/feels/ - Vent Thread
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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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sad-cat11-858x429.…

Vent Thread Anonymous 15610

Old Thread >>12294

Get it off your chest.

Anonymous 15611

ABOUT.jpg

>accidentally send heart to new male friend
kms

Anonymous 15617

I had a killer headache today, no idea why. I feel better but still a bit lightheaded. sob.

Anonymous 15619

I couldn't concentrate on anything today. Felt so badly the urge to binge, but I really don't have anything in my house that is suitable for it, and I didn't really think to have a list of distractions ready for when I feel like this.

Anonymous 15620

>>15619
That sucks and I'm sorry you went through that shit, been there so many times. At least let's be glad you didn't binge!

Anonymous 15621

>>15620
I didn't binge, but I did still have small bites of more food than I should have been between meal times. But it was sad since those aren't my usual binging foods so it was just a rotation of un"satisfying" alternatives. I don't feel as shitty as after binging, but I don't feel great about the grazing either.

Anonymous 15628

I try to be mean or post bait constantly because in reality I am miserable and don't enjoy anything anymore. I am a complete fuck up and loser. I refresh the homepage of crystal cafe all day and read every new post several times. I have no friends. I keep going to the store and coming close to buying something to hang myself in the closet with. There isn't a point in my life where I've felt everything was fine except when I felt like I had close friends. I walked to the store and bought a slice of cake to have on my birthday and ended up crying my eyes out while eating it in my little cave and then cried myself to sleep after.

I miss my mom and my sister and all of my friends. I wish I had never been born. I'm so fucking ugly.

Anonymous 15629

>>15628

where are your mom and sister and friends? are they alive? can you still talk to them? I don't want you to die.

Anonymous 15631

Sorry for the massive wall of text but I need to get this off my chest.

Me and my bf have been together for years, its been a very hard and long road for us but we stuck by eachother thick and thin. We both have had our share of problems with immaturity, emotional issues, unrealistic expectations etc but despite all of that we are still together. We where both eachothers first in everything and its been one big long learning experience for us both with many borderline breakups. But despite everything we are still together. I know he genuinely loves me and cares for me as a human being but the issue is I just don't think we are compatible when it comes to the very root of our personalities.

For years I ignored it because he was all I had, my only ray of light in this awful depressing world. He took me from the deepest darkest depths of my miserable existence and made my life feel like its worth living just by offering his love and not much else. At the time its all I needed to keep my going, to be genuinely wanted by someone was enough. But I now I often find myself thinking if this will truly work out in the end.

We plan on getting married and by plan I mean Ive been pushing the idea on him for years and he at first was totally against it due to his family being one big dysfunctional mess but has slowly warmed up to the idea. But I have so many doubts now, every day in my head I'm thinking of what it would be like to be with someone that shares my interests and tries to actively work for my affection.

I'm always the one being positive, always the one trying to keep him optimistic, always asking him how he feels and generally just trying to offer him all I possibly can. Anything we do is because I suggested we do it, not because he wants us to do it. Sex is the biggest issue, for years ive been the one who initiates it every single time. He has a big dick and I always get off but I do absolutely all the work every single time while he just lies there enjoying it as I indulge him in every single one of his fetishes. Sometimes rarely he does not feel tired enough to put in some work too and its nice but so so rare.

I want kids and I want a family but he is entirely against the idea. He always feels so distant and uncaring but I know its just how it comes off from the outside and that he genuinely cares on the inside but it never stops me from having these thoughts of "what if I find someone that actively works for my affection every day like I do for him?".

I'm scared that if I end this relationship I will never get into another one again and I will never find someone that understands me like he does. He is very very stubborn and absolutely will not change in any way so "talk to him about this" is out of the question. He even told me to find someone else if I don't agree with how he is naturally so I've learned to simply accept him with all his flaws but I'm just getting so tired by now I don't know what to do.

Anonymous 15632

>>15629
I don't know. My mom is with her boyfriend somewhere presumably and my sister ghosted me last December when I tried to get back in contact with them. My friends stopped existing after high school.

Anonymous 15633

>>15628
refreshing this slow, overall negative site constantly is a negative feedback loop. stop yourself, do something else.

Anonymous 15634

>>15628
also happy birthday and don't kill yourself

Anonymous 15639

>just sitting in class
>suddenly very emotional about short men
>actually holding back tears
Why

Anonymous 15642

>>15631
That sounds awful, especially the fact that if you try to talk to him about anything he just shuts you out. It doesn't sound like he values you at all if his thought process is that he'd rather lose you than do a small thing so you can feel comfortable and more happy in the relationship. It's kind of a meme, but I think the 5 love languages are legit. Everyone has things that make them feel loved, and if these things aren't fulfilled it can make them feel pretty shitty. He probably isn't doing any of those.

I feel like my boyfriend can be unsettlingly distant at times, but he is depressed. I wonder if your boyfriend is the same? It sounds like he has no passion at all. Is that towards life in general or just you?

Anonymous 15644

24760b733fc9e8e429…

>befriend someone
>they are considered an "angel child" by everyone
>get close
>realise they are one of the most toxic, double faced, petty, and awful people i've ever met
>see them act all nice and lovely in front of others
>everyone loves them and think they are lovely and could never do anything bad
>they don't know they insult most of them and are always scheming to cause fights between people "for fun"

I'm surprised i managed to find this attitude out of high school in an adult (+30) person.
It disgusts me seeing them act around other people when i know their true colours.

Anonymous 15645

>>15632
Why don't you try talking to your mom, even if shes away with her bf? i'm sure she loves you.

Anonymous 15646

tomie.......jpg

My skin is so oily, I don't know what is happening. I drink plenty of water and don't eat fried food.

Anonymous 15647

>>15628
Happy birthday! Don't be mean or post bait for no reason, we are the ones who try to be here for you when you need.

Anonymous 15648

I was stupid enough to get student loans to pay for my university but now I can't pay them anymore. I'm desperate for money, the loans are way too high . I hate myself for not thinking about it twice, and for not researching more about loans when I had the chance. How can people live on with this?

Anonymous 15649

>>15628
Happy birthday anon!
Wanna be friends? ^^

Anonymous 15650

>>15648
usually people live on by using the loans to get a degree that will lead them to a well-paying job

if you really can't pay them you can usually negotiate an income-based repayment plan to lessen the load

Anonymous 15656

>>15645
it was part of reaching out last December. We're estranged for life.

>>15649
Okay. What do I need to do?

Anonymous 15657

>>15656
You said your sister ghosted you. But your mom too? Do you know why?

Anonymous 15658

>>15656
Do you have a discord account? Or a throwaway email? Steam account works too!

Anonymous 15659

bongo.gif

>>15628
Hey anon, i understand your feelings completely, i am there and have been there myself.
If you want someone to talk to, i can make a throwaway, i'm not a particularly good talker, but i am a very good listener and i'd love to talk to you, and even play some vidya if you are up for it!

Happy birthday, by the way! I'm sure they will only get better from now on.

Anonymous 15662

>>15648
Move to another country, and voila. You'll have to start from zero, but that's better than having to pay a loan for the rest of your life.

Anonymous 15671

>>15658
>>15659
>>15661

everyone is so nice.. I don't care if robots or whoever does something mean with my email or tries to troll me. Here is my main one: [email protected]

>>15657
It's a pointless and complicated story, I don't want to fill up this thread with it. Sorry.

Anonymous 15678

>>15646
she looks like a really tired Risa Nakamura
I'm sorry about your skin I don't know how to help you tho

Anonymous 15682

>>15678
Thanks. That is Tomie.

Anonymous 15683

I guess all the fucked up 2D pornography and vile behavior and personalities I've been exposed to, sought, and involved in online put me in a pretty awkward spot in terms of real life. On one hand I feel like coming so close with human ugliness allowed me to better acknowledge and work on my own deficits, as well as understand other people's reasons for their poor behavior, on the other it feels utterly impossible to "connect" with someone that didn't go through something similar. I don't want to call myself enlightened and others normie, but there undeniable is something that changes inside you after witnessing some of the worse stuff the internet has the offer.
At this point the only partner I can imagine in my life is somebody thoroughly mentally degenerated, but nonetheless on a level of "philosophical intelligence" (I'm not sure why I don't want to write wisdom but oh well) that allows them to view the world in a non-warped/biased way, i.e. no extremist thinking, no absolutes, acknowledging the respectable and unrespectable in everything

Anonymous 15687

>>15683
I know what you mean. I fell into this trap a long time ago, where I've convinced myself that I could never have a true connection with someone unless they're also "internet damaged" and "internet wise". Which is hilarious because normies are much more likely to be kind and understanding people. But I tell myself they couldn't understand me as they should unless they grew up combing through the same/similar giant vats of internet garbage that shaped me in small (maybe larger than I care to admit) ways.

Anonymous 15690

I'm repulsive to women. I just want a close friendship with another girl, and today I've started looking at Mfc models just so I can see another person my age smiling and laughing.

I'd want to die if people saw my posts here. Sometimes I am mean for the sake of it. I always feel so inferior to everyone in real life, it gives me a twinge of relief when I give a mean reply but I immediately regret it. In reality, I'm always stupider than the person I think I'm showing up.

I always feel like people my age think I'm an idiot but I think that's because it's what I tend to jump to as well. People my age, if they were with me, it's more competitive. I would hate to want to be superior and fail, so I'd rather just know I'm definitively lesser from the start. That's why I prefer being with older people. I know I'm definitely the dumb one and they treat me like it, too.

I'm stupid for wanting to switch majors. I should continue science because that's just pure studying. I'm so pathetic I have executive functioning issues, but it's worse for me to believe I have worthwhile or compelling arguments to deliver to other people. They're pretentious ideas, anyway. I don't even understand them, I have just fallen into the trap of believing I do.

I just am such a failure. Even as a fuck hole I suck because I have vaginismus and endo, and my genes shouldn't be passed on. I feel so lame for being called hot by men and ugly by women. Interesting by men, stupid by women. I feel like my fate is to stay in this weird man bubble that I perpetually want out of. I'm not attracted to them, another failure on my part. If I were, maybe this would be easier to accept.

I'm okay with being alone, but being scorned is what gets me.

Anonymous 15692

>>15687
I want to say it's not a matter of being unable to find someone kind and understanding enough to "tolerate" the marks the internet left on my personality - in fact, I actually look upon the influence it had on me in a pretty loving way; I'm genuinely happy with the way I am - what I'm craving instead these days is just someone I can give bonding beyond the internet a try with I guess. It's funny, thinking this through I realize just how far I've come hiding my favorite part of myself from people in real life, and literally this moment I realized that this is probably what people mean with finding someone that "accepts you."

Damn, when it comes down to it I just want somebody who likes me as I am, wild.

Anonymous 15697

>>15683
i feel the same way, although i'm still rather vanilla/normie by the more notorious chan standards, i'd still consider myself pretty internet desensitized, rather, i feel like a cyborg, so it's been especially difficult trying to connect with normies irl since a large portion of my teen years and plus has been spent alone on the internet. also another variable which drove me to become this internet trolling hermit was mental illness and overcoming this life challenge has made me view people who haven't (normies with stress free lives) as almost boring? like my mental illness has been such a huge part of me, i no longer know how to connect with someone unless they have gone through something similar, and these individuals also tend to be the ones in the dark corners of the internet.

i don't know. i really want to be normal again and connect with normie society but i feel like i've just been so damaged & jaded – due to a combination of poor mental health & the internet that it is just difficult to find someone who i feel can "understand me". i haven't made an irl friend for over 5 years now just because of how alien i feel compared to their lifestyles and views on life etc.

and on the other hand i'm hesitant to befriend/date someone who is just as or more so degenerate than i am; like i get it may be easier for us to connect but knowing how cynical and scary some of these internet trolls can be, i just don't think i can trust someone who has been so socially depraved for so long. kind of hypocritical huh. so i guess my goal as of right now is to prepare myself into a more mentally & socially healthy place so i can start anew and integrate into normie society as opposed to seek like minded people who are just as fucked up to validate my own degeneracy & abnormal ways of life.

Anonymous 15700

>>15697
I think you can be fucked up without being a "bad" (i.e. petty, spiteful, cynical) person, and I think it's safe to say that that kind will become more in the future. Perhaps I'm giving bad advice here and it really would be for the best to draw a line and start anew, but I don't know, that sounds like something that'll backfire down the line to me; something something you can take the anon out of 4chan, but not the 4chan out of anon. Then again, what's the lesser evil, solitude or a feeling of disconnection?

Anonymous 15701

Uh58513,1289065407…

I made my husband cry lately.

I was just chilling in bed at the evning, winding down after a day just as stressful as most of them. Suddenly he gave me shit about a "picture from the chans" I had opened. It actually was from reddit, a meme I found amusing. He then went over to berating me how I do mainly amusing things on my PC and how this was concerning.

At this point I decided I would not take that sort of bullshit this time, he had cut me off from too much I had liked in my life, and now he gives me bullshit because I like to read some funny things in the evening instead of engaging in ClAsSy EnTeRtAiNmEnT like bullshit movies he watches all the time or so, I have no fucking idea. He tried following me around the house and prevented me from going places and actually wanted to make a big deal out of this fucking thing, so I started roasting him like there was no tomorrow while silently waiting that he would just go fuck himself. Eventually he started crying because I was cold as ice and didn't care for him and because he's always the ass of all jokes blah blah blah. Sorry man, the past year or so where you made me cry about bullshit issues on a weekly basis made me not quite as emotional towards your complaints.

Anonymous 15703

>>15701
>Eventually he started crying

I'm sorry but your husband is a pussy. Crying because you were laughing at memes, are you serious? How old is he

Anonymous 15704

>>15703
secondd

Hoy lee shits were had.

Anonymous 15705

>>15701
>>15704
sorry crystal-kun

Anonymous 15706

>>15701
>telling you off for looking at a photo
>he had cut me off from too much I had liked in my life
>following me around the house and prevented me from going places
>cries crocodile tears to reverse the tables and make him look like the victim
>you made me cry about bullshit issues on a weekly basis

This is all very concerning and controlling behaviour. Nobody should control how you spend your free time or what you do on the internet. The fact that he was looking at your screen long enough to find something to argue over would be enough to piss me off. The crying doesn't sound genuine.

Has he even made an apology for his disgusting behaviour? It seems like you also have more unresolved problems from the past year. If he doesn't tell you what he did wrong, understand why it hurt you and apologise then show him the fucking door.

Anonymous 15716

>>15701
Girl.
Are you happy in that marriage?

Anonymous 15736

IMG_20170703_17101…

One of those nights when i just want to end it all, and i cannot even seek confort on my friends because i'm always a mere second thought to them, if that, and i cannot talk with my family about it, so i'm left alone, hugging my cat while feeling empty inside and thinking just how pleasant it would be to not have any mental illness, to have no problems, to not feel hurt, to just not exist.
I'm so lonely. I wish i was someone's first thought, i wish i had someone that considered my feelings and let me talk about them and cared about what i was saying.
But i'm left bottling it up until it explodes in nights like this and the urge to die gets unbearable.

I don't know anymore.

Anonymous 15737

>>15736
i was going to end it all tonight too once everyone goes to sleep. I've believed in false hope and held out for the last time, it's so pointless. I don't know why I ever bothered posting here or listening to any of the obvious lies I have been fed. I am a defective creature with no right to exist. I can't exist like this another day and can only hope to be reincarnated as something not perpetually looked at in disgust or to never be conscious and experiencing again. I am finished thinking life could ever be any different

maybe you should tell your family unless you are afraid of consequences that would only make matters worse. Maybe you could text a suicide hotline, and so long as you don't talk about being in immediate danger they're actually pretty good at listening and caring. You could post here what's bugging you

Anonymous 15738

5355c3937014cdee7e…

>be me, have literally 4 friends
>1 female friend, pretty close
>been friends for 5.5 years
>her grandma died
>always there for her
>let her cry on my shoulder, go out with her so she won't be alone
>guy starts stalking her
>be there for her, literally scream at the guy
>move abroad
>text her asking her if she can send something from our country to my new address
>tell her I will pay for it
>only ask her because there's no one in the city who can do it for me
>tell her I'm anxious and need an answer even if it's negative
>ask her please to respond ASAP because I need to know if she can do it
>she doesn't respond
>"it's ok, she must be busy"
>see her talking in groups with other friends
>she's ignoring me?
>1 week goes by, no answer
>try contacting her again
>she just says "sorry i can't"
>tell her I feel bad she ignored me for a week when I told her I was anxious and needed an answer even if negative
>"sorry i can't" again
>lol wut did you even read what I said??

I'm pretty hurt and upset not because she said she couldn't but because she knew how desperate I was and didn't respond anyway and when she finally did she just said she couldn't, cold as fuck.

I asked someone else to do it for me and hopefully that will work, but she made me lose an entire week waiting for her answer. I was there for her when she really needed someone and she knows it. I sent her some msgs saying I am hurt because of the way she treated me and I think she might have blocked me now… Rip. It hurts but at the same time I'm kinda laughing at how ridiculous this is. I'm tired of doing everything I can for my "friends" just to have them let me down.
I never get mad and I tend to be very passive, so maybe she was surprised to see me be so honest and tell her how I felt. I don't mind she said no, I've already asked someone else, so even a half assed "sorry I got sidetracked and forgot! ):" would have been enough tbh.

Anonymous 15747

IMG_0748.JPG

He dumped me, kept me on a emotional leash for a while and when he finally got a job again he blocked me off of social media and never bothered to contact me again.
I hate him but I still want him back. But I know he's a slimy piece of shit who only cares about how much he can sneak around and get some from others without providing back.
I won't have anybody treat me like a princess again, even if he pretended to love me.

Anonymous 15749

been having some weird conflicts about my sexuality for the past, oh, 3 years. mostly because i don't like vagoo because something about it pains me (?), but i do love everything else a woman has to offer.
on the flip-side, i hold no real love for uber-masculinity (unless it's on a woman lol) but i do like dick. i've never been sexual with anyone, but they look pleasant.
if futa were real i'd be the happiest bitch lol

Anonymous 15752

janice.png

So me and my friend/s are in this “group” with this one girl, let’s call her X. X likes to act all innocent and harmless but in reality she is a two faced cunt who enjoys victimizing herself and loves the attention. She will throw you under the bus and lie about you or your friends just so she can look good to others, when in reality she is the biggest snake of them all, acting nice to you in your face and turning around and trying to drag you through the mud. Sometimes one of us would have a good idea and then she would act (in front of others) like it was hers. She used to complain before about not getting a bigger part in our group, but to be honest it was because we didn’t trust her completely (as a comparison that most people will know on this board, she is like a lite version of cvnka). I think the worst part is that we never did anything wrong to her (we even kept her in the group till the end of the “project” because we fell sorry for her) and yet she has the balls to talk disgusting, untruthful shit about us? Shameful.

Anonymous 15753

>>15752
do you still talk with her?

>>15747
he doesn't deserve you, anon. you will find someone else.

Anonymous 15754

>>15753
Not really, unless we need to. To be honest we all feel betrayed. We treated her like a sister, she knew this project was very important to us and yet with NO REASON she turned around and talked shit and lies about us? What kind of person does that, really? How can you call yourself a nice person and yet do this shit, completely uncalled for?

Anonymous 15756

1524347333112.jpg

Sometimes i just get tired. Yesterday i was so depressed. My job is shit, i don't get what I deserve but i'm poor so im just gotta do the job, beacause of the job I dont get time to study so my grades in uni are dropping each semester, my bf keeps playing league of legends and sometimes being stupid. The great news is that i get a undergraduate research with my favorite teacher in langueages. I'm so happy that I get it, but at the sames time all I wanted was to drop my job and focus on my studies. I hate to be poor, I just wanted to disapear for a time, be alone and crying on my own.

Anonymous 15757

>>15754
What kind of project? It seems weird you guys let her in if you didn't trust her to begin with since it seems to be an important thing by the way you talk about it.

