My back teeth hurt so that's probably gonna be another dentist appointment.
i am chubby and my brother tried to tell me to lose weight because 130 pounds at 5ft2 is fat and that no man would date me
if your boyfriend doesnt talk to you for days with no explanation, is it his coward way of breaking up with you?
The bipolar & schizophrenic feels thread seems to be gone so I'm posting this here.
My schizophrenia diagnosis was confirmed because of a full blown psychotic episode I had in January and that lead to my (second) involuntary hospitalisation. Previously I was sceptical of it but looking back at the episode I had, it makes sense now. Resumed taking my Haldol, hopefully I'll be able to get off of it because I don't want tardive dyskinesia and stuff. The doctor in the hospital said I can if I get into a remission after taking it for half a year, I'll ask my doctor to switch me to an atypical antipsychotic which doesn't need another medication to stop the side effects.
>>95198>full blown psychotic
what was it like? and why were you hopsitalized the first time?
>>95202>what was it like?
For me, the core part were delusions (persecutory and nihilistic) and mania-like (I suppose) energy and irritability. Also suicidal thoughts in the form of a delusion that everyone around me will benefit from my death, I believed in that even when the people close to me thought and said otherwise. >and why were you hopsitalized the first time?
Suicide attempt (overdosed on a box of benzodiazepines for no reason, I don't know if it even counts as an attempt to end my own life, I remember almost nothing from the time)
so they can diagnose you with schizophrenia even if you don't have auditory/visual hallucinations (e.g the voicesz)?
i feel dizzy but i can't pick up my meds until morning…
i wouldn't even need them if i didn't make such shitty life choices. i barely ever have to face the consequences of my actions, i've earned this at the absolute least.
These kind of anime pictures are just pure suifuel for me. I will never have a cute loyal gamer bf to make out and cuddle with. Just erase me and end my suffering.
if you put them into the perspective theyre mostly posted and made by retard incels who whine about "i just want someone to love me ;((" they become cringe and unbearable imo. also contrary to the scrotes who post them you will statistically find a boyfriend and have a nice love life
Yes if you meet other criteria (thought disorders, negative symptoms like apathy, avolition, etc). Although in my case there were hallucinations but they were pretty insignificant.
I had a friend on Facebook who constantly tagged her and her boyfriend in anime pictures like that. not mfw
God you are dumb and naive if you think a scrote would end your problems and not magnify them
Also scrotes never look thst good lmao
Speak for yourself. My life is much easier with a slave tier scrote who simps to do everything for me.
>Also scrotes never look thst good lmao
I mean, she did end up marrying an older man with a porn mustache that looks like he drives a white van with no windows.. who she also tagged in pictures like that IIRC. But the previous guy was actually cute and those pictures worked with it.
>>95218>mostly posted by retard incels
Yes>mostly made by retard incels
Incels are sterile and devoid of creative capabilities. They're mostly made by Asian artists, male and female, who probably have experienced this stuff. Pic was drawn by a woman, for example.
god i knew a guy who posted shit like this he also hated women
Yeah I got news for you. 99.999 men are not like that, and it's not worth it to sort through all the filth trying to find it. Mostly i dont believe you're post is real either honestly. Most men make a woman's life more trouble than it's worth even pretty women are treated like garbage.
Actually if anything I've seen pretty women treated the worst, accosted in public the most, bullied, contrilled and manipulated the most. Specifically because so many scrotes want to clog up their space w controlling bullshit
No amount of simping from a single moid can make me forgive moids in general though. It feels like selling out no matter what they do.
remember that the bf of your dreams is out there somewhere,and that you will never meet each other
i have no idea how to explain my emotions even to myself i have no idea what i'm feeling and it might be a problem in the long run but i'm too lazy to try to find out
For some reason, my thread in /feels/ was deleted. I was gonna post there, but I'll just post here instead.
I have a huge problem with anger, and it's hard for me to hold it in without me blowing up at someone. Right now I really want to punch my fucking screen and then cry. I feel like hitting something, as cringe as that sounds, but I know I shouldn't. I used to have a horrible habit of hitting my arms until they bruised really badly, and I really don't want to get that habit again.
used to have the same problem just run until you feel tired or lift weights i started lifting weights and felt better
I can't do that unfortunately. I've got a really fucked knee at the moment that could lead me to being disabled if I don't let it heal. But, I do agree. Exercise is very important and it was one of my biggest relievers of stress, if I felt like shit, I'd just jog or walk around my neighborhood, exploring for shops.
That might be why I always feel so damn pissed at everything… Do you think there's something else I could try that may help me, at least until my knee heals?
Tape a pillow to your wall and punch it
probably a stupid thing to be venting over but lol. i wish i was considered a mom friend or a big sister to anyone. i think i have quite a caring personality an i try to be supportive and give out advice (when asked for) to the best of my ability, though i am not very good at articulating my thoughts. it just made me jealous of my other friend when my friend told her she was the mom friend of the group for giving out advice that i was trying to say
Early December, me and mom caught the flu (I caught it a few days after she recovered). Then, my dad contracted acute bronchitis mid-December that's left him with a bad cough up till now. I know what I SHOULD be feeling for him, pity and what not but I can’t help but feel like he’s just completely pathetic. It’s wrong I know, but I can’t help but feel like he’s just acting so weak compared to how me and my mom acted while we were sick. I know he is genuinely in pain, but he’s also definitely being dramatic. He’s always been like this. I remember running down the stairs in a panic one time because I heard him screaming only to see that he just splashed himself with bacon grease while cooking. Me and my mom had accidentally splashed ourselves like that multiple times and worse than he had, and we only made a small noise then wiped ourselves off.
The way he coughs, he goes all in. Leaning shoulder, fake dry-heaving, not even covering his mouth. It definitely sounds like he’s forcing it out whenever he coughs. But I had a cough that remained for a week and a half after I had gotten over the flu. The severity was a little less than his, but I acted so much better. And he’s been so moody and wallowing in self-pity. It’s just so.. pathetic. I used to have a lot of respect for my dad , but I feel like it’s slowly draining away. I still love him of course but I can’t help but have some resentment slowly build up. I know it's wrong to feel this way. I just wish he would start acting with more dignity, having some self-respect for himself. When I was in bed with a bad case of the flu I acted with far more dignity than him
I just can't cope with the fact my bf had girlfriends before me.
He is my first boyfriend i have actually met IRL, I had my first kiss with him, gave him my virginity, and its the longest lasting relationship I have ever had. I gave him so much of my first experiences but he did all of that years ago and I can not fucking stand it.
At first it didn't bother me that much, I didn't mind hearing about it because I kinda felt like I was experiencing it vicariously. But I can not fucking stand it anymore, now everytime one of his exes is even mentioned (which, isn't often, he doesn't like talking about them) I want to tear my fucking eyes out. I swear if I ever met one of them I would kill them, because I SHOULD HAVE GOT TO EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING WITH HIM. His first time should have been with me, WE should have dates in highschool, and I can not fucking stand he is such a used whore when I came to him entirely pure.
I know this is irrational and I am being posessive, I can't stand that he works with like 2 other women or talks to them sometimes, not even because I am worried about his fidelity but because I feel like they have no right to talk to my boyfriend. Its like someone borrowing something without your permission-no, they didn't take it in a time you needed it, they did not steal it or return it damaged, but its YOURS. Some days its really bad and I think about it and feel like crying. I just wish we were together and that I got him when he was young and we could have experienced things together.
Get used to it. If he hadn't been in a relationship until now he'd likely be another damaged hikineet deprived of social interaction or have something else wrong with him.
I have defined a meaning to my life. So long as my brain's not shot by burnout, the only goal I should consistently strive towards is feeding that shit with as much drivel as possible. Lit, philosophy, maths, coding, stats you fucking name it. I will never be willingly lobotomized again. I will never kill my brain again. I must not sink to that rut again. I need to fight.
Ignore her >>95274
. There's nothing wrong with what your feeling. Plenty of s here are khhv who want a khhv bf and to be his first everything, me included.
But you have to ask yourself why you gave him your first kiss and your virginity to him in the first place. If it's so important to you, why didn't you leave him to find someone else?
I hate working. I don’t think I’ll be ever be happy having to work to survive. I accept that I am lazy, but would rather blame it on capitalism. I work in a very low income area and have deal with extremely mentally ill people daily for minimum wage. Find another job, right? I won’t be happier at another job, and at this one I can show up stupid stoned & late & no one will say a word. Perhaps I’m just a loser
Have fun finding your girlfriend-free boy that doesn't exist unless he's Chris-chan then.
mom was talking shit about a coworker to me
"shes just a bitch because she's never had children, she's a spinster"
and i am just standing there awkwardly knowing very well how much she wants me to have grandkids and being of the age where women begin to settle down
like ffs just tell me you think i'm a bitch for not picking a scrote off the street and spewing some babies from my vagina instantly
it was just randomly brought up too, nothing prompted this conversation
I have this weird thing where children doing anything with food makes me gag. I saw this tik tok of kim’s daughter opening her mouth with little bits of food on her tongue and i think i gagged like 4 times typing this out. This happens with my nieces and nephews and everyone judges me, i love them but i can’t stand that shit
I get jealous over stupid shit like that. I’m very motherly to people i love but they never notice it.
One must always hold it in the heart to hope.
nta but i found one and he is hot and nice. i hate non virgin men as dating material (and bitter incels too ofc) and would never date a manwhore.
if a guy is in his late teens to early 20s, its very possible to find a cute girlfriend-free one, so to any girl with that wish i'd say keep looking
Any tips on finding a girlfriend-free virgin? How did you meet yours?
i want to kill myself, but i want to burn my private regions off so i'm not targeted by a necrophiliac, because i'm tired of not being in control
no one has remote empathy for how i was molested and there's videos everywhere. it hink i'll learn to hack and take them down or just pay one too and then burn my entire body
i would change my mind i could sell my soul
>meet bf's mom
>ask him if she liked me
>she could tell i was autistic
I thought i was good at masking LOL. Nope.
girlfriend-free men are either incels (common), non-women haters etc but still socially inept (somewhat common) or volcels (rare).
the latter is my favorite and theyre usually extremely interesting and gifted and often hot men lol. they don't have any incel traits and are genuinely just waiting for the right one or pretty uninterested in sex and relationships.
all of these categories are easily found on imageboards and niche online spaces. all of them are at least a little nerdy so anything related to that, online or offline like cons, are a hotspot for them.>sounds like creepy ugly guys
yeah most men are creepy and ugly, so you will likely have to skim through many of them in these spaces before finding the right one.
the volcel type is more social compared to the other ones so they can be found practically everywhere out and about, but as i said they are rare and a valid option to make it easier to find them is going to some quirky place as unique people tend to like unique things.
i found my bf at an underground cinema event for example.
There's a psychiatrist on youtube named "HealthyGamer" or something similar, he makes a lot of videos for men about male loneliness that keep getting recommended to me because if you watch a single gaming video you get banished to the fucking shadow realm.
Anyways I'm sure that if you watch some of his videos you'll be able to go to his comments sections, find someone of an appropriate age for yourself who left a comment about why they're pathetic, harvest all available data from their public google profile, identify relevant social media, locate their home address and appropriate means of entry, remove their vital organs, hang their skin into the form of the appropriate sigil, and perform the incantation. Then your bf will be summoned from the other world.
All forms of success require an equivalent sacrifice.
>>95349>non-women haters etc but still socially inept (somewhat common)
That's exactly what I'm looking for and the thing is, it describes my brother to a T.
I'm pretty sure he's never had a girlfriend before and he spends all his time online, fortunately it doesn't include browsing websites where the majority of users consists of guys who label themselves as incels and make edgy, misanthropic posts 24/7. I just asked him if he would be okay with me posting his info for women who want a girlfriend-free virgin but he just walked away without an answer and now I regret having asked him. He probably won't make lunch for me today, welp.
I hate moids but I can't help but think "I can fix him" with some of them, then I go back to feeling disgust again.
>he's horny but I'm not
>I indulge it anyways
>he cums and enjoys himself, is shocked and disappointed when I'm honest that I didn't enjoy it as much as he did
>says he'll make it up to me
>I'm horny but he's not
>guilts me with "oh, sorry :< I wish I felt in the mood…"
>won't help me get off
This is such bullshit, I'm getting fed up. The worst part is I don't know how to move on because most men don't actually care about getting women off, just themselves.
I hate normie takes on visual novels, I swear to god. Just saw this thumbnail and title but I'm not even going to watch it because I assume it's going to be something like that one chick Sydsnap's pickme video on Euphoria with her fake crying. If you can't handle a VN's content and length so much, don't fucking play one. It's that simple. Stop using it for weeb clout. Yeah, alot of them have notoriously bad pacing but the good parts make it 99% worth it. This is a reason why I DON'T want VNs to enter the mainstream. We don't need people that are going to expect them to all just be like a light novel or video game. It is its own unique experience to be appreciated.
I hate how other women imply I can't be lonely or suffer by being single. None of my friends can really give me real intimacy. They care but only with words that I've heard a thousand of times, it's like an empathy performance. It's worthless living alone, struggling every day to keep up my livelihood.
>>95388>None of my friends can really give me real intimacy
if you mean sex, yes. if you mean support, sharing and feelings, you need better friends.
I'm so SICK of fucking people invalidating whatever symptom I share with them. I understand that I shouldn't self diagnose, but ever since I've become hyper-attuned to my thoughts I feel like splitting my hair. Literally I become hyper-fixated on one thing and I can't function or focus for more than 10 minute intervals at a time (I HAVE A KITCHEN STOPWATCH THAT I USE TO RECORD MY FOCUS TIME). It just feels like I developed ADD like symptoms overnight. It made sense back when i was depressed and constantly fuzzy brained but for fuck's fucking sake man. For fuck's sake. I just want to perform better.
nonas, this loneliness is getting harder to romantacize honestly.
>>95392>you need better friends
Good luck finding friends as an adult that works all the time. Friends won't give me love, romantic cuddles every single day after work. Won't stay at my home to help. And they won't help funding some of my cost needs, just because I'm depressed. Everyone focuses on improving their life in the end so there will always be this gap between friends, they have separate lives.
except romantic cuddles, my two best friends do that for me (and i do it for them). i agree that it's difficult to find people like that, however if your friends don't give you basic friendship things such as properly listening and empathizing with your troubles, it means they are not good friends and you deserve better than that. good friendships, while they can't substitute a romantic relationship, can indeed provide a lot of intimacy and make you feel way less miserable and lonely than you would when not having a bf
>>95371>first bf was my best friend at the time>he was the perfect bf but was depressed>tried help him out and ended up depressed myself>sex was amazing>eventually break up>dated a few people after him>no one gets even close
I hate that we didn't work out, I hate that he keeps popping in my mind everytime I'm horny
There exists physical intimacy besides sex and most het people aren't willing to engage in that with same sex friends.
Nona, out of curiosity, what is it for you that makes your first bf better than the rest of the boys? My boyfriend and I tend to talk about what it is that guys are doing wrong nowadays and we have both similar and contrasting ideas about it. I'm curious if it's appearance-based or actions-based, or a little of both, or maybe even something else entirely.
And similarly, even though my bf is going through a hard time (and won't tell me the details though I think it's about finding work/deciding on college), I think he will probably be the best boyfriend I've ever had, even beating the record highs of a high school fling I had. And unfortunately, he tends to make me acutely aware that I am just second-best to his abusive exe that he can't go back to but still thinks is the best. :/ And that's why it sucks, because this is someone I feel so deeply compatible with as a friend, confidant, and lover, but he's damaged goods and knows it. I love him and I hope he can heal but I know I can't fix him. That, and the original problem I posted that you replied to, sob.
I think the greatest pinkpill I ever swallowed is that men will not really want to fuck their mommy therapist doctor, no matter how much they lie to you and say they will reward you if you help them, and if you try to become that for them they'll just start seeing you platonically and start craving sex with other women. It sucks.
i mean, thats fair, i find cuddling with friends of both
sexes weird, but a hug, a cheek peck and so forth are normal signs of affection that people often show their family and friends.
the point here is that a degree of intimacy is important in friendships, not physical, and if someone cant get basic emotional benefits from their friends i'd say their friendship isn't worth it.
>>95411>Nona, out of curiosity, what is it for you that makes your first bf better than the rest of the boys?
He was still young but he would do everything for me, help me with school stuff, go out with me, he would listen to me, he didn't care about other girls and would only pay attention to me. His face was 9/10, body was like a 7/10, he played basketball but didn't exercise much outside of that so he was bit chubby, but nothing excessive. He was my 100% type, it just didn't work out because of college and as I said, depression. We lived a bit far away but we would always make an effort to visit each other as much as possible. But when my mother passed away because of covid and he couldn't be there for me too as much, understandable, but that really split us apart even more. If we had a problem we would just talk it out and fix everything. He was smart but willing to teach, he had his problems but he was willing to help, Idk, as I said, I wish it we had worked out. >And unfortunately, he tends to make me acutely aware that I am just second-best to his abusive exe that he can't go back to but still thinks is the best.
That's sad, I'm sorry nona. In my case he made it clear that I was only the 3rd girl he had ever felt attached to, but it was also clear he didn't care about the other two anymore, so I felt safe.>And that's why it sucks, because this is someone I feel so deeply compatible with as a friend, confidant, and lover, but he's damaged goods and knows it. I love him and I hope he can heal but I know I can't fix him. That, and the original problem I posted that you replied to, sob.
Have you talked it out about how you feel about this? I know not every situation can be fixed by just talking, but that's how we used to get by…>I think the greatest pinkpill I ever swallowed is that men will not really want to fuck their mommy therapist doctor, no matter how much they lie to you and say they will reward you if you help them, and if you try to become that for them they'll just start seeing you platonically and start craving sex with other women. It sucks.
