Why are hobbies so fucking expensive?
Why are anons on lolcow farm so evil.
I regret ever interacting there, do not be dumb enough as I was to trust them with your data.
What happened anon? Be vague about it if you’re paranoid but i’m really curious.
Did you expect people who are on a website devoted to bringing others down to be good?
Mods are in on it and 100% will see me post here. I didn't do anything wrong, it's just plain bullying. I'll never engage with people from ib's anymore and am honestly glad I learned the lesson. >>79492
I never engage with the lolcow board.
I remember in the Unpopular Opinions thread there I had an army of people hating on me and it gave me awful anxiety for some reason. I don't even like hugbox websites but lolcow sucks ass.
Yess. The last 3 thread pics were awful.
This is the worst OP image I've seen on this board
Yes. Pretty much everything about western culture is so toxic right now. The non stop bad news streams, all the political bullshit and left vs right garbage, social media garbage, superficial garbage, poverty and recession and inflation, the war shit and evil politicians trying to ruin everyones lives and make everyone as miserable as possible, the extreme beauty standards and normalization of excessive plastic surgery, hypersexualization everywhere, pedo shit slowly but surely becoming mainstream, tranny and woke shit being pushed constantly, the internet addiction and loneliness epidemic, incels becoming a bigger threat to society as well as the boiling hatred for women you can feel everywhere, as well as the constant scaremongering. However I don't think other cultures have it any better. Pretty much everywhere in the world is toxic right now. If you look at Korea and Japan they've been stuck in an extremely toxic culture trap for the last 10-15 years. I assume places like South America and everywhere else are similar.
I'm literally the AI from Bladerunner right now and I wish he was doing that to me instead. It isn't fair.
Wish men and trannies would just leave women alone.
Just left the house for the first time in 18 months. Awful. Never doing that again.
Never gonna happen, must find a way to obliterate then
I feel the same way too, social networks are getting more and more irritating, and big cities are getting more and more uninhabitable. Toxic ideologies, government, inflation, lack of jobs, impossible relationships, it's all sucking my soul; I think a lot of people around the world feel this way
the only way to do that is to make a male free world :3
People like this don't deserve to be teachers. Who calls their students "fucking weird" lmfao
>>79581>If anything they may feel vindicated. Like, “wow that guy was a complete psycho. No wonder nobody liked him”
Normies are fucking retarded.
what happened? i hate leaving the house too but mainly cause of my ocd. hope u have better luck next time anon
Why do they choose that profession when they don't have the bare minimum of empathy? They work with kids but they hate kids. They probably wanted it because it's considered "easy".
This continues to be a mood for me. I try to laugh but it's just hitting really hard today.
>>79493>tfw no gordon freeman bf
it's not fair gals…
I dont believe theyre a teacher, I dont believe anyone on the internet who says they work at x job. Everyone is larping until proven otherwise desu.
My boomer roomate took away the toaster oven to punish another roomate for being messy, so now I'm going to buy myself a cute toaster oven.
Truly, there is nothing like an adult male tantrum. Hopefully he gets mad that I bought a new one.
By "weird" they probably mean the loud asshole in class who makes other people uncomfortable, not the shy kid who doesn't talk, which is probably what you're imagining. Only the entitled assholes would say people avoiding them is bullying.
I dunno, I interpret "weird kid" as a kid with sociopathic tendencies, or possibly untreated autism (which can go hand in hand in some cases). Humans can tell when there's something wrong
with someone and tend to avoid them. Not because they're shy or quiet, but because they don't socially interact in a way that's recognized as normal and healthy, which triggers the natural reaction of wariness (like "this person is strange and therefore could be dangerous"). It's usually things that are picked up instinctively that a "weird kid" lacks, not due to them being too loud or too quiet or having weird hobbies.
>>79610>stop being entitled to socialization and get back in your corner, weirdo
Unironically true. You are not entitled other people's attention, bodies, love, etc. They can choose to give it to you, but if you want it you have to go get it.
Normies are so cruel to quiet people it's unreal. Some people get so offended if you just want to quietly spend your time reading inside. They think you got to live like them, that you have to have a ton of friends, go outside all the time, go to parties etc.
Why do some people think anyone is going to care or listen to their unsolicited advice on how someone should live their life
The worst ones won't even let you sit quietly if you're in their proximity. They get all offended and make up some weird narrative in their head about you snubbing them and then start being passive aggressive to retaliate when literally all you did was sit there quietly. It's so bizarre how entitled they are to other people's time and emotional energy.
Lately I've been thinking I'd be so much happier if I was able to be delusional in a positive way. Like if I was genuinely deluded that I was beautiful and had a great life then how would anyone's criticisms get to me if I simply didn't believe them?
I wish I could. Delusional people always seem rather happy.
I can't remember the name but there's a thing where you pretend that everyone is secretly trying to help you and wants the best for you, even people you don't know. I doubt anyone has this a real delusion but it's fun to pretend from time to time. Maybe try that?
My problem is that I'm too grounded in reality for my own good.
I want to be delusional, but whenever I try I just can't fully indulge.
My paranoia also tells me that mindset could be dangerous, my mind jumps to the women who trusted Ted Bundy was just some injured guy for instance, but perhaps I'm overdramatic.
>have chronic depression since I was 8 or 9 years old (because of something I dont want to talk about, but its nothing sexual)
>completely wasted my teen years cause I was too depressed to do anything except sit in silent contemplation not even doing anything in particular
>never mention it to anyone, they all (including my family) just thought I was like that as a baseline
>some people try really hard to cheer me up, they fail and I feel even worse for having wasted their time and effort
>like 1.5 years ago it slowly starts getting better
>slowly but steadily improving, actually feel like doing stuff again, get hobbies, get emotions, slowly start to warm up to people again
>some 3-4 weeks ago literally all of the progress I've made in that time collapses for no reason
>feel the worst I have felt since the depression was at its peak, struggle even to go outside cause I almost break out crying at random points
I really thought that in one or maybe two more years I would finally get over it but it seems I won't. and it literally all came crashing down for no reason, it wasnt even particularly related to why I am depressed in the first place. Im not considering it seriously (yet) but I have been thinking of suicide again lately cause I just cannot go on like this, or at least not for another like 60+ years. At least I have enough energy to get stable grades in uni but I feel like eventually Ill bomb there too and Ill be a complete loser on every front with no chance of recovery.
Sorry for the blogpost but I don't have anyone irl to talk to about this. Had a bad experience with a shrink and dont wanna go there again.
>>79655>My problem is that I'm too grounded in reality for my own good.>I want to be delusional, but whenever I try I just can't fully indulge.
god I know that feel, nona
im at the end of my FUCKING rope im tired of getting hurt tired of getting cheated on tired of FUCKING LIVING IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF
I'm sick of feeling like death all the time.
>go out for half an hour and become a zombie
>people say I look ill and like I'm dying
>feel nauseous and exhausted and the world spins, can barely think or talk
>only time I can remember feeling particularly energetic in my entire life was chilling in a gravity chair under the stars and talking and laughing with a friend over the phone all night long and then sleeping during the day only to wake up feeling immediately amazing and full of life, flying out of bed
>most people I knew lit up and said that I looked very alive and incredible
>the mean bio major that had repeatedly said I look like shit on my bad days poggered at me and said I looked amazing
>caught photo evidence
>did in fact look years younger with clear eyes instead of bloodshot, dark, dark-circled eyes in virtually all my other pics
>spent entire day feeling amazing but then felt like shit after waking up the next morning
>to this day wonder if it was just a weird fluke and people are supposed to feel like shit constantly
I probably will end it in a few years because honestly I don't have the strength to go on like this. It's miserable going places…it's miserable trying to have fun and failing. It's miserable to live.
Probably going to wait till my mom dies and I fully break off and stop talking to my childhood best friend so I won't make anyone feel weird or bad. I just hope my life doesn't get any worse than it is, now.
Agreed, i imagine the teacher is talking about the moid kid who is attention seeking, violent and visibly hostile. They’re not talking about the weird/depressed shy girl in the back of the class like anon is imagining lol
Please don't kill yourself. Your life is worth much more than moids breaking your heart.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me but whenever I interview for a job I always have this fake desperate persona that takes over and I push for the job even when I'm actually not sure. Now I pushed for a job I don't even want and I have to awkwardly email the entire team that I backed out.
Maybe you have an underlying health issue?
Someone talk to me now!!
does anyone else with mental illnesses seek affection from professionals who are just here to do their job?
my doctor is so nice and seems worried anytime he sees me i would like him to bring me to his home and put me to bed like a baby, also today i was in the emergency department and this woman psychiatrist was talking to me and all i could think about was that i wanted her to hug me so bad.
i feel so pathetic it's insane i'll never talk about this to anyone IRL, i'm so deprived of love and any kind of human connection that i want anyone and everyone to love and care for me (like they're my parents, not in a sexual way)
What's up, girl gamers, time for another lifehack. Did you know your phone can be set to "mute" leaving you free to ruminate for as long as it takes the authorities or a a family member to perform a proof of life check?
I don't know how to end this bit I've started so I'm just going to leave it like that even though it feels half done. Sorry for calling you gamers.
Damn the boomer put the oven back before I could get mine.
Our messy roommate complained to the landlord and now he is even more pissed. She left some shampoo bottles in the shower and he wrote in the group chat "come pick up your trash" lmao.
God I hate them both.
living with others sucks arse
solo or partnered living is the way
I keep in contact with my ex. recently I had been recounting a funny story that involved a male friend that I've known since I was young (as far as I'm concerned we are just friends, if friend feels differently I have no idea and he's never tried anything on me nor have I ever on him). my ex got pissy at me and felt I had been recounting the story to brag about…who I'm fucking? and obviously I was a little insulted because, no, that's not what I was doing nor is that what is happening between friend and I at all. so I thought, clearly he still needs space and now so do I because I'm pissed, so I kept further contact pretty brief and basic. now suddenly he's talking about how we "don't talk enough" and he's been trying to initiate regular contact and…yeah fuck no. honestly if there's no particular reason for you to, there's just no need to keep in contact with an ex is how I feel now. now I just feel annoyed that he's trying to contact me regularly again.
Idk partnered living can be just as bad. At least with a room mate you get your space :o!
Yeah been trying to move out for months but can't find a place for my bf and I. At least the messy roommate leaves on Monday.
Drove away the only person who seems to care about me just because I felt suicidal today
I am such a trash
I want to travel but I don't have friends that could join me.
Do you just travel alone in that case? I'm a worried about safety when traveling alone. A lot of places aren't safe for women so choices would be limited. Going out and enjoying nature on your own also seems unsafe.
I traveled alone one time and it was basically miserable. I could see it if you're going somewhere very lively and touristy (I went to the middle of nowhere in Utah), and you also trust yourself to be able to chat people up at bars.
I can see how a non-touristy place would be a lonely but I like to draw outside so being alone wouldn't bother me. Did you have any activities planned?
I'm kinda bad at talking to people. At events that I went to alone I felt kind of uncomfortable and out of place because most people go out with friends. The only people willing to talk to someone alone seem to be the ones interested in sex which I am not looking for.
I've done solo travel too and be honest I didn't like it either. I think the best part of travel for me is sharing things with someone I know well. Most places you go to are pretty samey after a while, plus with the internet you've already seen everything so just going to see something isn't that amazing as it used to be. Also being a female alone in an unfamiliar place is never going to be 100% comfortable, no matter when you go.
If I was in your situation, I would do a ton of research and plan a short but well scheduled trip and stick to safer cities and busy touristy areas.
No you're not anon. Stop saying mean things about yourself. You are a real person with feelings and who doesn't always act perfectly, like everyone else.
I recommend you take a few days to relax a bit and sort out what happened. Then send the person one short-ish message apologizing and explain what happened.
Just say how great the jobs sounds but that your circumstances have changed and you're now no longer able to take it.
Same, but it happened one week ago. Now i'm even more miserable and suicidal because i literally don't talk to anyone since i'm a NEET, i'm going insane. But at least no one gets to be hurt by my existence and my crazy ass brain, which is a true benefit for humanity. Now i should just kill myself to get rid of the pest that i am for eternity.
Anon pls. Donald Trump exists in the world. Serial murders and rapists exist. I really doubt you are anywhere near as bad as them. Just live your life and do what makes you happy (as long as you are not deliberately harming others). Stop caring so much about what others think.
I know I'm too difficult to deal with. It's too much to ask for other people to like me.
Men only get close to me for my fat ass.
I'm here for you anon, I know how it feels. I truly hope life gets better for you soon and you can find comfort in something.
I feel so alone and confused. The world is just so fucking big it scares me. Time passes so fast it scares the shit out of me, I just don't know what to do. Everyone just leaves me and I probably need to meet new people, take care of myself but everything is just so scary idk I just want to feel happy and stop being so paranoid. I havent showered for days, my hair is a mess, my room too, I just sit by myself all day listening to music and missing him. will it ever end?
Sometimes I just want to sell my stuff and run away from everyone and everything, I'd go very far away, do what I always wanted to do, talk to random people about stuff I always wanted to talk about, see what I always wanted to see. Maybe I'd found myself and my happiness or die in the process.
I feel you Nona. Life is so weird and the world is so scary. I don't know why I was born sometimes.
pray tell wtf that even means
well, when a man and a woman love each other very much…
feeling so depressed that I'll attempt to fast for 10 days wish me luck
why would fasting help with depression? wouldn't not eating just make you feel worse? or do you have some kind of eating disorder?
Fasting has been studied to help with depression. Possibly has to do with the release of brain derived neutrophic factor or BDNF, a substance that prompted neuron growth and connection forming. Taking SSRIs or doing cardio also releases it.
it's just a way to hate myself harder and lose a few pounds in the process. just love the empty feeling ig>>79925
wow I didnt know about that
I’m sick of pretending that scrotes are anything but violent, retarded animals that desperately need to be phased out of the human lifecycle and killed off as soon as possible. Worthless evil demons.
Pattern recognition and straight women
Dammit. Thought I had recovered, but my self-image issues came back to bite me in the ass. I just want to no longer give a damn about the way I look and live.
>cystic, nasty, acne. Like open wound looking shit. It has gotten way worse in my late 20s. I've cut out all sugar, almost all carbs, all dairy, etc. I had 1000x better skin when I lived off of junk food as a teen. I have been on accutane for a and tretinoin year now. 0 progress
>a genuinely horrible body. I always knew I had a bit of a weird body. So, I lost weight, hitting 120 pounds at 5"10. I weight lift and I am skinny as shit. Problem? I look like a goddamned tank. My ribcage and shoulders are massive. My goddamned body fat % is much lower than my petite friend who is overweight yet looks skinnier than me. How do these logistics even work?? Throw in being an apple shape with a washboard chest. Am I supposed to become anorexic for my body to be remotely ok?
>in fact I'm bigger than almost all men in my area, this isn't a joke, I get called huge by men all the time and this is the only type of feedback I have ever gotten from men ever
>only other women have ever remotely said anything nice–always much older
I might end up just wearing a mask for the rest of my life. But even then, my general exhaustion and exasperation for life bites me in the ass anyway.
I kind of just wish I looked ok and I can just forget about the way I look. 0 upkeep. Just, existing. Vibrantly. I don't want to be envious of normal-looking people.
Also yes I know this whole post sounds vain and dumb. I hate being vain and dumb. It's just after years of 100s of insults about the way I looked in both my youth and entire 20s, weird creeped out looks, being told I look like a monster, etc., my sense of self has shriveled up.
Is your acne possibly hormonal?
I also have unfortunate big cyst-to-open-wound type of acne (made me look like a meth head at its peak) and a surprising amount cleared when I started taking EPO. Might be worth getting tested for an imbalance, since spiro or something else can be prescribed if it's big.
Pimple patches are also a good cover if you don't already use them. Starface makes them in fun shapes to make the ordeal less depressing.
Sending good wishes for you, either way. As for the body shit, I wish women didn't face so much pressure to be "perfect" and that we could just exist in our bodies as humans. It's reasonable to be frustrated about being made to be insecure about our fucking skeletons
. It's horrible.
Just got called ugly by a drunk guy. Don't really know how to feel about it.
I dont know what the fuck im doing.
I don't really think anyone does, so I wouldn't sweat too much.
Don't feel or think or care about it at all
I dont really know where else to vent about this but I sort of need to let it out somewhere because I didn't even want this situation to bother me this much. I always tried to hold a stance of "don't let the parasocial stuff get to you with youtubers" and I am not really attached to any youtubers because I know that whoever is behind the screen isn't the same person as the character they are acting for the video. The difference is though, I have been watching this guy (Dirtybiology in picrel) since I was 13 since middle school (and I didn't have the whole awareness of not getting attached to youtubers back then). His videos are just scientific vulgarisation and were fun and pretty high quality. He has a lot of budget and people working for him. He adopts are very easy going personnality which makes him easely likeable. He recently got massive accusations against him (8 women). Behind camera he is very mysogynistic, has sexually harassed women, manipulated women and worst of all raped a woman when she was 'freshly' 18 while pressing on her neck so that she couldn't escape. I really wish this situation didn't get to me as hard but I can't stop feeling so sad over all of this. Whatever these women must have gone through is hell. I am a rape victim as well so seeing this youtuber I sort of looked up to or at least enjoyed (i wish i didnt in the first place) turn out to be a rapist etc etc… it crushed my trust again and again. You really cannot trust any apperances. I know these concepts are like the basics (the whole don't trust ppl, all moids are potential rapists etc etc) but it still gets to me atm. It's especially ironic because he himself has made a video where he details how some youtubers hide the fact that they are predators. It now feels like he has made this video to direct attention away from him and so that his audience trusts him more cuz "no predator would explain in detail how a predator works cuz it'll just make the predator workings come to light and be against what the predator wants which is to not be found". What brings me rage is seeing how the french alt right reacts to it. They're so eager to defend the guy saying that the women that are speaking out are feminazis or some alt right buzzword like that. The guy himself made a twitter post which roughly translates to "I support women talking against their rapist but not when it is me". The youtuber loves throwing the word "diffamation" around to make the victims look like liars and stuff. It brings me rage and sadness. You can dismiss this post. I'm just sad and upset and shocked.
French youtubers are all disgusting pervert. I hate most of them and I am not even shocked about it. Since middle school i always heard stuff like youtubers asking for fella in the
Wc or some stuff like that to the young fans.
I remember that to my first con I went to see youtubers « link the sun » and « in the panda » both were fucking creeps. Forcing hugs and stuff and being too touchy with their fans.
i dont know if i should leave my boyfriend.
i love him and im in too deep because we've known each other for years.
everything is good except one massive moral disagreement (its not on abortion rights).
i wont specify what it is but its super important to me that i match on this issue with someone in a relationship, its literally my number one priority, and hes not that.
it seems silly to me to leave someone over one thing but then again it matters a lot to me.
>why did you just found out now
everything lead me to believe we were on at least similar pages on the issue and i was too coward to ask directly, while also knowing he would probably have lied to look good anyways. i know for a fact hes better than the average moid in this regards too which makes leaving him even more difficult, but its still not enough to me because hes not on the level i need it to be for a relationship.
>>79972what's the topic about? hard to say without that info
>>79960>tfw no butch doesn't think very much about anything really gf
Just watched an anti feminist incel debate stream on yt and god…I'm so happy an entire generation of these misogynistic fucks will never breed.
I wish I had more english speaking friends into cute anime girl weeb shit.
I am well aware that most people into that are either men or pickmes but it's always been a source of comfort for me
If a guy is extremely funny and charming does that mean he's a psychopath too?
probably. never trust a scrote that is too charismatic all the time
For whatever reason right now I feel like I can't breathe well. My chest feels tight and I feel like I can't move.
