anonymous 90616

Tell him the truth about how you feel now and how you felt them. I'm sure he will understand that you were as taken aback about it as he was and that you want to get better friends after they did something unacceptable.

Anonymous 90632


im currently in a relationship with someone who doesnt like me as much as i like them. and even if he does, he doesnt express it well enough. i overthink everything he does/says, but whenever he texts me, i forget all of the bad feelings and get happy. when he leaves, the cycle starts again. for the record, i do communicate my issues and my feelings. the one thing he said that got implanted into my brain is how he wants me to have more confidence. I WISH I FUCKING COULD. ITS NOT THAT FUCKING EASY U RETARD

Anonymous 90635


Aside from lack of partner/biological roadblocks, what are your reasons against having children?

I'll go first:
- The world is becoming progressively crueler
- Econonomics becoming harsher
- More and more people becoming depressed
- Constant fear of not being able to provide a child enough love/support
- Too much responsibility
- Too self-interested with passions/hobbies

Anonymous 90681

> talk to muslim guy online despite not liking him bc hes fun to talk to
> start talking to him every day non stop for multiple hours for months
> start genuinely liking him
> click with him like i had never clicked with a man before
> fall deeply platonically in love with him as a friend
> he starts leaving / blocking me and then keeps returning by love bombing me
> he claims to be in love with me romantically
> i ignore it and brush it off
> he starts freaking out about how befriending a woman is haram and tries to cut me off
> i jokingly call mohammed pedohammed bc he told me he didnt care about islamophobia etc
> he blocks me

I think he actually left me this time and is not comming back. I was sobbing in my bed yesterday. So how do I prevent myself from checking his accounts 24/7 like a crazy stalker freak and sending messages he wont even read in our chat lol

Anonymous 90683


You might have self induced stockholm syndrome.

Not even enjoyable to talk to but somehow after talking for days and hours you believe a boring muzzie moid who couldnt care less if you live or die is the love of your life???

Im not trying to make you feel bad, nona, but sometimes it has to be said w/o sugarcoating: get over it. By what youre saying, literally nothing happened between you, your only way of communicating was via text? No way to know if you hate or love him as a person.

I understand the obsession bc he kept disappearing and coming back, lovebombing and blocking. Perfect formula to keep you on the edge and thinking about him 24/7.

Do not wait for him, do not reply if he contacts again, do not think or talk about him. In fact, block him on all socials, just in case he gets bored of his other pickmeishas and comes back knowing you will always be desperate enough to take him back, after doing you dirty. Repeat cycle.

Pavlov's nonas rise up

Anonymous 90691

dude, fuck muslim guys. you're better off without him

Anonymous 90713

It ended and i miss him so much. i miss cuddling him, tellinh him i love him, saying goodnight, i love you and im so sorry. i miss you. i know i shouldnt message him bc it will make "moving on" (hate those words) harder

Anonymous 90725

Sometimes when I hear stories about women getting together with awful men I never understand how it happens. But I guess this is how. Seek profesional help.

Anonymous 90727

Why did it end nona? Why are you apologizing? If he treated you poorly forget him but maybe he feels the same way.

Anonymous 90794

she was crazy, but there are plenty of normal people out there. I hope you find one of them and have a healthy nice relationship.

Anonymous 90804

I feel like I need to break up but he's mentally unwell and is saying stuff like me being the only thing that gave me hope and now he has no hope for the better anymore. I don't think us having relationships is gonna work out and I feel like I'll just hurt him further if I keep it going. In the mean time him giving up on his hopes just because of me is so unfair and messed up. I wish I never got involved with him, I don't wanna hurt him but seems like I'll have to either way

Anonymous 90811

I met a guy through a friend who seemed amazing. He's extremely nice, funny and quick-witted, but not charming or glib because he's completely earnest. He makes me feel so free because he has no neuroses or hangups and doesn't care about the opinions of strangers, so he's just completely open and goofy in public. We were at a friend's place talking about careers, and I've been working in a bakery since I was 19 and said I want to keep working there until my boss retires so I can buy it and run it. He gave me this incredulous look and asked if that was all I wanted from a career. I'll admit I became immediately defensive because I'm a big baby, but it made me reassess everything. He eventually figured out why I was pissed and we talked, he listened and tried to explain he didn't think less of me because I had a simple trade as my career path, but he couldn't keep his foot out of his mouth and said it was just a kneejerk reaction from being around others from his field in STEM. I was upset and said it felt as though he looked down on me, but he said he'd demonstrate that wasn't the case, rather than just try to convince me. This was about 2 months ago and maybe 2 weeks back he just stopped interacting with me.

He'll respond to messages if I engage him, but I get the feeling it's more politeness than any real desire to interact. I'll admit I've been a little cold with him, keeping him at arms length until I know he does take me seriously and respects me, but I feel like I'm being fair and reasonable in the length of time. I know he hasn't just dropped me in favour of talking to another girl and our mutual friends have said he's mentioned me recently. Has he just lost interest because he actually doesn't respect my decisions or career? Have I been too cold/distant for too long? Is this just him trying to treat me the same way I've treated him?

Anonymous 90820

>I'll admit I've been a little cold with him
He's probably picking up on that.
Some people say shitty things sometimes before they have time to think about it, I'm not gonna defend him but it sounds like you had a constructive talk about it which is good.
If it's the only offense he's made I'm not sure why you'd be so cold. Put the effort forward so you don't appear to still be pissed off about it, if he's still being a dick about it then it might be that's it run it's course, but there's no point being pissy if you've already talked about it and moved passed it.

Anonymous 90853

I agree with >>90820. If he took the time to apologize to you and have constructive conversation rather than dismiss you, being cold to him seems really overkill. You might have killed it. He sounds like he was crazy about you. If you feel the same way you should fix it asap. Go see him.

Anonymous 90954

Has anyone ever told you your too sensitive? My boyfriend tells me that all the time. Like today he was being rude to the dog for wanting his attention and I tried to make light out of it and instantly he gets snippy with me. Saying how I’m starting to annoy him and I need to stop. I just shut my mouth and don’t say anything else and just sit there. He eventually asks if I’m gonna play my game and I say I just don’t feel like it (in reality he’s kinda just put me in a pretty shit mood and I don’t feel like doing anything) which starts this whole thing. He asks if I’m upset cause of what he said and I said well you were kinda snippy with me. He then starts basically yelling at me going on about how I’m too sensitive and how I need grow up and how am I gonna handle a job or anything if I can’t handle people being snippy at me. I think it’s fair to say, I don’t think my partner should be an ass to me all the time. Am I right to be upset or hurt if he always says stuff like that ?

Anonymous 90955

Yes. It's called gaslighting. I know this word has become a "meme" by now, but that's what he's doing. It's also called being a tactless asshole with no empathy.

Anonymous 90969

It feels like he’s constantly belittling, shaming me, or just beating me down. I don’t know if I’m just being sensitive… because I am like hyper sensitive. He says I can’t handle criticism, he’s kinda right I guess. But I just feel like someone who loves you shouldn’t critique you all the time, ya know? My friends never did that… like tonight I had put on some stupid shitty show to fall asleep to. He wakes up and instantly starts in. How the shows so bad and how can I even watch it, it’s cringy (blah blah). Anyways I just say I don’t wanna hear it and then he called me a wet napkin and that I need a backbone. He acts like I’m so terrible and mean all the time. But that’s how he causally talks to me.

Anonymous 90972


It's just a classic abusive trick to get you to blame yourself for the shit he does against you. He'll tell you you're hysterical or bitchy next if you ever tried to criticize how he's treating you unfairly. Kill him.

Anonymous 90985

I’m sick to my stomach as I write this. One of my best friends tried to cheat on his girlfriend with me the other night and then confessed he’s been in love with me for years. I’ve always known men weren’t shit but some of them are okay and trustworthy and I always thought he was one of them. His girlfriend is one of my best friends. We’re in a band together, the band is my fucking life. This man was there for me through some of the worst bits of the last decade and he threw it all away in 5 minutes to try and get his dick wet. What do I do?

Anonymous 90986

Tell his girlfriend, immediately, she needs to know.

Anonymous 90988

my boyfriend sucks at texting and calling.
we are in ldr
i know he is busy and he isnt a phone addict but still..
I miss him

Anonymous 90990

He was settling for her because he wanted you. Men are literal creatures. He said what he meant. And if he was drunk and in front of you there was no stopping it from coming out. Idk what was said and what the context was (getting his dick wet?) but if he was dating your best friend, and he was your best friend: he was seeing you the entire time he looked at her. Idk. He sounds kinda like a dickhead but at the same time boys believe in the "if I can't have her at least we can be close" kinda thing.

I'd still let your best friend know but only after I pried for more information.

Anonymous 90996

I really think I’m the awful one and anyone in a relationship with me would probably do the same things. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. I have adhd so it’s hard to act like an adult sometimes but I really do try but he tells me to grow up all the time. Then I watch these stupid TikTok’s about girls who have adhd and their boyfriends. Their boyfriends seem so understanding and not hateful towards them. Why can’t that be me? Am I truly so awful… maybe idk I am abusive and too stupid to realize it

Anonymous 91002

Honestly the more I process it the more I think you’re right. They’ve been dating for a while and live together, and I always had the impression that he had a little friend crush on me but I assumed he’d never try anything. He was very drunk when he made his move (he kissed me and obviously wanted to fuck) so I’m going to talk to him and get to the bottom of what’s going on in his head. I’m also going to tell him that he can tell her or I can but I’m not keeping this secret from my friend. She needs to know.

Anonymous 91006


If there's one thing you should know how to do is that you need to be more sympathetic to yourself. You wouldn't say they're awful to your friend who's trying their best but still gets abused by their bf.

We can't be impartial since we can only see your perspective on it but as long as you don't make it his responsibility to accomodate your mental illness and you're accountable for making up for them, he shouldn't do any of this to you at all.

There's just no excuse for abuse. He would've helped you gently with your difficulties instead of criticizing you over trivial things. That to me just sounds he's after driving your self-esteem down so he could be easily more possessive over you.

Anonymous 91007

Also, kill him. I forgot

Anonymous 91018

>I need grow up and how am I gonna handle a job or anything if I can’t handle people being snippy at me. I think it’s fair to say, I don’t think my partner should be an ass to me all the time
This is an ongoing dilemma in life, as both are definitely true. You have to be able to tolerate some snippyness, but you also can't keep people around you who just freely dump verbal assaults on you.

Anonymous 91031

No I guess not I’d probably tell her to leave…it’s just harder to see when you’re in it. He just thinks he’s right about everything and he’s better than everyone. He thinks Girls who do witchcraft are stupid and childish. Which bothers me cause who cares, how is the your buisness? Today he called me crazy because I had a bird fall from a tree right in front of me and I called it a bad omen and it made me anxious. I told him to just leave me alone about it that I didn’t wanna talk to him about it. But he literally acted like I said my dogs was telling me to kill people and would not just leave it alone. Sometimes I’ll cover mirrors because they just make me anxious, probably because of superstitions. But he’ll act like I painted the walls with my blood and I need to be put in a mental institution. If it was the 1950s he probably would have already given me a lobotomy.
Well I’ve had jobs and no manager or anything ever made me cry. I can handle some snippyness but it’s becoming too much. I’m a people pleaser so it’s just a huge strain for someone to always tell me how I don’t everything wrong

Anonymous 91037


When things seem to go wrong with my boyfriend, I lay down and imagine what it'd be like to break up with him. I go over all the things I could/would say, and what he would probably say. It almost feels like I'm training for something. I guess the goal is to figure out what to say that'll make it less painful for myself, but I don't know if there even is anything. Sometimes, I end up crying. Is there something wrong with me, or is this normal?

Anonymous 91041

>Is there something wrong with me, or is this normal?
Yes, there's something wrong with you because you're still with him.

Anonymous 91151

My bf is a hypochondriac and I can’t deal with it anymore. There’s something wrong with him alllll the time. He has cancer or it’s he’s gonna have a heart attack, he has tumors. He’s been to the doctor and they found nothing, other than an abscessed tooth. They put him on antibiotics and that should have been the end of that. It wasn’t though. Today he was playing a video game and all of a sudden he got dizzy and now he thinks his Scoliosis (undiagnosed ofc) is causing his ribs to mess with his lungs. When I didn’t immediately act like he’s dying and kind of questioned it. He got mad at me and told me he hated me. What do I do? How do I handle this

Anonymous 91152

Just recently found out that my bf slept multiple times with a friend of mine. Obviously, this happened before we started dating, it was in fact we even met.
Obviously I can't blame him, but it makes me feel like shit for multiple reasons. First, she's much more attractive than me in every possible way, so it makes me feel insecure as fuck.
Second, I have a strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy about previous experiences. This is because I have virtually no experience, he's older than me so he's been with multiple women, it makes me feel incredibly jealous and it makes me hate people I didn't even know. Now, he did NOT tell me about this, I heard it from somebody else and in my fit of jealousy I messaged my friend and she confirmed it.
Third, it pisses me off that she never told me about this before.
Fourth, it gives me this incredibly depressing and frustrating sense of what I can only describe as arousal. I know it sounds fucking stupid and contradictory, I hate it too. But it's like some kind of retarded mix of "oh he must be such a valuable man and he's with me" and some form of humiliation kink. I can't describe it and it makes me want to slam my face against the wall, because I hate that I simultaneously detest learning about his past relationships but I also find it strangely hot.
I haven't confronted my bf about this because I really can't blame him, it's not his fault he met her before. Also, every time I confront him with my jealousy shit I end up being incredibly mean and toxic to him. I don't wanna be like this, but I can't help it.
How do I deal with these feelings? How do I stop caring about who he's slept with? Is there even a point in talking to him about this?