Hmm, Idk, I feel like this could be applied to everything and everyone. If you idealize something too much you are bound to get disappointed, but yeah, I think people sometimes crush too hard on a idea
The point is emotional intimacy isn't enough. Even when I get hugs from my mom, it's not enough. I still feel empty and like I'm missing on something. Both emotional and physical are important, they need to be balanced.
it looks like my roommate finally got the hint and took herself for a walk around the city, which is what she needed to do all along. i appreciate that she likes me, but she was becoming annoyingly clingy and i was honestly getting sick of her constantly being up under my ass like a child. she's too old for that kind of behavior, needs to grow up, and start engaging with people her age more. i am older than her and have different priorities right now, so i can't babysit her and her feelings all the time and she was getting mad at me because i had other plans already. like, no, i can't go to disneyland right now! i have 2 projects i need to start developing research on, and homework every week or every other week that i can't afford to miss because she wants me to chaperone her all the time. i am applying for internships and trying to pay off my credit cards for an upcoming trip, so when i come home from class i just want to relax and not be bothered. i know she was trying to be nice but it was starting to become suffocating and i figured we were eventually going to have some sort of disagreement. i saw it coming since she was getting way too fucking emotional about me not wanting to do things with her. like girl, you're old enough…go reach out to people on campus who aren't as busy as i am and go with them to the theme park or dinner or whatever it is you want to do that i just can't right now. i think the real kicker was her trying to get me to extend the room contract with her under the pretense of "having extra days to pack". my mom and i are going on vacation right after exams since my birthday is that same week, so sorry but time with my mom is precious since she's getting older and i am an only child. that was the same day we had this stupid petty spat with her trying to get worked up over some clothes hanging in the bathroom. i hate people like that, and i genuinely hope this becomes a trend with her and that she gets out and breathes in fresh air instead of trying to force me to become her surrogate big sister.
sure, for most people it's not enough. but not having a significant other gets extra hard if someone doesn't have a good support system, because part of what a bf can give you can also be given by other types of close relationships and that's a fact. if someone's friends suck, or if they don't have friends at all, it will hurt much more to be single.
nurturing other kinds of relationships besides romantic ones won't eliminate longing for it but it will make life more fun and bearable. i know because i used to be obsessed with getting a boyfriend and felt borderline suicidal over it, then i realized i didn't give people around me a chance to spend quality time together and deepen our bond, and when i changed it, i stopped being miserable (and also found a boyfriend some months later lol).
>>95411>I think the greatest pinkpill I ever swallowed is that men will not really want to fuck their mommy therapist doctor
Men who suffer from the madonna-whore complex yeah, but among those who don't I have seen many cases where it's quite the opposite, sometimes even healthy relationships on occaision. I mean, there are also always men with mommy issues too who crave that sort of relationship.
What you say is true, but only among a subset of moids.
same. I tried to explain to my mom that im touch starved even though we give each other backrubs and she didn't get it. I can't go into further detail obviously infront of her why doesnt she understand. and i dont get it because she has told me a lot about how she was lonely when she was young too and hated it.
Why do older people never understand the struggles of young people despite being young themselves at one point. do they have no imagination? :(
If your symptoms of ADD developed randomly then IT ISNT ADD YOU RETARD. ADD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that appears in very early childhood. For fucks sake if you are experiencing all of this then:>You are still depressed or have some mental illness that is causing you brainfog>You have a serious brain problem and need to see a doctor
I have also heard covid can cause seere brainfog symptoms aswell.
In either case, SEE A DOCTOR instead of being brainwashed by tiktok pseudopsychiatrists please.
How many incels do I have to sacrifice to summon my husbando from the 2D dimension?
I think it's because their brains readapt and reimagine the past to be different than it was, so they don't quite remember the loneliness they felt back then.
Unfortunately, even sacrificing all of them probably won't make it happen.
I cant stop feeling jealous of every thing my boyfriend does. It’s so unhealthy so much of our relationship is but i keep this part internal. I hear on a work call him hearing about a new girl starting to work in his group and i want to die. Every time he starts saying how he’s going to start a hobby i know it won’t include me i just feel like he’s doing it to get away from me and hates me and will leave me for the next woman or man who he gets close to. I just want to stop feeling like this. It doesn’t help that there’s been some times that he’s purposefully ignored anything weird like a friend that’s a girl being clingy bc he’s a stupid moid at the end of the day (all men are), but it’s seriously bad how much internal anger and desperation i have when hearing these things.
I experience the same thing but ultimately I try and suck it up and encourage him>or man
He is bi? Break up.
Yeah found out year 3 into the relationship. It’s always prevented me from letting go into love
I've been seeing a university therapist for a year and a half. Last session she asked me if I was open to meeting bi-weekly instead of weekly. On one hand, I feel selfish for wanting to meet every week, but on the other hand, I really need the therapy.
Nikkietutorials is a reminder of how creepy north europe is
Your thought that it would be "selfish" to attend therapy more often shows how much consideration you pay to others. Not that you need anyone's permission, but it is perfectly alright to have more sessions if you feel that it would improve your mental well-being. here's to hoping you'll have a meaningful experience nona
Thanks, nona. I needed to hear that.
I'm back at university at 30 after a first useless degree and shitty retail jobs and it's been hard adapting to study life again.
I can't relate to kids 10 years younger than me, and besides that I have classes with different grades (because I got credits from my other degree), so most of the time I don't know anyone and feel very lonely. Eating alone is the worst, I always feel I'm being judged as a loner (which in fact I am) and a loser because I have no friends, meanwhile everybody eats with someone.
I'm getting depressed again, first semester was pretty chill because I had some people I actually talked to but now I'm so lonely and work is pilling up.
As a young college student, i see older students like you from time to time. I wouldn’t think of them as losers or loners rather— i’d be totally intimidated to approach them. I’d think they wouldn’t care to spend time with me so i never bother. Which those college kids probably are thinking the same. Please remember that you’re there to get that degree and go.
My only friend (online) hung himself. I didn't try to stop him from killing himself because his life was abject bipolar suffering and I take on a weird motherly transmutation of empathy where I think that if someone is suffering and suicidal than I should let them kill themselves because it lets them escape the horrors. I don't feel bad about it. Its not like he'd be happy if he was alive. It would've been selfish to keep him alive just because I'd miss him.
I wish I could get along with females, at least we always have a chance at life before we have to resort to the rope… i guess
Honestly I'm jealous of him. He gets to escape and I have to wait. I talk to him in my head all day. I need a real friend. In real life.
Your processing of the information doesn’t sound right. Also “females”? I’m sorry for your loss but stop using that moid language and maybe you’d get a “female” to be your friend. He’s not lucky, he didn’t get a chance at a good life. That’s really sad
That is what feels tragic about it. He was born with in the middle of nowhere with a personality disorder as an ugly black guy with no opportunities remotely open. Good soul wasted to the cruel world. Sorry about the moidspeak I don't talk a lot and when I do I always use autistic incel wording because its habit. Processing doesn't sound right because of weird guilt games I play in my head probably. Also I have a neutral outlook on death morally. Over analyze things to the point that I'm too stubborn to give "objective" value to anything (i.e. good and bad labels). I understand this is thought of as flawed thinking to most people.
Its ok anon, we call each other out no hard feelings… i was there once too, so i get passionate. It’ll pass, he’s in a better place.
eugh i hate avoiding arguments about feminism… but if i didn't i would spend my whole day fighting empowered libfems, changing nobody's mind and getting booted from the few spaces i have to socialise.
I remember feeling this way about suicidal people I knew, one of my best friends at the time said he was going to kill himself, and I believed strongly he had the right to and that he would be better off dead, but I cried my eyes out anyways, still didn't believe there was a point in even asking him not to anymore.
Now I have crawled out of this hole and realized how incredibly fucked up it is, and is a consequence of your own depression. I hope you can get better and I am sorry. >>95476
Female and woman are synonymous, I don't really see the issue with her verbiage.
Thank you nona, This is the first time I've heard anyone else corroborate that feeling. I feel that it is a form of suicidal empathy that people who don't have much experience themselves with the death wish only see as low empathy. I agree with you nona, it is a result of my own suicidality. Maybe when I have kids I will be so scared of them killing themselves that it will recontextualize this situation. Ultimately I believe it is the choice of the person killing themselves. Some people know without a doubt that It will get worse before it gets worse. I am at peace with it factually, but ,my emotional side still wants to go postal.
>day 3 without fujochan and the BL thread in /media/ seems to be gone
There is one for discussion: >>>/media/212
And for image posting only: >>>/img/13513
There is also one in /nsfw/. Just check the catalog.
I'm a newb. How do I see /nsfw/?
just replace any board name link with nsfw at the end.
What happened to the one with the Kagami Lucky Star OP I was just looking at thumbs in the catalog going crazy aaaaaaaa
I'm sorry about your lost, I know it's devastating. I hope you find a new friend.
I've been thinking about your post a lot. I just recently spent two days talking my long term boyfriend down from suicide. This isn't the first time, in fact its been a staple of our relationship. He just recently got off his antidepressants so it's been bad.
I cant help but to feel selfish in the situation. I don't want him to die because I don't want to be without him, he's my best friend. I also have more selfish reasons such as I cant afford rent on my own and I know for sure his mother will come after me, blaming me. Part of me would feel responsible for not doing the best I can to stop him, like I'll feel a failure of a girlfriend. I feel like I still need to accept my part in this. He's just so unhappy and refuses to even let himself be happy, that's the most infuriating part. I've been trying so hard to improve our life and we're in the best position in life then we have ever been. It's hurts that my efforts mean nothing. He's content wallowing in self-pity and thinking his life can never improve, when it has, but he cant/wont see it. I know in the end what he does and his actions are his own responsibility, but the thought hurts.
Shits tiring and beyond exhausting. It just wears you down.
I've been looking for a second job.
reeeeee I am sick of people not acknowledging my contributions!!!!! Former friends just conveniently forgetting who introduced them to all their other friends or who told them about some media they’re into!!! why am I always overlooked when I’ve literally never done anything bad to any of these individuals!!!!!!!
I miss being able to binge-watch shows. I just want to tap out of real life for 5-6 hours or even a whole day. But now I can only handle 1 episode per day of either sitcoms or dramas.
I'm glad you can relate to my experience.
Your story reminds me of my current relationship, with me being the suicidal one. I think you must give your boyfriend an ultimatum if you wish for him to progress from this state. He can either choose to live, or choose to self destruct. "Living" as a person who can only think of death and escape from reality makes you a zombie person who is only capable of bringing others and yourself down. He is going to die anyway, so he should make up his mind, find a purpose to live for, or give up and die/be a Burdon and waste of a life.
Life is hard for everyone. Life is miserable for everyone. He must learn to appreciate what little satisfaction you get, and learn coping skills for when its hard. When I feel suicidal I do some of these things to help:
1. Remind myself of my purpose for living (mine is family for example)
2. Remind myself of what makes me happy (like art)
3. Remind myself of how lucky I am to have my life and partner.
4. Communicate with my BF if the source of the problem can be identified.
5. Go on a night walk (Nature and endorphins help make me rational again)
6. Write about the feelings and make a plan to resolve the issue.
If he refuses to commit to a purpose, and refuses to help himself emotionally when he is in a bad place… then you shouldn't let him sap your emotional energy when he isn't willing to restore his own. I have been very suicidal for very long and it almost took everything from me. There is a way to find peace with life. It starts with acceptance. You cant change reality by escaping from it, Only by continuing to live and accepting that you WANT to continue to live, which on a subconscious level he already has given he's still alive.
my bully for +7 years has the perfect life, married, with a kid, is becoming an influencer, stable work, while I'm a fucking mess because i could never recover my self-esteem after all these years she called me names and put others mocking me, pushed my pants down during PE and more shit i don't even want to remember.
that whole "bullies will pay" is utter crap.
Im so sorry nona. honestly this is why im personally religious despite my disagreements with certain organized religious groups. I cant stand to see people get away with so much injustice. I believe there is a god and i pray those who wrong others burn. not to proselytize or anything. :(
It just helps me to accept and live my life.
They say the people who brag about their life and try their best to look like they have a influencer lifestyle tend to be very unhappy people behind cameras.
Im sorry for the abuse and humiliation anon, no one deserves to go through that.
I hope that you can recover and grow your self esteem.
this is for the OP from the 2yo thread about her abusive relationship. Thread reached max posts and i don't know how to link to other threads hope it got it right! sorry if not!). I'm the anon from this post >>95470
So glad to hear you are reaching a turning point. Hope you are safe and well. Please let us know if you need practical or emotional support at this time. Leaving an abusive relationship is often the most dangerous time of a abusive relationship. Glad to hear you are considering a women's shelter, please lean into the organisations for women you have locally and don't forget that we're here cheering you on any time you need us. You're so brave for making the changes you need to survive right now. Well done for leaving, for all the women who never make it out alive I really hope you won't be among them. If nobody else told you today, I love you anon keep your chin up, keep fighting for the peace, love and respect you deserve. Ganbatte anon chan!!
There are some good opportunities regarding hobby, work (eventually) , and romantic (several years eventually)
and I am stuck, I feel like someone put me on pause, I don't feel time even
I can't do anything about it, all of it
I don't do anything about my hobby plans, there is so much I can do, what I wished to do - I had a lot of plans to a certain date, but now I feel nothing, don't want anything
I barely do any work I need to do - to gain something in future, possibly. There are a lot of things I can do, theoretically, and I was kinda hyped for this project, but now I feel the time doesn't exist
On the contrary, I am trying hard in pursuing romantic relationships I wished for this opportunity for a long time with that person, but he seems so uninterested and apathetic it makes me wanna stop it all - but then I will just have nothing instead, I don't know if it's preferable for me now and with him specifically, but hurted feelings are that close to overweight my passion for knowing that person, for him to care about me more. I try to reprogram myself just for being ok to spend time with him casually, like friends, but I honestly can't
And not that I feel down or depressed, I guess
I just. Not recieving anything - maybe I will if I try, in all of three, but I am so tired of doing things and recieving a zero all the time
And when there are real opportunities - oh what's the point, nothing changes, nothing has changed - if I try one more time - and it won't change this time also - I don't know what to do next with my life
I miss waking up in the morning in a pool of dry blood and my legs stinging and throbbing. Idk I woke up with a few minor abrasions this morning and it was comforting in an odd way.
You're so obsessed, I feel sorry for you.
That thread is a major cliffhanger she said she needs to go back to her home because the police where at her house and now i dont know what happend
should we make a pt 2 thread for her?
Stopped taking my meds and I forgot how much it sucks to be horny all the time.
I feel like my health is getting considerably worse. I've been having to go to the bathroom and feeling like my stomach is messed up, right after every single thing I eat, for the past few weeks, and now I feel like I'm going to pass out. But I could have cancer at this point and I feel like there's nothing I could do about it (Can't afford a doctor visit now). I feel like I can only wait to slowly die.
Edouard Manet 1832…
I second that idea. Presuming she's not just roleplaying it sounds like she was in danger. I can't get my mind off of her and would love to hear if she is alright.
I too hope shes okay. If she did go back shes going to get severely beaten, locked up an have her phone confiscated. Escaping a second time is going to be harder, he'll be obsessively watching her. She should have never gone back.
Same. I fucking HATE my job and I only make 1296 biweekly which is nothing in Toronto. I literally work to survive hand to mouth and it has made me a shell of a person I used to be. I am easily irritable and the tiniest issue at work makes me snap. I barely work now and I just surf the internet 90% of my workday kek. Because whats the point? I am poor anyways. Looking for another high paying job but its been a year and nothing. Is this gonna be my life forever? I feel stagnant yet inflation is suffocating me. fuck.
Tired being surrounded by mentally ill people.
I can't remember the last time it felt like my mum actually liked me
The fact my little sister has downs syndrome and wouldn't understand what happened to me is the only reason I haven't tried to kill myself yet. I can't do that to her.
The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is sickening selfishness and stubborness to accomplish at least one of my dreams. It's certainly not for my family - they'd won't care. It's certainly not for friends - don't really have any anymore so no one to care there either. I say it's good if you have even just one reason, as long as you can keep holding onto it. I'm determined to accomplish mine no matter how miserable, unsupported, and alone I am while trying to. No matter what pain you go through in life, there isn't one greater than the pain of regret.
Wouldn't her not understanding be kind of a plus, if I died I feel like it would be best my family was too retarded to comprehend what happened instead of being crippled with grief. >>95700
Neither of you are alive for either of those reasons, you are alive because you are biologically programmed to want to cling to life no matter how much it sucks. You're "reasons" are excuses you make to yourself, to try and find a rational reason for why you won't kys. Because it the end when you are dead those things won't make a difference at all, because you will no longer exist. Not that this is a bad thing.
Honest to god, the times I have been so close to offing myself 1 thing has kept me alive-I need to clean my fucking room (hasn't been cleaned in years) to spare my family from having to deal with it and finding pages and pages strewn about of my fucked up schizo ramblings, along with dirty tampons, piss jars, bloody razorblades, moldy food, anything disgusting and disturbing to stumble across after your daughters death imaginable.
Of course the state of my living situation is not something I am capable of fixing due to incredibly low energy, something that would take a normal person 10 hours to accomplish-I could never.
> you are alive because you are biologically programmed to want to cling to life no matter how much it sucks.
That's true. Hanging yourself, for example, is apparently such a painful way to die that even some of the most suicidal people change their mind while doing it. Your fight and flight will almost always win over your desire to die.
>You're "reasons" are excuses you make to yourself, to try and find a rational reason for why you won't kys. Because it the end when you are dead those things won't make a difference at all, because you will no longer exist. Not that this is a bad thing.