Anonymous 15758

>>15754
>>15752
Anon, this world is full of backstabbing bitches like that one . I say :just stop caring about her and move on . At least you know next time you have another project you won't choose her as a team mate lol

Anonymous 15772

>>15758
True

>>15757
She was not our first choice but we were in a hurry so we didn't have any other option.

Anonymous 15773

It's dumb, but I hate seeing people I dislike make friends with someone I want to befriend. Or even someone getting all buddy buddy w/ a person I have my eyes on before I can.
Sigh.

Anonymous 15779

>>15754
>How can you call yourself a nice person and yet do this shit

Isn't it creepy that the majority of awful and evil things ever done were done by people who think of themselves as nice/good?

cognitive dissonance is a powerful drug

Anonymous 15784

>>15772
>>>She was not our first choice but we were in a hurry so we didn't have any other option.

Then why do you make it seem like she owes you a favour for keeping her in the project and that she should be grateful you got her in when she's not even leftovers?
Honestly, she may sound bad, but you kinda do as well, anon.

Anonymous 15786

>>15784
learn to read, she explained she threw her under the bus and was an overall snake >>15752

Anonymous 15826

uSKpGUOKu9.png

These people i considered friends started spreading incredbily venomous lies about me behind my back and turning people against me for no reason.
They made me seem like a horrible person to anyone that doesn't know the truth, and it's all with lies.
I'm so dissapointed, i never once spoke badly about them or hurt them, i just wanted some peace but it has turned into a witch-hunt and awful, awful, lies said about me.

Any hope i had left in this world for people is gone.
Maybe i am not meant to have friends, since they all eventually turn on me and try to hurt me and my character.

Anonymous 15827

>>15779
It's precisely the people with a deeply subconscious bad conscience that feel a need to adhere to some made up justice of theirs they can dedicate themselves to in order to feel just/good.

Anonymous 15840

I try to do my best, I really do, I constantly sacrifise things important to me, but all that happens is that I'm blamed for eveything that goes wrong while everyone else is extremely ungrateful and entitled.

I don't even know how to get out of that.

Anonymous 15847

>>15716
She clearly isnt anon tbh

Anonymous 15848

>>15826
If everywhere you go smells like shit, maybe it's time to check your shoes

Anonymous 15849

>>15848
I don't think this works when people are simply making things up about her.

Anonymous 15850

1533732895517.jpg


Anonymous 15854

I've been thinking about my future because: (i) I might fail a course which might render me degree-less (ii) if I don't fail, I don't know what to do with my life (iii) if I fail, I don't know what I'd do.

So, as a heuristic, suppose I pass this term and move onto the new term. My German prof told our class about an English assistanship at a German highschool that I'm interested in, but unsure of. I would like to apply for it, but these things are holding me back:
(a) my horrible German (okay, not horrible, but I still hesitate when I say simple phrases) (b)the pay is not great and I have hefty, but flexible, student loans and (c) I don't want to feel lonely in a place where I don't know anyone and speak the language at an elementary level.
However, I do know that I want a change of scenery, especially as I hate my school and my country.
What would you guys do?

Anonymous 15857

>>15826
>I'm so dissapointed, i never once spoke badly about them or hurt them
You were close enough to consider yourselves friends, but you managed to never in the time you knew them you hurt them?
I support you more than them since rumors are bullshit and there's no justifying it with "they deserved it," but DO NOT burn this story into your memory as "I was an angel and everyone else tortured me for absolutely no reason" - no matter how much it hurts, keep the truth in view.

>>15840
Sounds like a case of judging yourself for your intentions and others by their actions. Example: You may sacrifice something that "should" be dear to you (on a social norm kind of level), but isn't truly (just because you don't roll that way) and expect others to be considerate, because to them it does appear like something valuable - but karma doesn't work that way. What matters is whether you were genuine or not.
Shame the only advice I can give you is "Well actually it really is your fault"

>>15848
Based and redpilled

Anonymous 15858

>>15854
Ich bin mir sicher es gibt ein paar deutschsprechende Anons hier auf crystal.cafe, die sich darüber freuen würden, dir beim Üben helfen zu können. (Nicht aber ich) (Außer du findest sonst niemanden)

Anonymous 15866

I met the neighbor lady in her 40s. She invited me to smoke weed and said I could always talk to her. She told me about her son and said he has a bunch of plants and that I should meet him.

She seems intent on being my friend and introducing me to her son. On one hand this might make me feel better, on the other hand I have been enjoying my sobriety and was happy moving to this place where it's still illegal, having no connections or stores nearby made there be no temptation. Now there's temptation and self control involved in my sobriety.

420 BLAZE IT, sigh

Anonymous 15870

IMG_0963.PNG

>>15747
Update to my own post, he texted me today after about 3 months of playing Danny Phantom.
Claiming he made "about 30" friend requests on discord to me and assumed that I didn't want to talk to him and that he hopes I'll reply back soon.
Only thing is I never got one, let alone 30 (?!) requests from him.
He blocked me a long time ago, and I don't texting him because I know he has a limited phone plan.
I'm hesistent to talk to him because of our crazy past, how he persued me at a time when it wasn't legal for him and all types of shitty drama after that. Being around him makes me manic as fuck.
I crave affection and support so badly though. I know he can't give me it and I'll get chewed up and spit out.
I'm almost hoping his text was directed to someome else, I'm sick of being heartbroken by him.

Anonymous 15871

>>15870
Don't do it anon

Anonymous 15877

>>15858
Ja, stimmt, gibt es viele deutsche Anonnettes hier.
Ich bin unsicher, ob ich der Programm oder nicht machen sollst (Ich weiß, dass mein Deutsch besser sein werde. Das ist nicht ein groß "worry")
Jedoch, bin ich unsicher über meine Zukunft nach die Programm, aber ich möchte auch mein Deutsch aufbessern und lebe in Deutschland…
naja. Wie ärgerlich…
(Entschulding für mein schrekliches Deutsch…)

Anonymous 15899

My bf's mom is a hoarder and I have nobody to complain about it to. My friends are sick of hearing me complain about various things and I hate unloading all of my problems on them anyway. My family might convince me to leave my bf if they realised how fucking crazy his family is lol. I've considered making a post on reddit but I don't want either him or his mom to find it. I feel like it's a post that would be too long for somewhere like cc or lc also. I'm also afraid of people not understanding the situation and making fun of me. Fml I just want to talk to someone and get it off my chest.

Anonymous 15903

>>15877
Wenn du in Deutschland leben willst, dann mach es einfach. Ich bin auch keine Muttersprachlerin und habe in DE studiert. Es war am Anfang nicht so eifach aber mein Deutsch hat sich stark verbessert. Wenn es nicht klappt, dann weisst du auch, dass es keine option ist. Sei mutig!

Anonymous 15905

>>15849
>>15857
I mean I agree with >>15848 if /everyone/ 'turns' on you and make up 'lies' about you… then there's maybe some truth to what they're saying about you. You mean to tell me EVERY single person you come in contact with are evil disney villians that rub their hands together and just decide to fuck with you? Surejan.jpg

Anonymous 15910

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Anonymous 15914

My breasts are so sore i want to die

Anonymous 15915

1948076800_bb82c08…

all these long-haired band t-shirt wearing qts at college always wear shirts of some relatively unpopular band that I know, but don't like.
How am I supposed to talk to them? "Hey that band on your shirt… is pretty mediocre, you should get your taste checkeddddd haha loser"
I was hoping that there would be someone who liked the same music as I do but I guess not

Anonymous 15916

>>15915
Maybe try to say you've heard of them and recommend a similar sounding band that you like and start from there.

Anonymous 15917

>>15916
Thanks, you know I really think I need someone like you to have around at all times so I can learn how to talk to people.

Anonymous 15919

>>15915

what kind of music do you like?

Anonymous 15921

>>15915
>Hey that band on your shirt… is pretty mediocre, you should get your taste checkeddddd haha loser
If someone said this to me, I'd cry. This is why I never, ever wear band t-shirts or anything showing my music taste. I also refuse to play the music I like for groups of people and for anyone other than my 1 friend and sister. I'm so scarred by how music taste gets equated to intelligence or taste, it's illogical, but I felt like such a piece of shit as a kid and that feeling has not left me as an adult.

Anonymous 15922

>>15901
Thanks anon, I appreciate it x hoarders really are the worst. I'd feel sorry for them if it wasn't for the fact that they have really bad attitudes.

Initially, she used to clean the house because she was worried about my opinion. Now she doesn't give a shit and she's even admitted it. She used to contain it in certain rooms (mostly her bedroom). I once accidentally saw inside and there were clothes and junk up to the ceiling. It was like something out of a tv show, I've literally never seen anything like it. I guess at some point she started using the bed to pile shit onto because now she can't even sleep in her bedroom, she sleeps on the sofa in the living room. After a while things were less formal and I'd just spend most of the time in my bf's room so she took that as an excuse to let the entire downstairs area go. Every surface (counter tops, a sofa, the dining table, chairs) in the kitchen is covered in junk (idk what else to call it, it's the most random shit like boxes and toys and trinkets). Things like frying pans, cutlery, mugs, chopping boards go missing regularly and without them it's impossible to cook. She won't clean the inside of the microwave or the fridge and when things break, she never replaces them. I'm pretty sure I've seen things that expired years ago in the cupboard. Or at least that's how I remember the kitchen because I eventually refused to go in there years ago.

The bathroom is shared. It's covered in cobwebs (she likes spiders and won't put them outside, ew) and most of the things in there are broken and she refuses to get them fixed (the bathroom and sink taps need replaced and the toilet seat isn't fixed on, it's just sitting on the toilet). She uses the bath for everything including washing clothes (I assume she can't get into the room that has a washing machine), the other day I saw her scrubbing her hiking boots in it and apparently it was once the home of ducklings at one point. The worst part is that she hoards animals, like most hoarders. Name an animal and I can guarantee she's probably had it at some stage. It's mostly chickens but it's both hens and roosters so they breed quite regularly. She's also recently started collecting these huge ducks that sometimes nip my heels. The living room is home to two free-roaming canaries and two free-roaming rabbits. The result of all of this is a lot of shit. I mean a lot. The canaries fly around the room shitting down the walls and on the furniture and the rabbits hop around the floor leaving a trail of shit behind them. It's possible to get those animals to go to the bathroom in a specific place but she's too lazy to train them (also I'm not angry at the animals themselves, it's not their fault and they're actually cute). She collects animals thinking it makes her look interesting and quirky but has no actual desire to care for them. She comes home with new animals all the time that she really, really does not need. The garden is totally destroyed by the chickens who scratch to reach the soil so there's no grass and it's absolutely covered in their shit. Sometimes they get into her car (I have literally no idea how, just close the doors?) and she finds it hilarious. I don't find it hilarious because the car has shit embedded into the car seats. There's chicken and rabbit feed in the house and it stinks, it's the first thing you smell. It's fucking so unhygienic and I can't believe someone is okay living like that.

By the way, her car is full of even more junk like a mobile hoarder's collection (half eaten food, mugs of tea, leaflets and letters, clothes, boxes, CDS…). Sometimes she gives people lifts and she just shoves all of it to one side and expects people to squish in. She'll always pass it off as if it's a rare occurrence "Haha just clearing out the house!" or something but in reality her car always looks like that. I guess the thing that sent me over the edge today was that I went somewhere with my boyfriend and when I looked down at my nice white trainers, there was some chicken shit on them. I spent ages in the bathroom cleaning them and obsessively washing my hands and there's still a fucking green stain on them. I'm so angry about it.

My bf has tried to help and has his own ways of coping. Firstly, he wants to move out within the next few years and I think it's pretty obvious that it's going to get worse when he's gone. I think his fear is that she'll live like this for the rest of her life and probably injure herself tripping over something one day. He tirelessly cleans the bathroom and kitchen (btw his room is immaculate) but she manages to mess them up again within days of him doing that. So it's a really exhausting, never-ending task and it's not fair on him. He cleans up after the animals and takes better care of them than she does. He regularly buys them medication out of his own pocket (his mom would prefer they just die from illnesses) and brings them for regular vet visits (rabbits need annual shots which they wouldn't have gotten if it weren't for my bf). The worst part is her attitude because she doesn't even appreciate it when he cleans their shared spaces. She comes home to find everything clean and tells him off for touching her precious junk. She also tells him off for caring for the animals and calls him too "sensitive" when he brings them to the vet (????). He trained the animals to go to the bathroom in the one spot and she just didn't keep it up which is just lazy. He's desperately trying to put the house in order and make her change her ways before he leaves because he's such a good person. He genuinely cares about the people around him and she hasn't given me any indication that she cares about or appreciates him? He avoids the kitchen as much as possible and sometimes he doesn't eat dinner. I seriously worried about him for a long time but thankfully he gets one good meal at work now, at very least. He genuinely gets depressed just being in the house. He's trying to save money so he can move out and he's having to spend it on repairs in the house, buying cleaning products that she won't purchase herself, vet visits (keep in mind that most of these animals would be considered "exotic" and couldn't go to a normal vet), new electronics that the rabbits nibble the wires of, an entire new set of kitchen utensils, visits to the laundrette, eating out to avoid the kitchen etc etc etc

Anyway, if anyone made it this far RIP lol. I just wanted to vent because it's not really my problem to deal with, it's theirs so there's nothing really I can do about it. But for now I still have to deal with it while I visit my bf so it does still affect me. I even feel bad about posting this but I've been holding it in for so long, it's just so infuriating.

Anonymous 15928

>>15921
The types of people who autistically obsess over music aren't worth your time anyways. With playing things for groups you shouldn't really be playing your personal taste though unless it is something really conventional. All I listen to is vocaloid and male idolshit, I recognize that 99% of the population is going to hate what I listen to so I don't bring it up and always use headphones.

Anonymous 15929

>>15922
I'm so sorry anon.. I fucking hate hoarders. I have to deal with pretty much the same shit as your bf and the challenge of not being able to use the kitchen without heavy cleaning and potentially huge arguments over nothing can make it hard to keep on weight. Depending on the severity and how long it's been of course, he should know there may be no fixing her. At least not unless she wants to be fixed, or a large group of people forcefully take care of the problem (last time I attempted this the cops were suddenly called over a one dollar, split open pack of rusty beads from hobby lobby being thrown away). After the afore-mentioned coupe attempt she acted like she had a miscarriage, wandering the house screaming or moaning and crying over misc. junk and lots of literal trash that she remembers and realizes she doesn't have anymore. She acted like this off and on for many months and holds grudges still. She showed more concern for a swiffer mop that was in the yard half burried in dirt for years (the nicest thing we threw away) than I have ever seen her show concern for me in my life. It costs $12 new, believe me as someone who knows her, she had never used it, never was going to use it, and how nice was it really after having been treated the way it was for years? Do you really love that thing so much if that's where you leave it? Yet she hated my brother for being the one who threw it away (I was, he let her blame him) and wanted nothing to do with him for half a year, openly declared she hated him, etc. If your bf truly is spending about what it would take to rent somewhere on fixing issues that crop up at home, then he should probably get out. I get that he's probably used to it enough to deal with it though, and of course like you said, he wants to fix her. I spent over a decade trying to "fix" my mom with the most perfectly constructed dialogue and lessons about what she could do to stop the house from getting worse, what she could do to improve it, both general and my personal methodology for how I do things when I clean, or organize, or throw away trash, or whatever. I'd talk about mood stuff or abstract stuff to appeal to all the "it's not my fault, it's my brain, or mood, or zen state, or limited free time (no lol), and once whichever one of those is resolved, I will open my eyes and find that I cleaned half my house". Well anyway me trying to fix her didn't work and neither did therapy either btw). She pretended to listen and care for many years but now she has no shame and won't listen to much until she's screaming. What I've learned is that although she cares how the house is (if she could snap her fingers and have it cleaned and organized she would), she doesn't actually care enough to do any of the work or see the junk as junk, etc. Her standards for how she lives are super low and while you'd think shame or empathy would kick in a reaction to clean shared areas,, someone who normally refuses to clean is only going to do that for so long if they do it at all. You can't ruin your life for family like this, these are the family members you just talk on the phone with or see at family gatherings twice a year, mother or not. I know that sounds harsh but the odds are that one day he will see this himself, the question is does he want to see it now or after 20 years of living two blocks away and regularly cleaning up after that lady who used to be his mom.

Anonymous 15931

>>15922
Damn, what a life. I sometimes just wish a fire would cleanse their collections.

Anonymous 15946

I'm tired of never fitting into online "communities," I'm going to a church event for young adults tomorrow to see if I can try to belong to a "real" community…

Anonymous 15950

>>15921
well if it's a genre of music you like go from there. Otherwise wear music band t shirts you like.

Anonymous 15952

>>15922
This needs to be said, NEVER DATE HOARDERS NEVER LIVE WITH HOARDERS. Learn to spot the signs outlined here ffs, this shit is hereditary and cannot be fixed unless they hit an epiphany moment and GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. Have you tried calling hoarders on this woman? Is that show still a thing?

Anonymous 15986

>>15922
That's horrible… Don't worry about posting it all here, this is a place to post your worries after all right?
>>15919
I like some black metal and some progressive metal, but there are only like ~8 bands that I love lol
>>15921
Actually I am like that too, I have nightmares sometimes that my earphones get unplugged and everyone can hear what I'm listening to. And I am always paranoid when I have my earphones when I'm awake… But I just recently bought a shirt from a band I love so I can somehow show my taste in music, that way people who have never heard their music won't judge me.

Anonymous 15987

>>15986
do you know sigh? if you like black and prog metal i think you'll love sigh

Anonymous 15991

>>15929
>the challenge of not being able to use the kitchen without heavy cleaning and potentially huge arguments
Oh damn anon you were in such a similar situation. I think it started around 7 or 8 years ago actually but she seems to be getting worse, not better so I'm not really hopeful. I think he tried to drag her to therapy but his family are militant Christians so they're under the impression that going to church is the same as going to a trained professional, unfortunately. I feel so bad for him having to grow up in that environment. The screaming and "not having enough time" sounds so familiar (haha but they have enough time to mess things up which ngl looks like it takes way more effort than just keeping a room looking good?). He would have been gone years ago if it weren't for the bad housing/renting climate my country has atm. I don't think he's spending that much but it is annoying when I see him taking care of her hoard of animals for her (he's too kind to see them suffer) or when he tells me he's bought something new like a hairdryer because the last one was sucked into a pile of junk (lol I told him to keep things like that to himself and pretend he doesn't have them). Yeah it's funny how they actually do seem to care/feel shame but…not enough I guess. She doesn't invite anyone to the house (my bf and his dad would the odd time but there's always a huge clean-up beforehand and she has to be told well in advance or she'll freak out, I wish she'd realise that the clean-up would be intimately easier if she just did it 15 minutes daily instead of all at once a few times a year). She gets paranoid when anyone comes to the door like delivery men or neighbours. Like how is that any way to live? My bf missed out on having parties as a child, you can't have anything delivered to the house, you have to make the taxi driver let you out early and walk home?? Anyway, you're dead right about limiting contact. We don't choose our family members. People who say "family is everything" have never had to deal with something like this, clearly.

>>15931
That's probably the only solution.

>>15952
Yeah I agree tbh. I guess the warning sign would be someone who doesn't want you to see their home or certain parts of it. You'd think that'd be obvious but people have clever excuses ready. Haha her room legit looks like something from a TLC show, that was my first thought.

>>15986
Thanks anon. I do feel better now.

Anonymous 16000

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A ghost from the past is bothering me a lot lately because of a growing suspicion she is present on CC. I really, really hope it's paranoia and not true but I know she was all sorts of active on lolcow.

The hunch that certain posts are hers is making the memory of her bother me a lot more than usual. I have so many things I should have said but didn't. I've never been the same ever since what went down, she probably has no idea how badly my feelings were hurt by her because of how silent and chill of a facade I put up. Then one day I boiled over and was breaking down and left later that week(or maybe it was 2 weeks), the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders that had felt so agonizing for so long.

