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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Vent thread  Anonymous 89432

Previous one >>86775

Anonymous 89433

think i should? i do have a pretty strong emotional dependence and i'll probably have a rough time without being able to depend on him but i guess it's probably unhealthy and i just need to cope with it on my own somehow.

Anonymous 89444

I'm pretty sure my ex has AGP tendencies, at the very least. Honestly, I suspected as much when we were dating, based on things he said and his apparent knowledge about certain things as a cis man. After breaking up, it's become more apparent. We're still kinda friends, as in we still talk sometimes, but I wouldn't mind if we weren't. It's not just his sexual proclivities that I find off-putting. He's draining and whiny and self-centered all around. I get nothing positive from talking to him. He tries my stress levels and makes me feel so lonely when I otherwise wouldn't. I suspect he just sees me as someone he can vent to. He never shows any interest in me or my life. Even when we were together, it was that way. He's such a mess, and I guess I pity him too much to cut off contact.

Anonymous 89445

I am so fucking tired of being nice to degenerates because of the societal expectations my generation has. I’m expected to respect the pronouns of someone like Chris Chan because he’s a true and honest wahmen. I have to listen with an acquaintance wailing in a discord call about fAtPhOBiA to the point she breaks down in tears. My boyfriend gives me looks when I grimace at greasy fat chicks in anime face masks and schoolgirl skirts hiked halfway up their fupas, like it isn’t embarrassing. It is embarrassing. The chronically online overly sensitive nature of my peers is embarrassing and I’m tired of pretending like it’s not.

Anonymous 89446

I can't relate to most female problems. Never harassed, no workplace problems, never personally downplayed for being woman. I feel excluded. I am definitely a woman because I was born one but I just can't relate.

Anonymous 89447

You're just lucky, nona
Nothing wrong with that

Anonymous 89452

>he deserves someone better
>I feel excluded.
You really typed this on a female image board and hit send without feeling embarrassed, wow

Anonymous 89453

Lolcow week is over, go back.

Anonymous 89454

Ah yes, I'll leave female board. Ok.

Anonymous 89456

I don't use lolcow
ok bye

Anonymous 89466

I think I'm actually, legitimately afraid of men. Any random dude I walk past could beat the shit out of me if he wanted to.
I'm supposed to MARRY one of these fuckers. Welcome him into my life, be with him every day. I've only fallen in love once, and I think it fucked me up, because it happened even though he's a depressive NEET with an unpredictable temper. Now I can't shake the feeling that I'll be trapped with someone stronger than me who I can't trust. Trust is so critical. I don't know how to get there.

Anonymous 89475

I have trusted more than one of them and went on to marry a male. don't do it, nona. they are inherently untrustworthy. I have read so many accounts of a male changing for the worse after a life shift (marriage, a baby, a significant move to a new location).

it took five years but he ultimately changed on me, too. half a decade. I thought he was safe.

Anonymous 89476

Damn. What happened, if you don't mind me asking? How did he change?
It sucks trying to figure out my long-term social options. My only close female friend got married and fucked off (won't even call me on the phone) and the dudes I'm friends with are the type to fuck off when they find a loved one too.
I don't want to rely on a relationship just to know someone in 10 years, but I feel that I have no other option because everyone else prioritizes the relationship to the point of excluding their friendships .. (or I'm just not likable enough to anyone except as a thirst object)

Anonymous 89480


I got accepted to study abroad recently and I literally can't take the wait anymore. Everything and everyone around me is becoming completely unbearable. My classes are unbearable. Work is becoming unbearable. Living with roommates is annoying as fuck and I'm starting to despise mine (She's not even mean or anything, but might be a pathological liar and comes as a really fake, dumb and annoying Stacy. Plus I'm just overdue about living with roommates at this point.) Loud neighbors are unbearable. Living in constant boredom, without nothing interesting to do or nowhere interesting to go is becoming unbearable. I am just counting down the days before I can leave. I absolutely abhor the place I live in at this point and the people here.

Anonymous 89482

it's not that you're uniquely unlikeable or unlikeable at all; I think that is simply how friendships and relationships are now, particularly in the (atomized) West.
it is a massive complication for anything like a separatist lifestyle - nearly everyone will prioritize their romantic/sexual relationship and/or their family over any other bond. so how does separatism work for women that are not at all bisexual or lesbian? before anyone rebukes me, that I must be saying women need relationships/men, no, I am not saying that. I am saying it can be a very lonely life when no one is going to strongly bond with you that you can actually trust.

what happened to me was this. there was male I left with when the two of us left both of our abusive families behind as teenagers. this led to us becoming homeless teenagers together, a handful of nights spent on the street and then in multiple homeless shelters for over half a year. we managed to survive this and went on to be married. I was so bonded to him. there were times where he legitimately watched out for me, even putting himself at risk on my behalf. we protected each other fiercely while homeless.
after, freshly married, I would have killed for him, died for him. I felt that way for years. I hated anyone that said even a single impolite comment to him. this may sound fucked up or pathetic but I essentially regarded myself as his bodyguard.
a dramatic life change to a different career field lead to a genuine deep level of work stress on him. he was being insanely overworked. one day he came over to me and called me a freeloader. I was dealing with a back injury that made walking up any stairs or any incline/decline incredibly painful and I was not working since I was a housewife.
it went downhill from there. I was yelled at a lot. it was as though he became someone else. constantly furious. it was like watching in slow motion the most expansive love you could imagine disintegrating. I got blamed for things out of my control. then he threatened to cut off my access to finances. we were not even really struggling financially at that point.

in retrospect he was never all that nice to me but there was a tenderness, a sweetness in him toward me before that seemed to die during or after that intense stress period. I am not claiming he did not get male socialized growing up but he did miss a ton of typical male socialization. to me, that is very damning. this is only one male yet it is telling, how fast he was to disregard me after everything we had gone through, how automatic and generic the wife mistreatment was. what does that say about them as whole, especially when I compare notes (so to speak)?

how can it go from keeping each other alive and eyeing everyone that came near him, scanning for any threat against him for I loved him so, to that?

Anonymous 89483

nonas, i'm going to be so fucking alone this christmas.
i'm having a hard time coping because up until now i've always spent christmas with my moid and his family, who are a large and super loving and happy family who do this extremely lavish (for my poverty ass standards) fairytale christmas where everything is decorated and lit up, they have these elaborate celebrations, have a bunch of amazing family traditions and absolutely flood every participant with (thoughtful, well-chosen) gifts.
now i've broken up with him and this will be the first time in years i'm alone for christmas.
my options are to stay in my flat in front of my computer or spend christmas eve eating poverty food with my lowkey abusive parents in their dark and depressing flat (they dont even do a little christmas tree, and then my mum complains that christmas was sooo depressing again, sigh)
i know this is dumb, but i've always loved christmas and all the kitsch and how amazing those celebrations were. i thought about making my own celebration but simple fact is i don't have any extended family and christmas is considered an extremely family-only affair where i live, so the chance of having some kinda thing with friends is basically nonexistent because they'll all be happy with their own families. i can buy all the kitsch i want but i'm going to be alone no matter what, which makes it all hollow and pointless.
smh feeling suicidal over no enough singing santa statues, lmao

Anonymous 89485

I’ve been procrastinating too much this semester. I’m gonna have to pull 16 study-hr days to make up for it so I don’t panic. Smhmh.

Anonymous 89488

I feel what you're saying, but do you think being abroad will change this? I mean, the novelty might be interesting at first, but from my experience, all the same problems I had before persisted.

Also, what country are you going to?

Anonymous 89489

>You really typed this on a female image board and hit send without feeling embarrassed, wow
What a stupid response. Women can still feel excluded on a female image board.

Anonymous 89492

>I think that is simply how friendships and relationships are now, particularly in the (atomized) West.
>I am saying it can be a very lonely life when no one is going to strongly bond with you that you can actually trust.
I see what you mean. It feels like a Catch-22. Either you go through life without social connections, which mammals aren't built to do, or you marry a dude, which is stressful in its own right. I cannot get over the statistic that married women die younger on average than unmarried, whereas for men it's the opposite. Real brain breaker there. Additionally, I have to imagine Western-style atomized society puts stress on the marriage too.

Tragic to hear what happened to you. I don't have enough life experience to comment in an intelligent way, but serious props for making it back into the societal fold after being homeless, it's clearly an uphill climb.
Is there somewhere you like to visit? Maybe a place with good natural scenery so you can appreciate the wintertime, holiday aside?

Anonymous 89499


Yes, actually. I'll be in a dorm where I finally won't have to be with a roommate, am going to be taking a lighter courseload, and won't have to work while there (Student visa wouldn't even allow me to). Will probably be quieter in an apartment too, since people there are known to be more respectful.

I'm going to Japan.

Anonymous 89502

if you are physically injured seek medical attention. if you had debit or credit cards stolen then contact your bank and have them freeze your cards.

Anonymous 89512

that's a lovely idea and i wish i could, but sadly i can't afford a trip any further than 2-3 bus stops away with the prices going up so much and heating and energy bills

Anonymous 89514

At least once I want to meet someone irl who is as interested in history as I am. No one comes even close. I have met people who were, in their own words, weebs or experts on some topic, and then I ask them something about their period and they had never heard about it. Smh

Anonymous 89515

nonies, is there even a way to stop being emotionally dependent on other people? rationally i understand it won't lead to much good in most cases but it's so hard to stop from developing dependence when a person starts treating me nicely and we get close. i don't want that. i don't want my life to revolve around them and to feel unhappy when they're unable to pay much attention to me. but i was never an independent type and it was always a problem for me. is there even a way to stop it, nonies? i have hard time doing even basic stuff while not having heard the approval of a person i depend on for one day. i'm such a mess, nonas. i don't get how others can just live their life happily without having someone to emotionally depend on.

Anonymous 89543

Watched a dating show video with a bunch of normie Chadlites and Stacylites and god. These people are literally insentient. I hate normies so much it’s unreal.

Anonymous 89555

why not embrace yourself?

Anonymous 89558

I struggle with the same thing
Barely anyone finds a lonely life fulfilling, if you do then you are a lucky minority.

Anonymous 89559


Anonymous 89560

I meant why doesn't that nona find someone that wouldn't mind how she is.

Anonymous 89563


Don't want to mess up your expectations but if you're in that much distress being in your home you could have a mental breakdown when you're hundreds of kilometers from it. Trust me the first time you realize you're far away from home and with no one to support you the realization will come crashing down on you.

If the country you're going to doesn't speak the same language it will be even worse. And if you don't speak the native language on top of it it will destroy your psyche. Just be mindful of that.

Anonymous 89564

I've recently came to a realization after 13 years of therapy that I can't change or get better, so I stopped taking my medication and am ghosting my therapist and social worker. My mom was worried because I was crying so much she called my psychiatrist and she told her if I don't get back on my medication I might have a psychotic episode, which I thought was weird since I'm only taking medication for depression. I'm fine now and I feel much better having accepted reality and not constantly stressed that I'm not getting better or becoming normal. But when I told my mom this she was really upsetand keeps crying because she blames herself. I told her she shouldn't but she won't listen to me so I just stopped trying to make her feel better. I understand it must be hard for her to accept that I gave up, even though I told her that she should give up on me too so she won't feel bad about me anymore. She gave up on treatment for herself as well though so i think it's a bit hypocritical for her to be making it into a big deal.

Anonymous 89568

sending e-hugs to you, nona. hope both of us will solve it in the future
my ex seemed like this kind of person and now he broke up with me (because of stuff unrelated to my emotional dependence problem) so now i'm in a weird place. lowkey feeling like my world has crumbled but in the same time trying to push those thoughts away because i have a lot of other stuff to worry about. i generally have a very hard time finding people with whom i can be close so it's hard even without bringing up my emotional dependence problem. either getting rid of it or at least getting it to be milder seems like a more healthy solution even if difficult one.

Anonymous 89571

males just do not respect emotional depth.

Anonymous 89573

Anonymous 89580

i just ruined 2 potential strong friendships (one which i was already 10 months talking) and got ghosted 2 weeks ago for no reason, even though he was really more into me than me into him. ive been thinking all day of this last friendship i ruined today, if i could go 2 days back in time i could have prevented it by not being a fucking idiot. i also deleted an important account ive been using for several months for something related to achieving that friendship. im tired of being so lonely.

Anonymous 89584

A friend killed herself and it has been affecting me a lot. We were not that close anymore but she was one of best persons I know, and I'm not saying it because she's no longer here. I always admired her, when we had classes together she was always an amazing student, she was talented, pretty, good social skills and despite that she was very humble and used to hang out with weirdos like me even if we didn't have much in common.
It seems like her parents pushed her too hard until the point she left home before she was prepared and couldn't deal with everything. I really feel sad about it, I don't how someone would push someone like her instead of supporting her.
I've been watching the only pic I have with her all day and it makes me so sad. I wish I would have stayed close to her. Love you P

Anonymous 89585

Thats so sweet, You sound like a great friend and person, sending u hugs. rest in peace P.

Anonymous 89589

no nono no no i just made a massive fool out of myself samefagging with a tripcode on 4chan. helpppp
in my defense it was to make fun of a scrote bullying a girl, holy shit anyways. im still blushing

Anonymous 89591

as someone who is straight and has a low sex drive that is very much feelings based, its hard for me to come to terms with the fact moids feel attracted to women outside of their relationship, eye them up a lot, look at porn etc.
i wish there were at least some men with my same kind of sexuality so i didn't have to feel like the queen of cucks in every relationship i enter. it's now one of my main priorities before dating a guy, which is why i'm single, because men like this don't exist

Anonymous 89598


I doubt that too. My own immediate family already doesn't support me much here, either. I pay pretty much all my bills, rent, groceries, and other necessities myself. They certainly don't provide any kind of mental/emotional support either, and never have growing up. So I'm already used to not being supported and I don't see being abroad being that different in that regard.

I've been learning the local language for over 6 years now. Not to brag and not that it's saying much, but I can probably speak Japanese better than most weeaboos at least. I welcome the challenge of not understanding because I am actually trying to learn their language.

Anonymous 89600

Find yourself a man who can’t get his dick hard

Anonymous 89601

Rest in peace, P

Anonymous 89611

People let their enemies live in their head too easily, it's all they end up thinking and talking about.

Anonymous 89612


It's more certain people will draw out their humiliation as they think they can score some points against the person who did so when yes in the end it becomes clear that people who even have enemies are only deluding themselves and not noticing that people other than their enemies are mocking them until it's far too late for anyone to forget just how crazy they got over something that usually starts out so small.

Anonymous 89615

My cat just died today… I think she ate something and it made her sick. She lived with my mom so I didn't see her much the last few years but I loved her so much. She was one of the few things I felt I could love wholeheartedly and she loved me back I hope. My mom was so upset, I felt like I had to comfort her the whole time and convince her it wasn't her fault. I understand how upset my mom must have been because she was the one who was there when my cat passed. I just wished she could have comforted me too or that she didn't have to tell me in detail how much pain my cat seemed to be in. Things just get worse and worse for me. I don't really care what happens anymore. I really loved her. I hope she knew that.

Anonymous 89616

I'm sorry to hear that anon, my cat died a year ago and he meant a lot to me too. I'm sure she knew how much you loved her! It'll hurt for a bit but it does get better.

Anonymous 89633

I really feel tired. I never show it but i feel such disgust at people. I smile and say nothing always. I just write and stay the fuck away in the way I know is good for me.

No matter what I do nobody is satisfied. I can't be anyone but who I am though.

No amount of lovebombing me is going to make me trust men after being stalked. Don't know what to say. People are routinely God awful. It's been my life experience. Most of what I remember of people is god fucking awful, save for my mom, who I love. But I have to think of life without her because I don't trust people and their filth.

I'm really angry at the vast majority of them and i really don't know the cure for it.

I want to close myself off from society and go to sleep.

People gripe about being single and not having friends but I just want to find ONE thing that makes me happy in a stable way. To find stability instead of relying on filthy fucking people that fuck you over and over and over. I don't owe people shit and I never will.

Anonymous 89638

You wildly misunderstand that post as it is about having people tie their own noose without realizing it.

Anonymous 89642


How to cope with the fact that nobody will save me and that this loneliness will be with me for the rest of my life if the incredibly rare chance of meeting a girl I glue with like I did her never comes true

T, the lack of you in my life, the lack of anyone even slightly similar to you in my life makes me feel like it's not worth living. I resent you for being irreplaceable.

Anonymous 89647

Do you think that's how T would like to see you? venting and lamenting in a chan with a bunch of social misfits?
Do you think that if she saw in what have you become that she would accept you?!

C'mon nona you gotta put your life together, remember throughout every hardship and sacrifice that you suffer, T's smile, and keep pushing through! If not for yourself, do it for her.

Anonymous 89681


I'm very distrustful of people who message by using constant emojis. The friends I've had who have done that in the past all turned out to be very passive-aggressive and extremely annoying. They would act like some uwusoft girl despite being creepy and just lowkey rude.

Probably also unhinged groomers. I got called shit like "Cutie" and "Cutie Patootie uwu (heart emoji)" by one of them when I was still a minor and when she was already in her 20s. She later tried to ask me out, trooned out, and started identifying as a fictional character that's a little girl. That's one large reason these people leave such a bad taste in my mouth.

Anonymous 89686


Yeah, I was going to reply to someone asking why we "hate trans people" but it got deleted already so w/e I'll post it here if they're really curious.

>lmao. inb4 before this thread gets deleted.

>I personally don't give a flying fuck if someone identifies as a pterodactyl and I don't think most do. The issue I and that I'm pretty sure most have with Ts is that so many of them obnoxiously try to shove themselves even in spaces they clearly don't belong in. Like support groups for mothers, when they can't even have kids, saunas where they have to sexually violate women with the sight of their genitalia, trying to trick lesbians and gay men on dating apps.

>To top it off, they tend to behave with completely foul personalities. Their narcissism is off the charts. They think they're god's gift to comedy when cancer is funnier than any of their "jokes" that they shit out on Twitter. They think they're god's gift to programming when their code is completely shit-tier and that belief is solely based on them being chronically online. They keep bringing up that they're trans in completely unrelated topics of conversation and feel the need to blame every problem in their life to being trans. Their mind is in a constant state of victimhood and they are a complete emotional vampire to be around and talk with (Which is probably why they eventually rope.)

>I could go on and on.

Anonymous 89699

Nona, are you literally me? I am going through a similar experience right now. I don't love her anymore as much to protect my own psyche, but I also feel such a profound emptiness inside me whenever I talk to anyone else. I am trying to be optimistic and all, but I still feel nobody will take as much of an interest in me and nobody will accept me as much as she did.
On the upside though, this did make me a lot more open minded about contacting new people. At least I'm gonna be more socialized that way. Would be interested to talk about it with you, too, Nona, if you want to.

