>>8024
I'd like to be eaten instead of buried or incinerated when I die. By people or animals, doesn't matter. I don't understand why people hate the idea. Make me into hamburgers for all I care.

>>8030
What kind of meat would you want to be made into? Sausage links, hamburger, etc?

edgy shit:
I used to be very careless with my health. I would stand up just to immediately faint, and sob… It was a terrible feeling to be so incapable, but I could see myself as an external observer and how attractive it was from the outside.
There's someone I love, and he's already very weak, but I want to see him become weaker. I want to swap sides, I want him on the edge of death, where I was.
I'll never speak to him, I embarrass myself so badly whenever I speak. I wish I had him alone, just watching him slowly fade.

>>8054
I got strangled once and passed out and it was lowkey fun, it wasn't sexual at all

i have an intense fear of losing my teeth and i some how represed it into something sexual and have fantasies of having my teeth being pulled out by a guy, its certainly intensified over time to different fantasies of being chopped up or killed during sex

>>7956

Yes. He typed in a way that was very unusual for members on that forum too - constant emoticons and Zoomerspeak. I hope it wasn't some kind of grooming tactic.

>>7955
How did you manage to withstand that constant flow of shit from nazis?

>>7977
I calmed myself down and kept reminding myself that they were retarded losers whose only "winning" trait was that they were white.

>>7913
url?

>>7982
Towacity

>>2815
My point is that if what I said was true, then you wouldn't accomplish anything by trying to cure your video game addiction. Not without at least finding some way to understand your original problem. If you just tried to stop pissing in soda bottles then you not only would you be trying to solve the wrong problem, but you'd be woefully unsuccessful at it. In the worst scenarios it can end up being an endless cycle of never making any progress.

Does anyone have very vivid daydreams? Similar to fever dreams but obviously not.
I have them when I'm close to falling asleep and shortly after waking up. Most are not too visual, mostly inner monologues and imaginary conversations.

>>7087
Yes, it's like halfway between dreaming and being awake, and only somewhat lucid? I find that I can chose the starting scenario but then my subconscious takes over.

not sure if it's MDD or not but i just want my daydreams to stop! i have no control over them and this has been going on since i was a teen. i have accepted this to be a part of me but over these few years it has gotten worse and has led me into many embarrassing moments where i accidentally speak to myself out loud, saying my intrusive out loud, physically acting out the movements in my dreams and i have no control over them. i look retarded and i desperately want this to stop.

I kind of do this too, way too often. I have to remind myself to be grounded in reality because after a while day dreaming makes me so depressed that the irl is not the same

>>3446
not the one u replied to but i feel like an example of this is the richest people are often unhappy

>>3534
Good example. They spend a life in luxury to disguise their emptiness and secrets.

>>3534
I know a lot of people say this and it's commonly the case in stories but I always felt like this opinion was just a cope from poor people. I know being rich isn't exactly all its cracked up to be, but to say poor people have it better couldn't be further from the truth.
Maybe rich people have their own troubles but they still don't have to worry about how they'll possibly afford bills for the month and that by itself is a much more comfortable life.

Former Buddhist here (family’s religion) and I’ve always doubted the whole karmic retribution thing until I’ve seen what happened to people who wronged me (in this life, current timeline). Mom was extremely abusive and violent towards me and my brother, dies in a car crash. Ex gf who was abusive, triggered my panic attacks, and mocked the people with mental illnesses now has developed anxiety and has panic attacks from time to time. Do you think these are legit examples of karma irl?

I don't rely on karma. If it's worth it I'll try to have my revenge, if it's something petty I'd rather forget it, why waste your energy on dumb shit

>>3292
Does it count as on purpose if I started doing it for comfort during a very dangerous time of my life, but I didn't know what it was? Or is it still involuntary?

