>>12987I got nothing for you except the most generic advice, which is to meditate, because it's the most reliable way to have more mental and emotional resources if you can't handle something that should be simple to think about:
https://vipassanadhura.com/howto.htmalso the other anon is right and you should accept being a sub but just learn to be less pathetic about it. but you could gain insights into what exactly it is you like about those scenarios and see how other things could press those buttons just as much if a partner understood your psychology.