There's the obvious "why didn't you tell her" regret, but I never did because I never felt like I had the right to. It's way out of my comfort zone to express that I am hurt by someone distancing themselves the way she did. I can take a hint, I'm not sure I can stay in contact with that hint and act like it doesn't hurt me. I've had that happen enough in life to adjust fine but somehow she wounded me in such a way that it was worse pain than ever before or ever will be again. No one else on earth is going to cause me to write a 10,000+ word essay on a giant tangled knot of frustration, pain, and platonic heartbreak.

I will leave CC if I do explicitly find out she posts here. For now I hope it is just a delusion created by 5 separate uncanny posts and my still unresolved attachment to her. But this delusion has been bringing up feelings I thought I was over.

Anonymous 16007

>>16000
probably just delusion. you should reach out and get closure because maybe they think you left them. clearly the not knowing is hurting you more than the period at the end of the statement and close of the chapter.

Anonymous 16061

>>16007
The need for closure here is powerful but would be so selfish of me. I left in a very dramatic manner without expressing any of the reasons, to reach out after this long just to go "hey you hurt me really bad and here's why:_______. Bye forever" would be rude.

I want to tell her off so badly and regret that missed chance I didn't take.

Anonymous 16082

1541530025342.jpg

i hate normalfags.
i hate that they are better adjusted than me and have more to offer in a relationship ( not just romantic ).
i hate having them invade my weird internet spaces. please just stay on facebook or instagram or snapchat and leave chans alone. i just hate it. i hate it!

Anonymous 16085


Anonymous 16087

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>>16082
I don't hate you though. 💛

Anonymous 16088


Anonymous 16093

>>15628
Try self improvement, meditation, lucid dreaming, exercise, fasting, asceticism, learning something (MIT opencourseware, a language, etc.) Just gain a self fulfilling purpose and won't need to waste yourself! You could even update everyone on your progress.

Anonymous 16094

I'm living away from home and I've been stressing so much. Most importantly I keep feeling like shit because I can only cook basic things and eat garbage. I know understand how it feels to be what you eat.

Anonymous 16096

>>15631
I would recommend not forcing anything on him. It could entirely destroy the relationship. He may be unable to finance a family or raise children properly. I am sure you would want the best for your children so don't try to push something on your husband which he can't handle at the moment.

Anonymous 16099

>>15631
>He always feels so distant and uncaring but I know its just how it comes off from the outside and that he genuinely cares on the inside
Everyone always says that about people who don't care.
>staying in a relationship out of fear
Not the greatest plan in the world, don't you think?

Anonymous 16107

>>16094
Buy bagged salad.

Anonymous 16124

why do i find myself disgusted at the majority of people? i have very few friends and have never had a boyfriend simply because if they cannot adhere to the high standards & values i set for myself, i do not want to associate with them. for example, i take care of my body, exercising & eating well, i take care of my skin, hair, etc. to be presentable to the public. i take care of my mind by reading books and learning new things like a language or instrument. i always strive to put my time to good use. even when i was depressed, i read tons of stoic philosophy & consumed media which allowed me to overcome those challenges.

now when people tell me their problems, i can't help by feel disgust towards them as i believe most of their troubles can be solved with a little discipline/will power & effort except most are unwilling and simply let life defeat them. i find this weak and i don't want to be around these sorts of people.

as i am in my 20s, i find more and more of my friends have let life's circumstances defeat them, as someone who has battled eating disorders, troubled family & depression & even trauma, i have no sympathy for these people.

so my point is, is this a normal kind of feeling? and do others feel similarly? am i being close minded or should i continue doing me?

Anonymous 16127

>>16124
You do all these things and haven't stopped to think that just maybe, exposing yourself to things that you know disgust you is a waste of your time?

Anonymous 16129

>>16124
>as i believe most of their troubles can be solved with a little discipline/will power & effort except most are unwilling and simply let life defeat them
>so my point is, is this a normal kind of feeling? and do others feel similarly? am i being close minded or should i continue doing me?
Well it's not like it's their "fault" that they lack strength of will. For me it's more of pitying them, but I try not to think of them as inferior all across the board. A lot of people very talented in some single discipline lack any kind of strength of character outside of it, it'd be silly not to try to learn from them in that one discipline because of that.

Anonymous 16131

>>16129
not really, willpower can be practised and given ample amounts of will power, anything can be achieved. people just don't wanna.

>>16127
yeah i pretty much just stay alone in my house & do stuff alone in my quest for perfection heh

Anonymous 16132

>>16131
>people just don't wanna.
Yeah, that's the part that isn't their fault.

Anonymous 16133

>>16124
>i take care of my body, exercising & eating well, i take care of my skin, hair, etc. to be presentable to the public.

Most girls do this.

Reading books or learning new things, maybe less so. Also stoic philosophy was a giant meme around summer of 2016 and Marcus Aurelius was getting linked a lot. Funny because a part of stoicism is not sitting and being disgusted at the people who exist in pitiful impulsive form, for all their flaws, but to accept them as that.

>as someone who has battled eating disorders, troubled family & depression & even trauma, i have no sympathy for these people.


You can't really compare problems to problems. Some might have "troubled family" and trauma that dwarf yours, others who had less on their plate than you.

You don't have to feel sympathy for anyone and you don't have to associate with people you don't want to. You're not close minded but you might have an inflated sense of achievement, a false sense of how bad you had it/how difficult your struggles were, and a big ego that actually thrives on this fact that other people are pitiful do-nothing sacks of misery.

Also it's a normal feeling. Winners don't associate with losers usually. Nice not-so-humble humblebrag venting btw

Anonymous 16136

>>16133
>other people are pitiful do-nothing sacks of misery
nah pretty sure most people are just this. it was fun to laugh & relate to depression and mental illness memes during my teen years but now in my 20s it's just sad and people who haven't gotten over their "illnesses" are just whiny crybabies who romanticise how bad they have it instead of doing anything about it

>Most girls do this

no they don't, i'm seeing all my old female classmates getting fat & most of them don't even wear sunscreen so how is that taking care of themselves lol

>Funny because a part of stoicism is not sitting and being disgusted at the people who exist in pitiful impulsive form,


no one said it was, it's a by-product of the person i've created through stoicism :)

>for all their flaws, but to accept them as that.

yeh no. self improvement > self acceptance

Anonymous 16139

>>16136
Just start killing people tbh. Shoot up your classroom or workplace.

Anonymous 16145

>>16136
> & most of them don't even wear sunscreen
how would you know this

Anonymous 16152

>>16145
Premature wrinkles babe it ain’t rocket science

Anonymous 16153

IMG_0863.JPG

I keep doing fucked up shit to him, he's not in my life and we don't talk but everytime I get intrusive thoughts related to him I act on it.
Even though he deserves it and every bad thing that happens to him, I'm still fucked up for doing it.
Everything and everyone I knew moved forward in life but me. I am stuck back and forth in this manic-depressive bullshit.
He's got a job, friends, a life, everything while I have nothing but resentment consuming me.
This shit will bite me in the ass for sure.

Anonymous 16156

>>16136
>>accept others
>self acceptance
???
You're a dumbass. A petty mind will never get anywhere in philosophy, go back to the Greeks.

Anonymous 16157

>>16136
You're not stoic at all tbh

Anonymous 16158

>>16136
you act like youre superior to everyone else but look where you are. you're on a vietnamese crystalline solid mining forum.
you sit here wasting your time flexing on how much better you are than your former classmates and everyone around you for not wearing sunscreen on the internet meanwhile people are outside getting real shit done.
that's like, really sad anon.

Anonymous 16162

>>16085
>>16087
female normies are ok? great, even
i just hate chads

Anonymous 16246

>>15987
I wasn't able to listen to it until now, but thanks so much, it was really epic. I wasn't expecting to like it because I rarely like any new band I try to listen to, but this is just amazing, I'm still listening to their other songs.
Ok time to rant: it is SO incredibly annoying when I try my hardest to solve some problem for homework/practice and then I look at the solution and it's only different by like a factor of 2 or it's the same thing but reciprocal. Or I wrote down some part of the problem wrong and everything is wrong. UGH
In high school I used to be one of the smartest kids and I used to be able to solve every problem so easily, and now I don't know how to learn to solve problems, I never had to learn because it all came intuitively to me. it sucks and I feel so dumb

Anonymous 16247

>>16246
Even with math, public schooling is all about rote memorization rather than building problem solving skills and critical thinking.
Women usually have superior memory skills which is why they excel at things like language.
You are probably just unpractised in problem solving.
If this truly matters to you, turn your weakness into a strength and spend all your free time practising rather than engaging in passive entertainment, chatting, etc.
Affirm to yourself "this is fun and easy, I just don't have enough experience at the moment" when you experience difficulty.
A good book for learning how to solve problems is "How to Solve It" by George Polya. Make it a hobby to go through logical and mathematical puzzle books.
If you devote yourself to it, I am sure you will get there. Good luck!

Anonymous 16248

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Every now and then I remember how my ex bf of 6 years cried on the phone and even got his mom involved when he found out I had moved on for good. He kept sobbing and crying to me saying he still believed we would be together in the future, made his mom call me to ask if I was with someone new (because he thought he was entitled to know even though we didn't talk anymore at all) and to complain her son was drinking too much because of how sad he was that I was over him ablooblobloo (as if that was my fault lady, your son was into booze way before we broke up! ). He also texted my sibling who didn't want anything to do with him for days to ask stuff about my relationship and cry on their shoulder just to sulk even more when my sibling called him out on being an idiot during our time together.

So yeah whenever I remember that I feel sad and ask myself if I should have acted differently when he talked to me on that particular day. I never regretted breaking up for good, I know it was the right decision, but it's sad how much time I/we invested in that relationship. I'm not going to he say he was always bad, he was wonderful during certain times but all in all his bad > good.
Long greentext of his shit incoming:

>Had a huge victim complex but pointed fingers at his family saying they had victim complexes too, when he was the only with a victim complex

>Acted like a "imma tough brahhh im a sex machine beast" in front of his male friends… cringe
>Immature despite being a fucking 30 year old
>Liked fighting over small things and admitted that he'd start shit with me just because he was bored
>Texted me when i was abroad and asked me to stop everything i was doing and do a cartwheel in front of a monument and tell my sibling to take a picture. i said no and he got legit pissed… lolwut. that was right before i broke up with him
>Kept spending money on shit even though he knew we had to save (i.e tried to buy an expensive e-cig to vape even though he didn't even smoke and was told by the salesman he shouldn't spend money on it…lmao)
>Got herpes from a literal prostitute (or maybe a girl he was seeing) when we broke up, he doesn't know who gave it to him
>Described in detail how he fucked prostitutes when we were apart just to hurt me and to seem ~~desirable~~ (because he wasn't paying to get them to fuck him amirite?) since I found a new bf at the time
>Overly jealous to the point we couldn't have a rational conversation because he didn't listen to anything, jealous of my female friends
>Always talking about "GOD GOD GOD GOD! CHRISTIANS ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE" while simultaneously not doing anything christian in his life, or praying, giving a shit about Jesus. AKA fake christian.
>Made fun of me when I told him I had my doubts about god's existence and when I told him I'd start calling myself agnostic from now on, said I was only doing that because "atheists are cool now"
>Had a hateboner for atheists and would go on and on for hours about how NO ONE CAN BE AN ATHEIST, EVERYONE SECRELTLY BELIEVES IN GOD
>would let his dog take a shit in his mouth if it tried, he was a huge dognutter and ignored his other pet which he was supposed to still take care of
>hated his own race and nationality and acted like he was better than the rest of them even though he can't change where he was born or his race
>always bragging over dumb shit he did at his dead end job because he was a college dropout. after losing his job he couldn't get another for years
>never proactive, he was all talk
>was slowly becoming an alcoholic
>lived in absolute filth, had bottles everywhere in his room

Anonymous 16250

>>16247
Thanks so much! I just downloaded that book. (by the way to everyone reading, you can get tons of books online from Library Genesis.)
I don't find solving the problems a hard task, I could do it all day, but I get stuck at every problem so I read the solutions so I can learn from them (which is probably not very good). From today I've decided not to look at the solutions all the time anymore.

Anonymous 16262

>>16250
Another good technique for finding free books online is after your search query typing without quotes "filetype: pdf"

Anonymous 16263

>>16248
and why did you date that

Anonymous 16273

>>16263
I said he wasn't always that bad, read the 1st paragraph.

He got worse over time (over 6 years)

Anonymous 16277

I have immense regret over not starting to learn how to code earlier. I'm in a community college right now and while I do really well in the classes themselves, I feel envious of my classmates who know stuff I don't, some even have internships already and are doing that in addition to school. The amount of stuff there is to learn feels so vast. I go on /g/ sometimes and don't know what the hell they're talking about most of the time.
I googled an old classmate of mine who I was friends with, he's attending an Ivy league college, already has a lot of personal projects, 2 years of an internship he started in high school, and in addition he is a great artist and musician. While I'm happy he's doing so well for himself, it makes me disappointed in myself for not really trying to do anything in high school, all I did was play video games and watch anime instead of anything useful. I have nothing I'm really good at, I'm only mediocre at my hobbies. I'm trying to change at least, hopefully one day I'll catch up. I just wish I had started learning at 14 instead of at 19.

Anonymous 16280

Sort of broke up with my bf, feeling whatever about it, but am super horny and wanna be penetrated even though I'm not sexually attracted to him. Wat do

Anonymous 16281

>>16280
thank God masturbation exists, I feel warm and ready to sleep all by myself, nighty night cc

Anonymous 16309

>>16277
Yeah passive entertainment wastes your life. If you spend all your free time programming stuff and I am sure you will catch up in no time. There are plenty of fun programming projects out there you can do.

Anonymous 16324

I love my boyfriend with all my heart, and I do think that he also loves me dearly, but I think that his anxiety and ocd problems are getting worse each year (untreated) and it may or may not slowly wither our relatives, and that thought makes me really depressed.

Anonymous 16330

>>16324
Improved diet will cure this problem. Have him eat only organics and remove all packaged foods from your diets. Read some books by Sherry A. Rogers.

Anonymous 16331

>>16330
[citation needed]

Anonymous 16332

sar.PNG


Anonymous 16345

>>16331
Isn't it strange that whenever someone mentions "cure", it instantly triggers doubt?
This word is so taboo that anyone who uses it is denounced as a "quack" by pharmaceutical funded medical industry.
I speculate that this is because these wonder drugs can't cure anything, rather they only suppress symptoms.
So whatever does cure anything would naturally threaten their multi billion dollar monopoly on healthcare.
I provided a citation already with my suggestion to read books by Sherry A. Rogers.
There are plenty of citations from mainstream medical journals as well as many independent studies from reputable universities in her books. So rather than ask me to waste my time citing stuff from them read them yourself.

>>16332
Really, how does this somehow invalidate her knowledge or medical expertise?
She was on a tour speaking about issues surrounding health which kept her from being in her office.
This is the "professional misconduct" and "gross negligence" they are talking about.
You don't even read the document and you are like "hah debunked, yep, just as I thought another quack".
All this does is prove your close-mindedness and eagerness to deny anything which doesn't match your worldview.
Why don't you actually read her books, "Toxic or Tired" is a good place to start.

Anonymous 16369

it's ridiculous but the fact that they're friends now hurts me
i wish she was friends with me instead

Anonymous 16417

why can't i just accept that he isn't into me like i'm into him?
he doesn't ask me about myself or my day, he doens't text me first, he doesn't follow up or send me things he think i'd like, like i do for him.

there's a billion reasons for him not to be into me despite us having sex a while ago, like he broke up with his 7-year long gf three months ago, and we live far apart from each other, and that i'm not very interesting. but damn it, i want his attention!

Anonymous 16421

i’m too fucking lazy to carry out the most basic of tasks
i also hate sleeping so i’m tired all the time
and i hardly ever see friends or meet new people on account of this laziness that’s why i’m sat shitposting on this board

Anonymous 16429

>>16345
All that anon was asking for is some direction or evidence, and you get really defensive about it.

>She was on a tour speaking about issues surrounding health which kept her from being in her office.

Doesn't excuse a doctor from performing their job, so that is negligence which has negative consequences for their license to practice. Also I wouldn't want to take advice from a doctor that can't fulfill their professional duties when they're too busy peddling pseudoscience.

"Cures" are not that simple, most of the time it advocates for holistic approaches to lifestyle, which I don't disagree with, but it's not a substitute for qualified medical advice. Bad doctors exist.

Anonymous 16461

>>16421
Being lazy is ok as long as it’s not stopping you from working towards your goals and values, like work, friendship, etc etc

Have you considered using a productivity app or anything like that? They’re super helpful once you find one that works. I use Habitica which is based on an RPG game. You get gold and xp for completing irl tasks and lose health for failing to do tasks or doing bad habits. P good!

Anonymous 16463

>>16461
>>16421
Habitica didn't work for a severe procrastinator like me.
Though progress tracking helps everyone.
I would recommend removing yourself from all vidya, entertainment, internet (make sure you are monitored when you do use it), cellphone for a couple months and starting with a simple check list.
Write items on the list at the beginning of every day and force yourself to complete every single item by the end of the day.
This is only good so long as you aren't working towards larger goals and projects with many steps.

Anonymous 16478

People say that if you cringe at your old self it means you're growing, but what happens in my case is that I remember random things from 5+ years ago at random times, for example now when I should be sleeping. I'm not even doing this intentionally, the thoughts are just an annoyance.

Anonymous 16479

I don't know what to do in life and it leads me to just refreshing image boards or playing games all day. The only things I would be interested wouldn't sustain me, and while I can get a STEM degree and make big bucks I am not passionate enough to pursue that.

Maybe I should just succumb to doing something I'm just not that passionate about.

Anonymous 16499

>be me
>get job after being neet alcoholic
>fired for drinking before going to work
>get another job
>have to drink before going to work because my hands and legs shake like hell when i'm sober
>constantly afraid i'll be fired either for being drunk or being a trembling mess

what is this catch 22 bullshit.

Anonymous 16503

>>16500
gone to doctor. they said stop drinking. if i stop drinking then i can't function because i can't hold so much as a cup, a pen, or a steering wheel.

Anonymous 16504

>>16503
to be honest i just want to kill myself. and drinking myself to death is a good way to do this without inflicting harm on anyone else.
i hate seeing people who committed suicide having folks who barely knew them come out of the woodworks to say 'wow he was such a good guy' 'we knew one another so well' 'she inspired me'.
but when you die of a heroin addiction, or alcoholism, or whatever pervasive addiction you have, nobody feels guilty. everything thinks you deserved it. which is better than making my family or friends think there's something they could have done to save me.

Anonymous 16511

>>15921
So, I'll admit it the only song I actually know from Pink Floyd is The Wall, and I liked that particular song a lot when I was young. I have a vintage pink floyd dark side of the moon t-shirt that I think was a hand me down from my parents and one day some hippie-lookin 30 yo guy (I was 17 at the time) smoking a cigarette walks up to me and asks what the first song on the album was and me, somewhat confused, just looks at the guy, and he immediately went on a tirade about how the answer was "Speak To Me" I shouldn't wear the shirt and he even threatened to punch me in the face. I was scared and embarrassed and probably 10 other emotions. First thing I did when I got home was to look up Dark Side of the Moon on youtube. Speak To Me is a minute long track of a drum, noises, and hard to hear voice samples. That's when I decided I really don't care what music elitists think.

Anonymous 16519

>>16511
what the hell, how can someone threaten another person because of that.
It's not like band shirts are some holy apparel you are not allowed to wear unless you listen to that band 24/7 (although I do get annoyed when they sell tshirts with prints of Metallica or ACDC and random girls buy it for fashion and have never heard of them otherwise)

Anonymous 16522

>>16511
don't you just love people who's entire identity is what music they like? he's so angry because liking that shit is the only thing he had going for him and you were watering down how speshul he is

Anonymous 16561

I wish I learned to value my privacy earlier. I don't have a reputation or anything like that (when I was on social media I would stick to small communities), but I know there are one or two stalkers irl who probably are curious what I'm doing these days. I just want to disappear.

