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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Abusive OCD bf pt 2 Anonymous 95617

Last thread hit limit and many nonas seem concerned for her safety.

If you see this, we hope you are ok! Please give us an update on the police situation.

Anonymous 95632

This is the original OP. I debated making a new thread but I kind of took hitting the post limit as a sign I needed to focus on what was going on and not run online for attention.

Of course there weren't police at our apartment. Apparently after the fight husband and I agreed to go to the hospital the next day because I hurt him pretty bad. He turned in his old insurance card but we are still waiting for his new one that's on my company's private insurance. So he was hobbling around the hospital alone but not going in and the police approached him. They took him somewhere for questioningand he says they listened to the recording of the fight we had. Supposedly they wantex to contact me at work but he told them not to. They supposedly said they would contact me but they haven't. He says they offered to take him back to the hospital but he was embarrassed so he went home and waited for me.

We went out yesterday and he really did try to be more relaxed about things. We went to this old hole-in-the-wall bar we used to go to pre-covid and it was a lot of fun. Then we went to karaoke and he slammed down way to many vodka sodas… At least he went home when we ran out of time at 3am. But then he got mad at me because I wanted to sleep instead of play games. He said all kinds of nasty things to me and bothered me while I was showering but nothing came of it because he konked out by himself.

And now cash is "missing" from his wallet which he is trying to blame me for for some reason.

Anonymous 95635

You expressed that you wanted to leave multiple times for the last 2 years right? What is making you come back every time again? Do you want to continue with this forever? Either stay with the guy or leave instead of sitting on the fence forever.Make a decision

Anonymous 95636

OP, please, next time you leave block him on everything. If there is actually a serious police situation, the police won't send your bf to contact you. I forget where you are staying (with his family right? unless you moved), but regardless of where it is, the landlord or whoever can contact you directly. Block his family members who have shown no concern for your safety and only having you as an unpaid, live in nurse for their manbaby. Cut off all contact with them and file a restraining order if you need to, he is clearly never going to change and any time you try to leave they find a way to manipulate you. Explain the situation to your landlord and tell them to contact you directly.

Then, as soon as you can, contact your mother and ask her to let you come back home. This is an emergency, do whatever you can to allocate the finances to do this even if it means borrowing money from your parents for the time being to get you a plane ticket home. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY and the top priority is getting you the fuck out of that situation, leave everything behind if you must. Imagine this living situation like you are in a fire, and if you are in a fire you do whatever the fuck you can to get out alive.

If you want to be left alone so you can focus on your real life, then I understand. I just hope everything works out for you and you finally get away from this monster.

Anonymous 95644

You never learn do you?

Anonymous 95664



Unbelievable. You are really back here again and pulling the same bullshit, ignoring the massive problem choking the life out of you, while making these dodging cope posts.

OP LEAVE your fucking psycho boyfriend. LEAVE. LEAVE the apartment, then without hestitation LEAVE Japan and then CUT OFF !!!ALL!!! contact with him and his family, forever, without any exceptions.

If he kills himself over this, that is good. That psychopath doesn't deserve any better.

It's like you are unaware that sociopaths can fake emotions and "improvements" to manipulate people into staying with them. Your fucking psycho goblin can't even be bothered to treat you nicely for more than a few hours, but you are such a wimp that you let him reel you back in anyway.

What he is doing to you is out of the TEXTBOOK of abusive relationships. It is the cycle of abuse and you are in it.

The next post out of you BETTER say that you left this fucking soul-sucking leech, that he killed himself by hanging himself with a garbage bag, and you are 5000 miles away not giving a shit.

Anonymous 95665


THIS 100%, except OP should not be "left alone to focus on her real life".

Reminder - her real life is getting abused by a mentally deranged psycho in a foreign country where she has basically no social support network except her torturer/prison warden and the psycho's no doubt equally fucked up family.

Anonymous 95666

>OP should not be "left alone to focus on her real life".
Yeah I know I just feel bad because people are basically using her situation as free entertainment and pointing and laughing at her but the people who do care for her in this thread are probably her only existing allies.