>>1960
It takes a while to make one. Plus alcohol is bad for you anyway. drys out your skin thus making you look older, plus fucks with your kidneys and stuff

>>3293
depends on if your puppeting it or if you view the voice as sentient

I feel like my imaginary friends as a child were very similar to the concept of tulpas. I used to will them into existence to the point that i can see them out of the corner of my eye sometimes. I genuinely had Esmeralda from hbont around me 24/7 in 4th grade. Im 22 but I remember it like yesterday. I wonder if I accidentally created a tulpa back then. I stopped the imaginary friend stuff when i hit puberty and started daydreaming instead bc i didnt like the scenery

I think I'd be a lot less lonely and sad if I could believe in them, but I'm too grounded in reality. If I could believe in them a big hole in my life would be fixed.

>>6262
Oh yeah I used to do that all the time. I've always been "cute" and "needed to be protected" and I would play that up like nobody's business. I'd act really innocent to the teachers and professors, really act like I'm giving it my all, and then I'd be able to get away with damn near anything because I'm "just nervous and doing my best". Hell it worked with anyone. I was smart but also "quirky" enough that even the punks of the school were my friends and they'd help me cheat regularly.
I think my magnum opus was when there was a ridiculously hard test in class that I was sure to fail. I pulled out all the stops on that one and just started crying and then the teacher was like "ah uh maybe this test is too much, this won't count against any of you"

My parents had put me in really difficult classes and I had no choice but to start manipulating people to survive but I've never been the same since then. Now I constantly manipulate others, including my family, with the cutesy act even when I don't need to. The thrill of completely outwitting someone is addicting.
>I love lying and controlling the reality in someone's mind.
Yep that's me to a T.

To add onto >>6279 since I've calmed down a bit since I posted that

I do really feel bad though sometimes. Like I'll feel on top of the world for manipulating someone but then just wish I could be honest with them and not have to put on an act and second-guess every action I take. I'm at the point where everything I do is pre-planned. "If I say this maybe people will take pity on me and continue to give me stuff" or "I should continue to pretend I don't know how to do this so other people do it for me" or "ok let me make sure to stand like this and add in a few stutters here and there, that should really get their guard down"
It's scary to be honest in life though you know? If you put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable, you could be hurt or end up having to do something you don't want to do. If I didn't exploit people, I don't think I could make it on my own.

>>6306
The issue is you should be learning to rely on yourself, that's what youth is about, that's why everyone is kind of nice and changes the rules for you when it seems too hard.
Later, you won't have any help, and you won't have any experience. You're condemning yourself to be a pick-me. If it disagrees with you, I suggest you try and fail now, and eventually succeed.

>>2537
>it's just that women are more emotionally intelligent and thus have more options. Men will absolutely fuck you over emotionally
This. I would say that more than half of all men consciously try to "manipulate" people (by which I mean friends and gfs, not vendors at the flea market), and the only reason it doesn't go anywhere is that they suck it. They don't feel remotely bad about it, quite the opposite, they do it to try to live up to the power fantasies that society has encouraged in them. Unfortunately for them, they have no talent so these ploys usually just amount to more laborious ways to piss people off. There aren't that many that could manipulate others for meaningful gain.

>>3436
Pretty much this. So many people can only think of "manipulation" in this cringey abstract way, like they're a high ranking CIA member or a Game of Thrones character trying to protect themselves and further their tangible interests, but the reality is most people (particularly most people in places like this) don't have nearly an interesting enough life for there to be some manipulation worth doing. If you're reading this you're probably just a community college art student or something, there's not much to be gained by manipulating people. You'd be way better off if you just kept doing a reasonably good job at your occupation and try to be friendly and fun to be around.

>>4547

I've tried most drugs, except for the really hard stuff like H, crack, etc. I personally wouldn't recommend going any further with K. I've been in a few K-holes and they were never a pleasant experience. Not bad either. For some of my friends, that was the appeal. They'd come out, couldn't put it into words, and would want to go back in. The problem is the body builds up a tolerance to K pretty quickly. So if you get hooked on exploring K-holes, you'll need more and more of the substance to get the same hit. This happened to a group of people I knew who then started injecting to get their hit. One of them then moved onto H, and died of an OD. I know you said you can't get psychedelics, but I'd suggest waiting till you find a deent supplier again and starting on shrooms with good friends. I'd pretty much recommend any other drug (other than the really hard stuff) over K, but I had a front row seat to how bad it could get.

