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Vent thread Anonymous 97484
For vents that don't deserve their own thread
Old thread reached bump limit:
>>95169Anonymous 97486
>>97484My favorite hairstylist retired, I don’t know where to go now. I mostly liked her because she didn’t try to make painful small talk. “What do you do for work? .. wow that’s interesting” it’s not.
Anonymous 97487
>>97484Thank you, much appreciated.
I can't believe I was lead on by this man for about a week and a half. I'm an idiot, I'll just go back to my shell and not leave again. It's time to accept all I can get are scraps, things won't get any better.
Anonymous 97488
i just want everyone to leave me alone.
Anonymous 97489
my abusive ex boyfriend killed himself last night and I got the news this morning. part of me still cared for him and I just feel numb. this still all feels like a dream I can't wake up from. I wish I let him kill me when he strangled me last, at least I wouldn't have to feel this pain
Anonymous 97490
I torture myself thinking about my bf's ex. I think about all the things they did together and if we go to a place that they went together, i want it to be a better time than it was with her. Fml.
Anonymous 97491
Not sure if I joined a normie group or not but everyone is so devoid of interests and boring. I don't care to talk about other people but that's all they do.
Anonymous 97494
>>97480>I feel like I'm 85 now despite being 24.Literally the same age. I spend more of my time looking back on my past, beating myself up for my "failures". I had been mildly depressed for some time, but at this point it's not about one isolated episode. I've just become depressive. My thoughts, my mannerisms, everything. I loathe the people who don't experience psychomotor retardation as a symptom. I wish I were that high functioning. It's so incredibl palpable. One day I'm doing great. My brain's absorbing information willy nilly. I can reason on an abstract level. I can seamlessly register patterns. The next I could barely read two successive sentences without losing steam. My comprehension is non-existent. I'm so done. The only thing I had going for me prior to all this were my wits. And now I'm just… below average.
Anonymous 97495
i need to stop being nocturnal it makes my health worse.
Anonymous 97499
>>97495Same but nighttime is just so cool and atmospheric I can't do it. Maybe deep down I'm a frog or a cat.
Anonymous 97500
my ex and i have a kid together. our relationship kind of fell apart while i was pregnant but we didnt officially break up until she was two months old. shes nine months now and i still love him. we started hooking up two weeks ago (he says he isnt in the position to be in a relationship rn) and i still love him but i know hes using me
Anonymous 97513
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>>97494
>I loathe the people who don't experience psychomotor retardation as a symptom.ayrt
Well the psychomotor retardation likely stems from the depression. I read an article once that said depression can literally make you retarded by giving you permanent brain damage. Although personally, I might just have been slow even if I didn't have it. I learned basic shit like tying my shoes and tellling time later than typical kids. I still struggle with shit like locking doors. I'm not an autist AFAIK, but I sure damn feel like one alot of the time. I'm pretty damn incapable compared to the average person.
> I'm so done. The only thing I had going for me prior to all this were my wits. And now I'm just… below average.Yeah, I used to get called smart in grade school and always impressed teachers. I'm not sure what happened. I'm much more intellectually lazy now. I think what happens is we either 1) Overestimated our prior intelligence, 2) Don't have the same intellectual curiosity when we were younger, thus more complacent with second-hand information or 3) A combination thereof.
Anonymous 97516
There’s this rude fattie who works at my driving school that makes faces every time i ask her co worker questions about my log in status. some people never grow out of high school. Kinda tempted to go full on karen and ask for her manager
Anonymous 97596
bfeb032e99e7c66076…
>>96626 Again, I posted a bunch of selfies on my twitter at once with a stupid caption saying how I finally how enough courage to post these, and a younger male friend I knew for a few months commented laughing, I thought it was over the caption and asked what was and he replied saying my pictures are funny, he knows what I look like and saw some of these selfies before and never said anything.
I've always been nice to him and I give him life and college advice every now and then why is he mean to me publicly like this why do I get ridiculed by these guys that I count as friends?
Anonymous 97608
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I think I have a crush on a man who's only ever been with trans women.
We've sometimes talked on the phone for hours, with him telling me he doesn't want the conversation to end. So I felt like I had reasons to feel that he might at least like me a little bit.
But after looking at his following, apart from me and a few other girls, he mostly follows skimpy trans girls who show off a lot and I don't know how to feel.
Could it be that he leans more towards trans girls than cis girls? Should I give up?
Anonymous 97609
>>97608It's fucking over. Men are ruined.
Anonymous 97611
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I fell in love with a guy online that I've met through a sex chat, we had sexting without sending nudes and it was fun but we also talked about different things, our topics of interest, everyday life etc etc (the more we knew each other the less sexual talks we would have but he was incredible attracted to me).
At first I thought he was ugly so as weird as it can sound, I was really myself with him since I had no need to impress him in any way and I felt confident because of it, he's a 28 year old virgin (i'm 24) with commitment issues, never really allowed himself to fall in love and the closes hes had to a girlfriend was a junkie girl who hanged out with him only when she was bored, he isn't at all the kind of man I'm usually attracted to but he isn't a loser either, has a good job, earns well, lives by himself, you would think he's just a normal well adjustment man.
When I started to develop feelings for him I let him know and he was at first open to see where things go, I insisted him to meet in person (we are just one hour away in plane, within EU) but he didn't want to because it felt too soon for him which I understood, after some time he told me he would like me to focus on other people as he isn't emotionally available and so I did, when I told him about a friend who confessed his feelings to me he suddenly told me he actually liked me romantically then hinted that he was ready to meet and gave me a date, I let myself fall for him, like actually fall for him but then he started to show his commitment and self esteem issues, saying he wasn't enough for me and that he needs to feel more confident before we meet because otherwise he wouldn't be able to make any move, he compared himself to poison and told me he would like me to find someone who is actually good for me where I live so after a few days he cancelled the meet up and I ghosted him for some time, his icon on discord would show that he was writing something without sending it and he would be online at unusual hours (he has a very strict sleep schedule), I tried to focus on other things but I missed him and I talked to him again, ever since then he told me he can only get off thinking about me and felt bad when I told him I no longer had romantic feelings for him, ever since then we aren't as close as we used to and it saddens me.
I have plenty of opportunities with guys irl but I can't stop thinking about this guy, it was the first time in years where I felt butterflies for someone and I know we could have had something beautiful, I'm also angry at him for not letting himself be happy, he clearly liked me but he's a coward and can't overcome his issues, I'm probably the last chance in a long time that he would have and I just can't wrap my head around his lack of reason.
I've tried dating other men but it feels impossible to feel in the same way as I did with him.
Anonymous 97614
>>97608>trans womenYou mean TIMs
>cis womenyou mean women.
Being with trannies is unforgiveable and not something you can look past. Cut him off so you don't get hurt more.
Anonymous 97621
UNDERWEIGHT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTIVE
STUNTED PUBESCENCE IS ATTRACTIVE
HEIGHT DIFFERENCES ARE ATTRACTIVE
DEFENSELESSNESS IS ATTRATIVE
EMACIATED BODIES APPEAR MASCULINE ONLY TO THEIR INHABITANTS. RAPEABILITY IS FEMININITY
MY POWERLESSNESS IS OTHER'S POWER. MEN LIKE THEIR WOMEN SMALL, MEN LIKE THEIR WOMEN WEAK-WILLED AND FEEBLE-BODIED.
I'm such a hypocrite to my ideals…(pro-ana thinspiration must be spoilered and dont use caps.)
Anonymous 97623
>>97621You sound like you're going through a lot. Remember to give yourself a good rest when you feel too stressed out.
Anonymous 97624
>>97621It’s okay, a lot of us are. It takes time to practice what you preach.
I am literally starving myself to look hyper thin and feminine even though i’m a lesbian who finds men repulsive. Internalized misogyny is real, you can’t undo what’s drilled into you from birth.
Anonymous 97627
>>97624>i want to lose weight>this is internalized misogynyoh really?
t. another lesbian who doesn't like fatties
Anonymous 97629
>>97627I don't know if you just can't read or if you think women who aren't anorexic are fatties, but lesbians aren't the ones who set the female beauty standard. Even if some lesbians think that women are most attractive when they're childlike and vulnerable, that's after a lifetime of seeing that be the way most people (ie straight men) are attracted to women.
Anonymous 97631
>>97489I would do anything for my abuser to kill himself
Anonymous 97632
>>97627Please stop speaking like a retarded ana chan, you know what i meant. Adult women dont have hyper thin bodies, we have some muscle and fat in certain areas.
Anonymous 97634
I hate chronically online people. All they talk about is boring news that 4chan also obsesses about and posting memes. 4chan users in general are fucking retarded, they believe in every story that's posted there. Get a fucking life.
Anonymous 97635
>>97629fit, slim bodies are pretty. flabby, overweight bodies are not. both male and female. there is no misogyny involved, and i haven't uttered a single word about childishness or "rapeability" (what the fuck is that word, are you paranoid?) or vulnerability.
Anonymous 97636
I worked my way up to doing something ptretty challenging over about a week. I finally made my goal and I was happy all day. I was really excited to share it with someone but when I told my husband he just said "So?" in this bored tone. It really made me disappointed. In hindsight he's probably just coping because he's too lazy to do what I did. He still could've pretended to be interested. I get into his hobbies and support him when he does well. Men are a mistake.
Anonymous 97637
>>97632nta but adult women certainly can have hyper thin bodies. some of them starve to achieve it, sure, still adult women though. some of them are just like that without any eating disorders too as well. there's not a standard of body for women except having a vagina, and while it's definitely more common for women to be slightly chubby than to be thin, so it is for men (the average BMI of most developed countries tends towards slight overweight-ness) so it's not like it's something exclusive to the female condition. fat distribution would be more accurate than fat levels to measure that. but even then, plenty of women distribute fat to bellies too.
i think both thinness and chubbiness when in healthy ranges are attractive and i wish we would stop pitting the two against each other or acting like it's unnatural for a girl to be thin, or that if a girl is chubby then she's also unnatural and achieved that by being a pig. women aren't meant to look any way in particular and stating the contrary is something scrotes do to control us.
Anonymous 97638
>>97637>women aren't meant to look any way in particular and stating the contrary is something scrotes do to control us.Well said.
Anonymous 97640
Welp, at least no 2 girls 1 diet cup today..
Anonymous 97642
I will always feel out of place forever. My life is so disgustingly depressing. Why was i born in this shithole? Why is my family shit? Why am i stupid? Why did i have to face domestic violence? Why cant be like other women? Why cant i be normal? I want to die.
Anonymous 97643
>>97642I don't know your situation so I apologise if I'm making too many assumptions or if I sound like an armchair therapist, but tons of women face domestic violence and have shitty families, a lot of them to an absurd capacity, you're not weird or stupid because of it. I can guarantee you a lot of "normal" girls you see on the daily have been through a lot too, even if they don't immediately show it.
It's also perfectly normal for someone who grew up in an abusive environment to feel like you're dumb or worthless, even if that's not the case at all.
I've seen way too many girls who think they're not worth anything because they were raised by an abusive family.
Anonymous 97654
>>97636That really sucks. I'm happy for you that you did whatever task you were trying to do.
Anonymous 97664
Sometimes i feel like my soul was replaced three times, i have the old memories but i’m so detached from this person. I’ve deal with a narc who made me have a psychotic breakdown back when i was a teenager. Maybe i’m not the same since, but i hate not identifying with myself
Anonymous 97665
I don't know why but I feel like if I don't go home this Christmas to see my dad I won't get another chance to see him.
Anonymous 97682
I can’t get rid of the hole in my chest.
Anonymous 97684
Got drunk and googled up one of my high school teachers, according to government records they're unmarried and I know their address.. They're in their early 50s, I'm in my late 20s.. I don't know what my next step even would be. Not in a weird way, of course.
Anonymous 97685
I hate being an ugly. Not only am I ugly but now I'm aging too.
Anonymous 97686
Then:
>am poor but do semi-well is highschool because am friendless femcel
>gets accepted to T50 university with a full-ride scholarship
>upset because everyone else wanted me to go to a T20 or a T10
>fails first year at T50
>attends community college for a semester
>transfers back to T50 school
>mentor attended T20 school and family friends attend T10 schools
>people judge me for having attended cc in the past
>too much elitism so i gave and chose to stop competing because i already lost..?
Now:
>me: relaxed, no longer depressed, enjoys my life, genuinely likes myself, has fun, slowly becoming financially stable (no credit card debt or loans), business owner, managed to pay $0 for all of schooling and get 2 internships w/ a shitty gpa because am finesser and hustler
>them: stressed, on medication for depression, forever climbing corporate ladders, has $$$$ but high cost of living,
However, people (society and people IRL) are telling me that I’d prefer to live like them when I’m living well. Am I wrong?
Anonymous 97695
The serotonin from today's run only cleared my brain until 11 pm. Now im crying about how lonely I feel and how my only "Friends" are the virtual normoid fucks I see on tiktok (because i can no longer go on instagram). I'm so sad.
Anonymous 97696
I literally didn't like him when we're together and now i miss him????? Why am i so fucking unhinged.
Anonymous 97697
i want to kill myself everyday for living in an immigrant household and being stuck there
Anonymous 97713
525713c8c26a54a3ab…
I love my boyfriend so much and need to vent about my guilt.
I got teeth removed at the dentist the other day. It was the first time I had an actual surgical procedure done. The surgeon was wearing a mask but what I could see was very handsome and his voice was so soothing. I realized I have a bit of a medical play fetish that day. I liked the feeling of being at the mercy of a man who was very educated and would keep me safe, I liked knowing there was no way out, the restraint, yet the politness of him and the nurses. I even experienced an IV for the first time and enjoyed that. The dentist slapped my arm to warm the area up first and then stuck the needle in. They gave my a weighted blanket to calm me down and told me to breathe. It was such an oddly enjoyable experience. When I woke up I was high as a kite and felt like I was madly in love with this masked dentist. I keep falling asleep thinking about medical scenarios now.
I don't know how to tell my bf. He's so sweet and innocent. I think this is something we'll discuss further down the road. But I do feel bad that I got some kind of perverse gratification from another man, even if he was just doing his job.
Anonymous 97714
>>97713I don't think you really need to tell him unless you want him to do that sort of thing.
Also I do like when they gently but firmly move my head around and stick their fingers in my mouth.
Anonymous 97715
The good news is the captcha in 4chan is so indecipherable that it's not worth posting on any of their boards.
The bad news is I had an entire romance story written for someone on another chan involving One Direction, Timothee Chalamet, and Christopher Nolan ready yet was banned due to "Abusive IP Range".
Ah well, if it's past my grasp it's past my grasp.
Anonymous 97720
>>97715>the captcha in 4chan is so indecipherableWait what? It's stupid simple.
Anonymous 97721
>>97720ntaryt but I'm a phoneposter and the captcha is impossible. And I don't want to install an app for reasons.
Anonymous 97725
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>>97484content warning for grooming btw
i literally cannot feel anything other than occasional sadness i just want my drugs, but i haven’t made enough money for them yet.
i do not understand what i did to deserve this life i really tried my best, but no matter how hard i try nothing ever gets better
people told me it would get fucking better i have literally waited years.
my best friends i had for two years left me in june, for some reason even when i do everything fucking right when talking to someone even when message them a normal amount they just stop talking to me. am i that weird? i wish i was never born autistic why can’t i just be normal
sometimes loneliness can be so fucking lonely that it leaves you wanting to implode every two seconds because the feeling is too much to bare. you never know when it’s gonna end and it’s scary. i literally had spiritual delusions for a few months thinking that random times on the clock were times i was finally gonna have a close friend
nobody cares about me idk why everyone leaves me
i am nobodies best friend
one time when i was younger (like when i was underaged) i felt so lonely that i started talking to older women online and guess what they pressured me into sending nudes
even when i was a kid like a preschooler no one would fucking talk to me my entire fucking school life no one talked to me what the fuck did i do wrong who did i anger am i that ugly or retarded
everyone calls me annoying too. literally everyone, they’d call me annoying at school i get called annoying at home i got called annoying by my old online friends
recently, when i talked about my suicide attempt once on a discord server that one of my friends owned i talked about when i tried to rope myself and i said the cord i used hurt and caused my neck to bruise they replied “maybe you’re too fat” and i think that’s my breaking point lol i’m not fat but still why are you so cruel??? they didn’t even get punished or called out
god i miss the friends i had for two years so much
i want my tablets so bad right now, they are otc so they’re cheap (robotabs) so hopefully i can afford them soon
i cannot handle being clean it is too much to handle i just wanna dissociate all day and the type of drug i abuse LITERALLY makes me forget things for like days so that’s why i like them
Anonymous 97727
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>>97725(i am the anonymous)
my ex gf (long distance) was apart of the friend group of two years,,,, so that’s the biggest reason i miss them so much
i’ve been having vivid dreams about them lately and it’s fucking torturous, mainly because THEYRE ALL ABOUT THEM COMING BACK. they always make me remember that they’re never gonna come back and then i wake up crying or sweating
i just want my my druggggggggggg
Anonymous 97729
>>97721I agree the 4cuck captcha is absolute AIDs, at least for me a fellow phoneposter
Anonymous 97730
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>97608
don't bother with men who are attracted to or have been with troons.
It's not natural to be attracted to TIMs and it's almost always influenced by porn habits and porn addiction, it's degeneracy and if you end up with him you'll never fully satisfy his urges and wishes because you're not a man. simple as.
a porn addicted moid who likes TIMs will always cheat. He will never appreciate a good woman and will always gravitate towards other porn addicted moids who larp as oversexualized caricatures of ""women""
do yourself a favor and do better, you'll thank yourself for it.
