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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Vent Thread Anonymous 15610

Old Thread >>12294

Get it off your chest.

Anonymous 15611


>accidentally send heart to new male friend

Anonymous 15617

I had a killer headache today, no idea why. I feel better but still a bit lightheaded. sob.

Anonymous 15619

I couldn't concentrate on anything today. Felt so badly the urge to binge, but I really don't have anything in my house that is suitable for it, and I didn't really think to have a list of distractions ready for when I feel like this.

Anonymous 15620

That sucks and I'm sorry you went through that shit, been there so many times. At least let's be glad you didn't binge!

Anonymous 15621

I didn't binge, but I did still have small bites of more food than I should have been between meal times. But it was sad since those aren't my usual binging foods so it was just a rotation of un"satisfying" alternatives. I don't feel as shitty as after binging, but I don't feel great about the grazing either.

Anonymous 15628

I try to be mean or post bait constantly because in reality I am miserable and don't enjoy anything anymore. I am a complete fuck up and loser. I refresh the homepage of crystal cafe all day and read every new post several times. I have no friends. I keep going to the store and coming close to buying something to hang myself in the closet with. There isn't a point in my life where I've felt everything was fine except when I felt like I had close friends. I walked to the store and bought a slice of cake to have on my birthday and ended up crying my eyes out while eating it in my little cave and then cried myself to sleep after.

I miss my mom and my sister and all of my friends. I wish I had never been born. I'm so fucking ugly.

Anonymous 15629


where are your mom and sister and friends? are they alive? can you still talk to them? I don't want you to die.

Anonymous 15631

Sorry for the massive wall of text but I need to get this off my chest.

Me and my bf have been together for years, its been a very hard and long road for us but we stuck by eachother thick and thin. We both have had our share of problems with immaturity, emotional issues, unrealistic expectations etc but despite all of that we are still together. We where both eachothers first in everything and its been one big long learning experience for us both with many borderline breakups. But despite everything we are still together. I know he genuinely loves me and cares for me as a human being but the issue is I just don't think we are compatible when it comes to the very root of our personalities.

For years I ignored it because he was all I had, my only ray of light in this awful depressing world. He took me from the deepest darkest depths of my miserable existence and made my life feel like its worth living just by offering his love and not much else. At the time its all I needed to keep my going, to be genuinely wanted by someone was enough. But I now I often find myself thinking if this will truly work out in the end.

We plan on getting married and by plan I mean Ive been pushing the idea on him for years and he at first was totally against it due to his family being one big dysfunctional mess but has slowly warmed up to the idea. But I have so many doubts now, every day in my head I'm thinking of what it would be like to be with someone that shares my interests and tries to actively work for my affection.

I'm always the one being positive, always the one trying to keep him optimistic, always asking him how he feels and generally just trying to offer him all I possibly can. Anything we do is because I suggested we do it, not because he wants us to do it. Sex is the biggest issue, for years ive been the one who initiates it every single time. He has a big dick and I always get off but I do absolutely all the work every single time while he just lies there enjoying it as I indulge him in every single one of his fetishes. Sometimes rarely he does not feel tired enough to put in some work too and its nice but so so rare.

I want kids and I want a family but he is entirely against the idea. He always feels so distant and uncaring but I know its just how it comes off from the outside and that he genuinely cares on the inside but it never stops me from having these thoughts of "what if I find someone that actively works for my affection every day like I do for him?".

I'm scared that if I end this relationship I will never get into another one again and I will never find someone that understands me like he does. He is very very stubborn and absolutely will not change in any way so "talk to him about this" is out of the question. He even told me to find someone else if I don't agree with how he is naturally so I've learned to simply accept him with all his flaws but I'm just getting so tired by now I don't know what to do.

Anonymous 15632

I don't know. My mom is with her boyfriend somewhere presumably and my sister ghosted me last December when I tried to get back in contact with them. My friends stopped existing after high school.

Anonymous 15633

refreshing this slow, overall negative site constantly is a negative feedback loop. stop yourself, do something else.

Anonymous 15634

also happy birthday and don't kill yourself

Anonymous 15639

>just sitting in class
>suddenly very emotional about short men
>actually holding back tears

Anonymous 15640


>been looking forward to meeting someone for coffee all of yesterday
>it's supposed to happen this evening but we haven't decided on a place and it'll likely be ad hoc
>hoping she won't remember about it because you know your expectations are way higher than reality
Man I'm trash.
I desperately want a friend but I'd rather just stay under the blankets and cuddle with my cat all day, how does any of this coincide?

Anonymous 15642

That sounds awful, especially the fact that if you try to talk to him about anything he just shuts you out. It doesn't sound like he values you at all if his thought process is that he'd rather lose you than do a small thing so you can feel comfortable and more happy in the relationship. It's kind of a meme, but I think the 5 love languages are legit. Everyone has things that make them feel loved, and if these things aren't fulfilled it can make them feel pretty shitty. He probably isn't doing any of those.

I feel like my boyfriend can be unsettlingly distant at times, but he is depressed. I wonder if your boyfriend is the same? It sounds like he has no passion at all. Is that towards life in general or just you?

Anonymous 15644


>befriend someone
>they are considered an "angel child" by everyone
>get close
>realise they are one of the most toxic, double faced, petty, and awful people i've ever met
>see them act all nice and lovely in front of others
>everyone loves them and think they are lovely and could never do anything bad
>they don't know they insult most of them and are always scheming to cause fights between people "for fun"

I'm surprised i managed to find this attitude out of high school in an adult (+30) person.
It disgusts me seeing them act around other people when i know their true colours.

Anonymous 15645

Why don't you try talking to your mom, even if shes away with her bf? i'm sure she loves you.

Anonymous 15646


My skin is so oily, I don't know what is happening. I drink plenty of water and don't eat fried food.

Anonymous 15647

Happy birthday! Don't be mean or post bait for no reason, we are the ones who try to be here for you when you need.

Anonymous 15648

I was stupid enough to get student loans to pay for my university but now I can't pay them anymore. I'm desperate for money, the loans are way too high . I hate myself for not thinking about it twice, and for not researching more about loans when I had the chance. How can people live on with this?

Anonymous 15649

Happy birthday anon!
Wanna be friends? ^^

Anonymous 15650

usually people live on by using the loans to get a degree that will lead them to a well-paying job

if you really can't pay them you can usually negotiate an income-based repayment plan to lessen the load

Anonymous 15656

it was part of reaching out last December. We're estranged for life.

Okay. What do I need to do?

Anonymous 15657

You said your sister ghosted you. But your mom too? Do you know why?

Anonymous 15658

Do you have a discord account? Or a throwaway email? Steam account works too!

Anonymous 15659


Hey anon, i understand your feelings completely, i am there and have been there myself.
If you want someone to talk to, i can make a throwaway, i'm not a particularly good talker, but i am a very good listener and i'd love to talk to you, and even play some vidya if you are up for it!

Happy birthday, by the way! I'm sure they will only get better from now on.

Anonymous 15661

I'd be happy to make your acquaintance too, if you'd like to leave some contact here.

Anonymous 15662

Move to another country, and voila. You'll have to start from zero, but that's better than having to pay a loan for the rest of your life.

Anonymous 15671


everyone is so nice.. I don't care if robots or whoever does something mean with my email or tries to troll me. Here is my main one: [email protected]

It's a pointless and complicated story, I don't want to fill up this thread with it. Sorry.

Anonymous 15678

she looks like a really tired Risa Nakamura
I'm sorry about your skin I don't know how to help you tho

Anonymous 15682

Thanks. That is Tomie.

Anonymous 15683

I guess all the fucked up 2D pornography and vile behavior and personalities I've been exposed to, sought, and involved in online put me in a pretty awkward spot in terms of real life. On one hand I feel like coming so close with human ugliness allowed me to better acknowledge and work on my own deficits, as well as understand other people's reasons for their poor behavior, on the other it feels utterly impossible to "connect" with someone that didn't go through something similar. I don't want to call myself enlightened and others normie, but there undeniable is something that changes inside you after witnessing some of the worse stuff the internet has the offer.
At this point the only partner I can imagine in my life is somebody thoroughly mentally degenerated, but nonetheless on a level of "philosophical intelligence" (I'm not sure why I don't want to write wisdom but oh well) that allows them to view the world in a non-warped/biased way, i.e. no extremist thinking, no absolutes, acknowledging the respectable and unrespectable in everything

Anonymous 15687

I know what you mean. I fell into this trap a long time ago, where I've convinced myself that I could never have a true connection with someone unless they're also "internet damaged" and "internet wise". Which is hilarious because normies are much more likely to be kind and understanding people. But I tell myself they couldn't understand me as they should unless they grew up combing through the same/similar giant vats of internet garbage that shaped me in small (maybe larger than I care to admit) ways.

