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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Vent thread Anonymous 92970

Previous one >>89432

Anonymous 92974

i really hate myself. whenever im in a relationship with a perfect guy i get the urge to fuck it up. im also extremely jealous over every other girl that is or has been in his life, i wish death upon them. it haunts my daily thoughts. i cant get rid of my hatred and jealousy over them. why am i like this

Anonymous 92978

deeply depressed and unsatisfied with my life. being autistic has ruined everything for me. i have a job, but i hate it. currently lovesick but do not want to explain because the reason why is pathetic. spending hours looking for a synthesizer right now, to fill the void.

Anonymous 92983

I'm exactly the same. I don't know why I get so jealous, I completely trust my partner but the thought of them hanging out with other people really drives me up the wall.
I assume there's some deep seated insecurity rooted deep within my psyche but I don't even know how to begin addressing it.

Anonymous 92991

I made a friend online and i’m so worried about the dreaded voice call. I have adhd and a history of acting unhinged and hyper on voice calls so i have an aversion to them. I take meds since then and i’m much calmer (and older) but the damage and the anxiety is still there fucking kek. We click so well on text, but im so scared that i might come across as unlikeable on voice. She lives near me and it would be a shame if she ghosted me after many failed friendships.

Anonymous 92992

im sure youre going to be fine, i always enjoyed being hyper and loud bc often it cheered ofters up, im sure you wont scream around uncontrollably

Anonymous 92995

When i was unchecked, i would get a lot of comments on it. things like “pathetic” or embarrassing something along those lines. If a moid is present they assume i’m trying to get his attention. If its just one on one they retreat and avoid me. I don’t blame them for most of these things as my hyperness was annoying but it still haunts me lmao. Never really made anyone feel good neither myself.

Anonymous 92996

just be honest with her nona

Anonymous 92998

i have to watch my 17 yearold brother because he isnt allowed home alone anymore he makes me drive him to the gym everyday and he also doesnt clean up after himself

Anonymous 93002


>have to watch a 17 year old

>a 17 year old

Uh, what?
Don't encourage manchildren.

Anonymous 93005

Are your parents telling you to do this? Don't bend to them no matter what, give an inch they take a mile. You have your own life to focus on instead of babysitting a retard, don't let anyone guilt trip you into the caretaker role that you're absolutely not obligated to perform. I cannot stress enough that you will be seen as a robot without your own needs if you try to satisfy other people in order to get them to back off.

Anonymous 93006

How do people move on so fast after breakups? I feel like the average person just needs a couple weeks or months and they're ready to date again. In my case, I need years to even consider dating again, but most friends, relatives and even my ex look like they move way too fast from their failed relationships. This applies to both men and women.
I feel like the only ones who take so much time to heal from breakups are us, the one who post on sites like this, dreaming about a loving and caring relationship, while the average person just wants someone to be for a while until they get tired.
It makes me sad, because I'm someone who doesn't get into relationship until I feel truly invested in someone, but most people don't seem to be that way.

Anonymous 93008

I never took a long time to recover from breakups, because to me its easy to get over them since I end up hating them anyways. Plus often people rebound quickly so they get over their exes.

Anonymous 93009

That's horrible

Anonymous 93010

That makes me sad. I think I'll have to do everything to stop being a hopeless romantic.

Anonymous 93011

me getting over people quickly or the rebounds? I think i have every right to hate on my exes. They're exes for a good reason.

Anonymous 93012

he is bipolar so we have to watch him since he refused pills because they are poison as he calls it
i have to sadly my mom and dad are going to sao paulo to give presents to my couisns

Anonymous 93029

I can't share the things I love with anyone I know. It hurts to know no one will ever understand

Anonymous 93030

I was engaged and then I started vtubing and my fiance hated it so he never watched and I could never talk about it with him even though I was having the most fun of my life and doing well and making new friends after years of solitude.
One of my friends that I met became my emotional support structure and gradually I drifted away from my fiance emotionally.
My fiance started becoming super controlling and would make me feel like shit all the time and fight with me about me wanting to hang out with my friends or stream and it's just gotten to the point where I don't even know what I saw on this man before.
He has a stable job but so do I, it's not like he's particularly attractive, and if he's not at the very least nice and supportive then what the fuck is the point even?
I was going to marry this man now I don't even recognize who the fuck he is. How hard is it to just… Be supportive??

Anonymous 93035

Really think about this. Some men target women without friends knowing they will have more control and influence over her. It's not normal for him to be upset because you want to hang out with your friends.
I would also check his phone / computer because he's acting like a cheater who is projecting his actions on you.

Anonymous 93036

please dont marry him if his jealousy shows like this. ask him to get help and if he refuses. run

Anonymous 93042

I really hate this about myself. Man, why didn’t I fucking try to learn the course material? I took the course, and didn’t do anything in it at all. Just repeating the same behaviour that I had throughout the past years, now I’m skipping my exam again because I just know that I’m gonna fail, so realistically, what’s the point? There’s none. Fuck man, I just really hate this about myself. I wish I was more disciplined.

Anonymous 93043

I dropped out of college and will have to wait until September to start school again. I feel like such a disappointment, like I'll never be happy because it's never enough for me. I used to work in a store with these two older women and they were just content with their jobs and lives, always being friendly and all of it. I wish I could be like that and I could be happy working relatively easy jobs but I can't, I did it for a while but the lack of goals just made me depressed. I wish I could make short movies and draw and just somehow generate income by that but you can't count on luck.

Anonymous 93046


Anonymous 93047

I've dropped out of college 3x and have also hate working depressingly monotonous jobs… your post describes my life. My future is a big question mark.
Smoke alarm needs batteries??

Anonymous 93048

I'd thought so, but I held my head to it and the beeping still came from somewhere far away.
I also thought it might be someone else's smoke alarm, I stepped outside and waited for the beeping, but I couldn't hear anything under the birds. I listened for similar-sounding beeps in the birdsong, but it's not from them either. It's not the fridge or microwave or smoke alarm, it's not in the bathroom or in the closet.
I have never hallucinated in my life and I can quiet the sound with headphones, it has to be somewhere…

I think it must be the neighbor but it's far too early too ask him even if I was willing to.

Anonymous 93049

friends want to go 3 days to some beach and i really want to go, but they always invite stupid and ugly ass moids that do absolutely nothing. last time it was only one and it was fine, he gave us pot all the time and only hit on the stacy of the group, but i can only tolerate one moid. i've been SA'd so many times that having to share space and time with moids i don't know and want to have something with one of us makes me uncomfortable. i don't know how to say this without looking like a "frigid bitch".

Anonymous 93050

Have you checked if it doesn't have anything to do with your ear…

Anonymous 93051

I've been very depressed recently for a reason that will change but not for 8+ months (long personal story)
Meanwhile my best friend has been travelling for months.
She got back a week ago or so, said she missed me a lot, wants to catch up and told me to tell her everything fun that's happened to me while she's been gone… which is nothing lol.

I've been doing nothing depressed in my room for months and will probably continue to do that because of my situation.
I haven't responded to her because I'm embarrassed that I have nothing cool or interesting to say to her. I feel like such a loser and I'm worried that because of that she'll look down on me or I'll become a burden on her and drag her down etc even though it's not my fault because there's nothing I can do about this situation for a while.

I'm a weird person so the more I like someone the more I'm afraid to open up to them. I like her so much that I'm very concerned of what she thinks always.
I love listening to her and talking about things together but the second she asks about my life or myself I feel very embarrassed because atm I'm very ashamed of my life and have nothing but complaints to say. I don't like complaining and I don't want to be seen as a miserable person to her, even though I objectively am.

But of course it's normal in a friendship for the other person to ask about you and your life. I don't know how to say that I don't want to talk about my life at all without coming across as weird and suspicious and secretive.

Anonymous 93056


I thought I moved on but it just turned out that I was delaying the grieving process and avoiding my pain by overdosing on social media (and a handful of other heinous addictions).
The girlies didn't lie when they said no-contact was the only acceptable form of breakup. You CANNOT and will not be a good objective friend to your ex. For me the dynamic turned into repulsion instead of mutual attraction. Whenever he shows signs of pining I get the immediate ick. Whenever he pulls away I feel myself slipping and starting to pine. Thank fuck my narcissim is preventing me from making a fool of myself and actually letting him know that I pine.

Anonymous 93057

It never gets better. You just get better at coping. Those old ladies? They probably shouldered all the existential dread and constant dissatisfaction you're going through now (in your late teens early twenties I assume?). They just learned to let go of their dreams/aspirations/ambitions because after a certain age it becomes socially acceptable to just be mediocre. Or maybe it's always been socially acceptable. It's you who'll change. You'll disappoint yourself time and again and again and after a while you'll be grateful to be alive and in good health. Y'know. The things we should all apreciate even in our young ages.

Anonymous 93060

Scrote posting. Pretty much the only good thing in life is the high you get from creation/ success.

Men are a ball and chain in comparison. They poison evertthing they touch. Who wants to be an old lady chained to an old man????? Who in their right mind??? I would rather sacrifice all the familial garbage in the world for real happiness/ creative passion. Which is the exact opposite of what Men bring to your life.

Giving up what makes you happy to go back to sleazy scrote is such a scrote thing to say.

Anonymous 93064

Scrotes are literal shit and I would rather die young then chained delusional and dead inside to one of those filth mongers in my old age. It really makes me want to spit on a scrote to hear anything like this.

Anonymous 93065

I relate to everything in your post. My breakup happened early this year and I'm still not over it. It's hard to get over someone when you don't have an emotional support system like friends, which is why I think normies can get over someone so quickly.

Anonymous 93067

One of my friends is going through a really hard situation and every time she starts breaking down when we are doing voice chats it both breaks my heart and leaves me frustrated. When she is in that state she becomes overly sensitive and sometimes aggressive, and i know it's not her fault because it is something she also can't do much about, but it has also been stressing me out because i can't do anything to help her except listen to her sobbing and ranting on voice chat, and i fear any suggestion i might make may just make her feel worse. I hope that having someone there listening helps at least a little, but i really just wish i could make the situation itself stop. Sometimes when i'm too exhausted i just don't have the energy to take it and don't go on voice chat at all and it just makes me feel worse that i can't even be there for her.

Anonymous 93073


It’s 4am and I have to turn in 3 physics tests by the end of the day else I’m most likely getting expelled. I know nothing about physics and there’s nothing I can google either(

Anonymous 93074


I've been friendless for over 2 years now since my oldest and longest friend group disbanded due to drama. I try to romanticize being alone but the reality is that I'm an imageboard browsing autistic loser who plays vidya all day. It's come to a point where I don't even know what's the point of friendships or other connections anymore (I'm a single child who comes from a dysfunctional family which makes this worse).

Anonymous 93076



Don't get caught up on initial academic failures. Think of this as an opportunity to come back stronger than most college students, even. That's what happened to me. When I first enrolled, I almost got kicked out because of repeatedly fucking up several classes. That forced me to take a year off wagie cagie'ing while going to a CC. The job was fucking horrible but that, combined with paying for my own classes, made me get my shit together and re-evaluate my choices. Personally it made me realize I definitely do not want to be working for $7.50 an hour around a drugged-up, uneducated asshole manager and co-workers for the rest of my life. There are those who manage to find job satisfaction without college, but it is rare so I wouldn't risk it. Unless you're particularly skilled, that scenario mentioned is more likely.

> I did it for a while but the lack of goals just made me depressed

That's another reason I recommend a gap year. I had no clue what to even major in but that definitely helped me realize I was not for the major I was already in. Use the time for soul-searching.

Anonymous 93079

Just because the group disbanded doesn't mean you shouldn't stay in contact with the ones you liked the most.

Anonymous 93081

It's really complicated, but I just tried to reach out to two of them that might be open to us reconnecting. Wish me luck.

Anonymous 93087

hey i can relate to this a lot. i only have my boyfriend but i wish i had some girl friends. i left my best friend group around last year because they just didnt care about me and trashtalked me all the time behind my back etc. we were best friends for like 8 years so im basically left alone now. im glad they are gone but it gets really lonely sometimes…

Anonymous 93088

You should talk to and friend lonely autistic girls in online groups.

Anonymous 93089

Sugar addiction has been killing me recently. Trying not to indulge the cravings but it takes over my mind.

Anonymous 93090

got banned on crystal cafe ):

Anonymous 93091

I think its wierd how there's a million people talking about how "you dont need a romantic partner if you have good friends," but no one talks about what its like to be in a happy relationship and still be lonely. My main IRL friend hardly talks to me even though I message her frequently, and never seems to have time to hang out in person. I hardly am able to maintain relationships with my few online friends cause I'm just terrible at keeping up conversations when we're in seperate time zones. I love my boyfriend but we aren't able to live together yet since we're saving money and paying off debts and even though we talk every day we only meet in person maybe once a week tops since we live a town away and both work full time. Even if I can manag to build strong friendships again its not like I can have late night discord calls or hang out with someone every day again.

Anonymous 93096

Creative samefag here

I thank god this will never be me. I cannot relate to this at all. I'll never get weepy over a stupid scrote no offense but.

I was just reading something about that exact thing. Women who are insufferably lonely while in a relationship. They described being more lonely in a shitty relationship. Were the guys attractive at least?

I thank god I cannot feel and I'm a detached cold bitch most of the time. I mean sure my life is crazy and I am pissed off sometimes but I'm not depressed. Just kind of a misanthrope. My life is like a videogame. It has its highs and lows but I can't say I've ever been an emotional wreck over some guy. I worship work and thats it. I'm never attracted to moids they're all ugly af to me. Either in personality, or appearance or both. Is it a curse or a blessing? Idk but no idea how people are attracted to those grotesque creatures

Anonymous 93098

most of the time they are anime did system with xey/he pronouns and 30 genders, how do i find my kind of autistic girls

Anonymous 93110

The quiet ones who dont draw attention to themselves are typically the kind of girls you’re looking for. Every time i talked to a loner who’s awkward she had an interesting world and imagination and hobbies as well as a sprinkle of healthy cringe beneath her exterior

Anonymous 93112

then i can only hope and wait for those to find me because i cant find them. autism girls approach me i love you

Anonymous 93122

You're a good friend and you're trying your best anon. Really, you impress me. Don't forget to look after yourself though.

Anonymous 93123

Hello I am here

Anonymous 93129

You have summoned us. Hear that? The velcro strapped shoes thundering on the horizon- the sound of an approaching herd of female autists. Now we're all here, what will you do with us?

Anonymous 93134


I live with my parents. I'm planning to leave in a few months. Unfortunately because my parents are aging it gets harder to live here every day. I love my dad but he is becoming an awful old man who rants and yells at my mom about his opinions on whatever current event(both my parents are vocal leftists). He is angry every day. I'm not scared of him, he's not a violent person, but I'm beginning to hate him. For the first time in my life I'm having vague fantasies of violence against him from being exposed to his behavior every single day. If I asked anyone in my family they would probably say I'm the bad one for not being happier around my family, but my family is very codependent, something I didn't realize until I was in my 20s. I'm the black sheep because I like my space and I want to be alone, unfortunately I get guilt tripped and treated like a freak for my perfectly normal adult behavior.

tl;dr live with my parents, I want to hurt my dad, I'm scared of myself

Anonymous 93136


I WILL BEFRIEND YOU ALL. we will go on rants on how life sucks and i will cook for you and take care and i will listen to you all day and i will talk to you ill be your best friend

Anonymous 93137

Focus on the fact you're going to leave soon, cherish the time you're still there but dont go mad. Go out with friends, do stuff you enjoy and just continue to ignore whatever your family says about this, you'll be fine

Anonymous 93138

I was with an ex for over 7 years and she cheated on me with a coworker and had no guilt over it. It's been since August and I'm still reeling it in and even though I know it is for the best me amd her wont ever be together again because of what she did, I still get sad. I'm just like you that idealized romance and tbh…im old now so I think I wasted a lot of time with her. But I refuse to let her change me, next time I'm also going to love with everything I have. I'm still hurt but I think next year in August I'll feel calmer.

Anonymous 93139


>The velcro strapped shoes thundering on the horizon- the sound of an approaching herd of female autists.

Kek. Someone please draw this.

Anonymous 93141

I'm glad that even though I'm unhinged, my ego actually prevents me from calling him when I'm weak and feel like needing him. I took to writing the messages I want to address to him, to myself on telegram. What came out of me was some of the most pathetic, disgusting shit that I'd ever written. I can't believe I'm pining over this trashy fucking moid. Fucking fucking fuck. Why did I ever complain about being a virgin who never had a crush?

Anonymous 93143

hey this happened to me, he dumped me.

Anonymous 93150

I finally got around to applying for math lessons so that I can eventually get in to university, but I'm so mad at myself for wasting almost two years of my life being depressed and unemployed when I could've been doing something good with my time instead. Because I was so convinced I would never be "smart enough" for it. The fear that I'm far behind all my peers academically is eating away at me and I can't stop feeling like a failure.

Anonymous 93154

Don't give up

Anonymous 93155

Being friends with people who have kids is a fucking pain. It takes forever for them to clear their schedule. I will never have kids and lose my freedom.

Anonymous 93158

What about your husband! What if he wants kids!

Anonymous 93159

just eat him and get a new one

Anonymous 93160

My little cousin I actually like is "banned" from Christmas by my dumbass aunt and it's for a new level of idiotic even for her.
She's 10 years old and she just got suspended from school for throwing a pair of scissors at a ghetto trash "teacher" who couldn't keep the hot cheeto talk out of a professional setting.
She said A TEN YEAR OLD had a "ratchet ass" haircut just for being talked back to.
As if talking to children like that is supposed to be normal, she's putting all the blame on her own daughter.
I was asking my cousin what she wanted for Christmas when my aunt told me this and when I spoke the truth which was "I'd do the same thing" she exploded at me about how "I'm taking her right to parent her own kid by saying that".
Because if there's ANYTHING girls need to be punished for, it's taking crap from unqualified authority figures.
God I wanna shake my aunt's head around until her brain chemistry is properly balanced, and I also want to find that teacher and make her afraid to leave her house.
I fucking hate trashy people so much.

Anonymous 93161

I'll find a guy who also hates kids lol

Anonymous 93165


>I live with my parents. I'm planning to leave in a few months. Unfortunately because my parents are aging it gets harder to live here every day.

Fortunately I don't live at home anymore, but I still stay for visits and have noticed my mom going senile recently so I know what you mean. She's started to lose her hearing so it is even more annoying to talk to her than usual. That, coupled with the fact she already has had narcissistic selective hearing, is making her virtually unable to be talked with. She's also forgetting things alot more now (Worried she's developing Alzheimer's or something). Dealing with old people is fucking annoying. I can only imagine doubly so if you live with them so hope the best for you.

Anonymous 93166

We're going into a recession and i feel like dying. It's not like i enjoy my life to begin with but inflation and protests aren't going to make it more enjoyable

Anonymous 93173

Anonymous 93177

My bpd is acting the fuck up amongst other things and I fp’d a guy at work over my boyfriend because this guy and i connect well and he just has charisma. I want to be his friend though and I still love my boyfriend. I just hate that I fp’d him (sorry if not the correct term.) but pretty much when he does something my stupid bpd will think immediately “he’s bored of you he is not interested in you anymore he hates you you’re weird.” I feel crazy and creepy and guilty

Anonymous 93178


I know it’s been months since Roe was overturned but idk this year has been dogshit for me because of it and I keep feeling like a doomer. There will probably never be abortion protection at the national level ever again, or at least not for the next few decades and multiple election cycles. Anyone else feeling the dread? Lmfao.

Anonymous 93182


I feel like my top lip is so small. Whenever I see anyone else they have much bigger lips. I'm trying to learn how to make my lips look a little bigger with some lip liner and lipstick but I'm scared my side profile will look silly. I hate how I look and I feel so crusty.

Anonymous 93183

Stopped at a gas station to grab a drink. A weird guy still in his car wants me to buy cigarettes for him because he forgot his ID. Stare at him and sign at him with extreme deadpan expression. He was gone when I came out. Checked my car before leaving. I just wanted to get my drink in peace.

Anonymous 93184

You should really consider seeing a doctor about this, a psychiatrist if you can swing it. This sounds like ADHD and you might get some help with something like atomoxetine or welbutrin. Non stimulants that can help with focus and retaining thoughts, give a bit of energy to get through things like cleaning.

Anonymous 93194


>bad classmates in elementary
>bad classmates in high school
>go to uni, amazing people, on good terms with a lot of them
>leave after the first semester cause I dont like the subject, go study a different thing next year
>bad classmates again
I feel like I am in hell, no one wants to do anything, they just wanna get the classes over with and run home ASAP. I cannot even change my group until the end of the schoolyear and by that point whatever group I will transfer to will already have their friendships formed and I will be an exiled loser again.

Anonymous 93202


i found out my bf had looked at loli stuff. i have called him out previously though only knew about surface level typical coomshit, nothing degen. he hasn't looked at anything nsfw that isn't me since around a month into our relationship. i had no idea as we've literally had a convo about how nasty that shit is. he's otherwise an amazing boyfriend and is just sweet and perfect but i find this extremely concerning. he takes good care of me and treats me like his princess, i'm just in shock.

Anonymous 93203

I am addicted to social media and it's ruining me. I know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I want to have a solid friend group and social contacts to feel less alone but the more time I spend on social media the worse my chances of actually doing that become. Also there's nothing I can talk about with others because no one wants to hear about someone's addiction. It's a spiral and I want out. Someone let my out. The closest relationships I have at the moment are para social ones to random YouTubers. I want it to end I want friends. Everytime I think about my loneliness I starr crying and going back to social media because it will ease the pain. It got so much worse after my ex broke up with me. Instead of reaching out I just went inward and went into complete hermit mode. I don't do shot for my studies, talking with others feels like a chore. This addiction is shit and only getting worse.

Anonymous 93209

i swear i do it too. I have no friends and i always feel lonely so i check social media and see others happy and trick myself into thinking im with them. Honestly, start slowly by doing other stuff than looking into social media. unfollow accounts that hurt you, change your whole account and finally delete it, or at least minimize use. Instead read books, its less harmful. Or write stories yourself. You might publish them and find other people with similar Interests, maybe that works?

