/feels/ - Advice & Venting

i am so fucking pissed i have 2 new roommates in a place with ONE BATHROOM
every morning the one male (homosexual) takes an hour long shower, same time, at 7:30am-8:30am
which would be FINE except thats when i wake up and have to take my morning shit
so ive been having to shit in a bag in a bucket and toss it outside
its so fucking annoying

It’s so lonely here. I hate that I was given the cards I’m dealt with. I can’t connect or relate to a single human. I feel like I’m there’s a glass wall between me and the rest of humanity. I want out.

>>125481
ask him to cut down his shower time so you can take your morning shit

>>125507
Moved to greenland? Those are the glacier sheets

>>125510
I don’t know why this reply is triggering me so badly right now, but it is. You could have just said nothing.

Recently learned I have fatty liver. I'm genuinely scared I'm gonna get diabetes and die from it, I don't know much about having a fatty liver but it might be too late to reverse the damage

>>125511
Oops, was that cold of me (プッフ)
Sorry, though, I felt getting no replies would be lonelier, but I am actually curious: do you live in Alaska or somewhere big and empty like that?

I’m becoming a bitter hag and I don’t know how to stop

I got a part time job and I'm leaving NEEThood and I don't quite know how to feel about it. I've been a shut in hermit for over the past 5 years,(never went to college or got a job) and it just feels so weird to know that I'm going to be participating in society soon, and doing something that for most people is mundane and second nature, but to me seemed so inaccessible.

I had the grim realization that living in isolation during my most formative and important years has made it so that I probably wont ever be able to bridge the gap between me and normal people. Even if I do somehow manage to become a functioning member of society, people will be able to see right through me and realize I'm not normal. I've been like this for so long that I grew accustomed to it and almost find it comforting, because it's made me avoid other people and all of my problems by allowing me to pretend the outside world doesn't exist. And now I'm terrified and have intrusive thoughts about ruining this for myself by getting myself fired or not showing up. Because in a very sick way I want to continue staying like this. I don't think I'll ever not feel alienated and physically out of place. I really thought I'd be more happier since I've been job searching for so long and wanted to do something with my life, but I just feel numb and dreadful.

>>125566
I've been in a similar situation a couple of years ago, and still feel like you wrote every now and then. There are some things I try to remember.
Being weird, or abnormal, doesn't mean you won't ever get along with people. Look at how many men are autistic and they get along just fine. Yes, it feels awkward and lonely but trust me, as long as you're dressed "normal" and talk politely you will be able to deal with people, even if not in social situations like parties.
As to wanting to go back to neethood and the silence and serenity, I really get it and felt it too (still feel it but less frequently). But we all know it's not good or healthy to live like this and just damages you in the long run. Plus, being out introduces some new simple pleasures that you haven't even discovered yet. And now you'll be able to enjoy time alone and inside much more - since it's not the default all of the time - and without any guilt or "rotting" feeling.
It came out all messy and weird but what you wrote deeply resonated with my fear in that time and just remember it won't always feel like this. Things will get better

>>125566
The life of an inbetweener is definitely harder than that of full a normie or a neet but it's definitely worth it. Thankfully there are others like us but the hard part is finding them.
I personally went to uni and spent the first two year socializing at every opportunity i got. It was a horrible life (alcohol helped a little) but after that i had managed to find i group of friends who could understand me.

>>125568
This is puzzling to me. I have been a neet for this year. Always got out and socialized before, always performed pretty decent in school, graduated, has jobs since I was 16 but lately there are aspects of society I find completely intolerable. It is only getting worse. It didn't used to be this bad but lately people make me sick. Every year there is something new I have to unlearn. I wish to god I didn't. But it's like every day I have new realizations see much more broad clarity. This seems impossible to manage realistically. Every year I get older I hate people more. Everything they do makes me want to leave. Everything related to patriarchal society and the idiots that share one single brain cell, running it into the ground… I've tried I've tried it used to be easy. How is it you have this opinion at all? I'm genuinely curious how people operate that way. I've learned the complete opposite. I started off normal enough now I want to get off permanently.

>>125572
What makes you hate people? Like based on what information/interactions and where are you encountering them

>>125574
How people treat women victims and child victims in general. Most people are sheer and utter basement rot TRASH

The signs were there in the beginning too though. I flat out denied it and refused to pay attention.