Anonymous 15690

I'm repulsive to women. I just want a close friendship with another girl, and today I've started looking at Mfc models just so I can see another person my age smiling and laughing.

I'd want to die if people saw my posts here. Sometimes I am mean for the sake of it. I always feel so inferior to everyone in real life, it gives me a twinge of relief when I give a mean reply but I immediately regret it. In reality, I'm always stupider than the person I think I'm showing up.

I always feel like people my age think I'm an idiot but I think that's because it's what I tend to jump to as well. People my age, if they were with me, it's more competitive. I would hate to want to be superior and fail, so I'd rather just know I'm definitively lesser from the start. That's why I prefer being with older people. I know I'm definitely the dumb one and they treat me like it, too.

I'm stupid for wanting to switch majors. I should continue science because that's just pure studying. I'm so pathetic I have executive functioning issues, but it's worse for me to believe I have worthwhile or compelling arguments to deliver to other people. They're pretentious ideas, anyway. I don't even understand them, I have just fallen into the trap of believing I do.

I just am such a failure. Even as a fuck hole I suck because I have vaginismus and endo, and my genes shouldn't be passed on. I feel so lame for being called hot by men and ugly by women. Interesting by men, stupid by women. I feel like my fate is to stay in this weird man bubble that I perpetually want out of. I'm not attracted to them, another failure on my part. If I were, maybe this would be easier to accept.

I'm okay with being alone, but being scorned is what gets me.

Anonymous 15692

I want to say it's not a matter of being unable to find someone kind and understanding enough to "tolerate" the marks the internet left on my personality - in fact, I actually look upon the influence it had on me in a pretty loving way; I'm genuinely happy with the way I am - what I'm craving instead these days is just someone I can give bonding beyond the internet a try with I guess. It's funny, thinking this through I realize just how far I've come hiding my favorite part of myself from people in real life, and literally this moment I realized that this is probably what people mean with finding someone that "accepts you."

Damn, when it comes down to it I just want somebody who likes me as I am, wild.

Anonymous 15697

i feel the same way, although i'm still rather vanilla/normie by the more notorious chan standards, i'd still consider myself pretty internet desensitized, rather, i feel like a cyborg, so it's been especially difficult trying to connect with normies irl since a large portion of my teen years and plus has been spent alone on the internet. also another variable which drove me to become this internet trolling hermit was mental illness and overcoming this life challenge has made me view people who haven't (normies with stress free lives) as almost boring? like my mental illness has been such a huge part of me, i no longer know how to connect with someone unless they have gone through something similar, and these individuals also tend to be the ones in the dark corners of the internet.

i don't know. i really want to be normal again and connect with normie society but i feel like i've just been so damaged & jaded – due to a combination of poor mental health & the internet that it is just difficult to find someone who i feel can "understand me". i haven't made an irl friend for over 5 years now just because of how alien i feel compared to their lifestyles and views on life etc.

and on the other hand i'm hesitant to befriend/date someone who is just as or more so degenerate than i am; like i get it may be easier for us to connect but knowing how cynical and scary some of these internet trolls can be, i just don't think i can trust someone who has been so socially depraved for so long. kind of hypocritical huh. so i guess my goal as of right now is to prepare myself into a more mentally & socially healthy place so i can start anew and integrate into normie society as opposed to seek like minded people who are just as fucked up to validate my own degeneracy & abnormal ways of life.

Anonymous 15700

I think you can be fucked up without being a "bad" (i.e. petty, spiteful, cynical) person, and I think it's safe to say that that kind will become more in the future. Perhaps I'm giving bad advice here and it really would be for the best to draw a line and start anew, but I don't know, that sounds like something that'll backfire down the line to me; something something you can take the anon out of 4chan, but not the 4chan out of anon. Then again, what's the lesser evil, solitude or a feeling of disconnection?

Anonymous 15701


I made my husband cry lately.

I was just chilling in bed at the evning, winding down after a day just as stressful as most of them. Suddenly he gave me shit about a "picture from the chans" I had opened. It actually was from reddit, a meme I found amusing. He then went over to berating me how I do mainly amusing things on my PC and how this was concerning.

At this point I decided I would not take that sort of bullshit this time, he had cut me off from too much I had liked in my life, and now he gives me bullshit because I like to read some funny things in the evening instead of engaging in ClAsSy EnTeRtAiNmEnT like bullshit movies he watches all the time or so, I have no fucking idea. He tried following me around the house and prevented me from going places and actually wanted to make a big deal out of this fucking thing, so I started roasting him like there was no tomorrow while silently waiting that he would just go fuck himself. Eventually he started crying because I was cold as ice and didn't care for him and because he's always the ass of all jokes blah blah blah. Sorry man, the past year or so where you made me cry about bullshit issues on a weekly basis made me not quite as emotional towards your complaints.

Anonymous 15703

>Eventually he started crying

I'm sorry but your husband is a pussy. Crying because you were laughing at memes, are you serious? How old is he

Anonymous 15704


Hoy lee shits were had.

Anonymous 15705

sorry crystal-kun

Anonymous 15706

>telling you off for looking at a photo
>he had cut me off from too much I had liked in my life
>following me around the house and prevented me from going places
>cries crocodile tears to reverse the tables and make him look like the victim
>you made me cry about bullshit issues on a weekly basis

This is all very concerning and controlling behaviour. Nobody should control how you spend your free time or what you do on the internet. The fact that he was looking at your screen long enough to find something to argue over would be enough to piss me off. The crying doesn't sound genuine.

Has he even made an apology for his disgusting behaviour? It seems like you also have more unresolved problems from the past year. If he doesn't tell you what he did wrong, understand why it hurt you and apologise then show him the fucking door.

Anonymous 15716

Are you happy in that marriage?

Anonymous 15736


One of those nights when i just want to end it all, and i cannot even seek confort on my friends because i'm always a mere second thought to them, if that, and i cannot talk with my family about it, so i'm left alone, hugging my cat while feeling empty inside and thinking just how pleasant it would be to not have any mental illness, to have no problems, to not feel hurt, to just not exist.
I'm so lonely. I wish i was someone's first thought, i wish i had someone that considered my feelings and let me talk about them and cared about what i was saying.
But i'm left bottling it up until it explodes in nights like this and the urge to die gets unbearable.

I don't know anymore.

Anonymous 15737

i was going to end it all tonight too once everyone goes to sleep. I've believed in false hope and held out for the last time, it's so pointless. I don't know why I ever bothered posting here or listening to any of the obvious lies I have been fed. I am a defective creature with no right to exist. I can't exist like this another day and can only hope to be reincarnated as something not perpetually looked at in disgust or to never be conscious and experiencing again. I am finished thinking life could ever be any different

maybe you should tell your family unless you are afraid of consequences that would only make matters worse. Maybe you could text a suicide hotline, and so long as you don't talk about being in immediate danger they're actually pretty good at listening and caring. You could post here what's bugging you

Anonymous 15738


>be me, have literally 4 friends
>1 female friend, pretty close
>been friends for 5.5 years
>her grandma died
>always there for her
>let her cry on my shoulder, go out with her so she won't be alone
>guy starts stalking her
>be there for her, literally scream at the guy
>move abroad
>text her asking her if she can send something from our country to my new address
>tell her I will pay for it
>only ask her because there's no one in the city who can do it for me
>tell her I'm anxious and need an answer even if it's negative
>ask her please to respond ASAP because I need to know if she can do it
>she doesn't respond
>"it's ok, she must be busy"
>see her talking in groups with other friends
>she's ignoring me?
>1 week goes by, no answer
>try contacting her again
>she just says "sorry i can't"
>tell her I feel bad she ignored me for a week when I told her I was anxious and needed an answer even if negative
>"sorry i can't" again
>lol wut did you even read what I said??

I'm pretty hurt and upset not because she said she couldn't but because she knew how desperate I was and didn't respond anyway and when she finally did she just said she couldn't, cold as fuck.