Anonymous 16583

9C4FACC0-5281-47D9…

i’ve been e-stalking this guy for weeks now and i just commented on one of his posts subtly trying to initiate contact and im scared. he’s not even e-famous he’s literally just a rando i became invested in because im fucking weird (DAE do this?). he’s probably not even going to reply or he’ll just delete the post so whatever

why am i like this

Anonymous 16588

You know something, mum, you do a lot of annoying shit and I hold my tongue, but eating an entire pint of ice cream and not only failing to offer me any but going out of your way to conceal it from me is just beyond. I don't care how depressed you are, you're a bad person and I regret moving back here.

Anonymous 16601

>>15610
I may have accidentally doxxed my crush on 4chan… I posted
>our uni
>our course
>a unique characteristic about them

Anonymous 16611

i've never wanted to cry before at mere muscle soreness. my obliques are in so much pain, as are my calf and groin muscles, and I just want to cry about it, it's so difficult to walk.

Anonymous 16629

Got a crush on my friend but I will not be acting on it, as he will most likely leave the country for grad school and I don't particularly fancy a ldr.

The shitty thing is timing, because we met around this June when I got out of a breakup and wasn't looking for anything, but he crushed on me. My friend told me that around August, he was hurt by the fact that I was closed off to him (natrually, due to the recent breakup). Now the tables have turned and I am crushing on him.

C'est la vie. Sigh.

Anonymous 16631

is it possible to develop autism at 23? because i might just have it

Anonymous 16632

>>15610
Is anyone in a relationship and ever feel like they're not good enough and your bf/so wants someone younger/prettier/normal? I feel so scared my so thinks about other girls or isn't happy with me..It makes me want to give up and cheat or kill myself.

Anonymous 16633

>>16503
Me too anon but with opiates, literally can't feel happy or get shit done without them and I feel so bad but my brain wants what it wants

Anonymous 16634

>>16632
It's concerning that you would use this as a justification to cheat.

Anonymous 16636

>>16634
I haven't and don't want to, its just the thoughts rattling around in my head. I take the things guys say about us to heart.

Anonymous 16638

>>16631
You weren’t autistic before?

Anonymous 16639

>>16629
Have a little fling with him. He’ll be super happy and the both of you can have some fun. You’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it if you don’t!

Anonymous 16644

>>16638
not sure if being a dick but nah i used to feel empathy and had tons of friends suddenly i am alone and only realised a few months ago i haven't really thought about anyone else for years, like actual breathing individual with needs & emotions. and now social interactions just feels weird as if i'm a disconnected 3rd person watching in.

Anonymous 16645

Kinda pissed that my blog on tumblr was one of the ones that were purged. My posts were finally gaining traction. I sent them an email so hopefully thatll do something.

Anonymous 16646

>>16644
He doesn't have sex with his friends, haha. He's mentioned it a lot when we are hanging out in a group setting.

Anonymous 16647

>>16646
Soz, I meant to reply to >>16639
._. lack of sleep is a real problem..

Anonymous 16648

>>16645
Why did they purge your blog? Copyright reasons?

Anonymous 16649

>>16648
Literally have no idea I think it was a mistake. They're doing a whole purge of accounts right now because the app was taken off of the IOS app store so they're mass deleting the spam porn blogs. But a lot of people got their blogs taken down by mistake and I know it was recent because I was just getting notifications as early as last SAT but I look on the app yesterday and its gone.

Anonymous 16650

>>16646
>>16647
He’s clearly coping and trying to take away sexual tension and his own feelings (if he says he does have sex with his friends it’s creepy and it will make him insecure if he admits he want sex but doesn’t get it). If you made clear you’re down he’d fuck you instantly.

Anonymous 16652

>>16651
Uh hi, my blog had none of that. Gross. That's why I said it was MISTAKENLY deleted, if I did have that gross shit on there I wouldn't be mad it got deleted I would have just made another one.

Anonymous 16654

>>16653
Are you projecting or something? I wasn't a sexworker lol like not even close. I wasn't selling anything

Anonymous 16656

>>16649
I hope you get your blog back, anon! I used to have blog on Tumblr that was also deleted out of nowhere but I think that's because I hadn't logged into the account for 2-3 years.

Anonymous 16657

I deleted my tumblr because I was embarrassed I got 0 reblogs and was basically blogging my boring life to nobody.

Anonymous 16658

Is child porn really all over tumblr? That's sad dude, now I feel really weird about the timing of my tumblr deletion.

Anonymous 16659

It feels like i am just randomly drifting through life without any actual goal or path to take. I just got on the first uni that came to mind, i am studying the simplest field i could think off, i got the first job that i found on the job site. All the people around me have their goals, their dreams and they are working hard to achieve them and i have insane abilities, there is no point in bragging among internet strangers so just take my word for it, i could be a high ranking politician, a neurologist or a space engineer if i wanted, but i just don't want anything. I was raised to be a lazy piece of shit and that's exactly what i am. The only reason why i am still "progressing" is basically just inertia and even though everyone says i am doing great i honestly have no idea what i am doing. I feel so lost.
The only thoughts that calm me down from the anxiety are thoughts of suicide. I keep thinking and visualizing slitting my throat or running a bullet through my brain daily. It's the only thing that makes me feel secure.

Recently i had a dangerous operation and i should be doing a lot of things to keep my health up, but i still keep smoking, eating unhealthy shit and not doing sports because i just don't really care. I didn't really invest anything in this life.

Not really looking for advice, there is nothing you could tell me that i haven't heard already anyway, just venting. I guess it will get better in time, or I'll just keep floating like this until i die.

Anonymous 16660

>>16658
I've honestly never seen it but my friend says one of them followed her before and she blocked them immediately

Anonymous 16662

Noticing a (covert) male 4channer presence on this board makes me feel a lot less safe about using it.
I've lurked 4chan, specifically /r9k/ and /adv/, long enough to recognize how they post. They seriously don't know how to conform. I feel like I have to be extra wary when posting about personal stuff now that we know the same people who unironically hate us for being born "roasties" are lurking. I'm scared it'll only be a matter of time before some anon opens up about being raped or abused, multiple shitheads reply "You deserved it" or other victim blaming BS, and it will go completely unchecked, just like on 4chan. Why can't we have just one nice place to ourselves?

Anonymous 16664

>>16658
>>16660
Most of it is self-posted by like teenage girls rather than the type of CP you usually hear about.

Anonymous 16665

>>16664
There needs to be a separate internet for teens and kids or better parental controls. Where are their parents?

Anonymous 16666

what is happening on tumblr? are they mass deleting blogs or just porn related blogs?

Anonymous 16668

>>16662
There is literally no way to prove we're all female other than snapping pics of our vaginas, which sounds like a tactic that could be used against us.

Anonymous 16669

>>16662
As long as we talk about mostly girly related things guys would get bored eventually and f off.

Anonymous 16670

>>16662
Are you sure you're not just having difficulties accepting that women sometimes have different opinions? It's good to understand that women are not a monolith, it's sexist to assume someone is not a woman simply because they don't agree with you. Let go from girls rool boys drool attitude, it's really embarrassing.

Anonymous 16671

>>16666
They were just deleting porn bots, and some real accounts were mistakenly removed. They're working on restoring them.

Anonymous 16672

>>16665
Hard agree with this fuck.

>>16666
I wouldn't really trust anything tumblr says. They claimed they took it off the app store for maintenance, when it actually apple removed it for violating their ToS. It's hard to know what is actually happening.

Anonymous 16673

2jkypf.jpg

>>16668
>enforcing an actual tits or gtfo policy
Plus any trans anons would probably feel bad about that.

Anonymous 16674

>>16671
Sage but, I heard that apparently it's not an accident and tumblr is deleting all the NSFW accounts and reinstating them once they verify they're not minors. Tumblr has a huge problem with minors both sharing and viewing porn and distributing self-CP, so it makes sense that they wouldn't disclose that they're checking ages, because people would probably lie about that.

Anonymous 16675

>>16674
That makes sense, and if that's the case I don't blame them at all.

Anonymous 16676

I hope I don't get crap for this, but I use lolcow pretty frequently and I just can't stomach it anymore.
I generally post here, and read drama there, but sometimes wander off to other boards I used to use before I moved here. The drama boards are okay (getting worse) but there's been constant issues of getting attacked by anons with super extreme opinions just because I don't agree with their take on something, even if it's something I agree with, I am constantly being told that I clearly hate whatever it is and love the opposite.

It makes me sad but it also makes me thankful for how comfy it is here.

Anonymous 16679

>>16676
No shame in that, I still read/post there every now and then.

Anonymous 16681

>>16674
Where did you get that information? I emailed them and haven't received anything back.

Anonymous 16689

>>16676
I lurk there sometimes. I've been wondering if lc users act the same irl as online

Anonymous 16691

>>16689
Only mentally

Anonymous 16695

>>16689
Of course not because they're all insecure girls who wouldn't dare say any of that stuff irl because they'd get jumped lol

Anonymous 16698

>>16670
This isn't about "different opinions", it's about the shitty normalized male 4chan culture spreading here. If you've been on other imageboards, you know this for a fact. Women typically do not say rape victims deserve their fate, or tirelessly try to defend abusive men on principle.
The fact that you couldn't comprehend something so simple and tried to attack/discredit a valid point with "stop le immature boys drool girls rule stuff!!1" nonsense makes me think you might either be a woman with very poor oversight, or a male attempting some kind of weak manipulation. Either way, it's gross.

Anonymous 16700

>>16668
Voice verification works every time.

Anonymous 16701

>>16669
That's what I'm hoping.

Anonymous 16707

>>16700
That's very close to doxing.

Anonymous 16708

>>16707
Wat. Then I guess the Discord server doxxes people.
I don't think you're very good at this…

Anonymous 16712

>>16673
Is this board trans inclusive? I've seen some posts here and there that suggest otherwise. Doesn't actually specify it in the rules though.

Anonymous 16715

>>16712
No, sorry.
There's probably a Reddit sub out there for you.

Anonymous 16718

>>16715
I mean, I'm not trans but thanks for the suggestion?

Anonymous 16719

>>16712
I think opinions vary. I'm okay with trans people as long as they don't try to silence cis women from talking about things like periods or pregnancy for the sake of their own feelings, or insist we start calling ourselves "vagina havers" and "menstruators".

Anonymous 16724

>>16712
I don't like the idea of an autogynephile coming here to read and jerk off, but if you're here just to talk and chill Idc personally.

Anonymous 16726

>>16719
I know what you mean. My experience is usually hit or miss. Some are chill. As far as CC goes I would hope they understand this is a community that's a cozy place for women in general, so no one should be dictated on what they can and can't talk about.

Anonymous 16730

I hate how thin-skinned I am when it comes to people criticising me. Is there even a way to not let that stuff bother you anymore ?

I’m also very disappointed in my lack of willpower. I’m very much a person that enjoys planing stuff out but barely follows through. It’s so frustrating cause I know I’m the only person who can change myself, and breaking bad habit so is so goddamn difficult.

Anonymous 16741

>>16698
>male 4chan culture
No such thing.

You're literally making shit up, 4chan has a lot of fucked-in-the-head individuals but the majority never do any of that shit. Also, most of 4chan is a circle of humour and meme-spouting, not serious extremist discussion.

I constantly see you and others parade toxic irrationality and intolerance for other views around here. Clean your mind, your entire worldview is an infantile tribal female vs. male war.

Anonymous 16744

>>16662
I think all we can do is ignore their posts.

Anonymous Moderator 16745

>>16662
Please report these posts and we'll look into them

Anonymous 16746

>>16741
>No such thing.
Yeah, okay. You're not going to trick anyone into thinking /r9k/ and its rampant misogyny don't exist and that its shit isn't all over the site as a whole, sorry. That's pretty much exactly why female only boards even exist to begin with.
Anyone here can go and check for themselves, just to remind themselves exactly why they don't frequent that place often and why it's a bad idea to post without RPing as male.
Claiming "toxic irrationality" and accusing us all of "war" and hating men for noticing that water is wet doesn't make you sound convincing. Just go home already.


>>16745
Thanks, I'll do that.

Anonymous 16749

>>16662
>makes me feel a lot less safe about using it
I agree. I've posted some personal things in the past that were met with aggression and put me off posting for quite a few months. But then I thought, why should I give them the power to ruin this? If I give up and stop posting, they've won. If we keep reporting posts that are suspect, then it'll become closer to the place we want it to be. We can't keep them from visiting here but maybe if we just kept silently reporting them and not engaging, they'd be forced to read our posts and maybe that would humanise us a little in their minds (doubtful because they're men but you can't blame me for trying to be hopeful).

Just spam the place with girly things. Talk about your experiences as a woman but don't go into detail if you're afraid of being recognised. Back up other women when they do the same. Make them feel as uncomfortable here as they make us feel on 4chan and I'm sure they won't hang around long. Report all the "uwu I love men" posts.

Anonymous 16751

>>16700
Faking your voice is relatively easy.
Voice changers exist.

Anonymous 16754

>>16749
>Just spam the place with girly things

True but then you have people like >>16729 who act like they are the board police and try to dictate us with what goes where ( I mean I doubt that anon is a mod since it they were a mod they would use the mod title right? right?)

Anonymous 16756

>>16730
Holy shit anon are you me?

Anonymous 16799

>>16754
Lol. I’m >>16729 . I’m not a mod, I’m just annoyed that the /feels/ board is constantly being flooded with posts that don’t warrant their own threads, making the catalog impossible to navigate and older threads harder to find. What is the point of creating a thread for your one special problem if it’s going to die out after 15 replies? This board wasn’t like this a little while ago.
Also >>16749 I don’t think making cc girlier will keep trolls away. If anything, it will intrigue maleposters even more since female image boards are already a rarity.

Anonymous 16806

>>16744
I think this is the best solution. Based on the amount of obvious trolls I see, they clearly only seem to be looking for attention they're not receiving in other facets of their lives.

Anonymous 16820

How can I be happy when I'm surrounded by negativity? Why do people call me negative when they're negative to me constsantly? I don't want to be constsantly criticized for minding my own business and doing nothing wrong. Why am I expected to be this perfect positive person all the time? Just frustrating.

Anonymous 16863

>>16820
>Why am I expected to be this perfect positive person all the time?
From experience: This happens to people who consider themselves perfect. Would you say you see a lot of people around you do wrong?

Anonymous 16885

tumblr_ncjmfrq6wB1…

I am pretending I'm sick on Thanksgiving so I don't need to see my family. I do have a bad kidney infection, but it really doesn't feel bad at all.

In reality…I don't want to deal with people asking me how I'm doing when I'm doing terrible in life. I'm a 4th year and I have no idea what major to switch to. I'm only taking 2 classes this semester and I may fail 1 of them. My boss doesn't like me at work and has said I "faked" my interview because I'm nothing like the person I said I'd be there (I got my job over 3 years ago). I hate myself for not being independent from my parents yet. I am miserable because I've caved into my parents' demands regarding my lifestyle. I'm a piece of shit.

I can't deal with food when I know everyone will ask why I don't want to eat, like they do every year.

I can't deal with my sister who only talks to me during the week about bizarre sexual subjects involving me or to vent about her shit bf. I feel like she has completely abandoned me since becoming a mother. She has forbidden to me talk to her bf even though I don't have his number or any contact information and only talk to him out of politeness when she's right there with him, even though he bothers the shit out of me. I know if I go upstairs to see the rest of my family he'll say hi and my sister will hate me for answering.

I'm such a pathetic kind of human. I'll probably just binge later.

Anonymous 16889

I'm glad we're getting more users but does anyone else feel like this board is suddenly dominated by highschool/university aged anons venting about boy troubles in many different threads? Maybe we should have a /uni/ general or a "boy that I like" megathread.

Anonymous 16892

>>16889
>I'm glad we're getting more users but does anyone else feel like this board is suddenly dominated by highschool/university aged anons venting about boy troubles in many different threads?
So? Who cares. Please tell me which kind of people should come to this board, and what should they talk about

Anonymous 16894

>>16892
Calm down, Anon specifically said the board was becoming "dominated" by one topic, she didn't say people should stop posting about it.

Anonymous 16907

8q5N64Q.jpg

My friend is really on edge all the time now and he constantly uses his rage on me for the most mundane and petty things.
If try to tell him he is on edge and being an asshole, he tries to make it seem like it's my fault and starts calling me names and calling me a bad person for saying he is on edge.
He keeps making small things into big fights, even when i tell him i don't want to argue, and then gets mad at me for starting fight even-though i never do.

It's getting to a point that every day i dread waking up and talking to him because i don't know what he will use against me today.
I need to measure every word i say, and even so he will find the most petty thing to still try to turn it into a fight.

I'm actually drained of life as of right now.

Anonymous 16923

>>16907
Sorry if this sounds unsympathetic but if it was me, I'd take a break from interacting with him. No one deserves being used as punchbag for someone else's anger problems. It's not a healthy friendship anymore if you dread talking to him.

Anonymous 16924

>>16923
If he ever gets his act together, you can consider letting him back into your life.
Right now? He's hurting you. If I know anything about men is that until you make him stop, he will keep hurting you. You're already not that well off. Are you going to let your happiness be ruined?
Who benefits?

Anonymous 16928

I graduated university last spring. In my last two semesters I was practically dating a guy who I was in love with. He would do everything involving dating, except be official. Sometimes he'd get phone calls that he'd refuse to answer and seem very stressed out. I'm an idiot but not that much of one, so I assumed he was talking to some girl from his hometown. However his social media came up clean. I put it out of mind. On new years we went out together but he left me just before midnight. Other rude things happened too, over a few months. So I just froze emotionally and cut him off just before we ever had sex.
I was right. Except it was not just any girl he was hiding. Shes a Miss ___ state pagent winner and pretty much leagues above me in everything. Thousands of followers. I dont think I could even name 10 acquaintances. I stopped Instagram stalking her but last I checked they were still together. I've thought about telling her, but I haven't. I don't know if I should. It seems like too much time has passed. And she may just assume I'm some crazy bitch lying, or maybe I'm being ridiculous considering him a cheater if he never actually put his dick in me.
It all feels bittersweet. This was my first experience with any sort of relationship, too.

Anonymous 16934

>>16928
>He would do everything involving dating, except be official.
so you weren't together….

>I was practically dating a guy

or even dating…

what makes you think you have any authority on contacting that girl lmao would seem super out of place imho

Anonymous 16941

tumblr_o5a6mdSNbz1…


Anonymous 16942

>>16928
Don't take this the wrong way, but if he's dating a miss ____ state pagent winner, then he probably has a lot going for him. I know you should be confident when pursuing guys, but you should also be reasonable. Do you think he was within your league or were you going for a guy who was very clearly at the top of the social heirarchy?

In a way, this reads the same as an incel getting upset because the girl he thought he was "dating" was actually dating a quarterback the whole time, which is probably why the other anons are getting snarky at you. Don't beat yourself up too much over it; learn from this and move on.

Anonymous 16945

Just two new events I can't attend because the husband is away at that time. I can count the events I have been able to go since six years on one hand.

Anonymous 16946

>>16942
>Don't take this the wrong way, but if he's dating a miss ____ state pagent winner
Nowadays , the miss X state are average as FUCK. And since they are trying to be more "culturally diverse", they are getting the uglies that would go for it

Anonymous 16947

938ac451-15b4-47c9…

i hate hate hate hate you
i miss you so much and think of a future together
but i know who you really are deep down
youre nothing more than a sack of meat who hurts others in your journey to fuck as many other sacks of meat that you can
old young men women whoever whenever
you spoiled me saying you wanted a future that i was the one
that you wanted a family together and want to move to a safe neighborhood for our family
when i almost died you went on craigslists m4m/m4t forums instead
you told me you just like feminine presenting people
you didnt like me for who i was, you liked me for the way i ""presented"" (whatever that gender nonsense meant anyway)
and when i became a real person in your eyes, when i expressed my full emotions that was your cue to leave
you got rid of me but still took me out on dates, touched me and even attended my therapy sessions like before
"we're just friends, this is what i do with my friends"
you dont even treat your real friends like this
im not your friend, im not even your lover
i am a slab of meat who dresses up in pink ready to be fucked according to you
and i am sick of it
go die you child molestor

Anonymous 16959

I casually want to die, I know it's my fault but family also ruined me to some level.