Anonymous 89703

I miss me

Anonymous 89704

I was feeling confident abt my appearance and then my mom said my years-old self harm scars looked "disturbing" and now i feel uncomfortable and sad

Anonymous 89708

That was really mean of her, nona. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Please try not to listen to her.

Anonymous 89711

Thank you anon <3 she made me feel like an idiot for doing it even though it was over 5 years ago when i was 15. I'd get rid of the scars if i could.

Anonymous 89714

I don't know if I can blame this on being bulimic or if I'm just a bitch. Like, my dad is brain-damaged and so excited to bond with his daughter, and I just want to make binge/purge food and saw "reconnecting over our shared love of cooking" as an excuse to make his elaborate butter chicken recipe. It's got to be quite obvious to my mother. I find him so annoying and depressing, I wouldn't want to interact with this shell of a man if I didn't have an ulterior motive.

Anonymous 89724


>halloween night
>cc is dead
wow this place is really mostly normies huh

Anonymous 89727

I wish I didn't feel so left out when it comes to finding a man that I love. I can't remember the last time I really liked a guy. I don't want to date a chad or a fuckboy because those type of guys usually don't have much of a personality. I want a guy with an interesting personality, who doesn't want me just for sex. I don't care if he's ugly, just as long as I can look at him.
Ever since a young age, I have always been told that I was very "mature for my age" and I would consider myself to be as well. I just want a man who will understand me and love me. I have never dated a guy because I have only had a few guys show any interest in me. Is it because I'm ugly? I don't think I look too bad.
I very rarely care about finding a guy to date, but seeing all these couples makes me want to have someone who cares about me and loves me. I feel like I'm going to be single for the rest of my life.

Anonymous 89728


i hate men that think they fucking own me. fuck my ex that won't take "no i don't want to get back together" as answer and fuck my friend that likes me who i thought was family to me, for also not fucking understanding.
i hope you both stay jealous for me getting close to him. he doesn't try to control me, he lets me be and he is the only thing that doesn't make me feel dead. i don't feel miserable when i'm around him, he is my only escape from people like you two.

Anonymous 89732

How did her parents feel knowing they pushed her so hard she decided dying was a better solution than any other alternative? Asking for a friend haha

Anonymous 89733

Rest in Peace P.

Anonymous 89734

>be third worlder
>spent 8 years of my life in higher education
>working as an intern doctor
>only found out now that I actually hate working as a doctor
>care about patients but pretend to not care about them because getting sad over them would just contribute to my exhaustion more
>hate working with narcs with god complexes
>hate working 100 hour weeks (for free)
>hate bland hospital food
>hate that my future prospects are bleak
>will probably work 120 hours a week as a resident for $430 a month
>hospital still uses paper charts

Makes it so much worse when I see how much patients get billed and how much the hospital makes

Anonymous 89766

kek is this ph

Anonymous 89767

Im just like you except the other way around. I cant survive having to socialize every day>>89751

Anonymous 89786

I just accidentally cancelled my registration for my ba thesis and probably delayed it by at least a week
Someone fucking kill my retarded ass please

Anonymous 89787

Also I probably pissed of my supervisor by doing that
Go me

Anonymous 89792

>be me
>sees 2 guys laughing
>methinks they might be laughing at me but who cares
>one of the guys comes up to me with a clear phone case and starts dancing for fucking some reason
>this happens really quickly
>gets really startled to the point where my fight or flight kicks in
>chases him yelling “fuck you”
>feels really bad after, like some pissed off sjw or some shit
>he’s already gone

I can’t tell if he was trying to piss me off or if he was in a goofy mood or what. I’m not even ugly or anything.

Why am I such a fucking autist

Anonymous 89799

Don't think it's unreasonable to react like that in such a weird situation

Anonymous 89801

don't feel bad. they were moids attempting to fuck with you. it doesn't really matter if you are ugly or not when it comes to this - moids hate women regardless and want to fuck with them all the time.
they were the weird ones, not you.

Anonymous 89836

I'm so lonely tbh. And everyone I talk to is a fucking idiot so I choose to be alone rather than have stupid friends, I do wish I was as braindead as they are, they seem to have so much fun with each other.

Anonymous 89841

you just have shitty friends then
what're your interests?

Anonymous 89844

The longer you isolate with weirdos online the more alienated you'll become and the harder it will get to form IRL connections. It might still be possible for you but if you don't try to fix shit RIGHT NOW your time will pass and you'll be doomed. That's basically my issue, as time passes more everyone around me feels more unreal and like aliens and like its impossible to understand. Don't get caught up in your own world its not good for you, genuinly.

Anonymous 89867


Assuming you're the same age group as me, I am not surprised by this at all. Then again everyone is getting more stupid. Idiocracy is real.

Anonymous 89872

You know this brings up a question I've stewed over for a while, almost every advice for forming friends that I've seen given irl and online has to do with finding common interests, but in my experience that's never been a real means of making friends. The friends I've had in my life have always come from going through the same trials and tribulations. Surviving a shitty situation or bonding over going through the same bullshit in our pasts.
Why is advice for making friends always so shallow? Just because I have the same autistic interests as another person doesn't mean we're gonna have compatible personalities. It always makes me overreactively seethe hearing "find people with common interests" advice such fucking useless tripe that doesn't lead to friendship that just leads to smalltalk about video games instead of smalltalk about the weather

Anonymous 89879

It’s not a crime to call a child cutie

Anonymous 89880

Go find a person to plan a shitty situation to come through
Start a business together idk
Great idea

Anonymous 89882

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic but I think that could actually work, like a surprise teambuilding exercise

Anonymous 89896


All children are not twelve years old. A teenager is not a child young enough to be talked to like that anymore. That's just condescending pedo behavior.

Anonymous 89898



>I no longer delight in consuming media. I'm re-reading aSoIaF for the millionth time. Even that takes an impressive effort. The stack of new books is untouched.

I've been like this for years now. Almost any media I pick up gets eventually dropped. I keep buying books and/or downloading books I end up not finishing, then just getting more. Almost every TV show I've started has ended up unfinished. It's very hard to finish any series once I start it, even ones I'm really enjoying. I would love a solution for this, despite depression and all. I'm also very busy with school these days so that has also made it much harder to finish any series I start.

I relate alot to what you wrote. Except for being suicidal. At least no actively. I've gone full-attempt with suicide before in one of the lowest periods of my life, but have had no desire to act on suicidal thoughts like that since then. These days I just passively idealize it, as a way to cope.

And yes you can have both intense self-loathing and a cripplingly large ego. It's called vulnerable narcissism. Not necessarily narcissistic, but you may have those traits from having had some kind of relationship with a narcissist. I have and know it may apply to me, because I constantly compare myself. I like feeling better about myself through other's evil and stupidity.

I've also been getting angry more frequently. I feel like I'm turning into Benson from Regular Show. My mind has essentially turned into picrel. I want to fight my roommate. I want to fight my neighbors. I want to fight even the the staff from school sending me constant automated spam in my e-mail. I have no outlet for these emotions and only know to deeply internalize them, so at most I can just release them online. Perhaps it's the same way for you, so maybe that's why you're venting. I'm a writer so I know firsthand that it can help.

>quick hitting tiktok dopamine

Stop going on TikTok. It is probably the worst and most cancerous social media platform out there right now.

Anonymous 89913


My gas stove stopped working for some reason. Now I can't cook anything.

Anonymous 89921

I'm worried. I can feel my knees and legs getting sorer recently. I live in a hoarder house with no space to myself so no room to walk around the house. I'm too afraid to go outside ever since I was raped. So because of these two reasons I never use my legs. I'm afraid. I'll probably die like this.

Anonymous 89922

Honestly anon I appreciate it but I never think "what would T think?" because the answer is I don't know and I'll never be able to ask. It feels somewhat disrespectful for me to put words into her mouth like that. Not saying you're disrespectful, just saying that to me that feels wrong to do. Autistic, I know. Still, thank you for your enthusiasm!
Glad I'm not alone in this at least. We can talk if you want to nona, up to you where. I appreciate you reaching out.

Anonymous 89923

I don't belong anywhere and sometimes I think it gets to me. My social needs are pretty low, but lately I have been feeling the lack more than usual. I can get along with people on a surface level but it's not the same as a real, genuine friendship like what I'd like. It's more like faking interactions with customers at a job, and becomes a job itself. Every time I've found what I was after, one of us moved and lost contact or someone died, or later turned out to be a shitbag, or they just want to get in my pants so now my trust is shot and I'm too tired with everything to try anymore. The few that were okay are ones I barely see or speak with anymore because work mutually gets in the way 24/7. I could meet a zillion new people but the results would be the same, just greater by volume. I have pets, but I can't have bigger longer-lived ones because I rent so I have to see them die over and over from age and illness, which isn't really helping things.

No group suits me. Doesn't matter anyway. Everyone leaves. Everyone dies.

I'm just so tired.

Anonymous 89925

Groups are the quickest to betray you anyway because they operate on the need to conform to exact same ideals and beliefs. If you have a slightly differing opinion then you're marked as an outcast and ignored.

Anonymous 89928

Yep. That everything is so heavily politicized now adds weird additional attack vectors that I didn't have to step around nearly as much in the past. Then there's new the pitfalls like "vagina-having people" type language. Can't even fake accepting that one, I just spin 360 degrees and moonwalk away. Everything kind of sucks.

Anonymous 89931

If no love is like the first love, then people who had first loves that didn't work out should stay single forever to avoid breaking more hearts. In this essay, I will…

Anonymous 89932

i misaligned my jaw by biting my lips too much(i stopped now)which misaligned my teeth which gave me gingivitis and makes it harder for it to go away. I brush every day and floss about twice a week. Do i need to try harder or something? It just gets worse. I wanted to get rid of my gingivitis before seeing an orthodontist for my misaligned jaw so I haven't gone yet, but I don't even know how a misaligned jaw can be fixed other than surgery but it's so expensive to fix a physically small issue. But if it causes dental problems like this, maybe I can get financial help for surgery, otherwise I just fucked up and the surgery would be considered cosmetic. It only makes my face slightly longer and asymmetrical but it bothers me so much im already insecure and kinda ugly it makes me want to die.

Anonymous 89934

libgen.onl just saying

Anonymous 89947


Just found out an online friend ive been excited to meet lives in another country, I assumed she was from here. I’m so disappointed

Anonymous 89949

How come you assumed she was from the same country?

Anonymous 89950

I feel the exact same anon, I'm sordy

Anonymous 89951

Our countries are the same ethnicity and language, we spoke in english most of the times so i never noticed her accent only knew when she mentioned it

Anonymous 89957


I am so tired of being ugly. I’ve made so many changes in my life that bring me joy but my overall quality of life is consistently lowered by me being ugly. I will never fully enjoy life as an ugly woman. No amount of self acceptance or positive thinking is going to change how I innately feel when I look in the mirror. I don’t want to simply accept the way I look, I want to like it and feel confident. I feel like the whole “everyone is beautiful in their own way” thing is a cope made up by aesthetically passable people to virtue signal.

The worst part is my biggest flaw can’t even be fixed because it’s such a hyperspecific issue. There’s one surgery to correct it and it can lead to obvious scarring and results vary wildly.

I hate living like this. I want to wake up and feel beautiful instead of trying ten times harder than everyone else to look halfway decent.

Anonymous 89959



I still think it's a closed secret that money is the key to physical attractiveness. Just look at how single-handedly attractive rich women of Tehran and Dubai look. Money gives you access to improving your looks, regardless of whether that be from it giving you more time to (Wagies are too overworked and stressed, having too much fuckin other shit to do) , or just more access to cosmetics/plastic surgery/nice clothes/etc. If you want to looksmaxx, you should strive to earn an income (and subsequently, a lifestyle) that will afford you to imo.

Anonymous 89961

I am just letting someone love me who is fully aware of how I got my heart crushed. I am her first and I intend to continue honoring that sacredness. not an altogether bad point to bring up though…

Anonymous 89962

how bad is it? if you are in the E.U. it's only a train ride or a few away.

Anonymous 89963

My gas stove started working. But, on a totally unrelated matter, now my electricity is shut down.

Anonymous 89964

nona… cease.

I am curious - what is the flaw/feature?

Anonymous 89965

nona is fucking going through it.

Anonymous 89969

I have a long philtrum, which is a lot worse than it sounds.

Filler will make me look disproportionate as my philtrum will still be long, just with less thin lips. Lip blushing will slightly help but is impermanent and will only make the gap slightly smaller, nowhere where it needs to be. Lip flips have varying results and side effects that aren’t worth it, like loss of ability to drink properly. My one real shot is a lip lift which could have scarring and if it’s botched theres no undoing it.

Anonymous 89970

I need to stop looking at imageboards.

Anonymous 89976

are you this nona? >>89957

a long philtrum is one of those features that is tough since one is basically stuck with it. lip flip could work but chance not being able to drink is killer and not in a good way. perhaps a highly vetted surgeon since looks do hold weight in this fucked world. a medusa piercing is a piercing, a facial piercing at all, and could amplify it instead of drawing attention away from the length… although with the right jewelry perhaps it could gentle the perceived length?

Anonymous 89984

It's a character I really love's birthday coming up. All the fandom draws for the characters in this series for their birthdays and I love contirbuting to community things like that, it's just fun to me. I am not a good artist, but I want to be one, so I'm trying to push myself to be better each time. This time I decided I'll do a cute little animation! FUCK!!!!! I underestimated how hard animating is!!!!!! I'm such an idiot. I didn't have big goals for this animation but I never knew even animating little things was so hard. I keep trying to search up tutorials and I just don't get it, I really don't, no matter how simple they explain it feels like it flies over my head and I'm a dumbass. I wanted multiple things in the drawing to be animated but I only animated one thing, I think it looks nice but since it's the only thing on the picture animated it's weird. But idk how to animate everything else. I'm struggling so hard I feel retarded. I should have just stuck to drawing a cute pic… but this character's birthday is too soon so I won't have time to make a good one. And if this drawing isn't animated it looks too plain. Idk where to go from here.

Not a serious issue it is just a drawing, I know, but it's making me feel so retarded!! The more I look at it the more I hate it. I wish I had non judgemental artist friends to ask advice for in these types of situations but a lot of artists intimidate me and I'm not good at taking criticism. Failing in art hurts. Because it's a visual media, you can physically see your ugly failures.

Anonymous 89986


I'm losing my purpose in life. What's fun in a life where you get verbally abused everyday? What's the point of a life where you have no will, no motivation, no support, no reassurance, no independence, nothing? I can't get out of my situation because I have no control over my things or property.

Am reading 1984 atm. It's somewhat entertaining. I'm going to get through this book so I'd forget about stuff. I don't even know how to kill myself because the only accessible method is taking bunch of aspirin and die painfully lol.

This sucks

Anonymous 89987

There's a person I know that always complains about not feeling like she belongs anywhere, and whenever she does this she gets a ton of really sweet and genuine responses. But she doesn't respond back to any of them. She just keeps complaining about her loneliness. It honestly really annoys me.

Anonymous 89988

I'm in a similar situation and the best way to cope is through escapism imo. Getting immersed in a good book like you are, vidya, anime, whatever. Our real worlds are miserable, we can't escape, so at the very least we can appreciate fictional worlds and they can provide as a good distraction. At least that's how it feels for me. I'm really sorry you're going through this too , just know that you're not alone. Even though I'm just an anon, I support you.

Anonymous 89993

I post my drawings and other small artists reached out to me and she happened to be one of them and we hit it off.

Anonymous 89994

Me too, i’m in a shitty situation living with my shitty family. gotten too depressed to escape tbh it’s not cutting it anymore.

Anonymous 89999

I can’t take those weird sudden outbursts of sheer unbearable envy, pain and anger towards men. I want to be one, I hate them all, I want to die. I’m mostly very, very insecure about the difference in physiques. The fact that they run this world just because they’re built to be stronger for some reason fills me with so much rage. It set us back so many years, it actually makes me think that it’s irreversible how much damage they cost women and their development over centuries. Every man I see on a street I just want to violently murder. I’m so fucking miserable because of that and tired of arguing that “both genders have their advantages and disadvantages” FUCK OFFFFFFF WITH THAT. No one in their right mind would choose to be born a woman knowing what it means physically, socially and mentally.
It honestly makes me want to kill myself and it’s such a stupid meaningless shit in real life, but when I have episodes like this one, it’s hard to think straight. It’s ridiculous how much I hate the fucking biology like?? It’s not something you can change or choose to get rid of, it’s something to just move on about but I can’t. And men don’t help with their tiny fucking brains, constantly taking advantage of what was unfairly given to them.
Brb ima ctb

Anonymous 90004

>I feel the exact same anon
I'm sorry too. No one deserves to have to feel this shit.

Anonymous 90006

if it makes you feel any better, guns can kill scrotes too, and theyre basically easily overpowered by a fit woman these days with how much they sit on their asses watching porn and playing videogames and crying about how no girl wants their smelly microdicks

Anonymous 90015

I hate trannies and I think the few ones ITT should hurry up and off themselves, they are so fucking annoying, "le I h8 much reality". Reality is pretty rad, they are the ones just making it worse for everyone.

Anonymous 90016


day #1131 (i counted) of tfw no asexual bf
i want a pretty-ish boy and make a submissive pet out of him, but unfortunately no scrote will ever be that pure and loyal and cute. that's literally all i want from this life but i guess the need of scrotes to be apes will always trump any love a girl is, being kind enough, willing to give them

Anonymous 90017

Who cares about physical strength though? If you know how to be a crazy psycho bitch like I do, a gun closes all those gaps. I feel no fear I just daydream of murdering the filthy ones.

Also idk I feel like mentally we're exactly the same. But socializing ? Fuck right off with socializing imo. Because all people are brainwashed to treat you bad for being a woman, even other women. Socializing is for braindead morons only. I mean there is only so much you can get out of it before it ALL starts to feel predatory, discriminating. Even your best female friends will be pigfucker pickmes. I'm in the same boat but I don't trust anybody I would just rather live for simple pleasures like gardening, art, traveling money.

I can ignore most women and men just fine. They're all mostly idiotic anyway. I mean spend any amount of time with normal people and you will see the same disturbing misogynistic patterns.

I've learned you can just completely eat up and ignore misogynistic criticism and it's like a high. People can't stand you when you're female and you live for yourself and only cool bitchy indifferent existence without a ball and chain. I really don't GET IT, becauew i never started out bitchy, but people love to tell you you are one. So??? Eat it up and lord over them since what they're imagining makes them seethe i guess?? It's the most satisfying feeling, and idk why they give away so much power. It is what it is rofl.

Anonymous 90018

This is easy to find there are simps everywhere dying for a femdom.

Anonymous 90019

Get a job.