I asked someone else to do it for me and hopefully that will work, but she made me lose an entire week waiting for her answer. I was there for her when she really needed someone and she knows it. I sent her some msgs saying I am hurt because of the way she treated me and I think she might have blocked me now… Rip. It hurts but at the same time I'm kinda laughing at how ridiculous this is. I'm tired of doing everything I can for my "friends" just to have them let me down.
I never get mad and I tend to be very passive, so maybe she was surprised to see me be so honest and tell her how I felt. I don't mind she said no, I've already asked someone else, so even a half assed "sorry I got sidetracked and forgot! ):" would have been enough tbh.

Anonymous 15747


He dumped me, kept me on a emotional leash for a while and when he finally got a job again he blocked me off of social media and never bothered to contact me again.
I hate him but I still want him back. But I know he's a slimy piece of shit who only cares about how much he can sneak around and get some from others without providing back.
I won't have anybody treat me like a princess again, even if he pretended to love me.

Anonymous 15749

been having some weird conflicts about my sexuality for the past, oh, 3 years. mostly because i don't like vagoo because something about it pains me (?), but i do love everything else a woman has to offer.
on the flip-side, i hold no real love for uber-masculinity (unless it's on a woman lol) but i do like dick. i've never been sexual with anyone, but they look pleasant.
if futa were real i'd be the happiest bitch lol

Anonymous 15752


So me and my friend/s are in this “group” with this one girl, let’s call her X. X likes to act all innocent and harmless but in reality she is a two faced cunt who enjoys victimizing herself and loves the attention. She will throw you under the bus and lie about you or your friends just so she can look good to others, when in reality she is the biggest snake of them all, acting nice to you in your face and turning around and trying to drag you through the mud. Sometimes one of us would have a good idea and then she would act (in front of others) like it was hers. She used to complain before about not getting a bigger part in our group, but to be honest it was because we didn’t trust her completely (as a comparison that most people will know on this board, she is like a lite version of cvnka). I think the worst part is that we never did anything wrong to her (we even kept her in the group till the end of the “project” because we fell sorry for her) and yet she has the balls to talk disgusting, untruthful shit about us? Shameful.

Anonymous 15753

do you still talk with her?

he doesn't deserve you, anon. you will find someone else.

Anonymous 15754

Not really, unless we need to. To be honest we all feel betrayed. We treated her like a sister, she knew this project was very important to us and yet with NO REASON she turned around and talked shit and lies about us? What kind of person does that, really? How can you call yourself a nice person and yet do this shit, completely uncalled for?

Anonymous 15756


Sometimes i just get tired. Yesterday i was so depressed. My job is shit, i don't get what I deserve but i'm poor so im just gotta do the job, beacause of the job I dont get time to study so my grades in uni are dropping each semester, my bf keeps playing league of legends and sometimes being stupid. The great news is that i get a undergraduate research with my favorite teacher in langueages. I'm so happy that I get it, but at the sames time all I wanted was to drop my job and focus on my studies. I hate to be poor, I just wanted to disapear for a time, be alone and crying on my own.

Anonymous 15757

What kind of project? It seems weird you guys let her in if you didn't trust her to begin with since it seems to be an important thing by the way you talk about it.

Anonymous 15758

Anon, this world is full of backstabbing bitches like that one . I say :just stop caring about her and move on . At least you know next time you have another project you won't choose her as a team mate lol

Anonymous 15772


She was not our first choice but we were in a hurry so we didn't have any other option.

Anonymous 15773

It's dumb, but I hate seeing people I dislike make friends with someone I want to befriend. Or even someone getting all buddy buddy w/ a person I have my eyes on before I can.

Anonymous 15779

>How can you call yourself a nice person and yet do this shit

Isn't it creepy that the majority of awful and evil things ever done were done by people who think of themselves as nice/good?

cognitive dissonance is a powerful drug

Anonymous 15784

>>>She was not our first choice but we were in a hurry so we didn't have any other option.

Then why do you make it seem like she owes you a favour for keeping her in the project and that she should be grateful you got her in when she's not even leftovers?
Honestly, she may sound bad, but you kinda do as well, anon.

Anonymous 15786

learn to read, she explained she threw her under the bus and was an overall snake >>15752

Anonymous 15826


These people i considered friends started spreading incredbily venomous lies about me behind my back and turning people against me for no reason.
They made me seem like a horrible person to anyone that doesn't know the truth, and it's all with lies.
I'm so dissapointed, i never once spoke badly about them or hurt them, i just wanted some peace but it has turned into a witch-hunt and awful, awful, lies said about me.

Any hope i had left in this world for people is gone.
Maybe i am not meant to have friends, since they all eventually turn on me and try to hurt me and my character.

Anonymous 15827

It's precisely the people with a deeply subconscious bad conscience that feel a need to adhere to some made up justice of theirs they can dedicate themselves to in order to feel just/good.

Anonymous 15840

I try to do my best, I really do, I constantly sacrifise things important to me, but all that happens is that I'm blamed for eveything that goes wrong while everyone else is extremely ungrateful and entitled.

I don't even know how to get out of that.

Anonymous 15847

She clearly isnt anon tbh

Anonymous 15848

If everywhere you go smells like shit, maybe it's time to check your shoes

Anonymous 15849

I don't think this works when people are simply making things up about her.

Anonymous 15850


Anonymous 15854

I've been thinking about my future because: (i) I might fail a course which might render me degree-less (ii) if I don't fail, I don't know what to do with my life (iii) if I fail, I don't know what I'd do.

So, as a heuristic, suppose I pass this term and move onto the new term. My German prof told our class about an English assistanship at a German highschool that I'm interested in, but unsure of. I would like to apply for it, but these things are holding me back:
(a) my horrible German (okay, not horrible, but I still hesitate when I say simple phrases) (b)the pay is not great and I have hefty, but flexible, student loans and (c) I don't want to feel lonely in a place where I don't know anyone and speak the language at an elementary level.
However, I do know that I want a change of scenery, especially as I hate my school and my country.
What would you guys do?

Anonymous 15857

>I'm so dissapointed, i never once spoke badly about them or hurt them
You were close enough to consider yourselves friends, but you managed to never in the time you knew them you hurt them?
I support you more than them since rumors are bullshit and there's no justifying it with "they deserved it," but DO NOT burn this story into your memory as "I was an angel and everyone else tortured me for absolutely no reason" - no matter how much it hurts, keep the truth in view.

Sounds like a case of judging yourself for your intentions and others by their actions. Example: You may sacrifice something that "should" be dear to you (on a social norm kind of level), but isn't truly (just because you don't roll that way) and expect others to be considerate, because to them it does appear like something valuable - but karma doesn't work that way. What matters is whether you were genuine or not.
Shame the only advice I can give you is "Well actually it really is your fault"

Based and redpilled

Anonymous 15858

Ich bin mir sicher es gibt ein paar deutschsprechende Anons hier auf crystal.cafe, die sich darüber freuen würden, dir beim Üben helfen zu können. (Nicht aber ich) (Außer du findest sonst niemanden)

Anonymous 15866

I met the neighbor lady in her 40s. She invited me to smoke weed and said I could always talk to her. She told me about her son and said he has a bunch of plants and that I should meet him.

She seems intent on being my friend and introducing me to her son. On one hand this might make me feel better, on the other hand I have been enjoying my sobriety and was happy moving to this place where it's still illegal, having no connections or stores nearby made there be no temptation. Now there's temptation and self control involved in my sobriety.

420 BLAZE IT, sigh

Anonymous 15870


Update to my own post, he texted me today after about 3 months of playing Danny Phantom.
Claiming he made "about 30" friend requests on discord to me and assumed that I didn't want to talk to him and that he hopes I'll reply back soon.
Only thing is I never got one, let alone 30 (?!) requests from him.
He blocked me a long time ago, and I don't texting him because I know he has a limited phone plan.
I'm hesistent to talk to him because of our crazy past, how he persued me at a time when it wasn't legal for him and all types of shitty drama after that. Being around him makes me manic as fuck.
I crave affection and support so badly though. I know he can't give me it and I'll get chewed up and spit out.
I'm almost hoping his text was directed to someome else, I'm sick of being heartbroken by him.

Anonymous 15871

Don't do it anon

Anonymous 15872

do not

Anonymous 15877

Ja, stimmt, gibt es viele deutsche Anonnettes hier.
Ich bin unsicher, ob ich der Programm oder nicht machen sollst (Ich weiß, dass mein Deutsch besser sein werde. Das ist nicht ein groß "worry")
Jedoch, bin ich unsicher über meine Zukunft nach die Programm, aber ich möchte auch mein Deutsch aufbessern und lebe in Deutschland…
naja. Wie ärgerlich…
(Entschulding für mein schrekliches Deutsch…)

Anonymous 15899

My bf's mom is a hoarder and I have nobody to complain about it to. My friends are sick of hearing me complain about various things and I hate unloading all of my problems on them anyway. My family might convince me to leave my bf if they realised how fucking crazy his family is lol. I've considered making a post on reddit but I don't want either him or his mom to find it. I feel like it's a post that would be too long for somewhere like cc or lc also. I'm also afraid of people not understanding the situation and making fun of me. Fml I just want to talk to someone and get it off my chest.