Don't get me wrong, I don't believe in an afterlife and realize it's not that rational. But alot in life isn't that rational. It's just that if I had to choose between the "irrational" desire of living versus the "irrational" desire of dying, I'd go with the former. I've spent a long time trying to "find" a reason to live, even if one can't actually exist for anyone. Even if nothing will happens afterwards. That's my selfishness.
My family only makes my problems bigger, every difficulty that comes my way they end up dramatizing it making it worse, even my attempts to solve things are brought down with their speeches, sometimes even sabotaged, I miss chatgpt, I could unburden myself with it
My mom became emotionally abusive in the middle of the night, and she'll never give me the response I want, so I just walk on egg shells
She constantly twists it to where she is the victim, and I don't understand the reason once-so-ever
All I did was cry, and she forced me into a psychiatric ward where literally no other patient was inside, and the lady mocked me and flipped me off for something very personal for asking why I was the only patient
All I did was cry, and she pretended to show empathy, but was smirking the entire time
I honestly am extremely isolated and have no friends, family, or a job. I'm a complete NEET, and I need to graduate fast
>Goes to bed clean every night
>Improving himself in some way physically, financially, mentally, etc
>looks cute (i can look at him and smile)
>normal personality ie not an incel, andrew tate fan, insecure gymcel, obsessed with politics
>Quits porn for me
Why do these simple guidelines rule out 90% of men?
I guess this is why im an anime addict, the guys in there are so pure and simple while modern moids cant even shower after jerking off for hours to loli
my dad treats me more like an assistant than a daughter the moment i turned 18 as if he didnt singlehandedly raise me Its so over
dating is so fucking exhausting. but im scared of dying alone and i want to believe i can find someone i truly love. im currently seeing someone, who is ready to commit to a relationship, but i dont have any feelings for him.
Why not? What’s wrong with this moid?
Could be unpopular opinion but I feel like r9k has improved recently. I have a couple of theories for this.
1. The incel movement collapsed under it's own weight. With Andrew Tate becoming mainstream, the contrarians on 4chan now laugh at incels
2. An influx of women onto the site during lockdowns. With the genders being less skewed, the moid rage has died down.
It's kind of comedic, like lord of the flies. Without women, scrotes literally kill eachother. Such simple creatures.
haha is this true? lmfao. serves them right.
he probably feels weird and distant. you should bring it up to him.
My leasing office is a real piece of shit. I recently renewed my lease and signed for an amount that's $100 less than what I was told I could for, verbally. However, they are now telling me that the lease "was not generated correctly". Me, all my guarantors, and the landlord have already all signed off on it. So I can definitely have them go fuck themselves, right? This isn't the first time they've tried to play me. There was an "error in their system" before, where I had to pay an additional 50$ on my rent despite their system having my rent be $50 off and that I already paid it off. I'm usually very meek and timid and try to have my mother fight my battles, despite being an adult, so I know they just try to exploit my naivety.
Also I hope they don't try to harrass me over this. I only have like 5 months left here with this renewal, but I don't want too many problems. If there's anything I can do to start covering my ass, I probably will. I've just been another constantly preyed on college student, I feel like. Most leasing companies are scumbags, but the ones that have majority student residents, seem to be even worse.
I hate that I spent most of my life terminally online because I never got to develop my social skills. Now than I'm 26 I'm trying to go out more and people but I can't seem to connect with anyone because I'm just observer, I barely interact with others unless they make me interact with them. If I'm with a small group, I'll get lost listening and watching what they're doing while I'm invisible. If I go out with just one person I'm forced to interact but it never feels natural for me, is just I'm trying so hard that I can't be myself at all.
Im kinda losing hope that my social skills will improve. I guess I have to accept it and deal with it
>>95922>I can't seem to connect with anyone
That's because most people fake their niceness, compliments, positivity etc. when interacting with others. It's a social game pretty much and why it's so hard to find genuine people that you share something with.
I want to cool down outside but I don't want to interact with my neighbor (and his secondhand smoke)
>my hoodie is a crop that covers my stomach
>went to go get my moms shopping from the car
>have a bunch if ugly scars, wasnt wearing anything underneath
>thought no one was around bc it was early
>didnt have the energy to change but she was screaming at me
>lifted the boot up which slightly exposes my belly
>some person walking behind me
im such a fucking retard
i am trying to write a scene for my story where two characters argue but i realized i haven't socialized with people for so long i don't even know how to write one
imageboards don't count it's too funny to reference from
socializing is a chore for me, rarely anything comes out of it, and more often than not i'd prefer to do anything else, but i just realized i've spent some years now with no solid friends like i had in my teens.
i'm gonna commit myself to sending a minimum of one person one text on social media everyday. start small, no expectations. it's something, at least.
I support you, nona. As someone who felt the same for several years and now has a friend group which has increased my mental health tenfold, the first steps were worth it. You will need to build up social stamina though, similar to exercise.
Sometimes you may grow to consider yourself a true island of a person, a solitudinarian, a possible undiagnosed avoidant or schizoid…and be completely wrong.
But if you are indeed any of those things, then you should also accept that, bee urself, positivity and love, etc.
I met a shotacon in the wild (my college), shes not admittedly one but all the hanako and len profile pictures… this is gonna be interesting…
You have been corrupted by the internet, most people just think characters are cute
i was talking to this guy i liked a lot. like a lot. turns out he ghosted me today. i think is my final straw
nah anon she likes shotas to an alarming rate. i'm not judging
I hate this sweet talk other people do. No, I'm not gonna like you more just because you talk nicely. It actually sounds fake and repulses me.
I've met several people like this now. Two of them students that message me for help at work. They constantly use emojis like 😊, ☺, 😌 in every single one of their messages Mods don't come for me, just giving an example and write things like "I hope you're having a lovely day!" and "Would you be kind enough to X?".
At first it is endearing but then it comes off as someone trying way too hard to seem nice. And being taken advantage of. They start to message me in a way that already assumes I'll help them outside of my shift. I've been in a friend group with someone like this who turned out to be a prejudiced creep. My current roommate is like this too and is clearly a very fake person. These people leave a very bad aftertaste in my mouth. It's like the "nice lady" down the street that gives kids free cookies but then goes home and beats the shit out of her own behind closed doors.
I never really learned how to just like something until now in my thirties. I always let them consume me. I feel disgusted at people from the past and the things that I did to keep them around. Fuck trauma, fuck being mentally ill, fuck being born to shitty parents. I regret so many people and things every day, how does one move past this phase, if it is one?
I can't interact with moids If i find them even slightly attractive, I can't look in their eyes and I behave like retard around them. someone kill me. I will die alone for sure.
moids find it cute, don't worry
This is so stupid and embarrassing, but I sometimes wish my self-harm scars hadn't faded so much.
I made sure to use the right products after I quit 5 years ago, and I cut somewhere that rarely sees the sun so they're mostly unnoticeable now. Someone would have to very intimate with me to see them. I also didn't get to the point where my slices were so deep that keloids would form, so they're just white lines.
But part of me almost misses how they made me look sad and pathetic, even if they were actually from my rage issues. I'm doing so much better in all ways and truly love myself, so it's a strange thing. I guess I want more tangible "proof" of overcoming my self-hatred.
I also must still have a cringe fantasy of being some woman's poor little meow meow in real life or whatever kek.
no money is a horrible cyclical problem.
>hot tap broke
no problem i'll heat water on the stove
>stove breaks and needs lighting with a match
>stove breaks for good
I have so many more important things to pay for I can't shell out on appliances. There is a small hole in my roof with a bucket underneath. Selfishly i'm more sad that I haven't bought new clothes or makeup for half a decade, can't even see a way to. I should ask my friends or family to help but I can't bring myself to, I don't feel deserving of it. If I ever killed myself it would be over money which is so stupid because I know how much of a betrayal it feels to have a close friend die. I don't want to die but I can't live either. Guess I really just need a better job.
Work is the only place I'm happy. I do well and people praise me. I can be social and talk to people and I come off as normal. I would probably be a workaholic and just spend all day at the office but my company doesn't pay overtime. Even when I'm excited to go home something always happens to make me feel like shit.
I'm at work almost every day, mainly because it's the only place to escape the heat. Plus it's the only place to meet people under 30. I just wish the managers would let me be a leader. One of them is super condescending too.
I'm sorry nona, that sounds awful. I'm guessing you don't have a microwave either?
>tfw christian but still would like to have a cute gf
This is one thing I cant agree in christianity, making same-sex relationship a sin. Why does a religion that puts so much emphasis on love limits it? I'm getting real tired of moids too. Girls are overall cuter, prettier and better lovers.
pepe grossed out.j…
>spend half the day flirting with my ex
>hear from someone else that hes got a new online gf
hurt my leg just from sitting on the floor cutting a box
i should probably do yoga, i am unreasonably stiff. granted it was an odd position for anybody to sit in but still
feels like it got rammed by a vehicle ffs
You need to try marketplace health insurance if you're in the US. (Obamacare) it's a lifesaver. I had a friend who had a brain tumor. Because of her financial situation she got affordable Healthcare, treatment, brain surgery to remove it and all she paid out of 200k was like 2k. You have to try.
I also use the same insurance. I broke my ankle in 3 places a while back and was saved from 15k worth of surgery, physical therapy & in home care. Saved my damn life.
Does this come with some sort of huge caveat? Honestly, the U.S. is just so bad for health insurance that I'll probably just do what my family and all my Mexican friends do - Go get checked outside of the U.S. It's ironic when people's broker, more corrupt thirdie/secondie countries are better for medical aid.
My mother has been going deaf and it's literally impossible talking with her over the phone now. I hate having to repeat myself and talk louder than I do. She keeps calling me only to tell me she can't hear anything. She needs hearing aides. Then again, she also has selective hearing so that wouldn't help much. It makes her an even bigger pain in the ass to talk to.
i don't understand. i've tried talking with my ex with whom we still try to be friends. i'm always afraid of bothering him and him seeming indifferent doesn't help. he told me i shouldn't worry about bothering him and that he won't judge. but when i actually did that he seemed indifferent so it feels like i am not exactly bothering him but that's because he doesn't care. when he asked how am i doing i got scared of oversharing and making him feel uncomfortable and told him this. he said i worry about this stuff too much but he still left me on read after. i don't understand how am i supposed to act so i won't be annoying. he has every right to be indifferent but it hurts after being love bombed and i can't even bring myself to talk about this.
Love is only committed lust, no man would commit to me let alone love me, love letters, poems, songs, and drawings are only for pretty women. what do I have to be idealized? matter of fact I wouldn't idealize me either, I'm hard on the eye.
I kind of made my peace with it thinking it's mostly fiction but seeing guys do these things even if it's half-assed and probably replicated it is still an act of offering to the idealized woman.
I know it'll never be and that's the disheartening part but I wish at least I'd find a man who likes to be around me genuinely and a man who is just using me to kill time.
Guys often say friendships with men are a scam because men will only see you as a potential relationship but I've been rejected too many times to know that most men don't even see me as a woman.
my birthday is soon and every year i dread it bc i have no friends to spend it with. as it approaches, i start crying myself to sleep bc i have no idea how to even spend it, if its even worth doing anything on my birthday. i often hope for the day to pass so i can stop thinking about it for the rest of the year.
Same here, my guy. I know how sucky of a feeling it is, but if you are able, you could at least try to treat yourself to something and enjoy the pisces season. It might improve your mood if only slightly. As you've probably already heard, the only person who can truly love you is yourself etc. etc.
And happy birthday.
I feel like there’s a bottomless pit where my heart should be. A black void of nothingness. I’m utterly alone.
i was the anon who defended her avoidant bf– oh well, we were never e-bf or e-gf, just "casually EXCLUSIVELY dating" a.k.a , he knew i had my options but still didn't want to put in the effort to call it an actual relationship and he never met me up because it was always "too soon"
i got dumped almost 2 weeks ago because i made a joke about him leaving me hanging for 30+ minute, i was frustrated but i wanted to use my sense of humor. it was a stupid edating thing that was getting nowhere for 14 months. he wasted 14 months I'll never get back. during the break up he kept comparing me to his (allegedly abusive) ex and saying how he wished he were gay. i gave my yaoi community to someone else and left so he stops whining about not being able to get in (although he said he was okay with the fact i could ban him). ffs at the big age of 30+ yo you should know better than waste a girl who's 18-19's time and show some maturity instead of acting like a catty 15 yo trying to get her own friends against her and give up a community she's built herself.
i wish I've listened to my friends and my own gut feeling instead of acting like a handmaiden and doubting the redflags because I'm mentally ill and the fear of being compared to his ex. when i went to the doctor's yesterday, the doctor was very happy for my weightloss and said "when's the baby" although I'm not even 20 years old yet- because i guess it's the old people way of saying "how come no man has asked your hand yet" (although i think it's inappropriate) since it was normal for them. i just realized i wasted so much time, tears, studying evenings and nights feeling anxious over some retarded fat scrote i met online. I'm fucking stupid.
if a scrotes actually wants you he wouldn't beat around the bush for months, he'd marry you within the first year he's met you. i should remember that for when i decide to get back into dating again.
I'm so sorry, nona. Sounds like you had a bad time. However, you said yourself that you're not even 20. You didn't waste anything. As shitty as it was, it was an opportunity to learn, and now you know what to avoid in the future. Relationships become much more enjoyable once you're up on your feet, independent and all figured out. Good luck.
>>96152>ffs at the big age of 30+ yo you should know better than waste a girl who's 18-19's time and show some maturity instead of acting like a catty 15 yo trying to get her own friends against her and give up a community she's built herself.
Its not even remotely a maturity issue with this guy, its an issue of him being abusive. Men like this use young girls for sex and if not even sex as a pointless ego boost and just manipulate them for fun because they can, and they like to feel big for it. I hope you can get past this ik how damaging it is when some weird old guy manipulates you.
I still have my high school teacher who have me emotional trauma (didn't actually do anything to harm me) and who talked about me (and other students) just being a big fish in a small pond. How encouraging! Now, I failed out of my first year of college and am studying at a community college. I don't even know what I would do or how I would act if I were to run into him in our hometown. Honestly, that scenario has played dover and over in my head multiple times. I just want to exist without human intervention for the next however-long months until I get reinstated in my university.
I legit chose to go to college 100+ miles away to avoid him. I think the universe is going to bring us together and I will see him at least once before I leave and I am TERRIFIED for that to happen. WHY IS THIS PERSON HAUNTING ME???? I don't even care anymore. I just want to be left alone. I don't care if he perceives me or how he perceives me, I just hate the impact that has on me. Especially him, specifically.
Bad period this month. Bad symptoms. Bad everything. Seemed to be doing much better for a while. Mindset shifted. I had a more positive outlook and was generally kinder to myself. I was keeping busy. I was being consistent and not outdoing myself.
And then.. just overnight. I start being hyper sensitive to stimulus. I stop being focused. My brain's all scattered and frazzled. 3 days ago I started feeling low all day (instead of just at night) and now not even mindless scrolling and cheap dopamine can illicit even the smallest amount of pleasure in me.
I don't care. I can't afford to stop. I need to go back to working. Except I can't.. I'm not tired but I just can't concentrate. I'm not bored either, Ijust can't concentrate. I'm not even curious anymore. Nothing's interesting.nI thought I'd go back to normal once I started bleeding but nope not yet.
I'm so tired, spiritually.
i feel this insane guilt. i seek attention. i know that. when i feel bored and miserable i turn towards men to validate me. i feel like i’m ruined. i feel like a slut to be honest. probably because i am. so many random ass men have seen my body. i like that i’m "valuable" to them. i have a nice ass and some ok tits and thats good enough i guess. i havent done anything with these guys. a lot were online. but what the fuck is wrong with me. the worst thing is that i’m doing this all to myself. i’m fetishizing myself and i know that. these people see my body. which means they see my scars. sometimes fresh. and they like that. god knows why. i hate that they only like me because of my body and the messed up scars. but i get told i’m beautiful and that makes part of me feel ok. i know they’re just saying that to get what they want and for all the wrong reasons but i feel cared about for a second. i feel dirty in a really bad way. like i’m used and not worth anything. maybe i am.
nonnita are you me from two years ago? you're not alone in this. get some women friends too and stop this, please. you're not a basket case you're still a valuable individual. you're not a slut you're worthy of respect and entitled to kindness. delete your accounts (and pics from message history if you can, even if scrotes save them) if it's on discord know that there's the undiscord script you can put on the browser to delete entire chatlogs of your own messages in dms.
pick yourself back up and if you think it's hopeless imagine some hand reaching out for you to hold on to.
I thought I found somewhere I fit in here but I think I'm done with anything to do with anime or imageboards. As soon as I posted on here I got nervous that I would be too much of a tomboy to fit in. I'm not sure if it's growth or self isolating again. I feel stupid even trying to post to this site nobody anywhere has ever liked my personality why would this be any different? Plus I fucking hate weebs kek. At least I know it's my personality I need to work on now. Other girls took pity on me for being a retard and men are just trying to play games or pander to me. I don't fit in anywhere and I don't think I ever will. Thanks for the experience here Miners, this old hag will cherish it and leave you in peace. Sorry for being annoying I thought you were my tribe and I now know I was wrong. I just want the ground to swallow me up and delete all my posts. Sorry for wasting everyone's time. Don't bother replying I have the website blocked from the moment I post this. Just wish there was more places to meet real women.
If it makes you feel better, i feel the same. I never felt like i belong anywhere even in imageboards, even in cc. But i keep coming here anyways because i'm a girl and i wanna talk to other girls that aren't turbo normies even if most of them are not into the things i am into most of the time. Don't go anon stay with us!
thank you, i've been looking for places around my city. i might as well try a new restaurant>>96133
second week of march (don't want to share actual day)
I have a body count of just 3, and I also feel slutty and "ruined" sometimes.
The grass is always greener on the other side. I'm married with the only person I've had sex with and even though I can't imagine having casual sex I often think of "what if…"
Has he only had sex with you?
