/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I have a guy friend who’s gay. It’s not really much different from when I had girl friends. I don’t have guy friends anymore because they eventually confessed feelings and just made it weird.

I have exclusively (straight) male friends, it's tragic. But I only talk with three regularly.
They're generally nice, with two of them I can have emotional conversations. Mostly because one is very close (my bestie) and the other is just sensitive in general. The third is a great guy and, though we don't get too personal, he cares a lot about world issues and justice. But we mainly just have a laugh. The others are distant-but-there pals so we just have idle chit-chat.

Them falling for me is rarely an issue (afaik), but I've fallen for a few. Currently in love with the sensitive boy which is annoying.

Compared to female friendships that I've had in the past, I actually wouldn't say it's that different. Maybe they're less excited for me to mention cute guys, but that's it.

>>49299
Yeah, that's likely. I'm pretty average. I've been cold approached at random before and have had friends who were…weird (one called me cute very often and smothered me with attention, one stares at my tits when talking to me)…but no big confessions from any pals. I'd say that puts me at a 5.

>>53821
>made it weird
Like, they just said it once and put it behind them, or they started stalking you?

Most of my friends as a child were male, but as we got older they distanced themselves from me. Weirdly enough, all of those boys ended up coming out as gay in their late teens/early 20’s.
I do have male friends now, but now that I think about it I have no straight, single male friends that I haven’t met through my boyfriend.

>>53824
They made it weird by being awkward when it didn’t have to be awkward at all. I understand if they felt a little embarrassed or something after I politely rejected them, but… it just sucks. So our friendship would eventually fade. I hope that made some sense.

>>53820
My issue with male friends is that it's hard to know whether they like you just for you or if their liking is just kind of a byproduct of wanting to fuck you.

At least with women I know for a fact they don't like me, so I don't have any female friends.

>>53827
>I know for a fact they don't like me
Meet the closeted carpet muncher

>>53828

lol. The few female friends I have had, have been either bi or lesbian.

>>53830
LOUDER FOR THE POPLE IN THE BACK

>>53830
it CAN happen, but only if the girl is not attractive to the dude which poses the question why the hell would he prefer her company than one of his hobby buddies or another men

the answer is if they both share a hobby or common interest that qualifies the unattractive girl to be "one of the boys" status

or if a man has happy relationship that fulfills his sexual needs

i am unable to trust women due to internalized sexism/bad childhood, so most friends ive had were male

when i was younger most of them were very confused, as in thinking that because they liked me (as a friend), it meant they had to be sexually attracted to me just because i was a girl and they were a boy.
now that im older, this gender expectation fell through, and they dont feel confused about their feelings anymore.
theyare super cool, i adore them and they are my bros. i feel at ease with them and we have a great dynamic.

in comparison to my female friends, i guess i feel more at ease with them because i feel like they are more honest, and they wont gossip behind my back. i can be myself around them and they wont care. i see them as an equal and not a rival. this is all probably the bad childhood/sexism speaking but i have a much easier time trusting men (as friends) than women.

yes, i was in a friend group of all emo men, most of them wounded up to be pretty shitty people one was an abusive narcissist one was misogynist and call me terrible things everyday with anger issues the other was the most emotionally immature tone deaf person in the world im only still friends with one of them whos only flaw is to still associating with those people, now I kinda only hang out with my bf's friends because im pretty lonley and dont have friends at school so my default i now have new male friends, but none of my internet friends are straight men, there all girls and gays

This one guy who I've been friends with for a ew years, we met u again recently and walked around the outskirts of town. it was nice, we were gonna get high but didnt have anything.
recently hes been dropping hints athat he migh actually be into me :) which is cool.
i dont have many female friends because guys are normally funnier and i can get along with them better.

>>53833
>>53834
>>53835
Are these all the same poster? It weirds me out how their posting style is the same

>>53820
I've had male friends but I vastly prefer female ones. It's easier to have stupid fun with females and there's never any awkward feelings between us. Every male "best friend" I've ever had just ended up having a crush on me, and I had to drop them entirely since they usually get extremely pissy at getting rejected.

>>53821
same here. i used to think wow maybe im attractive but nah, all dudes are like this with their females friends unless they're gay

I have one male friend whom I've been friends with for just shy of ten years. He's a good guy. I can be myself around him more than my female friends, who tend to be a little more sensitive.