Anonymous 91160

I’ve been hooking up with a friend ive been into for years. I gave him my virginity which was a big deal for me, i don't think he realizes it. He’s embarrassed of me. He doesn’t want people to know he’s been hooking up with a weird ugly girl. I’m happy with him now but I know eventually he’ll find someone he can really love and leave me behind.

Anonymous 91165

Yep, I fucked it up. If I'd talked to him just a few days sooner it all could have been fine, but he had to stay in a nearby town for a while for work and was asked out by a more attractive, STEM educated co-worker on Wednesday.

Anonymous 91172

>Second, I have a strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy about previous experiences
>Third, it pisses me off that she never told me about this before
Pick a lane nona, if you don't wanna talk about past relationships, why also should she? It sounds like you're feeling like shit and trying to blame someone for it.
Honestly I'm not sure what you should do, I don't think you should just sit around feeling annoyed because you're just going to put strain on the relationship. I would wait a little bit, get your thoughts in order, maybe try to write down exactly what you're feeling and why, then attempt to have to talk to your bf and see if you can find some closure to help you feel better. Just make sure you don't come across as though you're blaming them for what happened before you even met.

Anonymous 91173

I think that the feelings themselves can be dealt with, you'll feel more secure in your position with him over time. The real question is this: Is he a fuckboy?

Having had casual sex with friends and acquaintances is a minor red flag. It happens, I'm sure lots of non-toxic guys have done it once, but if it's something he does a lot then you should question his fundamental view of women.

Anonymous 91200


My crush didn’t message me back for over a day so I kinda freaked out a bit. Not like a big one but i basically just told him I wanted the chance to know him. Which is weird. He replied but I couldn’t get the courage to look and I finally did… he told me to move to where he’s at and asked me how I was…

Anonymous 91203

I think you're right. It's also silly of me to expect my friend to just casually tell me she had sex with my boyfriend.
I don't think he is a fuckboy. He's not particularly sociable and rarely goes out. We've been together for a while now and hasn't shown any "fuckboy" behavior.

Anonymous 91204

Why does my bf refuse to compliment me when I send him photos? I got so used to my ex calling me beautiful, hot, gorgeous but my current bf has never called me any of those. Only "cute". Is he not attracted to me physically? It's becoming really upsetting to me. I sent him a photo of me in a group of friends last night and he literally didn't say a single word. Not even "you look nice". Meanwhile I'm CONSTANTLY complimenting him (and not just for the sake of it but genuinely because he's very attractive to me and I like expressing that). Sometimes I feel like he's out of my league and the lack of verbal affirmation just worsens the insecurities I already have. I know I'm not a Stacy and I don't care about others finding me attractive but is it too much to ask for my bf to compliment me? I feel like I can't even bring this up because then I'll always think he's only doing it because I asked him to. I truly don't know what to do and it hurts.

Anonymous 91205


Is he normally a quiet person and bad with words in general? It could be that he's not sure what to say.

Does he express compliments non-verbally? It could be he just has a different, more non-verbal expression towards love.

Anonymous 91206

I mean he's very touchy and smiley when we're together. And he does have a way with words when we're apart but just not compliments.. it's a pretty new relationship so idk if he's trying to avoid coming off like a simp, or if he's just not good with verbal affirmation? But that's my main love language and I feel unloved when he doesn't give any kind of feedback..

Anonymous 91207

Ok update I stupidly asked him "are you sure you're physically and sexually attracted to me?" and he said "yes, what prompted this question?" and I said "last nights feels" (went out drinking last night and told him I was emotionally when I got home)
>didn't reassure me in any way
>didn't ask how I was feeling or for any clarification
>responds 20 minutes later "I have to shower"
Literally what?

Anonymous 91212


Yeah, no. That does sound self-centered. Put him in place now or leave before you end up a narcissistical punching bag.

Anonymous 91214

This is so awkward dude. I wound up sending him some cat gifs and didn't say anything else. I'm not good with confrontation. I also made a comment later on how I'm gonna stop complimenting him bc I do it too much and got a sad emoji in response. Is he just retarded? How do I even address this?

Anonymous 91228


>I'm not good with confrontation.

It seems alot of people aren't these days. Not sure why. I guess it might be be because of people having difficulty discerning when is a valid time to stand up for yourself vs. when you would just be the problem. Especially if you have low self-esteem. That's why I struggle with this alot still. But I still advise doing it because, even if you fuck up, it can only get better by actually doing it. Most relationships these days seem to fail because of shit communication.

Even with that said, nuance is still important. You wouldn't just say "Hey, say something nice about me" because that is also retarded. You give cues like asking more questions, like "Does this look good?" If he continues not showing interest, then you know where he actually stands and you walk away. Simple as.

Anonymous 91235

I hate the part where he starts replying less and less and I feel like a fool for waiting so eagerly for his response.

Anonymous 91236

Been there </3

Anonymous 91237

It's a game they play. I'd just ghost. Fucking hate men who think acting uninterested is attractive in any way. I wanna be chased and cherished!

Anonymous 91341


Our friendship ended months ago, but after seeing him I'm still left longing for what I wanted when we first met a few years back.

It's complex because I don't want to sleep with men, but in my ideal world we could just have kept going on as platonic/semi-romantic partners. I wanted us to be each other's only person; we'd support each other, we'd buy a house together, I'd paint him pictures and write him poetry, we'd hold each other when we were sad, and we'd die together. This is what I wanted so desperately but it was impossible. Even if he felt strongly about me, this deal wouldn't work for him and I know that.
But I miss him and I'll always love him to some degree. I hope he can find comfort, safety, and happiness. These emotions I'm feeling just prove why he can't be in my life, though. Not to mention the dishonesty between us, and how he'd also manage to make me feel awful. Ah.

In a way maybe I hope to never see him again if it will hurt this much each time. And I'm afraid to love someone again because of it ending like this. There is a woman I know who I can feel has the potential to summon such things within me, but who knows if that's a good or bad idea right now. At least I can offer a woman a normal relationship and not just super best friends.

Anonymous 91883

I don't feel like finding the LDR thread plus I'm late for work, but I wanted to have a quick vent.
I promised not to get into a LDR but I fell into the trap anyway because I can't find anyone IRl who would be attracted to me
It's liek torture. You crave to be touched and there's this person who is willing to, and tells you he loves you every day, but there's a million miles between you and him so you just have to pretend to hug and kiss him.
I know I'll meet him eventually, probably during the next year (that is if I'll even be able to fly to his country), he's even saving up money for my ticket. But I've never been on a flight so I feel like it'll be a huge pain in the ass to go through, but I can't stand being lonely anymore

Anonymous 91884

I know this feel. Just got out of an LDR bc I couldn't take the distance. But weirdos on the internet are the only people I can connect with.

Anonymous 92098


Oh nona, that probably was really painful, but I'm not getting out of it because of distance. He looks and acts a lot like the guy I was limerent for years. People say it's weird to date people you meet on the internet especially if it's not a dating site, and I kinda agree… But I haven't been attracted to anyone in real life for a long time now, everyone here is harsh and ugly, and for me there's barely any difference between meeting a weirdo online and meeting one in real life
I mean he even asked if he could send me some money because I told him I was struggling with it (he is too, but less so than me), men where I live would shit their pants if you asked them to pay for your coffee on a date. I've seen screenshots of conversations where a guy would lose his shit when the girl didn't want to return the money he spent on her fast food meal. Jfl

Anonymous 92099

>But I haven't been attracted to anyone in real life for a long time now, everyone here is harsh and ugly
Are you me? I haven't been able to feel attraction for anyone since a long time, mainly because I still about that guy I met online. I got to meet him IRL a couple of times, but I was already attracted to him at that point.
The part about the money sounds like my story too. We both lent money to eachother when we needed it and he was really supportive.
This year I tried to meet more people irl and I got to meet a lot of guys, and I even decided to give a chance to a couple of them to see if I could get interested, but they quickly showed their nature. I can't stop comparing them to him and while some can be more attractive and some can seem to have more interesting lives, once I get to see their personalities I lose any interest I could have, and that just makes me crave even more how I felt with him. I even considered dating a girl but I don't think I can feel attraction for a girl.
Now I kinda regret ending what we had because we couldn't see eachother more often.

Sorry for using your post to vent, it just remind me to my experience.

Anonymous 92102

I'm curious what was your bf's reaction to that? I'm not sure if a break up would hurt me or him more

Anonymous 92114

so I just asked my boyfriend of 2 years what he felt made me of use to him and all he could come up with was be being a glorified hugging pillow to "relax" with during his stressful week of studies but besides that he had long given up on talking to me about most personal matters altogether since according to him I tend to be too "whiny" and "easily offended" (or offensive? even that part was unclear to me) whenever he had "attempted to" in the past even thought he basically refused to give me any examples since he "doesn't want to be arguing about this" and that I "shouldn't be blaming him with my own shortcomings" and that if I felt to be useless to him then maybe the I should use that to "reflect on myself" instead of whining and "making up fake problems"

for reference in the past month or so our relation has literally reduced to seeing each other maybe an hour or two every night cuddling or sometimes just having sex (thought I've been refusing that much considering how used that has been making me feel under these conditions, even as I found no issue with this in the past) before going off to sleep

and like, one day he just comes up to be saying he has a problem and no one to talk to about this but that he wouldn't even tell me because he thinks my advices are worthless? why I started asking him then if I'm less than a friend to you then why do you come to me every night for comfort?

like how does that even make sense??

anyway sorry if this post is a mess to read

Anonymous 92121

I'm pretty sure it was worst for him. Don't get me wrong, I was devastated when I did it, I'm still not sure if I did the right thing. But for what I was able to see, he struggled way more than me. The last time we talked I asked him to try to make new friends (before being her girlfriend I was basically his only close friend) and he basically told me that he gave up and acepted his loneliness. He even stopped posting art online right after the break up and still has not go back to posting anything, and I know him enough to know that he doesn't post when he's feeling low.
I don't know much besides that but I think that's enough for me to know that he's still struggling.

Anonymous 92187

im not sure this is the best place for this buuuut

i dont know how to get rid of a double standard i have with my bf
he's really great so i want to be better. whenever i dont feel like having sex hes really understanding. we both have really high drives so thats not too often
but whenever he's really stressed or busy and doesnt really feel like having sex i get upset and think somethings wrong cause i feel like he should always feel like having sex
it makes it worse that he makes an effort but i always can tell that he's not as enthusiastic
he know it makes me upset so he really tries in the odd moments when i feel like having sex and he doesnt

Anonymous 92198

In a few days I'm going to meet my ex for the first time since I broke up with him. I was the one to propose meeting because I wasn't having a good time dealing with it and I need to talk certain things with him. Our break up was as good as a break up can be, there was no fight or anything, so I'm sure everything will be fine.
The thing is, when I asked him if we could meet, I felt pretty confident about the idea, but now that it's getting closer, I'm starting to get nervous about it. I'm not going to lie, I still like him a lot, he was a great bf and I wanted to stay with him, but we had very different life goals that make our relationship impossible in the future. Knowing this, what scares me is that I feel like I'll fall for him gain. If he goes for a hug or something, I know for certain that I won't be able to keep it together.
I would cancel it but I really need to talk with him or I won't be able to rest for a long time. I need a closure

Anonymous 92201

i tried talking to a gym trying to lose weight and he spent the day grabbing my gut i am 19 and he is 21 i felt uncomfortable but scared to say anything

Anonymous 92206

Meeting up with your ex in person IS weird. Why not just converse over text if you have any lingering questions? No contact is the only way to get over an ex.
Grabbing your gut how? Need context. Also that age difference isn't rly significant.

Anonymous 92260

How can you lower your own libido?

Anonymous 92314

take anti-depressants

Anonymous 92315

My boyfriend is a glamour-porn film maker. He technically doesnt watch porn but his job consists on producing, filming and editing pornography. Mostly OF shit for 20 year something girls.
He is so good to me but this is bothering me terribly. The fact that all the models he films are 20ish big tittied supermodels inserting huge ass dildos in their asses make me kinda uncorfotable. I know he is faithful to me and I feel a hypocrite since I did OF for some months years ago. We were always open about this shit he even offered me to be on the set to supervise there is nothing wrong. But it makes my blood boil. If he wasnt so good to me. He is so cute. You wouldnt even imagine he films lesbian gigantic strapon porn. Does this count as porn obsessed moid if he makes a shit toney for me with it?

Anonymous 92318


>20ish big tittied supermodels inserting huge ass dildos in their asses
>I did OF for some months years ago
>he films lesbian gigantic strapon porn

Anonymous 92321

Jesus fuck. I've sunk to an unprecedented level of worthlessness.

This moid with whom I had a very brief, messy abortion of a situationship, but with whom I had been on speaking friendly strictly platonic terms for years, has been slightly distant. I've analyzed our relationship and determined that it was toxic in the most tame, pretentious, pseudo-intellectual terms possible.
We had determined to remain friends regardless. I've never had a moid friend before so idk. I have a tendency to shut down and self isolate when I'm low (I'm always low but that's besides the point) so now I'm quietly seething because I want to A. Call him and vent, B. am pissed because he hasn't called me to check up.
HOWEVER, I know this feeling is irrational and petty. Which is why I'm confessing here. I used to gaslight myself in regards to this individual because my ego could not handle admitting to being anxiously attached to someone else. Fuck him. I will isolate myself further. This will teach me… er, something. I dunno what it is. But it'll teach me something for sure..