I have a friend who triggers this insecurity with me when we're around guys and I fucking hate it. I would never end our friendship over a man and she would never do anything on purpose to hurt me when it came to men, but she is so blissfully unaware of how different men act towards the both of us and it's definitely a sore spot for me. No use in telling her because she's not doing anything on purpose but I just wish I could be more secure in myself when it comes to the male attention she gets vs what I get.
I also just wish I stopped caring about male opinions but idk. Sometimes I feel so lackluster and other girls around me are so much more whimsical and naturally confident. I am not someone that typically turns heads or gets male attention and usually its fine but it kinda sucks when you feel like you don't attract the people you're interested in. Maybe I just need to chill out.
i literally feel bad having crushes on men, even fictional men because of how god awfully ugly i am. i feel creepy and i can feel their disgust if they knew. i cant ever imagine my real self being with anyone
i'm tired of ugly women say shit like this, you deserve to take up space
a beautiful Piscean, how lucky.
Fat ugly incel scrotes will literally fantasize about sexually torturing women and raping them and watch hardcore porn yet you feel like its a thought crime to have an innocent crush? For being ugly? Lol. Don't feel bad men are so much worse.
I wonder how daddy issues manifest in lesbian women, or do they not struggle with it with their romantic partners. I’m asking because i’m a lesbian, and i find it very confusing. I used to search for unhealed mix of all my abusers to fix, not necessarily just my dad
This is how I feel about my kpop & celebrity crushes. Like let he not inconvenience you with having a crush on you. I feel like a creep too :(
Why though? It's not like you're harassing them or anything. Your thoughts are your own private place and your crushes are harmless so why should you feel guilty at all?
If respect is a two way street it feels like there's blockages and I'm waiting for the other car to come up the hill before I go down. I'm already giving them the right of way like I should be, just go already!
Respect ISNT a twoway street. If only you knew how much men truly hated women. You wouldn't even concern yourself. Can't count the amount of times I've been walking down the street and a moid or group of moids expect me to just get out of the way. When I lived in the city it happened every. damn. day.
I was talking about my parents but you do have a point.
I feel like I have too much empathy. I kinda wish I didn't because I just get too sad than I should. I often cry when I hear about or see something sad happen to a person or animal. Like I'll see a video about a random person's cat being sick or dying and I immediately start to tear up and feel bad about it for like an hour. This happens like multiple times a week or even mutiples times in a day. Sometimes I just think about sad things that happened or are happening in the world and feel like crying, then I just try not to care because I just get overly sad about it. I've always been empathetic but it hasn't been this much until like last year and idk why. I'm not like depressed or anything. Idk what to do about it. I don't purposely look up sad things, it just comes up sometimes.
All's good as long as you don't let shitty people take advantage of you because of your empathy.
Anyone else also fucking hate when men wear makeup? It's always ugly as fuck on them. The 'insta baddie' on their short moid hair is so fucking awful, I mean James Charles, RuPaul type men. It's gross.
I hate it when women wear makeup too.
> I mean James Charles, RuPaul type men. It's gross.
Yeah, what you're describing is drag queen makeup. Male K-pop idols wear makeup too but it's not anywhere near as flashy.
By the way, almost everyone that appears on TV has makeup put on them. Whether man or woman. It's just a more natural kind.
My keychain that I really loved fell off my purse. I don't think I can replace it…
the more i try to connect, the lonelier i get. the lonelier i get, the more i try to connect, and the more i try to connect, the lonelier i get, and…
I don't even try, I'm too scared to approach people. Every time I have tried, I failed.
was texting a cute guy and he told me I have the face of a 12-year-old boy.
Isn't it good? 12 year olds are cute
My friend is talking about her fuckbuddy (another girl) and im getting so jealous. The little child who wants all the praise and love lives inside of me and she’s screaming rn
I cheated all my way to calculus I but I think I'm gonna fucking fail the course. I have no idea what to fucking do. It's one of those online courses with no instructors, so I have to finish each work by week. But I have no fucking time at home to ever do my fucking work. Calculus takes so much of my time that I hand in my other assignments late, I work wednesday to friday 9-5, and then after 5 I'm expected to do chores with my family, monday and tuesday I have to do physical therapy because of my fucked knee and since it's my only days off, I have to send in paperwork and do a lot of shit on my end.
Literally yesterday I had to leave work because my school had me attend an event that went from all day until 3, THEN my family was like "oh let's go out to eat", and I fucking arrived at 8 at night. I had shit sleep and I had to fucking go to sleep the next hour.
My family, just as I was writing this, just called me over to fucking do something and I wasted another 30 minutes of my time. The tutors for this class are almost never available, and when they do try to show me, it's 50 minutes for one fucking problem. ONE problem. There's 20 problems per homework.
Honestly I feel like fucking stabbing myself or fucking beating myself to death. Feel like I am about to vomit. Wish my family would just fucking shut up and stop calling me over to do every little thing. I can never fucking do homework because of that. I think I'm gonna fail this class and that sucks because that means they'll charge me financial aid. I know it's my fault for cheating, but at the same time, I have no fucking time to learn this shit!!! It's either work, physical therapy, or my family bugging the shit out of me for something. And then I get fucking 4-5 hours of sleep each day because I can't sleep whenever I want.
if he emphasised on the boy part, I don't look feminine at all despite not having the body for it.
I am broke as fuck, yet working a low end 9-5, Imagine the isolation of a neet but wagie stress. I fucking hate my life. I really hope it gets better but I am 26 and drowning in debt. I just do not have it in me to be optimistic.
i don't know how to feel right now. i desperately want to be happy, and overall i am in a much better place in my life than i was even just a year ago. but i feel as though for whatever reason i now attract miserable people to me who want to leech off of me/try to piggyback off of my successes and i hate it. i got to where i am partially through my faith in god, and partially through my own strength. i had absolutely no one to help me at the lowest points of my life and most of everything i accomplished i did just by getting up off my ass, having faith in myself and in god, and doing it. i went from being a loser, anxious neet circling the drain to a completely different version of myself.
i've changed so much that i don't even recognize myself now, and i like that. but i see now what successful people mean when they talk about parasitic morons coming into your life and trying to use you to get ahead instead of building off of their own individuality. i know it sounds incredibly selfish but i think that people need to learn how to stand on their own two feet for once and learn how to follow their own unique path in life. i did what i did because no one thought i could do it; everyone in my life either doubted me to some degree or just outright tried to discourage me from moving out, going to uni, living in a foreign country, etc. and even as much as i love her, my own goddamn mother wouldn't help me when i was really down and out and didn't start to change until i kind of distanced myself from her and did my own thing. i know it's selfish but i hate it when people, especially older people, try to foist me on others instead of just letting me be great on my own. like i got a job at uni for the building i live in, and of course they're trying to force this other girl and i to be friends while everyone else gets to do their own thing and it makes me a tad bit resentful since i never asked for this. and because of this stupid conflict i have with my current roomie, they're trying to push us to be buddy-buddy, telling me that i need to "level up" with her (ugh) and that i am responsible for her happiness, totally ignoring how she tried to throw me under the bus and straight up lied about the things she said to me that i've had to call her out on. i made it to where i am through my faith in myself and in a higher power and it will stay that way.
I fucking hate how trannies are EVERYWHERE on the internet. Seeing as they practically live on it I shouldn't be surprised but dear fucking god they take up every nook and cranny and it pisses me the fuck off. Even in the nichest communities. I just want to enjoy my media and here comes some tranny sperge on my tl about how [character] is gay they/xe/zey aropoly bicurious pansexual thiswhatever doggender autistic or bringing some retarded trans rights bullshit. Every fucking m/m fanfic/fanart with my favorite characters has been overrun with FTM self insert bullshittery. This one annoys me especially. It's so fucking hard to come across fanmedia these days not to mention actually good ones, and since the stuff is niche it's so bleak only seeing literal female/male stuff in the m/m category. Fujos these days aren't the fucking same. I'm going to kill myself if i see my favorite character being drawn or depicted with a vagina again. I want to fetishize men not women!
My mom might have liver/lung cancer, scans showed stuff in there.
None of that shit runs in the family…
Sigh. I hate that we aren't just immortal beings that live in peace.
I'm tired of being poor, I've been poor my whole life. I hate it so much. Life keeps finding new ways to fuck me over. I keep getting more and more debt. I can't get a break, it's something new every month. I'm so tired.
I want money, I need money.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Is it love or is he just part of my routine? I hate being autistic.
>he wants kids and i dont
I want to kill myself. He is perfect in every other way. Fuck.
Can his mind be changed? Some guys will lie and say they want kids because they think it's what women want to hear.
He's not lying. He said he's always wanted them. He's 20, I'm 21. Am I too young to be worrying about this? Maybe my mind will change?
>can't fit in with women because i'm too masculine
>can't fit in with men because i refuse to be a pickme
>women on the internet think i'm a guy
>men on the internet think i'm a tranny
>can't fit in at school
>then at uni
>then at work
>can't fit in with my own family
>go to a shooting range for the first time
>remember i'm left handed
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK DOES EVERYTHING ABOUT ME HAS TO BE WEIRD
Kind of in the same boat maybe. I've always told my bf I wasn't interested in kids, and he initially agreed. But recently he's like "maybe", which has caused me a lot of anxiety. But I mean we are young though and really anything can happen and we might change our minds. I figure I've communicated how I felt about it so there's no use in me continuing to panic over it. If he accepts that then epic, if not then it'll feel like shit for a while, but ultimately it'd be for the best.
You might change your mind but don't get too in with someone who doesn't agree with you on having kids.
Mind you we get fed a lot of media propaganda about how having kids ruins your life and is lidderally unaffordable.
My mind changed on having kids when I turned 25, I chalk it up to Saturn's Return among other things. Stuff changes in your mid 20's.
>>96476>If he accepts that then epic, if not then it'll feel like shit for a while, but ultimately it'd be for the best.
Yeah, I guess I'm in the same boat. We had a talk about how we're still young and a lot could change in the next 5-10 years. And I said that we should just enjoy what we have right now and he agreed. But it's fucking with my anxiety and attachment issues so much.>>96479
What made you change your mind? The reasons I don't want kids are>loss of autonomy, ability to plan things spontaneously>loss of alone time, sleep, money>could cause stress in the marriage (ever notice how people's parents almost never look happy together? my parents are divorced and all of my friends' parents also were unhappy or divorced)>screaming, crying, daiper changing>pregnancy is body horror>irreversible decision>possible postnatal depression/anxiety>i had an awful childhood bc of mental illness and it would feel like i have to relive it
I’m going out on with this girl who’s absolutely gorgeous… she’s so cute i don’t know how she became my friend since i’m plain. i feel like such a mess next to her, i wonder if she’s into women and even if she was she’d probably not be into me.
Why do the thoughts RUN IN MY HEAD IN A FUCKING LOOP? I feel better like I've made a breathough, accepted myself, etc. But then BAM, period week rolls over. I'm borderline suicidal. After I struggle with focus. I keep thinking and thinking and thinkinf and thinking. I could fuel a nuclear reactor with the sheer quantity of my USELESS FUCKING CUNT THOUGHTS ALONE. And I keep feeling shame and regret over my past mistakes DESPITE TAKING ACTIVE STRIDES TO PRACTICE MUH SELF LOVE BULLSHIT. It frustrates me that I either cannot take a decision or cannot keep committed to one. ANd this is all very different. Like, I dunno, a year ago I was diagnosed with anxiety but I did not think this fucking much. Granted I distracted myself 24/7 when now im trying to brave my way through my own neurosis like it's the 70's. I CANNOT STAND THIS. I WANT TO CRUSH MY SKULL AGAINST A FUCKING WALL. JUST SHUT UP YOU CUNT. SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT UP SHUTUP DO SOMETHING USEFUL. And I don't feel bad or anything. Or anxious like i used to (like chest constricting and nauseous). It's just constant chatter up there. I will fucking shoot myself. HOW CAN YOU BE SO FUCKING FRAGILE YOU CUNT
damn doctor google diagnosed me with bpd. I may or may not be a borderline bitch. What I am for sure is a hypochondriac
everything lost it's meaning and there will be no one to grief me genuinely. they will never know why I disappeared. I just want to evaporate as if I never existed. my body feels heavy to carry and I struggle to take care of it. I want to get out of my flesh.
I know that I'm a shit person for saying this, but I don't want to have any more mentally ill friends. I'm tired.
I COMPLETELY understand man I only recently learned that I have an anxious attachment style and it's been HELL lmao. We briefly talked about kids like maybe 2 years ago and he said he'd never pressure me into it, but my plan is to bring it up again in 1 or 2 more years depending on how we're doing. I just want to keep that communication open so we're on the same page. But hey I mean things will work out one way or another, and no amount of anxiety will make any difference to anything that is going to happen. I wish you the best!
i wish i was a weirdo neet again and just rot online with my equally mentally ill friends and we would just sit on discord all day talking about how neither of us has any energy to do anything. but now that ive got a job and somewhat normal lifestyle, im expected to make conversation with people in my work place.
you know life really be that poem about two roads or whatever and the path least chosen blah balh but you end up regretting the one not picked. life is just a series of disappointments and people are still annoying and im still alive :(
I am a worthless unloveable piece of shit and I want to just run away and distance myself from my bf but if I do he will get sad and his stupid fucking friends will think I did something wrong to hurt him when in reality they have all hurt me but the only thing I care about is him and importantly being seen as a good gf but I can’t do anything right
ILY ANON. Thanks for the reassurance, it helps to know I'm not alone lol.>my plan is to bring it up again in 1 or 2 more years depending on how we're doing.
I think that's a good idea. Maybe I'll do the same. Are you two also in disagreement about having kids (idk if ur the anon i replied to)?
the fuck is wrong with this place where my bus is consistently late or comes at ambiguous times what even is the point of a time table? why even go to work ? how do people do anything???????????? god just hit me over the head with a sledgehammer and get it over with
Ah yeah, I was the one saying "kind of in the same boat maybe…" lol I'm new to replying to ppl on here so I'm still getting the hang of it.
>Are you two also in disagreement about having kids
He told me that he just wanted me to keep an open mind about the idea, which is reasonable. I guess we're just going to see how we feel a few years down the line, I don't think he's exactly 100% about having kids though. There are just so many reasons that I have to not want kids, but I guess we'll see what happens lol.
>>96551>I'm new to replying to ppl on here so I'm still getting the hang of it.
No its okay anon! u didnt do anything wrong haha. My bf said he has "always wanted" kids so he seems more set in his plans but he's only 20 so we'll see. Maybe the relationship won't last forever and (maybe) that's okay. I asked some of my older friends w kids for advice and they all said to just take life one day at a time and enjoy each other today.
My bf is walking a really thin line lately
I started a new job recently and I’ve had my bf promise three separate times to take me to work and pick up lunch with my before he dropped me off. Every single time he said he was too sleepy and refused to get up. Then tonight I’m trying to log into my banking app, so I had the code texted to his phone. Still waiting for him to text me what the code is even though it’s already expired for like the third time now. He’s literally doing nothing but sitting at home on his ass.
That's some good advice :) I gotta remember to take things one day at a time, more often lol
i need to poison my step dad asap so that the house can be my mum' s and i's. he is just an annoying furniture in my life that wont go away. why do losers like him get to live until like 70+ and i have to suffer. he sits all day on his computer either looking at porn or losing money trading. god i could just smash his stupud head in :)
this world is all messed up because there are people like him that exists in this world and too many of them. fucking creep
I love my mother. I love her more than life. And I don't necessarily ascribe to the psychoanalytic mumbo jumbo. But my god, her tyranny when I was growing up definetly stunted my emotional growth. I don't know who I am as a person. I never really had a space to discover who I was, and while that never bugged me growing up because I had the security of a loving family, I truly feel like I've killed parts of myself just to I can fit the mold my parents expected of me. It was great when it worked. The validation made me feel alive. But when I failed, man, the worthlessness, the suicidal ideation..
It's not even worth it to know yourself at this point. What's there to know? It just kind of pisses me off when my mother brags that I was so spoiled I did not even need to open my mouth to get what I wanted. I didn't develop a personal style because every time we're shopping together and I'd point at something I might like she'd ridicule my choice and say I wouldn't look good in it. Apply that anecdote to everything. I never knew enough and she knew everything and was somehow always right, therefore I shouldn't excercise my tiny little """""free will""""" and should just listen to her.
study. go home. do this hobby. do that. wear this. don't gossip. etc.
That's a parent's job. My mother is and was an objectively level headed parent. She knew all the right lessons. She imparted all the necessary wisdom. She exerted the right amount of discipline. It's me who's immaterial. I have no inherent personality. I'm very very impressionable. I operate on the grounds of "feel good" and "feel bad" catergorizations these days. Ew.
sigh, anyways.. i don't even know what i want. what a priviliged little dilemma. i should focus on what i SHOULD do, rather than what i DO WANT.
today I am eating all day, not like non stop, but too much for me
I need to stop, but I'm still feeling I didn't eat enough, I don't understand if I am hungry or not, I think it's nervous binge eating
are you on any medication? this could be a side effect especially if it's psych meds
i want to punch my ugly step dad in his bug eyed face!!!!!!! it is a cfime that i need tovlive under the same household as this golemn his presence makes ne wqbt to poke ny eyes out its not fair oeople like hin exist abd live carefree lives its not fucing fair wgy wont ulg ycrreps like hin just die abd leave people like ne akone. just die dear god die die die die
just about mcfucking had it with this wirld where creepy losers are ok to intrude upon others with no consequences. thre is seriously sinething wrong with this upside down world . piece of shit existnece in this oiece of sgit world
I have been banned 2x from lolcow and I don't know why? It just says unspecified reason. When I say dumb shit I sage it. I wish I knew why I was getting banned :^(
an admittedly, very silly, dumb vent but:
I found out another coworker has a crush on the same person I do and I can't help but roll my eyes. this other person is a they/them TIF so already pickme-ish and a little bit annoying. Along with that she already has a boyfriend, and they're both poly. Are you not getting enough from literally everyone else? like damn leave my crush alone
at the end of the day I know it's just a crush, I don't even know if he actually is into me at all. the only thing that gives me solace that nothing would ever happen between them if the other person tried to make a movie, is based off things my crush has said to me about the TIF is that he finds her in lack of boundaries and a huge gossip and so I don't think he'd be interested in her romantically/sexually esp since he's a fairly private person…but men are also dogs so who knows.