>>52043
No man likes knowing you wouldn't consider fucking him.
No man likes hearing about your other male friends.
No man likes hearing about your boyfriend or past boyfriends.
Stop searching for male friends.
- Someone with 38 years of experience.

>>53840
then that personality of yours must be pretty obnoxious

>>53840
>>53841
This is just illogical.
Not all straight men want to fuck all women. I know from experience.

I know I have male friends who have never been into me and I'm not even fat or deformed; I just have a polarizing look and personality.

I dont have any female friends I'm close to. My best friend is a guy… I mean, idk how it's different. It's just nice. We've lived together for years so we are very comfortable spending absurd amounts of time with each other

>>52095
Oh, anon. I know because I confessed or sloppily flirted and they just weren't interested (despite being single and straight).
I'm sure I also have friends who are into me, but definitely not all.

I have exclusively online male friends, but only a few. We bonded due to having an interest in music, which is mainly what we talk about. It's nice.

I no longer associate with men in a friendly manner. Every single man I have befriended eventually expected something sexual from me. This goes for co-workers as well. It is never respectful either. The sexual things my male friends have propositioned me have been wicked. Really gross stuff. I am married with kids but it doesnt stop them. They really have zero shame! I honestly believe that men cannot see me as a true friend. Every single one has showed me ulterior motives. So, I decided to keep all of them at an arms length. Life has been a lot better.

>>52207
Kinda interesting,I never experienced anything like that myself.

>>53847
The idea of a mature fully grown adult, married with children, posting on an image board is such a strange thing. Were you an image board user before your life settled down?

>>53849
NTAYRT, but more people who are married, have children, or have settled down post on imageboards than you may think. Some of us have been using imageboards since the 2000s when they were still a relatively niche thing.

anyone got male asexual friends?

>>53850
Fucking bizarre. My mental image of the average “anon” will perpetually be a early-20-something white boy who doesn’t shower enough

>>52502
what would a male asexual even be like? a guy's sex drive is like… 90% of his identity lol

>>52502
>>53853
I’ve met two male asexuals completely by coincidence.

>>53853
male asexuals are usually schizoid a.k.a don't want to have anything to do with people so they're unlikely to be your friend.

>>53851
Yes, or at least I think one is. Sometimes i suspect he may just be acting like the fox with the grapes though, because he is honestly really ugly so he may have either completely given up, or he may just be hiding his failures under this guise.

>>53856
i would assume it's the latter.

>>53830
wow this is awful
probably why i always feel better around female friends.

>>53853
i have one, met him on highschool. he just feels like a gay friend but without the flamboyant personality of a gay guy. he just talks about his interests, no simping over a girl whatsoever. he's just chill and annoying (but in a good way)

he's sorta feminine though, as in, he can't help you when you need to lift a heavy thing-also because he's a wimp.

>>53820
I have a friend who is male and has a LOT of female friends. He is into art/music and photography. He loves to make friends with females with the same interests and include him in his art. Mostly Music art. He loves singers and ALWAYS keeps in platonic as he does not want to ruin the "vibe" of being artistic creative and productive. I say it is totally possible if the two work towards a common goal together especially if it revolves around a creative outlet

Friendships between guys and girls and exist but in my experience theyre either really fragile or the guy wants sex/romance. In highschool we had a group very close group of friends, girls and guys. We did everything together, we all thought of eachother as friends and so on. 10 years later the girls are all still friends with eachother, the guys are friends with eachother, but no girl is still close to any of the guys.

To me good male-female friendships are like unicorns, I keep hearing girls say their best friend is a guy, that theyve been friends with a guy for 10 years and theres been no sexual or romantic intent there and so on. I think most of them are tragically mistaking. I know a guy who's been friends with a girl for over 5 years. Youd think they just have a nice platonic relationship, right? No, the guy had a fucking crush on her for 5 years. Another instance, I know a guy whos been very good friends with a girl for years, helped eachother through bad shit and so on. I once asked him if hed have a romantic relationship with her if she was interested and he went "absolutely".

I have a lot of these stories, because Ive been fairly close to a lot of guys, mostly because we were parts of the same groups of friends. I think this is the closest you can get to being friends with a guy without any feelings or sexual urges being involved.