Anonymous 97731
>>97714that's rly the best part I'm glad someone gets it at least a little.
maybe much further down the line I can ease my man into kinky stuff like that but I hate feeling like a cumbrain. I don't even watch porn wtf.
Anonymous 97732
why am i so fucking creepy and why is it worse than being simply unhinged
Anonymous 97736
I tried to get a line of credit today but was rejected because I haven’t been at my job long enough. Even though I make 4 times what I would be borrowing. I was pretty bummed about it cause I’d like to start working on my credit and I’m gonna on a little trip and the extra money would be nice. My bf starts getting at me for being upset. I simply tell him like I’m a little bummed and don’t really wanna talk about it. (I know he’s just gonna think it’s silly and I’m really not in the mood to deal with him.) He then in his most snarky voice goes “so you’re gonna be an asshole cause you can’t go on a shopping spree. You just bought fucking sheets” He literally yolo’d $400 on stocks with his pay check. But okay whatever I’m just a silly dumb girl who wants to shop.
Anonymous 97737
God fuck dammit I pushed him away once too often. He put up with my shenanigans, passed all my convoluted shit tests and still I was a fucking clown with him. I will never learn. Now I want him. Fuck my hell timeline.
Anonymous 97738
I have the most retarded suite mates who keep banging on doors. They also have moids for friends who do the same. The moids are especially insufferable and racist. The suite mates just say “omg, Brad nooooo…don’t say that! uwu” uwu
Anonymous 97739
>>97715please put it on pastebin i must read this
Anonymous 97745
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godfucking dammit
wanting to lurk and search for people to talk to i went to a discord server
surprise surprise, i showed the things that pissed me off and then some cocky motherfucker pissed me off
i won't be able to sleep tonight because of that fuck. i am so fucking tired of toxic people everywhere, it's like i can never find a good person. everyone is just some sort of wicked demon who just wants to push everyone's buttons.
i hate it. i will die alone because of this.
Anonymous 97746
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less than a month left of this semester and i'm failing every class. 4 for 4. what a waste of a semester. and money. and time. i don't know how to get out of this rut. at this point it seems like i'm going to repeat all 4 classes. the only thing good in my life rn is my bf. my job hasn't scheduled me for the past month. my 800 in savings has turned to 230 as of today since im living off it. shit could be worse though, and feeling sorry for myself is not doing me any favors. i physically can't bring myself to get out of bed. i've missed a whole month of in person classes bc i sleep in till like 1 and then wonder why i feel like i have no time in the day. my doctor says i havent had my period in a month bc im so stressed. fml
Anonymous 97751
I'm just fucking done with dating. Too much bullshit, stress and anxiety that outweight the possible benefits. Either I just meet shit men or I'm a shit woman to a good man. Some people just belong in the shadows.
I'll just get cats and live a life of a nun, fuck this shit. Just don't care anymore. At least I'll have a peace of mind.
Anonymous 97755
>>97751I have to agree nona. Having a bf is so fucking overrated. It’s crazy how media and so many normalfag women make it the be all and end all of a woman’s life. I honestly think the pros only outweigh the cons in a relationship if the guy is super hot, loaded, great at sex, emotionally available and doesn’t lie or cheat, treats you like a princess etc. And let’s be honest, that automatically rules out 99.99999% of men. I’m starting to think the radfems who describe female heterosexuality as a form of Stockholm syndrome were right all along.
Anonymous 97764
Why is it always so fucking hard at night. The loneliness sets in. I wish I had something stronger than melatonin capsules to knock me the fuck out. I think i need to go back on the meds. I miss who i was before. I miss my potential. I miss having a social circle.
Anonymous 97765
"Chronic sleep deprivation can increase a person's risk of cardiovascular diseases, obesity, and diabetes."
Great, I'm fucked.
Anonymous 97772
My husband made me feel like total shit last night and I just disassociated partway through and started inagining my made-up best friend braiding my hair. I haven't used her to cope in a long time. I also fell back on my pants-on-head retarded "self harm" of hittibg myself as hard as I can on the head so now my head hurts.
Aaaand I'm second-guessing myself at work because he told me everyone thinks I'm stupid but is too polite to say it to my face. Yaaaaay.
Anonymous 97773
>>97772Japan anon, right? Please leave your husband.
Anonymous 97774
>>97772You have a job that means you have the means to leave him right
Anonymous 97779
>>97772every single day you stay with him you dig the hole deeper. Leaving today is always easier than tomorrow. Do it NOW.
Anonymous 97784
>>97731Is it cumbrain to tell your bf what feels good?
Anonymous 97788
I miss when violent scenes in movies didn’t trigger flashbacks
Anonymous 97789
I'm terrified of the fragility of the concept of reality. I don't like to dream for the same reason. If I don't question that the world no longer runs on logic, and my dreams stay peaceful, I only understand what a bizzare illusion I completely fell for once I wake up. That's scary in a more existential way, but my lucid dreams are true nightmares. I can't handle reality not making sense. AI generated images viscerally horrify me, just the sight of them, the uncanny valley. Back when it was deepdream I used to be unable to force myself look at them at all.
The singularity is approaching. I can't know how it'll manifest but I'm afraid of the possibility an inescapable and incomprehensible virtual reality.
Anonymous 97795
495E07AD-F2A6-4581…
I’m fucking tired of everything. I just want to get drunk, but I cannot because my bf thinks I have a “problem”. Maybe I do, so what? I’m unemployed, I’m not in education, I’ve no friends, I’m 10 000km away from my family, my life is going nowhere. I need a fucking drink to cope.
I’m already an adult, why do I need my bf’s permission to drink? I left my entire life to come live with him. I’m totally dependent on him, I feel like a child. I want to die.
Anonymous 97798
>>97796
The fuck is this incel shit? Fuck off.
Anonymous 97805
salem.png
I wish my dad would stop assuming I care about his side of the family more than I do. My cousin just had a baby and he's even sending me photos of it now..but she's someone I haven't spoken to since last year. I never speak to anyone on his side of the family and I haven't since my grandma was last alive - someone I also didn't have strong relations to and only visited once a year only because he would make us (So much so, that I didn't really feel anything when I heard she passed away, even though I cried so much over my maternal grandmother passing away.) . I've never been close with anyone from his family so this is just awkward.
Anonymous 97840
I was really looking forward to seeing my family for Christmas but now it isn't happening. My parents are in their 70s and I want to spend more time with them.
Anonymous 97845
I think i hit a dead cat with my car, even though its dead this scared me because i usually watch for cats out in the road like a hawk. This is not helping my already existing panic disorder.
Anonymous 97846
34efa0d1f1ecc17c1f…
I got drunk and I can't sleep now
How foolish.
Anonymous 97851
Oh yeah! That's how people react when you say something against cosmetic mastectomies on normie websites! Lucky it wasn't me, I guess.
Anonymous 97855
>>97805Have you considered changing the subject when he does that? There's really no polite way to tell him to stop, sadly. Boomers are just like that sometimes.
Anonymous 97857
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I got into an infight on LC because I was defending another anon who was getting body shamed (she reminded some people of some retarded anon they thought had the same trait, so they assumed it was her and started mocking her).
It makes me sad, because they're the reason so many women go on to get cosmetic surgery, but then those same people will shame those women for "pandering to moids". (Pick-me) women really are as bad as men when it comes to these sorts of things, and I'm getting tired of pretending otherwise. The ironic thing is none of those women will ever meet the same standards they push on other women, and they probably hate themselves too. We do it to ourselves.
Anonymous 97861
The internet stopped being fun to me since I became an adult. Shortly after I turned 18 I deleted all my old accounts where I used to post content and abandoned my hobby. Eventually I deleted the irl accounts too like facebook. I don't like posting anymore because it makes me anxious. Imageboards are ok because I'm anon and I don't worry about being cringe. But. Yeah.
Anonymous 97862
>>97861What a waste of time. No one would care about whether youre cringe or not except narcs who lack self awareness and are looking for anyone to look down on
Anonymous 97864
>>97855No, not really. I would feel bad because I'm sure it's natural for him to want his own children to care about his family. Back when my grandma was alive, he used to make us visit her every year but he doesn't realize we literally only did out of obligation to him. My dad also loves making us all go on group calls with his family, but it's obvious that even his family doesn't really want to be on the call half of the time so it just feels awkward. Our interaction with his family has almost always been forced, but no one can really bring it up to him at this point.
Anonymous 97868
I've been working on my first novel for three years now and I'm terrified it won't sell at all
I have no online presence, absolutely zero, not a twitter account, not an instagram account, not a tiktok account
I don't know the first thing about marketing
I put so much effort into it, I consider it my life's work but the more I try to work hard on it I know in the back of my mind that I've dug myself into a fucking hole
Anonymous 97869
>>97868You absolutely sound like a writer. We're all self deprecating losers who worry too much.
Hey, you don't need a social media presence. Start by looking into publishers and agents. You'll be fine.
Anonymous 97871
idk if im supposed to do a tw but if so tw for sh
just sh for the first time in over four years. i have been thinking about it for a few days. the main thing that was stopping me was fear of freaking out the guy ive been seeing but now im almost looking forward to him seeing them bc i want him to comfort me. i know how insane and manipulative that sounds. another thing that was stopping me was that i feel like its a very juvenile thing to do, just cringe at my age. i didn't go crazy w it so hopefully they will heal soon and i can just pretend this never happened and deal with my depressive episode or whatever in a normal adult way. on the bright side i feel so ridiculous and embarrassed now that i probably won't do it ever again. so.
Anonymous 97878
>>97869Are you speaking from experience? I’m not doubting you I’m curious
Anonymous 97881
>>97871I came very close to breaking a clean streak of a similar length recently.
It sucks that it's an ever-present urge whenever shit feels bad, and I totally get the weird manipulative Sadgirl part, too. But maybe you had to relapse just to realize this doesn't do anything for you anymore (aside from feel embarrassed).
Anonymous 97885
got called a tranny on discord for posting my anafag phase pics im actually seething
Anonymous 97886
>>97885>caring what "people" on discord think Anonymous 97891
>binge on food
>regret and say I'll never do it again
>a few days pass
>binge and regret
That's my life lol
Anonymous 97896
i want a remote job so bad but my dumbass country is made of extros who want to "meet" at the office. its so exhausting.
Anonymous 97905
Why are people online these days so mean-spirited? I just got a bunch of downvotes on a post, even though I said nothing wrong and even showed self-improvement. And just the other week I got dogpiled online somewhere else with a bunch of false assumptions and accusations towards me. Fuck inb4 "No shit sherlock, get used to it. Especially if you're on an IB." but the internet is so fucking mean.
Anonymous 97912
>>97905these days? It was always like that
Anonymous 97913
>>97795hearing ldr horror stories makes me so scared to move with my bf in 6ish months. I always think "it'll all be good once we move in together" but evidently that is not the case.
Move back home.
Anonymous 97924
>>97881yes! i feel like if anything this will help me stay clean in the long run bc it's erased the nostalgia i have/curiosity about starting again. glad you stayed strong, keep it up, hope you are feeling better than you were when you were considering it.
Anonymous 97925
>>97484i am being sent to a nut house soon
Anonymous 97930
>>97912True, but somehow I feel it is even worse. 90% of the time I've gone online for advice on a serious personal problem I've gotten no actual constructive feedback and just aggressive, sarcastic, rude guilting and shaming responses. inb4 "No shit" on this too but the internet really does tend to suck ass for advice. People have no tact whatsoever.
Anonymous 97938
It’s my 2nd season working at this resort and so far I’ve been stressing. Last season I met this guy who we became very good friends with and eventually he would vent to me about his roommates/friend he’s known for years. I was appalled from what he told be about them and it changed my view about them. Fast forward to now, they came back with two others who’s also known him and they became our neighbors( employees from different states, including me, live in the dorms). I texted him saying “oh wow [names] are here and the other two are my neighbors.” He immediately calls me and starts praising my neighbors and shit (my bf told me to put it on speaker) so the neighbors might’ve overheard us talking. Eventually I met up with the main girl he had beef with and she actually seemed pretty excited and gave me a huge. I felt bad about it because we would talk shit about her and I was lowkey scared to see her again. Later on all the employees were hanging out at the campfire and all four of them just conversed between each other until one of my neighbors asked “so who tf told [name] that I was here” and they all started to talk shit about him. I stayed quiet not knowing what reaction to have because I thought they were in good terms. I had the realization that I shouldn’t take neither side because it really isn’t my issue and I’m just his friend that trusts me with his problems. I should just treat that crowd like normal people than avoiding them (I think they might be avoiding me tho but it’s whatever)
Maybe I’m just overthinking shit but I don’t want to be involved in someone else’s dirty laundry just because I’m associated with my friend.
Anonymous 97949
Van_Gogh_-_Trauern…
A while ago, my hard drive failed, so I sent it to a data recovery place. They gave me a three-week turnaround time, but a week in, they sent me an email telling me to call them back with regards to the data recovery. I'm scared that it'll be bad news. I don't want to lose my data.
Anonymous 97952
f89c0c1df33918b83a…
I graduated college a few months ago and I've been working part time for my parents business. It's honestly not even a real job, it's more like "do x,y,z for me" I'm happy to help them because they have a lot on their plate but I really need to find a 9-5 job, move out, and start my life. They are really understanding and supportive thankfully, but the problem is I feel SO overwhelmed when I look at job postings. Like I don't even really know what exactly I want to do, I have a stem degree so I have lots of options. I just want a chill, low-key job where I sit at a desk and crunch numbers all day. I feel so fucking lame sometimes because I graduated late and am in my mid twenties and feel stunted compared to my peers. It's so frustrating. Idk why I can't just get my act together figure it out.
Anonymous 97957
I’m so passive I just let a dude buy me a plane ticket to go see him even though I’m definitely not gonna do that :( I just like didn’t know how to say no or that I didn’t want to.
Anonymous 97958
>>97952>I feel so fucking lame sometimes because I graduated late and am in my mid twentiesI literally graduated at 28 so it's not that bad, luckily I've got job right away at some job week at my uni right before graduating
Anonymous 97961
>>97957If you actually want to go but won't because you think of yourself as passive, just go. You'll be very satisfied with yourself to have finally done something for once. I say this because I can relate.
If you don't want to go because the moid sucks, or you have doubts about him, then don't go obviously.
Anonymous 97979
>>97961I would to just like to not get murdered tbh
Anonymous 98011
Still thinking about how my cousin fucked up my perception of men when i was like 9 from showing me porn at that age. I should NOT have been thinking about grown men trying to fuck me as a child. I still have horrible sexual intrusive thoughts.
Anonymous 98029
It feels like I'm always going to be eternally sad over my ex. Feels like I lost someone truly special. I've always had it in my mind that we're soulmates and going to be together forever.
Anonymous 98037
nagatoyuki.png
I feel like I related a little too much to the silent and closed off anime protagonist as a kid and now I'm like this for reals
Anonymous 98039
nobuta.jpg
>>98037It makes me realize it was one reason I was so drawn to Japanese media. Never before have I seen that many quiet characters with social issues as in other media. I come from somewhere where being quiet is an extremely stigmatized trait and gets you treated like a retard or alien. That in particular is a trait that is inherent to me at this point, so I appreciate seeing it represented in a way that is respected and valued for once. Especially after having been brutally made fun and put on the spot for having it, my whole life.
Picrel Not anime, J-drama but Nokuko Kotani because I haven't found any other character from any other media that nearly as closely represents what I was like in middle school. It's why it is one of my favorite J-Dramas of all time. Her behavior + the bullying is like seeing myself there all over again. I'm currently watching another J-Drama that has a woman who starts out as a 30-year old very socially challenged virgin. If that ain't going to be me. It should be illegal making characters this relatable.
Anonymous 98043
>>98039What's the name of the one you're watching now?
Anonymous 98046
1590669425707.png
>>98029sucks doesn't it?
the worst feel is, for me at least, coming to terms with the fact that this person will eventually disappear from your head
you're supposed to move on, but, at the same time, this was a person i daydreamed about spending my whole life with. I can't imagine no one else, nor do i find anyone else as sexually arousing because of the things I felt with them
Anonymous 98054
aoishi.png
>>98043It's called I'm Taking the Day Off. It's not bad so far. Other than out of all the things I can't relate to, it's that the woman is physically attractive.
Anonymous 98056
mirin.png
the internet is just a breeding ground for mental illnesses
someone just EMP everything, i want out
Anonymous 98059
images.jpg
I bought a porcelain figurine from ebay. It came today. Before I finished unwrapping it, I dropped it, and now it's broken. It was really beautiful, and I really wanted it, and now it's broken and I can't find another one.
Anonymous 98061
>>98060
Yes, but I really wanted the sculpture.
Anonymous 98066
IMG_3293.jpeg
i’m really really lonely..
despite having a bf of almost 9 months and being on semi regularly texting terms with 2 people. i know my lifestyle of not speaking to anyone for days until i see my bf or work on the weekends is not helping me feel so alone. going out just scares me. i hardly have any desires. which could be seen as a good thing…..doesn’t feel like it is though. i have to find a hobby.. i just sit here… online.. talking to no one. on this dead thread. waiting for it to get late so i can just go to bed. wake up. take benzo to function at work . black out friendly conversation w co workers and customers tht i would be overthinking and fucking up if not for the benzo… take teh adderall to give u energy & suppress appetite .. take srni. work.drive home. microwave pizza roll… scroll youtube. FmmmmmmFffaaaasccdsaa it’s over
Anonymous 98067
>>98046I relate to everything you said. What really breaks me is how your ex will also do the same to you. You are just a side character in their life, they will move on, and they will find someone who will be so perfect for them, as if this perfect person were always meant to be in their life. I am slowly coming to terms that that perfect person isn't me, and maybe I'll be happy for my ex too, if she does find someone else who will make her even more happy than I ever made her. I'm still not fully healed but I hope we can both get through this soon. Sending you serious hugs anon. <3
Anonymous 98068
I offhandedly told my dad I don't look up to him as a father figure. I just know he's going to ruminate over that and make a big deal about it.