Anonymous 92322

can i be honest here? he dont want to be your friend, he is probably keeping as a "oper door" so he can use your later. the best thing you can do is not isolate yourself frome everyone but distance yourself from him. "but i cant leave him, he is my only friend nona!!!!" so make new friends, go to clubs etc.

Anonymous 92325

Its true I needed the money, and the money he brings is a lot in our country. He is kinda famous at what he does locally and everyone speaks of his talent and profesionalism but I cannot take from my mind the big titty ass strapon lesbians. Maybe I should ask him only to shoot nudes not porn.

Anonymous 92954

I met a guy in high school who would become my best friend for many years and go through some hellish situations by my side, but after we had sex during a slightly drunken sleepover, we became separated due to chance and drifted apart. He was severely depressed and shut himself away from everyone he'd ever known, but eventually found a treatment that worked and reached out after having heard nothing from him in over 5 years. We talked online, then met up a few times, and last night I went over to his place and we made some dinner. I didn't last more than 2 hours before I kissed him and dragged him to bed. We spent the night together and had sex again this morning, and I want to see him again tomorrow. This really doesn't feel like it's just old feelings being resolved. He's the same as he ever was, but he's so much more grown up and clearly matured. The biggest flaws in his personality that made him completely untenable as a boyfriend have evidently been outgrown, but the real question is whether or not this is a good idea. Am I just being too much of a romantic? Is it too soon to just launch into a relationship after being apart for so long? I really, truly knew and understand him half a decade ago, but am I just seeing what I want to see and avoiding the fact he may have completely changed in a fundamental way over that time?

Anonymous 92959

Its probably just money to him, I wouldn't be too worried.

Anonymous 92985

I don't think people change all that much. I think that goes for both positive and negative things. I doubt he fundamentaly changed and he probably still has some lingering form of the same flaws he had before. You should do whatever you feel like though.

Anonymous 93015

I’m so confused
Talking to this guy is making me insane
Soooo I text him how is day was a week ago and he says how this girl is bothering him. No specifics or anything
>cooooooool :,(
So I obviously delete his number but not his Snapchat. I feel super insecure and message him and ask if he’d ever like me or something like that. This turns into me also texting him about how I wanna shave my head and rip my skin off. He’s asks if I’m okay and I say no but it’s chill. To which he responds “how can I help” I ramble and say I always just feel like this and I’m sorry for bothering him. To which he reply’s “No it’s okay I will always listen”
He’s so nice and he looks like Timothée, Chalamet and I’m pretty sure he has absolutely no interest in me. What do I do?

Anonymous 93023

What do you want to do? I assume he would say he considered you a freind. Is that so bad? Do you resent or hate him for it?

Anonymous 93041

I want him to like me. I don’t resent or hate him it would just hurt my feelings

Anonymous 93055

Sometimes I wish he'd do a little more to show me he cares. I don't ask for much, just some small reassurance. I feel neglected at the moment

Anonymous 93071

Im a senior in high school, autistic, I really like this guy, he is so sweet and funny and I cant stop thinking about him. I’ve never been in a real relationship because I have problems socializing, and Im also picky which is a horrible combination. How do I know if he likes me? I only talk to him at lunch, before class or after school on campus. We also text sometimes. We like the same music and video games. He texts me first sometimes. Now winter break is coming and I dont want to lose contact over that. Ive been so lonely for so long and now Im feeling better and this is giving me hope. What do I do? Do I just continue as normal and see how things go? I feel stupid if hes not interested in me like that and I cant stop thinking about him. I am conventionally attractive, based on what everyone has told me, and I do get male attention so its not out there to think he would also be attracted to me but I dont know. Most guys I feel would have told me by now or done something but he hasnt , but also he seems smarter than the average guy and maybe just doesnt want to do anything dumb. I dont know. Sorry if this is all juvenile, Im just not used to this kind of thing, and I dont have a lot of close friends to help me out

Anonymous 93075


I'm having a blast this new year, I got the one thing I actually wished for
>idiot moid comes onto me
>turns out he has a gf
>it's okay we are hitting it off as friends
>it gets a bit too intimate start to develop feelings
>we say things
>notice how he is spending more time with me than his gf but she doesn't seem to care at all
>mention how it looks like him and her are pretty much falling apart
>he breaks my heart
>calls me every name under the sun
Fast forward one year
>she left him
>it was her house so he had to leave
>he got a shitty one room apartment
>he keeps crying about how depressed he is
Who's pathetic now? Uhn? Uhn?
Yeah, it does suck your place doesn't have heating or wifi, doesn't it?
I admit I am hoping he will message me so I can also reject him but for now I can finally stop feeling like shit over that dickhead!

Anonymous 93080

Don't take this the wrong way but flirting with a guy who's in a relationship makes you a massive slag and you are pathetic for doing it kek

Anonymous 93099

High school guys can be especially dense. Just ask him "hey you wanna hang out over winter break and see a movie (or other activity you know you might both be interested in)?" If he blows you off with a bad excuse he's not interested, if he has a good excuse like going out of town but he's interested he'll probably take the chance to be like "I can't because I'm going on vacation but let's hang out (outside of school) when I get back." If he says yes then he says yes and you can go from there.

Anonymous 93102

I know I'm an idiot but it wasn't immediate flirting, we were fine being friends then slowly we clicked and we were being a bit more, until things went like that.

Anonymous 93103

>flirting with a moid who has a gf
>surprised that he is a piece of shit and broke your heart
>Who's pathetic now? Uhn? Uhn?
you kek

Anonymous 93145

>notice how he is spending more time with me than his gf but she doesn't seem to care at all
>mention how it looks like him and her are pretty much falling apart
>he breaks my heart
>calls me every name under the sun
Fast forward one year
>she left him
Men get reall angry when you point out something they were choosing to ignore.
Kinda sounds like he was punching above his weight and that gave him too much confidence in his own appeal, hence flirting with you and wasting your time. Sucks to suck (him, not you)

Anonymous 93147

If I’m 18 should I be wary of a 22 year old guy who seems interested in me? We’re two academic years apart in college (I skipped a year in secondary school, he took a gap year before college), if that affects anything. My friends are giving me mixed responses.

Anonymous 93148

Im age-gap wise in the same situation but its the most loving relationship ive ever been in! If you trust the guy, go for it. Maybe start a good friendship first. If you have a bad feeling then listen to your gut! But i wouldnt judge this just based on age. Anyone can be an asshole of any age. and i'm sure theres no power imbalance either lmao you're not a kid anymore

Anonymous 93149

I'd barely consider that an "age gap," but personally I see nothing wrong with age gap relationships. There are no scientific studies showing they are harmful.

Anonymous 93151

Thanks, I don’t have a bad feeling about him at all but a few of my friends have said they think it’s weird so I thought I would ask. I don’t know if I’ll end up dating him — we’re so similar that it could be a really bizarre experience (I see some of my own flaws in him as well as my strengths), but I’ve never met anyone who understands me and my autistic obsessions the way he does and I think about him 24/7. I’m supposed to see him after Christmas anyway, we have plans to read and discuss a book together, which I’m very excited about!

Anonymous 93153

good luck with him!! i hope it will work out

Anonymous 93164

Thanks! I hope so too. I can’t imagine I would ever find a guy so similar to me again, we’re both a very specific kind of weird.

Anonymous 93257


so i have a question to ask, or a few. a girl i’ve known the last four months has been crushing on me for a while, and i’ve been reciprocating the past month. about a week ago (after i told someone who couldn’t keep a secret, and we had a wrestle-biting fight where i bit her so hard she bruised) we had to talk about it…
but what now? i’ve never been in a relationship and i’ve always avoided them because i’m terrified of commitment and loss. i told her im not ready yet because i have no self esteem, which is true. i just want her to be mine / me to be hers, but i’m afraid i’ll get jealous, aggressive, and controlling. and most of all, i’m afraid of losing her. i want to date her, but i need to not only get to know her better, but also get to know myself better.
so what im asking for is advice on the timeline. another hurdle is the fact we share a friend group, which may be awkward.
how can i tell if it’s worth dating within the friend group (since it’s a fairly case by case issue)? how do i know when i’m ready to date her? how long is too long to wait/work on myself before i should just jump in? how do i get to know her better, and use this information to make a decision?
my life is ruled by fear, and i’m ready for it not to be. what do i do?!

Anonymous 93258

Just date her

Anonymous 93259


Anonymous 93260

You're overthinking. You are trying to find reasons NOT to date her but if you don't try you will be thinking for years "what if". You seem to really like this girl so take the risk.

Anonymous 93263

realizing I am insane and mentally unstable but somehow have a nice Nigel. I don’t want to hurt him. I am trying to be better and healthier. It’s so hard.

Anonymous 93294


i know you’re right but it’s hard to get over .. i will do my best. im going to try and see her as much as possible the upcoming month.
thank you .

>>93263 knowing this and acknowledging it is what will help you long run… you can do it girl! you deserve to be loved!

Anonymous 93416

do you ever feel like your past makes you unworthy of love because of reading all that andrew tate bullshit in the past making your brain rot?

Anonymous 93432

My boyfriend and I both selfharmed as teens, and still do it occasionally. We have vainilla sex and usually take turns for control/dominance. I'd consider our sex life fulfilling and healthy.
The other day he asked me how comfortable I'd be cutting him in a sexual way. I don't understand why he wants me to harm him. Is it okay if I cut him? I want to ask him what it would mean to him if I did. Should I shut it down or ask more questions?

Anonymous 93435

A lot of kinks are rooted in trauma. I think you should talk to him about it and see why he wants to confront his trauma that way. Don't make him feel ashamed about it but explain why it makes you uncomfy.

Anonymous 93440

I will do just that. It makes me sad when I think of how much he struggles sometimes.

Anonymous 93449


what do you think anons

Anonymous 93450



Anonymous 93451

Unnecessarily cynical. Most people want love and want to be loved. It's human nature. She's a pickme who wants women to settle.

Anonymous 93452

it's true and anyone who tells you it isn't are the same kind of people who "genuinely don't know" why none of their tinder dates ever click. usually attraction is based on four things: 1) looks, 2) personality, 3) things in common and 4) proximity. on online dating almost none of these things are conveyed properly. looks can be altered with a filter, personalities over text aren't the same as irl, usually if you had things in common you wouldn't need to be online dating, and you have no proximity because (presumably) you haven't met the person before. it's an illusion of "options" that aren't actually options because they don't even qualify for the basic criteria of attraction.

Anonymous 93453

It sounds like she's targeting men though? (based on the "men are lonely because women are raising their standards" comment)

Anonymous 93461

Makes all the "oh, he's not a 10 with 10 inches? Leave him, girl. You can do so much better. Your perfect man is out there. All you have to do is read this book The Secret…" Women seethe. The idea every woman in the world can find a perfect partner is magical thinking and completely delusional.

Anonymous 93463

Both camps are right to a degree. There is no such thing as perfection and the quality in the dating pool IS limited (from a woman's perspective, not the other way around) BUT it's limited because women are overly willing to settle. If fewer women settled, men would be forced to be better partners and that would benefit a lot of women.

That said I can't tell if that post is attacking women or men or both.

Anonymous 93469

I want you all to know that if your bf pees standing up, he gets piss droplets on his legs and doesn't clean it. I had already another girl tell me this, and recently I got pelvic floor dysfunction and need to pee standing up with one of those hiking trail silicon pee devices, and I get droplets on my legs no matter where I aim the thing.
Men will deny this and my bf does too but I think it's the hairy legs that stops them from feeling it. So yeah they are sleeping and touching you with pee on their legs.

Anonymous 93475

Men have a much higher velocity of pee than that and their dick starts at the front of the pelvis, so it's really not the same as those fake penis thingies because those are more like a bag with a hole in it. There's nowhere near as much water pressure behind it as your bladder can generate.
2/10 do not believe.

Anonymous 93477

But that would make it worse. The faster the pee hits the water / bowl, the more it splashes around.

Anonymous 93479

I hate to tell you, that when anyone pees into a toilet, they're showering themselves in droplets. When you flush, even with the lid down, particulate flies out and gets all over your legs. There's also faecal particles distributed over you at all times.

Anonymous 93481

I love my bf so much. I didn't realize how miserable I was with my ex until I started dating my current bf and everything is so easy with him and he's so sweet to me. we just dropped the "I love you"s recently and I am really looking forward to our future together, but what is a massive green flag to me is that I feel like no matter how it turns out, I am just glad for the time we have spent together. I never felt that with my ex - every day was a "this will be worth it eventually". now, every day is worth it on its own.

Anonymous 93483

Get a moid who pees sitting down. Makes the toilet and the floor surrounding it cleaner too.
Also you should post this fact on Moid Secrets thread on /b/

Anonymous 93484

Breaking hearts, how dramatic. So how am I supposed to end relationships with a person I dont like anymore, or deny it if I am not even interested
And what if I do have “options”, how’s that bad
Also kek at “men lonely, because women have standards” - well, maybe they should try to reach those standards, it’s not like they are ridiculously high - often it is to be a decent human being and be clean and look presentable

Anonymous 93496


I’ve made plans to see a guy I know (not dating — we only met a couple of weeks ago and are still getting to know each other) later this week (the day after he gets home from visiting family) and I’m so excited. I stayed up until 2am last night sending voice messages back and forth with him talking about our interests (various areas of philosophy & our own pet theories). I love listening to his voice messages — he has a really cute accent (one of his parents is Northern European and it comes out in some words) and he has a really lovely way of looking at the world which is quite similar to my own. It’s crazy — we’ve been bothered by the same philosophical problems for a while before we even met. It’s wonderful to have someone to discuss these things with, particularly someone who is actually enthusiastic about my ideas (and who keeps telling me that I should be writing about them!). He told me yesterday that he’s been fighting the urge to bombard me with voice messages about the stuff he’s reading, which is funny as I’ve been fighting the exact same urge because I don’t want to bother him when he’s with his family. We’re ridiculously similar and I can’t wait to see him. I hope something good comes of this. I think he likes me — he’s called me cute a few times and keeps telling me how happy he is to know someone who understands his interests in the same way he does. I’m posting this because I can’t gush about this to anyone I know without embarrassment, but I have to get it out some how. I’m so happy s.