I think the best way to put it is that, generally speaking, guys are willing and able to have purely platonic interactions with girls, but they wont go out of their way to talk to you if theyre not interested in you, sexually or romantically. So you can get close to a guy if circumstances encourage you to interact with eachother (coworkers, boyfriends friends etc), but once those circumstances change they usually wont make any efforts to stay in touch if they dont wanna sex you.
>but what if he finds me very interesting or we have common interests and passions or etc
Then thats probably gonna make him want to sex you. I realize there are probably outliers, but at this point Id just say theyre the exception that confirms the rule. Every time I had a friend of mine say she had a male friend it always turned out the guy had some feelings for her or just wanted to fuck her. Or it was just a one sided relationship where she always initiated and he just went along because they were coworkers or something like that.

>>53861
>but what if he finds me very interesting or we have common interests and passions or etc
>Then thats probably gonna make him want to sex you.
This. I've heard from several guys something to the effect of "if I like someone enough to be friends with them, why wouldn't I wanna date them?" Many times, phrased in slightly different ways. I kinda wonder if that means guys literally don't see a difference between friends who have sex and a real relationship.
Then again most people who are friends with benefits don't actually seem to be very good friends in the first place, so they might actually be onto something.

I have at least three close male friends, they all live pretty far from me and we their own romantic lives so I don't see our friendship getting ruined. I can regularly talk about my feelings and so can they without issue. All the successful male friends I've had have been with guys who have their own lives and aren't neets.

>>53696
Romance, commitment, and/or semantics.

I have almost exclusively male friends, but I really want more female friends. With men, I feel as though they're easier to befriend but that's usually only because they're using the opportunity to pressure me sexually/romantically, and I can't fully empathize with them and knowing they view the world in such a different way that me is disheartening. They are less stressful than my female friendships though, maybe this is because I find it easier to be casual and distant.

>>53847
It's not an ulterior motive. It's the only motive.

The reasons for a man to be friends with a woman are:
A. working up the courage
B. waiting for the "right moment"
C. looking for a relationship rather than just sex and trying to demonstrate this by not proposing anything sexual right away (this is basically A with mental gymnastics)
D. interested in a relationship and scoping things out before committing

>>53830
This should be mandatory viewing for everyone.

>>53860
He's gay.

You can have male friends but only if clear boundaries are established

I've got a couple male friends that I met through work. One of them is younger than me by a few years and the other a little bit older than me.
My friendship with the older one is very casual, we get along because we have a shared interest. We meet up once a week with other friends of ours and it's all fun and games.
The younger one is a bit more of a sensitive person so he often vents to me and shares his emotions, which I don't really mind. I'm often told that I'm good at "being there" for people when needed so I figure that for him I just might be that person in his life.

For me my friendships with males are a lot different than my friendships with girls actually. I feel more emotionally comfortable with other girls, so I'm able to vent and cry to them and talk passionately about the things I like, whereas with males I rarely even think of doing so. I think it has something to do with making myself appear vulnerable to other people. For some reason it feels okay and even natural with girls, but with men it seems scary.

All my male friends are ex-military, so it's kind of weird. When they banter with me they are the most homoerotic, homophobic, sexist, racist assholes on the planet who absolutely shred me with insults any time I mess up, but in all other circumstances are incredibly sweet, polite, protective and respectful. Aside from one of their girlfriend's who happens to be an ex-neonazi, I don't think I've ever met a woman who would ever say, even anonymously, half the shit they say to my face.

Strangely the biggest difference that I've noticed between my male and female friends is the level of mutual respect. With the guys they all have opinions, but if I want to do something and believe in it, they will 100% back me with absolute conviction and treat me like an equal. With the girls they all have an opinion and if I want to do something even one of them doesn't agree with on whatever level, we are paralysed as everyone treats my decision like it's a democratic debate, voted on by everyone.

Since 99% of the time it is rather one-sided affection and no friendship at all. In cases like that, imagine putting someone in position of non-enjoying self-masochist and calling yourself their friend.
This is plainly vile.

>>53871

The fact is that imageboard friends also watch shit anime, they're just don't admit it.

I used to have some online friends who liked the same videogames as me. We mostly just sent memes and funny videos to each other or talked about our interests. I don't have male friends rn and I don't really want any. With men I act differently, I guess I'm more conscious about how I behave and setting boundaries.

I used to have a male friend and it was a pretty chill relationship, but people started judging that I was in love with him and he was abusing me so the predominant "women are inferior and the supreme male mind makes women victims in everything" culture made me insecure, so we are not friends anymore unfortunately.