Anonymous 15901

Hoarders are the worst, anon. I'm sorry you have to deal with one.
Please feel free to get it off your chest, I've yet to see anyone on CC complain just because a post is long.

Anonymous 15903

Wenn du in Deutschland leben willst, dann mach es einfach. Ich bin auch keine Muttersprachlerin und habe in DE studiert. Es war am Anfang nicht so eifach aber mein Deutsch hat sich stark verbessert. Wenn es nicht klappt, dann weisst du auch, dass es keine option ist. Sei mutig!

Anonymous 15905

I mean I agree with >>15848 if /everyone/ 'turns' on you and make up 'lies' about you… then there's maybe some truth to what they're saying about you. You mean to tell me EVERY single person you come in contact with are evil disney villians that rub their hands together and just decide to fuck with you? Surejan.jpg

Anonymous 15910

large (8).jpg

Anonymous 15914

My breasts are so sore i want to die

Anonymous 15915


all these long-haired band t-shirt wearing qts at college always wear shirts of some relatively unpopular band that I know, but don't like.
How am I supposed to talk to them? "Hey that band on your shirt… is pretty mediocre, you should get your taste checkeddddd haha loser"
I was hoping that there would be someone who liked the same music as I do but I guess not

Anonymous 15916

Maybe try to say you've heard of them and recommend a similar sounding band that you like and start from there.

Anonymous 15917

Thanks, you know I really think I need someone like you to have around at all times so I can learn how to talk to people.

Anonymous 15919


what kind of music do you like?

Anonymous 15921

>Hey that band on your shirt… is pretty mediocre, you should get your taste checkeddddd haha loser
If someone said this to me, I'd cry. This is why I never, ever wear band t-shirts or anything showing my music taste. I also refuse to play the music I like for groups of people and for anyone other than my 1 friend and sister. I'm so scarred by how music taste gets equated to intelligence or taste, it's illogical, but I felt like such a piece of shit as a kid and that feeling has not left me as an adult.

Anonymous 15922

Thanks anon, I appreciate it x hoarders really are the worst. I'd feel sorry for them if it wasn't for the fact that they have really bad attitudes.

Initially, she used to clean the house because she was worried about my opinion. Now she doesn't give a shit and she's even admitted it. She used to contain it in certain rooms (mostly her bedroom). I once accidentally saw inside and there were clothes and junk up to the ceiling. It was like something out of a tv show, I've literally never seen anything like it. I guess at some point she started using the bed to pile shit onto because now she can't even sleep in her bedroom, she sleeps on the sofa in the living room. After a while things were less formal and I'd just spend most of the time in my bf's room so she took that as an excuse to let the entire downstairs area go. Every surface (counter tops, a sofa, the dining table, chairs) in the kitchen is covered in junk (idk what else to call it, it's the most random shit like boxes and toys and trinkets). Things like frying pans, cutlery, mugs, chopping boards go missing regularly and without them it's impossible to cook. She won't clean the inside of the microwave or the fridge and when things break, she never replaces them. I'm pretty sure I've seen things that expired years ago in the cupboard. Or at least that's how I remember the kitchen because I eventually refused to go in there years ago.

The bathroom is shared. It's covered in cobwebs (she likes spiders and won't put them outside, ew) and most of the things in there are broken and she refuses to get them fixed (the bathroom and sink taps need replaced and the toilet seat isn't fixed on, it's just sitting on the toilet). She uses the bath for everything including washing clothes (I assume she can't get into the room that has a washing machine), the other day I saw her scrubbing her hiking boots in it and apparently it was once the home of ducklings at one point. The worst part is that she hoards animals, like most hoarders. Name an animal and I can guarantee she's probably had it at some stage. It's mostly chickens but it's both hens and roosters so they breed quite regularly. She's also recently started collecting these huge ducks that sometimes nip my heels. The living room is home to two free-roaming canaries and two free-roaming rabbits. The result of all of this is a lot of shit. I mean a lot. The canaries fly around the room shitting down the walls and on the furniture and the rabbits hop around the floor leaving a trail of shit behind them. It's possible to get those animals to go to the bathroom in a specific place but she's too lazy to train them (also I'm not angry at the animals themselves, it's not their fault and they're actually cute). She collects animals thinking it makes her look interesting and quirky but has no actual desire to care for them. She comes home with new animals all the time that she really, really does not need. The garden is totally destroyed by the chickens who scratch to reach the soil so there's no grass and it's absolutely covered in their shit. Sometimes they get into her car (I have literally no idea how, just close the doors?) and she finds it hilarious. I don't find it hilarious because the car has shit embedded into the car seats. There's chicken and rabbit feed in the house and it stinks, it's the first thing you smell. It's fucking so unhygienic and I can't believe someone is okay living like that.

By the way, her car is full of even more junk like a mobile hoarder's collection (half eaten food, mugs of tea, leaflets and letters, clothes, boxes, CDS…). Sometimes she gives people lifts and she just shoves all of it to one side and expects people to squish in. She'll always pass it off as if it's a rare occurrence "Haha just clearing out the house!" or something but in reality her car always looks like that. I guess the thing that sent me over the edge today was that I went somewhere with my boyfriend and when I looked down at my nice white trainers, there was some chicken shit on them. I spent ages in the bathroom cleaning them and obsessively washing my hands and there's still a fucking green stain on them. I'm so angry about it.

My bf has tried to help and has his own ways of coping. Firstly, he wants to move out within the next few years and I think it's pretty obvious that it's going to get worse when he's gone. I think his fear is that she'll live like this for the rest of her life and probably injure herself tripping over something one day. He tirelessly cleans the bathroom and kitchen (btw his room is immaculate) but she manages to mess them up again within days of him doing that. So it's a really exhausting, never-ending task and it's not fair on him. He cleans up after the animals and takes better care of them than she does. He regularly buys them medication out of his own pocket (his mom would prefer they just die from illnesses) and brings them for regular vet visits (rabbits need annual shots which they wouldn't have gotten if it weren't for my bf). The worst part is her attitude because she doesn't even appreciate it when he cleans their shared spaces. She comes home to find everything clean and tells him off for touching her precious junk. She also tells him off for caring for the animals and calls him too "sensitive" when he brings them to the vet (????). He trained the animals to go to the bathroom in the one spot and she just didn't keep it up which is just lazy. He's desperately trying to put the house in order and make her change her ways before he leaves because he's such a good person. He genuinely cares about the people around him and she hasn't given me any indication that she cares about or appreciates him? He avoids the kitchen as much as possible and sometimes he doesn't eat dinner. I seriously worried about him for a long time but thankfully he gets one good meal at work now, at very least. He genuinely gets depressed just being in the house. He's trying to save money so he can move out and he's having to spend it on repairs in the house, buying cleaning products that she won't purchase herself, vet visits (keep in mind that most of these animals would be considered "exotic" and couldn't go to a normal vet), new electronics that the rabbits nibble the wires of, an entire new set of kitchen utensils, visits to the laundrette, eating out to avoid the kitchen etc etc etc

Anyway, if anyone made it this far RIP lol. I just wanted to vent because it's not really my problem to deal with, it's theirs so there's nothing really I can do about it. But for now I still have to deal with it while I visit my bf so it does still affect me. I even feel bad about posting this but I've been holding it in for so long, it's just so infuriating.

Anonymous 15928

The types of people who autistically obsess over music aren't worth your time anyways. With playing things for groups you shouldn't really be playing your personal taste though unless it is something really conventional. All I listen to is vocaloid and male idolshit, I recognize that 99% of the population is going to hate what I listen to so I don't bring it up and always use headphones.