Anonymous 98069
126781267812.png
in the long run, as retard generic as it sounds, it gets better
Anonymous 98075
>>98069In the long run, we are all dead
Anonymous 98083
Oh God. This is one cruel cosmic level fucking joke. Someone put me in charge of my own life. Me. Fucking me? I wish I were actually insane and not just grossly executively dysfunctional.
Anonymous 98084
Back in the day i coped with loneliness by browsing 4chongos. Except that website could get so slow for my understimulated, dopamine deprived self and I would end up in various obscure niche interests. Or holed up in /pol/ or /int/ (fast boards). I haven't browsed the chans in a year and I can't seem to go back to it.
Now I think about coping with loneliness by messaging my ex. Thank fuck my ego is overlarge and my insecurities are crippling. I could never live with myself if ever I give that loser the inclination that im pining. I just want a life so bad.
Anonymous 98086
Would you fucking believe it? My dopamine receptors are so fucking fried I cannot derive a single ounce of enjoyment from anything. Facebook is a barren hole. Instagram stories are the same highlight reel from the same three people that i cannot give a single fucking fuck about. The discover page is filled with some very aesthetic pictures that would normally have me salivating and daydreaming but now incite nothing but indifference in me. Tiktoks were growing increasingly hard to relate to and enjoy (the algorithm is still doing a perfect job adhering to my """"interests""""). I don't feel like a real person anymore. Like an actual human being. How the fuck do people subsist on being NEETs for years and years? This is absolutely soul crushing. I can't not define my identity around my social function. Not when I don't have a vocation or some passion that stimulates me so fucking deeply it would compensate for being a leech on society.
Anonymous 98093
I don't think I will ever have another friend and I thought I was okay with that but I'm not.
Anonymous 98096
I wanted to kiss you so bad last night but I know you'll never be with me. It hurts, because I have never met anyone like you
Anonymous 98098
i'm not sure if i even still like men and my family keeps pestering me about being 25+ and unmarried but if i don't find a boyfriend soon i feel like i'm going to fucking lose it
>>98069i hope so, pepe
Anonymous 98099
I need a job. I want two jobs actually. I want to be so busy and overworked I can barely register the deep fucking void that I have inside me.
Anonymous 98101
Im so close to having a breakdown and i dint have meds or someone to talk to. I feel like im simmering on low heat and im so close to the point of combustion
Anonymous 98102
In a long distance relationship and feels like my bf doesn’t like me anymore, gone from texting everyday and playing games with one another regularly to only texting maybe once/twice a week, and not playing games online together, since around january, I’ve mentioned it to him before but it seems like he doesn’t care. Idk what to do about him as I love him but we rarely interact anymore and I do try to be more interesting…
Anonymous 98114
I was looking forward to this day all week and it started off and has continued to be awful. I don't have anything else to look forward to. At least I was happy all week being excited for it, I guess.
Anonymous 98148
>>98101Me too. Except i have meds they just make me fat and i’m not taking them
Anonymous 98155
imagem_2023-04-23_…
i hate being a butch lesbian but i have no idea on how to be more feminine.
i want to feel pretty and soft, to feel like a girly girl and every fucking time i talk about this people act like is not a big problem.
i feel truly disgusted when i see butch lesbian and i don't want to be one.
thinking about going to the gym, letting my hair get longer… i want girls to look at me and treat me like a fucking girl.
i want to be a princess but i want a strong woman to treat me like a whore
Anonymous 98156
i'm so tired of being ugly as fuck
Anonymous 98163
My Pinterest account was suspended because of "spam". I was just saving pictures which is what the site was made for. Idiots.
Anonymous 98166
1673483787350.jpg
I feel a dull ache in my chest and stomach when I'm sad, and I hate it. I want to scream or go back home. I feel like a failure, and the meds aren't helping
Anonymous 98169
20230424_170316.jp…
Are telehealth sessions usually supposed to require you to have your camera on? The counselor I just scheduled one with did and I am not comfortable doing so.
Well, she looked like she had crazy eyes so I wouldn't have been comfortable continuing the session anyway. I immediately disconnected from it.
Anonymous 98171
>>98155Me too, i try so hard to be girly i just end up looking frumpy…
Anonymous 98174
>>98155>i want girls to… treat me like a fucking girlI don't understand what you mean by this.
Anonymous 98175
i know this is pathetic but i really don't care anymore.
my anxiety is crippling. opened a job board yesterday to apply and practically had a panic attack at the mere prospect of filling out my information. i am filled with such shame and self loathing that i cannot even "Fake it till" i make it like i preach.
are there any drugs that can knock me out cold? all i have is magnesium tablets and with the accutane i may as well be kissing goodbye to my fucking liver
Anonymous 98176
>>98148man i remember when i was on meds and i was so scared of gaining weight i just slept all day and consumed 400kcals at night and slept some more. I lost 5 kilos that year. Good shit.
Anonymous 98177
I was going through a hissy fit on Saturday night so i went on messenger and shat out some 10k long vent post to the scrote i used to date. I deleted it because I absolutely do not want to talk to him. He never gave me reassurance when we were together. Which isn't really his fault, i just get so unhinged sometimes that i seek comfort that i do not even know how to articulate. I had another breakdown yesterday and almost snapchatted him but realized I was being a little mewling baby looking for outside validation for my fee fees and that I was better off keeping my dignity and not exposing my weakness to this moid.
He asked me today if I had anything to say to him and I just ignored him. I feel like a child.
Anonymous 98178
Almost 3000 pictures and videos deleted from icloud because i forgot to back them up in another storage.
I feel strangely heartbroken.
Anonymous 98180
>>98178Same thing happened to me, except I did not even ask to use icloud in the first place, they went there against my will. Sad time.
Anonymous 98186
Screenshot_2023032…
my life will be terrible and hard for a long time and it is all my fault. i should've pushed through when i had the chance instead of pathetically giving up.
Anonymous 98188
i will be an agoraphobic shut in neet until i die i guess. life is terrible no matter what i do, im completely cut off from everything.
Anonymous 98222
Tuxedo Cats Weezer…
it's been 2 months since i said i'd send at least one message to one person everyday, so as to make new friends. i've stayed consistent, sometimes i've even sent out multiple messages to multiple people, but the pay-off has been a different story.
as i figured, it's gone nowhere with most people. sometimes that was my fault though. i'd lose the desire to continue a conversation with some people, or forget entirely to reply back.
i met someone i could tell was off, but they seemed nice enough. we had a solid 1-2 weeks of friendship. though they told me 'i love you,' several times, and when they made it clear they wanted me to say it back, i told them that if they were attracted to me, it wasn't gonna happen. there was a shift ever since then. they talked less and less, and when they did talk, they'd start trauma dumping. shortly afterwards, there came a point where they ghosted me.
i don't believe it's impossible to make new friends. change is slow, but holy hell, is it disheartening. i've become more anxious since i started doing this. it might be best if i take breaks every now and then.
in the mean time, i've been thinking about getting back into gaming. pc games were how i made my old friends (that lasted years). just not sure what games to start with.
Anonymous 98250
>>98174Average women act like butches are men or as if we’re interested in them.
Anonymous 98251
Why can't I just form normal functioning relationships?
I hate having attachment issues.
Anonymous 98252
>>98250Do you want to, like, discuss makeup and shit? I'm not judging, to each their own, but you might regret it. My brief uwu feminine phase ended that way. I was bored to tears with health complaints, cat photos, kid photos, wedding photos, comparing soup recipes, fashion talk, boyfriend talk, and all that jazz.
Anonymous 98254
Sometimes it feels like i’m skinwalking my abuser
He would take on many hobbies because he’s a self absorbed narcissist, his works were trash and i was a 16 year old with no money at the time, i encouraged him and never thought anything of it. He envied me and deviated me from art, to the point of beating me under the guise of me reacting to his abuse. (I insulted him for putting his hands on me) then i came back a few years ago and started drawing again and took up sculpture (something he did, badly) everyone treats me like a skinwalker, i wish i could be myself without anyone tying me to this pathetic woman beating minor grooming predator
Anonymous 98255
>>98252I’m not OP, but i mainly replied out of my own experience. I dont mean discussing makeup or being feminine. Its just a lot of women, at least in my age group (21-25), act very weird around a masculine or tom boyish woman. That’s all i mean. Whereas normal women just converse easily and comfortably. Also, what’s wrong with cat photos?! The hell? Kek
Anonymous 98256
>>98255My bad, I thought you were op.
>what's wrong with cat photosI don't have the built-in "awwwwww it's so cute" reaction.
Anonymous 98257
>>98256Lol, i never had it either till i got a cat
Anonymous 98259
What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? I have always been a zoned out daydreamer. I have always liked consuming copious amounts of entertainment to escape from my responsibilties. But I have never, ever been so negligent, so irresponsible, so short-sighted, so incredibly incapable even of living in this moment right here. My brain's all muddled. My vision's all distorted. I can't make a decision. I don't remember what I needed to do? I think.. I forgot how to live. How to be a normal human being.
Anonymous 98261
>>98259Is it that I'm now worse than I was before, or am I just more aware of my shortcomings, more insecure, and thus more sensitive? I'm isolated.
Anonymous 98262
Fuck you, you fucking cunt. When you were lonely you had no trouble checking up on me. Passing the time with our conversations. I obliged because I was bored. And because I was still a tad bit attached. When you were sitting for interviews, and stressed out of your prolapsed asshole, and dumping your load on me. God, I'm such a fucking sucker. I can't even muster enough resentment towards you because it would be beneath me and my massive ego to even consider that you did anything exploitative with me that I did not foresee and allow and go along with because I was bored.
I don't even know why I'm writing this. I don't even wish we were still together. I don't. You stopped trying that last week. And the turbulent nature of the whole relationship exposed both of our insecurities.And I became someone I always disdained. And I wasn't happy with myself. BUt by fucking God I miss the false, artificial intimacy of seeing your messages checking up on me. It made me feel (I know this is wrong) like my existence was acknowledged and thus validated. Now I'm so isolated I forget I really exist. It's so sad that you got reduced to some Pavolvian cue. Some abstract concept. You're not even a real person in my head. In my head, I'M not even a person.
Anonymous 98263
Sarazanmai.full.37…
>>97608why are you simping for a closet homosexual, regardless tim enablers aren't worth your time he probably has shitty beliefs about women
Anonymous 98264
I need a job. I need to get as far away from home as is humanly possible. I'm devolving back into my 14 year old self. My mother legitimately infantilizes me and it seems she thinks I'll submit as meekly as I used to when I was a retarded child and scared of her. And you know what, sometimes she fucking wins. She has me believing that I am personally incapable of doing anything on my own. I need a fucking job and my own life. This is honestly all my fault.
Anonymous 98267
>>97949Update. They couldn't recover my data.
I've lost everything.
Anonymous 98268
I hate my father. Just if he's around, I'm feeling anxious and sick. And I can't just avoid him, because I can't find a job to move out.
He's always been emotionally neglectful and sometimes even outright abusive, but tbh I preferred it when he just didn't give a fuck about me when I was a child/teen (and actually needed him) because now he realised he raised an emotionally stunted, no-self esteem autist and he tries to fix it by telling me what do I HAVE to do and constantly nagging me. I dream about moving out, but even entry level jobs don't want to hire me. I've been looking for any work for the last 5 months and I just keep getting rejected. Like, even when I get an interview (which is really rare) they just ghost me afterwards. I guess they can feel I'm not normal.
I'm 24 btw.
Anonymous 98287
i think being stuck with an autist schizoid sister and narc brother who groomed me and hurt me as a child in the same house taught me a lot about patience. I wake up everyday to faces of people who hurt me and almost destroyed me mentally and physically with no remorse and I, somehow like its some miracle, don't burst into blind rage. I have ongoing friendships nowadays and resumed my hobbies, I'm healthier and even though I am doubt and guilt ridden as most narc abuse victims are I'm doing well for myself. i'm still sad that i'm still a student and cant escape this hellhole yet but i just wanted to say this
Anonymous 98288
I want to go back to the one good year and live in it for a lifetime. Everything made sense and I had everything I needed. I belong back there, where I understand how the world works.
Anonymous 98289
>>98288Same. Back when I was young and healthy and everyone was alive. No amount of money can fix that shit. The happiest time of my life has passed and now I have to live with the knowledge.
Anonymous 98290
1663588327538929.p…
>>98288>>98289Fuck that.
The past is gone, you won't take it back, so why stick to it?
Is your life gonna be over soon? Then why worry?
Spend less time worrying and more time enjoying yourself
Anonymous 98295
I can't remember the last time i experienced happiness.
Anonymous 98297
>>97745> wicked demonI prefer the term "silly little guy"
Anonymous 98298
11.manunder.jpg
I think I've reached my breaking point and I'm actually gonna get my shit together. I'm tired of feeling fucking lame all the time. I want to work toward a "better life". I don't even know what exactly that means or looks like for me but I'm over my current situation and I want a change. I'm going to stop neglecting my goals and actually put effort into working towards them.
Anonymous 98303
moving around a lot has fucked me over and apparently this is a common experience. other military kids seem to be very social and adaptable. there are some good things about moving, like when i got to be the new kid all the time in elementary school. that and experiencing other places. however socially i am so disconnected from everyone. i feel like i could be autistic, but so does everyone else these days so i dont think it really matters. it would be nice for someone to confirm it for me. maybe i simply don't want to interact with my current peer group. i couldnt give a fuck, plus this school is huge. it's pretty intimidating for me. sometimes i feel like being impulsive to get people's reaction but i get too self-conscious. i want to reach out, but i dont care about anyone. i dont want any relationship with anyone but i want to interact. i think this could be why i value art more than people. during 4th-8th grade I was homeschooled. i didn't realize how valuable those years are for socializing until recently. i haven't experienced anything. i want to be out in the world doing loads of creative shit and connecting with people. i wake up, go to school, go home exhausted, dick around on fone. i don't feel like doing shit once i get home despite my aspirations. school is fucking exhausting for me. this summer i'm expected to get a job but i'm picky as fuck and wont work at mcdonalds. does this mean i'm fucked? it shouldn't, but the fact that i'm picky would indicate so. i really want to be independent so that i could do all the creative shit. and just go anywhere. i want to be anywhere at all instead of home. i'm scared i will live a life of nothingness forever.
Anonymous 98310
I've actually hit rock bottom in my life and I don't know how to fix it. My depression has never ever been worse it's insane. I barely function on a daily basis.
I think of my past self and want to cry but the feeling lasts for only a split second before being consumed by utter cold apathy again. I feel physically numb in my chest. I used to be a straight A's student got into the best university in my country and kept getting my shit together, moved out, made friends, I cook for myself I do my laundry I study every single day 10+ hours I do all this while having an unbreakable sense of responsibility and motivation.
But then something crashed within me and I stopped caring. Eating disorder I thought I got over after therapy in my senior year of highschool is back full force. I barely keep myself from cutting after staying clean for like 2 years, I use pencil sharpener blades and somehow convince myself cutting open every wound and scab until it's an ugly keloid forever doesn't count as s/h so I'm fine.
I skipped every single lecture this semester. Overslept and missed 3 exams and 5 internship courses. Failed half my classes.
I don't cook, I live off stuff I can read the calories of on the package, mostly noodles.
I don't do laundry anymore I have unwashed clothes since October or so piling up under my bed. and I haven't changed bed sheets in months and my room is literally the most disgusting moid living space ever.
School work piling up and I can't focus for more than 2 seconds
Haven't showered in close to a month now, and even then every time I "showered" was just standing under cold water for 40 minutes to zap my brain out of the numbness and manage to wake up at 10 am instead of in the P.M s and try to study fruitlessly.
I am literally unironically the most disgusting unhygienic person I know. I'm running through my stack of clean clothes and wearing the same stuff for a week on more sometimes..I go to my exams with my hair barely brushed. Always saying "yeah I'll study. In an hour" until it's 30 minutes before the exam and I quickly gloss over some uni notes before walking into the exam room.
I spend up to 20+ hours a day doom scrolling and doing nothing at all on my phone. The only source of dopamine I get is masturbating but even now I do it so often that it's unhealthy even by moid standards and it's gotten to a point where I'm either numb or just painful. And as fast as that refractory period is over I'm back at it again..I stopped talking to All my friends. I cut off ties with my family. I don't leave my room ever. The air smell so stale here because I never open the curtains or windows because I sleep in even during daytime, sometimes I have 14 hours of sleep a day, sometimes 5 hours in 4-5 days. I walk outside looking half dead, bags under eyes, 0 skin care, acne and self harm cuts. I look at all these gorgeous girls with their cute spring dresses and straightened/curly hair and pretty faces and it makes me want to bash my face with a hammer and I can't stand talking to anyone at all especially my classmates and even the ones who attempt to be friendly get on my nerves and I'm constantly trying not to lash out and scream at them.
I do nothing all day everyday. I used to be a useful member of society with a future and a clear career I used to do my cardiology internships everyday while balancing it with schoolwork and living alone as an adult but now I can't even get out of bed.