>>1850
Anyone tried MDMA while having brain problems (bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc)? Did you notice any unbearably negative effects? I guess I'm scared of the crash because when I go low I go low-low.

>>4589
I used MDMA a lot when I was younger and the most depressed and anxious that I have been. I actually found it to help me a lot but you should do a lot of research before you even consider it. Understand what you are going to do, prepare as well as you can. Be in a comfortable setting, around the right people, nourish your body and take care of yourself a lot post-trip. It will at the very least feel like a really bad hangover for a little while.
Just be careful. Start with a low dose and remember: preparation, preparation, preparation.

As great as it can feel and be beneficial even, you have to keep in mind that people who suffer from mental illness (or those pre-disposed to it) always will have the chance of having an extremely negative experience or even triggering a mental illness.

This experience sounds like me sober (i have mental illness)

>>1877
me too hehe

I used to be obsessed with fictional characters and husbandos. I've now been obsessed with a celebrity for two years in the midst of the pandemic. The fascination and the realization he's not a good person under the persona somewhat ruined my life and I'm tired of it, but what can I do? It's not secreting out of me easy.

i've been chronically online since childhood and never had anyone to really look up to (shit parents) so went to the internet, fictional characters, and celebrities. most prominently my chemical romance (especially gerard way) since age 11, not in like a stalkery fangirl #cutforbieber type of way but as an inspirational source and appreciation for the music. it's waned out as of recent though it did get a bit too far at times. other than that, i used minorly to obsess over VN characters and otome game boys.

>>2989

Not sure if this is Namjoon-stan from a different thread, but I have been too. Before that, it was fictional characters. I have used it as a way to cope with my single-ness And virginity. I must have masturbated to this idol and the fictional characters I used to imagine myself in a relationship with, over a thousand times by now.

>>2988
aw anon this is cute, i wish i could do the same but i feel too self conscious in my own mind if that makes sense, i used to do it when i was little and a weeb but it waned of with time bc i felt cringe, but it was really nice and comforting. i should try doing it, it was fun

There's a girl I used to me mutuals with before I deleted that social media who was super nice and asked me twice to join her discord because she wanted to befriend me, but my avpd ass rejected her invitation both times. Now I stalk her daily (been doing it for ~6 months so far, since I deleted) and sometimes I have imaginary conversations with her.
I wish I could stop the stalking since all it does is to hurt me and remind me about the lost opportunity for a good friendship (we pretty much were a perfect march, lots of interests and views in common). I have been getting better slowly when it comes to my avpd and Im trying to improve myself, but I still want to kms for not being able to interact with others like a nornal human. I wish therapy were affordable….

I’ve never seen such a detailed and vivid nightmare before.
>apocalypse
>intelligent androids have taken over
>not like terminators, instead, each one has their own personal goal, and they go around destroying each other in addition to us humies
>they look like mannequins, except wires and stuff poking out, and they have no faces
>they move in a disturbing way, making random jerks and twitches once in a while, and they’re faster than humies
>I have a hideout in a sewer that I share with some people that I have grown close with, whom I couldn’t remember after waking up
>for some reason, I become blind
>my friends make me to undergo a crude surgery that replaces my eyes with a device that is basically VR goggles, except heavier and made from porcelain, and it makes a clicking sound
>it sends data to my brain, after processing it to images, through echolocation
>it helps me to see the androids in the pitch black darkness of the deeper sewer levels, where I’m forced to venture alone, for some reason
>welp, androids find me because I breathe loudly, but they start fighting each other too
>this is the part where I wake up

Last night I had this dream where Percy Jackson’s parents weren’t Poseidon and Sally but this other couple I forgot the names of. The mom was blonde and an optometrist though. Anyways I’m hanging out with Percy in NYC and the parents die in some sort of fight. I forgot what. Then I have to go on this bus to this camp for some reason, and there’s a bunch of little girls on the bus. I meet a little girl named Jo. Now we’re all walking along this cliff type thing, and we’re talking. Then Jo pushes me off, pulls me back up, and injects this stuff into my leg to make me die immediately. Then I wake up.