>>125576
What I'm getting at is like, is this from stuff you're reading online or witnessing irl? Going out and having normal interactions might be a good way to counteract it. Just realized we're in the vent thread though so sorry if you're not looking for advice

>>125577
Unfortunately both. I thought that too, until I got stalked. Now I shun human interaction.

It's okay you don't have to try and solve my problem, it's something only I can figure out I think.

Just genuinely curious how lifelong neets don't come to the same conclusion as me, after being socially displaced since child hood I reckon ?

You're right there are some people out there who don't suck. But my god it feels like a human chopping mill most of the time.

Irl people are fickle, non-committal, easily goaded to psychosocial phenomenon. It's a real world size human blender.

I'm like you I used to socialize a ton. I agree with your sentiment it was a horrible experience. I did not find a tribe though, I found a million roles to play

>>125572
Well you're right in general. People are horrible, both the ones running the world and the great masses supporting them, as well as most of the men and women I meet daily.
It hurts more because the first group right now is ruining my country and causing endless war and death in the name of religion and vengeance. I'm not positive about the future or about the average person.
On the other hand, I'm smart and sensible enough to choose my environment and interactions. I do whatever I can to fix this horrible world but also minimize interaction with awful people and maximize the beauty and peace in my life.
I sit in cafés and go to the library and get great books and bake cakes and sit by the sea and try to find like-minded people to send memes to.
You're not supposed to be blind to the world in the rational sense, but suffering endlessly is just pointless, in my opinion.

>>125514
How did you get fatty liver and how did you know you got it? Listen to your doctors advice and don’t take too many pharmaceutical drugs that are filtered through the liver. Hold off on alcohol.

>>125581
I think it's a matter of luck to feel like you belong anywhere. But idk I think people are all pretending to get ahead, they also have no point of reference but the devolve into being tedious. Like at all costs making tedious their personality. I've never felt a break from that in most places, no matter where I blended in save with a handful of people. Mostly because I hate patriarchal society and shun 89% of things on this earth. I'm really good at blending in but I don't know why I do if it's like metric fucktons of work and I just feel like I'm lying to myself anyway. It's like I guess I always felt like you initially though, that I would find a tribe.

I know what you mean but I garden, make art and write in solitude and that is the source of true happiness

I had a friend stay with me last night and it was fun to see her but she ended up being super messy and breaking some of my stuff without telling me or my bf. She burned her breakfast to the stove and left it for us to clean up, and fully fucking broke our thermostat. she set the cooling to 80 degrees and the heating to 62 and somehow managed to break multiple buttons and switches, leaving them on the floor. There's also now a mystery screw on the floor that I don't recognize or even know where tf it came from. How the fuck does someone even have time to do all of that? she was here for one night!! I literally never want to have anyone stay the night, ever again. Respect my shit or leave.

>>125617
your friend has retard strength

I’m so fucking drained, so exhausted. Physically I’m suffering because I don’t get any rest and emotionally my soul is damaged to the core. This whole situation with my ex boyfriend is draining me. I love him so much but he’s hurting me constantly. I’m hurting myself too by still seeing him. I wish I had the courage to tell him to fuck off and blocking him everywhere. But I know I will repent later. I don’t know if he’s being genuine or manipulating me. I’m sick of this life and my sleep and mental problems

I seriously can't be half arsed about anything. I'm going to die useless and lonely and I won't do anything about it

I hate people knowing me. It makes me feel incredibly on edge. I like to be a mystery. I don’t want people to know about me or my home life. I have issues. I know.
It’s all gone to shit though. I’m getting kicked out of my home that I’ve lived in for 7 years. After I found out I went into work and ended up sobbing. My managers asked me about what happened. After I spilled my guts they helped me find a renal. Now they keep asking me about it and offering to help me get things for my rental. It makes me so uncomfortable. I hate taking things from people and asking for help. My own parents don’t even care that much. Like my mom has barely talked to me after the whole thing. My dad and step mom didn’t check on me. The moment both my managers saw me they asked me what happened.

My parents are always so optimistic on my social chances when I am a loser with no friends. Meanwhile, they don’t focus on trying to hone in on my brother when he actually has friends and romantic prospects. If they focused more on him and his social potential we could have a shot at furthering the bloodline, but they’ve stuck their heads so deep in the sand.