I do, but it's never been granted. I am just at a loss. I really don't understand why I was banned, I don't a-log, I have gone off topic once or twice but I sage it if so even in ot which I know isn't needed. I've been on lolcow for 7-8 years.
There's something new for March.
I wish the world would just end.
I don't love my bf, but thinking about breaking up with him makes me cry. What the fuck is wrong with me.
I get insulting comments every time I post a selfie, forgot the last time I got a compliment but even other girls stopped fake complimenting me, never got a compliment from a man, fact is all of the mean comments I get are from men, I'm not alt, not gay, not trans, just regular and maybe a little awkward/quirky but I try to look nice and presentable. Every time I gather enough confidence and feel good about a selfie and post it I get mean comments from guys in DMs over it but no one says anything publicly.
I think I might have skin color dysmorphia. Spent so much money on skin lightening supplements and soaps because I feel dark, but when I'm in the sunlight, I look like the color I want to be.
I keep hearing about colorism, and it makes me paranoid. I've always known about it, but it's like my mind went into overdrive at the beginning of the year. It's not even about "being pretty" (tons of beautiful dark-skinned women, anyone who claims otherwise is retarded), it's how people perceive you. I don't want to be treated badly because of my skin color. It's probably already happened, but I want things to get better in my life, not worse. Idk.
why don't you block that assholes. I would find their insecurity, make fun of it and than block.
I’m never going to be any boys first choice let alone a choice at all
Why am I so miserable? I'm taking two antidepressants already.
I think I've never felt happiness or contentment with the same depth I feel pain and anger.
I wish I was just like everyone else. I'm very tired.
men who want kids are so fucking annoying because you just know 90% of the burden of raising a kid will be on the mother and they all have a shitty excuse for wanting their mini-mes which is something along the lines of "its natural" or "i dont want to end my bloodline". what kind of excuse is that? why is everything scrotes do a robotic, on a whim decision dictated by their dicks or ego? fuck right off
There's always a voice in the back of my brain going "You fucked up in life. You fucked up in life. You fucked up in life."
I can't complain about where I currently am. And I can't pretend like it couldn't have gone way worse than it did. But the voice is still there. It still haunts me. I just want to move on.
manipulative normie scrotes invading niche spaces for clout/"personality"/to be the hottest one around is absolutely, completely, pathetic
also yes sound very kind and considerate - try to extend that same kindness to yourself
profoundly same.fuck the world
If VNs end up mainstream with weebs like light novels and anime currently are, I feel like their quality is going to start dropping, or they're going to start getting canceled by SJWs like what's going on w/ Hogwarts Legacy. Then we'll have even less of a chance of playing SayoOshi in (proper) English, just because it's "too graphic to be translated" for a bunch of pussies online. Or it'll be another VN whose patch is only all-ages, like has been happening with alot of R-18 VNs at the moment, even when H-scenes are important are for the content of a VN and/or most fans of it want to play it like it is meant to be played.
I loathe "all-ages" being forced on me and not just having an option to turn H-scenes on or off. It's been an increasing trend with VN translations and it's cringe imo. I want to read every scene and see every CG in a VN I read, including the most fucked up and a pain in the ass to read ones. But because of melodramatic people like this, they will continue to get either watered down or completely removed in English.
Also I've never seen this channel, but since its name is "Trash Taste Highlights", I'm going to assume they're implying VNs are trash taste. That is such a retarded, generalized take that it is like calling all books or video games "trash taste". Tards should really stfu about VNs if they refuse to understand them.
I'm trying my best to literally keep myself alive but my parents don't see that. To them I'm just a waste of money and effort. They are right but this isn't something I chose to have. If anything this illness is their fault, be it their genetics or how they raised me. The way they talk to me make want to never leave my bed again. I don't know what to do.
I wonder what'll happen when I next go to sleep. Horrific nightmare? Inane shit? Delirious haze of semi lucidity? Well, I'm sure it won't be at all restful.
I'm fucking terrified that I'll sleep through my alarm. 3 times a fucking week AD INFINITUM that I absolutely cannot miss because I am on thin thin ice, no more second chances and if I wake up late and can't prepare I will be fucked. It's inevitable, everyone is just waiting for me to slip up, I'm waiting to slip up it's going to happen sooner or later.
I'm going to end up just like my father. I'm too scared to die so I'm not going to die, at least not by my own hand. I'd just live as a crippled retard like he does, god I can't even fathom a lower form of myself but I'd find out if I tried something reckless.
I just want my heart to stop in my sleep. Skipping my meds would do it but I'd never get the chance.
Realizing that all my male friend's problems with his father can be solved if he just stopped being such an autist degenerate. All the advice or effort I've given him is for nothing because he's just going to end up killing himself anyways. So, I don't care. Kill yourself already and stop sending me shit about estrogen and skirts and boobs yada yada
I have a test tomorrow, but my brain refuses to cooperate, why is it so hard to memorize things
i havent consistently been to class in about two months and im extremely behind on my schoolwork. i just cant get myself to go to school some (most) days and when i can i skip about half my classes because i have missing work and im scared of being confronted. im aware that im throwing my entire future away by not going, but its just gotten so hard over the last two or so months.
I’m so lonely but I push other away when they get to close
Trash taste is a podcast for ironic otaku, or people who know weeaboo from filthy frank and not pbf. It's safe to ignore anything they say.
I wish I wasn't so stupid.
aren't some VNs already notably mainstream with zoomer normies, like DDLC? I can see what you mean though, it's likely to happen at some point.
I'm torn between personal accountability and being confrontational for the sake of maintaining authenticity. There's a certain tone of voice the asshole im seeing adopts sometimes. A mixture of false incredulity, with a lil undertone of patronization. It's like when he exclaims "Hmmm!! Is that so!?" but in this really grating intonation. It triggers me. Now I never imagined that I would one day grow to be a triggered bitch, so i know that in the spirit of personal accountability, everyone is responsible for their own triggers. That particular tone of voice I just associate with some of the worst fights with my mother. Where she'd bend down and ridicule me for daring to confess something that I've been vulnerable about. Cunt. Stupid fucking vile cunt. The memory makes me want to crawl out of my fucking skin. It repulses me when I try to be intimate/vulnerable with someone and their response is so out of fucking tune it's oscillating in another dimension.
But again, maybe Im just being over-sensitive.
>>96742>the asshole im seeing
If he's an asshole, why do you see him?
Because he can be an asshole and can be a sweetheart. People aren't all good or all bad i guess. It's up to me to determine if the assholery is worth putting up with
Trash Taste Highlights is the Sub-Channel of Trash Taste, a podcast that the three largest anime youtubers have where they discuss anime and living in Japan. Their channel is good IMO, the name is a joke about how people reply "trash taste" when someone says what their favorite anime is.
I feel stupid for crying about this but I hate being chronically ill so much. I feel like I will never find love because of how many illnesses I have and that makes me feel so useless. I can't have children to due my illness and if I could, I wouldn't want to pass down my illnesses to them. I just feel so useless and destroyed because of this. I just wish I could live in a normal life.
Yes, but they are usually more gameplay focused ones like Ace Attorney and Dangan Ronpa because Westerners don't like to read as much.
>I can see what you mean though, it's likely to happen at some point.
Fortunately, because most VNs involving more reading than your average Mountain Dew-chugging, Twitch-streaming gamer moid can ever tolerate, that is what is keeping them from getting more mainstream at the moment. They are seen and treated all as games, but by and large it is still a medium..where you have to actually enjoy reading to fully appreciate. Otherwise you will not last 10 seconds with notoriously long VNs like Umineko and the Muv-Luv franchise. These VNs are known to have terribly slow pacing than don't truly pick up until 30-40+ hours into them. You need to sit through alot of shit, before you reap the rewards from reading it. >>96750
Why is a podcast about anime going over VNs? Kek. No wonder they can't handle reading one then. They must have thought it would be something they can just digest like SNK or SAO.
idk what this website is but it seems cool, i hope u guys are nicer than the other places ive been :3
my mother made my life living hell as a child and now she wont own up to it. she would scream at me for hours over little things, shove me around when drunk and call me stupid. she has made excuses that it is in our culture for mothers to be harsh, she says she went easy on me, she tries to make me say none of it ever happened. i have been trying to kill myself in a painless way since i was 7 years old. i am so tired of pain. oh and the cherry on top im a closet lesbian and im ssure you can imagine her opinions on people like me. i used to stay alive because i didnt want to traumatize anyone but now i want her to hurt. ill never have the guts to take my life but ill take it away from her. its just all really fucking painful man i never asked to be born so unlovable to her. the worst part is she treatss my younger brother like the sun when he treats her like dirt. id pity her if i didnt hate her so much. i was coming up on 1 month free of cutting and she called me a bunch of names like fat, bitch, etc. and now im venting on this anonymous forum online because i dont feel like getting sent to the hospital so she can yell at me. i hope death is warm
So many people are hateful or aggressive towards me whenever I mention I'm a neet. Even women tend to make indirect mocking remarks about me. Women supporting women, my ass!
I wish anons would actually watch the video instead of just immediately dissing on it. It's just two dudes (plus some other guy), both of who are major weebs, discussing the visual novels that they've played and enjoyed. Not once in the video is it implied that they hate VNs. They even reminisce about how they used to play VNs after highschool!
Hate the retards that complain about imageboards including this one being rude. Get a fucking spine, this space was created precisely so that women wouldn't need to censor themselves.
thats fine, I literally said I'm new and don't get what this place is about. no need to be so hostile lol
Oh ok good :3 thought you were np
Seriously, people who get all offended because you tell them to kys need to get a grip.
I want to do a webcomics about young girls. I'm afraid of pedos/lolicons liking and following me. I know I can block them but that wont stop them.
Just found out he looks at porn. I guess all moids do. He barely drinks alcohol, doesn't smoke and he doesn't neglect me in bed or push me to do depraved things. Maybe I shouldn't care as long as he gets it up to me? is this jealousy or distrust I feel? Sometimes I do watch movies that has romantic stuff in it and think it would be nice if that happened to me so I don't want to blow up and start accusing him of stuff he probably never did without coming off as a hypocrite.
No, I don't want to hear weeb takes on VNs. Especially not if their knowledge of VNs only extends to Ace Attorney, Dangan Ronpa, or whatever VN they only know about because of it being mainstream. Or having potential for clout because its "so fucked up" - Hence their melodramatic overreactions while playing them. I'd like to see these people play a VN like Swan Song but:
1) They know no one will actually stick around for watching a stream of a VN like that.
2) If you can get them themselves to have more than 10 minutes of patience to actually read through an NVL at all, they'll have terrible takes that shows they didn't understand the characters/story at all, and just proceed to generalize it to being "so fucked up". God help them if its a VN that actually needs critical thinking AND reading. These are people who could read literally all of Subahibi and have nothing else to say except "Oh man that was so fucked up". If you want to be a braindead VN fan, just stick to nukige, cheap overdone moege, and shit like Winged Cloud VNs.
I don't blame you for how you feel. Honestly, in today's world, I wouldn't believe it if a man said he didn't watch porn. With that in mind, as long as he doesn't break his dick, keeps it to himself, isn't actively jerking off in front of his partner… That's probably considered a 'win', in today's society. It's still fucked up, but almost all men are fucked up. Doesn't make it any better, but if you have to be with a man, the damage seems more minimal.
ok im conflicted. i think ive come to the realisation that ill never be able to connect to a male as deep emotionally than i could with a woman. essentially i genuinely think i see men as objects. i only care about their looks. however, i think i'm still attracted to them. i want to have sex with males because i like them aesthetically (?), and i like the idea of a relationship with a male but i know it would never work out. am i lesbian or something
Are you sexually attracted to women?
Straight but filled with the grim reality that all men suck
Why the fuck are random "therapist" chatbots better than my irl psychologist?
Attraction to women is defined by attraction to women, not lack of attraction to men. And your sexual attraction men excludes you from lesbianism.
For bisexuality, it's crude, but do you actuvely want to have sex with women and date them? That's the qualification. People complicate it a lot.
yeah. im not opposed to it but ive never directly really fantasized about it. sorry my "am i a lesbian" question was kind of retarded. the thing is, i dont think ive ever fantasized about lesbian sex is because media makes it so moidish. realistically i do though, so i guess i'm a bisexual with sexual preference to males and romantic preference to women
i think i’m genuinely going to kill myself over this man i’ve been singularly obsessed with him for 2 years now with no relief. nothing makes it better no matter how much i try to get over him my desire is overwhelming and has driven me insane
Have you considered that it might be limerence?
I have a feeling I might be butch and just havent realized until now. Im not a tranny obviously, but Im beginning to give up on trying to fit in with straight femme women. I hate having long hair. I can never style it right, I can never get interested in styling it, and it always just feels like a hassle. I always end up looking like a troon too. I have A cups, pretty much 0 ass, a square head and a butt chin. I feel like I just have to chop all my hair off and wear more tomboyish clothes and I’ll feel better.
Go butch anon, butches are adorable
Lmao this is me but its been 7 years. If he doesnt start liking me back ill fucking end it
What is stopping you from moving on? What is keeping you fantasizing about this person?
People talk about "internet addiction" but I have the opposite problem, I'm interested in other things that I want to do but I can't. At least not at the moment. So I genuinely don't have anything else to do for a few reasons (one of them being money) so I default to using my pc/tablet/phone in my free time.
I need to know more about this lol. Are you friends, acquaintances etc.? How old were you when this started? (7 years is a lot)
(Btw i didnt mean to one-up or piggyback off of previous anon, my bad.)
He's ugly. But hes really funny, him and i have practically the exact type of humor. Some things happened a couple years back that flung me into a delusion that we were mutually in love with each other. I think he was my first love which is why i refuse to let him go. We basically don't have direct contact and I havent seen him irl for 3 years. I know it's pathetic how i'm still in love with him. Last year, we planned to meet for a friends birthday and he bailed last second. I was absolutely SEETHING at this because the last time we met, i was a fat ugly bitch. I literally developed anorexia FOR HIM and all that effort went down the fucking drain. I gained tons of weight again. We're going to meet again this year but i dont have time to lose all that weight again so i guess ill just kill myself.
TRA 'nonbinary lesbian' friend just called me a fake lesbian lmao tf
Why did she do that? And how tf is she a lesbian if she's "nonbinary". Can someone explain that to me?
they tried to justify being a lesbian as a nonbinary by saying lesbian means non-men loving non-men LMAO
Use that to call her an evil terf.
My best and only friend has been repeatedly hanging out with someone else. I know she can have other friends but its hard to see my only friend have fun with someone else. I'm scared that she'll stop liking me and start dating her or something
Waiting for the consequences of my actions waiting for the consequences of my actions waiting for the consequences of my actions waiting for the consequences of my actions waiting for the consequences of my actions
Please do it
Would love to read and contribute
these are the dumbest takes that i see smart people get sucked into all the time
I feel frustrated again with my progress as an artist. I miss being in that spot of improvement, and problem solving and having fun with it, but now I just feel like I am rebuilding basic skills and it just feels like a chore. I also just really miss having a tumblr art account and being a part of a community. I know the art community sucks and tumblr sucks too but I had so much fun making silly drawings and having friends. Now I dont do that anymore, I deleted my tumblr cuz it ended up draining me and I barely post on social media now cuz I hate using it. Maybe I should make a youtube channel or something, I miss being able to make something… idk idk I am just glad that I am still continuing to draw despite it all and despite my ugly ass art lol
hey, if you're ever up for it, we got an art thread here too that you can post on. I go through the same shit myself, but posting in the art thread really improves my mood ngl
Oh this post makes me so happy you have no idea, glad to find another genuine VN enthusiast in the world. What are some of your favorites?
i was having a slow paced but productive day and then bam! sharp migraine pain in my eyeball! so i wasted like 3 hours trying to sleep it off>>96893
feel this only i've been drawing for a project and it's crushing. i tried sketching something just for myself last night but it's hard to seperate the action of drawing and the desire to show others and get cool internet friend points for it
i'm scared if i reach out to make art friends again it'll turn into a crab bucket situation
I fucked up. He didn't love me anymore and left. The person I really loved and wanted to be with.
People like to tell to not put anyone on pedestal and to just keep meeting people and you'll find someone even better but I just don't believe it. I think this was it. I lost the person I really loved and wanted to be with and anyone else would be just cope.
I'm honestly feeling suicidal. Life is so much worse since he left. I miss him so much it hurts. This was it. I lost. I lost my chance at love and happiness. This is the bad ending. Now I need to accept my fate and be own my own, forever. And it's so hard to deal with that.
I fucking hate BDP and anxious attachment. It literally ruined my life. I just wanna cry. I'm sorry I'm retarded and needy. I wish I could just kill myself.
I feel like i've completely lost my personality. I've lost my sense of humor, which i prided myself in. I used to be able to make funny quips in no time, i don't know when or how i lost how to be funny. Maybe i'm growing up? I feel like I'm dissociating but i don't know
Maybe you're not socializing enough?
Fuck anon, I'm sorry. Just hang in there.
Men balding is so disgusting
I've been feeling suicidal for the past two months despite changing meds. Today I felt so deeply sad I started crying in the street, sat in a bench and sobbed. A lady walked by and mocked me. I hope she never has to deal with depression like I've been doing for most of my life.