Anonymous 93210


My dad sends me $200 every year, to give 100$ to my brother and keep 100$ to myself. To be honest, I don't think my brother deserves the money. He's a loser still living at home and doing nothing with his life. Plus, because my brother doesn't talk to him anymore, I could easily keep the money for myself and get away with it. Oh well. I will feel like picrel if I do and it's not like I desperately need it.

Anonymous 93211

No matter how well I do over time, it always comes back to this. I will never break out of it. No matter how happy I may seem, in the end I always long for death.

Anonymous 93212

keep the money

Anonymous 93213



I really should. And I'd be more responsible with it, too. But I'm moralfag so I don't want to misappropriate his money (Especially since he's helped me with thousands for dollars for something else recently)

Anonymous 93218

Don't do it, even if you think he doesn't deserve it, is it really worth the drama if your brother or father found out?
Just because he gave it to you to pass on doesn't make it your money to decide what to do with.

Anonymous 93220

I have such a hard time trusting my boyfriend for some reason. Mostly insecurities. He could literally get down on his knees, profess his undying love for me and I would still have a hard time believing him. No matter what, I'm always gonna feel like I'm way more into him than he is into me. It's not like I want constant reassurance, but I'm always feeling anxious I'm being too much of a burden.
He's dated other girls, nothing serious with anyone though he told me. Most of his relationships have been a few months long. He's told me I'm one of the very few women he's had this much chemistry with. He's my 1st everything and the person I've ever felt the most comfortable with, from the very beginning I never felt anxious around him, quite the opposite. I just feel at peace when I'm with him. The problem comes when I'm alone and all the doubts and questions start creeping in again. I always tell myself that the next time we hang out I'll ask him what he truly thinks of me and our relationship, but when the moment comes I never do it because he makes me feel me so much better and I just end up thinking I'm being ridiculous.
I also don't want to have this type of conversation over the phone, I want to do it in person. Hopefully this Sunday we see each other and I muster up the courage to ask him, highly doubt it though kek

Anonymous 93221

do you think your brother would pass you the money?

Anonymous 93222

Advice from a fellow addict.
Take a radical step and try a dopamine detox. Aka cut the app you use most for a couple of days. For me it was tiktok and it was truly physically painful for a few days because I wrecked my habit of staying gled on it 16 hours of the day. I could say go full cold Turkey mode and get a flip phone or something but I realize this solution is becoming more and more inconvenient from a social standing. Ideally, you should be able to regulate your own screen usage. If you're using it to cope with and avoid your problems (like I used to and still to a degree do) look up exposure therapy. This is of course provided whatever you're avoiding can be dealt with on your own. If not, do reach out to a therapist, or at least try to partially detox. Make sure to fill the void with something less toxic and time consuming. This is all very cringe and predictable advice I know, but believe me when I tell you things won't get better until you decide (and stay firm on your decision) to get better.

Anonymous 93225

I had to reject some kid who was 16 and i feel bad because he looked like he was about to cry but he spent a long time trying to ask me out or to go hangout with him

at the end of my shift while i drove him home he basically tried to ask me out again and i just told “look man your a good guy but your too young you should go after girls your age” and he looked like he was about to cry when i said that i dont know why i feel bad

Anonymous 93226

i want to cuddle with a nice beautiful moid then i want to kill myself

Anonymous 93231

I have an online friend that I met off of Discord around a year ago. At first, it was fun talking to them because we had a similar fandom in common, but slowly over time they've begun to skinwalk me. They've copied so many things from the way I dress, my opinions (for example, if I said I liked something they didn't like, they would start to like it), my other hobbies and interests, even down to the way I type. It's so frustrating because I want to cease communication with them, but they always go on about how I'm their only friend and that messaging me is their favorite part of their day. On top of that, I've asked my actual irl friends and my boyfriend what they think about their messages to me just to make sure this isn't all in my head, and they all agreed with me and said that I shouldn't break things off abruptly because this person seems a bit unhinged.

Anonymous 93233

I'm preparing myself to be single for the rest of my life. I will turn 27 in 2023 and never managed to have a relationship that lasted longer than 6 months. I do not know any women my age in a similar situation, except :
-a woman that is literally physically deformed due to a disability, and is mentally unstable because of this horrid disability and abuse.
-a woman with autism and other disabilties that make her life very hard.
-another woman with autism that lives on benefits.
I will never have a family. I will have to work hard enough to buy a house alone, and achieve things that make me proud enough in order to make up for the pain of not being able to have a family. I will know no rest, and have to constantly better myself, until the day I die.

Anonymous 93235

If it makes you feel better, I found my partner who I'm now happily married to at 30. Felt exactly like you at your age until I decided that being single forever wasn't some death sentence and that I could still enjoy life on my own terms (and then ironically once I was at peace with being single I got a bf, go figure)

Anonymous 93238

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH ME? I've never longed to have a scrote before, and now i want one? Is this my monkey brain doing the weird shift between 24 and 25?

Anonymous 93239


For some reason my period is hitting me really hard rn. A lot of pain and I feel exhausted.

Anonymous 93240


She's so cute and cool, I want to be able to know so much more about her. What is her daily life like? What are her secrets? What hopes does she have for her future? What is she afraid of? What always makes her laugh? How does she deal with being sad? Who were the important people in her life? What is her family history? What are the names of all her cats?

If only I had the confidence to message her and the skills to maintain the conversation. Is she waiting for me to do that? I can't tell.

Anonymous 93241

I was too, I stopped it by filling the time I used to browse social media on with developing skills. When I want to browse twitter I instead force myself to code.
You could also make browsing social media actually productive, for example learning a language and setting the social media's app to that language and talking with natives.

Anonymous 93242

Gonna pretend this post is about me

Anonymous 93243

Ex and I broke up 3 months ago and I am still torn up. Like I feel like I’ve gone back to being clinically depressed. I know time heals all wounds but the longer I’m away from him the worse I feel. I miss him and love him and wish he would’ve just talked to me about his fears instead of going nuclear.

Anonymous 93244

I’m so envious of my friends who get along with and enjoy visiting with their mothers. My mother loves being miserable and I can’t tell her about anything fun I’ve done without her saying shit like “Oh….that must be nice. I wish I could do something fun like that. Instead I was at home alone having a terrible time.” and then she goes on for 45 minutes straight about whatever new horrible ailment she has, her new frenemies who are out to get her, etc etc.
Last year my mom was almost in tears because “none of the decorations are done!” when my boyfriend and I came to visit. The house looked fine and everything was great, so I had no idea what she was talking about. I tried to make her feel better and said “and besides, we don’t care about the decorations! We’re just happy to see you.”
And she physically recoiled from me and said “That’s right, you don’t care. You don’t care about anything. You don’t care about the decorations? FINE, I’ll just tear them down and throw them all away!!!” I turned to my dad and said “What is this about?” and he goes “oh HUSH and STOP IT, [my name]. You always make things worse!”
My mother is an angry, bitter, miserable witch and my dad is a sniveling, wimpy, enabling asshole.
I think I hate my parents

Anonymous 93245

the influx of cow obsessed lc users is shitty… how's your day going miners

Anonymous 93246

Damn it could be. I suspect she uses boards as she definitely did in the past.
(I won't break your bubble by asking specifics)

Anonymous 93248

Feels bad to say this in the vent thread but my day is going really good, how about you?

Anonymous 93249

Ah i’m venting about the lc semi raid really so not trying to take up space lol. My day is shit as always ty

Anonymous 93251

I've been single my whole life, so I've gotten really comfortable with it. But even though I'm okay with being single probably forever, I still feel lonely. It's frustrating! I have dreams sometimes where I'm in love with someone and they love me back and it makes me feel so awesome but disappointed when I wake up. It makes me a little sad thinking I might never be able to experience that. It's not even that I've never been on a date, but somehow things don't ever work out and I've never had a boyfriend. I think there might be something in me that prevents me from getting really close to men or something. My loneliness has been manifesting in weird ways. I started thinking one of my clients was cute and he's like five years younger than me. I wouldn't ever do anything, but I hate how my brain fixates on the smallest things now because I have nothing remotely close to romance in my life. Seeing people in relationships who genuinely care about each other… I think it would feel nice to have someone care about me like that too. I won't die if I don't have a boyfriend, but I wish I could experience it once just so I could stop thinking about it. But then it sucks because I don't even know if I'm capable of loving someone or being in a relationship ugh.

Anonymous 93254

starfish I got for…

I've never had any kind of relationship at 33. The thing that weighs on my mind at this point more than anything is the thought of never sharing anything with someone. I love growing vegetables and making things, furniture, etc., but nobody sees them though. I'm not sure why it bothers me but sometimes it really hurts to look at all the things I've built up around myself and know that they're just for me.

Anonymous 93264


I feel kinda bad for not responding. They'll probably not see this but anyways. I had a slight headache from not sleeping, but I could only fall asleep around 6 every night. I'm not sure if horny is the right word but everyone seemed so much more good-looking and vibrant than I realised. Thankfully I didn't act act out on anything too out of character, because I didn't have much friends or money at the time.

Anonymous 93267

I have this stupid thing for the past few years where I can’t fantasize about my 3D husbandos/crushes without it being a situation where we could actually meet IRL. And then, once the fantasy starts, I end up worrying that he’d turn me down or I think about what would happen if he wasn’t immediately into me. Did I just completely lose all of my self-esteem or something? Why can’t I just let my imagination run wild and enjoy the fantasy and make him do whatever I want?

Anonymous 93273

I'm glad for you anon! Thank you for your kind words!

Anonymous 93274

dealing with my shitty roommate situation and all the hell she did while we were living together and up until she finally fucked off back to the united states makes me wonder. i don't know how she could ever justify treating me the way that she did, or how she could ever go around and try to pretend that she was somehow a better person than me. i don't even understand why she was so obsessed with trying to dig into my personal life as i never bothered her nor cared about her or what she did in her own time. and she was constantly bragging to me about all these stupid parties she was going to and all these "friends" she had, like okay? good for you i guess? lol

even after i caught her charging shit under my name just before the semester was over, she still went and did it AGAIN anyway just before she moved out. and then she has the nerve to want to ask me to make sure our old room is clean and undamaged so that she can get her $800+ security deposit back. i don't know if it is stupidity or entitlement, but i do hope she grows up one day because she a fucking retard and i will never forgive her for trying to make her problems my problems.

Anonymous 93282

Why did I have to tell him that I was gonna take a piece of bread and slap it across his face..,,,,,… fuck I’m so cringe hguhhhhhhh

Anonymous 93287

Thank you for your advice, I've picked up a book that my flatmate recommended to me. It's going slowly but I'll hopefully make it! At the beginning of the year I've read a lot so I'm excited to get back into it. Writing stories seems hard but it's something I've always found fascinating. I also like the advice to just delete my account. I've installed an app that prevents me from accessing youtube and similar websites, so I'll keep that up!

Thank you anon, it's not cringe at all! I do it to cope with the breakup and the feeling of loneliness in college I think. I'm very disconnected from my field of study even though I find it interesting. I've looked into therapy and if I'm lucky I'll have a therapsit in the beginning of the year. She does psychodynamic therapy but I'll see how it goes.

Thank you for your reply, I'm glad you could overcome your addiction! I barely use social media to interact with people though but I could really teach myself some new skills or put some more time into my university degree. How did you get started with programming and what do you use it for? Do you maybe have some kind of staring point? I've also wanted to learn bass guitar for some time, so maybe I'll get started on that again!

Anonymous 93295

Sisters… I don't wanna jinx this but i think… i'm getting over him slowly.
On another note… I.. uh, got fucking carried away with the weight loss thing. Yesterday i checked and my bmi is at 17 and my fucking face looks sharp like timothy chalamet in his rat era. im fucking terrified of piling on the kilos again, but i fucking gotta. i used to be pudgy with a cute face but now im just short, twiggy and kind of ugly and most people think im 10 years younger than i am.

Anonymous 93297


I'm selling stuff online at the moment, but I wish I had gotten a job in my early 20s. It's like my thinking and social abilities have eroded so much I can't even have a conservation with someone anymore.
Was it inevitable? Years ago I used to worry about succumbing to the emptiness inside me and all my traumas, except…I still had my best friend…I was able to be fun once in a blue moon…I could think. I wasn't lost yet I let my horrible experiences keep me from stepping out of my comfort zone, and things only fell apart. It's been years since I last laughed or cried and I don't really imagine ever feeling any different. Life seems eons away.

Anonymous 93299

I wish I could join another religion, I have been pagan with some wiccan influence for a long time and don't see myself stepping away from it because I truly believe in it. But so many other religions appeal to me as well, and they actually have an irl community as opposed to paganism (I'm surprised when people even know what it is). The values appeal to me but most are so sexist in practice, I don't want that for myself or my future children. I just want a community, I have friends but most don't really share my views or values. I have fun with them but I feel so lonely in my worldview sometimes.

Anonymous 93300

I wish my sister would stop messaging me. I want to separate from my family completely especially because I'm moving to another country next year… I just want to ghost them all.
My sister is clery trying to build a relationship but I just don't want it. She's done too many things to me that I can't forgive and I just don't like her as a person.
I feel guilty for not responding but more than anything I wish she'd just stop.
I wish people took rejection better, there's no way to tell 99% of people that you don't want to talk to them ever again without them sperging out which is why ghosting is the only way.

Anonymous 93312

It's normal to be addicted to the attention you receive from someone to the point where you become clinically insane when you get deprived from it right? (wrong it's not normal it's a sign of mental illness but at least im self aware enough to know and to combat it).

Anonymous 93313

Same. Wish I could just change my name, move to a totally different country or continent, never hear from my family members ever again, and just start anew. Whenever I even tried to bring up things that traumatized me to my family, they either don't remember or don't think it's a big deal. I hate my family so much but they don't even realise it, and I can't tell anyone about it because of how much society thinks we should value familial relationships.

Anonymous 93314

That does sound tough, nona, but it seems to me like not everything is lost for you and you can still find something that could help you feel different. Is there something that kind of helps you feel perhaps a bit different, a bit better?
It does sound unpleasant and I hope she'll lose the interest soon. I get how painful rejection can feel but in the end of the day you just gotta let the person go
I'm glad you're self-aware, nona, and hope you'll find a way to combat it efficiently soon. I also struggle with being addicted to a person's attention and feeling limerence over them. I guess it's not to the point of being clinically insane but I can somewhat relate and understand how painful and frustrating it can be
That's totally valid, nona. Though I've been lucky in this regard and found a person who also had troublesome familial relationships and understands the way you might hate your family. Maybe you'll also find someone like this or at least you can always talk to us here

Anonymous 93315

I hate the fact my brain got so obsessed over my ex and desperately craves his affection and validation. We're still friends (I would say he's my best friend even) and he's very supportive and understanding but clinging to him isn't right and I gotta let him go. I wish it was easier for me but I have to find a way to deal with this somehow. I wish I didn't always need external support and validation to feel OK about myself or at least didn't want it from him in this clingy obsessed way. I feel so pathetic sometimes.

Anonymous 93316

if youre in the us you could google some events like holiday celebrations of those pegan religions and meet likeminded ppl probably

Anonymous 93317

Im in my early twenties and seeing myself succumbing to this fate.

Anonymous 93318

This is karma biting me in the ass. All those times I'd seen my roommate neurotically crying over her worthless douchebag of a situationship and being puzzled that someone could be this monumentally hurt over some fucking scrote. Some… fucking low-life, scroty fucking ape of a moid. FUCK MOIDS. FUCK THEM. FUCK THEM.
The rage that's going through me. This is good. Rather I hate him than hate myself. I will never lower myself and my self-esteem because of some fucking y chromosomed, dusty ass, stONED FUCKING MOID. God. The fucking morAL SUPPORT I'D GIVEN THIS SCROTE (it was minimal). I had to LISTEN TO HIM SOB OVER THE PHONE BECAUSE OF MUH TRAUMA. SO YOU GOT DIDDLED AS A KID BIG FUCKING DEAL. I GOT GROPED BY MY THERAPIST AND I DIDN'T GO DUMPING MY TRAUMA ON ANOTHER PERSON. FUCK. YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOME WORTHIER BITCH MAKES YOU HER PEG BOY YOU SIMP FUCK.(jesus im going throgh a meltdown i would never wish sa on my worst enemy what are these thoughts the fuck WHY AREN'T ANY OF MY """"""""""""""""""FRIENDS""""""""""""""" PICKING UP? WHY MUST I SEETHE ON AN IMAGEBOARD. GOOOODD DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT FUCKKK FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK)
(I think this is the anger stage of grief lmao)

Anonymous 93319


Anonymous 93320


Anonymous 93321

I get so fucking angry that I get nauseous.

Anonymous 93322

I was feeling terrible for the last week of work but pushed myself through it and all the overtime cause we were short staffed andI figured once it was over I could enjoy the holidays but now I feel insanely sick and all I can do is lie in bed. I just wanted to enjoy gift giving and doing fun stuff but I can’t do it. I was so excited to go on a Christmas date with my boyfriend but we had to keep pushing it back/cancelling it cause I was feeling to bad from overworking, and then sickness. I’m not gonna have the time to see him until next year and I’m so pissed. I don’t wanna fucking go back to work on the day after Christmas, what is the fucking point. It’s just nonstop work and I don’t even get to enjoy my breaks.

Anonymous 93323

I actually feel better. Man they didn't lie when they said laugh at your problems. Nothing in life is serious. Moreover, the only apropriate response in any moid related matter is rage. Fuck scrotes. I hope he chokes on his fucking doobie (OH MY GOD HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH A FUCKING STONER where was my common sense. Has my ego which inhibits me from 99% of the productive ventures in life suddenly stopped functioning?)

Anonymous 93325

The only time i xan be open about my feelings irl to my loved one is if i am extremely drunk and i hate it. I do not want to be an alcoholic, i do not want to be like my mother. I got so used to keeping my and my family problems inside me, bottling all of the stress around me and end up spending 3 hours of crying and venting while being shitfaced drunk every December. I am always thinking i will always bother others. But worse than that, i will always get reminded how they will never get it, which is good for them. I am happy people around me make sadness out of the things that can be fixed in 5 minutes or some kind of a routine when I've got problems that do not have any fix. Nor there is anything i can do about them. I always have to shrug "it is what it is" at them while always hurting inside. God, i just wish anybody would understand me. I wish people would understand how much of a hard burden i carry. I am so tired. I am so fucking tired.

Anonymous 93326

I just caused a 4-car accident (no injuries) because my dumb ass tried to drive in the ice after having a perfect driving record, WHY AM I SO FUCKING DUMB

Anonymous 93330

I love u anon. Im sorry.

Anonymous 93332

ty anon it means a lot, thankfully everyone involved was unhurt and pretty nice to me, there was a general "welp these things happen" attitude from everyone involved. My family has good insurance so we'll be okay I just feel so silly for putting my job over my physical safety and ignoring my gut.

Anonymous 93333

>How did you get started with programming and what do you use it for?
Just by looking up tutorials online like w3schools and on youtube there are plenty of resources, youtube is a really good place to look up any new skills. So many talented people good at explaining.
When I force myself to code if I don't have a specific idea in mind (like game programming) there are random project generators and project ideas that I look through and just select one and force myself to finish it and learn something new. Rn I'm making an MS paint clone just for fun and because it's something to stick on my resume.
>I've also wanted to learn bass guitar for some time, so maybe I'll get started on that again!
Bass guitar is great, music is always nice to pick up and learn. Don't get intimidated and just start doing stuff when you feel the smallest motivation for it and just see how far you for with the feeling focusing on small steps and goals. I believe in you anon!

Anonymous 93334

i have to just write this down anywhere i cant live like this i desperately want to die nothing makes me happy anymore, therapy doesnt help me, i tried going out doing stuff with peers i tried doing sports i try reading writing doing anything i like but nothing makes me happy. i feel like an empty shell that nothing can fill properly. I have a boyfriend but we are long distance and i know he loves me but i cant accept that in any way. he has a normal active social life and functioning families and everything and all i do is feel like a burden in his world and at this point i think i should just end my life theres no point. I have no future that i want, i have no actual friends, i have nobody, i cant build friendships all i do is get obsessed over random people and imagine we are friends, thats literally it, my anxiety is at its lowest point and i thought i was doing better but im not, my mom is going to die soon and im going to lose everything i ever had and loved and i dont know what i did wrong for that i keep losing everything that makes me happy

Anonymous 93335

I hope this is ok to post here. I'm sorry if there's a better thread to post this in, I'm not super familiar with CC.

I miss my little sister so much, why did she have to transition and become an entirely different person, I don't even recognize her since she's changed so much in her personality since transitioning. It feels like she died and some weird person replaced her and now I can't even call her by her real name or talk to her without feeling uneasy and sad. I want so badly to try to still connect with her despite everything but she just isn't the person I knew and grew up with. I feel like an asshole because I know it is still her and I still love her but… She used to be so happy and creative and smart and now she's entirely focused and centered on her transition. Why why why please I miss her so much I want my sister back please

Anonymous 93340

Well, I'm gonna get lynched for saying this, but try accepting it. He/she is probably making a big deal out of their transition precisely because they feel like they're not being accepted. I think there are good chances that if they feel loved and accepted they'll go back to being the person you think you lost.

Anonymous 93343


I get what you're saying, I do try my best to be accepting, I call her by her preferred name and call her by he/him pronouns and try my best to just see her as my sibling either way but it's hard. Like I said, I know it's still her, but something inside me just feels sad, like how you'd feel seeing a loved one get lost in an addiction or something. I really try not to feel sad but I can't help it.

My entire family is very supportive of her. I've never told her nor any of my family members how I feel or expressed thoughts on any of it so I'm not outwardly unsupportive. I understand that if she feels unsupported she'd want to make a big deal of it, but all of us express how we still love her, call her by her preferred name and call her by he/him. We buy her 'male' clothes and 'male' body care as gifts and such. She talks to us every day still and I've never been mean to her because of her transition, I just keep it inside. So… idk.