Since I got married I am not friends with guys unless it's another married couple and I am friends with both the husband and wife, I prefer things this way.

>>103537

If this is not a scrote psyop, based.

Help me, nonas. I always develop crushes on my male friends. Even when I’m already in a relationship. I don’t intend to do anything with them but it’s burdensome. I don’t want this. Wtf is wrong with me?

>>103544
are you hypersexual in general? you could try therapy

>>103545
No. I don’t even want to have sex with them. Just confess each other our love and maybe cuddle. I have done therapy, it didn’t significantly change me. Also I develop feelings for my female friends too, but I don’t have many because women don’t like me.

>>103547
>>103544
it's ok to feel love for people that aren't your partner. society bludgeons us into thinking intimacy is only reserved for your significant other but this doesn't seem to be how people naturally are.
as long as you and your partner share an understanding about your relationship (and your partner isn't insecure) you should be perfectly free to have guy friends that you cuddle or even mildly flirt with.
i used to feel this way and try to suppress all this love i felt for everyone because i thought it was not allowed, but after finding myself a group of friends that all got it i feel so much more free to kind of be in love with everyone if that makes any sense

I was a 23 year old toddler when my moid friend confessed his feelings for me. He was my first moid friend in a long time since I had boycotted the entire scrotum species cold turkey, after a male classmate made an insensitive joke about a feature i was really insecure about in 7th grade. While this banishment severely stunted my emotional growth, it exposed me to the uselessness and superficiality of moid conversations. I’m sounding very incel-ey and cringe when I say that no moid has ever impressed me on a conversational level. I guess they’re really cool when they’re smart and knowledgeable about a particularly quant heavy topic.

>>103565
Don't listen to this post in particular. Emotional cheating is a thing. You can have friends but don't cuddle and flirt with them. Not only is it cheating you're leading the retarded moids on. If you have to "spread the love" or whatever, honestly just what the fuck is that bs? Red flags out the wazoo.

>>103576
emotional cheating is when you turn to other people to give you something that your partner is not. if you and your partner are secure in your relationship, it is not necessarily cheating to have some level of intimacy with other people.
that being said I am not saying this will work for everyone, and to be honest most people's relationships are too rooted in social norms to allow for this, but there are people out there who do things differently- its just a matter of finding them.

I don’t even have female friends.

>>103576
>>103565
I think both of these posts have some truth in them.

On the one hand, it's true that the concepts of "cheating" or "emotional cheating" stem from insecurity; the insecurity of not being enough. The insecurity of abandonment. The ego wanting to possess another human being fully. The concept of a relationship no longer makes any sense to me, and I think that the compartmentalization of humanity into monogamous couples is a great divide and conquer technique.

The second post also alludes to a valid point - you need to be clear in exactly what you want, and it's often hard to be clear to a man that you don't want a romantic relationship with him. Even if you tell him directly "I do not love you, I do not want to be with you," he will still try and make things otherwise. It's not entirely their fault, nor is it our fault either. Society tells women that we need to employ certain coquettish features - the autistic moidbrain is incapable of differentiating a flirtatious "no" from a genuine "no". I believe love has been artificially complicated.

I've had male friends on and off throughout the years, mostly in mixed friend groups but a few one on ones. It's okay if you don't want more than fun weekends drinking out of the friendship. Just don't spend time with multiple guy friends with no other girls around, that's when they're gonna ignore you're there (as an average girl not worth chasing anyway) and say some nasty shit they'd never say with attractive women around. They don't age out of it either, a 23 year old guy has the same maturity level as a 13 year old, no difference.

Im sort of stuck with my moid friend. Ha makes stupid jokes/banter that doesn’t necessarily offend me. Rather it sickens me.
Yesterday he passingly joked that ill go fat once i go on birth control. I just replied with a vomit emoji because the whole image really did make me feel like vomiting.

ive had primarily guy friends
yes its different bc subconsciously even if youre just a friend men still want sex from you in the ooga booga recesses of their brain
this actually makes friendships with males easier bc you can have less of a personality and they will still talk to you. Talking to females requires more effort and real attributes.
Also its harder with females bc I notice I feel like I have to be politer, its just a lot of effort and worry that I will say the wrong thing. Its more socially complex.