Anonymous 95667

Please keep trying to leave him. They always try to act nice to get you back but its always short lived. Soon things will go back to how they were and he will keep abusing you. For your health and state of mind dont be fooled by the good times and leave. I know whats its like to be trapped and suffered greatly for it and I was hurting myself by staying so long because i wanted so desperately to make it work.

Anonymous 95668


She is the picture perfect example of a person who is kind and nice to an excessive, pathological degree. If someone has ever wondered why it is sometimes necessary to be assertive, strong and ruthless, thus "being the crazy girl" or "being a bitch", make them read the OP's story.

She needs to, desperately, be more of a bitch and to act more crazy. Aggression and assertiveness directed at her worthless psycho wimp boyfriend is what she needs to do, NOW. She needs it like a diabetic needs insulin. IMMEDIATELY

I know it's crazy advice, but this is a crazy situation, and the OP is just pathologically nice, in the grasps of someone who is dedicated and skilled at abusing such people. She needs to quit being nice and act ruthlessly, without any regard to how it hurts her "boyfriend". The more she hurts him the better. The psycho gremlin deserves no sympathy, and the OP, for all her wimpy cowardice and her pathological niceness, and for her stupid, dishonest and self-deluding posts that dodge good advice, still deserves another chance at life.

Anonymous 95671



OP, to take a step back from yelling at you for staying another second with the psycho torturer/prison warden, please read through this resource, and use it to inform yourself more for your next concentration camp escape attempt


In case archive.org doesn't work:

Anonymous 95672

Op… I'm speechless I really thought things were changing for you. Please strongly consider finding a women's advocate or organisation to help you leave. Where in Japan are you? I may be able to help but i can't promise anything.
Look, if you don't love yourself enough to leave him do you not even love him enough to leave him? One of you is going to die like this, alcohol is a massive risk factor in an abusive relationship. I cannot emphasize enough how much you are playing with fire here. You have two options, keep doing this and either end up dead or in prison, or start living again. Both of you have alcoholism and need to seek help for it. The codependency and binge drinking are overriding every instinct of self preservation. I would not recommend staying together because alcoholic couples literally never recover together. Not being dramatic anon, is this relationship worth dying for? I don't think it is. No matter how much the cognitive dissonance tells you that it's ok you keep finding your way back here looking for an escape. Please be honest with yourself anon, write a diary if the alcohol is inhibiting you from remembering why it is you want to and need to leave. I'm asking you again anon to leave him please, if not for the people you love you, or for him, or yourself please do it for us. You have the full support of crystal cafe cheering you on, here any time if you leave. If you stay we can't help a dead person.
Every time you go back to him OP you are putting yourself in a potentially deadly situation, please be careful.

Anonymous 95673


Laughing at her is not nice, but it's a mosquito bite. In contrast, every day she spends with her "boyfriend" is a day spent with a flesh-eating demon

Anonymous 95674

I'm with you anon. Tough love could be the answer. Worth any approach if it helps OP realise just how extreme and ridiculous this situation has become.

Anonymous 95855

OP again. After someone in the last thread mentioned OCPD I actually told my husband about it and he looked into it and surprisingly agreed it sounds like him. But he is resistant to getting professional help. He has been trying to do more things without following his rules but he has panic attacks afterwards.

He has also expressed wanting to back to "how he was" and has started contacting his old friends. He stopped going out with them because when I was manic I threw a fit about all his friends and told him to stop seeing them.

So soon I won't be his only source of socialization any more and I think his behavior will normalize a bit.
I was sober for about two and a half yesrs, relapsed last New Years, and now I'm sober again. But it's hard to keep it up being at bars/surrounded by drinking culture all the time.

Anonymous 95865


Not again… This thread is like a prolonged snuff thread. OP, we can see the sad ending to this even if you can't. And at this point you have dodged our advice so many times that you really are a lost cause.

