/nsfw/ - xxx

If it happened before you were 13 or so you might not be able to erase those things.

They say many things aren't set in stone.
Well, this one might actually be.
But you can still control those urges even if they won't go away.
Wish you well, child.

>>4452
Yeah it happened before I was 13. I hate this. Am I really eternally doomed?

I don't know how to exactly relate. I was masturbating before the age of 2 and I don't remember when it started. I later was sexually abused right before/as I was going through puberty, before I turned double digits. I too, am hypersexual. I get disgusted by things that turn me on as well. For me, mindfulness exercises have helped me in the moment. The problem is, I am so used to thinking while I get off and the thoughts aid in me actually orgasming. Basically, you have to try to deprogram yourself from thinking like that.

But yeah, I always find stuff that's objectifying hot, even though I hate it that I am turned on by that. I'm lucky to have a nondegenerate boyfriend, and I am amazed by how present he says he is during sex. Like, he just IS being turned on in the moment, by looking at me, etc. whereas for me, it's all that but mostly it's my thoughts.

I will update if I improve. I really want to rewire my sexuality to be more present-focused. Look up DBT and mindfulness techniques, specifically those focusing on physical sensations. That might help. What will definitely help with your guilt is mindfulness in relation to your thoughts. You fighting against them makes them stick out more like a sore thumb, which makes you more aware of them and in turn feel more guilty. It's a feedback loop and to halt it you have to just accept you have these nasty urges. Just because you're accepting them now doesn't mean that'll be your forever reality.

I hope this helps a bit.

>>4454
Definitely helps anon. Thank you very much for taking your time to reply to my post. I've heard about mindfulness but never gave it much thought. I'll look into it, thank you! And I hope everything will be well for you too

>>4449
I'm sorry. I can't help myself or you, but the least I can do is let you know that I read your post and can bump you back up to the top of the board for someone else to help you.

You basically have to retrain the way you think about sex and desire which won't be easy.

One problem is that so much of our sexual culture is about pushing boundaries, so as soon as you put one up there's a temptation to cross it. But you already know that won't make you happy.

Instead of abstaining from masturbation altogether you might want to try thinking about different things when you do it. It doesn't have to be completely vanilla. Maybe a safer version of whatever you're trying to avoid. Many normal women fantasize about rough or submissive sex, so if that helps you out try that.

I'm not a psychologist or anything tho. It just seems to me like going cold turkey would lead to compulsive thoughts.

>>4499
You should use the horniness to exercise and get hot. Thats a good way to use libido energy.

Hello OP, I came to your rescue.

What agonizing situation are you in, huh?

Let's get straight to the points.

1) You seem to be an honest person, with the people around you and with yourself, so I will be honest with you too…you are also a good person, so I will try to be good to you too.

2) You told us how troubled your mind is right now, and you said that you need advice on how to be a normal person who would get excited about vanilla things, and that you cannot seek help from a therapist for now.
Look, I know you can't at the moment - pandemic, unemployment, lack of money or maybe you just don't want to go for help in person - but I have to tell you something hard: you will not be able to get out of this situation all alone.
The help of a professional is indispensable in your case, since the damage done to your little mind was really hard.

3) Although you have reported your distress to us, you have not told us what these strange and disgusting fetishes are that you want to get rid of, so I will assume that you suffer from some paraphilia (maybe it is only one, maybe two, maybe more). I will not try to know what it is or pressure you to say what it is to not embarrass you, but due to the circumstances of your abuse, I can imagine what paraphilias you are suffering from.

Despite I wasn’t abused like you were, I also had some sexual experiences in childhood, so I kind of know what you’re going through.

You do not need to read this, but I will confess this to you (If you do not want to read it, go straight foward to item 4):

I used to play a lot with a neighbor of mine, and I remember that I really liked him at the time.

I was 5, and he was 4, and our mothers always talked alone while we went to play elsewhere.

I was always very outgoing who liked to discover things - I thought I was an adventurer due to the cartoons I watched - and once playing in his parents' room, I found a strange film with some half-naked women on the cover.

The boy was scared because his parents had already forbidden him to look for things in their room and said that it was one of the films that his parents forbade him to try to see, and told me to keep it there. I, as the curious and somewhat rebellious fool kid, had the stupid idea of ​​watching it in secret, because the more the adults tried to hide things from me, the more I tried to know what it was.