Anonymous 93523

abandon modernity …

i agree with this. I think women raising their standards will "limit" the dating pool… but this is necessary to make males start standing up. This being said, it wouldn't surprise me if people gave up on a person after a few (relatively harmless) arguments. They may not seem harmless if you don't know how to work out differences, and thus people get frustrated and break up. its very case by case, of course, this is just a generalization, but i feel like people don't know how to work things out.

Anonymous 93527

This guy looks like dream

Anonymous 93580

hi turbo virgin here. If a guy responds to your discord post with a heart emoji does that mean he may be interested?
Ive been getting mixed signals. Also dont worry I know him irl.

Anonymous 93585

Interesting, every time I see this pic here, I think how punchable his face is, funny how different perceptions could be, kek

Anonymous 93590

Anon means he looks like the Youtuber Dream, who does have a punchable face.

Anonymous 93606

lmao I googled and yeah, same braindead smugness

Anonymous 93610

Normie here.
Doesn’t mean anything. It’s in your head. Plenty of people use heart emoji to react to good ideas or way of saying thanks

Anonymous 93611


I met a cute guy some time ago, but i'm socially inept and i haven't talked to him since almost a month because i don't know what to talk about and i feel like a bother to him. The thing is that he's also a lot more socially inept than me so it's hard to talk to him, i barely know a few things he likes and i'm starting to give up.

Anonymous 93614

Post a meme and comment on it.
It might sound stupid, but from personal experience I can tell you that it's a decent ice breaker.

Anonymous 93629

s with cluster b disorders dating an avoidant man, tell me how it's going/ how it went, i need hope.

Anonymous 93630

It's not worth it. I was literally just about to vent about how fucking lonely I feel. Granted my situation is a bit odd but I think most cluster B's are in odd situations.
95% sure the guy I married is Autistic cause he honestly doesn't give a shit to try and make me feel better and has seemingly taken the stance that any feeling I have I'll just get over eventually so he just ignores me until I can fake being ok again. I only married him because I was super fucked up after a physical/mental abuser I was with for 6 years and basically can't do anything in life right now and he knows and he is seemingly ok with it and actually loves me for whatever reason (and granted I did/do too, starting to lose romantic feelings tho) but I'm really starting to feel like going back to live with my kinda abusive mom would have been a better choice even if it meant admitting to her what happened pretty much the moment I left home. He's there and supporting in monetary ways, and when it comes to what's essentially the friendship part of my relationship it's fine, and I'm not expecting him to cure my issues or even go all out or anything, but the absolute lack of an attempt to be emotionally there is killing me. I'll tell him I'm feeling like shit and his response is basically "ok" and then he puts on his headphones and ignores me. If I'm sobbing it feels like he's there out of obligation and he's never there a moment before the tears.
Maybe this is fine enough for a regular girl who needs a convenience marriage who is used to being self sufficient because it's like being roommates with a good friend willing to pay your way through life but 0 emotional support probably isn't a good thing if you've got a cluster B issue. If I ever manage to get on my own two feet I really don't think I could stay in the relationship. I feel bad because he's more than willing to do so much for me to support me but it's hard enough to feel loved when you have bpd, let alone when the guy you're with does absolutely nothing to make you feel happy. Being alone would have been the ideal but that unfortunately wasn't an option. No partner is better than seeing someone get happiness from you and you not getting any of that in return.

Anonymous 93642

on one hand you say he does so much for you but on the other you feel unloved.
I'd try to tell him what I am missing and encourage him to do it more and appreciate when he does it. But you need to be careful how you frame it otherwise it might turn into an argument

Anonymous 93703

>>93630 hi, i am >>93629 and i wanted to tell you that your bf loves you even if he doesn't always show it. even if he's not there physically, he's there and while he doesn't voice his love or just seems nonchalant to you, believe me he does love you. there's hope. if he's still with you it means he stills believes it can work out. i hope you find a way around it . it's hard to feel loved when you have cluster b disorders. you could even have the most loving doting version of your bf you'll never feel like it's enough or worst, you'll feel some imposter syndrome. you got this.

Anonymous 93704

You sound like a fucking parasite moid telling a woman to stay with someone autistic and irreciprocal in just about every way.

Anonymous 93706

0 emotional support is not something you get from a friend, maybe something closer to a frienemy anon

Anonymous 93707

i just struggle with the same issue lol. but i forgot that anon was in a position where she's in a convenient relationship that helps her getting afloat financially. my post was just about having hope that this sort of situation could work out, or else it would be broken already

Anonymous 93708

i hate to be that one person saying that but I'll be that one person, because i suffer from cluster b disorder too. Most of the time, your narrative gets wrapped when you suffer from those illnesses. we just know her side of the story, not his, so of course the dude looks like he lacks of empathy and sympathy, but truth is that if he lets anon live with him and helps her financially but didn't love her, it means anon is either very pretty or that her man is a splenda lacking of better options. I honestly think that anon should keep talking to him about the problem until they find a solution. the solution i found with my nigel is that if i want to spend time with him, I'll just ask and that he'd only refuse for practical reasons.

there's a reason anon and him got together and stayed together, i still encourage her to become independent and see it for herself

Anonymous 93757

some girl is outright attempting to seduce my boyfriend. they had the following exchange some time ago:
>wassup girl you wanna come to the movies
>will your girlfriend be there?
>hell yeah i'm in! jk i can't come
and to me this proves that she's into him but he sees it as proof that she likes me and respects our relationship. I'd like a third opinion.

actually, i think two girls are into him. one of them is an obese midget gaymer girl who's very vocal about liking nerd stuff to impress him, but the thing is she likes the stuff we think is for midwits so I have sympathy for her. the other girl is pretty, fit, social and employed unlike me. most of all I'm surprised I'm not stressed out by any of this, if he can be seduced and stolen away then I hope it happens sooner rather than later. my biggest concern is if the pretty girl has disrespectful thoughts about me, it'd be embarrassing to let my boyfriend be friends with someone who thinks I'm fat and stupid

Anonymous 93847

Tell your man to stop being friends with women who want more from him than friendship. It can only do wrong to all parties involved.
I'm really iffy on if men and women can be friends without something between them. I lean towards no most of the time.

Anonymous 93857

I just started seeing this new guy. We met at a concert I was performing at and he introduced himself to me, got my info, and was very cute and chill while flirting with me. He eventually let on that he wanted to take me out on a date and he knocked it out of the park. Took me to the aquarium, bought snacks and drinks, and then took me antiquing afterwards and kept offering to buy me things and kept saying he loved my taste in what I was looking at. He’s very respectful of my wishes to not have sex at the get go but always asks for photos of me and compliments my looks. He always tells me how smart and funny he thinks I am (he genuinely laughs at my jokes.) He has a good job and we’ve both established what we want out of life and we’re very aligned. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop but so far he’s literally perfect. I’m nervous but hopeful.

Anonymous 93886

I would advice to wait until you get an idea of how his relationship with his parents/family is like. Getting to know a bit of someone's family can tell you a lot of things, both good and bad

Anonymous 93892


Is anyone else experiencing this?

> just turned 28

> 4 dates over 2021-2022
> all with 30-32 y/o men
> all of them sincerely express the desire to marry and breed me within the first hour of the date

I'm fit, groomed, still not that hot, but politically I could be called a female chud. I think that's probably the draw.

But is this just what men do when they hit 30?
> inb4 just tryna fuck
Only slept with one of them, that I'm currently seeing. The rest I kept at arms length for a few months until I lost interest and they still pursued heavily despite no pussy.

Anonymous 93893

I'm 23, but only ever dated one person. Even then, it only lasted a few weeks because I kept getting weirded out by the relationship moving too fast. Ironically, I come from a religious family so I kek at moids who describe their ideal "religious female bride." The reality is that moids would just have fewer women to choose from if everyone was more conservative. My father generally instilled within me a distrust of men that makes it so difficult to have meaningful relationships with men even platonically since I'm always uneasy around dudes. He always said that they would just want something from me and would discard me once they received it. So I just never have good relationships with men or keep them at arm's length. I feel like my relationships have suffered and my interpersonal skills.

Anonymous 93894

>But is this just what men do when they hit 30?
No. I have a preference for older guys and not a single one has expressed such desires towards me.

Anonymous 93895

Your dad is partly right. I'm very accustomed to love-bombing, but this has been obscene. I don't know if they can smell my quiet desperation for the homeschool/homestead/homemaker lifestyle I've wanted as long as I can remember, and seize on it. I try to keep that to myself as much as possible.

What usually follows are shit-tests, which is why I lose interest and thank God I never went to bed with them. Negging me about looks, my job/income, comparing me to other women. But still blowing up my phone to see me. All kindness is over text, or strategically sprinkled throughout the evening with an underlying insecurity or resentment, idk.

Big rant, but it's just happening way too often. Twice from apps, with long hiatuses in between. Twice from meet-cutes.

Anonymous 93896

This sort of thing is what I'm afraid of exactly. I have been bullied growing up from both adults and peers. The last thing I want to attract is someone who will bully me in a relationship.

Anonymous 93897

Bullies have followed me everywhere… I'm the punching bag of my family because it relieves tension and they know I can handle it. My grandfather told my mom when she was about to marry my dad that he wished she "would find someone who lifts you up." Every guy I've dated has resorted to tried to tear me down in one way or another, make me doubt myself or otherwise just dull me. So it has to be my problem at this point. Or I'm habituated to it, so I don't know how to stop it when it starts.

Anonymous 94184

For many years I dated men who treated me poorly and who I wasn't attracted to due to low self esteem. After years of therapy and a bit of a glow-up, I have raised my dating standards a lot. AND NOW I AM FREAKING OUT.

So there's a guy. We matched on Bumble in the end of November and then talked on IG for a month before meeting. Since then we have been on 3 dates, our 4th date is scheduled for a few days from now. At first we were just hooking up/ having casual fun, but we both started to catch feelings quickly.

On our last date I told him I now want to date with the intentions of being in a relationship, and he agreed to that. This man is a scientist with a cute nerdy personality, model-level beautiful with a gorgeous face and a six-pack, and he is also incredibly kind and respectful. Did I mention that he’s the best sexual partner I have ever had? I am falling HARD and FAST. I am trying to play it cool, I didn’t want to fall for him so quickly.

HELP THIS MAN IS SUCH BF MATERIAL I DON’T WANNA FUCK THIS UP. I am not used to being so into a guy, this feels so weird. My main concern is that he told me he has an avoidant attachment style and he seems a bit afraid of love. But he also said he misses having a girlfriend, and that we have emotional/physical chemistry. He also said he is open to a relationship with me. I am a mixture of secure and anxious… aaaaaaaaa what am I doing I was in my independent woman era

Anonymous 94193

Congrats nona sounds like he's really into you and the feeling is obviously very mutual. You should go for it! See where it goes. The biggest feeling of regret always stems from inaction rather than going for something and it not turning out exactly the way you imagined.

Anonymous 94236


I guess I don't want to shit the site up and make a new thread so this seems like the place- where the FUCK do I get a decent bf as a hikki tier NEET that has barely left her room in the last four odd years save the odd day out with my friends? The last (and only bf) I had was when I was 18 and it lasted two months because we met on holiday and didn't actually live near each other back home. I'm 24 now and have literally not have a bf since. I don't relate to most guys, or most people for that matter, so I have no idea what to do.

I barely go out, I have no job and don't go to uni/college, and I'm not keen on the idea of doing either just for the sake of finding a bf. Ideally I want a guy who is shy and homebodied and a bit weeby like me but I still want him to provide cos I want to move out of my parents and into a home with a guy. That's probably demanding but wth. What are my options here, tinder? I hate the idea of that. I could probably meet a guy in videogames if I didn't have crippling VC anxiety.

Somebody shoot me.

Anonymous 94237

What does "meet-cutes" refer to?

Anonymous 94238

I'm dating a guy who's really compatible, smart, attractive, understanding, and has real hobbies, but something about him irked me. Just now I realized what it is: he doesn't love-bomb me, he's not emotionally dependent on me, and starving/cutting myself just leads to him listening/comforting me, but not letting it get to him/lead his life. I think I got myself into my first healthy relationship, and I'm uncomfortable about the fact that it's actually working out fine and that I'm happy with what we have built so far.
How can I cope with things being okay? Should I tell him about my thoughts? I'm prone to self-sabotage and dramatic meltdowns, which he refuses to engage with.
Before I realized this, I was about to make a post to complain about him, and then I realized r/AmITheDevil.