Anonymous 93344

my brother randomly told me today i was a fat bitch because i wouldnt buy him stuff for bulking shit i told him he shouldnt make me pay for anything i want to strangle him

Anonymous 93349

i'd start slipping birth control pills in my brother's food if ever said that to me..

Anonymous 93355

I can hardly concentrate but if i go to sleep now my sleep cycle will be off by four hours…

Anonymous 93356

Sad that it's not accepted to acknowledge this. Even if you accept that who they are now is who they've been all along, and that they've been hiding behind another identity, you can still love and miss that identity when it's gone. Which isn't to say you can't come to love their new identity (or to them, their real one,) but it's completely understandable to take time. You deserve time to adjust and a frank conversation to come to terms with losing them as they were, it's not mutually exclusive with coming to love them as they are now. I hope you can find a place or person to grieve with over your sister before worrying about coming to love and trust your brother fully.

Anonymous 93357

Thank you, I'm in Europe but I can't find anything about it, none that don't seem sketchy anyway. I have 2 friends who are interested, but aren't very committed, talking about it with them usually just annoys me a bit (also I'm not looking to convert anyone lmao). I just would love to talk about it with someone who feels the same.

Anonymous 93359

I hate this. Venting or whatever makes me feel like a little bitch, which by all accounts I might very well be. But everyday I wake up and I roll and I feel so unreal. I just want to try and tear at myself to see if I can feel anything.
The days blend into each other. A while ago I used to go to these classes. I loved them, and I loved the teacher, but deep inside they made me feel like a liar and an actor. Like these things weren’t made for people like me, and I should just kill myself. I had to stop going to them a while ago because I didn’t have the money. I don’t have the money for anything anymore. It makes me feel so debased, being only concerned with eating and staying alive. I don’t want to be concerned with eating and staying alive for the next ten years. The only thing I liked I had to stop. The last time I did something I liked was years ago. The hopes that I used to have feels fake and funny, like something you’d think of during a manic episode. I am so tired of being like this.

Anonymous 93360


i might talk about conspiracy theories sometimes but it doesn't mean i'm a nutcase. i don't even present those things as real i just find some of them interesting. why do i have to be seen as someone who is "endearingly quirky" and a "cute dumby airhead" by my friends because of it, when other people they know get a lot more of respect simply because they're more practical. it's not like it's wrong to be very down to earth but it doesn't make them any smarter or more capable than me. in fact i'm way smarter than them, but i'm the only one who gets this treatment just because i think paranormal things are cool. it's not even a rare interest a shit ton of people like it. holy shit it drives me insane. i'll just talk about netflix from now on then

Anonymous 93365

From what you said you seem like a very kind sister. I think at this point, it might just take time before things settle down.

In the meantime as >>93356 said, it's completely normal that you're hurting. I haven't experienced this situation personally, but I know people who did, and it's really comparable to mourning your sister. You shouldn't feel shame for being conflicted or hurt. I would suggest trying to find support groups for relatives of people transitioning so that you can vent freely.

Anonymous 93366

You're going to be okay

Anonymous 93370

I'm sick throwing up but my parents are having a fit I want to stay home for Christmas. Fine. I hope everyone gets sick because of me. They act like I haven't seen my grandparents. I did at Thanksgiving and will on New Years. Fuck this stupid guilt tripping shit.

Anonymous 93372

everytime i have to shower i end up crying of frustration every single time because even though its been 3 years since i've been complaining about the water either being steaming boiling scaldingly hot or ice cold with no inbetween as in the moment you turn on the cold water it instantly turns cold it does NOT fucking mix. even after 3 years they still wont fix it im so fucking sick of this place

Anonymous 93389

mads anime kawaii.…

I got a shitty haircut and now I'm very sad. I was growing out my hair but it was all uneven and covered my face. everyone kept telling me it was shit and i needed to get a haaircut! so i did and now i have to wait a year for it to grow back.

Anonymous 93399

I hate my step grandmother. She stays with us for Christmas every year and it's the only thing I hate about the holidays. She's well intentioned but she has absolutely no concept of how the family flow goes in this house.
>My youngest sisters banter in a mean way but it's just back and foward jokes, it's not serious, but she keeps turning to the older of the two and giving out to her as if she's bullying the younger one.
>She also thinks my youngest sister (mildly autistic) is fully retarded and talks to her like she's stupid and it's so frustrating because the bitch is smart she's just quiet
>She keeps treating our dog like he's not supposed to be here, we keep telling her he's adored

Anonymous 93436


I'm not fucking working hard enough, dammit. I'm 19 and I feel like an absolute piece of shit. I just ordered my steam to be deleted and deleted my twitter once again, because I fucking will always be an unsuccessful cunt.

My art is fucking bullshit that nobody likes, yet wealthy furries who fucking pretend to be miserable and poor get commissions on every drawing for 200 dollars, I wish I can fucking open up commissions but who the fuck would even look at my shit art? The people of crystal cafe at least like it, but I can't make pocket money off of it.

Even though university has ended for me this semester, I feel like shit that I am "taking a break" and not studying for anything, or seeking to improve in anything. I can't even play my favorite video game anymore, because I can't fucking decide what controller to use, because I am deathly afraid of getting carpal tunnel by playing incorrectly.

I'm 19 damn years old, and people at my age are getting a fuck ton of money from being prodigies and masters at art, or they fucking get internships from high profile rich companies. Meanwhile, what the fuck am I doing? I'm just being a piece of shit doing nothing. I force myself to draw for hours every day until I feel like fucking killing myself or ripping out the tendons of my arms, that's how frustrated I feel. And this goes for every other hobby that requires improvement, not just art. If I'm not good at it, the hell is the point?

God fucking help me. I wish I had friends who actually gave a damn about me sometimes, but I always have to hide my suffering like this, and then take it out accidentally on innocents. At least here, it's anonymous and nobody will know or care about my identity. I hate these bouts of frustrations I've been getting each week, I always feel so irritable and angry. Goddammit, if I'm not making a lot of money, what the fuck is the point. Really sucks that even on break, I have a lot of anxiety.

Anonymous 93437

You are 19, don't worry about being broke and don't focus on other who are doing better than you

Anonymous 93438

It's a lot easier said than done, unfortunately. I can't help but think I am a failure, especially with the culture of "oh, I am 15 years old and I made this indepth painting in 2 hours uwu."

I really do want some pocket money, which sucks because every time I get onto twitter, it makes me feel like shit, hence why I had deleted it…

Anonymous 93441


>She also thinks my youngest sister (mildly autistic) is fully retarded and talks to her like she's stupid and it's so frustrating because the bitch is smart she's just quiet

As someone whose gotten this treatment her whole life, fuck your step grandmother. I loathe people who assume quiet = mental retardation.

Anonymous 93442


Anonymous 93443

I want to vent about something but I fear being recognisable because of how much of a niche issue it is so fuck it I'll just scream haha I'm so tired

Anonymous 93444

I doubt anyone will know who you are. The world is a big place. Would being super vague help?

Anonymous 93445

I'm so sorry for ghosting you. It had to be done but im sorry
There's a GIOYC (get it off your chest) thread on /adv/ thats super active and ur post will eventually disappear among the other posts

Anonymous 93446

This is a dumb vent. I don't know how to explain this to anyone or even myself because I realize how autistic it sounds but I cannot stop feeling this way.

I don't have a mother, she died when I was young. My mother-in-law tries to treat me like her own daughter and for some reason it fills me with sadness.
It's always made me sad when families that aren't mine try to make me feel like a family member because it feels fake. It feels like they'll always love their own children more than they will me so it feels like one big lie. A sweet lie, but a lie I just can't play into nonetheless.

When my mom died, my best friend at the time's mom started inviting me to a lot of things like school award ceremonies. Neglective dad so I think that she knew if she didn't take me no one ever would. Even though it was a kind gesture, it made me feel so alone. Sitting with my best friend, her little brother and her mother and realizing that they're not my family and they never will be. Going to her house and realizing that no matter how many times I'm invited, it's not my house and never will be.
It made me feel like an alien misplaced with normal people that only "took me in" because of pity.
The only way I'll be able to have a potentially happy family is if I have kids.

My MIL has a daughter already, but of course I don't already have a mom and never will. I know she's being kind and sweet but somehow I just can't handle it.
Even if she truly means it when she says she views me as family my heart just can't accept it. Nothing makes me feel more alone and alien in the world than being around happy families. No matter how hard they try to include me I feel like I'll never be truly included. I'm not their kin. I feel like I don't belong no matter what.
I'm the only one unrelated here, so I'm the odd one out. A blue crayon placed in with a bunch of red ones, I don't know. I wonder if this is similar to how some adopted kids feel with their adoptive families. I feel like an orphan because of how distant my dad is anyway.

Anonymous 93454

I wish there was a support place for lonely women with no men whatsoever. I know there are support groups/places/whatever for lonely people but I'm going to assume they're filled with men who would just end up attracted to a woman if she tried to befriend him.

Anonymous 93456

I know this is a distasteful response, but being in a family isn't always so great. My parents played this game of spite passing me back and forth after they got divorced. I ended up in a 50/50 split custody of alternating weeks. I had no home at that point. All because my mother had some epiphany after a minor surgery that she was unhappy/bored. I didn't feel like I had loving people around me until I moved away for college.

Anonymous 93459

Do it on reddit or somewhere you can delete the posts

Anonymous 93464

Not dumb or autistic. The pity or care of others is painful to receive compared to resignation and solitude, at least in the short term. It opens wounds.

Painful to hear just how much a rent your mother's passing has left. It's one thing to cause grief in its own right, but to deprive you of happiness from other things is another. That the acceptance and care of another family can't be enjoyed for what it is, but lamented for what it isn't. It's a terrible shame.

It sounds like you don't have many memories of being someone's top priority above all others, to be cared for. You must have had to take on a lot of responsibilities after her passing. So the feeling of hollowness at being accepted, but not loved and cared for first and foremost is very reasonable. I hope that there's someone you can talk to about this. That you can find peace enough, if not to replace familial love, then to at least find comfort in the love your in laws can offer. Good luck

Anonymous 93465

Ayrt before Christmas she turned to my sister and said "how would you feel if Santa bought you a star?". I'm assuming she thought my sister is too retarded to have figured out that's what her gift was, and essentially ruined the big surprise of having bought her one of those "hey you can buy a star and name it after yourself" things. Like ffs astronomy is her special interest and she's actually really good at it on a science level, but because she's autistic my step grandmother just registers her as a complete sped

Anonymous 93466

i want to travel, but it makes me so nervous i feel like i'm too much of a womanchild to arrive at the right hotel or find my flight or something lol

Anonymous 93467


Annoying step grandmother anon here with another complaint. Its past 2pm where I am and I keep trying to make breakfast but she won't get out of the kitchen. I can't cook while people are in here trying to talk to me REEEEEE

Anonymous 93472

That's it.

All my good will and adoration is now spent.

I'm going to fucking break this whore.

Anonymous 93486

any writer miners get worried that they don't actually understand other humans enough to write about them convincingly?

Anonymous 93489

You can take your good will and shove it up your ass, i hate “people” like you the most.

Anonymous 93490

Yes. Which is why I solipsism and the impossibility to truly understand others are some of my main themes.

Anonymous 93491


I can't find anyone to talk to about my interests. I try to talk to people trough discord but I'm so so so socially awkward and off-putting that I can feel that their responses is them talking to me like you would to to a child. I know that they probably hate my presence there because I'm weird and I don't know how to articulate myself so sometimes my comments seems apathetic when they are not. I do care I just can't express myself.
I try to do some small talk with people on tumblr by replying to people's posts but I always gets ignored. Which is fair since most people don't communicate with the reply feature but I'm scared that the tumblr fandom thinks I'm pushy. I dislike twitter so that's out of the question.
There are threads about my interests on different imageboards which can be nice but it's not the same as having a one to one conversation with someone (plus those threads tend to attract people who view the medias trough a different lense than me or hold opinions about them I disagree with which makes the conversations less fun. not that I can't talk to people who I disagree with but it sucks when they keep insulting the aspects that I like).
I'm just sad because other closed-off people keep talking about how the internet is such a blessing and how it allowed them to open up and meet like-minded people. What am I doing wrong? I try so so hard to appear friendly but I just feel like I come off as pushy and obsessive to others. And when I try to turn that down I just come off as mean and rude. How can everyone else in the world find friends who share their interests except for me? I wish that someone on tumblr or discord would be blunt with me and just tell me why they think I'm annoying

Anonymous 93492

>I try to do some small talk with people on tumblr by replying to people's posts but I always gets ignored.
I don't think internet is about small talk. You're (most likely) anonymous or people don't care, just go all in and say what you think and what you usually wouldn't say. People will go for it if they vibe with you. Nobody wants to talk about the weather online. You wrote so much, now tell us what your obscure hobbies are.

Anonymous 93493

What are your interests, nona?

Anonymous 93498

When I try to small talk to people o tumblr it is about whatever fandom they are talking about. Whenever someone makes a fandom postI reply by saying I agree with them or I like the idea and want them to explain more but they dont' reply. Maybe the problem is that I'm not mutuals with them and that I'm only a follower? But I assume since they let non-mutuals reply they dont' mind that I reply but I'm not sure.

>now tell us what your obscure hobbies are

It's not even obscure stuff except for dolls and classic manga. The rest is just TV shows and video games. Stuff that is popular amongst the general public but I wanna chat with fans about fandom stuff like fic recs, favourite characters and episodes etc.
I like Fire Emblem Hetalia, Star Wars, South Park, Simpsons and much more so finding people who like this stuff shouldn't be hard and yet

Anonymous 93499

Who's your fave Hetalia char?

Anonymous 93501

Amaterasu Cheems.j…

God fucking DAMMIT I hate my fucking incompetency and lack of skill. My fucking disgusting daydreams are coming back. I can feel myself get so fucking frustrated that I can imagine every bone, every ligament and muscle being torn in my body and being pulled to the point I'll be bleeding like fucking crazy. I want to fucking break my damn wrist so I won't be such a useless piece of shit.

I've been at this fucking request thread for one fucking hour. I keep resetting my canvas over and over, I'm supposed to fucking study for how to draw, but I feel so fucking miserable. Wish I could just claw into my throat and take out everything that's fucking inside. It hurts so much that I can feel my daydreams, and imagine how much it'd hurt. It feels like torture.

Anonymous 93503

I like France and England equally. Mostly because I have always been fascinated by those two countries history but I also think they are the funniest characters. What about you nona?

Anonymous 93504

Haha, I love actually earning the hatred of ungrateful bitches like you. Your kind is the worst, fuck you.

Anonymous 93507

Hey I'm into Fire Emblem and the Simpsons!
Are you going to play Engage?
What's your fave FE game and what do you like about the Simpsons?
My favourite thing about the simpsons is Lisa, Bart and their dynamic.

Anonymous 93508

I don't know a lot about your hobbies, but from what you said, you seem very kind and interesting to talk to, nona!

Anonymous 93509


>What's your fave FE game?
Shadows of Valentia has a soft spot in my heart since it was the first FE game I played. I also love FE3H and Awakening
>what do you like about the Simpsons?
I think the golden era is one of the best comedies ever written. Their screw the audience jokes are so good. I also have been watching the show as long as I can remember so I grew up with it
>My favourite thing about the simpsons is Lisa, Bart and their dynamic
Mine too. They are my favourite characters. Bart Gets an F, a Bart centric episode, is one of my favourite episodes of any TV show. I love every episode where Bart and Lisa team up like in the Sideshow Bob(who also is an amazing character) episodes or the episode Like Father Like Clown. There whole dynamic is interesting. I like it when they are portrayed as supporting each other.
It's weird because I watched the show a lot when I was around Bart and Lisa's age so I used to look up to them now I'm an adult and feel so protective of them lol.
thank you so much nona! Honestly the anons in this thread has been so kind to me and that makes me so happy

Anonymous 93510


Yeah, that is true with social medias… There are definitely a lot of lowlives in this world. When I was an active kiwifarms member, I looked at people's misery to make myself feel better, and I pretty much looked down on most of my peers. I was an arrogant jackass, and I think I still have traits of that today.

I don't harass or stalk people like how I used to before, but goddamn, these feeling of insecurity are still really strong. I just want a good, comfortable life for myself. Maybe working outside of my country would be nice, but I'm not asking to become a millionaire.

I did delete my social medias, and if my checking of some websites get worse, I will block with my hosts file.

Anonymous 93518

I have had autism my entire life. My mother took me to get tested at 10, but they said I did not have it. I have never had any friends and did not know what boundaries meant, I've had violent temper tantrums and dont know how to speak to people. I would throw tantrums at being forced to touch specific textures like sand, and used to wear headphones or turned off my hearingaid for noise. I recently got my first boyfriend who I met from online. I love him, but I cant go out to do a lot of things. I am 19 years old. My mother never understood me, she constantly belittled me and would tell me to suck it up, blame me, etc, but she was sick with cancer when I was a little age. My father died last year of a heart attack. My father had drugs problems and PTSD but was still a well meaning father, who was also abused by his parents. My mother also had her own issues, she was raped when she was young and saw her own mother physically abused by her father. My mom would get pets and foster children to fill in the void, and now, my mom got this kid when I was 14, in the inpatient hospital, the child was 6-7. This child constantly snuck around, stole my things, and whatnot. She also tried killing our animals, and when my father died when I was 18, all she ever did was ask how he died, no remorse, nothing. My mother and stepdad adopted her when she was 9 without even telling me about it and not even asking me about how I'd feel about it. I always told them I wanted her to go back there. I was jealous, envious because she had the life with my mom that I never had due to her sickness, due to my mom blaming me for my own insecurities and faults that I couldnt control.

I left home the past two months, two weeks in each of those trips, to visit my boyfriend, because I could not stand being home. I don't hate my mom or my dead father, I love them both, but I always yearn for my mom's affection, and now, now that Im moving out, I dont know what to do. When I am here, I don't feel at home, I feel angry and hateful and just wanting my mom's love. She and I used to fight really bad, she blamed me when I got sexually assualted and when I got bullied, but she also blamed me when I got stalked. When I got into radfem theory and met radfems, I began blaming her less and realizing that she had her own issues, that her past, like her getting raped at 8 years old was still affecting her. She married my stepfather for money, because she had 0 chances as a woman of color back then. She brokedown to me last year about her being suicidal and her telling me she lived her entire life for me, when she had me, she gave up her drugs, and how she cant do anything now. Im moving out close to her with my boyfriend, but I cant imagine doing it. When we had my stepfathers family, when the foster child was with them, my mother and I were tired from the presents and I was telling her to hurry up with hers because she had an entire bag of presents while everyone else finished theirs, and she wanted everyone to watch her, and she knew that we did not sleep for 24 hours wrapping presents, and she said "but family is more important". I wanted to fucking beat her right then and there, but I just smiled. Im cleaning stuff up for when I move out, but when I think about my mom and the whole household, it makes me not want to. Im afraid of not having my mom love me anymore, Im afraid of her loving someone else more than me. I know Im being selfish, I know, but I just wanted my mom and I.. I just wanted to make my mom happy, I just wanted to spend time with her. It's not fair. I wish I never had autism, I wish nothing was wrong with me so I was enough for my mom, so she didn't need anyone else except me and she didnt think I was such a mistake. It's what she told me, she told me that nobody else would want me, nobody would put up with me except her. Now I am crying, because I dont even know if I can move out. I don't know how to live life without my mother. I get annoyed and start shaking when I talk to people outside, I get scared and angry, and I just hate it. I hate anything that's not my mom or people that are close to me. I dont want her to have another daughter, I dont want to be replaced when I leave..

Anonymous 93530


i'm tired of everyone leaving me. my best friend of 6 years cut me off after i had a nearly fatal suicide attempt that landed me in the ER, followed by a week in the psych ward. when i came back, i expressed how i feel neglected by my friends, still clearly not in the right mindset, and i deleted all my socials from my phone, and ended up hospitalized again.
this time, i lasted up to a month before getting in contact with the rest of my friends, and i come to see she has blocked me on quite literally everything. at first, it obviously stung but i accepted it as a consequence of my rrecent behavior, but as time passes i keep getting softblocked by my "friends" who gradually stopped talking to me, more than half who i didnt tell where i was for the past month. which makes me believe my ex best friend is out there telling everyone i'm crazy, and now I'm being cut off left and right by people who barely know me.
the only people left in my life are friends from outside that circle and my boyfriend.
I'm just really hurt, because I'm being cut off without even having my point of view.

Anonymous 93538

I know it may not much coming from a stranger, but I'm very happy you're out of ER, nona. I think for now, you should probably focus on yourself. When you're feeling better mentally, I'm sure you'll be able to reconnect with old friends or to make new ones!

Anonymous 93540

I think FE3H is my favourite but it is for personal reasons. It came out at a time in my life when I was very alone and depressed and it was the perfect escapism for me. I need to replay the older ones more since I've forgotten a lot of things that happened. I love Dimitri and Marianne especially!

Anonymous 93541

Thank you so much for your response anon, it means a lot to me. You sound very thoughtful and sweet. I'm really grateful.

Anonymous 93542

>thank you so much
You're welcome! Also, reading what you said about the Simpsons, I feel like the way the show changed for you as you grew up is very interesting. Maybe there's something to be done with that aspect, reflecting on how fictional characters accompany us and transform according to our situation.

Anonymous 93551

I dont think im capable of love. Or at least i feel like my version of love is different from the romanticized versions that normoids peddle. The tt girlies spoke of attachment disorders, and im inclined to agree. I seek this connection for emotional stabilization, or at least im automatically distraught when facing the possibility that i might lose the connection. When i have it, i am… not as excited. I become cool, distant. It’s not as if i wish to distance myself. Merely that my brain keeps searching for reasons why things might not work out. It’s like a paradoxical instantaneous switch that happens between the two ends of the spectrum. My brain constantly seethes from the isolation and seeks companionship and when it gets it, it protests against the change. I don’t know if this is an issue with me or if it’s a question of the wrong person

Anonymous 93554

an artist i like is suddenly extremely popular because of tiktok and ngl it makes me seethe. i discovered him when he was still small during a very dark time in my life, his music resonated with me so much and helped me get through it. whenever i hear it i get a glimpse of those feelings, just the tiniest little hint, but it's enough to remind me of where i came from. now i see teenage normies bumping it 24/7 and making sped up remixes and it's so cringe but i can't help myself from being salty.
he's a shit person too so he doesn't deserve the success either. ugh.