Anonymous 90021


Basically I'm saying I would kill any of them that tried anything violent with me. I live in Texas and we have more than stand your ground laws lol.

Anonymous 90022

You're bitchy because you're mean and judgemental.

Anonymous 90023

I'm bitchy because people are unreliable two faced that's. Men are even worse I don't even want a reltionship to burden me down. Lol this makes men mad.

Anonymous 90024

thank you for your suggestion nona <3
i want a strictly asexual bf, femdomfags are far from it and are just regular horny moids (many of them even have multiple "mommies" or "mistresses" ew) and i want complete domination over my bf.
i hate coomer men, and my definition of coomer encompasses pretty much any guy, and on the other hand i love when they're indifferent to women and sex and are either aloof or very "pure".
i have nothing against healthy sexuality and i don't mind when women have one i just don't want to personally date a manwhore who watched porn or feels attraction towards other women, and that's all men, so yet again here i am with my fantasy angel anime boys

Anonymous 90025

Scrote seething over his disgusting gender being coomer paypigs and generally retarded and inferior, cope

Anonymous 90026

I'm not a scrote. She sounds trapped. It's the only feasible way to liberate yourself unfortunately.

Anonymous 90028

Tbf neither do I, I just want the creative high. I would bite if they really impressed me, but the creative high already supplies everything. No matter how poor I am from time to time I feel rich in my mind because I have no commitments and creative high / fantasy do more than enough for me. Maybe you've got something that makes you happy already and you don't know it.

Anonymous 90029

>Tbf neither do I
ikr, i've been called a hypocrite for this before (probably by scrotes who assume i'm also a chimp) but actually i also don't feel attraction towards other people just for my boyfriend (when i'm in a relationship), and i don't watch porn, so why should i settle for less than the same level of commitment and feel like an eternal cuck?
i don't want to enable sick depraved hypersexual men anymore and i refuse to date one that isn't like i want him to be, as far as sexuality goes that is.
nothing wrong with people that make it work for them the other way it's just something i understood i dont want for myself.
and yeah art and creativity is a high indeed i love daydreaming and making art and it's one of the few things that keep me going in this gay world

Anonymous 90051


Why do i feel bad for name calling my abuser? I blew up on him two years ago and i feel like shit for calling him ugly and stuff when he literally bashed my head in and stomped on me because he’s insane and a faggot. The worst part of being abused for me is they force you to do shit you really don’t wanna do, i could’ve gladly went my whole life silent but you had to target me.

Anonymous 90052

Going through the same thing anon, i’m not even stupid and i was never stupid. Very smart and talented but i let all of that potential go

Anonymous 90071


>I'm a software engineer who can barely code (or cope lmao).

Shit, this is probably going to be me. Except I'm a first-worlder. I'm trying to get into this field, thinking I have genuine interest in it but I keep feeling overwhelmed and defeated by how much there is to know and how much I don't. And school has worn me down so much I think I'm even starting to lose the curiosity to learn it too. I still write code in Notepad. Not even Notepad++. Fucking regular notepad. And I know nothing except the most basic shit that I've only picked up from my classes because of having to use it constantly for them.

Anonymous 90100

I met a guy I thought was really cute and funny. He did a really cute fake Russian accent. But I'm 21 and he was probably late 30s or even early 40s. I never got his name or contact info and I will probably never see him again bc of the nature of how we met. I'm so sexually frustrated I want to cry.

Anonymous 90105

tiktok's killing my brain

Anonymous 90112

You feel bad because you would feel bad about calling other people names in general. Your mind can't separate him from other people right now. This isn't something you would do under normal circumstances so it feels very wrong even though he deserved it (and propably deserves much worse).
I've been in a similar situation and I'm not sure what to do about it. For me those feelings got weaker after some years. Sometimes I still think back and think I should have kept my contenance and just walked away.

Anonymous 90142

I used to be okay with having smaller boobs, but since dating my current partner, I can’t help but hate that part of my body now. He is an enjoyer of big boobs; I mean for him the bigger the better is what he’s told me in the past. He has a huge fetish for it I guess. We’ve been together over a year and it just gets to me sometimes that I can’t fulfill that need for him. He has such a hard time c*mming during sex and most of the time he never does. Meanwhile he has no issue jerking himself off whenever I’m not around. I’m getting so insecure that I might actually get surgery to make them huge for him. I don’t want large breasts at all, I’ve been comfortable with my size, but I just want to be able to pleasure him in some way. I don’t know why he’s still with me. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve stopped watching anime because of fan service characters that remind me that I’m not enough for him. I have enough saved up for a breast augmentation and am considering getting a consultation soon. I’m wondering whether or not to bring him with me to get his opinion or if I should just surprise him with it. I just wish I could do something more natural and less expensive.

Anonymous 90143

Why are you with him if you two aren’t compatible in bed? You wanna stick foreign objects in your body that need constant care and struggle with back pains over a moid? Are you serious? You won the genetic lottery by having a chest that doesn’t impact your posture and less likely to sag at 28 and you’re giving that up for a fetish?

Anonymous 90154

>>90141 same here, I've had a sore throat and stuffed nose for about a week and a half now, I think it might be the new covid variant that's going around because I usually don't stay sick for more than three days. Remember to get sun and drink warm water!

>>90142 seconding >>90143, your whole paragraph is giving me anxiety, trying to appease a pornsick moid is futile. What if you break up?

Anonymous 90156

Leave him, anon. What the fuck.
t. Proud flattie

Anonymous 90158

i fucking hate the big boobs fags. i have a slim waist, wide hips w no hip dips, flat stomach big bubble butt and even a pretty face and great skin and then BAM small boobs and im instantly not considered attractive anymore, or enough, by so many moids. i think big breasts are nice, but i dont get why they trump so much any other good trait a person might have. it feels like you can completely let yourself go, look very unhealthy etc but as long as you have big breasts you're just as attractive as someone who has literally everything else, or even more attractive than that someone.
i literally dont believe there are men who like or let alone prefer small breasts, ive read this same tale so many times and i hate that my boyfriend also prefers big breasts, ever since i found out i dont feel enough for him either and i cant get into it. i apologize for the negativity but im glad someone understands what im going through.
leave him nona, you deserve better

Anonymous 90159

>im instantly not considered attractive anymore, or enough, by so many moids
Maybe by the few ones with an actual fetish for very big breasts, but honestly most men would find a girl like the one you described very attractive.
Nothing you might have will ever be attractive enough for a person who has a fetish for something else, that's true.
You can be the most beautiful woman in the world but if you lose your feet in an accident a feet fetishist will never want you. That's just how autistic men sexuality can get. It's sad, it's demeaning and disgusting but it's the truth.
Thankfully though most men look at the ensemble and don't have these specific hang ups, just preferences at most, and they can find a variety of bodies very beautiful and "hot".
Don't let something you think is wrong with you dictate how you think you're perceived by other people, and much less the view you have on yourself.
Appreciate what you have and try to love what you don't, you might find an unexpected beauty in that as well, and will soon realize a lot of people think the same of you.
I want this post to cheer up all the girls reading it because I know how bad it can get, and I went through the same thing in the past, although with a different insecurity. It gets much better once you get out of your head and realize that it's just your mind playing tricks on you.

Anonymous 90160

Sick unto death of being called a skelly. The same people who snigger at my long gaunt face now used to tease me when I inclined to plumpness. When my ass cheeks were squeezed too tight in my trousers. Would that I could strangle all of you with one sweep of my arm you worthless, soulless bags of flesh. Chief amongst you is my mother (whom I don't hate & whose opinions I've learned to brush aside with good natured grace). You called me a fat cow when I was a growing teenager. You mocked my lower body relentlessly, and then mocked me for not handling the "banter". Now you say I'm too skinny. Too bony. You likened my face to a long dagger (weird expression but okay). You're mourning my cheek fat, when you used to tease me for how bloated and round it used to look. When my udders shriveled up, and hung limp against my bony chest, you said no man will take a girlish looking woman. At least you no longer stare disapprovingly at my ass. That had always been my biggest shame. I used to walk around, stooped and crooked with my arms crossed around my back to better hide that burgeoning curve. That's probably why I have a hunchback now.
I am so fucking hateful. There's nothing more poisonous than impotent rage. I am such a livid cunt, but only on the inside. On the outside I'm a mild and temperate woman. Verging on being a pushover. I want to kill. Myself, or others? Idk.

Anonymous 90163

i understand that i’m a horrible useless person but jfc my sister is so unempathetic and weird emotionally

Anonymous 90164

hope this wasn't one of my sisters lol

Anonymous 90165


I've been reading feminist perspectives on eating disorders to knock some sense into myself, but now I only feel like a hypocrite. I know that the soft and feminine body I spent my adolescence trying to stave off would bring me more true power than a dying body reminiscent of a teenage moid…
But that body is being forced on me, and as much as I try to justify it and comfort myself with feminist theory it truly feels like this is all just my cope for letting myself go and surrendering my fight with the medical system.
I wasn't born inferior for my sex, and I'm making myself inferior by weakening myself, but it feels like mental strength and the bod I'll soon have to live with, I see it being literally and metaphorically violated wherever it's depicted.
I want to be a mind, I want to be above all this.

Anonymous 90167

An excerpt from Susan Bordo's book Unbearable Weight.

Anonymous 90168

Can someone explain what she means? Is she saying that trying to be fit (the boyish ideal) is actually patriarchal because you could have done something else with the time?

Anonymous 90169

i am kind of miffed because there is this woman at my uni i met in my math class that i thought was a nice study buddy/acquaintance and i realize she is NOT who she claims to be. like i will admit i got kind of an odd feeling about her when i spoke to her a few times, but i was trying to not be too judgy or anything so i dismissed it initially as me being snobby or just not being exposed to people like her a lot as i grew up kind of sheltered.

however, i met some people in another class i have who are also her ‘friends’ and the things they told me about her were pretty eye opening to be honest. it makes me question her intentions because apparently she is letting literal teenagers hang out at her apartment to smoke weed and drink, go to these nasty underground sex parties with her, and have orgies in her place, amongst other weird things they told me. she is older than most of us so i wonder what she is really after?

i almost want to confront her about it because she presented herself as this world weary woman who is just trying to get back on her feet after a bad divorce and that she is in paris to start her life over, blah blah blah. but now i doubt whether or not her stories are even true. she says off color things a lot in class that people write off as jokes, but now i see that she isn’t joking at all. on top of all that, she made some really cruel little digs at me and my family last week for absolutely no reason at all, just straight up shitty, mean comments that looking back on i am sure she has said worse behind my back.

i honestly just feel so gross and stupid for associating with someone like her. i need to learn how to not be so goddamn nice all the time and be a bit more discerning.

Anonymous 90170

Yeah it’s been 5 years since this happened, he goes around claiming i’m envious of him and plotting against him. It hurts.

Anonymous 90179

My boyfriend learned I was still friends with two of my old groomers and got a little angry

Anonymous 90180

i dont think its safe to confront her, nona. She already made cruel digs about your family and the confrotation would make the situation worse. i think the best way to deal with this scenario is to distance yourself from this girl

Anonymous 90183

I'm not your bf and I'm also a bit angry reading this. Why would you keep being friendly to moids groomers?

Anonymous 90188

I really hate my moms side of the family. My mom when I was in high school gave me this locket from when she was a teenager. It was really important to me so I put it in a keepsake box. Today I went to go pull it out and it was gone. I’m pretty sure my cousin went through my stuff and took it because she’s done things like this before. It’s not even the first time I’ve had important jewelry stolen from me by my moms family. My dads side of the family came over from Eastern Europe after Russia invaded Prague. They had gold jewelry they had brought over. It’s important to women in Eastern Europe to pass down they’re jewelry. My grandma didn’t have any girls of her own so she was saving it for me. When she died my aunt (by marriage on my moms side) took it and a ton of other stuff. I never got any of it. It makes me wanna bawl. I never really got to meet her cause I was sooo young when she died. I wish I just had a piece of her.

Anonymous 90193

She's referring specifically to anorexia, not to health and fitness. And ayrt isn't wrong that women obsessed with a different physical ideal are also still caught up in their bodies.

Anonymous 90195

Please break up with him

Anonymous 90206

Please suggest a podcast i can fall asleep to to feel less depressed and lonely. I am experiencing the most painful breakup of my life and constantly need to be distracted in order to not start violently sobbing.

Anonymous 90208

what kind of things are you interested in anon? i hope you feel better soon

Anonymous 90209

i feel so acutely depressed. i took so long to make my tea today, i kept sitting down and staring into nothing. i could have done it all day

Anonymous 90214

I will commit suicide, but i hate that my narcissistic abuser will take pride in it. I wish i could send a message out that it has nothing to do with their abuse, that I’ve struggled with depression and they didn’t defeat me. I just want to be gone.

Anonymous 90220

I really hope that you feel better soon. I'm not that into podcasts, but I've found really long YouTube videos help me when I feel this way

Anonymous 90221



I like the apartment lifestyle, but I am seriously developing an autist-level of noise sensitivity. I fucking hate hearing any noises from my neighbors just as much as I do from my roommate. They keep banging on the wall at night and throughout the day and I'm not sure if it's a good idea to just take one of my dumbbells and keep slamming it against the wall until they stfu.

I've actually tried it but only one or two times and it previously made the banging 10x worse (I don't even know if this was with the same neighbor or the one now is different, though. Never even met them before), almost to the point it sounded like my wall was being bulldozed. That neighbor sounded like he was some ghetto Black guy that may or may not have been unhinged, so no way was I going to approach him in-person btw.

I've tried earplugs but I still get annoyed. I'm seriously ready to go live in the middle of nowhere.

Anonymous 90222

murder suicide is what you are looking for

Anonymous 90224

im temporarily out of education and unemployed stuck in a place where i have 0 friends. i didnt have friends to begin with but the temporary move makes me feel even lonelier and i have no idea how to meet people. even if i did, my social anxiety makes me act weird and i get a slight speech impediment and my voice sounds off pitch. i feel like the salad fingers of my fucking age group it makes me want to kill myself. doesnt help that im ugly either, otherwise id be milking all this for some mpdg clout

Anonymous 90228

I like comedy a lot. I guess I could look into comedy podcasts?
Any youtube vids in particular? <3

Anonymous 90231

I know the feel nona, I've been living in an apartment over a decade and I still can't stand the level of noise some people regularly produce. I have pretty bad anxiety and it just really puts me on edge sometimes. I don't understand the lack of self awareness some people demonstrate, I have always tried to stay reasonable with my noise level, it's not hard. Just today I was (again) woken up by some loud banging on the wall from nextdoor. For some reason they do that pretty often. I've also got pissed enough before I've tried banging back and it can get them to stop for awhile at least. It's all ground level units so at least I don't have to deal with people above or below but it still sucks since the walls seem paper thin. I swear the apt beside me is cursed. Other than the person that was there for a short while after I moved in, everyone else who moved in there (3 different groups of people) have been abnormally loud. The last group of people there severely damaged that apt and were kicked out (saw the damage and eviction notice). Currently I'm pretty sure there are way more people staying there than is allowed. They like to throw loud parties and stand outside talking at max volume for hours. And it seems like the people with the worst tastes in music are always the ones who love to blast it. Also people around here have way too many kids running around unsupervised being generally annoying at all hours. Pretty relevant pic too, there's lawn maintenance every week even though it's so cold most of the year theres barely any grass (which is pretty much all dead) so I guess they are just getting paid to make noise for a few hours, maybe blow some leaves from one side of the sidewalk to the other and act like they're working.

Anonymous 90232


>Sometimes I do earplugs and noise cancelling headphones on top.

I try to do earplugs and a white noise machine but then both just bother me and I still keep thinking about the noise. I can't win. I just prefer going deaf at this point to be honest. These noises usually aren't at a level or during times that most people would be bothered by but they sure as hell bother the crap out of me. I need complete silence at all times or I'll freak.

Anonymous 90233


>And it seems like the people with the worst tastes in music are always the ones who love to blast it

This is so true. I've noticed it as well. Shitty music is a cancer that everyone obnoxious feels the need to subject you to. And low-effort Soundcloud rap with mic quality that sounds like it's coming through someone's ass isn't exactly known for having a non-low-educated demographic.

>Also people around here have way too many kids running around unsupervised being generally annoying at all hours.

Fortunately I live in student apartment so I don't have to worry about that. Is what I would say, but clearly most college students here are overgrown children.

>I swear the apt beside me is cursed. Other than the person that was there for a short while after I moved in, everyone else who moved in there (3 different groups of people) have been abnormally loud.

Yeah same here.

Before, I moved here I had two Korean roommates that literally had no sense of an inside voice whatsoever (I know because I saw them talk just as loud when they were outside, as inside. lmao). They would constantly gossip something in Korean at eachother while yelling. I could hear them so loud it was like they were right in my room. Loudest fucking people I've ever met in my life. And I come from a pretty loud family.

At the current place I live, first girl that lived here would just suddenly scream like a bird at random hours of the day for no fucking reason (It was the weirdest fucking scream I've ever heard). Then the ghetto black dude moved in and I had to listen to him argue loudly with his girlfriend every fucking night. You could hear them throwing shit and cursing eachother out. It made me start suspecing whether or not some kind of domestic violence was happening over there because shit sounded bad. The girlfriend sounded like she would be hit or something.

Like I mentioned, I have no idea if that last neighbor is the current one because I haven't heard any of that arguing in quite awhile but I do still hear that wall banging.

The whole world is a giant fucking noisemaker and I'm just a shut-in that wants to live in a mime film. It is suffering.

Anonymous 90234

My boyfriend got a new job in a place where there will be women working as well, his previous job was 99% men except for some secretaries. My bpd is flaring up and I’m getting jealous and insecure over my own thoughts over other women flirting with him. I trust him and he’s a good guy, but still I just get retardedly jealous in my mind over some girls flirting with him

Anonymous 90238

At the current place I live, first girl that lived here would just suddenly scream like a bird at random hours of the day for no fucking reason (It was the weirdest fucking scream I've ever heard).
lol I wonder if she moved here because our apt complex has a weird bird lady like that too. Still not as annoying as the people nextdoor.

>The whole world is a giant fucking noisemaker and I'm just a shut-in that wants to live in a mime film. It is suffering.

So true.

Anonymous 90241

Too much work, it doesn’t feel good either

Anonymous 90243

get out of there nona. The best revenge in this case is disappearing and never giving them closure, it eats them up inside knowing you escaped and they don't even know if you're doing better/worse without them. If you have to kys do it in a way where they wouldn't even know if you're dead, but I think you'd feel different without the narc FOG hanging over you

Anonymous 90246

I am out. They will inevitably find out because they’re family and i hate that thought. Thats the thought that stopped me from committing for years but i’m tired… besides the abuse, i’ve struggled being an autistic retard, not knowing how to socialize or how to build connections, mental health issues like paranoia. I’m very worn out, but god i hate the fact that they’ll think it’s them the narcissistic cunts.