It might be because you are taking on his traits, but you have been as arrogant and resistant to change as he is. I don't think you want to hurt or insult people here, but that is what you are doing. Do you really think we cannot tell that you dodge our advice every time you make a post?

Anonymous 95876

How many times has OP tried to leave so far? It takes about 7 tires for an abused women to leave for good. I lost count.

Anonymous 95877

She doesn't even think of herself as abused and is stuck in the "I can fix him" mindset. Truly tragic.

Anonymous 95889

She wrote she beat her boyfriend into the hospital do

Anonymous 95895

It's interesting that she continues to ignore 90% of the posts and just gives vague updates about new horrific ways her bf abuses her. Is this just elaborate torture porn? There is no way this is real. I don't know which is worse, the fact there are people who are blindly feeding into the troll or the emotional suck of a stubborn victim, or the woman who wasted 2 and a half years anchored to a man who seemingly torments her.

Anonymous 95898

OP you’re either going to die from a premature, stress induced heart attack or the moid will kill you. Or you’ll kill the moid, then yourself. And you’re gonna attract a lot of attention to this site.

Anonymous 95900


Kek from the same article

Anonymous 95901

Typical soy ''science''

Anonymous 95904

What did she mean by this sisters…

Anonymous 95910

Moids are very retarded and always get their "science" from botched up sources and reasoning. A reminder to please don't respond to moidposters, just report them.

Anonymous 95911

>botched up sources
define this

Anonymous 95913

Moids have a tendency to take certain phrases from sources, but out of context to twist what the info actually means. One example is how moids used an article about domestic violence to prove that lesbians were more abusive. However, if you were to read the article they linked, the article implies that lesbians suffered more from domestic violence but at certain points in their lifetime including outside of their lesbian relationship. Other times, moids will link very half-assed and unprofessional sources to confirm their cracked-up theories. One moid used a half asses google search about female and male chess player scores to "prove" that males were "more intelligent". Moids always use their toilet reasoning and out-of-context info to stir shit up in here.

Anonymous 95917

But dont all humans do this? Twisting info that looks kinda true one face value is one of the backbones of propaganda.This is why you should always look into more detail to information but for most ppl this is too hard because they have confirmation bias when they agree with a certain point of view or ideology. However dont expect ppl to stop this anytime soon because its the modus operandi for almost all of humanity.
>One moid used a half asses google search about female and male chess player scores to "prove" that males were "more intelligent"
Idk if this would imply that males are more intelligent first you need to define what the word ''intelligent'' even means to begin with since its an abstract word. However when i did a half-assed google search myself after reading your post it does seem to be true that males score higher and are the bulk op chess players. Just calling this half-assed foesnt make this particular claim false

Anonymous 95918

But the original post that got deleted had nothing to do with the topic at hand. It was just a random science meme with no context. Are the moids who post bait here really that boring?

Anonymous 95919

Yeah that meme it indeed had nothing to do with the subject probaly just farming for reactions

Anonymous 95920

OCPD or any other DSM-V or ICD-10 diagnoses(not that the previous version where any different)are not real diseases. All these diagnoses are nothing more than a subsection of symptoms of behavior that are given a name. When a psychiatrist is diagnosing somebody with so called ''disorders'' all they are doing is checking of a list of behaviors. This also makes the whole thing completely subjective and based on opinion in that regard but even if everybody was judged by the same standard than it still doesnt say anything. At most its an unreliable rough form of behavioral classification. I always cringe when people talk about being mis-diagnosed because you cant be diagnosed correctly to begin with. Its not like a real disease like cancer where the source of the symptoms is the cancer itself in these fake mental health disorders the symptoms are the disease. When somebody that is depressed is saying ''i dont have energy because of my depression'' for example he is really is just saying ''i dont have energy because i dont have energy'' since deppression is nothing more than a unreliable label for behavior. Im nothing implying with this btw that psychological problems do not exist they absolutely do and there is great variation in human minds and behavior relatively and some people are indeed very different and insane. However looking up some disorder symptoms and thinking ''yeah that fits'' really doesnt mean anything since these disorders dont mean anything. They have also written down the disorder symptoms in such a way that almost anybody that complains to a psychologist or psychiatrist will get diagnosed especially in the latest dsm edition its the medicalization of normal human behavior and emotion. The real reason our hijacked medical system is like this has more something to do with selling drugs will duming down and poisoning the population for controll purposes and even more monetary gain.