Gosh, why would she mock you? I cried in public before and didn’t deal with anything like that.
Sometimes medication can heighten your moods, especially if your changing it.
You didn't deserve to be mocked. It's sad that someone can be so content with being a absolutely horrible person.
My coworker is my limerent object (LO). Been obsessed with him for a year probably.
Over a decade age difference between us; I'm early twenties. He's so funny and I find him really attractive. I'm not going to shit where I sleep and I don't trust men who'll date as young as I am, but I just really want to tell him - or someone who knows him - how I feel. I won't, though. I think he'd be disgusted or weirded out. I am noticeably autistic, not at all a catch, and just so very strange.
Does anyone else dislike ‘being comforted’ by another person when crying and instead prefer either crying alone or being ignored? Nowadays, whenever I cry, I either cry alone or in the living room with the rest of my family ignoring me/pretending that I’m not crying, which I kind of prefer compared to when people come up to say ‘what’s the matter?’ (Idk it’s bothersome to me). Moreso in the sense that I feel like I’m being interrogated on WHY I’m crying, for example when I’d cry in class in middle school and the students around me would point it out and just stare at me. What’s weird is that I used to prefer being comforted when I was a kid, like sitting on my mom’s lap and crying, but I eventually grew out of it. Idk what that says about me psychologically speaking
I need a job asap. I need a fucking job. Not because i need money (i need money). I seem to lose more and more aspects of my identity. I cannot tangibly assign any worth to myself when im like this. And when im worthless i get insecure. And when im insecure i stop being emotionally available, but also my fear of being abandoned flares the fuck up. So im stuck between two contradictory attitudes, one that might force me to avoid my “loved ones” and two that turns me into a needy mewling child who is just neurotically looking for signs to show that people will leave her.
More importantly, i feel so disconnected with people.. and how they interact and how they socialize. Texts seem disingenuous and fabricated. Something else my mind is whispering to me. One more month of this shit and i might actually succeed in inducing psychosis. Nothing really feels real.
I’m more aware of my predicaments because i can finally put labels on my emotions like a well conditioned patient but i also disdain how the veil that ignorance had once cast on the vortex of my emotions is gone. And now instead of constant blissful numbness i feel everything with heightened degree. My paranoias are more acute. My overthinking is out of this world. If i could just direct my hyperfocus towards something productive. They tell you to be mindful but whats the point of mindfulness if im going to feel everything except ten times stronger? Ive tried writing without restriction and that was just like uncovering a well and airing the infestation out. I tried meditation and being present and in the moment and found that crowded places overstimulated me. What the fuck is wrong with me. I liked edgy, cunty, avoidant, emotionally unavailable, burned out me better. At least that bitch gave the ILLUSION of strength. I keel over from the crippling shame eating me on the inside.
Im having trauma flashbacks, time to go back into therapy ig. I pray everyday that the aggressor in question just literally dies the most gruesome karmic death possible for me to finally heal and not spend my money. Fuck my life
i woke up with aspirations today but instead i sat on a computer for 7 hours straight
Sounds like you just have a specific preference for physical comforting and affirmative presence rather than the colder "state your problem and talk about it" form that is adopted after reaching developmental maturity.
God, why am I this bad at every single video game ever? My friends took me to a game center today where we played a bunch of rhythm games and I could barely play the tutorials. It's hard even for me to believe that I played Love Live only on Expert and Technical for years.
Husband drinks > husband gets horny > can't finish because whisky dick > feels self-conscious > doesn't initiate sex again until he has some liquid courage. Cycle repeats.
I have heard legend of a button named "the prostate," located deep in the male perineum. It was supposedly intended to be punched in the event of such an emergency.
Yep… My mom has cancer and prolly less than a year left.
She's never been sick before, strong as a horse and then this?
I just feel… Her. Feel her genes in me, I feel her alive in me but her vessel is fading away.
I love her so much.
I feel a sense of loss when my “friends” reach adult milestones (marriage, careers, buying a house, having kids) that I’m too depressed to achieve. I’m embarrassed by the level of envy I feel.
I hate being lonely but also want to be alone.
I find most people stupid but also hate myself.
I hold unconventional, "offensive" views that I developed independently as a child.
I can't fit because I can't adapt socially.
I dissociate when talking to others.
I am very bad with authority, deadlines, and schedules.
I can't be normal, I've tried.
I'm going to waste my life.
You are right about people, most of them are brainwashed by so called societal norms and they don't even realize how many of those are unhealthy.
i wish i would just be desensitized to how cruel people can be but it catches me off guard every time. am i always going to be this naive?
Anyways i just literally threw up everything on the way to college. I’m so exhausted… and it was in front of everyone too. I’m kinda embarrassed, luckily there was an empty bag around to throw it all into
I feel so ashamed for being infertile. I don't know how to cope with it either. I just feel like complete shit.
How did you find out that you're infertile?
i think my iq has dropped at least 10 points over the past few years. i used to be intelligent, perspicacious, and diligent, but now i’m an indolent dumbass who struggles with brain fog and basic reading comprehension. hell yeah baby!
Just make math, reading, and drinking water your new pastime instead of mindlessly scrolling stuff like youtube
I'm felling the same, trying to read, study, exercise and eat more fish to change this
Or it could be that you actually aren't as smart as you thought you were. I used to think I was the smartest compared to all my peers and that they were all retarded, until I started high school and was convinced I was legitimately retarded. My brother was also always very full of his intelligence, telling me "homework is only for retards" and stopped going to school for several months straight. He then had to transfer schools because of failing everything (even P.E. lmao). Chose to not go to college but now can only do work as a line cook or waiter.
If that is the case for you, it doesn't mean that you are dumb. Most people are just very good as posturing intelligence. Spend even just a few seconds on peopleofwalmart.com and you will realize you are okay.
A close friend is going through a lot of health issues right now. She has to get surgery and because of this surgery she's missing out on a very good job opportunity. I feel pretty awful because frankly I have no idea how to comfort her or what to say aside from basic yet honest things like good luck with the surgery and I hope everything will be okay etc. I don't know how to comfort her because even as an optimist there's no joy to be found in something like this. It sucks, it's sad and it's deeply unfair and there's nothing she can do about it but be in and out of the hospital every year. She talks about it to me and when I think back of my responses I feel like they're so lackluster and empty but I really have no idea what to say…
i don't know why the fuck it's so hard to make friends, but i swear to god, i'm this close to just lying about myself and creating a whole persona, if that's what it takes to get some consistent social interaction.
I don't have any friends of family I'm close with. They're all normies, and I made the mistake of trying to vent to one about something really personal and they became extremely irritable and eventually told me that it's not their role to help me. I understand if someone is uncomfy and doesn't know how to respond but I just want to be understood by someone. Feeling extra lonely right now.
I'm feeling extra lonely today too so I just wanted to commiserate. I find it really cruel that so many people exist on this earth and yet it's so hard for us to just understand each other. Of course having people around is better than having no one at all, but even still. How is it possible that so many people can feel so lonely even though most people have friends and family? It makes me think that most people just don't know how to empathize or something and that's why everyone feels so lonely. It doesn't take much to just listen, even if sometimes it's draining or uncomfortable. And because it's uncomfortable sometimes to listen to someone who is upset most people just don't want to do it. At least that's how it seems to me sometimes. I'm sorry you couldn't talk about your feelings with someone who would listen.
I'm so frustrated at so much of the shit the people I know say, but if I challenged their insufferable bullshit I'd be known as grumpy, eager to criticise. I don't want to get in any of those fights much less all of them.
i know that everyone has their own expierence with eating disorders, but hearing my roomate claim she used to have one when all she was doing was avoiding seed oils and fats is kind of like a slap in the face to someone who still makes themselves throw up reguaraly.
I can't believe I've been banned from lolcow every for an unspecified reason. Like…why. I guess it's back to cc for me.
As an ex-anachan, I feel like bulimia is the most hardcore eating disorder. I tried making myself purge, but couldn't, so you just learn to starve. I wish I were cool enough to have a gag reflex.
Thank you for your sweet response, fren. It's comforting to know others here can relate.
I hope today treated you kindly.
In what world is bulimia "cooler"? All the bulimics envy the anorexics.
i finally got my driver's license about three years too late and i'm trying to get used to going out alone. the other day i (unintentionally) turned from the wrong lane and nearly caused an accident and got pulled over by the police. they let me off with a warning since i was so new (and probably because i'm young) but the whole incident has made me too petrified to leave the house at all again and i'm so embarrassed about it. the entire thing was my fault. i need to get comfortable with driving to finally be free from my parents as public transport sucks here but it terrifies me. any nonas reading this please share any awful driving mistakes you've made so i can feel better about mine
Hit the curb on my driving test and automatically failed. I wasn't doing too great before that tbh. At least you've made it further than I have. Are there slow/empty streets you can practice on around your house?
lol i've done that too but thankfully not in front of the instructor. most of the non-busy areas near me are residential but there are some parking lots and industrial parks i can use. it couldn't hurt to get some more practice in but i guess i have to work myself up to stepping foot in a car again now
i don't mean to sound like some evil childless wench but man i can't stand the sound of kids screaming outside
fucking parent is just there chasing their kid while recording them, and the kids running all over the street
Same. I can never distinguish sound from between if the kid is having fun or is being brutally murdered.
i cried in my car one time and my neighbour came over to say hello just to smirk at my ugly crying face :/ i think some people just get a kick from seeing you in pain
I'm sick of an irl acquaintance that keeps taking advantage of my kindness and never stops milking me and others for help she can easily find online, while giving nothing in return. We're a small uni group and we all help each other but there's a limit to everything. She also can't help but make every conversation about herself and she keeps repeating the same stories she told us on a weekly basis. I'll have to confront her about this eventually and I'm not looking forward to it.
Just found pretty weird evidence of my ex cheating on me…
Not ready to deal with the lying, the tears, and the fall out. Want to curl up and die more than deal with this.
Right lol, my neighbors kids scream these ear piercing horrible screams like theyre being abused and im so ready to call the police till i hear laughter
I don't want to kill myself because I am terrified of dying but there's no place for me anywhere. I feel like I'm just so disposable to people and no one ever cares.
I care. You can get through it like you always do.
It do be super crazy when you were brought up in a disfunctional family and were expected to function yourself. I've started uni not long ago and all my mental problems are starting to show. I've withdrawn from the only friends I had left, I hope they're doing well.
Me too, my own family played me too i never had anyone love me nor did i love someone i feel faulty and broken.
Keep your head on, keep to the books and study so you get that degree, no matter what.
Realizing I'm a scrawny, hairy, pre-pubescent looking woman with bad skin that can't even brush her teeth twice a day.
I have been considered a 5/10 but over the past year my personal hygiene got bad again and I feel like I have slipped into a 2/10 because of it. I just cannot keep consistent with things like skincare, exercise, or even brushing my teeth. I try, everything goes well for a couple of weeks, then I stop for several months. Repeat ad infinitum.
i'm not trying to diagnose or anything, but slipping on hygiene is one of the main indicators for severe mental illness - you may want to see someone about it
That's at least something. I've just been skipping brushing entirely for the past month or so. Which is a shame because that's one of the things I definitely thought I got down as an unbreakable habit, like I did with making my bed, at this point. I actually think I was doing it twice a day, every day, for the past year or so.>>97059
Well… I never considered I wasn't
mentally unwell. I've been depressed for the longest time. Unfortunately, I can't get it checked out for the immediate future. If I could I would have done it ages ago. However, I definitely want to when I get some more stability in other areas of my life.
This seems really obvious to say, but when you'll drive again, you need to be really focused. This mistake can not be explained otherwise. You need to be constantly aware of where you are, where you are going and what is happening around you. I'm not saying you were necessarily distracted by something else but people not paying attention is probably the main cause of accidents.
When people get wrapped up in a certain ideology of hating something/someone, they start to want bad things to happen to innocent people so they can point and say "See?!". What's nasty to me is that even (supposed) women sometimes have this line of thinking.
I'm saying this because I recently saw someone repost something that wasn't true about a child getting raped. It was debunked in the same place it was originally posted in. It was obviously a repost of the original because the (cropped) screenshot came from a specific thread. Whoever posted it had to have known that it wasn't factual, but they were so gleeful at the idea of it. They knew it could be used as evidence of their opinion, and they were happy to lie to push an agenda. They were probably annoyed at the truth getting posted, too. It's just a very ugly aspect of people's nature, and I wouldn't put it past somebody like that to put someone in harm's way to "make a point".
absolutely based and i hope the sandwich is yummy
>against better judgement lurk /lgbt/ (since lesberger)
>see thread by what's kinda clearly a self-hating right wing tomboy 'FtM'
>she's posting about how stupid, weak and useless women are
>like word for word my mindset when I was an emotional teen constantly hanging out on mostly male forums and shit, back when I questioned if I was really a girl because I like memes and video games and hate feminism and dresses and being a man seems so cool and fun since women are all boring buzzkills who hate fun and I'm redpilled and schizopilled on society and bad at socializing while women are all dumb liberal NPC sheep who thrive in their herds >:((
>try to tell OP they're most likely not trans and they're just thinking the grass is greener on the other side
>dedicated board groom force gets mad and keeps pushing OP to transition
>type out character limit reaching paragraphs explaining to OP how I relate to them, that transitioning would be a mistake, that you are an individual and loud, bad women with platforms do not represent you or make you less of a woman
>realize this is completely futile and this person will never listen to me
>don't post, just click x and close tab
I have a similar situation going on in my college class - memey tomboy girl who hangs out with dudes one day decides she must be trans. I try not to let this stuff get to me or bum me out because it's none of my business and I shouldn't care what strangers do with their bodies, I acknowledge there's nothing I can do to stop it. It still makes me sad though. My parents would've trooned me too if I was born a little later and I know for a fact that would have been the wrong choice. There's an alternate timeline out there where I chopped off my boobs and got the arm skin frankenweenie just because I like racist jokes and vidya.
My biggest longest ever crush is a buffoon, he turned out to be so fucking shallow it’s not even funny - he has one fetish regarding a girl’s appearance and it’s the only thing he is interested into. I am not even joking.
Mutual interests, personality, values, views on future, even sexual dynamics - that’s all futile. She needs to have a certain haircut - and that’s pretty much it. And he thinks he is a big sad romantic, you know. How people like that even function, I am fucking appalled.
I could, theoretically, cut myself into his preferred cardboard print of a female companion - just to gain him and have him for a while, but why would I do something like this, that’s so low and I am in disdain.
I am on my way to forget him completely. Such a disappointment.
I was trying to find a distract myself by finding a new person to think about and somehow I did? But oh boy. Oh boy. He is very handsome - absolutely my type, intellectually interesting, enthusiastic, seemingly hard working, also funny and laid-back, BUT he is a fucking trad racist, big time, just why - was it necessary?? It’s okay for me if a guy is a bit elitist, because honestly me too, but a full blown nazi - embarrassing
He is also very young, and younger than me, so maybe it’s a phase, idk
But he is so pretty…
I befriended a 19 year old freshman in college art club (im 22) and its the dumbass childish gender identity stuff all over again from my freshman years, i thought everyone outgrew them but seems like theyre more common among the 18-20 year olds lol. Shes nice though bc shes not all that upset when I struggle with finding the right pronouns for her trans friends
I've been coming to terms with the fact that I'll never be married. The thought still gives me pain and makes me feel like I'm grieving. I know that I can still live a happy and fulfilled life without being married and a part of me always knew it was never going to happen.
I know everyone has their own views on marriage. Some people view marriage as a family/financial/religious obligation. Or as an excuse to have sex. I didn't view it as any of those things. To be have someone who would want to marry me would have felt like I was chosen to be loved by someone. That someone wants me in their life, to be someone who is cherished. That someone wants me. I wasn't wanted by my own family so I was always hoping that romance would somehow fill that void. Nothing ever came to that. I know that marriages are overrated and are just social constructs. Tbh sometimes moids just sound terrifying to be married to.
The biggest problem really was me and I think that what makes it hurts so bad.
So you're obsessed with him because he's so attractive and pretty… But upset he's shallow?
I’m about to be admitted into the mental hospital. Im already in the grippy socks and everything, waiting on the doctors to finish my blood work before officially admitting me. Posting this from my parents phone lmao. This is horrible. I broke down and couldn’t stop sobbing at work around 5pm, by 9 pm they asked me to leave, my family picked me up and ended up bringing me to the hospital and now it’s 1 am. I feel like shit for worrying my family. I just recently lost all two people I talked to because of my depressed ways. They just couldn’t stand it anymore. I can’t stand me either. I feel spaced and weird. My face and skin hurts from all the crying. And this is just the beginning. It feels like even though I didn’t kill myself my life is over now. And he will never want to talk to me again now especially if he learns I went to the hospital. I’ve never felt more alone and desperate in my entire life. I hope someone sees this, I don’t even feel real sitting here in this room.
>>97091>fetish regarding a girl’s appearance and it’s the only thing he is interested into.
Mind sharing what it is? I'm curious
Don't give up hope. I used to be in the same mindset as you, but now I'm married. There's plenty of guys who are willing to put up with a lot of baggage. One thing to remember is that no man is perfect. You can work on his issues together. They always tell you not to think in the "I can change him" mentality, but in reality, most guys are willing to change if they're into you. Just make sure he's kind and loving at his core, and the rest is just filler. Try getting on a dating site and going on a few dates
why the scrotey cherry picking?
she mentioned several other qualities that make her like him >intellectually interesting, enthusiastic, seemingly hard working, also funny and laid-back
if she was shallow, she would go for her previous void of a person crush not minding his typical male shallowness (obsession over one physical feature)
I mean I assume by how she gushes over how attractive he is, and that how he's a full blown Nazi, that she isn't exactly attracted to his personality. Unless she really is so into guys who are hardworking, laid back and intellectually interesting that it makes up for the racist Nazi part.