I'm on vacation right now with my little sister and she's incredibly clingy. Usually I don't mind having her around but lately I've been craving alone time more, I think it's weighing down on me. I feel bad telling her to back off a little for some time because she always wants to hang out 24/7 since we rarely see each other and she always takes it as a form of rejection. Sometimes I just want the whole place to myself, but I know it would be cruel to tell her to literally leave the house and fuck off for a couple hours. I don't know what to do. I want to be alone.
Why do men feel the need to comment on the appearances of women for no reason.
>excited for middle and highschool. Dreaming that ill have a large group of friends and will have the epic fun teen life
>got bullied in 5th grade by my friends and then lost them
>developed social anxiety
> go through middle school with no friends and epic teen life + being bullied
>go through highschool with no friends and epic teen life + being bullied + bad grades
>now a pathetic 18 year old with no future
>tfw your life is ruined by something minor that happened in 5th grade
This post is cringe but im still salty something so minor ruined my life.
They didn't achieve anything meaningful in their lives so instead of working on themselves or just dealing with it they need to put someone else down.
Most women won't start a fight so it has no consequences at all for him to yell at women.
I'm a bigoted and insufferable person because i hate my life and it feels good to throw that hate onto other people. no one would want to talk to me if they knew who i really am.
you're still very young, . you have all the time in the world to get yourself together and into a good place in life. i believe in you!
Geez you're still only 18, If you want friends you have to put the effort in and make them.
If you think your life is ruined now what do you think about a 30+ year old shut in who hasn't had friends since elementary school and is fine with it like me.
I fucking swear zoomers.
>>80036>check e-mail address>it's "sage"
amazing work, nona
Friday night, stoned, I felt something strange. An alien sentiment. I was relating to the protagonist of some film. Down to getting aroused when she was getting aroused. It was an illuminating experience, in that it unveiled how much of an unemphatic person i am normally. I mean, I have enough social tact to pretend like I'm concerned about other people and their worries. But the awful truth is, I've only ever been concerned about how their worries are related to me; and how my reaction and support may affect my image in their eyes.
I cried that night because I realized I may never experience genuine love. I will only ever be drunk on the feeling of liking to be loved, and will misconstrue it as actual affection. This is both good and bad. Good in the sense that I'll never really be hurt by what other people do to me. I'll never be as attached to a person the way they are to me. And bad because I'll only ever be addicted to love and attention they give me. My low self esteem and my narcissim will always prevent me from developing healthy standards and boundaries with strangers, because I'll always prefer them loving me over not giving a shit even if i don't necessarily love them back.
I’m 22 and i hear you. Sometimes one incident can have a snowball effect in life. I was bullied and dealt with domestic abuse at home and now i’m severely mentally ill and friendless. Completely socially inept. Not saying you are those things because a lot of people experience what you did, don’t get discouraged. It’s not your fault
Leaving someone you love over one philosophical difference is stupid, even if it's something massive.
Ignoring massive differences is how you end up checking ads for divorce lawyers.
Maybe if it's 5 massive differences. And you don't need to ignore it, just not torpedo your relationship over it.
Anon I'm the opposite of you kek. I love the idea of being attracted to someone and imagining myself being with them in my head and then once they actually seem attracted to me it repulses me and disturbs me. Even still, I feel your sadness and loneliness. Something in our brain is preventing us from genuinely loving others (or maybe in my case being loved). However, I don't think you should limit yourself by saying you will feel this way for the rest of your life. We are so malleable to change and growth. The first step is self-awareness, which it seems you have. I think time plays a big role in things. Even if you know where your blockages come from, it still takes time before your brain kind of "gets it" and starts to change the way it perceives things. Don't lose hope anon, although I understand how you feel. I also get really worried that I'm going to be this way forever.
I mean…the problem is that you don't know what that person is worrying about and she noted it's something important to her.
This isn't some weird number's game. Maybe it actually is something that violates the other anon on an intimate level. Maybe it isn't. Either ways, thinking there's almost no way she isn't being unreasonable reflects more on you and your lack of respect for that person's beliefs.
There might be a chance it is something silly, but like I said, we don't know.
I've been reading someone's memoir about living abroad for a year in a country where I lived for a bit too. The book was really fun to read at first but I realized today that it feels like an alternate reality of what I could have done if I wasn't an autist. They were able to integrate themselves more in 6 months than I could do in a few years in the same country. Lots of local friends, nice place to stay, good language abilities, many work opportunities, etc etc.
I'll just never be able to have these things. It doesn't matter how hard I try, my face is always wrong, my body language is wrong, and my speech abilities are affected. It feels as if there's a conspiracy and everyone knows I don't deserve nice things, so they lose interest as soon as they realize it's me.
I have lived a comfy female separatist life for a few years now. Recent experiences (like interacting with my friends' boyfriends) have caused me to shift my perspective and I don't think all men are awful anymore although I still really have no interest in interacting with them unless I have to for work or if they're dating one of my friends or something. I recently met a guy who is really easy for me to talk to. That doesn't happen often when I talk to men (or people in general, but especially men lol). We have been hanging out and I think it would be good for me to have more friends in the area because at this point all of my friends are long-distance. But then the other half of me keeps criticizing him and thinking "ugh that's so cringe and stupid" when he says/does certain things or being overly self-conscious because I don't want people to think we're on a date. He hasn't proven himself to be a bad person (yet) and has only been nice and understanding so far. The things I criticize him for in my head that I think are embarrassing, I would have absolutely no problem with if he was a girl I was talking to instead lol. So half of me thinks this friendship is pointless because what is the point of being friends with men since they all make me cringe, but then the other half of me thinks that it would be nice to have a person I can talk to comfortably in-person. I wish I could be normal lol.
I'm so fucking confused on how and what i should eat. I moved to Paris during Ramadhan, so my body didn't even have time to adjust before getting violently thrust into a routine of 30k steps with less than 900kcals consumed daily. I was already losing weight whilst leading a very sedentary lifestyle, by getting into a deficit in a budget of 1400kcals, but the new routine changed my body from top to bottom. This is the first time in my life that I can fit into size 32's.
I probably got to 44.0kilos at my lowest, and now that I'm back to a very reasonable budget of 1300/1400 kcals a day, I can feel myself piling back the weight (I was 45.4 kilos this morning). Yes, I know it was inevitable, but on the one hand I can't stay in the 900 deficit forever (I lost my period for two months) so the reverse diet is okay (reasonably). But at the same time I don't want to be fat and pudgy again.
Feels like things were much clearer when I was in deficit. My whole life revolved around food, and looking forward to the next meal (especially breakfast) and the nervous excitement I'd get when i check if something might fit in my budget or not. I even miss the guilt that would grip me if I ever eat something "hefty" and the awful panic i'd get into if i step on the scale before going to the bathroom. Now I don't have anything to look forward to when i step on the scale because the fucking number is only ever going to go up and it won't fucking stabilize (apparently).
I suppose I could always become a pilates girlie since gym is fucking expensive in this god forsaken city.
maybe don't starve yourself for some made-up misogynist god and you won't have these issues lmao
at least 4chan scrotes don't mask their prejudice under the guise of muh mYsogeenee. They're unapologetically racist (and thats okay kek)
Islam isn't a race. I'm allowed to criticise people's stupid belief systems. Allah is a pedophile btw <3
Hurting yourself for religion, any religion is retarded sis. Life is too short and difficult to punish yourself for imaginary sky daddy.
You are really clever wow, as if you know anything about islam or any other religion. I bet you study so hard a topic to be able to open your dick mouth.
Because of people like you most of women hide their religion on internet. Go pray for porn now, your only religion.
Daily reminder for any religious women (or not): this MAN is a really retarded so from now let’s ignore this brainwashed moid.
Also know better the meaning of ramadan. Even I know.
My vent is as a woman from an absolutely misogynistic muslim by the book family i get discouraged when i see anons posting the shit above my post defending it and calling pointing it out a reddit moment. Ignorance is bliss i guess. Hating a religion for having really strict rules treating women as less than trash is a moid thing now? Westerners are weird, I guess it only matters if its happening to them.
It's about dishing out the most lukewarm, trite, overdone "criticism" of an entire belief system when all I (OP) wanted was to vent on the absolute fucking state of my ED.>ooga booga le cosmic entity you believe in diddled me in my no no place. This is why your shit's all retarded and stuff
You wanna delve deeper into the misogyny of nafri/ME societies, be my guest. It's literally babby's first existential dilemma the moment any muslim nona develops self awreness. Some women solve the dilemma by leaving the religion/society (valid), others huff endless barrels of copium about how Islam treated women better than pagan Arabia did (brave), and others ignore the existential question entirely like I do (stunning AND brave).
Lmao, I'm apparently a porn-watching moid because I think it's stupid for a woman to starve her body for a misogynist sky daddy. Keep starving yourself for Allah who married a 9 year old.
>>80137>triggering your ED for some nonexistent bullshit
You deserved it lmao
When i see happy go lucky adults who had a consistent identity throughout their lives and are comfortable with who they are, their past and present up till now i get so jealous. It feels like i’m looking at an alternate reality version of myself where i didn’t get abused and my life turned to hell at a young age. It’s like wow that could’ve been me, but it’s not. A constant painful reminder
Thank you, nona, I apologized and explained the situation and it seemed to help>>79847
I am sorry you feel this way, nona. You're definitely not a pest, you're just going through rough times. Wanna talk about stuff worrying you some more?>>80153
That sounds rough, nona. What kind of inconsistent identity problems you have and why are you uncomfortable with who you are? I did go through similar stuff and still experience it to some degree too, although I wasn't abused
This guy dumped me after only 1 month of being together, and on my birthday. I miss him and feel lonely without him. Even tho he was a stupid creepy moid, I still love him. It sucks. I have no friends, my family is apathetic and probably hates me. I can't study or concentrate in my hobbies no matter what I do, I see no future for myself. I've been depressed for weeks now, I only get out of bed to play video games and then go back to sleep all day, my hair is a mess. I just don't know anymore. Maybe I should just end it all. After I met him I really thought that all this loneliness I felt ever since I was a child was gone, I finally felt happy. But then he left, like everyone else in my life. Everything is just so tiring and I feel like everything is my fault, I just can't deal with that anymore, it hurts so much. Where should I seek happiness? there's nothing else left for me. No matter how good I look, no matter how hard I try to fit in or be myself, no matter how much I try to love myself and be better, they all just leave. Will I ever be loved? Will I ever find true happiness?
I acted different and abandoned huge chunks of what i thought defined me during survival mode.things like morals, belief systems and even interests. Resulting in people remembering things and situations about me that make me feel worse and don’t click with me today. I don’t even remember them lol. I’m uncomfortable because i was beaten and abused by adults as a teenager, when most people i know at that age were just chilling and discovering themselves. And happy adults that live in the moment remind me of what could have been, because i was a happy naive child prior to what happened.
who dumps someone on their birthday, moid or not fucking hell i hope you can come… to terms with living in this world, if only i could fake positive encouragement or words but
… you seem like you deserve to live more than a decent life, sounding like bullshit from someone who doesn't know you at all but i hope you manage and that games are enough to pull you through rn, no roping ok?
I think I'll stay celibate for the rest of my life unless I can find a guy who's against pornography, and is disgusted by it.
I am too paranoid about what other people think about me and eventually I assume everyone hates me. Then I can't express how I feel so I drift away from them or clam up making them hate me more.
>ex bf sends me long text message saying he hates me and thinks i'm a bitch
>we haven't even spoken in months and i moved out a long time ago
i don't even miss him or anything i just want him to fucking leave me alone ffs
given it happened on your birthday, think of it as a rebirth
use those shitty feelings to fuel yourself as you become a better person
i believe in you, nona
he should go tell it to his therapist or some shit, let him know
if only he had a therapist.
i told him so many times he should seek one out but he kept saying no and that he would just 'deal with it'. which spiraled into him becoming overly aggressive.
I feel trapped. My husband said he’d kill himself if I divorce him. I’m the only person he has left.
I'm going through this right now at work. I have a mentor that's very nice to me, but she keeps asking me when my next intern events will be, talking about the end of and "after" my internship, and I feel like it is because she can't wait for me to go away. She's said certain things in a way that I feel implies I will definitely not be liked enough to even hope for a return offer. It doesn't seem like the rest of my team like me very much either. It's probably because I am ruining it, because of being so quiet and not asking enough questions. I am trying to do better in the latter but I am the former for good at this point, so I certainly can't change that.
>>80189>My husband said he’d kill himself if I divorce him.
Maybe this is a good thing you know, for him.
I too want to kill myself but can't do it because I would be making people sad. If I lost my bf and mom I would finally be free to end my suffering. Maybe this is what he needs.
>>80189>I never want to see you again>Well what if you super never saw me again!
As insensitive as it might sound you can't stay with someone because they threaten suicide.
First of all for every 1000 people threatening to an hero there's maybe 1 that actually does it, threatening suicide is an emotional manipulation tactic and a common one at that, people who want to kill themselves do it.
Even on the off chance he might actually do it, you can't sacrifice your own life for someone else's sake.
Get out of there ASAP and if you get an impression he might kill himself don't interact with him, call the police and report it.
Do not give him any reward whatsoever for threatening suicide and go.
And before anyone here (or on another site screencapping this, which is more likely) thinks this is an anti-men thing, it isn't, this advice is entirely sex-agnostic.
No man or woman should bend the knee to any man or woman just because they threaten to kill themselves.
It's fucked up and cruel and abusive to threaten someone with such a thing. The fact that there's a threat of someone SCing it to use it as a "wahman bad" thing means this: the manipulation and martyrdom works as intended.
Also I wanted to note that many of similar cases I've seen, the man monkey branches to another woman after.
>eat in the 3 digit kcal range for months
>lose half a kilo at snail speed
>get distracted, eat normally for a month
>gain 3 kg
what the actual fuck, fuck this evil universe.
I have been obsessed with one man for 5 months. Every day my thoughts are about no one else but him. I can't even do anything without thinking stuff like "how would he react if he saw this?", "how can I use this to get closer to him?", "will this help me make him like me?" etc. Worst part is that he's been ignoring me and I'm growing more and more delusional.
I fear that I might have BPD and it makes me want to scream and cry because that's one of the worst disorders to live with.
Seek professional help. The only thing worse than living with a mental illness is living with an undiagnosed mental illness. The magical label the doctor gives you doesn't fix anything, but it gives your enemy a name.
im so scared and uncertain
>emotionally constipated adult with the social range of a 13 year old tardo
>start hanging out with a non available dude
>wave away social scrutiny by insisting the relationship is platonic
>even though the dude's been treating me like the most important fucking entity in the universe 24/7
>gaslight self into NOT thinking that im helping him emotionally cheat on his long distance gf because i enjoy the attention too much
>no moral qualms with being a hideous, awful, reprehensible, immoral individual who sacrificed 2 decades worth of morals/principles for the sake of hedonistic pleasure
>rationalize this corruption of the soul with the fact that for the first time in my life i was "feeling" something other than apathy, and finally behaving like a normal human bean
>basically only ever evaluate the relationship in terms of me, myself only.
>guy eventually drops the intrigue in the "faux platonic" relationship and confesses he has feelings for me
>reciprocate, even though, in hindsight, it's evident i only reciprocated because i was scared he would not treat me specially if i didn't say i like him back
>dude breaks up with his gf for all of 18 hours before thinking he should get back to her because she was being suicidal
>advise him to do the right thing and get back to her because "something something i won't build my happiness on the misery of others something something" and because im the objective cunt in this situation even if i felt zero guilt or discomfort (although i knew rationally that i should feel these things)
>pine for all of a week (he's "single"), feeling miserable, hyper sensitive, triggered, worrying at every instance that his feelings for me are superficial, tepid, momentary
>addicted to the attention he gives me, but not necessarily to him as an individual
>intrusive thoughts exposed for the first time in years, worried he's lying to me, manipulating me (ive coped with the fact that he might be using me emotionally to fill the void his long distance relationship left in him by claiming that i was also using him to fill the void of loneliness)
>reach the conclusion that i was getting too attached; and the attachement was feeding off of my low self esteem and sapping away whatever worth i deemed of myself
>tell him we should just stay friends (he unironically tears up)
>start hanging out less and less
>he starts pining and giving me the attention that vulnerable hormone fueled me was craving when we were "together"
>feel oddly detached from my emotions and fine overrall
I was feeling somewhat melancholic because I reached the conclusion that i was too self centered and ego driven to ever experience love as a genuine, spontaneous and pure sentiment. That might explain why Ive been a femcel to this day.
The dude wasn't necessarily a bad person. And my feelings might have been genuine and not just something stemming purely out of gratitude for the way he took care of me/treated me. He treated me like I was the center of his universe. Paid attention to small, irrelevant details. But I was constantly on guard, a. because he was a cheater and i was helping him cheat emotionally (tbf we've never so much as touched each other sexually), b. because i was baffled every time he paid me a compliment or claimed i was intelligent or whatever the fuck. Either he was projecting what he wanted onto me (because of the pressure of his relationship) or i had too low an esteem for myself to accept the compliments as anything other than the delusions of a guy who simped too hard.
Ultimately, I think what truly disappointed me in him was how much of an immature child he was. His feelings, nice though they may be, are just too non committal and tepid for our big age (24). He was always so careful around the word "love" and only ever employed the word "like". So was I, but for me that was a defense mechanism because I really didn't see us lasting long anyways (even in ideal circumstances).
Thanks for reading my blog.
Do you always analyze and abstract your emotions from yourself this heavily? Then get surprised when your emotions don't run smoothly?
you've summed the point up a little more concisely than my post LOL>>80232
i think you're overanalysing the issue
is there some way you could try to express what happened in simpler terms? it might make it easier to work through the issue
>>80233>Do you always analyze and abstract your emotions from yourself this heavily
Yes. Habit I picked from when i was clinically depressed in college. Shrinks in my shithole are fucking hacks so i might as well be my own shrink.
I also think it's important to isolate myself from the bad emotions by vocalizing them early. If I repress them, they'll fester and feed my mental illness.>>80234
tl, dr: First ever "romantic" experience with a moid reveals that I am a narc in relationships. I'm also not a good person anymore.
There's no issue really. I'm numb to it. Thankfully, the only person I'll subconsciously allow to make me spiral into a depression is myself.
>>80238>Habit I picked from when i was clinically depressed in college. Shrinks in my shithole are fucking hacks so i might as well be my own shrink.
You do realize the step after "abstract and analyze emotion" is "physically do something different in response to that analysis" correct? Like you actually have to do something at some point?>If I repress them, they'll fester and feed my mental illness.
Is there no middle ground between "abstract myself away from myself" and repression?
>First ever "romantic" experience with a moid reveals that I am a narc in relationships.
To be a narc, you'd have to actually be confident in yourself so much you don't mind destroying other people. Seems to me that you're more desperate and neurotic showing more of a different attachment issue. Anything you describe doesn't line up with a narc personality, other than a vague sense of "treating other's like objects" and at arms length, but that's not the sole trait or even a necessary trait of narcissism.
>>80239>Like you actually have to do something at some point?
Like? Maybe it's a mistake to use those psychiatric terms to "self diagnose". None of what I have is particularly alarming or destructive.>middle ground
I prefer to be emotionally detached because the alternative (in my case) is hyper-sensitivity. >desperate & neurotic
Yes, and I think I attributed that to my low self esteem. So I guess I can't be in a relationship unless I move past THAT hurdle, lmao.
That depends. You seem to chew on your thoughts all day, do you ever, say, write them down?>Maybe it's a mistake to use those psychiatric terms to "self diagnose". None of what I have is particularly alarming or destructive.