Anonymous 90247

Apologies in advance if any of these are cringe but I'll sperg in this post since these channels have helped me a lot when I've felt terrible and alone tbh
Girl who plays mainly animal crossing and makes really creative fake drama between her lil animals. When I watch her videos it feels like I have a sister
Really long videos about random idiots online, helps take my mind off of things
Pokemon nuzlocker, I like his videos because he edits well and isn't annoying
Anime channel mainly about higurashi analysis. Very well spoken and seems like a really cool person
Astrology channel. Actually not into astrology at all, she just seems nice and positive so she cheers me up
Art channel, relaxing to me

Okay I think I've posted enough so I'll stop here! I really hope you feel better soon anon.

Anonymous 90251

Don't apologize anon! I love cringe. Thank u so much <3 <3

Anonymous 90253

I always feel this depressing nostalgia, lately it's been almost every day where I get waves of it and it only gets worse as I get older
I'm hung up on the past and feel like the present and future will never be as good - I keep thinking about times when I was younger and happier, and I'm obsessed with media like anime, manga, video games, fashion, old websites/videos/memes, even toys and trends from back in the early 2000s to early 2010s
lately I've been wasting away so much time consuming stuff that makes me nostalgic like just scrolling through dead blogs or looking at old jfashion magazines when all it does is make me feel sad knowing things will never be how they once were back then
maybe it's because I had abusive family growing up and it feels like that took away part of my childhood, and now it's almost like I'm trying to sort of continue being a kid even though I have to be an adult and work to afford bills amongst other boring adult stuff

Anonymous 90255

I can totally understand and relate anon, I'm sorry. Just know that you're not alone in this.

Anonymous 90256

thank you anon, in a way it's comforting to know someone else out there feels similarly

Anonymous 90258

Me too

Anonymous 90263

sorry to hear anon, it sucks feeling like this

Anonymous 90267


How do I stop feeling so dead inside nonas?

Going out in nature doing things I used to get a thrill out of does nothing now.

I've had a low level depression my entire adult life, but doesn't everybody?

Anonymous 90268

same here nona.
everything you described I feel consumed by every day.

Anonymous 90278

i am the anon who was dealing with her weird ass roommate earlier. i got pulled into the university office this afternoon as one of her friends overheard me joking with some of mine about her and our stupid drama a few days ago, totally misconstrued what i said, and literally tried to get me kicked out of the school over a fucking JOKE. a goddamn joke i made in jest just venting about how angry i was with her and how childish we were acting.

we are or were on better terms anyway so i am pissed as she was kind of starting to talk to me and we were getting comfortable with each other finally. i was actually starting to warm up to the bitch but then her fucking retarded captain save a heaux friend had to stick her nose where it didn’t belong.

people really do suck ass.

Anonymous 90279

I’m really sick of guys complimenting me. I don’t care about their opinion on me and I don’t know why they think I wanna hear it. They’re always sooo fucking ugly and I have to bite my tongue every time to not say something super rude. But I want to every time.

Anonymous 90280

They think their words mean something because their egos are inflated and look down on us

Anonymous 90282


Tired of seeing my mutuals give up and choose the easy and currently meta route to get more following. They go from nice women with their own interests, quirks and hobbies into girlfriend experience lewd weebs with sexualized avatar. Everyone i meet are the same 'big tiddy succubus' or whatever. I am so tired of this crap. How do they not feel humiliated having people watch them and degrade them? Even my friends keep joking that one day i will 'sell out' and become like this too, but i don't want to. I am so tired of women allowing themselves to be sexualized just to get internet clout. Where tf did the soul go.

Anonymous 90285


I freaking hate seeing men act all tough and sexist on the internet when I try to just talk about interesting topics that I can't talk about anywhere else because I'm alone and don't have friends. I'm tired, I feel lonely, I want friends, I want to stop being treated like shit just because I don't have a dick and because I'm emotional. Agh. Sorry.

Anonymous 90294

I would be your friend, I relate to you. There are a lot of women like us. Its going to be ok

Anonymous 90301

Vtubers? Cute gif anon.

Anonymous 90302

When I try talking to him I get so anxious and paranoid and awkward… I want to be friends but I feel so inadequate just from his existence, I'm incapable of having a conversation without embarrassing myself. Is it purposeful on his part? Does he enjoy it? I have no clue but it's not good for me either way.

Anonymous 90319

>I feel so inadequate just from his existence
This is exactly how I feel around attractive men too… I feel depressed around cute guys for this reason haha. I feel like they want me out of their line of sight.

Anonymous 90320


Very attractive men scare me IRL. I get an actual visceral desire to run away and scream. It feels like looking at a Lovecraftian abomination..except the attractive version. They seem too alien to be true. Anytime I've been around one I've felt very uncomfortable and like a legit fear. This is why, even if I'm a Kpop stan, I would think twice about ever meeting my favorite group IRL even if I got the chance. I think I have some kind of phobia of hot people, because I want to stay away from them.

Anonymous 90336

I have no one in this world. It’s best if i leave. But still, i have no one. Thats crazy. I think even my parents forget i exist sometimes

Anonymous 90337


you have me

Anonymous 90339

Keep at it anon I believe in you

Anonymous 90346


I love you anon

Anonymous 90354


Anonymous 90356


Anonymous 90358


One of my classes this semester is so fucking difficult. I don't even know what's going on anymore. My brain legit feels incapable of understanding.

Anonymous 90360

It's okay anon, I've been through many classes where I had no clue what was going on. Do other students in your class feel lost too?

Anonymous 90362


>Do other students in your class feel lost too?

Probably. But they're surely catching on faster than I ever could about any of it.


Automata and Computability

Anonymous 90364

Majored in information systems, some of the last computing courses I had were some high level abstract stuff like that, and to this day I still can't really wrap my head around some of those concepts. I took notes about basically everything I heard during any lecture and some ideas stuck or at least gave me material to write reports. Also used a flashcard app for the stuff I had a harder time memorizing. I remember a lot of my later assignments were just basically report writing which can be easy to BS, just paraphrase stuff you heard or read about and mix it with stuff you understand. And along the way I memorized a lot of info that would later show up on the exams. Even if I didn't actually understand what the concepts meant just memorized a bunch of general information as facts. Unfortunately programming or math can't really be faked where you actually have to demonstrate you understand the logic, in fact my worst performance was one of the high level math courses I barely passed. All I can say is just do your best to memorize any and everything.

Anonymous 90365


My gf of over 9 years cheated on me and she gabandoned me after I confronted her about it. She said she'd come back and just left and I feel she has no intention of giving me any closure at least. Worst part is she cheated on me with a girl who has a boyfriend already. I don't think she ever wanted to committed and she would love bomb me and promise me marriage. Why do I love someone who hurt me this way…why do I still hope for her to see me . I have a lot of hope for us but I don't even know if what she put to our relationship was a mask and I never truly knew her. She changed once she got a new job…I feel so used.

Anonymous 90366

Everything good that happens to me comes back to bite me. If a friendship or relationship just starts off too good, I'm scared something bad will happen again. I've lost the only three close people to me already, two because of issues in the relationships itself and one because he disappeared randomly (presumed suicide or heart problems because repeated purging and ED behaviors.)

I'm scared and lonely, I can't do this. I've tried taking the independent person route, but I can't sustain myself when all I am is broken. Loving myself isn't enough; I need validation that not even familials have given me.

Anonymous 90367

That's very painful to hear… It's hard to let go especially when one's still in denial. It may feel like hope they'll come back but it's just all denial. Please please love yourself first, nona. It'll be difficult, but there is no love in a relationship without commitment. I hope you'll be safe :(

Anonymous 90368

Thank you for your kind words. It's so hard to understand thst. The worst part is she asked me to 'wait for her decision to be with me or not. She just left though..like why would you just not let me go? She even told me she loved me still. But thank you anon. I hope good things happen to you because you replied earnestly.

Anonymous 90369

Wow she is pretty

Anonymous 90373

Drank too much last night and slept through my 2 alarms for work this morning and was an hour late. Now I have to message my manager 2 hours before work on days I start early like a child. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

Anonymous 90376

If I could have, I would have left everything behind. Constantly disappointing myself with suicide dates I've set out for myself in the past, only to either not carry out because failing is too damn scary or just… failing… like right now. If only I could turn back time to slap myself and try to fix everything that went wrong. I'm not thankful for these experiences, I've learnt, yes, but at this point it's all over. I've ruined everything. All I want is my love and best friend back.

Anonymous 90383

I feel like my drawing skill have deteriorated lately. Can't even draw a full body like I used to before

Anonymous 90386


My fuse is so short these days.
It’s especially bad at work, I just feel like going postal on the absolute useless tards I have to deal with. I’m normally very easy going but today this guy I work with did multiple brainless things in a row, actively making my job harder and I just let out a huge sigh and “come on man, get it together”
Feel a bit bad now. Also had a spat with some jumped up bitch from another department. She told me to calm down while standing over me being very Dutch, not letting me get a word in.

I can’t tell if it’s just me being so over everything and dead inside or if everyone is so much more regarded and antagonistic in general and going postal at them would be justified.

I also wonder if there’s something medically wrong with me to be this angry all of a sudden considering the rest of my life is going fairly well.

Anonymous 90402

I acted too hyper these 2 last days. Kill me

Anonymous 90408

The cat probably has its claws stuck between two things. Dont worry

Anonymous 90421

my boobs are not big enough and I want to kms

Anonymous 90429

Huh… my boobs are too big and saggy and i wanna kms. Different perspectives

Anonymous 90435

I tend to spiral sometimes in my thoughts and it feels like the world is ending, then suddenly i get a notification from my friend sending me some dumb video or a meme. We’re both very reserved and hardly text each other (understandably since we became friends as adults) Its almost like she knows when to text me. Im almost falling in love.

Anonymous 90442


I always get the feeling to "get out and do something" and the desire to be around people. But I don't know where to go. There are only so many times I can walk around the mall by myself before I get bored… do normies just go to clubs or bars to satiate this feeling?

Anonymous 90443

you can do pushups and it will make them more firm and weight loss in general helps
no that's fucking stupid

Anonymous 90446

i'm the exact opposite
i went to a nightclub last night and was so bored, the dj sucked and there was absolutely nothing happening
had a glass of water and fucked off home again

Anonymous 90448

Hmm thunk provoking

Anonymous 90449


Sorry to worry you nona, I like cats too- this is the original picture- just as the other anon said.

I work in healthcare.

Anonymous 90453

my bf watches me post everything on cc and he sees how schizofrenic i am and he sees all my posts about how i hate my body and all he does is sit there and poop is pants

Anonymous 90457

Why are moids simultaneously incapable of having proper, rational discussions about gender issues yet simultaneously so insistent on bringing them up? I have this moid classmate in a study table I'm required to go to. He everyday, without fail, starts ranting about something a feminist said to him that day, but whenever I or anyone else try to actually explain the topic he is ranting about, he just completely shuts down and starts yelling and convincing the other moids to start acting misogynist. He can be somewhat reasoned with otherwise although he is still kind of a tard, but the second he smells a hint of feminism he goes into retard rage mode. As someone who is "doubly exceptional" so to speak, I've met so many goddamn moids like him it makes me worried for America's future. The worst part is that if you ever return the rage they act like you are the worst human being on earth, as if they didn't just spend like 30 minutes acting the same way you did.

Anonymous 90459

I live in a shithole where men feel entitled to control their wives and sisters and every woman in their social circle except their mothers and other mothers in general. Especially growing up, since things like that were criticized so much in the last 2 decades. I remember that we don’t discuss things with them, we just act like that’s the norm and reinforce our presence. In our minds, a male is gonna think he has the right to our lives and bodies if we ask an opinion of him. They tend to go overboard and go full on dictator mode and say the dumbest shit, so it’s part of the unspoken social roles not to give them any mind. You just repeat your statement and act accordingly as fact till it sticks in their head thats its normal, you don’t take it up with them. Especially gender related things. Sorry for going off topic, i always remember this when this kind of thing is brought up lol

Anonymous 90461

"enough" for what?

Anonymous 90462

>starts ranting about something a feminist said to him
this is funny bc i imagine he invents such scenarios

Anonymous 90463

nah I asked him and apparently there is a feminist in one of his classes who is the devil incarnate and hates all moids or whatever. Honestly from his descriptions I think she sounds based but if I say that he gets pissy with me.

Anonymous 90465

I've never been to a bar or a nightclub, but I would probably have the same experience bc I suck as socializing. I'd stand by the wall with a soda in my hand for 20min then leave.

Anonymous 90466

wtf where do you live? or at least what part of the world if you dont wanna say which country.

Anonymous 90467

sounds like you and i should start our OWN nightclub

Anonymous 90468

Think around central and west asia. A lot of shitholes to pick from there lol

Anonymous 90483

Seeing people shitpost about how ugly caroline ellison is depresses me because ~25% of men look like that

Anonymous 90497

I wish I could grow up and get over my mommy issues already. I'm dealing with them a lot better than I was years ago but I realize how much they're affecting me in little ways still and it makes me feel very small, sad and pathetic. Maybe they'll get easier to deal with year by year and it can only get better from here? I hope so.

The main thing that I can't get over is that I will never ever have a loving mother, I will never have a good relationship with a maternal figure, a maternal figure won't just magically appear in my life. That's just how my life is, these are the cards I've been dealt and I just have to move on and accept that I'll forever miss out on one of the most important relationships one can have in the entire world.
I'm really jealous of people who have good relationships with their mother. I don't care at all about my bad relationship with my dad, but not having a mom makes me feel like I have a hole in my heart. Recently I've gotten pathetically attached to a fictional character and I realized I'm so attached to her because she's very maternal. I talked with another girl who is also a huge fan of this character and she said she thinks her mommy issues are also the reason why she loves this character so much.
Even though I love this character I think I'm getting too sad that she isn't real and it's very unlikely that I'll ever meet anyone like her. I wish I could be normal. Feels like everyone understands and is more sympathetic towards daddy issues but I know it's wrong of me to compare.
I wish I could meet more women with mommy issues as intense as mine who are still dealing with their affects but I'm a social failure and too afraid of getting made fun of.

Anonymous 90507

>try to make friends with other women irl
>everyone in my area is either a rich retired boomer or has no hobbies outside of watching netflix and drinking/drugs
>try to make friends with women online
>get ghosted by every one I add
>try to join women-only servers to find a group to talk to
>server admins never contact me back to voice verify me into the servers
I'm so sick of it all, why can't I make friends with other women? it's lonely going through life with no friends, maybe I'm doomed to have my only social interactions be with anons online

Anonymous 90538



>I took notes about basically everything I heard during any lecture and some ideas stuck or at least gave me material to write reports. Also used a flashcard app for the stuff I had a harder time memorizing.

That's a good strategy but I'm afraid it won't work for this class. I can barely even find problems similar to some of the ones I get on the homeworks. And even when they do, they differ in such a way that I still can't understand. This class requires alot of recursive thinking and problem-solving which I'm really bad with.

>Unfortunately programming or math can't really be faked where you actually have to demonstrate you understand the logic, in fact my worst performance was one of the high level math courses I barely passed.

It doesn't involve any programming or math, per se, but there is alot of abstraction to understand the logic, like you mentioned. We have to draw alot of diagrams and write proofs. It's a highly theoretical class that I'm 99% certain in particular will have no use for my career but that I have to stick through anyway.

>All I can say is just do your best to memorize any and everything.

I guess I could memorize solutions but that's about as far as that could take me. Thanks though.

Anonymous 90542

My heart is always hurting, living with so many memories is so unreal. How do older people do it? I can’t believe there were so many years of shit

Anonymous 90543

If you've tried to join the cc server, we aren't accepting new members right now because of all the raids that have been happening recently but after some more time you will get in dw anon

Anonymous 90548

im not going to lie and tell you that most men prefer smaller breasts because that isn't true, but:
1) ive met plenty of men that dont care about breast size or even breasts for that matter, because they fetishize/like other parts of the female body
2) despite liking breasts, other men ive met genuinely don't have a preference about their size and like big and small equally
3) yes ive met also men that prefer small breasts, along with men that are literally repulsed by big ones and like only small or also even flat
the latter is indeed a rarity but they still exist and they're more than you would think. so, don't worry too much about it, or dont worry about it at all

Anonymous 90584

I haven't tried joining the cc server yet, it was a few lc servers I tried joining

Anonymous 90587

wish i could go back to being a fulltime bulimic again but i fucked my teeth the first time around and i’m not going to make the situation worse…

Anonymous 90592

LC servers are a bunch of narcs who ignore you and push aside your posts to spew their own vents complaints and problems
Not a fun bunch to be around tbh

Anonymous 90594

even in the hobby focused servers? that sucks, well I can't even get into any so I guess I'm not missing out on much

Anonymous 90595

Nah I was talking general LC servers
Discord Servers aren’t a great place to be in anyway. The users are all depressed and whine about life no matter which server you enter
There are some fucked up people on the internet who only complain and never get themselves out of their predicament. Sometimes I wonder if it’s the internet addiction or discord that’s stopping them from doing anything about ~muh depression~

Anonymous 90597

well I was just looking for places to talk with other women who have similar hobbies/interests, I don't know where else to go for that except discord
maybe it's better to get used to being alone

Anonymous 90608

i would be friends with u in a heartbeat im in the same boat as you

Anonymous 90611

it's hard finding comfy places with purposes just for that. discord just has a bunch of channels that derail the original intention of a hobby community and then it devolves into "e-drama" alliances betrayals and a bunch of other horseshit high school politics or people crying for attention with depression blog posts.
I'm so sick of it. I'm glad I deleted my discord.
Better to be lonely than to be stuck with a bunch of crabs in a bucket

Just add a nona in a friend finder thread. One-on-one is better as long as you find the right person who shares the same interests as you.

Anonymous 90613

Anon you're being a crab in the bucket to her right now. They're rare but good discords with good and friendly people exist and there's no reason to not try.

Anonymous 90615

if the blogposts or vents or whatever are contained to one channel I think it'd be ok because I'd just stick to the hobby channels and not bother checking that one, but I guess there's nothing that can be done about drama except kicking a bunch of people involved out which might make it worse
I made a post in a friend finder thread plus added anons from it and got ghosted by everyone I talked to so I gave up on that
thank you anon sorry you are in a similar situation, have you tried joining the cc discord already? I might as a last ditch effort

Anonymous 90651

become stronger then

Anonymous 90654

Sorry I’m just bitter and lonely and sick of online socialization
I want real friends but it’s hard when you’re graduated from college. There’s no one my age near me except normie moms with children and I am not going to have kids. Ever.