Anonymous 93555

I don't think you could have ever made her happy, I don't think anybody can. She carries a lot of pain that she tried to bury by dedicating her entire self to you. As if you were some silver bullet for everything she'd gone through. Nobody can fill that role. If the foster child seemed to, it's only because you were also there to take the heat of her unresolved trauma. And in being raised to cure that trauma, not only are you afflicted by hers, but yours go unresolved. You've lived your life dealing with the consequences of her sexual assault - but who's helped you with yours? What makes your trauma any less valid than hers? And why is it that you're still capable of forgiving her behaviour despite your trauma, while she's apparently unable to stop blaming you?

You have not failed her. Her suffering is not because you fell short. If you had good enough grades, made enough friends, were more accomplished or popular - would that erase her memories of being raped, seeing her mom be abused, being in an unhappy marriage of necessity? You did what you could, but it never would have been enough for her.

I know that may be of little comfort to you, who've spent so long with her, who needs her love and acceptance so badly for your sake as well as hers. But whatever your feelings towards her, try to remember that your relationship with her, your 'failure' to make her happy, was never your fault. At some point, we have to take responsibility for our own happiness. Placing the burden on anyone else, especially a child, is pointless. Your being unable to erase her past does not mean you can't make anyone happy. You were a stranger to your boyfriend once, but are now more. You can do that with others too. You don't need to be happy with strangers - just open enough to find the few who matter to you. And can learn to appreciate you, not as a cure for their painful life, but as an improvement to it

Anonymous 93557

Thank you. Our relationship has been a lot better lately, but I just fear being replaced and I fear that she will be sad when I am gone. I dont want her to be that way. I love her very much, and I know I was not the best before either. I just don't talk about it, and I hold myself back. She hasnt blamed me in a while, more so critiqued me. I just feel a lot of envy for my younger foster sister and want it to be my mom and I. I know it is unreasonable, but I dont even feel 19. I still feel like a child, and I think its because I never had a childhood with her due to her being sick.. I am afraid of not being able to spend time with her. I am also afraid of her getting sick again because she got cancer twice (once when I was 7-10 and again at 14) and my dad died just last year.. I know I cant save her, but I just wish I was capable of giving her a better life, I wish I could give her her dream of owning a farm in serenity. I cant stand the thought of her feeling empty. Thank you so much. This helped me feel a bit better of myself, to not blame myself as much as I do.

Anonymous 93558

I’m so caught up in self criticism and hyper awareness of the things i do wrong, that i don’t do, or that i do in a lackluster manner. I am frustrated that i legitimately can do nothing with complete and utter confidence in my capacity. How can i be an engineer who hasn’t written a line of code in a year? I miss the instant gratification you get from solving math equation. From memorizing and recalling information. It seems like i’ve been stuck in a cycle of ineffective learning for years. My brain’s just wired itself in a very ineffective way. I can feel the pattern. Get a sense of impending doom from a task. Over plan the executive plan of the task sort of like to amp yourself up for undertaking it. Start doing some… feel inadequate. Give up and procrastinate. Do the task halfassed and fucked up when the time runs out. Feel like utter shit for having shat the bag as usual. My god. I need some serious rewiring in my brain. At first i thought it was anxiety preventing from reaching my full potential. Now im inclined to think im just fundamentally incapable of executing tasks to their fruition in an immaculate or semi immaculate state. I tried to lower my standards. I really did. I wish i were someone who loves languishing in mediocrity.

Anonymous 93562

Being at home over the holidays is driving me insane. I live in a super small apartment with my mother (2 rooms + bathroom) and have social anxiety. I don't feel comfortable going to the living room since my mom is there, but my room only has a tiny desk jammed in behind the bed. I can't work there, there's no space on it. I tried studying (have exams soon) in bed instead but can't focus. I can't do any of my hobbies bc the stuff I need for them is at my apartment.
And I'm here for another 2 weeks just rotting away all day in my bedroom and wasting my precious time on boring shit kn the internet as the deadlines come closer and closer. Help….

Anonymous 93573

I know I have a problem with being chronically online but I can't get a job.

Anonymous 93579

I know that feel. It's nice to be able to find comfort in fiction and something can really stick with you if it helped you trough a hard time. i hope you are doing better now nona!
>I love Dimitri and Marianne especially!
I love them too! Marianne also has one of my favourite design in FE3H.
>Maybe there's something to be done with that aspect, reflecting on how fictional characters accompany us and transform according to our situation.
It's so weird to grow up wirth something. You don't really notice how it affects you or how you personally view it yourself but when you sit down and reflect on it you start to notice that it did play a part in your upbringing and the way you viewed it as a child is drastically different than now

Anonymous 93586


Does anyone here also gets irrationally angry when people block you online or am i just insane, especially if we were having an online argument

Anonymous 93587

Each block I take is a flower that was planted in my garden, especially if it's moid on twitter

Anonymous 93588

That's why i said irrationally angry. Based, i wish i was like you.

Anonymous 93589

I need to make lesbian/febfem friends irl. Regardless of orientation it seems like everyone I know, even "queer" friends-of-friends, prioritizes men and it makes me feel like I'm the only person on earth who is actually attracted to women. This is obviously not true and I have many online mutuals to disprove it to myself, but this is how it feels.
I'm not even a lesbian (just unable to date men, not out of hate but because engaging sexually with one makes my skin crawl) so I can only imagine how isolated they feel. I'm so sorry, lesbians.

Anonymous 93591

No, and I think people who get annoyed at being blocked by strangers are very entitled.

Anonymous 93592


I need some affection from a warm body right now, preferably male. Men are always warmer on the surface of their skin compared to me, and men have always said my hands are cold and clammy. I have no men to do this for me though. I just want a hug, to hold each other, or hold hands.

Anonymous 93593

Are you a lizard, nona?

Anonymous 93594

I don’t think so, my brain seems to have more functions than just fighting, fleeing, feeding, and fucking

Anonymous 93595

You're better than me then. What other function do you have?

Anonymous 93596


>because I'm sick I can't sleep
>because I can't sleep I ruin my sleeping pattern
>because my sleeping pattern is ruined I don't do anything productive
>because I'm sick I can't fix my sleeping pattern

Anonymous 93597

My only remaining friend from high school broke up with her boyfriend of nearly 5 years over Thanksgiving and I think she was cheating on him with some loser scrote from her dead-end job. He's 4-5 years older than her.

Anonymous 93602

Anonymous 93619

I’ve been pining over some scrote for a couple of months and now that he confessed he still loves and he wants a real relationship i’ve been feeling very anxious and sort of icky. It’s like i was attracted to the allure of an unavailable relationship lmao. Someone fucking shoot me i am an evolutionary failure.

Anonymous 93620

i'm lonely and bored of life but i don't have the energy to do anything, i'm too spergy and awkward to make friends, i hate my major but i'm in too deep to change it. i have no fulfilling hobbies or interests and nothing in the physical reality, i just waste my days spending hours and hours on imageboards or youtube. it feels like i'm not really alive, just killing time until i die.

Anonymous 93627

i feel kind of bad but…i am really going to have to prioritize myself next year. i am not happy with my grades so far from my first semester back in university as i know i could and have done so much better in the past. i have a lot of anxiety about losing the tuition award i received from the university, as the extra money helps a lot, and in general i just know i could have done so much better if i had put myself first. there was so much stupid drama i dealt with when i first came to the university, and i feel as though i let myself down in many ways as i realize that i forgot to care for myself and my own needs. i also want to enjoy the rest of the time i have left in this university as this was my dream school in a dream location, a dream i never thought was ever going to come true and i somehow made it here. i feel so genuinely blessed and like there was literal divine intervention going on in my life, cause i went from living in my shitty small town with my dysfunctional family to studying in europe, and there isn't a day that goes by where i don't wake up and thank god in my head for changing my life. i just feel so incredibly selfish for putting myself and my goals first, but goddamn it, i fought so hard to be where i am and put up with so much bullshit to get here and i just want to relish in it because i don't know if i will ever have this kind of opportunity again, or how long it may last. plus i am turning 28 next year, and that means 30 is right around the corner, and i want to enjoy the rest of my 20's while i still have a lot of freedom, being single and young and not having to worry about anything but what really matters.

Anonymous 93631

I'm so fucking sad and lonely. I haven't had friends in years and don't know how to talk to people anymore. CC and LC are the only places I interact with people which helped so much with the loneliness for a while but now I'm just pining for a girl friend I can talk and be happy with. I tried joining a discord but I'm honestly just there as a creeper cause I have no fucking clue how to integrate with the culture. I also tried making an internet friend but I fucked it when I didn't respond for two weeks and ended up sending her an absolute mammoth of a message in reply. I want to try making another attempt at an online friendship but I'm worried I'm just going to fuck it up again.

Anonymous 93633

>don't want a LDR
>the only guy I keep feeling attracted lives 2 hours away from me
I feel so frustrated. I already rejected him and told him nothing was going to happen between us, but when I meet a guy from my city I always feel like they are jerks or I don't feel nothing at all with them, so I keep thinking about him.
God, I hate to admit it but I want him, I just don't want to wait weeks or even months to see each other, since we both work/study and there wouldn't be much time to travel

Anonymous 93652

I hate my mom and stepdad. I wish they would fucking die. They're both disgusting hypocritical flying pieces of shit. My my mom is a raging bitch and my stepdad is a faggot manlet tool that just agrees with her on everything unquestioningly (He hates my guts but I hate his too so its mutual.)

Anonymous 93676

I'm so so angry that I let this "friend" of mine take advantage of me for so long. She basically single white femaled me and somehow convinced everyone in our circle that I was okay with it. I was weak for many years and didn't put a stop to it and now it's too late. She's sucked everything out of me and its infuriating to have to watch her benefit off of the pain she caused me. She's still living in her happy delusion and I'm so worn down and broken its so unfair.

Anonymous 93677


I'm planning on getting surgery for a body deformity I have in 2023. It's cosmetic, but it still means a lot to me. This particular thing has been fucking me up ever since I was a child (I'm now in my mid 20s), I've had years to think it over, and I don't think I've been so dead set on something in my whole life. For the longest time, I was ashamed of wanting surgery. I've waited it out, tried to cope. No amount of "Oh, you're fine as you are", "Stop giving in to beauty standards", "You're beautiful tee-hee" (especially from a "normal" person) or "Actually, I have a fetish for this" will change my own outlook on my body.
There's this niggling thought at the back of my mind, though, like "Am I any different from a tranny if I go through with this?". In a sense, I'm not, because I know this isn't all in my head. My life is adversely affected by how I look, and I have been treated like a freak or an oddity over it. On the other hand, I'm changing this aspect of myself all because of a desired self-image that was largely imposed on me by outside factors. I guess that's wrong from a feminist perspective, but as an individual woman, I didn't sign up for this. I never wanted to be a body positivity warrior or activist or whatever. I just want to get on with life. Feel normal, maybe pretty. I don't know, man.

Anonymous 93679

Not everyone has to be brave n0nna, you have the option open now. But one thing I'll mention is that I find less and less people care about stupid things like deformities the farther away they are from school. It's like kids are designed to pick on anyone or anything different but then the moment they're no longer in that environment as adults they realize that none of it matters and start minding their own damn business. But the choice is yours in the end. I don't know what you have so I don't know if it's something people would notice on a first look, but if it's not you might be right at the point of people no longer caring. If you could delay your surgery to get a sense of how life is like now that might be a good idea since you're on the fence a little bit on it

Anonymous 93699


My BDD is killing my mind so badly I'm feeling suicidal at times.

I like the way I look in the mirror, but look like a goddess in one photo and eldritch creature in next. I hate when other people take pictures of me because it's such a fucking coinflip in terms if I look like a human being or deformed creature. I also have recorded myself and I've noticed that just a change of lighting is enough to turn me into good looking into weird. What the fuck do I look like? Am I beautiful or not? Am I catfishing people with my pictures? I don't edit my pictures or anything, but I feel like I do use way too deceiving angles and good lighting. I've asked my brother if I'm a catfish and he keeps saying no, but I feel like he is lying to spare my feelings because he knows how obsessed I'm with shit like this he is probably scared I will kill myself if he admits that I am a catfish.

I hate this. This has gotten so much worse ever since I started crushing on a moid who doesn't give a shit about me. It's made all my BDD related issues so much worse. I'm going crazy.

Anonymous 93701

I wish I had money to fix my fucked teeth and jaw and get some plastic surgery. These would literally solve all my fucking problems. Why the fuck do these have to be so expensive?

We all know how much looks matter in this fucking world and how much feeling ugly can affect ones mental. There should be medical diagnosis called ''Aesthetically Handicapped'' and you should get treatment for it. Why are trannies allowed to get free plastic surgery but people whose mind are every day getting fucked from feeling ugly as shit and ravaged by the traits that make them hate themselves hopelessly are just given the ''just accept urself lmao'' bullshit? Either that or you have to pay a fucking fortune to get your issues fixed.

Just kidding I know the answer. Beauty is gated behind wealth because it's just another thing for rich people to show off in same fashion as they show off with fancy houses, cars, clothes and shit. Fuck this society.

Anonymous 93702

Holy shit anon you sound just like me. I relate to you 100%, like I would have thought I wrote this if I didn't know that I didn't

Anonymous 93709

Photos don't really show what you actually look like to people. As you have surmised it can change a lot. Whereas it's more consistent through one's eyes. I'm guessing like most people you look fine.

Anonymous 93715

My mind is going more and more to the shotgun under the mattress

Anonymous 93732

>no one wants to do anything, they just wanna get the classes over with and run home ASAP
literally me lol

Anonymous 93734

The one time I go out in public and some snotty nosed brat with an obvious bad case of sickness sits behind me and coughs all over me. Stupid mom was with him and didn’t bring a mask or tissues or anything. Forced him to sit through the church service sniffling behind me. Why didn’t she just let the kid stay at home and rest
Ffs now I have covid for the first time and lost my sense of taste and smell and I have a taste testing thing I gotta do soon. Too late to cancel. Can’t even enjoy taste testing the good food because I can’t taste shit due to Covid. Fuck whoever decided to make loss of taste and smell a symptom deserves to rot in hell

Anonymous 93735

The way children cough is disgusting. They always have the wettest coughs and they cough with their mouths wide open. Another reason I'll never have kids.

Anonymous 93738

modular or normalled?

Anonymous 93739

Any particular reason why?

Anonymous 93755

Started the new year with being rejected. I can’t lie after a while it hurts. I know what my goal for this year is… don’t try anymore.

Anonymous 93770


need my bf to stop making WMAF jokes and reminding me his last exes were crazy asian women, especially because i'm not asian and its getting weird. i need him to stop talking about his exes, i'm genuinely so exhausted of hearing about them.

Anonymous 93771

My computer won't boot or startup, and I'm scared that I'll lose my data. God, I'm really afraid.

Anonymous 93772


Anonymous 93773

How long have you been with him? That sounds really weird and awkward.

Anonymous 93777

we've been together about 2 months but we've been friends at least 2 years now

Anonymous 93778

I would tell him it's bothering you, and if he doesn't try to stop consider leaving him.

Anonymous 93781

I keep getting myself into situations that make me uncomfortable ugh.

Anonymous 93783

Why do people with irl friends bother to make internet ones?

Anonymous 93784

what happened nona

Anonymous 93785

I got myself into situations where I know a guy will probably sexually advance on me, because I want male company and am lonely, even though I am utterly disinterested in sex. I feel painfully uncomfortable denying their advances, being a "boring prude" and "disappointing" them.

Anonymous 93786

all scrotes are pornsick you need to be careful. maybe female company would be better and safer if you aren't looking for sex.

Anonymous 93788

Thoughts on this moids pathetic chase of a female from yday?

Anonymous 93789

Femcel* autocorrect

Anonymous 93790

I have body dysmorphia also and learned that the flipped image / photo thing is your mind tricking you. I use my mirror flipped selfies on social media and I perceive myself to look disgusting, but people react the same way as if I had posted a non-flipped selfie. How you look in the mirror is how you look to other people, not how you look in photos!

Anonymous 93791

Pathetic and disgusting. If this story is real at all… Who would move to a different country just for the chance of having sex with a girl you met on final fantasy? What level of mental illness are we on? This moid needs to off himself. There's no autistic manic pixie dream girl that can cure your retardation

Anonymous 93792

I absolutely love it when I disagree with an echochamber and then other people join in to argue my side. Of course half the time the echochamber will just dogpile me instead, but it's so satisfying to turn the tide of debate. Just an intoxicating, smug feeling of "haha, i was the only one who had the courage to say what we were all thinking".

Anonymous 93797

Sometimes I still get dogpiled, but then there is 1 other anon who agrees with me and fights for me. and i want to kiss them.

Anonymous 93799


>trying to restrain myself from donating to the cute male streamer so i can compliment him
Anyone else /pathetic/?

Anonymous 93805


How do you do it? I've been dogpile'd (Yes, I know) on Reddit multiple times and not had the reverse happen even once. I just slink away angrily by deleting my post, then feeling like shit and that I'm a giant pussy. Reddit is a hivemind that tends to side with the commentors, not the OP. Unless you're a troon I guess.

Anonymous 93806

i have a sneaking suspicion that this girl ive had a crush on for like 100 something years is a tif. sometimes she'll use "mr" and "man" when describing herself but this might be a joke because ive never heard anyone refer to her in the third person yet (we havent spoken in awhile). her gf rn is a lesbian im pretty sure but she has told me shes questioned that before so idk. ngl i dont even feel like asking because what if she isnt a tif and is just joking? that would be fucking awkward.

at least i would have a good reason to move on if it is true. but i almost want to throw up.

Anonymous 93807

also her online sona oc thing is a guy but this was a thing even when i knew her before (and i knew she wasnt a tif then)

Anonymous 93808

sorry for samefagging. i know this makes me sound like an idiot but it says "the man the myth the legend" in her bio on something and "mr." on a very very nonserious website she made and shes a very sarcastic ironic type of person so idk.

Anonymous 93810


Is she butch?
I've seen butches/masculine women refer to themselves as boyfriend/husband/a guy/etc. Similar I guess to fem gay men referring to themselves with feminine terms.
It's the sort of thing that can be used as a joke like you mentioned, but also as a way to claim masculinity as a woman. We do it better than men, after all.

Is there a way to ask her anonymously?

Anonymous 93811

I’m thinking that might be it but you never know anymore. I could ask her but then again it feels awkward for some reason.

Anonymous 93812

>I just slink away angrily by deleting my post, then feeling like shit and that I'm a giant pussy
KEK same, I don't post my opinions on reddit because the onslaught of downvotes unironically hurts my feelings

Anonymous 93813

Also who drew that its cute

Anonymous 93814

nta but it's maxine harlow

Anonymous 93815


I would love to have a gf but I'm so deep in the closet. Girls have shown interest in me but I'm so clueless and terrified of how to proceed. I want nothing more than to caress and hold a good lady but I'm a big ol' coward.

Anonymous 93816

I'm glad we're all Maxineposting now.

Anonymous 93817

She's the best. I wish she'd come back

Anonymous 93822

what happened to her though for real??? she just dropped off the face of the earth with no warning.

Anonymous 93834


Apparently it's not even for just sharing opinions. I've gotten downvoted to hell anytime I've posted on r/advice asking for advice, too. People on there are bastards who clearly don't bother to read your whole post and make skewered statements. Same with r/AITA. Posted on there recently to ask on how to deal with my roommate having boyfriend over too much, and all I got was one asshole just telling me "YTA It's her place too. She pays for it as well". After which my post was deleted by the mods for no fucking reason. For fuck's sake.

Anonymous 93838

I think she was attacked by the tra crowd for transphobe accusations and went into hiding. I wish she'd come back and ignore them but it's definitely a lot to deal with.

Anonymous 93839

im mad. ive been medicated for bipolar for a few years but it suddenly got really bad out of nowhere. im having really bad manic episodes to the point where if it continues to get worse my dr recc i get hospitalised for a while because ive been going psychotic. years of therapy and medicine down the drain just for mental illness to randomly spring up again and try to ruin my life. really pisses me off

Anonymous 93840

My account was once banned from a sub because I had a "slur" in my username (it was literally the word "normie").

Anonymous 93844

if you are worried about catfishing just send more than one photo. good and the bad

Anonymous 93855

Try electro convulsion therapy if your psychiatrist allows it. Side effects might be bad tbh

Anonymous 93856

Loneliness, they don't interact well with normal people

Anonymous 93860

Strange, cause she goes out with them all the time and always has people around. Why is she taking to me?

Anonymous 93861


i can't believe omegle banned TOR users



99% of the userbase are horny moids and bots that never respected the terms of service to begin with

there is no value to this site

all i want to do is spam moids with copypastas for shits and giggles


Anonymous 93863

I'm not sure if this is the right thread for this but I want nothing more than an imageboard girl friend. I tried from the lolcow discord but I was too paranoid because I almost instantly got bullied and once I got closer one of them betrayed my trust. Is this possible? Have any of you befriended each other off board?

Anonymous 93864

i have and i was too boring for her but it was a trustworthy and happy experience while it lasted

Anonymous 93865

Not bipolar but something similar has been happening to me recently and I feel the same way. It’s so infuriating to me that my mental state is so well and truly out of my control and pops up to ruin things at critical moments in my life. To me it feels like a suffocating damp blanket that’s always hovering in the sky over me and i’m just constantly living in fear for when it’ll come down on me out of nowhere and I can’t stop it, I just have to sit and take it.

Anonymous 93866

I had such a hectic day. My poor grandmother fell and had to go to the hospital and so I waited there for hours. I hate hospitals so much, they are depressing. She is doing okay and is spending the night with my family but I know the coming days and weeks are going to be rough helping her.