We checked that our mothers were not seeing or looking for us, and they were a long way away - they ended up in the backyard of the house for talking - and then we went to watch the movie in his parents' room.

It was a porn movie, and I didn't understand anything that was going on there, and we kept going until the scenes started.

I thought it was all very funny, and the boy was terrified by the thoughts of his mother finding out what we were doing.

After watching that and understanding more or less, I was curious and had the craziest idea of imitating what the actors were doing.

Maybe by instinct, I don't know, seeing that was leaving me with a strange feeling (you know what it is), and the boy denied my idea a thousand times, because we had already gone too far.

He turned off the movie and the TV, and kept the movie where I had found it, but I insisted like the silly girl that I was, and we ended up getting naked for each other, I rubbed myself on him the way I thought the actress had done, we kissed with our tongues (it was horrible) and and we stopped doing things right there.

After that, we had other secret meetings under the excuse of playing by ourselves where we showed each other naked bodies - on my own initiative off course, because the boy was super introverted - but we never went any further than that, because we were obviously children.

I grew up with certain thoughts of that times. I learned to touch myself very early, and I developed a bit of a certain paraphilia that you may already imagine what it is, but it never left my head to the real world.

I managed to relieve my filthy desires with the hentais and ero-doujinshis that bring together those two categories that you know well what they are.

4) Now let's get to the facts:

Most paraphiliacs do not ask for or accept therapeutic help, and those who do in general are pressured by the law, by families or by the institutions in which they are inserted, which means a bad insertion in therapy, a circumstance that helps to explain why it becomes so treatment is difficult to achieve and can lead the patient to simulate an improvement that does not actually exist.

The treatment of paraphilias should always include psychotherapy, associated with pharmacological treatment. It also has the additional advantage of being able to simultaneously treat other psychological comorbidities that are associated with paraphilia, such as depression, obsessiveness and anxiety.

5) I see that you have an anxious and even depressed condition due to your current situation, so I recommend you to go to a psychiatrist to start treatment with drugs (the good drugs, like sertraline) to relieve your pain.

You can also start psychotherapeutic treatment to treat these paraphilias, but for that, you must trust the psychologist that he/she will not report you to the authorities if you reveal too much about the hentais or suspicious sites that you must have already accessed.

6) Buuuuuut, there is a third option: Hypnotherapy.

Hypnotherapy is very good procedure and can even be better than psychotherapy, as it attacks the root of the problem directly in your mind with a few sessions of two or three hours long doing a technique called "time reversal", where the hypnotist will make you go back to your past in your mind (as if you were running a video program on the computer) and reprogram your emotions and feelings inherent to those specific situations, thus shaping your desires at the present moment.

Or, if you prefer, you may "delete" your traumatic memories.
"Delete" in quotes because you can't really erase a memory, unless you have a stroke in the hippocampus hahaha.

I do not recommend "deleting" your memories, as they are important for shaping your character and personality.

I recommend that you ask the hypnotherapist to get you OVERCOMING your traumatic memories.

Leave them active, but in a way that you don't have to keep remembering them more often and that they don't impact your life so much in the present.

While psychotherapy with psychologists lasts at least a year, with each session enjoyed weekly, in hypnotherapy you can cure your problem in one or two 3-hour sessions.

7) And what I recommend to you my dear OP?
Do the three of them!
None of the above three treatments exclude the effectiveness of the other, so I highly recommend you to do the three in order to heal yourself quickly and effectively.

I hope from the bottom of my heart that you will be fine and have a healthy life with your boyfriend.

Oh, and if you still want to keep seeing hentais, I recommend you to read the ero-doujinshis whose tags are "vanilla" and "happy sex".

I recommend you to start reading the works of Mikuni Mizuki, a very good author.
There's also Nakajima Yuka, but she got a little crazy in her head recently, and started doing NTR works, so I recommend you to read her older works.

I hope you read this, may God bless you girl.

Hello again OP.
Allow me introduce you to the vanilla world of mangas.
I highly recommend these works to warm the heart and to restore faith in humanity and divine good manners.

Pseudo Harem
Osake wa Fufu ni Natte kara
Himeno-chan ni Koi wa Mada Hayai
Kubo-san wa Boku (Mobu) wo Yurusanai
Midara na Ao-chan wa Benkyō ga Dekinai
Mijuku na Futari de Gozaimasu ga

May you have a good reading!