If just getting a specific haircut is all there is to his type, he doesn't even sound that shallow.
I'm so ashamed. I do not want to be perceived at all. I know that insecurity is unattractive. I know I must always love myself even if I don't consider the present state to be ideal for me. I know self loathing isn't the answer. I know looking back isn't the answer. I know withdrawing from the world isn't the answer. I know numbing myself by living vicariously through other people on the socials is not the answer.
I've spent all these past years chasing after something. Just constantly struggling to move forward. Trying to remedy what I tore down in moments of defeat. I lost the best part of myself and now I'm just trying to scramble to stitch back together. Trying to dredge up some phantom of a potential, of some positive prospect. I look at my peers and everyone seems to have it figured out. Everyone's got their stability. Everyone has a clear idea of their future. I can barely visualize mine. I have so many whims and dreams. Mostly relics of my late teens and early twenties. Things that went unfulfilled then and are keeping arrested in a spiritual plane where I cannot physically move on unless I've realized them. Puny and insignificant as they might seem. Objectively, I should yearn towards things that are age appropriate. Getting married and having a family. Or some bullshit. But I've just lost so many years in stasis. So many years of saying "It'll be better tomorrow". or "one day I'll wake up and I'll be adequate and competent and I'll be fine, and I'll be where I want. And things will feel right. And I won't have to deal with this soul crushing disillusionment."
I have nothing concrete to complain about. Nothing wrong in my reality except for me. I'm so unsuited for life. Executively I am a cripple. There is nothing wrong with me. I used to childishly hope to have some kind of condition that might explain my ineptitude. Why I seem so at odds with adulthood. I used to think it was my brain. And I'd wonder if I had a tumor. But no. No. This is who I am. Very unfit. Too cowardly to practice what I preach. I try to morph myself into being better. Into implementing small incremental changes. But in the back of my brain sits the logical solution which nags me all the time. The only way out of this is death. I don't actively imagine myself dying. Nor do I glean much pleasure from the notion as it used to fill me with. I'm just always going to feel like this. I used to be stupid and think it was only a manner of taking two pills 15 minutes apart every day for two years. But no. No. This is my brain now. This is the way it operates. The thought patterns. The strange little conclusions. The penchant for regurgitating the past like a broken record.
I don't really care if I'm depressed forever. Just let me succeed in one thing. Let me resurrect some imitation of esteem.
I befriended a really nice girl, yet shes a bit lacking in hygiene. She never smelled, nor were her teeth yellow. And she always dressed up in her best. I suspect some autism there though she’s dirt poor too so i can’t tell what’s the reason for this shit. Today her ears were dirty and there was lice in her hair… i feel sort of bad because i pointed it out unashamedly, i also told her to clean her ears. As we were studying in a cafe i went to a pharmacy next to it and got her lice shampoo because i couldn’t stand her carelessness. I don’t want to cause her any shame but i couldn’t help it. I hate being this kind of person.
Pixie cut is a must, classic menswear optionalSlim and conventionally attractive, of course>>97095
There are two of them: the Pretty Nazi is the one I am trying to distract myself from the Tomboy Fetishist, kek
I think it’s more like I wouldn’t refuse to consider romance with a guy who is not my type or who doesn’t possess an object of my fetish. Even
if it’s all shallow and only about looks - there are a lot of various types of attractiveness. I can understand clinging on one specific type when you are a bit interested in their personality too, but anyone doesn’t matter who but with a specific appearance - that’s not even shallow, that’s retarded
It’s not an advice, but rather something I am sharing from my perspective:
When I was and am having thoughts like that, I try to focus on what is now. Meaning - what would help me to live right now, how can I have some pleasant moment in life at this very moment. It’s not about future, it’s not about plan, who I will be, what I will achieve. It’s about how to maximise my current experience.
Future doesn’t exist. What does exist - is present. So it’s all about simple pleasures in life and just some common sense to keep your body alive, lol
I know it sounds very live, laugh, love, but essentially ignoring people achieving and struggling for success is healthy and helps me to function, even if very limited
I know it's time to pull a digital detox out of my ass when my brain becomes so fucking lazy, it would literally rather pull me out of a focused problem solving sesh just so it could dwell on all the awful depressive shit that stinks my mood.
brain literally associates → mental strain (actually doing something productive) → danger → pull out ye olde picturebook of unhappiness.
I got an interview this week for a foreign university. It’s going to go horrendous ITS FUCKING OVER. Why the fuck do I even bother? I have no talents. No skills. Not an ounce of creativity in my body. Yet I really want this. A part of me still has some hope and dreams. But they will only be CRUSHED by the unbearable weight of REALITY. I know I’ll cry myself to sleep after the interview, waiting for that rejection email. Maybe they’ll just reject me right away. I’m such an autist.
Whats the foreign university and why do you want it so bad?
Don't give up just yet. You might be an autistic, but you'll find a lot of other applications will be from autists. You just have to not be last.
I'm tired of not knowing any actual autistic women irl, whenever I meet one it turns out I'm being catfished by a tranny and I feel so betrayed. All women like me irl have trooned out or are trannies pretending to be women, it hurts.
It's not that I haven't dated or had long term relationships (3+ years). Whenever I would bring up the topic of making the relationship more permanent, I usually get rejected and told that I'm just not who they want to marry. I'm always being told that I am too immature to be considered, it hurts and I can't help it to be baffling because I honestly don't think I am any more immature then anyone else. It's just so tiring and I honestly don't want to keep dating. I rather be alone.
good luck nona. i had to do a similar interview to get into my program :( I had to do it in another language and probably sounded like a toddler. I know the feel. but I still got in! you never know. Don't count yourself out just yet.
I haven’t really had a crush in a long time or really liked anyone at all. Last year I matched with this guy on tinder. We don’t really talk. One time I message him and he sends me a picture of him and another girl. Don’t speak to him again. Out of the blue I post a selfie and he messages me “you must get so many guys.” Kind of act annoyed but start talking to him again. He invites me to hangout a lot and I finally do. Show up and there’s like 3 other girls there who are his “friends” and then one of his guy friends. Play nice, everyone likes me fine. Hangout one with him one more time after. He asks me a couple other times but honestly I don’t because it feels like I’m in highschool again. Where I’m not that attractive and my feelings are just hurt because I want guys to notice me and they don’t. He’s so cute and I want to but I don’t. He moves 2 hours a way. I still try to talk to him but he gets a gf and that ends that. Well last week I messaged him out of an act of desperation. He messages me back and is using emojis and exclamation points, which he never really did before. Then he doesn’t answer and when I kind of confront him, tells me he’s sorry and he’s been busy. Ask if he’s okay, says he’s just kinda existing. Ask him what happened to make him feel this way and he doesn’t answer back. That was last night. I feel so stupid. It’s stupid because I kind of feel something for him which I normally don’t feel those feelings. I know he’s not gonna answer me back but there’s this hope that he does. Almost like my heart is certain that he will, even though I’m not that stupid. Anyways sorry for the long winded stupid story. I’m gonna go cry in the bathroom at work now.
I hate spring. Reminds me that I'm no longer a child. I used to love when the air started smelling different. How harder the sun beat down our heads. The anticipation of shedding winter apparel for short sleeved shirts and dresses. The fact that spring meant that summer was closer. And I absolutely love summer (even now). I guess I hate spring because I can't cope with how everything is now different. Everything feels different. Compounded by the fact that I'm back in my childhood home.
My mom mentioned my bf's weight cus he struggles with it and it just makes me uncomfortable. She's a nurse but still. Didn't do it to his face at least.
I ran out of emotions throughout the day and now I'm empty. It feels weird. I know life isn't about always doing what feels good, but hardly anything feels good anyways.
dreams my god i fucking hate dreaming. i want DREAMLESS SLEEP instead of
>being anally raped or watching a skyscraper topple into the floor below me or running through my neighbor's gardens from laughing whooping gang members or running naked through the dark streets from my father dressed as a rabbit and screaming for help as people look at me weirdly or from a bus of people who want to kidnap me or being on a psych ward or being on a psych ward or being on a psych ward or another building collapse that i'm running from on the ground or mass displacement as reality melts from an alien invasion or a boy slicing up my arm or getting off scot-free after allowing a group of child laborers to suffocate or another group of children to be hunted for sport or chasing my mother through a door that opens forever into the same room and crying for help knowing I'm in a dream…
and then i get stupid little weird dreams. it's a window into a lower form of consciousness, when i accept the bullshit scenarios instead of challenging them and falling into a delirious surreal nightmare. then i just do uncharacteristic retard shit instead of GETTING SOME FUCKING NIGHTS REST!
I don't even know why we talk anymore. We're both depressive sacks of shit and the banter we have is more sibling-y than anything. I was in my millionth low self esteem, nonexistent self worth episode when i started venting away and I realized that: A. I vent as a coping mechanism. another means of escapism. I'm avoiding taking accountability for my own heinous actions. I was unconsciously expecting him to give my lil vent more importance than it warranted. Also, I project onto him my own feelings about myself. The ones rooted in shame and self loathing. I catch myself thinking "Does he not think that I am absolutely disgusting for ruining my own life like this. Is he not tired of propping up someone who has no tangible problems? Does he look down on me for not being more action oriented. For thinking more than acting. Does he see me for the fraud I think I am." And I do not voice these thoughts because I know my rationale is somewhat flawed. That these are thoughts I have about myself. And even if he, or anyone else looked at me with contempt, the only opinion that mattered was the one I had about myself. And that I can choose to adjust my perception however I wish. And that he nor anyone else was going to save me, I'm going to have to save myself.
today dreamed i was choking this overgrown baby chicken ostrich hybrid thing against the ground with my hand
just what felt like 30 mins of hearing this creature chirp like a fire alarm and shit itself until it finally ceased life
Right now I feel like my life is very stagnant. Above all, I really want to move out. But I don't have the money to and I don't know when I will. What's worst is that I'm truly trying my best. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn in life is that you can try your hardest, you can do everything "right" and that doesn't guarantee that it'll ever pay off.
Why do guys always just wanna have sex with me? It’s like constant. I don’t dress really slutty or anything, it even happens at work where I can’t dress slutty at all. Is it because I’m ugly? :/
Lately I've been thinking about old memories from my childhood that I want to go back to, in a way. When I go to sleep and almost fall asleep I remember them. The locations, smells, overall vibe etc.
Maybe they just wanna have sex and admiting a bro or a donkey would do is not acceptable in our society.
I hate when people give me attention for a while and then just leave. Guess I wasn't cool enought for them.
I sometimes think men can sense low self esteem in woman and think that means they're dtf. Even though thats not always the case.
Men just want to get their dick wet and dont care where it comes from.
inb4 "twitter/tumblr is shit anyway. why are you even on there?" but over the past several years I make my own posts so extremely rarely that my social media is literally just used as a personal diary. It's been like that for the past 4-5 years because so few people follow me now and none of them that care or that I am really friends with. I thought I didn't care but sometimes I do miss all the interaction I used to have on social media. I've thought of posting some photos that might revive my social media presence a little bit but there's no hope at this point. I'm such a nobody.
I can't help but feel like life will never be enough for me. I could achieve my dreams, have my ideal job, the perfect partner, etc. I would still want more from life. No matter how many good things happen to me, it will never be enough. I'll always feel empty
i fucking hate men and i wish i wasn't heterosexual
I envy avoidant/unfeeling individuals. Life must be so easy and stressfree when you can't feel or just don't care. I'd gladly trade never feeling passion oand happiness in favor of never having to feel heartbreak and sadness.
can you imagine how empty it is though?
Is it always going to be like this? I wasn't even functional when I was on meds. Im fine. Im fine. Im fine. Im happy. Im content. There's nothing wrong with me. My reactions are perfectly adequate. My situation is solveable. Im fine. Im fine. Im fine. I don't control everything. Im strong. Im happy. Im silly actually. Im fine. Im fine. Im getting up now
Sexuality is not a choice, but it can be.
I feel like ever since 2016 imageboards have gone down hill due to the influx of /pol/fags ruining every site they come across, I actually just made a post in another thread about a traumatic experience I had as a child where I literally underwent FGM and extreme physical abuse yet some random anon thought it was an ideal time to spout white supremacist propaganda like I give a flying fuck about their race war bullshit. Absolute lunacy, they seem to think their schizo ranting on obscure websites like these hold any merit, god damn I wish they would all fuck off and stay on /pol/.
Some 19 year old on campus told me i look old (I’m 22)
My ex is one of my only two “friends” (if you can call our bimonthly texts that) but I hold so much resentment toward him for leaving me twice. I hope more than anything that he is suffering and severely depressed but I know he isn’t like me. He actually has dozens of friends who all love him and reach out to him regularly. I sit here in my room and stare at my wall and think about him. I speak to my only other friend and seek his traits in him. A year and a half after our first breakup I was still thinking about him on an hourly basis and dreamt about him. I hate him so fucking much and yet he hasn’t left my mind once in these past three years. I wish I had had friends in the first place to distract me during that year and a half. I wish I hadn’t messaged him again and I wish I had been talked out of taking him back when he promised he’d try his “best” to make it work again. I wish I wasn’t so lonely so as to accept his offer to stay friends. I wish I were widely loved and accepted like he is. I want to die
Surely even being alone is better than staying in contact with him?
The situation sucks but somehow the loneliness is much worse. I’ll manage until I can find a replacement or move on completely (at least from the hatred)
I didn't get into grad school.
It's all so tiresome.
You're gonna get 'em next time anon. It's okay.
I remember when i was 19 i was told i like im 25 =)
So this isn't that serious of an issue, but have you ever been in a fandom for something, or liked something that has this one "super fan", that was so annoying and cringy, that you ended up not liking or liking something less? This person seems mostly harmless, but she's SO obonxious. She comments under every video this guy posts, and one time I checked out the subreddit for this guy I'm talking about, and she was there, commenting on every post made on that subreddit (it was the same profile pic and user name). It's so bizarre to me. I mean, I have no life and am a NEET, but she seems really obsessed with this youtuber/musician. Like I said, she's technically harmless, but seeing her everywhere is so obnoxious to me, it makes me never want to engage with any of these people.
Oh, I know what you mean. I am into one actor and he is not a very popular object for fangirling, so a lot of fan content is from her. I also see her comments and even if it's different usernames on different platforms I just know
it's her. Because her comments are not even cringey, they are borderline retarded. I seriously think she has some form of mental retardation, because she is so weird and kinda rude to him it's undescribable. I know that english is not her first language and, theoretically, her weirdness could be explained by that, but no - I see it's more than that.
But I wouldn't say I like this actor less because of her, I am more embarrassed and feel bad for this actor because he has such a bad representation of his fandom.
Also I am afraid that someone might think I am her, when I express my fangirling, lol, that's how tiny this fandom is
I wish she had specified if i looked older as in older than the kids she sees in her classes aka 25 or 26 but she just said i looked old like im too old to be there lmao… ngl it kinda awakened my insecurity about entering college late and not achieving much
Why he even started flirting with me in the first place? Am I such a boring person for him to have lost interest in me in two days? I actually had hope this time, how stupid. Men don't take me seriously, I'm always the side girl, the one who gets called when they want someone they can talk to and also fuck. Just a pretty face with some male hobbies, not girlfriend material.
I've been looking for a job for 2 months and I've never received even 1 email with a positive return. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I'm totally desperate, I think I've hit the lowest point of my life. There's something wrong with me, I don't think I was born to succeed in life, I just wanted to find a good job, work honestly, never need anything from any man, is that too much to ask?
Ignore someone like that, OP. Who cares even if it were elders taking a college class? I know it's slightly different but it's not other people's business, anyways.
So when I'm sensitive and going through a shitty spell, I bottle up my feelings. I never snap. I regulate my own emotions because I've learned a long time ago that no one will give you the benefit of the doubt and that no one is responsible for sponging off your bad vibes. But when he's in a mood? Enter the short clipped texts and the emotional passive agressive tirades. I try to handle it, because the last thing I was to be is the unsupportive gf to someone who's depressed. But righ now I feel so punitive and petty. I'm supposed to fucking foresee, across a thousand miles, when you're not doing okay? I'm supposed to be the one to call consistently now? I could barely get myself out of bed. I'm so tired. Why can't I rely on anyone in this goddamn fucking life.
I don't fucking know. I feel like im verging on insanity. Sometimes it feels like he's invading my inner sanctum, like he's fucking removing my skin with how clingy he could get. I just can't take this shit. It doesn't really feel like a partnership at anything. does he even know who i am? do I shame him like I shame myself? I need to break up.
I can't remember anything. Why can't I remember anything? I don't feel normal. I cried 4 times today. The first time I felt this way I was 17 and the chronic stress had finally gotten to my wits. I just want to be a functional member of society.
my old limerence has started calling himself barbara
i'm fucking dying of embarrassment why is it so hard to flirt with other women
i've flirted with men in the past ez, and i've never had much problem when other women were the ones to initiate.
but when i'm making the first move? oh god, ugh. i just wanna curl up into a ball while i scream internally.
tell me i'm not the only one
don't feel too bad i'm still on my 4th month
I don't understand if the problem is with me or not. This individual has always been petty and elitist, but I had glossed over these details in the past maybe because I was a different person. Maybe because his charm irl is hard to communicate long distance. But he's essentially lost whatever meager trust i attributed to him. And the thing is, he did nothing wrong, he was just being muself. And all the while I could feel myself becoming less and less safe with him. I don't know if this is a gut feeling, or a general anxious paranoia that's messing up with my reasoning. He really has done nothing wrong. I just generally consider men to be unsafe creatures, inherently unworthy of trust. Not because they are villainous. I just hyperinflate their faults. It happens reflexively. I don't understand if the problem is with me or if he's genuienly a horrible person who might one day hurt me in some unimaginable way. And this is just a gut reaction based on how patronizing he gets in stressful situations. There are so many redflags revealing themselves a year in. Like the fact that he claims he has no genuine friends. How he talks shit about everyone he perceives to be of lesser intelligence than him. It is so off putting. Maybe I should just break up. What am I waiting for?