Anonymous 90655

extremely suicidal over him

Anonymous 90684

Nta but I feel this 100%. It’s so hard to make friends after you graduate college if you aren’t already involved in some community (religious, hobby, etc). Online friends or friends who live far away are better than none but a face-to-face friendship is ideal. It’s just so hard to find. I know there are things like Bumble bff and Facebook groups for making friends after college, but from what I’ve seen me and the women who use those sites have nothing in common so it just seems bleak.

Anonymous 90694

Why is it so hard to make online friends these days? It's sad I see a ton of people complaining about the same thing I've been experiencing, impossible to find a place to make friends and if by some miracle ypu finally do find someone to chat with they ghost you. I'd love to be in a cozy chat with just a few people but good luck finding one that isn't dead or doesn't get ruined somehow before long. And the big chats, well good luck with anyone seeing your reply at all.

'Join cc discord' is there more than one? I tried joining one and it turned out to be a voice chat as if there aren't enough of those these days. I have speech problems so I can't do those (or if I did, noone would be able to understand me believe me I have tried before). It's funny you say you make it a voice chat to keep guys out but I saw someone a few posts ago saying the chat was invaded anyway. tbh I don't even care if I'm chatting with a girl or a guy infact people who make your gender the main aspect of your identity are kind of irritating imo so don't even tell me. I literally just want to chill out and play a game or something.

Anonymous 90695

>I tried joining one and it turned out to be a voice chat
if you're talking about the one where you need to send an email to the server admin to get an invite, the voice chat is just a verification method and afaik there are other methods to get your biological sex verified to join. the server is mainly text based

Anonymous 90698

Things are at the point where I want to go to therapy, but I still live with my parents and they'd think something was up if their shut-in suddenly started leaving the house regularly outside of going to work and I don't want to tell them I'm going to therapy because I don't want them to worry or think they did something wrong. I don't know what I'd even say to my therapist other than that I'm tired of being a fuckup.

Anonymous 90700

i'm in a hole i can't get out of
i can't relate to anyone not other women and i just feel so unsociable and sad
i would give anything just to feel differently but i know the effort it would take to change things would be so much and i'm weak and a coward
all i want is to just be normal but i can't be and i'm so sick of it i just wish i were never born

Anonymous 90709

>but I saw someone a few posts ago saying the chat was invaded anyway
Well, they lied because we haven't had a guy in the server.
And you're honestly naive if you don't think about why most girls don't want to talk to guys. If he's here to begin with he's a creep in a place that doesn't want him and most guys don't even want to be friends with women, before long men always want something romantic or sexual so there's not even any point in being friends with 99% of men.

Anonymous 90710

Oh and if you're the Tomoko poster you're a liar who clearly doesn't want friends because you responded to nobody who put their tag in your thread and you didn't even put your own. God do I dislike anons who always whine about wanting friends but don't respond when people reach out or try to reach out themselves.

Anonymous 90712

well, if it makes any difference, i quite like the way you write

Anonymous 90715

i'm happy to stick around in this thread for a while if you wanna keep talking

Anonymous 90718


I think I’ve got to the point where I hate all my friends
They irritate me so much, I am on the verge of bursting. The way of their thinking, their views are not very close to mine - vary from person to person, but sill. Most of them are lacking self awareness so much I want to cry. I don’t like talking about literal nothing - it’s like verbal shitposting, makes no sense. Not much mutual interests, ones we share - we like different aspects. And not in the “seeing different things and sharing each others perspective on them” way. I don’t think all of them are stupid, but sometimes I’m just tired of their ignorance. I do, of course, know that what I think is obvious, is not necessarily obvious by a next person, but what about some basic facts, idk, just want to alog so often I am thinking do I even need to keep it alive
They are useful - it is important to have social connections. I am not talking about using friends as a possibility of them doing me a favour or something like that - using as a company, as a community of sorts, to maintain a feeling of being connected to people yada yada
While I don’t necessarily feel myself miserable alone, on the contrary, actually, but that’s what I am talking now - broken social connections are hard to fix, I think. That’s why I always try to maintain all relationships possible (if there wasn’t anything especially obnoxious between us) because I understand how valuable they are.
Friendship is usually what brings me the most happy time, most positive emotions in my life. But now - I don’t know. If I feel like that towards most of my friends - donI really consider them my friends in the end? I don’t want to be a hypocrite, but also I don’t want to lose a useful asset of my life, so to say
What helps me most of the time - is to detach myself and to make an abstract of each one of them, like I am a writer studying my characters. Yeah, I know how it sounds and it’s dehumanising and all, but even that doesn’t help now.
I still try to keep in touch with my very old friends also, but recently I just stop doing it with one of them and yeah, they just go radio silence. So if I will stop trying - I am afraid I will become fully marginalised (I am a hardcore neet, so socialising at work is out of possibility for now)
And it’s not like I think it would bother me now, but what if will be bothering me in the future, and I will regret not working with my feeling and stuff.
Should I break up with my friends or just try to work it out with my view of things and try to be more accepting and blah blah
Ah, right, I tried to make new friends - all of the cases was kinda okayish at first, but went to nothing very quickly, maybe because I didn’t really want to connect with then further
Idk, I don’t think I am better than everyone, I just don’t click with most of the people well enough

Anonymous 90721

All of my friends used to make me feel the exact way you're describing so I cut them all off. Now I have barely any friends but the friends I do have share my views and interests, even if not completely, and I realized to me that is what true friendship and bonding is. So I hope that you can find people like that if you wish so anon.

Anonymous 90723


Thank you
I think I will give myself a “trial period” and by the end of it I will analyse all positive/negative and make a decision

Anonymous 90726

Good luck!

Anonymous 90739

Same. It's hard for me to integrate on such boards it's why I rarely post here besides some anime-centered threads or something.
I even walk around at night every now and then because I meet with friends to drink beer near the station, it's actually one of my male friends that was scared walking around alone at first but he got used to it and nothing happened to him either.
Maybe it's just that people in my country are too distant to even attack others in any way.

Anonymous 90740

i feel like i made a really stupid decision that was well intentioned(?) and now it's a fucking nightmare.

i've been looking after my neighbour who's incredibly mentally ill (BPD and the like.) she lost her kids due to her ex tracking her down and abusing her in her own home that she moved into to escape him. She has no friends and family in the country that have the time or the energy to support her so i stood in and i've been dealing with paramedics, police, cooking food for her, looking after her dog, taking her to church and just being a friend.

She's not a bad person but she just doesn't fucking put her foot forward with anything, she has a therapist, a mental health care team and a care worker that comes over 3 times a week.

I've decided to completely cut back contact with her, she doesn't respect my boundaries and she's not helping herself and almost entirely relies on me.
I've sacrificed a lot of my personal time for her and she constantly backslides and won't engage with her mental health care team, whenever she's hospitalized she just straight up escapes. I try my best to be firm with her and encourage her to do the right thing, but it doesn't get to her.

I tell her not to knock at certain hours because i reserve those times for myself, cooking dinner, cleaning, sleeping or spending time with my partner but she completely ignores it.

i want the best for her but i don't have the energy anymore, i feel like i've got compassion fatigue and i'm doing the right thing by distancing myself but it's all so tiresome. I don't want to enable her to rely on me.

I tried my best. She does really good for herself for short periods of time but minor inconveniences and incidences cause her to completely spiral. She put her head through the wall in front of me once and i had to get her to stop. I kind of feel bad for getting involved and even more so that she's that reliant on me when i just wanted to be her friend. I didn't want her to fight through this alone but she just keeps making avoidable problems for herself and not getting professional help that she can easily access.

Anonymous 90742

>I'm in a hole I can't get out of
what's going on?

Anonymous 90743

Going to be up until 3am or later tonight because I feel so much guilt about my breakup. Nights are the fucking worst.

Anonymous 90746

Samefag because i have no one to fucking talk to

I cannot process the fact that the person i have spent time with every single day for several years, i am now barely supposed to talk to anymore. this feels so foreign and depressing and surreal. Fuck my life im not going to sleep all night

Anonymous 90747

Nonie, it's not your responsibility to help her, you have nothing to feel bad about and it was really kind of you to want to help her in the first place. Seems like encouraging her to get professional help could be the best course of action. She needs to understand that you might not always be available for help and a professional would be much more suited for this.
Nonie, idk if you're already asleep but I feel you, breakups can be so sad and hard to deal with. Maybe some distraction could help? Maybe read some book or watch a movie so you could have easier time drifting off to sleep? It's hard to process indeed but eventually you'll find something that will distract you from constant ruminations about your breakup, I'm sure of it. Please try to sleep, nonie, breaking your sleep schedule is no good.

Anonymous 90760


I made my mom cry… again
I’m heavily suicidal, have a lot of things on my plate and really dont know if i wanna do this life thing anymore. I got angry at her and said a bunch of mean things. I feel horrible. She gets triggered when i speak about my struggles growing up and starts insulting me, saying that i’m weak and a coward (for context she has 2 cluster b kids that made my (and her) life hell and she thinks the demon possesses them) so i started yelling that she never was there for me and shes delusional. She starts crying. I cant deal with this anymore. I understand where shes coming from but im so angry

Anonymous 90761

does anyone else fantasize about beating the crap out of or even torturing someone who has wronged/abused you or am I psychotic??? Obviously I’ve never acted on these thoughts but I constantly ruminate about breaking someone’s face if they’ve treated me poorly. My landlord is a total asshole and I’ve thought about all the ways she should die the entire day. I do feel guilty about having these thoughts

Anonymous 90762

I know someone like this who eventually did it to the wrong person… me. All it took was a silly harmless jab and a vulnerable 16 year old girl who can’t defend herself for him to snap.

Anonymous 90765

I wish I could form a widows club, move in with a bunch of other widows in a big house with lots of bathrooms and bedrooms for all our kids, and just live together like a little commune/village in one big mansion. We're can raise our kids without any toxic masculinity corrupting them.
And no, I am not a lesbian so I can't marry another woman. But it would be so cool to move in with another widow who is your best friend and have all our kids feel like they got a large army of moms looking after them.

Anonymous 90772

I firmly and unironically believe that men are not as capable of logical reasoning and thought as women and therefore should not be allowed to be involved in the legal system. I mean think about it, you've all argued with men before, you know how they are. They are incapable of having any form of true rational discussion because they view literally all things, including just thinking, as a fight and a competition. Thus, they are unnecessarily hostile and rude and unwilling to be cooperative or concede points while arguing because they view changing their minds as losing. Meanwhile, unless a women's mind has been corrupted by men, she is often very willing to be reasonable and polite. Why on Earth are these violent rape-apes allowed to make almost all major societal decisions? They are retarded and obnoxious creatures. I honestly think that the reason why they talk about women's bodies so much is because their bodies are the only advantage they have over us, despite the fact that technology rendered physical strength irrelevant literal centuries ago. This is the real reason many legal systems are so strict about weapons and escalation of force, because moids know that if women were truly allowed to defend themselves against male violence, the streets would run red.I sincerely hope that as women start to take up the majority of positions in academia and start taking up more positions in politics that we will peacefully and naturally return the the matriarchal world that once existed centuries ago, and the world will become a much better place. I honestly think that that is why trannies are on the rise, moids see their inevitable comeuppance at the hands of womankind and want to switch to the winning team. To any moids lurking this board: stop trying to fight the tide of female supremacy, a world controlled by women will in the end be much better for you, you will suffer much less and live more easily. All of your leaders will be fairer and kinder towards you, you will no longer suffer under tyranny under other males' boots, you will instead happily live in servitude to women, as is your true natural desire. The matriarchy is what's best for all of us.

Anonymous 90773

My family sucks, not a family id choose but i still want to give back all they have given me. I don’t like feeling indebted to anyone

Anonymous 90774


My lymph nodes are swollen and I'm being a huge hypochondriac about it. This has been happening to me all the time where something feels slightly off about my body and I stay in bed all day paralyzed with anxiety (I work from home, really wish I didn't because it allows me to do crap like this). I'm going to urgent care in a couple hours. I think I need to hole up for the rest of the winter and stop going out, drinking, seeing people. I'm living alone for the first time in like 5 years and I just need to work on my mindfulness and actually get used to being with my own company for extended periods of time without death spiraling.

Anonymous 90775

I read smut about being raped by your stepbrother and it was eerily realistic and scary but I kinda liked it for some reason.

Anonymous 90780


Just got broken up with after almost a month of dating. He said he got into a relationship "too quickly" after his last one, yet everything was fine until a week ago. Why didn't he tell me that before we started dating? One month isn't enough to emotionally connect or whatever but still I really liked him and I'm hurt, and I feel stupid about it now. Siiigh

Anonymous 90801

Breaking up when both people still love each other is such a uniquely excruciating type of pain. I think I would physically harm myself to take his pain away if that were possible.

Anonymous 90816

In my country, where women are vastly in the majority in the magistracy, there is a great deal of laxity towards criminals. It is the laws that need to be changed.

Anonymous 90829

>snap at my dad for being a depressing pushover
>call him a fucking idiot and hang up on him
>a minute later he texts me with an apology
>ignore text
>he immediately calls back
>ignore call
>another call a minute later
>sigh, answer phone
>note the bitterness behind the grovelling

Yes, I'm being needlessly harsh but he knows he's not the one who should apologize- he's doing it because he'd rather people pity him than risk provoking their anger by standing up for himself, AS IF HE DOESN'T MAKE EVERYONE RESENT HIM FOR BEING SUCH A MARTYR!

Anonymous 90832

>be me, 21
>experiencing the biggest glow up in terms of appearance, hitting the gym, letting my hair grow, skin is clear
>oh shit I’m actually not ugly.jpg
>realizes being attractive comes with disadvantages
>when I go outside I feel neurotic because I can feel the empty stares full of lust from men at all angles
>this happens at the work, gym, street, everywhere
>it annoys me how they look and talk to me like I’m a piece of meat
>don’t know how to express my frustration; tried being too aggressive or too accommodating, still uncomfortable
>I will never feel comfortable in my own skin

Anonymous 90836

How do I stop letting what moids say get to me? They always say sexist shit all the damn time. If my autism program wasn't 90% moids I would just refuse to talk to them. It's enough to make me want to switch over to a women's college but I can't really do that. And you can't even escape them online either.

Anonymous 90842

Dont react, not with your words or face expressions. Eventually they’ll get bored

Anonymous 90843

Autism program? What's that for, something along the lines of working on social skills?
If you're surrounded by moids, you might want to think about a female only autism support group, I'd hate to be surrounded by a bunch of misogynists no matter what the reason.

Anonymous 90867

Im so sad that i never did well in school, instead i wasted my time acting like a retard on discord and having panic attacks and episodes of paranoia

Anonymous 90878

>realizes being attractive comes with disadvantages
Lmao boo hoo

Anonymous 90879

My gym partner is 45 fucking minutes late and I'm pissed off. Being friends with people who have kids sucks. I will never have kids.

Anonymous 90880

> "You're soooo special to me why do you think I dont care about you blah blah"
> leaves the second I become unfuckable in his eyes 
Does he even know who I am? Did he even pay attention? Did any part of my character actually matter? I always knew I was ugly but I didnt mind it that much since I thought my personality could easily make up for it but turns out my personality isnt worthy enough either

Anonymous 90882

My tranny thoughts won't go away its caused everyone in my life to lose all respect for me. I've had this problem since I was like 4 or 5 and when I got into highschool it went away for a few blissful years but recently it's come back with a vengeance. It feels as if my whole life has been nothing but trying in vain to make these thoughts go away, anything to make them stop. Sometimes it stops for an hour or two or maybe even a whole day, but it always comes back… Why? Why me? I'm very feminine in personality even for a woman, minus my lesbianism and autism. I'm very sensitive and emotional, and I love cute things and romance and hate arguments and fighting. I would never cut it as a moid, why do I want to be one? Is it the autism? My sexuality? Something else? I actually tried pooning out for a bit, never took hormones but wore a binder and introduced myself as michael… But I live in the bible belt, so even on a college campus people are not tolerant or understanding of those things here, they just start being even more misogynist to you. The only people who actually get treated anywhere close to nicely are TIMs… My mother has never gendered me accurately even once but when a misogynistic highschool bully of mine trooned out she scolded me for calling him them. I just wish people would treat me like a man, I wish women were attracted to me, I wish other men respected me like they respect their male friends. I don't think that my female body is ugly or anything, sometimes I'm kinda attracted to it lol… But I do kinda wish that when I go outside I could put on like a "man suit" and look like a dude and have everyone think I was a guy. I saw this video recently of this guy trying on like a latex woman-suit for crossdressers and I really wish that they made a male version of that. I actually did kinda dress up as a dude this halloween by accident: I wore a men's scarecrow costume that covered my face and neck so a lot of people assumed I was a dude at first cause I didn't talk much and did a deep voice while I had it on to be scarier. A gur came up to me and said "Epic costume! respect, bro" and I felt so good for some retarded reason. A girl even came up to me after I took off my mask to eat and was literally like "When you have that mask on, I don't know how to address you, I can't tell whether you're a boy or a girl" (this was a party for people with autism so not many socially aware people were there kek). Anyways sorry for the extremely long spergy rant I just don't want to tell anyone that I know IRL about these feelings because talking about your feelings is mega embarrassing. Also, the last few times I tried to open up about this, to my mom and to an old family friend, it didn't really go too great. It didn't go terrible, but not great. I just felt like they kinda just wanted to shoehorn me into being a trans man that was just like the ones they see on tv(one of them literally showed me a video of a trans guy on ru pauls drag race the day after I told her for some reason and told me I should be like that). Either that or they are incredibly disappointed and ashamed of me, like my dad and mom, though they kinda try to pretend they aren't I can tell that they are really disappointed in me, it makes me really sad. Funny thing is, I actually do have a therapist, but I don't really have the courage to tell him any of this, since he's a dude IDK if he'd understand all the terfy thoughts I'm having or be respectful IDK. Also the thought of regularly going to the same person and having them get to know your deepest secrets kinda scares the crap out of me, I wish therapy was totally anonymous. Anyways that's all she wrote, sorry for the novel nonas and stay based out there.

Anonymous 90885

Nobody has replied to my messages so far kinda sucks

Anonymous 90886

Sometimes I feel like I have no real talents in my life and I wish so badly to be really good at just one thing. It could be anything, a sport, a hobby, a job, ect. I’m either horrible or mediocre at best at everything I try at. I’m not an “expert” at anything. I hope one day I find one thing I can be really good at.


Time and dedication is everything, even if you have talent you still have to put in the effort and will to challenge yourself

Anonymous 90888

You see that’s the thing, even when I put in the time and effort I still am pretty mediocre at whatever it is I’m trying to do. It sucks, I suppose I still have other good qualities, but I really wish I had a “thing”. Maybe I do and I just haven’t found it yet.