Anonymous 15929

I'm so sorry anon.. I fucking hate hoarders. I have to deal with pretty much the same shit as your bf and the challenge of not being able to use the kitchen without heavy cleaning and potentially huge arguments over nothing can make it hard to keep on weight. Depending on the severity and how long it's been of course, he should know there may be no fixing her. At least not unless she wants to be fixed, or a large group of people forcefully take care of the problem (last time I attempted this the cops were suddenly called over a one dollar, split open pack of rusty beads from hobby lobby being thrown away). After the afore-mentioned coupe attempt she acted like she had a miscarriage, wandering the house screaming or moaning and crying over misc. junk and lots of literal trash that she remembers and realizes she doesn't have anymore. She acted like this off and on for many months and holds grudges still. She showed more concern for a swiffer mop that was in the yard half burried in dirt for years (the nicest thing we threw away) than I have ever seen her show concern for me in my life. It costs $12 new, believe me as someone who knows her, she had never used it, never was going to use it, and how nice was it really after having been treated the way it was for years? Do you really love that thing so much if that's where you leave it? Yet she hated my brother for being the one who threw it away (I was, he let her blame him) and wanted nothing to do with him for half a year, openly declared she hated him, etc. If your bf truly is spending about what it would take to rent somewhere on fixing issues that crop up at home, then he should probably get out. I get that he's probably used to it enough to deal with it though, and of course like you said, he wants to fix her. I spent over a decade trying to "fix" my mom with the most perfectly constructed dialogue and lessons about what she could do to stop the house from getting worse, what she could do to improve it, both general and my personal methodology for how I do things when I clean, or organize, or throw away trash, or whatever. I'd talk about mood stuff or abstract stuff to appeal to all the "it's not my fault, it's my brain, or mood, or zen state, or limited free time (no lol), and once whichever one of those is resolved, I will open my eyes and find that I cleaned half my house". Well anyway me trying to fix her didn't work and neither did therapy either btw). She pretended to listen and care for many years but now she has no shame and won't listen to much until she's screaming. What I've learned is that although she cares how the house is (if she could snap her fingers and have it cleaned and organized she would), she doesn't actually care enough to do any of the work or see the junk as junk, etc. Her standards for how she lives are super low and while you'd think shame or empathy would kick in a reaction to clean shared areas,, someone who normally refuses to clean is only going to do that for so long if they do it at all. You can't ruin your life for family like this, these are the family members you just talk on the phone with or see at family gatherings twice a year, mother or not. I know that sounds harsh but the odds are that one day he will see this himself, the question is does he want to see it now or after 20 years of living two blocks away and regularly cleaning up after that lady who used to be his mom.

Anonymous 15931

Damn, what a life. I sometimes just wish a fire would cleanse their collections.

Anonymous 15946

I'm tired of never fitting into online "communities," I'm going to a church event for young adults tomorrow to see if I can try to belong to a "real" community…

Anonymous 15950

well if it's a genre of music you like go from there. Otherwise wear music band t shirts you like.

Anonymous 15952

This needs to be said, NEVER DATE HOARDERS NEVER LIVE WITH HOARDERS. Learn to spot the signs outlined here ffs, this shit is hereditary and cannot be fixed unless they hit an epiphany moment and GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. Have you tried calling hoarders on this woman? Is that show still a thing?

Anonymous 15986

That's horrible… Don't worry about posting it all here, this is a place to post your worries after all right?
I like some black metal and some progressive metal, but there are only like ~8 bands that I love lol
Actually I am like that too, I have nightmares sometimes that my earphones get unplugged and everyone can hear what I'm listening to. And I am always paranoid when I have my earphones when I'm awake… But I just recently bought a shirt from a band I love so I can somehow show my taste in music, that way people who have never heard their music won't judge me.

Anonymous 15987

do you know sigh? if you like black and prog metal i think you'll love sigh

Anonymous 15991

>the challenge of not being able to use the kitchen without heavy cleaning and potentially huge arguments
Oh damn anon you were in such a similar situation. I think it started around 7 or 8 years ago actually but she seems to be getting worse, not better so I'm not really hopeful. I think he tried to drag her to therapy but his family are militant Christians so they're under the impression that going to church is the same as going to a trained professional, unfortunately. I feel so bad for him having to grow up in that environment. The screaming and "not having enough time" sounds so familiar (haha but they have enough time to mess things up which ngl looks like it takes way more effort than just keeping a room looking good?). He would have been gone years ago if it weren't for the bad housing/renting climate my country has atm. I don't think he's spending that much but it is annoying when I see him taking care of her hoard of animals for her (he's too kind to see them suffer) or when he tells me he's bought something new like a hairdryer because the last one was sucked into a pile of junk (lol I told him to keep things like that to himself and pretend he doesn't have them). Yeah it's funny how they actually do seem to care/feel shame but…not enough I guess. She doesn't invite anyone to the house (my bf and his dad would the odd time but there's always a huge clean-up beforehand and she has to be told well in advance or she'll freak out, I wish she'd realise that the clean-up would be intimately easier if she just did it 15 minutes daily instead of all at once a few times a year). She gets paranoid when anyone comes to the door like delivery men or neighbours. Like how is that any way to live? My bf missed out on having parties as a child, you can't have anything delivered to the house, you have to make the taxi driver let you out early and walk home?? Anyway, you're dead right about limiting contact. We don't choose our family members. People who say "family is everything" have never had to deal with something like this, clearly.

That's probably the only solution.

Yeah I agree tbh. I guess the warning sign would be someone who doesn't want you to see their home or certain parts of it. You'd think that'd be obvious but people have clever excuses ready. Haha her room legit looks like something from a TLC show, that was my first thought.

Thanks anon. I do feel better now.

Anonymous 16000


A ghost from the past is bothering me a lot lately because of a growing suspicion she is present on CC. I really, really hope it's paranoia and not true but I know she was all sorts of active on lolcow.

The hunch that certain posts are hers is making the memory of her bother me a lot more than usual. I have so many things I should have said but didn't. I've never been the same ever since what went down, she probably has no idea how badly my feelings were hurt by her because of how silent and chill of a facade I put up. Then one day I boiled over and was breaking down and left later that week(or maybe it was 2 weeks), the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders that had felt so agonizing for so long.

There's the obvious "why didn't you tell her" regret, but I never did because I never felt like I had the right to. It's way out of my comfort zone to express that I am hurt by someone distancing themselves the way she did. I can take a hint, I'm not sure I can stay in contact with that hint and act like it doesn't hurt me. I've had that happen enough in life to adjust fine but somehow she wounded me in such a way that it was worse pain than ever before or ever will be again. No one else on earth is going to cause me to write a 10,000+ word essay on a giant tangled knot of frustration, pain, and platonic heartbreak.

I will leave CC if I do explicitly find out she posts here. For now I hope it is just a delusion created by 5 separate uncanny posts and my still unresolved attachment to her. But this delusion has been bringing up feelings I thought I was over.

Anonymous 16007

probably just delusion. you should reach out and get closure because maybe they think you left them. clearly the not knowing is hurting you more than the period at the end of the statement and close of the chapter.

Anonymous 16061

The need for closure here is powerful but would be so selfish of me. I left in a very dramatic manner without expressing any of the reasons, to reach out after this long just to go "hey you hurt me really bad and here's why:_______. Bye forever" would be rude.

I want to tell her off so badly and regret that missed chance I didn't take.

Anonymous 16082


i hate normalfags.
i hate that they are better adjusted than me and have more to offer in a relationship ( not just romantic ).
i hate having them invade my weird internet spaces. please just stay on facebook or instagram or snapchat and leave chans alone. i just hate it. i hate it!

Anonymous 16085

Anonymous 16087


I don't hate you though. 💛

Anonymous 16088

Anonymous 16093

Try self improvement, meditation, lucid dreaming, exercise, fasting, asceticism, learning something (MIT opencourseware, a language, etc.) Just gain a self fulfilling purpose and won't need to waste yourself! You could even update everyone on your progress.

Anonymous 16094

I'm living away from home and I've been stressing so much. Most importantly I keep feeling like shit because I can only cook basic things and eat garbage. I know understand how it feels to be what you eat.

Anonymous 16096

I would recommend not forcing anything on him. It could entirely destroy the relationship. He may be unable to finance a family or raise children properly. I am sure you would want the best for your children so don't try to push something on your husband which he can't handle at the moment.

Anonymous 16099

>He always feels so distant and uncaring but I know its just how it comes off from the outside and that he genuinely cares on the inside
Everyone always says that about people who don't care.
>staying in a relationship out of fear
Not the greatest plan in the world, don't you think?

Anonymous 16107

Buy bagged salad.