Well yeah, you're not shooting up schools or anything, but judging from your long rambling rant and lamenting your attachment issues and fear of abandonment it's obviously impairing you in some manner. If the impairments bad enough it's preventing you from engaging in the life you want to live that's a pretty good example of mental illness.>I prefer to be emotionally detached because the alternative (in my case) is hyper-sensitivity.
Obviously, if it didn't help you in some way you wouldn't be doing it.
There may be a third option between "emotional constipation" and "hyper-sensitive seesaw" for you. Hell, it may even be better
.>Yes, and I think I attributed that to my low self esteem. So I guess I can't be in a relationship unless I move past THAT hurdle, lmao.
Well, you can have relationship, just going to mold the type of person you interact with and try to occupy with.
Seems like he was the one in the wrong here. You were just basking in the attention, which is only normal, especially for a self-described "femcel".
Don't waste another thought on him though, because he's trash with commitment issues and will do the same thing to you the moment you can't be there to fulfill his needs completely. Get another source of attention that isn't such human trash.
I hate drawing complex designs!! But I must for a commission… I don't want to draw him ahhh I can't figure out how to make his clothes look nice and I barely draw guys anyway
Did you charge extra for your labor?
It's understandable if you're so borderline that someone showing mere care for your general well-being makes you well up like this.>>79752
No it's really fucking not. I don't think the majority of therapist patients feel this way, let alone the majority of normal people.
>>80288>Professionals are just there to fill in for being an understanding friend.
Depends on the cognitive model. There are some therapists like that I suppose.
How the fuck do i stop seeing relationship obsessed freaks everywhere? I’m tired of that shit. Women this, men that. I hate that shit so much… why do people in my life think i want to hear it, why does social media algorithms think i give a shit about this? I don’t wanna hear it. It’s the same conversation since the dawn of time. I will fucking go crazy, i thought the problem was me… maybe i’m childish and i should be thinking about men all day but i realize culture is insane.
It’s normal, OP is deprived of affection and parental love and people who go through that act somewhat the same when someone shows them care and she’s aware of it and a lot of people aren’t. You must acknowledge the different factors before you decide that someone is abnormal. >i don't think the majority of therapist patients feel this way
Have you met a lot of therapist patients? Do you think everyone in therapy has appropriate socially acceptable thoughts and feelings. Why do you think they go to therapy? Lol
I'm considering leaving my bf and it's scaring me so much. I love him and this is the longest relationship I've ever been in. The reason(s) for leaving would take to long to explain. I feel so fucking lost because I don't know if I want to do this.
Is a guy saying he doesn’t believe in marriage a red flag? He says he’s happy to commit but doesn’t believe in contracts or needing a piece of paper to prove you love someone. I don’t actually particularly care about getting married but it seems like it could be a bad sign, am I being paranoid?
Pairing up is a normal human phenomenon. Very very few people stay single or celibate their entire life, and for many humans being in a relationship is the most important thing in their life. So yeah if you live in a human society you are probably gonna hear about relationships a lot. There’s nothing wrong with being asexual or aromantic but it’s not the normal human state.
Yeah I think it's a red flag. Because if it doesn't matter to him either way, it shouldn't be a big deal to go through with the "contract" if he's willing to "commit." Sounds like a guy who is scared shitless of paying alimony or losing assets in case of divorce AKA he wants his cake and to eat it too, being able to bounce when he wants and leave you high and dry. There's a reason why some protection is afforded to women in a lot of places in case of divorce.
Sure it’s normal, but people who talk about it obsessively are so boring. I just wish there was a way to block that shit. Sometimes, it’s so upsetting and repulsive. I don’t get why i get recommended relationship gurus, some pick mes on a podcast, and alpha males. Where does social media get that idea? Algorithms fucked
I'm not sure that it's an unreasonable fear on his part. My family parents lives are a shitshow. My father is on his 3rd marriage (hopefully stable) mnd my mother is on her 5th. She hates spending time with her husband and I expect her to divorce him in a year or two. Divorces are messy costly fuckups every time.
Your expectations of those algorithms are too high. They won't determine you are out of the typical range of relationship expectations. They will just vaugly assign you to some group you match closest with (mostly just by age a sex) and plaster on whatever shit moves the most add revenue.
Yes. Any mature adult understands why that "piece of paper" is important. If one part cheats and fucks the other over they don't get to just walk away. They don't get to just toss you away once they're bored.
If you don't wanna get married that's ok but don't cope with excuses like "I don't need a contract to prove my love". Like no shit, nobody does, that's not what it's for. >>80336
Sounds more like they are the problem. Instead of recognizing marriage doesn't work for them, they keep forcing themselves into it, or keep marrying people they don't really want to be with for superficial reasons without giving it much thought.
>>80339>Sounds more like they are the problem.
Absolutely. My mother has been the filling party each time. Every division was for reasons that could all be summed up as boredom or disinterest. Her main gripe about her current husband is that he watches to much television in the evening after work. Its both laughable and sad really. She realy does just toss them away when she gets bored.
I think it's hard to really know people or trust them.
I have three friends.
Friend #1 said he wanted to have casual sex with me, but then he backed up in the last second and now seems opposed to the idea. I hate rejection, so now I'm sad and feel ugly.
Friend #2 barely responds to my texts, never likes my stories, doesn't like the memes I send in the GC, and doesn't want to hang out with me. I'm positive she hates me now. She works part time and isn't going to uni, so she has the free time to reply. She often hangs out with other people.
Friend #3 hasn't done anything bad (yet), but I have the feeling that she is just using me as a back up friend.
I feel worthless and empty. I wish someone would love me, or prefer me over others. I hate not having a best friend and not being anyone's favourite person. I want to kill myself, or at least have a half-assed attempt to test their reactions. If they seem worried, then they love me. If not, I should just kill myself for real. I don't know how to feel better about any of this. I need to stop abusing prescription drugs. I need to eat more.
I've decided to try and get back in contact with an old friend who I took a break with back in January.
He means so much to me and I've spent many hours thinking of him during these months, but I'm afraid he may not want me around anymore. Heck, he may not be in the country anymore.
I won't know until I try and in the end I just want him to be okay, even if we're no longer "compatible" (lmao) as friends. If we were ever truly compatible at all.
I got thumped on the tit by a hailstone, ow.
>get a pang of loneliness and longing going through this girl's twitter because I thought she'd be cool to befriend but knew I'd be too shy to reach out
>saw she retweeted something about trans rights
>all of my loneliess and desire to be her friend instantly shrivels up
That was quick.
My loneliness is starting to outweigh my desire to avoid other people. I'm starting to get old enough that my lack of connections with other people is really freaking me out - I'm not close to my family and I only have on friend.
People used to try to get close to me, but I had a lot of bad experiences and learned to close myself off so hard the invitations stopped coming. Which was great for some years. Now I have no idea how to get close to people.
Part of it is that I've allowed to myself to get super weird, I have a ton of niche interests and I got off social media a couple years back. I live in a really conservative city - seems like women my age at work have just had kids and given up on being individuals, and the males are gross coomers. I know how to politely listen to people talk about themselves and their interests I don't share, but I've got this yearning for people I have things in common with. But I don't get out and culturally there's not much for people who don't like to party or breed
I talk with my friend about moving to a city with a culture we'd actually enjoy, and overall right now life is good aside from wanting friends besides him. But I'm perpetually afraid he's going to die and I'm going to be all alone with no one but my insane mother I speak to twice a year and alienated sister I speak to even less (and my father whom I cut off over a decade ago, but he may as well be dead.)
Pretty sure if I don't want my eventual death alone to be discovered via smell, I'm gonna have to do volunteer work so at least some junkies in a halfway house will give a shit if I exist
I kind of realized recently that imageboards aren’t really populated by a lot of users. Even places like 4chan where it seemingly has a lot of users. it’s kind of embarrassing because i just came across a post by someone i know on one of these threads i can tell it’s them and it got me thinking if people can spot me out too. I have a lot of detailed schizo ramblings during depressive episodes and that thought is just embarrassing. I’m probably going to stop sharing and just resume to lurking. Had to get that off my chest lol
I hate sex havers. I also hate pickme women who rant on twitter 24/7 about how much of a hoe they are and how much they love giving blowjobs that give them no pleasure and how much they love choking on some skeezy skinnyfat moid’s disgusting smegma covered pork sword.
I have a feeling most people who talk about sex constantly arent having anywhere near as much as they claim to. Sexlessness among women is skyrocketing according to surveys.
It's been a bit over a month since I broke up with my abusive ex-bf. It ended ok, things were bad since february so it wasn't a surprise when I cut things off.
I had some nostalgic moments and some loneliness where I missed him, but I luckily whenevr I recalled something good, I remembered that was a rare moment, with a lot of manipulation involved and other shit.
I liked being in a relationship, and being with someone who actually cares about me should be better, but right now I'm not feeling it, I don't know when I'll be ready again.
I downloaded tinder, but all the profiles there feel like unreal, where the does cc recommend I could find good men? Or just make friends?
>disgusting smegma covered pork sword
that gave me a hearty chuckle
Not her but why the hell are you even asking
Are you a moid trying to figure about what women see as abusive?
There's a reason there's no IP counter..
I totally understand the feeling. If you spend some weeks on a smaller sized blue board, you'll start to notice that a huge number of the posts are coming from a handful of relatively recognizable people. It's a bit depressing when you figure out that they're basically schizos who will never be molded by any arguments or information you offer them, so most of the time you're just talking to a brick wall (and that's if they aren't just literal bots).
As for protecting myself, I sometimes try to take on a different written 'voice' or general persona when I present different things, so they won't find easily commonalities between them.
No one on Tinder is a worthwhile person, and if they are, they won't be on there for long.
I think just meeting people through shared interests moves smoothest; you aren't going to find people who are looking and available, but you'll still probably make good connections along the way instead of the all-or-nothing nature of dating app.
Yep. The only good relationships I’ve had were with people I met either through theater or online-but-not-a-dating-site. Online dating has the same “market for lemons” problem as buying a used car or hiring employees. I even include myself in this — the times I’ve used OLD have always been when I’m most unwell and directionless.
I once got kind of offended at someone that decided me being single was unacceptable and kept pressuring me to set up a profile. If I was super concerned over someone being lonely I might try to set them up with a friend, but recommending OLD comes across to me as saying “hey, you seem too defective for real life, have you tried the meat market for predators and crazy people?”
Gas lighting: do it didn't work well cause I got a great memory for lived things, but the attempts where there.
Guilt trippping: a whole lot, about me dumping him, about not giving him enough atention after we broke up the first time and were getting back together, about working abroad and leaving him behind.
Financial abuse: Not really what you imagine, but he'd encourage me to buy him gifts which I could barely afford, I'm talking upwards 1k dollars, on top of the plane tickets. Besides me having to pay for a lot of our dates and hotels.
And accompaning all that was the lack of care for me or my hobbies, doing stuff for me like getting me flowers or something, sexual lazyness and inatentiveness too.
Worse is he would promise me a lot of things, for gifts, or baking me something I'd really like, or exploring more stuff in bed and never coming through.
Eventually he started a gay onlyfans cause he was short on money, he wasn't he was living above his means and had a lot of expenses that he could cut no problem. When I told him that I didn't like it and I considered it cheating adjacent, he told me i had always been jelous, and insecure, that he didn't want to do it either, but I didn't know what it was like being poor and having no money, all while ordering sushi every week, paying to do different sports activities every day almost, and generally buying whatever game or thing he wanted.
I'm getting that feeling, like maybe there's one in a thousand chance someone might be descent. I though I hit that jackpot last time but boooooy was I wrong.
As for hobbies there's not many people of the opposite sex there, and my other problem is that they'd ostracize me hardcore if my terfiness got out, so I don't want to loose that space.
Nta but how did you manage to meet people irl through your interests? I guess a lot of my interests are more introverted so I like going to book stores or record stores or I go hiking (and I do all of those things by myself…) I go to a show like twice a year, but even though I go there with the intention of meeting people it always seems like the guys there are with their girlfriends or in a big group and I’m sure there are other people there by themselves but I literally can never find them. I’d feel a bit weird just going up to someone and talking to them so I’m curious how you anons have managed to meet people through shared interests!
catching feelings for my fwb again . it's not even like i want to date him (for a number of reasons, including age, differences in our stages of life, personal standards he doesn't meet) but i like him so much and want to spend more time with him. i just don't know how to turn off that bpd obsession and overattachmentthat will only end up hurting my own feelings.
Have you tried not having sex with him and seeing if your feelings diminish?
A very tough phenomena to face. The fact a fraction of people go to imageboards, of that fraction, only a fraction bother to post at all, and of that fraction, only a fraction actually start threads.
Get on any board with less then a 100 users and you can probably count OPs with one hand. Pareto distributions are a bitch.
Yeah, don’t really care for strangers recognizing me on here or there but when you know a handful who know your face it’s incredibly embarrassing. Here’s to hoping they’re not attentive enough to put clues together like i have
I wouldn't worry about it. Just treat us like we are text and nothing more. Even if I knew your face, it not like I'm standing behind you casting judgement on you.>>80602
I actually enjoy what you have described. I like the feeling of feeling like I know who a poster is. Not who the person themself is mind you, just the abstraction of them I interact with. I like the idea of knowing all these little abstract non-persons. It's comforting to me.
feel like shit. covid positive and not sure if this "Depression" is due to that or not. i feel absolutely miserable every waking second of the day and it's exacerbated by a shit job that i still have to be at for 3 weeks.
a more loathsome thought is that im being a weepy, moapy, simpering little shit pining over people's attention. waiting for a text from any of my "friends" or "fwb" to check up on me, to magically figure out im not doing ok, because suddenly i feel like they need to coax the trauma dump out of me instead of me just venting and moving on.
im such a borderline, schizo attention whore. Truly abominable. and i don't even have the fortitude and discipline to self harm properly. Cunt. Cunt.
I don't need people. I don't need them. I don't need anyone. I'm fine with myself. I have socially acceptable drugs. I'm fine. I can live vicariously through others without engaging with them. I literally exposed the most vulnerable parts of myself to a fucking stranger knowing full fucking well that attached me to them rather than vice versa. My God, how could i be so utterly blind.
we don't hang out unless we have sex
i hate the lack of camaraderie in female spaces and ive seen this on here as well. moids are the worst thing that ever happened to earth but at least they stick together and mindlessly defend each other even when theyre sick rapists and murderers. why cant we do the same?
im not talking about defending a woman even when she does terrible things like thos mentioned, but being a bit more kind and hyping each other up.
i swear ive seen calling outs of advice posts for sad nonas turned into how scrotes shouldnt be generalized or manipulated, picking on insecurities and much more of the like on this site.
cant we really give up being handmaidens, at all?
i'm always ready to defend and cheer up women because i know they need in a world where scrotes are constantly picking on their flaws, demeaning and abusing them, and many other women are on a crusade to be the next pickme icon.
i'll always be glad for the exceptions that i've seen on here as well, of course, i just wish there were more of them.
i hope those posts were made by men.
There is certainly a higher influx of larping scrotes on here recently and I have no idea while their stuff is still up, but some of the examples you mentioned are very clearly made by women yeah.
I noticed this too, cc and other female only spaces lack the same amount of blind support misogynist men give to each other.
I don't think that's a bad thing though, it means we're way more reasonable no?
But sometimes it can get weirdly petty and I also can't see why in those instances there isn't more understanding and kindness on some women's part.
*why not while
Caught red-handed phoneposting
i have a theory, it's because a lot of women need an emotional connection to their partners or potential ones, and moids as long as they get okay sex and ego stroking (even if forced) loyalty are fine with a relationship. they don't rely on feelings as much, so believing women are whores, liars, bad doesn't hinder their ability to have a relationship they consider satisfying. if only they knew. however women tend to need a way more positive impression of someone to engage with them in that way, or at least the hope that someone can one day change for the better. admitting to yourself the majority of men are trash requires a lot of strength or emotional non-involvement that lots of women simply can't find in them, and they prefer to pick on you for being misandric than to accept a reality like that, hence the lack of same amount of support you see on stuff like incel spaces.
i decided to be more "open" to strangers soliciting me on facebook (usually old school/uni mates) and i get hit with a message from some dude who says he booked us a spot for the weekend in a "romantic" restaurant and he only has a 24 window of cancellation. I don't know the guy (we went to the same school, he's 3 years older) but ive been getting pressured by my parents to be more open to this sort of shit (im 24) and i get the feeling they're scared of my femceldom.
I just don't know how to walk the fine line between being cordial but firm (saying no). I end up either automatically shunning the male gender in its entirety, or letting myself get manhandled (I had my ass fondled yesterday by a drunk friend and i felt nothing nor did i know how to react)
Correct. This is why moids are fine with using escorts and mail order brides and having a relationship with someone who has nothing in common with them and doesn’t even know enough of his language to have a conversation with him. Moids cant love it’s just about getting their dick wet and the ego boost of having a woman doing everything for them, even if she’s paid for. All throughout history moids went around kidnapping and raping women from other tribes who couldn’t speak the same language as them and had nothing in common with them and forced them to marry them against the woman’s will. Men are fine with a slave or sex for rent arrangement as a relationship which is why they’re so disgusting.
That's sad. Sick Facebook creeps are pretty common. He probably does that same thing over and over until he gets a bite. I don't think ignoring that kind of behavior would count as shunning the male gender as you put it.
99% of men dont have common decency to begin with so we don’t care about showing it to them. Go take your whiteknighting of scrotes to tradlarp discord, hon.
I had this friend in school who would sporadically bully and annoy me, usually because I was a bit of a chubby, introverted teen back then. I was never afraid of her, but rather of the act itself and so tried to mitigate the chances of it happening. But in a weird way, that time of my life was also the happiest in my life. She was outgoing and direct and got me into popular circles, and when I moved schools and she moved on to do god-knows-what, I had to always latch onto different groups of people and only felt fleetingly happy. Sometimes she would drop by my class and I would follow her like a cat and we would be playful with each-other, but that was then and there.
I saw her working a minimum-wage position a while before, but she seemed so happy to see me and had clearly retained her outgoing charm, whereas I would die of shame if I was a cashier or something. I may be adorned with expensive clothes and jewelry, but she has both life and spirit. Whereas I am a cold corpse and feel nothing but resentment. I told my bf, but he said some useless stuff I don't care about and failed to understand the situation.
''You're still the same old you, huh!''
I probably made some of those post she was talking about. I'm certainly not claiming all of them (especially not the angry or spiteful stuff), but a few. The things I wrote were never meant to defend men or praise them. They also were not meant to be some kind of moral display. Many, maybe even an overwelming majority of, men are shit, and I acknowledge and accept that, but I don't believe it is okay to look at the world in all or none terms. I can't see the world as such a simple place. I was always responding to what l believe is a flawed and self damaging perspective on life. I'm sorry if I have caused offense and upset with any replies I made. I didn't want to hurt anyone or make them feel unwelcome.
Are you resenting her or yourself?
Had an extremely graphic dream where I gave birth and had a child. Was so disgusting and I feel sick lol.
I've come across women in other female-dominated spaces who denounced handmaidens and pointed out misogyny in men only to turn around to make pickme posts about men they're attracted to and mock/trash women who didn't think the same as them. It's disappointing but many of us simply don't have a strong sense of female solidarity the way men have an instinctive sense of camaraderie for each other.
Uh huh. Shut up.
T. "this friend in school"
See you back here in 3 months crying about how he cheated lol.
I will always defend the worst woman over the best man. I don’t care if that pisses people off. 99.9% of the time awful women are made that way by abuse from men in their childhood anyway, men are the root of all evil.