Anonymous 94249

I met my fiancé on 4chan…
I always say this fact and then I get dog piled on but whatever. He lets me stay at home and pursue my hobbies while he works and provides for the both of us. He allowed me to move out of my parents house. Without him I would still be in a toxic household.
We were pen pals for like 7 months before finally meeting because of covid. And also he didn’t push me on anything. I chose the pacing of our relationship. Which meant he had to endure my autistic pen pal paragraph messaging because like you I also had crippling VC social anxiety. Sometimes we spent 3-4h corresponding on a message each day (that was the later stages when things got out of hand and turned into novels of our ideas, thoughts and feelings - plus sharing memes and talking about videos we sent.)
It was very comfy. It takes two to be autistically devoted to each other like that though.

Anonymous 94255

do you live somewhere rural? If not, move.
My man isnt perfect but he never does weird shit tests or compares me to other women or anything like that, and I only met him by accident a decade ago and enjoyed how calm and non-moidy he is. I became a manhater long after meeting him and he developed with me, supporting my views and never defending men or putting women down. I respect his mother, as she definitely had an effect on how unmoidy he is. I dont believe this type of man is rare (outside of a city) but I do believe they are the least likely to actively look for women or get into relationships. Im SAHM and he works.

Anonymous 94259

Sounds perfect wow. Imma bug you with a couple questions- what board did you find him on? I can only think of /r9k/ and /soc/ and both are not places I wish to spend much time on but I would tough it out if I could find a bf. And when you did meet, did it turn out he was relatively nearby or did you have to move quite a distance? I guess I would be ok with either although I would rather not move out of the country (UK)

>It takes two to be autistically devoted to each other like that though.

Works for me so long as I find someone I click with. I'd definitely be devoted cos I know how rare people in this world must be like that.

Anonymous 94275

I found him on /soc/ gf/bf finder threads. I was on /soc/ NON-LEWD (VERY IMPORTANT) friend finder threads for 8 months just churning out friend requests to find a SANE person to be friends with (I was extremely lonely during covid). But all the men on there are really just looking for a gf unless they specify "NO WOMEN". So I thought why the hell not I might as well try to find a boyfriend online since I'm spending so much time, effort and energy finding a friend, who ultimately ditches me cuz I'm not interested in a romantic relationship lol. Hence why I went on the gf/bf threads and I got my fiance on my first try.

Throughout my quest to find a life-long friend, I found a pretty cool girl and we were pen pals for 4 months before she went offline due to a really bad breakup. She is with a new boyfriend now also on the verge of breaking up again, so I don't talk to her much but we are still in contact. It was nice to have a female friend who shares the same background and personality as me, sharing advice and wisdom with each other. So having my eyes assaulted by dick pics on /soc/ catalog was worth it LOL. I also had another male friend who wasn't interested in my romantically. Things kinda fizzled out though and he deleted me after I did not message him for 5 months (I didn't have the time anymore to chat with anyone after I moved in with my fiance). That anon was really interesting and I enjoyed our time spent together (he wasn't creepy at all and really witty and funny with good life advice - he was 29). So if things don't work out for you on /soc/, you may find some pretty cool people!

There was a semi-sane moid on there too who was interested in me but it didn't work out cuz I called him out for his sexist bullshit, plus at the time I was still looking for friends only (which then made him lose interest in me). I argued that he should lower his standards and go for women with a body count of 1-2 (this was me speaking as a khhv) cuz otherwise he'd be alone if he went virgin hunting. He said he was only interested in virgins and didn't want to have a girlfriend who was in previous long-term committed relationships. But to me, I'm thinking, well - it's not like she was promiscuous and she did commit and put effort in her relationship but she just had bad luck and it didn't work out in the end. That was my argument and then he started to distance himself from me after that lol. He did eventually find his virgin tradwife gf who's into lolita fashion and started spamming the /soc/ threads a day sharing his jubilation and he was met with many angry jealous moids telling him to kys. But I guess she is another example of a NEET girl who got a bf just cuz she was a virgin and that's all he cared about.

You get some crazy moids so be careful not to divulge too much info. Some guy rage quit on me because I wasn't interested in him even though many girls on there added him because he was sweet and innocent in his initial post and stated he owned a house at 24, but he really was just a wolf in sheep's clothing lol. I forget what he got angry over because it was so trivial but I didn't mind when he deleted me. Another moid kept showing his boogers at me whenever he got angry at me or told me to kms and got angry over little things (he had some major rage issues man) even though in his initial post he seemed pretty chill and innocent too. Of course I started distancing myself and eventually deleted my throwaway profile after that lol. You will get alot of adds if you state you are a woman, like 30-50 adds but only 1 or 2 are worth talking to. The cool 29 year old guy added me and didn't write a post, he was just a /soc/ tourist at the time. People who have /soc/ as their main visited board are insane.

I was also friends with a Swedish guy who was normal and interesting to talk to. Learned so much about Sweden and he shared me trips to India he took at 15 (Swedes are so crazy and encourage their kids to go travelling alone at such a young age!). He shared me authentic Swedish recipes from his grandma and I wish I saved them lol. He was also from a very rich family and it was fascinating to see how they lived, he shared many pictures of his travels throughout Europe and his family's estates. Anyway he only messaged me like once a month which was too infrequent and I deleted him. Another guy from Vancouver was normal too and had an everyday life and job and all that - he didn't have much time for me either so he ghosted me unintentionally. This was during covid so a lot of normies were on /soc/ at the time.

Most guys on there are pretty desperate coomers who have a dream of getting a gf and /soc/ is the only way for them cuz they're neets. And I don't think you want a coomer neet. Thus, it's a pipe dream because unless you're very lucky its hard to move in together due to financial costs and if you're in separate countries, in addition to the fact that many of the users on /soc/ are pretty much coomer neets (i.e., the worst boyfriend). You will get a lot of clingy guys harassing you just cuz you put "f" in your post. Just ignore and delete and hope you get lucky finding interesting people to talk to or become a couple with.

Sorry I went on a tangent, I can answer your second question now. I was just trying to give you as much details as possible so you know what youre getting into.

I made a post in the bf/gf thread and made it super generic cuz by then I had made TOO many posts to the point of being recognizable by all the people I ghosted/deleted. The anons on /soc/ are all bitter jaded and mean and will say false bad things about you so then no one adds you lol. So be careful about that! My fiance didnt add me but he also made a post and I remember thinking to myself - wow, what an interesting guy. And also I imagined how our life would be together with him based off his post lol. I added him cuz he was very obviously not a neet - he said something about swimming and canoeing at his cottage, skiing at his ski chalet, playing tennis, enjoy lifting and that he was doing a PHD in a STEM subject. And I thought to myself, wow he sounds so accomplished why the hell is he on this hellsite?! And I added him. And of course he accepted and I told him which post I was and he said that he wanted to add me but he didn't cuz too many people would add me and he thought he wouldn't have a chance. I am so happy I added him! it changed my life. I'm surprised no one else added him but I guess there weren't many femanons lurking that day.

So like I said we were pen pals for 7 months online and I gradually worked up the nerve to do phone calls and I hate my ugly face so much so I refused to do video calls after my first attempt. It was nice to verify he was real at least so definitely do that at least once! He was really nice about me just showing the wall so on our first phone call I got to see his face and he just saw a wall lol.

It turned out he was living in the same city as me. I couldn't believe me luck! So meeting up was easy. He lived across the country though and was just in my city for school. I moved in with him a year later after we went on dates together. And we had the privilege of having his cottage to ourselves so we kinda practiced living together before officially moving in. His cottage was in the same province as where he was studying so it was really easy to live with him and have a mini summer vacation/honeymoon together.

Anyways this is a taste of what type of messages he had to endure lol. I hope you find someone and get lucky and hit the jackpot! I believe in fate after meeting my love on /soc/ of all places. But you never know if you don't try. Give it a shot but be cautious and stay safe!

Anonymous 94312

Add potential bfs on your steam/xbox/switch,playstation friends list

Anonymous 94404

he sounds so patient and like a really nice person
nona please try to work through your issues with him and stay. you wont get a guy that nice ever.
i do the same with my bf (leave/threaten to leave) but now he's sick of me and shut down and i can't stop freaking the fuck out to save the relationship and he can't understand my insecurities.

Anonymous 94407


He keeps on leaving me on read and has never texted me first oh my God why is he like this

Anonymous 94417


I didn't think about this much before, but is the age gap with my bf too large?
I'm 23 and he recently turned 28. He met me when i was 21 and we've been friends until recently, when our relationship developed and became more romantic. our parents don't think our gap is too big or weird, but i recently had an uber driver who, when making conversation with me, asked me his age and she literally went silent and said "isn't that a little old for you?"
the whole ride, she was talking to me as if i'm some victim and asking all these questions about him trying to determine if he deserves me, joking about how i should leave him if he doesnt do etc etc. it was incredibly weird. she was a woman in her 50s, if that is relevant to this.
she also spent the whole ride basically traumadumping about her deadbeat son who won't ever go see his daughter and how she has to help raise her granddaughter because he won't step up and get a job.

Anonymous 94420

i think if he has never made any comments about the age gap(or your age in general) and has always treated you with respect, due to how long you've been together and how long you were friends before, it's fine. but it's all up to how you feel about it. just because someone who doesn't know anything about your relationship talks to you like you're a victim, doesn't mean you are one. maybe spend some time thinking about it if it's really getting to you.

Anonymous 94421

lol who cares what an Uber driver thinks.

Anonymous 94423

idk. My dad made a big deal about my 29 year old boyfriend when I was 22 and pressured me to break up with him. I guess it's looked down upon by some to have an older boyfriend because people assume women their own age avoid them for a specific reason (most men have settled down by that time so it's kind of a red flag to some, especially more old fashioned people. In today's age, it might be normal because people put off jobs and families for college and such)
>she also spent the whole ride basically traumadumping about her deadbeat son who won't ever go see his daughter and how she has to help raise her granddaughter because he won't step up and get a job.
tbh sounds like a case of tmi from a stranger. If what she said is totally offbase, then I'd just ignore it. But if what your driver said is bugging you because you feel like some of her words struck a nerve because they're TRUE, then I would trust your gut, nona. Ultimately you are your own person.

Anonymous 94424

>it might be normal because people put off jobs and families for college and such
I never got this argument, I don't see why someone being in college would prevent them from having a relationship, it's not like she's going to immediately start popping babies

Anonymous 94427

it's not an argument. You can have a relationship in college but that is not my point.

I am saying nowadays it's normal for people to settle down later because they want to focus on themselves first (whether it's college/job/whatever). But older generations look at it as weird if you are a man who is 30 and not married already because that's what they did when they were younger.

That's why older people look at it as "weird" sometimes if a 28-year-old is dating younger woman. Because older generations might think a man should be married by then and something must be "wrong" with him if he doesn't have a wife his age or starting a family. Like "Oh maybe women his own age are avoiding him for a reason so he's dating younger girls because they're more inexperienced." But that's not always the case anymore since a 30-year-old might not necessarily have more life experience than a 23-year-old in this day and age. Like I said, many put off relationships, families, etc to focus on becoming financially stable, or their education, or whatever. Imo, no choice is wrong, it's just generational and life differences. Older generations don't understand that plenty of 30-year-old men are single and childless because they put off starting a family or relationship for many fair reasons. It's not necessarily a "redflag" like some think.

Anonymous 94439

Isn't she a little too old to be driving Uber?
And she raised a fucking retard for a son.
lmao who would listen to a person like that for advice?

Anonymous 94448

I'm not so bugged by her comments, I feel most of her criticisms about my bf stemmed from her deadbeat son. My bf just graduated from uni and is looking for a job. I'm on my last year of uni and I'm set to graduate later this year, and I plan on job hunting afterwards. so we aren't too different in terms of where we are in our lives.

I feel part of why she was talking to me as if I'm some victim is because I have a pretty young looking face and get mistaken for younger than I really am. My bf has a lot of facial hair which is probs why he may look a little older than he really is but he tends to get mistakened for 25 when we go out together.

As much as I understand that this woman was likely trying to look out for me and make sure I don't end up in a similar situation with her son and his ex, it was incredibly weird being hit with so many invasive questions and assumptions about my relationship. I'm just more bugged about a complete stranger thinking I'm in danger when in reality she is just projecting, and my bf and I are just normal college students.

Anonymous 94462

Did your bf finish his masters or PhD or something postgraduate?

Anonymous 94471

My boyfriend and I used to have sex where he lead and took control, which meant I was mostly receiving pleasure. Now I'm the dominant one (at my own request) but I don't enjoy sex nearly as much. It's like, I don't feel desired since I'm the one pursuing him, and now I only cum 50% of the times, when it used to be a 100%. I wish we could switch back, lol.

Anonymous 94472

It's pretty much just a bullshit excuse for people who simply don't want a relationship (or at least don't want to pursue one) for other reasons. College is fucking easy, anyway.

Anonymous 94473

I took the point to be "don't throw away a partner who is a good person who you have a real bond with on the hope that you can get someone who is like that but hotter", which is generally very good advice.

Anonymous 94481


>talking to the only guy I've ever been sexually attracted to for a month
>rizz him with a joke referencing one of his catchphrases
>he's dtf
>he tells me he has erectile dysfunction at 20 years old
>have no proper experience dominating a guy

Anonymous 94483

he sounds fun nona, maybe you could peg him

Anonymous 94486

I really want to, I do own a strap on (unused so far because all the other guys I've been with just larped as bi/submissive to get my attention), I am just very insecure over the prep part, my fingers are so small I can't even finger myself

Anonymous 94487


tbh you should get one of those anal training kits from a sex shop, so you can work him up to taking your strap.

a good lube is paramount- i recommend boy butter original formula.
(plant based and safe for use with silicon toys)
though lately my fav thing to use is the juice from an aloe vera plant, because it's nice and soothing ^__^

leading up to the encounter, a little bit of fasting can come in handy to avoid any ~unfortunate accidents~ while pegging. while not mandatory per se, it has proven to be extremely useful for me with my play partners.