Anonymous 16961

>>16959
If it's worth anything to you I don't want you to die. If you're here that means you're my friend and I don't want to lose any fellow shitposters.

Anonymous 16964

>>16947
I'm sorry you had this person in your life anon.

Anonymous 16971

I never noticed until recently that my vision was getting worse, and now I went to the optician and learned that I have astigmatism.
I can't go buy glasses for a few weeks and since I have to stare at a computer screen all day to study I am paranoid that my vision is going to deteriorate, which I know is stupid, it can't deteriorate that much in a few weeks r-right ?

Anonymous 16976

Ds0GN52VAAAA9iG.jp…

>>16964
its awful he still lurks on discord despite him having no online friends just to see me online
keeps logging in my exhentai account to favorite his nasty crossdressing shotacon futa mommy porn so i can fucking see it
still has my number and tries to text me
still has my therapists number
still has my moms number
its like he hasnt fully left, its a shitty trash ghost lingering and i feel like he'll come back to try and get in my pants one more time
can you press charges against someone for what they did years ago
i want him to die

Anonymous 16978

I'm so tired of looking for a male friend
I want a male friend
I want a male friend who doesn't make degrading jokes about me
I want a male friend who doesn't want sex from me
I want a male friend who gives a shit about my feelings and respects me

Anonymous 16985

>>16978
>I want a male friend who doesn't want sex from me
Its in men's biology to want to have sex with every attractive female around him, this point is literally impossible. The difference is men who actively pursue it and the men who can not act like horny retards

Anonymous 16997

>>16978
Why do you want a male friend for those things? Why not a female friend?

Anonymous 17002

I'm trapped. I hate working but I can't be a housewife either. Can't go to school because poor and have to pay bills, don't think I could juggle both. I just want to kms but every time I try my boyfriend stops me. I just want to rest. This life isn't for me.

Anonymous 17003

>>16971
Don't worry anon, you'll be fine! Just make sure to take breaks when your eyes feel strained. Astigmatism is very common. Take a deep breath and don't psych yourself out.

Anonymous 17004

>>17003
Thank you, I just panicked a little hearing I had astigmatism because I thought it was more uncommon. I feel so hopeless, I didn't even realize my vision was bad until someone else pointed it out, I could have gone on for years letting my vision get even worse. I know I'm being really dramatic but if I can't even notice what's going on with my own body then how am I supposed to take care of myself.
Yesterday I stared at my computer screen so much my head was hurting but also I was staring at light text on a black background and today I am staring at black text on a white background, and I feel much better, I think the color scheme actually makes a difference.
>>17002
Don't give up, I know you have probably heard this already but maybe a different job would make you happier. Not every interesting job requires school

Anonymous 17013

>>16978
Why do you want explicitly a male friend? If you're looking for someone with masculine point of view, then maybe you should shape your expectations to be more realistic. Male friend is going to be, believe or not, a man. That doesn't mean he's going to be a sexist dirtbag, but he's going to be masculine which means he's going to be more or less rough around the edges.

Anonymous 17021

>>17002
I also hated working. I didn't mind my job usually, being a hostess or cashier wasn't very straining on my 18-21 year old body but work culture is absolute hell. I was kind of quiet and attracted a lot of misogyny and everyone thought I was weird and they had to either avoid me or treat me like shit.

Anonymous 17039

>>16978
get a gay friend (the manly top gay)

Anonymous 17040

>>16971
i have both high astigmastim and high myopia. if you're not even wearing glasses or contacts yet and can type/go on with your life, then you're most likely going to be ok.

Anonymous 17066

1538320099830.jpg

I moved in with my boyfriend of 5 years and I think I do not love him anymore. Passion is over and I just see him as the asshole he is now.
I depend on him financially and if I leave him I will not be able to finish my studies.
I feel alone and cornered and like I need to get my shit together. I really don't know what I want to do and it is making me miserable.
I am probably getting depressed again.

Anonymous 17068

>>17039
The "gay best friend" is a myth. Homos hate women even more than straight men do, only for different reasons.

Anonymous 17069

>>17068
this, gays are usually extremely misogynistic. they are allowed to be that way, for whatever dumb reason

Anonymous 17070

>>17068
>>17069

I've only experienced this on imageboards, I haven't met very many gay men or women outside of work though so I'm not disputing it either.

My personal gripe with the "gay best friend" meme is that my handful of experiences with gay men have been that they only talk about themselves in this weird way. Like permanent attention seeking mode as if others didn't exist, just "me me me me me me me me" out of them. Of course others can be like that too. It made no sense that anyone was even interested in being their faghags just to be permanently giving them lip service and enable their self obsessive one sided conversation.

There's probably normal ones out there. Personally I don't believe in guy friends.

Anonymous 17082

>>17068
I didn't know, oops. I've never had a gay bff but so many girls do and can't live without them so I thought it was true.

Anonymous 17083

1454857686099.jpg

>be me
>close friends with this chick for almost my entire adult life
>she's always getting assfucked by life, has financial and family problems
>try to help her
>she cuts ties with everyone because she wants to kill herself
>fastforward 1 year
>find a way to talk to her
>she responds
>happy because I've missed her
>she's nice but cold
>stops communicating again

I tried. NGL I'm sad because I like this friend so much, I wish she'd want to stay in touch instead of hiding. I know it's not personal, but I feel hurt and won't try to contact her again. RIP.

Anonymous 17086

Shut-in who dropped out in their first year here.

I don't know whether I should go back to college or get a job. Degrees still hold significant leverage in my country. I can't pay for tuition without a scholarship or a miracle and am worried about being mentally stable enough to complete a four-year degree despite being stabler now. I also miss interacting with people my age.

My true passion lie in an industry where it's impossible to survive in without a good network or experience with expensive equipment, so college would help a ton. The smart thing would be to work a few years. save up, and then enter uni. But the cutthroat nature of the field means I could also struggle with entering it at an older age. I recently did a few internships in the same sector and was taken advantage of because of inexperience. Long hours for paltry pay–24-hour workdays are the norm, and my first paid gig was around $15 for the whole day. While I could work on the few connections I made there I can't expect to pay the bills through that alone without specialization or a degree.

Another option is to give up on that and work in something unrelated yet profitable, which would be more feasible and a wiser investment. I just won't be happy. There's a lot of jobs available for my skillset though. I don't have anything that I'm as invested in as my passion above. Other people who can pursue their dreams without these worries have wealth and health. I wish I were on the same level as them.

Anonymous 17087

Ds2GtV4U0AAmNLm.jp…

he wont go away he wont go away he wont go away
he got into one of my game accounts today and left some creepy shit
i want him to die
whenever i think i want him again, he does something insanely creepy that tops the last time and i'm scared shitless
ive done fucked up shit to him, like make callouts on boards he goes on yeah but im not the one bursting into peoples accounts
that shits over
next time he does something fucked up, im going to get a restraining order against him
he already groomed me when i was younger he doesnt know when to fucking quit it does he

Anonymous 17088

>>17086
What is it your interested in doing? Is it art?

Anonymous 17091

>>17083

I'm another variant "this chick." Was suicidal as well. Don't know her situation or if she's in recovery, but maybe this'll help in understanding her more. In my case even if I was in the process of getting better I felt ashamed for being such a clusterfuck and burdening everyone with my shit. It was easier to shut people out rather than to be honest with myself and ask for help.

A few people from that period still send messages. I'm grateful that they care, and I do feel the same way about them. Yet I don't reply or get into contact because a part of me irrationally believes that I'll disappoint them again, or that they'd be happier without me. I'm scared of explaining myself and receiving a response similar to that of a former friend. She hurt me to a point where I had anxiety attacks whenever her name was brought up.

Sometimes I run into an old face who hasn't seen me in years. I try to engage in conversation but find myself putting some distance or being vague. It doesn't seem right to open up and be real since they've been removed from my life from so long that there's a dissonance from who I was then to the person I am today. Maybe your friend felt similarly.

I think it would help to message her with what you said: you like her a lot, but won't contact her and give some space. If you're up for a reconnection, you could also say that she's free to talk to you when she's ready. Some people need time. To an extent you do too, to ease the pain from ghosting.

Anonymous 17092

>>17088

Yep. Cinematography specifically. Everyone I've asked in the industry says college is necessary for a hands-on experience. I've researched and found some textbooks, but it can only get me so far without a decent camera, which would cost almost as much as a year in college, and a portfolio, which requires making films with others.

Anonymous 17101

>>16139
underrated post

Anonymous 17106

i know that i have to keep my views on trans stuff secret lest people label me a "terf" and also toss me in the bin with true assholes like racists and homophobes but fuck it's hard. it's hard seeing everyone around you just ACCEPT this trans thing without actually stopping to think about it

Anonymous 17115

>>17106
give it a few years and more people will be understanding of our pov. i never talk about this issue publicly because i hate drama but i wouldn't care if people called me a terf, i don't see it as offensive even though they do.

as time goes by people will see that giving hormones to kids and removing unstable 18 year old's breasts or penises is a serious matter and can destroy their lives, so the general public will hopefully be more open to criticism again.

Anonymous 17118

>>17091
Thanks anon for your input, I think that is what happens to her too

Anonymous 17127

>>17092
Oh that’s awesome! Who are your favorite cinematrographers/what are your favorite movies? Which country are you from?

Anonymous 17175

1525228546720.gif

I feel kind of disgusted at myself for making out with this guy who I now realise is probably a sociopath. I just feel stupid and annoyed at myself for believing his charms. Thank god I didn't have sex with him, I only feel pity for the girl (his ex) who had been under his spell for 1 year!!! ONE WHOLE YEAR. I bet she overdosed on her medication because of his sick mind games. What an awful human being.

Anonymous 17190

booboothefool.jpg

how do you make big choices for yourself? im sure this sounds really dumb, but i have dedicated my whole life to other people, partially because codependency problems which i am working on now. but i had put a good amount of years of my life on hold because of my mom. its not her fault, im not angry at her. she had a horrible addicted to opoids and i was afraid to leave her out of my sight. i've gotten her in rehab and she's been clean for awhile now, im really proud of her. its just, now im 22, and im so ashamed of being behind in school. i just worked and took care of my mother since i was a teen. ive always wanted to study abroad, in a specific country, but i feel like times up for me. its too late, and it would be selfish to leave everyone behind. ive been to this country and i know the language, so i wouldnt go in blind or anything, also ive been saving up for a long time now if i ever chose to leave. but i cant get over this feeling that im too old. not to mention, i have a boyfriend who is very kind(he knows this is something ive wanted to do for a while too) and i love both of my parents. do any anons have experience in doing something so spontaneous?? i know you shouldnt build your life around people, but theyre good people who have been there for me. its very strange to consider i have to choose between my dreams(even though theyre silly) and the people i love.

Anonymous 17191

I have a headache and want to die

Anonymous 17201

>>17175
>she overdosed on her medication because of his sick mind games
what.

Anonymous 17202

Why do people treat looks like a personality trait? I'm not talking about clothes and styling but just genetics. If someone has a less than symmetrical feminine face they're "gross" in their eyes. I'm done honestly.

Anonymous 17205

I wish I wasn't so ugly

Anonymous 17206

Screen Shot 2018-1…

I'm currently experiencing the most frustrating slump I've ever been through. As much as there were parts of school that I detested, I really miss the structure of it. Motivating myself to be productive is proving to be incredibly hard when theres nobody to keep me in check or care about what I do.
Basically ya girl needs to find a job & try & find joy in the things she used todo asap

Anonymous 17212

I asked a guy friend of mine to go get coffee with me sometime, he says sure. Three hours later, we're in my office ALONE and does not bring it up. I broached the topic again later that night and he didn't respond until 24 hours later with a rejection as his life is a mess etc. I can deal with rejection, that is fine.
However, I'm so fucking annoyed that he's ignoring me and pretending like I don't exist. I know I'm not ugly, and he has implied I wasn't. The only offensible thing I can think of was ask him to coffee. So, I don't fucking get it! What in the heavens did I do wrong so that a friend of mine decides to ignore me?!
I just want to be treated like a human being, ffs.

Anonymous 17213

>>17087
Why haven't you changed all your passwords everywhere already?

Anonymous 17216

>>17212
If you're not ugly then he probably just feels awkward/bad. You usually gotta be direct with guys when it comes to stuff like this. Say something to him like "hey, just forget about it, really. It's whatever, let's just be friends like normal." It will still be awkward for a bit but unless he's either a shitty person or extremely socially incompetent that phase will pass and it'll go back to normal.

Anonymous 17217

>>17201
she has bpd he probably was testing her all sorts of ways by threatening to leave and stuff.

Anonymous 17230

IMG_0860.JPG

>>17213
it was a game account that ive used on his pc in the past, i didnt envision things turning out like this now
he changed the pw on that account so i cant get back in
yesterday after i went on the games official discord server to talk to a admin since their site wasnt very user friendly
hes in that server too i think and he must have saw it
had to make a new account
its like hes trying to bait me into talking to him, but i refuse
hes so creepy now, when we first met he was such a gentleman but now its like his true colors have been revealed

Anonymous 17232

26060287_195035203…

idk why i keep coming on crystal cafe even though this place is kind of dead. i treat this thread like my own journal and get my little dose of attention every now and then when a kind anon replies to me but most of the time i still feel hollow and as if i'm talking to a wall and will never really connect with another human being.

it just feels weird like 1 year ago i'd been soo depressed and actively looking for other broken individuals on the soc's discord thread out of all places. and looking back, the fact i managed to connect with a handful of them was a testament to the improvised state of my mental health. even weirder is the fact i went back there a week ago and one of the individual who i had spoken to previously had added me again despite not conversing for months. reading our old chat logs just brought back memories, sadness and a feeling of relief, disbelief. had my struggles really been that difficult? my suffering that deep? my loneliness that encompassing? so much so that i had poured everything out to a stranger who lived across the globe from me. but similarly, i feel a disconnect as if i was never that person, like somehow all my suffering and emotions and bad memories had suddenly evaporated like a bad dream. and this individual who i had temporarily connected with was also left behind. it saddens me that although my own circumstances were not dire enough to be chained to looking for a connection on soc forever, that some others out there will be forever trapped in their own personal hell. i can only imagine how shitty his life must be and how bad things really are to be the same anon adding every conceivable female on a discord thread hoping for more than just a chance encounter.

Anonymous 17233

>>17232
>idk why i keep coming on crystal cafe even though this place is kind of dead.
Same, anon. I was here pretty much from the beginning but it's really gotten unpleasant in the past few months. It feels more like a ghost town each day and there are more obvious LARPers. Mods aren't as active or receptive. I feel more alone visiting here, yet I continue to do it out of habit.

Anonymous 17234

>>17217
>feeling bad for bpds
That's your only mistake right there, anon.

Anonymous 17236

aaa.gif

>tfw developing a crush on someone who is obviously crushing on another person

Anonymous 17239


Anonymous 17240

>>17216
Oh I told him directly that I'm cool with the rejection but he's still ignoring me shrug.
I did what I could.

Anonymous 17241

>>17239
Do you even have to ask? Bpds are the most toxic human beings after narcissists. Bunch of abusive, manipulative parasites. Glad she overdosed.

Anonymous 17242

555-come-on-now-16…

>>17241
>Bpds are human beings

Anonymous 17243

spoiler for sex. my boyfriend cums really fast and he's been wondering that he might suffer from premature ejaculation. i enjoy oral and masturbation but i like having his penis in me and i wish he'd last longer at least every now and then. i know we are going to adjust if he never manages to last longer but this sucks ass.

Anonymous 17244

I was just at a second hand clothes store and bought a Mango dress for less than three dollars (hehe, <3 dollars) because it was so soft and because it said Mango on the label and it reminded me a little of what I saw in Larme magazine. But it makes me look so frumpy. That type of dress really REALLY wasn't meant for me. I feel really bad because I realized I am basically the girl who buys something because of the label.
maybe if I were to become a skelly…

Anonymous 17245


Anonymous 17252

>>16645
-sobs- still no response and I've sent two emails. One of the cows on lc got her account back today and her shit is vile so that gives me a lot of hope

Anonymous 17253

>>17243
sounds gross but have you tried those numbing condoms that are supposed to make it all last longer?

Anonymous Admin 17258

>>17232
>>17233
I'm really sorry to hear that.

It's still slow, but crystal.cafe is actually getting more traffic each month. Please give it some time. Our mods are very active, most moderation is invisible (post deletion of maleposters instead of leaving them there with a ban message), spam and raids are quickly dealt with. A lot of reports are very subjective. Imageboards attract a variety of opinions, many of them controversial, so a lot of users who get reported because they "sound male" have a genuine looking post history and just happen to have some opinions other users disagree with.
Sometimes both sides of a fight report each other as male. We've had cases of users being reported for maleposting who are established members of the community who are active in the Discord server and voicechats and have proven themselves to be female. It's a difficult subject.

It's unfortunate, but there's no surefire way to determine an anonymous poster's gender. Please be assured that we look into every single report and ban users we suspect to be male with the caveat that they may email us and prove that they're female if they wish to be unbanned. We're still working on finding the best way to avoid common ruses like voice changers, as we don't want to ask for identifying information. We're holding a chatroom soon to discuss the future of crystal.cafe: >>>/meta/1875

If there's anything you'd like to bring up in private, feel free to email me or message me on Discord. The contact information is on the Rules page:
https://crystal.cafe/rules.html

Anonymous 17262

There's something so embarrassing I have to say that I'm not sure it's appropriate even for this thread. I have no idea who I should tell. Seems like the only secure place you have it's your mind after all.

Anonymous 17263

>>17241
maybe that's why they were together for a year. a socio + a bpd make a great match (sourced from the internet)

Anonymous 17265

17D9F5F2-F691-4E3E…

>>17262
What is it anon? It can’t hurt doing it here anonymously. I’ve shared a ton of embarassing shit online. I’m sure a lot of the users on here (including me) would want to die if their post histories ever got exposed, lol.

Anonymous 17266

>>17262
May I suggest the secrets & confessions thread? >>>/feels/1068

Anonymous 17267

>>17241
Hope you get hit by a car anon.

Anonymous 17269

>>17267

Agreed, the world would be a better place without mouth breathers like her.

Anonymous 17274

500317.png

I feel like a reverse Midas.
Trying to cheer up a friend made her cry instead.
Trying to solve a problem at work only made it three times worse, and now the Christmas tree is broken, too.
Trying to work on my poem today only made me realize how trash its whole structure is.
I want to give up.

Anonymous 17278

>>17267
Hope you have to deal with the utter hell that it is to date a bpd, retard.

Anonymous 17279

>>17269
I think you meant the world would be a better place without cluster b’s.

Anonymous 17282

>>17267
not her but whew, what a way to prove her point! have you thought she might've gotten really hurt by one of you, and now you're just validating her idea that you're all fucking mean and crazy? smh.

Anonymous 17283

>>17282
She's on the very same moral level as me with "glad she overdosed".

Anonymous 17285

>Too fat to talk to my crush right now
>It's going to take a month for me to lose enough weight to be confident

FUCK I just want this time to pass fast, I want him so god damn much.

Anonymous 17288

>>17285
Maybe you could just talk with him now and continue to lose the weight while you do and possibly get both things? If they're too shallow to talk to you maybe they're not a good person to have a crush on anyway.

Anonymous 17289

>>17283
that doesn't change shit lmao. you're just proving her point instead of explaining why she's wrong but ok, go sister

Anonymous 17291

>>17285
Back when I was in high school there was a guy that probably liked me and I liked him but I stopped talking to him because I was too insecure about my weight, I had the same mentality "I'll talk to him once I lose weight". Now we live in different states and I regret not just hanging out with him more.

I think you should just go for it.

Anonymous 17294

I already vented about this on lolcow, but was completely ignored (again), so I hope that maybe somebody here has advice for me:

Today I stepped on the scale for the first time in over two and a half years and I weigh 200 pounds.
I really don't know what I should do. I feel so anxious and sad all the time, food is my only stress relief. I will write my final exam in february and even with eating constantly I feel like I won't make it.