And I know it's bad I can literally FEEL AND SMELL how disgusting it is, I would go into details but it is unironically too embarrassing to even type online anonymously
I just feel so consumed with apathy, I can't explain it. I try to sit with myself and tell myself "this is no way to live I need to get my shit together" but then I tell myself "I'm gonna kill myself anyway so what does it matter"
It hurts even more because in the palpable past I was not like this damn it. Why do I no longer care? This is beyond being "burnt out" I feel like my IQ has been shrunk to half since I entered medical school. I do nothing everyday all day and I hate my life.
Tried to explain things to my father and he lost his shit and told me I'm free to become a hooker if I want because how dare I squander the gift of getting into med school like he conveniently forgot the part when I overworked myself to the point of passing out from exhaustion to get here and it isn't exactly a "gift"
Nobody understands just how fucking hard it is. I can't focus and I can't memorize anything anymore I can't even sit down at my desk to study like oh
Physically I can't NOT. I look back at my studied hour logs from like may 2021 and prior, and it's an average of 10.5 hours a day.
Now, I have 3 hours logged on Christmas eve. Absolutely nothing before it or after I for weeks and weeks and weeks
I do not care when I walk into an exam and all the questions don't make any sense to me and I hand in a blank paper and the entire time all I'm thinking is "I wanna go to my room and watch YouTube" or something and it's like. I do not care at this point I'm convinced I'm broken beyond repair. Mentally physically spiritually. The doomer guy in its literal highest form. There's no future or hope for me. And I should just try to rationalize the idea of suicide bit by bit until I manage to kill myself
Anonymous 98322
>>98310Just want to say the feeling being on top of the world only to get pulled back to the bottom really is one of a kind awful and hard to truly understand unless you've been through it. I've spend most of my life depressed, at one point severely dysfunctional to the point I attempted suicide for the first time in my life in a way that was not half-hearted and was really about to do it, and was like a bed-bound cripple not getting up for almost anything - had all my meals in bed, skipped all my classes like you have, took longer to shower, just cried all the time, etc. After a year of that I then improved my grades to the point I was put on the honor roll several times, started exercising, made friends, and improved my career prospects by getting experience in my chosen field. But now, it feels like I am at a deadlock. I'm also becoming consumed by utter cold apathy again towards things I should find joy in, haven't exercised in ages, don't talk with my family as often as I should, recently turned down a return offer from the place I got experience from so probably reverted my career prospects for my field back to 0, I look and feel so much uglier physically 99% of the time and don't know how I can help it when I struggle with basic hygiene, barely talk to friends and when I do I take ages to get back to any of them (Talking to anyone feels like a huge chore I don't want to bother with anymore…). All in all it feels I have became a complete shell of who I used to be. If I still have regressed like this, after how much I unfucked myself over the past few years, then I think it is safe to say I may be pretty hopeless unless I really do invest in professional help down the line (I have to say down the line, because now I don't have the money or desire to just go to doctors that will only push pills only me. Tried it before, only made me worse and feeling like a lab rat. I am also ethically against it because of that but I can go on about that.) That's not to say that may be your case, because you may be capable of stronger will and discipline than I am, but there can compe a point where you realize you need intervention otherwise life will keep throwing you in a loop at best.
Anonymous 98323
>>97484God I feel so stupid sometimes. I should be happy because I actually applied for jobs today after putting it off for so long but ugh I feel like a total fool. Like I have no clue what I'm doing.
Anonymous 98329
>>98327
Lack of good role models
Anonymous 98331
>>98310Nona, are there any people who might be able to help you?
Someone who's not as much of an asshole as your father.
Do you have any friends? Or are you able to see a psychiatrist?
Depression isn't something you have to take on on your own, it's fine to rely a little on others.
> "I'm gonna kill myself anyway so what does it matter"Look as someone, who's only friend in life has depression. Let me tell you, you're not gonna do it. you can still be fixed, If some stranger online can see it, then deep down you yourself can see it as well. You're not hopeless, you managed to study in the past, you managed to be motivated in the past. I don't see a single reason, why you can't get that motivation back somewhere in the future.
> Nobody understands just how fucking hard it is. I can't focus and I can't memorize anything anymore I can't even sit down at my desk to study like ohUnironically, friends can help with this, I know it can be difficult if you have none. But if you manage to get them, you can tell them what you're planning to do today and maybe it'll give you some extra motivation
Also, a friend can help you with looking after your sleeping schedule. A lack of sleep can be a reason for the difficulties with memorization.
Anonymous 98332
>>98326>>98327It could be because of your attachment type.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yk6-q32JRnA For now the best things you can do is evaluating your past relationships. Where there any red flags? Maybe talk about those relationships with friends or family, it could give you more insight.
Anonymous 98337
my life has improved drastically these few months i feel healthier, have money to spend, getting paid and have a good job. only downside is that im not living in my home planet asteroid B 319
i love my life a lot i just need to get to 52 kg then i will finally be happy.
also i might adopt a pet bunny with the floppy ears because 2 humans is enough to handle for me
i got some sunflower teas today or whats the word for flowers that are baby sunflowers idk but im just spending money and its peak life
maybe next year i will find a husband to have 2.5 babies and we'll share mortgage and do sex together
Anonymous 98338
>>97896damn that sucks to hear :(
when did they made remote redundant? some people just work better in the quiet of their homes i feel like if you get the job done whats the harm in working out of office? please most of the office bitches talk too much and dont get any work done
Anonymous 98340
>>98268im sorry to hear that about your retarded father, im the same. he is literally always just in the house and wont fuck off for a day. i usually just hide in my room if he's around, you could just pretend he's not there like i do.
jobs are also really hard to find these days it's definitely not just you, you could try phoning up those agency places? that do placements? or ask your friends for any vacancies. i dont have much to say but that i empathise because finding a good job as an autist is actually nightmare level hard :( especially low entry because everyone is very sociable and loves to chat. you could always go back to school and get another diploma and enhance your autistic skills and then specialise in a field. good luck tho
Anonymous 98349
Opened instagram. A couple of stories later and i had a bile against my throat digging, and digging, and digging. And the hole in my heart feels deeper. And I just don’t understand why i insist on wallowing in my own misery. And i have nothing to be unhappy about. Nothing that can’t be fixed. I just feel envious. Old school friends organized a get together in my hometown. Old college friends with whom id lost touch. Out with their own friends. Having fun. Everyone has their own lived. Every one of them is a real fucking person.
There is this one girl. We used to be inseparable in college. And now i realize we only bonded over how miserable we both felt and how alienated and estranged and overwhelmed by the transition. And it was toxic because we picked up on each other’s depression habits. We used to take one collective nap on Saturday, and then we’d wake up at 8pm. Run to the fastfood place across from our school, and stuff our faces in greasy unhygienic shit. She used to knock on our door at 1pm and i remember thinking (albeit with guilt) “good God at least my dysfunction’s not as bad as hers.”
She’s happy now. Well, i dunno. This sounds bitter, but she’s real and im.. not. How should i know how happy someone really is but she seems content. Good social circle. Good boyfriend. Probably good job. I feel reprehensible admitting this… this fucking malignant bitter envy. And not because i think im a good person, or that i don’t believe envy is a common human emotion. It’s because i am now acknowledging that this person, and other individuals have it (perceivably, persumably) better than i do. In my sick mind, this decides they are better than me. They “won”. I “lost”. Lost what? I dunno. All i know is i wish…
I dont know what to wish for anymore. Im scared of wishing. Scared of pursuing. Scared of pulling my finger out of my mouth. Soon ill be scared of opening instagram. Right now im scared of going to sleep. If i do tomorrow will come. I’m grateful im staying with my parents. I fi were alone right now I probably won’t even get out of bed. The fear of getting ousted as a deranged mentally ill loser (though they suspect) is bigger than the fear i deal with of opening my eyes and facing another day.
Im sick of falling in this place. Im sick of it. Im sick of not even being able to wallow in peace because i keep remembering that i put myself here. I am responsible for my own misery. I don’t get to feel sorry for myself. I don’t. I dont. I dont.
I am ashamed. I’m tired of carrying this shame. It’s pulverizing my bones. I thought i wanted to do something. For me. Just for me. You know be happy. On my own terms. Instead of chasing an aesthetic. Or prestige. I have no fucking clue what might make me happy. I sort of lost touch with… i dunno, things that are pleasurable and pleasant. Everything i engage in is a different form of numbing.
Anonymous 98350
>>98310This was painful to read because it reminded me of myself circa 2019 except with Engineering instead of med school. I relate literally down to not being able to sit at my desk. I used to break down multiple times if ever i happened to try and re-revise for algebra or something. I’d think, well i fucked myself now, that’s it. It’s done. I can’t catch up. I had a massive life changing exam that would define the trajectory of my entire engineering career and i had been dysfunctional all year i did not (i repeat) study for the entire year. I break down in cold sweat just remembering that year of my life.
Your father doesn’t seem very understanding. Neither was my mother before i attempted.
>iq shrunk by half, low concentration etcDepression stunts cognitive skills. Nona, i won’t diagnose you. Seems like burnout which eventually transitioned into major depression. That’s what i had.
Look nona, contact whoever you feel is closest to you. Family, friends, acquaintance any fucking person do you understand? It doesn’t matter if you haven’t spoken to them in ages. Anyone whom you deem could give you some consistent support for just a little while. Get yourself in an environment with other people. Do not stay on your own. Get yourself to a doctor or a professional of any kind. I would say get onto a med but that shit works typically after several months. If you still care about salvaging the uni year, get yourself in a library or a coffee place or a coworking space. Anywhere with a high concentration of people so your body would perceive external behavior and emulate it on its own. You won’t be concentrating for long periods but don’t expect that because it is frankly not healthy. Or you could
choose (choose yourself) to let this year go. Get treatment. Proper. Get yourself a treat (you fucking deserve it). Go somewhere with a beach or a large body of water. That shit is fucking lulling. Get therapy. Try and re-introduce autonomy into your lifestyle, but the gentle kind not the fucking juggling everything kind.
Anonymous 98355
Pretty privilege is honestly such a problem and this is coming from someone who benefits from it. Sometimes I don’t even notice. Like I just thought everyone had doors held open for them and people were just nice all the time. Like I have never had a costumer lose their temper on me. Anytime I do anything at my job I get overly praised even though it’s the same stuff all my coworkers do. It makes me mad for them. I shouldn’t be receiving special benefits because of my looks. It’s bullshit and such a bullshit culture.
Anonymous 98360
The only guy who hasn’t just wanted to have sex with me wants to take me bike riding and I don’t even know how to ride a bike. Now I don’t know whether to cry or to laugh.
Anonymous 98361
>>98350nta but what do you do if you dont have anyone close to you? i moved, because of family issues, rly far away from home and lost contact with most my friends from back then except one, we talk sometimes but its nothing like our relationship was when it was irl. none of my new friends seem to last and all of the relationships feel rly hollow, like as soon as they dont have to be around me they dissapear. i wish i could form bonds with people but i feel intrusive even trying, it seems like everyone has their circles and im just third wheeling.
my only friends that talk to me often recently have all been online and even then they end up ghosting me after a while.
the semesters almost over so im prolly gonna lose all of my friends for the summer again, i hope i make it this time
Anonymous 98364
1635965096290.jpg
Is anyone else really pissed off how mental health is treated on the internet like it was a fucking accessory or a trend? I am fucking pissed
>you're a bit low, YOU'RE DEPRESSED
>you aren't giving it your 100% on some task, YOU HAVE ADHD
And some other retarded nonsense. It ticks me off so hard, sometimes it's difficult for me to type properly, people are doing real damage to their lives this way, they're gonna end up coming across someone who REALLY is FUCKED UP, and the blame will be all on themselves for trusting these psychology "gurus"
I fucking hate it
Anonymous 98365
>>98222PC Gaming these days seems a lot harder - nearly every game appears to just silo players and block communication wherever possible. Let me know if you find one that decently encourages social interaction 'cause outside of potentially TF2 I'm at a loss.
What were you using to find people to message every day?
Anonymous 98367
>>98365>What were you using to find people to message every day?usually just random discord servers, but im not too into video games so theres not a ton to do with those friends across the country/world from me. either way what i miss most is irl friendships so i dont think anything online would fill the void too much.
i had a close irl friend after moving but he ghosted me last christmas so now im back down to 0
i did have one friend actually try pretty hard, when we met we got lunch together after class and she vented to me abt her problems with her parents cuz she was adopted. we were friends for a bit but one time she showed up to my house unnanounced and saw my depression nest and hasnt talked to me since….
Anonymous 98368
>>98361They don’t have to be close. You just need to advertise your need for help. I will admit that i was very privileged to have a supportive family, but at the time i was so riddled with guilt and shame and reclusive tendencies that i was dysfunctional right under my mother’s nose. I would spend days in bed with the door locked under the guise of revising.
People, no matter how distant, tend to listen the moment you admit to being suicidal.help could come from any source, no matter how trite.
Anonymous 98369
>>98364I used to get pissed off whenever my psychiatrist would say “you’re just going through a minor episode”. I used to think he was dismissive because, given my bias, what i was going through seemed like the worst thing in the world. Just because i didnt have matted hair and atrophied limbs from not getting out of bed for months didn’t mean whatever i lived wasn’t serious.
That was until i shadowed one of my med school friends during their psychiatry rotations and seen the lethargic, dead look in some people’s eyes. Awful. Awful.
Anonymous 98371
It's' not fucking fair!
I make sure to question my beliefs. I try to be reasonable and see every side. I relate to gender dysphorics and want them to be true to themselves, I just don't think that more gender is the solution.
But it doesn't matter how kind I am, because I disagree with their way of arranging the social construct. I'm the enemy. There is nothing I can say that wouldn't be interpreted through a lens of "transpobic terf" and ill intentions.
It's hard not to become the hateful person I'm assumed to be… it's getting so frustrating.
Anonymous 98375
>>98371Welcome to normal reality, Nona! We enjoy long, level-headed walks in the park and touching grass.
Anonymous 98376
>>98371>I just don't think that more gender is the solution.>I disagree with their way of arranging the social constructwhat do you mean by this nona?
Anonymous 98382
I’ve been friends with a guy for almost 6 yrs and now hes trooning out. I want to throw up. I cant believe hes this fucking stupid. Who the fuck is going to listen to me complain now?
Anonymous 98393
>>98360Being taught how to ride a bike seems like a cute date. You'd fall on your ass a lot, but that just breaks tension
Anonymous 98398
here's what i've been dealing with lately. don't make fun of me but last year i saw a psychic who told me 2023 is supposed to be my perfect year.
family
>one of my close family members is currently in the hospital in terminal condition and severe pain. none of our family members who live nearby have been visiting them as they refuse to accept the reality of the situation so my immediate family has decided to fly out to be with them. i am unable to join due to my final exams this week.
school
>trying to knock out some pre-reqs for a second degree at a local community college. my state has a poor reputation for community colleges, and despite being the second-largest community college in the state, the school has limited class offerings and is understaffed. if an instructor sucks, because they are used to a high rate of drop-outs they assume the student was wasn't committed. (i'm not just saying this, i mean i've taken classes at this school for several semesters and i've never encountered such a bad instructor, but it seems like school just assumes students to fail because it's a harder class).
>most of my classes have been going okay, but i've been having a ton of problems with one particular course. for example, over the week the instructor sent us two YouTube videos on a topic that she never covered in class, and she expects us to be tested on it today. this issue is just the tip of the iceberg, and if i were to detail all the problems, it would be an entire novel. i have been keeping a record of everything, and i plan to request an emergency withdrawal from the class, but i have no idea how it will work out and it still hinders my plans having to retake this class (and i'm passing but i already know that the last 2 exams are a lost cause because of the poor instruction, it seems like the instructor stopped caring after with withdrawal date like she knows we can't do anything).
>the workload in this one class has been affecting my performance in other classes slightly, putting a strain towards the end of the semester as i attempt to tie up loose ends
work
>my job sucks but i'm too proud to quit after only 5 months. plus, my manager is already under a lot of stress due to a high turnover rate, and the remaining staff are inconsistent.
health
>chronic insomnia, medication hasn't been working well unless i take 2-3x the dose which makes it impossible to wake up in the morning
>barely any class offerings means i've been having to take an 8:30am class an hour away, haven't been able to wake up in time so i've been 30 mins to an hour late the entire semester and have terrible attendance for that class
>haven't had my period since january
appearance
>gain 5 pounds due to not taking care of my diet or exercising in attempt to manage the class from hell and call ins from work. started dieting last week, keeping it <1500 calories, go on scale for the first time in 4-5 days and i've gained another 3 pounds somehow, none of my pants fit comfortably at this point.
>constant acne breakout, scabs all over face, hair has consistently looked awful.
i'm so stressed out and i feel like i need i'll need to spend a month in a vegetative state just to feel normal again
Anonymous 98399
>>98398There is still 8 months left of 2023 nona hang in there. Maybe you have to go through the bullshit to get to the amazing part. Hopefully things will calm down for you after your final exams.
Anonymous 98401
>>98382you could still vent to him if he doesnt become obnoxious right? like hes still the same person he was probably just in the closet before. at least give him a chance if you care this much idk
Anonymous 98407
>>98401nah, im not taking advice from a troon
Anonymous 98415
1618863658279.jpg
I dreamed that my ex talked to me again.
For the few seconds that lasted, I was the happiest person in the world.
I just wish a misunderstanding wasn't all that it took for us to break up. This is the only person in life I care about so deeply.