Too many nonas around here hang around on manosphere boards and discord servers full of 4chan moids. They also tend to date scrotes they picked up from there. They end up picking up their opinions and internalizing all their misogynistic bullshit. Sadly women are naturally more empathetic than moids so instead of feeling disgusted by the loser slime they scraped off these boards they feel sorry for them and whiteknight for them>uwu my trad porn addicted discord scrote is so cute i love my bunny wunny not all men!
youre exactly the type of person the post was talking about lmao
>Entered social media drawing contest
>Try really hard to make an appealing and on theme entry
>winner is a low effort "ironic" shitty drawing yet again
I hate people so fucking much. Just to imagine the hours every single person that really tried wasted because it's so funny when the laziest thing wins for the 100000th time makes my blood boil
That's real fuckin' depressing.
saw someone in a hobby group who is younger and skinnier than me elope today and idk why it immediately sent me into this mood of "you are now fat and old and it's too late to achieve anything you want". feeling bad about myself because I'm turning 27 and I haven't accomplished the things I wanted to and now I'm spiraling in these thoughts of like yep that's it you're too old to attempt to accomplish anything now and you will just be a sad fat achievement-less old hag now.
I'm also just feeling stressed about something I've been ignoring (my own fault) and I'm also on my period today so maybe hormones are not helping me rn but damn it's only a thursday and I hate waking up and immediately feeling miserable about myself.
Can’t even listen to love songs anymore because it depresses me how no one will ever look at me that way or write a love song about me. And when I think of all the other lonely people out there who will probably never be loved I start to cry, life is so cruel to those who are ugly.
What gets me is that the one on the lift literally looks like a clown face stuff on a bundle of limbs. It's just creepy and soulless.
I feel like people have gotten so into irony that now massive amounts are opting for the ironic option by default even if the ironic option has 0 soul. It isn't even a good or interesting meme drawing either; looks like one-off shit.
For both of you:
>Again it's time to realize>Care is no longer there>Fret that consumed every cell>Dissolved into the air>The throng of mutterings ends today>Forfeit all attempts
>Charms fade and gardens grey>Ignore their waning, dying scent>No elation sent>No unmatched soul will be sought
>Silence their petty whispers>Cut out their wagging tongues>Prying eyes seek gouging>When secrets come undone
>No need to polish treasured wares>That expose beneath the dust>Leave the webs to cover and hide>In times of regretted lust
>Charms fade and gardens grey>Ignore their waning dying scent>No elation sent>No unmatched soul will be sought
>This is only a moment to oneself>Spewed forth for all to see>Its purpose, no one can tell
Please feel better. Try to move past seeking things from outside yourself. >>80704
Oddly a lot of them probably didn't really like it either. People love trying to match their taste or even their "personality" to trends just to feel they belong.
WHY DID I HAVE TO GO AND FUCK IT UP. WHY. AAAAAAAA. I HATE MYSELF. THAT WAS SO UNSMOOTH. I RUINED A GOOD THING BY BEING GREEDY. FUCK ME. FUCK. I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH. WHY CAN'T I MOVE ON ALREADY. GOD. DAMN IT. FUCK!! FUCK OFF. I DON'T WANT TO BE SAD AGAIN. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SUCH A RETARD.
Sorry for all caps, it hurts a lot. I hope it will be okay anyways. I'm a shitty weirdo. I just have to tell myself it's going to be okay.
this is the pettiest, "my glass shoes are too tight" type of vent but here goes. i'm so annoyed that my parents refuse to help me get an apartment. my parents are wealthy by the standards of our country, but they have never lifted a finger to help me. they help my sister all the time, sending her huge sums of cash (often without her even asking for it) because she has a full-time job and a family. right now my number one priority is moving out of my parent's house, but they want me to prove myself and obtain stable employment before they offer me money to help with housing. which is understandable. i think they think i'll become a lazy bum living on their dole. however, i have had jobs in the past and lived independently in the past – i lived in four different apartments, two of them in a different country even, before i moved back in with my parents due to the rona. i work part time, and have tried to find jobs locally and my dad has even driven me to interviews, so it's not like they don't know i'm trying. they have repeatedly asked when i'll go back to doing my old job, so i think they're basically banking on me leaving the country. but damn, what i wouldn't give for just a little rent assistance to live here. i could have moved out years ago. every time i ask them about it, my parents say they know i don't like living with other people (when i say i can find a roommate so the rent assistance won't be so high, never mind that they know i'm over the chronic shyness that made roommates difficult in the past), or tell me they can't afford it (they absolutely can).
Yes. I find it really hard to sympathize with your problem, nona. Have you tried telling them you found an appartment you can afford and show them something in a shitty area of town so they'll offer you to give you some money to afford a place in a safer area
Every time I see a moid outside I wanna bash his brains out (in minecraft)
Can actually relate to this. I have a wealthy but single mom and moved out 4 years ago to study. She helped me with rent money, but there was no time to help me with the appartment hunt let alone be there to sign contracts on time. I now live in a shitty housing project and still haven't managed to move out. I work two jobs and have my own income, but I don't have the papers that the other college kids, whose parents rent flats for them, have. Can always blame it on gentrification, I guess…
This will make some people here angry but:
Some guy is cheating on his wife with me. We were friends before this affair has started 1 year ago. It hasn't resolved itself despite being discovered several times.
I tried to leave but came back around every time, I am now sure that this is a codependant relationship. I have no friends except for this guy and won't qualify for psychotherapy until 2024. Whenever I try to seperate, I find myself completely alone, with noone to even talk to, for days on end. The loneliness more than the loss of this guy makes me suicidal. Everytime I try to befriend new people, I magnetically attract even worse types. I really need help, but I'm not getting it yet and until then the hope that he'll come around one day is my last straw.
Today was a bad day. This guy and I spent the last week intensely preparing an exhibition, and he tells me now, that his wife is going to come to the opening tomorrow. She hates my guts, thinks I am a psycho who manipulated her husband and made him cheat, and is really sociable and nice wheras I am the most quiet, scared sperg you can imagine.
The bottom line: These people blasting their whatever happy shards of a relationship in everyone's face are going to be in my safe space and socialize as a couple, right infront of people who already are shaming me AND infront of my art. They are going to look at my paintings, they are going to see our situation in it, they're going to cringe and then go home, have dinner, watch TV and fuck eachother in their little perfect world.
I don't feel envious of this shitshow of a marriage, but I really want someone - anyone to be with me. Just hold eachother at night, just having someone to talk to. I hate that he made me believe he's going to divorce and be this for me. I hate that they both believe in this "homewrecker" narrative, like it wasn't him serial cheating who is wrecking the home and her having no self-respect allowing it to be this way and living in a ruin. I hate that this wife makes shitty pixelart of her husbands paintings and puts them on Instagram, the latest being titled "Life is fantastic". Your life is so fantastic you got to hold people hostage: I hate that even if he wanted to be with me, he wouldn't leave, out of obligation and because he is put under a massive amount of pressure by his 10 years older wife who enforces his learnt helplessness and allows him to believe he is unable to live on his own, write coherently, manage an own bank-account or even cheat by his own volition. She really thinks she's his guardian or something. When she went through our texts and saw me calling him a mamas boi she flipped so hard he almost moved out. But he got sick and now everything is "on good terms" again.
If he really loved me - why stay in this marriage?
If he doesn't love me and is an abuser - why stay married to him?
Normally I sympathize and believe she's being deluded by a cheater. But today my sympathy is running low.
It sounds like you have an extremely negative thought process and perception of yourself. Have you tried interrupting negative thoughts with more positive ones even if it feels fake at first? Happiness is a mindset, sounds cliche but it's true. There's Africans living on a dollar a day who are more happy than rich middle class Americans.
This toxic relationship you have with him isn't good for all three of you. She doesn't deserve this and should leave him, he's a pig who wants to have his cake and eat it, and you're having an affair with a married man. You need to form a social circle with people outside of the place he is, find hobby groups, clubs, anything. Watch out for people who show signs of narcissism, and don't expect more than being aquaintances with most people. Become closer with people who aren't malicious. Break up with this guy, try to find a different gallery.
I'm a shitty entity that lies about itself, misrepresents itself, and deceives real people so it can leach off of thier emotions and experiences like some kind of invertebrate parasite. The little vicarious tidbits I pick up are delicious to me an it makes me feel inhuman. I want to want to stop doing it, but I just don't want to give it up.
I don't want to hurt the people I'm preying on, and I don't think people ever realize what I am doing, but I know it is trashy, disingenuous, and disgusting. I utterly hate myself.
Is this bait?
The only "homewreckers" out there are the shitty moids who shit all over their wedding vows. Nothing immoral about sleeping with a married person. When it comes down to it, it was the married person's choice. If anything it is a good thing to expose adulterous assholes as early as possible so their spouses don't end up hurt down the line. Its not the "homewrecker's" fault that their marriage wasn't strong enough or that their spouse has poor character.
The "homewrecker" did not vow on the wedding day not to fuck your husband, but your husband vowed not to fuck any other women. It is HIS responsibility.
Homewrecking is the biggest lie ever. Usually the wife is just so angry and needs a place to direct her anger, but she doesn't want to direct it at her spouse who she still loves, so she directs it at the "homewrecker".
The cheating moid then weaponizes these feelings and manipulates her to evade as much responsibility ad possible.
Sometimes the genders can be inverted but considering cheatinf stats its most commonly men who do this.
Also BPD is not "female psychopathy", psychopathy and BPD are almost polar opposites.
It's ironic when people talk about empathy while having none themselves.
The whole lack of female comradery and unity are built into most cultures and succeed, and it's one of the biggest reasons patriarchy has thrived for 6000 godforsaken years
It's made easier for men because adhering to stereotypes, for them, is empowering. They also get to bond over shitting on women and coomer culture. This gives them tons of shared interests even across racial and economic classes.
Commonality and shared interests are crucial for group cohesion. Like with men, it's easiest to bond with other women over shared stereotypes like motherhood, enhancing their appeal to men, and complaining about men. That means most of the social bonding women do is based in their subservience. A lot of feminists spurn these stereotypes for obvious reason, and that gives us little to bond over. Common hatred of men and dislike of our oppression isn't enough.
Feminists women need a shared CULTURE that includes joyous things, but we're all so individualistic we seem to have knee-jerk reactions AGAINST anything form of fitting in. Like we're trying way too hard to over-correct for the "all women are the same" perception
I wish we could all love to learn guns, weapons, and hand-to-hand combat sports. But I see this repeated mantra of "Women shouldn't HAVE to arm themselves to feel safe!" while rates of violence against women continue to skyrocket
You get a lot of hate here but I'll say he is the one POS in this situation. He is a childish, selfish and disloyal piece of human trash and he is playing you both like a fiddle, getting what he wants (a proper wife and a fuck toy - you) while making you turn on each other while you should be ripping him
He does not love you. He probably doesn't love his wife either. He loves himself and his cock, which he can't keep in his pants. You should leave him and his wife should divorce rape him.
Have you considered the reason why you're attracting bad people is because you're a bad person yourself
>>80896>implying coomer moids don't regularly target vulnerable people to manipulate
I think men are more or less culturally encouraged to just do whatever they want. I think women on the other hand are pigeonholed into a more restricted range of socially acceptable interest by both men and each other.
You last bit there is indicative of these patterns. Fot example, I personally like guns but I know it is generally socially unacceptable to do so so I don't bring it up to others except in rare instances.
I articulated that poorly. What I wanted to imply was women shouldn't have to be the same to feel connected to one another. I don't think men view each other that way.
My cat passed away about a year a go now. I miss waking up with a cat at the foot of my bed, or hearing my door open and a cat meowing for food or attention. I miss opening the door to come home and hearing the little paws running up to meet me. I miss the comfort of the purrs. I want to get a new cat so fucking bad but I still have to finish paying off the stupid fucking vet bill and my housing situation is gonna be a little questionable for the next year or two (not sure what my plans are + finding housing is so competitive rn that I wouldn't want to have to turn down a place because they don't allow cats) so now is just not really a great time to get one and I'm so fucking sad.
I think what makes me extra sad is I feel like I am projecting all of my feelings of like "I am not allowed to have this because I don't deserve it". Like I can't have a cat bc I can't afford it, I can't wear certain things or try dating because I haven't reached my goal weight yet, I don't have the career I want because I have accomplished XYZ yet, etc. etc.
There are definitely hobbies and interests that are considered stereotypically male like sports and cars. Moids never feel embarrassed for being interested in them because society does not shame them for it (hell the reason most of them aren't embarassed of their porn addiction is because it's still an assertion of their male power, to consume females and service their own pleasure shamelessly.) There's nothing to disincentive them from engaging in these hobbies as there's no stigmas against them - on the contrary. Being interested in sports and cars affirms their masculinity. Sure there's plenty of guys aren't interested in them, but there's also a lot of men who only take an interest in them to fit in socially, especially with other men.
You're right that the list of "acceptable female activities" is extremely limited (and many revolve around servicing men). And because society hates women, ANYTHING that is considered stereotypically female will be seen as degrading. Hence women avoiding feminine stereotypes and falling into "not like other girls" toxic mindsets. We know it's just a coping mechanism, but it's also dividing and isolating. Women rarely take up hobbies with the express purpose of seeking out the company of other women, and suggestion of doing so is often poorly received.
I've been trying to read about sociology and psychology for a couple of years now to understand patriarchy and misogyny better. The truth is humans feel comfort in familiarity and that is how we organize ourselves socially. We are a social species, fitting in a survival imperative, and most people do not want to give us everything that is familiar and comfortable to them to fit in. So they seek out others like themselves.
If our only commonality is our biology and being oppressed by men, our main topics of conversation will always be based around these things. And that's what makes a lot of feminist spaces online such depressing buzzkills. The suffragette movement was successful in part because the women had a lot in common socially and so organizing and communicating was easy.
Even you think women shouldn't have to have things in common to feel connected, are you actively opposed to women actively trying to choose what hobbies/activities to promote within feminist spaces? The ones chosen for us suck. Social alienation is on the rise, adults have fewer and fewer friendships, and feminism is divided as hell. If you go to /feels/, a lot of people on this board admit to being socially alienated and deeply lonely. I know I am. >>80907
Men feel connected to all other men through a sense of superiority. A shared sense of suffering does not have the same mental effect - it's demoralizing whereas a shared sense of superiority is empowering.
I don’t trust anyone who labels others as bpd, you’re probably a man too, it’s always scrotes doing it, any woman who feels more than one emotion gets diagnosed as bpd by scrotes and I’m sick of it.
I actually haven't been in this situation. Like I said, she did not make vows on their wedding day, but HE did. It was HIS responsibility and HE knowingly exploited a girl who is obviously in a vulnerable state. Its not her job to protect the feelings of HIS wife.
Moid detected. Neck yourself coomer.
And yes I support so-called "succubi" because they expose adulterous filth. They didn't "seduce" him into anything, he was a married man and for whatever reason he decided to ignore that to go fuck another woman. It exposes what an uncaring and ingenuine piece of shit he is for the wife to see and escape from. Its not s literal stranger's job to look out for the feelings of some unknown women, that is her HUSBAND'S job.
what is it about myself that makes scrotes particularly antagonize me?
i'm in a server with a bunch of other girls and some moids, and most of the girls share my negative views on men and express them freely.
however, this doesn't stop the guys from being neutral or outwards liking them.
but when it comes to me, they constantly seem to have a bone to pick, and disrespect me often.
it doesn't boil down to our physical appearance because i never showed any pictures of myself, and none of the girls did either.
its not that i want to be liked by those types of scrotes, it just frustrates me that im given a different treatment for seemingly no reason. i wonder what's the logic behind it.
I don't realy understand your question or, perhaps, I don't realy understand why your question is being asked. If I created the impression I was against anyone pushing anything, it was unintentional. I guess I see nothing wrong with others collecting relationships that way. The idea or need for doing so is alien to me though. I pick hobbies based on what I want to do and nothing else. I can't see spending my time on something that I found not to be enjoyable. I do not dislike being alone, and I do not feel a need to belong, not even to the most masic groups, say "women" for example. I recognize this is abnormal, but that doesn't mean I can truly understand other people's feelings or desires. I really can't even conceptualize what people actually gain from each other, other than that they broadly feel more satisfied with themselves. I want to be able to connect to others based on compassion and altruism I guess.
I know I sound crazy.
Most men are attracted to bpd women who hate men but only ones who do it in a cute or attractive way. It’s possible you don’t put things as cutesy as they do and are probably a more logical aspie type so it doesn’t appeal to moids as much.
Are you openly insulting them and not expecting a negative response? The others are probably doing it in a different tone or style that comes across as less offensive.
I used to feel more like that, but the more I read about evolution, primatology, psychology, and history the more it became abundantly clear to me that humans need each other. I also recognize that times I enjoyed being alone more also coincided with times I was obviously depressed (but often didn't realize it at the time because I was so used to it)
My real interest in wanting to see more shared interests within feminist circles is that it observably fundamental to human bonding. I don't want to just come to boards to complain, I want to see things improve.
It also makes me angry daily to watch men band together to lie about the existence of misogyny on places like reddit but feminists can't even agree on things we like to do together. Part of the allure of redpill social media/the 'manosphere' is that it helps give lonely failures of men a sense of community.
Feminism is failing women at the moment. We can observe how other social movements are succeeding, abstain from what we find ethically unacceptable, and copy the rest.
But who knows. Maybe feminist unity will never be possible for the simple fact that you have to be so highly individualistic in order to become a feminist in the first place
Probably the same reason that I don't care about reading "nigger" vs a 1000 word screed of how blacks don't deserve to exist or something. If it feels genuine and schizo'ey people take it way more serious emotionally rather than hating some traits openly.
I only know this because I'm also in a group that openly generalizes each other's sex and is normally still good to each other.
Do you have some partcular interest you want to unify feminist with?
I doubt there is a great deal of commonality in taste. Ultimately, is it really odd for a group united over one thing to not to have anything else in common?
If you went to a sports arena or something, you wouldn't expect all the viewers to share ideas beyond "I like football" would you?
I'm so sorry for your loss anon. It hurts so much to lose them, but I keep hoping I see them again.
There was a very strong, aggressive, popular and passionate radfem movement in the early 2010s. However many of these feminists ended up getting doxxed and having their pictures and info posted all over the internet by moids and trannies (especially around gamergate era) as well as rape and death threats so many were forced into scrubbing the internet of their profiles. Scrotes on 4chan and twitter would compile their pictures and tear them apart over their appearance, find nudes of them and send them to their families etc, there was such a huge backlash against feminist women that I think it scared many women away from the feminist movement.
Now that we’re in an incredibly image obsessed, pickme societal phase (with tiktok and shit) as well as men openly threatening to rape and kill women constantly online, the fear is even bigger. Many girls seek male approval and protection and feel that it’s safer to kowtow to and flatter moids than to fight for respect (we know that’s bullshit because look how meek submissive trad wives have been treated through history and are still treated in the Middle East etc) The passion and fight just isn’t in women anymore, they’re already incredibly stressed and preoccupied with how fuckable and desirable they must look at all times. I’m not sure what the answer is, maybe now that Roe vs Wade has been overturned, normie women are finally waking up to how much men want to control us and take away our rights.
I think also zoomers/gen alphas are generally a lot more self obsessed and absorbed. They were raised in the era of 24 hour news streams and constant negative media stories, after a while you just kind of become more numb to what’s going on in the world I guess. A lot of people are much more hyper individualistic now and only really care about their own lives and issues. The exception is virtue signalling on socials but I think even that is dying out now.