GLHF nona!!!!

Anonymous 94488

next time take it to /nsfw/…

Anonymous 94489

aight will do.

>didn't know there was a board for that

>is retarded

Anonymous 94494


I thought I finally had a guy who liked me back but then at a party we were at he ended up hooking up with someone else there while I was passed out. I tried to force myself to get over it because even though I really liked him, I wanted to be over pining after guys. I also started being a bit colder towards him as well because I was kind of mad because one of my friends told me I got led on. The thing is, our mutual friend said that she's pretty sure he's still into me (other people have implied it but she stated it outright), and now I'm freaking out that I'm ruining my best chance at a relationship or some form of intimacy. I know it's not the end of the world if I don't date someone but I still haven't even kissed anyone and I'm in my second year of university so I think I'm just desperate for something at this point. Plus I do really like him, so I don't wanna fuck things up forever if it turns out he is into me.

I'm just trying to work out what the best thing to do is. I kind of want to DM him and ask for clarification on the whole situation but I also don't want to be weird or make things awkward because we share a friend group and if I ended up going back to being friendless because of this I'd be miserable. I feel like I've missed a lot of good opportunities to bring it up as well because it's been more than two weeks now so I'm scared it'd be even weirder. I thought about just getting completely drunk and messaging him but I don't know if that would make things worse. I kind of miss being a complete social reject sometimes, at least I didn't have to think about all of this

Anonymous 94501

a friend of mine has this same fate, except only two of her three exes (and one crush who dumped her) trooned out. maybe some people just attract a certain kind of moid.

Anonymous 94515

Like actual diagnosed, medicated erectile dysfunction? If it's not, there is a very good chance he's just comparing himself to this ridiculous standard he cooked up in his head through porn and talking to other immature men. That version of it would be quite fixable in a healthy relationship.

Honestly I think the real redflag is the fact that he told you, why the fuck did he think that was a good idea?

Anonymous 94531


His erectile dysfunction is caused by a fuckton of psychiatric meds he's on, he even told me he's been porn free for quite some time because he is taking care of that issue the best he can.

>Honestly I think the real redflag is the fact that he told you, why the fuck did he think that was a good idea?

He told me that he's very insecure over his performance and that he'd value my pleasure, that's why

Anonymous 94537

>being on a "fuckton" of psychiatric meds
red flag
>oversharing about sexual insecurities, basically coming out and stating that he'd be a neurotic wreck and is incapable of just putting on a brave face and trying his best
red flag

Anonymous 94538

Probably because you are part of some hipster/"alt" circles and live somewhere like California.

Anonymous 94562

At what point do I start suspecting that my boyfriend is cheating if he's at least half an hour late every day? When I ask him what took him so long he says he was talking with Johnny but he never remembers what they were chatting about that kept him from leaving the office for an hour.

Anonymous 94565

Go through his phone and snoop for messages

Anonymous 94579

Maybe he's just into fucking conscious people and not rape?

Anonymous 94580

follow him and see what he is doing, it's either a surprise for your or cheating.

Anonymous 94583

girls I need advice
my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and no ring living in a basement apt when I work FT and mandatory overtime and he works 2 PT with unpredictable hours
I want to go back to school in the city and have the college experience I missed due to the pandemic but he doesn’t want to move to the city and said basically if I do this we break up
I don’t want to ruin the only good relationship I’ve had with a man in my life but I am stuck in a rut and need a change in my life my job has little upward movement but it has benefits and pension. I feel like if I go to school I’ll blow up all these good things i have but if I don’t I’ll be empty thinking about how I could have my bachelors?
I’ve been stuck for months thinking about this and can’t make a decision
if we broke up I’d take the cat at least but I hope he wouldn’t change his mind on that

Anonymous 94589

A lot of people go to college hoping to meet someone and maybe get a job, but you have both already.
Would this degree be in anything useful that could get you better work at least?
Mine is just a nice decoration mostly. Looks okay on a resume I guess. But I ended up getting different training later that I used to get a decent job.

Anonymous 94590

Take it from somebody who dropped out of college to save a relationship in the same scenario-don't do it! If want you want is to move city and he doesn't it's already been decided. You can either live in denial that he would rather live without you than with you in another city or you can mitigate some of the pain by making this choice for yourself now. Please always have dignity and the courage to put yourself before a relationship. I'm sorry to be this frank but i wish somebody had told me this ten years ago. Men who won't make it work just aren't worth it and they will think less of you for sacrificing your own best interests. College regrets will haunt any potential future together regardless of how much you love him right now.

Anonymous 94606

I mean I'd sure hope so, I was just confused because everyone told me he was into me but I feel like you don't fuck other people if you're into someone. Like the fact that he fucked someone at all kind of confused me because nobody else there was hooking up, it wasn't really the vibe. I'm over it now anyway, I think they're dating so it's whatever.

Anonymous 94617

anon that’s the worst part in my field a bachelors can either be awesome or mean nothing it depends on the employer
I really want to be able to say I’m university educated but to go further in my field I could also do certifications which would be more specialized than a bachelor and probably get just as far (no one I work with now has anything higher than an associates diploma)
all my friends live in the city and I’m stuck in our hometown working in a male dominated field as the youngest person on my team and a woman at that
I do really love my boyfriend but I feel I’d like to get married or at least get some sort of commitment from him if I’m going to stifle my dreams like this but at the same time I could waste 100k going to school and end up getting the same job I have now just paid less in the city

Anonymous 94618

thank you so much for saying this I know this isn’t a unique situation and I’m glad I have other people to talk to about this
If I mentioned any of this to my irl friends they’d definitely tell me to just do it
I really really love my boyfriend though and he’s put up with my mental health episodes much better than anyone else I’ve been with and I’m afraid I won’t be able to find that with anyone else
or maybe I just need more self confidence?

Anonymous 94639

my relationship of 10 years is heading toward the end and i just dont know how to cope with the fact im going to lose the person ive been closest with and shared my life with for the last decade

Anonymous 94647

gorllll same
i feel the exact same way in my 10 year relationship…
does it ever hurt knowing that we have an expiration date and he never thought of me as worthy of marriage.
i've tried to leave multiple times in the past but he always hoovers me back in. i believe the next time i will be successful tho
there is a silver lining to this, we have another chance at happiness, and the ability to identify the red flags early on for the next time.
i also like to entertain myself with thoughts of going after one of his friends (who i'm limerent over) once he's done with me. who knows if that will happen though.
best of luck

Anonymous 94675

Wish I could also leave my relationship of 10+ years. It just keeps getting worse and no one is happy but he keeps pulling me in. Get out now while you can.

Anonymous 94680

What were the early days of your relationships like and how did it progress into what you’re feeling now? I worry because I’m on my first relationship and just got over the honeymoon phase and have reduced our sexual relations to once per week because I’m so tired and busy for sex all the time. I used to do it multiple times a day when I was in honeymoon phase.

Anonymous 94681

Are you just not horny anymore or did you used to do it for his sake?
t.never been in a relationship

Anonymous 94685

Our relationship started off over the summer as a fling. We both weren’t doing anything and had the time but now that we work and live together it’s hard to squeeze sexy time in now

Anonymous 94691


>drinking with girl crush and male friend
>gay rights come up somehow
>girl says she supports them in part because has a lot of gay friends and she wants them to be happy
>"you're the only straight people I'm close to… uh well probably not you Nona, but anyway"
>not ready to admit i'm bi
>feel like i should protest but don't want to lie
>say nothing
What the fuck did she mean by that. Does she know I'm into girls? Does she know I'm into her? Did she go out of her way to tell me she's straight? Or did she go out of her way to tell me she wants me to be happy? Or did she imply we aren't that close? Did I out myself by not protesting when I was called probably-not-straight? I'm so scared and embarrassed

Anonymous 94692

If most of her friends are lgbt she probably is too.

Anonymous 94720

i recently broke up with my first girlfriend. we have been talking every day since. im sure that staying in contact like this is preventing me from processing the grief of losing her. she told me she misses me and she still feels like i'm the only person she can be herself around but she is substantially less engaged in our interactions now and it hurts my feelings.

my problem is that i have no other friends and i dont know if total isolation is better or worse than this. i'd be really grateful for anyone's thoughts.

Anonymous 94721

maybe you could ask one of her friends if she's gay?

Anonymous 94753

After a year of dating my bf I have to move back to my country and wont see him for at least 6 months and probably even longer

We see each other every couple of days so I dont know if we will make it through the transition

Any advice from other nonas of how to make it work?

Anonymous 94762

Isolation is fine as long as you focus on doing things that make you happy. After I went through a breakup I was dealing with something similar so I picked up old hobbies and it helped me a lot. It directed my focus off my ex since I didn’t have friends to go to. Eventually you’ll make friends, online friendships can help a lot too. When you’re ready definitely try to find some good people to spend time with.

Anonymous 95116

I abhor the rise of manosphere content. I had to block, unfollow and mute so many people/words (especially on Twitter) just to make it more bearable. I'm coming outside of my femcel era and just want to date/settle down with a guy I like. However, I have to filter out these guys to see if they listen to Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson and anyone else who pushes that rhetoric.

Because of this, so many people are approaching relationships with ego. "What can you do for me?" Although relationships SHOULD be mutually beneficial, this way of thinking can be very tit-for-tat and make you a cynic. I think a lot of women (including me) took on a let-me-run-through-people and be "cold" approach to guys after being hurt and seeing women be hurt but extremes don't benefit anyone. I think the reason I've had this epiphany is because I realized that I want to have fun/mutually satisfying relationships and date guys who are chill and relaxed.

Anonymous 95127

>be me
>make out with the only man I have ever been sexually attracted to (I thought I was a lesbian before meeting him, idk if I'm bi now or just a dyke with comphet)
>he's so nice,he gives me attention and behaves so romantically all the time
>I'm so in love
>he gets back to his hometown
>he's so rude over text
>desperately try to flirt with him for a month over text
>he replies with "meow" to most of my texts
>tell him how I enjoyed spending time with him
>he tells me "I'm sorry to break it off to you, but if you have romantic feelings towards me,know that it's not mutual. I'm still willing to be your friend, make out with you and have sex with you and I will be as gentle as I always were…not during sex though, daddy loves rough fun" (yes,he unironically typed out "daddy loves rough fun" in English although it's not our mothers tongue)
>wanna kms
>I'm desperate for him still
>lie to him and tell him I'm not into him that way and that I'm just horny for him
>somehow end up talking to him about anal
>he doesn't wanna be pegged by a girl even though he's bi and takes it mostly up his ass with men
>tell him ive been told by men that my pussy is tighter than my ass hoping that he'd understand that men haven't been able to please me before
>he says : "that's hot,I love tight holes in general :)"
>mfw he has no knowledge of female anatomy
>he sounds so fucking clueless about sex even though he's fucked and been fucked by a ton of men,women and Aidens
>mfw I'll get into a situationship and have horrible sex just for the sake of getting closer to him
>I hate my life

Anonymous 95133

Nona, please, please get some self-respect.

Anonymous 95449

Not the meowing

Anonymous 95450

>yes,he unironically typed out "daddy loves rough fun" in English although it's not our mothers tongue
nona, no offense but this made me cringe so hard my clitoris recoiled into its hood.

Anonymous 95451



I know, right??? Just imagine how I felt reading this straight from the dms.
God,I hate him so much but I'm too obsessed with him at this point to not fuck him for a crumb of attention

Anonymous 95455

My boyfriend changed his mind about not having kids after his brother's death. Now I need to decide if I want to have kids, let him donate sperm to a friend who initially asked him before we started dating, or break up. I really do not want to take the risks associated with kids, but I know if he has children with that woman he'll want to spend every hour possible with them, and if we break up I will most likely end up homeless.

Anonymous 95465

he sounds like he has STDs

Anonymous 95466

Fuck him. Say you want kids, but not right now, and take the time to save up money and get a place. Then leave him.

Anonymous 95467

Put the relationship on pause until you come back. Chances are after 6 months you will stop thinking of him either way.

Anonymous 95490

Literally what did he do so wrong that it warrants that kind of deception?

Anonymous 95491

His emotions are raw after someone close to him had just recently passed. Ask for some time, wait a few months and see if this would pass. He's probably acting erratic right now.
In the mean time let him know that your there for him and that you care.

Anonymous 95500

He's sorting out his entire life trajectory and just lying to him about whether or not I'll be in it would be incredibly cruel.


He doesn't get erratic and this isn't an emotional decision for him. He was content to let his brother have kids so they could inherit everything, carry on the name and manage things, but now he has to do it and we're already both 33, so we're both kind of running out of time.

It's not like he's given me an ultimatum with an expiration date, but I need to decide quickly if I'll leave, have kids myself or let him have multiple children with another woman (she's a lesbian, so I'm not going to lose him that way) and essentially have a part-time boyfriend because he'll want to raise them. The problem is I quit my job to focus on art and have let my personal wealth deplete over time. So if I had to leave him, I would have to actually find a job and work for months to be able to put down security and pay rent, while also storing all my belongings and living somewhere else in the meantime. It just feels hopeless, because my best option is going to leave me as a secondary priority over someone elses kids and seeing him maybe a few hours in the morning and evening despite living together.

Anonymous 95506


Nothing. God knows why miners are so quick to jump the gun with this FDS type shit.