Anonymous 95997

I agree with you in the sense that most psychiatric treatments are overprescribed for monetary gain and that due to this "over awareness " thing we have going on and social media, people, kids especially, try to pathologize their every behavior to fit in the box of a diagnosis. However these disorders do exist and the criteria for any disorder has always that it has to have a marked impairment in daily functioning. People present themselves to their psychiatrists as more disordered and impaired than they actually are and psychiatrists are too quick to diagnose people, after all its their JOB to look through the lense of pathology, and they would probably feel bad if they told someone, "uh, you are fine, just a little quirky" leading to them overprescribing drugs and giving the patient what they want. They let themselves be dictated by what the patient thinks they need. Its like when you go to the doctors office for something minor and they feel like they have to do something so they prescribe some useless drug.
I disagree that these diagnoses aren't "real" just because we can not pinpoint the exact cause, but there IS a definite physiological component to MANY illnesses and the physiogical brain differences in people with schizophrenics and and bipolar disorder. After all, all pf our behavior and emotions are dictated by our brain which is a physical organ, so the problem has a physical component. This doesn't mean the brain is incapable of healing itself however, just like our bodies have immune systems. If someone gets a cold they do not automatically need an antibiotic and taking an antibiotic when you are not really sick can be very detrimental for many reason (one being superbugs). So every time someone comes in with depression they do not need to be prescribed am antidepressant, especially considering most depressive episodes do resolve on their own. This is compounded by the fact that nost antidepressants are based on guesswork and there is increasing evidence that the placebo effect may play a bigger part in the efficacy of these drugs than the drugs themselves.
No we can not pinpoint the physiological causes but they do exist, and we can observe the symptoms, just like physical illnesses existed before we understood them and many pseudosciences tried to treat them.

Anonymous 96331

Original OP again. Things are going a lot better. Basically we go out 2-3 nights a week on my husband's schedule and then the rest of the week is on my schedule. No more fighting about sleeping. He still insists on me wiping down groceries which I feel is unnecessary. But he has been more relaxed about eating/cooking.

Anonymous 96506

Nice, how about you take this not-so-stressful period and fucking LEAVE HIM before he starts fucking your life up AGAIN?

Anonymous 96513


i honestly don't think OP is gonna do shit, unfortunately. people have been telling her for two fucking years how to improve her situation, and all she does is have shit go out the other ear, and complain when shit goes wrong, and how miserable she is. really think she's doing this shit out of pity at this point. things are going to be "a lot better" and then next week she's gonna bitch and moan about how abusive he is.

either that or op is a troll, idk at this point. i'm just here for the ride lol

Anonymous 96528

I've been tthinking about it. We've been married a year and tge cleaning has actually increased since we moved back out by ourselves. After all his bitching for me to take an IQ test I finally took a free one, sent him the link and my result, and asked him to take the same one to compare. He refuses. I just think he's sad and has nothing to look forward to in life and takes it all out on me. But it's his own fault for not being able to go out on his own or at least get a part time job just to get out of the house.

Anonymous 96531

when are u going to leave him? u were so close last time

Anonymous 96532

>I've been thinking about it.

How about you stop thinking about it and just do it. Leaving him is the only right path.

Anonymous 96542

Lmao how much did you score?

Anonymous 96550


Could the OP be redirected to this image every time she posts

Anonymous 97165

Dog Shocked.jpeg

please tell me in the 3 weeks you've been gone, you've gotten away from that schizo….