>>5982
One time I had a dream that urged me to look up my crush’s girlfriend’s name. When I woke up, I did it out of curiosity and actually found some pretty shitty things she did awhile back that I didn’t know about. I’m convinced it was a sign.

my mom started drinking heavily and became psychotic. she mistook me for her pet a couple times and every time i even sat down next to a man she would walk in acting upset, tell me to put my shirt on, make a disgusted face, yell at me for having sex in front of her, tell me i was pregnant and then tell me i was a bad mother for 'losing the baby' all within the span of a couple minutes.
in the same dream, i explored an abandoned building around sunset. i was ~8ft tall and the bones in my legs were soft. when i went to use the bathroom, i saw that i was covered in bruises and scrapes along my back. i guess i took too long because the last thing i remember before waking up was being found out by the woman who worked at (or maybe owned) the building.

also this is the only time i can remember peeing in a dream without peeing irl

I had dream in which I was in room which lead to a bathroom which then lead to another bathroom and once you entered one you couldn't go back because the other door would lead to a new bathroom, they all looked exactly the same except the layout would differ, it was in orange, white, grey and black in this weird round early 2000s style.
Eventually one of the doors lead me to a secret room with two (cute) guys sitting in front a pc. One of those old, boxy, white ones. The entire room had a 90s hacker movie feel to it. They invited me over to them and one of the guys showed me a song he made. I said (word for word) that it
>sounds jazzy and drum and bass-y
and that the beat reminded me of a vocaloid song I listened to in high school and decided to search for it to show them but it wouldn't show on youtube (I thought it was Phantom F but then when I woke up I checked and it actually sounded more like Crazy Night, anyway).
Then the other guy started talking to me and said that most humans aren't lucid enough and when they die it's all blank and over. Nothingness. However those with stronger wills and more awareness can exist in a dream like state after death and basically create their own little world to 'live' in.
I had this dream last week and have been trying to return to it (I often go back to my old dreams on accident). I think the guy in my dream was basically telling me to become lucid and I've been trying to have a lucid dream for a while now. Ik the techniques. What do you think anons? I hope to dream of them again soon, it felt like I was someone important the way it went down.

>What do you think happens after we die?

Nothing. Everything just returns to what it was like before you were born. I don't really believe in an afterlife since I'm not religious. Well, only as a sense of comfort for my loved ones that have passed and that bad people, who managed to get away being bad their whole lives, actually have somewhere they go to get punished. I guess those are just the reasons most people want to believe in an afterlife, though.

>Have you ever had a near death experience?

I don't think so. Several times I've been almost hit by a car and miracly survived each time but it wasn't any kind of out-of-body death experience. It did convince me there must be some kind of spritiual power / guarding angel-things out there though. That's just happened to me too often to be a coincidence. I should have turned into a vegetable by now, but the cars would stop just inches away from me every single time and I would be completely unscathed. Other than the last time it happened, when the car did manage to slightly hit my leg and I had to limp on my way to school. Still wasn't a serious injury though because I managed to activate some kind of cat-like resources to dodge edge of the fucking car right as it was pulling up.

i believe in reincarnation. it sucks that we’ll probably never truly know what happens. western society puts too much of a negative emphasis on death though. maybe people would be a little less scared if we approached death differently.

>>6116
DMT experiences also differ a lot from NDEs. The only thing they usually have in common is an out of body feeling.

>>6128
Woah mind… blown…

>>6200
i kind of think it's better that we don't know. if people knew what happened after death, they would either give up/become apathetic if it was just nothingness, or if there was some otherworld, try to manipulate the dead for their own personal gain. we can't just leave things alone, always got to fuck it up somehow.

but on the other hand, i don't think when we die we just disappear but at the same time i don't think everyone continues on/reincarnates. i have my suspicions that you get a "choice" what happens to you and sometimes i think some people just choose not to reincarnate. personally, i've had some weird experiences like dreams that suggest maybe i've lived more than one life, and i've dreamed of people i've known coming to see me again to let me know they are still "alive", but at the same time…i just don't know, so i try not to worry about it too much.