Anonymous 98418
I kinda wish I had some terminal illness, the kind that'd leave me 3 or so years left. There's so much I'd do knowing that I'd not be alive to regret it later.
I wonder if I could somehow just get to this mindset without needing to be terminally ill, like learn to supress my feelings really well or something.
Anonymous 98420
i dont want to be friends with normies and its caused me to have almost 0 friends. i just cant bond with people that don't have the same internet culture as me. sometimes I meet 4chan moids and they're ok but I just want female friends who arent normies. tried posting on /soc/ in the past to find other imageboard users but its a bad place. i wish there was still a friend finder thread here, my only 2 friends are 2 girls I met from here and lolcow in the friend finder threads
Anonymous 98425
b060dda9f110a633ac…
>Everybody ghosts me online>Everybody ignores me irl>Impossible to make other friends because i don't fit in>People around me just accept i exist but don't actually care about meJust kill me already.
>>98420There's still a friend finder on /b/
Anonymous 98426
>>98425Literally me. I don't think friend finder thread is going to help, 99% of people responding are under 20. Im over 30 but feel like I never matured past my 20s since most 30+ y/o hobbies seem to consist of child raising or going out drinking neither of which apply to me. But I also can't relate to zoomers using all their weird slang and references I never heard of. I'm a simple person, I just want to find likeminded people to chill and game with and maybe discuss shows I like.
Anonymous 98430
>>98428
your subconscious is trying to tell you something you need to buy a cat
Anonymous 98436
>journal prompt: what would you do if you knew for certain you’re going to die in a year?
Write a list with all the things i want to do. Forget about it and then dig it up two days before my deadline and scramble to get a couple of things done and then die as i have lived. A degenerate, irresponsible, low life chronic procrastinator =D
Anonymous 98438
So many “obvious” things are re-revealing themselves to me these days. When i was younger and just getting into rhetoric and comparative essay writing, we used to memorize arguments for bonus points. As thirdie shitholer whose shithole is still moored in post first wave feminism, we would often argue in favor of “le women need le jobs because le jobs help validate le women’s active function in le society”.
The argument had always seemed like common sense to me. In that i did not need to ponder on it further. I never thought to ask, well, what if she doesn’t function as a productive member in society? What non-economic drawbacks can be found in that option?
Some things only ever register once you experience them. I’ve been unemployed for 6 months now. I don’t really need for the necessities. I am very privileged. But i realized that ive defined my entire identity around my immediate function in society. Ive only ever defined myself in terms of my belonging to a conventional establishment. Ive always ever been a student. And just that. I’m not human underneath. And even after I’ve unearthed that primordial layer of being, i was disturbed to find that i cannot really exist in isolation from society as i had once fantasized. I am simply not authentic/interesting/stimulating enough to exist by myself for myself excluded from some external structure. My hobbies, or what i had once perceived as my hobbies were just convenient things ive picked out to distract myself, to alleviate some of the pressure i used to experience from day to day life. Not things I’d pursue because of passion or genuine interest.
Anonymous 98439
I'm so lonely i think im going crazy
Anonymous 98441
>>98439Same lmao.
I used to compensate for the loneliness by reading of browsing the chans, and now i scroll endlessly on tiktok. But even that is failing to numb my brain lmao
Anonymous 98442
>>98439>>98441I know how it feels, I used to be the same.
This might not be the best advice, but you should probably try to make friends or join some sort of social circle.
I know that it will be difficult. The anxiety can be insane in the beginning. It can also bring you to some low points as you realize your own shortcomings.
But after some time, it'll be worth it. Socializing, even if it's just online can bring you more joy you can possibly imagine.
Anonymous 98447
Telling on myself here so i could go back and hold myself accountable.
>texts on friday (even though we’ve been semi nc for a few days) to “check up on me”
>very civil conversation where he reiterates that he’s there for me no matter what happens. Oh except for that weekend because he’s off the socials that weekend
>posts a selfie on his story like the slut that he is and then sends me an upbeat “hud” on tuesday night
Anyways, im deleting the holy trinity of cluster fuck (insta, facecunt and messengfuck). I dont contribute, and i don’t enjoy the content, yet i continue doom scrolling and feeling an ever growing shame inside me. Fuck. That. And im not talking to fuckster mcattentionwhoringcunt until whatever neurological circuits that are used to romanticizing him, atrophy and die. I stared at his selfie and then caught myself smiling like a little insipid tardoloid. Well, no fucking more. I need to speed up this moving on process and i need to be methodical and extra fucking restrictive about it.
Will update if/when i start getting psychologically unwell after my fucking dopium receptors go arid and chapped af.
Anonymous 98448
>>98447+blog
I cannot fucking believe that I willingly let myself be vulnerable and emotionally unconstipated with someone. I build up walls and entire avoidance mechanisms for years just so they would be torn down now? Now i have to rebuild everything from scratch. Fucking shit. Fucking fucking shit. This is what happens from being impulsive and entertaining delusions about love you stupid whore. Eat shit.
Anonymous 98455
It’s actually such whiplash to wake up from being fine one day to feeling the deepest darkest pit of depression and then being ”just” sad and unmotivated when you realise your period is next week kek
It’s acc ridiculous, between my pms, my week of awful period pains and my one week of ovulation pains i am in some form of pain like 75% of the time and yet I ostensibly function like a normal human being (scrotes could NEVER) (and i don’t want to take the pill, i like being so in touch with my body despite the discomfort. )
Anonymous 98456
342675872_22799560…
>>98447get a flip phone. i deleted all social media because I keep doomscrolling no matter what.
i only use SMS to text bare minimum and call with my family, and I have spotify + manga reader on it too.
Anonymous 98459
>>98458misery porn written by a moid, can't see why you wouldnt
Anonymous 98460
>>98459>>98458Fair enough, I only started reading it and the whole plot and way of thinking reminds me of my miserable gross porn addict ex. Cant really understand the whole hype around it. now that I broke up all his profile pics are punpun. coincidence much lmfao? what a cringelord
Anonymous 98461
>>98459fans of punpun are the most sick and depraved people on the planet.
they sicken me
Anonymous 98462
download (1).jpg
>>98457It hurts. I just wish i could feel like someone else cares about me as much as i care about them in a platonic way, which never happens, they always have better people to hang out with. As of now i have got 0 message notifications throughout the entire day.
Anonymous 98463
>>98364Sounds like you have Internet Intermittent Rage Disorder and you should should be prescribed Fluvovoxameme.
Anonymous 98464
>>98364>>98463notice how suddenly every girl who uses the internet now has self diagnosed autism?
Anonymous 98467
>>98464This has been how it is since forever
Anonymous 98473
>>98467yeah but even normies now think they have autism. bring back bullying. its worse now. ill open a meme on Instagram and absolutely everyone (girl and guy) will say they're autistic and they relate to it bc of their silly little made up quirk
Anonymous 98483
FfxjROoXoAUOrTc_au…
I'm going to do a bad thing tomorrow. I'll regret it, but it's the right thing.
Some guy has taken a liking to me, something that never happened before. We met last week. We hugged. The act itself was nice (yes, a romantic hug is an "act" for me) but I tried ignoring that it was with him. I am so unattracted to him. His face is… Don't know if ugly, but so not my type. I cannot do it.
I'm going to meet him tomorrow and tell him it won't work. Back to my old miserable, touch starved life, but not while deceiving myself and him.
By coincidence, an hour ago I met on the bus someone I know. He's cute. We've talked five months ago, and today, and it was so natural. A deep conversation after five minutes. It reminded me what "the butterflies" feel like, and that I'm still capable of a crush. Though will never have a chance with him, he's probably that way with everyone (have you ever had a man joke about his failures in a non pathetic way? So hot).
I'll be miserable, but true. I can still adore guys. Just not him.
Anonymous 98503
we scream.png
what the fuck
i had an AWFUL DREAM and now I FEEL LIKE THE DAY WILL BE SHIT?!??!?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AHFSUSBVGOAISGJPYUGFUFS
why am i so unhinged in the morning?
Anonymous 98505
I am back speaking to my ex, he was manipulative, still is really, but I enjoy talking to him cause, we have compatible tastes and humor, and what's really important and I can't emphasis this enough; he's my only thread to my home country's culture and available to talk. It's not all bad, before we started talking I was extremely anxious I still had feelings for him, if I had fucked up by ending the relationship, missing him, but by talking to him I realized that I don't miss him at all, that's he's always been this manipulative bastard and still his, he has no morals, and is pathetically trying to revision our history claiming the break up was a combined idea, it was me pushing it, and that he's totally over me and it's not trying for anything, even though he's pulling the same tactics when we last broke up.
All in all I feel good, validated, and smug as fuck, like I can see him for who he always was and can be on my guard against his manipulation. A lot of my feelings have change from a mix of love, anger, and anxiety to disgust, and pity over how pathetic he can be. I just wished I could talk to people my age from my country, but at the same time that distance protects me.
>>98503It's ok, I had dreams ruin my whole week even, or take me from being super happy to depressed.
Anonymous 98508
Halfway through the day and my brain starts pattern recognitioning lmao.
I had an awful friend breakup back in the day. Im not deluded about my responsibility in it. We connected splendidly. We shared interests. It was one of those friendships where we would look at each other in a public setting and all but read each other's minds. If i weren’t certain about my sexuality i’d have considered her my soulmate.
What killed it was the distance (we were in different colleges). And one time where i foolishly overshared that i had tried to end my life. I don’t even remember why i imparted that piece of precious knowledge or why i was touting that little mistake like a rite of passage marker. I guess i was seeking comfort and failed to consider her own precarious circumstance or how my misadventure might have affected her mood. We sort of lost touch after that. There was no malice or drama or hard feelings. Just grew away and apart. But instead of moving on i kept being haunted by the memory of our friendship. And missing, not her necessarily, but the status of having a person all to yourself.
This ex situationship is the same. And the breakup was amicable and there is no way around it. But i find myself irrationally longing for him and i don’t even have a logical reason to reach out. All i know is it’s a similar feeling to the post friendship with the girl. An irrational sadness of letting someone go.
My big flaw is i romanticized the shit out of the dynamic. Of her, i would think “she’s my soul sister.” When i doubt it was ever that deep for her. Of him, i still catch myself insensibly imagining him in my future and sometimes id think there’s no harm in a little limerence and others i think how pathetic that these people live rent free in my head. That i LET them live in my head. That i let them hold sway over my emotions. That i unironically try to glean lessons from experiences featuring them when i doubt i am still in either of their memories. I suppose thinking of it as something deep and life changing feels like a slight on my ego.
Anonymous 98512
>>98473Why are you angry about such trifle things? Look within.
Anonymous 98513
>>98458>>98459>>98461the fact that people self insert as pun pun or even give half of a shit about pun pun while not recognizing aiko as the true victim of that story just shows you how boring and self centred and immoral moids are
>>97484my ex dumped me out of a 6 year relationship and we haven't talked in 2 years. I've felt pretty fine and haven't thought about him in like a year but then two days ago I woke up thinking about him like crazy and now all my breakup feelings are back and idk why
Anonymous 98518
cannot fucking read ! cannot fucking focus! teacher is on my ass ! wanna sleep or have fun !
Anonymous 98527
Not even 3 hours into my weekend and I've done everything I wanted to. Being sober sucks.
Anonymous 98535
Strange. I have never factored people in my decision making process. That is I had never balked from going somewhere or doing something to define my life trajectory because the thought of the inevitable loneliness was daunting to me. I think either i was on too much lexapro to register and properly react to the possibility, or this is just a normal side effect of growing older. My ex had asked me, do you really want to go somewhere where you know no one. It was a legitimate question but since tge poor fuck was trying to get me to paris to be with him i never took him seriously. I always assume i’ll know someone eventually. I’m not a social butterfly but i’ve never been wholly isolated either. Not physically.
Anonymous 98540
>>98527Amen. Things suck and I just want a drink but I rode my bike and cried a little instead lol.
Anonymous 98541
1629799078765.jpg
Life is so fucking shitty
No friends, no warm trainers because I went out to a walk in the middle of the rain instead of the gym (I only have one pair of trainers).
Teachers in college don't give a fuck and just throw our tasks to the bin.
I sincerely find it not easy to see something good.
Also, I wanna get a cat but I wonder if it's too difficult to take care of the thing, I'd call it Kuku
Anonymous 98542
Just browsed r9k bc I was curious, feel like killing myself now. I hope moids like those are very rare in real life
Anonymous 98544
>>98542They aren't, most males are gross like that they just hide it. You're better off alone trust me.
Anonymous 98545
I asked the universe for a sign because ive been woeing and crying about my identity crisis wah wah wah.
My dad starts chirping happily about this UN internship and I just feel repulsed either because im used to NEEThood or because i cannot picture myself as anything other than what i am. A tech cunt.
Anonymous 98546
im so lonely i think im going insane when will it get better?
Anonymous 98547
>>98544The Nona you're replying to, soon:
>>98546 Anonymous 98553
>>98547It's better to be lonely than with a moid who treats you like trash.
Anonymous 98557
Screenshot 2023-05…
Welp, bf screwed me over and broke up with me the day I was meant to go see him. Guess that's what happens when he ignores you and leaves you on read for several days constantly.
Anonymous 98567
flowergirl.jpeg
I finally got an e-bf this year, but we never exchanged photos, and he's a sex-haver with a job and friends. I keep thinking about breaking up with him because I know he'll block me when he realizes I'm an ugly femcel loser, but I like the positive attention too much to tell him or end it. Am I wrong for this?
Anonymous 98571
>>98567just enjoy it while it lasts, anon
Anonymous 98580
>>98567If i were you i’d end it, e-dating is cringe
Anonymous 98583
>work all day
>come home spend some time with my bf
>go to be and scroll through videos on instagram to help me get into sleep mode
>bf comes in and asks if I’ll get him a snack from the gas station. He’s super hungry I guess. Tell him I’ll drive him. “Come on pls you never do anything for me anymore” just keeps guilting me and saying how I don’t love him.
>finally get angry and snap “no anon, it’s honestly kind of rude for you to even ask I’m literally laying in bed getting ready to sleep for work tomorrow”
>he gets really sad and kind of just slumps
>immediately feel guilty for snapping and start getting up to get ready to go get him a snack.
>he tells me no he doesn’t want one but I insist. (I just wanna fix it) starts screaming for me to stop over and over again
>I just plop on the bed and stare into space (I just wanted to fix my mistake)
>starts calling me crazy and telling me how awful I am. Tells me he can’t do this anymore. I bake for like an hour and he falls asleep.
>try to get him to go to bed with me. He tells me no. I ask if he really is gonna break up with me. Tells me to give him space and he doesn’t wanna talk about it.
I work like 40 hours a week compared to his 36 hours. He gets like 3/4 days off a week, I get two. I was just tried and ready for bed.. I should have just got the dumb snack. Now I can’t sleep and I have to be up in less than 8 hours :/
Anonymous 98586
Having your birthday as a woman is so stressful. You have to bake 4 cakes (for coworkers, for inviting close family, for inviting extended family and the party with your friends), you have to organize a bunch of different parties and provide food and drinks and make sure everyone is entertained and is having a great time.
I'd rather skip the whole thing tbh.
Oh and of course you get to do the same thing for you significant other, otherwise you are a bad and lazy girlfriend who never does anything nice for her man.
When is it my turn? When will someone do something nice for me?
Anonymous 98587
>>98583Sounds like he wanted to end the relationship because of underlying issues but needed a more tangible reason to justify it for himself so he used the minor inconvenience of not getting a snack to cause a conflict. You should talk to him once he calmed down but I don't think these type of issues can be fixed.
Anonymous 98589
>>98583No you shouldn't have. Grow a fucking spine. He tried coercing you into doing something you didn't want, and then guilt-tripped you into feeling bad about it. I hope this asshole leaves you because you deserve better. He's such a fucking snake, seriously.
Anonymous 98591
>>98583Why can't he find food from the kitchen if he's that desperate, can he seriously not go without snacks for an evening that he upsets you? Sounds like he just wants to yell at you for no reak reason
Anonymous 98592
1D307E1E-020B-44C8…
I got dumped by my partner I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It came out of nowhere. I'm so stunned over it and have been crying for hours. I fucking loved her so much. I was in the middle of uprooting my entire life to live with her and she encouraged it. I'm just glad she did it before I went through with it I guess. But I'm so fucking heartbroken. I'm literally not interested in relationships that aren't her. I don't know what to do with myself now.
Anonymous 98596
I use pictures of him (That he doesnt know exist) for all my paintings and painting studies, these are many.
Just today I learned he has a girlfriend and theyve been together for years.
I'm having a really bad time, I don't know how to describe this feeling; despair, emptiness? I'm really stressed. I can't even write right. This resurfaced so many things for me and reinforces the idea I have that I'm karmically destined to be lonely in this incarnation, or something alike. My head hurts. I was going to post this in the female creep thread but I ended up venting a lot
Anonymous 98597
>>98586What happens if you don't organise four parties and cakes? Why can't you skip it?
Anonymous 98598
I dont want to self diagnose but i ve been displaying some strange symptoms that are making me think i may be borderline or some shit.
At least i don’t consume substances or have sex. Which means my existence is moot but at least my symptoms aren’t very severe
Anonymous 98599
I should go back on 4chan. I miss the jaded emotionally constipated LARPing as a scummy scroty moid me.
Anonymous 98603
why am I always 2nd best
I constantly end up in scenarios where im crushing on a guy but he either has a gf or is more interested in someone else at the time, but they make sure to tell me constantly that im the 2nd hottest, or 2nd coolest, or 2nd whatever girl they know right behind the one thye really value. I just want to be picked first just once :c
Anonymous 98605
8336d9a6d.jpg
Why is he ignoring me so much now. He told me he wouldn't abandon me when I started working and now it feels like he's grown really distant of me.