My technique for flirting with everyone is to go full simp-mode and just compliment them, take a particular interest in them, and ask tons of questions. So…similar boat.
It somewhat works if the other person is kind of autistic. Banter and innuendo is beyond me, I can only do banter with friends (which has sadly lead to misunderstandings with men).
What is it you struggle with in particular?
I was obsessed with some man two years ago. I cried and had weird complexes about him for ages. Every single day, I was beating myself up for messing up with him so badly. I think the part that really fucked me up is that I don't even know why we never went anywhere. Maybe I was too autistic, but I thought he was too. Maybe I gave the wrong impression, but it doesn't matter anymore. Anyway, for the first time since last year, I revisited the things that made me so obsessed with him, and now I wonder why I felt that way. He really wasn't shit, it's like the spell is broken. The guy I'm with now is so much more fun and self-aware, I'm confused at myself. How did my thirst for that nothing of a man lead me to someone so much better for me, someone I vibe with? I guess I was being protected all along.
Now that I don't have those feelings anymore, I feel like I wasted a chance to write about limerence. I could've made a whole thing of those feelings, but I felt too ashamed for thinking so much of someone who obviously forgot me, and now they're gone. In a way, I like it better this way because I'm finally free, and I can see the truth, but I also understand how love can drive a person mad, and I feel like I missed an opportunity.
No one wants to hang out with me and I put people off wherever I go. I'm now all alone in a country half the world over getting scared to leave my room for anything. I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home. I'm a literal child that will never survival on her own about anything.
I miss talking to people/connecting with them. Feels in a way almost as if I was the only one in a movie theatre watching as life played out before my eyes. Seeing people be happy and what not is good because it gives me hope and I’m also glad there are people that have good lives/friends etc, because life would be a bit grimmer w/o those things. I hope everyone finds people/things that they love!
I think we're done. Whatever connection we had is long gone. At this point we're staying because this is familiar and the brain derives comfort even from teh tepid familiarity.
I'm bugging out. Obviously I had been someone else before him, but now I can't remember who i was before… i need to remember.
My brother committed suicide last week. He was really sick, depressed, alcoholic. My bf never got to know him very well so for him it's more or less like a stranger died. He keeps inviting friends over to hang out at our place. i could mostly avoid them so far but today i can't.
it's awful i just want to be alone, fuck this
i feel guilty and angry and alone and i do understand him but fuck you why did you leave us
is your gf trans?
tell your bf to stop inviting people over and that you need space to mourn properly.
>ex fiance trooned out years ago
>have to see trans day of whatever the fuck all day on social media
>constant reminder of ex going "you wouldn't have been SA'd if you transitioned" before leaving
urge to fedpost is rising (i won't i like this site too much)
>>97348>you wouldn't have been SA'd if you transitioned
huh? what? why would he say that?!?!?!
don't even remember the entire context of the conversation
but he rambled something about liking me for being "femininely identified" and that i was "depressed for no reason", thus that lovely quote came to be
it's such stupid fucking nonsense
where the hell is so called women's solidarity? all i ever see in groups is just flexing who has a better life, fucking embarrassing.
>boyfriend after getting put In a depressive stupor plus mental issues starts slowly unfucking himself
>He has a receding hairline (it apparently appeared in him earlier before he hit his 20s) and hair falling out as a result of stress
>Starts fixing it and seeing some progress with his becoming thicker and growing back
>Bunch of other scrotes start screeching about how it's cope he's treating his hair instead of just shaving it off and being bald, etc.
Why are they like this? Even if someone else or myself was loosing hair I'd still try to preserve and help in spite of not being able to grow it super long anymore
God I hate this retarded rule scrotes keep enforcing that proper hygiene is for faggots and trannies
im fumbling my semester so bad and i can't control it anymore. every assignment i have to do is late and i wanna kms
You need to be prepared for him to go bald either way, since 70% of moids do as they age.
That may be the case and regardless of him losing most of his hair or being bald I'd still be presentable and clean looking. Most of the scrotes saying that shit were either ((femboys)) or fat misogynist fuck incels
goddamn it i need her to be online
>get married to Nigel
>slowly feeling like no matter how nice and even based he is at times, he's still a man and the cracks are beginning to show
>sinking realization he's not good at seeing all women as him as full humans like men
>can't tell the difference between sexy and degrading and no examples of male degraded characters to show him because he needs male reference as he can't be walked through how women feel when they see objectified characters and how it's not sexy
>starting to notice this stuff daily and slowly realizing I should have been febfem
how would feces end up in their hair?
gonna keep that in mind next time i see a troon IRL. gotta stay far, far away
Women's solidarity is a lie. Most people just look out for themselves, even if it means throwing other people under the bus. For example, they criticize men for being sexist but turn around to engage in sexist behaviour themselves when it benefits them.
even though im a lesbian, i still care so fucking much what straight guys think. its ridiculous. dicks disgust me. semen disgusts me. the idea of fucking a man in any way disgusts me, and yet i take their stupid criticisms.
I’m fucking hungry. I miss food, even though it’s only been like 24 hours into my fast lol I’m so pathetic gosh. Everything smells better as well. Good thing it’s late so I can go to sleep in a bit.
It's happening again. I'm slipping into hiki again because I'm scared of leaving my room and being judged. I constantly fuck up and do something clumsy, publically embarrassing myself over and over. Now I'm in my room only starving and crawling back into bed because I'm scared to go out for anything. I'm going to end up indirectly killing myself from my own social anxiety one day.
I just keep thinking how I wish I was prettier and more feminine like all the other girls I see. And that I had a boyfriend whose hand to hold like all the couples I see in public doing that. But obviously I will never accomplish either if I am going to die a wretched recluse after all.
I had a wonderful Friday night, and a really cheery Saturday. And today all I want to do is to crawl back into bed. Why am I never enough? WHy is it that every single decision I make devolves to shit. I am not a terrible person. I am lazy yes, but lazier people have managed to uplift their whole entire lives with one breakthrough. And Im just trudging along. Im so fucking alone.
Half the time I have a call with my longest-known friend I end up feeling worse because of it. I find it hard to have a conversation with her about myself. If we’re talking about her life or her ideas about the world then she has a lot to say. If I talk about my life or my ideas then things feel really awkward like she can’t think of much to say. I understand we might be at different places in our lives, but it’s frustrating because I find her ideas valid and interesting even if I don’t think they’re relevant to me (for example, she talks a lot about spirituality which I’m not super into but I think it’s cool to talk about if she’s into it). Then when I talk about my approach to life, she doesn’t say much or sometimes she’ll be honest and say she can’t relate or doesn’t personally agree with my approach to life (once a few years ago she even said that she’d kill herself if she lived her life the same way as me) and then I don’t know where to go from there.
We had a few talks before where we were honest with each other. I told her that I don’t always feel emotionally supported when we talk and she said she’d try in the future to listen and not give me advice when I just need someone to listen. I’ve been going through a rough few years and she was honest with me when she felt I was using her as an emotional soundboard and it was making her anxious to talk to me. I appreciated the honesty and have tried not to just talk about my depression when we talk and focus on other things. But I still feel resentful after we talk sometimes because I can accept and see value in her perspectives even when they’re different than mine, but that doesn’t feel reciprocated. If she can relate to something I’m saying then we can have a conversation about it, but if not then it dies out and is awkward. It makes me feel uncomfortable to talk about myself because I’m already anticipating a response where I’m not going to feel supported. I’ve felt this way for some while and I wonder if it would be better to have some space. I don’t know. It’s not that fun to talk anymore.
She sounds judgmental as fuck and probably uses you to confirm her belief of being better than most people.
How does this indicate hatred? Weren't you also expecting them to move out of the way? What else could they have done? Either you move out of the way or they move out of the way, that doesn't indicate hatred.
Thanks for listening to my senseless rant and backing me up nona. I’m sure my account is biased since I don’t know what she’s thinking or the real reason why she said what she did, but it definitely felt judgmental to me. I’m reminding myself that how I choose to live my life is what’s best for me even if someone disagrees or has a different experience so I don’t take it so personally. And maybe I’m going to take a break from reaching out for a while and focus on trying to kindle some connections with other friends who I don’t feel as uncomfortable talking to.
I am seeing a guy and he looked really stunning and obviously cared a lot about his appearance couple of years ago, according to many photos on his socials, but now he doesn’t even do basic grooming right, that’s so devastating.
Of course. Why would anybody make an effort for someone like me.
I don’t know why exactly, but this is very depressing for me, I’m even feeling colder to him now, I don’t know. Sad!
i just want to go back to her. she didn't even break up with me properly, just ghosted and let her friends do the talking. it's pathetic, both for me and for her.
I can't enjoy sex anymore after my ex, he ruined me. I haven't came in 5 months and I just cry every time I try
This is just all men, they turn to babies when sick. They to be mommied
It's a bright sunny day today outside which means I feel like a complete loser for staying inside. I wish I had irl friends, but I don't even know where we'd go and if I'd be able to afford it. Going out by myself just rubs the loneliness in. Always feels like a waste to spend a nice day inside but I really don't have an enjoyable option.
I'm wasting my youth and I can't even do anything to fix it.
I am really starting to hate gamers and weebs. I used to just dismiss them but I have been meeting so many of them lately that it is getting grating. I played some video games in middle school but I honestly could not tell you the last time I picked up a video game, meanwhile I now regularly meet people who cannot even hold conversations outside of these topics. Like, I think a good 50% of my uni group cannot even hold a conversation outside of vidya/anime, that is how bad it is. I already thought these things were childish before and now I come to uni and everyone talk about it??? I legit feel old among a bunch of bunch people in their young 20s cause I would rather go to a café or on a hike or read a book than play video games.
You are just meeting stupid people. I know plenty of cool people who love both cafes, hiking, reading books and anime/video games.
It’s a bright, sunny day where I am too and I don’t really have anyone to spend it with either. Plus I have to work most of the day so realistically I can’t enjoy it for as much as I’d like. Even still I think I’m going to take a walk outside to get some lunch and then after work I might walk to get coffee and continue to enjoy the weather! It can be lonely spending time by yourself but on the flip side, I find that when you’re outside with someone else you’re usually so focused on talking to or listening to them that you aren’t really focused on enjoying your surroundings. You deserve to enjoy this nice day anon. And even if it would be better spent with friends, I hope that you don’t end up missing out on it completely just because you’re by yourself.
man… is this why i'm having trouble talking to people online? i go to this one place where every other person is a weeb or a gamer. they have a laundry list of anime and games in their bios, which i know nothing about, so i don't talk to them about it… and the conversation goes nowhere.
Well if you're looking for normal adults then you probably won't find them chronically online.
yeah, probably not. it sucks ass though because i have an illness that keeps me bedridden and unable to leave the house, so i don't have many other options.
I want to go baxk to being an emotionally stunted avoidant cunt
what kind of uni do you go to nona? i went to an "elite" urban uni that is the largest uni in my country and also in my country's ivy league, most of the kids there were into "cool" things like indie art, traveling, fashion, beauty, instagram, hip hop music etc and not vidya/anime
What the fuck happened to me in the span of this year? I am executively crippled. If I so much as attempt to do something productive that requires just the barest hint of mental strain (solving analytic problems) my brain defaults to this mode of worry, and melancholy and nostalgia. And keeps churning, and churning and fucking churning. Constant chatter. Constant noise. Constant memories flooding the back of my eyelids. People I've never even needed to think about just pop into my recollection wildly. I am so done. I just want to sit down and do my work like a normal person. I am so sick of worrying. I am so sick of thinking. I am sick, I am sick, I want to put a bullet between my eyes. Will I always be like this? My focus stunted due to poor attentional allocation and my performance suffering as consequence. God I don't want to go on the benzo cocktail again. I wasn't functional on that either. I do therapy on my own. But I can't micromanage my own brain. It's mostly this feeling of longing that cripples me. This constant rumination. This is going to be my death. I want to stop. Please stop.
Holy crap, are you me? This ks exactly how I have been feeling and you put it better than I ever could have. I recently feel like I've been experiencing rapid intellectual deterioration, and mounting anxiety. I'm a walking ball of anxiety which is probably a factor in my intellectual deteroiation - constantly forgetting things and not being able to pay attention. I feel like I'm 85 now despite being 24.
sometimes i feel so overwhelmed yet tired yet unable to think. i think it is anxiety but i dont know. how do i prevent this anons?
it makes me want to drink coffee but i think it may make it worse.
Did you, perhaps, make another girl mad? This happened with me for a while during highschool because I beat the shit out of another girl who was talking crap about my friend and later I discovered all the mean comments I was seeing on Facebook (I know…) were because she asked her male friends to do it
For once I just want my boomer parents to not default to telling me that working multiple jobs will solve all my problems.
I'm trying to move out of state and start a family but landlords are skeptical of people who don't have jobs there yet because of income. It doesn't matter how much I have in the bank right this second or how much I make here if I don't have income there yet. Am I supposed to apply for jobs in a state I have no address for and live out of my car for a month with my shit in storage until I get 2 paystubs?
My parents don't even want to be my guarantor because they're scared it'll look bad for them house shopping because they destroyed their credit spending damn near every cent they could get their hands on.
HOW the fuck do people and look for a job without living on the fucking street? I COULD pay for rent for a few months fine off my savings but I have no income to meet income requirements.
I want to start a family with my husband and we are not going to live in a 1 bedroom with a roommate, no way in hell.
All our family live in expensive shitholes we won't be able to break out of the cycle of poverty in but we can't stay where we are for much longer either. We just need a fucking guarantor but my parents are being fucking stupid! Mind you that my dad is already legally a sponsor for my husband because my husband is an immigrant and legal immigrants get in trouble for taking government funded shit like section 8 that's intended for citizens.
OTL I don't know what's going to happen to us.
What kind of jobs could you guys get?
He was going to transfer to the hardware store in that state and maybe work a second job until he could wedge into a full time spot there and I would work a part time job.
The hardware store job would pay enough to get by while mine would supplement us until he finishes his electrician certification (helped paid for by hardware store job.)
We would start our family when we're doing well enough to try.
I don't have a degree because college did not work for me and when covid hit online school was even worse. In the future I want to homeschool our kids and be a SAHM and homemaker. Although I know I'd probably need to be part time again once the kids can stay home alone. Hardly anything is affordable on one income anymore even if it is a good income like an electrician.
My husband could be guaranteed to get transferred there but they won't do shit if he doesn't have an address there. The apartment we applied for will take us if we have a guarantor though.
I wish people would learn to get the fuck off their phones when it's necessary. I tried introducing my mom to a show, and she was on her fucking phone the whole time during one of the best episodes. There is nothing more annoying than introducing a relative, or a friend to something, and them choosing their phones over paying attention to something new for just 20 fucking minutes. Goddamn. I feel like a boomer, but how hard is it to just sit and watch a 20-minute episode without needing to glue your eyes to a tiktok video??
I've generally used looking at my phone alot to avoid feelings of awkwardness, but I wish I didn't have to when I'm out with a group of people. When at a place like a restaurant, I think the primary appeal in going to one for most people is usually the socialization - not the food. If I resort to my phone it is usually because I feel uncomfortable in being the only one that isn't and/or I don't actually like the people I am hanging out with.
>After about 10 months started talking to my ex again
>I'm very much culturally isolated by doing my grad work outside my home country
>It's easy to talk about personal/intimate stuff because we dated so long, we're almost the same age and share a culture and tastes
>Every time we talk there's something they do that reminds me why I left them
>They claim they are over everything and we're good, but the horny is visible beneath the surface
>Cries about being lonely, and needing a hug, and other stuff which makes it obvious
>Wants to go to bars and a bunch of places when I go back home to visit
>Catching the horny for them too
>But after the horny goes I realize it's just that
>Dating another person, recently
>We like each other a lot
>Their lawyer fucked up and now they have to leave the country due to document issues
fuck this bullshit, I start being able to get romantically interested in someone again and any possibility just evaporates.
Back to fucking dating apps again to crawl through the absolute shit dating pool.
>won’t send nudes to normal men who live close to me because I want someone to wanna date me instead of see me naked. But of course that doesn’t happen
>broke down and sent lewds to a guy off of 4chan. Simply because he was cute and reads Kafka. Plus at least he talks to me through out the whole day and not just at night:/
I fucking hate being mentally unstable mess. I love my bf dearly, but I keep feeling I'm not good enough for him and that he's gonna realise this soon. Also, I got diagnosed with cptsd which explains a lot but I HATE having it. It's like borderline with flashbacks and nightmares. There are days when I can't sleep because I keep having those horrible nightmares, I regularly get panic attacks and just feel like shit most of the time. I just wish I was normal.
I can't swing a cat without hitting someone with C-PTSD so in a way you kinda are normal lol. Other people who are struggling might be looking at you thinking you're normal, and you might be thinking that about people who are struggling.
I hope you find a way to accept yourself the way you are! If you don't then losing your boyfriend might become a self-fulfilling prophecy and you'll feel even worse about yourself. <3
Thanks nona. The thing is, I live in Eastern Europe so there aren't too many openly mentally ill people. But I'm working on myself, so hopefully one day it'll be more managable
>>97791>I can't swing a cat without hitting someone with C-PTSD
My best friend of 6+ years started dating my ex-bf. She then kept it a secret from me all the while, until I caught her and she kind of fessed up. I freaked the fuck out at both of them and now they're about to break up…..
If you have sex with both of them all three of you will stay together.