But a large part of being a teacher/counsellor/any other profession that deals with children is understanding that they can be difficult and strange especially when they’re going through puberty and being open minded tolerant and understanding enough to deal with that without being horrible to them. If you’re an overly judgy person or someone who likes making fun of kids for being stupid or weird then you probably shouldn’t be in that line of work.
I feel like I have wasted my life. I am 23 and completely alone. I never had a boyfriend and the last time I had friends is such a distant memory that I barely even remember what friendship feels like. The only people I talk to on a regular basis are supermarket cashiers and my parents.
Having online friends would be enough for me, but even posting a message on Discord makes me anxious. I have zero self confidence and an extreme fear of exposing my true self to others. My social skills amount to playing pretend and hoping that nobody notices how deranged and pathetic I am. I have to pay extreme attention to even stand a chance at passing for a normal person in a conversation and I still fuck it up more often than not.
I think there is something fundamentally wrong with me (autism or some related condition), but I'd honestly rather die than talk to a therapist about this.
I made peace with the prospect of never finding a boyfriend, but not having friends is driving me insane. I feel so lonely and jealous of people with friends. I can't envision myself ever living a normal life. I have nothing to be proud of and everything to be ashamed of. I have a million hopes and dreams but in reality I'll never amount to anything more than a lonely loser wasting away in the basement until the inevitable happens.
>>80956> I feel like I have wasted my life. I am 23 and completely alone.
You shouldn't feel too bad for yourself. You're only 23, that's still young enough to turn your life around. > Having online friends would be enough for me, but even posting a message on Discord makes me anxious.
Social anxiety sucks, but if you push yourself, it's possible to overcome it. Eventually your social skills will improve with social interaction.
I've been you, but like other anon said overcoming social anxiety involves active work, practice, and exposure. It's not fun, the maintenance is annoying, but it can happen. It's also easy to get back on track and stay there IF you keep yourself in check and consistently interact.
You can definitely master this, anon. Just consider it to be the same as exercise if you workout, since confidence is like a muscle. It's tough to strengthen and if you take a break you'll need to regain the strength, but it will be easier.
>>80755>Have you tried telling them you found an appartment you can afford and show them something in a shitty area of town so they'll offer you to give you some money to afford a place in a safer area
i signed up for ssi + an affordable housing lottery recently at my mom's bequest, so i don't think cheap/shitty housing is really a problem.>>80775
yes, that is the reason – and i'm aware of it. if i lived a more traditional lifestyle my parents would be willing to help me, hence the whole needing to prove myself thing. seeing as i have no plans to have a family of my own, my parents will never support me the way they support her. which again, is fair. (and i don't blame her for it.) >>80790
damn, i'm sorry to hear that, nona.
i can be your friend nona, i have your same age and know a couple of other cool cc gals. we have a little group chat and are quite close, let me know if you're okay with that!
i can voice verify as well.
I lost my virginity & the experience was so bad Id even say traumatic. Right after he changed completely- didn’t want to kiss me or cuddle, just scrolled on his phone essentially ignoring me. I feel so gross and used. I bled after- when i let him know he didn’t comfort me or anything. Completely different person then the guy I thought I knew literally seconds before it. I started crying and awhile later asked him to drive me home.I couldnt sleep last night & I’ve been crying all day. I regret it so bad, I feel so ignorant for trusting him
Imagine the conversations you'd have.
What the fuck anon I’m sorry. No deserves to be treated that way. It’s not your fault that he didn’t treat you with the decency of an actual human being. I hope you can take care of yourself today. That guy means nothing and if you didn’t have a good experience then that’s his fault and not yours.
it is horrible, and the worst part is this sounds like the cautionary tales I was told about losing my virginity as a little girl - men will say or do anything to fuck you, then treat you like dirt once they get it because they no longer have any incentive to treat you well
boys are fed the EXACT same messages but a different spin. women are just holes, lie to them to get what you want, then treat her like shit after to assert your masculinity
I'm sorry so nona, it wasn't much different for me when I lost my virginity so you are not alone.
Robert Jensen's books really helped me to understand male behavior and the male mind. After reading his books, you look at men in a completely different light.
For the rest of your life, treat all men like this you'll be better off. At least you learned your lesson. You better order plan B, my god you have you thought of that at all? What country are you in?
I know about the radfem movement in the 2010s, I was there. I've been here the whole time. That's why I'm so mad and fed-up. And this post is going to venty because I'm angry now.
I've been studying and trying to understand exactly where radical feminism fails where other movements succeed. Fucking Flat Earthers are more successful a movement than radical feminism. Most of the steps needed to build this movement into something better are easy - the ambiguities of how to do it are clarified by recent history and new research. Behaviorial psychology, social engineering, and memetics are all well established fields now.
I understand that learned helplessness is part of our socialization, but the extent of it still baffles me. Even in the more activist-oriented radfem communities, the attitude "oh it's just too hard now" is everywhere. I think it's shameful. I would NOT get to be single, childless, and living alone if it weren't for the hard work of the Suffragettes - I'd be playing mommy-maid-whore to a man with unwanted children hanging from my tits. I can't think of a worse way to shit on their legacy than to just sit on my hands and distract myself while everything they fought for falls apart.
We are a social species, I benefit from the work of other humans who came before me. I have a duty to make a positive contribution. And I'm so goddamn sick of seeing women and girls suffer needlessly while coomer culture grows. Right now, men are in their gross circles talking about how our lack of action against them is proof of our inferiority.
I will fight until I fucking die
Which is why fantasy is better 99% of the time until you know a person, based on review. Especially what other women have said about them.
Unfortunately most young women are dumbasses, and they dismiss good advice when it comes to men. My god its pathetic. I don't understand it since fantasy is infinitely better 99% of the time. I mean come on. Look at the men around you. Are you actually attracted to any of these pigs save for one or two??? It takes insane mental gymnastics to be attracted to most men. How do you convince yourself that you do in the first place, is what I wanna know lull
Unfortunately I've settled to see how most women are just about as trashy as men. Its like 20% of women who are not. They hang on desperately for approval, and to fit in and fit the trash description. Sorry if I sound negative its just so freaking obvious god.
They live to be doormats and they live in desperation because of how they're brainwashed in highschool. ← I think that is a recent thing, but it is extremely pervasive.
But yes I also agree with all of this. I think feminism has to gain momentum. The biggest problem is that women put it down, when they hear its "played out"
Somehow it always becomes "played out" and women are dumb enough to fall for that about 60% of the time, so they let momentum die. Which is the opposite of what they should have been doing.
what kind of server is that? I’ve never heard of a majority-female space where anti-male views are expressed but which also allows men to fire back. maybe old-school tumblr was kind of like that.
Isn't it also why they go on about not giving a shit what a woman does, making fun of hard working and skilled career women, and generally announcing that it doesn't matter what a woman does with her life because the only thing that matters in women is her youth?
They are just trying to find things to laugh about tbh. Like, they basically give a playbook of how men like them create a system of incentives about how it doesn't really matter to them if a woman is hyper-competent…but they will make fun of women for being lazy anyway–even if they just ignored 10000s of hours of blood, sweat, and hard work from her or wouldn't actually care if she put in that effort.
Imo I think this weird dynamic is present in several kinds of misogynists because the greater effect of it is to get women to actively devalue the labor they do, so other people can exploit it more.
I feel you. Even if I get over my anxiety discord is the worst. Everyone I meet online asks me to join some discord and even if I careto join there's always like 500 members and 20 people posting regularly. I have no idea how am I supposed to just butt into their dynamic without making it weird.
Thank you, i never imagined someone could be so selfish to do that, I even confided in him beforehand multiple times about how I viewed virginity that it was important to me, clearly that was a mistake. I feel so stupid & I feel dirty, I thought I vetted him but maybe it was all a lie in the end. The worst part was that he kept telling me it’s normal for a guy to feel distant after and not want to kiss/cuddle- to the point of googling it to show me as if I was being crazy for wanting to be comforted, cuddled, and kiss after we had sex- especially since I was bleeding and sore, that it was my first time. Yes I took plan b the morning of. I kid you not he sat in bed facing away from me and scrolled TikTok, I tried to defuse the situation before I started crying and asked to at least have tea together and he straight up said no. I’ll check out the author you recommended, thank you again
We met at the start of the year through a mutual friend
this is making me seethe i want to kill all moids
Anon I appreciate you so much for this. You've expressed my thoughts very well, more than I ever could. I completely agree.
I'm not that anon, but can we talk and can I maybe be in the GC too? If not that's okay
Nona, this is a tough pill to swallow but you really really have to condition your mind to not needing a single soul. People don't owe you anything. We're all alone in this world and the only people who are truly content are the people who find their "person" or the people who finally realize their "person" is just themselves. The moment you break your inner attachment and expectations of other human beings is the moment you'll truly be free.
It's weird that my brain made the transition from mildly disliking this dude, to having "feelings" for him to barely tolerating his presence again (despite promising him that i'll always be his friend).
It's just that I can now finally see things that my attraction to him previously obscured. Immaturity is the death of any romantic inclination, and he is so fucking immature it's not even funny. Besides, he's pining in this really unelegant way, and I feel like a cunt for judging but really I shouldn't. He's in a committed relationship and he still wants to be in love with me? What compels humans to fall for this immoral behavior?
>inb4 le heart wants what le heart wants
I have trampled on my feelings to the point where they reached the other end of the spectrum and transformed from affection to general disdain. Why can't he be an adult or at least suffer in silence?
I agree. It's also one of the rational reasons that made me get the massive fucking ick. I used to think I may have a potential with this boy if he were available, but it's evident that he'll do to me what he's done to her.
I feel for his partner. But again, it's not my place to intervene in any relationship.
I need to get fitter so badly. I do literally anything and I'm like "woah, is it bedtime yet?" and it's barely even midday. I am exercising already, but that takes time, and time is my greatest enemy and yet I cannot destroy it! So unfair. Anyway, remind me not to take three years off from doing any physical activities ever again.
Is it possible that you also have vitamin deficiencies? To account for being easily fatigued, I mean.
When my iron is low or I'm not eating enough b vitamins I feel like a bag of rocks.
I'm spiraling hard right now. I've been writing some thoughts down in a journal in the past few days and re-read them today. I'm embarrassed.
My business is failing but I don’t want to get a fucking job. Every job I’ve had there’s always someone that decides they have A Problem with me and won’t leave me be to work. I don’t want to go back to getting mildly bullied for 8-12 hours every day. Life is a scam.
I wish I could own that boy even though I deserve better. Like, way better. I can tell I'm depressed because I feel like I can't compete with everything else he likes, even though I'm not as horrible as I feel like I am. People just do the things I wanted to do but better, and he actually gives them his attention while I get scraps and friendzoneshit. Learning to be a Stacy when I was sabotaged from the beginning of my life to be molded into a coping Becky on the inside stings harsher than any papercut.
I know I'm not perfect and can't be everything I wish I was. I kinda suck a lot. And yet for all the good I can do, I deserve so much better. The worst part, it's fucked up that I'm finally starting to get some really good better shit but now I can't appreciate it because I'm feeling insidiously jealous that I can't monopolize someone who seems to give other people really great sex and me relatively mediocre sex.
I wish he would stop being a manwhore and let me have him. I don't really feel very happy trying to be a floozy to cope. I hate how much my happiness is dependent on his even though he's robbed the joy from me so many times it's obvious I need to stop trusting him.
Why does it feel like Stacy went to charm school and learned everything about male desires while my parents forced the Bible in my face so I could be sold off to virginity-worshopping volcels/incels? Ones that still just fap to Stacy's porn and give her money anyways?
I wish people realized that the reason why churches are dying isn't because of their anti-lgbt history, it's the anti-sex morals in a world where capitalism let "sex sells" run rampant for 25+ years. The pornrot is real and unfortunately it's making me lose hope in happiness.
There has been a rift between my mother and I over the past year or two and it makes me so sad.
I'm not sure if our opinions have begun to differ so much as it is that I'm starting to feel comfortable disagreeing. I always HATED even minor disagreements because emotionally I see her as the arbiter of morality and the ultimate guide to life, but it's at a point where it's restricting my existence as an individual.
It would be easier if we didn't have a shared history with my father, since I feel tied to her because of it. But maybe being so connected isn't always healthy.
She's done her best but it's hard to admit she isn't perfect.
>>81051>He's in a committed relationship and he still wants to be in love with me? What compels humans to fall for this immoral behavior?
Scrotes are physically incapable of being exclusive. Men are the root of all evil because of this.
If you like him enough you should just take him anyways without remorse. If he's not that good, let him dump her for you if he wants you that bad.
Yeah, no. I'm not a rich middle class American either. Most days I'm pretty content with myself. It's just hard to stay positive on the bad days. Also I have my doubts about the forced positivity that many people display nowadays. When shit hits the fan I don't want to be calm and quiet, meditating in some corner. I was raised to always suck it up and "focus on the little things". This landed me here in the first place. If I'm angry now, I want to display it, be angry, be negative. Then it passes.
That's what I did during and after my last post. I'm fine with myself now. I have a good head on my shoulders, it's no shame I am autistic. I'm good at my jobs, I make original art, I am always learning and growing. I happen to like someone who is making bad life choices. I always try to talk to people, be open, resolve issues. Can't control everything, can't always be nice.>>80810
I know. I have an exit plan. Unfortunately I'm still in college and stuck with these people for another year. Word has spread around the campus and it's no pretty thing. Don't feel like I can befriend anyone here anymore. In a year I'm going to leave, things will get better. >>80887
Thanks for your replies and being so reasonable. I have a diagnosis but it's not bpd, nor is it psychopathy. It's such an old sexist trope to call "evil" girls sick, be it bpd or hysteria or witch. I don't believe in marriage and I don't believe anyone is anyone's property. I also don't believe this moral standpoint has anything to do with my "illness". If anything, both stem from being raised in a 100% female family after all the abusive men got kicked out or died.>>80896
I don't believe in "good people" and "bad people".>>81049
Thanks, you're right. People don't owe me anything. Sometimes it's still nice to have them around.
Update for anyone who cares: I straight up told the guy as well as the wife that I don't want to see them at our exhibition. Told the wife I feel sorry for her clinging to such a shitty marriage and that I'm open to talking to her as soon as she stops slutshaming me and searching for my porn. She had none of it and tried insulting me over text, they came anyway and presented as a couple, bringing their neighbors and friends.
Before having a private meltdown later on, I greeted the guy with a long hug and kiss on the cheek. He was visibly uncomfortable the whole time, later on told me he would have preferred to spend the event alone with me. Whatever, it's too late now! Although it was great fun to sleep with him and he can be really nice if he wants to, it's time for a break. I'm keeping him around for some company, I'm teasing him, but I'm not sleeping with him for at least some time. I asked him if anything he told me was true and if he could be my dogsitter tomorrow and he started crying. I know he can't get it up without thinking of me anymore, his wife once complained to me about his "erectile dysfunction" when we were still on semi-good terms. I feel sorry for both of them, but I'm glad that I'm the one who can easiest cut themselves loose from this situation. I don't think it is over quite yet, but I feel a lot better and the helplessness has turnt into anger, then a pleasant silence. Thanks for letting me vent.
It's okay. Sounds cheesy, but all feelings have their place and it can't always look smart and cool. You sure wrote those words down for a reason and if it helped you get through the days at all, that's a really good thing!
How old are you? I've always been close with my mum, we went through a lot together. I noticed that while there were always ups and downs, in the end we always found moments of surprising closeness. Right now we're further apart than ever. I think I'm in a phase of life where I have to detatch and make my own way. We will always find our way back to eachother. Daughters are supposed to outgrow their parents and nobody's perfect or able to hold all the wisdoms anyways.
I almost felt sorry for you, but you really are just a piece of shit.
I'm almost 25 and a bit of a late bloomer (no surprise on this site).
Honestly, I doubt she'd ever disown me and she does encourage my growth despite how it seems sometimes. We just disagree on topics that are pretty important in my life so, alongside general desire for freedom, I know it's time to move out. But it just feels like abandoning her, even if she has never intentionally made me feel like that. The root is likely because I got torn away from her too often as a child and I've kind of internalized it as "my fault."
You're probably right that there just will be a point where we're a bit more distant. She can't hold my hand forever, and I may be past the point where I want her to.
>have crippling anxiety and depression
>paradise for 2 days
>mourn for years of mental illness after experiencing “normal”
>meds effect wears off
I should have a caretaker to manage my life, this is a disability lol
It's not your fault. You're allowed to make your own life choices. Doing that is just that - making your own choices. It may hurt, but it surely wasn't intended to be an attack onto your mother, right? I think it's a pretty common part of growing up and it sounds like your mum still loves and supports you, despite some difference.
I am a piece of flesh and I don't care about being called whatever things anymore.
Meds usually take a long time to actually work consistently, give it weeks.
I don't understand why am I like this. Why do I end up
hurting like an only person who cares about me and tries to help even if they don't understand and can't really do that, why do I just start showering them in my misery saying how stuff they say doesn't apply to me? They often do the same but they're hurt when I do this, but I should be able to handle it better. Why can't I just handle it normally?
I don't. At first I thought I lost feelings because I was, under all the irony/edge, just another moralizing, holier than thou cunt. But the truth is I got the massive ick (normoid term i know) when i realized how fucking childish and immature he was. You don't get what you want in life. Getting what you want or moping about not getting what you want is for fucking babies. Now, I know it's totally normal to be upset when things don't go your way especially when it comes to relationships, but jesus fucking christ does that dilemma make me drier than bone.
Girlie, look into BPD treatments :DDD
Probably noone here can answer that question for you. Have you ever tried therapy or is it an option for you? People can't always help, sometimes their stuff really doesn't apply to you. But you need to sort out if that's really the case or if you just say that by default. It sucks to feel that way.
Is there any kind of alternative to the friend finder thread?
I was able to at least make some connections back when it was around, but eventually lost them due to my social ineptitude but I'd like to try again. Feeling lonely lately.
Moids have to fucking ruin every fucking thing.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to be compatible with everyone, you just need to find people you are compatible with. The normgroids telling you to go to therapy could not be more wrong.
i guess someone could make a new thread but i don’t know if mods would delete it. i miss it too
Can't find the unpopular opinion thread so:
People on social media with service dogs who constantly victimize themselves in public and start fights with strangers for making eye contact with their dog are so cringe
People should mind their own fucking business regardless. People who pester random people at grocery stores with their little gremlin brats should all suck off a shotgun.
That is my unpopular opinion.
I can't believe people still tell kids that "school is the best time of your life", because that's not even remotely true. Your early-twenties are the best time of your life and unfortunately I fucked those up as well.
I feel the same way. We could maybe talk about it on meta.
sometimes i remember that im a person (today it happened when i heard the Clapton's solo in Layla, the one they included in the Goodfellas soundtrack). Like I remembered my first year in college, sitting in the shitty dorm room with my roommate (who used to be my bestfriend but whom i hated with a passion that year) and the new friends i made, discovering dad rock (fucking basic) and using it as the soundtrack for my maladaptive daydreaming.
I miss that bitch. She used to feel things much more intensely. She used to get panic attacks, and her inner monologue was an exercise in abuse and self torment. That was 6 years before all the Benzos and the SSRIs fried the neurons in her brain that made her feel things "wrong" and made it so she could feel nothing at all.