Anonymous 16124

why do i find myself disgusted at the majority of people? i have very few friends and have never had a boyfriend simply because if they cannot adhere to the high standards & values i set for myself, i do not want to associate with them. for example, i take care of my body, exercising & eating well, i take care of my skin, hair, etc. to be presentable to the public. i take care of my mind by reading books and learning new things like a language or instrument. i always strive to put my time to good use. even when i was depressed, i read tons of stoic philosophy & consumed media which allowed me to overcome those challenges.

now when people tell me their problems, i can't help by feel disgust towards them as i believe most of their troubles can be solved with a little discipline/will power & effort except most are unwilling and simply let life defeat them. i find this weak and i don't want to be around these sorts of people.

as i am in my 20s, i find more and more of my friends have let life's circumstances defeat them, as someone who has battled eating disorders, troubled family & depression & even trauma, i have no sympathy for these people.

so my point is, is this a normal kind of feeling? and do others feel similarly? am i being close minded or should i continue doing me?

Anonymous 16127

You do all these things and haven't stopped to think that just maybe, exposing yourself to things that you know disgust you is a waste of your time?

Anonymous 16129

>as i believe most of their troubles can be solved with a little discipline/will power & effort except most are unwilling and simply let life defeat them
>so my point is, is this a normal kind of feeling? and do others feel similarly? am i being close minded or should i continue doing me?
Well it's not like it's their "fault" that they lack strength of will. For me it's more of pitying them, but I try not to think of them as inferior all across the board. A lot of people very talented in some single discipline lack any kind of strength of character outside of it, it'd be silly not to try to learn from them in that one discipline because of that.

Anonymous 16131

not really, willpower can be practised and given ample amounts of will power, anything can be achieved. people just don't wanna.

yeah i pretty much just stay alone in my house & do stuff alone in my quest for perfection heh

Anonymous 16132

>people just don't wanna.
Yeah, that's the part that isn't their fault.

Anonymous 16133

>i take care of my body, exercising & eating well, i take care of my skin, hair, etc. to be presentable to the public.

Most girls do this.

Reading books or learning new things, maybe less so. Also stoic philosophy was a giant meme around summer of 2016 and Marcus Aurelius was getting linked a lot. Funny because a part of stoicism is not sitting and being disgusted at the people who exist in pitiful impulsive form, for all their flaws, but to accept them as that.

>as someone who has battled eating disorders, troubled family & depression & even trauma, i have no sympathy for these people.

You can't really compare problems to problems. Some might have "troubled family" and trauma that dwarf yours, others who had less on their plate than you.

You don't have to feel sympathy for anyone and you don't have to associate with people you don't want to. You're not close minded but you might have an inflated sense of achievement, a false sense of how bad you had it/how difficult your struggles were, and a big ego that actually thrives on this fact that other people are pitiful do-nothing sacks of misery.

Also it's a normal feeling. Winners don't associate with losers usually. Nice not-so-humble humblebrag venting btw

Anonymous 16136

>other people are pitiful do-nothing sacks of misery
nah pretty sure most people are just this. it was fun to laugh & relate to depression and mental illness memes during my teen years but now in my 20s it's just sad and people who haven't gotten over their "illnesses" are just whiny crybabies who romanticise how bad they have it instead of doing anything about it

>Most girls do this

no they don't, i'm seeing all my old female classmates getting fat & most of them don't even wear sunscreen so how is that taking care of themselves lol

>Funny because a part of stoicism is not sitting and being disgusted at the people who exist in pitiful impulsive form,

no one said it was, it's a by-product of the person i've created through stoicism :)

>for all their flaws, but to accept them as that.

yeh no. self improvement > self acceptance

Anonymous 16139

Just start killing people tbh. Shoot up your classroom or workplace.

Anonymous 16145

> & most of them don't even wear sunscreen
how would you know this

Anonymous 16152

Premature wrinkles babe it ain’t rocket science

Anonymous 16153


I keep doing fucked up shit to him, he's not in my life and we don't talk but everytime I get intrusive thoughts related to him I act on it.
Even though he deserves it and every bad thing that happens to him, I'm still fucked up for doing it.
Everything and everyone I knew moved forward in life but me. I am stuck back and forth in this manic-depressive bullshit.
He's got a job, friends, a life, everything while I have nothing but resentment consuming me.
This shit will bite me in the ass for sure.

Anonymous 16156

>>accept others
>self acceptance
You're a dumbass. A petty mind will never get anywhere in philosophy, go back to the Greeks.

Anonymous 16157

You're not stoic at all tbh

Anonymous 16158

you act like youre superior to everyone else but look where you are. you're on a vietnamese crystalline solid mining forum.
you sit here wasting your time flexing on how much better you are than your former classmates and everyone around you for not wearing sunscreen on the internet meanwhile people are outside getting real shit done.
that's like, really sad anon.

Anonymous 16162

female normies are ok? great, even
i just hate chads

Anonymous 16246

I wasn't able to listen to it until now, but thanks so much, it was really epic. I wasn't expecting to like it because I rarely like any new band I try to listen to, but this is just amazing, I'm still listening to their other songs.
Ok time to rant: it is SO incredibly annoying when I try my hardest to solve some problem for homework/practice and then I look at the solution and it's only different by like a factor of 2 or it's the same thing but reciprocal. Or I wrote down some part of the problem wrong and everything is wrong. UGH
In high school I used to be one of the smartest kids and I used to be able to solve every problem so easily, and now I don't know how to learn to solve problems, I never had to learn because it all came intuitively to me. it sucks and I feel so dumb

Anonymous 16247

Even with math, public schooling is all about rote memorization rather than building problem solving skills and critical thinking.
Women usually have superior memory skills which is why they excel at things like language.
You are probably just unpractised in problem solving.
If this truly matters to you, turn your weakness into a strength and spend all your free time practising rather than engaging in passive entertainment, chatting, etc.
Affirm to yourself "this is fun and easy, I just don't have enough experience at the moment" when you experience difficulty.
A good book for learning how to solve problems is "How to Solve It" by George Polya. Make it a hobby to go through logical and mathematical puzzle books.
If you devote yourself to it, I am sure you will get there. Good luck!

Anonymous 16248


Every now and then I remember how my ex bf of 6 years cried on the phone and even got his mom involved when he found out I had moved on for good. He kept sobbing and crying to me saying he still believed we would be together in the future, made his mom call me to ask if I was with someone new (because he thought he was entitled to know even though we didn't talk anymore at all) and to complain her son was drinking too much because of how sad he was that I was over him ablooblobloo (as if that was my fault lady, your son was into booze way before we broke up! ). He also texted my sibling who didn't want anything to do with him for days to ask stuff about my relationship and cry on their shoulder just to sulk even more when my sibling called him out on being an idiot during our time together.

So yeah whenever I remember that I feel sad and ask myself if I should have acted differently when he talked to me on that particular day. I never regretted breaking up for good, I know it was the right decision, but it's sad how much time I/we invested in that relationship. I'm not going to he say he was always bad, he was wonderful during certain times but all in all his bad > good.
Long greentext of his shit incoming:

>Had a huge victim complex but pointed fingers at his family saying they had victim complexes too, when he was the only with a victim complex

>Acted like a "imma tough brahhh im a sex machine beast" in front of his male friends… cringe
>Immature despite being a fucking 30 year old
>Liked fighting over small things and admitted that he'd start shit with me just because he was bored
>Texted me when i was abroad and asked me to stop everything i was doing and do a cartwheel in front of a monument and tell my sibling to take a picture. i said no and he got legit pissed… lolwut. that was right before i broke up with him
>Kept spending money on shit even though he knew we had to save (i.e tried to buy an expensive e-cig to vape even though he didn't even smoke and was told by the salesman he shouldn't spend money on it…lmao)
>Got herpes from a literal prostitute (or maybe a girl he was seeing) when we broke up, he doesn't know who gave it to him
>Described in detail how he fucked prostitutes when we were apart just to hurt me and to seem ~~desirable~~ (because he wasn't paying to get them to fuck him amirite?) since I found a new bf at the time
>Overly jealous to the point we couldn't have a rational conversation because he didn't listen to anything, jealous of my female friends
>Always talking about "GOD GOD GOD GOD! CHRISTIANS ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE" while simultaneously not doing anything christian in his life, or praying, giving a shit about Jesus. AKA fake christian.
>Made fun of me when I told him I had my doubts about god's existence and when I told him I'd start calling myself agnostic from now on, said I was only doing that because "atheists are cool now"
>Had a hateboner for atheists and would go on and on for hours about how NO ONE CAN BE AN ATHEIST, EVERYONE SECRELTLY BELIEVES IN GOD
>would let his dog take a shit in his mouth if it tried, he was a huge dognutter and ignored his other pet which he was supposed to still take care of
>hated his own race and nationality and acted like he was better than the rest of them even though he can't change where he was born or his race
>always bragging over dumb shit he did at his dead end job because he was a college dropout. after losing his job he couldn't get another for years
>never proactive, he was all talk
>was slowly becoming an alcoholic
>lived in absolute filth, had bottles everywhere in his room

Anonymous 16250

Thanks so much! I just downloaded that book. (by the way to everyone reading, you can get tons of books online from Library Genesis.)
I don't find solving the problems a hard task, I could do it all day, but I get stuck at every problem so I read the solutions so I can learn from them (which is probably not very good). From today I've decided not to look at the solutions all the time anymore.