It hurts kinda bad. I miss when we were close. I feel like someone I really loved just died and now this cold stranger is in his place…
I think maybe I need to tell him how hurt I am, although who the fuck knows if he'll actually read my messages given how he's ghosting on me this time, instead of his other not-as-close friends. The problem is that he has been having a bad time lately, and unfortunately he just doesn't appreciate me when I try to help him so I cannot even get close to him when he's like this. I also don't know if I want to overload him with my selfishness when he is already suffering.
I'm trying not to be annoying. I'm trying to give him distance even though he's not saying anything to me speaking up here and there. I've cried so much already…
I just don't know how else to replace him because I feel like I can't find anything better, and I can't do what we've done with each other with someone else very easily. All our progress, erased…
I guess I'm just not enough for him.
Anonymous 98606
I hate him so goddamn much and i cant wait until i transition from irrational hate and spite to just sheer indifference
Anonymous 98607
>>98603Oh god, I know that feeling too. I feel like I still am just second best to the boy I love, especially because a year or two ago he confessed to me that he missed his abusive ex and goes into deep depressions because he thought she was the best lover ever despite the fact she would threaten to kill herself and then ended up picking someone else over him anyhow, but manipulated him into feeling like he was just as valid as the other guy.
I'm never someone's first choice and whenever someone gets my hopes up like I will be their first choice, they end up being a manslut. Sometimes even a hypocritical manslut that just expects me to love them but allow them to be horny with other girls too.
I hate this world so much because I'm convinced men can't be faithful unless there's a cocktail of other issues brewing underneath. Asking for them to be faithful is too high of a bar, and so is hoping you'll ever be first choice even when you accept their manwhore behavior.
Anonymous 98608
>>98587I tried but it didn’t go very well. I just ended up calling in sick cause I haven’t slept at all:/ I hope my boss isn’t too mad at me. I just couldn’t mentally handle it today. I’ve already been so exhausted cause I cover shifts all the time. But I think you’re right Nona. He recently got friends and ever since has kind of pushed me away. It’s like the moment he had people in his life I was a problem. Maybe I’m just crazy but that’s how it feels.
>>98589I’m not like the best girlfriend. I’m a basket case and I fuck up all the time. But sometimes it just feels like he doesn’t understand me at all and he doesn’t try to. Literally after our conversation today, the last thing he said is if I was gonna help him with his car payment.
>>98591We don’t have a lot of food because I haven’t had a whole lot of time to go grocery shopping. We were suppose to go Monday. I just didn’t mean to lose my temper over it. But like it made me so upset when he said I don’t love him anymore because he basically told me if I ask if he loves me anymore or anything like that he wouldn’t talk to me cause I need to work on my insecurities. So it just really bothered me when he said that over a freaking snack.
Anonymous 98610
>>98607>Sometimes even a hypocritical manslut that just expects me to love them but allow them to be horny with other girls too.Im talking to a guy whos like perfect in every other way but is exactly like this rn. Weve actually talked abt it cuz were both naturally flirty and we both thought itd be fine if we flirted with other people but now im thinking I might get really insecure abt it.
I've done open before and I thought I was able to handle it but my partner wasnt so I really didnt get to check that much as we only had like one threesome and it sucked. I think im gonna ask to like read all his dms if i know hes talking to another girl
Anonymous 98611
>>98606im in the same boat nona, what did he do to you? just try to keep him off your mind no matter how many times he forces himself back in. gl
Anonymous 98613
>>98611The problem is that it ended amicably. And it was mutual. We tried long distance. It didn’t work. We were both depressed at alternating intervals and it was just so frustrating because no comfort could be provided on either end.
I don’t know. I’m just traditional maybe. Or maybe I’m in a brief spell where I just want to feel sorry for myself. Or maybe this is just a natural part of breakups. I’m angry that he left. That he’s not here when I am in a genuinely bad episode and I was fucking there for him bearing his emotional burden when he was suicidal. It’s irrational spite because I’m convinced that I need to dig myself out of this hole so his presence/lack of won’t make much difference.
This anger is better than hopeless pining over a romanticized version I created in my head. Yes he is human, but fuck him he is weak and a child. He could have fought for us harder but he didn’t so fuck him.
Good luck to you too Nona. Fuck moids.
Anonymous 98618
>>98597If you don't do it then you are not meeting expectations. Some people will get very upset about this and will mention how you let them down or excluded them from your birthday whenever they get a chance to do so.
Anonymous 98621
>>98586>>98618>When will someone do something nice for me?isn't every other person in your life doing the same then? assuming they "meet expectations" aswell, you get to eat all their cakes aswell, so in the end it is a roughly equal situation in terms of cakes baked/ time spent for organizing events.
and if they don't "meet expectations" why would you feel the need to meet theirs?
Anonymous 98627
burns on my face from waxing i want to die i have dermatix at home can i use it on the scars?
Anonymous 98634
>>97484i love writing rps with my ocs (its fun creative escapism from this shit), i was in this one discord rp server for several months and got on well with several of the active members, we did lots of work on our characters and story w/e. hundreds of hours really. today two of the server admins ganged up on me and kicked me because I questioned one of their stupid rules. i lost all my work and progress bc two 20 year old NEET girls can't take any form of criticism. maybe i should just go back to writing solo.
Anonymous 98635
>>98605they literally always abandon you nona I've had dudes do this after
6 years of being together. it's in their nature. you're setting yourself up for a losing game if you expect enduring love from moids. all you can do is monkeybranch from him or at least block him with no explanation and never speak to him again for the sake of your pride. you cant convince him to love you though
Anonymous 98666
I just offended my sister in law with a dumb autistic question about her sexual assault encounters i said something along the lines of “why does this always happen to you?” I meant as in “man what shit luck” but she took it as “youre seducing them on purpose” and she even asked me if thats what i meant and i got sidetracked and said yes for some reason because i thought she was laughing about it but she wasn’t… i feel so horrible. I patched it up and explained it to her but she still seems upset. Im retard
Anonymous 98667
my only desires in life are to be intelligent and creative, but my low iq, mental illnesses, terminal laziness, and terrible memory have made the achievement of these things completely impossible. i dropped out of high school when i was in 11th grade but am essentially a middle school dropout because i spent the entirety of my high school years in an online school where i didn’t bother to learn anything and just let my work pile up until the threat of being held back for a 2nd time convinced me to finally give up and try for a ged, which i haven’t gotten yet because i can’t bring myself to study. all i have to show for myself is good grades from a shitty public school that qualified me to take the PSATs a couple of grades earlier. i spend most of my days lying in bed and masturbating while waiting for the sun to sink and the night to finally arrive so i can go to sleep. i am a complete fucking loser who is only staying alive out of a fear of death and a sense of obligation to my parents, who still love me for some reason. Lol
Anonymous 98678
I need to stop using anonymous image boards forever. I never leave the house and have no real life friends - I know I constantly browse imageboards for those little hits of socializing energy. But when I spend over ten hours a day, every day, on image boards, it goes without saying I become irritable so easily and literally waste hours sometimes arguing with someone or being upset at someone over nothing of importance. It is so unhealthy it is unreal. But the moment I stop browsing image boards I become so lonely. I play Puyo Pop Fever for five minutes and realize I'm alone in my room doing nothing of worth. Everything is so hollow. I guess 'socializing' on image boards distracts me from the void, even if it is only for a moment. Maybe I need to become zen and content with silence, being alone with my thoughts.
Anonymous 98681
I’m smart and I always kind have been. It’s not hard for me to take small bits of information and figure things out. I’m really insecure about my intelligence though. So I always dumb myself down. I’ll say like a lot or um, so that my intelligence doesn’t have to be challenged. I think I started doing this because of moids. Like the other day I was talking to this guy at the hotel I work at and I had used the word copious. He told me that it wasn’t a word even though I literally gave him the definition and everything and he still told me I was wrong.
Anonymous 98719
I'm so tired of stupid low grade pleasure seeking normies with shit taste shit health shit beliefs
Anonymous 98721
i have a friend who genuinely makes me hate autists lmao. she constantly shits on other people because they're 'too boring' and yet her only personality traits are whining "i wish i was a cis boy" , consuming anime and hating on other people's interests (which is funny to an extent, but she has literally said something almost exactly along the lines of "my autism~ makes me only want to talk about my own stuff and idc about anything you want to talk about, listen to me!!" and it's absolutely insufferable, then she freaks the fuck out because nobody wants to talk to her- it's because she makes everything about herself and her interests obviously). she self proclaims that she loooves 'shitty media' and then we agree with her the shit she likes is shit and she gets incredibly butthurt. the only semi original thing she does is cosplay- horrific ones at that, of the Current Anime that she's into. now i'm just hating but her outfits are utter shit, and she could easily pass as a TIM (good for her, miss i-wanna-be-a-cisboy) with how weeb-ific her clothing choices are. she constantly calls other people 'boring' as if she doesn't have the most unoriginal, plagiarized personality around. not to mention she has dogshit manners and is absolutely disgusting when she eats, incredibly greedy and selfish and constantly gets shit EVERYWHERE- it's impressive. i really like sharing food w my friends but i absolutely hate sharing it with her. she's honestly hopeless, and will probably kill herself in 5 years max because she has absolutely no future. self proclaimed aroace- also shits on people in happy relationships lmao. never ever did schoolwork in her life and all she does is complain. i pretty much hate her. i found her shitass tiktok cosplay account and i had an absolute laughing fit because holy fuck it was horrible. and one of the most recent posts was her complaining about how shes sooo sad how disabled, black n etc cosplayers barely ever get interactions- but especially HER!! even though she puts sooo much effort into her cosplays ! i was rolling on the fucking floor laughing. i'm thinking of putting her on blast by exposing account cause she tried to keep it well hidden.
Anonymous 98723
I started flirting with this moid and everything was going well until a friend of mine killed himself and I went to him for some support. It wasn't anything over the top, just said I was sad and talked about what happened. Now he won't message me anymore, guess he found out I'm an actual human being who got problems like everyone else. Sometimes I think women here are being too harsh when they say men have to empathy, but I'm starting to believe it.
Anonymous 98738
IMG_20230510_19322…
>>98678Oh my god, im the same way. I cannot get along with normies so i browse imageboards because it's the only place i feel like i belong, but every now and then i see some fucked up shit that messes me up, especially on male boards. I don't have any tips but maybe just try to control your use of it.
Anonymous 98746
Months ago I met a lonely autist with ADHD on gaia who ended up being fucking insane. Anything less than unbridled enthusiasm over an rp prompt she wanted either resulted in her huffing and puffing and acting passive-aggressive or her spiraling but I stupidly stuck around because I felt sorry for her because she'd say manipulative shit like, "I thought we were friends! Are we friends?" She'd messages daily from morning til 4am the next day, sent me videos random shit like her cockroach pets and her playing orchestra and stuff like that and she's 30 years old but all of that would have been fine if she wasn't so fucking moody. She knew I had anxiety/PTSD but anytime she sensed disagreement in this retarded rp of hers (which she kept reminding me she had trouble writing with people, gee I wonder why), she'd say stuff like, "I can't believe this is happening again you knew I was worried about this blah blah blah." I finally had enough and cut her out only for her to send me a audio recording via email seething over me unfriending her and of how she "valued her mental health" only to then tell me her doors her open to write again. Days later she send me a Youtube short like, "this reminded me of my oc and I had to show you! Hope you're doing well <3"
I'm still ruminating over this nutcase days later. Wtf is this.
Anonymous 98747
if youre too anhedonic to have interests and didnt keep friends past age 20 theres no way to make friends ever again is there?
nonas?
Anonymous 98750
>>98723I'm sorry about your friend. Try not to let that loser moid bring you down.
Anonymous 98758
Im so retarded. I can’t focus and spend the majority of my day obsessing over inane bullshit. I thought I had magically developed ADD but I forgot that I had raging generalized anxiety before I got treated with benzos and lexapro for two years. Looks like my GAD is back with a vengeance lmao. Devolves into a mild depressive episode on a monthly basis.
I’m tired of talking about it. I’m tired. I’m gonna force myself to be productive and meditate and shit. The meds were such a bandaid solution and I will not go back and spend every day worrying about how much i need to eat and how much sleep im getting.
I wish i could get encephalitis or something to kill my brain. I don’t know if im merely an evolutionary failure because i fundamentally cannot cope with the regularness of daily life or if it’s the world that became so fucked it routinely produces mentally defunct people like myself.
Anonymous 98762
tears in the rain.…
I can't believe I didn't appreciate my mom properly
I'm all alone now, FUCK
Anonymous 98774
I feel so bad for my poor eating habits resurfacing this week. I was doing so well
Anonymous 98776
>>98774it happens
as long as you're learning and growing and never stop trying
good luck nona
Anonymous 98778
i had mrsa as a kid and now its coming back. been to the doc and the ER
tomboy 98785
desktop-wallpaper-…
Anyone else feel uncomfortable dressing in traditionally feminine clothing? I would describe myself as a tomboy but often I purposely dress like a boy to avoid sexual attention from men. The idea of being looked at and sex with a guy really disgusts me lately.
Anonymous 98787
Every time I think about my receding gums I start to tear up. I'm scared to go to the dentist because I know I'm going to need a bunch of work done on my teeth. I wish I never started drinking.
Anonymous 98788
There is no "one of the boys". What a waste of time.
Anonymous 98791
>>98785Don't worry, I get you nona. I've been dressing masculine since as far back as I remember. I can dress feminine from time to time, but the clothes will always feel sexualising. I'm pretty sure that women's clothing are uneededly shorter compared to men (for their respective sizes) which end up showing more skin for no real reason. Hope I make sense. I remember mom pointing this out in kids clothing, where girl's clothing will always be shorter than needed compared to boy's (for the same size).
Anonymous 98792
>>98785Yes, since I remember myself. And since I put my own comfort before others', I don't intend to change my habits kek.
Anonymous 98820
I don’t feel accepted in my ethnicity. I don’t look like the stereotype people think of when they think of ethnicity. My features are considered attractive. It’s so bad that I claim a different ethnicity because I can pass for one. People from my background expect people of my ethnicity to come in this cookie cutter mold. There are so many gorgeous girls who do fit this mold. Funny enough, my family never made me feel insecure. It was when I got online and met people who share the same ethnicity (all moids) who made me feel bad.
Anonymous 98821
>>98820Samefag, because of this, I don’t date within my ethnicity and have honestly lost all attraction to men within it. I feel more accepted and made to feel beautiful by guys outside of my ethnicity :/ I don’t think I could date a guy of my background and feel beautiful. I know that’s my own insecurities speaking. One from my native country who is bilingual and a peaks the language would make feel insecure since I’m not that good at speaking it. One from the west would also make me feel insecure.
Anonymous 98848
d90bvmw-a82eb808-4…
>i've finally found an irl close female friend who i can hang out both casually and on a more interpersonal level who I share a lot of common interests with>she's an FTM>>98583>>98608he sounds actually insane anon, if theres no food he should have gone on one of his more frequent days off to go grocery shopping. The fact hes asking you to help him pay for his car show clearly he's just using you and has no respect for you, I'd dump him as he's clearly not worth the space he takes up
Anonymous 98850
1664954790613382.p…
Dating apps are such a double edged sword.
On one hand, it's great that you can get to talk to new people through them.
On the other hand, it makes people seem disposable and not as interesting or valuable as one would have thought. I have a firm belief that monogamy isn't as hip as it used to be because of how easy is to find other people in them. It makes me quite sick.
Anonymous 98851
>>98850You'd get a more genuine connection talking to people on the street then dating apps.
Anonymous 98853
>>98851My town is a shit, not really no
Anonymous 98855
>>98747You could befriend another depressed woman, but she might become happy and abandon you eventually.
Anonymous 98856
Could have been on a free flight to LA right now but instead I’m sitting at work counting the minutes. Why do I have to be so responsible?
Anonymous 98858
7ebc7abafb19cc043c…
another post stating my hate for the current internet.
fuck me, I wish i was back in highschool where youtube comments and the forums of some videogame websites were enough.
Anonymous 98865
I just want help. I just want help. I want fucking help. I cannot take this i cannot take this i cannot take this
Anonymous 98868
f96330d0f0d093a66f…
Today was my birthday and as expected no one except my (that aren't even here) family really cared. Ah well I treated myself with some presents and take-out so it was a decent day regardless I guess.
Anonymous 98873
841db6043d960be8e0…
I'm so glad I broke his heart. He deserved it.
Anonymous 98874
>>98868Happy birthday. God that is such a great movie. He is so funny. :)
Anonymous 98876
9ECD0475-08F3-4FBC…
I deeply regret some things I posted to an online forum that refuses to delete posts. Even if an account it banned, the posts still show. When I was severely ill, a couple of years ago, I posted very personal information on there. I even posted my name at one point. The mods refuse to delete it. Is there any way I can get the posts taken down? The forum is known to remove posts when legal action is taken.
Anonymous 98887
Has anybody here been seriously injured? If yes please share or talk to me. I am so miserable talking to people who seem to have no understanding at all of what I'm going through. This is going to come across really angry but I am just so exhausted and sad, I'm really angry at the world. People are trying to help but it's not helping.
I lived my life for running and hiking and skiing. I walked 40+ miles in one day several times last summer. Now I have to take an extra break at work because I can hardly STAND for four hours. I can't even walk down the block. I limp and wince in pain.