Anonymous 97205


OP, I'm so angry at you. I'm in almost the exact SAME situation you are in, but I can't leave because I have $0 to my name and need at least $2000 to rent my own apartment in my home country. And no, I don't have family to help me.

You have a job, and money, and you still stay. I'd be gone if I had a source of income.

Anonymous 97208


Why can't you get a job? Is it because of a disability? If not, surely there's something you can get that will allow you to save up and eventually move out. Even something that's beer money.

If it's because of being stuck in a "Need experience to get experience" loop, start making shit up. It will be the only way to get out of it. Unless you volunteer, but in your situation you might not be able to afford that. It was something I should have done when looking for my first job and that everyone else was telling me to do, but I didn't and wasted alot of time job-searching as a result. Job-searching to be a dishwasher or burger flipper at a shitty restaurant for 7$ an hour should not have taken me nowhere near as long as it did.

Anonymous 97209


What country are you in?

Anonymous 97212

Foreign country, can't work, spouse controls all finances.

Anonymous 97214


Just like with the OP, I do not know what the price of freedom is in your case.

All I can tell you is that freedom is worth it. Whatever you need to endure, whether homelessness, working 2 shitty jobs, enduring loss of status. I encourage you to do it. I hope you are less retarded than the OP.

Maybe this is harsh but I have been yelling at the OP to change for a while now. In the end I realized that while she is a victim of a sociopath, she is herself a liar and a coward. She is not a moral monster and criminal like her "husband", but she isn't much of a person herself either.

It is unfair that people in these situations are called to lift themselves out of this situation by their bootstraps. Nobody deserves to be victimized. But that is reality. You must do whatever it takes. Be better than OP. I have faith in you.

If you don't, you will be here 2-3 years later, like the OP, still in the same situation. That is truly a worse fate than anything.

Anonymous 97220

I can't imagine becoming OP. I need $2000 to be free and I spend my time falling asleep planning my escape, and dreaming of ways to raise the money.
I will lose my status but that's fine with me. I can't get a job because of it, and my husband loves that.

Anonymous 97221

Oh, and I got a puppy before deciding to leave. But I'm at the point that I'll rehome my puppy. OP is such an idiot for having money and still getting sucked back in. I'm so jealous.

Anonymous 97230

idk much about your situation but you said you're in the USA. have you looked into women's shelters or something to hide at until you can raise money to go home?

Anonymous 97233


I wish you luck and strength. Please do not end up like OP.

Also, maybe you could find a woman's shelter like >>97230 said. I doubt anyone there is going to report you to immigration either, since shelter workers are likely to be left wing.

Anonymous 97265

Do you do the shopping? I saw an abused woman mention that she would buy gift cards on separate receipts with the money her husband would give her. You could use that to save money slowly, and then transfer it to a bank account.

Anonymous 98600

Original OP crawling back because I have nowhere else to go. So it's golden week and things started out okay, but after a few days my husband would just be angry at me from the moment get got up. I have been more forgetful but I've also been trying to adjust to his sleep/life style which is erratic. I get called a bitch, a cubt, stupid, baka, aho, kuzu etc. etc. all day. And of course we have to go drinking every evening till morning (I just drink non-alcoholic beer) and he rants at me.

Tonight we went to a nice place and had a fun time, then he wanted to go to a pub so I said ok… Then hd said we would go home. On the way home hd sudden death wanted to get off the subway a stop early so hd coukd "havd a drink on the walk hone" even though it's raining. Of course he really wanted to go to karaoke where he spent tge last 1.5-2 hours bitching me out and not letting me leave. I finally left but he wouldn't give me my bag so even if I go home I csn't get into my apartment.

Anonymous 98604

I couldn't get my bag so I can't go home but I have my wallet. It's raining, I have 6% battery, and it's 3am. I have no idea what to do. I just want to sleep.

Anonymous 98632

when will it end

Anonymous 98879


Are you going to leave?


Piss in your "husband's" clothes and then leave. Smear dogshit on his floor and leave. FUCK YOU and leave

Anonymous 99182

The apartment is under my name again and I can't afford to rent out 2 places.