I've been sick for 6 weeks now, it feels like my body is completely shutting down because I'm mentally so unwell. Even the smallest things irritate me so much that I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't (and also don't want) to sleep. I would need to study so badly, but instead only procrastinate. Today I had no classes and yet again didn't do anything. My blog and my family are the only social interaction I have.

I only have two friends. I broke my phone and messaged one of them on facebook, but neither did she give me her number, nor did she answer. Then I asked if there's a reason she doesn't text back and now she only wrote sorry, I didn't know, here's my number. I don't even know how to respond to that.

Yesterday was my little sister's birthday and I barely could contain myself from starting to cry, because of how frustrated I felt. I hate that she hugs and kisses me to say goodnight, I don't want to get touched. I hate myself for being the way I am, for being so lazy, but also get angry at others if they disturb me during my rare moments of productivity - even though I know that it's not their fault. I constantly feel like screaming, stomping or hitting something, but I never do. I just rub my face hard. Feels like I'm a small kid throwing a tantrum.
Around a week ago was the first time I felt suicidal again after a long time. I don't want to kill myself, just think what if… Because it's so incredibly difficult and hopeless right now.

My Uni offers free counseling and I even mustered up the courage to go there 3 times already - but that ass of a psychologist is never there. Without notifiying anybody of his absence. One time not even the lady whose office was next to his knew that he was on holiday. Great.
Because of that I instead bought 2 books, one for more self confidence and one for depression, but I don't even find the time to read those.

Anonymous 17295

>>17294
Hurt to read this, anon, since I was basically in the same place as you emotionally a year and a half ago; same struggle with destructive rage, food, social isolation, and even the same weight. The only difference was that I wasn't even in school so was just useless at the time (lol).
Sadly there's no real advice to give that will be an easy cure all, the person suffering has to pull themselves out of it and keep pulling themselves forever. I'm sorry the stupid psych is never there since talking to someone is definitely a good, healthy step. Are you close with parents at all? Enough to talk to them about it? Or your sister, how old is she?
It might be a hard thing to do with shit motivation, but I do recommend exercise big time. I started lifting regularly in fall 2017 and it made a difference in my mental clarity and helped me sleep. It's worth a try and would help with weight maintenance even if you aren't ready to diet yet.

Anonymous 17296

>>17294
I can't offer you help with your uni problems but I can offer advice on your eating habits and weight. A couple years ago I found out that after a long depressive phase and comfort eating I was at my heighest weight, 209lbs. I felt like utter shit! With this said, focus on your weight first because it involves your health too. I know it's hard for people like us who eat when they're anxious, but if you take care of this issue now everything else in your life will be easier to solve because your body will be functioning better and you will be feeling better with yourself. I did that by calorie counting (not the easiest when you're anxious but you can start by avoiding non-complex carbs for example, it will make a difference) and lost a considerable amount of weight and managed to get my shit together in many personal aspects.
I know it's wayyyyyyy easier said than done though, I've gained some of the weight back after getting depressed again and I'm trying to get back on track now after 2 years. You can do it, you just need to take the first steps. Maybe start reading the books you got? I mean, they're already there, just pick one of them up!!
Best of luck to you, we can do it.

Anonymous 17306

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I WANT MY TAOBAO PACKAGE TO HURRY UP AND DROP OFF AT MY HOUSE ALREADY!!!!! it usually doesn't take this long so i'm scared something happened what if my neighbors stole my package while i was asleep fuckfuckfuckfukc i bought so much cute clothing and im so ready to treat myself after all the exam stress

Anonymous 17310

Barakamon.full.175…

i feel like such a non person
it's hard to 'be myself' when my self is so uninteresting and irritating
i've started to romanticize the idea of death and have found comfort in thinking once i die i'll get to pick a new life to live and customize it to my liking
and i feel betrayed when other losers make friends but want nothing to do with me
i guess i should be happy for them but i'm just sad. i wish they wanted to be my friend too
but nobody wants anything to do with me

Anonymous 17313

>>17310
i'll be your friend

Anonymous 17317

>>17306
chek the tracking and don't worry. 11.11 packages have been super slow.

Anonymous 17326

My grandmother was recently diagnosed with cancer. For a while I felt better knowing that she lived into her 80s and up until now she was incredibly healthy. I was doing some Christmas shopping today and the city is full of little elderly ladies and I was choking back tears the whole time. I visited all the shops she likes to browse and passed all the coffee shops/restaurants we've been too. Every shop I passed reminded me of something we bought together or something silly I pointed out to her. Back when I was still in college, I'd sometimes bump into her on the train and I got so emotional knowing that I'll never get to do that anymore. She mentioned that there was a trip she wanted to do one last time but she won't get a chance to because she's too ill. It's made me think about my other grandmother and my dog who both passed away last year. I've been trying to stay strong for my family this whole time but it's all coming out now.

I hate knowing that there's nothing I can do, anons. This is such a horrible feeling.

Anonymous 17330

why do men always come back?

i've had some random i talked to for maybe a week add me on discord again trying to talk to me. and this wasnt the first occasion/guy. i'm starting to think men really are limited in their potential dating pool and are mostly very very very alone…… kind of sad :( i guess i will be a magnet for these autists only bc they get no attention elsewhere i and pity them

Anonymous 17332

>>17330
>>17330
You can’t really make generalizations about all men by looking at discord autists. If you go to a homeless shelter and see toothless junkies it’s not right to assume all humans are toothless.

Anonymous 17334

My boyfriend broke up with me. I was very calm during it, collected my things and left, but as I booked my flight back home it hit me hard. Things were going so well, he was planning things out to do next year together, we were getting along so well… Then I got a little annoyed at something inconsiderate he did and he snapped, he threatened to hurt himself because I make him feel awful about himself. Then I told him that he couldn't manipulate me like that, he got even angrier and said we were done… He has threatened to hurt and kill himself many times, he has been suffering from depression the last year. I should have been more sympathetic, but when we argue and he blames me for everything it sets me off. I am always there to listen and support him. Not everything is about you, I have feelings too. I'm not a stone.

He didn't kick me out but I left out of my own accord. I just wish we could have worked on things more. It makes me very sad because deep down I know he's a good person. I'm waiting for him to apologize, to reach out to me to work on things again… I already forgive him because I still love him and care about him. But he has to make the first step. I'm not going to come back like I did before. If he decides he'll be happier without me, then I'll let him go. That's a part of loving someone, too.

Anonymous 17338

__matsuno_ichimats…

im so tempted to text him just to tell him off for stealing my account, but im scared he'll trigger feelings i havent felt in a long time. not good feelings either.
feelings of extreme anxiety, feeling not good enough, anger, anger anger anger towards every part of him
and if he gives me any ounce of positive attention i'll feel high as a kite and try and do crazy things just to get more of it
i want him to regret what he did to me, not just the account but so many other things but i can never feel composed around him
maybe thats why he didnt take anything i say seriously, i must seem like an emotional chimp to him

Anonymous 17339

Im going to spend the weekend with my fiance at his parents' and I always feel shy and awkward when I'm here. They're really nice people, so I wish I wasn't so shy and self conscious.

Anonymous 17342

>>17332
not the point but ok im just saying men (real life examples which i did not mention) do this and i feel sorry for them

Anonymous 17364

68747470733a2f2f73…

God, I just had the most uncomfortable conversation with the dude on discord. We had a lot in common in the beginning and he was genuinely nice to talk to, but the conversation slowly started to go sour. He started saying other girls were 'inferior' because they only liked sex, and drugs and weren't worth it. And asked where could he find a girl 'like me' (keep in mind we've only been talking for a few hours) and started to go on about there not being any purpose in life if you don't have children and god, did I start to feel uncomfortable.
He literally asked if I was feeling uncomfortable or disinterested, and then out of nowhere comes a "She couldn't be disinterested! I'm such an interesting guy" and it was literally something out of a nice guy cringe compilation and Kill Bill alarms were ringing in my head I swear. So disappointing.

Anonymous 17366

tumblr_nvb055ZJWa1…

I absolutely cannot stand living as myself anymore. My own existence angers me and constantly makes me cringe. I want to escape this body.

Anonymous 17369

3C695DF6-388C-4526…

>>17364
>then out of nowhere comes a "She couldn't be disinterested! I'm such an interesting guy"
hshsjshs noooo.. so he was pretending to have an inner dialogue but… typed it out? where’d you find this guy—are you gonna ghost him?

>>17366
I feel you anon. im an inherently embarassing person. weird fixations, fetish, mannerisms, etc. ive tried embracing the “weird” label but it hasn’t really worked and i feel like if somehow people could read my thoughts i’d unironically kill myself

Anonymous 17371

>>17326
I'm so sorry anon. I lost my grandmother two years ago to cancer and it honestly hasn't gotten any easier. Remember all the good times you had with her and spend as much time with her as you can. Write down a list of everything you want to ask her too. Stay strong.

Anonymous 17372

>>17364
what's the backstory for how you met him? You didn't add him from a imageboard right?

Anonymous 17374

>>17369
>>17372

He messaged me over tumblr, asking me to dm him because he had 'a couple of questions to ask'. I was put off but looked through his tumblr and it seemed fine, so I dm'd him and he sounded totally normal! After a bit he asked if he could discord me because he was sending a photo of his cat & he found it difficult to send via tumblr messaging.

But reading back there were some warning signs early on in the conversation… but he was being like EXTRA nice & complimenting me so I kinda ignored it out of awkwardness. Trust your gut instinct girls…

Anonymous 17383

God I CAN'T STAND DOGS. I don't wish they'd die or suffer, but I don't like them and I don't want them around me, and I don't want their owners trying to force me to touch them or making them touch me when I'm clearly uncomfortable. Why can't people understand that?

Anonymous 17432

I wish god would smite me in my sleep. Why was I born.

Anonymous 17435

DmLqN0UXsAEOIa3.jp…

I think i'm getting very sick and i have a holiday soon.
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE, please no sickness, cross your fingers for me girls.

Anonymous 17437

>>17435
finger status: crossed

Make sure to get lots of sleep and eat well and have lots of vitamin C!

Anonymous 17440

33208.png

I hate professors who do spotty grading and give spotty feedback so you never know what they want or how much effort to put in anything. Especially when it's some bullshit class that has nothing to do with your major but that you have to do anyways.

Anonymous 17442

54353454535435.gif

I asked a boy what his favorite flower was. He answered. But didn't ask MY favorite flower.

Anonymous 17443

>>17442
That's boys!
Well, actually in my experience most people fail to be even slightly interested in others. It's very weird.

Anonymous 17444

>>17443
I just don't get it at all because I'm super interested in people all the time. I wanna know what they do for fun, what they're interested in, what their past was like aaaand…. Nothing. I have no problem just going on about myself but once in a while it'd be nice to be asked instead of trying to force conversations all the time.

Anonymous 17445

>>17444
Ngl I'm often uncomfortable about asking people things because of my tone, I don't want to be intrusive but when someone asks me something first I ask them back.

Anonymous 17446

>>17445
where have u been all my life anon

Anonymous 17447

>>17437
If you are already sick then vitamin C will not help you get better, it's only good for prevention. But you should still eat vitamin C rich foods, they just won't help you when you are still sick.

Anonymous 17448

I'm about to shower for the first time in a few weeks. I hope this month is different.

Anonymous 17449

>>17442
What is your favourite? I don't know if everyone even have favourite flowers. I can't really think of one myself.

Anonymous 17463

>>17440
Those arbitrary graders can be won over by being their pet or having them take a personal liking to you. This could backfire if they noticed but it's the only way to beat true whimsical grading.

>>17442
>>17443
>Well, actually in my experience most people fail to be even slightly interested in others. It's very weird.

It used to feel so hecking frustrating. But now whatever, I don't even care to share myself anymore unless asked. If all that's happening is asking questions/focusing on them without a return of interest or any real connection blossoming, then this person has become a chore and is not worth speaking to.

>>17448

I want to smell.
(hope your depression gets better)

Anonymous 17485

1536126934427.jpg

I really want to talk to my world of warcraft guildmates on discord's voice chat, but:
1) I'm paranoid I'll make things awkward or they'll start treating me differently if they find out I'm a girl (I play a male character)
2) even if the above weren't an issue I'm too much of a socially crippled, weirdly-insecure-about-my-voice mess to speak
every day I join the channel and hear all those voices chatting among each other and even though I can only type in response it's the closest thing to regular social interaction I get, it's very pleasant to listen to and I wish I could join in and I imagine all the things I'd say in response if I could
sometimes I swap out my comfy no-mic headphones for the cheap old headset and decide "this'll be the day I overcome my fears and learn to talk to people", but of course I never actually do it and go back to the headphones soon enough
I'll forever be that one weirdo who's never spoken or truly gotten close to anyone

Anonymous 17486

>>17485
I relate so much, especially the part about telling yourself this is the day
What helped me was talking to complete strangers on the internet whose opinion I didn't have to worry about, like in games where you're constantly matched with new people, or in random big steam group voice chats

>I'm paranoid I'll make things awkward or they'll start treating me differently if they find out I'm a girl (I play a male character)

At first I was going to say that worry is justified, but I guess that's just my lack of context speaking. Just remember that even if you do keep waiting, there's no need to worry about it making matters worse - nothing wrong with being genuine and telling them that the reason you didn't mention you were a girl was because you felt awkward about it after all this time.

Anonymous 17492

>>17485
>2008
>get teased by immature teenagers on ts
>2018
>get hit on by cringey neckbeards on disc
>2028
>get bullied by misogynistic doomers in VR chat

Gaming culture sucks.

Get a audio morphing program + bad mic, if anyone asks just say you are underage. Its better than feeling left out.

Anonymous 17493

604403FE-9D7F-4198…

I got a new job recently and I absolutely loved it, but because of financial problems they’ve had to fire a bunch of people. Luckily they kept me but I’ve gone from full time to 6 hours a week and I’m absolutely gutted. It was a brand new business and I made the dumbass risk to leave a good job because I wanted a change and to have a new challenge. I feel pretty directionless right now…

Anonymous 17495

>>17449
Tulips! I don't know a lot about flowers or really care about what the flowers supposedly represent, but I find Tulips shape to be the most aesthetically pleasing, especially the colors they usually are! Thanks for asking anon. I'd ask back but I guess you already answered, haha.

>>17463
Honestly I like the way you think. I should start basing my interest on asking guys out (or considering a second date) by how much or what they ask about.

>>17493
Sorry to hear that Anon, that sounds crushing. Just remember every day is a new opportunity and I believe in you!

Anonymous 17509

Ugh now tumblr wont have any NSFW at all. That place is so annoying its been going downhill ever since Yahoo bought it

Anonymous 17510

>tfw joined gym and want to lift but too intimidated by all the fit people doing it
>tfw afraid of looking stupid or people staring
>tfw only go on treadmill like a loser

Anonymous 17511

>>17510
When I used to go to the gym I felt the same way but I quickly realized literally no one cares. Everyone is in their own world, no one is looking at anyone but focusing on themselves. It seems really intimidating but I'm telling you no one is looking at you.

Anonymous 17512

>>17510
A good way of getting over this problem is trying to remember an instance where you thought someone looked stupid or was being made fun of. You most likely can't, because stuff like that doesn't happen. People tend to mind their own business, do their workout and leave.

Anonymous 17513

>>17512
This is why I make a mental note of any embarrassing thing I have seen other people do. This way my worries are justified, and I can indulge in them with a clean conscience. Feels good.

Anonymous 17514

>>17513
Great way of thinking! But do you confront them months later bringing up said event and watch them sulk for the rest of the day? You can't just half-ass things anon.

Anonymous 17515

>>17514
No, but I tell them about my habit and leave them in the agony of not knowing whether: 1) they've been logged themselves, 2) there are more like me

Anonymous 17516

>>17515
It must be a joy to be your friend :^)

Anonymous 17517


Anonymous 17519

I ended an LDR today, it hurts.

We keep being cool and friendly and then it turning back into me defending myself and I just want to be alone but keep going because I feel guilty. I thought it would be smoother than this, I tried to go about it nicely and have us end on good terms.

I've been on the verge of sobbing all morning while switching between comfort mode and standing my ground against accusations. This hurts. I'm a retard.

Anonymous 17521

I've an exam on the 11th that I have no idea what I'm doing. To give you guys an idea: I failed the exam with a 25% or so. I know. The assignments I'm scraping by. I can definitely pass the final exam, but I don't think I'll pass the overall course. I blame this 70% on my lack of motivation and shitty human being, and 30% factors I could not control.

However, I went to my prof and talked with him this morning, explained my situation to him, and he basically said that if I get 70+ on the final, he would be willing to come up with an alternate marking scheme for me.

I know I can (maybe??) get a 70+ but I'll have to bust my ass. Not so much venting but more so I CAN DO IT!! (I THINK

Just very nervous about this exam and … wish me luck, miners.

Anonymous 17522

>>17521
good luck

Anonymous 17523

>>17521
Good luck friend ! If you say yo can do it guess what, YOU CAN DO IT! :)

Anonymous 17524

I'm scared, why are you doing this?
What did i ever do to you for you to turn this hostile?
I don't care about popularity, i do not care about attention, so if that's what you want, take it, but leave me alone to live my life.

Anonymous 17532

I want to have the body I had in 2017 again!!!!!1111

Anonymous 17540

asuka-langley-sory…

why does it always get so boring when i can tell he's just sitting there on his computer waiting for me to come online & talk to me.

Anonymous 17543

>>17521
good luck!!

Anonymous 17544

I hate the situation my life is in right now and I've been trying to change it since summer. Over time I grew accustomed to the shitty enviroment I want to get out of and it's so hard to get back up and keep working hard to get out of here. My strength to overcome adversities and problems was almost at the top (I've never worked this hard before for antyhing) but now that more problems and exams are coming up my strength has diminished considerably. I want to come back better this time but it's so hard to find solutions for things when I'm so overwhelmed by all the things I need to do in order to pass and be independent and self-reliant. I will find a way but my feelings right now are a crutch. Right now I'm switching between working hard and looking for gratification someplace else like Youtube. Sorry about my weird english, it's obviously not my first language. I just don't have anyone to vent to about this without being a burden.

Anonymous 17559

This isn't exactly venting, I'm not upset but just kind of freaked out.

My dad showed signs of his mind slipping yesterday, he is 71. He has absolutely acted senile already and it's annoying but that's not the same as this. He was casually talking about a dog as if it was alive that has been dead for a while, he was using this dog's name for a solid 5 minutes before snapping out of it and correcting himself. It's not such a big deal but I wonder what it's going to be like when I'm 30 and 35.

Anonymous 17562

I spend too much time on tumblr and I care too much about this pseudoscience that is psychology. My mbti + enneagram combo is dragged everywhere online and it makes me feel stupid.

Anonymous 17563

>>17562
What are you? INTJ, INFP, INFJ, or ESTP? Those are my guesses lol. I'm not into enneagram…

Anonymous 17569

It's actually infuriating how bad some people are at texting/messaging online. I always end up being the one who has to uncomfortably carry the conversation, always. Like, put in the effort and /at least/ ask me some questions back, or anything! It's not that difficult, but you know what is difficult? Having to awkwardly bring up different topics while you give unimpressive, short replies - despite the fact that you initiate every. single. conversation.

This is why I don't text you first anymore. Either get the message, or actually learn how to talk to people.

Anonymous 17570

I knew I was emotional because I had some coffee.

I did not expect myself to sob from presenting and then cut my stupid thigh in the bathroom. My presentation was one of those stupid personal ones and not only do I feel like an idiot for presenting to others my stupidity, but also for cutting when I was kind of happy I hadn't done so for a while. I cut too far, too. Fuck me. I'm a little child.