Anonymous 93870

There is hope! And I'm sorry Nona, I'm sure you're not boring

Anonymous 93876

Why do people think mentioning antidepressants or any mental health medication as edgy? Can’t i talk about my side effects and whats currently happening to my brain in peace? Why do people think i’m boasting? I was almost murdered as a teenager and that caused severe panic attacks and depression and Im also a grown adult. The edgy shit is way behind my age

Anonymous 93908

she's in love with some guy… she told me she was a lesbian. when she flirted with me was she just stringing me along? or was it just because i didn't take my chance when i should have? i guess i shouldn't be so… weird about this. not everything has to do with me, she probably just held me in her head for a few days and when i didn't outwardly reciprocate gave up. maybe i read too much into it, maybe she wasn't flirting after all. i don't know, i guess. i just know i'm holding on, waiting for someone who's way past over me.

Anonymous 93909

You didn't jump on the oportunity or she changed her mind

Anonymous 93910

yeah, you're probably right. i don't know what i'm supposed to do from here, i've always been very bad at romantic things. i figure i should try to approach at some point but i don't want to do it when she's already interested in someone else.

Anonymous 93911

Maybe she just wanted sex?
In my experience people that move on that quickly just wanted that rather than a relationship.

Chin up anon, find someone else

Anonymous 93912

thanks, nona. i appreciate the advice, hope you're doing well wherever you are <3

Anonymous 93913

The place I usually buy my work lunches at raised their prices by 30% over the new year. Granted it was ridiculously cheap before and still cheaper than the nearby alternatives… But still… :(

Anonymous 93915

That sounds. at my work place they opened a new cafe and their coffee is bad. It's burnt.

Anonymous 93917

I know that modern femininity is just a ploy to bog down women, and that true beauty comes from within. Fulfillment can come from so many places: completing personal goals, meaningful connections with others, creative hobbies, and so forth.
Even so, I wish I were just a little prettier.

Anonymous 93918

I'm doing okay.
Doing better each year

Anonymous 93926

>presses the light switch
>"oh wow the light turned on"

I wish my mother would shut the fuck up for five minutes. It's like there is no filter between her mind and her mouth. Everything that pops in her head has to come out. And she acts like I hurt her feelings just because I said I'm a little busy and can't focus on what she's saying. She's in her room now and I'm so glad I can finally enjoy some peace and quiet. I don't know how I'm going to survive til the 15th when she finally leaves. I'm thinking I'll just focus on stuff that gets me out of the house like exercise. Or maybe I can keep her quiet by pretending to study. It's only been two days and I've already reached my limit. I knew this was going to happen, I even mentally prepared for it. I underestimated how much of a blabbermouth my mother is.

Anonymous 93953

student built app.…

we can't have nice things

teacher's pet

Anonymous 93955

Come on, chill. Your mother sounds nice, go play a board game with her or something.

Anonymous 93956

The man who was my best friend for nearly 8 years turned out to be secretly dating my underage sister. We cut all contact with him once I found out what was happening. It's been about a year since everything happened but he still haunts my thoughts. My mental health has gotten worse because of everything. I want answers but what good would they do at this point. I wish I could forget about him entirely.

Anonymous 93959

In the future there'll be AI wars

Anonymous 93969

So I got a platonic friend whom I met in college and he likes to send me flowers every year on my birthday. I want to ask him to stop but I also don't want to break his heart. He swears there is no romantic feelings. It's just something that men do for girl friends where he's from. It's totally sweet and it's nice to feel appreciated but at the same time I don't want to develop any feelings for him and I kinda feel like I'm being dragged on by the uncertainty of it all.

Anonymous 93976

I don't know if this goes here but I vented about this here before so I guess it's appropiate?
Anyways I broke up with my manipulative and narcissistic ex more than half a year ago. After a string of misserable dates, and feeling extremely lonely, I started chatting with him again and sharing memes and what not. Eventually we did a videocall. A was very anxious, fearing all those feelings of love or longing or what have would have come back and I would do something stupid. But that didn't happen, we catched up, and he spoke a lot, he talked about or "mutual" break up, and how "now" we weren't great together, but hinted that maybe in the future. And all that anxiety faded, I realize what he was trying to do, save face, while trying to imply we could get together later. As well as leaving in the clear he wasn't romantically involved with anyone and had no intentions of doing it for a while. And that if he got together with someone it would have to be with someone hotter than me, and said that when I change him for some I should do the same. To which I replied I would date whoever I liked, and I'm not trading shit.
Anyways, felt real vindicated after that call, and a lot of my anxiety and loneliness cleared up, knowing I made the right call.
There's still some feelings, but more than anything I think it's just a habit more than proper feelings if that make any sense.

Also, why the fuck is dollchan not working in this site? It was working fine until a couple of months ago.

Anonymous 93977

I'm so sick and tired of my dad. I mean nothing to him. He doesn't respect who I am or care to know anything about me. For example, if you asked him what my hobbies or interests were, he honestly wouldn't be able to tell you because he simply doesn't give a shit. I exist to just serve his ego ("Oh wow my daughter is doing well in school, it's because I was an amazing parent") or to just to do all the fucking menial tasks he doesn't want to do himself. I'm not going to even bother getting into all the physical and mental abuse he's done to put me and my sibling down. He thinks because he paid for food and shelter growing up that he's parent of the century and that I need to be eternally grateful for him despite him being a pathetic human being. I just wish I could live far away from him so I wouldn't have to deal with him in person ever again but I'm forced to live with him at the present moment.

Anonymous 93988


I've been an alcoholic for ten years

It's starting to really effect my health. I throw up all the time. It hurts to shit.

Anonymous 93991

I doubt he would be upset if you asked him to stop.

Anonymous 93993

>eating food in car
>see woman in car next to me glance at me for a second
she probably saw me eat boogers oh no

Anonymous 93995

Were they good at least?

Anonymous 93998

Get a job and move out you don't know what kind of paradise your missing staying around

Anonymous 94002

Hang in there, sister. Just make sure you don’t fall victim to his narcissistic personality. once you get the chance to leave, do it. Don’t think twice about it. No matter how much they pretend they need you. Someone who loves you will always look out for you, even at their own expense.

Anonymous 94018

ntayrt, but
i always hear people saying they're so stressed from their lives. doubt on it being a paradise.

Anonymous 94031


I'm recovering from anorexia and trying to get back into a normal/healthy bmi. Today I saw my grandma, I haven't told her yet about my ED, but I don't think it's hard to notice. She said I'm looking chubbier, and I said "Ah, I didn't notice." After an awkward silence, she added "and healthier."
I want to relapse now. LOL.

Anonymous 94032

Stay strong nona. You're doing so well working on it.

Anonymous 94040

I'm so upset with everyone I know right now I don't know why. I wish I could disappear. Does anyone actually give a shit about me? It feels like the only person who does, ironically, is my friend who I met online. I get the feeling that everyone else is fed up with me, so I might as well just fuck off. I know it's all my head. Literally nothing anyone has done indicates that people don't like me, but I feel like I'm never enough. Not good enough at my job, not a good enough friend, not a good enough family member or a good enough person. Because if I was a pleasure to be around and a good person then surely I wouldn't be feeling like this right now. I feel like I don't exist to anyone and that if I died it wouldn't matter, so why do I keep trying?

Anonymous 94041

Thanks noni

Anonymous 94051

I feel the same way everyday. I share in your pain.
Keep trying for yourself. Other people do matter but you shouldn't be living for them alone.

Anonymous 94052

Every person matters and your pain isn't any less important than somebody else's.

Anonymous 94076

Thank you nonis, you are both so sweet. I was just feeling very resentful in that moment. Even though I have people around me, I don't feel supported by them at all and it made me wonder if maybe I'm unintentionally doing something and it's my fault. It doesn't feel like anyone is looking out for me and it feels really lonely. I accept that that's how it is and that at the very least I can look after myself. I'm sorry you feel the same way. It's frustrating and sad to hear that so many people feel so lonely.

Anonymous 94086

pink decora.png

I've posted about this a few times before I think but it's only gotten worse as time goes on. I can't stop being nostalgic and caught up in the past and how good things were to me back then. been obsessively watching old concerts and scrolling through dead forms for vkei bands back when they were at their peak, looking at old jfashion magazine scans and scrolling through dead tumblrs and livejournals to see coords and blogposts and street snaps (and even drama too) from back then, reminiscing on or rewatching/rereading/replaying the anime, manga, and video games that were once popular or that I have fond memories of, digging through the /cgl/ archives looking at all the older posts, etc. it's probably not healthy to dwell so much in the past but I really miss how things were and obviously it won't ever be exactly how it was again. I'm honestly thinking of either making and selling clothes inspired by earlier japanese street fashions or making video games that have similar formula and appearances to the old ones I like. maybe I can channel this obsessive nostalgia into something productive…

Anonymous 94095

When i was being abused at home as a teenager my friends at the time were really inconsiderate and mean. I did a lot of work on myself in therapy since then but everytime i think back on how cruel those girls were and how no one thought to uplift me in that dark place in my life i don’t blame all the dumb phenomenons like narcissists or Stockholm syndrome in the world. Jesus..

Anonymous 94108

Don't beat yourself up over it too much. Sounds like a symptom more than a problem - if there's nothing to look forward to in your life, you'll fall back on old comforts. Trying to deprive yourself of those would be very difficult if they're the only thing you can rely on to bring you some kind of peace. Not to say you aren't right to try to stop it or make it more productive if it's eating into your life, just that it's an understandable struggle. Did you want to try talking about why things aren't as good for you now as then?

Anonymous 94135


in the fall, i got accepted into a research fellowship at my uni and will be working on an independent study up until graduation. I suspect that a big factor in my acceptance was the fact that i’ve been assisting for this project for over a year and a half now outside of class. You’d think that the familiarity would ease my nerves, but i feel overwhelmed by the fact that i’ll no longer have grad students and post-docs directing my every move. i’ve longed to do my own project for so long now, and now that i’m actually about to do it, i feel like such an newb, like i haven’t gained any experience at all.
either way, i’m going to try my best, and try to trust in myself. there’s no point in expecting a bitter end when you haven’t even seen the beginning.

Anonymous 94136


That's so cool nona! Congratulations! It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and insecure at the start, but I bet you'll get the chance to learn how to do everything you need.

Anonymous 94159

talk about it here? sure although I don't know if it'll help. things aren't as good now in combination of how nothing in my life turned out like I wanted and how I'm slowly running out of time to improve my circumstances. also of course dealing with adult responsibilities like bills and work and having to take care of myself sucks but I suppose everyone feels similarly about that. I'm disappointed in myself and where I'm currently at in life basically and don't know if I'll ever be able to improve things and enjoy my life

Anonymous 94162

I was talking to this guy and I told him I didn't want dick pics, but he kept insisting that it was ~so hard~ for him to take pics without his dick in it, and then he told me to please ignore my boundaries so he could send his dick. Just fucking why? I told him I hate dick pics. Did he think his would be so ahmazing that it would change my mind? Ghosted him obvs but god I hate gross desperate men.

Anonymous 94169

>start liking a guy
>he tells me something he did that compleyely changes my opinion of him and gives me a bad feeling
>too scared to say anything because i'm a fucking spineless people-pleaser terrified of hurting people's feelings

Anonymous 94189

Very niche rant.

How do i get over jealousy of my friend being more popular online than me. I never was good at socializing irl, so i wanted to become a semipopular artist or just funny account or whatever. It never worked, i guess i dont have the stuff to grow a following. I never even posted art online out of anxiety. I also just couldnt stay on one account for longtime because i would start to get nervous about posting and people and everything and ghost the account. For some reason, it feels like i develop a new personality for every account i make. And it never feels like myself, so i abandon it. I dont know what my real personality is i guess, but thats beside the point. Anyways, i found out that my friend posts art and has a following of more than 10k. Shes kept it a secret from our friends. She also has a close friend online who she would sometimes mention to us offhandedly, but i just found out that friend also posted art, and has a following of over 20k. 20k!!!! I'm so jealous. Something like what she has is something i've always wanted. Im considering posting art to secretly compete with her, even though she doesnt know that i know of her account, like this is a one side rivalry. I know i am being childish. I'm just so fucking jealous

Anonymous 94190

At least you have a chance to transform your jealousy intro productivity, nona. There's nothing wrong with a little jelly, especially if it's not malicious and if it's used mainly for self-motivation. Go practice your art!

Anonymous 94197

i realize that i never really understood what single women meant when they complained about how fixated people become on them being single. until it happened to me. and now i realize: it's annoying as fuck. i don't bother anyone, and yet it seems like everyone (i know, i am exaggerating) bothers me. why do people ask me invasive fucking questions about why i am alone all the time, like there's something wrong with me? why are people trying to snoop through my personal life, like there's something i have to hide? why the fuck does this bullshit even matter? why are so many women bothered by my existence as well, like i am trying to steal their ugly ass husband/boyfriend that i don't even notice? why do men stare at me when i go out to eat at restaurants alone, or the male waiters/hosts interrogate me with a million fucking questions, like we're living in some backwater shithole in a theocratic state and i need an escort? it's driving me crazy. i just want people to stop bothering me. i just want to live my fucking life in peace, and not bother anyone and no one bother me. i hate humans and the fact that in 2023, women still cannot live their lives without being defined by a man. fuck this bullshit, and fuck all of you dumb dumbs who make my life hell.

sorry for the rant everyone, i just had enough.

Anonymous 94203

online fame seems like an empty and soulless experience. being watched by so many people cannot be pleasant, even if the admiration is desirable. you open yourself up to much more criticism and pressure when you have a large following. no matter how famous someone becomes online, they will be forgotten eventually and people will move on to the next person of interest. it doesn't seem like you're missing much. i agree with >>94190, use your jealously as fuel to improve your skills

Anonymous 94210

The male service staff thing has 3 parts.
>single women will give bigger tips than their usual customers if they can be made to feel invested
>restaurants hire staff based on the belief that friendliness and sociability drive the restaurant experience rather than food and cleanliness so if you're not socializing with other friendlies they're supposed to provide the ambiance, but neither friendliness nor sociability make someone good at friendship or social reading–best friends and worst manipulators alike are often distinctly cold to the touch. female staff are usually better at picking up when you'd prefer to not have someone blather at you despite their training.
>bartenders and other restaurant staff are supposed to be significantly more vigilant with single women since nobody wants the cops to show up the next day asking "was anyone following her, and was there any opportunity for a stranger to tamper with her meal or drink?"

Anonymous 94221

I know I should do things for myself, but I really find it hard to stay motivated when I have nobodoy around me.
Last year I faced the hard truth that my loved ones don't really care about me, I'm a ghost to them, and isn't something that is on my mind, I could have told everyone that I'm going to kill myself on christmas and they would have probably told me something like "stop making a drama and calm down".
My only friends left the country and are in other parts of the world, I'll probably never see them again. The guy who I've been using to vent these last two years probably just want to have sex with me and nothing else.
My sister, who was basically my best friend, became independant of the family and started avoiding all the family because she doesn't want anything to do with our problems. She stills talk to me but is not the same, she's distant and I barely know anything about her anymore.

I don't know, what's the point of aiming for a good job and money if you don't have anyone to share good moments with? I feel hopeless about my loneliness.

Anonymous 94226

I have murderous hate for people who don't respect queues. What kind of pea-sized air-filled brain do you need to see a bunch of people queuing and go "oh if I position myself in front of the line it will be quicker for me and no one will care"? Absolutely subhuman. I hate to say it but I always see foreigners doing it too, not that my country is one of the most autistic ones at following rules but what compels people to be in a foreign country and do the opposite of what everyone else is doing?

Anonymous 94228

Samefag with an update, I had a cookie, was just hungry and cranky lol

Anonymous 94229

Lmao, the little scrote who had been simping for me for a year, the instant (well it more so happened after 2 weeks) i told him i liked him back he stopped trying. Texts got shorter. Silences longer. The last discussion we’ve had things got a little heated. I could tell he finally started seeing flaws in me. Things feel different.
Now, i tend to be paranoid sometimes. But im never delusional outright. My intuition can whiff the stench from a mile away. Now i have to deal with the absolute demeaning fact that i lowered myself enough to this moid by being emotionally intimate with him. Fucking useless worthless scrote.
I wrote a text 3 days ago explaining that it was simply my nature to pull away from potential relationships if i so much as sense that the other party isn’t invested. He called explaining that there really was no undercurrent of tension and that he liked me so much. I apologized for overreacting and here we are. He has been busy but i know from the normoid girlies that if he wanted to he would. Anyways, i feel whatever affection i have getting scanter by the second. I mostly want to grind his bones into dust now. But i know ive lost the power to hurt him effectively after reciprocating his putrid fucking feelings.

Anonymous 94233


It's going nuclear, especially after how far I've come in committing to it, but I've been thinking non-stop about backing out of my study abroad. My study abroad office screwed me over with enrollment hours and now I received barely any financial aid. They're not doing anything to help me out with that and I am scared I will become completely broke in a foreign country 5000 miles away. I hate my school so much at this point. It's full of one shitty, incompetent department after another.

Anonymous 94234

Stop being so unhinged. If you hate him now, forget him. If you still have feelings, go on an actual date with him and see how it goes instead of writing fanfictions in your head.

Anonymous 94240

it messes with my head how my ex was so warm and loving before he broke up with me and even after we decided to remain friends he's still nice and polite but now he's pretty cold and distant

Anonymous 94325

my bf makes me unhappy and feel unwanted and i want out

Anonymous 94327

I’m 18 years old and I found out my dad read my diary today. The whole thing. I wrote my deepest feelings about wanting to kill myself violently. So many of my secrets were in there too. It’s so fucking mortifying. I present myself as a happy angel child who doesn’t even cuss. I don’t know what to do I’m so ashamed

Anonymous 94394


How do I get over kink? When I was 8-11, I was introduced to rape kinks and bdsm. I was dependent onto older men because it as all I had. I am now 19. I don't know how to get over it. I have not talked to anyone about it for years, but I feel it slowly coming back. I feel so guilty. I associate my value with my youth and beauty constantly. I have been told constantly that my only value was youth, I have not been loved unless I fit this standard. I dont know how to get over it. I became a radfem, and it helped alleviate it, but I dont think I can ever get in a relationship with a man without being so terrified. I was stalked by a 34 year old man when I was 13. I looked back at our messages and almost cried knowing how I acted. I feel so fucking guilty. I was in a ring full of predators and I dont know how to get out of it. I grew up with it, I grew up with it being fucking normalized. Im so lost. I have tried therapy for 10 years, and nothing. I have attempted suicide once every year and I cant like myself, with aging. I hate what I came to. I hate that Im still like this. How do I ever love myself fully when my own parents were not there for me, when they have constantly told me that I was less than and when I constantly got bullied? How can I love myself? The only love I got were from pedophiles. I hate knowing that there are even men reading this. I hate that there are men who seeks pleasure off of this. Im scared. Im terrified. I hate knowing that images from when I was 11 exists out there. I hate it. I hate this world. I hate how cruel people can be.

How do I get over fearing aging and get over this idea that if I hit a specific weight or age that Im unlovable? I dont want to be like this. I dont want to think of myself like that. I want to love myself, but its so hard being so lonely. I hate being alone more than anything, I hated dealing with these thoughts and crying myself every night.

Im sorry Im rambling on like this, s.

Anonymous 94400

I get what you mean ( I obviously don't know your situation but) being depressed and miserable in my room ever since quarantine has just become the norm for me.. Honestly at this point I don't even know who I am as a person, I just mirror the people I talk to because I want them to like me because I know im just a boring negative person who isn't interesting in the slightest. I actually had a friend who I made over quarantine and we bonded over a big insecurity of ours. We became really close and I really thought we were best friends but for a while now it just seems like she's forgotten about me because she has all these other friends now and so much is always going on in her life that she's just forgotten about me. Last time we hung out she was telling me all these things that have been going on with her and I had literally nothing to say my life is so boring and sad.. nothing goes on with me it's so embarrassing. Like it's really made me realize how much of a loser I really am, incapable of keeping friendships because I'm so uninteresting and bring nothing to the table.

Anonymous 94401

Oh, nona.
I'm not a therapist, but my first thought when reading this post is that you should probably go to one.

If you can’t for some reason you might want to consider the following things:
> Try to learn a new skill
This will make it so that you take pride in something that isn’t your looks.
It could also help you to get some more self esteem.
This skill could be anything sewing, drawing, mathematics, whatever you want.
Also if you have problems with learning something new, try to get some sort of learning buddy. You’ll probably be able to find one in the friendfinder thread on lolcow.
>Try to look into your coping style
Everyone copes this is not a bad thing, however some ways of coping are more healthy than others
> Also, if you have anxiety of ageing try to get a mantra, maybe it’ll help.
Maybe try something like “On the inside, I’m beautiful.”.

> I hate that there are men who seeks pleasure off of this.

If it helps you could think about how miserable the lives of those men would be.
They're the type of people who will never be loved.

Anonymous 94406

Thank you. I like some things but I always feel bad at them. I know I should get a therapist, but I have a bit of bad experience with them. I went to therapy since I was a child, about 9 or 10. I never told them these things because I felt dirty and wrong.

Im trying to not look at media anymore that reminds me of this, and my coping is usually crying or sleeping, but Id like to find others. Thanks again. I will try to do the things you suggested.

Anonymous 94409


My scrote friend who I'm secretly in love with is going out on a date today. When he's drunk he sometimes admits he's into me and that I'm his dream girl, but then he sobers up, gets embarrassed and goes "oh haha yeah I totally didn't mean it". There's still hope for us and I'll wait for my turn, but I want to cry thinking about how he might be touching her right now.

Anonymous 94413

i'm so fucking depressed and i have been for a while and ive done everything i can to not be except medication because i cant even get it and i really do think everything would be better if i killed myself. i think it'd be embarrassing and it's already embarrassing to want to do it but the things that cause me to be depressed are literally unchangeable and set in stone. i can't do anything to get better except learn how to correctly cope with them although they'll still affect me for the rest of my life. i really just want to kill myself so it'll be over, it's all i think about. all day 24/7 i am thinking of ways to kill myself and how infinitely better my life will be if i do so. i'm not even scared of doing it i'm just scared of fucking up and getting in trouble - which is so selfish i know but i just want to be better. i'll never get better and i know i won't because it's not just that i feel bad or am in a mood, it's that there are things affecting my life negatively and even when i find ways to cope, they don't get better. even though i know there are people who have it worse, of course, i still have it bad. and i don't want to have to just cope with my issues, i want them to go away, forever. i don't think i deserve it at all, i haven't done anything to deserve it. just been dealt a shitty hand.