Anonymous 90889

It's alright nona, the best and worst thing about life is that it goes on. Just keep swimming! Though you might want to go to a shrink to get that anxiety in check

Anonymous 90890

Your personality is fine, it's the moid who has a shit personality. If he had a good one he would value you and treat you right.

Anonymous 90910


Is it normal to constantly look like shit when you're a STEM major? Over the past few years I've become increasingly haggard-looking. My hair looks like shit all the time now, my skin is shit, my clothes are all very old and worn out (And I still wear the same ones since middle school). I look almost homeless. Plus, I stopped cooking at all and cleaning my room because I feel I never have enough time.

I'm always self-conscious about it but tbh I want this suffering degree to end so I can just focus on glowing up afterwards.

Anonymous 90915

I'm in STEM too. Seeing some of the people around me let themselves go is what gives me the motivation to buy new clothes and get my hair cut regularly. My room is also a mess though and I've been losing weight because I don't have the time to cook and dislike processed food. I'm also pale af with dark circles under my eyes.

My plan is to get myself a bigger apartment with a bathtub etc. when my degree is finished so I can relax better. I also want to get a roomba and a dishwasher to have some of the cleaning automized.

Anonymous 90921

I need money easy and fast so I will whore myself tomorrow. Feels so fucking bad

Anonymous 90924

My best friend died 4 years ago. I think subconsciously I try to find her in every person I meet. I think I'll always feel a hole in my heart and I'll always feel alone without her. I don't think I'll ever have a friend like her again or a friendship as close as the one we had even though it's all I desire. I get very disappointed and demotivated when I try to make new friends and speak to new people because I just realize they're not her. I just want her. I'm trying to replace the irreplaceable. I'd give anything to have it back but I know I can't. So for 4 years I've just been aimlessly wandering trying to make friends but none of them click. I end up disliking almost everyone after a while.

Anonymous 90925


I am under too much stress. For the first time in my life, I cut myself with an exacto knife and my arm is pooling with a lot of blood. even though I made two small cuts, it hurts like a motherfucker and I am very close to tears.

My degree in college is so stressful. I don't understand jack shit of my assignments, and not only that, my living situation is fucking hell right now. I feel so horrible right now, and very incompetent. I haven't played video games or drawn anything in days just because of how stressed I am, I don't even feel like doing stuff I like. All I think of is, do assignment perfectly, do the schoolwork, nothing else. It's really hurting my head.

It is affecting my body, too. I vomit acid a lot, I've been losing kilos to the point I could soon be underweight, and my hormones are all fucked, causing my periods to be irregular.
Sorry for the long vent, everyone. But I really don't feel so good…. and I really hope someday I'll feel normal again.

Anonymous 90930

What are you studying anon?

Anonymous 90931


Computer science. This semester is the first time I learn coding, and the assignment is really kicking my ass. I have to hand in my assignment unfinished and get a shit grade, because I don't understand jack shit. I asked two friends for help and they ghosted me the whole day, and with videos I don't get them because they get too advanced and discuss stuff that isn't in the course.

I'm so fucking burnt out. I actually really abhor this fucking class. Somehow, I don't think I'm working hard enough, and that's why I am not catching on. I know it sounds so stupid, but the difficulty with the assignments, combined with my incompetence, really does make me stressed out and furious. I know the path to a good life isn't easy, but goddamn, I sometimes think I'm retarded and can't learn shit.

Anonymous 90932

I used to feel like that as well with some of my classes (also CS) but thankfully everything ended up going well at the end.
I could try to help if you want. Just post a throwaway email (I think proton.me does not need a phone number) or (if you prefer instant messaging) a matrix (https://element.io/get-started) account and I will message you.

Anonymous 90934

i'm @inokuma:matrix.org
thanks in advance anon.

Anonymous 90938



Please don't hurt yourself over it and try to deal with it better as soon as possible. This isn't in any way to discourage you but it will get more difficult. I ended up having multiple frustration cries way past Programming 1. I cried multiple times over assignments in my Data Structures and Application Programming classes. Data Structures especially because it is a notorious weed-out class and known to be one of the most difficult from the whole degree. I still feel like I'm not learning much of anything and that I'm going to be world's most shittiest developer, but surviving those has helped me stop getting that emotional about it at least.

>they ghosted me the whole day, and with videos I don't get them because they get too advanced and discuss stuff that isn't in the course.

Also that's very shitty of your friends. I'm a CS tutor so I will also drop my matrix here, if you need help.

Anonymous 90949


>Data Structures especially because it is a notorious weed-out class
Do brainlets really cry over lists and >a fucking tree?

Anonymous 90956


am i gross/fucked up for calling my bf daddy (non sexually)? i was repeatedly molested by my actual father as a child and he’s no longer in my life, but calling my bf daddy feels comfy and sweet. he’s very loving and nurturing and doesn’t mind/finds it cute. i just hate the connotation with ddlgfags and overall sexual degenerates and feel like im gross or mentally ill.

Anonymous 90957

Nah thats perfectly fine, i use it in a non-sexual way with my boy too

Anonymous 90958


My female partner (I'm lesbian) tried to get me to ride this big dragon dildo and it felt like my pussy was about to break. I feel like she keeps pressuring me to do things that fuck up my body and make me feel rekt. Afterwards she nurtures me and makes me feel better again, bit I think I should stop.

Anonymous 90960

Make her do it

Anonymous 90962

Ammy PC.jpg

Added you, too, Thank you everyone offering to help me!


Are you on matrix too by any chance? I posted mine earlier. Again, thanks so much for trying to help!!

Anonymous 90963

It's fine. I think it becomes a problem when you hear actual children say daddy and associate it with romance or sexual things.

Anonymous 90964

>female partner instead of just saying gf
>that pic

Anonymous 90966

i thought the same

Anonymous 90968

I hate my major. I found out it's not what I expected, I can't pursue a career I want with it, it doesn't come to me naturally (I'm willing to put in the effort but I don't understand half of the subjects no matter how much I study, I only understand it on a surface level) and I hate 95% of my classmates. Is it worth to do another degree even if the options aren't as big? Ideally I want to go to some kind of art school (film or illustration) but the chances I could ever do something on my own with that is close to zero. A professor told me social work would be better for me after I failed a test and I'm thinking about it. I need to do more research but I hope it can work out. I feel like I have lost myself, I forgot everything that was important to me for years when I was younger. I wish I could just live as a neet with eternal money somehow.

Anonymous 90976

This is my vent

Anonymous 90977

When you make something you love into a career, you come to hate it. Being forced to do it or else starving sucks the love and creativity right out of it. Personally, I recommend doing something that makes a lot of money that either interests you or that you can see yourself being able to stomach for forty years. I advise against social work because it burns you out faster and more thoroughly than anything else while also paying nothing.

Anonymous 90980

What's your major?

Anonymous 90982


Would you gals be interested in forming a CSfag group in Matrix? It's kinda hard to find fellow CSfags that are not greasy moid autists greasy foid autists are OK.

Just hit me up, I think it could be fun and insightful.

Anonymous 91009

yeah it's never anything like that, he babies me a little and likes taking care of me (idk how to better explain) but not in a fetishistic ddlg larper/pedoshit way

Anonymous 91013


I think plastic surgery is bad, but I feel like such a freak with the body I have. My breasts have always been saggy. I look deformed, and I hate looking in the mirror. Even being aware of them and the feel of underboob sweat bothers me. I can't stop wanting to get a breast lift, but then I feel like a hypocrite for thinking the entire industry is wrong and predatory. I know I'm a victim of the same standards as everyone else, but at the same time, it's not "all in my head". I just look fucked, by any metric.
A part of my dissatisfaction is definitely the thought of disappointing anyone I might sleep with, but to be honest, I don't even care that much about sex. I've unironically thought of getting top surgery/mastectomy because I just want them gone. I don't want to worry about it anymore. I've felt this way for years, and I don't know how to make it stop.

Anonymous 91016


I still have recordings and video of my mother abusing me that I took secretly and I listen to them whenever I start to think she wasn't so bad and I should forgive her, I know I should just delete them because it really upsets me to hear them but I don't want to. I grew up with her constantly telling me "that never happened" "you are just crying because you want to manipulate, I didn't do anything" or "you are lying about what REALLY happened, you deserved what I did" and it feels like I am destroying evidence after so long of being told I was just lying, not remembering right or just plain crazy, which is something i still wonder sometimes despite having proof to the contrary. Thing is I know deep down that I am weak and still want a mom and if I got rid of them and she said/did something nice I would probably change my mind in an instant if these tapes did not exist

Anonymous 91020

Assuming everyone in this situation is like 19, I believe it. College freshmen are retarded and go through lots of goofy phases.

Anonymous 91024

I want to die all the days, but I don't kill myself bc of my family.

Anonymous 91025


Seeing so many other CSfags struggle while not starting my official CS class until summer is making me rethink my choice of major. I still feel better than going the gamedev route, and I'm taking a beginner HTML5 webdev class that introduced me to coding beforehand and got me from 8 to 4 hours max on a page. My life plan was to learn CS/Webdev/ Art skills and game basics intro(taking a game design concept class next semester)/ Dance as a hobby and exercise/ work at a job I at least like and be able to work from home in the future. Let's see how life goes, I have lots of ideas I still need to plan and draw out(literally) and I recently finalized how I want my future vidya's combat to be, I just need to learn the skills and team up with people. It'd be easier if moids aren't the ones that flock to be my friend, then turn out to be coomers, trans, or ghost me. And the only other women left my web class…Stay strong nons, we're gonna make it!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous 91027

Same, my parents have gone through enough bad stuff in their lives that i think that if i kill myself they are gonna go insane, so i don't do it.

Anonymous 91039


>Seeing so many other CSfags struggle while not starting my official CS class until summer is making me rethink my choice of major.

People struggle in it for different reasons. It could because it turns out not to be for you. Or you are just slower and dumber with catching on than all the smarter students who have previous programming experience. (I'm definitely in this camp)

>I still feel better than going the gamedev route, and I'm taking a beginner HTML5 webdev class that introduced me to coding beforehand and got me from 8 to 4 hours max on a page.

Alot of CS majors want to use CS to get a job in GameDev. I see this as the equivalent of weeaboos majoring in Japanese, who think they'll be able to become some kinda manga artist in Japan, tbch. Being good at playing videos games != being good at making them. You would need a more realistic goal. Also GameDev industry, like manga/anime industry, has very notorious turnover. You'll probably get crazy hours with crazy deadlines and eventually succumb to burnout. It's not nearly what people idealize it as. So WebDev would definitely be a better option imo.

Anonymous 91040

Noooo nona keep at it!
We need more women in STEM!!! Don't give up!

Don't bother with moids. They're nothing but trouble. Try finding women in female STEM groups, like Girls Who Code to befriend instead.

Anonymous 91046


I wish guys would stop asking me to sit on their face. I weigh like 220 pounds, I barely want you to see me naked

Anonymous 91052

how do you guys deal with a friend's friend who is mean to you? my one friend has this chick who is always up her ass and acts possessive/clingy with her, and whenever og friend and i talk, the clingy buddy will interject and act like i am not there and make a big show of visibly ignoring me.

it's annoying, because i have never really spoken to this other girl and the few times i have, i have been pretty nice to her because that's just how i am. she acts like i told her she stinks (which she does lol) or something. i know she's probably just insecure and shit, but i hate that she acts like og friend belongs to her or something. it's weird.

she's like a tick. whenever they are together she is just all up in og friend's face. she's been extra frosty since i sat with og friend a few weeks ago to talk to her about some shit i was going through, so now she's been increasing the eye rolls and saying mean things under her breath. we are too old for this btw, as all of us are or will be 30 in a few years respectively. there's no need to act like 16 year olds. why are so many adults so mentally retarded?

Anonymous 91055


as i get older i see how much my mom's neglectful parenting has had such an impact on how i operate in romantic relationships. i'm never sufficed with the attention my partner gives me. i go online and act stupid with rando moids, tht i might add my boyfriend is much better than. i fear that i'm too dependent on him since i moved back home. i stay at his house 5 days out of the week, partly because i enjoy spending time with him and partly because i don't want to be at home with my mom and awful step father. i don't know what im doing. i have one year left of uni. hopefully i can land a good job tht pays enough so that i can afford to live on my own. im debating taking out a 15k loan to cover rent for a year. ahgggghhhh. fuck fuck fuck. it could be worse. but im so stressed. maybe im just stressing myself out though. i want to be present fml

Anonymous 91064

i have a wide circle of female friends and a few male friends and so far 9/10 male friends have tried to fuck me/confessed feelings for me. i don't hate all men but goddamn it's getting really old to have what i think is a fulfilling and loving friendship with a man only to find out that he's just been trying to fuck me the whole time
literally about to yeet all the men in my life off a cliff and live the life of huntress artemis.

Anonymous 91076

This is why my only two male friends are fag

Anonymous 91082

Losing my best friend feels worse than my bf cheating on me

Anonymous 91085


I'm pregnant from a guy that never wanted to be a dad. At first, he begged me to get an abortion, something I would never do. I told him from the start that I would never abort my baby, yet he still insisted. Fast forward, he accepted the fact that we would have a kid, he told his mom, everything is good now. He even seems a bit enthusiastic, though I can't stop thinking he would hate me forever. We were having sex when he stopped and told me "I want you to know thay I choose you as the mom of my kid. And I love you" and in that moment, my heart melted, but sometimes I can't forget the things he said, how mean he was and how much he made me cry. I'm happy to be a mom, but I can't help but wish I could go back in time and not met him. I think I'm in love, but I dont see him being a father, I wish I could have chosen better, i wish I could have a family in my own terms, with someone who has the same goals and wishes than me. When I'm alone I cry, because I'm so frustrated. I dont have my shit together yet, I was starting to feel good being me and now I have this huge responsibility on my shoulders, one I'll have to carry my whole life, just because I idealized some guy. I truly wanted to believe he was different. I'm so mad at myself.

Anonymous 91086

You're in an abusive relationship. He's just telling you what you want to hear.
Please get the abortion and break up, it will be ugly but you do not deserve such a massive derailment in your life just because of a man's manipulative words.

Anonymous 91090

Getting an abortion would place his feelings above hers. Since she is clearly against it I say to break up without an abortion.

Anonymous 91097

One of the many reasons why you should never have sex with a man you can't see yourself raising children with.
Do people not realize that no matter how much protection you use you can get pregnant..???
Why on earth do people have sex when they don't want kids.
>engage in the one and only act that can make babies (if you're straight obviously)
>get surprised when it results in a baby
Shockingly, sex is how kids are made.
>i wish I could have a family in my own terms, with someone who has the same goals and wishes than me
You can, but you will never ever have that if you do not abort this baby. You (hopefully) can abort the baby, meet him and have a child with a man who wants to be a father and would be a good one. They are rare but they are out there. Or you could willingly lock yourself into your own trap that you chose.
Trying hard not to be insensitive to this post but I've probably already failed at that.
Seriously best of luck to you though anon.
What about the unborn child's feelings? Would the child be happy being raised by a father who doesn't want them? By parents who obviously don't love each other?
Or, from what you're suggesting, a single mother, which is very hard on both mother and child.
If she doesn't abort she's putting herself and that unborn child through a lot of unnecessary pain for… uh… what reason
Clearly not religious ones or she wouldn't have had sex before marriage

Sorry if I sound harsh I know I do it's just really really stupid I'm sorry

Anonymous 91100

imagine being pretty KEK. make yourself ugly and you won't have this problem trust me.

Anonymous 91158

this is why, as an attractive girl, I don’t befriend men. It’s a waste of time from the very beginning. You’ll see in their eyes, the lust. Will be this way until we start to lose beauty.

Anonymous 91159

for me I struggle with CS because I have shit professors that don't explain anything plus I don't want to ask anyone in my classes for help since it's all weird older moids. I guess it depends on how good your uni is/the resources you have available. if there are other women majoring in CS at your uni or if there are female CS professors definitely try and get acquainted with them. also be careful joining groups since a lot of those women in tech groups are filled with creepy male troons.

Anonymous 91163


is it normal to feel sad about not being your boyfriend’s type?

he likes chubby/thick girls with bigger chests while i’m skinny with a-cups. ive always been insecure about it and my friends even joke about me “looking twelve” yet spur the same “waah waah body positivity every1 is beautiful” bullshit and how im “privileged and conventionally attractive” (i’m not) when confronted. he even pulled the same “noooo ur still beautiful idc that you’re flat #loveyourself” when i brought it up to him (not mentioning his preference) when it’s evident that he clearly finds the opposite more attractive. i just hate thinking about how i’ll never be his type and that he likely barely finds my body attractive compared to porn and drawings (that he claims not to look at).

he’s a very sweet guy and an amazing boyfriend so feel bad for feeling so strongly about this.

Anonymous 91166

>i’m skinny with a-cups.
literally just eat more

Anonymous 91167

Fuck fat people genuinely, you’re all disgusting, there’s absolutely no need to be obese. I get some people have health conditions but maybe it makes you a bit overweight “fluffy” at most. Obese people are disgusting and they always have dogshit personalities. Lose fucking weight and stop making your shit everyone else’s problem. Just workout you fucking hippos

Anonymous 91168

is it wrong to draw hentai of men you know if yoiu don't show them?
I mean, men are notorious to fap at pictures of their female acquaintances, so it shouldn't be too bad to draw one having sex with you

Anonymous 91169

are there men who dont like chubby/thick girls with bigger chests or that at least prefer the opposite lmfaoooo ive seen this same literal complaint over and over on this hellsite. men truly are a hivemind lol

Anonymous 91170

Who exactly is going to stop you? The moral police? Do whatever you want so long as you aren't hurting somebody.

Anonymous 91171

Does it have an impact on your sex life? So long as you still find each other attractive, both physically and mentally, it doesn't matter that you're not someones exact preferred body type. There's more to relationships than looks. Yes, even for moids.

Anonymous 91189

Are you in the matrix server that the nona earlier posted? I tried making an account but it kept breaking so I never messaged her.

Anonymous 91190

thank you, i felt doing such was creepy or obsessed, but i'm actually happy with the drawing

Anonymous 91191

i’m around 5’8 and 115 lbs or 170 cm and 52 kg, ngl i’ve been kinda anachan though my highest weight is around 55 kg/121 lbs. it’s hard for me to gain more and i don’t know how i’m going to look regarding weight distribution.

Anonymous 91192

not much, though i have seen him liking coomer-ish art with that type of body/looking at ethots. that was in the past though i still sort of dwell on it since i’m pretty anti porn/coomer (he knows this as well) and believe it harms relationships.


There’s just no help for the delusional.

Anonymous 91201

I got fat during the pandemic and I'm struggling to lose weight. Also my grades this semester are terrible, I'll probably fail all my classes. Before the pandemic I at least was thin and smart. Now I'm fat, stupid and ugly.