And I'm basically being told I might get better, but I might simply never get better. And it is what it is.
I don't know how anybody could make this any better. "Get other hobbies," I already have other hobbies but they don't fill the massive gaping void. "Yeah maybe you can never do the long hiking trips your life used to revolve around, and maybe you'll have to sell all the nice ski equipment you saved your money to buy, and maybe you can never run all those marathons, but have you considered sitting on your ass and using the internet for the rest of your life? That's what I do! Sounds more fun than TORTURING yourself with exercise, lol. Why are you crying anon?"
I fucking hate my new life so much. "Oh but you will recover to your new normal UwU be gentle with yourself! Honor your body!" I never used to honor anything, I used to push myself until I felt like passing out, and I loved it. That was my life. Now I can't stand for four hours. My leg feels like a fucking block of wood. Everything I actually cared about is gone and it might never come back. I want to throw up.
But I can still sit and watch Netflix uwu!!!
I hope everyone who tells me it's ok because I can still sit around and access technology, gets shipped to an Amish community so they can understand what it's like to live without what's most precious to them.
I know it would suck they don't have the internet anymore! But it'd be ok cuz they can still go for a run.
Lmao.
I just want to throw up. This is the only thing I ever did for fun. Everything else was just killing time between adventures. And before I even turned 20 it's all over.
I am still alive of course but the purpose for my life is over.
Anonymous 98889
>>98888Does this mean “kinda funny?” Lmao, it doesn’t feel that funny to me experiencing it tho. I need that stuff gone, asap!
Anonymous 98903
I just miss my bf so much. Why does he have to be so sick? I just wish I could make it all better
Anonymous 98920
>>98887>I used to push myself until I felt like passing outServed you right, lol.
Anonymous 98923
>>98921I guess her injury is related to "pushing" herself too much.
Anonymous 98926
>>98910He got stronger antibiotics today and no longer has a fever. The bastard lives yet another day!
Anonymous 98931
i just feel so hopeless. my grades are shit and i have no will to do anything. im so scared of failing but at the same time i genuinely cannot get up and force myself to do work. also im pretty sure the guy i used to like has started to like me which sucks because why??? now??? why does he have to start liking me when i stopped liking him? everything just annoys me why can’t i just die like rn lmao
Anonymous 98932
I am going to disappear. I'll be gone before fall begins.
Anonymous 98935
I WISH I HAD FAT KNOCKERS
Anonymous 98938
Spoiler
Never seen cp until earlier today on this site. Nasty sick fucking scrote. It's probably that ugly pedo tranny again. Nonas, would any of you care to recommend some browser extension to avoid seeing this shit?
Anonymous 98941
>>98889I was asking if it was kiwifarms but I take that as a no
Anonymous 98942
>>98938The only way an extension like that would work is if it had a hash of known cp images, which do exist but they're limited to law enforcement.
https://www.projectvic.org/get-hashes Anonymous 98955
Dumb vent but I meant to buy a protein bar to eat tomorrow morning but I accidentally just bought a "snack" bar made by the same company that has similar packaging but 1/3rd the protein and now I'm grumpy.
Anonymous 98956
I commute on the highway once a week and people cannot drive, they just can't. And why does the passing lane immediately halt from 60-70 mph for no reason so that I literally almost crash my car (keeping up w traffic) every time??
Its time I just sit in the slow lane and not want to genocide humanity every time I get on the highway I guess.
Dont get me started with idiots who go 80 in the merging lane onto a highway while everyone else is kindly obeying the rules. Its like sprinting to get to the front of the line in a grocery store. Like congrats?? You saved 20 seconds and also you're trash. Usually meatbrain moids in big cars or clunkers
Anonymous 98958
A little trick I do when i think about all those paths i hadn’t taken is imagine that each of them (while being objectively better in circumstance) ended in the unfavorable outcome of me getting bacterial meningitis, since that seems to be my irrational phobia.
I have no clue what to do with the rest of my life. I was an adept student. Then I was a slacker. Mostly my existence revolved around either sinking into the hell of overachieving academically ot falling prey to my vice of avoidance, abusing the shit out of my phone addiction etc.
Did I think what it was all for? Nope. Fucking nope.
If im gonna be a hikikimori i dont want to be a filthy fucking normoid. Would you believe ive been browsing REDDIT?
Anonymous 98960
Crazy to think that a year ago today i was obsessed with the idea of getting a master’s. And why didn’t I? I would love to get into computational neuroscience research. I love neuroscience and I’m merely in love with the idea of mastering theoretical ML concepts in research. Reading papers doesn’t bother me. It stokes my ego.
But I slipped through some crack into the data industry. I fucking hate corporate. And i know ill be pursuing a Phd for the wrong reasons (prestige, aesthetic, overly fragile ego, the need to have a sparkly name on my resume). I just want to earn money. Why can’t i just earn money. My money. Mine. I want to explore some place new. I want to live somewhere near a beach. I want my window to overlook a foliage and some trees. I want to smell the rain snd walk and walk and walk. I want to feel alive. I want to be near nature. And i want to earn. And i want to learn? How the fuck could i consolidate all three. In what country could i even have all three?
It’s insane that i can’t even be comfortable with my own dreams. Like i can’t give myself the luxury. I can’t prioritize my whim over other people’s sound advice. What has being responsible and mature done for me? Nothing but turn me into this bitter, melancholic, woman-child moored in a past that would never come to pass. Chewing on regrets. Regurgitating past platitudes. Chasing a shade. It’s one of two things. Embrace being a responsible rational adult and behave as such or give in to the inner self obsessed with frivolous impulse. No half measures.
Ps: i think im allergic to this lip balm. It smells like fucking stomach salve they put on babies’ tummies.
Anonymous 98982
>>98981
How are you so sure he'd dislike it? You wouldn't believe it, but there seems to be a surprising amount of guys who love tall girls.
The fact that he's short could mean he's more likely to have a thing for taller girls as well, though this could be totally wrong still.
Anonymous 98987
>>98483Nona, that doesn't sound like a bad thing. Leading someone you're not intetested in on and using them for affection epuld be worse, I think. How did it go?
Anonymous 99029
I saw a candid photo of my face today and girls, I'm so ugly. Like now I get why my partner laughed when I said I think I look good.
Anonymous 99033
>>98987I'm going through a similar thing. My mother is encouraging me to keep meeting up with a man that I met online but I just don't find him attractive. She's telling me there's nothing wrong with what he looks like but I just don't know if I can. It's making me feel hypocritical (Because I'm not that good-looking) and ruined by 10/10 men in the media (I have fallen in love only with pretty boys, like bishounen, for as long as I can remember). Yet at the same time that if I don't settle with this then I'll never get any other kind of man.
Anonymous 99034
got a bunch of negativistic thoughts just coming in hours before my test for a company
what doth life
Anonymous 99041
i wish i could be one of those cool introverted girls who reads books and teaches herself various topics and has a degree in stem, instead im a neurotic recovering anachan who cant stop thinking about sex.
Anonymous 99061
1681496237667.jpg
>>98987Better than expected, we didn't even have to meet.
I texted him that I cannot see him on a specific time, and then he just stopped texting me (and I stopped texting him too, of course). I love ghosting.
It seems like being so cold and unapproachable does lead to loneliness, who knew. But trying to be more "approachable" without turning to a man-obsessed normie is difficult. For now, I discovered that people prefer talking to me when my hair is down (someone started a conversation with me about quantum mechanics in a café yesterday! Am I stacy yet?). And that's a compromise I can make, since I love having it down as well.
I'm so confused by the world of grown ups. Will probably never find someone that fits me. Sorry for the incoherent ramble.
Anonymous 99062
D8EE6C84-B622-4429…
>have big crush
>crush is very hot and cold with me
>post cute pictures so I will get tons of likes from guys and he’ll see it
>literally send a message to a bunch of guys on Snapchat so my snap score will go up just in case he checks it
>now have like 50 Snapchats to reply to
>he still hasn’t responded and I’m so scared he’s not gonna
Anonymous 99073
>>99062If anything doing that makes him even less likely to lol
Anonymous 99077
>>99041Try getting into Folklore, for some reason erotica writers seem to cross over into that as a serious subject.
Anonymous 99087
>>99062Have you tried just telling your crush you like him?
Anonymous 99088
>sublet room for the summer to be away from parents while I work to save up money
>Roommate is the type of person to only talk about herself
>She takes pauses here and there from telling me another part of her backstory and I assume I can have a turn talking
>As soon as I start talking she instantly cuts me off and begins rambling again
>been attempting to ask her important questions about the apartment and the neighborhood
>Always cut off so she can continue talking my ear off about yet another past suicide attempt, mental hospital visit, or the 7th time she was supposedly raped
>Shows no emotion and speaks in monotone while her eyes look dead behind her coke bottle glasses
:/
Anonymous 99089
Marinated so hard in decision paralysis and freeze mode i turned wrinkled like a rotten prune. Casually revoked my own autonomy privileges when i contacted my ex situationship and he gave me a measurable task to work on for a couple of days.
Needless to say, my productivity went up by 300%. I finally got the incentive to fix my own google calendar and to set up an okay schedule.
Im in a post achievement hypomania so i cannot register the deep shame of realizing I am essentially an executive monkey. Only able to function with an external figure of authority breathing down my shoulder.
Thank you mother. Thank you so very fucking much. This is the person you raised. A person fundamentally unsuited for adulthood.
Anonymous 99093
I sent someone an email, worried that someone they know might harm themselves. Now, I am afraid that that person might trace the email back to me. The email itself is encrypted but what if that person contacts law enforcement? I am shitting myself.
Anonymous 99096
>>99093The email was never delivered. Bless.
Anonymous 99097
buh cute tired.jpg
>>99088I'm so sorry, nona. I know how it feels. I had a roommate like that, she would constantly babble while I worked on my thesis and ask pointless questions that, when I tried to answer, she would just cut off two words in and change the subject. Start ignoring the cunt and get on with your life. Remember, roommates don't have to be your friends.
Anonymous 99098
>>99033I feel like you’ll be miserable, if you dont like him move on. You’ll only harbor resentment for him if you settle for him out of fear of not settling down with anyone
Anonymous 99099
i'm messaging people so much and talking about nonesense 24/7 the last few days. it's so cringe on my part and i'm doing it to avoid the shit in my brain
Anonymous 99101
all i feel is RAGE
im so angry at everything and everyone but most of all I feel so angry at myself.
I miss my ex bestfriend but then i dont. Everytime I talk to a guy platonically it goes to flames. Everyone is annoying me. Im annoying myself. Im trying so hard and getting so burntout. I feel like im going crazy. I feel like im becoming a narcissist
Anonymous 99104
Got Covid, felt like death, lost 5 kg in a week from loss of appetite, and now I can't taste anything anymore.
On the bright side, I can't taste anything anymore so I'm no longer a picky eater and I can eat pretty much anything.
Anonymous 99107
6a2a927fd5c7ce27fe…
Tomorrow, I start wage slaving again. 8-4, 5 days a week. Great. I can't even look forward to getting money because i'm going to have to use it to pay up debt.
Anonymous 99113
I'm going out with my husband so I tried to do my makeup like he likes it. It turned out okay. But I just couldn't get my hair right. I got frustrated at myself and then my husband got frustrated at me for wanting to give up and do another hairstyle and now I just feel crappy.
Anonymous 99114
902CDADC-EDA9-41E3…
A couple of years ago I had a best friend like I loved her so much. We spent everyday together, lived together, and worked together. She hated my bf and I can’t blame her because he’s a piece of shit. But back then I was so naive and just thought I was the problem before I realized he’s like a real life narcissist. Anyways she ended up kind of actually being in love with me and started getting jealous and we started fighting a lot and eventually we just stopped talking all together. I really miss her and so I added her on social media and she’s been liking a lot of stuff I post. I kind of wanna message her, she’s married now so maybe we won’t have the same problems anymore.
Anonymous 99117
People on the snooping thread on lc are saying I sound like a “lost creepy scrote”
Its a fucking cyberstalking thread. Ofc im gonna sound creepy.
Anonymous 99119
Pissed because I have been stuck on a plateau with my weight loss for like three weeks now. Hopefully I continue to lose. There is no reason I shouldn't be loosing as I am still eating under my calorie intake threshold and have been going on long ass walks. idk what is going on but it's pissing me off.
Anonymous 99124
>>99113Thank fuck im alone. The radfemcel to oppressed housewife pipeline is real and awful.
Anonymous 99125
>>99117There's a cyberstalking thread on /x/ here that might be more your speed.
Anonymous 99126
>>99119Same. I got so upset and relapsed on my binge eating tendencies and getting back on track now today. Letting you know how it will go in 2 weeks from now.
Anonymous 99127
1684486479013852.p…
>had crush on my best friend for a couple of years
>we seemed to be really close all of last year leading up to me getting work again last month
>he starts talking to a different female friend of ours again that's caused drama before
>one that's kind of a snake in the grass and keeps an orbit of boys around
>best friend has assured me in the past he isn't so physically attracted to her as he is to me so I figure nothing is wrong
>I asked for him to give me his time after work on mother's day weekend because I was having a miserable time adjusting to my new job and needed the relief
>he agrees
>he never shows up or talks to me the whole weekend even when I nudged him
>disappointing as fuck but I cope ok
>willing to overlook it until he confesses to me on mother's day that he caught feelings for that other girl
>what the fuck???
>I basically confess everything I've held back
>he says he doesn't love me
>:/
>really ruined my week and we both continued to be upset for the following couple days trying to sort shit out and continue the friendship
>later on I try to ask him what she even said to him
>"I can't put it into words nona, it's an emotional maturity when you just connect with someone because of what you've been through, you wouldn't understand"
>he actually starts getting upset with me and insists I can't understand his problems and traumas even though I am almost 4 years older and been through Some Shit
>"But you're not that attracted to her physically? You told me you like older women and she's 5 years younger than you?"
>"it's not about that, people become attractive to you when they fill your emotional needs"
>"I'm pretty sure she didn't even like you that much" I tell him, knowing it was obvious she is currently dating one of her orbitors
>"the reality doesn't matter, FEELINGS over FACTS, nona!!"
>good god what the fuck
>"ok but what did you even talk about?"
>he refuses to answer and just throws a small tantrum still insisting I just don't understand him
>I let it go and accept he isn't mature enough to look at things objectively and laugh in order to get over how crazy he was for even catching feelings in the first place
>he is still being a sad sack of shit even now and it's preventing us from doing things we used to love that are enjoyable
I think I might really be over him. What absolute neurotic bullshit. I really hope someone new can come along and rescue me from this crap.
Anonymous 99132
>>99127>moid "mansplaining" emotional maturityLooool nona you dodged a bullet. Leave this child in your dust.
Anonymous 99138
>>99127>You told me you like older women and she's 5 years younger than you?He probably doesn't actually and was just saying that when he was interested in you to get your attention. Now that he is interested in the other girl he doesn't have to pretend that lol.
Anonymous 99152
No vitamin D in this desert shithole. This is probably the reason for my brainfog. Or did I just turn fucking stupid.
Anonymous 99153
Bad day today… lost my keys and absolutely didnt get any sleep
Anonymous 99155
>>99153I hope you find your keys, nona.
Anonymous 99162
>>99132Thank you, I am so tired of being burned. I know I deserve better, I just feel depressed that I'm gonna have to start all over again with someone else someday and let him go.
>>99138I've known him for a couple years and no, this was a curveball. A gross one. I still don't know how the hell he simped so hard against his own principles. Deserved the rejection and deserves suffering for being so mentally stunted.
Anonymous 99164
I desperately want someone to reassure me that i'm loved and not a burden, but i don't have anyone like that.
Anonymous 99166
Ran a red light today, feel like shit about it. Could have killed someone, all because I wasn’t paying attention. I thought people were just stoped behind the bus while it was letting people off, I didn’t see the light was red. I wish I’d just have been pulled over so I could feel like I was punished instead of like I got away with it.
Anonymous 99171
>>99170
It’s up on tor
Anonymous 99173
feel like death…constant daily interrupted sleep, constant anxiety, activities that usually keep me grounded don't work anymore, i have no control over my circumstances i just want this to end soon
Anonymous 99174
>>99172
Are you going to the .onion site? The .net stopped working some time this weekend
Anonymous 99177
>>99175
>And yes, I just said I've tried TOR
No I meant did you try going to the .net on tor, that works but it doesn't have an HTTPS cert anymore. Do you have access to anything on tor?
Anonymous 99181
sometimes i feel like im just sitting around doing sidequests til i eventually kill myself from dissatisfaction like the order ruled it to be from the day i was born
i try to cope by telling myself im too controlling. life is an incomprehensible lottery big whoop. what if everyones a cosmic cog in the idiot world machine? it bothers me that i feel particularly targeted by an entity. im not special
anybody feel like everythings pointless to a cosmic level? like theres a divine being with an ulterior motive preventing you to feel even the smallest bit of belonging comfort or stability? :3
Anonymous 99183
I don't want to go home but I know it will just make things worse.
Anonymous 99185
1665031023960006.j…
Life is passing me by and I can only think of the only person that showed kindness to me.
I feel like I'll end up like Fry's dog.
Anonymous 99189
I swear if it turns out i have bpd i will literally kill myself. What an embarrassing disorder.
Anonymous 99190
I once told the moid i was seeing (he was gonna have a tonsil biopsy or something idk) that if he was gonna have cancer it better not be a goofy fucking type of cancer, like mouth cancer.
No wonder he left.