>>103662
hot, sounds like a plot to a manga
hopefully something tragic or dramatic happens to your husband and his wife and you can act on your latent feelings
you dont masturbate to people who are "just friends"

We met in high school, so he's my oldest friend and only longterm male friend. When we met I thought he was adorable because he was so quiet and goofy, but he was masking severe depression with forced smiles and humour, and I later learned he's a much more serious, intense person. He had a crush on me for a while, which is probably the only reason he stuck around when I treated him like shit during a phase of depression and binge drinking. By the time we were 20, he'd grown to 6'4, lost a lot of weight, put on a lot of muscle and become much more emotionally mature, which is probably why I threw myself at him. We had sex twice in one night and I pretended I was so drunk I couldn't remember anything the next morning, because when I woke up he was so gentle and caring, but very obviously regretted it and I couldn't handle the rejection. We never dated and never had sex again. We lived together for a while and now we work together in the same lab with different teams, yet he remains my work-husband. Co-workers have repeatedly assumed we're married because of the way we interact, which he finds far too amusing to disabuse them of that notion and loves to force awkward interactions with them on me. To his kids, who I've seen almost every day since they were infants, I'm their aunt and godmother.

My relationship with him, after 12 years together, is beyond friendship. Talking to anyone else, even my parents, involves code-switching and constant self-censorship; even with my partner to a lesser degree. With him I'm just my default state, the real me. I never have to police my language or self-censor, not even intrusive thoughts. People that only know one of our public personas would be shocked and mortified by the way we talk privately. Even physically, we're beyond what most people would see as friend behaviour. In private I gnaw on him when I'm thinking, he will casually lift me up with one arm and carry me around when I'm being slow or lazy, we dress around each other and we cuddle on the couch or in bed when watching videos. Being so close to him ended relationships for both of us, but in 10 years we've never been anything other than platonic.

>>53862
>literally don't see a difference between friends who have sex and a real relationship
Nona… once you have sex with someone, you are energetical married - permanently. Literally.

I don't think I want to try making a male friend in the future again, I just don't think it will work out. My last male friend was some anon I added from /r9k/. I know, I know, I don't frequent there anymore though but I only added him because he said he wanted a platonic female friend. After some chats he told me he was taking a break for his mental health, so I decided to take a break too. I didn't visit that account for a while, and then when I logged back in he unadded me, I was inactive for too long. I tried to resend him a request but he hasn't accepted it yet. I don't know if he's ignoring me or just busy. Maybe he's too hurt, I wish I could tell him it's not because I wanted to abandon him. Maybe it's better for him if we aren't friends again, idk. But I don't want him to think I abandoned him because I'm afraid that misunderstanding will continue to hurt him.

I have one male friend and I know he would fuck me if he got the chance because I'm attractive. I don't care. He's respectful and I'm not going to stop trading esoteric memes with him.

>>53833
I don't even care at this point if my female friends talk behind my back. As long as they're around when I need them, they can say whatever they want about me.

>>103699
>I don't even care at this point if my female friends talk behind my back. As long as they're around when I need them, they can say whatever they want about me.

Honestly just don't make friends with groups only make friends with women individualistically. Also idk why people say this as if men aren't incapable of talking shit or gossiping in their own cliques. Talking shit happens in all cliques regardless of gender.

>>103565
Thank you for being so understanding. I don’t feel like many people understand it. My partners never had any understanding for it and found it weird how close I like to be with people. It’s just when I like someone, I want to get close to them. Sometimes I feel like I’m not made to be only with one person. But idk. Maybe I‘m also being unhealthy. I’m just struggling with this because I often have to suppress my feelings

>>103709
I am not trying to demean you or accuse you of anything, but I hope you know that can cause issues for others in the future. Men do not think the same way and the way men love is very different, their love is not innocent and cute but ravenous. I am not judging you, just saying to be very careful with men… There is a reason why many women are afraid to be affectionate with men they are not romantically involved with, even with pure and platonic intentions…

I've had a male friend since I was a teenager, so we've been friends for more than a decade.
We supported eachother through difficult times and we were really close for a long time.
Our friendship is defitenly different than my female friends. With my female friends I'm more inclined to act dumb and have childlike fun, while with him I tend to be more chill, since he is a reserved and calm.
He became one of the persons I always ask advice, especially when it comes to family issues, work or studies. I have a good trust on him

That said, this year it has been weird. He has been slowly getting distant. I try to act as usual but he's not the same anymore. I would blame the fact that he got into a relationship, but he has been in relationships in the past and it didn't affect our friendship.
I guess I just have to accept things as they are