/nsfw/ - xxx

>What’s your relationship to sex?
Antagonistic.
>Do you care about ‘body count’ / is it a dumb concept/ how to stop caring about it ?
In women it's unimportant. If you take a deep look into the studies that document "body count" as a correlate of divorce, abuse etc., you see that the strong correlate is actually COHABITATION. Better classified as 'previous strong long-running relationships.' They do a damned poor job of documenting pre-nuptial cohabitation periods for enduring marriages, too. There's a lot of very strong, very sound arguments that anyone could make about how the collapse of a very significant and meaningful relationship that was intended to become permanent can create very real scar tissue and dampen the capacity to bond in any new relationships. But nobody either needs or wants to hear those arguments because nothing human can actually subsist off of casual sex, everyone craves permanence and stability and fulfillment in their relationships, and everybody realizes what an un-researchable nonnumeric issue relationships become as human experiences.

Even if casual sex were perfectly frictionless and harmless, casual sex would still magically transform into noncasual sex when it happens in a real life environment between human beings (most men are not human, trust the gom jabbar). Casual sex is the junk food of socialization and saying 'junk food isn't so bad, what's really bad is a pervasive pattern of excess caloric consumption which will only be made worse if coupled with a purge cycle' is trite nonsense spoken by someone who never had an overeating problem. Anyone who wants to reduce calories wouldn't start by cutting out salads and leaving in the ice cream and candy bars.

Most experienced women say to avoid casual sex if you want a meaningful relationship because casual sex will often transform into a one-sidedly serious and one-sidedly meaningful relationship. It would be dumb to say "if you want a meaningful serious lasting relationship then you need to at all costs avoid developing meaningful serious lasting relationships involving cohabitation." It would also be dumb to say that you should dump out all of your emotionally meaningful formative experiences just for the stability of a relationship with someone less worthy of such devotion than whoever that past relationship was. Nobody sane can edit their memories seamlessly, anyone with that ability would rapidly lose connection to reality. But it's not really about the numbers, it's about hurt and trust and shame and nostalgia and all the rest of those meaningful human things.

Now, here's the part that's going to be extremely controversial.

In men it seems likely to be much more important, and profoundly underrated and understudied. No-one is ever studying male promiscuity to tailor their research specifically to the analysis of heterosexual men for the purpose of developing women's ability to make informed romantic decisions. Lots of stuff specifically about and for the gay community, and lots of studies that seem tailored towards male-centric male-affirming sociology, psychology and sexology in the field though.

My unsubstantiated conjecture: the male mammals we are able to study that practice serious monogamy have their brains observably reshaped by vasopressin at first intercourse. Primate brains also release vasopressin during intercourse though no similar level of reshaping in primates has ever been identified. Female mammals do not show this effect even in monogamous species, and human women would be particularly impervious to such effects due to human women having particularly resilient and interconnected brains even by mammal female standards. Sexual encounters, frequency, and impression left by previous sex partners (who are only sex partners, as an isolated variable), should have an outsized effect on the human male as compared with women.

Male personalities seem like they change after sex and it is impossible to guess at how they will change. Most seem to improve significantly when partner count goes from 0 to 1, and that's an improvement in specific individual personalities and not a matter of a shift in demographics. Some seem to degrade immediately after going from 1 to 2. Maybe there's a point where they improve again after that but it seems likely that they just become higher function psychopaths after I don't even know but more than 2. The male experience of these personality shifts seems chaotic, most men seem to think that their personalities did not change after going from 0 to 1 which is pretty blatantly incorrect. The handful who notice a real change seem to think it was usually for the worse. That's a very strange thing for males to say since it is an argument against their own selfish interest since it means that having sex with them is a bad idea.

>>12622

thank you for the inspiration to go make myself a yummy salad nona

>>12622
Thanks for a really well informed reply. I haven’t heard this take before with the difference for men/ women but it seems to have some truth to it

Everyone is a slut except me, fact.

I don’t understand how people have hook ups bc I feel like sex is supposed to be an act of love. Also I am deathly afraid of incurable STDs lol. Like I’m not letting anyone down there unless we are in a relationship. Not religious btw

>>12622
this was really interesting nona, though I don’t understand half of it unfortunately
> What’s your relationship to sex?
I have a pretty good sex life overall, and sex is important to me in dating, but I also have intimacy issues that make sex challenging for me. I started having sex at 16, and my sex life has immensely improved since then, thanks in no small part to better self-image. I prefer to date someone for a while before having sex, while the people I date tend to want it after a few dates max. I’m monogamous and expect monogamy from my sexual partners too. sex can be very stressful for me, so sometimes I secretly drink before sexual encounters. I know this is an issue. probably because of my intimacy issues, I can’t orgasm with another person. I’m also bisexual, and I think sex can be fairly different depending on if I’m with a man or a woman. I find sex less stressful with men, even though I prefer women
> Do you care about ‘body count’ / is it a dumb concept/ how to stop caring about it ?
I don’t care about it too much, but I like to know my partners’ sexual history, so maybe it matters a bit? my body count is neither high nor low (6/7ish), and I’ve been with people who had higher body counts and lower body counts than me. it didn’t make a difference in the quality of sex, but I wouldn’t sleep with a virgin probably