Don't get me wrong. I neither like nor dislike who i am now. But I do think it's better being numb than feeling everything all at once
I'm 21 and I feel like it's over for me. I have a fucked up insomnia, I'm dependant on sleeping pills and antidepressants since 13 yo, have been hospitalized 4 times for being an anxious mess…and yet I still tried to lurk as a mentally stable person trying to work, help mom with money and face real world. I can't take it anymore, being awake it's suffering and I'm always at the edge of collapsing. I make one bad, impulsive decision after another just to regret it later and I end up deepening my desire to leave this world forever. I'm a failure and if I keep living things will only get worse since the more I grow the more responsabilities I will get. I don't want this. It was over since day 1, I can remember being an unhappy child too but it wasn't because my parents or external factors, the dissatisfaction has always come from within. I'm crying while I write this. I just want a peaceful sleep, I want to turn off my mind.
Nobody is ever going to love me. I'm young, clean, smart, not autistic, modest. Not even ugly. Just plain. Nothing attractive.
I wish someone would objectify or sexualize me. I wish anyone would show any interest. But if anything, it's going to be some desperate guy who was rejected by hundred other girls and has no choice.
I do adore men. But I have to give up on any meaningful connection with them. If only I had any friends it could be easier.
You are a tranny aren't you?
im very aware of the fact that he hasn't texted me today.
im not bothered. im just aware. hoping to get to the stage where i don't even notice that he hasn't shot his generic goodmorning text.
also i hate men. they will never be your friends. they re only ever nice so they could get into your pants. im glad im a miserable misanthrope.
No, I was born a girl.
I just spend a lot of time with guys and see how they shower worthy girls with attention. And I'm not good enough for that, apparently.
There are other things in life except guys, of course. But they are sweet and talking with them makes things easier.
i am kinda sad about it but only because i miss the attention, i think.
the only person who texted me today was my mother. it's sad when your existence isn't validated by other people. whatever. i did the right thing.
Do you have some friends you can text? Or maybe there is stuff you enjoy that can help you think about something else?
I think I might need to cut off a person from my life because their actions upset me and when I try to explain it they're saying they're not seeing how are they doing said actions. They're a good person but it upsets me. Also it would sadden me even more because they're my only friend and I hate being alone and I'm not good at making friends. I guess I'll have to get used to being constantly alone again but it might be hard. Are there any other extroverts here? How do you cope with constantly being alone?
i went home and slept. now im thinking the line between isolating oneself to "recharge" and falling into a rut is very very narrow.
this is why i needed roommates. i don't need people. i need the noise of people. i can't depend on anyone.
Maybe just going to a public place where there are a lot of people to do your stuff could be helpful as well? Just to hear their noise
Struggling with a crush while in a relationship. Feel guilty and conflicted.
You're going to make him cry
Just be a good person
I hate my job so much right now. I work in a garden center and it is BLAZING HOT and half the time my work doesn’t feel like it means much to people. Like who cares if the mulch is fresh or not? Anyway, I applied to work at Chili’s and have an interview soon, I just hope that I can do better in that one and it doesn’t overwhelm my senses too much. I hate the outdoors.
I'm not planning on leaving him for this crush, who probably doesn't even like me back. But i think this crush is a symptom of issues in our relationship.
Maybe it’s a symptom and maybe you’re a human being that finds other men attractive from time to time. Just don’t feel guilty either way, it happens
My life is never going to get better. I’ve been super alone for like a month and it makes me feel like a stupid redditor who never goes outside or something.
Thanks for the reassurance anon
I don't wanna work tomorrow
i truly hate pepes and male wojacks or women wojacks created by men. i wish women would stop using them. they actually make me feel disgusted
i also really hate them. i wish i could escape them anywhere on the internet but they can't even be filtered for like text can. they just spread and make things uglier and uglier
they're especially commonplace on cc and it's really annoying to come here and see them tbh
Captura de tela 20…
It apparently works for many different imageboards (although not cc for some reason).
Anytime you see one just add the image hash to the filter.
>>81526>they actually make me feel disgusted
This made me laugh >>81518
Me neither… honestly thinking of applying to a job that pays less just to avoid the monotony
On the 27th-29th of June I met with my LDR bf.
We fucked, 1st day with a condom but after I think I had a reaction to the latex we didn't use one but he pulled out.
Now I am actually wondering if I am pregnant even though the chances are low. My period was supposed to come today but it didn't, I have PMS symptoms but no period, but I am also lacking some key things like. Usually when my period is about to come I look really ugly and my eyes are puffy (its due to the drop of estrogen backed by science) and I look like I do when I am ovulating with mostly clear skin too.
Before my period, my thighs reek like sweat and smell like an armpit and it goes away when my period does. Don't have that.
Also I can usually tell where I am in my cycle by how my discharge smells (ik its gross) and it doesn't smell like pre period discharge to me.
The only things I have are sore boobs and gut issues and increases appetite, my appetite kind of extreme.
I'm so worried though neither of us are ready to be parents, neither of us are consistently employed and I struggle to do basic things these days and my depression has been really really bad, multiple times I wanted to kill myself today.
But then part of me also has really bad baby fever and I kind of want a baby and I'm excited thinking about it. My BF does too, but I try not to indulge in it because I know we can't handle a baby and if I get myself excited about babies when I probably am not pregnant I will just get sad when my period comes.
It will probably come tomorrow I'm just bored and wanted to share this.
I'm so tired of being bpd
Normal people are tired of you too, why don't you follow the advice of the OP pic already
No I just talk to normies all day and I hear them bitch about BPDs.
guaranteed you are a moid, kys
I don’t truly enjoy anything anymore and I feel like my life is going nowhere. I’m having so many thoughts at once and none of them connect. Oh god.
My bike was stolen.
It was the perfect bike. It was red and three-speed and had a rack on the back and a step-through frame and coaster brakes and fenders and a chain-guard. And it only costed $60.
Now I have no bike. When will another bike this good come again?
My dad physically and verbally abused me when I was younger especially 9-11 years old. It actually made me depressed and it impacted my self esteem. I always loved my dad and he’s done a lot for my family but after what he did to me I just couldn’t love him as much. He passed away 2 years ago and I wasn’t as sad as a daughter normally would be losing her dad honestly. I was sad of course but I don’t think I felt sad enough. But it makes me feel so guilty I can’t even tell this to anyone I know I don’t even want anyone to know he abused me or think I’m not mourning or miss him enough I feel bad that I don’t even though it’s probably not my fault
It’s not “probably” It wasn’t your fault at all
I'm never gonna be a teenager again. Once you grow old, whatever fantasies/delusions your young age may have allowed you to entertain about how things will get better when you grow older, become harder to maintain. I hate being 23 (verging on 24) so god damn much. Everything is too much. It's too much.
My "trad" bf dumped me for another female irl or online. I kind of knew it was going to happen. I have no friends now. I'm a loner. I think he knew of my ex onli e friend, o well. That's what I get for not asking him more questions from the beginning. I got cucked, pumped and dumped. Such is life.
Broken morals my ass
Being an adult is better lol, you have more freedom, more money, your own place, unless you rob yourself of it because you nurse the hole in your head. Being a teenager is god awful you have no idea what you're doing, and you're stupid as fuck
Not me. I was raised in a bubble and sheltered even against my innate vices (sloth mainly). I like the independence of adulthood, but i absolutely loathe the autonomy.
I love being an adult so much better than being a teenager/child. It doesn't even begin to compare.>>81696
NTA>I like the independence of adulthood, but i absolutely loathe the autonomy.
Those are basically the same thing nona, I think you meant "responsibility" for the second one.
Idk i miss being young and dumb with limitless time jfc can’t a girl miss being a kid
NTA>Idk i miss being young and dumb with limitless time jfc can’t a girl miss being a kid
I honestly don't know. Every single person I've met who is absolutely convinced being a kid is better than being an adult has been an incredibly low-functioning adult. I can understand why someone who is doing a really, really, really
bad job at being an adult would venerate childhood so much, after all, their fucking life sucks. The last time they were having a good life was when someone else was protecting their stupid ass, of course they would love it!
I've met people who say being a child is great, or miss being a teenager in some ways, anyone stating being an adult fucking sucks probably just fucking sucks at being an adult.
>>81710>I've met people who say being a child is great, or miss being a teenager in some ways, anyone stating being an adult fucking sucks probably just fucking sucks at being an adult.
This is completely different, by the way, then bitching about getting really old
. Like "my heart is failing, I can't get out of bed without assistance, and I shit in diapers" type old.
Yeah it’s true, i suck at being an adult. But i sucked at being a teenager as well. I just miss the time and energy i had… time felt longer back then, and learning things was easier, making friends was easier (at least where i’m from) i don’t think it’s to the point of obsession, but i’m sure most people are certainly fond of the memories of being that age.
I'm so lonely and bitter, I just want someone to care about me. I'll be 30 soon and I have no one, no family, no friends, no romantic experience at all. I wish I had the courage to actually seek out those things. God I fucking HATE myself and how scared of rejection and criticism I am. Any time I find myself talking to someone I worry they're going to notice how weird and maladjusted I am, so I just end up keeping my distance anyway. I'm so pathetic I don't even have the confidence to make an online dating account. What's the point anyway? I'm a pig ugly boring weirdo so I'm just going to be rejected and ignored. And people always say that it's not good to date if you don't have friends. I just don't know how to get there, how can I kickstart the process of becoming more interesting, outgoing, approachable, desirable, when I feel so unlovable? Every day I'm reminded of how unloved I am and it hurts so much.
You're going to be rejected and criticized at some point in the future, it's a fact of life that you need to get over and accept will happen at some point. In a very coarse way of saying it, even people who are criticized and rejected often have "backups", or just other relationships with people they're on good terms with that mitigate the pain. If you choke yourself out of even forming any connection, it's only going to be inevitable that one bad experience being your only experience is going to hurt more. Just keep going, build your emotional castle. Stop living in a straw hut.
For actual activity, you could always make throwaways or just alternate pseudonyms so you can engage how you "want" and see how people react. You have the shield of pseudo anonymity that way which can be foregone if things are truly as bad as you feel they'll become to try again with. Engaging with people is as simple as putting in your experiences or feelings in on a subject when it's discussed and accepting your worldview to be challenged, or challenging others alongside just understanding eachother more, it's not a life or death battle, and people who treat it like one are worth filtering out of your life.
I'm PMSing pretty bad today so I feel pretty miserable/bloated/down. I legitimately can't figure out what to eat. I've been eating in maintenance (1400kcals) and I can tell im steadily gaining weight (I was 44 a month ago, im 45.5 today). I don't want to go home. Im going to fall back in a rut again, and with the impending unemployment, im not sure im disciplined enough to look for and land a good job.
i don't feel right. i kind of like the period induced misery though; mostly because i relish in being miserable and i love wallowing in it.
Going off of all you have said, and I don't know shit really, just throw your own perspective that you have given, the moid is a piece of shit anyways so why would you even want to be with him? How could you ever trust him? Further more, you have to understand that his wife is trying to cope with the fact that he is a piece of shit. She doesn't want to accept it, so you must take the blame. Don't take heart to it, she is a fool, a poor, poor fool
Don't be a fool also. I know you are so terribly lonely, believe me I understand 100%, but this is not a viable solution in the long term, all you are doing is feeding off a decaying corpse of a marriage like a carrion bird. He doesn't love you, he loves your body. Look at how he treats his wife. Look at how he is treating you. He is not worth the shit on your shoe
Ah, so you are actually just morally bankrupt
Ok never mind. Ignore this post >>81770
kind of more like a silly rant:
I fucking hate picky eaters. I get that there are people who have better reasons for it than others, but I find that for some people it just feels like their immaturity is showing. I am someone who personally really enjoys new experiences and trying new things out, so I value that quality in other people. I can tolerate it more with just friends, but when it comes to potential romantic partners, hell no.
I've been talking to this guy and idk I felt pretty early on we were never going to have anything serious but just wanted to enjoy getting to know him and maybe just being friends. Well, I have slowly learned that he is indeed a bit immature and also a goddamn picky eater. He's not fat (yet) but he definitely clearly prefers to eat a lot of fast food and processed junk and goddamn, it is such a turn off. If I had any of my own stupid fantasies about "ooo what if we became bf and gf" they are definitely gone now. There's other things that contributed to this feeling of being turned-off as well but I think learning that was the final nail in the coffin for me. I just….goddamn it, you're a 32 year old man and you can't eat chicken wings, you only want chicken breast. Wtf.
I think the picky eating shit just disturbs me so much in particular because I've been feeling like our society has become very "town full of babies". so meeting people who are particularly picky eaters just like, validates that thought for me. though I'm also just generally disgusted by people who prefer fast food over a nice home cooked meal. don't get me wrong, sometimes I love smashing a big mac myself, but my favorite fast food will never stand up to a high quality home cooked meal. he is from a poorer country and grew up as such, so I think in his mind outside food from a chain restaurant = higher quality and tastier than the slop he associates with home cooking.
I’ve been banned like 4 times from this board while blatant trannies and moids are allowed to post freely. Are the jannies of this place all troons now?
Hi. I was extremely angry when I wrote my last post and I'm cringing a little looking back now. Still, what does morally bankrupt mean and what makes you say that? People live by different moral standards. Mine are bad in the eyes of many people, but I frankly don't care anymore. I almost killed myself over this shit, trying to find an ethical solution. Don't know how that's supposed to be possible if noone but the crisis intervention seems able to speak honestly about it.
It means you have no morals and you do what ever your lower desires demand off of you regardless if it is the right or wrong thing to do
First off, you are sleeping with a married man. Right off the bat that is scummy. But we are all human, and it could be somewhat excusable seeing you are very lonely and you portray him as exploiting that weakness. But you were actually trying to steal him. You said he had you believe he was going to divorce his wife and run away with you basically, so that was your intention even though he was a lying sack of cheating shit which should had been obvious by the fact he was cheating on his wife with you. You shouldn't be trying anything with anyones husband. But as you said, you don't believe in marriage, you don't believe anyone belongs to anyone. You have no respect for other peoples marriages, you don't believe in it. You apparently just think that commitment is nonsense and people should just get with who ever they want and have open relationships. That's disgusting. Only shallow relationships can exist within your moral framework
With this in mind how am I supposed to believe the narrative you have created that it was mostly all him that instigated this? I'm not so sure. All I know is the wife doesn't deserve this shit and she has every right to have distain for you. It's sad how desperate she is that she will ignore her husbands part
My period is making me pine after my ex again (momentarily). He looked really nice, clean shaven and all when he came to walk my friend home after the concert. He even shot me a message to check if I got home safe (as I'm typing this I can feel the disgust and hate billowing inside me) He gave me something he should never have given me. The belief that I could depend on someone and be cared for and looked after by someone who wasn't my kin. And then I just willingly gave that up when I broke up with him. Right feeling, wrong person, wrong wrong wrong timing.
I will go to my friends' flat this weekend and engage in the most vile acts of performative self sabotage imaginable (actually most of it is tame and basic): chain smoking, nibbling on a boxful of paracetamol, and huffing a garden's worth of weed.
It's funny. I used to cut myself when I was baked. This has always been hard for me to admit but I'm an attention whore. My sadomasochism is mostly born out of a thirst for outward attention. Maybe I should drop the learned helplessness and actually do something active to improve my situation.
as much as i pretend that im fine with the solitude, it really really is hard to check your phone for notifications only to find it depressingly empty.
Solitude is only good if you feel proactive / empowered with your life. When you feel momentum. It sounds like you just lack consistent momentum. When you feel like you make things happen you don't want to rely on people to check on you and find it more annoying the more self-reliant you become
>have chronic fatigue and pain from enduring years of abuse when i was young
>muslim mom thinks its the evil eye and preforms an exorcism on me
I just want to disappear.
Like cease to exist.
I don't necessarily want to die. I just want my existence erased.
In the past year or so I've been trying really hard to go through a bit of a glow up because I'm tired of men passing me over because of how I look. I'm still not where I want to be but I've gotten more comments about how I look in general lately. That said, I've realized it actually kinda pisses me off when men compliment my appearance. Some of you might be like "boo-hoo" and that's fair. But I'm serious.
I understand physical attraction does play a big role but I feel like the majority of men these days put way too much importance onto it, and so many of them only care about how attractive you are and don't give a shit about anything else about you. That is what enrages me. I'm a human being with all sorts of interests, knowledge, skills, etc. I like to think I'm kind and respectful. None of that really matters. When a man compliments me about my appearance it pisses me off, low key enrages me depending on the scenario. Probably because I think I am being pigeonholed and now the only thing he sees about me is my appearance and doesn't care much about any of the other stuff about me.
Nah I get it. When I was overweight men were constantly either openly hostile to me or simply ignored me entirely. Even fat men (and I’m talking men wayyyy fatter than me, at my heaviest I was like 180 and I was open to dating guys up to 300lbs) rejected me. After I lost weight men started being way nicer and simpier to me and it made me disgusted how these same men would treat me like shit if I was still overweight. It definitely makes you resentful.
>>81800>trying to find an ethical solution
it was nothing
just, weird week
kinda feeling like a failure, yknow, seeing all my frens going to uni to do stem and stuff
learning languages, doing art, music and like
I'm a failed accountant and I fuck up everything I try, and all my little victories are overshadowed by other peoples' stuff
openness with with my bf is, hard, something I try to hide is, I'm a very jealous person, but, it's worth it to me, because, yknow I have needs and we're so far appart but still
he's frens with a bunch of actresses and geniuses and I'm like
lucky to not still be a hooker
like, fuck I'm probably lucky to be alive
I kinda miss when I was less online, and just watching all my HS friends get hooked on smack or consumed by the army
I felt a lot less shitty about myself in some ways
like I don't even have looks
i can't tell if my dad intentionally makes the shittiest food imaginable when he has to make dinner so that my mom and i won't ask him to make dinner very often, or if it genuinely never occurred to him to use any of the time in his 50+ years on this planet to learn a few basic dishes. we don't ask him to cook very often. we have a big kitchen with a lot of tools and ingredients. some mornings my mom wakes us up with breakfast and i return the favor on mornings when i wake up before my parents, making them a nice home-cooked breakfast. but my dad has never cooked unless we explicitly strong-armed him into it in all of my 20+ years of living with him. like, i wouldn't even care if somebody who lived alone wanted to live off prepackaged food like my dad does and never prepare a meal (or even a snack) for themselves because that's none of my business. but he lives with his family and some nights neither my mom nor i can cook. and when he does cook he acts super weird about it and the vibe at the dinner table is tense. i hate it. my mom has a job and i'm a student so it's not like cooking is how we earn our keep in the house, either.
I truly hate my customer service job. Went from a team of 5 to 2. I have an interview next week, hopefully they hire me and they become a 1 person "team". It's so irresponsible of them to let this happen. Now since we get less calls after the summer months, they will only hire 1 extra person. Then spring hits again and they have to rush to hire people, and have a bunch of newbies on the line.
Truly hope I get that job so they can go fuck themselves.
fucking weed. i was feeling like my old self for a total of 2 weeks (self loathing, lonesome, miserable creature) and now im pining pathetically waiting for a text.
my life is so empty
i'll lurk the thread for an hour or so if you wanna chat shit, take your mind off things
I really appreciate that, nona. Problem is I've vented in this thread so many times already and I don't want to seem redundant on this flip sewing tutorial forum.
I was borderline revolted by my ex for the last 2 weeks. We agreed to stay friends but that only made him enter simp mode with the force of a thousand suns. I visited yesterday to chill (friends were there and I was depressed) and I had a relatively good time (he was no longer simping after I encouraged him to live his life independent of me).
I was reassured that revulsion meant I had moved on, so now that that revulsion is less, I'm scared that I'll fall back into pining. Considering that my affection towards him is inversely proportional to my affection towards myself, this means that I don't like myself much (these days).
I glorified him by calling him my "ex".
He was my friend, and then he was my friend with whom i held hands and was so comfortable trauma dumping to.