Anonymous 16262

Another good technique for finding free books online is after your search query typing without quotes "filetype: pdf"

Anonymous 16263

and why did you date that

Anonymous 16273

I said he wasn't always that bad, read the 1st paragraph.

He got worse over time (over 6 years)

Anonymous 16277

I have immense regret over not starting to learn how to code earlier. I'm in a community college right now and while I do really well in the classes themselves, I feel envious of my classmates who know stuff I don't, some even have internships already and are doing that in addition to school. The amount of stuff there is to learn feels so vast. I go on /g/ sometimes and don't know what the hell they're talking about most of the time.
I googled an old classmate of mine who I was friends with, he's attending an Ivy league college, already has a lot of personal projects, 2 years of an internship he started in high school, and in addition he is a great artist and musician. While I'm happy he's doing so well for himself, it makes me disappointed in myself for not really trying to do anything in high school, all I did was play video games and watch anime instead of anything useful. I have nothing I'm really good at, I'm only mediocre at my hobbies. I'm trying to change at least, hopefully one day I'll catch up. I just wish I had started learning at 14 instead of at 19.

Anonymous 16280

Sort of broke up with my bf, feeling whatever about it, but am super horny and wanna be penetrated even though I'm not sexually attracted to him. Wat do

Anonymous 16281

thank God masturbation exists, I feel warm and ready to sleep all by myself, nighty night cc

Anonymous 16309

Yeah passive entertainment wastes your life. If you spend all your free time programming stuff and I am sure you will catch up in no time. There are plenty of fun programming projects out there you can do.

Anonymous 16324

I love my boyfriend with all my heart, and I do think that he also loves me dearly, but I think that his anxiety and ocd problems are getting worse each year (untreated) and it may or may not slowly wither our relatives, and that thought makes me really depressed.

Anonymous 16330

Improved diet will cure this problem. Have him eat only organics and remove all packaged foods from your diets. Read some books by Sherry A. Rogers.

Anonymous 16331

[citation needed]

Anonymous 16332


Anonymous 16345

Isn't it strange that whenever someone mentions "cure", it instantly triggers doubt?
This word is so taboo that anyone who uses it is denounced as a "quack" by pharmaceutical funded medical industry.
I speculate that this is because these wonder drugs can't cure anything, rather they only suppress symptoms.
So whatever does cure anything would naturally threaten their multi billion dollar monopoly on healthcare.
I provided a citation already with my suggestion to read books by Sherry A. Rogers.
There are plenty of citations from mainstream medical journals as well as many independent studies from reputable universities in her books. So rather than ask me to waste my time citing stuff from them read them yourself.

Really, how does this somehow invalidate her knowledge or medical expertise?
She was on a tour speaking about issues surrounding health which kept her from being in her office.
This is the "professional misconduct" and "gross negligence" they are talking about.
You don't even read the document and you are like "hah debunked, yep, just as I thought another quack".
All this does is prove your close-mindedness and eagerness to deny anything which doesn't match your worldview.
Why don't you actually read her books, "Toxic or Tired" is a good place to start.

Anonymous 16369

it's ridiculous but the fact that they're friends now hurts me
i wish she was friends with me instead

Anonymous 16417

why can't i just accept that he isn't into me like i'm into him?
he doesn't ask me about myself or my day, he doens't text me first, he doesn't follow up or send me things he think i'd like, like i do for him.

there's a billion reasons for him not to be into me despite us having sex a while ago, like he broke up with his 7-year long gf three months ago, and we live far apart from each other, and that i'm not very interesting. but damn it, i want his attention!

Anonymous 16421

i’m too fucking lazy to carry out the most basic of tasks
i also hate sleeping so i’m tired all the time
and i hardly ever see friends or meet new people on account of this laziness that’s why i’m sat shitposting on this board

Anonymous 16429

All that anon was asking for is some direction or evidence, and you get really defensive about it.

>She was on a tour speaking about issues surrounding health which kept her from being in her office.

Doesn't excuse a doctor from performing their job, so that is negligence which has negative consequences for their license to practice. Also I wouldn't want to take advice from a doctor that can't fulfill their professional duties when they're too busy peddling pseudoscience.

"Cures" are not that simple, most of the time it advocates for holistic approaches to lifestyle, which I don't disagree with, but it's not a substitute for qualified medical advice. Bad doctors exist.

Anonymous 16461

Being lazy is ok as long as it’s not stopping you from working towards your goals and values, like work, friendship, etc etc

Have you considered using a productivity app or anything like that? They’re super helpful once you find one that works. I use Habitica which is based on an RPG game. You get gold and xp for completing irl tasks and lose health for failing to do tasks or doing bad habits. P good!

Anonymous 16463

Habitica didn't work for a severe procrastinator like me.
Though progress tracking helps everyone.
I would recommend removing yourself from all vidya, entertainment, internet (make sure you are monitored when you do use it), cellphone for a couple months and starting with a simple check list.
Write items on the list at the beginning of every day and force yourself to complete every single item by the end of the day.
This is only good so long as you aren't working towards larger goals and projects with many steps.

Anonymous 16478

People say that if you cringe at your old self it means you're growing, but what happens in my case is that I remember random things from 5+ years ago at random times, for example now when I should be sleeping. I'm not even doing this intentionally, the thoughts are just an annoyance.

Anonymous 16479

I don't know what to do in life and it leads me to just refreshing image boards or playing games all day. The only things I would be interested wouldn't sustain me, and while I can get a STEM degree and make big bucks I am not passionate enough to pursue that.

Maybe I should just succumb to doing something I'm just not that passionate about.

Anonymous 16499

>be me
>get job after being neet alcoholic
>fired for drinking before going to work
>get another job
>have to drink before going to work because my hands and legs shake like hell when i'm sober
>constantly afraid i'll be fired either for being drunk or being a trembling mess

what is this catch 22 bullshit.

Anonymous 16503

gone to doctor. they said stop drinking. if i stop drinking then i can't function because i can't hold so much as a cup, a pen, or a steering wheel.

Anonymous 16504

to be honest i just want to kill myself. and drinking myself to death is a good way to do this without inflicting harm on anyone else.
i hate seeing people who committed suicide having folks who barely knew them come out of the woodworks to say 'wow he was such a good guy' 'we knew one another so well' 'she inspired me'.
but when you die of a heroin addiction, or alcoholism, or whatever pervasive addiction you have, nobody feels guilty. everything thinks you deserved it. which is better than making my family or friends think there's something they could have done to save me.

Anonymous 16511

So, I'll admit it the only song I actually know from Pink Floyd is The Wall, and I liked that particular song a lot when I was young. I have a vintage pink floyd dark side of the moon t-shirt that I think was a hand me down from my parents and one day some hippie-lookin 30 yo guy (I was 17 at the time) smoking a cigarette walks up to me and asks what the first song on the album was and me, somewhat confused, just looks at the guy, and he immediately went on a tirade about how the answer was "Speak To Me" I shouldn't wear the shirt and he even threatened to punch me in the face. I was scared and embarrassed and probably 10 other emotions. First thing I did when I got home was to look up Dark Side of the Moon on youtube. Speak To Me is a minute long track of a drum, noises, and hard to hear voice samples. That's when I decided I really don't care what music elitists think.

Anonymous 16519

what the hell, how can someone threaten another person because of that.
It's not like band shirts are some holy apparel you are not allowed to wear unless you listen to that band 24/7 (although I do get annoyed when they sell tshirts with prints of Metallica or ACDC and random girls buy it for fashion and have never heard of them otherwise)

Anonymous 16522

don't you just love people who's entire identity is what music they like? he's so angry because liking that shit is the only thing he had going for him and you were watering down how speshul he is

Anonymous 16561

I wish I learned to value my privacy earlier. I don't have a reputation or anything like that (when I was on social media I would stick to small communities), but I know there are one or two stalkers irl who probably are curious what I'm doing these days. I just want to disappear.