Anonymous 91209

I would show it to them

Anonymous 91210

It’s not a competition and it’s not about his feelings. The kid doesnt deserve to come into a situation like that

Anonymous 91219

It's really difficult to put an effort into the drawing. The amount of work i have ahead makes me want to lay on the floor and wriggle in hysteric. I have to sell some paintings, it is the only way i will make some money. Although, who will buy them? Painted only 2 this year. I can't even draw something fun for myself. And all i do looks boring. I am exhausted

Anonymous 91222


I just want to lie next to a guy and make out

Anonymous 91225

same, i want a guy to call me beautiful and touch my face

Anonymous 91226

Coming back to college from break and seeing groups makes me feel so bad about myself how hard it is to make and keep friends and that I know I wouldn’t enjoy it anyways yet I don’t enjoy not having it

Anonymous 91231

i can’t believe a girl ghosting me was the last straw that made me sabotage and throw my life away the past year. Not i am not a bee pee poo poo dee; i just have major depressive disorder and i was over it before i had met this girl… normally people discarding me fuels my passion and love for myself but this time i was severely down

Anonymous 91232


>finish course project
>due midnight
>begin uploading
>wifi so slow that it finishes uploading two minutes past deadline
>marked as late submission, minus 10%
Would a just God allow this?

Anonymous 91234

Just talk to your professor about it.

Anonymous 91238

I feel like such a piece of shit because I forgot my moms birthday. I remembered it for 3 days before but failed to remember on the actual day. Idk how to make it up to her.

Anonymous 91241

same except i am beepeedee

Anonymous 91242

So after dropping out of my undergrad for a job and then having a baby, I'm going back to finish it. I plan on blocking out whole days with classes and figured it'd be a good idea to join a guild so I could have a place to hang out between classes that isn't hugely crowded. Every single one I would ever consider joining is full of trannies, obnoxious enbies and/or the worst moids you could possibly imagine. I joined the CS guild during my first 3 semesters and besides a few incredibly awkward guys who would never even acknowledge I existed out of nervousness, it was a generally enjoyable experience. Now I find it populated by incredibly loud and obnoxious tech dudebros, a tranny that wears thigh highs and takes their shoes off to wiggle their man feet in the face of others, the tranny's orbiters who faun over him, a guy who did nothing but stare at me and an autistic teenage girl who's being actively groomed by the tech bros, masquerading as her friends. This is an incredible let down.

Anonymous 91244

>a tranny

Anonymous 91245

Force of habit, having to compromise on my speech to not get fired.

Anonymous 91246

How hard is it? I was planning to go for a programming degree but the rest of the posts about it in this thread did not encourage me. I was learning HTML and Javascript a few months back but I gave up in the end.

Anonymous 91251

I got back with my bf after a breakup and I can't stop thinking about how he fucked other girls during that time. It feels like he specifically did it to hurt me, as if his disgusting cumbrain couldn't go even a few months without having sex with someone

Anonymous 91263

Have proof your file was last saved/created before the deadline and show your professor

Anonymous 91278

And again I'll return to being a failure without anything to numb the knowledge. I got nothing out of it, and I got nothing out of recovery.

I'm in arrested development…

Anonymous 91282

Why did you get back together with him if you (seem to) resent him for what he did after you broke up?

Anonymous 91304

I was at work today and I made a huge, rookie error in some paperwork that a co-worker noticed and playfully teased me about. I was rushing to destroy the pages when I dropped them and my kind-of-boss went to pick them up. Without thinking, I gripped his wrist really hard to stop him grabbing them. People saw and joked about an iron grip because of how he recoiled in surprise, but he just said "Don't worry, I like it rough" as a joke. The problem is he's a big, strong, handsome guy and now I want more than anything to absolutely sexually dominate him. I know it was just a joke, but the desire to discipline and make him submit is so overwhelming that it has consumed my thoughts all day and I'm considering trying to find him on dating and fetish apps or maybe just catfishing him to see if he'd be into it and then pursuing him.

Anonymous 91311

Being anorexic makes my life so much easier I save money on food and I get to be skinnier

Anonymous 91318


It's strongly looking like I'm going to actually fail one of my classes this semester. Well, shit. I haven't failed a class in awhile. I knew it was wrong to ever actually expect a continous upwards trajectory for myself.

Anonymous 91321

When i was younger, i had severe paranoia and intrusive thoughts triggered (i was diagnosed with ocd at the time) and i remember seeking reassurance from my my father and mother. So i would remember a past event and start flipping and having panic attacks. One of these past memories is sexual and in the fit of a panic attack i told my dad about it. My dad is really old, grew up in an environment where women and men don’t talk about this stuff, and has certain standards about how a woman should act. He reassured me but i can tell that i lost his respect, i would lose his respect because i was acting crazy in front of a man and woman who grew up in villages and dont understand mental illnesses but this was the worst one yet. I feel pathetic and horrible every time i remember it.

Anonymous 91322

I failed three classes because i thought i was gonna kill myself 3 months ago. Don’t worry about it.

Anonymous 91323


Yeah, I previously failed several at once, to the point of almost getting kicked out of school, and then came back with a much more determined mindset. I even ended up on the Honor Roll several semesters in a row. So because of my previous failures I thought I was now desensitized to shit like basing my grades on my self-esteem and feeling worthless from failure but I guess not really. Higher Academia will always find a way to eat at my self-esteem and very soul it seems.

Anonymous 91324

You sound like my irl friend. Similar mindset about academia.

Anonymous 91331

If you didnt want him to fuck other women why did you break up with him?
Why did you take him back if you weren't ok with him fucking other people while you were apart?

Anonymous 91332


i'm such a pathetic mess. i'm currently crying over my old roommate finding someone. (we lived together for a year, opposite sexes. ended up fucking about 5 months in. was a messy relationship after that. i've never felt closer to man before him) while distancing myself as much as fucking possible from my boyfriend of 4 months because i need HIM to break up with ME. seems like every time i try he just wants to work it out. i stopped tlaking to my old roommate just for my boyfriend who idont even really like? LIKE what the fuck is wrong with me? i refused to date my roommate so why am i even upset about him finding someone??? i told myself shit like ah he's too fuckin hairy. too much chest hair. too uncleanly. no ambition. so i got a bf with a good job. hygienic. and what? hes too fucking boring? too good? i hold him and imagine what if it was someone else? would i still feel this overwhelming dissatisfaction? i would self harm but what good does that even do anymore?? i have a huge scar from when my old roommate was ignoring me or at least what i >SAW as ignoring. he was just quiet. he had to take me to the hospital bc i cut too fucking deep. i dont have health insurance. i wanna duvkginvrtgvjrbgkreh AHHHH fml fml just fml just fml all my ex's are happy i wanna fucking die

Anonymous 91334

do you have bpd

Anonymous 91335


I fucking hate bipolar. I can't stand these depressive episodes and sometimes I wish everyone could suffer just the same as I do
I keep the selfish part of me shocked down, deep inside and I'm nothing but kind and understanding, if withdrawn, to anyone eles but I get intrusive thoughts all the time

Anonymous 91337

i don't know.

Anonymous 91338

Could be that you have a weak identity. Meaning, you only feel complete when you're with someone who has qualities you want for yourself. Ie a guy who provides stability that you can't create for yourself.

So now you're caught between needing your current bf to fulfil that, but you feel an emotional connection with your old roommate. Either you could actually love old roommate, or more likely, old roommate provides something else you lack that's a stronger need than current bf's provision of stability.

Idk if that helps tho. Emotional issues suck OP <3

Anonymous 91339

I'm surprised that helps you. Being underweight and not eating just made me a zombie all the time. It also fucked up my short term memory, meaning I struggle to learn new things and keep track of things people JUST told me.

Also my bones felt sharp. Wasn't fun.

Anonymous 91340


Same but i have severe social anxiety teehee

Anonymous 91342

that’s probably an issue contributing to all of this. i don’t think my old roommate has any qualities that i’m lacking/in turn seeking though. we had a lot of similar interests, same wit, i really miss him, and i struggle w connecting w/ people. but that bridge is burned. now time to burn the one with my current boyfriend. till i’m all alone haha

Anonymous 91348


how do people deal with breakups? I feel like it's the hardest thing you can do if you actually love each other and have formed a deep bond together.

I have a bf, and in the back of my head I'm afraid of that day. I don't think I can ever initiate a breakup with him because I don't see any issues or problems, and if we were to breakup, it would most definitely be initiated by him and this makes me anxious sometimes.

god damn, relationships are scary because I think if we ever breakup it'll make me swallow the blackpill

Anonymous 91349


i'm so fucking tired of my life. my mother screams at me every day after school after i get home, i can't even go downstairs to eat anything for dinner because she'll just drunkenly rage at me. i have detention for being fucking tardy yet moids at school can fart and screech like chimps in class without consequence. i'm getting kicked out of my home in a couple years anyways and i can't even work to save up due to my mother expecting me to watch my siblings all the time. all i do after school is call friends, browse ibs and listen to music yet she constantly rees at me for being such a bother in her life despite never leaving my room.

i'll never get normal happy life experiences like everyone else. i've never gone to any dances, parties, football games. even as a kid i had to witness my parents scream at eachother everyday after school before they eventually divorced. i just feel like i've wasted my life away in my room because of strict parents who don't even care for me.

i just can't wait to meet my boyfriend so i can finally be with someone who actually cares for me.

Anonymous 91350

Woke up without the familiar sting of anxiety in my chest. Thought I was fine. Ended up feeling empty. Nothing’s exciting. Hope this is temporary.

Anonymous 91352

Explain to her you need to get a job. Leave. Do it, and honestly just move put. It's soooo much better to put distance between yourself and your parents. You don't know how good it can be.

Anonymous 91353


i've explained the job thing to her and will probably get a part-time job within walking distance, start taking driving lessons, and save up for a car. i only have around $500 saved up from doing work online (cosplay, art commisions). i'm definitely moving out when i am legally able to (let's just say i'm not at the age where i can right now).

Anonymous 91361

Finally facing and accepting the truth that I'm never going to be happy, because I will never get what I want in life. I just want to do nothing but cry now. I'm only 25 years old and already so done with this life. There's nothing out there for me but suffering and eternal dissatisfaction. Nothing else left but my unfulfilling destiny. Youth was completely wasted. I'm now at the point where it only gets worse now till my pointless existence ends in a worthless death.

Anonymous 91364

Same here. What’s the solution? We can rot and wallow in this misery forever or we could kill ourselves, huh. I was going to say there was still the obvious option of changing for the better no?

Anonymous 91366


thought I had gotten my fucking shit together but I still feel like shit. My tutor keeps fucking ghosting me, and told me I should try a coding challenge that starts today for practice. Guess fucking what, it's really damn difficult, and I feel like a fucking retard because I have 0 idea how the fuck to do any of this shit!! It doesn't fucking help either that my professor is all like "if you're not cheating or copying answers you should be able to finish this in 20 minutes." I'm spending HOURS on this shitty fucking program, and I'm still not done. It's due Monday morning, so I have plenty of time, but I also have a fucking essay to finish, I have to buy groceries for family or do errands every fucking day, it feels like I don't have time for jack shit.

Made a goal to finish an illustration every fucking day, also. Drawcember starts today and it's the afternoon in my timezone. I haven't been practicing coding daily, I haven't been practicing drawing daily, I have 0 fucking schedule, what the fuck am I doing with my life? I want to draw characters and shit I like, but then school stresses me the fuck out, and there's another thing that I have to get a career after I graduate, too.

I'm also supposed to be fucking working on projects on github to get a fucking job. I think I'm not working hard enough, that I'm not doing jack shit, and I fucking hate seeing these fucking prodigies work at google when they're only 19, and finish programs in 20 minutes at fucking lightspeed.. Again, my professor THINKS I should be able to finish programs in that amount of time. I fucking hate my stupidity and incompetency. If I don't work on career stuff now, who knows what'll happen to me in the future? I'm poor and I don't have much money, so I can't afford to fuck up.

Anonymous 91367


I feel the same as you two, i just make the best out of my time with what i have, by playing games watching stuff and making art. Getting obsessed with these things helps me forget about the reality of my shitty life. Do any of you have any hobbies?

Anonymous 91368

>i'll never get normal happy life experiences like everyone else. i've never gone to any dances, parties, football games
Only turbo normies and boomers have these experiences normally.

Anonymous 91369

I try to play video games too but I'm so terrible at them it just depresses me. I've always been failure at everything I do. I also waste time watching Netflix and youtube. It's all so dull and unfulfilling though.

Anonymous 91392

You're trying to do too much at once nona, I know it's hard to push down the urge but you'll actually be more productive and less on edge if you allow yourself some slack.
Coding, drawing, chores and school every day would make anyone burn out. If you're just drawing because you like it, don't make it into a requirement to finish one every day, otherwise you'll just come to resent it and get frustrated at yourself.

Anonymous 91394


>16 year old tranny with his own programming language while I am barely hanging by at college
And people ask me why I want to neck myself.

Anonymous 91399



Bullshit. Ain't no 16 year old tranny with his own programming language. Unless that tranny is an actual tranny version of the next Dennis Ritchie. Making a brand new programming language would be insanely hard. You would have to know to write your own compiler, and most CS troons are too fucking lazy and stupid to figure that out.

You have to understand that most "smart" people in CS at college, especially the troons, are just narcissists that over-exaggerate some small above-average knowledge in CS, and are all talk but no walk.

t. I've encountered a number of them in my program so far. They're all equally insufferable.

Anonymous 91405

>Making a brand new programming language would be insanely hard.
It's not if you use libraries lmao, but yeah, that does reduce impressiveness points I guess. Even without libraries you just need to know about automata theory to plan out a language from scratch which is not insanely hard if you have taken that class or someone taught you, I don't know about self-learning though.

Anonymous 91406

Are you sure you are playing a type of game that you like? You can play simulator ones where you don't have to win anything like Animal Crossing.

Anonymous 91407


I guess if you can, if you want to make a shitty one similar to an existing one. To make a good one, you also need to have a good understanding of programming principles that won't piss off people trying to use it and that brings something new enough to actually give people enough interest to use it. It's more than just "using libraries". I'm not talking about reinventing the wheel.

>Even without libraries you just need to know about automata theory to plan out a language from scratch which is not insanely hard if you have taken that class or someone taught you, I don't know about self-learning though.

Automata isn't a freshman class, so certainly not something you would typically expect someone at 16 to know about. Some very smart people at my school are having difficulties with grasping the concepts. And since it's very theory-heavy, again, that would make it something alot of people in CS won't care about learning. You have to a pretty big CS nerd for that. Hell, the people in my program barely manage to care about Discrete Math and barely pass their Calculus classes.

Anonymous 91409


Oh yeah and to add to this:

>good understanding of programming principles

Narcissistic people in CS don't even tend to care about following good programming practices either. It's "My way or the highway". I coded with a troon that just cared about his code working, not why it works. And even bragged about how he got it work, despite not understanding why it works ("Lol, idk it just works!"). That's not going to fly if you're literally making a programming language for other people to use.

Anonymous 91411


every time my boyfriend eats less in a day than me I feel like a failure. I used to have this rule that between him (5'9, 147 lbs) and me (5'7, 113 now) has to be at least a 20 kg (44 lbs) difference. now that I have recovered physically it changed to 33 pounds. the fact that there is only a 2 inch difference in ours heights doesen't help much. when I borrow his clothes they are barely oversized. he has ibd so he will probably be underweight in the future but I somehow have to be at least bmi 18,5??? wtf I hate him I just want to be 80 pounds again (I just wanted to include my lowest weight so that you don't think I'm a wannarexic fatty).

Anonymous 91412

You're literally thinking like an anorexic. Seek help.

Anonymous 91414

God I was going to give some sort of hypocritical advice but I remembered that my physical "recovery" weight has just passed my friend/crush's BMI and how awful that feels.
I suppose the answer would be that it doesn't matter and to stop caring, but it's not that easy.

Anonymous 91418

I wish I knew more people like me.
I wish I didn't feel so alone in the world.
I wish I wasn't unique.

Anonymous 91419


If I haven't moved out of this house by the time I'm 27 I will kill myself. I have 7 years to hope the economy gets better.

Anonymous 91420

Don't worry there are at least 10k chinese people who are like you.

Anonymous 91421

Not like me enough to be able to communicate in the same language

Anonymous 91423

>she is in paris to start her life over
I keep hearing what assholes Parisians are, this story only confirms it.

Anonymous 91656

Was really fun having a crush at the start, it was all lovely and butterflies. But now it has developed from cute and innocent into obsession and frustration. I just feel like I'm dying if I don't have his full attention all the time. Mental illness and crush just don't mix well.

Anonymous 91666

Yeah, I feel you. I replied to my crush on IG asking how the holidays are going and I have yet to check my IG its just giving me anxiety and I feel like shit.

Anonymous 91675

how the fuck do you get a care worker and mental health team stuff? seems expensive and too complicated, but ive been alone all my life, and after taking pills and stuff, it's been really disturbing me how alone i am

Anonymous 91677

I'm guessing some country with high standard of living and good mental health care in Europe. I know Scandinavian countries are pretty good with that.

Anonymous 91682

Also it makes me just hate myself. I feel like everything I do and say is cringe and annoying to him and he is just being polite. I get other people to develop a crush on me but when I got a crush on somebody I just become an unattractive sperg. I guess some people are just never meant to get what they want.

Anonymous 91687


Why is it that so many people label DnB as Dubstep now? I hate it when I listen to a track I think will be DnB and it ends up being full on Dubstep. For fuck's sake.

Anonymous 91699


I can’t stop thinking about the past and how terribly I was treated by my family and feeling like that scared child again. Idk I feel like my whole life has been molded by my shitty upbringing and I can’t do anything about it

Anonymous 91733

I've been growing out my bleached blonde hair for yesrs and it's now past shoulder length and almost all my natural color… And my husband is pressuring me to go blonde again. I kind of want it but it's so much upkeep and I like my natural color. Moids. :(

Anonymous 91746


I'm pathetic. I try to chat with people, but I legitimately can't keep the façade of interest up for long. I feel like my identity is chained down by the relationships with these people, but at the same time I don't want to let go, because these people somewhat cared about me. I'm a coward and I'm too scared of doing something against it.

Anonymous 91747

A big pet peeve I have is when people let others ruin things for them.
If a group of strangers you dislike like something you like and that ruins it for you, you just have the mental fortitude of a jelly fish
Really weak minded

Anonymous 91753

Hit your professor/TA up, It's a 2 minute miss, I'm sure they can let it slide.

Anonymous 91896

I don’t want to be here anymore anons, i wish we had an answer for what happens after death. I don’t want to cease but i judt want to move on from here

Anonymous 91923

Don't listen to your husband, you're ruining your hair follicles and brain chemicals. He should have been peeved that you dyed it in the first place. Tell him dying hair is unhealthy for humans

Anonymous 91930


I've now come to the conclusion that my roommate is just not someone agreeable.