Anonymous 95526

Wait, what's "everything"? It sounds like some money and money making assets here. How much we talking?

Anonymous 95543

His family own quite a bit of land, some farms and a small supermarket chain. They can't let the wrong people inherit it because they hire within their extended family and a lot of people rely on the whole system to keep stable, well paying jobs.

Anonymous 95564

Sis, I would straight up GIVE you my apartment and job if you break up and let me take him.

Anonymous 95566

>my rich boyfriend wants to have kids with me and we're 33 so i have to break up with him and become homeless :(

Say this out loud for me nona.

Anonymous 95567

You're focussing on the wrong things in her posts.

Anonymous 95570

What he's doing to YOU is cruel. I'm assuming he stated early in the relationship that he didn't want kids, and now he changed his mind and your life is fucked because you made choices based on the belief you would be child free. HE is the backstabber, you'd be doing the same thing he is doing to you now.
Besides he is a man, he can have kids in his 40s if he truly wants it. Time isn't an issue for him like it is for you.

Anonymous 95571

I'm in uni
Where on campus do I find the cute virgin boys?
Also how do I make sure he's not infected with the andrew taint mind virus

Anonymous 95572

>Changing your mind because the circumstances changed is the same as intentionally decieving someone to take advantage of them
You are unhinged. You're acting like the only way to say "I don't want kids," is to say "I will not have kids under any circumstances, ever."
You can ask OP, but she almost certainly had some kind of conversation about having kids with her boyfriend where he said something about his brother inheriting things.

Anonymous 95578

He's not backstabbing me. We both went into our relationship on the understanding neither of us was going to have kids, but he was never opposed to them like I was. I felt having children was needlessly risky and would permanently reduce the quality of my life, while he just felt they were unnecessary because he has a dozen kids in his extended family running around to take care of and his brother's kids would inherit everything to keep the family business from being sold off. I'm realising now it's my own fault and I got way too comfortable entirely relying on his life being unchanging and stagnant forever.

I just never asked the question "What if your brother couldn't have kids" because his family are such prolific breeders it never even crossed my mind.

I'm slowly coming around to the idea of just letting him donate sperm, but I can't tell if it's because it's actually a good way to keep our relationship and let him look out for his family, or if I'm just so scared of losing him and my nice, comfortable life that I'm willing to basically cuck myself.

Anonymous 95579

Better to have a child yourself, than having to care for a child that is not your own. I don't know why you're even considering it. Either break up, or have your own child.

Imagine how it would be for the child. My uncle with two children remarried a second time, and the stepmother just didn't really care about them. They've always been neglected and grew up to be drug addicts.

Though this wouldn't be an issue to me. You have a loving boyfriend, who cares for your lifestyle, and you can have a child with him, to ensure that it will continue. Also, if your child becomes an heir, you'll be bound to the family. If he has a child on the side, and you're not even married, he can always throw you away, and you will inevitably grow apart from each other. Your current life won't stay the same either way, so it's either breaking up or having your own child.

Anonymous 95581

Also, think about the future, where you'll be in 10 to 20 years. You're already 33 with no steady source of income. You already didn't plan ahead for the possibility that your boyfriend leaves you and you have to fend off by yourself. Do you think you can find another rich moid who lets you stay at home focusing on your hobbies?

Also, don't listen to those nonas who say that "he's a backstabber" and that "you need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible". They sound young and probably don't have enough life experience to plan ahead. Yes, he's a moid and can betray you at any time. That's why you need to secure yourself. He's rich, so if you have a child, you'll get the necessary medical care to ensure successful childbirth.

Anonymous 95582

I wouldn't be raising them, nor would I need to have any significant contact. He'd spend a lot of time with them, but he wouldn't be living with them either. I won't lie and say the worrying thought of him just deciding to leave me hasn't crossed my mind, but we're together because we're deeply compatible and I know him well enough to know for certain he's not just going to get bored and dump me.

You're right that I was being shortsighted and I admit I let myself get too comfortable when we moved in and I didn't have to keep working anymore. I should have kept working to plan for a more uncertain future.

The issue is I just plain do not want kids. They will wreck my body and completely destroy both the life I have now and the future I want. I sure as hell don't want to have kids to secure my position with his family, only to destroy everything that makes my position desirable. If he has children, yes it means I get less time with him and he'll have new priorities, but it'll also mean we can stay together, which is ultimately all I want.

Anonymous 95583

If he doesn't plan to raise and live with his own child, why not let somebody from the extended family take over or adopt a grown one?

Anonymous 95589

He will raise them and spend as much time with them as possible, which is part of the problem.

Anonymous 95599

You should know that what he's planning to do would be horrible for a child. Children in unstable marriages and broken homes don't grow up well. Willingly bringing a child into that situation is such a selfish thing to do.
This also won't end up well for you. It's such a dysfunctional situation. You really think those kids will never go into your life and your space? And that you won't ever have anything to do with them?
I've been in that situation and I've seen other people live that situation. The ones who have it worse are always the kids and the women involved.

Anonymous 95600

>if he has children, yes it means I get less time with him and he'll have new priorities, but it'll also mean we can stay together, which is ultimately all I want

I think you have it the other way around. You're severely underestimating the amount of attention and care needed to raise a child. It's not just an animal that you can give to your aunt and visit from time to time. It's a new human being. You have to dedicate most of your day to care for it.

Now, if it's your child, your bf will spend this time with you and them every day. If it's somebody else's, he'll leave for the majority of the day, and when he comes back in the evening, he will be too tired to spend time with you. This way, you will inevitably grow apart.

In any case, if he has a child, yours or not, there's no way for you to continue living as you did before. So if you want to preserve your current lifestyle, convince him to pass the reigns of the company to his extended family.

Anonymous 95623

Idk the situation but if I were you I probably wouldn't think much of it, some people are just like that and give out compliments to people whenever they pop in their heads.
Even if he was into you, I wouldn't go for him if he has a gf and is going after you anyways, what does that say about him? That he is unfaithful and will cheat or dump you once the "novelty" of the relationship wears off.
And what have ADHD moids taught us about men who constantly crave new and different stimuli?

Anonymous 95628


i had a nightmare last night that my bf cheated on me with a run of the mill egirl (who isnt real, def made up in my dream), and i woke up so shaken bc ive had prophetic dreams before. i've been cheated on by an ex in the past, so that fear still lives within me.

Anonymous 95661


>There's a guy at work
>He has a deep, smooth voice like Ian McKellen
>Was originally my direct manager
>Now We're on the same rung
>Know for a fact he recommended me
>There for me in bad situations
>Makes me feel calm and at ease
>Always knows exactly what to do
>Knows how to make me feel better
>Goes out of his way to make me smile when I look down
>Takes a genuine interest in my personal and professional life
>Confide in him about some trouble I've had at home and he sits and actually listens
>When I ask him for advice it's always well thought out and works.
>Backs me up in whatever I want to do and helps me plan it out.
>He's turned up at my flat on a weekend to help me put a TV on the wall.
>He checked in on me and bought food over when I had covid.
>He's Married
>Loves his wife to death
>He's taking a half day tomorrow
>I somehow feel overwhelmingly jealous and have to smile through him telling the group his plans.
>Dreams about this guy are getting out of hand.
>I have almost said "love you" at the end of phone calls to him.
>I have no doubt if I let it slip he'd think I was joking and play into it.
He knows what he's doing, right? He must know. Because if this is just him being nice then he's set the bar way too high.

Anonymous 95894

Things can only get worse.

Anonymous 95932


How do I stop being so rigid in a relationship? The way I describe it is that just I just can't show affection. I can't say "I love you" without chocking on my words, and physical affection sometimes makes me freeze up. I have no idea why. This is the first time I've ever been in a relationship, I've confessed to someone before this, but it went nowhere, so everything is just really new. I want to be clingy, yet my body tenses when I try to, which makes my attempts at compliments and flirting crooked as fuck.

My bf noticed that, and thankfully he seems patient, assuring me to go on my own pace. Despite that I still feel like I'm not expressing my affection properly. My only guess for why I'm so rigid, is that I might be scared of being vulnerable, having it being used against me.

So, how? How do I stop from being so scared of intimacy?

Anonymous 95956

1)He is not interested and continuing friendship will hurt you more
2)He is interested and he is a piece of shit who would cheat on his wife for you, and then will cheat on you when he gets bored of you too
3)He doesn't give a shit about you but likes playing with your feelings to boost his ego (lotta moids do this)

Its a lose lose lose situation. Just distance yourself.

Anonymous 95991

I wish I knew how to move on after being love bombed.
I keep falling for this shit, I knew it was fucking happening and I let it happen because it felt good.
I got addicted to the joy and validation and he gave me.
Now all of that is gone and I'm left wanting all the things he gave me before.
I'm pathetic.
I can't believe I fell for this shit again.
Fuck men.

Anonymous 96024

Same, nona. I've been spending time with other people doing fullfiling things and it seems to help. Although love bombing seems to mostly imply manipulation and insincerity I'm even sure he was sincere but him stopping still hurts a lot. It does seem to get better though.

Anonymous 96087

im frustrated because my boyfriend said he can come over today and now he’s being flakey and leaving me on read. I think itll work out but its just annoying and now I feel like a bitch for asking him, double texting, ect..

Anonymous 96088

same anon im crying now because he cant come Im so sad he’s my only friend I saw him on friday but now Im paranoid he doesn’t want to see me or something and I’m bad at bringing it up and he’s not good at reassurance

Anonymous 96181


my bf claims he wants to marry me even though we've dated for less than a year. how do i know when a man is genuine about wanting marriage?

Anonymous 96182

When he lets you brand him by getting your name tattood on his pelvis

Anonymous 96185

If he saves his virginity for marriage

Anonymous 96187

my father married my mother within the same year he's laid his eyes on her, both were virgins and they were late 20's, 25 years later they still love each other. i think the virginity factor isn't that important (especially considering today's lifestyles) and the only reason he's married her early was because back then, dating a girl for a long time wasn't seen as appropriate, the dude was seen as a womanizer if he'd date a woman for a long time but wouldn't commit to marriage.
I'd rather have a bf (assuming he's healthy, has a stable condition or has means to stabilize it asap) that is serious from the start than a dude wasting my time and giving me false promises.
if he wanted to marry you and is serious about it, he would've showed you the ring by now.

Anonymous 96189

I've had a nightmare a month and a half ago about my ex abandoning me by dumping me while comparing me to his "abusive" ex wife over the phone. guess what happened two weeks ago? actually, my nightmare was less bad than reality, but that i already covered in some other threads here

honestly, if your scrote is pornsick, I'd dump him. better dump him now than become a cuckqueen.

i will never stress it enough but trust your gut feeling, especially if it's been right before.

Anonymous 96197

Not necessarily this would just incentivize him to get married before he was ready or to trap her down before the one woman he can get to have sex with him leaves.
Men also do this with pregnancy. Its depressing how most moids view pregnancy as a way to trap women into forever being involved with them or as a weird fetish or a conquest. Most moids who want to have children don't really want children, they want to trap you and have mini thems to boost their ego and indoctrinate or its a breeding kink. And women are told this is "wholesome". Absolute brainwashing.

Anonymous 96210


pregnancy is not an option for men to trap women if abortion is safe, available and legal.

Anonymous 96258

>left something in a dudes car
>he knocks on my door to give it to me
>I look him in the eyes to say thank you, and he smiles and holds my gaze as long as he can as he walks away down the hall

is this 'the look' or am I just insane and need to relax. I feel like if he wasn't into me he just would've like nodded and turned around and left and not held my gaze like that

Anonymous 96574


Anyone else have (what I'd call) "cheating OCD"? Where you constantly are paranoid/guilty that you are "cheating" even tho you aren't? Like, I feel guilty for having opposite-sex friends even if our friendship is COMPLETELY platonic. And I've never been in an abusively possesive relationship either.

Anonymous 96635

>Like, I feel guilty for having opposite-sex friends even if our friendship is COMPLETELY platonic.

What you're feeling is natural because men can't really be truly platonic with women. They're such dickbrains they will always at some point fantasize about their female friends. If they got the chance to sleep with you without your boyfriend knowing they'd absolutely do it.

Anonymous 96686


>I don't tolerate "le depression" excuse…

tell me you're incapable of empathy without telling me you're incapable of empathy

Anonymous 96688


lol you broke him

Anonymous 96905

So we broke up and I didn't become homeless, but I forgot how much it fucking sucks to rent a single bedroom. I had to throw out, give away and sell most of my stuff to just to be able to fit in this shoebox apartment.

Anonymous 96947


I've been dating a guy for 8 years as of today. I had a conversation with him today about why we weren't engaged/married yet and I was basically like "I don't want to marry you if I have to coerce you into it at ALL, I want to marry someone who's excited to marry me. but I do want to get married and have kids, and I'm getting old, so what's up?" and he basically said it was his ego because he felt he hadn't accomplished anything yet (he had a big career setback couple years after we graduated college) and he didn't want to look bad to his cousins. i feel kinda listless and want to go back to just pretending time isn't passing hahahahahaaaaaaaaa

Anonymous 96949

If it's important to you I think you need to push the issue and help him work through his insecurities. Wouldn't taking the next step in his relationship be seen as a good thing by his family? Why is he hung up on fixing his carreer before marrying? Maybe there is something else that's bothering him.

Anonymous 96952


I wish i didnt feel insecure when i think about my bf's ex. The fact that she was a different race also makes me weirdly insecure and i know thats so cringe. also he took me to a cool place but then told me later that he "felt weird" bc he used to dream abt bringing his ex there and it made me sad because i had a good time and i didnt know he kinda wasn't.