Anonymous 94414

ok idk how much this will help but, jealousy is inevitable especially in your position. i think you should get more online friends and mayb post your art anonymously - it doesn't matter if you're not authentic because people will like you for your art, which is ultimately you. you will eventually get over the jealousy of course, but you should realize that other people's success doesn't mean you will always be robbed of your own. it will work out sometimes it just takes time. i hope it works out for you and you learn to accept her success.

Anonymous 94416

get over him. he's an asshole, and he's not just going to get better. i know it sucks but you should stop thinking about him and treat him how he treats you, be shitty to him. he's messing with your feelings and even if he does actually like you, it's not like he shows it. good luck nona

Anonymous 94418

I hate my tradshit family for pressuring me to marry even though I'm 22, I hate moids for their selfishness and lack of empathy, I hate my mom because she wants to subject me to the same fate of being drained, disrespected, and controlled for nothing in return except a dood who'd just pressure you into sex and use you like a human fleshlight and incubator and an additional income (since the era of the sole male breadwinner is long over)

Anonymous 94419

If he doesn't enthusiastically wanna be with you, don't date him. You only deserve men who want and respect you as a person and a partner. Go on other dates yourself, you need to realize theres 4.5 billion scrotes in the world and one is basically the same as the other.

Anonymous 94422

i want to stop being the revengeful spiteful bitch i want to be a sweet girl even if it means being a doormat.

i already made the move and forgave people from the past, gave closure to people I've hurt (and were willing to listen) but I've burnt so many bridges in the past and now the people around me are afraid of ever getting into my bad side. I'm hysterical because I'm two faced. I just want to keep the "sweet" side and put the spiteful one in the trash where she belongs.
Although I know that's not how it works, that repressing feelings lead to worse outcomes and that i just need to accept myself but I think of what that girl Liz said (cf embed) : to create an alter ego because the world isn't entitled to my shitty side. I just want to give people who hurt me today the same peace i feel and give to the people around me now, and that if anyone ever cuts bridges with me, that I won't be mad about it.

I just want to be a soulless doll that performs well. No amount of awareness that mental institutions are just sexist racist and whateverphobic will make me happy as I am now, the bpd was the hysterical who herself was a witch of her times.But I have to change, because no one can truly accept me for too long.

Anonymous 94425

>going out on a date today.
Is it some sort of casual date or is he in a relationship. If it's a first date, it could be that you have a chance.
> but then he sobers up, gets embarrassed and goes "oh haha yeah I totally didn't mean it".
From this post I get the feeling like he loves you, but doesn't want to confess because it might ruin your friendship.
If he's not in a serious relationship, you might want to consider confessing yourself.

Anonymous 94428

wish I could date you

Anonymous 94430

It's a casual date and he told me he's not very attracted to her. Also when he's drunk he asked if I'd go on a vacation with him if he paid for everything, "as friends". Then I told him to get his ass to sleep because he was obviously drunk (also cringe if I say yes then he sobers up and retracts his offer), and he's like "yeah haha thanks for putting me in my place". I just feel like it's the ultimate no-no to make the first move as a woman and that if I do, he might go along with it even if he doesn't like me just for free access to sex.

Anonymous 94437

I'm done trying to make online friends. I'm a lonely person so most of my time after highschool I had to rely on this to have some interaction. For a while it was enough as long as I had some chance to meet them irl one day, which is why I mostly looked for people from my country.
That said, every person I tried to meet irl after being online friends, it turned out to be underwhelming.
The first online friend became my first relationship after we met irl.
The second one was someone who turned out to be really weird and not like I thought while talking from distance.
The third one was very recent, it was someone who I got very close, because I got a lot of support and good advice in hard times for me. I felt a genuine connection with that person because I felt like we both had genuine interest in the other despite the distance. This person made me believe we had the same problems to make friends and connect with people general, and while it wasn't the main reason why I was very open with this person, it was a big one. The we got to meet eachother a couple days ago after talking for almost 3 years, and we had fun, but I felt because I saw this person at the event we went to meeting and talking with random strangers without much effort. It made me feel awful, not because I didn't like it, just that it made me feel even more socially retarded, since I know that this person is genuinely lonely like me, but we have a huge difference when it comes to social skills. I felt way too introverted and shy, even in a place that was full of introverted and shy people.
I guess I don't fit anywhere, not even the groups where the nerdy and weird people go to.

I'm going to learn to accept my lonelines and live my life according to that.

Anonymous 94438

I'm trying to change. A fundamental change not some wishy washy bullshit. Every fucking year I wake up and think, yes this year I'm going to fucking change.
I took a little silly scroll through my gallery from the summer, and by God. I was in Paris at the time, and I was numb most of the time. But now that I look at the pictures I legit get bile in my throat and the urge to fucking vomit. I hate that bitch so god damn much. People tell you you need to forgive yourself in order to move on but it's so hard. I don't know if I've become borderline retarded, if I have adhd or if I'm simply scatter brained. But like, it's hard to stick to one decision. I DECIDE to forgive myself. And for a while I think I did. And I don't feel so bad. But then I look at old me in pictures and I'm just filled with revulsion and pure loathing and I just want to crawl out of my skin. It would make sense if such a demented and dramatic reaction is warranted because I was a legitimately bad or unethical person. No. Not even that. I just made a handful of wrong choices, and am now suffering for them. I literally feel like I'm not her.
And why am I so tense? Why am I so jumpy and neurotic? I almost had a breakdown today because I couldn't park the car. The fact that I lost my driving skills after 4 months of not having sat behind a wheel made me question my very ability to be a functional member of society. No really. That little microscopic failure from this morning cast such a sinister shadow on the rest of my day. I began to try and fit every little stumble, every imperfect gesture, every thing I don't master from the get go as proof of my general inaptitude.
I don't want to go on living like this. I WANT to love myself. I want to love myself enough to forgive her for her past mistakes. To look past the small hiccups. To look past the fact that she's become borderline lobotimzed she crawls still at the very bottom of the learning curve.

Anonymous 94441

I'm working on college applications and it has just been stressing me out because it's really showing me how worthless I really am and how little I bring to the table. For all of my years in high school I've done nothing with myself besides be miserable. And since school started in person again during my junior year I have made zero friends.. I've spent my last years of high school being a miserable loner. It's made me realize how repulsing I am looks wise and the attitude I give off because nobody has talked to me. I do my makeup everyday, I put in all this effort to look good, to look more out there so people will think I'm cool and will want to be my friend but it's really proven to me how ugly I am. Everyday it's the same miserable cycle of not talking and just being anxious the whole day at school. Because of this I literally have a twitching problem. When I'm at school just sitting in classes, if I start to feel to anxious I'll twitch and it's so embarrassing but I don't know what to do about it. It's become a problem for when I go anywhere and when I get anxious over being around so many people, I twitch.

And once I finally get home from school, I rely on the internet to make me feel better. I live on the internet but now I have to go to college and I have to get a job and I can't just wallow in my own misery in my room anymore. I should be at a point in my life where I'm happy and have friends and am in a relationship. I thought these last years of being a teenager were supposed to be the happiest moments in my life but I'm just a miserable ugly loser. What sucks the most is that I have been so desperate for validation that I don't receive anywhere that I've lowered my standards to get attention from ugly incel losers.. I've even tried being friends with these freaks but it's impossible to be friends with these weirdos like wow there really is no hope for me. I hate everything and everyone I don't want to be bitter and hateful but I look at myself and think what have I become.. I've reached rock bottom, I have breakdowns in my room all the time, constantly questioning why I'm still even here because why does it matter if nobody cares about me. I wish I had friends or at least one friend. I truly am unlovable and it's been proven to me so many times, my mom doesn't love me, my so called friends always stop talking to me and I'm incapable of finding a love life. I have turned into a chronically online anti-social freak.. like where do I even go from here. It pisses me off how my mom doesn't even care that I'm constantly on the verge of ending it. All she cares about is me sending in college applications and studying to get my permit and finding a job. But she doesn't care about how I feel at all, she just gets mad at me any chance she gets, she's the reason I'm so messed up mentally. What's the point when you have no will to live how am I supposed to go on if nothing makes me happy. My mom gave birth to and raised an ugly untalented freak. I'm so unhappy on where I am in life.

Anonymous 94444


>I do my makeup everyday, I put in all this effort to look good, to look more out there so people will think I'm cool and will want to be my friend but it's really proven to me how ugly I am.

Don't be too much of a try-hard for friends. I became like that at one point and all it did was make me look annoying and desperate, and turn people away from me even more. For example, I kept asking one girl that sat next to me in class if she wanted to hang out, every single time after class. Every time she said no because she was going somewhere with her boyfriend, and it was obvious she preferred only hanging out with him. My borderline-autist ass would try and force a friendship on people after a single friendly conversation. I've been on the receiving end of this so I should have known better, but I autistically thought just "trying over and over" would work.

Anonymous 94445

I'm not a try hard though, what I was saying was that I do my makeup everyday and dress how I love to dress because I want to look good. So I generally do it for myself but in the process I hope that other people will notice and think I look cool. But I don't make an effort to talk to people at all because I'm literally anti-social and I'm scared that nobody would actually ever want to be my friend so I'm just waiting for someone to make the first move out of fear of rejection.

Anonymous 94449

At least you have a license, even if you feel your skills have deteriorated. I've always been an awful driver and I've nevdr had a license.

Anonymous 94453

>at gym
>see a guy sitting on a bench
>literally too anxious to even turn my head in his direction, act like he doesn't exist while i stretch right in front of him
He probably thought i hated him even though im just extremely autistic around the opposite sex. I heard him talk though and he sounded gay so maybe that makes it less weird i dont know

Anonymous 94454

Well college would be a good way to restart socializing, but I can understand a lot of the anxiety here and I hope the best for you. Is there anything around you that could be a social event (e.g. clubs, gyms, bars, etc.)

Anonymous 94455

>his dream girl
>goes out with other women
yeah idk about how worth it this might be. i'm not doubting he likes you, and in fact it seems like he likes you a lot, but most scrotes who date around instead of seriously trying the chance with the woman they allegedly want to truly be with are either lying about their feelings, general trash or too flighty to be a good boyfriend in the long term anyways.
if you're in love you can give this a shot as this is the sad normal for dating these days so, but it doesn't look that good of a choice to me.

Anonymous 94458


Not even sad, just tired and bored of life at this point. I have to force myself to do stuff like play games and consume media just to feel like i am just like everyone else and to not feel left behind. Wonder if anyone here feels the same.

Anonymous 94459

i just broke up with my pothead slob bf
i really thought he was the one, but the facade i saw when i was with him fell apart when he didn't want to delete a video of us having sex when i told him i thought i was ugly and wasn't comfortable with him jacking off to that. he got really defensive and put his masturbation needs before my emotions. that was pretty disgusting.
he has been crying almost everyday because we have been fighting a lot. i am tired of looking after his emotions when he is supposed to be the man. all i felt when talking to him was exhaustion from carrying his emotional damage, but it was fine because i knew it would get better (or i would get used to it).
he has been a slob, i always asked him to clean his room (the trash and dishes, i really hate the food smell, not that i expect him to actually clean) and he only did it 2 out of 10 times. he is kind of chubby and always whined about his appearance although i liked it. he always promised himself that he would work out and get stronger for me but that day never came, and this made me lose hope.
he never tried to get better, ever.
whenever i tried to help him, he would always say that i was being "pushy" and "acting like my mother", when i just wanted him to wash his face or drink a glass of water to stop him from crying. this is how it got unbearable.
whenever we fought, he never tried to understand my emotions, always said sorry at the wrong time if he did, and was always telling me his perspective without trying to understand mine.
i was really tired of being jealous of all the couples i saw, going on cute dates etc. when the most interesting thing we did was acid once or twice a year, but of course never alone. if i wanted to see him, i would go over to his friends. 60% of the time we had a "date" i had to drag him out of his friends house or spent time with his friends. when we were out together he would always talk about his friends even though i told him numerous times not to do it.
after all this, i broke up. didnt shed a single tear yet. i have no other friends so i still talk to him. i dont know what to do. after a 1.5+ year relationship i realized it wasnt much more than a fwb situation. i find comfort in solitude, but it has been hard to let go.

Anonymous 94464

im lowkey becoming an alcoholic to cope with the pressures of life and society not being how I want it to be as a woman but I can't stop because the only alternative is to face reality sober which I can't do

Anonymous 94467

I think I’m really depressed. I feel like I try really hard to get through the day to day and savor the little things. I’ve been trying to take care of myself by going out to do things on the weekend even if it’s just by myself, not isolating from friends, keeping up with cleaning and all that stuff. Even with all that, I still feel so tired and lonely. It’s easy to slip into moods where I feel so sad and my self-esteem drops. I’m sure part of it is because I’m really far from everyone I know and I don’t have any supports where I live. My job is also incredibly stressful. I don’t know what to do. I feel so stuck and time is only passing by where I continue to spend it in this state of blah. I could move or change jobs but I don’t even know where to start.

Anonymous 94479


Iktf. There's something really cringe about being so close and intimate online only to meet up and feel like strangers. It's a lot easier to open up online, my closest online friend knows more about me than anyone in real life. Those connections can feel so strong, and it's hard not to expect the same level of bonding when meeting up. Having super intimate late night conversations, sharing trauma and stuff before seeing each other face to face.. makes things weird. Unfortunately.

For now I'm just keeping online friends online. Just appreciating it for what it is. Did you video/voice chat with these people? I have a close online friend but she's shy and just wants to text and tbh that's completely fine. I'm super shy too but it would be nice to see if we could at least vibe over video chat.

Anonymous 94482


I keep remembering that my mom is really dead. She really died this summer. Wtf. The doctor really called me and said that she died. How is that real? I still need her. I still need a mom. Wtf. It still feels so surreal. How is my mom gone?

Anonymous 94484


My heart hurts when reading your post. I lost my dad and your picture describes that exact feeling. Like you're stranded by yourself on a desolate planet. My mom is ill too and I don't expect her to get very old. Have you watched Interstellar? Everything is so temporary. We think of our parents as these pillars who will always be there but nothing ever stays the same and it's so fucking brutal. Losing a parent is the most absurd feeling. I delve into stuff like the simulation theory and the many-worlds interpretation to cope. Thinking about how temporary and fragile this life is and how it's not the be all end all. There could be lots of other realities out there. Thinking of every family member as temporary connections.

Anonymous 94495

Thank you for relating to me, but I'm so sorry that you understand the feeling. It's so painful. I love Interstellar! So bizarre that the humans who made us exist are dead/will die. Then us, next. I hope you find peace amidst the pain, nona.

Anonymous 94513

I tried to install an expensive water filter but I think I used the wrong pipe adapter (no idea what it's actually called) because when I try to use the filter it sprays water every. At first I just thought the adapter was loose so I tried tightening it and no I can't get it off. Also my period started yesterday and I feel unhappy and agitated I just want to relax and sleep.

Anonymous 94516

Some of the best advice I've ever heard when dealing with loss was "it doesn't get better, but it does get easier." I hope it gets easier for you both, know your parents would want you to be at peace. Much love to you.

Anonymous 94519

100% can relate

Anonymous 94521


my confession is that when i was 14 i dropped a friend because she kept dating immature of age out of highschool scrotes despite me telling her not to and explaining exactly why she shouldn't do that as gently but firmly and as best as i could at that age. i told her that it didn't matter how immature and juvenile they presented themselves as it didn't matter because whether they're doing it as a ruse or actually immature the end goal is to get in her pants or otherwise get something sexual out of her, which they did because she sent them nudes. i wasn't even mad at her i just couldn't take it anymore seeing her get taken advantage of so often and hearing her defending them. i probably should have stayed because two years later i felt guilty about it and messaged her apologizing and asking to catch up and she was surprisingly casual about it as she said i had a "habit of ghosting people randomly" which tbf i did and we talked about it together often. and suddenly she tells me she went out with even more WAY older moids and even had sex with them OFTEN not just one time. at that point i felt really sick. both times i wasn't even mad at her but three years later i still haven't messaged her back since she told me that. i felt really guilty thinking maybe if i stayed in contact with her she might not have gone so far so many times. at the end of the day it's her choice and mine was to leave to not see her ruin herself any longer. i still think about her. she was a really cool person and i know that the moids taking advantage of her weren't even seeing a quarter of that. i just get so mad and filled with disgust when i think of them. she was kind too because i was the ugliest weirdest girl and autist in our class, and she unhesitantly accepted me as gay when i told her without being weird about it at all. i know realistically i don't have the power to make anyone do anything no matter how good or bad it is and i'm not a savior but i still wonder if i could have ever made a difference… i feel really bad because she explicitly told me that i broke her heart the first time i left her. i miss when we were friends but i don't think i could be with her anymore. i just really really wish her well, and i hope that she is safe, or that she finds safety in someone deserving of it and capable of providing it sincerely and with respect

Anonymous 94523

>have a retarded and impossible crush on a close guy friend
>have a mental break and tell him and also tell him we can't be friends anymore (mental retardation and me wanting to hurt somebody)
>stop talking for 3-4 months (all while I was dealing with the retarded mental breakdown)
>start talking again after that
>we're quick to be friends again but I have him removed from a lot of social media because I think our "friendship" was a bit codependent and too close for comfort.
>get incredibly embarrassed when I remember telling him
>not really because of the crush thing but because I was too retarded and insane to realize that I was doing something stupid and retarded
>am deathly scared of doing something like that again and having no insight or self-awareness
>am scared of doing something retarded like that to "hurt someone" and being unable to stop or reason with myself
>realize I still kind of have a crush on him
>realize he's kind of immature and a loser (it's to be expected I guess)
>make peace with the fact that I'm 'fond' of him (I tell myself I am 'fond' of him instead of saying I have a crush)
>I'm good with it, we would not be good for each other, it will never happen
>it's cool
>fast forward to now
>I am now having very vivid and detailed dreams about us getting more intimate with each other and dating or having sex
It's so weird because I can feel the crush kind of going at this point. Why the fuck am I having these dreams. Jesus christ pull yourself together bitch. Move the fuck on.

Anonymous 94527

your post was so heart wrenching to read. i had an internet friend whose mom died about this summer too and she never really came back since. i wish you both peace, and like that anon said with time may it get easier for you. keep your memory of her strong in your heart mind and life

Anonymous 94545

I'm freaking out about my job trial because I know my life depends on it. I now I will be devastated and probably will kill myself if I can't keep this job.
Today I was doing my tasks and my boss came to see what I was doing, she didn't say anything, she just stood there looking at what I was doing. I felt so much preassure, I wanted to run away. The worst is that I messed something up and she noticed, at that moment I truly wanted to cry, but I didn't and just apologized and kept doing my thing, she didn't say anything.
When the shift was over I had to go to the bathroom to cry, because I couldn't hold it any longer.

I need this job so bad, I can't ruin it, but I'm so scared. My life is a nightmare and the only way to feel slighly better is finding a job, and I've looking for one for around 8 months, this was the only one in which they "accepted" me, but only for a one month trial, if I fuck this up I won't keep the job.

The worst is that I don't anyone to vent, to ask for support or anything. If I tell this to my mom she'll kick me out of the house

Anonymous 94547

Is it the type that goes on a faucet or one in the line? You may have cross-threaded something. That could cause it to both leak and get stuck.

Anonymous 94548

I've been on an epic anhedonia adventure for a while now. What a ride life is when everything feels like you might as well be doing nothing.

Anonymous 94550

It just screws onto the faucet. I took it off this morning with caffeine/tard strength and realized I didn't put in the little rubber ring. So I put that in and screwed it back on lije an idiot and it still leakes, so I really just need to use a different adapter (a bunch came with the filter). But now I can't unscrew it again so I'll try again tomorrow morning. I feel so fucking dumb.

Anonymous 94551

Communication, don't ruin it
The grass isn't always greener

Anonymous 94553

Good to know i am not alone. I'm trying to snap out of it but it looks impossible.

Anonymous 94556

Good luck. Hopefully it didn't damage your faucet.

You never know. I've felt that way for about six years. I hope you don't have to deal with it long term.

Anonymous 94557


>I've felt that way for about six years.
I'm glad you don't feel like that anymore, was there anything you did that helped you get better or did you just suddenly change?

Anonymous 94560

Me too. I'm trying to make it work but it's just getting worse.

Anonymous 94561

I felt like this when my depression was really bad. Thankfully my interests and hobbies came back after a while when some circumstances in my life got better. You feel more like yourself again. I hope you'll feel better soon n0nna!

Anonymous 94563

Yeah after graduating university life feels so aimless. Im trying to get a job but I’m really bad at job interviews I guess.

Anonymous 94564

This is how exactly how I feel. Just aimless after not being a student

Anonymous 94566

Perhaps my choice of words was poor. I'm still like that. Sorry I don't have anything helpful to tell you.

I've worked at the same company for a decade and still feel like I never really figured out what to do after graduating. I don't have goals or anything, so I just keep drifting forward.

Anonymous 94575

felt like you, then all my money ran out and now i'm aimless and broke and have to work to survive. better snap out of it sooner than later.

Anonymous 94585

Thanks, I'll try to keep positive

Anonymous 94595

being wrapped up in a messy breakup between two of your friends fucking suuucks. this is the second time its happened, both times i knew one of the people in the couple for longer and liked them more and just became friends w/ their partner cuz i wanted to be kind and welcoming, and then the partner ends up being kind of insane and then both people involve me in their personal relationship drama for whatever reason. it sucks cuz i hate being in drama of any kind especially when i've done literally nothing to cause it and have no stake in the game. like its pointless and i dont understand why i have to be brought into it. ugh

Anonymous 94596

i hate anime. i hate it when people post it for no reason. i don't find it cute; in fact i find it repulsive. when i see anime i scroll past it as fast as i can, or i breath loudly and close the tab.