I confronted her again about how often she has been having her boyfriend over and she became very defensive. When she first moved in she presented herself as someone very different - Literally telling me she won't have boys over, even that she doesn't watch TV or stay up late. Now she has done all those things. She is a person who said a bunch of things (I guess to make herself look good) before moving in, and then did the complete opposite of all of it. Now is bringing the boyfriend over almost every day. Not only watches TV, but stays up all night watching it when she does. Even more trivial shit like that that she doesn't cook or that she doesn't use a dishwasher, when she clearly does.

She keeps claiming I say things I never said, too. So this is clearly someone who is a projecting, pathological liar who doesn't keep their word.

I guess there's nothing more to do but move out ASAP (Which I will be very soon, but goddamn has staying here been feeling completely torturous and like it is forever. I can't emphasize this enough. I'm ready to blow my brains out. And an inconsiderate roommate with a freeloading boyfriend is making it all worse.).

Anonymous 91932

I hate couchboys. Probably the worst aspect of having roommates.

Anonymous 91937


I don't think he's sleeping over btw. At least I think. But I've still heard them up together late until the night, so her telling me he doesn't stay over at night was also technically a lie. Even if he doesn't sleep there, that's still overstaying his welcome. She told me she has a right to have people over and I previously told her I don't care about that but just that it's too often. Then she resorted to excusing herself with how she can do it, because I almost never leave my room. She's just selfish and a liar, I feel like. Again, I noticed something was off before she even moved in.

Oh, I should also add that I had two different roommates here before her. Both brought boys over but it never developed into such an issue with either of them. Last one did start bringing hers over too often, but after talking with her about it we sorted it out. She even later asked me if he can temporarily move in and that he'll pay his part. I didn't care and told her that's fine. Went smoothly with no issue whatsoever. So that's another reason she's clearly the one being a selfish cunt.

> Probably the worst aspect of having roommates.

Yeah, that's usually the reality of having roommates. I'm so fucking done with living with a roommate. I've had to have a different over every year. I couldn't be more ready to live in a studio or single dorm.

Anonymous 91946


>have uncontrollable coughing fit on a public bus and make everyone around me uncomfortable

Anonymous 91951


My retarded narc brother who abused me as a child is back in the house cause he can’t hold down a job. Kill me

Anonymous 91968


i wish i was a deep one fr fr

Anonymous 91972


Anonymous 91976

the migos.PNG

been prepping to run a delta green campaign and this comes to me at the perfect time, thank you

Anonymous 91979

After the pandemic I get really anxious when there's too many people. I'm just not used to being around people anymore. Maybe I should be taking online classes instead of coming to university.

Anonymous 92014

Dang, you're so lucky. My group GM has been promising a Delta Green campaign for over a year at this point and I keep trying to get him back into watching X-Files to drive his motivation.

Anonymous 92019

Nothing’s changed. Nothing WILL change. Time moves forward relentlessly. Nature evolves and people move forward and im still me. Little sheltered, broke, pudgy 17 year old me who lived in her head and surrounded herself in a dark cloud and coped by scrolling compulsively. Except she was better than this husk of a woman that she turned into at 23. She doesn’t know what she wants. She has no direction, and when she gets the slightest inclination to set a direction an anxious fire engulfs her chest and she looks to the past to gauge how disappointing the future will be. Please i am wading in quicksand. All i feel like doing is crouch down in interminable stasis. But i hate this. I hate unemployment. I hate the lack of achievement. I hate not being loved. I hate not being human, just a flesh sack crawling around barely surviving. I want my dreams and aspirations back. My brain’s atrophied, and im further decimating my neurons with the incessant drivel of stimulus from social media. And for what? I used to love physics, i used to understand physics. The mere act of problem solving used to excite me and stroke my ego. What the hell am i now? What do i want to do?
When i was a kid, and i was ugly and pudgy, and sheltered and my nafri parents were overbearing subjugated me entirely, stunted my personhood, i would invent elaborate scenarios about how fulfilling my 20s would be. How different, how exciting, how autonomous. 15 year old me would be appalled.

Anonymous 92022

I hate hate hate myself, why do i turn into a desperate child whenever i talk to my dad. I always walk out of our conversation humiliated and overshared a bunch of stuff. I hate myself so much. I feel horrible. How do i stop seeking this fat old moids fatherly love and approval

Anonymous 92031

There’s this girl, she’s my mom’s friend’s daughter. We met on 2 occasions 6 years apart and we’ve always clicked. Not on a spiritual level or anything. We just happened to consume the same types of media and like the same things, and on both evenings we spent the time talking away and having fun (maybe that was my perception anyways).
I’ve been lowkey stalking her instagram. I dunno why. I dunno if i want to be with her or if i want to be her. I’m an emotional retard so i have no way of understanding how sexuality works (at my fossil age). But then again ive always assumed i was asexual because i was never attracted to real non fictional men, until ive made out for the first time with a moid who gave just the right amount of attention at the right time. And even then i was confused on whether i liked the person or i simply liked the validation. With women, the dynamic goes the other way. I enjoy their company because i could pretend im not hateful, pitiful old me. Their existence provides fodder for my escapist fantasies. Men are there for indulgence. They’re too different and alien to project into and relate to.

I don’t want to self diagnose, but the way my relationships confuse me makes me think ive always been on the spectrum and im just an expert at masking. I don’t think so though. My social battery used to be non existent when i was on ssris and benzos but now im proving a relatively easy going and patient individual.

Anonymous 92032

I'm angry bc jannies don't do shit anymore. Everytime I visit cc it's all scat porn and gore. Jannies and moids kys

Anonymous 92051

Nonas have you ever been turned into a laughingstock by idiots? Fools that laugh at you while falling off a cliff. It's very funny, but also annoying. Its so funny though that you lead them on. So, they're laughing at you and you're laughing at them. After a little while this gets boring though and you want to move on, but the idiots don't get the hint. The joke is tired let it rest, but they just won't. And worse than that now your rep is ruined for no reason while there's is ok even though they're idiots. All because they didn't realize it was a joke. So, now whenever you go out and interact with people its just a never ending shitshow of old jokes that have been beaten beyond death you just want to forget about. And you cringe alot. That's what I'm feeling.

Anonymous 92063


Another year another beer right? Can't find the thread I posted in last year.

Anonymous 92064


How have you been s? It's been a while. Keep me company whilst I drunk post and feel.

Anonymous 92065

Meant to say Nonas. I'm only on my first. So this year has been a fucking disaster. Through and through. One year older, a few more wrinkles. Fuck life.

Anonymous 92066


Pint #2 I guess. So how was this year a disaster… Well there's been a lot of reasons I guess. Mood troubles. Work troubles. Trouble with family, no raise, shitty loving situation. On top of all of that heating is so fucking expensive here now you know? Fuck this country for not having any contingency for fuels. I can't afford to heat my own goddamned home. It's not fair.

Anonymous 92068


I can't believe how expensive things are now either. It's like the pound shat itself this year. But did my salary go up? You're goddamned right it didn't!

Why can't my parents stop cleaning up after my siblings. Why am I always roped into it? I have my own bloody problems! Why am I always summoned to fix their problems when I'm barely able to fix my own? It's not fucking fair! I try so hard to make my aging parents not worry about me and instead of them just being relieved that one of their daughters is not coming through their door with a mini shitstorm every week, they think "OH! WELL SHE HAS IT FIGURED OUT! SHES THE YOUNGEST AND SHE DOESNT NEED HELP! SHE CAN HELP THE OTHER TWO FUCKUPS!" I didn't sign up for that. Get off my case.

Excuse the Guinness btw. I know I normally start with sake but it's not exactly been a "Mental health" year.

Anonymous 92069

>I can't believe how expensive things are now either. It's like the pound shat itself this year.
It's crazy, but I think a lot of Europe is like that at the moment.

>But did my salary go up? You're goddamned right it didn't!

What do you do for work nona?

How are you confident enough to go drinking by yourself? I wish I was that cool. Post beforehand next time and I'll take the train down to Birmingham.

Anonymous 92070


Having an alcohol problem isn't cool Nona. It's sad. My luck will run out one day. It's not confidence either. It's just a coping mechanism. I can either sit in my flat and shiver alone with a sidecar or old fashioned or enjoy a few pints and pretend I'm not so alone.

I'm an office worker. A bad one. Today I was so overwhelmed I did my basic tasks and then sat in my chair with a pivot table Infront of me trying not to cry. I'm so stressed out I just can't wait for the Christmas shut down so I can lick my wounds, listen to Christmas music and enjoy a week of rest before the nightmare begins again.

I'll post next time. I do this on a whim usually though. Sorry.

Anonymous 92071

I agree Nona physical punishment is for lazy and abusive parents. It's the easiest way of punishing a child… if you lack the long term thinking skills to realize it just delays the inevitable shitstorm that will ensue when they reach adolescence/young-adulthood. Physical punishment is a debt that has to be repayed later on.

Anonymous 92072

I'm doing the shivering in my flat and drinking, but I feel you nona.
UK is going to shit, I honestly think next year I'm going to spend significant money trying to get the fuck outta here. Pound is tanked, everyone is fucking miserable, just heating my house causes me visible stress, work isn't so bad I guess but I do spend as much time as I can on my phone instead of actually doing work.

Anonymous 92074


3 pints and a vodka tonic. It's time to call it a day.

I agree getting the hell off this rock is the best call. I don't have a degree so I'd find it pretty hard. I'm single again so maybe I'll find some kind of wealthy American boy and green card my way out. Anything has to be better than this. Tonight I'm going back to a freezing flat to make a hot water bottle, drink a little more, maybe have the half a ham salad sandwich I have in the fridge and shitpost in bed until I fall asleep.

Great that you can use your phone at work though. My boss likes to do walkarounds and she gets shitty if she catches you on your phone so it's safer to pull up a spreadsheet and bask in the dread that you're wasting the fumes of your youth in a job you hate surrounded by people you hate in a country you hate. You from the west middies?

Anonymous 92075

>maybe I'll find some kind of wealthy American boy and green card my way out.
And here I was in the States wanting a nice wealthy British boy to take me away from the suburban sprawl hellscape that is America. Plus you guys have cute accents and historic architecture with an idyllic countryside. I'm jealous, anon. It's too bad the economy there is tanking, seems like quite a comfy place to live.

Anonymous 92076

West Yorkshire.
Yeah, I'm lucky to be in a lax workplace nowadays, I've done my share of shitty ones before this, it does eventually all come around (getting dangerously close to my thirties at this point).

Not sure I'd be too hot on America, the stories I've heard scare me. I think I probably wouldn't stray too far from home, maybe somewhere like Denmark or Sweden.

Stay safe on your way home nona

Anonymous 92077

>seems like quite a comfy place to live.
It can be, love me a holiday in a welsh cottage or the scottish highlands. Getting outside the cities is peaceful and beautiful, you can get really relaxed. Actually living in it is a very different story though.

Anonymous 92083

My Stacy classmate I went to elementary school with now lives in Wales with her qt Welsh husband teaching schoolchildren for a living and has the cutest stone cottage ever. I am so jealous and am seething over here living with my parents in a typical suburban home within a pavement jungle. I wish I never downloaded Facebook and snooped on my old classmates. I wish I had a cute welsh husband with messy wavy black hair, pale skin with faint freckles and dark blue eyes to cuddle and hold at night. Life’s unfair it hurts

Anonymous 92084

Since it's going to be my first time running the system, I'm making a short one shot about ghouls to run for one of my players. Then I'm going to introduce the rest of the group to the system/setting through PX Poker Night and run through a few scenarios with their surviving characters to get them used to the system. I'm going to work on a larger campaign for them after that, but I feel like I've already gotten far enough off the thread topic. Hope someone makes a TTRPG thread somewhere!

Anonymous 92109


Just called my mom the phone about it and she was just like "Yeah ok, happy for you. Whatever." Ngl, having no one in my life to be happy for me or anything else I ever accomplish is quite depressing and lonely but fuck it, I'll at least be happy for myself. Fuck my family.

Anonymous 92112

Family is fucked, blood isn't family. When you're successful and independent you'll find a new warm supportive positive loving family of your choosing

Anonymous 92113

Why can't the people I actually want never want me back? It's only the people I find repulsive that become utterly obsessed with me. Just fuck this.

Anonymous 92116


Thanks, I hope so. I don't plan on ever having my own but having family-like friends is still better.

Anonymous 92155

Meh, still can't find women that like same things as me.

Anonymous 92164

What do you like?

Anonymous 92176

i'm so tired of my social circle right now but i would prefer it to not having any social interaction at all
i'm 18 and almost done with my first semester of college, i ended up going with my best friend from high school who is much prettier, more confident and better at socializing than i am
i "technically" have a big group of friends but i feel like they only see me as an extension of my best friend - when i'm hanging out with them and she's busy doing something else, they make little effort to talk to me for the most part and mostly only ask me where she is, whereas in the opposite situation where she hangs out with them without me they are much friendlier and social
i'm not really sure what i'm doing wrong, i try my best but i have severe social anxiety and just starting a conversation zaps my social battery especially with people who don't consider me a priority. even with my "best friend" i feel like i see her as my best friend but she has tons of close friends, i feel replaceable
as winter break approaches she is making plans with them to visit their home city as they have invited her to stay in their homes, but not me
i feel lucky to have some people to hang out with on a surface level in college at least but deep down i'm very scared that without her i am nothing

Anonymous 92177

>get extension to submit something
>fucking miss it
>put it off today out of "fear"
>submission link disappears
there's no excuse for me to fail an english class. i finished the material 2 days ago i was just too insane to submit it. holy shit lmfao i dont even have an excuse for this besides being having a psychotic episode that im too paranoid to get help for until schools over. embarrassing

Anonymous 92179

I'm in Australia, i think she got all of these services through going to court due to being a victim of domestic violence while having children. These services are/were meant to help her get her kids back. She doesn't pay for it.

Anonymous 92194

Do you feel like you did it intentionally? I have sabotaged myself many times. There is something satisfying about it for me. I hope that is not the case for you.

Anonymous 92199

There are so many things I wanna get done before I sleep but I've been so fucking groggy the whole day + my lips hurt

Anonymous 92227

I had to blackmail moids online to have support during my stroke severe brain malfunction. I dont think it even helped because the loneliness and physical cold i felt had nothing to do with my environment. I dont know how to explain this shit to doctors, i dont even know to say personal statements to anyone.

Anonymous 92249

i have an intense hatred of other people for no legitimate reason. i want to isolate myself from every single person in my life including my immediate family and significant other even though the lonliness will probably make me go insane. if i get accepted to university i'll complete it and move to a different city and if i don't i will kill myself.

Anonymous 92256

Why do people use bathrooms to chat and socialize. I’m trying to shit.

Anonymous 92263


School is out for winter and now I am going to turn into an involuntary hiki all over again. My boredom is completely insufferable.
I haven't been able to enjoy a school break since 6th grade because all I do is waste time. At least school forces me to be occupied with something.

Anonymous 92266

>involuntary hiki
Just go out lol

Anonymous 92267

I am brazilian and i tried to date in america but no one really is into a fat white woman also doesnt help that my accent is thick

also the only person into me is some guy who does roids and a guy who is autistic

Anonymous 92268

Wtf. I know, it is a very easy to say, but what about starting to value your time and life?
Like if you are still at school, no matter if uni or middle, why don't you for example learn something new and useful, find a part time job, join a sports club, read a book - go to library or something?
If you are not tied up in the cellar, your life is in your hands and this is just useless moaning.

Anonymous 92288


The place I live at is boring. I don't see the point when the only place I really have to go to here is the grocery store or school.


>why don't you for example learn something new and useful, find a part time job, join a sports club, read a book - go to library or something?

I planned to, but I never feel like it. So I just end up sleeping in and eating. Every semester, I feel like it's been getting worse. I don't even feel like the doing any of the things I enjoy anymore.

Anonymous 92302


I just scored a 54 on my Japanese final.

Anonymous 92307

i feel so dumb that i didn't see the signs of my abusive relationship before i moved in with him.
he fucked me up in every single way and then kicked me out and i've been so fucked up emotionally ever since.

Anonymous 92311


What level Japanese class?

Anonymous 92316

101. The lowest level.

Anonymous 92319

feels like both the internet and irl are dead

Anonymous 92320

I cut off tiktok. It was a spur of the moment decision. I haven't been feeling really well. I'm restless. Cognitively, I'm incapable of forming even the most basic processes, or even organizing my thoughts (few as they are). I no longer have dreams, aspirations or goals. My brain is a barren field. So creatively bankcrupt I could no longer even maladaptively daydream.

But all these are symptoms of a bigger problem. Doom-scrolling is just escapism. I've been marinating in all the painfull sadness and misery all afternoon and evening. I broke down thrice. I don't feel good. I'm wasting my life. I have no plans. I have 1.2 friends. I have 1 (ONE) failed situationship and no boyfriend. I'm so delusional I feel physical pain. It hurts. It's always going to be like this.

You know what fucking kills me? Is how crippled and helpless I act. And I'm not nearly sick enough (or even sick at all, I'm just a moody generally unhappy cunt) to warrant a real diagnosis from a real doctor. I'm sad. I want this to end. And I'm supposed to be religious too. Where's God? Where's my faith? Where did my strength go?

Anonymous 92376

>had to blackmail
It's crazy how moids can only act like decent people when they're actively punished for NOT doing so.

Anonymous 92377


I don't agree with the mentality of women who put down women from other races for being "ugly". That kind of superficial generalization is the black/white thinking I would expect more from a male. Males have made it clear many times that they have less tolerance to anyone outside of their race, just for being outside of their race. Slave trades, genocidal wars, you name it. Not just to men of other races, but also to women of other races. Males always look at just several "ugly" white, asian, or black women and within seconds the males believe that ALL women from that race are ugly. The woman in question doesn't even have to actually be ugly. The male could just find the features of her face unattractive to him personally, but his mind translates this as "she's completely ugly because she's X race". Just by observing male behaviors across history and two this day, racism is definitely more common mindset for males.
However, what do women truly have to gain from putting down women from other races? What is the reason for jumping at the thought of another woman being "uglier" than you? To boost your own self-esteem by distracting yourself of all your personal flaws? To feel more attractive and deserving of male attention? To mentally get kicks from being the "prettier" woman to an entire group of women is rather insane, insecure, and pickme-ish.

Anonymous 92378

I am so stressed about my final today. I have studied so hard and I still feel like I don't know nearly enough. This is my last class I need to graduate. I've been doing okay in the class but if I somehow fail this and don't pass it would be so heart breaking. It would absolutely shatter me. At least I can say I tried.

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