Anonymous 96954

Yeah I feel like there is something else and this is just the thing that he used as an excuse so he could say “I know it’s not right maybe idk but I think it’s a male thing you don’t understand”. Idk it seems like such bullshit. Like if he’s so excited to marry me and that’s the only thing holding him back then he should start a fucking pressure washer business or some shit idk. And if money/prestige is the issue why didn’t we get married when he was making a ton of money right after we graduated? And if it was fear I would take advantage of him why didn’t we get married when he lived with me unemployed for 2 years? There’s so much bullshit idk if I even want him to propose anymore.

Anonymous 96963

I need advice.
>sees cool guy in school
>start following guy I don't know on Instagram because he seems cool
>he follows me back
>texts hello to the guy and calls him very cool
>guy texts back that I seem pretty cool too but that he doesn't know who I am
>I tell him who I am
>he watches my story and doesn't respond
does he think I'm being weird?

Anonymous 96967

I can say with 100% certainty that I am not trying to marry him for his hypothetical future money. I make decent money and absolutely love what I’m doing (you couldn’t pay me to give it up). Plus my dreams center mainly on having a yard with a garden rather then fancy status symbols. I’ve always paid for around half of things. I’m like 30% sure that having above a certain amount of wealth just like indicates you’re probs going to hell. Your other point though about getting married because it’s time rather than because I want him specifically? Idk, maybe, that is why I want to progress now rather than later. I have tried to bring myself to break up with him because I logically know staying with someone who leads me on like this is wrong, but i haven’t been able to. IMO I want someone I can have kids with, and if he can’t be that person we should break up yeah?

Anonymous 96968

That could be what he’s thinking though, he is generally worried about that sort of thing. Which like it’s fair for him to want to protect himself, I’m just surprised he still sees me as such a threat and like…wondering if he ever won’t.

Anonymous 96971

He wants kids. He says it only makes sense to get married if you’re ready to have kids. He “definitely wants to get married” and “definitely wants to have kids” but “not soon”

Anonymous 96981

Lol. He obviously wants those things but not with you, that's why he's saying that bullshit. When guys want to marry you, they actually take steps towards it and plan it.
It's been 8 years sis, it's not gonna happen. He's one of those guys "waiting for the one".

Anonymous 96986

That’s kinda what I’m thinking tbh. He says that’s not it when I point it out, but I think he’s just full of shit. :’(


I’ll do this I guess, it just seems so sad to BEG

Anonymous 96988

Yeah True. I meant it seems sad to have to give an ultimatum but I said the wrong thing.

Anonymous 97001


i hate that i feel bad for being rightfully angry at him rn.
i found out my bf followed several costhots on his page and i chewed him out for it. i'm stressed enough being in med school and i tell him often one of my biggest motivators is a nice future together. i told him im gonna feel stupid as fuck if i'm studying my ass off to the point of exhaustion just so he can sit on his computer and look at other half naked girls.

i just feel awful, because i feel im not enough for him to be doing that. he apologized and unfollowed them all. i'm still really upset and we havent spoken in hours and now im worried on what to say now.

Anonymous 97030

I don't love my bf, but thinking about breaking up with him makes me cry. What the fuck is wrong with me.

Anonymous 97032


Wish I could know, I wish I could have one more go,
A lot of people, they can't see what you see, can they though?
Such a long way to go
So far away from home
If only I could be a little more
Like the moonlight
Oh, how did I ever get so far from home?
I do not know
Oh, where did I go?

Look at the news, they're telling me we're gonna lose,
Turn that shit off, I think we've all heard more than enough
Such a long way to go,
Even [incomprehensible]
They say that Mars is where to go

Think I've had enough,
One more last hurrah,
Once I reach the top

Tired of being with myself and when the time comes, I'm gonna get some help
Such a long way to go,
Done with this to and fro,
Sick of being the same,
I wanna quit this game

Think I've had enough,
One more last hurrah,
Once I reach the top

It's funny how some things may never change,
Yet somehow I know
I guess it's always gonna be this way

Anonymous 97036

You just don't want to be alone. This type of thing seems to be very common so I don't think there is something wrong with you. Breaking up with someone changes a big part of your life and it takes courage to actually go through with it.

Anonymous 97039


So I messaged this guy after like two months of not talking. He had basically ghosted me, but he had gotten a girlfriend blah blah. He’s been using like exclamation marks with every text he sends and he started using emojis too… which he didn’t really do before. Plus he’s texting me back like really fast. Like within 30 minutes of me responding, he’ll text back. Is it finally my turn?? Or am I just getting my hopes up for no reason?

Anonymous 97040

Is he still with his girlfriend?
If he is that is a bad sign regardless of their relationship status. Even if he is unhappy in the relationship, it shows that he is weak and cowardly for not ending it. He can also be lying to get some side action.

Anonymous 97041

You're right, that's probably what's going on

Anonymous 97045

>He’s been using like exclamation marks with every text he sends and he started using emojis too
He may be trooning out and trying to skinwalk you.

Anonymous 97047

i get this place has a lot of tranny talk, but you're just being cuckoo

Anonymous 97064

If he's genuine, you won't be responsible for his death - it's his choice. If he's doing it to manipulate you, that's all the more reason to leave.
If you leave him and he does kill himself, mourn his death if that's what you want to do but don't feel guilty because someone else made a poor decision.

Anonymous 97081

Nayrt but that's way easier said than done

Anonymous 97086

I need to talk myself into breaking up with my bf. I like him, but we're in a long-distance relationship (which I personally consider to not be real relationships at all) we've met several times but have no chance of ever living together. He's on unemployment/disability and living in sub-poverty conditions in a rented room the size of exactly a bed, I'm barely making ends meet… and there's generally zero interest from him about attempting to get a job (he's not actually disabled) OR even higher/better disability benefits because "he can't handle it" and it would interfere with his vidya game schedule. I like him, but there is no future in this relationship except growing old as a discord couple. I know all this and yet I can't bring myself to do it

Anonymous 97109

i have been talking to a guy i met on 4chan recently… and, hear me out, i really like him. he's intelligent, sincere, organized, and atheletic… i don't even care what his face looks like. i just hope this goes somewhere. there's a bit of flirting going on, i think. i don't know. i'm too autistic to know for sure. but hopefully i'll get lucky.

Anonymous 97110

His face is probably fine, just be prepared that he's most likely bald

Anonymous 97112

How did you meet? I've tried looking at meetup threads on /soc/ befre, but I always chicken out.

Anonymous 97113

he's in his early 20s so i hope not. but that isn't a dealbreaker
he added me from a /soc/ discord thread. not a lewd or e-dating one,just a regular one.

Anonymous 97114

I wrote something attention-whorey and cringe during my deeply depressive era, 3 years ago. I think I was unironically asking for advice and help on r/suicidewatch. Anyways, my bf gets a whiff of my old username (I check reddit in his presence once and he immediately looks me up). I am so appalled that he's seen that part of me. I have told him ofc, but.. willingly choosing to confide in someone, a fact about yourself that you deem very shameful is leagues different from having that part exposed like that. I know it's illogical because I clearly chose to air out my lil outburst on a public forum like reddit, but it just.. felt invasive. I know I'm being irrational which is why i didn't bring it up with him. He only ever mentioned it in passing (context was.. "oh you're so strong you went through all that on your own") but instead of taking it for the compliment that it was I just cringed because I hate being perceived as weak or vulnerable. It makes me sick. It wasn't even that serious.

Anonymous 97115

I'll just say to you, be very careful. People in the internet pretty much always lie (more so when it's a guy).. ik my cheating ex bf could be very well on /soc/. He's also in early twenties and pretends to be "intellectual".

Anonymous 97131

I (25F) have been dating a guy (35M) for a couple of months now. I don't have much relationship experience, as this is my second serious relationship, the first one being in college. He's been in quite a few. Although this is true, it hasn't been a cause of issues before. Last week, we were out and ran into an old girlfriend of his from when he was still in high school and it's been bothering me ever since.

Why do I feel jealous? I've never felt jealous of his other relationships of when he was in his 20s-30s. Why does this one bother me so much? I'm just imagining him being young and experiencing puppy love with someone else. I've been out of it the past couple days and he's been asking me if something is wrong. What do I even say?

Anonymous 97132

The answer is always communication. Talk to him about how you feel and what you can both do to deal with those feelings. He’s naturally going to have significantly more experience in life considering the decade-wide age gap so if jealousy continues being an issue… you might not be compatible (and that’s not your fault).

Anonymous 97138

Your real problem is dating a manwhore who decided he's done sleeping around and wants a free housekeeper

Anonymous 97140

Just curious, has he dated any women in their 30s..

Anonymous 97141

>25 f
>35 m
Just why? Usually I am not judgy about age gaps but come on, you aren't this naive are you?

Anonymous 97142

To answer your question, did you miss out on young love/highschool romance? That might be why, you are just upset he had something you didn't with a woman who was not you.

Anonymous 97143

>I am not judgy about age gaps

Anonymous 97146

Okay, so I’ve actually discussed it with him and he took it well and said the same thing about having more life experience because of the decade difference.
> Your real problem is dating a manwhore who decided he's done sleeping around and wants a free housekeeper
I wouldn’t say so. He doesn’t make me clean up anything or do any chores for him.
>Just curious, has he dated any women in their 30s..
Yes! Actually, his past two relationship was with women in their 30s. He’s only dated women around his age or a bit older. I’m the only women he’s dated with this much of an age gap.
Because we get along. I’m not super invested in him and he’s not the last man on earth. All this to say, I wouldn’t throw my life away for him. I’m not sure what you mean about being naive though. I understand that he’s older and has been with other women. That’s not what bothers me. It’s more about the high school romance.
I didn’t date at all during high school. I’m a bit of an ugly duckling, which is why I started dating in college.

Anonymous 97148

I think he’s with me to start a family, which I am ready for. He’s mentioned wanting to get married and have kids bring his intention.

Anonymous 97150

Just break up with him, he wants something more that you can never give him.

Anonymous 97163

What did you do? The cold shoulder is such an immature way to handle hiccups in a relationship.

Anonymous 97166

>I’m not super invested in him and he’s not the last man on earth. All this to say, I wouldn’t throw my life away for him
I mean no disrespect but is the man you want to settle down with? Maybe it’s fine for a regular relationship, but if he were the one you’d be crazy over him and “super invested” and never say something like this. Just something to consider

Anonymous 97198

First he mentions a breakup multiple times because of his anxiety, and then he tells me he applied for a college program with a 50/50 chance of having him move across the country for several months to over a year. I feel like I can't catch a break. I've done everything right and this is happening to me.

Anonymous 97217


I guess I'll ask it here since this is the relationship thread. For the nonas with BPD and broke up with a boyfriend before, how can you tell the difference between breaking up with him because he's disappointing, and breaking up with him because of your BPD? At what point in a relationship did you realize it wasn't your BPD, and really just your boyfriend? Also, what do you think of those dudes who armchair-diagnose their exes with BPD?

Anonymous 97292


What's the consensus on asking coworkers out in the workplace? Is it weird?

Anonymous 97296

Knew some coworkers in the past who shamelessly dated, and would make out as soon as their shifts would end. I guess it depends on the job. I know, it's a boring answer but that is the best I can come up with

Anonymous 97302

If it's a job you don't really care about, go ahead. But I don't think it's a good idea to date coworkers in a professional setting. Don't poop where you eat.

Anonymous 97306

be very careful doing this because if and when you end up in a fight that will affect the job.

Anonymous 97325


I had a manager who openly dated one of my coworkers and everyone had to hear them loudly argue in the back kitchen and throw shit at eachother. It was awkward as hell. Don't shit where you eat anon.

Anonymous 97372

A transgirl recently posted a selfie in a server we're both in and my reaction was that she looked good. Usually I'm just into cis women (I'm technically bi) but maybe it was just angles but she caught my attention and I'm not sure how to react to that. The problem is that the image looked completely male and that's what I was attracted to, and his voice was masculine in vc. He was cute enough to make me think about how much I want a boyfriend since I haven't ever been in a relationship with a guy. We have a bunch of interests in common too, but I'm not very experienced with this sort of thing.
Is there some way I could get him to detransition and date me? Is it wrong to want that to happen?
I'm not sure if this is the wrong thread to ask in, somebody on another site said you'd be able to give me better advice on this site.

Anonymous 97373

tell him he's handsome and post results
don't actually do this unless you want to get doxxed. if he's trans he most likely has other pertinent mental instabilities. even if he were to detransition he'd still be problematic.

Anonymous 97394

So update, I found out he doesn't have a penis any more. This was shown to the whole server by posting a pubic tattoo picture. No regrets about not flirting for once lol. Still left with tfw no bf.

You weren't wrong.

Anonymous 97395

Oh, he mutilated his penis and still looks like a male? What a L.

Anonymous 97396

sorry for his loss (not)

Anonymous 97430


Genuine question for all the experienced nonas here. How do you expertly break up and move on from a long-term boyfriend when it's time to split? Do you block and mass-delete any remnant of your relationship? How do you stop yourself from changing your mind and crawling back to the moid? What is good prevention from any emotional pain?

Anonymous 97435

update to this post: i finally got to see his face - and he's actually decently handsome. i have been swooning and sighing all day… and he called me pretty hehe. :')

Anonymous 97559

I had a guy actually apologize for over sexualizing me and asked me how he could do better. I’m baffled

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