So, it’s going to end up with me as not only a friendless loser but a burnt out one at that, and my brother, who’s going to end up some film industry faggot who runs away from his inherent responsibilities as a human being.

>>125653
>inherent responsibilities
Lol what

>>125654
leave nona alone she’s cooking

my vagina hurts when i feel sad like actually

>>125654

Passing down the bloodline obviously. I don’t care if people think it’s bad to say but it has to be said. You really are a nihilistic ghoul if you’d disagree with that.

And it’s kind of an unspoken truth but on both sides of the family me and my brother are the last hopes to pass down the bloodline. Our maternal cousin is a bastard buffoon and our paternal cousin is an affair baby.

But no… my brother doesn’t see that. He just wants to live in LA LA land bossing around coke-snorting meat puppets making propaganda in a job that will eventually be forcefully replaced by AI pushed by the corporate deep state.

Meanwhile I actually want to make something of my miserable self so I can have something to show for my life even as I die alone. I’m studying for the SCIENCES so I can at least have a sliver of a chance of not ending up a junkie on the street!

I have a cold and I'm on my period but I have things I still have to do.

>>125681
I watched a documentary the other day about homelessness in the US and there was a fentanyl addict who was was injecting the stuff into his gangrenous leg, there were flies buzzing around his decomposing legs and they even showed him injecting it into the decaying flesh, it was horrifying, afterwards he'd lift his leg to let the fentanyl enter his bloodstream, he said he knew that he was dying but he was fine with it as long as he could get his next fix

I think if you force yourself to fulfil some so called inherent responsibility you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. You might end up settling for someone you wouldn't normally settle for and then your bloodline will be screwed either way, like your weird family members lol

>>125686
Oh, who CARES about standards!
This is Crystal.cafe we’re taking about here. We all have our issues that have made us turn to the image boards for social interaction. I’m not looking for some 6’4” hunk making six figures. At this point, I’m looking for anything legal with a pulse!

Only thing is, nobody wants me back. All of the guys in my area seem taken(I may be desperate, but I’m no mistress) and the LGBTQ+ dating circuit is even worse.

Not to mention, the only thing even close to romance I’ve ever had was when I went to this queer kids hangout space and I met with this other kid there. They seemed older than they actually were (Looked high school, actually 8th grader) and I was 16. Was blossomed eventually was that they become hopelessly infatuated with me. But then, they revealed their true age! There was some law I could use to salvage the whole thing, the Romeo and Juliet laws, if we would have even ever gotten to the point at all, but no! My miserable mother dashed the hopes of the whole thing because, “we couldn’t afford a legal team!”

But going back to what you said…
If you’re not having a family, then what are you even DOING?! For most human beings passing down the bloodline is their only major act that really affects the world, I will be no exception. Plus, nobody these days understands the utter permanence of death especially the death of the bloodline!! Cold, empty death! It is an utter void of nothingness that you never return from! The only respite is the continuation of the bloodline, so you at least have the comfort that some sliver of you is still out there. And besides, it is completely evolutionarily mandated that you reproduce! That is the purpose of every organism, SCIENCE says so! Come on! This wasn’t even a disputed matter fifty years ago!

Maybe, fifty years ago, childless people could coast through the rest of their empty lives on friends and coworkers and the government. But the free ride is over! It’s! Every! Bloodline! For! Themselves!!!

>>125481
Go in and shit just before he shower. Don't flush. Problem solved.

There's no way humans have evolved to live together in tiny 1-room spaces for long periods of time and retain their sanity. It's a travesty that most new apartments in big cities are tiny as shit.
I mean we didn't evolve for overpopulated megacities either but still.

Every week I go to the mall to sit by the carousel and draw. Now there’s this other person doing it too. THIS IS MYYY SPOT TO LOOK MYSTERIOUS AND COOL NOT YOURS!!! I hope they haven’t noticed the Kubrick stare I’ve been giving to the back of their head the past few times. I kind of want to talk to them, but I’m nervous I’ll creep them out, and I can’t tell if they are a girl or a boy and I don’t want to talk to a man and have them misconstrue my interest in a shared hobby as lustful. But how dare this nonbinary twink steal my shtick. If I ask to see their art and it’s better than mine I will actually just throw myself off the bridge right in front of them.