Things are getting way out of control again. He expectsme to spend all my free time with him doing whatever he wants. He berates me and mocks me from when I wake up until I fall asleep (yeah I'm a baby but he drives me to tears daily).

We haven't had sex in months.

He purposely gaslights and baits me. I thoight this was in my mind but I recently changed my medications a little and he told me he purposely "tests" me. He says I have to be his "slave" because I'm dumb. Today he even had the nerve to ask "Is there a word meaner than bitch?" as if I would willingly give him more names to call me.

I'm going to go to the ward office this Friday to get divorce papers. I don't know how I'm going to get him to sign them. I don't want any of his money or anything I just want to be happy again. I don't mind losing all my stuff. But I don't know where I'm going to go yet.

Anonymous 101217

How is it going OP?

Anonymous 101397

You really need to get out of Japan. Even if he doesn’t sign the papers, start making plans. Try to get job offers that are willing to sponsor a visa in a country where healthcare will be affordable for you, probably somewhere in Europe. You don’t need to be divorced to pack your shit and hightail it out of there.

Anonymous 101614

I didn't get the papers because he won't sign them and it would just make him angrier. Things have been getting increasingly worse but I let him convince me it was my fault. He keeps track of all my "mistakes" and punishes me by punching or choking me. Every sentence aimed at me ends in a slur. Every day he makes me break down in tears telling me I have no friends, no one will care when I die, I'm worthless, etc. He literally told me I was dumber than a dog and tried to make me bark and I felt so disgusting and dehumanized I feel sick thinking about it. I got a bonus and instead of suirreling it away like I knew I should I told him about it. It's dumb but I just wanted someone to be proud of me and tell me good job but I didn't even get that. He has been increasingly violent in private and even in semi public places like karaoke rooms. It's to the point where I had a bank holiday off and I cried on the wsy home thinking about having three days trapped with him. He constantly tells me he wants to kill me violently and see me suffer. I'm not planning on coming home after work tonight. I can't get to my regular clothes without waking him up but I can bring sone underwear and work shirts. I'm just going to coast until I get paid. I'm scared he will show up where I work so I want to contact the police and tell them I don't want him contacting me but I don't think they can really do much.

Anonymous 101618

I'm bored. When are you going to stop whining and take control of your life?

Anonymous 101650

Where will you sleep when you get away from the place?

Anonymous 101734

Just book a flight and leave the country anon.

Anonymous 102278

Girl, you can speak/read Japanese right? We’re not some desolate shithole, we have women’s shelters and women’s help networks for people in your situation. Just fucking google them. And if you’ve been living under a rock on the JP side of the internet, just know to avoid “Colabo” and any network/person affiliated with them because you’re only going to get yourself into a different crock of shit that way. There are literally so many resources here if you’re living in a city and aren’t completely illiterate though, come on.

Anonymous 102335

This is so fake. This is an elaborate troll who's been stringing you all along with storytime posts for t h r e e years. Surely you don't believe these journal entries-type of posts and conveniently ignores any and all advice unless it's an excuse as to why she can't follow your advice, are real? How she baits and reels you all back in with a glimmer of hope ("I'm getting divorce papers") only to excuse not going through with it ("wait no actually I can't he-he") and repeating the cycle all over again.

Anonymous 102366

some of us believe/know it's fake but it's like engaging in a larp so it's kinda fun/entertaining idk

Anonymous 110997

OP here. I left when tge raids got bad. I also don't want to be a lolcow. Things have gotten way worse. I reached out to a women's shelter but they're full right now. I went to a city counselor and got a lot of advice, and now there's a record if me seeking help. I'm looking at a new share house to move to next week. If I can move I'm going to go no contact and change my phone number while I get legal advice.

Thanks for being my friends when I needed it and helping me realize I was (and still am) being abused.

