>>5228I think I am on the other side of this or adjacent to this - warning, this gets way long.
I have always had the inclination to nudge others, to "perfect" them. both males and females but I have only ever been interested in males for relationships and sex.
what I mean is that in grade school once I organized a classmate's room/house with her and chose her outfit and makeup for a outing with my mother and myself. I am not exactly sure why but I had this urge to make her "right" and to my specifications. I did not feel attraction to her.
once I began dating this boy at the end of high school that I was attracted to - same thing, I guess. organized his room with him, complete wardrobe overall and had him get a haircut. I was attracted to him, I liked him, and also wanted him to be even better so that is why I think I did that.
it hasn't always been so overt, sometimes more subtle things like encouraging someone else at school to think of things with a new outlook, for example.
then, a chance meeting with someone and I had the urge to "perfect" again. the twist is that they are female, in love with me and are like you.
they have a kind of drive to be akin to a prized pet, without any kind of "petplay" nonsense. think of a guard dog that fulfills my will, that's close to what I'm attempting to describe.
it was pleasurable to mold my friend just how I wanted, choosing what clothing was purchased and expanding perspectives as well. I have always enjoyed online dress up games and this could be an extension of that. it's not sexual for me but it is very satisfying to "correct" someone into my superior taste.
it's just that usually I get fought with about it - this one doesn't fight against being molded at all. it's nice. I was satisfied to leave it at that (like splinting a break then moving on) but instead of only being besties my friend is a lesbian and fell in love with me. it is fulfilling for me to be loved, to get to mold to my heart's content and have a guard of my own but I explained since I didn't have attraction to women my friend will be unfulfilled.
it turns out my friend is wired pretty differently and doesn't give a fuck about that, just wants to protect me and fulfill what I need and want.
it's puzzling to me; my friend is a guard-like "top"… yet only wants to do for me. I don't really understand someone not fighting me or not mistreating me (my life has been messy) but here I am.
it does mystify me a little - my taste is good but I wouldn't want someone to try to tell me what to do - so I am going to pepper you with questions.
can you explain the why of it? and when you say you want to be a doll is the doll part literal or do you mean doll-like?
my friend likes the possession part of it but wants to be like a sentinel for me rather than up on the mantle, so to speak - what do you think of that?
finally, my friend is quite masc/butch (which I heavily encourage since I don't actually feel attraction to females or femininity) - when you say doll do you mean someone molding you or specifically molding you to be feminine/pretty? what would you think of someone drawing out butch or masculine features in you?