Anonymous 16583


i’ve been e-stalking this guy for weeks now and i just commented on one of his posts subtly trying to initiate contact and im scared. he’s not even e-famous he’s literally just a rando i became invested in because im fucking weird (DAE do this?). he’s probably not even going to reply or he’ll just delete the post so whatever

why am i like this

Anonymous 16588

You know something, mum, you do a lot of annoying shit and I hold my tongue, but eating an entire pint of ice cream and not only failing to offer me any but going out of your way to conceal it from me is just beyond. I don't care how depressed you are, you're a bad person and I regret moving back here.

Anonymous 16601

I may have accidentally doxxed my crush on 4chan… I posted
>our uni
>our course
>a unique characteristic about them

Anonymous 16611

i've never wanted to cry before at mere muscle soreness. my obliques are in so much pain, as are my calf and groin muscles, and I just want to cry about it, it's so difficult to walk.

Anonymous 16629

Got a crush on my friend but I will not be acting on it, as he will most likely leave the country for grad school and I don't particularly fancy a ldr.

The shitty thing is timing, because we met around this June when I got out of a breakup and wasn't looking for anything, but he crushed on me. My friend told me that around August, he was hurt by the fact that I was closed off to him (natrually, due to the recent breakup). Now the tables have turned and I am crushing on him.

C'est la vie. Sigh.

Anonymous 16631

is it possible to develop autism at 23? because i might just have it

Anonymous 16632

Is anyone in a relationship and ever feel like they're not good enough and your bf/so wants someone younger/prettier/normal? I feel so scared my so thinks about other girls or isn't happy with me..It makes me want to give up and cheat or kill myself.

Anonymous 16633

Me too anon but with opiates, literally can't feel happy or get shit done without them and I feel so bad but my brain wants what it wants

Anonymous 16634

It's concerning that you would use this as a justification to cheat.

Anonymous 16636

I haven't and don't want to, its just the thoughts rattling around in my head. I take the things guys say about us to heart.

Anonymous 16638

You weren’t autistic before?

Anonymous 16639

Have a little fling with him. He’ll be super happy and the both of you can have some fun. You’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it if you don’t!

Anonymous 16644

not sure if being a dick but nah i used to feel empathy and had tons of friends suddenly i am alone and only realised a few months ago i haven't really thought about anyone else for years, like actual breathing individual with needs & emotions. and now social interactions just feels weird as if i'm a disconnected 3rd person watching in.

Anonymous 16645

Kinda pissed that my blog on tumblr was one of the ones that were purged. My posts were finally gaining traction. I sent them an email so hopefully thatll do something.

Anonymous 16646

He doesn't have sex with his friends, haha. He's mentioned it a lot when we are hanging out in a group setting.

Anonymous 16647

Soz, I meant to reply to >>16639
._. lack of sleep is a real problem..

Anonymous 16648

Why did they purge your blog? Copyright reasons?

Anonymous 16649

Literally have no idea I think it was a mistake. They're doing a whole purge of accounts right now because the app was taken off of the IOS app store so they're mass deleting the spam porn blogs. But a lot of people got their blogs taken down by mistake and I know it was recent because I was just getting notifications as early as last SAT but I look on the app yesterday and its gone.

Anonymous 16650

He’s clearly coping and trying to take away sexual tension and his own feelings (if he says he does have sex with his friends it’s creepy and it will make him insecure if he admits he want sex but doesn’t get it). If you made clear you’re down he’d fuck you instantly.

Anonymous 16651

Child porn. That's the onus behind the mass deletion of blogs.
I have no sympathy whatsoever.

Anonymous 16652

Uh hi, my blog had none of that. Gross. That's why I said it was MISTAKENLY deleted, if I did have that gross shit on there I wouldn't be mad it got deleted I would have just made another one.

Anonymous 16653

The medium you are using is a safe-haven for pedophiles and a literal marketplace of child pornography. It should be outright nuked off the internet. Them deleting your fetish porn blog should be the least of your worries.
You will need to figure out another way to sell sex to people for money.

Anonymous 16654

Are you projecting or something? I wasn't a sexworker lol like not even close. I wasn't selling anything

Anonymous 16656

I hope you get your blog back, anon! I used to have blog on Tumblr that was also deleted out of nowhere but I think that's because I hadn't logged into the account for 2-3 years.

Anonymous 16657

I deleted my tumblr because I was embarrassed I got 0 reblogs and was basically blogging my boring life to nobody.

Anonymous 16658

Is child porn really all over tumblr? That's sad dude, now I feel really weird about the timing of my tumblr deletion.

Anonymous 16659

It feels like i am just randomly drifting through life without any actual goal or path to take. I just got on the first uni that came to mind, i am studying the simplest field i could think off, i got the first job that i found on the job site. All the people around me have their goals, their dreams and they are working hard to achieve them and i have insane abilities, there is no point in bragging among internet strangers so just take my word for it, i could be a high ranking politician, a neurologist or a space engineer if i wanted, but i just don't want anything. I was raised to be a lazy piece of shit and that's exactly what i am. The only reason why i am still "progressing" is basically just inertia and even though everyone says i am doing great i honestly have no idea what i am doing. I feel so lost.
The only thoughts that calm me down from the anxiety are thoughts of suicide. I keep thinking and visualizing slitting my throat or running a bullet through my brain daily. It's the only thing that makes me feel secure.

Recently i had a dangerous operation and i should be doing a lot of things to keep my health up, but i still keep smoking, eating unhealthy shit and not doing sports because i just don't really care. I didn't really invest anything in this life.

Not really looking for advice, there is nothing you could tell me that i haven't heard already anyway, just venting. I guess it will get better in time, or I'll just keep floating like this until i die.

Anonymous 16660

I've honestly never seen it but my friend says one of them followed her before and she blocked them immediately

Anonymous 16662

Noticing a (covert) male 4channer presence on this board makes me feel a lot less safe about using it.
I've lurked 4chan, specifically /r9k/ and /adv/, long enough to recognize how they post. They seriously don't know how to conform. I feel like I have to be extra wary when posting about personal stuff now that we know the same people who unironically hate us for being born "roasties" are lurking. I'm scared it'll only be a matter of time before some anon opens up about being raped or abused, multiple shitheads reply "You deserved it" or other victim blaming BS, and it will go completely unchecked, just like on 4chan. Why can't we have just one nice place to ourselves?

Anonymous 16664

Most of it is self-posted by like teenage girls rather than the type of CP you usually hear about.

Anonymous 16665

There needs to be a separate internet for teens and kids or better parental controls. Where are their parents?

Anonymous 16666

what is happening on tumblr? are they mass deleting blogs or just porn related blogs?

Anonymous 16668

There is literally no way to prove we're all female other than snapping pics of our vaginas, which sounds like a tactic that could be used against us.

Anonymous 16669

As long as we talk about mostly girly related things guys would get bored eventually and f off.

Anonymous 16670

Are you sure you're not just having difficulties accepting that women sometimes have different opinions? It's good to understand that women are not a monolith, it's sexist to assume someone is not a woman simply because they don't agree with you. Let go from girls rool boys drool attitude, it's really embarrassing.

Anonymous 16671

They were just deleting porn bots, and some real accounts were mistakenly removed. They're working on restoring them.

Anonymous 16672

Hard agree with this fuck.

I wouldn't really trust anything tumblr says. They claimed they took it off the app store for maintenance, when it actually apple removed it for violating their ToS. It's hard to know what is actually happening.

Anonymous 16673


>enforcing an actual tits or gtfo policy
Plus any trans anons would probably feel bad about that.

Anonymous 16674

Sage but, I heard that apparently it's not an accident and tumblr is deleting all the NSFW accounts and reinstating them once they verify they're not minors. Tumblr has a huge problem with minors both sharing and viewing porn and distributing self-CP, so it makes sense that they wouldn't disclose that they're checking ages, because people would probably lie about that.

Anonymous 16675

That makes sense, and if that's the case I don't blame them at all.

Anonymous 16676

I hope I don't get crap for this, but I use lolcow pretty frequently and I just can't stomach it anymore.
I generally post here, and read drama there, but sometimes wander off to other boards I used to use before I moved here. The drama boards are okay (getting worse) but there's been constant issues of getting attacked by anons with super extreme opinions just because I don't agree with their take on something, even if it's something I agree with, I am constantly being told that I clearly hate whatever it is and love the opposite.

It makes me sad but it also makes me thankful for how comfy it is here.

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