Anonymous 17572

893993224257170048…

I woke up after 16 hours of sleep wanting a hug and some headpats later to find out that there was no reason for me to wake up because the guy I was to meet today decided to take a trip to fucking Kazakhstan and when I called him just now he was at the airport.
Who in their right mind decides to go to Kazakhstan on short notice?
Did he just not care to inform me?
Did I get bamboozled by Sacha Cohen or some other elaborate horseshit of that nature.
Worse things are a) I'm supposed to be cutting down on my imageboard usage (but as it turns out have nowhere to vent otherwise at this hour) and b) I roped a coworker into this, so she too had to wake up stupid early and waste gas to meet up with me so we could go consult this ice cream van across America dunkass.
Now I'm hyper for nothing and I didn't have an angry picture on my phone and the first one Safebooru had that was decent after five pages was fucking Clownpiece.
>six step square captcha
>Please try again.
>have to try it two more times to work
[SCREAMING EXTERNALLY]

Anonymous 17573

>>17563
What with all the hate for the infps?

Anonymous 17577

>>17572
Clownpiece is my favorite touhou grille.

Oh and sorry you have been stood up. Flakey people have no soul.

Anonymous 17578

>>17573
Because we're massive crybabies.

Anonymous 17581

>>17573
I actually like INFPs a lot, but they're also the easiest mbti type to guess. I recently made a friend and was able to call him out as one after just two days of talking lmao.

Anonymous 17586

fhjjutfdbnnkjjjekaland cyeiwpaudhdbdksldbcndbdjcgxgwk I am so fucking angry I want to break stuff

Anonymous 17588

i binged and i want to die. tell me it will be ok tomorrow

Anonymous 17594

Every time I meet someone I can see myself falling in love with they turn out to be from the other end of the world, what's up with that?
Though I guess it wouldn't matter whether they're 500 miles away or 5000 miles; online dating was a mistake

Anonymous 17602

>>17588
I know this is 6 hours late but you will be okay anon <3 It isn’t the end of the world.

Anonymous 17608

IMG_0981.JPG

i fucked up, i talked to him again after all
i confronted him about him hacking my stuff, he lied at first but then admited later he wanted to talk again since the last time we did it was under weird circumstances.
i humor him, tell him what ive been up to. he seemed kind of jealous and didnt really say what was he doing despite wanting to know.
i asked him what were his real intentions with talking to me. i dont want to waste my precious time with a grown man child after all.
he said he wanted to talk again because he knows i have no friends, so itd be good for the both of us. he isnt looking to get back together despite how much i changed from before.
i found his intentions harmful and rude, hes assumed even after telling him i made friends and what progress ive made with my social disorder. its like he thinks i cant survive without him, that i need his precious dick juice to survive and be able to be social.
hes probably just projecting onto me but it was painful to hear that. i just blocked him and now im sobbing here late in the morning being sad about how i'll never be married and loved by anyone ever. i was so so so close but in the end, no matter how much you change and wait, nothing is worth it.
i have no remorse for the things ive done to him, and the things i will do to him.

Anonymous 17610

having apt. issues AGAIN, this time a pipe broke so we've had no water for 4 friggin days! So I feel stinky and depressed, on top of that maintenance have been replacing drywall near my apartment and talking very loudly outside my door for hours. I can't even remember a single day I've lived here that there weren't serious issues with noisy neighbors or maintenance issues. I'm going nuts between my dog constantly barking at the loud maintenance men and the lack of showers. Me and my bf pay a lot to live here and this just isn't fair GRRRRARGGGHGHHGHGHHG

Anonymous 17611

>>17608
Do not unblock, do not respond, do not reach out. He will never stop hurting you and you can absolutely do better.

Anonymous 17614

>>17602
thank you <3

Anonymous 17627

tenor.gif

The heart on instagram messaging fills me with rAGE. Accidently double tap sending a message and that damn big ass heart sends, so I'm looking overly friendly or/and flirty. And then trying to explain it away being like "LOL didn't mean to sent the heart" seems cringe and kinda mean so fuck it. It's a petty nickpick but I get overly annoyed at it.

Anonymous 17629

>>17569
This sounds exactly like one of my friends it can get so infuriating, she replies with haha, yh, lol, idk 95% of the time yet always is the one to start conversations only to have absolutely nothing to say

Anonymous 17631

>>17627
kek I'm >>15611
Glad to see I'm not alone with this struggle.

Anonymous 17669

5F0657C3-3AF7-486B…

Am outside with beautiful sun and weather and yet still feel hollow & empty. Will this feeling ever go away?

Anonymous 17671

>>17669
If you watch a cartoon called a "kitten named woof" up to episode 4, maintain a healthy and consistent diet, get plenty of sleep, socialize and open up to people you care about, and work slowly at goals every day no matter how little you get done with them then it might, if not, go see a therapist and find out if you have serious clinical depression that needs to be treated or find someone's arms to cry into.

Anonymous 17672

I received a pre-owned game from gamestop and I can't help but feel like there's some mistake….. 80 hours were in this game… it's Pokémon Ultra moon and a bunch of seemingly legitimate shinies and event Pokémon are in here… I just feel horrible deleting it. I feel like this game was stolen and sold or thrown out by someone else… It was recently played when I bought it, I just feel so bad. if I had put all this effort into a game, I wouldn't trade it in… I'd trade everything.

I guess I'll save all the pokemon just because I feel so much guilt. If any girl named Alexis here lost a game, lemme know. Your sylveon and other Pokémon aren't deleted!

Anonymous 17673

>>17671
>maintain a healthy and consistent diet
>get plenty of sleep
>socialize and open up to people you care about
>work slowly at goals every day

i do all these already :) so what's wrong with me :) i even exercise every 2 days

Anonymous 17676

>>17673
>see a therapist and find out if you have serious clinical depression that needs to be treated

You ignored this bit ms. smug smiley face

Anonymous 17678

1536786730682.gif

Yesterday while I was heading towards the eating area with my lunch, this girl walking by said out loud "You eat so fucking much". Thank God it was in our language and that her friend group didn't understand but I'm pretty sure my friend understood somewhat of what has been said. I feel so embarrassed and have been thinking about it ever since it happened.
It was a cup of custard and a slice of pizza. You know I'm not a confident person, you've known me for years, our mothers are friends since college. You've always made snarky comments to me since we were kids, I literally can't tell when you're joking or not.
I don't want to fall back to those dumb food habits I used to have when I was 13 because of this one stupid comment. I know I shouldn't get upset but still.

Anonymous 17679

>>17678
Knock her out the wee cunt

Anonymous 17680

>>17678
If she's being snarky and mean, then she must be jealous of something about you, and is trying to find a "fault" in you so that she can feel better.

Otherwise, it could be that, you didn't have a lot of food, and she was being sarcastic (i.e. you don't eat a lot).

I feel like it's likely the former, since you seem to know she was being mean. Sometimes it's hard to accept your early childhood friends turned out to be assholes who would throw you under the bus for any kind of advancement, but just because you've known her forever doesn't mean you have to stick with her. Try get new friends, I know it can be hard but try find people around whom you'll feel comfortable. I wish you luck, don't let it get to you because it doesn't matter what you eat, it's no one's business but yours.

Anonymous 17682

C1C6B8D2-2B94-40E5…

>>17678
>>17678
Are you not-skinny (fat, chubby, skinnyfat etc.)? If so, she was probably trying to help you and turn you into a skinny queen. Pic related (inb4 “ I’m not as fat as him!” That doesn’t count. If you’re not at your dream weight you’re still too fat. Why be fat if you can be perfect? You’ll become super confident.)
.

PUT THE FOOD DOWN AND PULL THE BEAUTY UP
COME ON

Anonymous 17683

>>17682
Yeah surely everyone who has fat shamed was doing it out of benevolence. Her friend is an angel simply looking out for her.

Anonymous 17684

497.png


Anonymous 17685

>>17680
I wouldn't say what we had as kids was true friendship, we did have fun moments but yeah it was quite shitty too sometimes. We just know each other because of our mothers. But now she's not as harsh as she used to be though, she is alright most of the time! I guess I'm still a bit intimidated by her. But thank you for your kind words anon.
>>17682
I'm 174cm and 60kg which is pretty healthy as far as I know :)
We're nearly the same. She's just a bit taller.

Anonymous 17686

>>17685
>174cm and 60kg

Don't worry about people telling you you're eating too much or too little. You clearly manage fine.

Anonymous 17690

>>17684
>>17683
I understand a lot of people are malicious, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t lose weight anyway. One of my friends was inspired to lose weight because someone called him a disgusting fatass on the street. Some random asshole did that, but my friend felt the guy was right and now he’s not fat anymore.

BEING NOT-FAT IS AWESOME

>>17685
You don’t seem fat at all, but just imagine looking perfect

Anonymous 17692

>>17690
>BEING NOT-FAT IS AWESOME

Right, I am also not overweight and it's pretty nice. Whether an overweight person wants to lose weight or not is up to them though, it's not our business. Not even a health-at-all-sizes or big is beautiful position taker, it's just what does it even matter?

Good on your friend, but that one man alone has probably negatively affected multiple lives with his behavior. Bullying into self improvement hardly ever happens, bullying into meekness and a low self esteem self-hate loop that keeps fat people fat and shy people shy is more likely.

>You don’t seem fat at all, but just imagine looking perfect


What is perfect to you? Her BMI is under 20 and above 18. She sounds fine, nobody should be analyzing her weight from either direction.

Anonymous 17693

The most interesting person I'd ever met in my life decided to put an end to his struggle with interacting with other humans and left the internet in order to spend the next year in isolation until he kills himself, or has a tulpa he was thinking of creating do it for him

As for the venting part, I don't much care about the suicide prevention aspect - if there's someone that qualifies for "justified" suicide then it'd be him - but what tilts me is that I didn't qualify as some special "the sole tolerable link to the outside world." Feels as if I failed to raise the right flags and hit a bad end instead. How do I even learn from this?

Anonymous 17694

>>17693
I don't think you did anything wrong, obviously he has some very serious problems, not related to anyone else but only to him so nobody else can fix them.
>>17690
There is nothing perfect about being anorexic

Anonymous 17695

Why am I so lame and naive/clueless? I feel like everyone always realizes how cringey I am and eventually laughs at me behind my back. I want to change myself but I don't know how.

Anonymous 17696

>>17695
Do you think of other people as naive/clueless sometimes?

Anonymous 17701

I can’t wait till 2019. 2018 has been such a shitty year and I’m so ready for it to be over and to change things for the better. The sooner this month is over the better.

Anonymous 17702

>>17701
Protip - it won't get any better next year.

Anonymous 17703


Anonymous 17705

>>14366
>>14327
>>14328
>>14357
Still the same. Still no appointment. I'm lonely in my own relationship.

Anonymous 17713

I dreamed that I got fucked by two guys in consecutive order and in this weird dream-verse that meant I'd committed bestiality because I'd been fucked by a man and I felt so disgusted at myself for doing such an atricuous act. I wonder if this is saying something about how I view sex with men.

Anonymous 17714

>>17713
*atrocious I'm not going to copy delete paste edit captcha again

Anonymous 17715

>>17714
>>17713

Probably has more to do with how you feel about men in general.

Anonymous 17720

>>15610
I just have a lot going on right now in general. My parents are getting divorced (which I support), but the process is not the smoothest, and based on what I've read and heard, their split is one of the complicated ones. That's my most pressing issue, but I find my "boy troubles" to be easier to focus on. I'm 18, about to graduate, and still haven't kissed a guy (or girl). I technically had a boyfriend between middle and high school, but we never went beyond holding hands.
I ended up developing a crush on a guy friend my sophomore year, but it never was significant until midway through junior year. I knew from the start that it would never happen, and I've been trying to get over hm but I still want to be his friend. At one point, we were seeing movies with each other almost every weekend because nobody else would be available or didn't want to see the weird movies we watched. And what I loved most was how we would talk forever about the movies after we watched them. I like talking about both lore and the actual production, and he did too. We would text for hours too. He would text me in the middle of the day when I was working my summer job, or in the middle of the night, and our conversations would end when one of us fell asleep or something. And then he suddenly stopped talking to me. We saw the Mr. Roger's documentary shortly after his birthday. I gave him his present, and he didn't want to talk after the movie. I tried to text him, but the convo didn't hold. He just stopped texting me after that, really suddenly. He also left the country for a week, but didn't tell me. I learned through a friend. So I thought I had done something wrong and that he hated me. When school started, he teased me a lot and that made me think he hated me more. Now he's dating one of my best friends, which I support. They are cute together, but it still hurts. And now I know that even if I tried again, our friendship wouldn't be the same as it was a couple months ago.

Anonymous 17744

I'm starting IF today, only having breakfast and then tea throughout the day. I think it will be very beneficial in many aspects but I'm pretty nervous since I love snacking… ): anyone here has any experience with it?

Wish me luck.

Anonymous 17746

>>17744
We're probably going to get modded or suggested this should be in the advice thread or /hb/.

With that said, there was a few months where I was experiencing some sadness and hollowness so I stopped eating in the evening out of feeling no urge to eat or do anything other than lay in bed which turned out to be intermittent fasting. I ate 2 bagels or english muffins on my walk to the bus(no spread or condiments on them) and then whatever for our lunchbreak at 11am. Sometimes a snack between and a soda/latte/energy drink after work around 4pm. I'm not overweight but even with eating 2 meals 4 hours apart I shed like 14 pounds very quickly on accident while living like this. I told my roommate I dropped over 10 pounds and that I quit eating dinner and was told "that's intermittent fasting!".

I don't know any details about IF or what exactly you're supposed to do but this worked for me. Good luck.

Anonymous 17778

Screenshot_2018121…

Tomorrow I'm gonna give a small Christmas present to this guy that has been teaching me guitar for a while. I don't know how to thank him tbh. He skips lunch to teach me. I'm forever grateful. I'm way too excited for giving him a present, I've never given a guy a present without being forced lmao. It almost sounds silly. I'm just curious of how he'll react. Like will he be happy? Flattered? Annoyed? Too humble and reject the presents? Become shy?
Find out on the next episode tomorrow aired at 6pm GMT on CCTV!
but really though I hope he won't find it weird or something

Anonymous 17779

>>17746
ooh thanks for the input anon!! i think we have a dead IF thread, i will try bumping it.

Anonymous 17780

>>17778
I don't think it's weird unless the present is super personal in which a small present is not. After all, when you express your gratitude towards him teaching you I'm sure he will be happy to accept it! You can do it anon!

Anonymous 17784

__cirno_mystia_lor…

even if i stay friends with his creepy pathetic ass because he begs for it, he doesn't even make the slightest effort of acting like a "friend"
he never messages me unless i wait a week or two and have to be like "whats up with you?", only ends up criticizing me instead of talking to me.
he treats his shitty d&d friends better than me. he talks to them way more often, treats them as equals, and sees them irl once a week. i can't even see him unless i have to be like "hey, it's been a while, wanna meet up?" and he'll give 20 excuses before agreeing.
it's like, why have a melt down about staying friends with the child you groomed years ago and then when you ARE "friends" you don't even treat them right.
he doesn't even find any use in me anymore, he doesn't want to sleep with me anymore, he sees 0 value in me, and yet he still plays victim when i call him out on his behavior. i'm always doing this for this grown ass man.
when he was about to get fired for pursuing me, i stood up for him. when he went job searching, i found things for him and helped him apply. i've always been there, even if i was manipulated into doing so, and i don't get an ounce of respect back.
i want him dead, and if he doesn't die soon, then i'll end up taking my own im so so sick of this i want to be a normal adult now not a broken kid inside

Anonymous 17787

Right now I'm trying to finish a 5 page paper and a journal entry I owe for a class and creating a flyer at internship. Not only that I have to scan forms to send it to someone so I can't fail a class and find an internship all over again. Why do I do this to myself? I'm such a procrastinator that I question how I have managed to get everything done and able to get away with it.

Anonymous 17788

>>17784
>being friends with men
why?

Anonymous 17790

DqRXLXJU4AAp0Xa.jp…

>>17788
i struggle keeping close friendships with females as much as i desire it
men must smell my vulnerability and try to "befriend" me but i keep my distance
he's one of two others who've i've made an exception for, and look what happened. took advantage of me when i was 17 and he was 26.
probably shouldn't have let him use me like that, but his words were too sweet during a time where i had already been abused in the past sexually and lapped up any positive attention i could get. now i've got scars on my arm and damage to my kidneys cause of how crazy he drives me.
i hate him so much. i can't even escape even if i tried.

Anonymous 17806

Oh my god. I just found out my prof doesnt talk about their spouse because they are in jail. I have frequent meetings with them. How do I bleach my brain and forget all about this???

Anonymous 17808

>>17806
that's about your prof's private life, you shouldn't even be thinking about that in the first place.

Anonymous 17810

>>17788
honestly this.

men are bad at being friends to females, they always end up thinking with their dick some time or later. fuck. im just glad cc is an all female paradise <3

Anonymous 17817

>>17808
In my defense I found it on accident while looking for a really old research article of theirs via google when I came across it(unique name+small town university). I guess that's still stalking but I wouldve backed off immediately if I had known what I was going to find. I didn't need the article for class or anything.Now I'm just sad, that prof is a great person.
:(

Anonymous 17819

even though my sexual orientation may be irrelevant at this point, i need to stop lying to myself

Anonymous 17833

I'm married, lately my husband is having health issues (he's 30), the doctor hasn't found anything unusual in his blood but he insists he feels absolutely awful. I feel like a selfish bitch but I wish he were happy and horny, I feel like he's never happy around me and I don't feel like he desires me. He doesn't want to have sex unless I've given up trying and have lost my drive for weeks, I'm tired of this and I'm also tired of never knowing whats really wrong with him.

Anonymous 17844

12.jpg

>>17778
From the previous episode..

>Will he be happy? Flattered? Annoyed? Too humble and reject the presents? Become shy?

He liked the gifts! I'm so glad he's happy with them. Now he wants to get me a gift as well lol. He has such a kind heart it makes me cry, he even offered to help me with a subject I'm struggling with. No amount of gifts can express my gratitude ;-;
sorry for the lame episode thingy haha

Anonymous 17857

1544597464767.jpg

I started a job at a falafel/pita fast food place and I'm happier than I've ever been doing much "better" things. It keeps me busy and stops me from thinking about dumb shit, and my coworkers are really cool. I don't even care that I'm paid peanuts, I'm happy as a clam just mixing tzatziki,chatting and listening to German techno on my coworker's ipad.
I feel like people will look down on me if I ever say this out loud, because it's seen as a shit job where I live. Unfortunately I'm also really clumsy so I'm also afraid of losing the job.

Anonymous 17922

EoDpER6.jpg

I'm so ugly I've never really felt like a woman. I relate to troons more than I should because I just feel like I didn't exist as a woman until I settled into my looks in my 20s, and now I'm almost 30. I never got to be a normal girl in my youth. My face is already ugly as hell but on top of that I have a skin disease that makes me look and feel like a damn lizard and during my school days people would be scared to even sit next to me on the bus for fear of catching my illness and ending up like me. Classmates would refuse to touch me or share utensils with me and men were only interested in me online. As a result of that I've never had a normal relationship with a normal person and still feel like some sort of alien. I overcompensate by trying to be really feminine but I just feel like a man larping as a woman.

Anonymous 17924

>>17922
that's really awful. But you will always have a place here with us if that counts to you.

Anonymous 17927

>>17922
>I just feel like a man larping as a woman.
Well you've come to the right place!

Anonymous 17928

idk where to ask this so ill put it here, does anyone else feel self conscious wearing nice clothes? i bought some nice clothes a while ago because i only have baggy shit but i cant work up the courage to wear them, ive never felt girly or cute before and i feel like its out of character to start wearing that type of stuff now, im also fat so i feel extra conscious of my body

Anonymous 17929

>>17928
yes, I try to dress up but I just feel like an ugly girl wearing a pretty girl as an outer shell. I still feel weird but that doesn't stop me, I think it will go away after some time if you keep dressing nicely.
And I think you shouldn't worry about what people will think because if you have not been dressing nicely until now then everyone will see you dressing nicely as a positive change and be happy for you. Maybe some people might tease you but just ignore that

Anonymous 17932

>>17928
God yes. Wearing makeup or nice clothes make me feel like people will think "Aw, bless, she's trying." but everything will realize it looks awkward or wrong on me or that you can put lipstick on a pig but that won't change the fact it's an ugly pig.