>>4507
>>4506
Hi OP here. I will keep in mind all the things you told me. Thank you very much for taking in the effort to write all that down. I don't know if I will personally go out of my way to read the mangas you recommended to me because I do not like porn in the first place (My relationship with porn is shaped by trauma and when I do watch/read it is not pleasurable and yet I keep going because it's the only way I can satiate the itch. As I said before the whole process of satiating that itch isn't even pleasurable.) I might check them out of curiosity. I hope it is something that will show me non abusive sexuality, at least. I will trust you on that one, anon. Thank you very much for the kind message and giving me hope that I can still find some help. I want to see a therapist when I can and I might mention the things you told to me about. I am aware I will most likely need a profesional to take care of my case, because there are too many things to take into account. I will see how it will go. My paraphilias aren't illegal (thank god), but they are extremely self-depricating and dangerous and in the end make me feel incredibly hopeless/ashamed. Those fetishes aren't even pleasurable, just abusive patterns of behavior towards myself. It might be a habbit, but I honestly think calling it a habbit totally diminishes the actual situation. My boyfriend is partially aware of my situation, so I hope as time goes on I might open up to him. It took me years to even tell myself I had this problem. It is extremely difficult to tell yourself you were raped/sexually abused/groomed/manipulated. It hurts to aknowledge it, it hurts even more to reach out for help and talk about it. The post I made took me so much mental strenght, and I was terrified. I do not think I will fully be able to "heal" or recover from any of this, but I at least want to learn to live with it. I still have massive guilt, I blame myself everyday for this shit, I do not think I will ever stop this self-blame, it has been years. I have been exposed to sexual abuse way too often throughout my life, I will never be able to undo the shit I went through. I just want peace with what happened to me. At least now I am aknowledging the bullshit and I am asking for help. I also want to thank all the other anons that cared to reply to this thread and read through my shit. I wish everyone to find peace. Thank you for reading.

Haha, the mangas I recommended are all safe for reading, especially "Osake wa Fuufu" and "Himeno-chan".

And you do not have to blame yourself for the shit that happened to you.

The real guilty is/are your abusers.
Please, I want you to notice something important: you may not see any way out of your angusty, but trust this anon here, hypnosis can reprogram your mind entirely.
As I said, if you ask for the hypnotherapist he/she can delete those hurtful memories.

And once the session is over, you shall not remember a bit of the shit you went through…you will be a new OP, a new girl, healed, beautiful and happy for the time on.

If I or the other anons says to you to do some hard things in order to heal yourself, I assume that you would considerate doing it.
But it is a simple thing…why won't you give it a try?

If it fails, nothing terrible will happen to you.

But if it succeeds, you will be healed forever from this guilty feelings and strange desires.
You have nothing to lose…it is a win-nothing to lose situation.

Please, think with careness about what I said.

>>4449
I also started watching porn too young and don't want to look at irl porn because of all the abuse in the industry and at some point switched only to hentai. I personally find that I don't look at hentai so frequently if I'm really busy with other life things or other forms of entertainment. Idk your exact life circumstances, but mayeb try getting a mroe time-consuming job, taking a class, learning a new language, or just finding a new hobby and dedicating some time ever day to that to use up your time and energy and keep your mind off the porn.

>>4453
This is all months ago, but I do think you can turn around it; you have to stop feeding the beast however, and it's a long process, where the target isn't even your viewing, but the mind that wants it, but you'll be alright. Godspeed!

I have a lot of stuff I am ashamed about, sexual and otherwise. But it wasn't due to sexual abuse. It is rooted in early and late childhood though. Nothing illegal or anything, just humiliating and embarrassing. I know exactly why I am the way I am after years of introspection, and it helps when you understand because you can rationalise it differently and much more maturely than your child mind could ever, but I am still like this. At best I just discovered irrational beliefs and perceptions about myself and others that I still held due to early life experiences and could correct some of them, but ultimately I have not changed these desires and tendencies, especially the sexual ones. I don't know how I can get rid of it. Maybe If I were to just not feed it, but that is hard to do. I would imagine it will never go away, only supress it, and it could always come back even if I do manage to supress it.

I couldn't ever bring myself to go to a therapist or anything, there is no way I could share or talk about these things to another living, sentient being. It is all too personal and I'm too ashamed about a lot of it. But if you can it would probably be a good idea.