>>125755
why not take this opportunity for a new friend nona, seems like theyd do you good considering how jaded you sound

>>125756
no one wants to be friends with a nb twink u have to be jaded as fuck for that

>>125757
I bet the enby twink was like
>haha maybe if i sit in this spot where ppl hang out someone will strike a conversation with me and be my friend :)

>>125759

Tbh being friends with those things is kind of a low bar. I was forced to have some in my social circle when I was younger so I wouldn’t look suspicious to my other gay friends. They are kind of miserable to be around. They barely cultivate a personality or hobbies and they always use some personality disorder or chronic illness as an excuse. It starts to get kind of suspicious because I have literally never heard of a nonbinary (or whatever “other gender” they have) without some mental or physical illness. Makes you wonder why exactly they’d never be fully healthy.

>>125757
Yeah if it ends up being some malnutritioned man with nails painted black I’m steering clear. I already knew one and they called themselves the reincarnation of satan, and hatted me cause I said the word faggot once. I made them give me a tarot reading just to watch them squirm cause I knew they would hate it but that’s the extent of interaction I’m willing to have with those things

>>125763
wow sounds like you really hate them nona

My mom just died and I don’t even know how to feel. I can’t even cry

>>125763
Why do you openly admit to using your "friends"

>>125777
I'm sorry.

My eyes get super swollen whenever I cry

sometimes you gotta call it a day and realise you’re crying over a loser who jerks off to animated characters

>>125778

Not like I really chose to be friends with them. It’s just another one of those silly unspoken social expectations I need to follow or else I look like a “walking red flag”

Even worse is that neither men nor women ever really like me back, so I might have to settle for one of these people. I shudder in fear at the thought.

Feeling physically and mentally tired this evening. And hungry. I want a hug.

>>125802
Virtua-hugger

Woke up early to dreams of unrealized school relationship prospects, always a good start to the day

was making progress towards getting healthier and then got hit with a random wave of depression this week. all i could do is sleep and binge eat and cry. what's wrong with me

i think im just beyond help because i dont actually "want" to change (as in, i'm not motivated to do anything so therapy wouldn't work), im just an animal who wants to avoid pain. nothing will get better for me on its own but the worse it gets the less likely i am to ever be able to find that motivation. if you dont get mental health intervention the second you feel a little bad are you just screwed? i think i spent too long looking on r/therapists (my mistake for going on reddit at all for sure) and i saw myself as a client so vividly in the things they were complaining about- and it was absolutely unanimous, with hundreds of comments, that "those people" will never get better if they don't want it. but i can't want it even if i want to want it. i know the internet isn't an accurate reflection of reality but last time i went to therapy i was "fired" as a client because i would panic and cry and be physical incapable of speaking when they'd ask me questions so i doubt trying again would work.

>>125808
To steal and paraphrase someone elses comment… The thing depressed people want is company, and when shit is bad they want someone to help them. Psychiatrists, therapists and (to some extent) counsellers do not offer company and they definately do not offer help.

Therapists on reddit are just angry their ineffectual help is, inevitably ineffectual and get angry at the patient for being failed by themselves. They go around wokescolding people for saying "cheer up" to depressed people when they simultaneously expect all their patients to pull themselves up by the mental health bootstraps and magically cheer themselves up because they told their life story to the eighth therapist in a row.

>>125810
i just dont know what else to do though… i dont have many friends to help me and the friends i do have i dont want to bother with this because thatd probably be exhausting for them to deal with and i dont want to lose them. cant seek therapy either. i live a very isolated life and i just cant find it in myself to fix it because of aforementioned mental problems

This poem makes me a bit sad and annoyed. I guess it made me think "Why starve for whole when I could feed on half? I don't want to lose it all searching for more."
It's the kind of mindset a person has when they've burned every bridge searching for something they may never find. Self-soothing and lonely.

Being loved makes me feel evil and guilty, like I've committed some horrible impropriety on the other person.
I don't know why I feel that way, but I always have. I think I feel the need to make sense of why some people pass me by, while others see something in me. If the latter are right, I'm a narcissist for thinking so. It feels more noble to hate myself, but accepting that I can be loved in earnest (and love myself) puts me on a pedestal I can fall off of anytime. Believing that whoever loves me isn't just deluded also means trusting them not to abandon me when I fall off the pedestal, and it's too scary. I want to overcome this thought pattern, but I don't know where to start. I'm worried I'm not making sense.

>>125816
You should sui

>>125816
good person destined for greatness
>>125817
a ghoul under the bridge