Anonymous 94597

well rip, imageboards and anime culture are inseparable

Anonymous 94598

I would kinda like to see an image board for normies, anonymous posting like curiouscat or whisper are already popular so it's possible.

Anonymous 94600

I think lolcow is filled with plenty normies lol or at least wannabe normies

Anonymous 94601

Good point

Anonymous 94602

i think it's that the worst type of people are the ones who love to post it the most, so i think i just started to really hate seeing it. i watched it when i was a kid but grew out of it. i do my best to avoid it and mostly frequent threads where it doesn't get posted. it's just so ugly to look at.

Anonymous 94603

i like anime reaction pics and use them but i dont watch new anime anymore. im mostly oldschool anime fan.

Anonymous 94605


who can get clean with just a 15 minute shower? disgusting. it has to be 30 minutes at least.

Anonymous 94607

I managed to get it off after work and install the correct adapter so now I can drink water. Yay!

Anonymous 94608

i annoy my friend with constantly asking whether i'm being annoying but i'm always afraid he secretly does think i'm annoying yet he says the only annoying thing is me constantly asking this bug the thought of me being annoying and him not mentioning this scares me and it's a dumb cycle

Anonymous 94610


right before my period i get insane and start throwing long tantrums at my boyfriend. i'm otherwise a pretty stable and sweet person.

i feel a lot of conflicting emotions about this more or less monthly ocurrence, and some of them are guilt and embarrassment.
it somewhat relieves me to blame this behavior on my pms, because i imagine he thinks i'm crazy when it happens and also because he's a good boyfriend and doesn't exactly deserve it.

i know what i'm going to say next contradicts what i just said, but on the other hand he did things i can't forgive due to my own issues and others that would be objectively shitty to anyone, i brushed all of them off because i love him very much and want to stay together, but especially at this time of the month i think back on them a lot with extreme sadness and anger and i feel like some of them were never addressed properly so i need to get them off my chest.

blaming all of my disappointment and the laying out of some of my deepest feelings all on my period hurts me as much as it relieves me when i think i cross the line. there is a legitimate hurt part of myself that feels the permission to rage when my hormones say so, i think.

and beyond all of this, there is the infuriating powerlessness of not being able to change the past and knowing i will carry this hurt forever. i think i'm getting angry again.

Anonymous 94611

…did he cheat on you? What exactly happened? If you feel like you can never forgive him, it might be time to end things but idk I wasn't there.

Anonymous 94612


I love and hate my mother. I understand all the bad things she has done to me weren't bad in her eyes, she genuinely thought she was doing her best. She's a traumatized woman, growing up poor she wouldn't have what to eat most days, was a victim of sexual abuse for years in her childhood. But the truth is, all the things she did broke me. She caused my mental illness, my inability to trust and connect with people. Still I pity her, even when she is cruel to me.

Anonymous 94614

Same. Growing up, she'd slap the shit out of me. Kicking me, spitting on me, pinching, pushing and shoving. Screaming at me that she wanted to kill herself etc, you know the drill. I love her still, but hate her. Guess what I hate the most is the fact she chose to have kids despite being a traumatized woman. You don't get to just throw the dice like that and gamble like "yeah it'll probably be okay despite me being fucked up". I wish more moms would have the self-awareness to NOT become moms.

Anon, I don't buy the whole "she genuinely thought she was doing her best". It's what they always say. Most moms are grown ass women, they know very well when they're treating their kids badly and the difference between right and wrong.

Anonymous 94615


he never cheated on me, but he lied to me at times (mostly to not hurt my feelings, but it still makes me feel stupid and like i can't trust him) and i'm scared he might not be the person i thought he was.
this is the main reason for my meltdowns alongside a difficult relationship with sex i have, but that's more of my own issue really (though i wouldn't say he is completely innocent either).
thank you for your interest nona.

Anonymous 94616

A guy I considered one of my closest friends started sleeping with my mom and now they're close to the due date for their baby. I hate them and I hate their disgusting spawn.

Anonymous 94619

I feel you. It's been so long since I haven't been hugged. I feel cold and dead at night. Actually keeps me from sleeping sometimes. Stay strong, nona.

Anonymous 94620

What the actual fuck, I hate them too. Is the baby an accident? Do they act like a normal mature couple?

Anonymous 94623

Talked to my ex again, he was being insistent for a few days since he was feeling down. It was only a few minutes, but I'm afraid this will be normal. I don't want to talk to him again. He bitched about being overwhelmed by worked, and feeling lonely. Told him that this is the job he wanted, to go do some exercise and relax doing that. Didn't even acknowledge anything else. Good thing this happened when I was feeling good and not vulnerable, but if I'm being honest I'm feeling lonely myself, and would rather not have him annoying me with his shit and vague retarded implications.

Anonymous 94628

Is your name Stacy and did this guy ever mow your lawn?
For real though that's awful. I'll never get how someone can do that to their own child.

Anonymous 94629

Both of them and scum I hope you never speak to them again

Anonymous 94631

Nona, if he's bothering you maybe it's better telling him outright and blocking him if he doesn't stop? z?

Anonymous 94634

God why I'm so limerent about him? I just wanna be living my normal life not obsessing over anyone but I feel like him making me feel abandoned while simultaneously not completely abandoning me that fuels this fire. I'm feeling so lonely and abandoned and I hate it. It's not even his fault as much as me being a dumb clingy weirdo with obsessive tendencies. I just wanna be free from this and not feel like some abandoned trash.

Anonymous 94635


Oh so we are struggling with similar problems, well i hope we can both get better.

Thank you nonni, i'm glad you got better and i hope i get better too!

You don't ask people if you are annoying, you just keep being annoying until they tell you.

Anonymous 94636

>You don't ask people if you are annoying, you just keep being annoying until they tell you.

I guess it's how it works but I'm really afraid of even further abandonment so I keep doing this.

How are you doing, nona, anything nice that happened lately and made you feel a bit Better?

Anonymous 94637

sometimes its easier to express yourself to someone online than it is in person.

Anonymous 94641

Anonymous 94650

I'm not sure I have BPD but I do often act in ways similar to being described as "quiet BPD". When I was younger it seemed similar to full blown regular BPD but I guess I was still a teenager back then. Anyway, what I noticed is me going through something similar to "splitting" but with hobbies and interests rather than people. One moment I absolutely love reading and that nice new book I've discovered and a day later this same book is too painful and reading doesn't feel nice and I might say I'm even repulsed by the idea of reading. Can anyone relate?

Anonymous 94651


I mean if it makes you feel better to ask him if you're being annoying then do it, but most of the time it's just our low self esteem trying to make us feel bad and think we are annoying and disliked. Males are obsessed at any type of female attention so he probably doesn't care.

>How are you doing, nona, anything nice that happened lately and made you feel a bit Better?

Pretty much still the same, woke up really stressed from a nightmare, but my breakfast was good and reading your reply also helped me forget it a little, thanks!

Anonymous 94652

Men either are



I just want someone cute to love and have them love me back why must it be so much to ask for?

Anonymous 94661


I like your taste in images. Mine is poor. Every time I post an image I look at it afterward and wonder if I conveyed the tone or feeling I was aiming for.

Anonymous 94664

I need fucking money, and I can't get side gigs or switch jobs as an F1 student. FUCK!

Anonymous 94665

I need money too and my residency card will only arrive in February. Still, none of the remote jobs I've applied to gave me an answer. They probably just don't hire people in their first year of university.

Anonymous 94666


That's funny because all i do is choose random pics i like on pinterest to bump the thread with more images, i don't think you should worry about that it's kinda silly. Is the pic you choose from a manga you read?

Anonymous 94667


my brother just told me I am too ugly to ever get in a relationship I feel like dying

Anonymous 94668

he feels like that about himself and is using you as an emotional punching bag. typical insecure scrote behavior.
i'm sure you don't look ugly nona, and even if you did, not only he is exaggerating the extent but you also have endless options at this time and age to look better if you so desire.
either way, you can get in a relationship regardless. plenty of people who look worse than you do got into one, and more.

Anonymous 94672

I organised my first proper birthday party in years. My birthday is really early in the year so organising something the day of us almost impossible so I usually just hang out with the my family, go out for dinner or don’t celebrate at all. But I wanted this year to be different so I organised a themed costume party for Saturday but a huge number of people have either told me they can’t come or marked themselves as not going and given no reason. And now it’s so close to the time I can’t even cancel or reschedule. I feel so humiliated. I just want to lock my doors and sleep through the weekend.

Anonymous 94674

That sucks.
It's pretty much impossible not to take it personally, but really this time of the year many people just spent a lot of time visiting for the holidays and stuff like that so I think parties are probably less appealing to everyone except turbo extroverts right now.

Anonymous 94677

I was a little drunk and emotional when I wrote that, and I was being unfair because I'm bitter. My mom had me when she was a teenager and that friend was a mature student when we met, so he's midway between me and my mom in age. I met him when I was in a relationship and by the time I'd been single long enough to consider starting a relationship with him, I found out they'd been seeing each other. They're just a normal couple who're having their first baby and I only feel betrayed because I wanted him and was denied.

Anonymous 94678


i knew cheating was common, but i didn't expect it to be as widespread as it is.
i recently started giving tarot readings and a good 80% of my clients ask about the development of their secret relationship with someone who is already married or in a long term relationship.

they even ask about multiple people at a time while being in a relationship themselves, and they cheat on the people they are cheating with if it makes sense. like they simultaneously hide something like 3 different relationships from all the 3 people they are dating.

it's honestly discouraging and annoying, i somewhat understand the motives of some of these people, but it's still a sad realization.
even the ones who are not cheating currently say they are unhappy in their marriages and want to meet a new love.
i'm witnessing the divorce rate statistic under my very eyes and it's hitting me harder than i'd imagine.

Anonymous 94679

So the people dumb enough to believe in tarot and seek out readings are also the kind of people most likely to cheat? Interesting.
Anyway you shouldn't feel bad about ripping off scum.

Anonymous 94684

Lmao yeah, I also think the case is exactly this - not that cheating is common for most people

Anonymous 94697

People driven entirely by their emotions and magical thinking. Makes sense.

Anonymous 94719


As cringe as I find polygamists, this really makes me wonder if their "Humans are born polygamous!111" meme actually has truth to it. Since people say cheating is an act of opportunity, that probably means that it's something most people think about at least once even if they don't act on it. I read a quote somewhere that went "Men stay with a woman expecting her to stay the same. Women stay with a man expecting him to change." It's impossible to have both simulatenously, which would explain why alot of these relationships fail.

Anonymous 94725

Hibiki Mental.PNG

I've been spending too much time on kiwifarms and reddit it's fucking my mental health. It's so hard to cut those websites from my life. For reddit it's even harder, because duckduckgo/google searches suck so hard I have to put "reddit" at the end of my query to get what I look for, because sometimes reddit advice is good. But it's also another rabbit hole and it just sucks my mental energy so much.
I know I can block these sites on my PC via the hosts file, but how would I do something like that on my phone? I don't wanna have a weird internet addiction dammit

Anonymous 94730

How do i overcome this deep nostalgic sadness. I've been repressing it for years, but with every minute that passes everything just lingers in the back of my mind, i will never be able to experience anything in the past ever again i will simultaneously always be the youngest and the oldest i've ever been and it breaks me. I have the biggest fear of growing up and it's really catching up to me, i can't get over it. I've started to find stuff from literally MONTHS ago, sometimes even fucking WEEKS nostalgic. It's to the point i can't consume media or listen to songs or scroll through my fucking gallery from a period of my life because i'll feel too nostalgic for it. It's like i try to rebuild myself every time so whatever i do won't remind me of my 'old' self or something. I want to go back to everything.

Anonymous 94731

I feel this way too I wonder what causes it

Anonymous 94735


i'll avatarfag in my next few posts to indicate i'm tarot-chan and not confuse the people i'm answering to (and then i'll stop, i never did this before!)

this is true to an extent, but i think that it has more to do with their age range rather than their beliefs.
many people who ask me for readings are quite skeptical and i end up being a listener and a cheap low level psychologist rather than a tarot reader for them.
my clients are (mainly) boomer women and men who are unhappy with their life, and the solution to these people seem to be cheating, for reasons i have no idea about and would like to hear someone's thoughts on it.

i can see younger generations being more loyal, or more like, not getting into relationships when they're not really sure about the person and their own ability to sustain something serious, so they date around a lot, which is still not exactly monogamy but at least they're not being dishonest. this is how my younger clients behave. the younger ones are also less sex-obsessed and less likely to get interested in more than two people at a time, and many of them only really have one particular love interest even if they keep their options open. this surprised me too.
there are a couple of cheaters in this age range as well but way less.

Anonymous 94736


there are different options and it all depends on your expectations and your goals and what you're comfy with.

you can try fiverr and similar sites where you can sell your readings to a small but loyal group of clients. you likely won't earn a lot but it's good extra pocket money, and it has the plus of not stressful to manage. it also doesn't require you to actually interact live with the client and no voice reveal.

sites like wengo and other psychic/tarot/etc ones are the option i went with. a bit harder to gain traction on than fiverr, and more stressful (not that much though), but worth it because you make much more money and quicker too. some of the people there live off this exclusively.
i'm still learninf the various tricks but one thing i understood is that you need to be there everyday at a fixed time, that's how you'll gain the most attention and kickstart your profile.

tarot reading channels are hard to manage and to gain attention on because of how many there are already. however, if you do manage to become popular, you can make a lot of money. i know someone who got rich this way (she also gives private readings on the side that she advertises through her channel).

Anonymous 94737


lol i understand nona. polyamory is cringe as hell, but this whole thing made me realize that, while they still have their flaws, they're much better partners than so many people who opt for a "normie: love life and then go and cheat behind their partner's back, in such a serial way too.
i appreciate their self awareness and the courage to own up to their weaknesses (i see falling prey to polygamy, be it in cheating and even in thought, as a weakness).

okay end of avatarfagging, be lenient on me mods for this time please! and sorry for spam

Anonymous 94749

It's a page from Shimeji Simulation. I only got one chapter in and more or less forgot about it.

Anonymous 94751


crippling self image issues. i used to be a pretty normal weight and bmi, had to starve a lot to maintain this. i dont know shit about exercising and toning nor where to start. u could say i was skinnyfat. i gained 20 maybe even 30 pounds and now ive been overweight for a while and struggling to get back into better eating habits. anyways, been talking to this english guy for around six months now and im supposed to fly out this summer to meet him. problem is im a fat fuck. i know only i can fix this, must be a lack of self control or discipline or whatever. i have a treadmill in my home and such im just a lazy fat fuck who spends all my time rotting in bed or playing video games. no need for me to be eating more than 1200 cals a day but i still break it constantly. i used to be able to go days without eating. every girl hes been with has been some skinny stacey with a flat tummy and im terrified for him to see me. ive sent him well angled photos of my body, turned on cam sometimes for him. just absolutely wrecks me and i start to spiral. ive got maybe four months now to lose like thirty pounds. not much can make me cry but i start thinking about it and my eyes just well up. he is very sweet greatest guy ive ever had hes so cool and generous and lovely to me and has never made a negative comment about my appearance ever but all i can think about is undressinng in front of him and disgusting him. being a fat american in england and girls staring at me bc he could do better. ontop of that, they are all educated/in education, seem well off and cool and fun. im neet currently, cant make it thru a single semester of school and ive gone to a bar or club zero (0) times since ive turned legal. the last time i hung out with someone irl was like sept 2022. when i do leave my house, it is with my dad or brother. i hate being a fucking loser. i just want to be a cool hot girl. when i was a teen i would go out all the time, had tons of male attention and maintained a thinner figure like it was notjing. being 20 without a degree taking a break is fine. being 22 and being a fat fuck w nothing to my name makes me wanna off myself. sorry for the rant i understand im insufferable and annoying as fuck, thanks cc happy to get this off my chest.

Anonymous 94752

having very few people in your life sucks at times, but it's the poison i picked.
having a social life requires going out and being emotionally available, which i respectively don't want to do regularly and i am not.

my willful isolation lead me to lose all my friends except an online one and my boyfriend (who is also online but we meet often by different countries standards).
right now none of them seem to be willing to talk with me, i know it's temporary but it makes me understand just how isolated from the world i am. one of the very few needs i feel socially, perhaps because of my obsessive internet use too, is (online) back ans forth at least once a day with someone.

on one hand i like being cut off out of the world because it's peaceful, and if i may armchair for a second i have some heavy schizoid tendencies, and i don't even like ~society~ and its games, but on the other i wonder if this will eventually bite me in the ass, just as it's happening right now because something as simple as having a convo turns almost impossible.
i already know it's a minus job-wise which is my biggest worry because i'm a workaholic and i love money with all the intensity i don't love existing in physical form.

it also does make me lose my shit sometimes that a lot of people get ahead in life simply by connections even when they don't deserve a specific position, but i can only hope my hard work in the field i chose can overcome the lack of sociality i have.

Anonymous 94756

I can give you a back and forth if you need it.

Anonymous 94775

Too depressed to get my cavities fixed. I quit drinking because of how badly it was fucking up my teeth, but now instead of coming home from working and having a grand old time until I pass out, I just sit at my desk and do nothing.

Anonymous 94778

Absolutely fucking ashamed of myself nonas. Ive internalized moid terminology from all those years lurking /teevee/ and i unironically looked at myself in the mirror today and said without a shred of irony “damn… i hit the wall”

Fucking christ. Lose the weight. Gain the weight. Im never going to be satisfied with the way i look either way. When i was semi chubby, my face was oval and my baby fat gave the illusion of high cheekbones (delusional i swear). Now im fucking underweight and my face is long and gaunt and all my features look out of place and i have such a hard time recognizing myself. I know it seems demented and unhinged but i legit freak myself out when i look in the mirror. Fuck

Anonymous 94779

People online need to stop pathologizing quirks. So long as you’re not spiraling down a legitimately destructive cycle, you’re not ill

Anonymous 94791


my boyfriend is acting weirdly and he won't tell me what's wrong.
i'm definitely a meltdown-type person who can get very aggressive when upset, but at least i explain exactly the reasons for my behavior and stop after getting it out of my system. he never had to guess or worry about what's on my mind because i tell it how it is, and i'm willing to discuss my issues with him.
but he will give me the silent treatment, act coldly and cryptic, and then pretend nothing happened and talk to me more or less normally, but with some aloofness still, or at least it's how i perceive it.
what do i even make of this? it makes me lose my mind and so i get clingy even if i dislike being like that, asking for reassurance and quality time together to make sure he's not cheating, planning to leave or who knows what else.
he does say i love yous and that he doesn't want to leave in these instances, and while i appreciate it, this makes go even crazier because i wonder if i'm being delusional and annoying seeing things that aren't there. but i can't help that he still sounds somewhat cold to me, because he will shortly after pull something else that will make me wonder.
my father is psychotic and i've struggled with mental health since i was a kid, i don't know if i should trust my perception and i'm scared of pushing him away by trusting my possibly wrong gut and acting like a textbook case of insecure attachment, and i say this as someone who hates armchairing.

Anonymous 94792


I don't have any dreams or aspirations, life is almost unbearable but death sounds scarier. I don't want to ever leave this house, I don't want to work or start a family. I want to be with my dad forever, but he's going to die eventually and I don't know what I'm going to do after that. I wish I was never born, I truly do.

Anonymous 94806

True, if you talked to me 6-4 years ago i display symptoms of textbook bpd. Now i’m a whole different person… using mental illnesses as labels and identity (for example: “i’m a borderline” rather than “i struggle with bpd”) gives me severe anxiety because we dont work like that. Think you’re displaying some symptoms or all of them? Get to work you are not the illness

Anonymous 94807

Of course i’m excluding psychopathy “anti social” and narcissism from this because i have two people who are insane in my family and they’ve been this way since i was a child. I think it’s incurable and destructive and if youre any of these you should schedule for MAID and spare animals and humans from your cruelty

Anonymous 94817

This really hit me hard. I’m living the same existential crisis as you. You’re not alone.
Is it a failure on our parents to not let us become independent adults? Or is there something environmental going on like traumatic experiences affecting us and preventing our ability to grow and flourish? Or maybe it’s genetic and the anxiety and depression is too strong for us to function normally like everyone else.

Anonymous 94818

Just go get a job and learn to enjoy challenge. Something chill at a growing business. Something with room for advancement.

Oh my God I sound like my dad lol

Anonymous 94824

My boyfriend is talking less and less with me. He will ignore me for hours and only really engage in communication when it's late and I'm tired and almost ready to sleep, so we're barely texting.
This is very important because we're long distance and all we have currently is chatting.
I miss him all day and wonder what he's up to, and I know he doesn't have actual excuses to not text, so it's just his own decision to simply not spend time together.
It hurts me but I'm starting to get past that phase and I'm more so annoyed now, I'll honestly be looking for other people to chat with because I feel lonely and bored through the day when there's nothing to do at work and he isn't giving me any attention. I don't plan on cheating at all, but I almost hope to fall in love with someone else this way and break up with him if it happens, because the way he is acting is so unfair.

Anonymous 94832

i broke up with my long term boyfriend. i did it because he didn’t see a future with me. i ended things and it was an amicable end. i know i did the right thing for future me but i can’t stop thinking about him

Anonymous 94834

I'm trying to be more empathic to people who have "bad" impulses. I don't have any idealistic view of the world or think everyone should think this way, it's more for the sake of my own sanity. I just want to "let go", because the truth is, no one can do anything about what other people feel. But there's still this one caveat in my mind. I wish a certain type of person would just take themselves out.
If you have something in your brain that makes you want to hurt innocent people or animals, and you feel like you just "can't help" acting on it (or you're such an extreme masochist that you go out of your way to pay sadists or poor people to harm others so you can live vicariously through the victims - people like this exist), why not just fucking rope? Why should we all have to suffer for your sake? At that point, your continued existence isn't just neutral, you are causing harm to those within your reach. Or get a fucking lobotomy, arrange to have your hands and legs cut off, something. How can we live in a "good" world if someone has the right to hurt another living being just because they feel like it? What fucking defense is there for that? Why are there people who think every fantasy should be enacted in reality?
I'm sorry, I'm yelling at the air here.