Anonymous 17938

>>17928
Same here, whenever I try wearing makeup or something that isn't standard jeans+tshirt/long sleeve shirt I feel like a little kid wearing her parent's wardrobe for fun despite having a mature face. If I have the courage to go out I feel as if everyone is staring at me. Even going from ponytail to hair down feels wrong somehow.

Anonymous 17940

DqhxenjUwAAMGPg.pn…

so, some really pointless drama sort of tore up an e-space i like(d) to frequent and it makes me tired. not sad, but tired.
especially since by some weird, blessed coincidence most of the people there shared my niche interests on top of being versed in chan culture.
it was just, the type of gathering that will not happen ever again. maybe i could've made some good friends there, but that's definitely impossible now.
i don't get what people gain from being awful on the internet, honestly.

Anonymous 17941

>>17940
What happened, Anon? Some subcommunities are just prone to drama.

Anonymous 17947

1432994440027.jpg

>>17941
this guy (these guys?) baited and spammed the same dumb stuff every day for months in a gen over on 4ch and the place has finally slowed to nothing due to folks being scared off.
it sux.

Anonymous 17955

DDLEBs6VoAAwLtL.jp…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HE LIKES ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Anonymous 17957

>>17955
>gay shit
>he
BEGONE, SCROT

Anonymous 17958

>>17957
GET "HIS" ASS, GIRL

Anonymous 17960

>>17957
I WAS JUST CHOOSING AN IMAGE AT Random i am so sorry.
I'm just, very happy kek.

Anonymous 17961

>>17960
kek well good for you anon

Anonymous 17962

>>17961
Thank you!!!!!!

Anonymous 17965

I need to learn how to let things go. Like, just ditch the whole 'well it may get better so lets remain in touch'. Those slim moments of good are often drowned out by the bad, so…I…

Anonymous 17966

>so…I…

?_?

Anonymous 17980

I don't have the energy for anything, not even browsing the internet. I only want to stare at the walls.

Anonymous 17982

>>17980
this gives me an esoteric kind of feel. walls are a nice blank canvas for thoughts, and even if you aren't thinking, they're hypnotically nice and calm, so much so that if you're lucky, for a few moments you'll get lost in them and forget you're alive. they're like the sad neet version of looking up at the blue sky.

Anonymous 17983

Today I was hit on by a man I told him to fuck off dirty manwhore then he called me a bitch. I feel kind of bad but the truth is im not attracted to real life guys I blame anime

Anonymous 17985

6BE2A14F-C45A-4425…

I feel like such a brainlet. I don’t think I even read because I enjoy it or find it engrossing. I feel like I just read because reading is a “smart” activity and it makes me feel less stupid. It seems like everyone, even my own age, knows more about every subject than me. I just feel ineffectual and stupid. I always need to force myself to read and never do it because I want to do it. Literally all i think about when i’m reading are things like “how many pages are left in this chapter?” and “how much longer will it be until i’m done?” to the point where I’ll need to reread sentences since I was so distracted. I have no drive to do anything but absentmindedly scroll through the internet or stare at the wall daydreaming. I used to be productive.

Anonymous 17986

i-know-that-feel.j…

>>17985
I completely feel you, Anon. I don't even know if I really like the degree I'm studying or if I'm doing it bc it's a "smart" field of study. But maybe we're being very hard on ourselves and we just have to focus in being happy… or maybe this isn't the moment of our lives for reading and such. Hugs to you <3

Anonymous 17995

>>16133

>most girls do this


they do not. 70% of americans are overweight… most people live like trash when it comes to their physical health. which affects mental/emotional health too

Anonymous 18003

>>17995
I do not see 70% of women outside having unkempt hair or a total lack of skin care. She is patting herself on the back for doing some pore cleanser and then putting on moisturizer after. She's patting herself on the back for taking care of her hair. Most women look presentable in public regardless of weight. These aren't special.

Anonymous 18004

If I made myself throw up on purpose because I felt bad for eating too much, but I've only done it every once in a while, and not regularly, is it bulimia? My boyfriend says it is, but I don't think so. I think it was stress + food obsession, but not real bulimia if that makes sense. I know it isn't normal, obviously.
Can anyone relate?

Anonymous 18005

>>18003
>total lack of skin care
How could you tell this just by looking at someone?

Anonymous 18006

>>18005
Their pores.

Anonymous 18009

>>18004
that's bulimia. see a doctor

Anonymous 18010

>>16124
stop stroking your suffering peen, many people you interact with daily likely have trauma and life stories that make yours seem like a fairy tale. the idea that you have a greater understanding of others than they do and that YOU are the person who knows exactly how to make their problems go away is absolutely filthy. for someone who "reads a lot of philosophy" you don't seem to understand your bias. you only think that they're weak because you're terribly uninformed about them and too stupid to realize it

Anonymous 18017


Anonymous 18026

sigh

Anonymous 18027

>>18026
what's wrong anon?

Anonymous 18042

>>18027
Sorry, I posted this right before going to bed.

I've spent my entire adult life wanting to die and I don't know when or if I'll finally do it or get better.

Anonymous 18049

What are you reading?

Anonymous 18050


Anonymous 18052

02532f262cc8134b81…

>happiest i've been in a long time
>get awfully sick, high fever, coughing blood etc

WHY DOES LIFE HATE ME.

Anonymous 18054

>Have shit uterus that causes horrible periods
>Start taking birth control in order to combat this
>Have to stop taking birth control after a month because it made me vomit

Will be visiting my doctor about this in five days. Why the fuck is my body so awful?

Anonymous 18070

ZftJczr.jpg

I've already vented about this to so many people for so long that I feel like I shouldn't bring it up anymore, but I don't think I'll ever get over my ex's suicide. I think of him every day. He shaped so much about who I am and even though we split up and mutually agreed we weren't good for each other I just still compare everyone to him. I feel like part of me died with him. I didn't even learn about it until I accidentally stumbled upon something that made me dig around in his social media and I doubt he was still thinking of me by that time, but it just feels like I'll never, ever connect to someone in the same way. I felt that way before he died and now it just feels like I will never ever come to terms with how I was shaped to be exactly what he wanted and then we didn't work out and now he's dead. I'm suicidal (for other reasons) and I even think a lot about doing it the same way he did even though I wasn't even important enough to be notified by anyone. I go on Google Maps all the time and look up the place and imagine how it was like and fantasize about doing it the same way.
After moving away and leaving everything behind, I always have this intense nostalgia for my teenage years in the countryside with my first irl friend group and older friends giving me a ride from village to village at night. I wonder if I'll ever feel that way again. Being part of something and the innocence of that time. Over the years I've gone through so many situations and lifestyle changes, I lost everything I have and nothing connects me to anything anymore. I have no more friends or belongings from that time. I'm not anchored to anything anymore. Everything that reminds me of home makes me cry. It's all tarnished and lost. I'm in this giant, empty world with nothing to my name and I feel like I was pre-programmed for suicide before I even started living. I wish I could turn back time and be suspended in that one year of my life forever. It's not fair to anyone in my current stage of life, but if I could, I would leave everything behind to just be that way again. I feel like I died a long time ago and this is just my punishment for being a bad person. Endless days and nights spent just waiting until it's time to sleep. This has been the last many years. I used to do things and make a name for myself with art and I traveled and had friends. Nobody has heard from me in months. I abandoned all my social media and had to change my number and didn't bother giving it to anyone. The only people I talk to are imageboard friends on Discord. I wonder if my old friends even think about me or if they ever wonder if I ended up killing myself. One day I will.

Anonymous 18105

1495497409841.gif

>>18052
I NOW HAVE AN OVERWHELMING FEVER AND I NEED TO WORK WITH IT.
WHO CURSED ME WHAT THE FUCK.

Anonymous 18109

tumblr_ncdkec5gIP1…

>>18054
I've had horrible bloody gallons gush out of me since my periods first started. Like it's bad. Real bad. I also have 2 different clotting disorders which made the periods worse AND meant that traditional birth control was out of the equation. I talked with lady-doc and she recommended i get an IUD. I got the Mirena, but i know there are other kinds. It just releases hormones locally and doesn't really get into the bloodstream, so most likely won't make you vomit.
After getting it…"installed", i bled lightly for like a month straight. But my periods after that have gone from, having to be careful standing up, lest a bunch of blood gush out, to wearing a regular tampon for 8 hrs without it being soaked. Maybe this would be a good route for you, too.
I hope this helps, i know how bad periods can get.

Anonymous 18110

everything.jpg

>>15610
I've been having a hard time getting along with my significant other for a long time. He thinks that I do things for malicious reasons, and we've talked about it. I feel like he's asking too much of me, and that i'm not able to give all of that and still take care of myself. I find some relief in gaming, and meet some wonderful people. I met this one dude that just like…flipped a switch in me. I know blah blah flings don't last blah blah blah. But I've talked with this person almost every day for 4 months, now. We've sent pictures (not the naughty kind) so that we know what the other looks like. And now I feel horrible. I feel stuck and obligated to someone that i've dedicated a huge portion of my life to, but I think I'm really really enjoying this other person. I'm falling into a state of just being dead inside. I fucking hate it. I hate myself, and I'm confused. I've always had amazing self control and discipline…but i feel like i'm out of control.

Anonymous 18125

i've had this constant pain in my chest since july after a running accident and it's starting to get worrisome. sometimes i feel like i can't get in enough air when i breathe – like i'll breathe deep and it does nothing to make me feel less breathless

i have seen a cardiologist but he just gave me a nuclear stress test and i got the results over the phone (apparently a small, reversible defect was found!), and subsequent visits have done nothing to help me. i've been back 2 times. he offered another test and said he'd be looking for someone that could give it but i've gotten no news on that, and it's been a month. also it's another nuclear test which i really don't want to do, don't want to risk getting cancer in my 30s.

i want to see another doctor but i'm poor, don't know where to go, and am having issues with getting my results from the hospital. like, my ACTUAL results, the images of my heart. i tried to get them at the clinic but they told me to call the hospital, i believe the hospital told me to call the clinic again. i don't get these loops.

guess i'll schedule another appointment for this week & try to get the hospital to fax my results OVER to the clinic, so i can pick them up? maybe ask him what doctor he sees? i just don't know. i'll have to do something.

i also got a blood test recently to check my oxygen levels but i did have it done at some seedy walk-in clinic so who knows if it was accurate lol. even if the guy does have gleaming results online. perhaps i'll try another clinic next week, or later on this week

god help me. i'm not fat (i'm like, 5'7 132~ pounds) and i don't smoke. i've never drunk a day in my life, i just ran without stretching once and now i'm dealing with this.

and yeah i know this problem is so utterly insignificant compared to what other people are going through but fucking hell if it isn't just, shitty. sorry for the essay

Anonymous 18132

arrested-developme…

I'm always so confused now. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what is wrong or right, true or false. I don't like or enjoy anything. I can't relax or focus.

Anonymous 18146

1537392241704.jpg

where's my period?

Anonymous 18147

>>18125
This is not insignificant and you have a right to complain. It's true that other people have suffered more in here, but that doesn't invalidate your suffering, otherwise these types of threads would only ever be allowed to have one reply - the most heartbreaking story.

I think it sucks that you've taken care of your body, you've done everything right. I really hate that it seems like you're being wronged for no good reason. I hope you get your results back soon. I hope moreso that whatever it is goes away and you get better.

Anonymous 18156


Anonymous 18164

727A49FB-9467-403B…

I can’t get over the guy I dated. It’s been months now and we have no contact at all. I still check who views my instagram stories in hope I will see his name and know he also wonders how I’ve been and what I’ve been up to, but unlike my exes from the past… nothing. I hate the fact that I can’t hate him, he was never horrible or bad to me, he just said he didn’t want a relationship right now and I took it with my head held up high and thanked him for being honest and walked away, despite him pursuing me for months and changing his mind as soon as I wanted him back. Despite him knowing I’m not a girl who hooks up but tried to anyway knowing he didn’t want anything more. Despite him knowing I was soft hearted, vulnerable and easily hurt. All these things should have made him apparent to me to be a really shit person to go and do what he did but I didn’t get mad, maybe I would have felt better if I did get mad and I called him an “insensitive fuck boy” and accused him of trying to fuck and chuck me but I never. I kept my dignity and expressed no upset when he rejected me as being anything more. I didn’t guilt trip him. I was kind and wished him the best of happiness in life. Yet. 3 to 4 months down the line I still feel terrible. I’m still bitter. I still miss him because my brain has canonised him as some sort of saint ideal man who ticked every box to the point I don’t even know anymore if I want him or the idea of him. Is this a make believe idea of him that my brain randomly day dreams about. Those make believe scenarios that will never happen that I think about when I’m in the bath, or brushing my teeth or waiting for the kettle to boil. I feel like I’m going crazy! I cut off contact, deleted him on all social media, don’t check up on him ever, I haven’t in months, yet I don’t feel any better, I don’t forget him, I think of him every day and just wish he was in my life. He probably was trying to use me for sex, he is probably a really bad person under his persona but does the reason of what he did to not want me matter if the result remains the same? Probably not. So I’ll take his word for it and naively believe his long paragraph of why we could not have a relationship as the truth. Whether he wanted to use me, or did like me but really couldn’t have a relationship right now, doesn’t change the fact I still feel a massive empty space now he’s out of my life and don’t know how to move on. I have hobbies, a good job, I spoil myself, don’t have as many friends as I would like but everything else I want I’ve got… everything but that. I can’t even talk to other guys because I feel so disinterested in anyone but him, and I don’t want to get hurt all over again neither… yet I hate being alone.

Sorry long rant. Got a lot of feels bottled up.

Anonymous 18168

>>18164
I don't understand why you're even entertaining the idea of him just having wanted to use you. He broke up with you before you two had sex. Why wouldn't he just have given you more time if that was his goal? I mean, maybe you dated some alpha chad that feels more confident he can bang a new girl within two weeks than get you over to your side in less than that - but if that doesn't sound like the guy you dated, stop vilifying him for no reason. People are allowed to decide who they can see themselves spend the rest of their life with and who not, and there's nothing wrong with dating someone before being certain about the answer to that question.

Good on you for genuinely working on moving on though.

Anonymous 18169

>>18168
I’m not vilifying him as I don’t hate him as I said before. If anything I’m probably mentally making him out to be better than he was. Just it would be easier to get over him if I could hate him as opposed to me missing someone and thinking about how perfect someone was and never going to have them in my life now. It’s hard to get over someone when you cannot dislike them. Majority of my friends hate him for what he did and said he was leading me on and because I said no when he tried to sleep with me he moved on and probably cut it off when I started to like him back as he only wanted a hook ups… that’s what my friends have said, I haven’t though I consider it could be a possibility so I think I’m far from vilifying him.

Anonymous 18190

I hate having thick wavy/curly hair so much. It looks like garbage no matter what I do to it. I've gotten $5 haircuts and $80 haircuts and it still looks like shit. I wish there was a cheap way of getting it straight forever.

Anonymous 18191

>>18190

You should take a look at the 'CG method'.
Helps quite a bit with managing bird nests
sigh

Anonymous 18192

>>18190
>>18191
I second the curly girl method, it’s improved my scalp health tremendously too.

Anonymous 18198

I feel so tired of being scared because I am a broken human being.

Anonymous 18205

I'm afraid that I'm becoming obsessed with a cute boy. I can't stop myself from texting him. If he says something, i must respond. I can't wait. I feel like i'm losing control, and I don't like it.

Anonymous 18207

>>18205
explicitly ask him out

Anonymous 18209

D3DD0EE4-166C-485C…

I fucking can’t with pic related.

Anonymous 18219

large (4).jpg

I've finally fell for someone who has fallen for me equally as hard, but i just keep thinking they deserve someone better than me, someone mentally stable and well, not normal, but i guess, more stable.
Sometimes i feel like telling them that it's best if we drop it so they can hopefully find someone better, but i stop myself because i truly do like them and they make me smile when no one else can.
I've spent countless afternoons crying because i feel like i'm a dead weight for them, even-though they constantly tell me they like everything about me, i cannot help but feel like i don't deserve this and they are wasting their time on me.

Maybe it's my depression talking, and i wish i could ignore it, but it seems it's just constantly in my mind and it's eating me at my insides.

Anonymous 18220

FF23493C-5B14-4BFD…

I keep getting called “sir” everywhere I go. Earlier today was when I was at Nordstrom, wearing girls’ skinny jeans and an oversized hoodie, the young cashier called me sir before and after the transaction even though he heard my voice in between.

The day before that I was on the Subway and some teen girls sitting across from me asked if I was a she or a he.

I guess I really do look and sound like a fucking man then.

Anonymous 18221

>>18220
Stop crossdressing and put on a skirt.

Anonymous 18222

>>18220
I don't think it's bad to look androgynous to other people tbh. Do you wear make-up and do your hair?

Anonymous 18223

>>18222
Stop supporting her. Women are supposed to look distinctively feminine.

Anonymous 18224


Anonymous 18226

>>18222
>Do you wear make-up and do your hair?
No and no. I guess it doesn’t help that I have a fakeboi haircut either.

Anonymous 18227

>>18226
just put a hairpin in your hair

Anonymous 18229

>>18226
What if those people think you're female to male transgender and are trying to be respectful and not misgender you, and that's why the cashier disregarded your voice?

It's a possibility. Idk what you mean by fakeboi haircut.

Tbh working customer service I avoided gendering androgynous or gender nonconforming people out of not wanting to hurt their feelings.

Anonymous 18230

>>18219
>it's best if we drop it so they can hopefully find someone better
Wouldn't they have already done so if they wanted someone "better"?
If they've really fallen for you, then there is no one better. There's no one else they'd rather have, because those people aren't you.
It sounds like you're more concerned with what you think they should want, than what they actually do want.

If you really aren't able to overcome these feelings, you should talk to a therapist or something.

Anonymous 18231

>>18220
Plenty of guys get confused for girls from the back or at a glance if they have long hair. It just has to do with what people expect the average man/woman to look like.
If it does bother you, there are ways you can change it, but don't feel like it has to bother you. There's nothing inherently wrong with not looking average.

Anonymous 18243

>>18230
I guess so, i think it's just my depression making me see myself as worthless compared to how wonderful i see this person to be.
Thank you for your words anon, i'm on treatment for it but i do have some slip ups where i let bad thoughts overwhelm me.
I've never loved anyone before and never expected anyone to love me, so i think my brain can't quite process this as "real" if that makes sense.
I'll need to work on it.

Anonymous 18248

One of my internet heroes Claire Hartley passed away on December 17th at just 17 years old. She died so young and was a true inspiration. I've just been fucking crying on and off since it happened, why do bad people live on while good ones die?

Anonymous 18251

>>18248
She was awfully young, but she lived more life than any of her doctors expected she would with the cards she was dealt.
It only seems like good people die more frequently because it's only good people who touch the lives of so many others, and carry such an impact.

Anonymous 18253

>>18248
She was undeniably gorgeous and had such charisma. No one can replace her multifaceted personality and talent. Heaven certainly gained another angel.

Anonymous Moderator 18257

>>18248
>>18251
>>18253
If you must troll, don't do it in /feels/.
Also, this counts as "singling out", so don't do it anywhere else on c.c, either.

Anonymous 18258

>>18257
I'm sort of new here, what makes those posts trolling? Is discussion of real people in any capacity not allowed?

Anonymous 18262

being there isn't fun anymore yet i still keep checking in just in case
i need to find better things to do

Anonymous Moderator 18264

>>18258
Just because the lolcow.farm thread was locked doesn't mean you can come here instead, this is why the rule had to be made in the first place.

Anonymous 18265

>>18264
I'm being honest, I've never been to lolcow. I thought the first poster was honestly upset.

Anonymous 18269

B1F63AF0-1F6A-413A…

>>18229
>Idk what you mean by fakeboi haircut.
You know the kinda helmet-like short haircut fakebois always have? Pic related not me but a prime example. It’s a grown-out undercut from last January that I’m trying to grow shoulder-length again.

I mean maybe it’s sometimes because they’re trying not to ~misgender~ me but this has been happening even when I had long hair and before the transtrend. Which is why I believe something about my face or voice must be overly masculine.



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