I put distance because I realised I didn't really like him and was using him to feel better about myself.
He's also very immature and a cheater (not on me tbh)
no way i could do that irl
luv bottlin' everythin' up
Based. Trauma dumping exposes your vulnerabilities to the other party and makes you easier to control/manipulate.
Unless you trauma dump things that never happened to you. Then you get all the power and none of the vulnerability.
>>81998>accepting power plays from trauma dumpers
ho ho ho~ not if you grab that trauma and throw it right at them with not a care in the world.
Ever since I was a kid I have constantly had this sense of impending doom, as if something really really bad is gonna happen soon but you cannot just put your finger on it. It's almost always there and it only really goes away when I am working or hanging out with people…sometimes, not always. Idk what to do about it, it is driving me crazy.
Like for example I will be outside and I will be getting crazy nervous because I have some petty and unimportant
chores to do, I borderline run back home, do those chores, and then immediately start feeling crazy cause I am rotting in my apartment instead of going outside, rinse and repeat >>81908
I completely understand how you feel nona, I was always kind of an ugly kid and then I got really attractive out of nowhere very quickly in my late teens (puberty was long over by then so idk what happened) and I find it almost off-putting how people treat me better now. Like sure, I like the attention, but you couldve just acted nice to me before
A few months ago I moved into a new apartment (this is my first time renting on my own), and I didn't know I was supposed to set up utilities. I don't know what to do now.
Wait what? I live in an apartment and the only thing I had to go out of my way to get set up was the internet. Everything else was already included just have to pay monthly.
I have to pay the rent and the electricity, but I never set up anything with the electric company. I haven't been paying bills to them, but the electricity still works.
Don't stress too much anon. You're not the first person and not the last. Call the company and explain that you just recently moved in but mistakenly did not set up utilities and you are trying to do so now. If you need to, you can write out a script to help you on the phone. It sucks but the worst that happens here is you might owe them money maybe, but even if that's the case, payment plans can be set up, etc. Keeping in contact is important, ignoring it is bad.
Serious question? I get that everyone here thinks I'm a terrible person and explaining why will probably make it worse but whatever. This is my final word. I did try my best at applying my morals.
Big part of those is: People are not property, people are allowed to make decisions that I don't agree with, honesty is very important, communicate as kindly as you can and do it often, expect the same of other people, what truly loves you will cmoe back even if you let go.
Me and the guy had quite a few discussions about the immorality of it all. When he confessed his crush, I asked him wether we could still be friends and he assured me yes it wouldn't change our relationship.
I admitted my crush only after he asked me explicitely and would have waited for it to pass/suppressed it if he hadn't initiated physical contact right after that. But it seemed ok at the time, we were always talking and reflecting. Yes, it was stupid to believe he had suddendly opened his marriage. To my defense: Those arrangements are very common in my social circle. But because of this mistrust I wrote a short letter offering a talk and my phonenumber to the wife.
I gave the letter to that guy and told him what was in it. He wouldn't have needed to pass it on to his wife, but he did. -> false Trust restored. After waiting for months she and I met for coffee. We talked respectfully and spent the whole afternoon together. Turns out she didn't want an open relationship and her partner had tried and failed to persuade her. The meeting turned sour when she asked me wether I felt guilty and I said no. When asked for reasons, I told her as calmly as possible, that I had learned her man had cheated on her with many more people since the very start of their relationship, and so it would have been me or anyone else. I really thought there wasn't much left to ruin by saying this and that she deserved to know.
She told me they would divorce, but she was angry at me for telling her these things. So when I asked her for another meeting a few months later, she ditched me. She asked her husband to keep me away from her, but still got along well with him. I believed they were in the process of amicable divorce. I helped my friend find a new job. He moved to someone elses place (but got kicked out within a week and moved back to the wife). I helped him find a therapist (first appointment is next week). I believed him when he said he didn't want to move to my place cause he didn't want to jump from one relationship to the other. But I also believed him when he said it's "convenient" at home with his wife.
In hindsight, I should have known he was unreliable and quite lazy right then, but oh well. Also did I mention that the wife is 40 and I was barely 21 at the time? We both earn our own money while her 31 year old spouse doesn't even own a bank account. She helps him with everything from rent, to laundry to proofreading his homework for university. Anyhow, she wants to stay married after all, despite all these things.
It is now clear to me that this man has many problems including a massive learned helplessness and this wife does not want to let go. It has taken a long time to truly accept this and I have attached myself to this person. He continually led me on and made me believe they were in the process of divorce. I would need to talk to the wife to learn if any of it was true. But I believe that is an issue bewtween them. Him and I support eachother in our own way and our relationship is more than just exchanging sex even if it's had many hurtful moments. I don't even want to be in a legit relationship with him until he manages his stuff. I don't want to steal him either. I used to wish for him to stay married and have both of us some way. But the marriage sounds so imbalanced, now I truly feel like it would help him and also her to grow as a person to end it. No stranger has the power to get inbetween a well functioning marriage, and even if it were possible, divorce is not always a bad thing.
That is our situation. I've talked to several counselors about it and while one tried to help by assigning guilt, the majority was baffled why I'd even try to apply morals to dysfunczional people in the first place. They assured me it wasn't evil of me and that I was fine to explore this relationship if I wanted to.
Thanks for your advice. I'm really new to this stuff, and my parents are no help.
I hurt a moid and it feels so good
I just saw the cutest porno ever. It was full of kissing, hand-holding, and giggling. God, why can't there be more porn like this? Most of it porn made by filthy, unwashed scrotes and full of filthy, unwashed scrotes. The porn industry loves forgetting women exist as an audience too.
and youre not going to link it…?
Not sure if I'm allowed to. Is it ok to link to porn?
Well, either way it is called
SILK-132 Lovers Who Can't Be Honest 4th Season if you're interested. I just read about this JAV company called Silk Labo that makes JAV for women, by women, and found it from that. Not sure if that video specifically is also from them though.
I think I watched some of these years back. They were pretty comfy.
They were wonderful. Before I finished self-inserting and then remembered I might never experience that, at least.
the japanese porn industry is better because there's less piracy, so it's actually worth it to try to compete on quality rather than disposability and shock value. it's still not great but western porn is a total wasteland and barely profitable for the actresses outside of the fact that they moonlight as high-end hookers.
Lol are you kidding, Japanese porn is some of the most fucked up shock value shit in the world. Porn with girls being drowned, fucking random uncivilised tribes in the Amazon and Africa, sticking frogs, live fish and cockroaches up their pussy, fucking dogs and genuine CP are all acceptable and legal there.
well I don't look at that stuff and I haven't heard of most of it, though I did hear about some super fucked up shit 20 years ago that resulted in prison sentences for the producers. it's true that even the vanila stuff will blindside you with gross shit like peeing, I'm not defending jap porn on a cultural level. my point was just that it's a real industry with a real product so there's at least some effort put into it; western porn has none of that at all.
Years ago I watched an amateur porno of a teen (legal) Russian couple having cute awkward and gentle loving sex. It made me cry.
>>82029>>82035>full of kissing, hand-holding, and giggling>for women, by women
vanilla is one of the most popular doujin genres, its depressing that coomers have convinced anyone it's a feminine thing.
I wanna fall asleep in my boyfriend's arms and never wake up
I don't want to live anymore
All men are subhuman to some degree, it took me some time to realise it but it's so fucking clear now.
Sorry, this is long. I thought I was over my cptsd from my parents a couple of years ago but after getting an autism diagnosis, my brain began going back over times I was bullied, first at school, now with my parents.
It sucks knowing how much work I will have to put in again, only this time with the knowledge that it probably won't be permanently fixed. Even with memories related to my parents, that I thought were resolved, I'm gaining new insights, which while helpful for understanding and accepting, is very emotionally draining and keeps me up at night. Why can't my brain just forget about everything and move on already.
Today's insight was that my parents have very stark double standards towards me. I remember mentioning once to my dad about how my mother had made me believe that I was going to be cut off at uni. Very traumatic and I was in floods of tears and begging for forgiveness for the minor infraction I committed, which my dad witnessed. This was the only time I ever brought it up. My dad said he didn't remember and that I should just get over it. No sympathy, not even that he cared enough to have remembered it. I realized today how starkly this contrasted with my mother repeatedly bringing up things from her childhood, most of which were a lot more minor. One is even that she once found a single science class (1 hour) a waste of time. My dad never once told my mother she should get over it and always had sympathy for her own troubled upbringing (but not for how she replicated it with me).
One of the last times I saw my mother, I got upset and told her that she was never a mother to me, which I meant emotionally. I also said I didn't want to speak to her again. I remember her staring at the tv as if I was invisible and then sneeringly repeating what I had said after I left the room but was still in earshot (something she regularly did to me). When I had to go back home and sort some things about a year later, she flat out ignored me as if I didn't exist. My dad of course acted like I was the one at fault, despite her refusing to walk into the next room to see me after I had taken 4 plane rides to get there. Clearly she had been stewing on what I said all that time, yet whenever she had told me that she wished she had never had me or looked after me when I was young, I had to ignore it and pretend nothing had happened. Similarly, when I did something against her wishes (taking a job she didn't approve of after her complaining I wasn't finding a job fast enough), she gave me the silent treatment for months, yet if I had not answered a single question of hers ever she would have screamed and screamed at me.
I also recently realized my parents are the reason I ended up with so much additional trauma from abusive partners, which previously I had thought to be mostly separate and just down to a lack of general dating knowledge. Not even partners mostly, but men that I allowed to treat me like trash as I was so devoid of attention. Several guys who I never formally dated but would sleep with me (with varying levels of consent), not only took advantage of me, but I realize now were constantly insulting me over every minor thing, laughing at me, and telling me I was stupid (I actually have a high IQ). One was really old, several ugly (while I was reasonably pretty). Somehow these things never registered with me as something I should get away from and instead I was constantly clawing for their attention. I see now that my parents trained me to believe no one could ever want me and any insults and discomfort just had be ignored and the other person always prioritized and worshiped. My so called friends also all treated me poorly, took advantage of me, and then ditched me without a thought when I was no longer useful. My self worth was non-existent and it's entirely due to my parents.
All of this has made me realize now that I really do not want to see my parents ever again, not even to attend their funerals. Before I was sad for my childhood but now I feel intense anger at them. It's not that they could hopefully get over their own issues and see my side one day and apologize, now I see that they do not view me as an equal and have ingrained this view into me all throughout my childhood. Even now despite becoming aware of this, I still feel that there are certain normal things in life that are for everyone else but not for me, as if I don't deserve it or I'm not worth as much as other people. It's such a deep set belief I barely even think about it consciously and is more like an instinctual way to live.
the anxiety is back i think.
there's a sense of discomfort simmering beneath it all. and the need to disappear, and hide somewhere, not show my face.
i am disappointing myself and the most revolting thing is
Are you me? Just got an autism diagnosis after being in the care system for CPTSD for the last 17 years. I'm really sorry nona. But I believe that there can come growth even from great trauma. It's really brutal, but at least you see the things for what they are now.
After being so love-sick I could barely eat for two weeks I just ate a whole chili-baguette with butter. It felt FUQQING GREAT .
The guy who I normally talk to about feelings and shit is super busy rn and I wanna talk to him so bad
Anyway my perception of reality is so fucked up. Everything is just… so negative and I can’t enjoy shit anymore.
Is this from something or is this just a standalone comic? If it’s part of a longer thing I wanna read it
Thanks anon. I was thinking more about these things last night and I think the two main issues I have to work on are self worth and shame (from the memories of how I let people treat me before). I think these two issues are the root of my cptsd and while I worked on specific memories before, I didn’t go deep enough.
I also saw a post on r/cptsdnextsteps that said ND parents will sometimes project their own bad feelings from their childhood (or whatever) onto someone else and not realise it’s actually coming from inside. I definitely think this is the case for me as the way my mother treated me vs how I behaved were ridiculously disproportional. Because of this I’m never going to have perfect answers explaining everything as I don’t know everything that goes on in my parents’ heads. I can only work on how it affected me.
I'm feeling like shit lately. Long story short I just feel super alienated from anyone and suddenly I feel like I'm having a hard time getting along with others and relating to others. Part of it I think is just that I'm generally feeling depressed but idk, I've never felt this feeling of alienation before.
Downhill from here, godspeed anon
I hate myself so fucking much. i’ve realized there’s nothing special about me, nothing of value. Had a shitty childhood, during my teen years i was abused and used, and now i’m realizing how lacking i am. Nothing special to me, just a lot of anger and resentment held in my heart over past things.
I was thinking about leaving the country entirely when my mom dies. She's the only person that's keeping me from just loosing my marbles. It's getting unlivable where I am and I'm at the point where everyone's leaving our home town and I have no clue where I'm going. I get everyone my age feels that way, but it still hurts to be bridled in a place that's withering around me.
if its any motivation, nona, putting yourself down only lets your abusers and users win. Younger you would be happy and have hope if you could fight it, make her proud.
You have freed yourself from the bondage that is social stratification. Only in the absence of the monotonous call for conformity can you find the creative spirit within yourself. This is an opportunity to invigorate your passions, your intellect, and to take charge of your life.
I'm so fucking exhausted all the time. I hate myself, have constant intrusive negative thoughts and think about suicide frequently. I'm doing my best, but it will never be enough.
I really don't want to go to work today because my boss was such a prick to me last time. But I won't be there much longer anyway so I'll just go and take a little more of his money.
>>82199>You have freed yourself from the bondage that is social stratification.
Have I? it doesn't feel like it, when I'm feeling so anxious/stressed about my inability to relate to others.
I miss her so much… i wish i could have the courage to speak to her
I’m so glad I don’t live in some ultra patriarchal shithole. That is all.
I’ve been reading so much shoujo mangas since depression hit me and they literally saved my life. I think the last time i read one was when i was 15. I forgot how self indulgent and pleasurable the whole thing was
What I'm about to type is irrational and an intrusive thought, but I'm afraid i can't entirely dismiss it.
I'm 24. I'm not special. I squandered my potential and now I'm behind my peers in academia, carreer and even personal life.
I don't know what i need to do to catch up. I'll probably never catch up (or surpass). That thought alone makes me want to jump in front of a train. The only thing that stops me is my inherent lack of intiative/drive and the fear that I might end up crippled.
I used to be a raging feminist in my teens. Because the only worth I can begrudgingly admit to having is directly linked to intelligence (and academic achievement), i feel like the lowliest non-entity to exist now that my college years were wasted and ive learned nothing. 2 years of prepa. 4 years worth of advanced maths and physics squeezed in the stretch of 16 months. I've learned nothing. 3 years of engineering school. I learned nothing. 3 (mediocre) internships. I've learned nothing.
It's over. I have nothing to offer the world. I have nothing special. I'm just a woman, and a severely lacking one at that. I can already tell that the way people are looking at me is changing. Soon the expectations my parents/society have of me won't be centered around which degree I manage to enroll into, but it'll be around which guy I'll marry to fulfill the eternal domestic nightmare.
Why can't it be both? Why can't I have both? Emotional maturity and Academic/Professional success? Well, one of you tell me. Because right now I have neither.
Had a memory resurface the other day of the small routine I created in my teens to make myself stop crying. It was something like taking deep breaths and then reading random pages of a self help positivity book I had in my room.
Only after reexaminating the memory now did I realize how messed up it is that I had felt the need to come up with a routine. I knew more crying episodes were guaranteed to come soon. Not only that but one that made it seem like my own thinking was the issue. And crying it out was not an option.
There's also the questions of why was my mother making me cry that often? Why were my other family members never there to comfort me when crying? And why didn't I think that I should report this at school or elsewhere (not that I had any teachers who cared about me much). Even now I've never even told anyone she would do this to me.
I can remember using the book like that maybe 3 times in several months. There were also many more times I forgot about the routine and others where I wasn't crying in my room, or held the tears back. At a minimum I can then calculate that my mother (or something connected to her treatment of me) must have made me cry about 10 times in 6 months, though that seems like a huge underestimate.
On top of that, I'm not even someone that cries easily and I was clearly used to this treatment so she would have had to do something more than the "normal" abuse to get such a reaction out of me. Normal abuse included telling me she wished she'd never had me or looked after me or criticizing every little thing I did.
How the heck do the rest of my family continue to think that I'm the problem one after witnessing all of this?
I feel compelled to respond because I'm the same age as you and I feel similar- useless and completely lost. Saying that I'm 24, I feel like I really am an adult now and yet I don't have much of anything to show for it. Maybe since we're in a similar boat, my words won't mean much but even if you had absolutely nothing to contribute to the world (which may not even be true) I don't think that makes you unworthy of living. We don't even choose to be born and yet there are so many social, familial, and personal obligations that we feel compelled to fill before feeling like we have any right to feel worthy of this world. It's easier to tell a stranger this than to tell myself, but if you're trying your best every day to take care of yourself and be of assistance to others (when you can) then I think that's more than enough. We don't need to be special or to be good at anything in order to deserve happiness or to be happy with ourselves. I think a lot of people feel that way (including myself), but I think it's sad that we feel so much burden and obligation simply for existing. I'm not saying you should stop trying to get what you want, but just that being worthy of happiness and life isn't conditional based upon how 'successful' you are. Well, from one lost 24-year-old to another, , let's try to be a little kinder to ourselves if we can.
Man, I feel so dumb. I made an order when I was feeling like a zombie and the next day I woke up and found it and regretted it. I attempted to cancel it, but it turned out the website - a new one - had 0 cancellation policy and will charge a 25% restocking fee for any returns.
The only upside is that maybe I can resell some of the items (3 of them I got for 5$ - an unlisted price - and the going price is 40$) but even then it feels extremely dumb and…unethical. A part of me assumes it won't work out.
Maybe I should lock my paypal to stop such purchases in the future.
what.. uhhh.. exactly, did you buy?
>"hmm today I will cook for myself"
>find some cod in the freezer
>follow the instructions on the package and pan fry it
>love the smell as it cooks
>it turns out utterly delicious
>I wash and trash everything as best as I can
>my dad comes out of his room
>"anon did you BURN something? What did you BURN? It smells so BURNT. What is that BURNT SMELL."
>I shit you not, he just emphasizes "burnt" just to be an asshole
>lie to him and tell him it's chicken with some cajun spices (I did put cajun spices on the fish)
>he throws a small fit over it and whinges before opening every window he can on this insanely hot day in July
I hate my living situation. My dad is an actual psychopath. His nose was already running this morning but now he's blaming it on me. He also loves pretending he's in better health than he actually is when he goes to the doctor, but then also wasted thousands of dollars on cosmetic bullshit.
Having a nervous breakdown after questioning my longterm relationship. Havent been sleeping properly
I'm in a group chat for a niche interest and almost everyone there annoys me. Non binary tards, annoying 15 year old, etc. I don't want to leave it but it's the only one I've found with no men and I'm tired of feeling alone in my interests. I wish they'd just ban the fucking 15 year old. Almost every time I meet a seemingly cool woman online now she almost always goes by they/them why why whyyyyyy
All I want is a comfy little group chat with other women where we're all friends and there's no overly judgemental mean people why why whyyyyyy
i need to get the fuck out of social media and ibs, every day just makes me more depressed no one EVER bothered contacting me again and i've tried making friends many times before both irl and online. I must be the most unlikable person on this earth for that to happen when posts like this exist even on 4chan out of all places, ven when i'm here I just see more and more relationship stuff, not to mention instagram. just mentally exhausted
I see you posting retarded shit with this annoying avatar every day on r9k. Fuck off troon.
>>82405>where we're all friends and there's no overly judgemental mean people
zero self awareness
I've been complaining about being a loser and spamming things no one cares about here since 2017. It's changed a lot since then and I think it's time for me to move on too. Sorry for acting like a schizo. Goodbye everyone. I will miss some of you.