Anonymous 94838


I can feel that guy I am into for a long time is not really interested in me: we finally met and I feel just nothing from him
I know that, I understand that, it's hard to accept it - nothing I can do about it really, so I need to cope somehow
I knew that it would be like that, but man ugh why the hell fuck this

Anonymous 94839

an art piece i worked on for a month and recently had displayed in a local gallery broke and i feel so distraught. it was the first time i’ve received such praise and recognition and now it’s broken. might seem really stupid but i cried so hard i threw up. it was a complete accident so it makes me even more mad

Anonymous 94842

that's not a stupid thing to feel bad about at all nona. not very comparable but i'm a person that's really protective of personal belongings, and i'd be really angry too if something i put hard work and effort into was broken by a simple accident, even if it is an accident. but there is beauty in broken things too.

Anonymous 94844

There's nothing really bad about my life but existing is still so exhausting. I wish I could just painlessly disappear forever.

Anonymous 94846

Mens right/MGTOW people really get under my skin. I can understand where they are coming from at times. Yeah the dating scene is messed up, Family court is rough on them, and blah blah blah, but when its time for them look at their own hypocrisies, NOTHING. They love to complain about women not being traditional anymore when NONE OF THEM ARE TRADITIONAL MEN!!! I go to church every Sunday because I'm religious, but its only single women and families. Weird huh? "Women are so fat and ugly today" Like there isn't fat men now either? I get its hard to have a six-pack, but when the average guy is overweight, maybe I'm settling a little bit too. "Women are vapid today" like most men don't spend half the day on youtube stealing their personality from "moid icon of the week". They love to talk about how "people" are trying to ruin society and act as if men are the only ones who suffer from it. As if women aren't equally effected by all the changes in the west too. I wish I could just see eye to eye with these kinds of people because they have some points, many of which are very important, but they are such whinny self pitying losers. I would be willing to admit women have made mistakes as a group I guess, but at the very least try to point out the failures of the moids too which are at least just as bad and probably worse.

Anonymous 94847

MRA's and MGRATS really are shitty pigs, but I really think they're a problem that solved itself. These men are genuinely evil, hypocritical, really have real rotten souls, and would make terrible boyfriends, terrible boyfriends, terrible husbands, hideous fathers; it's better that they remain alone, that way they don't ruin anyone's life, men like them would be weeds in a woman's life

Anonymous 94849

Even including they retarded shit they spew out, its not even what they say that gets on my nerves, its how blind they are to being just as much of the cause to the problems they cry about as women ever were. When women joined the work force, the average pay of the worker was cut in half leading to both parents needing to work. Why didn't men do anything about it? Women didn't own all the business, men did. Its stuff like that they blame us for when they were the ones who should have done something about it. but its like this with everything. Isn't it the traditionally role of men to fight for a better future, not bitch about stuff on social media and do nothing? Even by there own logic they are defeatist losers. They gave up and nothing is a bigger turn off in my opinion. If they were going to be blatant sexists, they could at least be optimistic and productive.

Anonymous 94852

Jesus christ please cut contact with him. He will only keep making you feel like shit with this disgusting sexualization.

Anonymous 94853

You should just slip rat poison into his drink

Anonymous 94854

Ergh your stepdad sounds a lot like my stepdad. Right down to the jokey guy thing. People would excuse the comments he made towards me all the time because "he likes to joke around like that". Until that shit wasn't a joke anymore. Imo you should keep contact with him to an absolute minimum.
I was also forced to "forgive" by my mom but I see him only for major holidays and he knows I hate him so he doesn't really try to interact much.
I'm glad you have somewhat reasonable online spaces to vent about this, at least. I remember when I posted on an anonymous forum about my stepdad having just told me he wants me to massage his butt and the replies were either mocking me or saying I was trolling. I was mortified kek

Anonymous 94859

one of my online best friends girlfriends just dmed me to tell me he passed away. i think im in shock

Anonymous 94869


>Is it a failure on our parents to not let us become independent adults
my parents sheltered me too much as a kid, I believe they are partially responsible for stunting my mental development
I did. Getting a job made my condition worse and pushed me further into my shell, nona. I got fired not once, not twice but four times. This made me realize that it's not just some condition in my head and that there is indeed something wrong with me that even other people notice. I feel so hopeless, I don't think there's any good thing waiting for me in the future.

Anonymous 94870

Or you know you just hate people. Get a night job.

Anonymous 94873

If it makes you feel any better, I’m working and did something irredeemable. Waiting to get a “you’re fired” email. How did you get fired if I may ask?

Anonymous 94874

This like as a society were all fucked but those idiots think its only women its vast majority of everyone, they do nothing but bitch and they are the worst.

Anonymous 94875

I'd go as far as to say if their conclusion wasn't "Its women's fault", I'd probably agree with them, but either way they don't do anything.

Anonymous 94877

Fucking HELL i'm so pissed. Me and my friends are having a sleepover and of course our fucking moid 'friend' has to absolutely ruin the mood by sending my friend a fucking 5 page essay about how nobody understands him and he'll never find a partner and how he's so jealous of us and how he's sh-ing. He has fucking PROBLEMS and a THERAPIST. He should not be telling us this shit, why can't moids be fucking quiet with their suffering.
This is not our problem to be dealing with.

Anonymous 94887

Did she ever confide in him first? Sometimes these things do not happen out of the blue

Anonymous 94892


I'm uncomfortable with people but that was not the reason I was fired.
>How did you get fired if I may ask?
I just wasn't skilled enough even for low skilled jobs. I applied for retail jobs but I was too forgetful and made too many mistakes. I worked for a bakery, they said that they don't mind people with 0 experience as they're willing to teach us everything, however I was a slow learner, slower than all the other girls and they ended up kicking me out. I also worked for a mask sewing factory during the heights of covid, I didn't have to sew anything, my only task was to cut the mask strings all day, aside from being slow I FAINTED the first day on the job because I was so nervous I'm going to fumble it which is exacly what happened after that, I had to go home and they replaced me the next day. All of this happened within a small time interval so it really killed my spirit. I made me think that if I'm not even good enough to keep a low wage job then what am I even good for?

Anonymous 94894

I don't know how to be without my husband. I want him with me in every situation that's even a little stressful. I never thought I would be the clingy one in a relationship, but now I'm sperging out because he's gonna be gone for two days. I get scared at night if he's not here and worry about people breaking in, it's gonna be a long weekend.

Anonymous 94898


a family member called a welfare check on me because i havent been feeling well and fell asleep so i couldnt reply. now my parents are kicking me out and i have no money or place to go, just a part time job and a car. god, now i really want to kill myself. im not ready to be homeless. i already felt unsafe and terrified, now i dont know what to do. do i have sex with a man in exchange for room and board? they have them on craigslist and at least i wouldnt be homeless. or do i end it here? ive never been homeless before. i feel so childish. i wish i never burdened them with how i was feeling i didnt say i was going to kill myself despite feeling it now i think its the only option. i tried really hard for things to be better and stable but this is a huge thing i cant deal with.

Anonymous 94899

My friend just told me yesterday that I had been using her as an emotional crutch for the last few months and that she wanted us to go back to "hanging out" like we usually do. I didn't realize that's how she felt and I feel awful. My mental health has been real shit the last few months so that's probably why I unintentionally made her feel that way. Literally every week was total shit for me so it was hard to have anything else to talk about. I recognize my mistake and in the future I'm going to be careful about not just venting to her whenever we hang out, but I still feel really sad. My mental health was the worst its ever been and she was the only person I could talk to about that. She said she felt she wasn't able to give me the kind of emotional support I was looking for at the time and that it put a lot of pressure on her. I really do feel bad about that and I won't do it again, but then… who am I supposed to talk to about these things? I guess I do have other friends who I'm not as close with who I could try talking to, but what if I end up doing the same thing to them that I did to her? What if they also feel that they can't help me and just end up feeling bad?

Anonymous 94902


>someone sends me an offer
>I accept
>they don't pay and the next day they send a message asking to cancel because now they suddenly can't afford it or decided it wasn't good enough condition for "their friend" or they can't read the description or take 5 fucking seconds to google the thing they're buying to see what it works with
I'm so fucking sick of selling on ebay

Anonymous 94903

Yes, we asked her because it was really inappropriate timing and she told us that they would have little 'therapy sessions' time to time in their gc w another friend that was invited but was sick, but his vents were never that serious. She also revealed it was the sick friend who accidentally let slip we were having a sleepover. It makes me even think that he decided on the timing just to ruin our time.

Anonymous 94906

Commiserating gets nothing done. I respect your friend's honesty and wouldn't full on blame the guy but if you ask me people, often men, will take what they can in terms of what they vent. I hear women complain about being "free therapy" for guys but frankly you can always tell them to shut up. The concept of ethics that many people operate under today thinking they must be courteous all the time is misguided. That being said, nona, it seems like you're reading too much into the situation

Anonymous 94907

>he'll never find a partner
when scrotes "vent" this is usually all it boils down to lmfao. they sure like using a lot of words and mental gymnastics just to say they wish they could be having sex rn.

Anonymous 94910

If this guy were capable of being quiet about his problems he would have male friends. Moids who join predominantly female friend groups do so because they are defective and don't get along with their male peers.

Anonymous 94913

used to have dreams about the future all the time as a child, ranging from happening a day, months or years later. Then the water filter broke and i started using that delicious bubblegum toothpaste with the fluoride in it that no one told me not to eat. i want my psychic powers back dammit

Anonymous 94923

Can you stay at a women's shelter or something like that? You don't have to be abused to get in and they have programs to get you back on your feet. I can't imagine staying with some shady craigslist moid ending well.

Anonymous 94925

Obviously this is unimportant compared to other vents but i still wanna get it out. I think i've literally developed a hyperfixation on men. I fucking hate men but at the same time i can't help but long to have been born as male. I am not trans. I feel like every girl experiences this at least once. I hope this hyperfixation is over soon as it's pretty annoying.

Anonymous 94926

I wish I could come home to someone who cared about how my day was and praised me for my accomplishments instead of calling me stupid all the time. I'm burning out.

Anonymous 94927

I'm too obsessive, I choose people to fixate on for months on end for no reason. I'm so tired of this, it's really draining.

Anonymous 94936

I get the feeling, It's always so annoying.
Looking up to a guy and thinking that you'll do everything for him, only for him to turn out to be an asshole
Getting obsessing over really nice guy and he turns out to have a gf.
It sucks so much.

Anonymous 94937

Nona, you're not stupid.
Wanna tell your fellow miners about your day?

Anonymous 94941

I want to drop out of college but I don't know how to tell my parents. I thought that going to college would help me stay busy but I just feel fucking miserable. I have no goals or ambitions in life, I feel like a complete disappointment to everyone around me. I feel just as suicidal as I used to back in high school and if I keep making impulsive decisions in my life, I won't get any better. I honestly don't know what to do.

Anonymous 94943

"the internet is dead" "nobody talks online anymore" then stop blocking people who try to bond with you you foolish cretin

Anonymous 94949

my bf sown't give me he ssuasage

Anonymous 94950

sounds like a shit friend also just use 7cups and try to talk to randos don't put it all on one friend gotta spread that negativity around sista

Anonymous 94959

I started a job working with special needs children. Some have higher needs than others but basically regardless of that, there's a reason they're here. I occasionally talk to my troon ex, not really because I want to but because I'm a pushover and he's apart of a friend group I see once in awhile. He is one of those people who might be on the spectrum of neurodivergence but is still clearly higher functioning and thus the expectations are different for him as a human overall. I told him about my job and he straight up admitted to being jealous and wishing he had that kind of support growing up.

Yeah, I get it. If you have the tism and you're stuck with a bunch of horrible adults who don't understand how to accept your little quirks or work with them it's difficult. However, like I said, these are kids who are here for a reason…most of them are not going to enter the workforce, most are going to group homes or will need a lifetime of support from family or paid caregivers. These kids NEED the support and grace that we give here; there's no other way. I just was so pissed and annoyed that he would say something like that because although I don't doubt that he had issues in school growing up or socially or in the workplace, he is clearly quite high functioning. As I said…for someone like him, the expectations are just different. There are ways for him to adapt and cope.

I think also hearing him say shit like this just bums me out in terms of like…how selfish he really seems to become especially after coming out as a troon. Something about him admitting to being jealous of children who suck on chewies for sensory stimulation because they have brain damage from encephalitis after birth or kids who are gestalt language processors and will struggle to communicate in a 'normal' way like you or I just pissed me off. I hope I find the courage to just cut him off some day.

Anonymous 94961

A while ago my parents wanted to sell their home and a charity that works with severely disabled adults (specifically cerebral palsy) wanted to buy it to set up a group home. The neighbors brandished a shotgun to threaten the young woman who came by to assess the place for wheelchair access. That neighbor's wife broke into one of this charity's previous group homes, performed an illegal search (likely for drugs or possibly evidence of pornography) in which she took photos and posted them on a neighborhood private discord server, in which she mocked the disabled adults living in that home–a young woman who could barely move was singled out for "hissing" at her during this unlawful intrusion–and commenting on how they didn't have "security" to keep "these creatures" under lock and key. The charity decided to rescind their offer in order to try to avoid creating the sort of horrible scene that loses donors and destroys community support. I'll not describe anything in any further meaningful details because my mother's realtor is still, currently, pursuing legal suit against some of the individuals involved, and the brandishment charge/other criminal charges may still be acted on, and I do not know or understand what impact posting receipts in a public place could have.

Your ex assuming that the system is giving these kids a good life is one of the least terrible ways people will react to your charges when they graduate. I'm sure he's a terrible person in many, many ways and he does deserve scorn for making such ignorant assumptions and then filling them with the magical anime childhood he wishes he had. But my neurotypical, financially secure, socially normal neighbors, including the neighborhood wives, have done so much worse with so much less excuse and to so much applause that I would legit preferred to have lived next to the goddamned troon.

Anonymous 94964

wow, how much of an irredeemable piece of shit do you have to be to brandish a firearm and tresspass to stop a CHARITY that helps vulnerable people.
It is stuff like this that just depresses me.

Anonymous 94969

that's sounds like a terrible ordeal anon, I am sorry your parents are going through that and I am so sorry for those adults who had to experience an intrusion in their home like that. I understand where you're coming from.

that said, I think maybe my point was lost in my rambling. He did not gush about the support my students get or expressed happiness about the work the school does for them; he straight up said he was jealous. I personally find it a little odd to learn about the support some high needs disabled children are getting in their schooling, immediately think about yourself as a high functioning autistic man who is doing well enough to be making 75k USD in a computer programming job and have the thought "I'm jealous no one supported me like that". It just comes across as tone deaf and like a typical selfish man. As I said, of course I'm sure he would've thrived better in school if he had better support. But these children will not be able to find a way to make it through life the way he did. He is lamenting over not having the support but even though these kids have a ton of support they will never reach the level of functional adult life he has reached. It's like comparing apples to oranges to me and it pissed me off because it felt like he either didn't understand or is too selfish enough to realize his experience is not the same as these childrens.

Anonymous 94971

nta but I hear what you're saying. It sounds like that crabs in a bucket mentality where instead of someone being happy that other kids are receiving goods and privileges that they weren't able to receive growing up that they feel resentful instead. I can hear how that could rub you the wrong way. It does sound like a selfish mentality to hear that you're doing something good for the community and instead of him being happy that you're doing something to make a difference (and happy for those kids who are receiving support) that he's focusing more on himself and what he didn't receive instead.

Anonymous 94976

I think it’s time to take a little break. It might be time to live life on autopilot for a little while. It seems like no matter how hard I try, nothing seems to change. And if nothing seems to change anyway, why try? I’m tired of having hope that things could get better for me. It might be easier to just give up and let it go.

Anonymous 95030


Seeing normie people's study abroad videos where they're going everywhere in large friend groups, doing sports, dancing/singing, taking silly photos with friends, etc. makes me scared I'll ruin my study abroad experience from the get-go. I don't do any of those things. Especially not the friends thing, because I'm a terminal loner and social autist. Furthermore, I'm going to a country (Japan) where that may stick out even more. I have some things planned to do in this country that I really want to, even if alone, but I end up being a loner no matter where I go so I feel like that really limits my options of what I can do. Things like going to theme parks or restaurants - Don't want to be caught dead doing that alone. Fuck it, maybe I'll just rent a boyfriend and drink my liver away with one. I'm so self-destructive I would manage to ruin even a once in a lifetime opportunity that I'm sure alot of people would be envious of.

Anonymous 95042

If you're foreign-looking a lot of students will flock to you. Take advantage of that and you can easily make friends, even if they are just surface-level friends.

Anonymous 95044

>Things like going to theme parks or restaurants
>don’t wanna be caught dead doing that alone
I’ve been going to restaurants alone since 2019, this year i went to a theme park by myself. I don’t think it’s particularly embarrassing or anything. I genuinely preferred It over every friend i’ve ever gone out with. Although i can see why many would think so.

Anonymous 95054



If they're only surface-level, then I think I'd rather not have them. I hate things like small talk but also friends you can't talk about anything else but XYZ with, because after awhile I realize I have deep thoughts and troubles I need to share with someone that will actually respond to them in more than a cookie-cutter NPC, "Thoughts and prayers" way. Supposedly, Japan is a country with a bunch of NPCs so that would probably happen anyway but the fact that normies manage to "live it up" studying abroad even there makes me think they all just have some superhuman ability I could never get at this point.


Wow, props to you. I get morbidly embarrassed even at the thought of going places like that alone. I'm not confident enough to get away with it. I tried going to some Asian festivals by myself a couple of times. First one I went to, I walked around in circles and pretended to be on my phone just to make myself look like I was waiting for someone. I freaked out after seeing myself be pretty much the only person there that wasn't in a group. After that, I had tried going to a Korean festival by myself but saw people looking at me strangely and then two girls laughing at me and immeadietly freaked out and left. I'm the equivalent of socially awkward 4chan moid picrel and I hate it.

Anonymous 95060

suicide boy sigh.j…

Something like that happened to me when I visited to study. Was there for 6 months. Didn't help that I messed up my dorm papers and got the one with the smallest number of foreign students, away from everyone else. The girl from my year that I went with also turned out to be a massive cunt (((genderless))) and I got into a huge fight with her about a year later.

But still, being in a foreign country where no one knows you makes it a bit easier to do things that you normally wouldn't. Whatever you manage to mess up, you won't need to have absolutely any contact with the people involved ever again, so take solace in that. Hell, you could try doing an offline meetup with someone, ain't a shortage of autists over there.

Do your best and leave no room for regrets.

Anonymous 95061


My application for graduate school is due at midnight (eight hours) and I haven't even started.

Anonymous 95063

get offline and go do it. NOW!!!

Anonymous 95065

If it's any consolation im in the same situation although I'm not overweight but I've gained noticeably and I look way worse than in the pictures I've shown to him. It really sucks and makes me unable to open up to him and commit as much as I'd like to. I just know that I have to lose the weight first I simply can't let anyone see me at this state.

I really like him but I'm at the same accepting the fact that this was not a good timing and I need to focus on taking care myself and getting my self-esteem back by losing the weight before committing to dating. If he's still around when I'm better, that's good, if not then it's also fine cause I don't fear being alone anymore and I can always hold on to the hope that the right one will be out there.

I wish the best of luck to you nona, to everything. For your weight loss and love life. Just want you to know that no matter what it's all going to be ok.

Anonymous 95077

I was telling my dad about how a dentist fucked up my teeth after coming home and was unprofessional (she turned on music while working on me and worked on the wrong tooth, it was fine but she broke it down and filled it and was extremely rude) and he decided to sue and slander her and get her fired by going there. She turned out to be unqualified and she was a scammer which is weird cause i went to that center for years but they ended up hiring someone like this. Anyway, i feel horrible. We both thought she’d just get her pay deducted not all of this mess…

Anonymous 95081

A guy hugged me from behind and kissed me on the top of my head because he mistook me for his girlfriend. I realised I've never been held or touched with that much affection and love by anyone ever before and it's driving me to despair.

Anonymous 95095


I did it.
I don't think that I'll be accepted though.

Anonymous 95103

I'm so delusional

Anonymous 95108

You still did it though, very nice.
In what way?

Anonymous 95120

Screenshot 2023-02…

>torrented all of college books
>fafsa covers almost every cost that I would have to pay
>all of my classes end up needing me to pay for ebooks and access codes for a third-party site to do actual work and exams
>have to pay $500 out of pocket just to use access codes
>don't know if buying cheaper ebook options outside of the actual website itself will even give me a viable access code
fucking why is this a thing. JUST USE CANVAS TO UPLOAD THE ASSIGNMENTS TO. i'm just starting college again and i have to do many more classes after this, so who knows how many times i'll encounter this. i don't even know if this degree is worth it to be entirely honest.

Anonymous 95121

My face looks so fucking weird. It's like I've gone through puberty 2.0. I've lost some weight (like 4 kilos it's not dramatic but im half a midget anyway) and now my jawline looks sharp (from the front), kinda like Timothee chalamet in his emaciated rat phase.
Fuck, I've always had a pretty-ish face even if i was insecure in my body. But now my face looks so weird. I don't recognize myself anymore. On the other hand, I know if I continue down this rabbit hole the natural conclusion will be "i should get botox/filler" and i don't wanna look bogged by 27. No thank you.

Anonymous 95125


>But still, being in a foreign country where no one knows you makes it a bit easier to do things that you normally wouldn't.

That's true. I'm just a prisoner of my own mind so I just wouldn't be surprised if I still fuck it up. Learning to gaijin smash would be a very valuable skill otherwise, I'm sure.

>Hell, you could try doing an offline meetup with someone, ain't a shortage of autists over there.

There is this Japanese guy I know but I am so bad at texting back these days I'm surprised he even still wants to talk to me. He'll be married with kids, by the time I get myself to message him properly. (If he isn't already. oop-) I also know at least two other foreigners, one from my Japanese club on campus and another that a friend connected me with, that left for Japan. We will probably be in completely different prefectures but I've noticed Japanese expat community seems pretty open to offline meetups so it might work.

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