Anonymous 99198
>>99189Its not embarrassing that you went to get help and it can be cured with willpower so idk what youre killing urself over
Anonymous 99200
02c7af794140ad678f…
How do i stop caring about others not caring about me?
Anonymous 99203
1659042601711.jpeg
anyone else here feeling like a total loser for their age? all my friends are already in uni since the beginning of the year, and I'm still stuck in a grade below because I dropped a few classes last session bc of really bad mental health and issues at home. because of that I ended up taking way more time here… and to make things worse, now that Im retaking those classes, i just miserably failed the one class i really needed to pass to get into uni as fast as possible. I was so close, but now I'm stuck another year here. The exam was so hard everyone left the class laughing and crying. Am I just stupid or mad unlucky? I think if nothing else was going in my life right now, i'd probably be six feet under. Sometimes i regret not offing myself when my mental health was at its worst last year. now i have to go through this shit and feel like an embarrassment. everyone around me at school is 2 years younger… not that it matters, but it just puts emphasis on how late and retarded i am compared to absolutely everyone. the school system where I'm from is really silly, but yeah. I'm also losing touch with my friends because they're making new friends in uni and moving on with their busy schedules. ugh
Anonymous 99207
>spend too much money on clothes/shoes because it makes me feel better/have no self control
>don't have anywhere to wear it anyways because I don't have any friends to go anywhere with
>the only socializing I can take is at work and love coming home to be a couch potato.
I really don't know what I want sometimes I want a bf but then I look at moids and question myself on why. Same with friends, I don't know how to make any new ones.I was the girl with the outgoing friend who would just become friends with whoever the outgoing friend had.
Anonymous 99211
>>99203you sound like me, I went through something similar except I was in university and everyone around me was graduating and I kept failing and shit. I eventually got through it though. I still feel kinda stunted but whatever at least I don't want to an hero anymore and I am a lot happier.
Honestly once you graduate and go to university things will even out and you will be surrounded by older people. You won't feel as weird. I made friends in university who were 5-10 years older than me, you meet all kinds of people.
Loosing touch with your friends because they have all moved on is hard though, that happened to me too. Sucks.
Anonymous 99224
>>97484i want to do something with my life but i dont know what. im 21 and all ive done is taken like a years worth of community college art courses and im not good at the classes and never turned my work in on time and i dont even like the culture of art kids. i enjoyed art more when i did it myself as a hobby. everything is floating and far away. i developed an eating disorder in my late teens and im only now really getting over it even though i somehow "relapsed" twice this month just because i was sad and didnt want to get out of bed to eat breakfast and i felt fat because i didnt fit into my favorite jeans. my bmi is 21, and i cant decide if im fat or not now. i obsess over measurements: 32-26-41. 125. i continuously have intense memories of random past events. i get scared at night and think aliens or monsters are watching me. i cant act normal in public. i often take a 1.5 hour nap at 5pm. i have a job part time at least but its min wage and i dont want to be there forever. i feel like a child always. i masturbate three times a day at least. i feel ugly.
Anonymous 99226
>>99153Now i’ve lost my sunglasses too..
Anonymous 99230
ehh i thought it's getting better but obviously i'm wrong
Anonymous 99232
Tumblr_l_229775672…
>>97484Just so sick of living on the same planet as males. I don't want to have to walk around obligated to think about them, see them or interact with them, I just want to live in a bubble. Millions of miles away from them. But i literally can't. Why do I have to feel this deep seated disgust but also kinda guilty because I just want to stay the FUCK away from them?? I don't want to think about them unless it's in fantasy and it's not even real because these dubious fucking swine disgust me mostly, especially in the last 9 years or so though. In the last 9 years I have had my view of them completely atom bombed to oblivion. It was actually bad before. Now it's horrifically bad.
Why do i have to pretend its ok when its not??????????????? What is the point of this existence ????????? Will someone please tell me ??
My brain fucking hurts, I want to shut it off for the rest of time and just not think about them at all. Nobody ever asks if I'm okay because I never show I'm sad. The best thing in life for me is SOLITUDE BEcause nobody will understand what I have to say.
I think my rage and disgust at them is 100% reasonable, I shouldn't have to explain it to anybody. They should just stay the fuck away from me.
I want happiness in my solitude and that is all. Why do I have to keep interacting with them and thinking anything it makes me want to just blow myself up at a repuplicuntvention and take 20 of their worst with me.
If I didn't have to ever think of or interact with these pigfuckers I would be happy and my mind would be at peace. But I can never find peace around these shits. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I'm sorry again?? Well I'm fucking not, I don't give a rats ass what they have to say I want them the fuck away from me.
Anonymous 99233
1617563111839.jpg
what is there to live for?
all the times I wake up and already feel like my day is not good, it just goes south.
i fucking hate it, what the fuck is the point?
Anonymous 99234
I hate to admit it but I think the fact that my dad went to work abroad at a critical time during my adolescence has significantly stunted my development (emotionally speaking).
My father is a good father. Considerate, supportive, sensible, especially considering that we’re all north african shitholers and he could have been an absolute misogynistic abusive cunt. But in reality, i don’t know how to size him up, or fit him in my psyche. You know when your brain distinguishes behavioral patterns in people, and you know, it does that shit unwittingly, but eventually it constructs a careful model that’s able to predict what the person is thinking and how they’re behaving etc. My brain, fundamentally shuts out men. Or at least the men in my family. I find them unpredictable (they are actually very easy to predict) and therefore suspicious and i should always be wary around them. It’s like my brain balks at the notion of treating them as human beings and not stranger entities standing at the periphery of my life. For instance, I had never in my life maintained a conversation longer than two sentences with any of my uncles. I greet them and move on with my day. I could talk to my grandmother with dementia for hours. She’s easy to predict and this my own behavior is adaptable with hers
Actually the more I think about it, the more I realize I’ve always been suspicious of moids. Even my classmates (though we shared interests). And i’ve never allowed myself to have a crush unless i was absolutely certain the other person was unavailable to me. That way they exist solely in my head. And the only guy i’ve had an active sorta-maybe story with, reminded me in many instances of my mother.
I’m so fucked.
Anonymous 99237
I want to start making fun of other people to feel better about myself, but all I can think about is how depressing my life is. How do I notice the weaknesses in other people and hurt them with it?
Anonymous 99238
>>99237No matter what you do, you aren't men. At least you're not out there,/mostly/ shitting up everything you touch so you have that going for you.
Anonymous 99239
>>99237Misanthropy is not gonna compensate for your nonexistent sense of self.
Anonymous 99240
1612647578869.gif
I screwed up my gluten-free bread by adding too much water into the mix.
I just got it out of the oven, it jiggles on the top if I shake it. I hate this
Anonymous 99242
its_over.gif
thank you nanos.
I feel like I missed out on the best era of the internet, I was only 6 around 2010 so I was never invested in early days of 4chan or any board really, and now that I've been invested in those boards for the past 2 years, I feel like I missed out. I see many people talking about the early days and it really sucks. and so is the same for computers generally, I feel like I'm too late for getting into computers, even though I was interested in them for the past 4 years around 16/15 years old I think, which is still late, my dad was at the age of 8/9 already studying them. I promised myself that I'll follow his footsteps and become a computer scientist but i feel like I'm too late, I've been trying to pick up linux for the past few months but I keep failing because I have no motivation and I'm scared to ask for help so I keep falling behind, only if I asked for actual help those months back. this really fucks with my motivation to keep going. I feel like I'm around an old friend group that has a whole history, and I'm just here for whatever reason. I'm in a loop that I hate social medias like twitter, Instagram, snapchat and so on. but also I feel like I don't belong around image boards, so I just feel like I'm an outcast on the internet, which is basically my home.
I also got rejected by many girl friend groups I only had one actual girl-friend in my life. I never managed to get along with them and it really sucks. I always wanted the "girl night" experience, I always wanted to go to malls and eat ice cream like in the movies. but I will never have a chance probably because I'm way past the option to make friends, I can only make friendships online, but I'll never be able to have friendships with girls because I have barely any shared interests with other girls, I've never met an actual girl online that had the same interests as me, it was only guys. and it's not like I have a problem to be around them, but being called a pick-me because I can't have any proper conversations with girls fucking sucks, not to mention how I get picked on by guys constantly and not in a funny haha manner, I'm actually being insulted by a majority of them. I always feel rejected by them, it makes me feel like I'm not one of them, but guys also don't accept me so I actually don't belong anywhere, I can't help but just feel like I wasn't meant to be alive, no one actually wants to be around me, girls judge me, guys insult me for being a girl, and funny enough when I larped as a guy on a guy image board no one batted a fucking eye. It's unironically over for me, I'm only 18 and it's pretty much almost the end of the road it seems. I've never been so suicidal in life. I've never actually heard of someone being rejected from both sides of genders and reality and the internet. I'm actually so close to roping, only thing stopping me is my mom and dad, I feel like they are one of the only people who really care and my last intention is to fuck their lives more.
I don't think this will spark a conversation as a thread. thanks a lot again for the opportunity to vent.
Anonymous 99243
>>99242Don't sweat it Nona.
Chances are, in the future, people will miss the state of the internet as it is now.
Don't let people who can't let go of the past dictate what you have to believe.
Anonymous 99244
>>99243you're right nona, I can't let people who can't let go of the past make me feel bad. but when people talk about the "prime" of a website, it feels like I missed out on a major part of history and I assume most people would also feel bad if they missed out on such time where as how many people describe it "everyone were laughing and having fun" and all of those huge stunts were pulled on the media. I just wish I could be there to witness it, y'know?
Anonymous 99245
url(2).jpg
>>99244Life isn't just the pictures book. It is filled with moments that are abhorrent,but nobody wants to remember those.
Let's put it in another perspective. If you miss out on a train, do you cry over it? Or do you just take the one that's coming next?
Don't sweat it lass, when you least expect it, you'll find yourself in a bed of roses. Just be sure to stick with the right people and everything will be alright.
Anonymous 99246
>>99242>I was never invested in early days of 4chan or any board really, and now that I've been invested in those boards for the past 2 years, I feel like I missed outYou didn't miss anything good. 4chan is and always has been a horrible website filled with horrible people, anyone who actually thinks 4chan was good at any point in time is someone who's opinions should be disregarded.
Anonymous 99250
i was sooo mentally ill at 12 it's actually embarrassing
Anonymous 99254
I'm going through a very bourgeoise identity crisis. I'm so interred in this zone of comfort manufactured for me by my lovely parents (I love love love them) that I forgot why exactly I would want to get a job.
Okay. I need my own money. I need to be a real person. How the fuck did I do a 180 from being a hyper-independent adolescent to this fucking travesty of a helpless adult?
Anonymous 99255
69dc5b50_b580_45c2…
I'm tired of who i am
I normally block out these sorts of thoughts, kinda keep them away as "rather not" but at this point im just sick of it.
I am a female, yes, but from whats happened to me and all the shit ive been through i dont even know what to call myself at this point.
When i was like 2 months old i had to have a full radical hysterectomy cause my tubes were tied and fucked cause of a malformity with my musculature. caused shit to get infected easy as a baby, and obviously it fucked with me all my life. I've had medical problems unrelated to it all my life too mainly my epilespy, so ive spent almost every day in a hospital since i was a child when hormones started kicking in.
Im starting to get thoughts in my mind about what exactly i am, ive struggled with it for a while now, but i am at the point to where i dont even think of myself as a real woman anymore. it doesnt help that a friend of mine online essentially sext me repeatedly. and it doesnt help im horny 24/7, so i am constantly in fantasy land where im an actual proper woman with a working cooter. or an actual healthy body not scarred or maimed, where i have actual breast and look like my friends online. Obviously got no friends offline/irl besides medical staff and patients at the hospital who can actually know sign language.
I just wanted a normal life, but now im stuck with this lump basically and it fucking hurts to know i never really experienced or will experience anything i was supposed to. I was supposed to be a partner to someone, i was supposed to be able to even simply use a toy, but i cant even find strength to pick up a can half the time from years of surgeries and injuries.
i want to be normal. but im fucking not. i want to walk without limping. i want to speak actual words instead of signing them. i want to feel someone without wincing.
this was a vent thread, sorry if this is a little self indulgent to go on about. sorry
Anonymous 99257
0009742d169a210d4f…
I grew up on the internet in a 2nd world country where most people never reach even semi-fluency in english and i feel perpetually alienated from all of my peers cause they grew up in an entirely different culture and i can never relate to them or their interests. I tried getting into my countrys stuff but its just so subpar compared to stuff thats in english
Anonymous 99258
>>99257As another anon from a second world country I relate to this a lot. Doesn’t help that I grew up in a small town where no one cared to learn English because there was no hope in the future. Glad I moved though, people here (in a bigger city) seem to be more invested in other languages and general culture of English speaking web (though sometimes it’s for the worst, like with gendies overusing English words while speaking in their native language which looks and sounds utterly ridiculous).
Anonymous 99260
>>99257Same but third world shithole instead.
Always felt alienated from my peers due to the "niche" interests I've cultivated during high school. But then I went to an elite college and found out all autismos gravitated towards the same interests regardless of where they came from.
Anonymous 99262
my boyfriend and me have been planning a super nice date for months, and it was supposed to be today. I've been going through a rough time and he's always working full time, so it was something that was really important to me. HOWEVER his family kept bugging him for the past few days to go on a tiny roadtrip with him instead. He reassured me for several days that he wouldn't cancel on me no matter what. Spoiler: he ended up canceling on me. I was extremely pissed at first, we fought and he ended up saying some things that really hurt me. In the end our date was obviously cancelled because he was going on the trip with his family, but I was invited to the trip, so I might as well still enjoy whatever I can from it. So this morning I was already packed and ready, but he decided to ignore me which caused me to go absolutely crazy. I haven't felt this helpless and betrayed in a really long time. I can't tell if im the asshole right now, I get it i shouldn't of gotten as mad as i got when he cancelled on me, but he wont even let me talk to him.
Anonymous 99268
>>99257Me too, it’s extremely difficult.
Anonymous 99270
staringatpartymeme…
I made the mistake of agreeing to go on another trip organized by my study abroad program in Japan but I really just want to do solo travel over that because I can't stand 90% of the other students on this program. I like one or two of the girls and could see myself being friends with them, but the remaining ones are complete bitches. They are mean, spoiled, and very rude people. The other girls are the cliquey, Becky type that bullied me in middle school (One of them told us about possibly finding a dead guy in her car, like it was funny, and told another to kill himself as a joke.) and some of the guys are dumb Gen Z dudebros that unironically talk like "Yo this shit is lit no cap" (This dudebro walking around with gold chains really said Tokyo isn't a city, oh my fucking god.). Literally people in picrel. Every trip we go on where I have to be around them gets ruined for me. They are even lowkey rude and passive-aggressive when replying to any messages I send in the group chat. I serously dislike them and don't want to be anywhere near them for the remainder of the program. I would have expected weebs on a study abroad program for Japan, but not turbo-normies.
Anonymous 99274
Got banned from LCF for a day because I said I wasn't the person spamming fugly AI pictures. I hate the newfag mods so fucking much, it's glaringly obvious they haven't been using the site for a year at most. First people get banned for A-Logging trannies, now it's personalityfagging to tell someone you're not another anon and they're delusional? Holy fucking shit I'm so mad right now I could actually break something. Won't spam shit because it's cringe and retarded over a 24 hour ban but this feels like a vendetta over specific posters at this point, not that personalityfagging itself was even a violation of the rules until like a week ago, with no rule update to point it out. Personalityfags used to be banned for specific behaviors. Rancefag for nudes spam and shotacon, Seal-chan for racism, and so on. I don't recall how Paki or Romani got banned, though. I'm absolutely certain it was not for personality itself, though. Like, fuck. At this point anons should get banned for breathing. God forbid a woman isn't completely uniform
Anonymous 99288
i hate waking up early
Anonymous 99290
>>99270University students are terrible. Hope there's at least a handful who aren't complete assholes
Anonymous 99292
Life humbled me so hard. I used to talk and boast a lot but life’s left me quiet. I’ve lost my job, my scholarship and many other things. I’m so tired, nonas.
Anonymous 99293
>>97486when you get a new hairdresser, just say "I'm autistic and I don't like small talk"
Anonymous 99304
c34057616c33c7b754…
Don't ever befriend or date normies, worst mistake of my life. They are cruel creatures.
Anonymous 99307
>>99290They really are. They stand me up even when agreeing to go together somewhere, just look at their phone and always completely ignore me when I say something to them (One of them keeps talking to me but still proceeds to ignore me for some reason. It's weird.). Some of them look at me uncomfortably when I didn't even do anything. I am fairly certainly they're laughing behind my back because they'd be the types to do so. Even the ones I haven't interacted even once with before seem to know my name too well.
By the way, they make inappropriate sexual jokes and curse in public not realizing that Japanese people can understand more English than they let on. lmao When we were at a sushi restaurant, one of them was saying "Fuck" loudly and then tried to get me to say it, because they were laughing at me for not looking like someone who curses. Idiots.
Anonymous 99308
I wish o could just stop going online. You know they tell you that envy isn’t really a bad emotion. It’s supposed to guide you towards what you really want inside. My envy is just a another fragment from the large spectrum of regret and bitterness that im sliding across.
Anonymous 99309
>>99308It really is a hedgehog of a situation. All pesky spikes butting out and killing any chance of a breakthrough. I’m envious and could use that as a guiding beacon to find my way but im also so insecure and under-confident to pave my own way by myself without looking for external influence, mentorship, etc, but also also my ego is too large to accept outside mentorship in good conscience so really it’s just a big ball of plastered pubes. One big cum glop.