Anonymous 111011

if youre not a troll, i'm proud of you for trying to get out

Anonymous 111026

Good luck nona. Hoping you stay safe

Anonymous 111062

Thank you both. I want to leave asap but I'm also so scared. My brain keeps trying to convince me to stay. I had to make a list of what I'll have to do for the rest of my life if I stay and it helps a little. Loojing at notes I made about him abusing me helps a little. But my mind clings to any nice or decent gesture. I feel bad that I'm "wasting" money on moving out. I keep reading the abusiverelationships sub on le reddit which helps. Hearing other people going through the same process I am is validating. But I feel sick to my stomach from the extra stress of sneaking around and making a huge life change and trying to process my emotions in secret on top of the regular stress I feel just being at home. But I want to be a success story.

Anonymous 111151

I'm probably moving out in two days after work!! I'm going to try to buy a blanket and stuff tomorrow. I'll only be able to take a few pieces of clothes, unfortunately I can't be choosy.

Anonymous 111180

I'm moving tomorrow! I wasn't before but now I'm scared me soon-to-be-ex will turn violent or try to cause problems for me. He told me this morning that he has to stay with me until he dies even though he hates me. I don't think he will show up at work but my coworkers were surprisingly cool when I told them about the situation (obviously I didn't tell them I was abused but me leaving without giving my husband my new address implies something happened).

Anonymous 111225

I did it! And I don't know my roommates that well yet but at least one feels like she would definitely be a miner.

Anonymous 111298

Sorry to make this my blog but the only other person I talk to is my mom and I'm embarassed to be proud of this. I made small talk with two (TWO) other girls here and we even made tentative plans to go out together next weekend. Everything is going so much better thsn the first time.

Anonymous 111444

Randomly thought of you op, I've been following since your last thread. I hope you're away and safe.

Anonymous 111487

Stab him in the groin. :)

Anonymous 111497

Thank you! I'm safe. Husband was messaging me at first but is respecting my request not to contact me.

I feel really free & light. It's awesome. But it's also really hard for me to adjust to being normal. It's hard for me to come inside with my outdoor clothes on. I lovd being able to cook and eat what and when I want to but my cooking skills have degraded a lot and I don't want to spend a lot of money so I pretty much eat the same thing every day.

I'm also freaking out about my future. But I'm trying to focus on healing first.

Anonymous 111516

I'm glad you're not giving up, good job! Don't be shy and keep us updated about your progress, it's nice to see you around.

Anonymous 111602

Why do you need to stay in japan? Go back home

Anonymous 112029

I can't drive, the meds I'm on are extremely expensive in the US, and I don't think I could get a job with a comparable salary (that I also enjoy) in the US.

I was thinking about going back next year, and inviting husband to come with if he changes… Then I dropped an egg on the floor. Nobody got angry at me. No one dished out a punishment for making a mistske. I didn't have to wash my clothes, take a shower, and spend an hour cleaning the floor. I won't have to hear for months about how I ruined the flooring.

I can't believe that was normal for me.

Anonymous 112043

Doooo noooooot gooooo baaaaaaack

Anonymous 112048

I get why you're in Japan, but I'm wondering what made you stay with him for so long. Why on earth would you invite him to live with you again?

Anonymous 112057

No friends
First serious relationship
He supported me for a few years
I made a lot of demands when ee started dating and he always followed through (I don't like those friends, delete those girls' numbers from your phone etc)
He gave up a lot of oppurtunities for me
When we would fight his family would just act like it was normal
He stuck with me when I was hospitalized w/health problems

Anonymous 112065

Keep reminding yourself of that feeling. I've heard Japan can be kind of a lonely culture to be flying solo, is it the only other option besides the US? I guess I'm thinking about how you're already used to being an expat and it might be good for you to start fresh in completely different place far from the ex, idk Korea or somewhere like that.

Anonymous 112073

Yeah, when I realized how tense my whole body went after dropping thst egg I snapped back to my senses.

The no friends thing is a me problem, not a Japan problem. I'm starting small with my roommates but I eventually plan on making friends now that I'm on my own.