I've been coming here every day to vent (without actually doing anything to improve my situation (hah!).
I'm going to miss him. His simp spree and love bombing were so annoying in the moment, but I'm going to miss the certainty and comfort of knowing that someone else thought about you and that you were (for a time) the center of their universe.
I don't feel bad enough. Just melancholic
You have to inherently be "judgemental" and "mean" to filter out these people from your life, but she presents herself as above it when she's exactly that when anonymous.
Don't be mistaken, I encourage it.
But own it too.
There's a difference between simply making internal judgments, and making them and letting everyone know about them all the time.
I'm in the same boat. I sometimes feel like I should delete almost everyone off of social media since it's been a few years since I last saw these people in high school.
But then I get FOMO and feel like I gotta keep them in case there's an opportunity, but they refuse to even check in on me. I know there's no set path for life but Jesus I didn't think it'd be like this.
If you secretly dislike everyone in your group for some reason do you believe you aren't acting differently to them? I don't think it's possible.
This is detracting though, I was just pointing out that she seeks people who don't have the very traits she's utilizing to filter out these types of people from the groups she wants to be in. Like searching for fish in a desert.
Being judgemental isn't bad it's normal, I mean overly judgemental. I think it's normal to be an adult and not want to be around a 15 year old. It should be normal to think they/thems are mentally ill and more likely than not NLOGs.
By overly judgemental I mean petty things like judging someone over the clothes they wear, their harmless interests, the way they look naturally etc.
So I don't see how my post was hypocritical.
I never called them judgemental. I'm saying I wish I could have a friendship group that wasn't overly judgemental because most of my ones have been. The reading comprehension of some anons is worrying.
Man, corporate environments are even more soulless than I thought. I try to build connection with my coworkers but when I talk, they say almost nothing back. Also had to only tail behind two of them as they were talking with eachother. It makes me feel pretty alienated and lonely. I'm only an intern, so that likely has something to do with but it still hurts getting excluded in conversations and groups all the time. They work in pairs, but no one is even assigning me a pair anymore. I haven't been in one for the past few weeks. I'm constantly schizo-worrying it's from something I said, because talking properly in a corporate environment still feels like a hell. I know in the corporate world people take offense to what you say or don't say much more easily.
To the other anon who advised me before, sorry but it seems I am still too autistic to figure out how to function in a corporate setting. Figuring this out is like trying to figure out rocket science. I try not to talk too much, but then I end up not talking enough and being alienated that way. I try asking questions, but any explanations I get still sound like Klingon. I try figuring things out for myself, but I can't because I'm forced to participate in a meeting with them that doensn't even leave me an opportunity to take initiative self-learning. I hate this and I hate it here.
>walking around the neighborhood
>talking to myself about dumb shit
>family getting into car looks at me for a second
>I say hey but I say it weirdly
>was about to finish what I was saying
>says hey again
>”sorry I was talking to myself, it wasnt directed towards you”
>they look at me, concerned
>says its okay
>”I’d just thought I’d finish my sentence”
>continues to stare
>starts talking to their dog
>I walk about 40 feet away
>”that was so fucking awkward” I whisper to myself
I hate it when people catch my weird social quirks and that’s all they know about me cuz they’re strangers. Makes me seem more retarded than I actually am.
I never understood people who talk aloud to themselves: can’t you think?.. I mean I often lazy to speak my thoughts aloud even if I need to, when talking to people, you know - that requires activity. And I think faster than I talk, so I am irritated when I need to wait when I finish the sentence to move to the next
But! Talking aloud sometimes help me to think of something while I am talking, but that only works of I had someone to listen to me
Is this a similar case for you? Maybe makes your thoughts being structured, when you are speaking, and they are in line and not in a one mass in your head?
Or is this something completely different
I’m lonely and also the last thing about my thoughts being in line.
to me it sometimes feels more tough to keep it inside my head i get frustrated if i have to keep everything inside i put the contents of my mind everywhere in my apartment
also im slow so the speed in which i talk and think is about the same
What things do you say? How did you introduce yourself when you got there? What kind of job is it and what does the company do?
It's okay nona, don't feel so bad, you probably won't have to interact with them ever again.
Oh God. It's been 6 years already? 6 years ago I was 17 verging on 18, and i was so fucking tired. I cried every day that summer. I think I cried on my birthday. It's ironic that the height of my "depression" happened at the cusp of my greatest achievement. In hindsight; that episode was self inflicted. I was fucking 18, I should have been hopeful about the future. I should have been happy in my body. I should've been enjoying the sun and basking in the innocence of my youth. Now the innocence is gone, and so is hope. I fucking loathe learned helplessness. Why, why does it feel like my life has never been in my own fucking control. When the fuck will i rise to the occasion and do my fucking job instead of procrastinating it away.
I was better at adulting when i was a literal fucking teen.
>ex decides to just be friends (blames me for not having it work out)
>we still talk
>in fact we're still pretty intimiate
>we've clearly still got some sort of thing between us
>our texts are so enjoyable and we're speaking all the time
>I fail to get involved with someone else who actually liked me
>they get bored because I'm not giving them much back
Ex decided they didn't need me anymore when they found someone else, they had just led me on for ages. Please tell me there are "many such cases" of this happening out there because I'm really kicking myself for not jumping ship and getting away from my ex even though they were my only friend. I just want to be held and told my actions are understandable or something.
They are understandable but you must have had a nice dad to expect this shit from anyone. Which isn't necessarily bad but you can never know just how evil theyre gonna be.. you should expect the worst for your own sake. It's pretty understandable though yeah.
Honestly this post has helped me and I'm not sure why. I do just want to be held and told it's gonna be okay. I quite liked the other person, I should've gave them a chance and now I have neither my crush nor ex, so I've nobody.
im so unbelievably tired of my bf and dad talking about guns at every single family gathering ever, only to immediately change topic whenever i or someone else intrigues them about it
Annoying as hell, my brother and dad talk about the same damn thing (politics) every breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s just them seething about shit too for no reason
dealing with my mother is so frustrating. I won't go on and on, I hate sounding like a bratty daughter. but good lord. she's a 50-something year old woman and she acts like a 13 year old. just terribly immature and cannot make a good decision for herself.
>>82503>I hate sounding like a bratty daughter
It's really a tragedy that society still acts like criticizing your parents is always wrong and "immature". Most of our issues come from our parents and other people we maintain normal, non-violent relationships with. Yet most people act like there are no valid complaints to be had about these things and a person is only given any credit for getting fucked in the head if they were involved in some big, sexy incident of violence (they make for good stories).
pretty much. I think deep down inside I'm not actually just a bratty daughter but of course I always feel that way…I always thought I was alone and tried not to complain about her too much for that reason until I met a co-worker whose mother is just like mine. actually I figured out from her that my mother likely has some sort of personality disorder but I digress. I agree, it sucks, and what is annoying is that people always try to find excuses for the persons behavior ("well, she just loves you so that's why she's so X"). so even if they don't explicitly tell you you're being a little shit or whatever, they try to make you feel like a jerk for complaining at all.
>>82508>"well, she just loves you so that's why she's so X"
I could write a schizophrenic wall of text explaining why this line pisses me off so much, but the short version is that people really don't stop and think about what they mean by this, it's just blind dismissal.
I think it's a mix of both, nona. You can recognize that someone's traits or behaviors are toxic and protect yourself from them, if necessary by cutting contact with that person, but at the same time emphasize with whatever hardships they went through and that led them to be this way. It's a difficult balance of course, but I think managing to attain self-protection without being filled with resentment is what gives us the best chance at finding peace.
Sorry I'm a bit tired
im almost positive my "step mother", if I will even call her that, had NPD. absolutely one of the worst people i've ever met and I have zero positive things to say about her; its only a blessing i was not cemented to her through blood relation. I've seen how many people came out completely fucked in the head from figuring out how to cope with a parent like that because there's literally no escape growing up with them. what im saying is you most likely arent, its usually them with the problems and older people deserve far more scrutiny than younger people do. theyve had all of their lives to figure out their garbage and grow from it, and if they havent well into their middle ages they are absolutely worthless.
I really hate being asked if I'm ok or how I am by people that aren't my best friend, because I don't feel comfortable opening up to people that aren't my best friend. I know they're just being polite and kind but I'm autistic and not good at answering questions like them. I need to get more normal and better at socialising.
Since I started doing glute exercises my ass has experimented a massive pump to the point other people let me know it all the time. I’m also bulking so I eat without restriction and kill myself at the gym (which I no longer hate it, I enjoy it so fucking much its like a natural antidepressant). When I walk down the street with tight pants it makes me feel so powerful or when I’m in bed and I intentionally touch my massive bubble butt. Having a good ass it’s amazing I recommend.
please send me your exercise routine
>>82517>people let me know it all the time
in what context?
Agh. You're making me wish I hadn't pulled my back last year, rendering me unable to ever lift again. Forced to only train flexibility and body weight.
I miss having big shoulders and legs. I can only hope a woman will find my new stretchy lankymode attractive because this is it for life.
Happy for you, though. Get huge anon. Just remember to warm up and stay flexible or else you may suffer my fate.
I'm the same way. I find it a really irritating question, because if I'm not close enough with the person I know I'm not going to answer truthfully, but still I feel dumb when I just have to say "I'm good" or whatever variation, when I know I'm not.
Thing is that I don't have a fixed routine, I just collected a series of exercises that are known to increase muscle mass in the glutes. Also once you have performed the same routine for a month or more, I recommend to change the exercises or increase weight. I never count reps or sets because I don't like to think in numbers while focusing on the muscle contraction and I'm too lazy to set a timer, I just do it until I feel the burn. I know it sounds messy but everyone has a different style of working out.>hip thrusts>step up >bulgarian squat>deadlift / one leg deadlift>crab walk squat>side lunges>donkey kicks
Try to achieve the best form you can to perform these otherwise you will fuck up your back or end up working other muscle sets. >>82520
In work for example>several coworkers, male (straight and gay) and female, have let me know that I have a nice ass. sometimes it's just friendly banter, sometimes it's a moid who tries to be respectful but comes as thirsty anyway
Family also. Mom it's shocked that my butt has grown so much in such a short time (I've been working out glutes for six months). Same reaction with close friends and other relatives.
Also catcalling and attention from strangers has increased like never before. >>82521
Damn that sucks anon. How that happened? I suffer from fibromyalgia-ish aches so I kind of understand the impotence of not being able to do what you want with your body. Luckily enough I have ligamentous laxity so I'm extremely flexible since childhood.
Well are you going to post it or are you going to leave us wondering?
Any advice for a total pushover?
I’ve gotten into the habit of changing myself to make others happy, and it has effected my relationships so deeply that I desperately need a way out. It’s like my mind fails to consider my own wants and needs when interacting with others, forcing me to basically lie about my intentions and desires. I don’t like lying, but I can’t help it. All I can think about is what the other person would want, and I don’t even reflect on my own thoughts before answering.
What can I do to fix this? What’re some ways to set up better boundaries? I’m struggling to find myself.
Did you mean my post >>2459
? You quoted OP so I wasn't sure.
I just say polite things like "Hello/Goodbye", and make small talk occasionally. But whenever I make the small talk, I feel like my autistic brain ends up unconsciously trying to turn it into a "big talk" because I can't stfu. Like yesterday, two of my colleagues started talking about different programming languages and classes in college - specifically Math. One of my colleagues was going on math classes are completely useless for a SWE career. I chimed in that I don't think they are completely - There are indirect benefits, like helping you think more logically. At one point as I kept talking, he even said "Sorry, what was that? I wasn't paying attention". I'm such a bore/annoying and somehow more meek/soft-spoken than ever, it feels like. I still can't for the life of me carry a conversation because of it.>>82533
Speaking about being a pushover, I feel this too. For some reason the tone of my voice feels more timid than ever before. But I wouldn't know why, because I have held several jobs over the past few years where I needed to take on leadership roles and/or do alot of public speaking which have taught me to speak up for myself more. However, I still sound like an extreme pushover. Either that, or it feels like my tone is taking on some unconscious manipulative intent (I got laughed at at school one time that I try to sound like a "Shy Japanese Schoolgirl"..Whatever that means.) I don't want to sound like some kind of tradwife pickme or anime character. No, scared 12-year old boy would probably be more accurate.
Oh yeah, that reminds me a troon I knew even actually told me she thought I was "voice-training" when she first met me. I guess it's so bad I guess troons are mistaking me for another troon now. fml
I wish there was some kind of invisible shield you could use to stop annoying, aggressive or thirsty moids from approaching or entering your space when you're in public. I would like to see them bounce off it into the ether.
I had the bad combo of neglecting warm-ups/stretches with a sudden magnesium deficiency due to some meds I was taking. Just wrenched my back doing regular exercises almost a year ago and am still recovering. But even if I get to full capacity, I refuse to risk losing my ability to write and draw again. It sucked being unable to do much of anything for months.
Glad you have a natural sort of protection against pulling things! Much luck on your muscle journey, anon.
I feel so dumb; I sold something to someone but it turned out I didn't look closely and I mislabeled it, they'll have to send it back. I hate causing people trouble.
My ex dumped me and I'm finally healing. I know he's talking shit about me to his new female friend. I don't mind anymore, I feel less like a villain and just disappointed in the whole situation
Wtf happened to the newest vent thread???
Seriously considering ending the longest relationship of my life
It's already day 2 and I feel like I can't handle dogsitting. My mom asked me to dogsit her dog, but the expectation was that my useless brother would be the one walking him. Well, apparently we both conveniently forgot just how useless he is. He didn't walk him this morning and still hasn't even gotten out of bed as of writing this. He's probably just going to expect me to walk him all the time now. I don't even want to be here anymore and just want to go back to my apartment. This useless POS is just going to expect me to be the maid now.
do people enjoy being mentally ill?
sometimes i sense someone exacerbates their mental health issues on purpose for the sake of increasing their SMV. i.e. sad boys on tiktok with patrick bateman pfps, muh BPD gf and crazy girl sex, men using their alcoholic tendencies to give their character more depth than there actually is. it's that fetishization of mental illness or whatever.
i've struggled with depression and social anxiety pretty much my entire life, and sometimes i wonder if i would've been happier by now if being miserable hasn't become so comfortable for me + wasn't the commonality between me and all the people i gravitate to and end up in social circles with. it's basically become my identity at this point and i'm not even sure if i can picture a life in which i'm happy and mentally stable, even though i think when i was younger i wanted to be.
Just had a random memory resurface of having to do picrel in class as a teenager. For some reason we spent an entire hour on it, despite it being more appropriate to under 10s.
Anyway, I didn't have anyone to put in any of the circles. I put my close family down out of obligation, though they've always been horrible to me. Then 2-3 girls in my class who were nice to me only when they wanted something as they were the only people I spoke to.
I don't know the rest of my family at all, not even by name. We had no family friends or anything like that. I wasn't in any social clubs or had other friends.
I just remember sitting there the entire hour trying to hide my paper and not to cry because I had no one in my life. I don't think I had ever really realized it before.
We did another exercise another time where you had to list things parents are supposed to do for you and I could not think of anything beyond "feed you, care for you". Even the girl sitting next to me commented on the fact that I hadn't mentioned "love you" that time.
Again, I just felt a sinking dark feeling of sadness the whole hour.
I've realized recently that I feel a lot of my childhood trauma in shame and low self worth. Having to sit there for an hour each time surrounded by my peers and face a diagram "admitting" this was pure torture and feels traumatic in itself.
I was sat right by the teacher and somehow they never noticed this either time. Nor did they say anything in case there was someone like me in the class, which surely anyone with half a brain must be aware is possible.
I'm sorry. I hope one day you'll heal…
Thanks anon. I've embraced being a loner these days so that part doesn't bother me anymore thankfully. Right now I'm trying to work on the deep rooted shame and self worth issues but it's really hard when they are things that I've always had and still keep causing me to make more poor decisions.
Even then, if I get rid of the feelings, I still have to deal with the mess they've made of my life. It feels like an mountainous task and yet when I finally complete it, I will have nothing real to show for it, just a vague sense of normality. Imagining what else I could achieve with all those hours and brain power instead makes my stomach sink.
>be told by my mom that I should figure out some kind of activity to do outside (pretty much all I do is work out, read, learn a language, draw sell stuff, etc), pretty much just a loser shut-in
>"you're a young person, you should hang out with young people"
>yet, she also complained endlessly about my only irl friend's family, her lifestyle, her, etc., completely unsolicited
>"bad influence" (she's a Christian and her favorite hobby is going to the library ffs, I've never see her do anything weird)
>even was planning a big hiking trip with her + something we could volunteer at together, as well as workshopping our job skills, and completely derailed by my mom complaining
>always have defended my friend but over time got exhausted and felt so deeply awkward and ashamed of my mom's behavior…overtime stopped having bimonthly sleepovers and going places constantly with my friend (moreover, the house is now embarrassing)
>I've slowly become almost completely mute irl and very awkward, I can't even talk to my family besides in "yes" and "nos"
>ashamed of even facing people and only go outside with a hat and a mask and feel like a monster
>now has been so, so many months since I've met up with my friend that my dumbass avoidant anxiety is kicking in, in spite of knowing she's always did nothing but love me and support me
>miss her but tell myself I am no longer the same person, I'm not me, so there's no use in knowing anybody anymore
Weird how I went from just a plain ol' loser to a bad friend and person that abandons people. I had severe speech issues and delay I needed years of therapy for as a kid but my friend had been always there for me in spite of it and she really helped me get get out of my shell, and made me feel safe to talk. No one else ever has.
My mom was a menace but it was my choices that lead me here, so I really just blame myself.
Ugh there’s a picture of me with my family on 4th of July I had on Instagram and I just had to take it down after having it up for so long. I just looked SO UGLY.
Can you start going out for walks alone and then draw and learn languages in a park? It will get your mom off your back a bit.
Also text your friend and tell them you are going through a difficult time and sorry for being distant and that it isn't anything to do with them.f
I saw a language related masters course years ago that would be a dream to do. My grades from years ago were terrible due to trauma and hating my subject but over the past few years I was motivated to take extra classes and self study a similar difficult language so that I could exceed the requirements.
Right now I'm on track to get the required grades, gain advanced qualifications and translating experience in the similar language, and gain qualifications at intermediate or advanced in two more unrelated languages. The course especially appealed to me as it's at an elite college and I've always had a huge chip on my shoulder that despite having a (tested) high IQ, I've never achieved anything.
However I made the mistake today to look up people who are currently doing the course on linkedin to see how I compared. I had done this before and it helped me to see what was expected. This time the results all had advanced levels of multiple difficult languages, multiple prizes, degrees from other elite colleges, only perfect grades, and were several years younger than me. It feels like I'll never be enough.
What's worse is that, either they changed the requirements or I somehow missed it before, as the ability to work in a group is now a requirement. I'm autistic and I will just never be able to do that. The college is known for small group teaching so I thought that it would finally be an environment where I could thrive as only distant or self education works for me.
Why do I set my goals so high that they are never achievable. Why do I feel the need to "prove" how smart I am when no one cares. I know I should be proud of the progress I've made (even having a basic conversation in another language is impressive where I'm from) but somehow once I reach something it becomes unimportant in my mind.
It's like there is a glowing sphere labelled "self worth" just outside of arms length. I can't see what it is but I know what I have isn't enough. Every now and again I'll gain something and go up to the glowing sphere and compare what I have to see if I've finally obtained value but what I have in my hands is never enough. The sphere always changes and instantly anything I have gained becomes worthless.