Anonymous 112176

Holy fuck, you guys. One of my roommates dropped a plate in the kitchen. I asked if she was okay. Another roommate asked if she needed helo cleaning. The roommate who dropped the plate said no and cleaned it up. THAT WAS THE END. That would have ruined my life. I would've been cleaning for weeks & woukd definitely had to throw away alk the clothes I was wearibf at the time. My husband would've wanted to just throw away everything and move. (That's not an exaggeration. He's warned me if there was broken plates or glass he would freak out and want to trash everything. All our plates were plastic or steel for this reason.)

Like I knew things were crazy but living with normal people is really showing my how insane my daily life was!!

Anonymous 112191

Sorry if you answered this before, but did your husband ever get psychiatric treatment for his OCD?

Anonymous 112249

No. When we stsrted dating he saw a psychiatrist and was given some medication and took it for a while but he stopped taking it because he found out it was usually prescribed for schizophrenia.

He claims that in the past few years he's gone to several psychiatrists and they all say he doesn't have ocd and everything is my fault. Maybe he doesn't have ocd, but he definitely needs help. I honestly don't believe he's contacted any professionals.

Anonymous 112278

Antipsychotics are prescribed for severe OCD. Well, that would have been the one thing that could have made living with him more bearable, but if he’s not adherent definitely don’t invite him to live with you again.

Anonymous 112356

I'm trying. It's hard to mive on from soneone who has been such a big part of my life.

I told him I'm not moving back but I would consider it if he gave proof he's at least seeing a therapist, admits he has been abusive, and can show he's changed.He wants to go to therapy together and I said okay, but again I'm not moving back any time soon.

Then he asked me if I was having trouble sleeping and I just told him truthfully "No. I'm way less stressed because I don't have to deal with (all his abusive behavior) and I'm not crying every day. I can do (conpletely normal things like watch tv and go for walks) when I want to. It's awesome."

He hasn't replied and I have to wonder if he realizes he just reminded me shy divorce is the best option.

Anonymous 112462

Now he's asking me if there aremen living with me because if so I'm "breaking the law." lol. I can't believe I used to let this kind of behavior control me. I still don't have a concrete plan but keeping communication open with him is actually reminding why I left and keeping me from romanticizing things.

Anonymous 112821

OP again. He wants money for food and utility bills so I said I would give him some, but he keeps refusing to tell me how much he needs. I'm pretty sure he's trying to get me to meet him multiple times so we can convince me to come back. He hasn't done tge one thing I asked him to do (go to therapy) so I won't.

He's surprised that I had the forethought to bring all my important documents, get housing set up, etc. He literally thinks I'm retarded. He's upset because I didn't tell him I was going to leave. I did! I told him, in tears, that he was abusing me and making life hell. I told him almost every day "If you don't stop, I'm going to leave." and "One day I'm not going to come home." which he says he doesn't remember, despite always bragging to me that he has a photographic memory.

Once again reminding me why I was stupid to consider givibg him another chance.

I'm trying to work on building carreer skills and look into jobs I could get if I decided to go back to the us.

Anonymous 112840

Anon block him already.. you don't need his dumbass messages to remind you why you should stay seperated, you've got two threads full of anons yelling at you to leave him.

Don't give him money, treat this man as a stranger.

Anonymous 112953


Meanwhile, on the other end of the scale you have:

He is an abuser
He is a loser
He is thinskinned
He is more dependent than an actual infant
He is a manbaby
He has mental problems
He was sucking you dry for years like a leech

Seriously OP, if you are a real person, this thread has been a non-stop horror story for everyone reading it. In my mind, I sometimes use your life before you left as a negative reference point of "how miserable the lives of people can be". When you're making lists in your head trying to come up with reasons in defense of your abuser (which seems to be a habit of yours), please keep this in mind also.

Anonymous 113519

I'm glad you're not living with him anymore and are divorcing him. can you go to therapy or group therapy for yourself somewhere? please take care/stay safe

Anonymous 113699

What do you even like about Jp guys? What ethnicity are you?

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